I was stunned, I really was. I expected to not even find my house, just a slapdash pile of beer bottles, strange smells and damage. But my friends actually cleaned the house. CLEANED! When I woke up everyone was just lying around, Conor asleep on the couch. When Mike greeted me everyone came out of nowhere to say hi.

But first off, FUCKING HANGOVER

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Okay, I got the pain out of my system; let’s get on with the story.

"Hey man where have you been?" Mike said with a grin

"Asleep where else" I said, “You guys actually cleaned?"

"Only in Equestria" Nico said

"Yup," Mike said "Me, Tyler, Nico and Conor have been cleaning, while Dan has been getting laid."

"I am sorry is Dan’s heterosexuality a problem with you?" I joked "Dan who's house were you at?"

"O, me?" Dan said he was phasing out on the steps to upstairs.

"No Conor, yes you." I said,

"O, you remember that rainbow pegasus?" He said

I nodded

"Yea, her names Rainbow Dash, I got some action in her Cloud house." He said with a sense of pride.

“Yea that’s totally not weird at all” Nico said

"Blows for you" Dan said.

Dan was about to say something but the Russian voice entered the room, causing everything to move to halt.

"Hello gentle ponies! How's the pony life?" He asked in good-nature

"Good" Mike said

50 bucks he says something stupid

“Dan got pony sex while we cleaned up after the party; and Vespi got head; if that counts, I’m not sure"

O Mike, so easy to remember.

I swear I heard the Russian nod his head (If that was possible) "I know, I was board so I checked up on you guys, I saw Dan putting his wing into Dashie’s-"

"EXPERIMENTATION!" Dan screamed, trying to spare himself the questions from everyone else, maybe no one was paying attention, maybe.

"Vagina"

“EXPERIMENTATION!” Dan screamed again, worst part about all of this was I was standing right next to Dan, and my hangover hurt like a bitch.

"And afterwards I saw you two under the covers; AGAIN! Good for you 2!" The Russian said with a cackle. “I remember those days when-“

"Thanks man." Dan said embarrassed; managing to cut off the elderly Russian reliving the days of old.

"I didn't come by to bust your balls about what you guys did last night, I came here to talk to you about re-doing that protocol, we are having some problems. Do not worry though my best security and scientists are on it, I should be able to send you some things as soon as possible! I’ll keep you guys up to date; drunken Russian out!"

We all stood there for a moment, waiting to see if the Russian was still there, maybe waiting to steal another secret.

"Soooooooooooooo" I said trying to hoax a conversation "Dan you wing fucked Dashie?" I said with a grin, first off I knew Tyler would have a lot of TROLOLOLOL material today

"Dam right" Dan said before everyone laughed so hard we couldn't stop for 10 minutes. Trololol averted.

"Okay everybody, I mean everypony what should we do today?" Mike asked

It was a weird feeling now; we were men, well men ponies. We could head to the biggest city, or the smallest town, it gave me a feeling of excitement and adventure it had never felt before; the feeling of freedom. Now only if I didn’t have a conscious…Speaking of conscious where are Marshal and Sam? O shit! Just realized we still need to meet up with them!

“Do you think Sam and Marshal are waiting for us at the Tower of Friendship or whatever it was called?” I blurted out

“Who cares, we have a house here and we need to pay the bills somehow” Mike said

“So anyone got any plans?”

“Pinkie Pie taught me how to make brownies!” Conor said

“Okay, you go make a shit ton of brownies while we brain storm”

“But I want to help D:” Conor complained

"Calm down your right here." Mike said, the kitchen was right next to the living room, Conor could hear us talking as though he was right next to us. Nice thing about random houses you get from horny elderly mayors. They come with furniture, and all the family’s crap including depressing mementos is gone. Thankfully they didn’t take the copper wire in the wall since everything seems to be operational.

"Fine fine fine" Conor said "how hungry is everyone?"

We all were starving, so in unison we just said "Make as many as you can" with an impish shrug Conor got to work.

We bickered and fought and discussed for hours, we took a semi-break to eat brownies. It was a semi-break since we were still talking with brownies clogging our mouths.

"Well….I told Dashie I was a stock brocker" Dan would say. “Maybe I could….be a stock broker?”

"Sounds pretty gay." Mike would always state.

"Nah man Stock Broker is a sick job." Nico would say, this went on 4 or 5 times until Mike gave up. So we agreed first chance we got, we would convince someone to take Dan in as a stock broker, which is retarded in every nature but…then again we are techno-colored ponies, in our nature this is pretty retarded.

"All I’ll do is make brownies?” Conor would always say, while making more brownies.

"You make good brownies right?" I'd say.

"How much would a job like that pay?" Conor asked

“I don’t know, be a fucking cook for all I care, it doesn’t matter”

“So I’m just going to kick clouds” Nico said

“Are you high or something?” Tyler asked

“Well what are you going to do Tyler?” Nico asked

“Unemployed”

“Why would you kick clouds Nico?”

“It’s an actual job, you kick clouds for good weather”

We then got a presentation from Nico about all the interesting things going on in the cloud kicking business, it was simple enough and was needed everywhere. Since no one has any college degree, and I doubt anyone will just give Dan a job, us 3 Pegasus will probably be cloud kickers for a lil bit.

“So I’m just going to rap” Mike said

“No Mike, get an actual job and stop being ghey” Tyler said, Tyler actually pronounces “gay” as “ghey”.

Part of me thought this was a good start, but most of me knew that this entire conversation wouldn’t amount to shit. No one would hire any of us, maybe Conor or I but definitely not Tyler, we’ll probably get normal teenager jobs and then just work our way up.

Everything was set. Dan confirmed that Dashie didn't know anything about his profession (Impressive skills) and Rarity never really asked me about my job, so we were set there. We spent the next half hour inside trying to kill the boredom of being unemployed, for the moment.

"Let’s go hunting!" Tyler said

"With what?" Mike said "We don’t even have hunting knives; and I doubt there is anything good to hunt."

"Let's just go walk into town, find something cool" I offered

"Why not" Mike said with that shrug "Let’s get going; before I die of diabetes" He tossed his last brownie in the trash

By the time we got to the heart of Ponyville we were all pretty tired, we had a lunch at a diner (either spend the rest of our bits on that or get diabetes from all of Conor’s brownies” and basically spent the rest of the day hanging out. We screwed around a bit, buying apples from that orange pony only to sell them to other ponies for steeper prices. We actually made some money like that maybe that could be our job, apple dealers.

We found Pinkie Pie and switched her icings with kerosene (Don’t ask). When she put a candle on one of the cupcakes the entire batch ignited in a massive fireworks display of cupcakes, beautiful.

All of this stuff was good to appease our thirst for adventure for the moment, but we needed a real adventure. Not making explosive cupcakes or screwing people over with apples, and we got our chance.

We saw 2 stallions both in gold plated armor; the last time I saw Royal Guards was in the train rash that we caused. Both also had a mask screaming "Fear" and "Confusion". Mike took the offensive.

"Hey Major Faggot, Colonel Hooker" Mike said with a slight bow.

The 1 pony didn't even have time to smack Mike on the back of the head before his friend could ask us a favor.

"Dam colts, no respect." The old pony grumbled "We need YOUR help."

"Why can't crap effectively anymore?" Mike said and we all stifled laughs.

"No, we have a major problem; very major AND very rewarding." Said the younger pony, problem wasn't my favorite word. Rewarding on the other hoof was a personal favorite.

"Sure, what do you guys need?" Dan said

***

"Backpacks"

"Check"

"Hiking gear"

"Check"

"Brownie"

"Check"

"Extra cash"

"Extra check"

Wow, I was still stunned at how much we were being paid for doing this! 5000 bits! That is a lot, maybe 10k back on Earth. What we had to do? Simple, find a jewel, hidden in a cave.

I still remember how easy the old pony had made it sound

"Okay all you have to do, is find a shiny rock up in this cave. Sounds good?"

We all nodded not paying attention.

"Good, here’s some money for equipment and a map. Good luck"

Seriously 5000 gold coins for this? What are there sentry guns and claymores waiting for us? Probably not, but then again.... no never mind no.

"Everyone ready?" I said

Everyone gave a nod.

"Then let's get them"

Money here we come

"Okay so where are we going again?" Mike asked, tired

"They didn't exactly give us a direct location" Dan said fumbling with the map "We just have to find a cave on this big mountain here and go in and find this box, there should be these jewels in it."

"So why don't we just steal the jewels?" Mike complained

"Because they will have your asses and have my wings" Nico said

"Okay right now- what the fuck was that!" Mike said; the last part was so fast it sounded like one massive word.

We all saw what Mike was talking about, we couldn't see it very well, but there was this massive Pink smoke coming out of a cave on top of one of the mountains.

"Screw jewels" Conor said "I smell brownies"

"No that's just shit" I said, motioning to a greenish brown turd right by Conor's hoof.

"Drunken Russian do you read me" Dan said into a fake microphone "Drunken Russian do you hear me?"

We all waited a moment

"Dan that was pretty dumb" I said, I'm pretty sure the Russian wasn't constantly watching us.

"Wait what?" The Russian called out from thin air.

"Shit you are watching us?" Dan said, eyes the size of saucers

"No I can hear you" The Russian said angry "I was taking a dump"

"Okay okay okay" Mike said trying to get the Russian off the topic of his crap.

"Do you know anything about pink smoke?"

The Russian waited a couple moments

"Do I look like a floating wiki to you?" The Russian said livid

"No you SOUND like a floating RUSSIAN wiki." I corrected

"Either way I don't know anything about magical pink smoke, go find it yourself."

The Russian said, out of the blue a M9 Beretta came out of clean air

"Here take this, im going to get back to fixing this protocol so it works better"

We all looked at each other; he gave us a pistol, a fucking pistol. I picked it up in my mouth and tried to position it in my mouth so I could use my tongue to pull the trigger

"Vespi what are you doing? Just use your hoof” Mike said

"Ever try your hooves?" Conor squeaked

My god, it worked! I may not have fingers but I can hold a pistol as a pony, nice.

"Okay let’s go find out where that pink smoke is coming from" I said and we raced to the mountain.

(69 minutes later)*** (69 minutes later)

We were all weary and out of breath, even Nico the jock was panting and tired.

"Maybe we shouldn't have ran the entire way" Mike said putting his hoof up against the mountains wall to steady himself "For an entire fucking hour"

"And nine minutes" Tyler added "Whoa that was 69 minutes!" Everyone wanted to laugh but we were too tired "Get it like the position!"

Dan tried to speak, barely mustering a coherent sentence "Not as fun, as, as, as you may think," He said almost falling face first into the dirt.

Although we basically failed to follow simple logic we were smart enough to rest a little bit. I laid down by the bottom of a lone tree, Dan and Nico laid down on their separate branches, Mike dropped down in the dirt, Conor was laying askew maybe 5 yards away and Tyler was just being Tyler (Half dead).

(6.9 minutes later)*** (6.9 minutes later)

"Alrighty I’m set" I said getting up

"Ready Dan? Mike? Tyler? Conor? Nico?"

Everyone got up and stretched out a bit Tyler again spoke up "Guys that was 6.9 minutes exactly"

“How do you know this stuff?” I asked

“Gland In my brain” he said pointing to his head “Tells me this stuff. But get it?”

Dan this time had more energy and completed his sentence "Tyler 69 is a number, now shut up and lets go find that pink smoke emitter" We could all see an entrails of fluffy pin smoke, almost like cotton candy, lazily drifting out of the mouth of the cave, twirling in the air heading towards the town.

"Okay guys lets breach!" mike said, making a MW3 reference

“Why?” I asked; even though we all liked COD that sounded pretty dumb

"Just go with it” Tyler said

No one really did it the right way, Dan just put his hoof up against thin air and said "BREACHING!" he made a fake explosion and we all ran inside, my pistol drawn.

We were all stunned at what we saw

"Sup hoes"

"You like the suit?"

It was Harrison Ayan, our good friend from school and fellow pony, dressed as a juggernaut. He was wielding a M60 in one hand exactly like the weapon he used to save us from the yellow pony back in Fillycolly and slumped over his obese back was a riot shield. His bullet proof armor coated him from head to toe, through his visors you could see Harrison’s semi-retarded smirk.

"Harrison" I said mouth ajar

"What the fuck!" Mike said

"Yea pretty awesome suit right?" Harrison said with a smile; I couldn’t help but notice the gun was loaded with a large clip of ammunition.

"No fucking gay!" Mike said enraged

"Why?" Harrison said still smiling "I thought you liked my recon juggernauts"

"No being ponies is our thing" Mike said thrusting a finger at Gayan "Bitch you don't come into our world and fuck things up?”

"I'm not a pony" Harrison said "I am a juggernaut"

"IN FUCKING PONYWORLD!" Dan said; this was terrible; Harrison came into our world, dressed up as a monster and he thinks it is cool! It was cool but he was Ayan!

"Fine I was going to give you some of my cotton candy smoke" He said motioning to a dumpy looking clump of electronics; it was spewing out the smoke at a constant pace.

"That stuff doesn't look safe" I said, seeing normal blackish gray smoke come out, and intertwined into the cotton candy mass.

"But now" He said loading a belt of ammo into his M60 "time to die"    

“Wait what........." We all said in unison. So we went from being friends with Harrison to him about to shoot us, nothing seems to ever make sense, o wait Harrison’s with us.

"I know what will happen now; I can see the future you know!"

"Like at the Catillion" I said in a snide voice

At the Catillion Gayan got slapped by this really ugly chick; hilarious.

"Really what happens?" Mike said

"You" He said pointing to Dan "Will get laid"

"You" repointing towards me "Will get laid"

"You" pointing to Nico "Will get laid"

"Let me guess" I said, already knowing Ayan’s angle.

"We will all get laid and you won't"

“What. The. Fuck. Does this have to do with ANYTHING?” I asked

“I’m not actually sure, there were these dudes in red hoodies-“

“The same guys who tried to kill Mike?” I asked, they turned our good friend Harrison into an idiotic gun-for-hire, smart.

"Exactly" Gayan said not changing his voice's expression. "So I’m like going to shoot you in the face." Gayan then smashed down on his M60 and spayed rapidly, he was shooting at us!

Luck for us there were rocks casually dropped here and there in the cave. we all managed to jump behind something before any parts of the lead came close.

"Shit we need the Russian!" I screamed

"Well I’m not helping you" The Russian said, we could hear him giggling in the background.

"Why?" I asked

"Because I was taking a dump!" He said angrily "At my age do you know how hard that is!"

What

"Okay please just help us!" Dan pleaded

"Nah, get Russian trolled bitches!" he said, he was gone.

"Any smart ideas?" I asked depressed that I was going to die at such a young age. I then realized I was an animal; whether in pony or human form, it was survival instincts to do anything to survive. So I aimed the small pistol and shot at Ayan; my friend. 2 of the rounds missed but the third one popped Ayan right in-between the eyes; sadly the suit blocked it completely; Ayan’s only response was a laugh and “Bro you are going to need something bigger!”

I saw Mike’s eyes double in size; he had an idea, normally that was bad but at this viewpoint we needed anything we could get.

"I got it!" Mike said "Remember when we killed those beavers?"

Everyone nodded

"I have a 500 point streak right now." Everyone nodded "And I had hardline pro on"

"Wait what?" I asked confused if this was just a sick joke "I don't get it."

"Know what I can get with that?" It all clicked

"MOAB!!" Mike shouted, nothing happened

“PREDATOR MISSLE!?” Mike shouted this time it worked, he called it in, a random briefcase appeared on the ground next to him, and he began clicking and typing things, I didn’t really understand what had just happened; at first I thought it was just a cruel unicorn joke. It smashed right on top of Ayan, we all ducked and covered. The massive explosion covered the room, sweeping dirt away and smaller pebbles.

When we looked in Ayan’s direction we saw he was no more. A helmet landed by me, I picked it up

No one could survive that; not even Ayan

We were all shocked, we killed someone, but luckily I know how to change moods easily

I picked up the helmet and put it on my head

"Hey guys! I'm like Harrison so yea; I may be 6:20 but it’s cool you know?" Everyone laughed, sardonic impersonations are great.

"Do you know what this calls for?" We all turned around to see Pinkie Pie behind us, smiling happily. How did she get here?

"What..." Conor asked

"A PARTY!" Pinkie Pie jumped,

"Okay let's just get back home and get all patched up" Nico said, patched up? No one got shot

"What do you mean- HOLY SHIT!" Dan said. I turned to Nico, he was very pale and one of his wings was half torn off; there was crimson blood slowly trickling down the wing then down his hoof and then began to form a puddle by his foot.

"Yea I’m no doctor but I think I am seriously going to die right now" Nico said wobbling a bit,

"Jesus we need a doctor now!" I said, I wasn't about to let a friend die right now, like this.

"OkiDoki!" Pinkie Pie said,

For a moment I was so scared of Nico's health that I didn't know what had happened, I just froze. When I thawed out of my stupor I found I was back in the Town square, Nico was now just laying, his mangled wing to the sky still spewing out blood at a now even more alarming pace. Several strong looking stallions let by a massive red workhorse picked Nico up and dragged him off to possible help.

"Pinkie Pie" I started, "How did you do that?" I heard a faint giggle from behind; I turned around to see a nice lavender unicorn standing there.

"I did it," She said "Pinkie Pie's tail began twitching and we narrowed it down to Conor being in trouble, or some kind of weird hijacking."

"Okay...." I said, Conor I could understand the hijacking on the other hand seemed out of place.

"Wait why had Pinkie Pie chased after Conor?" Mike asked

"Silly don't you know?" Pinkie Pie said hopping up and down "He's the brownie to my cupcake!"

"Conor made me brownies once" I said "They tasted like vomit.”

"Really?" The lavender pony said "He and Pinkie made some and the seemed alright" She quickly added "O I’m Twilight."

Twilight as it seems was a petite (French for I don’t even know) lavender unicorn, her cutie mark resembled what seemed to be sparkles. Twilights’ sparkles? I would have to study her more carefully.

All my friends began to head back to the house, I haven’t actually seen Twilight yet so far, Rarity talked about her for a brief moment back at the party, nothing that I bothered to dwell over though.

"So how'd you find us?" I asked

"Well Pinkie's tail began to twitch a ton" She said, Pinkie Pie was jumping up and down for no apparent reason.

"I see I see" said urging her to go on, frankly at this moment I wanted to become as distant to my friends as possible, I didn’t really feel like talking to them since there is a good chance, somewhere around here, Nico is dying.

"So I used a spell to find Conor and-" I stopped Twilight mid-sentence "Wait you have a spell that can find people?!" I haven’t seen real pony magic, Mike was a unicorn but he didn't know any tricks.

"Yup" She said with a prideful grin "I did after all get my cutie mark from magic after all"

So that's where she got that sparkles magic cutie mark, from magic.

"Cool" I looked over to my flank and saw my cutie mark "Yea I got mine from being myself"

She giggled a bit

"You’re Funny!" She said still giggling "What's your name?"

"Vespi" I saw Pinkie Pie run towards us, her eyes bouncing from side to side in adrenaline "let me guess Pinkie"

I put my front hoof in Pinkie's face to prevent her from responding

"You’re going to have a 2nd party for Nico?" I asked

"Nico?" Pinkie Pie said confused "The pegasus who got hurt? He looks more like a Patrick or a Lawrence to me!" She said with a giggle, first off Nico does not look like a fucking Lawrence.

"Well he’s Nico" I said

"No he is Lawrence!" Pinkie Pie screamed in a high pitched voice.

"No he is Nico" I said again

"NO HE IS LAWRENCE! HE IS A LAWRENCE!" Pinkie Pie went insane spazing out jumping, bouncing, running, summer salting all over like a madman. She finally left my line of sight in mid cart wheel. It’s clear she forgot to take her medication.

"So is that normal behavior?" I asked

"Yea..." Twilight said "She just didn’t take her medication today, that is all”

AHAH! I was right!

"Really" I said “What does Pinkie Pie do for a living? Just throw parties?”

“No she works at Sugarcube Corner, down there” Twilight said pointing down the street “Spike and I go down there all the time” Sugarcube Corner aye? Maybe we found Conor a job.

"Wait whose Spike?" I asked

"Spike?" Twilight asked "After that Canterlot exam hes been my little dragon brother" She sighed "He's really nice, but always trying to win Rarity over."

"Really?" I said with a giggle, lol (Yes my hangover is getting to me) I love competition.

"Yup" She smirked back.

At that time Pinkie Pie came back, this time standing somewhat still

"Sorry about that, I'm going to go work on the party." She said in a resolute and calm voice.

"Okay Pinkie" Twilight said, Pinkie Pie began to walk (not run) over to my house.

"I guess I’ll see you at the party?" I asked

"Sure!" Twilight said "I have to get back to reading through, I'll see you then though" She said walking away,

Then something just hit me

THIS ENTIRE FUCKING DAY MADE 0 SENSE

Someone sneezed by me O GOD MY HANGOVER IS STILL THERE!

Next Chapter: Party #2 Estimated time remaining: 20 Minutes