"You're fat, Delirious."

"Fuck you."

Vanoss returned to eating his banana, his owl mask staring angrily out at the park stretching for yards in front of them. The noise of foals running around and parents trying to calm them the fuck down came to them, a familiar sound thanks to the complete stupidity and chaos that was Los Santos. To be honest, they were just surprised that the parents weren't shoving piss beer down their throats and watching sex-hating teenagers raid high schools with super powers.

Shit was pretty rad though.

Delirious, meanwhile, was stuffing his face full of a cheeseburger that was by now halfway finished. This realization hitting him, his ears laid back and he sighed in dismay, the burger sitting in his two hooves in front of his blue eyes. A groan escaping his throat, he looked at Vanoss and knit his brow, "Hey Vanoss."

"What?"

The Pegasus leaned forward on the park bench and wiped his mouth with a hoof. Pointing with it, he asked, "What uh, what are you eating there?"

Vanoss blinked. Chewing for a second in silence, he swallowed and spoke, "A banana. I know it's not what you're used to, since dicks aren't really colored like this-"

"Fuck you, that was below the belt."

"So are those guys dicks and you still-"

Delirious snarled, "I hope you know I don't give a fuck about killing you in a crowded playground, Vanoss." A hoof slowly went to hover over his crotch. "I'll shank your ass right now."

"You're fat. You couldn't stab shit, Delirious." Vanoss cocked his head and gave a shrug, "I mean, damn man, would you really want your next victims to see you in action?" He threw a hoof at the playground when Delirious gave him a confused glance. It immediately transformed into one of anger. The hoof felt around for a weapon, but his eyes caught sight of his burger. Blinking at it, he growled down in his throat and picked it back up from his side. Beginning to eat it once more, he listened to Vanoss as he spoke, "So man, what do you wanna do today?"

Delirious searched through his mind, then replied, "We could get some fast food."

"We literally just ate," Vanoss groaned, getting up from the seat, "besides, I know what happened last time with Apple Bloom at that Hayburger place."

"How could you?" Delirious asked, crossing his forelegs, "You were too busy tryin' ta get into Banana Split's pants for workin' for her." Raising his brow up sarcastically, he finished it with a spat, "Bitch."

"Really? You think I wanted to fuck a horse, Delirious? I'm not you Delirious, and she's not Applejack-"

Delirious' heart stopped for a very brief moment before he leaned back, gave Vanoss a calm look, and responded, "It's nice to be nice to the person who's giving you food and a house, asshole." Hearing no response from Vanoss, who looked around and stretched, Delirious got up from his seat as well, food bin atop his outstretched wing. Walking along the concrete sidewalk and toward the nearby trash can, he threw the lid open and dumped his wings contents inside. Wiping some leftover grease off his feathers, he trotted back to his friend and clawed at an eye with a hoof, "Fuck, where the hell did Nogla and Wildcat go?"

"Think they said something about getting ice cream. I dunno."

Following Vanoss as he began to walk, Delirious looked to the sunny sky and cursed, "Those fuckin' bitches. Now I'm bored, and I don't even think killing you is good enough to stop it."

Vanoss stopped. Delirious did so as well, and both ponies turned to look at one another. Delirious blinked. The Night Owl stared blankly.

"Holy shit are you okay Delirious?"

...

"No." His eyes went upward, scanning the trees on the horizon. "This place is fucking with me. I dunno. But... something about that place is kinda bothering me."

"What place?"

Delirious raised a hoof and pointed westward. "That place."

Vanoss leaned forward, then returned to his prior position and shrugged at it. "That gingerbread house over there? That place creeps you out? Hello, how about that fuckin' castle on the side of that mountain up there?! That shit's, like, straight out of the Lord o' the Rings!"

Delirious giggled, "Lord o' the Rings?"

"Yeah, Lord o' the Rings and The Guardians o' Ga'Hoole." Vanoss blew a raspberry, "Whatever, fuck you."

"That owl movie?"

Vanoss looked at Delirious with the swiftness of the animal. Delirious' heart stopped. Alarms blared in his head, and his brain worked frantically to get his arm to shoot the Earth pony dead on the spot. Foreleg 1 was already en route to the crotch, intent on retrieving Delirious' signature baseball bat.

"What do you call an-"

PSSH

Mission Success. Good job team.

Vanoss groaned on the floor, holding the beak of his owl mask as he spat, "You asshole! God, my nose! My little owl nose!"

"Don't give me that shit, bitch, I know what you were gonna say!" Giving one final kick into the Canadian, he brushed past his body and began to walk to a nearby store. Hearing grass rustle behind him, he turned to his left and watched Vanoss sprint his way, a hoof at his beak. Shaking his head slowly, he joined Delirious in walking down the street close by the row of stores. Ponies here and there walked by them, completely disregarding both the hockey mask his friend was wearing, and the oversized, huge owl mask he himself was.

To be honest, he didn't really understand how they hadn't been tarred and thrown into the Grand Canyon yet.

Joshua Graham would've been proud.

Delirious continued onward, but Vanoss stopped, eyes widening then narrowing in curiosity as he stepped to a wall to his right. Delirious, finally taking notice, rolled his eyes and stalked toward his friend with annoyance. "The fuck you readin'?" Cocking his head and looking Vanoss up and down, he took a step forward and went to his left side. Casting a glance down the alleyway to his immediate left, Delirious leaned closer to the paper, then found it shoved in his face.

"You motherfu-"

"Read it, asshole."

Delirious took a step back, gave Vanoss a glare, and snatched it from his hooves. Unfurling the sheet, he narrowed his eyes and mouthed what he saw. "Bounty: H2O Delirious? Wanted for murder, theft, and arson, reward for capture nine-thousand bits...?" Delirious heard a gun click next to him. "Hey put that shit away!" Vanoss groaned. Looking back at the bounty paper, he continued, "Blah blah blah, dead or alive, last seen in Ponyville, EQ, deliver to Appleloosa? Hey."

"What?"

"The fuck's Appleloosa?"

"Appleloosa, my friend..."

Delirious and Vanoss suddenly backed up against each other, looking toward the source nearby. A trio of ponies wielding crossbows stalked up to them, the one in front smirking at them. Loading his firearm, he gave Delirious an odd feeling that made him sweep his sight to the other side of the alley. Three more ponies emerged from the end, magicking crossbows near their heads. All aimed at their heads, their bow bolts shining in the light from their horns. Looking back, Delirious watched as the leader gave a toothy grin, finishing.

"...is where we're getting our money. You made it a lot easier for us to get your head."

Vanoss blinked.

"For the record, Boba Fett was way cooler. These bounty hunters suck."

Author's Notes:

Yeah, sorry about the short chapter. Hopefully you guys enjoyed. But hey, came out hella early, huh? The next one is gonna be oh so fun though. You'll love it, trust me. It'll be worth the wait.