The Choice

by Sir Hat

Chapters

• "I'm Back"
• Beep
• Talking To Yourself
• Sharing
• Potts
• Stuck
• Hotel
• The Option
• Chat
• The Dive
• Silver
• Condoms
• Hold Me
• Chasing Her
• Walking Home

"I'm Back"

I stared at the bright white doorway, the only thing in my existence beside the void. The bright white rectangle calling out to me amidst the sea of white noise I was left in. But could I? I knew what this was, I knew who I would become when I stepped through that door.

I'd had my turn, I'd sacrificed everything, said my goodbyes, done everything I could have done to make things right. Could I just come back, pretending like I could take it all back? Was it fair of me to show up in my friend's lives again? Was it fair to force the person I'd be consuming to die, just so I'd have another chance.

I'd killed before, I'd done it for so many reasons. Patriotism, food, survival, fear and hate. One more life would be meaningless, one more soul in exchange for my own. But somehow, some way this felt different. This would be me, body and soul, fighting against myself, fighting against an alternate version.

Was it fair to steal my life back, could I even bring myself to do it? To rip away the person that was inhabiting my body, kill him and claim a new, strong, healthy body for myself.

I could go to Celestia, I could apologize to everyone. I could look over Silver Spoon, I could hold her, I could kiss her. I could live a new life, a clean life, one free of the noises, one free of the guilt. All it would take was one, final, life.

What difference would it make that this man called himself Able? What difference would it be if he had the same face as me? Was I connected to him in a way other than that? Did I owe this person something? Did I not earn a chance? Did I not sacrifice everything, my body, my mind, my soul for the betterment of others?

I deserved a chance. Even if in the end I couldn't bring myself to do it, I deserved a shot. I want my life back, I want a life back, I want to feel the warmth of a lover's skin. I want to see a girl I raised grow up strong and proud. I want to laugh, to be able to sit quietly and not worry what the voices might say.

I was born into war. I was raised to fight, and I did. And this, this alternate reality version, this variant of my own mind, my own body, he was raised in luxury and peace. He needed to pay his dues, and I needed to finally enjoy the peace, the comfort, the opportunity I so gravely deserved.

I wanted it.

I needed it.

And I would have it.

I charged through the door.

I snapped awake in my hotel, my head spinning like I'd headbutted a wall. "Jesus Christ...what the hell was that?" I asked the air, looking around to see if anything had fallen off the shelves. I'd come to Equestria for a retreat, something to get my mind off work, and already this vacation was proving to be completely awful.

"Stupid ponies." I mumbled getting to my feet. I wandered over to a window, wiping off the damp frost that clung to it and peering out over the castle. I'd never liked castles or palaces, but for some strange reason I felt like I should go.

I felt compelled to visit, to say hello to Princess. Maybe it would be fun, it would certainly be more entertaining than sitting around and listening to a TV. And who knows, maybe I'll meet one of the people that's been with a pony, one that's having a kid. Be a good a time as any to figure out what the hell happened.

Apparently something about ponies meant they could make babies with other species. It sounded like a load of crap to me, but sure enough I'd seen an inter species couple sporting a bit of a baby bump. It wasn't for me though, something about them being related to horses bugged me. But I was curious, what could be so appealing about these folk that you'd ignore something so apparent.

I found my bags. I had a strange craving to wear something white. I didn't know why, but matching the snow felt right, felt good. I wanted to look good. I was meeting royalty after all, they'd look good. I mean it wasn't like I was trying to impress them, it just felt right. A long white coat with a hood would suffice. I'd gotten it as a gift from someone, and despite my trepidation to take things from strangers it felt good. It was a good, hearty material, it fit perfectly and it was nice and warm.

I zipped it up, pulling the hood over my head and starting off. The coat looked very sleek, very sharp and clean, but the way it hugged me and moved with great ease was insane. It was meant to be worn hard, but sadly I never had the time nor the energy to use it properly.

I stepped out of my hotel room, nearly bumping into a pony maid as she walked through the hall, "Oh my, I'm sorry!" She chirped prancing past.

I watched the chipper young mare wander off, finding myself staring at the black skirt of her uniform. "...Did I just- what the hell?" I asked myself, rubbing my face to banish the lewd thoughts I was having about the maid pony.

I had horrid thoughts about the mare's well framed rear, perfect white backside squeezed tight by my greedy fingers. "...I don't even like ponies, what the fuck?" I rubbed the back of my hood against my neck, turning towards the maid again. "...I- it's horse ass." I mumbled to myself, turning to the stairs.

I walked quickly down, stopping after a flight. My usual heavy footed thuds felt wrong. I turned my feet sideways, holding my hands out in a surfer pose as I sidestepped down the next few flights. My feet had never been so nimble, my new way of walking finding me at the ground floor in seconds.

I made sure no one was looking at me funny. The last thing I needed was for a bunch of sapient horses thinking I was the weird one. Granted I'd just bolted down a few flights of stairs like some soldier boy or uppity school kid, but still. Ever since I'd got here things felt weird, and they've only been getting stranger since I woke up.

I didn't even plan on visiting the castle, and now here I was half way there. I was supposed to go to the beach, relax, spend the winter on some exotic shore, but instead I was walking out of my hotel and towards the main street of Canterlot. The castle stood high above the rest of the town, snow dotting the spires and giving it a fantastic feeling. But there was something strange about it all.

It felt familiar, like I'd walked this road before. But I'd never been to Equestria before, I'd been planning this trip a while but the feeling was so vivid, so real. Like I'd take each step before. I walked carefully towards the castle, pausing for a few moments as a strangely familiar guard stopped me at the gate.

"...Hi." she muttered, tapping her hoof on the ground, "Do you...remember me?"

I looked at the mare as she took off her helmet. "...Yes, but...why do I?"

The guard scoffed, "You go off to Ponyville and suddenly you're too good for me...."

I cocked my head, "What- Ponyville--"

"Just go, Able, just go on." The guard pulled her helmet on and step to the side.

I scratched my head as I walked the increasingly familiar path. "How does she know my nickname? What the hell is going on today?"

I pushed my confusion aside and hurried up the steps into the castle hall. The entry was a bit crowded, ponies and other Equestrian species hanging about and chatting. I walked towards the throne room door, how I knew where it was, was beyond me, but somehow I knew it was right. I carried on, the guards looked up at me, some moving out of the way and others being moved out of the way by those that had already.

I stopped as the door creaked open, "...Do- was someone expecting me!? Is someone play a joke or something!?" I snapped at a guard, "Come on, the fuck is going on here!?"

The guards said nothing, leaving me to sneak into the throne room. The walk burning into my mind as I remarked at the stained glass I'd seen in some form or fashion. It was harrowing, the feeling of oppression that followed me up to the throne, not stopping as I found myself next in line behind a nervous looking griffon.

The princess atop the throne before me looked bored, the human guards to her right and left adopting an equally calm expression. But as the griffon left, I felt something take hold of me.

I stared up at Celestia, slowly stepping forward and taking off my hood. I let the hood rest against my shoulders and smiled up at my waiting mate. "Celestia...I'm back." I muttered, causing her to shoot upright and stare down at me. "...Sorry if it's a bad time...but I figured I'd better apologize for falling asleep on you when we last talked."

Celestia's jaw nearly hit the floor. "Able!?"

I smiled, "Mostly. I don't know how the other me is gonna like it...but--"

"--He's just going to have to deal with it." I said, unable to control my own voice. "What the fuck!?" I snapped, stumbling back, "What the hell was that, what did I just say!?"

The princess on the throne stared wide eyed at me. "...Able, what is--"

I snapped, hearing that name, even if it was a nickname made me sick. "My name is Sam Bannen! I don't--"

Celestia stomped her hoof, "Guards, detain him and alert the hospital!"

I darted my eyes between the two armed guard. "What!? You can't do this!" I snapped, stepping back.

I found myself standing a few feet back from where I was standing, the constant blackouts causing me trouble. "Celestia...can I have some water or something?"

I watched the two guards walk up to me, "Oh...this again." I turned around, letting the guards take my wrists. "Please tell me the dungeon got an upgrade since I've been gone.

I found myself handcuffed, being lead gently down the hall. "What- how did I- What the fuck is this!?"

A strange ghastly voice broke through my panicked thoughts. "This is my life now, not yours. I'd appreciate it if you just went to sleep for a while."

I felt my heart race like mad. "Somebody, help me!"

Beep

I stared at the door, waiting calmly. I had time now, and I needed to think of ways to explain myself. I dragged myself up from the dead, but I knew it wouldn't be easy explaining why I did so, or why I saw fit to try and take it from another living being.

I'd sorted out my affairs, I had died in peace. But as I laid down, I saw everything I'd left behind. I watched seasons pass, I'd seen the people I left behind live for months like zombies. And I wasn't going to let this chance to see them again, to apologize, to tutor, to be there. I could let go, I could give this man his life back, but I needed that chance.

It was selfish, horridly so, but I hadn't killed yet. No matter how much I wanted to, I couldn't. This other being was part of me, a me I had no right to interfere with, yet here I was, threatening to take his body for my own.

I felt guilty. More than any other fight, more than any other killing. Of the many, many people I've killed, the men whos throats I slit in their sleep, of those I shot in battle, the men I'd killed from half a mile away through a telescopic sight, this was the single worst instance. And I had not pulled the trigger, the man wasn't dead.

The door to my small hospital room swung open, Celestia herself rushing in. "Able!" She snapped her head towards me and stormed over, "What is this!?"

I looked down at my hand, cuffed to the side of the bed. "Just about exactly what it looks like. I'm tied to a bed, someone I love screaming down at me."

Celestia started growing red. "You know what I mean! You- you were gone. You'd told everyone goodbye, you'd--"

"And now I'm back."

Celestia started shaking her head, "But you're not!" she perched her forelegs on the bed, "Able...we both know--"

"Know what!?" I shouted, sitting upright. "Look at me, I'm the same person, I'm--"

"--The same as when I left!" I screamed, once again not in control of my voice. "Oh god, what!?" I found myself staring at the local royalty once again. "You- you gotta help me! What is going on!?"

The princess' face went sour, "I'm trying. But this isn't going to be an easy process."

I started shaking my head, "I-I-I don't even know what's going on! What's--"

"--Happening!?" I pulled my head to the side, "You know, it really would be easy to just kill him. I really don't want to, I really just want to live a little more." I mumbled, turning back to Celestia. "Silver Spoon...you...my friends. Is it so bad I want to see them again? I mean...I've seen them, I've seen Silver Spoon forced to live like someone twice her age. I've seen you harassing your guard, looking for someone--"

"Able." Celestia put her hoof on my chest, "You know I can't let you do this, don't you?"

I let out a long sigh. "I knew you'd say something like that."

"Able, you can't just steal someone's identity, their body, their life. And I wouldn't be--"

I stared at her, head cocked to the side. "I was planning on leaving it up to you. But I thought you'd be a little more hesitant about killing me."

Celestia started slowly rubbing her hoof up and down my gut. "You had your chance...and when the time came...you let go--"

"Did I!?" I snapped, "All those things I said...I meant them, but, Celestia, I was scared!" I grabbed her foreleg with my free hand, "I didn't want to say goodbye, I had to! I didn't want to leave Silver Spoon out there alone, fending for herself when my contacts fell through! I didn't want to leave you alone, even when I made myself leave, name a single day when I didn't send you something!"

Celestia just stared at me. "Able, I can't let this happen."

I glared at her, "You'd kill me for some man you know nothing about? You'd deny a child a guardian, you'd rip away her childhood, leave her to do the paperwork of grown men and women for hours instead of growing up healthy? Celestia I'd come back...I'd stay with you. I couldn't bring myself to do it before, my old self- I suppose this self still, is horrid. But I think- I want to try again, I want to be the kind caring person that this man is-" I touched my chest, "This is my life just as much as it is his. This is what I would have been if I hadn't been forced to fight, to kill, if I hadn't offered myself up."

"Able--"

"This is what I died to become. This is what I was always fighting for, a chance for others to live this freedom, but I don't deserve to do the same!? I paid my dues...and as selfish as it may be, I don't want your judgment until you've lived through what I have! Until you've seen your friends ripped apart before your eyes, until you've landed in an alien world scared alone, until you've found the one person who might understand what that's like and you fuck up your chance to be with her. Until you've forced yourself away because you can't bear to see the face of someone you love, staring down at you, worried about you, pitying you.... Until you've seen your life finally turn from martyrism to mentor ship, fatherhood, only to have it all ripped away in months, don't you dare fucking place judgment on me."

I stared out at the princess. "I don't- what?" I asked, not comprehending the speech that just left my mouth. "What the hell does that even mean!?" I felt a jolt of pain shoot through my body, foreign memories flooding through me. "Able, serial number zero-zero-one-one-one, ready and active!" I screamed, unable to control my voice.

The princess' hoof was planted square on my ribs. "Mr. Bannen, I need you to trust me and I need you to go to sleep."

I grabbed her foreleg, "No, no no no, no sleep! I can't!"

Celestia's magic tightened around my shoulders, "I promise you, I'm going to fix this, I'm going to make you better." She stepped back, holding me down with her magic. "But I need you to get some rest, and trust that I'll do the right thing."

I stared at her, my eyes burning rather harshly. I wanted to scream, I wanted to cry, but looking at the princess, Celestia, the name I'd never heard yet knew instinctively, I knew I could trust her. Promises kept long ago told me she would do what was right. "Alright...." I mumbled, letting my hand fall to my side. "I- just please...help me."

Celestia took a long look at me, long enough to make me question her intent. "I'll try."

Talking To Yourself

I sat on something, a white box sitting on the otherwise featureless black void. "Sam...hello." I muttered, waiting for him to step back through the door. And as I predicted, he stepped backwards, looking around my prison.

He spun around, looking around the void and eventually landing his eyes on me. "You...what the hell are you!?" He threw his arm out, pointing at me, "What are you!?"

I looked down at my body, somehow bright despite the complete lack of light. "I'm you, you god damn idiot." I stood up, kicking the bright white box out from behind me. "I'm the you that lived here before, that had his life ripped away. And you...you're the one I could take it back from."

Sam walked up to me. "I don't understand what this is! I just- you're me, but--"

"My name is Able, and we're nothing alike. But...we both share a certain something that I would like to have." I paced around. "...But, we've got time. Find a seat somewhere...I think we should talk." I walked over to where I'd kicked the box and dragged it over. "Sorry the place is kinda empty, haven't had much time to move in properly."

Sam looked around, eventually sitting on the ground, "What is this place? Where are we?"

I looked around the blank void. The one door our was closed for a time, but soon enough it would be open again and one of us could head through. "I don't know. Hell? It might be hell, or purgatory. I have to admit I'm not really sure. I certainly feels like I wasn't supposed to end up here when I died." I rubbed the back of my neck. "When I died I saw two paths. One, a bunch of others were following, and one that lead to this...box. I picked the latter, and here I am, waiting."

Sam looked around, "You can't go back?"

I joined him in his scanning. "Maybe. I'm sure the way back is out there somewhere, but who can tell where, I could spend years searching." I rubbed my chin, "But this place doesn't matter. What matters is out there." I pointed to the slim crack of light from where the doorway stood. "Strange isn't it? Two minds, one body, talking horses, a land of magic. It's almost like a fairytale."

Sam looked over to the door. "...That gi- mare...whatever. How do you--"

"No, how do we, know her." I corrected, "And we talked a while, she helped me sort my head out, and we fucked."

Sam cringed, "So- wait- what?"

I let out a dry cough, "I lived here, in my own body, about a year ago? Maybe more now, but it feels like a year. I had a whole little adventure, dimension hopping, trying to get home. But...as we do, I died. Wound up here, waiting. Until you came along that is."

Sam scratched his head. "So, there was two of me?"

I closed my eyes and shook my head. "You walked through a magical doorway to another world filled with talking ponies. This is a fact. Is it so hard to believe there could be other instances of yourself, other worlds that have versions of you? Or, from my perspective, other version of me."

Sam stared at me, worried. "So...I mean, what does that mean for me?"

I slowly cocked my head, "It means...that mare out there, the one I love, the mare who pulled me from a jail cell, is going to take some time, hear each of our cases and decide who dies."

"What!? But you-- Why is me dying even an option!?"

I stared at him. "Because you have something I want. Something I need."

"And what about me!?" Sam snapped, standing up, "What happens if she decides to keep you instead of me!?"

I started shaking my head softly, "I don't know. But I really don't know who she's going to pick. The innocent one...or the one she supposedly cares about." I turned to the door, watching it creak open, "Either way, there's no going back. All we can do is move forward." I pointed towards the door, "You go ahead and take this one. But uh...do me a favor and kiss her for me. Do me that and I'll give you a day or so."

Sam stood up, glaring at me. "You want me to kiss a horse? You, some fucking brain parasite, want me to do something for--"

"It's not for me," I hissed, "It's for her. Now get the hell out of here, give me some time to make this place a little more comfortable."

Sam sputtered and hissed, pointing his finger at me. "This isn't over!"

I shook my head, "It won't be over until there's only one of us left. And I must admit, I'd rather be the one left standing."

Sam walked through the door.

Sharing

I sat upright in a snap. "What, where!?" I yelped, looking around the room. I found a hoof pressed against my chest, keeping me pinned to what turned out to be a warm bed. "What the hell!?" I looked up the leg, staring up at Celestia's worried face, "Oh thank go-- what the fuck!?" I snapped, realizing what I had just said. "I don't--"

"Sam, I take it." She stated, letting me go. "I was hoping Able would wake up first...."

I rubbed my chest, "Why's that? You gonna kill me?"

Celestia stared at me with a burning glare. "You might not be one of my subjects, but you've done nothing wrong, and I have no reason to kill you, to harm you in any way."

"Then why'd you want to see...whoever's in my head?" I sat upright in the bed, "Well...let's hear it."

Celestia looked off to the far corner of the room. "I wanted to say goodbye...give him some time to...to do what he wanted before I had to-" she looked back at me with a bit of a pained look to her, "-Before I have to rid you of him."

I chewed my cud, staring at her. "You know it's hardly fair to hijack my body just for some--"

"I wanted to hold him. I wanted him to see the filly he cared for--" my hearing tuned out, replaced by my own voice.

You should meet her, Silver Spoon. If I can't...well, she'd appreciate it at least.

"-Give him some--"

I held my hand up. "He wants me to see someone...some, Silver something."

Celestia frowned hard, "Ah, so he can hear us?"

Able's voice rattled around my head, I can. You know, I really thought she'd hesitate more about killing me.

"Well you're the one trying to kill me!" I snapped, quickly remembering how schizophrenic I must look. "He's- look, can you just get this over with? I really just want to go home, fuck the vacation, fuck Equestria, fuck all this shit!"

Celestia frowned, lowering her head and nodding. "Two times you've been here. Both times haven't exactly been the best."

I had a quick flash, like a movie ingraining into my head. "I- I punched a guard? I- oh...oh...."

"You--"

I rubbed my forehead, "That's rough. I mean- god I can feel it." I grumbled, rubbing my arms. "Why the hell do I remember this? It never fucking happened to me!" I lowered my head, "Oh god...that guard on my feet...."

"What?" Celestia asked, cocking her head, "Guard?"

Not a word, fucker.

I let out a rough cough, "Your uh- your little...what was he- I, Able, to you?"

Celestia looked down, tapping her back hoof on the floor, "It's rather complicated."

We fucked, discussed matters of war, got...a little intimate.

"Oh god--" I covered my mouth to keep from gagging, "Oh...so we- he- with...Jesus Christ."

Celestia scrunched up her muzzle, "What does that mean!?"

I shook my head vigorously. "Just- thinking about my clone fucking a horse...it's just--"

"Well that's rather rude." Celestia stated, "Why do you--"

"Cause I remember it." I groaned, laying back and rubbing my face with both hands, "Oh god...it felt good.... That's so gross."

Celestia grew a bit red, "It was one--"

"You liked it when he called you a slut...what the fuck happen--"

"Alright that's enough!" Celestia snapped, stomping her hoof.

Aww, she's adorable when she's flustered. Keep going....

"No!" I snapped, sitting upright, "He's- look...maybe you two should talk. I don't need to be around while you two--" I felt a strange tick in the back of my head. It felt like someone jammed a corkscrew into my brain and gave it a quick twist. "I- shit." I turned away from Celestia. "That sick bastard is poisoning my brain...."

Ha...it's not so bad. She's really warm inside, nice when you're done and you can just--

"Aaaaahhhhh!! Shut up!" I yelled, covering my ears, "No, fuck you!"

Really tender after you fuck her in the ass. Just shooting gooey loads into the tight hot little horse a--

"Fuck you!" I screamed, rolling out of the bed and onto the floor. "Horse fucking creep!"

Embrace it. Fuck your apprehension and trepidation. Fuck, that, horse, right in the pussy. Cuddle that princess, kiss her tenderly and wreck her body--

"Fucking shit, your boyfriend's a sick fuck!" I shouted, scrambling to my feet and looking around the room. "Where the hell am I even!?"

Celestia looked a bit off put by my sudden shouting. "You don't recognize my room?"

I looked around the large room, remembering the balcony. "I- I swear to god tell this--"

I know one of my greatest regrets before leaving was not eating her out. Kisses taste like orange juice, so I have to imagine her pus--

"Oh my fucking god, shut up!" I snapped, "Tell him to shut up before I throw myself off the fucking building!"

Kiss her on the mouth and I'll stop. Open mouth, and I'll stop.

"She's a horse!" I shouted, closing my eyes and stomping my foot, "Stop trying--"

Celestia walked over, "You know for me it looks like you're talking to yourself."

I cracked my neck, adjusting to being physically alive again. "Jesus...he yells way too much."

Celestia stared at me with a cock to her head, "Sam--"

"Nope, Able." I corrected, walking up to her. "I'm just here for something quick. Something he's too much of a bitch to do."

Celestia took a step back as I stepped towards her, "What does--"

I grabbed the back of her head, watching my bright white sleeves curl around her slightly pink coat and pull her towards me. I pressed me lips against hers, enjoying the rumbly retort as she tried to pull back. "Hmmmugh!?" she mumbled, trying rather halfheartedly to pull back. I pressed on, forced to pull her head down to my level. I turned her head slightly down, giving me a better angle and a chance to dip her slightly.

I pulled back, letting her head rest in the nook of my elbow, "I can die after this...just let me do this." I dove back down, closing my eyes and throwing myself into the kiss. Celestia's right foreleg trembled slightly, leaving her to fall to her knees to equal out our heights. I hummed softly, jutting my tongue past her lips for a sheer second before breaking off. I made sure Celestia's head didn't slam into the floor before letting Sam take things over again. "Alright...gonna go back to mind reading, have--"

"-fun-- Sppppp- gahk, god damn it!" I screamed, tasting viscous citrus spit on my tongue and lips. "Fuckin- bullshit!" I snapped, turning towards the door. "I'm out, I'm going back home!"

Celestia took a deep breath and stood, "I- well...that was certainly rather comforting to have you spitting after we kissed...I am a princess you know?"

"You're a horse!" I snapped, rubbing my lips with the back of my wrist, "I just- not into horses yo!"

Trish Potts.... Able grumbled, You're not really in a place to talk about sexual superiority.

I shut up immediately. "...I'm going home--"

"Well then I can't help you." Celestia stated, walking over, "You'll probably be schizophrenic for the rest of your life, and I don't think you want that."

I let out a long, drawn out and angry sigh, "You know, this trip was for my health. And now...now I'm sharing my own head, my own body with some god damn horse fucker!"

Keep calling her a horse and I'll stop your heart....

"Do it bitch!" I screamed, looking up as if to talk to god, "Let's do this, we gonna die together!? Come on!"

Celestia just started mumbling, "I'm just going to...for your own good." she walked up behind me, nuzzling the back of my head. "Shhh."

"I swear to god I just...fucking--god...I just wanna--" I stopped as Celestia continued to gently nuzzle my head, rubbing her cheek against my temple. "And I just- vacation...bullshit." I pulled my hand up, pressing it against Celestia's cheek and forcibly rubbing her against the side of my head. It was calming, and despite my aversion the smell of soft sugar and citrus that radiated from her was rather nice. "I just...I wanna go home, take a nap, wake up when all this is sorted out."

"I know...I know my little human, I know." she stopped nuzzling and rested her chin on my shoulder, "Lunch?"

I stared ahead, wishing I could be angrier due to the circumstances. "...Fine."

Potts

I chuckled to myself in my strange ethereal room. "You know, I thought I did some fucked up shit, but rape? Sam, you sick fuck--"

"Shut up!" he snapped, stepping back through the door and pointing an angry finger at me. "I- it was a long time ago, and I was too young to reali--"

"Sixteen, half drunk and going along with the crowd? You knew full well what you were doing." I tapped a book on my knee, "I can see everything you remember, and wow is that memory vivid! The way you touched her body while the others were undressing her, the way you--"

"What about you, huh!?" Sam snapped around, glaring at me, "I can see your memories too, and you're no better! You've killed so many people!"

"I was in a war! It was fight or die, in every god damn circumstance it was fight or lose something! My life, my family, my friends, I killed for a reason, you raped a poor drugged girl for your own amusement!"

Sam stormed over, grabbing the book from me and throwing it into the void. "I'm not the monster here!"

"Yeah, you are." I stood up, standing face to face with my counterpart, "But so am I. I wasn't passing judgment, only reminding you we're both devils."

Sam opened his mouth, wordlessly swearing at me before turning away. "I didn't have a choice...I didn't even start it, I just--"

"Something you learn, you always have a choice. Granted some choices might be rather horrid, some might be worse. I mean you had a choice to kill her, to rape her, to leave, you had a lot of choices. Accept what you did, and move the fuck on."

Sam paced around, holding his head. "...Why are you even bringing this up!? I don't bring up--"

"Because you were thinking about it after you kissed Celestia...you prick." I walked over to him, stopping his pacing. "Move on. I mean for fucks sakes, it's obvious I'm going to die soon, least you can do is take care of yourself! I mean, not for you, but for me. Our body has a reputation to keep!"

"As what!? Some psycho, some murdering lunatic with PTSD!? What the hell--"

"As a guardian. As a friend, as a lover, maybe not a good one, but everyone's entitled to a little fuck up! You can read my memories, you know who Silver Spoon is!" I rubbed my face, tugging at my nose. "That day her parents came to pick her up, you know.... Seeing that little filly cry when her parents started fighting in our house, seeing ponies going through shit like that...this world is supposed to be peaceful, that princess infallible, but it's a fucking lie! It's a charade made out of tissue paper and lies!"

"And!?" Sam pushed me back a step, "Who the hell are we!? A fucking history teacher and a psychopath. You really think we belong here!? You think you belong here!?"

"No, I don't. But we're here, least we can do is make the best of it and try to make a difference!" I stared into my counterpart's eyes, his unscarred face still just as stubborn as mine. "I don't hate you."

I watched Sam flinch, "What?"

"I don't hate you. I really don't want to do this, but I don't really have many choices."

"Didn't you just--"

"I know." I stepped back, "And this is my choice. Maybe it's not the greatest, but this is what I've got to try, for me. But I don't hate you. You're me, we've both fucked up, we've both done terrible things, passing judgment isn't for me." I held my hand out, "...I don't know what's gonna happen if we do this, we might both die, I've been thinking about it for a while but I'm waiting on you."

Sam looked down at my hand, snapping up to me. "You made a choice, so am I. This is my life, I'm not about to--"

I retracted my hand. "Live as me for a while. Talk with Celestia, be the lover I couldn't be, be the father I couldn't be. Live my life, let me discover yours and then decide."

Sam looked up at me with an unconvinced expression. "I--"

"Look, I used to think they were just horses too. I used to think the world was tiny, that snow was food, I thought a lot of stupid shit and so did you, so I know we're open to changing our mind. But...I can't force you to do anything, I can only ask." I walked past him, towards the door. "I'll see if I can't find my little filly. You...think about what I said, and...feel. It's okay to cry, it's okay to feel regret. One of the few things I actually learned here."

I stepped through the door.

Stuck

"So...you coming?" I asked Celestia as I made my way towards the front gate of the castle. "I'd appreciate it if you did."

Celestia carefully maneuvered the steps down from her tower, her metal shoes clicking against the well kept stonework. "I- Able slow down please! I can't fly in here and I can't really--"

I kept on down the stairs, each foot sideways and leaving me at a breakneck pace down the steps. "I'm trying to change his mind- Sam's mind, my mind, you know what I mean." I ran my hand along the spiral corridor as I raced past a few other levels and straight towards the ground floor. "I mean, I might be going, but this guy can do so much if I just convince him. I want him to see Silver Spoon first though. I mean, that's the purest thing I've had a hand in."

"What does that- oh damn it!" Celestia yelped, a soft tinny clang rattling past me as a golden shoe carted down the stairs. "I told you to slow down!"

I stopped, staring down the flight of spiral stairs as her shoe flew down the steps. "Uh...tch, that's way funnier than it should be." Something about watching her shoe spiral into the unknown below was rather funny, and getting to watch her hobble around with one golden shoe would be a joy of its own.

Celestia let out a sharp grunt, "You're such an ass...now move, I need to go find that." She squeezed past me, jamming me against the wall. Eventually I felt myself starting to drag along the wall. "Able, I said move!"

"I fucking can't!" I yelled, trying to squirm free. "I swear to god I get control for an hour and I'm stuck on a damn wall!"

Celestia continued to try and move past, smearing me against the wall. "Able, this isn't a joke! Those are real gold and I need--"

I dug my heels against the stone steps, my face pressed against the white stucco coated walls. "Well sorry, I don't remember your ass being this fat, or this fucking thing being so narrow!"

Eventually we stopped moving completely, jammed in place in the stairs. "Alright this is ridiculous!" she shouted, flaring her wings out and slapping me in the back of the head. "Come on!"

I just pushed off enough to breath and waited. "God damn it.... I mean- this would be hilarious, and a bit...well, I'm basically crushed by your milky white ass, but I had things to do today...."

Celestia lowered her head, letting her back legs go limp. "Shit, you know none of this would have happened if you hadn't tried to come back!" she snapped, stomping her foreleg. "Able, you just had to be greedy!"

"Oh what, you don't want to see me now!?" I tried to step down and get free but I was as wedged as I could possibly get. "I came back to see you! To try and reconnect with you, with Silver Spoon, with Cheerilee--"

"Aha, so you do like her!" Celestia snapped, "You know I always--"

"Are you serious!? Like, for real, are you serious right now? You want to bring up old relationships with a dead man?!"

Celestia huffed angrily, "Well it's not like I made you leave when you came back through the first time! You said you had to leave, and you did! And then I find out you're friends with- with one of my subjects...and the next thing I hear you're dying."

"I sent you letters!" I snapped, "I always--"

"But they were never about you and I!" Celestia tapped her foreleg on the stone, "I mean, the last suitor I had.... Th- Cadance's...grandfather? Either grandfather or great grandfather, he always wrote me letters, good ones!"

I slowly felt myself slipping free, forced to push against the rough stucco wall. "Well sorry I'm not like some other- wait...grandfather. You had his kids!?"

Celestia scoffed, "I've had, a lot, of children."

"Don't fucking get sassy with me you bitch!" I snapped, "God damn, now is not the time for you to act normal! Now is the time to act like the fucking, holier than thou, princess you usually do!"

"Holier than thou," she mocked, backside slowly squeezing me down, "I'm like a mother to my subjects! And I tried to be--"

"Then you were out of character around me! Why could that be? Did I fluster you, did I scare--"

"Able shut up!" Celestia snapped, "This can--"

"No you started this, I said I'd end it, but you kept it going, so let's go!" I shouted, my words rapid fire and a bit angry. "How about we start with you changing from, oh I'm a delicate pretty princess motherly type, to, oh...hi...., to, oh, yeah I murdered some people, I get what it's like--"

"Able, just shut up!" she yelled again, "I really--"

"Do you do this each time you find someone? Spill your guts on the murdering? Hope they stick it ou--"

"Able, I'm gonna throw you down the stairs if you don't stop!" She screamed, kicking her back legs out and setting me free.

"Holy shit no no no!" I yelled, my footing lost and started tumbling down the steps. "Ach- Jesus- fuck- ow- bitch!" I hit a step hard and started tumbling, covering the back of my neck and tucking up. "Fucking, son of a bitch!" I yelped, the stone steps unforgiving as I rolled down each and every one.

"I didn't mean it!" Celestia yelped, chasing after me, trying to grab me with her magic. "Come on- almost- stupid bucking shoes!" Before long three more circular shoes started cartwheeling past me. "This is not--" She stopped as I felt my coat yank me back, leaving me splayed out on the steps. Before long Celestia's face was hovering over me, "Are you alright?"

I laid my head back against the steps, "Well I'm fine. Sam's gonna be screaming when he comes back to, but I'm fine--"

"-ine-- Ooooooooooooooooow!!"

"-oooow!!" I yelped, not actually wanting to yell, "A-ha, haha...." I groaned, "I knew he'd leave me dealing with this." I felt hazy, not only from my trip down the stairs but from the constant switching. "Alright...to Silver Spoons!" I shouted, lifting my arm up. "...I might need some help!"

Celestia hovered over me, her face contorted rather brutally into one of shame. "Able I'm really sorry...I didn't think you'd--"

I started laughing, "Oh now you're sorry. Not five minutes ago you were yelling at me for even knowing Cheerilee!" I snapped, "I mean really...do I bother you that much...?"

I felt myself lift off the stone and rest gently across Celestia's back. "Able...it's not like that. And I mean, it's not just you." She started sauntering down the stairs. "It happens with a lot of the ponies- well...ponies, griffons...a donkey.... It happens with most of them. I just...I get attached and--"

"Oh but I'm different apparently...I mean--"

Celestia let out a rough cough, "You're the first one to come back...and the first one I- second one I told about the war...."

I let out a short grunt, "I'm guessing it was--"

"She was a thestral...a bat pony...." Celestia's voice was dour, low, barely above a mumble. "I told her just before she passed."

I couldn't help but laugh. "Fuck the people you nearly killed...that's rich, that's fucking rich."

"Why!?" Celestia snapped, skipping the ground floor and continuing down, "You were so kind when you were leaving, you were so calm, so happy--"

"I wasn't happy at all!" I screamed, slowly sliding off her and onto my feet. "I was dying! I thought I was done, it was either be calm or be angry! And I was- I had to think about someone besides me." I rubbed my mouth, my body still slightly bruised from my tumble, "I had to think about Silver, and I didn't want her seeing me angry when I died. And Cheerilee...she had found some other guy, she was happy...I was happy- and now I'm here, back with the mare I hurt, the person I made the most mistakes with! How do you want me to act!?"

Celestia turned to face me, "So what...you care about Cheerilee, some teacher from Ponyville, and some kid, more than me!?"

I glared at her. "How nice to call your, beloved subject, just some teacher and a kid!"

"Shut up, I'm aloud to be loved too!" Celestia snapped, taking a step towards me, "Twilight loves me.... My subjects love me...you--"

"What? I what? What were you going to say? Because what we had was physical--"

"It didn't have to be!" Celestia screamed, stepping up to me, "But you left!"

"So what, I came back damn it! And you've already made up your mind about killing me, so I don't think it's gonna go much fucking further!" I stared at Celestia, fire burning my gut as she lowered her head, "Go on, say somethi--" I was cut off as Celestia took a few steps up, jamming her head into the crook of my shoulder.

"Just shut up please." Celestia mumbled, "You don't even know what this is like for me...." She took another step up, forcing me to sit back on a step and cradle her head. "Just stop yelling at me.... I just- it's easier to be mad at you, for when I have to...you know. But it doesn't mean your yelling doesn't hurt."

I took a deep breath and tried to think of what to say next. "Well I mean- Celestia you're in charge...this is part--"

"I never chose this!" Celestia yelped, burying her head into my shoulder, "I never asked to be an alicorn, I never asked to lead a country, I never asked to be immortal or to meet you!" She took a deep breath and turned her head sideways, "And you left...like they all do. But you left before...then you- you came back just to say goodbye...no one else ever did." She nuzzled my chest with the tip of her muzzle, "They either left...or they stayed with me to the end. But you...I hate you so much, because you keep coming back!" She snapped, jumping upright and forcing me back against the stairs. "I can't deal with this Able, die or not, leave or stay, but you can't keep toying with me, it's not fair!"

I grabbed onto her chest piece, "It's not like I wanted to leave the first time! But I- what I did...I didn't want to hurt you...and I knew I would have."

Celestia took a deep breath, "We could have worked it out! Or you should have just left, you should have just left me alone for good! You walking away didn't help anything."

I held onto her head as she pushed me into the steps. "You never came down to visit...you never seemed--"

"You'd moved on!" She snapped, jamming me against the steps hard, "You were with Cheerilee, and I--"

"I was never with Cheerilee, she was my friend!" I forced Celestia back and looked around the dull stairwell. "Did you really think I was with her?"

"How was I--"

"Alright you want this again!? Let's go!" I wrapped my arm around her, "You're just going to hurt yourself when you have to kill me, but if you want it, let's go!" I forced myself upright, holding her head in place and rocking gently left to right, "You want this to happen...I- on the train...." I mumbled, "I need to see her too...so--"

Celestia started walking past me, dragging me back up the stairs. "Just shut up until we get there.... I'm so sick of this stupid stairwell."

I held on as the back of my feet bopped against the steps, "Wait...what about your shoes?"

"What about them...?"

Hotel

"Look, I just want to--"

"Sam please." Celestia begged, nuzzling my back, "Please...?"

I snarled like an animal. "As entertaining as it is to look through Able's head, dig around his fucked up memories...god damn it's like a fucked up war film, but I need some fucking time to take care of myself!" I snapped, charging through the streets of Canterlot towards my hotel. "I just need like an hour, some painkillers, take care of some things okay!?"

Celestia trailed after me as I walked, bare hooves clicking loudly against the street. "Can you like...not." I muttered, turning around to face her. "Can you just stop and let me take care of some things!?"

Celestia stared at me, stepping left and right like a frantic filly. "I just- I- okay...I'll- I'm going to come get you- him, Able I mean, I'll come get him in an hour."

"Fine, just let me take care of my fucking body!" I screamed, nearly lunging at her, "Fucking throwing me down the stairs isn't okay! Now I'm gonna go ruin a bottle of pills, buy an ass load of room service and...change out of this stupid jacket!"

No you're not, fucking love this jacket.

"Shut up!" I snapped, "It's my body, I choose the outfit!" I turned back towards the hotel, walking as fast as possible without being conspicuous. I walked down the crowded Canterlot street, brushing past a plethora of races as I went. Most were ponies, some were humans, a few other griffons dotted the street.

I ignored a few ponies trying to converse with me and hurried into the hotel. The unremarkable five story affair was nestled in the more urban part of the town, away from the more spaced out and richer areas along the cliffs and the lead up to the castle.

Hey...Sam, does it ever bother you that they basically live on a cliff?

I let out a long groan as I started up the stairs to my room, skipping the elevator once again. "What does that even mean?"

Canterlot. I mean, it's on a fucking mountain, which is fine. But they built it into the cliffs! Not the base, not into the mountain, but on the freaking cliffs!

I scratched my head as I slowed to a normal walk through the bright white stairwell, my body aching from my previous encounter with stairs, "Is that a joke? Like, I haven't been here--"

Fucker you've been in my head, Luna walked me through Canterlot in that weird dream shit she does, and I called her out on the same freaking thing! I mean, I'm not a mechanic or an engineer, but I can recognize bad structural des- wait...why can I recognize bad structural design?

I scratched my head as I reached my floor. I took a left into the hall and started off towards my room. "Uh...I'm an architect, dumb ass."

...I'm ashamed I know what that is. I'm also ashamed you're not a soldier or something, fucking Canadian bitch.

I rubbed my face as Able continued to berate me, "Look...can you not? Please? I really just wanna stop feeling this terrible." I found my room and started patting down my pockets. "Alright...come on--"

I put it in the left coat pocket, it kept falling out of the pants one.

I started searching the pockets of my coat, finding the small silver key and jamming it inside. "Alright...." I threw the door open, revealing my calm, serene and clean hotel room. "Thank, god." I hurried over to the stack of bags and started looking for my pain meds. "Come on...come on- there they are!"

I popped two pills and downed a bottle of water. "Jesus...thank god." I sat down on my bags and wiped off my face, "Able, why did you let her throw me down the stairs?"

She threw, me, down the stairs, not you.

"It's my body!" I screamed, quickly soliciting a loud knock from the hotel door.

"Sir, do you need help in there?!"

I jumped upright, "I'm fine! Go away!" I ran over and kicked the door, "Fuck off!"

Well that's not nice.

"Shut--"

I stopped before I could continue to yell. I pulled the door open and looked around. A small pony in a maid's outfit was standing across the hall. "Uh, hi there. Sorry about that."

The pony walked up to me and looked me over, her auburn mane rather appealing when contrasted with her beige coat. "It's not okay for you to be yelling like that, you're going to disturb--"

"I know, I'm gonna be checking out right now."

What!?

The maid looked into my room, "But...you've barely used it."

I smiled wryly. "Been checking up on me?"

The maid took a step back, lifting a hoof and making her frilly dress jostle slightly, "What are you implying?"

I took a step out of the room, "I think you know exactly what I'm implying. But...I'm taken."

The mare looked me up and down, slowly, calculatingly. "I bet I could change your mind...."

I snickered softly, "I'm sorry to say that's gonna be about impossible, Princess of the Sun is an excellent lay."

The maid went beet red and started backing up. "I uh- uh...uuuuuh...." She walked down the hall, leaving me to start packing.

I started packing the bags in the room, making a mental checklist of the things Sam had brought.

You know you're not going to do it, right?

I finished packing and started loading up the bags, "I have no idea what you mean."

You're not fucking Celestia with my body!

I hoisted my new bags up, turning to the door of the rather hoity hotel room and stepping out. "No, I'm gonna go on a train ride, I'm going to spend some time with her, I'm going to deposit something inside of her and then I'm gonna show you my little Silver Spoon."

No, no no no! Dude, no! I'm not about to fucking impregnate a horse!

I locked up the room and started off towards the stairs, "Impregnate? What the fuck are you talking about?"

You fucking idiot, if you screw that horse you're gonna--

"Man you're fucking crazy. I mean, I might be dumb, but I know biology!" I started down towards the lobby, "Ponies and humans having babies, that's crazy shi--"

Satyrs, you, dumb, fuck! If you cum inside that god damn horse I will actually kill you!

"Bitch don't get my hopes up!"

The Option

"Able slow down!" Celestia moaned, squirming like mad. "You're too rough!"

I let out a long groan as her flank pressed against my groin. "You like it rough, now get over it!" I snapped, trying to deal with her weight as she laid over my chest. "God damn...Sam is a pussy." I coughed, barely able to support Celestia's back.

Celestia continued to wiggle and coo as she spread out her wings and craned her head back. "Able...I did miss you."

I let out a soft squeak as her mane covered my face. "I don't know why...I've been kinda shitty to you...."

Celestia sat upright, sitting on my lap. "You were like a puppy, a lost puppy...your stories made me feel bad, and we actually talked a bit."

I flicked my wrist, "Eh...we're talking now. ...Little more than talking maybe."

Celestia bounced on my groin. "But I like cuddling.... I'm not just princess...I'm still a pony...ponies like cuddling.... Even thestrals like cuddling."

"Tooth cuddling." I mumbled, wrapping my arms around her and tilting her to the side. "...This is nice though.... I mean, I'm getting blue balled to hell and back...but this is nice. Calm and peacful." I groaned, spooning with Celestia on a small train room bed. "I should really apologize to your student."

"Twilight?" Celestia tried to look back, only making it part of the way before meeting my face with her cheek. "You did yell at her...and your apology before leaving was a little melodramatic."

I shrugged, starting to lose the feeling in my arm as she crushed my spooning arm beneath her withers and the bed. "Hindsight is twenty--twenty. Now...you're crushing my wank arm...."

Celestia looked back at me, an annoyed look on her face. "I wish you'd call it something normal...." She lifted her side and let me retract my arm, wrapping it around the back of her neck and down her sternum. "I know what, wank, means...and you said you'd work on your swearing."

I stared past Celestia, off into some unseen space. Sam eventually cut in.

Well...this isn't what I was expecting

I grumbled angrily. "You were expecting me to fuck her...." I groaned, quickly realizing it appeared I was talking to myself. "Uh...Sam is being a snarky shit."

Celestia sighed, "I figured...now really, can we talk?" She rolled onto her front and looked me over. "Able...we need to discuss...this." She waggled a hoof at me.

"...About you killing me, Sam, one of us."

Celestia nodded deeply. "...I have...a proposal, but I need to talk with Sam, not you."

I stared at her, watching her get a little flustered as I closed the gap between us. I slowly got face to face with her, awkwardly so. "...Celestia...."

She leaned her head back. "Able?"

"...Please don't secretly kill me." I mumbled, wrapping my arm around her head and pulling her into a soft kiss. She tried to pull her head away for a second before pushing back and pressing her soft lips against my own. It was a tender kiss, something I wouldn't have normally done, but one fitting my attempt to change.

I broke it off, leaving Celestia pouting softly. "Mmmm-- hmm? Oh...." She grew a bit red as she realized I had pushed off. "That was sudden...."

I stared ahead. "...God damn it...." I groaned, wiping off my mouth. "It's Sam by the way...."

Celestia wiped off her mouth. "Um.... Alright, so I have a proposal that might sort out our dilemma."

"About that. You were supposed to help me a while--"

"Mirror pool...." Celestia stated with a nod. "I'm not sure what would happen...but I think it would be best if we try."

I stared at her, bemused. "...You do realize just telling me, mirror pool, tells me absolutely nothing, right?"

Celestia cocked her head. "I- did I not tell Able about it? I could have sworn we talked about it. Huh, I- did I really not--"

"No, you didn't!" I snapped, rolling off the bed and looking around. "...Where am I anyways?" I looked around the rather small bedroom, spotting a small desk built into the wall. "...What is this?"

Celestia bounced herself on the large bed that sat in the corner of the room. "Can't you see what Able sees? How do you not know where we are?"

"I don't pay attention when he hugs you! That's his business, and when he's doing that I'm looking through his memories. It's like PTSD the musical in his head, mixed with a little horses sex to spice things up."

Hey fuck you man!

"No, fuck you wasteoid!" I screamed, grabbing my head. "And stop making me look crazy!"

Bitch I'm gonna rip our pants off and run through Ponyville singing!

Celestia cocked her head as I started growling like an animal. "Is he--"

"He's being a dick!" I snapped, grabbing my hair. "Seriously, I need you to fix this, now!"

Celestia laid her head down on the bed, "Sam, I'm working on it. As I said...the mirror pool might be our best bet to get you both out alive--"

"Whoa, whoa, whoa, both!?" I walked up to her, "You're supposed to help me!"

Celestia pursed her lips. "I can help you both...probably...."

"Probably!?" I snapped, "So you're not sure!"

Celestia looked off to the side. "The mirror pool creates clones of whoever wishes it, in theory this should work!"

I glared at her. "...In theory a lot of stupid shit works! If you kill me I swear to god I will haunt your glowing white ass!"

Hmm...she does have a nice ass.... I swear, she would look great in orange.

I lost all force, Able's perverted thoughts causing me to get a bit of an excited stump. "...God...fucking...damn...." I muttered, now envisioning Celestia in stripper heels. "You know...at some point it's going to be easier to just blow my brains out...."

Celestia cocked her head. "Sam...I promise you this will, probably, work. Ninety-eight percent guarantee."

I shook my head angrily. "Yeah sure."

Chat

I sat back staring at Celestia from across the train room. "...Celestia...what's it like?" I asked, scratching my head. "This is something I wish I'd asked you before I died the first time, but what's it like ruling?"

Celestia scratched ear with a hoof. "Rulings is unique. All and all I can't really describe it as a whole. Ruling is made up of a lot of different parts. There's the ceremony, the drama, the intrigue, but I think the most important thing is watching your land grown, thrive." She laid down on the bed, mane spilling over the bed and bright eyes staring at me. "Twilight is my best example. I really can't describe how proud I am of her, but you've made your opinion of her quite--"

I waved her away. "Look, I was pissing out of my ass last time I talked to her. I wasn't in the best mood, I was angry, and I thought I could have my life back. But...things change, I don't really hate her...I mean, I was an asshole, but I really wish I wasn't." I straightened out my white coat. "Hindsight and all that...."

Celestia ran her hoof along the sheets. "You could apologize. And...I have to be honest about your little...display, it's not going to happen again I'm afraid."

I scratched my cheek, "You mean the domination.... It's gonna happen again, but maybe behind closed doors, and in secret, with contracts signed. I mean, last time I did, you walked me out in a crowd and I lost my shit." I scratched my nose, laughing gently. "Man...I said some crazy shit."

Celestia nuzzled a pillow. "Able, you know we're all allowed to have our kinks...but yelling it at my student wasn't really okay."

I shrugged. "I'm not going to lie, I do regret it. I mean...it was sex, and what am I gonna say it was good sex. But it was...it was very-" I rolled my wrist. "-heated."

Celestia giggled slightly. "You don't say. Well I never figured you for the kind and tender type."

"What, because of the war?" I rubbed my chin and walked over to sit with her. "I like romance...but you really gotta understand, going to dinner, spending days together, love, it's not exactly something I had back home." I rolled Celestia onto her side, wrapped my hand over her side and up under her hoof. "My romantic years were.... Well to be blunt, paid, pathetic, or mournful."

Celestia leaned her neck back, pressing her mane against my face. "Mournful?"

I mumbled softly, "...You smell like flowers.... Yeah...mournful. I spent a night with another soldier after a siege. I think it was right before I came through, we were just getting shelled, the girl just lost her husband to a mortar, and it was sloppy. I mean, it was midnight in a burned out house...it was just gross, sweaty.... Nothing like banging in a bullet proof vest."

Celestia let out a soft hum, "You know you always talk about what you did in vague detail. What was it actually like?"

I took a deep breath. "...If I tell you, you have to tell me where you lived."

Celestia went still. "You mean old Equestria...across the ocean...." She took a deep shaky breath. "It wasn't much different. There weren't as many mountains and everything was covered in trees. But...you go first."

I took a deep breath and hugged Celestia tight. "Where I came from is just cold, icy. It was green, but even the green was cold. I know it sounds like I'm complaining, but it was my life. I mean, we were the last outpost before the arctic, we lived in a barely livable shithole just to stay safe." I ran my fingers across Celestia's ribs. "I lived with maybe twenty other people until I was twenty. I hit twenty five and I signed up with an army that was coming to sort things out. You saw the people I was talking about, the people with-- Actually I look like them, looked, like them."

I rolled off the bed. "Men in white coats, fine uniforms, those masks. They were the best bet I had, and they offered my something new. I got to go down to Quebec, I got to go to Halifax, Newfoundland, then I wound up here.... It was always cold, but I was so used to it, and the green was beautiful." I wiped off my face, "If you ever get the chance, my time in Ottawa was the best. I got a month's leave there and it was the pinnacle of civilization. I mean, working cars, running water, it was amazing." I caught myself getting nostalgic and shook it off. "What about you? I never fucking asked, I wish I had, what was your home like?"

Celestia rolled over towards me. "Old Equestria... Fleet." She mumbled, "Would you believe me if I said I was a poor child?"

I stared at her. "You, grew up poor? Yeah, I do find that--"

"I grew up poor, pegasus and petite." Celestia nodded heartily. "I was one meter tall when I was coronated, and sixteen." Celestia looked up to the side. "No...seventeen. I was sixteen when we got on the boat."

I stared at her, slowly wandering around the room. "Wait...you're- you weren't always like this?" I pointed to her horn. "I thought--"

"I got picked, it was either me or another filly from Crown Rock. Sadly she took her own life when the time came to leave."

I glared at her. "You know, I don't know your history very well! A little enlightenment would be nice!"

Celestia laid down on the bed, staring at me with a soft broken stare. "I remember when it started. It came from the north. Everything just started freezing, even when ponies would try and thaw everything with fire, it just froze." Celestia rolled onto her back, dancing on the air. "They took me and Luna a year after everything was frozen. We were running out of food, everypony was sick, everything was frozen solid.... They told me I had to learn magic, they told me there was something inside me that could connect with the sun. I had no idea what that meant, but I got on the boats when everyone started heading east, towards New Equestria. I was crowned on a boat, turned into this...and told to lead everyone to a new home."

I felt my mouth go dry as she pranced on the air. "What...alone?"

Celestia turned her head to me. "Did you know I was orange? I had an orange mane. All my subject think it was pink, but I was orange and pink." She turned her head back to the ceiling. "After I was coronated I sat on a boat for a month, and by the time we landed I was told the natives had burned the ship with my sister in it. We...we took the first town we landed in, and the next, and the next.... We kept taking until we found her, she'd be saved by one of the thestrals, taken to Canterlot, I think they called it High Rock, High something." She let out a defeated sigh. "She's the only reason I stopped killing them. Luna was the only reason I stopped.... I mean, if I had my way thestrals wouldn't have existed past our arrival."

I rubbed my head and sat down on the floor. "You...lead an invasion...at sixteen?"

Celestia laid her head back. "Seventeen, and the war lasted until I was twenty one. I was so angry...so damn angry at them." She turned to the side, "I killed so many, burned so many. I banned pyromancy, once I realized how horrible I had been, once the rage cleared and I saw the bodies I promised myself I'd never kill again. I passed so many laws banning violence. I banished the ones who were left to that mountain town they have, I pushed the griffons back across the eastern sea, I shut down for at least three hundred years.... Able, do you ever wonder why we have a train but not a gun? It's because I forced ponies back, I kept them from advancing to keep them safe.... And they've been safe for so long...now your kind is here, like when the griffons came back...things get complicated and I really don't know what to do sometimes."

I let out a tired groan. "That's okay you know. Being confused, wondering." I decided to stop splitting hairs and level with her. "Celestia...you answer me in turn, okay?"

Celestia craned her neck around. "Hmm? What do you mean?"

"Quebec, sixteen shot, three stabbed, thirty seven blown up." I held up one finger. "Montreal, two shot, one beaten to death, seven stabbed." Another finger. "Edmundston, sixty blown up, thirty eight burned to death, one shot." I stared at her, standing up and walking over to her. "Those are the men and women I have either directly killed or have had a hand in killing."

Celestia stared at me, a lump rolling down her throat. "How? You're not--"

"I was a raider, a forward scout. Our job was to gather information, destroy as much as possible before the main force arrived and assassinate. Edmundston was a bomb, Quebec was battle, Montreal was a bar fight." I ducked down and rested my head next to hers. "...I'm waiting...."

Celestia stared eye to eye with me. "...Los Pegasus, thirty eight burned. Ponyville, six stabbed, two bludgeoned, twenty burned. Canterlot, one-hundred-thirty-two burned, one beheaded." She stated in rapid succession, without so much as a blink. "Their old king was a coward...he cried when his head was cut off."

I started laughing. "We're god damn terrible people. Man...this one kid back in Montreal, fucker tried to stab me with a needle, I stabbed him about.... Well enough times I had to switch knives half way through."

Celestia stared chuckling slightly. "This one thestral, wore tin armor and charged me. I broke my horn off in his stomach...had to wait a month for it to grow back...."

I nodded, rubbing the side of her chin. "I broke my hand on some poor bastards face, I think he died of smoke inhalation, if not well then the fire killed him."

You're both fucking psychos. Sam mumbled, clawing back into my mind. Crazy fucks.

I started laughing softly. "Celestia...your horn grows back?" I asked, petting her jaw.

She cooed softly as I rubbed her soft coat. "It takes a long time, it's all rather inconvenient but yes. I'd equate it to breaking a leg. Worst I've done in one-hundred years is chipping the tip off a few times." She stopped her laughing and turned to me, "Able...do you ever regret the creatures you've killed?"

I started laughing softly. "...Celestia-" I planted a soft kiss on the underside of her chin, "-I regret every single one."

The Dive

I stood on the edge of a small pit Celestia pacing like wild around me. "Able, I really don't know if this is going to work."

I scratched my head. "Not Able, also you really don't know what's going to happen?!" I shouted, pacing around the entrance of the pit. I took a deep breath, facing Celestia with a mix of fear and rage burning in my gut. "Seriously...you were supposed to help me.

Please...Sam, you have to do this. You have to try, for me man, you have to try! Able shouted in my head.

"Stop! Stop, fucking stop!" I screamed, grabbing my head. "One chance! One, fucking chance!" I spun around to Celestia "I'll try this, once, one, fucking, time! Okay!? But if it doesn't work you have to end this!"

Celestia looked unnerved. "...Sam--"

"No, one chance! If it doesn't work I want my life back! I need my life back!" I screamed, grabbing her chest piece, "Please, I just want to go home, I want to live my normal life, I want to think without some snarky fuck commenting on my every act and thought! Please!"

I felt something hijack my voice, "Do it." I mumbled, my voice low and gravely.

Celestia stared at me, "...I- fine...fine...Fine!" She shouted, stomping the ground and opening up the pit ever so slightly. "Look into the pool and say, And into her own reflection she stared, yearning for one who's reflection she shared, and solemnly sweared not to be scared, at the prospect of being doubly mared."

I stared at Celestia, my gaze unending aggravated. "...Just like that...with the she and everything?"

Okay, yeah...that's dumb shit. Able murmured, breaking my concentration.

Celestia scrunched up her muzzle. "The first pony to use the mirror pool was a mare...there's not much I can do about that."

I glared at her. "...God I hate you, I hate all these horses, I hate your dumb horse teeth, I hate your dumb horse names, I hate your dumb horse magic, and I just want to go home. All this shit, everything that happened, to Able, to me, to you, it's all because of dumb ass magic." I shook my head and walked towards the pit. "I just wanted to let you know this is all your fault in case I die."

Bitch...the fuck did you say to her? If this works I'm gonna kick you in the balls.

"Fucker if this works I'm going to strangle you!" I growled, slipping into the crack in the earth and sliding down through a small flume. "Jesus, fuck!" I bumbled down the cave, rolling to a stop in a huge vaulted dome. "Alright, I'm fucking done!" I hopped upright, hurrying towards a small lake in the middle of the cave. "God I hope you die!"

Look, just get this over with and maybe you can! Or...I'll die, or maybe you'll die! But by the end of today someone is going to be dead or kicked in the balls!

"...Finally agree on one thing." I mumbled, walking over towards the mirrored water. I stared into it, my face tired, my dusty brown hair now shaggy and greasy. I looked like hell. "...Stupid fucking rhyme--"

I was thrown from the usual pitch black room. I had no idea where I was going, all I knew was things were growing damper and damper, water slowly filling up my endless black void. "Shit, shit, shit!" I hissed, looking for some sort of escape, "No, come on, I'm not ready to let all this end yet!"

I tried to run, my legs quickly submerging and turning my sprint into a sloppy wade. "No no no, fuck!" I shouted, stumbling and dipping myself into the water. It was icy, bitter.

I could tell what was going to happen. I was going to drown, I was going to fall asleep, join the black and end. All of my life going to shit mere weeks after a third attempt at rebuilding. I'd been dropped into this world by happenstance, pranced about in front of nobles and stuck up ponies, I connected with a mare who knew what war was, what taking a life meant. I'd contracted pony cholera, pissed off Celestia's student and her friends all except the one mare who bothered to be mean back, I'd gave a pointless speech about violence and tried to go home.

I landed in some foreign version of Earth in the middle of a home invasion, tore the magical binding between my body and soul a new asshole, crawled back and forced myself from the one person I could relate to so I wouldn't hurt her.

Water continued to bubble up, swallowing up my chest and leaving me to slog through until my head would be overtaken and I'd hold my breath as long as I could.

I'd made a friend, raised a filly, tempered myself around the people I care about. I died, leaving a new life for a filly, and dying a hero's death that I never wanted. I took it in grace, but when given the chance I tried to come back. I had to come back, I wanted to come back. Time away was time to think, to figure out what I wanted, to realize what I needed.

The water continued to rise, leaving me flailing, trying to get my feet to touch the ground. "Come on!" I screamed, trying to keep my head above water.

I needed stability, I wanted stability. I wanted the mare who knew war, I wanted the mare who learned to get past it, I wanted help to move past what I did, I wanted someone to share with, I wanted a life outside the violence. If Celestia could get past it, I could, if I could get past it I could have a life. I could relate to people, I could learn, I could do anything.

The water overtook me, sending me into the breathless deep. Pitch black surrounded me, disoriented me, left me spinning and flailing in the water. I held my breath, spinning unseen and unheard in the water. I kicked and screamed, spewing bubbles from my mouth as I tried to right myself. Panic set in, washing over me in a flash and sending me into the same frenzy as when I entered Equestria the first time.

I found something in my adrenalin fueled haze. Blue light, a bright blue light hovered above a far off break in the water. I beat my legs as hard as I could, kicking like an animal and trying to free myself of the icy cold water. My body burned, my entire being aching. I wanted to breath again, I needed to.

I threw myself up towards the light. My fingertips reaching past the surface and into cold air. Something grabbed my wrist, something peachy with a white stalk. And in seconds I was yanked up, my head finally breaking the water and giving me the breath I needed. It was a single sweet gasp of air, followed by a swift fist to the jaw.

"Son of a bitch!" Sam screamed, his body completely dry as he pulled me from the pond. "Two weeks!" He shouted, "Two weeks I didn't have my own fucking life!"

I was flung free of the pond, my nude body completely dry as it left the water. "What- fuck- what!?" I yelped, still unsure of my temporal, physical and metaphysical status. I looked down at my chest, my once strong body now doughy and fat. I crawled to my hands and knees, taking a few deep breaths and trying to steady myself. I was alive, and by the punch I received so was Sam. "Aha...haha-ahaha!" I started cackling, lifting my upper body up and sitting on my shins. "I'm alive! I'm actually alive!"

"Bitch!" Sam yelled, bolting towards me and slapping my hard across the cheek. "Almost fucking died, almost lost everything, just because your selfish ass--"

I grabbed him, wrapping my arms around him. "...Give me...my fucking-" I lunged forward, tackling him, "-jacket!"

I slammed him into the ground a few times, taking a few gut punches before pushing away and sitting on the ground. Me and Sam sat across from each other, glaring, hate radiating from him. "You know what...take the fucking thing!" He whipped my white coat off and chucked it at me. "I don't need to see your naked ass anyways!"

I let the thing lay across me, "Dumb--ass--it's your--body." I looked down to my significantly weaker limbs, my chest no longer flat and strong, my legs thin and arms rather weedy. "God damn you're fat...."

Sam let out a tired groan and laid down. "You fucker...I fucking hate you...I hate you all so much...."

I started laughing like an idiot. "You know what...I don't even care...I'm alive...you're alive...mostly...hopefully." I sat upright, pulling the white jacket over my body. "Thank you...thank you so much."

Sam slowly hopped up to his feet. "I fucking hate you...you are by far, the absolute worst murdering psycho I know! You got away with kidnapping me, you've killed so many people, your mare friend is a millennia old genocider, and I am never fucking coming back to this place for the rest of my fucking life!"

As Sam finished up his rant Celestia started skidding down a small cave, sliding on her rump and trying to dig her forelegs into he dirt. "Whoa- no no no!" She cooed, shaking like a doe before grinding to a stop. "Dear Gods...I'm too old for this spelunking."

Sam hurried over to her, "Fuck you, fuck your gods, fuck this place, fuck your hooves, fuck you again, I hope you all- I-- get me the fuck home!" He screamed, rage finally boiling over. I couldn't say I blamed him, but seeing him get in Celestia's face made me mad.

I hopped upright, half drunk from my ordeal. "Hey!" I pulled him around by the shoulder and slammed my forearm into the side of Sam's head. He dropped like a tonne of bricks, falling onto his back and laying flat.

Celestia stared at me, then to Sam. "Able?"

I took a deep breath and rubbed my arm. "Yeah...and I didn't--"

Celestia's horn lit up, her magic grabbing my leg and pulling it out from under me. "Able...that wasn't okay."

I laid on my back, slowly pulling my arm back like a chicken wing. "Ow...Ow...Celestia...I landed on a rock." I groaned slowly rolling onto my front. "Why!?"

Celestia stood up, shaking her flank. "Oh dear...well did it work?"

I rubbed my back, feeling an annoying amount of pudge. "Yes! Maybe! I really don't...know...." I laid my face in the dirt, "Celestia...can I see Silver Spoon now? Can we go home? Please?"

Celestia took a quick look around. "...You know, I had to leave Luna in charge while we did this...now not only is one of you half dead, but both of you are useless." She let out a tired huff and put a hoof on my back. "Just let me take care of this.... Like a foal."

I wanted to be mad at her for being so dismissive, but I was just happy to have something real touching me, to have someone trying to ease the tension. And having her around meant I could do the one thing I wanted to do since I died. I could sleep without ending up back in the pitch black room.

Silver

I stood in the middle of the Ponyville Library, Twilight was off getting eaten out by some bat pony in Canterlot, which meant it was me and the single person I understood in Equestria. "So...like my glasses?" Spike asked, tapping the cheap plastic frames. "...I like them."

I shook my head and continued to get dressed, not really wanting to engage the slowly maturing dragon without pants on. "...Spike, bro, dude...go...talk with Celestia. This is like come creepy uncle shit right now." I mumbled, zipping a cheap pair of slacks up and adjusting myself. "...You're still here."

"So your penis just like...hangs out...is that normal?" Spike asked, putting his glasses on his head. He was a sight bigger than the last time I was alive, still a child but just bigger.

"Spike...seriously...you're a kid, you're a dumb ass boy...I can sympathize like fuck with you, but stop looking at my dick." I grabbed a cheap tee-shirt with Twilight's face on it, the book nerd having since gained a little popularity and a star role on her own TV show. I hated having her face smiling cartoonishly on my chest, but it was either dress like an idiot or walk about with a princess, nude, flabby, flaccid. "There...now what did you want?"

Spike rubbed his claws together. "Well...you do stuff...like, exciting stuff--"

"I've killed people...."

"So...Twilight does cool stuff...but never...never colt stuff...."

"I'm not a colt."

"So I was thinking--"

"Shut up now and I'll take you shooting one day...." I groaned, not really wanting to continue bleeting on with budding teen.

Spike rubbed his chin. "Hmm, maybe.... Now question, is it supposed to hang out like--"

"You're a dragon...ask, ask a lizard science person!" I shouted, turning to the door outside. "I really can't help you figure out if you like boys or not, or if your dick is screwed on right. ...Aren't you crushing on that one girl with the, waaah, I'm so pretty, thing?"

Spike drug his claws against his scales. "Rarity?! Um...uh...I uh--"

I laughed gently, "Dragon want mare pussy...."

"No I don't!" Spike shouted, stomping his slightly gangly leg. "What's pussy?"

I froze, the room growing a bit chilly. "...I'm not sure you're as old as I thought you were. Uh...don't worry about it kid...go, go play in the mud or something."

Spike followed me to the door. "Hey, I'm not a baby anymore!"

I set my hand on the knob and looked down at the scraggly little shit. "...Spike, playing in the mud is always fun. We just have to stop when life takes over. If I could play in the mud instead of worrying about my soul being trapped in limbo, my body evaporating, living with these pansy ponies, or getting shot, I would go outside and play in the mud until the sun went down...." I put my hand on his head, tweaking his fin thing. "Seriously...it's the little things that bring the greatest joy...like mud, and not being shot at. But mostly mud...it's just plain old-- God damn it Spike, now I'm thinking about mud and Celestia!"

Spike cocked his head. "...Celestia plays in the mud?"

My mind conjured up lewd images of Celestia and Luna rolling around the mud, flanks caked in sticky mud and faces cutely splashed with speckles of dirt. Oh no...Able I'm so dirty now--

"Kid...I'll tell you when you're older.... Like...I promise you I will explain this all when you're older, and on that day...you will get laid...and you will thank me. And we will be brothers...probably." I flicked his fin and opened up the door. "You know where to send the letters man."

Spike rubbed his head, waving as I walked towards Celestia. "Alright...but...I- mud...."

Celestia met me half way, joining me as I turned onto the path towards my old house in Ponyville. "Able, I didn't know you talked to Spike."

I nodded, stretching out the undersized tee. "I went to apologize to your little book horse, he was there instead, so we started talking. He's at that fun age where the world isn't entirely depressing and he's young enough to get into trouble where I would get arrested."

Celestia stared at me, her magenta eyes burning through my skull. "Able...you lived vicariously through a baby dragon? That's adorable...if a bit disconcerting."

I stopped in the middle of the empty sunset road. "Okay, A: I don't even know what vicariously means. B: fuck you, and C: fuck you again...but in a sexual way."

Celestia reeled her head back. "...I though being in Ponyville kept you calm, now you're just being vulgar."

I shrugged, "I swore when I was down here too. Except in front of- uh...I stopped swearing in front of the kids. ...This little white and purple one...just...I couldn't cuss at.... She was just hitting that cute puberty age, like...when the voice cracks and they're more adorable than they are bitches.... I mean...I can't be mad at cute, like it just eats my soul when I try."

Celestia chuckled loudly. "Well I think Twilight is cute--"

"The only interaction I had with Twilight was also about the same time I was shitting water...so...I mean I'm not a saint, far from it, but when I'm trying to keep from spewing water out my ass, maybe not the best time to try and introduce me to your favorite student." I rubbed my stomach, sympathy pains from the episode making their way back. "Also shame on you for picking favorites."

Celestia scrunched up her muzzle and walked at my pace. "Shame on me? Able you swear constantly, you swear at me, you swore at everypony in Canterlot--"

"I don't swear at kids now, I learned not to after I left. I don't swear at people who are really offended by it. So if you want me to stop...ask. It won't be immediate, but I'll do what I can."

Celestia cocked her head. "Is everything so black and white with you?"

"Pretty much." I rubbed my mouth. "Fuck your empathy shit, be extremely god damn clear about what you want me to do, and I'll do it."

Celestia puffed out her lower lip, forming a heartbreaking pout. "Able...I'd appreciate it if you wouldn't swear at me...."

I locked up, wanting to be a snarky prick, but shut down my the adorable beg that was placed before me. "...Stop...stop this." I waved at her face. "I can't...stop...just stop that."

Celestia got around my front, walking backwards and pouting in my face. "...Able...why don't you want to look at me? Do I make you feel guilty?"

I turned away, stuffing my hands in my pocket as I walked. "You know if it was anyone else they'd be punched right now...."

"Able...look at me." Celestia begged, her voice snapping my heartstrings like twigs. "Aaaaable--"

"Stop it!" I shouted, turning around and pressing my back against her, the both of us walking backwards like idiots. "...I don't like the way you make me feel."

Celestia let out a warm coo and started nuzzling the sides of my head with her chin. "Able...look at me, please?"

"...Jesus--fuck! I come back from the dead to be with you, I nearly killed someone to do it, I said sorry, I said I loved you, I sequestered myself so I wouldn't be an asshole to you. What more do you want from me!?"

Celestia nipped my ear. "I want you to be nice to me, because I know we're alike, I know you understand me, but I know you wouldn't like it if I was constantly mean to you too."

I swung around, spinning on my heel. "Celestia I'm not mean to you!"

Celestia leveled an extremely skeptical gaze at me. "...Really?"

I lowered my head and walked past her. "Not...intentionally."

Celestia shook her head. "...I believe you...." She let out a soft sigh. "...I always fall for the, I can fix them, ones."

I scoffed, "Fall for. You know, I really don't even know why you went after me in the first place."

Celestia walked beside me. "Like I said...I have a thing for bad colts. I'm allowed to have preferences...and...you and I do have some common ground, even if it's rather violent. And look at me, I went from a- ...a bitter and vengeful leader, to- to.... Able do you realize how much tea I drink? How many parties I have to attend? How many borish nobles I have to entertain? You don't think there are times I wish I was still like you, angry, bitter, fighty. You don't think there are times I wish I could just say, buck you, and your stupid problem! But I can't say that--"

"The fuck you can't." I groaned, stretching out and stepping onto my old lawn, Silver Spoon's home. "You're a princess...you do what you want." I stopped in the lawn, turning around and stopping Celestia. "Tell you what...I'll promise to stop being mean to you, if you give me people to be mean to."

"Able that's really--"

"I mean, you said it...you want to tell people to fuck off, but you can't! I can, and I'll solve their stupid fucking problems while I'm at it!" I threw my arms out. "I'm alive for the first time in three years, I gotta do something!"

Celestia stifled a laugh, quickly leading into a deep snicker. "Yes, yes you do." She poked my exposed stomach with a hoof, the cold metal shoe making me jump. "Oh dear...were you always this pudgy?"

I yanked my shirt down, covering my stomach like a woman would cover her breasts. "...That's not funny."

"Oh what's wrong?" Celestia walked around me, circling me like a shark. "Is it not funny when it's you?"

I felt my face flush slightly. "Look I get it...stop--"

"You're red." She stated, peaking me on the forehead. "I don't think I've ever seen you blush, it's cute."

I locked up, my face so red that even I could see it out of the corner of my eye. "...Fuckin- shut- I don't- god- fuck...."

Celestia waited for me at the door, peeking through the window. "Oh- um...Able...."

I walked up to her, pushing her head out of the way and holding it open. "What, what's up--" I stopped dead as I spotted Silver Spoon sitting in the entry, a colt sitting next to her, foreleg draped around her, holding her. But Silver sat there, smiling, happy. "...Who the fuck is that?!" I shouted, knowing the answer but not really accepting it. "Celestia you know that kid!?"

She returned to the window for a few seconds. "...Able, I think she's--"

"That fucker better get his hooves off her!" I shouted, grabbing the door handle. "I swear to god--"

Celestia's caught my hand with her magic. "Able don't...I think they're--"

"Let me the fuck go!" I shouted, trying to stop myself from disturbing them. "No one fucks with her! She doesn't deserve it!"

Celestia frowned hard. "...Able, I really don't think--"

"That is my work in there!" I thrust my finger out towards the door. "I- she came to me for help, and I helped her! I- I did this!" I waved my arm at the house. "This is my work, my time, I- I did this!"

Celestia smiled softly at me. "Able...you did, but-" she looked over at the window, smiling at Silver as she slid herself against the colt. "- I think you did enough."

I felt rage boil up in my gut. "I came back for you, Celestia, but you weren't the only one!" I beat my chest. "She came to me...she- she talked to me, she- she- oh god she moved on." I felt like someone pulled my heart out, leaving me to slump against the wall. "...Oh god...she's on her own." I mumbled, clutching my chest. "Oh god...she doesn't need me. I- I came all this way...and she doesn't need me."

Celestia lifted me off the wall with her hoof, holding her against me and walking towards the street. "That means you did a good job...."

I rubbed my chest, not really ready to lose that feeling of parentage. "I uh...I- that...." I stopped talking, hanging my arm over her neck. "Uh...Celestia...someone was talking about...babies...does that--"

"About two years ago." Celestia stated, laying down. "Why, interested in starting a generation?"

I rubbed my chest, sitting down in the middle of the road with Celestia. "Uh...I- you?"

Celestia smiled. "Well I've got to say, if you're promising to be nice to me, and you came back from the dead for me...it's a step in the right direction."

I took a deep breath, leaning back against Celestia's side. "I uh...I'm not romantic...but.... Time, I think...in time." I rubbed my chest, still hollow from the loss of my pseudo daughter. "You know...I don't know if this will last, you and me. I mean...I don't know how compatible we--"

"Able...if I didn't see something worthwhile in you, I would have left you in the dungeon when we first met."

I tried to ignore the twisting in my gut. "Uh, thanks, I think. But...I think we need...to figure this out...actually.... I think I need to learn what love is...."

Celestia craned her neck around to face me, "Is that a joke?"

"If it is, I don't get it." I rubbed my cheek, tired, wishing for rest. "I think...we go home...we try to sort this all out...and we see if we can keep this together."

Celestia smiled wide. "See...you have a certain stickto-ativness. I knew that you weren't a complete psycho, and maybe now the quiet the calm, maybe now we can--"

"You can say civilize me." I rubbed my throat, finally letting my arm fall. "I'm a fucking barbarian, I know. And I think...I think I want to change, I think I finally need to change. I mean, I died, what better time to, right?"

Celestia wrapped a wing around me, gently picking us up and leading me towards the road to the library. "Right. Now let's spend the night together, make some plans--"

"I knew a guy who could waltz, he used to waltz with his gun." I nuzzled Celestia's cheek, finally feeling empty enough to need that physical contact. "Can ponies waltz?"

Celestia laughed gently. "We can. Do you want to learn?"

I nodded. "Yeah...I think I do...." I looked up to the road, ponies bowing to Celestia and sneering at me. "...Celestia, are we gonna have sex...like, be honest, because I sure as hell won't complain."

Celestia stopped dead. "Um...I wasn't planning--"

I pushed free of her wing. "Fuck planning...I'm alive, I'm gonna go...do some things, and we're gonna actually spend the fucking night together!" I shouted in an actually pleased manner. "We're gonna- we're not gonna do that crazy shite like before...we're gonna...we're gonna lay down...be calm...and- and have sex like a couple should!" I felt invigorated, still a bit crestfallen from Silver moving on, but I was ready. I had sorted out everything from my past, and I had Celestia as a future. And I wasn't about to be the domineering psycho, bent on pleasure, I was going to connect, body and soul, I was going to make her feel loved, I was going to hold her, I was going to feel. "I'm ready to feel...." I mumbled, breathing deep. "I think...I'm ready to let go."

Celestia stood in the road, watching me wander off. "Wha- where are you going?"

"Condoms."

"B-but I thought you--"

"Not ready to feel that much!" I shouted, the possibility of having offspring with her wasn't terrible, but I really just needed to be with her, love her. I had to figure things out with her, before I could even start dreaming of raising kids properly. And so with a bit of a heavy heart, I headed on towards condoms, and a hopeful night with my girl, pony or not, magic or not, ruthless dictator or gleaming example of benevolence, she was mine. "...I'm in love with a horse. God--damn--it--Koby."

Condoms

I let out a long sigh, the burdens of modern life horrid and straining. The dull endlessly droning music was boring through my head as I waited in a long line of ponies. "...God damn everything." I hissed, tapping my foot on the floor of the shop, ponies snickering and laughing at me. And I really couldn't get mad at them. I was dressed in stupid clothes, a pair of socks with no shoes, just everything I could scrounging up from a human obsessed pony's home. I felt like an idiot, but I felt, and I was in control. I'd been through enough, from storming the beaches of Canada, losing fingers and organs in war, falling into a pony prison, finding a friend in a pony I'd never expected to care, ruined it all with one stupid night, and torn a hole in reality to get back.

I reached the counter, slapping down a box of condoms. "...I'm taking these." I hissed, hand tapping on the counter.

The pony behind the counter wore a dull expression, snowy white hair and a grey coat. "...Gotta pay for that...." She mumbled, eyes glazed over as she leaned her head up and let out a sharp yawn. "Can't just--"

"I'm taking these." I clarified, grabbing the box, "Mark it...."

The pony behind the counter just stared at me, then to the box, then back to me. "Eh...who ya banging?" She asked, levitating the box to a small pad on the counter, "Or are these just for--"

I snatched the box away from her, "Your princess." I growled, fed up with the world outside myself.

The mare behind the counter just nodded. "Awesome...sounds hot."

I stopped dead before I could reach the door. "... Hot?" I turned to the pony behind the counter. "Are you kidding me?"

The pony just sat there, staring at me. "No...you look alright, and Celestia is, I'd tap that flank...tap it hard."

I looked around, the shop emptying out as I sauntered over to the counter. "You think me, fucking your leader, you princess, the mare everyone loves, is hot?"

The pony nodded, her bagged eyes only half open as she did. "Yeah dude.... Why you walkin' over? Am I gonna get in on this?"

I pressed myself against the counter. "Are you kidding me right now?" I leaned over the shorter pony. "You think this is a good thing!? You don't even care if I--"

"Dude...are we gonna like...make out." She asked, genuine in her question. "I should probably close up if we are.... If your breath smells I got like...gum and stuff--"

I cocked my head to the side, "Who the hell would hire you?"

The mare shrugged. "I don't know. I end up behind counters so many times, I don't even know how, but it pays."

I grabbed my hair. "I- you- I fucked your princess in the ass! How you feel about--"

"I'm wet...." She stated, laying her cheek on her hoof. "Seriously...that sounds like...super awesome. Did you moan? Please tell me you moaned."

I felt my cheeks flush with heat. "...I- I didn't...."

"Yeah you did...I bet you did." The mare grew a slick smile, leaning over the counter and popping my chest with her hoof. "Panting...heaving, stabbing that big white butt with your pole. You moaned...she moaned, oh god I bet you two were so sweaty after it." The mare propped her face up on the counter. "Oh man...that's fucking hot...."

I took a step back, my hands refusing to clamp down on the box of condoms. "Um...what's your name?"

"Treble." She stated, "Now...tell me--"

"I'm going to go far away...and if I hear your name...I'm going to turn around and keep walking." I backed out, towards the door.

"Oh dude, wicked boner." She cooed, laying her chin across the table. "I knew you--"

"Far away." I stated, covering my groin with the condoms and pushing the door open with my back. "Never talk to me again...."

The mare crawled up onto the counter. "I don't have to talk...but you'll have to gag me."

"Jesus Christ...." My dick was jammed so hard into the shorts I was wearing I was sure I would slash my cock on the zipper. "Just, go away--"

"You're still here...." She cooed, rolling onto her back, "Come on...bring Celestia...we could--"

"Fucking hell!" I swung around, nearly snapping my wood on the doorframe. "I can't, I can't, I died, I came back, I killed, I- I just can't!" I shouted to myself, walking awkwardly towards the library. "God damn it Celestia, your ponies are freaks!"

Hold Me

I stepped out into the woods. I'd decided to leave the tree behind, leave the town behind. I was walking with Celestia, looking through the forest as my thoughts raced in my head. "...Celestia, I'm sorry." I stated, tucking my hands into my pocket. "Your people are weird, and that one when I went to go get the condoms...I don't know why, but she bugged me."

Celestia kept pace with me, her hooves clanking against the soft ground. "Why are you sorry about that?"

I shook my head. "I'm not, not about your subjects, your people, the book horse, nerd, you know." I pulled my hands up, breathing into my fingers as we walked through the calm winter woods. "I'm just sorry."

Celestia continued to follow, curling her head back to look at me. "Able, what brought--"

"You can call me Sam. You're one of about ten people who actually know my real name." I stated, looking up towards the silver moon overhead. "But I really am sorry. I can say it all I want, but even then it feels fake." I rubbed my face. "I don't know why, seeing that dozy bitch in the store...she was- she just didn't give a fuck. It got me thinking."

Celestia walked beside me, just like always. "About?"

I bit my lip. "Celestia, I almost killed someone to get my life back. I was ready to do it, I was going to do it. I mean, I've killed before. I've killed lots of people, I killed them because of arguments, I've killed them for my work, for a better future, for lots of reasons."

"You're going to ask me if it was worth it, aren't you?" Celestia asked, looking up to the moon, "What I did to the Thestrals."

I rubbed my mouth. "Halifax, that was by far the worst thing I did. I lost friends, I lost myself, I mean- I was always a prick!" I held my arms out, stopping and facing the side of the path. "I was always mean, but after that, I couldn't be anything else. If I tried to be nice, if I tried to feel I just saw the faces again." I clutched my head. "It's been a year I think, maybe two, and I still think about them."

Celestia took a deep breath. "It's been centuries, millennium, since I took Equestria. I have to face what I did daily."

"But how do you do it!?" I screamed, lowering my arms into a begging pose. "Celestia I'm not passing judgment, but the first time I was here, I lost my mind! That was a month, and now...now I can't go back, even if I wanted to! Celestia I really don't know what the hell I'm going to do here."

Celestia smiled softly, "We're going to lay together. We are going to spend the night together, and this time, not because I want sex, not because you're frustrated, not so you can...have your fun--"

"I'm sorry!" I shouted, my knees nearly buckling. "I made a mistake! I thought you didn't care, I thought you were just trying to comfort me!"

"Able--"

"If I'd have known, I wouldn't have done what I did!" I grabbed her by the chest piece, "I'm sorry. I thought it would be a one time thing! I never-" I caught myself, "- I never thought I'd love you.... God damn it...I never thought anyone would give a damn about me, I never thought I'd give a damn about anyone else!" I held on tight as I leaned against her.

"Able--"

"And now Silver Spoon is safe, she doesn't need me! I can't go home, they don't need me! You're fine on your own, and if I--"

"Able!" Celestia stomped her hoof, her voice reminding me of someone I lost. "Stop," she cooed, nuzzling the side of my head. "Please...stop."

I did my best to straighten out. "I really just don't know what to do. Back when- I knew I wasn't going to make it. I knew there was something wrong with me when I crawled back. I knew I was going to die, but now, I don't know what the hell to do with myself!" I placed my hand flat against Celestia's chest. "I don't hear the noise anymore, but without it, it's so quiet." I rubbed her chest, the smooth texture soothing. "It's so damn quiet. It's like that day, over and over again. It's like each time I lost my hearing, each time I went deaf f-from a bomb, grenade, from gunfire- I can't stop thinking about it!"

I fell to my knees, falling face first into the dirt before Celestia. "I thought everything was going to be okay, I thought I could be with you again, but that bitch got me thinking! She just- how can someone not care!? I want that, damn it, I want the quiet to not matter!" I slammed my chest with my fist. "How!? How the hell did you move on!?"

Celestia slowly curled up around me. Her body warm against my own. "I had children. I raised families, I built homes, towns, I lived. I've seen lives rise from nothing, hit their peak, and crumble into dust. I've been alive for thousands of years, seen ponies go through strife and great prosperity. Able, if there's one thing I can pass on to you, to a friend, a lover, someone I care about, someone I once was, you have to move on." Celestia curled her foreleg around my waist, pulling me against her belly. "You'll never forget what you did, but that doesn't mean it has to be your life."

I shook my head. "I'd done so much bad shit."

"Shh."

"I fucked with your students, I screamed at you, I screamed at them--"

"Shh."

"I nearly killed a man, I- I'm a fucking monster Celestia!" I grabbed my head. "God damn that bitch! Everything I did, everyone I killed, all so I could get screwed with by that bitch!" I clutched my arms, "Why the hell does she bug me so much?!"

Celestia curled around me. "Does she remind you of--"

"No!" I shouted, "No...not going--"

"She does, doesn't she?" Celestia asked, laying her chin against my chest, her cheek pressed against the crook of my neck. "Someone you cared about? Someone you hated?"

I shook my head. "It's not her. It's the attitude." My grip nearly tore the skin from my arm. "So many people like that back in Quebec. Whores, traitors, people who just didn't give a fuck about us or what we were trying to do." I felt my nails cut my skin. "She was making jokes, like we should have a threesome, like it's a fucking game!" I darted my hand to Celestia's head as she leaned against me. "Celestia...is this a game? Is this going to be another night like before?" I shook my head. "If this is going to be like before, carnal, mean, I don't want it."

"Able," Celestia drew her head back, sliding her soft face over my cheek. "While you were gone, I enjoyed the company of a guard."

I felt my gut sink. "So this is--"

"If I wanted sex, just sex, again, I'd find one of them. Somepony I'd never have to deal with again." She kissed the top of my head. "I want to be here for you, and I want to see you feel." She kissed my crown, wiggling her head and rustling my hair. "I want to see you cry."

I locked up. "You want...to see me...cry?" I asked in earnest. "You want to see me cry? What the fuck!?" I shoved off her, rolling onto my back and scrambling away. "What kind of psycho shit is that!?"

Celestia sat, as a horse would, staring at me. "It's okay to cry, and I don't think I've ever seen you."

I felt a heat rise into my chest. "Over what?!" I held my arms out. "What do you want me to cry about!? About the men I've killed, about the ponies you've killed?! Should I bring it all up, just throw it on the floor like it doesn't even matter!?" I felt my eyes start to burn as I remembered Halifax. "About how Coax died before me, about when we found Juno, dead, curled up and charred black." I took a deep breath. "Should I bring up your stories?! About how--"

"About my husband?" Celestia asked, her eyes glassy. "Did I tell you about my first husband?"

I felt something shoot through my chest. "Why you bring that shit up--"

"He was a thestral." She stated, lowering her head. "My first family, thestrals. Seems a bit ironic considering what I did, no?" She looked off into the woods. "It was after it all. When they were forced into Transylmania. We kept them there, only a few lucky ones could leave, and even then they had to stay in Canterlot." She frowned hard, "He was sweet. Bitter as could be about what happened, but I couldn't blame him." She looked towards the woods. "He had green eyes, very bright."

I felt a pang hit me, somehow I was more inadequate for not having green eyes. "Why are you--"

"I loved him, Able." She stated, clear as day. "And you two are so alike. So angry, so bitter at the world for the cards it dealt you. But please, I don't want to see you make the same mistake he did." Celestia pushed off the ground, carefully standing and wandering over to me. "He died unhappy. He died trying to convince me what I did was wrong. He spent the last three years of his life screaming at me, at our children, because he saw what was happening in the mountains."

I just stared at her, my nose and eyes starting to burn and blur. "You think I'm going to tell you I think what you did was wrong? I've seen the bat ponies, thestrals, whatever you want to call them. They're still around, and that's more--" I could feel my breathing kick up, my heart fluttering as I tried to speak through a mouth full of dry air. "That's more than I can say about Halifax!" I stormed up to her, standing on my toes to be level with her. "You fixed your mistake! I can't go back, I can't tell them all how sorry I am! I can't get the faces out of my head!"

Celestia kept level with me, frowning softly, "Able, it's okay--"

"It's not okay!" I screamed, "It's not about being okay! It's about me being here at all!" I turned away, "I don't belong here! Because you know what, no matter what happened here, what happens here, you can fix it. I can't, I don't belong here, I don't know how I ended up here, but I knew you were out there, and I thought you'd--"

Celestia nuzzled my head, "You're here." She swept a hoof around my back, "And I'm trying to help you, now please, let go."

"Don't fucking do this!" I shouted, trying to push free. "I'm not broken damn it!"

"Let go," Celestia cooed, leaning against my head. "I'm here, it's safe--"

I felt my arms start to weaken, "Don't fucking do this to me!" I screamed, my voice going hoarse. "Don't do this!"

Celestia kept me pinned against her chest, "It's okay, but you need to let go." She rested her lips against my shoulder, "I cried like a filly after what I did. But I don't think you've cried once." She rubbed her cheek against my own. "Crying hurts, I know, but holding it in burns." Celestia leaned down, dampening my cheek with her eye, "You're the first one I told about Posa. Thousands of years, everypony but me forgot who he was. But you know."

I let my hands fall, slipping gently from her chest. I hung there for a moment, silence filling the air. "I'm sorry." I whimpered, darting my hands around her neck and pulling her close. "I'm so fucking sorry." I went blind, my eyes too blurry to see properly. Celestia's white coat distorted into a hazy blur as I hissed and sputtered. "I'm so god damn sorry."

I tried to push free, "No...you're staying right here--"

I continued to try and push free. "I'm going to get you sick or something!" I screamed, following it up with a pained whine, my heart felt weak, my body limp and useless. "Please, for the love of god, I don't want you to--"

Celestia slowly rocked her body left and right. "You're not leaving me right now."

I tightened up, my arms burning for touch. I wrapped my arms around her, squeezing myself against her with all my force. "I swear to god I'll never leave you!"

Celestia's grip tightened after I spoke. "Able...thank you--"

"Don't fucking thank me!" I squeezed her tight, trying to lock my fingers together. My eyes burned like hell, my body weeped for rest. "I'm so fucking sorry, I'm so sorry, I never wanted to hurt you, I never wanted to hurt anyone."

Celestia slowly lowered her head, placing her horn against my skull. "Able...."

I snapped upright, a strange buzzing echoing through my body. "What?" I asked with a sharp turn of my head. "What!? Celestia, what do you need?!"

Celestia let me go, leaving me wobbling in the center of the path. She walked behind a tree, a bright light shining and lighting up the entire forest. From behind the tree, a warm, white hand reached out. "Follow me."

I looked down at my wrists, orange hair starting to grow over my skin, and my fingers starting to pull back into my hands. "...How long?"

Celestia leaned out from behind a tree, human, "A day or so." She smiled sweetly, "If I remember right, you were quite cute as a pony."

I sniffled loudly, wiping my nose off with my slowly changing wrist. "I'm not cute...." I followed her into the woods.

Chasing Her

I felt hazy, drunk, wandering after a pale woman through the foggy winter night. I wore nothing, yet burned with a strange warmth as the woman ran from me. I felt like an animal, compelled to follow her without reason. Of course I knew my real reason, but it was a game, a hunt between us. The woman, once a mare, leading me on a chase, forcing me after her with each lithe step. She was beautiful, Celestia, in any form she took, seemed to have a radiance about her. Something I couldn't match.

I'd no idea what was going on, nor why she decided to play this game, but I was stuck. I was going to chase her, pony, human, griffon, rock or tree. I'd chase her to the ends of the world for what she's done for me. I knew what would happen, and for once, I wanted it with a clean attentiveness that made my fogged mind clear. She'd changed, into something human, into something warm and soft. Soon I would return the favor, turn into something hard, something that walked on four legs. But now was my time, and while her's would surly come, now was mine.

I ran through the strangely unreal forest, noises that could come from no other place sang in the trees. I didn't like Equestria, but the woman darting between the trees, she gave me a reason to stay. All the guilt, the shame for what I'd done to her, with her, evaporated as I stepped through the snow. I was what I wanted to be, mindless, happy. I was an animal, a feral human being left to the whims of a pony with ages of experience past mine. Yet more than a pony, a woman, a mare. Even beyond the skin, beyond her body, her forms, human, pony, beyond it all I saw something warm. It was mine to take, all I had to do was grab it, and never let it go.

I ran through the snow, watching Celestia's nude body stroll through the woods. I wanted it, I would have it, and with a clear mind I would never hurt it again. I would never abuse it again, it was a temple, to the mind locked inside. Just like I was, locked in a body of another's design. But her face, her smile, everything about her movements and grace transcended her shape. Even as I fell, my back hunching, arms twisting and body changing from human to equine, I chased her.

My vision lowered, my two steps replaced by four as I changed. I didn't care. My mind was fixated on the woman running through the trees. My new hooves finding their marks with ease, I dashed through the snow, chasing after her like mad. I wanted her, and no change would stop me. As a man I would have chased her, and I chased her all the same as a pony.

I felt free, my new perspective sending old memories to dust. A bright orange muzzle sat between my eyes, obnoxiously hanging there and blocking my view of Celestia's human body. But I saw enough. I saw enough to make my mouth water, to send my lower half into a tizzy, and to push my legs harder and harder. But still she was out of reach. "Was the change not enough!?" I shouted, sliding past a tree and into a clearing. "Celestia?!" I screamed, breath curling out into the dull fog. "I'll find you, and when I do I swear to god--"

Celestia peeked out from the side of a tree. "Even as a pony you're so ornery." She looked around, "I have to say, I do feel a lot shorter like--"

I cut her off, throwing myself at her and knocking her gently to the ground. I was careful, using just enough force to tip her over. "Mine now...." I cooed, looking at the woman under my fresh equine legs.

Celestia smiled, reaching up and wrapping her hands around my head. "Only if you'll be mine." She wiggled her nose against my now flat one. "You're cute as a pony."

I pushed my head forward, planting an awkward kiss on her lips. "Celestia...you're b--"

Celestia pulled herself back up as I tried to break away, turning her head and deepening the kiss. "I know." She spoke between kisses, quickly pulling me back and ignoring the awkward joining of two species. I wasn't in a good state, but neither was Celestia. I was pony, she was human, but it was all the same in my eyes. She was Celestia, I was Able, and nothing else mattered.

I stayed standing, my cock resting heavily against her stomach. "You're warm...." She cooed, her nails digging into the back of my neck. "Big for a pony," she smiled softly, "Strange isn't it?"

I nickered, "You calling me short?"

Celestia chuckled softy, picking her head back up and kissing my neck. "No, but you're a little chubby now."

I stared down at her. Her multicolored hair beautifully framed by the snow. "Shut up...." I groaned softly, "...Mea--"

"Make me." she whispered, leaned her head up and blowing warm air right into my ear. "Please."

I took a deep breath, leaning down and snorting warm air across her chest. "...Alright." I cooed, shaking her hand loose and catching her lips as she laid back down in the snow.

Her hands met my neck, pressing my flesh lightly. I turned my head, poking my tongue out and flicking the tip against her sweet lips. She tasted of sweetened milk and sugar, a warm, pleasant flavor. I continued to push, eyes opening to find Celestia's closed. I felt right, not domineering or overwhelming, but right. I felt Celestia loosen, her lips opening slightly. I was invited, and I pushed my tongue past her lips, taking her offering with gusto.

I stepped forward, leveling out our vertical kiss. My hoof hung half limp in the air, my body lazy and slow as I focused on the warm, wet kiss. I poked myself with her sharp teeth, feeling her much smaller tongue poke my own. It was tentative, but soon I felt her sliding her own tongue along mine. I let out a short grunt, met with a soft moan from Celestia. I carried on, shifting my head and pinning Celestia's tongue. Her hands slid along my jaw, causing my hair to stand on end.

I pulled back, Celestia sucking on my tongue as I slid past her lips once again. She kept her eyes shut, my own starting to flutter as she sucked my fleshy tongue. With a soft pop I pulled free, Celestia's mouth hanging open. "I love you...." I mumbled, "Celestia, I love you." I stated with force.

Celestia's beautiful eyes slowly opened, a warm smile curling around her lips. "I know."

I kissed her nose. "No...I love you." I stated again, sure in my ideal. I kissed her neck, licking along her throat and kissing her chin. "Celestia, I'm so sorry I hurt you."

Celestia leaned her head upward, presenting her neck to me. "You never hurt me."

I nibbled on her chin, "I did...." I slid my chin past her own, "I left you alone--"

"You died...." She whimpered, squirming as I kissed and nipped my way down her neck. "It wasn't your--"

"I shouldn't have left the first time." I whispered, breathing heavily past her collarbone. "You were so kind...and I didn't want to hurt you. I just ran, I ran towards home, and I'm so sorry--"

Celestia pulled my head up, "Able...live in the present. If you take one lesson from me, live in the moment." She kissed my cheek, "If you live in what was, or try to live in what's going to happen you'll go crazy."

I lowered my head, returning to her chest, pecking up and down the sternum. "I'm sorry." I whispered, kissing just above her heart. "I shouldn't have run."

Celestia's hands grabbed my forelegs, "Oh god...humans are sensitive...." Her fingers dug into my skin as I licked the center of her chest. "Able...careful--"

"I'm sorry." I cooed warmly, "The last time...it was carnal, mean, and I'm so sorry." I kissed her chest, keeping my lips pressed against her, letting her heartbeat radiate through my jaw. "...You're excited."

Celestia took a deep, shaky breath. "Not used to having my skin touched...." She whimpered, head leaned back into the snow. "Mmh, you're so warm."

I turned my head, licking at the plump curve of her breast. She jumped, chest heaving as I teased her supple lump. "Ponies are weird." I mumbled, licking up the curve of her breast and planting a kiss back on her heart.

Celestia's hands were wrapped firmly around my forelegs. "Always--touch my coat--" She flinched as I pushed her breast up with the tip of my nose, "N-n-never my skin."

I stopped, muzzle buried between her breasts. "Sorry." I pulled my head back, "Going to have to get used to it." I turned my head, planting my lips dead on her nipple. Celestia's hand tightened around my legs like a vise, her voice trembling as I pressed my tongue against her hardened tit. Celestia squirmed under me, her feet pulling back and digging into the snow as she tried to brace herself.

"Able, wait..." She moaned, leaving me to tickle and teased her tit, pushing it against the milky white flesh of her breast. I took a deep snarling breath through my nose, suckling at her and causing her ultra soft body to distort and squish against my lips. "Able...."

I kept my tongue flat against her tit, following it back and forth as it flicked every possible direction. I pulled her soft skin into my mouth, pulling it back just a bit before letting it snap back. "Hm?"

Celestia leaned her head up, her mouth twisted into a tired frown. "...You know what...you'll know what to do better than I will." She plopped herself back down in the snow, "This is like the time I turned into a diamond dog all over again...."

I cocked my head, my lips hanging just over her chest. "...What?"

Celestia adjusted her hands on my legs. "Nothing...toes...." She took a deep breath. "Never get used to having toes."

I ignored her odd statement. I licked up from her ribs to her breasts. "...Celestia, gonna warn you now, I don't do oral."

Celestia let out a strange groan, tired, but a bit bitter. "You'll learn."

I laughed, slowly lowering my head and kissing her navel, "Not today." I made sure to leave a bit of a mark over her naval, "Shouldn't you be tan? You're...sun goddess...thingy."

Celestia's hands relaxed around my forelegs. "You're from a snowy place, shouldn't you be covered in hair?"

"Point-" I looked down at my hooves, "-null.... But I get what you meant." I licked at her soft supple body, enjoying the texture of her skin and the tremble in her voice. "...Can you tell I'm stalling?" I asked, looking between my legs as I adjusted. "...Your pubes match your hair...."

Celestia looked up, her breasts covering her mouth. "What?"

I licked past her navel, teasing her pubis and causing her legs to kick out. "Same colors as your mane, hair, whatever you call it."

Celestia stared at me. "Stalling?"

"Oh...yeah." I looked down, staring at my cock dangling rigid between my legs. "...Help?"

Celestia let out a strange sigh. "This is always a problem for everypony except unicorns...." She started to turn, laying on her side under me. "Lay behind me."

I did my best to lay down, my legs not working in my favor. "How the- fucking- how?!" I shouted, sitting down, then up, then down again. "How do you live like this?!"

Celestia pushed me over, leaving me to flop onto my side. "You find ways to deal with it." She pulled her hand away and pressed her back against me. "How do you live without fur?"

I carefully tucked her against my with my forelegs. "Clothes. Now...I'm kinda hanging--" My voice caught in my throat as her warm hand met my cock, causing my to flinch back. "Easy!" I shouted, Celestia's crown pressed up against my chin. "Easy...."

Celestia cooed softly as she pushed me back. My chin was forced up as she slid up my body, the tip of my cock met with a warmth amongst the snow. "Really?"

I took a deep breath. "I get the sneaking suspicion our friend didn't get laid a lot...."

Celestia let out a soft yelp, my face buried in her hair. "Are all humans this small?"

I tightened up, my tail flicking up as I felt my tip tingle. "What?"

Celestia let out a warm coo, sliding my equine cock up and down her slit. "No offense Able, but you're not that big. You're about average, but it seems--"

I took a deep breath, her constant teasing causing my leg to twitch. "I don't know...I've never had a vagina."

Celestia took a deep breath, the pressure around my head starting to grate. A heavy ache was settling around my cock head, "It doesn't seem like much would fit--"

I pushed my hips forward, prodding her hole and dipping my cock into the waiting fluids. "You'd be surprised!"

Celestia mumbled, "Able, slow--"

I snarled angrily. "I know! It's starting to build up, starting to ache."

Celestia wiggled herself about. "It's just a little daunting--"

"I've seen a woman take a real horse inside herself! This isn't crap! Please...it's really, really starting to hurt." I prodded her again, not letting up the pressure as she squirmed, "Please?"

Celestia's voice quivered as I poked her dripping hole. "Go slow, I'll tell you when- mmph." She tensed up, hand latching onto my foreleg as I kept forcing myself forward. With a soft grunt I slipped in, filling her hot insides ever so slowly. Celestia's grip of my hooves tightened as I dug in, careful with my movements. "Easy--"

"I am." I whispered, trying to keep my heart from exploding as I dug into her. "Really trying to be calm here." I carried on, hitting my limit and slowly rocking back and forth. "Celestia, you alright?" I asked, the tingling in my rod causing me to surge with warmth, a continual push and pull of the hot blood inside me. "Cel--"

"I'm alright." She stated, pressing her back against me. "It's cold out, but I'm alright."

I locked my forelegs around her, pulling her against me as best I could. I was about the same size as her, perhaps slightly smaller. "Sorry, can't really do any more." I pulled my hips back, the warm slide out causing my heart to jump. I did my best to hold on, Celestia's hair jammed against my muzzle as I forced myself back. "God damn I don't--" I let out a sharp growl, gritting my teeth hard as Celestia nestled her ass into my lap.

Celestia's hands dug into my pseudo wrists, my brain unaware of the actual name. Celestia let out a soft moan as I slid in and out, dripping into the snow and onto my thigh with each pull back, and causing a loud squelch with my return. "Oh gods...I feel so full."

I felt myself shudder as I slowly pistoned myself in and out of her. I kept my face scrunched up and buried in Celestia's hair. "Celestia, I'm sorry." I whispered, the smooth glide in and out causing my lower half to buzz. I pulled Celestia tight against me, her body slightly cold and her soft skin smooth against my coat. "I really don't--"

Celestia's hands tightened up around my hooves. "Able...shut up." She stated clearly, her voice broken and wavering as her breath picked up. "Just shut up, and be here."

I nestled my head against the back of her own. "I will." I continued my sticky fuck, heart beating like mad as I slid my wet rod in and out of her, Celestia's left leg hooked around my thigh, her right foot pressed against my stomach, toes curled up and searching for warmth. I could feel her breasts jiggling against my forelegs, the constant sticky slide in and out was sending me further and further towards the edge.

I felt an outstanding tickle along the underside of my cock as I pulled back. I slammed forward, causing Celestia's voice to hitch, her body tightening up, pulling me in and squeezing me tight as I tried to hold back.

Three

"Celestia- gonna cum--" I pushed as deep as I could go, trying to squeeze myself closed. A tickle, a buzz, a pleasure borne of the warm sticky fluids spilling from Celestia threatened to explode out of me.

Two

Celestia's breathing went wild, her sex convulsing around me as I humped and grinding involuntarily. "Oh gods, Able, wait--"

One

"I can't." I mumbled, the soft pressure in my cock sending me into bliss, the warmth spilling out of our bodies and heating up the woods around us. My skin felt like it was on fire, tingling along my joints as I felt the effort, the pressure around my cock give out. I went blind, my eyes snapped shut as I shot gentle spurts into Celestia. Warm, to hot, wet to soaked, sticky to glued. The changes were instant, and Celestia's voice only reached higher as she grabbed and kicked, her toes dug against my skin, her hands gripping my forelegs as hard as possible.

Each contour of her pussy, each squeeze of her muscles and twist of her body seemed to elongate the already blissful orgasm. It wasn't the strongest, but the soft texture of her neck against my lips, the heat warming my cock and keeping me safe from the snowy cold outside, I couldn't contain it. I let out a sharp moan, voice growling low as I pushed my head past her neck, resting on her shoulder as I cried into the woods.

Mouth held open, breath fogging in the air, I was lost. The soft feathery tickle trickled away, leaving me to nurse my ruined body. I pulled back, my cock slipping free of the dripping entrance with a lewd shlorp. "Jesus- fuck- uuuuugh." I leaned my head into the snow. "Holy crap...."

Celestia tucked herself up, feet cold, body needing warmth. "Able...it's so warm--"

I looked up at the moon lazily. "...Warm.... Oh shite...."

Celestia nestled against me. "What's wrong?"

I let out a sharp huff. "I didn't even use the condoms." I chuckled, holding Celestia against me and off the cold snow below. "Oh Jesus...figures."

Celestia's hands pulled my hooves against her chest. "Oh...." Celestia nestled against my belly. "We'll sort it out."

I chuckled softly, "Yeah, but we should probably get somewhere warm."

Celestia refused to move, keeping me pinned with her arms and legs. "Not yet. Just stay with me a little longer." She pulled one of my hooves against her chin. "You know, I don't think I've heard you laugh. It's nice."

"... Thank you. Thank you, for everything."

Walking Home

I walked slowly towards home. "Celestia...you alright?"

Celestia rode upon my back, legs wrapped around my sides, arms wrapped around my neck, her head pressed against my jaw. "Cold...."

I continued my walk. "I'll try and hurry." I picked up my pace, still not completely comfortable walking on four legs. "Feels like I'm crawling, but it doesn't hurt."

A few birds sang loudly in the distance. "Walking like this isn't much better. Feels like I'm constantly stumbling."

I looked up to the moon. "So we're going to your student's right?"

Celestia nuzzled my neck. "Yes."

"And how long does this last?" I asked, finding the path towards the library empty and clean.

Celestia's hair spilled over my head. "A day--"

"So we're gonna need-" I spaced out, finding myself at the Library door, "-to tell Luna or someone to raise the sun, right?"

Celestia rubbed her head, hooking her arm around my neck. "Oh damn...."

I laughed softly as I forced the door open, stepping into the strange tree. "Do you think Twilight will mind if we sleep in here?"

Celestia slowly dismounted, sliding down my side and onto the floor. "I don't think so--"

"Enira, sov'al tok!?" A sharp, somewhat raspy voice came from above, a pink and white stallion racing down the stairs. "Who are you!? Now!" He stamped his hoof, getting up in my face.

I stared at the stallion. "...Your breath smells like pussy."

The stallion grew a bit flushed, "I- you need to leave, now!"

I smiled lazily. "Eating out the book horse?" I asked, watching Celestia walk past the stallion and up the stairs. "...Ha.... Nerd finally got laid."

The stallion stared at me, rage mixed with shame. "Get out of my--"

"Celestia!?" Twilight's voice, as fuzzy as it was for me, echoed through the building.

I stared eye to eye with the stallion, smiling smugly. "Celestia...?"

"Hmm?"

I took a deep breath. "I promise, till I die, I will be kind, nice, pleasant to you. But I'm going to rail on everyone else. I love you, but I've gotta do this." I stepped nose to nose with the stallion. "I banged your princess--"

The stallion leaned his forehead against me. "No you didn't."

I laughed heavily, slowly settling down on the floor. "I guess not." I folded my legs up and splayed out over the floor of the treebrary. "Still, I banged your leader." I closed my eyes, ready to finally get some rest. Next time I opened my eyes, I'd have to be different, I would be different, and I could only hope I'd like being a kinder if still vulgar, person.