Yuri and his men went on our way while we were still surprised and examining the monster the 4 ghillie suited soldiers stealthily walked away, leaving us be. We were almost to Ponyville, we were now on a hill, the view covered more swaths of big evergreen trees and in the center of all of them the small town of Ponyville. From there we would be almost impossible to see from inside the town, would that be a good thing or a bad thing?

“What’s in the bag” I asked, looking over Mike’s shoulder to examine the contents of the bag.

“Money, and a lot of it” Mike said “What should we do?”

“Go to an Inn?” I asked

“Dude, no we have to save this money” Mike said

“Dude we’ve been living in the wilderness for like 2 weeks, I want to sleep in an actual HOUSE” I said

“Yea Mike I kind of want to not sleep out here and get eaten by one of those things” Dan said, pointing to the dead lion thing Yuri shot.

“Fine, but we better still have money after 1 night, and then we are going to buy a house or something.” Mike said. I had no clue how we were going to buy a house, we had only the money in this one saddlepack and the ability to work, hopefully no one had stolen the money still occupying the sunroom back in our suite in our hotel, wait didn’t we have like a cleaning lady coming like the day after we left? Shit.

Mike handed his saddlepack to Conor and he took the one loaded with bits. We gently headed down the slopes that divided the Everfree Forest and Ponyville. We were in the clear, we wouldn’t starve, be murdered, ran over, be crushed, eaten by giant spiders, molested by people, everything was fine at the moment.

“How much do you think a house costs?” I asked

“More then we have” Nico said

We traveled on; we finally found a road that seemed to pass into Ponyville. In order to shave a few minutes from our journey we took a quick detour off the road and through a large amassment of trees, rain began to pour and hard. It was kind of irritating, it was raining off and on day after day it seems. Well at leastly, for the first time in two weeks, I can see the night sky. Pretty stars are pretty.

“Hey look an apple!” Tyler said, oblivious to the rain. He quickly ripped an apple off of its tree and shoved the entire thing in his mouth, we quickly did the same.

It didn’t take long for us to realize how lost we really were. The long rows of identical apple trees made us move from direction to direction without us knowing where we actually were. At one point, after 15 minutes of walking we realized we had been walking towards the Everfree Forest. After we turned around and did a 180 we ended up….right back at the Everfree Forest- what the hell!?

“Hey check it out a barn!” Conor said, pointing of into the distance. We quickly galloped towards the barn to take shelter from the rain, the rain was now hailing down and it was soaking us from head to hoof. We herded ourselves inside and closed the doors from behind.

“Hey Nico, Nico! Remember what happened last time we were in a barn?” Mike asked

“Shut up Mike” Nico said

We quickly searched the farm and found it was devoid of all life, even though there were stalls. Why were there stalls in a barn if no one used them? Well whatever, wait…were we supposed to sleep in the stalls? But, no, we are intelligent animals- that is degrading! Well now I know why PETA gets so mad when people do stuff to animals.

***

The door opened slightly, although the door only opened a little my eyes were wide open. I looked, towards the door. There was a small shadow already heading inside, PATRICK LOTT!

I quickly rolled onto my stomach and watched closely; thank god I chose to sleep on the 2nd floor in a bed of hay. Alas (Yes I actually just said that, come at me)! Nico, Tyler, and Conor were all down there on the first floor.

“Hello?” A feminine voice called, it sounded like one of those stereotypical farmers from Georgia “Anyone in here?”

Nico was closest to the door, right in a recess in the wall actually and came up from behind the pony. I now had a good view of her. She was an Earth Pony wearing a brown cowboy hat, she had an orange coloring and a blond mane, in her hooves was a shovel…NICO NOOOOOOOOOOO!

“Well howdy there partner!” Nico said in his best southern accent, even though he was German he nailed it just fine, more important though, the orange Earth Pony swung around and nailed Nico right in the face with the shovel.

“O shit!”

The orange Earth pony was now on top of Nico, hitting him over and over again with the shovel

“DON’T SHOVEL ME BRO!” He shouted, from above I saw Mike throw down something white…a bucket? Nope, he threw down a half-full paint can. The top had been closed but it still landed right on the poor mare’s head, dazing her for a moment. Nico fluttered his wings and flew quickly to the other side of the room. We quickly rushed forward, escaping the barn.

“What in tarnation!?” The orange pony asked to herself, we had already rushed from where the barn was and ran down into central Ponyville. We didn’t stop until it was apparent we were in the center of town, and far away from the farm.

“Owww my head” Nico said, rubbing his head. His nose was bleeding and he had a few bumps, but it was nothing really to bitch about. The one thing that looked like it hurt was that first shot, I’m honestly surprised Nico didn’t break his neck from that one.

“Where’s Mike!?” Tyler asked

I looked around, where was Mike!? I could have sworn he was with us before, and then I realized. Mike was on the 2nd floor with me, since he dropped the paint can on her from the other side of the room he was already behind us. That and the orange pony probably gunning for him and trapped him there.

“What do we do?” Nico asked for the first time since we left the barn forgetting about his petty injuries for the well-being of Mike.

“Did ’ya miss me?” A voice said I turned around; It was Mike! His horn was glowing white and he looked a little tired but he was with us!

“What happened?” Dan asked

“Well safe to say I learned a new spell on the fly, gentlemen; I can now teleport” Mike said with a proud smile.

“Teleport?” We all asked

“Yes, teleport” Mike said still with that grin on. We were all safe and sound.

We quickly found the one inn in town and got settled; sadly the rent was too damn high

“We’ll have almost no money left if we stay here!” Mike said “I’m out; I’ll just convince a girl to sleep over at her house”

“You do that” I said “I have my share, I’m staying here”

Just like that we divided our money into 1/6ths; we all had exactly 100 bits. The rent was 25 bits a night, I didn’t want to lose all of my money right off the bat, but i didn’t have a choice. I didn’t want to meet the farmer with her shovel again…

“Fine I’m out” Dan said, Nico gave a nod too.

“Yea I’m going to save my money for more important things, like alcohol” Tyler said

“Same” Conor said

“Fine, enjoy finding somewhere to sleep” I said, the 6 of us departed, my 5 friends heading down the road deeper into Ponyville.

I bought myself a room and was handed a key, since we had ditched everything we had had so far, and used all of our food, I dropped my one item into my room, and the saddlepack the Russian had gave us on the floor and checked my room out. It was a simple room, bed in 1 side, table on the other, stuff more stuff blah blah blah I’m tired.

I quickly put my remaining 75 bits in the saddlepack, but wait! I looked down; there was a note at the bottom! I quickly picked it up and examined it with my dreary eyes.

Dear boys,

I hope you read this letter because I fear the worst. This isn't a small thing with your arrival to Equestria, I have no clue on how long this will take to fix. I hate to admit it but I had something to do with all of this, that is why im trying to help you; sadly it might go unfixed for years. All I can promise at this moment is that I will try. I didn't want to break all your spirits like that, make you feel like you were all doomed like this. So I just dropped you this note, I hope you will understand I just wanted to help you, good luck boy. And I hope you will enjoy Equestria, maybe when you are older and back human I can tell you the story of project BRONY over some whiskey? Good luck, tell your friends I wish them all good luck as well, even mike.

-Boris (The scientist)

P.S. KILL HEINZ, KILL ALEXANDER HEINZ

P.S.S Sample Equestrian Vodka for my friends and I

Years? Project BRONY? Heinz? VODKA?

Normally I would have been scared stiff, but I fell in my bed before the words connected.

Well guys they made it to Ponyville. No more racist moments and random crossovers. LET THE VIOLENCE AND SEXURAL ESCAPADES BEGIN!

-Vespie

Next Chapter: Act II: Living In a New World Estimated time remaining: 57 Minutes