Chapter 14:

Tast the Rainboom

(Takes place during Episode 16 of My Little Pony)

“OMNIUS!”

“Gah!” I fell out of bed, still wrapped in my sheets, and rapidly flapped my wings in an attempt to get free. “WHAT’S HAPPENING?! Are we under attack? Did someone try and shave my beard? ARE THEY TRYING TO MAKE A SECOND SUPER MARIO BROTHERS MOVIE?!?”

A hoof smacked into my face, bringing me to my senses, and cutting off my tirade. I blinked, and slipped my glasses onto my face to see that Rainbow Dash was currently glaring at me irritably.

“Mornin’ to you too,” I yawned, scratching the back of my head. “How’d you get in?”

“You loaned me a key!” She growled.

“Oh yeah…now I remember. What’s with the early-morning grouchiness?” I slowly got up, and shook out my mane and fluffed up my feathers, trying to appear somewhat presentable for my unexpected company.

“No time, COME ON!” She flew behind me, and pushed me out of the window, forcing me to start flapping my wings to prevent myself from having a tear-filled reunion with the ground.  I glanced at the sky, and groaned.

“Dash,” I said, turning my head to look at her. “It’s the butt-crack of dawn.”

“The what?” Dash said, slowing down for a moment in her confusion.

“I’m the one who just got pushed out the window,” I retorted. “You answer me. Now.”

“Ugh, FINE!” She stopped pushing, and flew besides me, forcing me to pick up the pace. As we flew, she explained to me how she was entering something called the “Best Young Flyer Competition.” Apparently, since it was taking place in Cloudsdale, only Fluttershy and I (as long as I stuck to Pegasus form) would be able to show up and cheer her on.

“So…I’ve been recruited as a cheerleader?” I said dryly as we came upon the field that Rainbow Dash would be practicing in.

“Yeah! I’ve been trying to get Fluttershy to cheer louder, but-”

“She’s Fluttershy. ‘Nuff said,” I interrupted, shaking out my mane. “Alright, I’m in. But I get to pick your music for your routine.”

“WHAT!?” Rainbow shouted, landing on the field and staring at me angrily. “But I already got my music picked! And I’ve already synched it with my flying routine!”

“Uh huh,” I grunted.

“And you’re just gonna make me redo my entire routine to fit it?!”

“Who said that?” I asked, mentally going through potential songs in my head. “Just do your sky-dancing gig, and I’ll pick a tune that fits.”

“Are you sure?” She asked me, choosing to ignore the sky-dance comment.

“Yes. Come on, Dasher,” I said, wrapping a forehoof around her neck. “Just gimme a chance and I can get you a totally rockin’ new sound to make you more awesome than you already are.”

Dash’s will faltered, and I had to resist the urge to grin. Easiest way to convince her that you’re doing something good is to stoke her ego. I learned that early on, but tried not to do stuff like that too often. It made me feel guilty, like I was manipulating her to my own ends. That being said, I only did it this time because she seemed…

Dare I say it?

She seemed nervous.

Rainbow Dash: Speedster Extraordinaire, Dangerous Daredevil, and Awesome Aviator, was nervous.

Well. I probably should’ve seen that coming.

Shaking myself out of my thoughts, I smiled, and said, “Now come on. Let’s see that routine you’ve got planned.”

She nodded, and flew into the air, the wind pushing her mane back. While I watched her fly up into the air, I looked to my side and saw that a certain yellow Pegasus had appeared, somehow managing to creep up by me without me noticing.

“S’up, Shy?” I asked, my stomach growling lightly.

“Oh, hello, Omnius,” Fluttershy said, standing next to me. “Did Rainbow wake you up too?”

“You could say that…Hey, do I smell food?” Is it just me, or do I turn the conversation to food a lot?

Fluttershy giggled, and set down a small bag she had been carrying with her. Flipping it open, she pulled out a couple bowls of salad, and set them onto the ground. “I’ve gotten used to Rainbow Dash waking me up early, so I started packing my own meals for these.” She then glanced at my stomach, and pushed a small bowl of fruit towards me.

“Erm, no, it’s fine,” I said, ignoring my stomach’s furious protests. “It’s your food, and I really shouldn’t take it.”

“But you didn’t eat anything for breakfast!”

“How’d you know that?” I asked, more than a little surprised.

“It’s Rainbow Dash.”

“Touché. Ooh, grapes!”

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A few minutes later, Dash had caught me trying to catch a few Z’s (damn it, but come on, I NEVER GET TO SLEEP WHEN I WANT TO), and she was now forcing me to cheer alongside Fluttershy, acting as her personal cheerleaders.

“YEAH!” I hollered at the top of my lungs. “GO DASH! COLOR ME IMPRESSED! BOOYAKASHA! EYE OF THE TIGER! MOTIVATIONAL STUFF! YODA QUOTE! SOMETHING ELSE LIKE THAT!”

“…yay,” Fluttershy, um, cheered (?).  

Welp, there goes my heart. Cause of termination: Diabetes. I’m sorry, but come on…it’s Fluttershy. The most adorable of ponies. Saying “yay”. What’s not to love about that?!

Dudes and dudettes, I dare you, no, I CHALLENGE YOU to find something more A-d’aw-able than that. Actually, no, I’m not gonna do that, because I don’t want you to waste your time trying to find something as a-d’aw-able as that. I don’t want you to be crushed by the defeat.

Rainbow Dash halted mid-routine, and turned her gaze towards us. She groaned, and smacked her face with her hoof, doing an obvious face-hoof.

“Fluttershy! Is THAT what you call cheering?”

Maybe she calls it that, but I call it “Weapons-Grade Cute-onium.”

“Oh, I’m sorry, did I do something wrong?”

Quickly thinking of an excuse to avoid more heart-destroying “yays”, I flapped my wings, and flew off, saying, “Got an idea, getting you theme song, be back in a few!”

Within a few minutes, I had flown back to my house, grabbed an iPod from my stash (being immortal does not necessarily mean you know how to repair an iPod if it gets broken), and came back, to see Rainbow Dash doing a type of military thing with Fluttershy.

“Now, what have we learned?”

“Lots of control.”

“Good,” Rainbow Dash said simply.

“Screaming and hollering.”

“Yes. And most importantly?”

“Passion!”

…Oh dear Gandhi, please don’t let them be talking about what my sleep-deprived, semi-perverted mind is thinking about.

“Right!” She landed in front of her, and added, “So now that you know the elements of a good cheer, let’s hear one!”

YE GODS AND GODDESSES, THAT WAS CLOSE.

Fluttershy inhaled a small bit of air, and then- “Yay.”

I stifled a “D’aw”, and elected to sit quietly, and observe what was happening. All I can say is: Thank the Gods I’m semi-immortal.

Rainbow Dash face-hoofed, and said, “Ugh, you’re gonna like that? Louder.”

“Yay.”

“Louder!”

“Yay.” Okay, it was just a tid-bit louder that time around.

“LOUDER!”

“Yay.” Just a liiiiiiiiiitllle bit louder.

“LOUDER!!!” Ow, my ears. I absently stuck a hoof to one, and rubbed vigorously, while Fluttershy took a huge breath, ready to unleash her pent-up excitement and energy in one, single, world changing shout that would forever go down in history.

“Yaaay.”

Well, it’d go down in history for making me fall over from sudden exposure to dangerously high levels of Fluttershy cuteness.

Rainbow just fell over from sheer-exposure to embarrassment for her friend.

“Too loud?” Fluttershy asked us both, concern in her voice.

I laughed, and picked myself up off the ground, brushing some grass off of my wings. “Nah, it wasn’t loud, per say.”

“Oh, is that good?” She asked, looking at me with her wide, crystal colored eyes.

“Erm…”

“NO! We need to work on making sure you cheer loud enough!” Rainbow Dash exclaimed, flying up suddenly. “I need to hear the both of you cheering me on! Do you understand me?”

“MARE, YES, MARE,” I shouted, giving her a mock salute. “PERMISSION TO SPEAK, MA’AM?”

“Granted,” Dash replied, taking my military style speech in stride.

“Can we break for lunch?”

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After a quick lunch break, Dash had flown up into the clouds, while Fluttershy and I stood next to each other on the ground, waiting for her performance. I had also taken the time to play the music that I had thought would fit well for Rainbow’s flight routine, and she had given me the go ahead to play it while she flew.

“Alright, the tunage is set,” I called out, after plugging my iPod into a small, battery powered speaker. “Let her rip!”

“Yay!” Fluttershy cheered softly.

Dash took a deep breath, and bounced a few times on her cloud, as if it were a diving board, and then she leaped off of it, and plummeted to the ground, becoming a cyan blur. Just when it looked like she was about to face-plant into the ground, she pulled up, and soared close to the ground, leaving a rainbow colored trail in her wake.

Without even skipping a beat, she flew towards a long row of tall, thin trees, and weaved through them, barely even losing any speed at all! As she passed by me and Shy, I had to grab my glasses to keep them from being flung off of my face, and I shouted, “YEAH!!!”

“Ooooh!” Fluttershy softly cheered.

Note to self: Talk to Iron Man about getting a new heart. Mine just exploded.

While I fought off the urge to have a sudden heart attack, Rainbow Dash sped off into the sky, zooming around three clouds, picking up more and more momentum, until she started turning them, causing them to spin rapidly, and make me dizzy from trying to keep up with them.

I shook my head, and screamed, “OOOWWWWW! GO, GO, GO!”

Fluttershy looked up, and softly said, “Way to go!”

…I better ask him to make that heart out of vibranium. Or whatever they make the railing out of in video games. Seriously, have you noticed that stuff never breaks?

I’m getting distracted again. Anyways, I craned my neck to watch Rainbow climb higher into the sky, until she was nothing more than a speck, before she turned around and shot off like a bullet towards the ground, with one hoof extended before her.

“What’s she doing?” I asked.

“She’s trying to do a Sonic Rainboom,” Fluttershy answered.

“A sonic what-boom?”

“Just watch! She’s about to do it!”

Sure enough, a vapor cone had started to form around Rainbow, and it looked as if she were about to push through it, her eyes watering from what I imagine must’ve been the g-force, when-

She stopped, the cone refusing to break. Before I could react, the cone somehow defied all laws of physics (right, magic pony land, who am I to talk physics?), and flung her back, almost as fast as she was going before.

“Well. That ain’t good,” I mumbled, while Fluttershy covered her mouth in worry. “Five bits says she lands in Twilight’s library.”

“What makes you say that?”

“It’s that time of week for a friendship report,” I replied. “So, for the sake of plot convenience, she’ll land somewhere near Twilight. And Twilight just so happens to be cleaning after a hard night of studying.”

“How do you know that?”

“Elementary, my dear Fluttershy! It’s Twilight, and she tends to study more around this time of week, almost as if her sub-conscience is prepping her for her routine reports, so that she’ll know what to expect,” I explained as we flew.

“Does that really happen?”

“I have no clue.”

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Hey kids, guess what time it is!

That’s right! It’s time for the “I-told-you-so!” dance! But, I am a dude of honor, and don’t like to do that dance, unless it happens to involve drinking contests or chili-dogs.

Wait, what was I right about? Oh, yeah, Dash crashing into the library.

Fluttershy flew to an open window (probably the one Dash crashed through), and I had to push open the door, moving some of the books out of the way. Once I was inside, I noticed that not only was Twilight in there, but so were the rest of our friends.

Come on; let me hear you say it:

YAY, PLOT CONVENIENCE!

“Rainbow Dash, you rock!” Fluttershy said in her soft voice from her perch. “Woo-hoo!” She stopped and looked at the mess, surprise etched onto her face. “Did my cheering do that?”

I face-hoofed. Damn you adorable Fluttershy.

Damn you.

Rainbow Dash stood up, shaking herself free of some stray books, and sheepishly laughed. “Sorry about that, ladies,” She apologized, before she let out an annoyed huff. “That was a truly feeble performance!”

“Actually, it wasn’t all bad. I particularly liked it when you made the clouds spin,” Fluttershy said, smiling.

Rainbow let out another annoyed sigh, and said, “I’m not talking about my performance, I’m talking about YOURS! That feeble cheering! Omnius, you weren’t bad, but you might need to say something cooler.”

“Like what?”

“What are you three arguing about?” Twilight interrupted suddenly.

“Were we arguing? I’m sorry,” Fluttershy apologized, earning another face-hoof from me.

Dash let out yet ANOTHER sigh, and said to the others, “I wish you guys could come to Cloudsdale to see me compete in the Best Young Flyer Competition.”

“What’s that?” Twilight asked.

Pinkie jumped up, and said enthusiastically, “It’s where all the greatest pegasus flyers get together and show off their different flying styles!” She reared up, and took off around the room, saying, “ Some are fast!”

I got hit in the face by a few books, and had to shake them off a few times so I didn’t get buried by knowledge.

“Some are graceful!” Pinkie added, trying to do some sort of ballet style thing, before she suddenly fell over, and landed on my, forcing my head under a pile of books, some of them with spells on “Static Cling”…NO!

I struggled to remove myself from the pile, and in my thrashing, I accidentally missed a good chunk of the conversation. By the time I removed my head, I had just barely caught Pinkie’s explanation of what a Sonic Rainboom was, and now wanted to see one in action.

Okay, guess I’m Rainbow Dash’s official Cheerleader.

Meh, I’ve been worse.

“And Rainbow Dash is the only pony to ever pull one off!” Applejack said, praising our prismatic friend.

Rainbow looked away, and said in an attempt at humility, “It was a long time ago. I was just a filly.”

“Yeah, but you’re gonna do it again, right?” Pinkie asked energetically.

In that moment, I saw something unexpected.

Rainbow Dash hesitated. Maybe only for an instant, but it was there all the same. I was so surprised by it, that I missed the rest of what she said, but I know she said something about the grand prize, and yadda, yadda, short attention span.

I shook myself out of that, and heard Dash say that she was gonna go rest up. But not before she told Fluttershy to work on her cheering.

“And Omnius? Make sure you bring that music! It’s gonna make me look awesome, by sounding awesome!” She said to me as she flew off.

“Okay…”

Fluttershy flew towards the window, and stopped to look back at us. “She’s practiced that move a hundred times, and she’s never even come close to doing it. I don’t know if I can cheer loud enough to help her,” She said worriedly, before taking off.

“…Well, that’s not good,” I stated. “I’m gonna go find a map to Cloudsdale. Sorry about the mess, I’ll help clean it later! Right now, I’ve got some, uh, issues to take care of.”

“Issues?”

I mean make music so I don’t run out of bits. “Laundry.”

“But you don’t need to constantly wear clothes as a pony,” Rarity pointed out.

“Look, a fashion magazine!” She turned to look where I was pointing, and I took off, laughing maniacally.

It’s good to be The Traveler.

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The next day, after I had woken up and studied the map for a bit, I slowly flew to where it said Cloudsdale would be.

“Wonder what it’s gonna be like,” I said to myself. “Maybe it’ll be like the Floating Island, or maybe it’s got some sort of rocket underneath it!” I joked.

“Hello Omnius,” Rarity said, flying past me.

“S’up Rarity.”

5…

4…

3…

2…

1…

BRIIIIING!

“Wait, RARITY!?” I shouted, coming to a halt as I watched her fly off. “But-how-she-I-butterfly wings-waffles-WHAT?!”

“Hiya Omni!” Pinkie called out, waving at me from her hot air balloon.

“Pinkie?! Applejack?! TWILIGHT?!?” I shouted, now totally confused. “What did I smoke, and who was dumb enough to sell it to me?” I joked.

“Would you stop that, and help us out?” Twilight asked, laughing a little.

“Sure. Need me to give y’all a push?” I offered, flying underneath the balloon.

“Iffin you’re willing,” Applejack said.

“Sure. You can explain to me what’s going on while we fly.”

Grasping the bottom of the balloon basket in my front hooves (and humming the Superman theme quietly to myself), I gently guided the balloon to Cloudsdale, while Twilight explained how she had given Rarity wings using an incredibly complex spell (that’s my overpowered friend!), and then had to resort to using a less taxing spell that allowed her and the others to walk on clouds.

“Huh…so, you can walk on clouds now?”

“Yep, yep, yep!” Pinkie said happily.

“Cool. Welp, we’re here…screw going around the clouds!”

“Omnius, what are you-WHOA!”

I pushed the balloon through the clouds, and posed triumphantly as we broke through, giving a very surprised Rainbow Dash and Fluttershy an over-dramatic, “Dun dun dunnnnnn!”

“I…I can’t believe it!” Rainbow Dash said in a relieved voice.

“It’s incredible!” Fluttershy agreed.

“I know, I haven’t gotten to make a Superman joke in forever!” I said, before feeling someone glare at me through the basket. “Alright, alright, sheesh…” I flew out from under the balloon, and shook out the bits of cloud that were clinging to my mane.

“This is so cool! You guys made it!” cheered Rainbow Dash.

“Sure did,” Pinkie said, before she jumped out of the basket.

“WAIT!” Dash cried out, not knowing about the cloud-walker spell.

Hold on just a second…clouds are in the sky…they’re walking on the clouds…YE GODS, TWILIGHT HAS CREATED THE JEDI! All hail Twilight Skywalker, daughter of the infamous Darth Stallion!

For a few moments, I entertained myself by putting Twilight in a Jedi costume, while everypony explained the whole cloud walker thing.

After that, we toured the city, Rarity getting a few compliments from construction ponies…and me narrowly avoiding a falling jackhammer.

“Watch out, mac!” I shouted, pulling my wings away from the potentially lethal instrument. “You could seriously hurt somepony!”

“Sorry,” he apologized, flying down to catch his tool.

“Be careful with those wings, Rarity,” Twilight warned. “They’re made from gossamer and morning dew, and they’re incredibly delicate.”

“Don’t worry, Twilight. I’m sure they can’t get worn out from too much attention,” Rarity said dismissively.

Uh-oh. My foreshadowing senses are tingling.

Not good.

“Since we’re up here, I’d sure like to get a look at where the weather is made,” Applejack said, looking at Rainbow expectantly.

“Great idea!” She answered. “Come on girls (and Omnius)! To the weather factory!”

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Oh jeez.

I don’t like where this is heading.

See, the factory itself looked pretty awesome. I mean, come on, it’s made of clouds, and it’s got rainbow waterfalls. That in itself is a pretty sight to behold. There was just one ittsy-bittsy, teeney-weeney problem.

Lightning clouds.

Remember how I mentioned I have horrible luck with lightning? I can already tell that this isn’t going to end well…

A few minutes later, we had been given some white coats and matching hard hats, and were shown inside.

The first room contained a bunch of ponies working with sophisticated magnets, each of them wearing thick parkas and earmuffs. It must’ve felt pretty chilly to them…

“This is where they make the snowflakes,” Dash explained, playing tour-guide for us. “Each one is hoof-made. As you can see, it’s a very delicate operation.”

I nodded, and adjusted the hard-hat on my head. Rarity was flying near the top of the room, staring at some of the larger snowflakes, and she said, “Ooh, the snowflakes look even better from up here!”

Unfortunately, physics suddenly decided to work again, and the wind that was forming form Rarity flapping her wide wings started to blow all of the snowflakes around, causing an indoor blizzard.  You know, it’s at times like these that I’m thankful I’m part Nord.

50% Cold resistance can really come in handy.

While the snowflakes started to shatter, Rainbow suggested, “We better move on before Rarity ruins winter and causes a drought.”

“That’d be a bad thing,” I agreed.

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“And here’s where they make the rainbows!” Dash said, gesturing towards vast pools filled with the by-now famous colors of the stuff. Several Pegasi were stirring the pools with items that vaguely reminded me of pool skimmers, like the ones used to clean swimming pools of leaves and dead bees…and occasionally still living bees.

I hate bees. Almost as much as I hate bears and obsidian.

I really…REALLY…hate obsidian…

Sorry, off topic. Moving on!

Pinkie and I both walked up to a pool, and she dipped her hoof in it.

“Careful, Pinkie,” I warned her. “Remember when you and Dash replaced my soda with that stuff?”

“Oh, I’ll be fine. I put hot sauce on cupcakes, how bad could it be?” She then licked her hoof, and clicked her tongue a few times to truly appreciate the flavor…before her face rapidly changed colors, and she dashed off at ludicrous speeds, yelling, “SPICY!!!”

I laughed, and yelled after her, “KARMA!”

…Hm…I haven’t done anything stupid yet this week. I wonder…

“Five bits says I can drink an entire bucket of that rainbow stuff,” I said, taking off my hard-hat and dumping it into the pool.

“Omnius, that’s a terrible idea!” Twilight said.

“Your skepticism is all the motivation I need,” I said cheerfully, before downing the entire hat-full of the stuff. Immediately, my eyes began to water furiously, and I had to continuously fight the urge to make like Pinkie, and break the fourth wall to get a glass of water from the guy on the other side of the screen.

“See?” I said with faux-confidence. “Nothing to it. Hey, Dash, is there a cafeteria here?”

“Yeah, just down the hall, why?”

“No reason…I’ll catch up with you in a moment.”

I flew off quickly, and threw myself to the front of the lunch line, apologizing rapidly to the ponies already there. Looking at the lunch mare, I quickly set out a bag of bits, and said, “Get me your biggest glug of rainwater.”

“Glug?”

“Glug.”

“One Glug, coming right up,” She grunted, hoofing me a huge bucket of water.

“Thanks.” I hovered away from the line, and used the rain water to douse the flames that were quickly burning me alive from the inside out. Small traces of steam leaked out of my nostrils, and I let out a huge sigh of relief.

Just as I left the cafeteria, I met up with the rest of the girls, and managed to hide the bucket before they could see it.

“What’d I miss?” I asked, looking at them all.

“Oh, nothing,” Dash said unconvincingly. “Next part of the tour is the Lightning Chargers! That’s where we make the batteries for flashlights and such.”

“Lightning?” I said fearfully. “Uh-oh…”

“Omnius, are you praying?” Applejack asked me as I fell to the floor and lifted my front hooves up.

“Oh mighty Zeus, Thor, Thunderbird, Set, Pikachu, and AC/DC…please don’t let me get struck by lightning as we go through this dark, and potentially dangerous place…” I whispered, ignoring her question. “In the name of all that is good, I pray. Amen.”

I stood up, and gulped audibly. “Okay, let’s go…”

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We entered a room with dark, charcoal colored storm clouds for walls, with a large conveyer belt running through the center of it. Pegasi that were covered with singed and erratic fur and feathers were flying at the top, and bucking the clouds, sending small bolts of electricity at the batteries on the belt, charging them and prepping them for use.

“So, here’s where we use the lightning for some experimental purposes,” Dash exclaimed. “These are used in little things, like flashlights or radios, and we make sure we recycle them as well!”

“Cool! Uh-huh. Fantastic. Okay, I’ve seen enough, let’s amscray!” I said, heading towards the door. I threw them open, and let out a wild smile of victory. FINALLY! Something that involved lightning, and I didn’t even get so much as a bit of static sho-

“LOOK OUT!”

KRACK-OW!

A bolt of lightning flew out of the clouds, missing a battery entirely, and colliding with my flank. I felt my limps shake wildly, and I fell to the ground, saying, “Damn it…which god was it this time?”

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“You’ve been…THUNDERSTRUCK!” A man sang, while the rest of his band played one of the most easily recognizable songs in all of rock history.

The guitarist smiled, and said quietly, “Sorry, Nate. Couldn’t resist.”

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“Ouch…” I moaned, picking myself up, and flattening my hair. “I’m okay…it’s fine! I’ve taken harder bolts before!”

All of the weather Pegasi nodded, and went back to work, satisfied that I was fine. Twilight shook her head, and used her magic to levitate a patch of safe, white cloud to my face, where it rubbed off the rest of the scorch marks.

“Thanks,” I grunted. “So, can we move on to a safer part of the tour? Like the gift shop? Or maybe a bathroom…”

“How about we show you where the clouds are made?” Fluttershy suggested.

“Normal clouds?”

“Yes.”

“Normal, non-explodey clouds?”

“Uh-huh.”

“I’m in, let’s go!”

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Urge…to use pimp hoof…rising!

Seriously! I was trying to listen to Fluttershy explain how the clouds worked, but Rarity was kind of being mobbed by her own personal fan base, and they would NOT shut up about how pretty her wings were! Okay, we get it! You want to see more wings like that? STARE AT FLUTTERSHY’S CUTIE-MARK.

The worst part about it though, was the fact that Rarity KNEW it was making Rainbow Dash upset, and even more nervous than she already was, but she encouraged them! She was basking in the limelight that had been brought to her because of her wings.

“What, these old things?” Rarity asked the crowd. “Go ahead, everypony. Photos are encouraged.”

Must…control…pimp hoof!

Twilight must’ve been thinking along the same lines I was thinking, as she and I both looked at Dash, and then we made our way over to the showboating unicorn.

“Rarity, we’re supposed to be helping Rainbow Dash relax, remember? Put your wings away and stop showing off!” Twilight whispered, trying to get her to stop for Dash’s sake.

Rarity let out a sigh of contempt, and she floated lazily upwards, saying, “How can you ask me to put away perfection?”

“We’re not asking you to do that, we’re asking you to put away your damn wings!” I whispered harshly.

Unfortunately, Celestia must’ve been trolling me right about then, because Rarity’s wings caught the sunlight in an almost perfect fashion, creating an impromptu light show, casting multi-colored lights all around the room. The unicorn glanced at her wings, and let out a wild peal of laughter that I will never let her live down.

Everypony except for me, Dash, Shy, Applejack, and Twilight, all “oooh’d” and “aahhh’d” in awe.

Show-off.

“Rainbow Dash, are you okay? You don’t look so good,” Twilight said to Dash, who was now curled up in a fetal position on the floor.

Taking rapid breaths, she said, “Of course. Why wouldn’t I be okay? Everyone’s so in love with Rarity’s wings that they won’t even notice when I totally blow it in the Best Young Flyers Competition!”

“Hey now, don’t worry,” I smiled. “You’ll do fine! Besides, Rarity’s not in the competition anyways!”

“Hey, there’s an idea!” A random Pegasus pony said enthusiastically to Rarity. “You should enter the competition!”

“I could watch you fly all day,” an old worker said, nodding her head in agreement.

“Don’t encourage her!” I groaned.

Rarity looked at her wings, and smiled, before musingly saying, “There really isn’t anypony who uses their wings quite like me. Perhaps I should compete.”

“WHAT!?” Dash and I both said at the exact same time, while everypony else started cheering wildly. While Rarity and her entourage flew off, Dash fell to the ground, and said despairingly, “What am I gonna do? I’ll never win the competition now.”

…PIMP HOOF, I NEED YOU! Oh, wait…she’s gone already.

My hoof twitched in disappointment, and I stroked it with my other hoof, and muttered, “Later…”

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A couple hours later, we were all sitting in the stands of the Cloudiseum (as I lovingly called it), discussing some of the competitors that had just gone.

See, we had been sitting there for a while, waiting for Dash and…Rarity…to come out and perform their routines. For some reason though, they hadn’t come out yet. That’s not to say that the other fliers weren’t bad.

“I loved number seven! Doing fifteen barrel rolls in a row can’t be easy!” Twilight said, and I nodded in agreement.

“Peppy Hare would be so proud…”

“My favorite is number ten. She just looked like such a nice pony,” Fluttershy stated.

Applejack looked at where the fliers where coming from, and said concernedly, “Hm. Wonder how come we haven’t seen Rainbow Dash or Rarity yet. The competition’s almost over.”

…Hey, remember that Glug of rainwater I chugged earlier? I think it’s starting to…run its course, so to speak.

“Hey, ladies, I’ll be right back. I need to go use the restroom,” I said, flying off.

“Alright, but hurry! I think Rarity is next,” Twilight called after me.

“As long as I don’t miss Rainbow’s, I’ll be fine.”

XHXHXHXHXHXHXHX

A few minutes later

XHXHXHXHXHXHXHX

“WHERE’S THE EFFING BATHROOM!?” I shouted, flying around as fast as I could. So far, I hadn’t been able to find a single bathroom, and I was really running out of time. Finally, I decided, “Screw it.”

I’m a dude. And I’m on top of a cloud.

Men, you and I both know that we would all do this if given the opportunity.

Looking around, I made sure nopony was watching, and then I lifted up my leg, and sent a stream of yellow liquid off the side of the clouds, where it plummeted to the ground below.

I only have three words for how I felt doing that:

Like. A. BOSS.

Just as I finished relieving myself, I turned back to the stadium-

-and I faintly heard a large BOOM. I looked over the edge to see a blindingly fast blur shoot by, leaving a rainbow in its wake.

…

…

…

…No.

There is no way…I just missed…the Sonic Rainboom…

OH, COME ON!

XHXHXHXHXHXHXHXHX

Panting, I made my way back to the stadium, where the girls were all talking excitedly, minus one rainbow colored Pegasus.

“Whoa, what’d I miss?” I asked tiredly, leaning on the basket of the balloon for support. Wait, where’d that come from? And what happened to Rarity’s wings?

“Oh, it was amazing!” Fluttershy said enthusiastically. “Rarity and Dash went on at the same time, and even though Dash messed up her first parts of the routine, Rarity’s wings burned up when she tried to do that light trick again!”

“Really?”

“Yeah! And then Dashie swooped down from the sky, and so did the Wonderbolts, but the Wonderbolts got to her first, and Rarity accidently knocked them out, but then Rainbow Dash did a Sonic Rainboom and saved them all!” Pinkie said in a single breath.

“…I missed all that?”

“I’m sorry, Omnius. Maybe you can ask Dash to do one for you after she’s done hanging out with the Wonderbolts?” Twilight said.

“…well, she won, that’s good to hear.” I then looked at the large hole in the ground, as a crazy idea formed in my head.

“Omnius, what’re you thinkin’?” Applejack asked, worriedly.

“I’m not.” Before she could say anything else, I leaped into the air, and fell through the hole, laughing crazily. “I’ll see you at Ponyville girls!”

Aiming my body at the ground, I shot off like an arrow, and I felt a vapor cone form around me. My heart started pounding like a jackhammer, sending adrenaline through my entire body, and I thought to myself, “HA! She said she was the only one who’s done one! Well, challenge accepted and beat-”

I halted in mid-air.

“Ye gods.”

The cone snapped back, launching me away from the ground, and in the direction of Ponyville.  As I flew uncontrollably through the air, I could only think to yell one thing…

“IT’S GOOD TO BE THE TRAVELER!”

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