Act 5 part 2: Awkward flirting

" Are you sure that's not a pool?" I ask as I eyed the "hot tub" in front of me with confusion. I've seen a handfull of hot tubs in the past, I just haven't had the pleasure of sitting in one before. Most of them are about the size of 3-5 regular bath tubs, while this one looks more like a small pool.

"No silly! The pools are on a different hall!" Celestia said with a playful giggle. Being a Princess has its perks I suppose. I set my bag down somewhere away from the water and quickly dumped the contents of my pockets into it. As I was doing this I suddenly froze in place, dropping my bag to the floor.

What the fuck did I just agree too?

I will be sitting... Half naked....in a tub... With Celestia.... Who will also be half nak- wait....she's always naked... Huh. But still! I recently got over one hurdle, which was accepting That magical ponies are...hot....

Shut up! Don't judge me! Stop laughing!

But at the end of the day regardless of whether she's a pony or a human, I'm still going in a hot tube with a hot girl! I'm terrible around girls! Well sometimes... I don't know how to explain it... I guess sometimes I can relax and be myself, and sometimes I cant... it's that simple actually. Shit! Maybe I can bail! Wait no... Then she'll get suspicious as to why I suddenly backed out. Well I guess I just have to do it... Man up Derrick.

I walked over to Celestia who was standing near the edge of the pool. We sat silently for a couple seconds.

"So....how do you like...turn it on?"

"One moment..." Celestia said as her horn lit up. Suddenly a large glass orb that was embedded in the ceiling above the pool lit up. Then 4 identical orbs surfaced from the corners of the tub and zapped the water. A few seconds later it seemed that a wave of warmth washed over the entire room.

"It should be warm enough in a minute or so..." Celestia said.

"That was really elaborate for something as simple as warming water. I thought you were summoning a demon or something..."

"Oh of course not! I only do that on special occasions..." She said with a casual wave of her hoof.

"..."

"I'm joking... I don't do that anymore..."

"...Im not going to ask what possed you to do something like that but I am a bit concerned that you even tried something like that...."

"As I told you before... I used to be quite mischievous when I was younger..." She reminded.

"Well... ok then..." I muttered with a shiver as I stared into the water again. It was now starting to warm up. I could feel the heat now.

"So...who's going to hip hop in first?" Celie asked.

"I dunno.... It looks a bit hot....and deep... Ladies first?" I said with a smirk. She smiled at me and put her hoof on my shoulder and smiled.

"Uh what are you do-"

*SPLASH*

Celestia pushed me into the water and lost her shit. I immediately sprang up out of the water, my senses assualted by the sudden heat of the tub.

"What the fuck! You couldn't wait for me to take my Damn clothes off first!??"

"Sorry...I couldn't help it..."

"USED to be mischievous... my ass..." I said grumpily as I climbed out of the pool and stood there in my soaked clothes.

"I suppose its punishment for striking my nephew..."

"What? I thought you didn't care!"

"At the time I admit it was fairly amusing. However you simply cannot go around punching my ponies..." Celestia stated. I rolled my eyes and started taking my shoes off. The next few hours is going to be a mess for me! I can't conjure up clothes right now, so I'm going to be stuck with these soaked ones. Wet clothes are the most uncomfortable things ever!

"You're lucky I didn't have anything important in my pockets or you and me would be fighting..." I said with a shake of my head. Celestia looked at me with disbelief and amusment.

"Oh really?" She challenged with a smirk.

"Nope..." I muttered, as I took off my shirt and hoodie, tossing them aside, making a wet plop sound as they made a small puddle where I tossed them.. I'm going to have to be careful with my boxers because I can't conjure up any swimming trunks to put over them.

Once I had everything off and set aside I stared into the water again. The room was awfully quiet so I looked back at Celie, who was staring at me.

"What?" I said. She said nothing as her cheeks turned a very light shade of red. The fuck is her problem?

I quickly realized that she was looking... Down....Down toward my Boxers. I took a glance down and realization Dawned on me instantly. Wet clothes sometimes have a tendecy to stick right to you, so right now everything is clearly outlined! EVERYTHING!

"OH SHI-" I yelled as I immediately dove into the tub. She saw everything didn't she?

"Ahem... Well... Now I know why humans keep their clothes on..." She muttered sheepishly. Fuck! She DID see everything! I sat as low in the water as possible with my back against the wall. This kind of awkward shit is the reason why I should have avoided this situation in the first place.

"Yeah...we don't..*gulp* exactly have...sheaths...." I said, averting my eyes.

"I noticed..." Celie said as she stared at her hoofs, flustered. Now it was REALLY awkward. After what seemed like an eternity of silence, Celestia cleared her throat.

"Well... I suppose its my turn.." She said as she started taking off her Royal regalia. Then she started walking over towards the end of the tub where there were stairs. As she was gracefully stepping into the water, I happened to remember something interesting.

Hey! Remember when Rarity got her hair wet? Hey hey! Remember how hot she looked?

Shut up brain...

No dude seriously! Look who else is going to get her hair wet!

SHUT UP BRAIN!

Just pay attention bro...

Celestia stepped fully into water with a satisfied sigh.

"When you first step in is always the best part!"

"Too bad I was forcefully thrown in..."

"Oh don't be that way..." Celestia said with a giggle as she came next to me. Hmm... Her hair isn't really wet yet... Let me...fix that...

*splash*

I used my hand to splash a bunch of water in her face. At first her hair stayed the same but a moment later it fell and covered her frowning face. Hmm... Ok... That wasn't as hot as I thought it would be... She looks like a wet mop! Although... Its still funny as hell! I started laughing and Celestia sighed in annoyance. Then... Something strange and awesome happened. Celestia flipped her hair and...holy shit....it was like the world slowed down just for that moment. That was the sexiest hair flip I've ever fucking seen! Like 11/10 sexy. That also includes all the fake ones from any movie or video game ever. That was 100% worth this awkward endeavor. Then time seemed to go back to normal and there she was staring at me.

"I just despise when my hair is wet..." She said with a frown. I just sat there with a drunken smile, blinking a few times and chuckling to myself. Then it was as if the entire mood and atmosphere of the room suddenly shifted. Celestia got this half lidded gaze that I couldn't avert my eyes from. Uh...What just happened?

"Oooh Deeerrick...." Celie called out to me. Then she made her way next to me and started rubbing against my side. Ok....

"Uhhhhhhh...." I said blankly as my heart started beating fast and I got nervous.

"You look a little tense honey..." she whipsered into my ear. Um... Not sure I like where this is going...

"No...I'm...fine..." I stuttered as I scooted away from her. Tia unfortunately wasn't having that shit, because she used her hoof to pin me to the pool wall. Ohhh no...

"You need to relax....." She said as she....sniffed me? No she put her nose right onto my chest and inhaled deeply with her nose. The fuck?

"Tia? What are you..." I started to say. Then I felt something wet roll up my cheek. Celestia was licking my fucking face! Is this bitch going to eat me or something? Apprantly my cheek tastes good!

"What the fuck?" I exclaimed as I tried to move away again but she effortlessly stopped me.

"I said...RELAX.." She repeated assertivly. Ok... Half of me is enjoying this and the other half of me is scared for my fucking life!

"How the fuck am I supposed relax when yo-WOAH!" I yelped as she changed positions. She wrapped her legs around me and held me firmly in place. Seriously what the FUCK got into her? Wait a second...what was that important event that was critical to my health again?

MATING SEASON!

...

Oh hell no!

"Alright I think that's enough messing around..." I said as I tried to push her away from me again with more force. Unfortunately that only made her squeeze tighter and rub closer, In fact she was so close, that she was firmly pressed up against my boxers. Yeah... If I wasn't excited before... Then I definitely am now!

"WOAH! WOAH! Slow down Princess!!" I cried out. Celestia frowned and backed away, still firmly pinning me.

"Don't you dare call me Princess! You shall address me as Tia...or Celie..." She said firmly. I gulped and nodded sheepishly. I've never been this turned on and scared at the same time in my entire life...

"Good boy..." She purred with a smile as she nuzzled my nose. Then that half lidded lustful gaze returned and she licked her lips.

"So...you and my sister participatetd in more naughty activities on top of Twilight Sparkle's balcony..."

"We didn't... Wait....how do you know?"

"Oh I know EVERYTHING that goes on in this Country.." Celestia said with a smirk. She backed off and let me go for a moment. She honestly didn't have to restrain me anymore, because I'm definitely not going anywhere now. She turned around and took a few steps away in the water.

"I also know about your obsession..."

"My WHAT?"

"You heard me..."

"Uh... I'm afraid I have no clue what you're talking about Tia..."

"Your obsession with my PLOT"

"..."

I was fucking speechless... Like seriously... How am I realisticly supposed to respond to something like that? She has me 100 percent figured out right now. She started to tease me by slowly swinging it back and forth in my face, her tail lightly brushing against my cheek. Oh my god....how do I even describe it? I've always wanted to see it up close....everything is just....just... WIN!

"I know you can't resist it... You love me too much..." She said with a giggle. Wait a second here let's pause... DJ loves what now?

"Uh...what?" I muttered innocently. Look love and list are too different things people. Celestia giggled and turned back around. Her wings suddenly perked up and spread open to her sides. Wow... She's a fucking Angel... But...uh...that smile is borderline creepy.

"Uh... Celie? What are you doing now?" I ask sheepishly, pressing against the pool wall nervously.

"What do you think I'm doing? Its the right season... And you are my mate..." She said with a giggle.

"..."

ERROR 404_derrick_mind.exe not found...

"H...u....h...?" I said blankly.

"You know... You still have a thing or two to learn about kissing..." She said as she held me tightly and got closer again.

"Uh...really?"

"Yes...." She said as she rubbed her lips against mine.

"I think you should teach me then..." I muttered, finally deciding to play along.

"Observe and take notes my mate..." Celestia whispered. Then she leaned in and frenched kissed the living crap out of me. Best...day....ever!

A few seconds later I started to feel strange... Like I was drowning... I blinked a few times before I felt a sinking feeling.

Suddenly my eyes shot open and I burst out of the water. I looked around and Celie was next to me looking concerned and confused.

"Are you ok?" She asked worriedly.

"Huh? What happened?" I asked as I sniffed and looked around.

"You got this strange look on your face, then you seemed to drift off into fantasy land, until you inadvertently slipped underwater." Celestia explained with a raised brow.

"I was... Day dreaming?" I murmured as I looked at my hands in disbelief. That shit was extremely vivid.

"Yes... Although I'm not sure why at this particular moment..." Celestia said with a shrug.

Damn... So... None of it was real? I didn't really kiss her? I'm not her mate?

"FUCK!" I exclaimed, surprising Celestia.

"What's wrong?"

"My day dream ended at the good part..." I said with a facepalm, staring into the water aimlessly, disappointed.

"What was the good part?" Celestia asked curiously. My eyes widened and my cheeks felt hot.

"Um..nothing..." I said with a nervous smile. Celestia stuck her lip out and rubbed against me.

"Oh come on....it was obviously something!"

"Seriously... You DON'T want to know..." I said, firmly shaking my head.

"I do want to know...otherwise I wouldn't be asking..." Celestia said with a deadpan expression.

"Ok....you CAN'T know...." I corrected.

"Why not? Whatever it was you seemed really... 'Excited' about it..." Celie quipped with a smirk. I jumped slightly when she said that. ...did she see? I don't think the water is clear enough...

"Look... I can't tell you...I just can't..." I said seriously. Tia pouted and scooted away from me.

"You're no fun..." She said with disappointment. Whatever Tia... I can't tell you that I was about to passionately mate with you in my day dream. That was definitely the sexist daydream I've ever had though! Hell, it even beats some of my regular dreams! Unfortunately I'm going to have to change the subject before Tia freaks out about my "excitement".

"Celie?"

"Yes Derrick?"

"Does this tub have bubbles?"

"Of course it does!" Tia said with a giggle. Her horn let up that orb on the ceiling again, which then immediately zapped the water. A few moments later the tub started bubbling up like I've seen human hot tubs do. Good, that'll hide my "excitement" from her!

"How the hell do you even do that?" I asked as she layed against the tub wall, sitting directly to my right.

"Oh it was a snap!" Tia said with a cheerful smile.

"Pfft...you can't even snap! You don't have fingers..." I scoffed as I snapped my fingers to demonstrate.

"Why of course I can!" Celie assured.

"Lie again..." I deadpanned.

*snap*

"The fuck?" I muttered, rubbing my ear to make sure I actually heard that.

*snap*

My eyes widened in horror, making Tia smirk.

"No...no....hell no..." I said vigorously shaking my head. Celie said nothing, she just slowly lifted her left hoof out of the water so I could see and flicked it.

*snap*

"No!" I said in outrage as I reached out for her hoof and grabbed it. Now studying it closely.

"Do it again"

*snap*

Wow... This bitch is over here snapping with no fingers! Definitely going on the list! No actually fuck the regular list! This goes on the ADVANCED bullshit list!

"Tia what the fuck!?" I said as I squeezed her hoof.

"What is so strange about this?" She wondered honestly. Then I started snapping repeatedly in her face.

"No....you can't! you can't do it! No! Just... No! Not fucking possible without fingers!" I sputtered with frustration.

"Oh just relax Derrick..." She said as she pushed me away with her hoof playfully. hearing her tell me to relax in real life makes me feel...funny.

"I can't stay in here too long or my skin will get all wrinkly" I muttered.

"That's fine... I was thinking we could get something to eat soon..." Celie muttered. I smiled until my stomach decided it was time to scream to the edge of the universe. Celestia giggled behind her hoof and I facepalmed.

"Yeah...I don't recall eating shit today..."

"I imagine that would taste awful..."

"What the hell do you- Oh ha ha, very funny..." I muttered. Folding my arms and scoffing. Celestia smirked, looking proud of herself as always.

"Why are you so cheeky?" I ask as I rested my head on the edge of the tub.

"Oh how I've tried to slim down..." Celestia muttered sarcastically as she rubbed her bottom. I slowly turned my head and deadpanned.

"I wasn't talking about your ass..."

"I know..." Celestia said with a smug grin. I blinked twice and stared at her. I noticed that her hair was starting to do its "flow in nonexistent wind" bullshit again. Hm... I wonder if can get her to do that sexy hair flip again. I put my hand on her shoulder, Stared her straight in the eye and...

*splash*

Her hair once again collapsed like a wet mop and covered her face. I proceeded to laugh my ass off. I made sure I kept my eyes open for this.

*sexy epic slow motion hair flip*

I sat back with that drunken smile again, almost drowning my dumbass again. Then I continued laughing when I saw her face.

"Why do you keep doing that?" She demanded with a frown.

"Because you look like a wet mop!" I said with a laugh making her grumble. Then she splashed water into my mouth, making me cough.

"Gak! Fuck!" I shouted. Then we gave each other the death stare. I lasted a couple seconds but you guys dont fucking understand. A death stare from Tia is like having your soul flash frozen then fucked by gay demons. Uh... Actually.... That's a bit extreme... Let's just go with bone chilling....yeah...not sure where that came from.

"Ok...let me get out before I start looking like a prune..." I muttered as I finally climbed out of the pool... I mean tub. I coughed and ran my hand through my wet hair. I seemed to forget that my damn boxers were outlining everything.

"Hey Celie, Do you have a towel?" I ask hopefully.

"Nope!" She said with an almost sinister smile as she gracefully exited the tub.

"Really? You dont have one? This is a hot tub!"

"They're hardly nessecary... My fur and mane usually dry quite fast, and my room is right around the corner..." Celestia explained.

"But...but...then...I'd have to... Walk out there.... Like this!" I said, nervously.

"You look fine to me..." Celie said with a giggle.

"That's exactly it! I don't want mares oggling at my....oh....you're nasty..."

"I have no clue what you're trying to imply..."

"You know damn well.... What would you say if I said you look fine?"

"I would say thank you!" Tia said as she nuzzled my cheek. I deadpanned and ignored her smug grin.

"Seriously I dont want to run around with next to nothing on! I'm not always naked like you!" I muttered with a nudge.

"I think you should try it sometime, you'll feel so free!" She said with a giggle.

"Oh I bet you would LOVE that..." I teased as I grabbed my bag and my clothes, which were still super soaked.

"Perhaps..." Celestia said with a wink that made the hair on my neck stand up. Calm down DJ....she's just playing around.... All that stuff that happened in that daydream was completely fake! Or....was it? No...don't think that way. Celestia found my scared reaction amusing. She simply waved me over to the door and I followed sheepishly.

"You'll be fine Derrick, my room is just down this..." She immediately stopped in her tracks, causing me to awkwardly bump into her rear.

"The fuck did you stop for?" I said as I walked out of the door staring at her. Then I turned forward and froze. There was a huge group of royal guards that suddenly stopped in front of us. Some of the girls in the group were drooling.... No...literally drooling!

"Brace your stomach..."

"Brace my wh-"

*zap*

A moment later we were in Celestia's room. I immediately deadpanned and stared at her.

"Why didn't you just teleport us in the first place?"

Before she could even answer my stomach wrenched and I had to sprint to the nearest trashcan.

"That's why..." Tia said with a cringe. I walked back feeling woozy and upset.

"Eww....I don't think I'll ever get used to that crap..." I said with disgust.

"It took me a few times to be honest with you..." Celestia said with a smile. Then both of us almost jumped when we heard this loud ass snore.

"The hell was th-" I started to say loudly before Celie swiftly rushed over and covered my mouth with her hoof. I looked at her like she was crazy until she gestured to her bed.

"Luna is asleep..." She whispered. I shrugged and looked at the bed again.

"Oh that's fucking adorable..." I said with a cheesy smile. Luna was sleeping on her back with her wings and legs spread out. Her right ear was folded back and her leg would twitch every few moments. To top it all off she seemed to be making out with or slobbering on this pillow or something. "Oh my.." Celie muttered as she held back a laugh.

"This is priceless! I have to take a picture of this shit!" I whispered as I quietly shuffled over to my bag and fished my phone out. Celestia looked somewhat confused but she watched as I turned my phone back on for the first time since I fucking got here. I saw the apple logo appear as I waited for it to start up. I feel like these fucking smart phones take ages to boot because you're not really supposed to cut them off. Once it started, I immediately went to the camera app.

"What are you doing?" Celie whispered as I slowly snuck onto the bed. "Saving this moment forever!" I said as I sat on my knees next to Luna. Then I started snapping away. After I got a few pictures I softly rolled off the bed and came back to Celie. "See? Pretty cool huh?" I said as I scrolled through the pictures. Celestia was completely dumbfounded.

"Its hard to believe such a small device is capable of this type of image quality!" She said as she stared at it in awe. This must be blowing her mind! I'm not sure what kind of camera tech they have, or what kind of image saving spells they might use, but whatever they are I assume its a bit behind.

"May i try?" She asked. I nodded and scooted next to her so she could see. I showed her the basics of the camera. "I'm not sure if your hoofs will work on the screen, but you press this button to take a picture" I explained. She nodded and slowly tapped the screen, and much to our delight it actually responded to Celestia's hoof and took a picture of the floor. "Ok sweet! Now, the floor is boring. If you press this button it will switch to the front camera..."

"Front camera? The device has Two lenses?"

"Yep! Its right here!" I said pointing to it. Celestia tilted her head slightly and looked confused.

"What is the purpose of the second lense?"

"To take selfies..."

"Selfies?"

"Look I'll show you..." I said as I quickly tapped the icon and flipped the camera. Then a live image of me and Celie (who looked completely mindblown) appeared.

"Oh hey there sexy!" I said with a wink. Celestia giggled, her cheeks turning a slight shade of red.

"Why thank you De-"

"I was talking about me! But don't worry Tia, you're almost as sexy as me!" I joked as I poked her muzzle. She responded by snorting and nipping at my finger.

"Let's take a selfie Tia" I said with a wide grin. she moved her face next to mine and smiled, then I took the picture. We looked pretty happy in that picture, It reminds me of those selfies that couples post on Instagram sometimes.

"Perfect..." Celie said with a warm smile.

"Yep...I like it!" I said, smiling back. Then Celestia got curious again.

"What does that button do?"

"This? That's to record videos..."

"Videos?"

"Yeah... Basically moving pictures with sound..."

"Ah yes..." Tia said with a nod. I figured they had some form of videos here.

"Yep...like this..." I said as I hit record.

"The is Princess Celestia, and she kicks ass and moves the sun and stuff"

"What?"

"I'm just saying random things for the hell of it..."

"Oh well in that case... Pizza..."

" Pizza? "

"Yes Pizza indeed..."

"I can agree with that!" I muttered with a shrug then a cut the video off. I made sure my volume wasn't to high and replayed the video. Celestia was blown away.

"This device is amazing!" She declared.

"Eh...its pretty neat I guess..."

"We should make more videos!" She said excitedly. I nodded and looked back toward Luna. Then an idea popped into my head. I started to smile devilishly.

"Hey Tia...would you happen to have a black marker?"

"Of course! But...why?" She asked after using her magic to fish out a black marker and she hoofed it too me.

"Oh no reason really...here... Come record me!" I said as I passed her the phone. She nodded hesitantly and came to the side of the bed. She hit the button and I heard the record tone play. Then I hopped onto the bed again and slowly crawled toward Luna.

"What are you doing!?" Celestia whispered loudly.

"Shh! I'll explain later!" I assured. Tia frowned but went back to recording. I took the cap off the marker and got closer. I'm about to jiggly puff the Fuck out of her face! I started off by drawing a moustache on her face. Just two simple and thick lines. Then I was going to give her a beard too but i looked back at Celestia and she was shaking her head in protest vigorously.

"Don't do that if you like your organs where they are!" She whispered bluntly. I immediately looked down at Luna in horror. Would she really do that to me? Do I want to find out? Hell no! I immediately tossed the marker away. Shit! She's going to kill me when she wakes up and sees this! Maybe I can wipe it off! I carefully grabbed the pillow she was holding and started using the Corner that was wet with her saliva to gently wipe the mustache off. To my surprise, it actually worked! Well kind of, It mostly just faded the ink.

I Dropped the pillow and decided it was a lost cause. To my horror Luna started moving in her sleep. She started feeling around for her missing pillow. I had to ninja place that shit back before she realized it was gone. I saw her smile and squeeze the pillow. I sighed with relief and slowly started to scoot away. Unfortunately Luna frowned and pushed the pillow away. What is she doi-OH FUCK!

She suddenly snatched me up and held me tightly. I let out a quiet yelp and tried to pull away. Unfortunately because, fuck you I'm an Alicorn, I was unable to get free. In fact every time I tried to get free she squeezed tighter.

Im fucked

I could see Celie at the corner of my eye looking fucking constipated, as she held her laughter in. What makes it worse is the fact that I'm pretty sure that she's still recording. Oh did I mention that this feels similar to that day dream? That certainly helps things right?

It pretty much only got worse from then on, because she wrapped her wings around me and smiled contently. Then as if that wasn't enough she started to mumble in her sleep.

"Yes... we art ready my love..." She muttered.

I whimpered loudly, making Celie laugh even harder. Thankfully she covered her mouth. I'm starting to wonder if I'll ever get away without waking her up. Then again Celestia was right about Luna being a heavy sleeper!

"We love thee..with all our heart and soul..." Luna said sincerely, as she rubbed her cheek firmly against mine. Ok... I'm going to be honest and say if I wasn't being recorded right now I would probably enjoy this...aside from the bone crushing of course. "We will prove our love to thou..." She said. Tia and I had this "WTF" expression on our faces. Then she slowly licked my face, starting from my chin, all the way up. Seriously what the fuck! Her Tounge went into my mouth! Wait... That's kinda happened already but...that's not the point! Actually... I don't know what the point is.... What the fuck is she dreaming about anyway? She keeps fucking licking me and its starting to creep me out!

"Help me!" I cried out. Celie was laughing so hard that she was tearing up now. "Oh my god...bitch wake up!" I said with annoyance. My face was now completely damp with Luna's spit and she moved on to kissing me.

"Ok seriously help! I'm uncomfortable!"

"Oh NOW you're uncomfortable..." Celie teased.

"Yes I'm fucking uncomfortable! My bones are about to snap, I'm half naked and my face is covered in spit! Help!" I pleaded desperately. The spit and kissing aside, if she keeps this rubbing up I'm going to get a little too excited.

"Alright fine! Stop whining..." she said with a roll of her eyes. She gently used her magic to pry me free of Luna's titanium grip, quickly returning the pillow to replace me. Then she moved me next to her.

"Thank you!" I said with relief as I rubbed my back and winced slightly. "Why didn't you get me sooner?" I ask shooting Celestia an angry look. "Oh I simply couldn't! It was too adorable!" She said with a laugh. I realized that she was still standing there recording. "Gimme that!" I barked as I snatchedmy phone out of the air. I ended the recording and scoffed.

"I'm about to delete the shit out of this..."

"No please! Lets watch it first!" Celie pleaded. I sighed and went to the video and started playing it. It was way more embarrassing then I thought!

"Aww....you two look so cute..." Celie teased with a condescending tone as she pointed to me blushing in the video. I said nothing as I wiped my cheek with my free hand, then I used it to wipe Saliva all over Celie's smug mug. She gasped and started wiping her face with a horrified look. She lightly shoved me as I paused the video and started laughing. "Why would you do that??" She demanded as she scrunched her face up in disgust. "That's what you get for mocking me..." I said with a grin. Then I saw her wipe her face with a towel. I slowly turned to her with a dead expression.

"You.... said... You didn't have a towl..."

"I did....I did?"

" YES!"

"Well you never asked me if I could GET a towel...'

"..."

"Tehe!"

"Give me that fucking towl!"

"Say please...."

"What?"

"Say please and I'll give it to you..."

"*sigh* Can I use your towl please..."

"Hmm....I don't know...I have to think about it..." She said sarcastically.

"Tia please?" I ask again sincerely.

"Well...since you asked so nicely..." She said as she finally hoofed it over. I immediately used it to wipe the spit off of my face and hand. Then I sighed contenly. "Finally..." I said with relief as my face was mostly spit free. Celestia gave me an odd look .

"Aren't you going to say thank you?"

"Nah... Here's you're towel..." I quipped as I threw it in her face with a chuckle. I was about to walk away, but she snatched me and pinned me to the floor in a similar fashion to that day dream.

"Where do you think you're going?"

"Uh...five paces left and...one pace right?"

"...you must be punished..."

"What are you going to do? Kiss me?" I said with a smirk. That seemed ti be a trend with me... Get pinned by a girl....then kiss her

"That's hardly a punishment at all, you should feel honored that I'm even considering it..." She said in a non-serious tone.

"Oh whatever... I fucking dare you to do something..." I challaged.

"Oh how I love dares..." She said with a half lidded gaze as she drew closer. Holy crap....is she really about to-

*lick*

"....you Fucking FUCK!" I yelled loudly, As I squeezed away from her holding my cheek. She fucking licked me! She was laughing her ass off like there was no tomorrow. Ok bitch! Let's see how you like it! I pounced on her and lightly licked her cheek. Yeah... I wasn't fucking thinking in case you didn't notice...

"Aahhhck! Fucking fur in my mouth!" I said as I desperately tried to wipe it off my tounge. Celestia's shocked and confused expression shifted to laughter. After I got the bullshit off my tounge I couldn't help but laugh with her.

"Hey Celie?"

"Yes?"

"Why the hell are we licking each other?"

"I don't know Derrick....I really I don't know..."

"I think that makes us weird..."

"I suppose we are weird for that..."

"Luna is too, since she apprantly licks people in her sleep..."

"Pretty much the weirdest..."

We both laughed again until a knock came at the door. "I would totally be a gentlemen and answer that but...I'm kinda... Mostly naked....soo..." I muttered. Celie just grinned and shook her head. She walked across the room to the door and cracked it open. I couldn't see who it was nore could I hear what they were saying, but my question was answered when she closed the door and came back carrying what appeared to be a tray filled with assorted drinks.

"The Royal chef wants to know what he should prepare for dinner..." Celie said as she set the tray down on the dresser next to her bed. I grabbed my phone and walked toward the left side of her massive bed where she was now laying. There really was a good mix of drinks. There... Were some juices, something that looked like soda, tea and...is that wine?

"You drink wine?" I ask, genuinely surprised.

"Yes I do enjoy alcoholic beverages from time to time. What about you?"

"Well...I told you what I did at the last Pinkie party I was at..."

"If I recall correctly you broke Twilight's table, zapped someponie's horn, caused somepony to faint, and of course we can't forget you kissed my sister as well..." She muttered. I detected a hint of jealousy on the last part so I started chuckling in her face.

"Awww... Somepony looks jealous!" I teased.

"N..no..." She said, averting her eyes, trying her best not to look guilty.

"Oh my gosh you're totally jealous!" I said laughing harder. Then I made the kissy face and started making smooching noises.

"..."

"Aww.... If you wanted a kiss from me you could have just-ACK!" Tia pushed my face away with a hoof, making me fall off the bed.

"I am NOT..." She Stated firmly with a frown.

"Sure you're not..." I quipped with a smug grin. She narrowed her eyes and got this serious expression. Then she started crawling toward me.

"First of all.. I am NOT jealous...second... if I wanted a kiss from you, the solution would be simple..." She said cripticly as she crawled over to me. I tried to keep a straight face as I layed on my back with my hands at my sides. Then she positioned herself over me. Was that daydream some sort of weird ass prediction of the future? Because I'm feeling ....a certain way right now... An awkward kinda way...

"If I want a kiss from you...I'll simply take it..." She stated firmly.

"Wait what?" I said, my heart skipping a beat. She got about an inch away from my face. "If I want a kiss I will simply take it..." She repeat at a whisper. We stared into each others eyes for a moment but she suddenly moved her head and stepped away all together.

"But...I'm too hungry to do that right now!" She said with an innocent smile. I stood up, sighed, and rolled my eyes. Celestia is a fucking tease! I'm seriously disappointed! However, I can agree with her because I'm hungry as fuck too. Celie magiced up a small scroll and quill, then began to write.

"The chef wanted me to send him a note regarding what we want to eat..." She muttered.

"We?"

"Yes we! Aren't you hungry?"

"Yeah but...I think I left my money back at Twilight's"

"So?"

"So...that means I'm not eating..."

"Oh its fine Derrick..."

"Nah...You and your face licking sibling over there, have done too much for me! I don't really like getting stuff for free..." I muttered. Celestia got an annoyed expression as she stopped writing.

"If it really bothers you so much, you can simply repay me in another way..."

"What other way?"

"I'll have to think of something..."

"Hmm...ok...in that case I'll have a pizza..."

"What toppings?"

"Bacon, steak, pepperoni..." I started to say but Celestia gave me this blank look. Oh right... They're all hippies...

"Uh...I mean I'll have spinach..." I mumbled feeling a bit saddened. Celestia nodded and started writing again. The aroma from that tea hit my nose at that moment. Whatever it was it smelled pretty nice, but tea isn't really my cup of tea.... Yep I did say that...deal with it.

*sniff*

Celestia and I stood alert... What the fuck was that? I was about to stand up but I realized the sound came from Luna. She sniffed the air a few times then rolled over. I'm guessing she can smell the tea. Suddenly Luna's eyes shot wide open.

"MINE!" She shouted as she soared into the air, landing off the bed next to us. She immediately snatched the cup of tea off of the tray of drinks without spilling it. She took a sip from it and then had some sort of orgasmic sigh. Ok then...

"Good afternoon sister..."

"Good afternoon Tia! This tea was brewed to perfection!"

"That was mine..."

"Well now thy tea belongs to me...Tia" She said with a smug grin. Celie shook her head and continued writing the letter. Sheesh! Is she ordering a buffet? I just want a pizza!

"*sniff* hmm... What is that smell? It smells somewhat like..." She said trailing off as she looked around the room. Huh...she must be half asleep or something, she looked everywhere except for where I was.

"Sup!" I said with a smirk. Luna gasped, almost dropping her tea, finally realizing my presence on the bed. "Derrick? Is that you?" She said. "No its some other human..." I said with a deadpan expression. She ignored my quip and instead stared me up and down. Oh right, Half naked...

"Take a picture... It lasts longer..." I said sarcastically as I tried to cover my face..."

"Sister! Where is the Royal camera!" Luna called out, making me facepalm. Then Celestia dragged her sister over and whispered into her ear.

...

"Luna stop it! Before he realizes his clothes are dry!"

"How did you even get him to undress?"

"I pushed him in the hot tub..."

"YOU WHAT?"

"Shh...keep your voice down!"

"Were you the one that caused his erotic daydream?"

"What erotic daydream?"

"Oh sister I have much to tell thee.."

"Another time...Cadance told me that He's gone through a change recently... Help me find out what exactly. I think I know what it is but, I want him to say it!"

"Very well sister...one last thing... Did you see it?"

"See what?"

"IT?"

"Oh...n..no... At least not fully..."

"Hmm... How disappointing..."

"Oh stop it Lulu..."

...

My only clue as to what they're talking about is the fact that Luna hasn't taken her eyes off of my boxers yet soo...

"Just so you know... I can hear everything you just said..." I muttered with a mischievous smile. That made both of them stop talking and stare at me wide eyed.

"Really?" Luna asked sheepishly.

"No..."

That made them both frown and, I laughed hysterically. That's probably an indication that it WAS about me. They're really adorable when their ears fold back like that! Their just 2 big snuggly bunies.... 2 very cute snuggly bunnies....2 very... SEXY snuggly bunnies... Aaaand I fucked up the analogy didn't I? God what's wrong with me? I shrugged and walked over to them, taking a large cup of water off of the tray.

"Hey, my eyes are up here Luna..."

"Oh...I...apologize ..." She said nervously, her sister facehoofed next to her.

Then I sat back down in my previous position and took a sip from my cup. Just then another knock came at the door. Luna trotted up to it to answer. I had a sinking feeling because I'm pretty sure the black marker was still on her face. Then my brain was all like "dude...that plot!" So I couldn't help but look of course. The second I did, I could feel someone's gaze burning the side of my cheek. Then I slowly turned to see Celestia staring at me.

CAUGHT!

"That's not where her eyes are..." She said with a smug grin. I just turned away and tried not to look guilty. But of course that never actually works out. Luna answed the door and handed the pony the note for the chef, then the pony at the door whispered something that made Luna's ear twitch. She quietly slammed the door and stood there for a few moments. She slowly turned with this darkened expression.

"Who.... defiled our face with ink?" She asked calmly.

"It was all his idea..." Tia said as she pointed to me causally. Then she pulled a book out of her drawer, laid back and started reading. Why! Celie why?

"You have 1.5 seconds Derrick..."

"I have 1 point wha-"

She came at me so fast...I was legitimaly worried for my life! Somewhere along the lines the large cup of water I had got tossed into the air, spilling all over Luna's face. She sat there over me for a couple seconds frowning at me. I was on my back, trying to scoot away from her wrath. Then her hair suddenly went wet mop mode and drooped down to cover her face. Yeah...I can't take her seriously right now...

"Bwhahaha!"

Then...she flipped her hair. Holy shit..guys? I think sexy runs in the family!

"Prepare for thy punishment mortal..." She said as she pinned me to the bed. You know what? I need to train seriously... Maybe one day I'll be able to pin THEM.

"Sister?"

"Yes Lulu?"

"Did I tell thee that our human friend here is... TICKLISH?" She said as an evil smile slowly worked its way onto her face. Oh no. Oh nonononono!

"Really?" Celestia said as she Immediately closed the book she was reading.

"Yes... Our human stud is quite ticklish..." Luna said with a bite of her lip. Did she just call me a stud? What the fuck?

"Hmm...well you know what must be done then..." Celestia said as she crawled across the bed, sharing the same evil expression with her sister.

"Ok. OK. I'm sorry! Seriously! I beg you! Please don't fucking do it!" I whimpered.

"Oh its too late for that mortal..." Luna said with a shake of her head.

"I'm not sure sister... Perhaps we could cut the mortal some slack..." Celestia said, playing along now.

"Yes...perhaps... We could show thee mercy... On 3 conditions..."

"3 conditions? Fuck that bullsh-"

*tickle*

"AAAAH! Ok ok! What are the conditions?!" I said with a tear in my eye.

"First tell us what belief of yours hath changed recently..." Celestia said, marking the first time I've heard her use old English... That sounds kinda hot, she should do that more often..

"Changed? Nothing really changed about me...oh wait..." I said as I took a deep breath and sat there flustered.

"Well? We are waiting mortal..."

"Uh...so you remember how I was all... anti-mare when I got here?"

"Yes...we remember thine statement mortal..." Celestia said with a nod.

"Well....that sorta went...bye bye..." I said with a nervous smile. Celestia and Luna looked at each other for a few seconds. Then that evil smile of theirs got even more... evil.

"Well...it is about time thy realized thine true orientation..." Celestia said.

"That... changes things..." Luna said as she rubbed her chin. Then she smiled when she got idea.

"For the second condition, Thou must proof thine new outlook by kissing our sister!" Luna ordered.
...

"Huh?"

"The Royal sisters share everything... Prove thine statement by kissing her... like you kissed me..." Luna demanded. This little roleplay or whatever the fuck it is, just got reaaaaly awkward.

"What are you waiting for mortal.... Thy heard our demands..." Luna said with a smirk. I swollowed hard and they let me go allowing me to sit up. I looked at Celestia who was patiently awaiting my kiss. I took a deep breath and scooted over to her. Then I gave her a light peck on the lips. Yeah...I think I might have pissed them both off...

"NO! Our sister deserves a REAL kiss! Use thine skill!" Luna said with a frown. Celestia just looked at me with a face that screamed "Really? That's the best you can do?" Fuck I feel like Soarin at that sleepover now. Ok Derrick.... This is easy... Remember what Nike taught you...

Just do it!

I Grabbed her and pulled her close to me, then our lips met... For real this time.... and I have to say that it was way better then my daydream... By a long shot! As we kissed, Celestia rolled onto her back and we held each other tightly. Now on top of her, we tasted each others mouths and had an intimate battle with our toungs. We kissed for so long, that we had to break apart so we could breath.

"There...now was that so hard?" Luna said with a giggle as she looked between us. Celestia and I were completely speechless, we stayed there in that embrace, gazing into each others half lidded eyes breathing heavily.

"Tia?" Luna called out.

"He....he has proven his new....orientation..." Celestia said in between breaths.

"Indeed... We agree sister..." Luna said. I finally let Celie go and just sat in between them.

"Now mortal... Thy third trial is"

*knock knock*

...

"Is that the pizza?" I asked suddenly taken out of my....awkward state.

"Your Highness? the pizza you wanted?" Someone said on the other side of the door.

"Oh fuck you guys!"

I immediately sprung out of the bed and took off to the door, much to Luna and Tia's surprise. I opened the door and there was a Royal Unicorn guard that i didn't know standing there with 3 boxes and some other shit I don't care about. The guy looked completely dumbfounded.

"That's the pizza right?" I asked bluntly as I pointed to the three boxes.

"Uh...yea-"

"Sweet..." I said as I grabbed them, then used my magic to grab everything else.

"Thanks bruh..." I muttered as I closed the door. And walked back to the bed with all the shit. I set it all down, then wrenched open one of the pizza boxes and started chomping away, almost burning my fucking tounge. Spinich isn't that bad on pizza... I still would have prefered a meat lovers.

"What? Don't look at me like that! I haven't eaten all day!" I muttered with a frown as I looked to the Royal sisters. Celestia sat up finally and sighed with a facehoof, while Luna sat there with her mouth gapping.

"You're eating mine!" She said angrily as she pointed at me accusingly.

"Damn that sucks..." I said uncaringly as I grabbed another slice.

"Give it to me!"

"Nah you're good..."

"I will take it from thine hands!"

"I would love to see you try..." I scoffed. Luna immediately charged at me. Little did she know that I learned a neat trick today. I created a barrier around myself that Luna comically bounced off of. Celie and I lost our shit immediately.

"I bet you didn't expect that!" I said with a smug grin as I grabbed another slice. Luna rubbed her forehead and glared daggers at me. Then she suddenly started smiling her ass off. What's so funny? Then she turned into that weird blue mist from earlier. The mist went through my shield like it was nothing then solidified to reveal a smirking Luna. Now she's inside the bubble with me. I almost dropped all of the pizza.

"I bet you failed to foresee THAT!"

...

"Shit...."

Author's Notes:

Notes: I would like to remind everyone that there will be no lemons in this story.... Just a bunch of awkward close proximity romance, along with implied events. The chapter was pretty saucy in general though, so I may just throw that sex tag on there...not sure if it warrents it though. I feel like that would scare people off if I did : /

Anyways... My beta and I are slowly fixing some BS in the older chapters so hopefully we can clean up the story a bit.

As far as the story... Well... It was awkward! I find the three way dialogue between Derrick, Luna and Tia pretty fun to write, so expect more of that next chap!

Anyway thanks everypony!