"And that is why I am so pissed off at you Mike" Said Dan, Dan would not, could not stop talking about how Michael has thrown Dan to the lions, the lions of course being a horny elderly mayor. If you ask me though I think that Dan was over it, he just felt like he was the victim, wait he was the victim, okay scratch that last paragraph Dan has every right to be mad at Mike. But what would be worse; Dan getting laid; Or international espionage? And I know that I cannot speak Spanish; good.

“Bro I honestly think you liked it” Tyler said putting on his imaginary troll face

“SHUT UP TYLER” Dan shouted. You probably have guessed but Dan has a short fuse. If you play a game of Cod with him and kill him with one of the 30 overpowered guns, expect some screaming into the mic.

"Well at leastly we are going to be home soon" I patted Dan on the back "Thanks for getting raped for all of us"

"Well thanks I guess, now I need to just relax for the night."

We walked down Main Street and opened the door. It was 3 PM already, we spent the day just walking around looking at stores and what not, even though we had no money.

All the lights were out; I groped (not like that) the wall and found the light switch. Normally abandoned houses don't have people in them; well this house had 50 ponies in it, with balloons, party hats, food and music. I thought I could hear Dan’s soul shatter when he saw everything, so much for a relaxing night.

"SURRPRISE!" wailed a little pink pony, o my god, this must be Pinkie Pie. She was pink fluffy pony; with a massive smile that went from 1 side of the room to the other. I understood her cutie mark immediately, she was a party queen.

"Do you like it huh huh huh huh?" Since Conor was the first to enter the room Pinkie Pie grabbed him pointing to everything with insane excitement

“PINKIE!” Conor shouted, how did they know each other?

“CONOR!” Pinkie Pie shouted

“Conor you know her?” I asked; sadly it went unanswered as Pinkie had already grabbed Conor and was showing him every single aspect of the party.

"Here are the balloons!"

"Here is the food!"

"AND here are the cupcakes!"

Conor gave her a look "But, Pinkie I told you I like brownies D:"

"Wha-what?" The pony looked stunned

"Yea, I’d prefer brownies." Everyone grew silent, the pink pony looked decimated.

"Fine, I’ll be right back no one move a muscle! DON’T MOVE A MUSCLE DARK BLUE PEGASUS!"

"What the fuck did I do?" Said Dan, half scared, half annoyed

But before he could reply pinkie Pie ran outside, in 5 minutes she ran in with brownies.

"BROWNIES!" Conor said clapping his hooves

"BROWNIES!" Pinkie Pie said mimicking him, aww cute couple.

For 5 minutes everyone awkwardly fumbled around until a pony ran from the john and turned on a nice techno beat, some of the ponies began dancing on a makeshift dance floor, me? I just waited, maybe Rarity would come. And as though a baby Jesus (As you can probably tell from the cursing and loose moral I’m not very connect to religion) answered my prayers I got a tap on the shoulder, turning around it was none other than Rarity, looking even more beautiful than before.

"Hey Rarity! Thanks for throwing me this party!" I said

"O darling please I didn't lift a finger" Rarity was blushing "I just passed the word to pinkie Pie, she loves to throw parties; it is her favorite thing in Equestria”

I couldn't deny that it seemed as though all the guys were having a nice time.

"You got me there, I'm going to get something to drink, want something?"

"An Applejack Daniels would be nice you better not drink it on the way back" She said with a giggle, pointing a hoof at me

"Me please? You should learn, Michael Angelo Vespa is a gentleman."

"Ahah! So that your name, you didn’t state your name before, your quite the gentlemen indeed."

It was my turn to blush "Ehh what can I say, Michael Angelo Vespa is sometimes stupid, but you can call me Vespi."

"Vespi that’s such a nice nickname.” She was about to say something else but Nico ran in and whispered in my ear that they needed me.

"Sorry work calls I’ll be right back beautiful."

Shit, too fast?

"I hope you do" She said with a wink.

Never mind

I walked outside expecting anything.

What was wrong? Had someone been robbed? Hurt? Killed? I ran outside with Nico hearing obscenities all the way. My entire gang of friends (Except Dan who was nowhere to be seen) were cursing at 4 other ponies all dressed in dark blue suits and all of them pegasus.

"O yea I’m going to kick your ass you faggotish unicorn!" Screamed what seemed to be their leader.

"What’s going on here?" I asked, trying to sound as innocent as possible.

"WHATS GOING ON HERE?" howled the angry Pegasus "THIS PUNK ATE MY BROWNIE!"

"Dude it was on the big plate you re-tard" Conor said, with the tone of an older kid talking to a younger sibling. "Besides you touch Vespi I’m going to stab the shit out of you"

........what

"Really come at me bro!" said the enraged pegasus waving his hoof fists in the air. I knew right at that moment that this will not end well, so I launched my very own pre-emptive strike.

I walked inside real quick before being noticed and got a beer and walked outside; when it comes to fighting there isn’t such a thing as too dirty.

"Hang on" I said with a hand motion, with a slight of hand I chugged the beer. Even though this is one of my first times drinking alcohol I think I am handling myself fine; it’s been 15 minutes and I’m not piss drunk so I must be doing something right. Anyways, I could have sworn I saw the Blue Pegasus’s mouth drop right open, looking at the bottle I said

"Much better"

With that smile on my face the Pegasus would have had no idea what would have happened next; you guessed what happened next? I smashed the beer bottle right on his head, a stronger pony would of punched me by now, a weaker pony would of fell down, and a luckier pony would of dodged it; But this guy? He just stood there and dropped on 1 knee, 3 against 5 wasn't a real challenge, at first it was a straight on fist fight, we were all breaking even, Except Conor who got smashed; then Conor pulled out his knife (Remember Conor always told the truth) and tried to take a slash at one of his opponents, but wisely his enemy yielded.

"Okay man, come on these mares aren’t worth our time, don't worry Soarin you’re going to be okay!"

The other 3 pegasus’s all then crowded around their friend, Soarin. The guy had some glass in his head but didn’t look that battered.

“What happened?” He said half awake, his voice was a lot different this time, he sounded like one of those stupid Cali beach surfers.

“O GOD WHAT IS WRONG WITH MY VOICE!?” He screamed

“DON’T WORRY, JUST CHILL OUT BRO”

We were walking away as the rest of his friends were comforting their friend; wasn’t our fault.

Now we had adrenaline and party hype. The entire party was a good time; Dan was talking to a rainbow pegasus named "Dashie" as he called her; and Conor was talking to Pinkie Pie about the art of making cupcakes and brownies. There was plenty of party games as well, ranging from pin the tail on the pony, to your average truth or dare stupidity, I’m pretty sure Mike got slapped numerous times through that.

I was about to refill my beer when I caught Rarity at a corner, I was so aloof at the moment I nearly fell on her, but luckily my sloth like reflexes saved me from an extremely awkward situation

"Hey Vespi! I was looking for you, we were going to play spin the bottle, care to join?" She said, perfect timing, I was drunk enough to be extra charming, but not drunk enough to have my breath smell like beer and slur my speech; still handling alcohol just fineeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.

"Sure!" I said, I couldn't really explain it at the moment, hell I doubt I’ll be able to explain it in 10 years, but Rarity was probably the most beautiful person or pony I had ever seen. She had a beautiful marshmallow coat and a beautiful purple mane and tail. Her cutie mark were 3 beautiful diamonds in an ornate fashion, she had a beautiful smile and an even more beautiful ass (Im still not drunk relaaxxx). If angels could be on Earth, but be in Equestria, and be a pony Rarity would be one.

I followed her down into the basement, there were maybe 8-10 ponies including us actually participating and maybe 5 spectating or coming and leaving. Of all my friends the only 1 that was actually playing, Dan, always a player; my other friends were just standing around sometimes leaving to refill there beers or find someone who did something hilarious.

Rarity and I sat down next to each other. We sat there for maybe 5-6 turns before Pinkie Pie noticed me; she gave Rarity an obvious wink and announced

"Hey everypony lets make things interesting, screw normal spin he bottle, anyone up for 7 minutes in heaven?" She gave Rarity an obvious wink again; everyone clapped or said yes, lucky timing perhaps?

I see now, all a nice little trick! Then again why should I care? It’s not like she’s a grenade (She’s the exact opposite) or really really really slutty or drunk; I took another sip of alcohol, stillllllllllll notttttttttttttttttttt dunk I mean, well I’m kind of drunk, but not a lot just a little.

Me and Rarity waited several turns, which added up to 35 minutes, every time Pinkie Pie would open the door everyone couldn't help but laugh at the surprised ponies inside, but nothing to extreme happened, we heard laughing and giggling sometimes but nothing really else. Eventually I left for maybe a minute to refill my beer; I was surprised to see an Orange Earth Pony arguing with a bigger Red stallion arguing about who would go get more of the stuff from their farm. AWWWWW SHIT IT WAS THE FARMER! AND THIS WAS HER BEER!

Instead of acting ninja I simply ran backwards and fell into a white wall, damn walls, then quickly headed back down by turn 5.

Turn 6, the bottle slides across the wooden floor, it landed directly on me; my heart skipped a beat

Please be Rarity, please be Rarity, and please be Rarity. I thought, I’ll be frank; I liked her, all I could do was flirt and pray. Again my prayers were answered; maybe my luck wasn’t that bad after all. The bottle began to slow and aimed directly towards, Rarity. There were the normal "Ooos" from the audience but frankly I didn't care, and I could tell Rarity wasn't dismayed either, if anything she was bursting with excitement, doing her best to calm herself; just like me.

We both walked into the small closet and the Pinkie Pie closed the door behind us with a smile that just screamed "Enjoy being in a dark closet for 7 minutes".

The door was closed, and Rarity made the first move.

Before I could even react Rarity opened her mouth and gave me a delicious kiss, at first I was in shock, and accidently hit my head against the wall; giving out a loud thump. I even heard Dan from outside mumble something about borrowing his doughnut. But then realized that my wish had come true; I opened my mouth to receive her tongue, it was the most amazing kiss I had had. Once or twice I felt my body, and it did the same in return, which of course was followed by more giggles from us and mumbling from outside. I had kissed girls before Equestria but this was different, maybe since I was an adult there was just more that could. I think it was minute 3 or 4 when Rarity spoke up.

“Sooooooo?” Rarity said with a grin

"Yea?"

"How is it?” She asked trying her best not to laugh, I couldn’t stop though

"Good." I said “How was it for you?”

“Good” She said, I swear I heard from outside “Yea Vespi!”

O I knew something I would do; I quickly brought my hoof down to Rarity’s-

"Surprise!"

Alright fuck that shit, my hoof went up, im sure everyone saw it but it was better than just- know what forget it. Everyone stood still for a moment, everyone shocked, and my friends looked as though they saw a ghost. Dan, Tyler and Conor just stood there mouths dropped open, when im mean dropped it looked like it was from some comic strip.

Everyone then came to their senses and I heard a ton of "Ooooo" and "Yea buddy" Rarity gave me a wink and went to go

talk to some friends, assuming I’d meet up with her later I went over to my friends. They were all still shocked

"Hey?" I said with a grin, no one changed their facial expression, I slapped Mike on the head and he jumped.

"Sorry, I was just stunned, son" He said putting his hoof on my back

“What?” I asked, my turn was (In my opinion) just like every other turn

"I'm proud of you" He said, how many beers does it take to make a retard fatherly?

“For what?” I asked

“We know what you did man” Tyler said with a smile

"Hot dam Vespi!" Dan said with a handshake, okay I’m clearly missing something.

"Not half bad" Nico said with a nod.

"Nice" Conor said

“What”

“Just nice” Mike said

“I still don’t get it my turn was like everyone else’s”

"Nice" Tyler said, Conor and Tyler still looked semi-stunned

And just like that I was the hero of the night, every time I would hear my 5 friends talk with guests who had just came, or weren't down in the basement when we were playing 7 minutes in Heaven, every new guest got the same story. Then I heard Mike’s version of the story.

"Yea do you know Vespi? That green pegasus over there, we were playing 7 minutes in heaven and when we opened the door there was Rarity kneeling down giving him a blowjob, everyone was like 'Holy shit'! It was hilarious"

I instantly battering rammed into the conversation, if that makes any sense.

“Mike that did not happen at all” I said

“No man, I heard”

“No man, you didn’t”

“No man, I heard”

“No man, you didn’t”

Were all drunken conversations like that?

“Did you?”

“Naw man”

“Yea”

I gave out a long exhale, this was going nowhere

“Fine whatever”

Fortunately I got lucky, remember that blue pegasus dude and his friends? Well apparently it was “big” news for everyone since apparently he was some big name pegasus who was in the “Wonderbolts”, apparently, rumor has it, he got in a fight and somehow he had brain trauma and his voice box is now damaged, well that was…interesting

Every time just like that when Mike would try and start up a rumor

“Hey did you hear that-“

“Yea Soarin is in the hospital now”

Eventually Mike gave up and the rumor died, the only people who heard Mike’s bullshit were the ponies downstairs at the moment, and they were already forgetting that in favor for the new gossip.

At around midnight Rarity came over and started a conversation with me

"Hey Vespi! How many times have you heard that same story now about Soarin?” She asked

"15 times and counting," I said, I was telling the truth "How many times have you heard it?"

"Something like that, 15 maybe 16 times. I was just heading home and just wanted to say goodbye" She said

“Okay, well good bye” I said

“Maybe you’d like to go drink some coffee or something sometime?” She asked with a grin

Sure why not” I returned

When she left with her friends (One of which was that orange pony) while me and my friends just talked like it was an average day, we were all talking about what we had done with the party and Mike tried to convince us one last time about what happened in the closet, eventually he just gave up; Soon after we realized that Dan was missing; even though we didn’t really bother to go find him.

“So I guess we got to clean up now” Mike said with a sigh, trying his best to levitate a broom

“Fuck that I’m going to bed” I said, before Mike could return I ran up the stairs and plopped in my bed recapping what happened during my first day in Ponyville.

1. Dan got raped

2. Awesome Party

3. Met a girl

4. Almost killed a dude

5. Drank lots of beer but didn’t get drunk

Good start.

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