For the first trip our walk through the woods seemed more like a fun day outside then an exodus back towards civilization. The sun was shining, so strong we could actually feel the rays of light penetrating the thick canopy of the Everfree Forest. Fortunately it wasn’t raining yet and our food provisions were still going strong. There was only one problem; we couldn’t find the train tracks. Our main plan for finding our way back to Ponyville was finding the train tracks and just following them into town. Even without the train tracks we found small dirt trails that lead us through the forest, unless we sleep walked and made them, somepony else must have made them, somepony living in Ponyville.

We eventually ditched the pickaxes; it seemed illogical to bring them in the first place. There were still caves dotting the landscape but we simply didn’t have the resources to stay in an area and make a camp, even overnight. We were pretty concerned with our food supply, we hadn’t seen any pigs or chickens walking around either so there was no way to replenish our food, we had to keep going. We eventually threw the pickaxes in a ditch.

Day turned into night, we didn’t dare sit down and sleep, but tersely ate some food and endured on. If we were to eat twice a day with that same meal, we would have enough food for exactly 2-3 more days, 4 if we were lucky. I didn’t know if we were going in the right direction, or if we could even reach Ponyville in 4 days, but we didn’t have much of a choice.

Night turned into well darker night. It became pitch black, Nico had kept some coal in his saddlebag (Saddlepack? I don’t even know) and we used it to make torches, those gave us a small field of vision for us, we could barely see 10ft in front of us but we could still see each other and managed for no one to get lost.

Night turned back into day, it rained and it rained hard. The sky was now a bleached grey color, rain and lightning was sporadic, but when it came, it came hard (Giggity). We eventually came towards a lagoon like swamp. The rain was still coming down hard and the entire place looked like a mud ridden mire. But in the middle, carrying a pink butterfly umbrella was a little yellow Pegasus. She had pink bubblegum hair and- o shit now I remember her.

“Guys, check this out” I said, everyone came towards me, the rain made everything inaudible, I had to give the command a couple times for them to all respond.

“Dude it’s that crazy yellow pony!” Mike said, we all studied her intently. She was clearly doing something on the ground…yea vague but what do you want from me? It is raining like a bitch and I can barely see! Anyways yea, butterfly umbrella, yellow pyscho pony, in a forest at a lagoon.

“Do you think she is like…burying a body or something” Tyler asked.

“Maybe” I said, it was possible considering she was going to cut me in half with a chainsaw.

“But didn’t Harrison shoot her with an M60?” Dan asked

“I kind of did” Harrison said, I jumped and fell in front of the bush, my face first into the mud.

The timid looking yellow pony turned around and jumped, she quickly grabbed her umbrella and ran. She had to be running towards her house! Thus we just had to follow her and we’d go to Ponyville!

“Follow her!” I shouted, we quickly rushed towards the pony, but she was quickly hidden by the darkness and rain. We ran around a little around the lagoon but to no avail, we had lost her.

“God dammit!” Mike said

We began to argue about which way she went. I believed she went in the opposite direction, while Mike and Dan thought she went towards our left. In the end we lost her and had almost 0 chance to find her now.

We were so caught up in out argument we almost didn’t hear a faint growl.

“Wait…what was that?” Conor asked, the growl came again and this time louder. I turned around and checked in every direction, the rain was slowing down a little but it was still hard to see. That’s when I saw it, a big black silhouette.

“Shit!” I screamed, everyone turned around to see what I meant, the rain now was almost gone and we could see a little easier, it was a LION! Wait…a LION WITH WINGS! No…. A LION WITH WINGS AND A SCROPIAN TAIL!

“Dude what is that?” Harrison asked

“I have no clue but it doesn’t look nice” Dan said. The monster gave out a loud roar, it locked its eyes on target, us. It slowly walked towards us, its head down close to the ground, in attack mode.

“Shit someone do something!” Tyler asked, backing up.

“Relax guys” Harrison said “I got this”

Harrison flipped his hair one last time and walked right up towards the monster

“Hey buddy, what’s the matter?”

The monster showed us his left paw, in it was a small splinter.

“Chill out buddy, I got this” Harrison leaned in close and pulled the splinter out of the lions paw.

“Don’t worry about-“

The line grabbed Harrison and ate him in one gulp.

“WHAT ZE FUCKS!?” Tyler said

“Alright I guess we have to kill this thing” I said, I readied my stone sword. Through plenty of use, all of our blades had become dull, meanwhile this thing over here could easily tear us limb from limb, just like it did to Harrison. The monster burped and charged right at us! More specifically, right towards me!

I quickly side stepped and swung the sword like a baseball bat, it sliced his face but did little damage, the thing pounced again, hitting me right in the chest. It instantly knocked the wind out of me and I fell to the floor, the monster began biting at me but I stuck my sword out as a barrier

“EAT COBBLESTONE BITCH!” Dan said swinging the block of solid cobblestone right into the monsters head. It fell over for a second and was dazed but it instantly got up, fortunately that was enough time for me to grab my sword and swing again.

I swung again, this time connecting the blade with the monsters torso. Dan thrusted and poked him in the mouth, from behind us an arrow whizzed, it struck the monster in the torso again, but the livid monster simply ripped the entire arrow out. We all slowly turned around to see Tyler holding a sturdy looking bow and arrow.

“Shit…um sorry man” Tyler said with a fake laugh, the monster rushed towards Tyler

“SHIT SORRY SORRY SORRY!” Tyler screamed, we chased after the attack and sliced at him every chance we had. Even though Tyler was retarded, he was great with his hands, I didn’t even know we had any string left!

I swung my sword again and it struck the beast again, then I noticed something. Right by my hoof was a bullet, who had a gun?

Meanwhile while I was in deep though, the monster got shot 17 times in the brain and fell down, dead.

From my right 4 shadows appeared, I turned around expecting to feel hot lead going through me, then a mans face appeared, not a pony but an actual human!

“What the-“ Dan began

“NO FUCK YOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU!” The man shouted in a heavy Russian accent…well nice to meet you too.

“What?”

“WE HAVE TO FOLLOW YOU FUCKING EVERYWHERE AND YOU KEEP GOING OFF THE RADAR, FOR FUCKS SAKE DO YOU KNOW HOW ANNOYING IT IS TO WALK THROUGH THIS ENTIRE DAMN FOREST TO FIND YOUR ASS?”

“Wait just-“

“NIGGA PLEASE, FIRST OFF HOW YOU ARE STILL ALIVE IS A FUCKING MIRACLE; YOU RETARDS CAN NOT DO ANYTHING RIGHT! EVERYTIME WE TRACK YOU DOWN YOU GO OFF THE RADAR AGAIN! DO YOU KNOW WHAT AN AWKWARD SITUATION IS ON A TRAIN? BEING THE ONLY 4 HUMANS AND HAVING TO KILL EVERYONE SO NO ONE KNOWS THERE ARE RANDOM HUMANS WALKING AROUND FUCKING EVERYWHERE!”

“But”

“BUT NOW WE ARE HERE, AND WE SHOT THIS FUCKING THING AND YOU ARE ALIVE, SO I AM GOING TO GO GET SOME VODKA AND GET FUCKING DRUNK!”

The Russian breathed deeply for a couple seconds “Okay I’m done” He gave a whole-hearted chuckle “My name is Yuri”, talk about bi-polar.

I couldn’t help but smile, whoever is out there and responsible for this was trying to make it right, or at leastly trying to keep us on the right side of the grass.

“I can’t stay long and I won’t say long, but here is a backpack from the boss, you might find it useful”

He tossed Mike the backpack; he opened it and gave a smile “Thanks”

“Anytime” Yuri said “Now excuse me I have things to do, I have to return to the boss, debrief, and then punch Sarah Palin in the nose”

Well we have gone from barely surviving to now having secret Russian assassins following us everywhere. Cool :D!

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