Amethyst Star was having a pretty uneventful day.

After having gotten up that morning, she brushed her teeth, did her mane, and walked downstairs to make herself breakfast before heading off to work. Descending the staircase, she scratched her back and lit her horn, magicking the roll of paper outside her front door. Teleporting it to her side, she threw the band off and unfurled it to read it, now reaching the foot of the staircase. Humming, she raised a brow as she read the headline about a recent robbing of a local grocery store. Oddly enough, the thief had only taken diapers, foals' potato food, and a hoof-full of bits.

Confused, she folded her paper back up and threw it onto the table, intending to read the rest of it once she was finished making breakfast. Or lunch. Looking at the clock hanging above her oven, she frowned. She must have slept in. It was about 12:14 in the afternoon, and Amethyst never woke up that late unless she had been drinking the previous night. And Amethyst had not drank since the Hearth's Warming party two years ago. She had learned that she was a bit of a flirt when she was drunk, and waking up next to some stallion wasn't high on her bucket list.

Humming, she lit her horn and opened a cupboard. Looking inside, she found a collection of cereal boxes shining down on her from above. A smaller box, wedged in between some Cheerilee-o's and Grande Wheats, told her to come and try a Dixie Biscuit. Why she had those was beyond her, and so Amethyst blamed it on her coltfriend and looked for something more fitting to eat. Closing the cabinet, she turned tail and opened the opposite one, smiling as herbs and spices stared her in the face.

Opening her fridge with her tail, she backed up with a smile and looked inside. Mouthing confusion, she magicked her baking pan and found it filled with cupcake batter. Shrugging, she levitated it to her oven, threw it open, and placed them inside. Bouncing her side into the door, she flicked the switch and hummed a happy tune as she went back to her search for food.

Standing in front of the fridge, she was shoved out of her stupor when she realized that the oven was beeping.

Huh.

Opening it, she let the baking pan hover by her side and looked at it quizzically. Guessing that she could just have a few cupcakes for lunch, she shut the fridge door and proceeded to walk out into her living room. Stepping onto the threshold, she swore that she could hear voices from outside.

The large front window shattered into thousands of pieces, and Amethyst Star suddenly gained two new visitors. Dropping her baking pan onto the floor, she grit her teeth and stepped backward as the two ponies - one an Earth pony and the other a Pegasus - scrambled across her floor like a pair of skittish cats, tearing her carpet up and launching it into the air behind them. Crashing through her back door, she watched them leave and turned back around to retrieve her baking pan and the cupcakes nearby. Gasping, she held a hoof to her heart and stepped back again as five ponies armed to the teeth with crossbows and armor practically flew through her living room.

Barging through the open back door, they continued the chase for the two from earlier.

Amethyst looked at the destroyed, splattered baked goods on her floor and gave a sigh.

Just another one of those days, wasn't it...

Delirious and Vanoss sprinted down the alleyway, knocking garbage cans behind them to hinder their hunters' movements. Hearing them struggle from their tails, they smiled at their success, though none of them dared to turn their heads and confirm it. Gritting their teeth, they quickened their pace and shoved imaginings of dust trails behind them in better attempts at survival and concentration. Inching to the left, Delirious nudged Vanoss and gave a nod toward an open doorway a couple feet down.

Hugging the left wall, they were awarded with a large luggage cart completely blocking their path from behind them, the mare pushing it suddenly being subjected to thousands of questions and insults at once. Not wanting to risk anything, the duo headed to the end of the alleyway, with no intent in mind. Neither noticed the left turn they were approaching until Vanoss took the lead, leaving Delirious behind him to suddenly get tackled by a pair of hooves.

As his attacker pushed him against the opposite wall, a crossbow levitated into view and stuck into his forehead. Delirious raised a hoof to push it way, but reeled in pain as its aging wound made itself noticed again. The bounty hunter smiled wildly, and began to squeeze the trigger. Delirious knew what was about to happen next, however, and simply gave a waggle of his eyebrows as the bounty hunter's head flew forward and slammed into the wall. The Unicorn's body slumping to the ground, Delirious chuckled at Vanoss, who holstered his hammer and waved his friend over to join him in going the way their enemy had come.

Sprinting down it, Vanoss turned and spoke through grit teeth, "Alright! Delirious! We gotta get to Sweet Apple Acres! Safe house, y'know?"

"Don't be fuckin' stupid, Vanoss!" Delirious spat back, "You really want those fuckers to know that we're friends with them?! They'll burn the farm to the fuckin' ground! There!" A blue wing extended to point at a large group of hills a few yards past the exit ahead of them, "We'll get out that way! They won't be able ta see us if we're behind them! Get your ass movin'!"

Vanoss rolled his eyes, but nodded and gained speed with Delirious. Racing through the middle of the alley, Vanoss leaned his head over to his left and asked, "Hey, you should look behind us and tell me if they're close!"

"What?!" Delirious responded, "Are you fuckin' outta your mind?! You look, bitch!"

"Fine!" He turned his owl mask to their rears and immediately turned back. "Fuck! Not good!"

"How bad-"

"Super close! Shit!" Vanoss threw a hoof to his head and pulled his owl mask off. Whimpering, he swung it in the air and chucked it at the pursuing hunters. Swiveling around again to face forward, he cursed, "Didn't do a damn thing, these guys are fast as fuck!"

Thinking, Delirious unfurled his previously pointing wing and reached toward his crotch. Pulling out his heavy pistol, he cocked it with his teeth and pulled the trigger with one of his primaries, completely missing and sending a bullet into the brick wall of the Jolly Roger Grocery Store to their left. Not wanting to risk embarrassment and ridicule from his friends once they got out of this, he kept quiet about this and answered Vanoss immediately when he asked, "Did you get one-"

"Yes!"

Vanoss narrowed his eyes at him, but didn't push it. As they exited the alleyway, they were greeted to a blinding sun that threatened to destroy their eyes, but they grinned and kept going, knowing full well that it would do the same for their pursuers. Trotting across the dirt road and avoiding any contact with other ponies, they jumped down into the gap between the road and the hills and waited. Looking up at the picket fence, they pressed their forelegs against the grass and held their breath.

Delirious felt a nudge at his side, and looked down to find what Vanoss was pointing at. A lone tin can sat in the grass between them, the plain label of Peaches spanning across it with an Orange-looking filly licking her lips at the named fruit beneath her. Delirious gave his friend a strange look, but suppressed a chuckle as he watched Vanoss disappear and simply become the can of peaches. Vanoss slid over to Delirious, but stopped as they heard voices.

Delirious looked up and watched as five pairs of crossbows aimed out past the picket fence, slowly moving about in a fanning motion. Five seconds passed, and five became six as their previously hammered opponent joined the search. Feeling another nudge by his side, Delirious looked down and found Vanoss bumping into him, not wanting to say a word. The Pegasus touched the can, but found nothing happening to him. The can of peaches began to tap against him angrily, and he grit his teeth and shook his head violently in an attempt to show him his fruitless attempts.

Vanoss finally let out an angered growl. This caught the hunters' attention, and they began to lean out over the fence to get a better view. Delirious sucked in a breath, and let it go once he saw Vanoss slide out of cover and jump in place. Looking back up, Delirious watched the crossbows return to their previous spots. He looked back at the can of peaches and smirked.

"Hey! Bounty hunters! Come eat my peaches, you assholes!"

"The hell? Get 'im!"

A flurry of hoofsteps sounded out, and Delirious swore he saw Vanoss wink at him before slinking off at a high velocity, bringing the bounty hunters with him. Letting out a quick breath, Delirious counted to three and threw himself away from cover. Sprinting across the field, he dared to take a look back and found the bounty hunters - and Vanoss - gone. Raising a brow, he began to climb the grassy hill in front of him, only to keel over in pain as something smashed into his head. Rubbing it, he looked down and found Vanoss back to his pony form, in a daze. Helping him back up, Delirious pushed his friend forward and ignored his awaking head-shaking, shouting, "Shit, go go go!"

Issuing long notes of fright, they ascended the hill and suddenly jumped to their left, avoiding a trio of arrows that marked where they last stood. Reaching the summit, they bumped into one another as they attempted to go separate ways, and so didn't notice the large root in their way. Catching it with their forelegs, the two rolled down the side of the hill and began to hit rocks. Bouncing like giddy foals along the boulders, they finally stopped and collapsed at the base of the hill, sputtering dirt and pebbles onto the ground in front of them.

Delirious took a glimpse upward, and flinched in fear as he found the six bounty hunters glaring at them slyly. Cocking their crossbows simultaneously, they took a stance and aimed at them from atop the hill. The leader gave a chuckle, and suddenly broke formation to holster his weapon. Leaning forward, he picked up something that Delirious couldn't quite see. He soon saw in the end, and bore witness as the mercenaries' leader cocked his heavy pistol back carefully.

His grin deepening as it clicked back, he coiled his hoof around it and examined it for a time. "My, what an interesting weapon you have here H2O! Too bad none of its bullets are for me, haha." He bent toward Delirious and aimed it at his forehead. "Taking you dead is a lot easier anyhow," He added with a wink. The gun wobbling slightly, Delirious stared into the barrel and gulped.

SHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

The leader straightened himself and blinked. Frowning, he raised a green hoof up to above his eyes and strained them. Looking past the hill, he turned and spoke curiously.

"The hell's that-"

CACHUNK FWOOOOOOOOOOOOOSH

The leader suddenly found his back broken in hundreds of places as his body flew high into the air by a heavy machine. Rolling end over end, he somersaulted in the wind and fell to the ground in less than three seconds with a thud. Delirious and Vanoss looked up at the bounty hunters, and found them staring at something behind the two. Following their trail of sight, they slowly turned around in their grassy seats and kindly dropped their jaws.

A Hydra jet flew past them in a white blur, rotating around as it turned into VTOL mode while still maintaining its prior velocity. The world exploded with a loud noise, and the cockpit's hatch opened up with a loud swishing noise and threw something into the air. Watching, they shielded their eyes as it landed with a crash on the ground, kicking up a massive cloud of dust in its wake. As it fumed into the air, they heard the telltale sound of hooves clacking and found the mercenaries walking past them, weapons raised.

The one in front took a glimpse at their leader, finding him still as a rock. Tilting his head, he cocked his crossbow and levitated the iron sights in front of his eyes. The rest of his team getting close to him, he broke the silence with a question that would soon be answered.

"Who the hell is that?"

The dust cleared.

And a lone, burgundy figure glared at them. Puffing on a lit cigar, the monkey mask raised itself and smiled at them with anticipation. The small colt gave a short laugh as his brown tail fluttered in the wind, and then he suddenly spoke with the voice of an annoying five year old.

"My name is Lui... and I think you're being meanies to my friends here!"

Author's Notes:

*No More Monkey Business

So, I'm thinking of having a live writing session sometime this week or next. I'll include a link in a blog to a Google Docs, and you'll all be able to witness my writing it and read it before everyone else if you attend! If it works with it, I could even let you guys comment on it as it goes! This might end super horribly, but as long as you guys want to, I'll be all up for it.