Gauze was a bitch to work with. Bandages were a bitch to use. And hydrogen peroxide?

Don't get him fucking started.

Late that night, Delirious found himself working with all three in rapid succession of one another. The wrappings around his foreleg needed to be replaced, and it was also late that night that Delirious remembered this fact. So, sitting on the front porch of Sweet Apple Acres' farmhouse, Delirious sat on his haunches and bandaged his wounds once again. Mentally berating himself for getting the injuries in the first place, he fixed himself up in the silence of the night.

The feast had ended a little over an hour ago, both parties returning to their respective homes newly fattened from hay bacon, apples, apple pies, and apple cider. The dinner had apparently been only a small part of the actual meal, mostly being overshadowed by the Godly dessert of pure Sweet Apple Acres delight. Delirious fucking loved food, but a likewise small part of him told him to shut the fuck up and enjoy the practically orgasmic pies and cider.

The cider, though not alcoholic, was still really tasty, and Delirious quite honestly wished he could steal a barrel or two. He'd probably do so anyway with Wildcat's help, then blame solely him for it when they were caught. It would work. It always did.

It wasn't like the pig and the others hadn't done a bank heist without him a little over a month prior. Dicks.

He needed money too.

A light sting caught his attention in the blink of an eye, and he seethed at the source when he noticed that his new wrapping of gauze had been rubbing his wound back and forth as he thought. Biting his lower lip, he raised it, centered it, and lowered the roll once more before he began to wrap his foreleg back up. The slightly audible sound of the gauze layering over his leg, Delirious began to hum a tune to himself quietly, so as to not disturb the family currently sleeping in the living room, draped over couches and chairs with enough laziness to battle Rainbow Dash, who just so happened to be sleeping on the floor by Big Macintosh.

Yeah, the party was pretty rough for everyone involved.

The mask tilted downward to look at the bandaging. Humming, Delirious raised his mask up and threw his mouth forward, biting the roll of gauze off with a toothy grasp. Placing it by his side, he tested one leg as he brought the other up, putting his signature mask back down onto his face. Feeling it fit back into position, he brought his renewed foreleg up and eyed it carefully. Ensuring it was perfect - or in his case a C minus - he shrugged and looked to the ground at his right.

Picking up a roll of duct tape, he let the thing loose and laughed at its loud outburst. Getting about enough to cover his leg once, he cut it off with his teeth and wrapped it. He nodded to himself happily as he pushed all his weight into the hoof, finding it secure. A smile began to form on his lips, and he reached toward his crotch to retrieve a weapon.

"Hey Sugarcube."

The hoof flailed uselessly, then slammed against the wooden floor with a thud. Grinning through the pain, Delirious turned his head to Applejack casually. "Oh, hey."

Applejack smiled, walking to his side. Green eyes flitted downward, eyeing up Delirious' new gauze wrap. She pointed a hoof at it with a whistle from her lips, "Ah see ya did your leg again. How'd it go?"

Delirious sucked in his bottom lip, replying, "Uh, fine."

She gave a short laugh, suddenly holding his leg up in a hoof, "Now Sugarcube, y'all may not know this, but Ah'm the Element of Honesty," she looked the appendage up and down and blew a raspberry, "which basically means that Ah can tell y'all're bullshittin' me." Delirious laughed with her as she stepped forward to lean against the front post by the staircase. Turning her head, Applejack asked, "What did y'all even use fer alcohol?"

Her answer was given, and very simple.

Delirious sat quietly, leaning backward as a hoof poured a large bottle of beer down his throat. His gulps sounding out very audibly in her head, Applejack raised an amused brow his way as he all but threw the bottle back down to his stomach. One hoof stood on the ground behind him, he looked over at Applejack and burped loudly. Smacking his lips at her expression that screamed really?, Delirious tilted his head and shrugged.

As the mare rolled her eyes and turned back around, the distinct sound of wood rustling met her ears, and so out of the corners of her eyes Delirious came, standing on the opposite side of the porch with the bottle in his hooves. Looking over, Applejack took notice of said bottle, eyeing it up like a piece of candy. Giving him a curious glance, she asked, "What's that yer drinkin' then? If it ain't Sweet Apple Ale, y'all can take it off my farm."

Delirious replied quickly, "Do you know how many guns I have, Applejack?"

"Y'all wouldn't use 'em against me. We have knives, Delirious."

"Pfft, I can dodge knives. I did it while I was flyin', too."

"Y'all didn't answer the question."

She watched as he scrunched an eye and brought the bottle to eyesight. Raising it up, he rotated it in a hoof and hummed. Letting it go and spinning it, he caught it once more and glared at the cover. "Uh... Pißwasser." Applejack gave him an odd look. He added, "Literally means piss water."

"Ugh, cheap stuff? Why would ya drink that-"

"No, I mean it's literally made from people's piss," Delirious snorted, beginning to chuckle as he finished in response to Applejack's suddenly disgusted look. As she flattened her lips in a spectacular attempt to show disapproval, Delirious brought the bottle to his lips and drank a swig. Stopping, he let out a long breath and raised it up an inch, commenting, "It's fuckin' good."

"Y'all're an animal, ya know that?"

Delirious smirked, then drank again. As he did so, a quick movement caused him to stop the flow of alcohol. Just as he was about to lower the bottle, something grabbed at it and pulled it from his grasp. As he cursed in a hushed tone, Delirious stumbled as he watched Applejack swirl his drink around twice, hum a short note, and delightfully bring it to her lips without a word. Her throat bobbing up and down as she chugged, Applejack paid no mind to Delirious' unblinking expression. Less than ten seconds later, Applejack threw the bottle down and gasped for air.

Delirious looked at her as she raised the Pißwasser bottle up to him like it was a toast in his honor. "Huh. You fuckin' downed that shit-"

"Ah did."

"You uh," he scratched the back of his head, "you want some more?"

Applejack pursed her lips.

She gazed down at the bottom of the glass.

She responded, "Buck it."

"I don't have any buckets, Applejack-"

"Shut up an' get me another beer you Gods damned dildo smoker."

Delirious choked immediately. Coughing out a couple lungs, he reached toward his crotch and found another beer. Taking it out, he popped the bottle cap off, pocketed it for the apocalypse, and tossed it to Applejack, who caught it in her teeth and instantly began to drink. As he pulled one out for himself, he opened it and mused, "I really wish that Wildcat didn't fuckin' teach you that one..."

"Ah like it. True to life-"

"Fuck you."

"Not just yet, Sugarcube. Y'all bought me a drink though, Ah guess you're on your way." As she looked down at the bottle, silence took the two over for about a couple seconds, before a thought sprang to mind and Applejack spoke once again, "Hey, Delirious?"

"Yeah?"

"How exactly do ya drink through that mask of yours?"

Delirious' eyes went wide. He blinked. Once. Twice. Three times.

"I have no fuckin' clue."

Applejack laughed, "Ah thought as much." She turned back to face the vast landscape in front of her, eyes reflecting her precious farm land. The moon shone down on it from above, highlighting the trees and crops in a bright, beautiful white light.

Surprisingly, there were no Lion King references made at that moment.

Delirious would later think about this and mentally kick himself. But for now, there was an orange mare currently drinking beer in front of him. And she wasn't insulting him. Or killing him. Fuck it. Tilting his head back, he chugged. To be completely honest, Pißwasser was completely shitty, and hailed from Liquor Hole back in Los Santos. Still got him drunk though, so it was definitely worth having to taste it for a couple drinks or so. After awhile it would fade to sludge and that was good enough for him.

Drunk was drunk.

Speaking of which...

Delirious turned his head and looked at Applejack, who stood against the railing with her front hooves propped over the top. A smile on her face, she stared straight ahead into the night with the bottle sitting on the wood at ear level to her right. It was half full. Her chest rose, then fell after two seconds. Slowly, she turned her head toward Delirious and spoke, "Ah tell you that we're outta debt, Delirious?"

His heart stopped and then started a moment later. Delirious coughed, speaking immediately after, "Oh, really huh?"

"Yup. Went into the bank today an' they told us."

"Huh," Delirious said, turning tail and placing his back against the post, "where'd the money come from?"

Applejack chuckled, "Well, apparently, our Great Aunt Burgundy or somethin' died. Ah ain't ever heard that name, so Ah feel kinda rude ta say it doesn't affect me too much. Ah mean, death is death, but if it's somepony you never knew it doesn't really matter if they had no effect on you. Like, Burgundy? Ah know that's not the right name, but it sure as hay ain't somepony Ah'd see being the sister of Granny's mother." Applejack took a few seconds to drink from her Pißwasser, then sighed. "Ah dunno. Ah'm just happy we're out of our debt now."

"Yeah, I'm happy too."

"You are?" Applejack asked, turning to him with a raised eyebrow.

"Yeah," Delirious said, raising his beer, "that means I don't have to worry about not getting a reward for doing your work for the past few days." A grin plastered on his lips, he took a swig as Applejack rolled her eyes playfully.

"Well, ya know Ah could just forfeit what Ah promised. And kick you outta the barn. Your friends can stay though." Applejack gave Delirious a shit-eating smile. Delirious frowned heavily, pouting his lower lip as he grumbled obscenities to himself. Ears perking up, he moved around to look for the origin of the noise that had disturbed him. Looking down, he watched as a brown and white dog suddenly sprang up the steps. Stopping, it panted and shook the mud off its body clumsily.

"Oh, hey Winona! Where've ya been, girl?"

BARK!

Delirious asked, "Y'all have a dog?"

"For all this time spent on the farm, y'all haven't even seen Winona? Not in the fields?" He shook his head. "Not in the barn?" Again. "Not ever, anywhere?" Once more. "Well, Ah suggest you get glasses or somethin' then. Ah'm a little concerned that you'd miss somethin' as adorable as Winona here." Green eyes went down to the dog, who barked into them with glee. Applejack rolled her eyes, then reached a hoof down to muss up Winona's fur.

Looking back up at Delirious, she gave a sheepish grin and claimed, "Sorry, Ah love dogs."

Delirious snorted, "Dogs are fuckin' awesome."

"You're Gods damned right they are," Applejack said with a happy nod. Chortling as Winona pawed at her side, Applejack looked at the drink in her hoof and rotated it. She hummed a brief tune, then raised it up and downed it in one final gulp. Giving a relaxing sigh, she waved it at Delirious and spoke, "Here ya go."

The Pegasus barely caught it. Giving her a glance, Delirious questioned, "What, already done?"

"Ah get tipsy after two. Ah gotta get up early tomorrow to start working again," Applejack responded, beginning to step toward the front door.

"Work? We just finished the Harvest, I thought."

Applejack gave a feigned groan, then winked at him, "Apples grow every day, Delirious. There's always work to be done somewhere." Looking down at Winona, she gave the dogs side a few pats and said, "Let's go pal." The farmpony reached for the door handle, but stopped as she heard a simple insult.

"Lightweight."

Turning back, slowly, Applejack gave Delirious a wide-mouthed glare. Licking her lips, she gave him a simper and simply replied, "Fuck you, Delirious." Reaching for the door knob, she opened the entrance and added, "G'night Sugarcube," before disappearing into the household. Delirious stood silently for a few minutes of his time, then about-faced and walked off the front porch. Stuffing the three bottles into his crotch, he walked toward the barn with the intention of getting some sleep.

He stopped.

A light was on.

Cracking the barn door open, he peeked inside and found an absolutely horrid sight.

Vanoss, Nogla, and Wildcat sat at a bale of hay, cards in their hooves and on their makeshift table in stacks. Opening it just a few more inches, Delirious watched as all three of his friends turned toward him and collectively smiled. They weren't insulting him. They weren't killing him. Vanoss waved a hoof at him, calling, "Delirious! Come play some Go Fish with us!"

"Yeah! Kick ass!"

"I'm still winning!"

"Fuck you Nogla."

The Unicorn adjusted the bag atop his head. The pig fixed his helmet. "Hey Tyler, you have any three's?"

Wildcat held his cards up, leaning back in his seat so that Nogla couldn't see. From where Delirious was at - currently walking toward the three - he could clearly see a deck of three's. After humming audibly to himself, Wildcat shrugged and placed a hoof behind the back of his head, "Go fuck yourself, Go Fish Nogla."

"You're fucking cheating you asshole-"

"Oh am I you son of a bitch?"

By now, both had risen from their seats.

Vanoss took a few cautious steps back.

Delirious smiled deeply.

Home sweet home.

Author's Notes:

I had to. I fucking had to I couldn't help myself. Plus it's a bit of a reference to the eventual Fallout 4 fic I'm gonna make. Can't wait for that shit.