“Well thank you guys, hope you enjoy your time here in Canterlot,”

Smile and nod, smile and nod, almost instantly all of us got up and headed backstage, eager to get off the stage. I sighed, that was a pretty big fail.

After Harrison’s story it just became well…I’ll just say it was like a semi-aborted baby with fetal alcohol syndrome, it wasn’t pretty. After that we all began to talk about a lives before this one event, it’s obvious that would clearly be a terrible subject because only a week ago we had been humans in a reasonable world, not this random as fuck world.

With no way to contact each other secretly it was basically everyman for himself, we basically all had to concoct a story on the fly, that alone wasn’t too hard, but making 6 different tales all intertwine was insanely difficult, especially since we didn’t have any time to plan. Considering the only destination we had was Ponyville, I just said that because I basically knew 0 cities in this entire world besides the ones where we had stupid adventures, and most of those places are destroyed.

Nico and Harrison got in an argument at what happened over in Marington. Nico, the entire time, denied what happened there and began spouting bullshit while Harrison just said “No” over and over again for 15 minutes, I eventually just put my head down for a nap.

Mike began making a crappy lie right off the bat, saying he had nothing to do in Las Pegas except “Rap the rap and beat the beat”, but since we had already told the room of reporters we were there just to visit he was quickly fucked.

Dan said he was a cloud kicker from a small town in North East Equestria, which made sense since it was near here. Dan the entire time never really said a name which also worked out. But when they began to ask him questions about cloud kicking (Which apparently was the art of kicking clouds to discharge weather) he began to mumble and not make any sense.

Tyler is an idiot, thus if his story was true he’d still be an idiot, thus im not going to go into his idiocy.

After that Harrison had his turn. Harrison said he was an olive farmer from Canterlot who grew olives for a living. He said after one year when the ground was too dry to plant the olives he had no choice but to make a living as a carnival lion tamer. After that he met up with the 5 of us who were in Fillycolly because our carriage broke down. This COULD have worked, but sadly Harrison didn’t know olives grow on trees, dipshit.

Fortunately they didn’t hassle us a ton and we were able to skimp away from this while only making ourselves look like asses on national television, much better then screaming out “IM A HUMAN”.

“Well that was interesting” Harrison said

“Harrison your story was so dumb” Dan said “olives grow on TREES”

“No they don’t, they grow underground” Harrison said

“No ever hear of an olive tree?”

“I thought that was a magic olive tree!” Harrison said

“Harrison you are so stupid you make my head hurt” I said

“Relax man” Harrison said, making his customary gesture “It’s over now”

I sighed, now what? Were they just going to kick us to the curb or something? Probably half of Canterlot thinks we are semi-retarded idiots who don’t know their own life story, or worse, they think we are hiding something. You ever see one of those movies when the humans are cutting p the aliens just to see how they work? Well would it be too farfetched if there was a movie were the ponies cut up an alien? Guess who’s an alien? These guys.

“Hey Shining Armor” I said, we had been asked to head back to the train zone so we could head back into civilianized Canterlot for a little bit of R and R; even though we had just stayed in a 5 class hotel for the last day.

“Ready to head back to Canterlot?” Shining Armor asked

“WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAIT WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAIT

WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAIT” Some guard screamed, he quickly ran over to Shining Armor and whispered in his ear.

“What? Wait why? O okay, I understand, wait what? Who? What? Whatever, guys the Princess would like to speak with you” Shining Armor said after a short confusing conversation with the other guard

My eyes widened, the princess wanted to see us? She wanted to see the 6 idiots who went onto national television and looked retarded?

“I’ll lead you there” Shining Armor said, allowing the other guard to leave. We quickly went past the redoubt again and headed back into the back gate of the castle. We passed through the entire castle with little event. We studied the area around us while we walked; nothing out of the ordinary on the way, or well our out of the ordinary; plenty of pictures of all kinds and of course a massive myriad amount of rooms.

“Here we are” Shining Armor said, before I could respond my eyes were averted from Shining Armor to a massive golden door, in front of it was two generic looking guards wearing matching golden armor.

“Excuse us gentlecolts” Shining Armor said, both guards gave a stern simultaneous nod and opened the doors. I honestly thought we were like going to her room or something, but I then realized we were going to the court room. The door swiftly closed behind us and at the end of the long room was Princess fucking Celestia.

You ever have that one thing you swear you can describe but you honestly can’t? Well I kind of had that with Princess Celestia. She was a pony, just like any other pony, but far taller. She had a pure white coat, adorned on top with a massive horn almost like a spear and 2 noble looking wings, far stronger looking then even Nicos. Her hair was like nothing I had ever seen from any other pony, it looked like it was almost alive. It looked like a swilling rainbow aura that danced in the air…okay that was by far the gayest thing I have ever said but ya know she’s a princess; she has jewels and shit, let’s move on.

“You are excused Captain Armor” Princess Celestia said, Shining Armor gave a slight bow and departed silently.

“Hello Stallions” Princess Celestia boomed. Although she was talking in a normal vice, it almost felt dangerous to me. We were talking to the same pony who could banish me to the moon, and judging by my stupid friends, that wouldn’t be too surprised.

“Hai” Tyler said in a high-voice

“It has come to my attention that there are certain things, a hoof” Celestia said “Perhaps we should talk somewhere more…private, I have something to show you anyways”

My eyebrows rose, what did that mean?

“Bro, I think she is Patrick in disguise” Dan murmured to Mike. Celestia nonetheless got down from her golden throne and walked towards a back entrance, wait she has shoes? I want shoes D:!

We had no choice but to follow the princess, if we had simply ran we would have been (severely) punished. The entire time we walked we had no choice but to wait until the fox revealed himself and we could attack. At any moment I would look around to see if there was anything I could use to defend myself from a sexual attacker, sadly every time I caught glimpse of a possible weapon, we became out of range.

Eventually we came to another door, golden again but not as large or ornate as the court room door, probably since the court room has far more use then Celestias personal bedroom, or does it? What if, stay with me here, Patrick Lott is secret king of Equestria? I should write a book sometime, I have some crazy shit in my mind, anyways…BACK TO ZE STORY!

Both guards gave us backwards looks, but they opened the door. I just realized how odd this must be, Princess Celestia walking in with 5 stallions.

As the door closed behind us I heard

“Why do we never get sexy time with the Princess?”

“Im homosexual anyways”

"Relax the door is sound-proof” Princess Celestia said. The room was pretty nice, a massive spacious bedroom with the Princess’s insignia on it along with a large variety of other furniture, then I realized we weren’t alone in this room…with a massive princess who could end us.

“CONNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!” We all shouted in unison. Conor was back!

“GUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS” Conor said. He looked almost the same back before this. He still had his normal tan body and black mane and hair. We had our Conor back!

“So all of that happened while I was in the hospital?” Conor asked genuinely intrigued “Like everything in Stalliongrad, and on that train and in Las Pegas?”

“Yup” I said, I just realized…this wasn’t very long ago!

“I think there is someone you should meet also” Princess Celestia said again, that is when we noticed another princess, or so I thought. She was relatively tall like Celestia and had a dark blue coloring, her mane was the same type of aura like Celestias, just now a dark amassment of hues and stuff.

“Do it Luna” Celestia said. This must have been Celestia’s little sister, Luna. She quickly lifted up a microphone, while her horn was glowing she said, “Hi”

"Hi” The mysterious voice said, this wasn’t the Russian one, o god! Did this mysterious voice kill the Russian mysterious voice!?

“No, that never happened Vespi” Princess Celestia said “My sister here thought  it would be funny to practice a couple of my old spells, sadly they turned out more powerful then I imagined. Thus she magically went into your world, and before she left, she took you with her.”

“Wait did you just read my mind?” I asked

“Yes” Princess Celestia said with a prideful smirk “I’ve been around long enough to make a couple spells here and there, it’s actually interesting to see what ponies are thinking of when they know no one can hear them”

“What am I thinking about?” Tyler asked

“You want to jump on my bed” Princess Celestia said “Yea go ahead”

Tyler (In glee) got up on the bed and began jumping, he reminds me of a hamster sometimes.

“So is there any way to get back?” I asked

“That is a good question” Princess Celestia said grimly “It is possible, but not likely, entrance is much easier then exiting”

“Alright?” Mike asked

“But you should know we will be working on it” Princess Celestia said “I promise to tell no one except for those few who already know and anypony who is necessary for the effort to bring you ponies back to your own world” Princess Celestia stated “But beware, I won’t give anything away, but there are sects of ponies who hunt for “humans”. You might have just been marked for death since it is apparent that you were a little…how would I put it? Off.”

Ga-gulp, marked for death?

“But rest assure I know a place you can hide out in” Princess Celestia said

“Where?” I asked, I had in mind some sort of super-secret government bunker with laser beams and ICBM tripwires with a self-destruct system and an army of super-secret anti-evil human hating ninjas who would instantly kill anyone who came into 5000 yards.

“No Vespi, it’s actually a small town called Ponyville” Princess Celestia said “My own apprentice lives there and she enjoys it very much, perhaps you 6 would?”

It beats what we are doing now “Sure I said, answering for the group

“Excellent, I thought you’d say that, I have a train already ready to depart” Princess Celestia said, this was amazing. We have Conor back, we have learned about that random voice, AND now we have a train going to a town, it couldn’t get any better.

We said our goodbyes to the two princesses and headed towards the train, we learned it was more like a private jet then a train. It had only 3 carts, one for the crew and driver and two for our leisure. Before long we were already being ferried away towards our target: Ponyville.

“OMFG” I heard from the next room “LOOK WHAT THE RUSSIAN GAVE US!”

I looked over, he sent us an IPOD!

“Im listening to it first” Mike said

“Just put it on speaker”

“Fuck that shit I’m taking this!” I said, quickly snatching up the IPod and heading into my room, locking the door behind me.

Then I took a nap, listening to “Headlines” over and over again

So much win, so little time

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