He gave the wall a kick, deepening the large dent already evident on its surface. Growling, he raised a foreleg, grit his teeth, and punched the brick, expecting it to break under his immense brute force and total coolness. Instead, he found himself crying in pain, his hoof going to his mouth as he sucked at the wound. Whimpering, he cursed under his breath.

"For fuck's sake..."

Flailing the injured hoof, he gingerly placed it back onto the concrete floor and began to pace back and forth in his cell. Stopping, he raised a leg and adjusted the paper bag still draped over his face. Now, taking away a prisoner's obsessions meant taking away all of the prisoner's obsessions... but... well... the Sheriff didn't really like what he had seen when he pulled the paper bag off.

Nogla had tried to tell him, but the stupid bastard hadn't listened.

As the Sheriff vomited profusely on the floor, Nogla had decided to make a break for it. Turns out, the Sheriff had somehow acquired a gun from some Blue Menace who had been there earlier, and now Nogla had an extra hole in his paper bag. Reminding himself of this incident, he stood still as he replaced his paper bag with another, then switched back. His signature mask now refreshed, he growled and looked at the cell door and looked it up and down.

Narrowing his brown eyes, he crept toward it, patted it with a hoof, and tested its strength.

Durable as fuck.

He grumbled something to the floor, then glared back up to face the cell bars. Raising his hooves, he rattled them.

"Hey, quiet down back there you scumbag-"

"Hey, fuck you!" Nogla pointed a hoof down the hallway, just imagining the look on the Sheriff's face. "I bet you molest kids you creepy fuck!"

A chair creaked loudly... and slowly, in the distance.

"...what'd you just say to me?"

Nogla grinned, an idea forming in his head. "I said that you're a fuckin' child mol-"

DING

Nogla blinked as if caught by surprise. Which he was. Shut up. That's storytelling asshole-

Frowning, he fell to his haunches, scratched his neck, and reached a hoof to his crotch. Fiddling around in there, he pulled his iFruit phone out and raised it to eye level. Glaring, he strained his eyes in an attempt to see through the bright screen. He pressed a hoof to the surface, hearing the click as he found his messages. He was completely dumbfounded at having actually received one. Last time he was in prison, they didn't have good reception.

There were too many busy men anyway.

Bringing the phone closer to his face, he read what had been sent to him.

I AM WILDCAT

r u out of prison yet u dumb fuck

Tapping the inside of his bottom lip, he looked to the ceiling with a groan. He frowned at what he had seen, and stuffed his phone back into his dick. He hissed, "Asshole." Getting off the ground, he turned around and suddenly found a beam of sunlight leaking into his cell. Eyes widening, he practically flew to the sill and clasped his hooves around the iron bars. Poking his muzzle through the confinements, he ignored the rustling of his now-straining bag and scanned the area.

Ponies here and there were busy enjoying their day in the hot sun, chatting among themselves idly as they went about their daily routines. Some ponies bought flowers, some bought water and food. Some were currently sitting at a cafe, and some were walking around with seemingly no drive whatsoever. Damn ponies.

Nogla huffed, banging a hoof on the bars as he settled back down to the ground. His haunches supported him for about five seconds before they gave way, his body now falling backward. Landing with a loud thud, the Unicorn spread his forelegs and stared at the light above his head. Nipping audibly, his mind stayed silent for an impressive amount of time that amounted to a quarter of a second, then caved in as his eyes widened once more.

Scrambling to his hooves, he looked at the ceiling with adoration. Clearing his throat, he looked to his right and trotted toward the bed. Lifting the sheet, he tilted his head to look for anything left over from any previous cell occupants. Ears flattening against his head, he dropped the mattress, his mission futile. Mouthing a quick, "Whatever," he grabbed hold of the bed and pulled. It was only a few minutes later that Nogla realized that the bed was bolted to the ground and the brick wall next to it.

He wiped his brow anyway, dismissing his stupidity.

"For fuck's... ugh."

Placing his forelegs against the mattress, he mounted the bed and turned around like a dog in its basket. Pawing at the sheets, he looked up and toward the center of the room, spying what had caught his attention. Wiggling his rump, he narrowed his eyes and flung himself at the object in question...

...only to crumble back onto the concrete floor, his limbs splaying in awkward positions as he moaned in anguish into the ground. His own voice vibrating his eardrums, his brown eyes darted back upward and found it glaring brightly at him. The single ceiling lamp shined a light on the many dust particles floating about from his previous action. Gasping for breath, he got to his hooves and shook his head. He wasn't giving up that easily. Fuck prison.

He walked toward the bed again and got atop it. Repeating his previous dog-like maneuver, he crouched, stuck his tongue out, and immediately cringed at the taste of paper. Sputtering in disgust, he wiped his mask and his face and resumed what he was doing. Breathing a small portion of air out, he jumped.

His hooves scrambled atop the ceiling light, his whole body now dangling from its form and causing it to cast a dancing illumination around his cell. Working his way up, he coiled his hindlegs around the lamp and sheepishly looked to the ground, the post creaking loudly into his ears, now the only noise in the entire universe.

It was quickly replaced by the lamp, and Nogla, falling to the ground in a heap. The light bulb shattered on impact, giving proper cushion for Nogla's landing. Biting his lower lip in an attempt to stop the curse on his tongue, he quickly and painfully rolled over, a foreleg going to his back and pushing the broken glass off his fur. Shakily rising, he cast a glance to the ground and immediately avoided a fall to the floor, noticing a particular shard.

Picking it up quickly, he held it in both hooves and chuckled. It looked strikingly like the blade of a Bowie knife, and completely surprised Nogla. The rear end was chipped and jagged, and oh so perfect. Turning tail, the Unicorn sprinted to the cell door and slid across the concrete floor, his new knife in hoof. Placing it against the door, he began to slide it back and forth at a rapid pace. Sticking his tongue out, he went faster, sawing away at salvation.

To his utter shock, it began to actually work.

Out of breath, he barely sputtered out a dumbfounded, "Holy shit..." and continued working aggressively. Obviously, his lamp breaking had caused quite a racket, and he wasn't the only one who had heard it. He wasn't even aware of the stallion standing on the opposite side of the bars until he cleared his throat. Nogla slowly looked up, finding the blue eyes of the local Sheriff glaring at him. He blinked.

His next trick was to get out of the hoofcuffs now slapped onto his left leg. Groaning, he shook it and in turn shook the pipe it was connected to. His now-sweating back rested against the brick wall, and he swore to God that he would kill that fucking Sheriff when he got out that stupid son of a bitch I bet he doesn't even like potatoes goddamn Commie bastard.

Grumbling a curse to himself, Nogla looked to his left and watched as the hoofcuffs rattled with his leg once more. He hummed, then pressed his spine into the wall and shakily rose to his hooves. His leg aching, he turned around in his cell and pulled his offended hoof toward his chest. The pipe stayed where it was, and, consequently, so did he. Nogla licked his lips, dropped his cuffed leg onto the pipe, and prepared himself to yank it backward.

He stopped, rotating the appendage. The cuff was about a few inches larger than his leg was.

The smell of alcohol reached his nose from the hallway.

Nogla blinked.

Simply pulling his hoof out of the hoofcuffs, he stepped backward and threw his hooves into his face, dragging them down his cheeks and creating large, ugly valleys in both his even uglier face and his saving grace bag mask. Looking to the ceiling, he quickly pulled out his phone and tapped on it, heading to Contacts. Scrolling down, he pressed the tip of his hoof on Wildcat's name and raised the phone to his ear, the usual alarm ringing.

"Pick up the focking phone you stupid pig."

The cell continued to ring.

"I swear to God Tyler, I'm gonna fucking-"

"Hello? Hello, hello?"

"Tyler! Holy shit! Help me! You gotta rescue me, Tyler! I'm at the prison, you gotta get me out man-"

"Hello? I can't hear you."

Nogla grumbled, falling to his haunches and adjusting his grip on the phone. "Tyler, can you hear me-"

"I can't hear you, you're gonna have to speak up dumbass."

The Unicorn grasped the phone with his other hoof as well, now looking like a lonely Hawaiian girl with a sketchy-as-fuck pet alien, "Tyler are you focking kidding me?"

A short laugh sounded from the phone. "You stupid bitch, you've been talking to the machine this whole time. Hey, you wanna leave a message after you're done being so stupid?"

BEEP

Nogla blinked.

He didn't even care about how loud the sound of his phone shattering against the wall was.

Meanwhile, Vanoss sat against a tree, patting his belly. He opted to wear his owl mask, feeling slightly left out since his three other friends were constantly wearing their own. Bobbing his head to an imaginary doo-dah, he looked to his right and didn't move an inch as a loud explosion pierced the heavens. A low clacking followed it, and then was replaced by yet another explosion. Vanoss chuckled to himself, throwing his foreleg into the tree to his back.

Throwing a hoof into the air, he smirked as an apple dropped into his outstretched leg. Beginning to munch on it, he spoke with his mouth full of red delicious, "Hey, Delirious."

"Whaaaaat?"

"You suck."

"Fuck you." He returned to what he was doing. An explosion rang out.

Vanoss leaned forward, upward, and then resumed his prior position. Blowing a raspberry, he insulted Delirious, "You're off by, like, fifteen miles."

"Fuck you, Vanoss."

Vanoss laughed, eating his apple. A low pattering met his ears, and he looked to his left to find Wildcat walking up to them, a bored expression on his pig face. Wiping his face with a hoof, he rattled the helmet atop his head and yawned.

"So guys? Shouldn't we go, like, get Nogla anytime soon?"

Vanoss blinked from underneath his mask.

Delirious turned, slowly settling the marksman rifle onto the grass.

The two stared at Wildcat, blank looks on their faces.

"....no."

Wildcat shrugged, "Alright, cool. Hey Evan, toss me an apple you fat fuck."

Author's Notes:

I was gonna name this one It's All Over But The Crying, but then I realized that I'm not writing a Fallout story.

Yet. I've got plans in the future when the next one comes out in November. Also holy shit there's a heat wave up here in Alaska, bunch of forest fires and shit a little ways north of my town. Hopefully it doesn't spread over here. That little break I said I was on last time seemed a lot longer to me.