Nogla was tired. Lulling his tongue out, he sat on his haunches and breathed heavily into the confinements of his cell. Shuddering, he looked up and growled at the cell door. The marks from his sawing still remained, a friendly reminder that he had fucked up. The lamp and all of its shards were now sitting inside the Sheriff's office, most likely in the dumpster that collected whiskey bottles as well. The chains holding up his bed were completely bolted to the wall, not even the most vigorous of shaking able to shake them loose. Nogla groaned and gave his door one more punch.

Dropping his bloodied hoof to the ground, he bit on his lip and attempted to brave the excruciating pain. He failed miserably and shouted.

"MOTHERFUCKER."

He fell to his haunches at that, holding his injured hoof up to examine it with scrunched eyes. Cooing at the appendage, he didn't notice the presences sitting in his window and completely blocking his sunlight. Still watching his hoof, he jumped and yelped at the sound of something hitting the floor next to him. Turning his head, he found a fuming canister sitting by his side. Scrambling backward, he involuntarily raised a hoof to his mouth as he coughed loudly.

"What the fuck?!"

His back hitting the side of his bed, he watched as the tear gas dissipated, leaving his cell as the grenade died down.

All was still.

Nogla shook his head, mouthing a statement of complete mindfuck.

A dozen more sounds pinged into his ears, accompanying the cans clattering in front of him, each fuming with tear gas. Unable to escape them, he placed his hooves over his bag and attempted to tighten it around his neck. What he didn't account for was the eyeholes that he was fucking looking through 24/7, the irises underneath now bleeding salt as he fell to his side and began shouting in pain...

...which really didn't amount to much, the sound coming out more as a dying sea lion on a rock fitted with iron needles. Barely able to see through the tears in his eyes, he heard the unmistakable sound of metal falling to concrete followed by a loud thump that signified someone entering. Nogla prayed it was the Sheriff coming to investigate the noise.

Little did he realize that the Sheriff was drunk, his eyes wandering his Playcolt magazine.

The gas filling the air, Nogla was unable to hear what the pony in front of him said, muffled by the gas mask he was wearing. By now, his eyes were puffy and scratchy, and the Unicorn soon found himself being dragged out by his hindlegs, kicking and screaming all the while. His hooves flailed wildly in an attempt to grab onto something, but as he held the bed post, a blunt object slapped him on the offending foreleg, causing him to let go immediately with a cry of agony.

Shouting as loudly as he could, he felt a pair of hooves coil around his stomach, tighten, then disappear before he landed on what he assumed to be grass. Hearing a rustling behind him, he was about to ask what had just happened when thousands of weapons began to wail on him with the weight of a thousand fuckbots. Holding his hooves over his head, he waited for the pain to stop.

Unfortunately for Nogla, his saviors were seriously enjoying themselves with their activity.

The baseball bat swung. The nightstick landed. The hammer crushed.

Vanoss tossed his gas mask to the ground, laughing loudly as he continued to throw all his weight into his hammer. Wildcat was crouched down, constantly whacking the frightened Unicorn like a crazed murderer. Said crazed murderer was swinging his baseball bat like a sledgehammer, hearing the familiar sounds of meat being pushed and beat. All three beat the shit out of the bagged Unicorn with smiles on their faces and springs in their steps.

It was about half an hour later when they stopped one by one.

They frowned at the disappearing body by their hooves.

Wildcat looked at Delirious, "Fuck."

"Where's he spawning?" Vanoss asked, head swiveling about in a panic.

Delirious scrunched his eyes, leaned to his right, and suddenly pointed toward a small field a couple yards away. Nogla appeared, shaking his head as he stepped around in a panic. "There! There!" A quick nudge to his side made him turn to his right. Vanoss held up a frag grenade, a wide smile present on his face. Delirious laughed darkly, pulling out his baseball bat. Vanoss tossed the explosive to himself for two seconds before chucking it into the air with a cheerfully scary shout.

"Batter up!"

Delirious steadied his bat, placed it on his shoulder, and swung as the grenade flew down in front of him. As the bat smacked loudly from the effort, he watched as the grenade flew like an arrow toward Nogla where it promptly clocked him in his skull and onto the ground in a cold heap. As he moved about on the ground, the area around him was enveloped in a large, bright orange and yellow flower with a bellowing from hell accompanying it.

The three whooped to the air, turning to each other and clapping hooves.

"Fuck yeah!"

Delirious lowered his bat, lungs stabbing him from inside, "Adversaries purified, you fuckin' bitch!" The three held their shit together long enough for them to start walking toward Nogla, who lay still on the ground in the middle of a jet black sun. Small trails of smoke flew from the area, surrounding the Unicorn as he groaned to the clouds hanging above his head. As three approached, Nogla raised his bagged head off the ground and went wide-eyed at their approach.

Scrambling around on the floor, he rose to his hooves with the likeness of a sheepish child and reached toward his crotch to pull out his heavy pistol. Bringing it up, he aimed at the three, who stepped back slightly as he waved it at them like a broomstick. "Step the fuck back, assholes! Don't make me fockin' shoot you!"

"Ngaaaaaaah!"

Nogla went down, a cyan blur tackling and rolling with him on the grass. As Nogla raised his hooves to his head, the cocking of a gun reached his ears, and he cursed loudly as Rainbow Dash pointed his own pistol at his face. Her chest rising and falling rapidly, she looked to Delirious, Wildcat, and Vanoss, grinning ear to ear, "Holy hay! Did you guys see that?!"

They nodded, shouting their approval as they walked up to the mare. As she got off to cheering, Vanoss patted her on the side and complimented, "You kicked his ass! Look at him, crying like a god damn baby down there-"

"Go fuck yourself Evan."

Vanoss struck a cocky pose, his owl mask suddenly appearing on his head. Stepping a forehoof onto Nogla's back and effectively knocking him to the floor, he threw a hoof to the air and shouted, "Defeated is the monster! The Night Owl reigns supreme!" Delirious and Wildcat slowly clapped from the sideline. Vanoss swore he could feel the sun brightening behind his back. As if to thwart him, Rainbow Dash pushed him off with a laugh, holding the heavy pistol out to Vanoss.

Catching the sight, he happily said, "Oh, thanks," retrieved it, cocked the slide back, and fired three rounds into Nogla's head in the span of two seconds. Still holding it out as the barrel smoked, a cricket chirped in the distance.

Elsewhere, Pinkie Pie wondered why she was making cricket noises in the middle of the desert. Looking at her bearded companion, she watched as he adjusted his cap and simply said, "Whatever."

Vanoss turned his masked face to Rainbow Dash, then flinched his body to emphasize unspoken words. Rainbow blinked at a mile a minute, completely stunned by how fast she had just seen someone get killed. Clearing her throat, she raised a hoof to talk to Vanoss, only to find him gone as she was interrupted anyway.

"Oh, there y'all are, Delirious."

The stallion turned.

Apple Bloom, Scootaloo, and Sweetie Belle calmly trotted toward the group, their Crusader capes fluttering in the low wind. Stopping as one in front of Delirious, Apple Bloom reached into the saddlebag on her side, her hoof coming back out with a red bundle. "Here," she said, tossing it to him. Catching it, he unfurled it and frowned at his cape. Blinking at Bloom, she continued, "Got some Crusadin' ta do. Ain't much time left 'fore sundown."

"What makes you think I wanna go?"

"Well, Ah... hey, who's that?"

Delirious looked to where the filly was pointing.

Vanoss currently held Nogla in a chokehold, his hoof connecting with the Unicorn's face in a childish manner. Nogla cursed like a sailor, unable to detach himself from the psychopathic owl. Delirious raised a brow from under his mask, "You already know Vanoss..."

"Hey!" Sweetie Belle called, stamping a hoof on the ground.

Vanoss looked up. As did Nogla. The hoof stopped hitting him.

"Put him down!"

Vanoss stared for a brief second, then delivered one final blow into Nogla's skull. "Hey, you fucker!" Nogla said, his voice muffled by the hoof covering his mouth. The Unicorn scrambled free, dusting himself off as he growled, "Asshole..." The bagged stallion looked at Sweetie Belle, who smiled up at him and asked him a simple question that he never thought he would have ever gotten.

"What's your name?"

Nogla blinked.

And blinked again.

"Uh... I'm Nogla. Who are you?"

Delirious, Wildcat, and Vanoss all gave a collective sigh, knowing that their friend now had immunity. Sitting on their haunches in tandem, they frowned at nothing in particular together.

"I'm Sweetie Belle!" The filly pointed a hoof at the orange filly next to her, "That's Scootaloo," and then waved the hoof at the earth pony, "and that's Apple Bloom."

The three nodded to each other, then struck a pose with their hooves pointing outward. Smiling they exclaimed, "We're the Cutie Mark Crusade-"

"Wow, that's pretty fuckin' lame."

An immediate response hit him, courtesy of the orange filly quickly trotting toward him, "Oh yeah? Coming from the guy with a freakin' potato as his Cutie Mark. What'd you get that for, spooning a spud?" A low calling increased in volume, the three stallions on the sideline pumping their hooves in the air.

"Oooooh!"

"Ah shit son!"

"You fuckin' got 'im!"

Scootaloo fell to her haunches, forelegs crossed with a sly grin.

Nogla raised a brow, then turned his head and his body to look at his ass. Indeed, a cartoonish, brown potato sat on his flank. He smiled, gasping at the discovery, "Oh! Oh wouldja look at that!" His eyes went up to Delirious, then to his flank. Noting its bareness, Nogla shouted, "Hah hah! Fuck you Delirious! I got a tramp stamp before you did!"

Delirious cowered, his tail whipping to his side and covering his blank flank as he shook. Blue irises darting around, he stuttered, "Sh-Shut up bitch."

Nogla adjusted his bag, still laughing at his friend's expense, "Alright, cool." His eyes returned to Delirious, then wandered up and down before he asked, "What's with the cape?"

The Pegasus raised it, looking at it in kind. A green aura enveloped it, levitating back into Apple Bloom's bag, the filly giving a long sigh as she spoke, "Thanks Sweetie Belle." She turned to Delirious, and added, "Doesn't matter now anyway. Lunch break's over-"

"Dammit!" was the reply as Wildcat, Vanoss, and Delirious fell to the ground in despair. Groaning audibly, they moaned, "Fuckin' missed lunch." They lifted their heads, pointed their hooves, and shouted simultaneously, "Fuck you Nogla!"

Rainbow Dash and the Crusaders blinked at the three on the ground before looking to Nogla, who waved a hoof innocently. Scootaloo's eyes wandered, before landing on a shrub sitting nearby. Leaning over, she broke off a branch, held her hoof back, and flung it at Delirious.

"Ow what the fuck?"

"C'mon. Harvest's almost over. Not much left ta do."

"What's in it for us?" Wildcat asked immediately.

Apple Bloom rolled her eyes, then shrugged, "Oh, just a big dinner tonight ta celebrate. Nothin' too-"

Three dust clouds emerged from where the three had previously lay. The five ponies turned around and watched as the pig, the Pegasus, and the Earth pony sprinted to Sweet Apple Acres. The Earth pony tripped in the distance, then brought out a bottle and threw it at the Pegasus. The Pegasus then fell to the floor, the Earth pony taking his place.

The mares turned back to Nogla.

"You wanna come, too?" Rainbow Dash asked.

"Sure."

They turned tail and began the walk to the farm. As Apple Bloom closed her saddlebags with her tail, Rainbow Dash looked back at Nogla from a few feet up, a look of confusion on her face.

"So... what's with the bag?"

Nogla shivered.

"We don't talk about it."

Rainbow shrugged, resuming her lazy hover.

"Whatever."