Act 2 part 2: A few new Muzzles

I watched them Take the food and rush out of the restaurant, everypony mumbled amongst themselves as they left, probably gossiping and what not. The only reason Princess Celestia didn't spot me was because I lowered my magic level below detection, otherwise she would have known I was here immediately. The human saw through my clever act of spying, and he's taking the Princess somewhere Alone... who does he think he is? I'm glad Princess Luna gave me this mission, I personally get to capture the human the very moment he tries something funny. Ohhhhhh boy! I'm looking forward to this!

I better follow them and find out where they're going next, I couldn't hear exactly what they were saying. But from what I can tell, this human was trying to sweet talk the Princess, because she was giggling the entire time. He was also slamming his head against the table a few times, yeah... Not sure what THAT was about, I guess the Princess told him something pretty extraordinary for him to do that.

All I know is whatever this human is planning, I'll be there to stop it!

...

"Where are we headed Princess Celestia?" I asked as we left that god forsaken restaurant. The Princess held her hoof up "One moment please... " she said as she concentrated on the boxes that contained our lunch. She closed her eyes for a brief second and they disappeared in a flash of light.

I deadpanned and stared at her "Um... Why did you teleport our food?"

"I didn't teleport it, I simply broke down the food's molecular structure for easy storage and transport..." Celestia explained. "Where does it all actually go? You know what fuck it, I'll go insane trying to figure magic out..." I said as I waved it off angrily. Celestia giggled at my frustration as she began to walk and I followed.

"As I was saying... where are we going?" I asked again, "Well... I have one particular spot in mind..." Celestia said with a smile. I just shrugged and followed her. We didn't say much for a while as we passed the front gate to Canterlot again and walked onto one of the hills outside the city. I recognized the spot and I deadpanned and stopped walking, the Princess turned to me curiously.

"We were just here Princess..." I said flatly, she giggled and shook her head. "This isn't the spot Derrick, the spot is up there!" She said as she pointed to a nearby mountain top, where there was a cloud floating close enough to touch. I looked from her to the spot and back a few times, with confusion.

" How the fuck are we supposed to Get up there?" I finally asked. Celestia just smiled at me and said nothing. Suddenly her wings spread open, oh right... She has those.... Then she gestured to me, oh right I have those too...

My wings twitched slightly as I tried opening them, they barely budged. My wings felt really tingly and strange, because I've never used them before I guess. "This is great and all, but I don't know how to fly..." I said as I sat down. "And that is why I must teach you! You won't be a convincing Pegasus if you can't fly!" Celestia said with a giggle as she walked over to me and inspected my wings.

"Oh..." She said as she looked at them in awe. I quickly turned to her. "What? Is something wrong?" I ask as I glared at my wings nervously. The Princess giggled behind her hoof "Oh no.... It's just your wings are... Quite muscular..." She complimented, it made me feel a bit uneasy for some reason.

"With proper training you could become quite an impressive flyer with a set of wings like this!" She said reassuringly. After a few awkward moments of her staring at my "muscular" wings, she seemed like she was stuck in a trance, I cleared my throat and she quickly snapped out of it and smiled nervously, I just rolled my eyes, stop fucking with me Celestia...

"I'm only going to teach you the basics for now. While you're in ponyville, Twilight's friend Rainbow Dash could perhaps teach you more advanced techniques." She said as she inspected my wings closely. "Alright let's get on with it then..." I muttered.

"Now, you will need to position your wings flat, to insure a good take off..." She said as she angled her wings parallel to the ground "like this" she said. I struggled with the fine muscle control, I just couldn't get them the way I wanted. "Here I will assist you..." She said in that kind motherly tone of hers. She reached her hoofs out gently and positioned my wings for me, her hoofs were kind of hot to the touch despite those cold gold slippers she had on. After she positioned them, she took a step back.

"Now I want you to flap your wings once... GENTLY" She instructed. " Alright... I got this..." I said confidentiality as I slowly raised my wings. "Gently..." I said. "Yes just flap your wings..."

*FOOSH*

I ended up 20 feet in the air where I immediately panicked and ended up slamming into the ground face first.

"...gently..." Celestia finished, her ears drooped and she had an unexpecting expression. "I'm....OK...." I grunted as I stood up and rubbed my head.

"You didn't do it gently...." Celestia stated innocently.

"Yeah no shit..." I grumbled in frustration, Celestia just snickerd behind her hoof as I angrily dusted myself off. "Just try again...but be gent..." "I know!" I interrupted as I put my wings in the ready position. Celestia lightly flapped her wings to demonstrate, she gracefully floated in the air about a foot off the ground, a moment later she landed. "See? it's quite simple really! You just have to be gent..." "Stop saying that!" I snapped, only making Celestia smile smugly.

I tried to flap my wings again and I ended up only 10 feet off the ground this time, I staggered as I landed but at least I was on my feet...er hoofs this time.

Celestia nodded in approval "Splendid! Now onto the next technique!" She said cheerfully. She proceeded to show me how to hover, glide and eventually after a few falls it was time to fly.

"Ok when you're ready..." Celestia said with a nod. I took a deep breath and we took off into the air, flying wasn't too hard now, it's just you had to angle your wings depending on the flow of the air so you don't go out of control. I was still a beginner though so Celestia flew at my pace next me. "When you feel confident enough, you can try going faster..." Celestia said with a reassuring smile. I decided it was time to take the training wheels off.

With a confident smile I surged forward really fast, leaving the Princess behind in confusion. Eventually I soared straight up into the air, somehow tackling a cloud out of existence. "Woohoo!" I shouted as I did a few loops in the air. In case you haven't noticed, I was enjoying myself alot... Until I looked down of course, and remembered my fear of heights. I started to panic, hyperventilating and my wings started to lock up on me, and as if this situation couldn't get worse the pony spell decided to expire at THAT exact moment!

I hung in the air for a Moment, probably because physics here are lazy, before I started to fall to my death. "FUUUUUUU...." I yelled as I fell. I suddenly stopped in midair, there was that familiar Golden glow as I was suspended a few hundred feet above the ground. Suddenly Celestia appears floating down leasuirly on a cloud.

"Hmm....I trust you enjoyed yourself before...falling?" She asked sheepishly. All I could say was "PUTMEDOWNPUTMEDOWNPUTMEDOWNPUTMEDOWN!" So she hopped off the cloud and we gently floated down to the ground.

Celestia looked both concerned and amused at the same time. "Gosh... That's quite the fear of heights..." She said as she watched me hyperventilate and shake uncontrollably. After a minute of that I was able to speak "Thanks...your... A...lifesaver! " I said with a weak smile. Celestia beamed happily (I swear she actually got brighter....literally...) "Your welcome Derrick! I would never let ANYTHING happen to you..." She said in a motherly tone, which calmed me down even more, i was stuck between feeling safe, and fearing her immense magical power.

"Hey wait a second... How did you catch up with me anyway? I left you in the dust!" I asked suspiciously. Celestia started to snicker behind her hoof "That's what you think... I was only a few feet behind you the entire time!" she said with a grin, "Huh....guess I was in the zone..." I said, I'm a bit disappointed because I thought I was actually going fast... Or maybe I was, and Celestia is just fast too so it doesn't seem like I'm fast and... Never mind.

She then got a perplexed expression, "Derrick I must know... Why would you choose to be a Pegasus when you have such an intense fear of heights?" she asked. I stood up and stretched, "Well... despite my Extreme fear of heights, I've always thought that it would be cool to have the ability to fly. so I saw this as my chance to conquer my fear of height's I guess..." I explained with a shrug. "Well it seems that only worked partially... And you transformed back so soon... Perhaps the transformation expires early when you are stressed?" She said with a smirk. "Or maybe it doesn't even run on a timer..." I said with realization, if that was the case, then I would have turned back when Celestia was chasing me, because I was definitely stressed during that crap.

Celestia thought for a moment before nodding in agreement. Well I'm human again, and boy did I miss those thumbs! I was about to talk when I Froze. I remembered something, something REALLY important! When I transformed back into a human all my stuff came back with me, which means I was hundreds of feet in the air and I probably dropped something. Most of it I didn't care to much for but the main thing I was concerned about was my PHONE. I had important stuff on it, and it's the only electronic entertainment I have, and unless I can summon phones at will, I won't be getting another if something happens to it.

So I quickly checked my pocket and felt around desperately for it. I sighed in relief when I found it in my pocket completely intact. Unfortunately I forgot who I was standing with, because I looked up to see a very intrigued Celestia.

"What's that?" She asked, gesturing to my phone. I smiled nervously and stuffed it back in my pockets, "Uh it's nothing..." I assured. Celestia stepped closer to me and narrowed her eyes, yeah she doesn't believe that shit...

"Oh I highly doubt that, because you seemed quite concerned that you misplaced it..." She said suspiciously. I kinda just looked back to her before sighing in defeat and folding my arms In front of me. "It's...complicated... " I said as I looked away nervously all she did was raise her brow slightly and wait for an answer.

"Alright...it's called a Cellphone..." I said as I pulled it back out to show her and she leaned closer. "This is a multipurpose human communication device..." I explained. She tilted her head slightly, "How many purposes exactly?" She wondered. "I don't know hundreds, maybe thousands..." I said with a shrug, thinking of all the little things Smartphones can do. Celestia nodded, "Impressive! How exactly does one communicate with this...device?" She asked.

"Well there are Two main ways, calling and texting..." I explained. "What is....calling?" She asked curiously. "Well picture how me and you are talking to each other right now, you can basically do that with a phone but at longer distances..." I said. Celestia thought for a moment, "So essentially, we can hear each other's voices and talk with device?" She asked for conformation. "Yep!" I said with a grin "Fascinating!" She said as she stared at my phone in awe. "So what is...texting?" She asked.

"It's basically like how you and Twilight send letters to each other, except the messages just pop up on the screen and no paper is used..." I explained as I tapped my phone. "Wow... This sounds extremely convenient!" She said with fascination, "What else can it do?" She asked. "Well you can play music, watch movies, read books, browse the internet, take pictures and videos, keep time, and calculate things to name a few.." I muttered casually. Celestia seemed to understand...partially. "It can really do all that and more? And what is the Internet? How does it store music without records? How can it..." She started but I interrupted, explaining all that shit would take forever. "Listen Princess... I know you're curious and all, but I wasn't lying when I said it was COMPLICATED. I could be here explaining what the internet is for DAYS. Not to mention there's a lot I don't know about it, I just know how to use it..." I said with an annoyed sigh. The Princess looked slightly downcast at that but she nodded. "I could probably show you some of the stuff it can do while we eat or something..." I said with a shrug, that seemed to cheer her up a bit, I guess we could watch a movie or something, I could spare some battery life I guess...

"The Picnic spot I had in mind was on top of that cloud." She said as she pointed to the cloud that was floating near a mountain cliff from earlier. "Alright I'll try and transform again." I said as I focused on my pony self again. I suddenly stopped in the middle of it when I thought of something. We said earlier that this might not be timed. So I started to do a bunch of quick transformations to see if I could switch back and forth at will. "What are you doing?" Celestia asked, looking puzzled as I transformed back and forth. "Trying to see if I can turn this on and off at will instead of being on a timer.." I explained.

After a few minutes of trying I finally got it to the point where I could pretty much transform back and fourth at will, from what I can tell at least. "Most impressive Derrick! Now your assignment in ponyville will be easier... " Celestia said. "I know right? I want to try something else too..." I said as I turned back into a human again. "What are you going to...oh..." Celestia said as she observed.

Basically I turned my Pegasus self into an Earth pony. I was a little more built and slightly taller in this form, I had nothing on Mac though. "What do you think? I feel a little tougher like this!" I said with a smirk as she nodded slowly, "Very nice!" The Princess said with a nod of approval. I tried doing another transformation. with a flash of light I transformed into a Unicorn version of myself. This form was slimmer than my Pegasus and Earth pony forms."Well that works too... My magic feels stronger now..." I said as I levitated a nearby bolder with ease. "Perhaps changing form aguments your ability?" Celestia hypothesized. "Yeah that could come in handy, maybe if I pretend to be multiple people I can get a larger variety of jobs as all 3 pony races. I just have to come up with names for my forms...

"Hmm...thats all of them right?" I muttered as I returned to my human form. I looked back at Celestia and an idea popped into my head, I started to smirk mischievously. "Well... there's ONE more transformation I haven't tried yet..." I said slowly as I grinned at Celestia, she raised her eyebrow then started to laugh. "Oh don't be silly Derrick... you can't transform into an ALICORN!" She said in disbelief. I stared her right in the eye and she stopped laughing slowly. "Wanna bet?" I said with a sly smile, Celestia returned the sly smile and stared back at me, "50 bits" she said as she narrowed her eyes. I scoffed, I didn't know the value of they're money but I think that meal cost somewhere between 10 and 20. "Oh come on... the glorious co-ruler of Equestria can do better then that!" I teased. Celestia's eye twitched and she kept her confident smile.

"100"

"Heh... You don't sound very confident Princess..." I teased again.

"150" she said with a frown...

"300" I said with a yawn.

"250 take it or leave it!" She said sternly.

"Deal!" I said with a cocky grin, it seems Celestia can't resist a bet, unfortunately if I lose I'm going to have to get a job sooner than I expected.

"Welp prepare to lose your damn money!" I said confidently, Celestia just scoffed and rolled her eyes, as I rubbed my hands together. I concentrated and started to glow blindingly. Some seconds went by and I began to feel drained, apprantly this transformation took more effort than the others. Eventually a pulse of magic bursted out and I was covered in blinding light. Celestia had to shield her eyes, " I told you that you couldn't..." Celestia paused when the light faded.

"Wow Celestia you got a lot shorter!" I muttered sarcastically as I looked down on her from my new height. I was now a few inches taller than her, giving her a victories smirk. She looked up at me nervously, she was flushed and her ears were drooped. I guess she's never had to look UP at anyone before, seeing her like this is priceless! "Well.... That's...an interesting transformation..." She said nervously. "Heh... Looks like you owe me 250 bucks... Er I mean bits!" I said with a mischievous grin. I tried taking a step forward but I was feeling woozy, so I stumbled. "Man... Transforming into this took a lot of effort..." I said in a daze as I fell over.

Luckily Celestia was there to keep me from falling over. "Thanks...Princess..." I said, feeling groggy as I leaned on her for support. When I looked down at her she was smiling nervously up at me and her wings were outstretched, uh... Last time she looked like this I was touching.... HER HORN! I quickly looked up and sure enough my exceptionally long horn was rubbing against hers. OK this feels REALLY weird... But... Strangely... comforting at the same time... Uh... I should probably move my head...

"HEY!" Someone yelled nearby, wait... Someone else is here! I quickly transformed back into what I considered my base pony form (Pegasus), hopefully they didn't see me as an Alico... "It's too late! I already saw your chaotic magic in action... HUMAN!" The voice said. Well I guess the cat is out of the bag then.... I turned back into my human form with a sigh and turned to face the voice.

"Hey you're that jackass who's been following us around!" I yelled as I saw that white Unicorn with the blue hair from earlier. He seemed quite angry with me. Especially after that comment. " What have you done to the Princess?!? " the Unicorn yelled as he trotted up to us. "The hell are you talking abo..." I looked over to her and she was COMPLETELY out of it, she looked like she was hypnotized!

"Uh....it was an accident!" I said quickly. The unicorn just stepped closer, glaring daggers at me. "I should have known you would try something! Princess Luna was right!" He muttered. What! LUNA sent this motherfucker after us??? Ugh....I swear... I'm going to get her for this... "OK I don't Care who sent you... Just screw off!" I muttered with a wave of my hand as I turned back to Celestia. I snapped my fingers in her face to try and wake her from her trance. "Surrender immediately human!" The Unicorn yelled at me," Yeah what ever dude... " I said as I continued to try and snap Celestia out of her trance, touching horns is some serious shit. "Hey! I'm warning you... I won't be ignored!" The guy yelled as he stepped closer. "Cool story bro..." I said as I tried poking Celestia to get her to move. "Stop ignoring me!!!" He yelled. I fake sneezed and turned to him," I'm sorry but I'm allergic to your bullshit, so can you kindly fuck off?" I said, turning back.

The guy looked like he was about to explode, "That's....bucking...it..." He muttured as he powered up his magic. Hmm if Luna sent this guy he must be SOMEWHAT important, I should probably pay more attention to what he....too late. I was caught in A pink bubble of magic and suspended in the air, *sigh*... I really hate magic right now...

"What is the meaning of this!" Celestia suddenly yelled, oh good she's back! The pony suddenly straightened up, "I'm uh...capturing this human?" The guy said carefully. Celestia brought her hoof to her face. "And what may I ask possessed you do do that?". "This human has strange manipulative Powers! He had you completly hypnotized! I HAD to stop him!" The guy said in his defense.

Celestia looked at him with disbelief, " Oh don't be silly...I highly doubt that I was..." "...er...he's actually right Princess... you went totally blank after I turned into an Alicorn..." I interrupted with a nervous smile. "But....but..." The Princess stammered before snorting in angrily. She then glared at me, " This wouldn't have occurred if SOMEPONY watched were he put his horn..." Celestia accused. "Well excuuuuse me Princess! I'm not used to having a 1 and a half foot magical bone coming out of my fucking forehead!" I snapped. She was about to respond but she just gave up and turned back to the other pony.

"OK I can see your reasoning, but I'm sure somepony must have sent you after us..." She said, glaring at him suspiciously. The guy Seemed to shrink slightly, he hesitated as he tapped his front hoofs together nervously. "Uh...classified?" The guy said. I should probably tell her that Luna sent him but I want to see this. The Princess took offense to that as she got in the guy's face. "Classified? CLASSIFIED??? Don't tell me about classified! I am the co-ruler of Equestria, I know everything that transpires in the country, do not withhold information from me Shining Armor..." She said sternly, wait THAT'S Shining Armor? Honestly I literally expected him to be wearing shining armor... Heh

"Sorry Princess it won't happen again..." Shining said with a salute as a drop of sweat ran down his forehead. "Splendid! Now tell me... Who sent you?" She asked. Shining's ears drooped and he looked away "Princess Luna sent me..." He finally admitted. Celestia backed off and her eyes softened. she huffed in annoyance " I should have known... I'm going to have a long CHAT with my sister later tonight.. " she muttered. OK I'm officially done floating in this fucking bubble.

"OK so now that we know why you're here, could you kindly, oh I don't know... LET ME GO!" I yelled in frustration. Shining cringed "Jeez... This guy has a temper..." He muttered to himself as he released me, only for me to land flat on my damn face.

" Hey! You didn't have to drop me like that you dipshit!" I yelled as I got in his face.

"Well you didn't have to touch the Princess like that!" He shot back.

"I told you it was an Accident!" I yelled in annoyance.

"It didn't look like one to me! You enjoyed every second of it!" He said pointing at me accusingly. He's kinda right, I DID enjoy every second of it, I can't describe how amazing it feels to touch horns, but regardless it's still just an accident, I'm not into Celestia like that.

"For the record the Princess enjoyed every second of it too..." I said with a smirk, I could hear the Princess facehoofing in the background.

"That doesn't matter! Princess Luna sent me here to make sure nothing like this happened!" He said with a roll of his eyes.

"Yeah you did I Fine job there Shiny..." I mocked.

"That's CAPTAIN Armor to you human!" He said sternly as he poked me in the stomach, you crossed a line motherfucker...

"Touch me again and I'll rip your horn off and shove it through your skull" I said sternly, then this bitch looked at me in disbelief and he pushed me. "OK Captain Jackass you asked for it!" I yelled as I quickly put him in a Tight headlock and pinned him to the ground. He tried to tilt his head and fire lasers at me but I made sure his horn wasn't facing me, so they just scorched the ground uselessly. Not going to lie, this pony is strong! I just barley managed to hold him down, worst of all he might be holding back, that didn't stop my mouth from moving though "Heh I didn't think the Captain of the Royal guard would be such a PUSSY!" I taunted. That must have crossed one of his lines, because Shining responded by teleporting behind me. "I'm going to hurt you now..." He said coldly as he turned and bucked me in the back full force.

OK so remind me to never let a pony buck me again, because i think my spine might be broken. I went flying into a nearby hill. Inside the impact crator I planned my next move. Let's see... If I get up he's just going to blast me with lasers... But wait.. I can fucking fly! I immediately turned into my Pegasus form and rushed through the smoke from my impact. Apprantly Shining wasn't ready for me to come from the air because I completely blindsided him. Unfortunately for me, he was in fact, NOT a pussy, so I ended up not doing much damage. He simply turned and blasted me with lasers, and let me tell you... Those things sting like a bitch!

After that I went flying into another hill, when I got up I decided to try some ranged attacks, so i turned into a unicorn and started charging up a laser, if I wasn't I pony right now I would totally be yelling "Kamehameha!" While I fired. I didn't exactly know how powerful the attack was going to be, but I didn't want to end up killing the guy, even though he's a prick...

I released the laser attack, it was a slow moving thick beam of gold. Shining didn't seem to care about it because he just stood in it's path. Right when it was a foot away from him, his magic suddenly flared and he quickly brought up a pink shield and the laser bounced off harmlessly into the air. Shining just sat there with a confident grin, while I stared at him and deadpanned.

" Wanna try that again? " he teased.

"Shut up captain cockshiner!" I shouted as I charged another attack.

*ZAP*

*Bounce*

*ZAP*

*Bounce*

*ZAP*

*Bounce*

...

"You're a bitch..." I muttered after giving up on lasers and turning back into a Pegasus. Shining said nothing and just made a gesture that ment "Come at me bro!". Shining and I charged at each other. I took a quick glance at Celestia while I charged.

I'm surprised she is even letting this crap happen... What the hell is she even doing? Is she... Writing a letter? What the hell! She sent the letter off and a few mere moments later a response came in. Then suddenly a Pink pony Fucking materialized out of nowhere in between Shining and I, no it wasn't pinkie pie but I wouldn't be surprised if she could do that without magic. And of course we both ran into her because ponies apprantly can't brake for shit. Oddly though, we didn't completely squash the girl, and by that I mean Shining and I got knocked flat on our asses. Who is this bitch anyway???

"Thank you for coming on such short notice... Princess Cadance!" Celestia said happily. So apprantly this is the third Alicorn Princess.... I think Celestia mentioned her but I was half drunk so I don't remember. Cadance looked at Shining with disappointment, he smiled nervously and tapped his forehoofs together. "Hey...there..honey....I wasn't expecting you to be back so...Early..." He said as his eyes darted around nervously, ha guess he's in trouble with his significant other, heh poor bastard. I'm not going to let this stop me though, even if I have to embarrass him in front of his girl.

"Outta my way pinky, there's a pussy behind you!" I muttered as I tried pushing past her, unfortunately she didn't budge, because fuck you I'm an Alicorn.

"What did you say?!? Oh I dare you to say that to my face!" Shining said angrily "Boys boys boys! please calm down..." The Cadance said, holding us back with her alicorn strength. When we didn't calm down she started to frown. "I said... CALM DOWN!" She repeated, but this time I saw her horn flash blue, and a second later I suddenly didn't feel like fighting anymore. The same thing seemed to be happening to Shining because the hatred in his face disappeared... Well mostly. "Now that you two are calm, why are you even fighting?" She asked. That was our cue to start yelling at each other incoherently again. About 2 seconds passed before Candace used the calming spell on us again.

"Well it seems you two simply got off on the wrong hoof... Why don't you start over by reintroducing yourselves..." She suggested. "Why? No offense, but I doubt I'll be seeing you two after this encounter..." I stated dryly. Candace shook her head and giggled, "Well Princess Celestia tells me that you will be studying the magic of friendship under her, correct?" She asked. How the hell did she know that? Celestia writes fast as hell I guess. I deadpanned and grumbled to myself, "Yes...don't remind me..." I muttered, Shining snickerd at my misfortune. "And correct me if I'm wrong, but will you not be studying alongside Twilight sparkle?" She said. "Yes..." I muttered again with disdain. "WHAT!!!" Shining blurted in outrage making all of us jump slightly.

"What's wrong honey?" Candace asked. Shining's eye was twitching, he could barely speak. "Him....Twily...no..." He managed to say. "Jesus Christ what's the big deal?" I said in annoyance. Candace giggled "Well Shining here is Twilight's big brother!" She announced. I think my jaw hit the floor at that point because I couldn't speak. So they're related? That explains...not much

"I don't see the resemblance" I muttered with a shrug making Candace and Celestia laugh, Shining rolled his eyes. "let me guess... You two are related too?" I said, pointing at Candace and Celestia, they both beamed and nodded, "Makes sense, because running into you two felt the same... Like a fucking brick wall... " I said with a shudder. This time Shining laughed and the Two Alicorn's rolled their eyes. "I adopted Candace as my neice some time ago" Celestia said, well so far Celestia's only other relative was Luna.

"Anyways back to the main subject..." Shining said, as his laughter faded " you and my sister... " he said as he narrowed his eyes. I sighed in annoyance and turned back to my human form.

"Well in case you forgot Captain assclown, I'm actually a human! So there will be no romance between us if that's what you're asking..." I said firmly. "Dating ponies is something I don't plan to do..." I said with a shake of my head. Shining looked somewhat relieved with my statement, while Candace and Celestia looked somewhat disappointed. "Why not?" Candace wondered. I looked at her like she was crazy. "Why not??? I'm a human for fuck's sake! I can't date a pony!" I yelled. Candace titlted her head slightly, "I still don't see the big deal..." She said innocently. "It's weird! We don't even have talking ponies back were I come from!" I said. "Really? What other intelligent beings do you have?" She wondered. I scoffed, "there aren't any...most creatures are mindless and only act instinctively, none are as smart as you and I.." I said.

"So your society is entirely made out of humans, thus you are mentally conditioned to only having relationships with other humans."

"Yeah pretty much" I said with a shrug.

"Well here there are MANY intelligent creatures, so it's not strange to see a pony dating a Minotaur..." Cadance said, that explains all those seductive looks I get from ponies, if minotaurs look like what I think they do, then I must be a super model to them.

I sighed and brought my hand to my face, "Look bottom line... I'm not fucking any ponies...." I stated bluntly, prompting all of them to stare at me awkwardly. "You don't have to be... sexually active with your partner if that part bothers you so much..." Cadance said with a raised brow. "Can't you technically turn into a pony anyways?" Cadance asked. "Yeah I can turn into an Earthpony, Pegasus, Unicorn and an Alicorn... I don't really see your point..." I said with a shrug " You can really transform into an Alicorn? " Cadance wondered. I demonstrated by transforming again, it was still an exhausting thing to do the second time around.

"See...I told...you...I could...." I said, feeling woozy as I sat down to avoid falling. Candace was completely shocked, Shining looked bored, and Celestia had that nervous look from earlier. Candace stared at me in awe, " Have you.... always been able to do that?" She wondered. "Nah...humans don't have magic..." I said with a shrug. "Then how did you..." She stopped when Shining whispered something into her ear, then understanding dawned on her face. She looked from me to Celestia and back, shining probably told her about the "accident" that gave me the powers.

She had a dumb smile on her face as I turned back into what I considered my base pony form, which was the Pegasus. Candace began to giggle as she looked from me to Celestia again. " What's so funny?" I asked with narrowed eyes "Oh nothing... I just realized something..." She said with a mischievous grin, whatever Cadance...

"Alright... My name is Derrick Young, but you can call me DJ, Drift Jolt as a Pegasus, Dauntless as an Earthpony and Dawning Jade as a Unicorn..." I said with a shrug. "Dawning Jade? Dauntless?" Celestia questioned. "It would make more sense for me to be one of your students, if I was a unicorn like Twilight..." I explained. I totally didn't pull words that started with D and J out of my ass or anything... I figured I should name my Earthpony form even though I may not use it. Shining cleared his throat and smiled confidently. "My name is Shining Armor, captain of the Royal Guard!" He yelled in a heroic voice.

"Geez....any louder and you'd beat Princess Luna in a shouting match!" I said angrily as I winced and covered my ears. Celestia laughed at the mention of her sister, while Candace deadpanned and glared at Shining. She then cleared her throat and was about to speak when I quickly interrupted "Please don't make my ears bleed.." I reminded, she gave me an annoyed glance and continued "I am Mi Amore Cadenza, or just Cadance for short, I am the Princess of love!" She stated, woah There... wait a second... Did she just....she did didn't she...

"So if Princess Celestia raises the Sun and Princess Luna raises the moon and stars, then you raise....Love? What the hell?" I said, scratching my head in confusion. She gave me a quick run down of what she does, and basically she can make peace between anyone, that's why Celestia called her over here I guess. Apprantly she can also tell if someone's in love or something and she can kind of make relationships happen and stuff. "If you shoot me with a heart shaped arrow I'll kick your ass..." I muttered, they all looked at me like I was crazy. "What? She's basically Cupid! You know... That little boy with wings who goes around shooting people in the ass with arrows, that make people fall in love!" I said. That didn't help the looks that they were giving me. "Forget what I said... Only a human would understand..." I said with a facepalm.

"Anyway... Shining and I are also engaged!" Candace announced cheerfully as they Nuzzled each other. "Yeah cool...whatever... " I said with a shrug, Celestia gave me a stern look and I smiled nervously "I mean....uh...congratulations! I'm so happy for you?" I said with a fake smile. It was then that I heard a stomach growl, surprisingly it wasn't mine. "Well my lunch break is overdue!" Shining said with a chuckle. "Oh shut up...all I ate was a fucking apple!" I muttered angrily. Making everyone laugh, fuck you guys!

"I mean I was SUPPOSED to have a nice chill lunch with Princess Celestia on top of a cloud, but captain America over here had to fuck it up..." I muttered with a sigh.

"What's America?"

"Don't fucking ask..."

"Hmmm....you two were having lunch? Interesting..." Cadaece muttered, I glared daggers at her and she smiled nervously. Celestia made the food pop up in front of me and I sighed. "This isn't going to be enough for me, I could eat an elephant right now..." I said sadly. Shining and Cadance looked at me like I was a savage, marking the 2nd or 3rd time I said something stupid in front of them. "Human's are omnivores, its just an expression, I won't eat your elephants, bla bla bla." I said quickly. Shining and Cadance sighed in relief.

"Well we could go back to the castle and have the Royal chef make us more food, I fear this is not enough for me as well..." Celestia said with a giggle.

"Good! Shiny be a dear for me and take DJ here back to the castle, I have to discuss something with auntie..." Celestia and Shining gave her odd looks. Shining shrugged and and started walking away toward the castle, "let's go DJ!" He called out to me. I quickly transformed into a unicorn and used magic to pick up my food. I nodded to the Princesses and walked after him.

...

"So what did you want to talk about Cadance?"

"..."

"You like him don't you auntie?"

"Sigh"

...

I started to chow down on my lunch, and I have to say, these Hay based foods are pretty good, but probably only because I'm a pony right now. Nothing will really beat a Bacon burger, Fries and a nice milkshake in my book, unless I can magic up some food I'm not going to be having that anytime soon. We walked past the front entrance to Canterlot, I decided to start a conversation, because I should probably be on good terms with my study partner's big brother/Captain of the guard, that and I can shove it in Celestia's face, I CAN make nice with ponies!

"So... Captain Shining Armor..." I started. "You don't have to be so formal...." He said with an annoyed sigh. "Ok then shiny..." I said with a smug smile "No! Only my sister calls me that...and sometimes Cadance... Ugh! Nevermind just call me Shining..." He said. "OK then...Shining... What's Being Captain of the guard like? Any action?" I questioned. From what I could tell this place was pretty peaceful, but there had to be SOMETHING bad to report.

"Nope! That scrap we had earlier was the most action I've had in months, as the Captain I get to do paperwork..." Shining said with disappointment. "Heh... There's tons of crime on my world...." I said with a chuckle.

"Really? What kind of crimes?"

"Eh...Robbery, Rape, murder, you know the usual..." I said with a shrug, I was pretty desensitized toward the stuff, because if you live in the US. All you hear on the news is death and tragedy, then there's always that one "good" event that happens that nobody gives any fucks about, like nobody gives a shit that some celebrity had a baby... Well at least I don't..

"That's the usual???" Shining said in shock.

"Yeah...humans aren't always that great with the whole.... peace thing..." I explained.

"I can't imagine stuff like that happening here at all!"

"Oh and don't get me started on WAR!" I said as I took a sip of my coffee, holy shit this Tastes awesome!

"Yeah...There hasen't been a war here for my entire career as a guard..." Shining muttered " in fact I don't remember if there's even been one in a few hundred years... " he added.

"Wait a sec... The Royal Guard here doubles as your military?" I said with suprise, I thought that Equestria would have some kind of military force that was separate from the guard that patrols canterlot, and stands around the princesses.

"Pretty much... There hasn't been a need for a separate military..." Shining stated simply.

"That's hard to believe... I guess Celestia really keeps ponies in check! I mean she's nice and everything, but it's hard not to fear someone who has the power to Move the sun..." I said with a shudder.

"Really? Nopony else can do it, but it's still just an everyday routine..." Shining said with a shrug.

"Yeah well I come from a place where there is no such thing as magic, and the shit Celestia and Luna do would be considered godlike..." I said with unease.

"OK...when you put it that way I can see how you could be afraid..." Shining said with a nod.

"I don't really Fear them necessarily, its just unsettling to think about sometimes.." I said as I shoved more fries in my mouth. "Yeah... but I can't really take Princess Luna seriously anymore..." I said with a chuckle.

"Really? Why not?" Shining asked with a chuckle.

"She almost had me executed for something I did while I was drunk, on my first day on a new world..." I grunted "Not to mention the fact that she sent YOU to spy on me..." I added.

Shining smiled nervously. I narrowed my eyes "not gonna lie... I was going to have you executed too..." He admitted. I just rolled my eyes and took the last bite of my sandwich. We were now at the castle's doors, the guards let us in without question when they saw Shining.

"I guess we can wait in the Royal dinning room.." Shining said with a shrug "Cadance didn't tell us where to wait..." Shining said with an annoyed sigh. We went through a few halls and then we ended up in this huge room that had this super long fancy table. "Damn this room is impressive!" I said with a whistle. He casually sat down In a random chair, I had my eyes set on some different chairs.

There were two big chairs at the end of the table, that looked way more comfortable than the regular chairs. so I just plopped down in one of them. "Uh.. I wouldn't do that if I were you.." Shining said. "Heh... Why not?" I said as I leaned back and relaxed. "That's Princess LUNA's chair..." He warned. "Pfff! Whatever...its just until the Princesses come back dude, chill.." I said with a chuckle. "Yeah... It's just she gets really upset when someone messes with her chair..." Shining said. "Dude she won't even notice! Besides she's probably snoozing right now anyway..." I said with a casual wave. Shining shrugged " Your funeral... " he muttered. I just scoffed and rolled my eyes, what the fuck would she do? Tell me to get up? Then again she almost executed me for an accident... Ah it should be fine, she's asleep.

"Oh yeah before I forget... About that fight we had..." Shining started. I took another sip of my coffee "I wont be apologizing because I regret nothing..." I muttered. Shining just paused and looked at me, a slight twitch in his eye. "No that's not what i... look I was just saying when you're not too busy, I could teach you some combat magic if you want.." He said. My ears twitched slightly and I sat up in my chair "You mean like that cheap ass shield you used?" I said with a smirk. Shining just laughed and smiled confidently "You're just mad because it worked!" He teased. I drank some more coffee and sighed "Don't other ponies know that spell?" I questioned.

Shining just laughed again "Yes that may be so, but nopony I know of can do defense spell's as well as me!" He gloated, OK so it seems unicorns specialize in certain magics, otherwise I'm pretty sure Celestia would just be the best at everything because she's OP as fuck.

"OK thanks.. I'll think about it..." I said with a shrug, I was still contemplating Flash's suggestion of joining the guard, only because I'm sure it would wip my pony forms into shape. I kinda just sat there savoring my last bits of coffee while we waited for these fucking Alicorns. I looked around in the room for something to do. This would be the time where I WIP out my phone and start playing Subway surfers or Clash of clans, too bad my base will be fucked forever since there's no internet. Before I could even think about anything, I felt a familiar MASSIVE magical power heading towards us, and it wasn't Celestia or Cadance, could it be Twili.....of course not.

Princess Luna walked into the room, which means either she woke up early or it's actually later in the day than I thought, either way I'm pretty sure it's all downhill from here. I ain't getting up though. Shining immediately stood up and bowed "Good afternoon Princess!" He greeted. The Princess nodded "Good afternoon Captain armor..." She responded. I kinda just sipped my coffee and looked away, I'm still kinda sour about what she did.

For a few seconds after they're greetings the room was completely silent so I decided to look back toward them.... Only to be faced with 2 very large light blue eyes....WHAT THE HELL! Luna was staring at me suspiciously less then an inch away from my face, apprantly she doesn't know what the fuck subtly is! I jumped and fell backwards in my chair almost spilling my precious coffee on the red luxury carpet.

"Who art thou?" She asked coldy, oh shit.... I may have forgotten a few things... Like how she has no clue who I am because she doesn't know I can transform. Fuck what I said earlier, this bitch is fucking scary!

"I'm....uh...uh....Dawning Jade...." I said with a nervous smile. Luna's intense stare worsened as she got close again " Thou looks familiar to Us... Thee have disrespected us by ignoring our royal presence AND sitting in our royal seat..." She said as she studied my face closely, I tried to move away but she pinned me down with a hoof, OK I'm fucked. "Captain armor.... Why is this pony present?" She asked, her eyes not leaving mine. "Uh... Your a little to close for comfort..." I said nervously, she was right on top of me staring me down, effortlessly pinning me with her weight. "Silence!" She commanded and I gulped.

"Well you're not going to believe this, But Dawning jade is actually Der...." Shining was interrupted by a very strange chain of events.

This honestly is not my day, the shit that could have gotten me crucified earlier happened again. Luna's horn was rubbing against mine, except unlike last time, I was now just a regular unicorn, so for some reason this rush of pleasure was ALOT more intense then when I was an Alicorn. The only way I can describe this is its like having 5 orgasms at the SAME time, my senses were completely overloaded! I hope I wasn't ACTUALLY orgasming, I don't have to explain why that's disgusting. Then as if it couldn't be any worse, Celestia and Candace decided that this was a perfect moment to arrive. They both froze when they saw me with a dumb smile on my face and Luna with her ears down, cheeks red, and wings outstretched, no doubt embarrassed.

Then as if THAT wasn't worse, Twilight walked in accompanied by Flash and Mac through another door, oh sure ALL these motherfuckers decided to eat at the SAME TIME! Their jaws dropped when they saw the scene before them. Everyone stared at us in complete silence waiting for someone to explain, unfortunately it won't be me since I can barely speak because I can't think straight.

Going around the room, Shining seemed the least surprised, since he saw the whole thing unfold. Twilight was genuinely surprised because she dropped the books she was carrying with her. I couldn't tell if Flash was Surprised, or if he was just trying hard not to laugh. Mac I expected to be angry, but to my suprise, he looked slightly happy... Maybe even relieved! Celestia's expression was a complete blank slate, I couldn't read it whatsoever, which worried the fuck out of me because I don't know if she's about to drop the sun down my throat, or just write it off as an accident. Candace's expression was halfway between "Aww that's cute!" And "Oh that's fucked up!" Which I didn't know was possible.

"Heh... Funny story actually..." Shining said with a nervous smile.

Author's Notes:

Notes: Hello everyone! This one took a while because of thanksgiving break and me getting a bunch of new games (GTAV) so I wasn't writing honestly for at least a week.
Shout out to, ponymaster18 and Inkwell Lynx for being my Beta readers! Check them out!
As far as story, I was going to have Twilight teleport in but I kind of established that she can't do the spell on her own yet (I think she didn't even do it until season 4? Idk) and I thought it would be weird if Celestia teleported her in. Of course I could have just had Celestia stop them but I felt like it was funnier to have Candace pop up (plus I needed to introduce her anyway) let's just say she was off doing political shit.
Honestly I spent a good 20 mins trying to figure out who was going to have the last line at the end, I was deciding between Big Mac and Flash but I'll save it for next time. Our buddy Derrick seems to have bad luck when it comes to horns!
See y'all around! Oh and if someone can think of a better line at the end I'll give you a Cookie... (Nah I'll just replace the old line...)