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Omnius' Travels: Equestria

by Nathan Traveler

Chapter 14: The Good, The Bad, and The Traveler

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Omnius' Travels: Equestria

Omnius' Travels: Equestria

by Nathan Traveler

Chapters

My Little Traveler

Prologue

Fiction.

That’s always been a word that I’ve had trouble accepting. Sure, it may seem like it was “made up” for us, but in another world, another universe, or another reality, it was a real event. You might read a book and see that in it one of your favorite characters died. That probably made you a bit sad, but you probably told yourself that it wasn’t real; that it was just a story. Try telling that to the friends and family of that now dead character. I’ve had to do that a few times, and it’s one of the worst feelings ever. Like I said, in another world, in another place, it happened or is going to happen.

In other words, to dumb it down for you folks just scratching your head, it means this: If it’s been thought about, there’s another universe, and reality, where it happens, and in those realities the thoughts and dreams of the people who live there create other realities, and it keeps going from there, endlessly. If you’re still having trouble understanding that, please go to your nearest comic book store, and pick up any type of Marvel comic book or watch some Doctor Who. They are both chock full of alternate realities.

Now let me tell you a story that is true for every reality, time, and universe: There are Gods, Capitol G. There are Gods of Good, Gods of Evil, and Gods of Neutrality for every reality and universe. They watch over their respective universes and realities, and occasionally help out one another with their realms, you know, make sure everything survives. Now, to ensure that each universe's story would survive, each side came together, and decided that they needed a Traveler for each of their sides. Someone who could go to each reality and realm, and do things for their respective side. This would help spread the story to every reality, mostly in the forms of fables, and the collective thoughts of each sentient being would make sure everything survived.

The Gods of Evil chose a man who craved power but didn’t want to become a god. He was ruthless, cold, cunning, and full of anger and spite (a little clichéd, but come on; he IS the chosen one of evil after all). He is one of the darkest, if not one of the most evil, men alive, and his real name is unknown to everyone. He goes by the name of Torrentican (ooooh, scary).

The Gods of Neutrality chose to keep their Traveler a secret to everyone in order to help preserve the balance by having a sort of secret agent that could tip the scales in someone else’s favor. After all, everyone needs some form of an ace up their sleeve, don't they?All that is known of the Traveler is she is female and someone who can change their shape and even their very essence in order to hide their identity.

The Gods of Good, however, chose someone who was different. They chose a simple mortal to be their Traveler. The mortal wasn’t very strong and he wasn’t very smart (take it from me; he ain’t that good looking either). But he had something that the Gods of Good had planned for him from the beginning: The ability to learn. The Boy loved learning and he would devour stories of heroes, listen for hours on end to all kinds of music, and sometimes just sit around and think. The Boy also had something else inside of him, three things to be exact: The earlier mentioned ability to learn, at the core of his being, he was a good person, and, just as important as the other traits, he was a Traveler. In fact, he had been created and chosen from the beginning of his life to be the Traveler for the Gods of Good.

I am that mortal (this is the part where if this story gets to you via T.V or internet, dramatic music plays).

At birth, my parents named me Sean. Ironically enough, it's the Irish way of saying, "God is Gracious".

My official Traveling name, the one that the Gods chose for me, is Omnius. It's Latin for something, but I can't remember it right now.

The name that I use for undercover work and for a nickname (don’t judge me): Nathan Traveler. At least, that's the more commonly used one.

Okay, we got that long and semi-dramatic intro out of the way! Who wants to hear about my adventures in Equestria? More importantly, who just wants to get to the ponies? If you’re still reading this, you hopefully want to! So pull up a comfortable seat, grab a drink, and don’t cut the green wire!

Chapter 1: My Little Traveler.

(Takes place one week before Ep.1 of My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic)

“Gaaaaaaaaah!!!!”  I screamed as I fell from the sky. I felt a brief flash of pain and realized that after I had screamed, (Not like a little girl, mind you, More like a small pre-teen girl) I had hit the ground.

“Why is it that nearly every time I go into a different realm, I end up falling from the sky? I mean, it happens so much that it’s starting to become a cliché!” I ranted at no one in particular, as I pushed my hooves on the ground to pick myself- Wait… Hooves?  What happened to my normal hands? My awesome, tan, five-fingered hands?!

Try to understand something here: As a Traveler, I’m used to the idea of getting a new body for each new reality I go to. I assume the form of the local population so I can blend in, and I can change back to my normal form at anytime. Clothes included…Most of the time. Long story short, it involved a lightning bolt, coca-cola, a rubber chicken, and was a complete disaster. Anyways, I’ve been a human, a dragon, and one time I had been an elf (with a plus five to charisma). But this…this was something else entirely.

I looked around, trying to resist the urge to panic, and saw a crystal blue lake just a few feet from the dirt road I had fallen on. Normally I would have been awed by the peaceful and serene nature of the lake and taken a moment to meditate on it to try feel the chi in the air (In other words, set up a hammock, listen to music, and take a nap). But as I was having an out-of-body experience, or in-new-body experience as it were, I focused on nothing but getting a good look at myself.

“YE GODS!” I yelled as I saw my reflection in the water. “I’m a pony!” I paused and looked closer, before muttering, “And to add insult to injury, I’m kind of cute.”

I had a dark tan coat and a mane that was a dark enough brown to be considered black at first glance. My eyes were still their normal shade of dark brown, and my thick black glasses were in place on top of my muzzle. Snout. Thing. Okay, note to self: Learn local anatomy. Anyway, around my mouth area the fur had darkened, giving the appearance of a small goatee. I let out a sigh of relief at that. See, one of the few things about my appearance that I really like is my beard. It’s like a thicker and darker colored version of Gordon Freeman’s beard (If you don’t know who that is, you lead a sad and pathetic video game free life), and it made me look just a bit cooler. So even in pony form I still had a beard. BOO YA! There’s a silver lining after all!

I then turned to look at the rest of my body (Hey! I’m not vain! You try going to a new universe and getting your body changed to match that of the local population, and see how YOU like it). I had a tail that was the same color as my mane and long enough for the tip to drag against the ground gently. On either side of my flank, there was a familiar looking mark. My logo, an infinity symbol with a sun in one loop, a moon and star in the other, and an hourglass set behind it. Complicated? Yes. Do I wish it were simpler? Sometimes. That symbol has probably caused me more problems than I can count...

“Okay, so here’s what I know so far,” I said to myself, “The local populations of this reality are ponies, they look adorable, and they have weird tattoos on their butts. Note to self: Figure out what they call them and what they mean. What’s next? Chocolate rain?”

Shaking my head vigorously, I made my way slowly to the dirt path, stumbling as I went. Once at the road, I proceeded to examine the ground very thoroughly, because it looked interesting...and definitely not because I had tripped over my own hooves and fallen face first. Honest. I picked myself up off the ground, while getting the feeling that I was going to be doing that a lot for the first few days, and started down the path, trusting in fate to lead me to the heroes of this story.

“This is going to be a long day,” I sighed and kept walking. Trotting. Cantering. Ugh. Stupid Grammar. Me smash later.

“At least it’s not rain-“

Thunder boomed and rain started pouring, cutting me off. I scowled at the sky which had suddenly darkened with charcoal gray storm clouds that were letting loose a torrent of water and briefly wished for mini windshield wipers that could attach to glasses.

“Me and my big mouth,” I mumbled.

I ran, er, I mean, galloped down the road, slipping a little and nearly falling again. The rain turned the dirt path into a mud slide, and it was getting considerably difficult to keep upright. I felt like a drunken one-legged guy trying to jog down a gravel road while blind folded.  After about two hours of stumbling through the mud I saw a barn, bright red even in this weather, in the distance. At this point, my options had come down to:

A) Enjoy the harsh freezing rain.

B) Hide under a Tree.

C) Go to barn and hope and pray that someone’s there

D) Do the Cha-cha slide.

I decided that option C was the best. After all, the worst thing that could happen would be me getting turned back out into the rain.

I trotted up to the door and was about to knock, when I heard a voice that had a southern drawl call out over the storm, “APPLEBLOOM! APPLEBLOOM! CONSARN IT, WHERE ARE YOU!?!”

Ah, nuts. Now I had to add another option: E) Go find out who was calling and help them out. Gah! Sometimes being the good guy isn’t easy. I turned toward the sound of the voice and saw an orange pony with a blond mane and tail standing on a hill, struggling to keep a weathered brown stetson (Making her a cow-pony?) on her head. She had a tattoo of three apples on her flank, her eyes were an emerald green, and she seemed to be trying to find someone.

I galloped toward her, somehow managing not to fall, and yelled out over the storm, “What’s wrong?”

Instead of questioning me, like I was sure she’d do, she looked at me with something near tears in her eyes and said, “It’s my little sister, Applebloom! She was out in the orchard when the storm came, and she should have been back by now!”

“What does she look like?”

“She’s got a yellow coat and a red mane and tail! She always wears a big red bow in her hair, and she-“

“I get the picture! Where did you say she was?” I interrupted her while looking around.

“In the orchard!” she replied, giving me a look of confusion.

“Well I’ll go look for her then!”  I called out, already running toward a huge group of closely knit apple trees.

“Wait, what’s your name?” she shouted after me, her voice going hoarse (Heh heh, I made a funny) from yelling.

“I’ll tell you when I get back!” I said, grinning over my shoulder.

Funny thing about danger: If you’re unprepared for it, you normally get into some serious trouble, or you suddenly learn how to deal with it. Case in point, while I was running through the orchard searching for Apple Bloom, I dimly noticed that I wasn’t stumbling anymore. I was galloping full steam through a forest in almost absolute darkness (minus the occasional lightning bolt) in the mud and I wasn’t falling. How’s that for adapting?

I called out Apple Bloom’s name while I ran, hoping to find some sign that she was alright, when I heard a small voice crying. Changing direction as fast as I could, I found who I hoped to be the missing pony huddling, as only a pony could (D’aaawww), under a small makeshift tent made out of fallen twigs. I have to admit, she may be a scared little girl (Filly), but she was smart enough to try and make a shelter for herself. I made my way over to her and half-shouted, “Are you Apple Bloom?”

The filly’s eyes widened and she said in a frightened voice, “Y-y-yes.” Hey, she had a southern accent too! Does this mean I’ve stumbled across a pony version of Texas? Louisiana? Missouri?

“Your sister is worried sick about you! How about we get you back home?” I said, picking her up with my teeth (Fun fact: Pony hair + Mud and dirt = Blegh) and setting her on my back. She didn’t seem to be hurt, but she was obviously scared and I could see why. Thunder as loud as a war cannon and lightning striking the ground a few yards from us would have terrified almost anyone. Myself included.

“Applejack sent you?” she asked, hope slipping into her voice.

“Yeah, well, she was looking for you, and I decided to lend a helping hoof,” I tried to say in a reassuring voice, making my way through the orchard. Man, there were more trees here than in a national park! And to top it off, each tree had a different kind of apple on it. Hmm…Apple Bloom? Applejack? And of course, all of the apple trees. Let me guess, the next pony I meet is gonna be called Green Apple! Okay, probably not, but I can dream, right?

Apple Bloom shivered and tried to hang on as hard as she could, and I could feel how cold she was. Thankfully, I was somehow able to see the hill top where I had met Applejack, and managed to make my way there, fighting against the wind as I went. I couldn’t see the bigger pony anywhere, and I decided that I would track her down after I got Apple Bloom to safety.

I went to the barn and head butted it a few times, ignoring the stars that flew up from the impact, hoping I could get someone’s attention. I kept hitting the door with my head, and just when the stars started to turn into cartoon birds, the door opened, and a massive red pony with an orange mane and a bit of wheat sticking out of his mouth stepped out. Of course, the stick of wheat fell out when he saw a complete stranger holding what I guessed to be his little sister.

“Hey! Don’t just stand there! The little pony here needs to get warm!” I growled, gesturing with my head to the shivering filly on my back. Big Red (As I decided to call him until I got his real name) instantly nodded his head and took Apple Bloom off of my back.

“Where’s A.J? And who are you?” he asked slowly, after he got her wrapped up in some nearby blankets.

“Long story short, I offered to help find the little one, and now I gotta go find Appleja-“

Again, I got cut off (Why does that keep happening?) by the door opening, Applejack running in, and shutting the door behind her, effectively muting the sounds of the storm.

“I saw you run back here with Applebloom and got here as fast as I could,” she panted while shaking herself dry. She softly walked over to where her sister lay huddled in a mountain of old blankets and started whispering to her softly.

“Well…okay then. Yeah, uh, nice to see that you’re safe and all, so I best skedaddle and get out of your hair,” I awkwardly chuckled, walking towards the door. Yeah, I know it sounds stupid, but it was starting to become a full blown family moment, and I always feet awkward around those. More so when it was someone who I didn’t even know.

“Hold on there pardner. You can’t be serious about goin’ back into that storm,” Applejack said, moving in front of me and blocking the exit. Her stance told me that she would stand there all day (or was it night now?) if she had to. Crap, it was a stubborn pony. Moreover, it was a stubborn pony who honestly cared for the well being of others. Damn it. But of course, I can be just as stubborn when I want to.

I smiled, and said in an overly-confident tone, “Oh don’t worry about it, I’ll be fine. It’s just a little-“

BOOM!

There was a moment of silence, until I said in a much less confident voice, “…Medium sized storm. But that doesn’t change anything. It’s not too ba-“

BOOM!

“WOULD YOU SHUT UP ALREADY!?” I yelled while staring at the roof.  The others gave me a look that plainly stated they thought I was crazy, and I quickly added, “Alright, it’s a big storm. I’ll still be leaving though. Nice to meet y’all, good to see you’re all safe, and now...I am skeddadling!”

I nimbly (HA! Barely a chapter in and I had went from klutzy to nimble! There is hope!) skipped around Applejack and managed to open the side door. Stepping outside, I turned to say something like, “See? It’s just a normal storm. Nothing can go wrong.” Instead, what happened was I stepped outside, and then there was a blinding white flash, quickly followed by the distinct smell of overcooked meat.

“On second thought,” I mumbled through numb lips, “I think I might stay for tea.”

Darkness overtook me as I fell to the ground.

XHXHXHXHXHXHXHX

I woke up, and tried to open my eyes. Unfortunately, someone had gotten a little overexcited with the bandages, and my entire head was covered with them. I lifted a hoof and let out a sigh of relief. Other than some stiffness, everything seemed to be working properly. Of course, I could look like a pile of overcooked hot dogs and not even realize it thanks to the aforementioned bandages.

But see, that’s one of the perks of being The Traveler. I can’t die. Seriously, no matter what, I can’t die. If I get sick, I’ll get better eventually, and if I get wounded it’s the same thing. Of course, I can be wounded or sick enough to have to return to a Home world (A place that I can call home), and stay there in order to recuperate.

Sounds like a blessing, doesn't it? It's not.

Well, anyways, it seemed that the lightning didn’t do much worse than knock me out. Although with the surprising amount of bandages on my head, I wouldn’t be surprised if I looked well-done.

“Hello?” I called out, but with my mouth full of bandages, it came out like, “Hrem?”

“Oh Good, you’re up!” I heard a voice cheerfully exclaim. I felt a straw being forced through the bandages, quickly followed up with a stinging sensation in what I thought was my left nostril.

“Hrm mrr hrmph hrm?” Is my beard still in one piece?

“I just wanted to thank you for saving me last night! Applejack says that if you didn’t come when you did, I might have gotten struck by lightning like you did!”

Ah. This must be Apple Bloom! Her medic skills leave much to be desired, but at least she was okay. And I guess her heart was in the right place, but it would’ve been nice if she hadn’t just stuck a straw up my nose. What’s more, the straw was in a big glass of juice, and it sent the strong unending aroma of apples up my nose.

“Apple Bloom!” I heard Applejack walk in and start telling off Apple Bloom.

“Oh, Hi Applejack! Hey, look Sis! He’s awake!” Apple Bloom said, removing the straw and giving my nose an enormous sense of relief.  Ah, to not have the scent of apples jammed up my nostril. T'is a truly wondrous feeling, and I highly suggest you try it sometime.

“Sugarcube, why is his face covered with all them bandages?”

“HREM! HRM HREM HREMEM MM HRM!” HEY! CAN I GET THE BANDAGES OFF PLEASE?!

“Oh, uh, we better get them bandages offa ya, huh?” Applejack said sheepishly, and I felt the bandages slowly being unraveled from my head. Note to self: Never become a mummy.

As the last of the bandages were removed, I gasped out, “Oh, sweet relief! I can breathe!” I shook my head and got up, noticing that someone had moved me to a nearby pile of straw. Oddly enough, it was actually pretty comfortable, instead of itchy and annoying. I wrote it off to being a pony and felt for my beard. Thank the Gods of Good it was still there.

“Uh, are you okay?” Applejack asked cautiously, pulling Applebloom behind her.

“Oh yeah. Perfectly fine,” I said in a matter-of-fact tone. Then, on a sudden impulse I continued by saying, “So…Who are you?”

“What do you mean?” Applebloom said, poking out from behind her older sister.

“I mean, who are you? And how did I end up here? More importantly than that, where is here?” I asked, hoping that after a few years of hanging out with people who had amnesia I could at least act the part. Hey, don’t groan. It’s better than having to explain why I don’t know about something that should be painfully obvious. Like this one time, one of my buddies and I went to this mall and there were these dancers. Now it weren’t bad or anything, but I thought that maybe we should go up and try to talk to them and-

Oh, right. Now’s not the best time. Sorry about that.

“You mean you don’t remember anything?” Applejack asked in a quiet tone, looking at me.

I shook my head, and stated in a cheerful voice, “Nothing but a flash of light, a storm, and my name.”

“Uh-oh. That’s not good.” Applejack started pacing back and forth and swishing her tail nervously.

“Well, if it helps, I’m pretty sure my name is Omnius. Pleased to meet ya!” I said, holding out a hoof.

“Applejack. So you mean to tell me that you don’t remember anything about last night?” My hoof just hung in the air. No hoof shaking for me then? Oh come on A.J! Don’t leave a Traveler hangin’!

“Nope,” I grumbled in my best Engineer voice. I had to resist the urge to try extending my neck when I said that though.

The sisters looked at each other and then told me what had happened last night, most of which I already knew (although if you can’t remember, just go hit the rewind button) except for the part where they had to pull me back into the barn and make sure I was okay. It surprised me that they would do that for a random stranger, but it made me happy. They were obviously good ponies.

“What’s really amazing is that you aren’t, well, you know…” Applejack started to say, but couldn’t find a good word. My smart-ass section of my brain went into action at the obvious opening.

“Deep Fried? Electro-ficuted?  Shell Shocked? Fricasseed? Paralyzed? Thunderstruck?” I supplied helpfully.

“Yeah, that,” Applejack said, chuckling softly.  

“What’s Thunderstruck?” Applebloom asked with a look of childlike curiosity on her face.

“Um, well, actually, uh…I don’t know?” I tried, shifting nervously. Crap, how do you explain amnesia and the fact that you know songs from another dimension? Answer: You don’t. You let the viewer laugh silently (If they get the joke) and hope that they don’t get too suspicious.

“You want to know what’s really strange about you?” Applejack quickly said in an obvious attempt to gloss over the awkward moment.

“My face? Oh no, please tell me the lightning didn’t fry my glasses!” I said, suddenly feeling around for them. After I found them sitting next to the pile of hay, I put them on and let out a sigh of relief. You wanna know how bad my eyesight is? It's about as good as a certain meddling kid who wears an orange sweater and glasses. I hate it...a lot...

“Uh, actually, I was gonna say your Cutie-Mark,” She said, laughing out loud this time.

“My what now?” Aaaaaaannd here’s the part where I feel like an idiot for not knowing something obvious.

“Your Cutie-mark,” Applebloom said, pointing helpfully at my flank. I looked and saw the familiar shape that was my logo. An infinity symbol with a sun and moon in the loops and an Hourglass set in the back.

“I have a feeling that I’m gonna sound pretty dumb for asking this, but what is a cutie-mark?” I asked, my heart already sinking. Thank you amnesia, for giving me an excuse for dumbness!

“Are you being serious?” Applejack said unbelievingly.

“Unfortunately. Hey, remember: Just got my brain scrambled by lightning.”

REAL LIGHTNING!

Applejack’s eyes widened and she looked closer at my head, and said after a minute, “Wow. Guess that amnesia business must be serious. Well, a cutie-mark is that little something that tells you what your special talent is. Like mine.” She turned, and I saw the trio of apples on her flank. “See them apples? That means that my special talent is running Sweet Apple Acres.”

My finely honed detective skills, and the sign hanging on the fence I could see out of the window, told me that Sweet Apple Acres was the name of the farm I was at. That would explain the apple trees, the apple baskets, the apple sign on the fence outside…Hey, give me some credit, I just got hit by lightning!

“Oh, I get it. And mine means…” I frowned a bit and tried not to let my paranoia get the better of me. My logo is something that I created before I started Traveling, and for some reason it’s always been there to be my insignia, my mark, and my trademark! But to have it suddenly appear on me for my talent was a little disconcerting. It’s like having a favorite book and then realizing that book defines your life. Spooky.

Applejack gazed at me with sad eyes, and said in a low voice, “I guess that amnesia must’ve hit you pretty bad. To have already realized your specialty and then forget about it…It’s almost like you’ve lost your own identity.”

I swallowed and tried to fight off the urge to break out into a cold sweat. “So, uh… If I’m all right, I think I’ll just go ahead and make my getaway. Thanks for taking care of me, and I hope to see you again.”

“Whoa there Sugarcube, you can’t be serious about doing that again. That’s what got you into trouble in the first place. Besides, you can’t remember a thing! So where would you go?” Applejack said stubbornly and logically at the same time. I have a feeling this is going to be something I say a lot, but here goes: Only Ponies could be able to pull that off.

“Well…uh…”

“Exactly. So I reckon the best thing for you to do is to just stay here, and help us out with the upcoming celebration,” she said, giving me a smug look. Only ponies could be cute enough to pull off a smug look without getting an angry glare from me.

“What celebration?”

“The Summer Sun Celebration. It’s the biggest event in Equestria, and it takes place in about a week. You can stick around and help me get things ready for that and for my family reunion, which is happening in about five days.”

“Yeah! You gotta stay for that! Please say yes, please,” Apple Bloom piped in, giving me an incredibly sad and hopeful look.  I guess me saving her from a storm must’ve made some sort of impression. Then I got a good look at her sad face (You already know what it looks like, and I’m not going to describe it.)

No, no, and melodramatic NOOOOOOOOOOOO again. I may have failed to mention this, but I’m a sucker for a sad face. Especially if the sad face is real, the person giving me the sad face is a kid, and they’re a pony.

How could I resist?

I sighed, and said reluctantly, “Alright.” Almost as an afterthought, I added, “Hey, maybe doing some work will help me remember my special talent!”  Gotta play the part of amnesiac lightning bolt victim or risk getting found out.

Apple Bloom beamed at me and happily skipped out of the barn. Applejack shook her head in the way only older sisters can and said over her shoulder as she followed her little sister out, “You don’t remember it, but thanks for saving my sister.”

I blinked and smiled. Maybe it had been coincidence, or maybe fate, which had made me be there in the nick of time for Applebloom and made me get struck by lightning. Otherwise, I wouldn’t have met the two sisters.

And although I didn’t know it at the time, it also meant I wouldn’t have met a whole lot of others who would end up changing me a lot more than I thought they would...

NO! IT’S NOT A CLICHÉ! HOW DARE YOU SAY THAT!

She's an Applejack and she's okay!

Chapter 2:

She’s an Applejack, and She’s Okay!

(Takes place 6 days before Ep. 1 of My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic)

To be fair, Applejack was handling the situation pretty well. I mean, a complete stranger comes out of nowhere, saves her sister from a deadly storm, and then, before you can learn anything about that stranger, he goes and gets struck by lightning (Man is this guy an idiot…hey wait!) and catches a bad case of amnesia. Or, at least it seems like it.

But I swear, if I got another look from her that said, “You are a crazy lunatic,” I was gonna have to say something! After I consulted my magic conch shell, of course.

On second thought, after listening to myself think that, I probably was a bit crazy. I mean, really? Magic conch shell? I had upgraded to the Magic Meat Ball a few weeks ago!

“Hey, are you listening?” I heard Applejack say, poking my side with her hoof. She gave me another look, only this time it was more of an annoyed look than a “Get the Straight-Jackets and Macaroni Art,” look. I’ll let it slide for now…

“Oh, Uh, sorry. You were saying something about, uh…apples?” Either that or pears…Please be apples, please be apples!

“Yep” (Boo-ya!) “Now, here at Sweet Apple Acres, we’ve got the best apples around! Why, they practically grow themselves!” She said with a hint of pride.

“Do they?”

“Do they what?” She asked with a look of confusion on her face.

“Do they really grow themselves?”

“Uh, no. They don’t. We have to put a lot of time and effort into growing them,” She said, laughing.

“So how do we get the apples down?” I asked, chuckling with her.

“Simple.” She said, before pivoting on her front hooves and kicking with her rear legs at a nearby tree.  The tree shook and every single apple on the tree fell neatly into some nearby buckets. Applejack caught me gawking at the tree, and she said, “And that, is what we call Apple-Bucking.”

“…How did you do that without shaking off a single leaf?” I asked, still looking at the tree.

“Years and Years of practice,” She said, picking up a few stray apples that had missed the bucket by a couple of inches, “And now it’s your turn!”

Alright! Time to start showing Applejack what I could do! I mean, come on! I’ve fought armies, seen a double rainbow (And figured out what it means!), and met Guybrush Threepwood, a mighty pirate! I can definitely kick down a few apples…or maybe…Hmm, My Crazy Idea sense is tingling!

“Let me get this straight,” I said, looking at the tree, “So kicking the trees gets apples to fall.”

“That’s the idea,” Applejack said, kicking another tree.

“What about a head butt?” I asked, now taking measurements in my head.

Applejack stopped her Apple-bucking for a moment and looked at me apprehensively. “Seriously?”

“Eyup.” I said, wrapped up in my plans.

“You’re just gonna charge into them trees head on and make the apples fall?” She said skeptically, walking over to me.

“Eyup.” I replied, looking at how good the ground was for running (This time, I swear I DID NOT trip!)

“You sure you haven’t met Big Macintosh before?”

“Eyup.”

“…You sure?” She said doubtfully.

Alright, the constant skepticism was starting to get on my nerves. Granted, I had amnesia, but seriously! Now any normal person would have probably responded patiently and maybe with a bit of politeness. Then again, I’m not exactly “Normal,” now am I?

“Why as a matter of fact my dear Applejack, I’m quite certain that I have not yet had the pleasure of previously making the acquaintance of your elder brother, Big Macintosh,” I said in my best Holmes-ian accent. I swear, my smart-assery is more of a reflex than a conscious choice now.

“Well, if you say so,” Applejack said in a slight huff, “Just try to make sure you don’t hit your head too hard, or you’ll lose your memory again!”

“Don’t worry! I have complete confidence in what I’m about to do!” I said, pawing at the ground and getting ready for the charge.

“Ah’m pretty sure you said that last night too!”

“Details!” I said dismissively, “Now then: ALLONS-Y!”

I don’t know where the French came from, but for some reason it was the first thing that popped into my head. I charged full speed down the hill, lowered my head, and tried to think happy thoughts.

The Good News: It worked! All of the apples fell out of the tree and landed in neat piles (Bushels? DAMN YOU GRAMMAR!) Inside of the baskets (Or buckets. See earlier parenthesis for thoughts on this).

The Bad News: I may have miscalculated the amount of forward momentum in comparison to the force needed to relieve the trees of their apples. Or to put in English: I went too fast.

I stumbled back from the still vibrating tree, and tried to ignore the flying apples (That’s a new one) that were currently doing air-stunts around my head.

“Omnius? You okay?” I heard Applejack say in a concerned tone of voice.

“HA! Head make tree go all shaky-shaky!” I said in a slightly slurred voice. I shook my head as if I was drying myself and said, “Uh, I mean yeah, I’m fine. Could you show me that apple bucking thing again?”

Applejack started laughing again, and she said, “Sure thing. I reckon that you’re not gonna be head butting them trees anymore?”

“No, but hey, it could come in handy someday!” I said cheerfully, rubbing the spot where my forehead had connected with the tree.

“Alright, but pay attention this time! I don’t want ya gettin yourself hurt again!”

XHXHXHXHXHXHXHXHX

After a couple of tries, I started getting the hang of it. I mean, I wasn’t as good as Applejack or Big Macintosh, but I was getting along…and it took every ounce of willpower I had to NOT say any witty one-liners, like, “This. is. EQUESTRIA!!!” or “Pony KICK!” or even better: “Hoof to the Head!” So instead, I settled for making sure that I got the job done and listened to Applejack as she told me about the Summer Sun Celebration.

She told me how Equestria (The name of the land I was in. Still not sure if it’s the planet’s name or not) is ruled by Princess Celestia, who would raise the sun and moon with her magic and who is a kind and wise ruler who had been around for at least a thousand years.

(Okay, why doesn’t that surprise me? Seriously, it’s always a THOUSAND. It’s never 18,988 years, or maybe 45.674 months, or even 17 ½ minutes! It’s always some sort of thousand! Sheesh!)

Anyway, apparently the Summer Sun Celebration is held on the longest day of the year in order to celebrate the sun and all of the things that it symbolizes, like hope, a new day, light conquering the darkness, and all of those things.

“Wait, hold on: So you’re in charge of the food for this whole MASSIVE event?” I asked incredulously.

“That’s right! Like I said, we here at Sweet Apple Acres grow the BEST apples in all of Equestria!” She said with that same tone of pride.

“And you have to prepare ALL of the food?”

“Well, this year I’m getting help from the family! Remember that Family Reunion I was talkin about earlier?” I nodded, and she said, “That’s why they’re coming before the celebration,” She explained, bucking the apples off of another tree.

After the sun started touching the horizon, Applejack looked up, and I asked, “Hey, what’s up?”

“I’d say we’ve gotten enough apples for today,” Applejack said, wiping sweat off of her brow and looking at the group of apples we had harvested. I then looked at the field of trees and realized that we had only put a small dent in the massive orchard.

“Uh…How many trees are here exactly?” I asked in a small voice.

“Ya know, I never really bothered to count. All I know is that we’ve still a lot of trees that aren’t ready to be harvested yet. But we have enough to make sure everyone at the Celebration gets enough food,” She said, shrugging.

Wait, wait, and wait again. She SHRUGGED. She’s a pony. She shrugged. HOW?!? I rolled my shoulders experimentally and found that I could do all of the normal human motions, only in ponified form. Coooooool.

“What are you doing?” Applejack asked with an amused expression on her face.

“Oh, I’m, uh, just stretching a bit. I mean, we’ve been bucking all day. I need to make sure I don’t get cramps or something like that.”

She nodded and said, “Makes sense.”

Phew, dodged another bullet on that one. I’ve got to be more careful with experimenting in new bodies. It’d be better if I waited until nightfall. Then there’d be less chance of me getting caught.

We hauled the apples back to the barn and stashed them in a giant pile near the back.

“Wow. How did I miss that?” I asked, looking at the massive pile.

“Well you WERE just struck by lightning,” Applejack said, poking my side again.

“Okay, point Applejack,” I said, grinning.

“By the way, what was it you were shouting when you head butted that tree?”

“What, Allons-y? I think it’s some sort of phrase that means, ‘Let’s Go’ or ‘Charge’ or some sort of thing like that,” I said, trying to look confused. Hopefully I did a good job. I mean, all these years of being in actual confusion should make it pretty easy to fake it.

“Think it might have something to do with your memory?” She asked with a real look of concern on her face.

Ah, damn it. It’s easy to lie to someone who doesn’t care. Not so much when you lie to someone who does. Applejack was obviously the type of pony who would do her best to try and make sure that everyone around her was safe, or at least that they were happy, which in retrospect is kind of the same thing.

“Hey, it might!” I said, with fake cheer. I don’t know what was worse: The fact that I was straight up lying to someone who I might be able to honestly call a friend or the fact that it was easier than it should have been.

I looked through a nearby window and noticed that the sun was setting. Against my will, I yawned and Applejack gave me another grin.

“I guess you ain’t a farm-pony, that’s for sure! I can’t believe that you’re tired!” She said, suppressing a yawn herself.

Et tu A.J?

“Oh give me some credit! I got struck by lightning and then nearly gave myself a concussion! Granted, that last part was my fault, but still!” I said, as I felt my eyelids get heavier. The pile of straw that I had slept in last night was starting to look pretty inviting right about now…

“Well, I don’t know about you but I’m gonna turn in,” I heard Applejack say as she walked outside, “Good Night Omnius. Get some shuteye, huh?”

“Yeah. Sleep tight Applejack,” I said, plopping onto the hay. After a hard day’s work, it felt like a bed of marshmallows (Yes. I’ve slept on Marshmallows. Summer seasons aside, it really was one of the best ways to sleep. Screw Goosefeathers!)

I wish I could say that my dreams were as relaxing.

Okay, as clichéd as it might sound, I rarely ever have “Dreams.” It’s always a memory that I revisit or a vision of my future. Remember how I mentioned that I can Learn anything and everything? Wait, I didn’t mention that?

I can learn everything and anything. Seriously. No limits as to what I can learn. Heck, I could even learn how to play Genesis Games on an NES. I just need enough time to learn it. And hey: I can’t die! Put two and two together…Come on, I know you can do it. Just think about it.

There, I mentioned it.

OKAY! Back on track now!

Anyway, I’ve spent a lot of time around Demi-gods who got messages in their dreams and of course the odd psychic and gypsy (Boy can those Gypsies meet the stereotype or what?). I picked up a thing or two and badda-bing, badda-boom I dream of Visions! In full Technicolor too! Okay, technically I’d already had the visions before, but now I got dreams that dealt with whatever situation I was dealing with at the time or were about to deal with.

This time: I got an old memory. Oh joy! Now the readers/viewers/watchers can get a glimpse of some back story! If you’re not excited, trust me. I don’t like it either.

XHXHXHXHXHXHXHX

My armor was getting on my nerves.

“Okay, can we get on with it?” I asked impatiently, adjusting my grip on my Traveler’s Blade (Note to self: Get a better name for it).

“Calm down Omnius. You know, they say that Stress is one of the number one causes of an early death,” Torrentican said conversationally, twirling his rapier in his hand.

“Hey, crappy jokes are my gig! Do I go around and act like the embodiment of all that is clichéd and evil?” I retorted, my temper starting to get the better of me.

(By now, you should be remembering the intro chapter and that Torrentican is the Name of the Traveler of Evil. Yeah, second chapter (Or episode) and you get to see a foreshadowing flashback about one of the most hated people in all of Time, Space, and Matter.)

Funny thing is, he’s actually not exactly evil looking. He looks more like…how do I describe it? To be honest, he seems...normal. Honestly, he actually looks handsome compared to most of the guys you'll see on T.V. Hell, the only reason you can tell that there's something wrong with him is if you look at his eyes...black soulless pits, filled with anger, and a sick enjoyment of seeing others suffer. A monster.

That barely scrapes the surface of what Torrentican is.

“Temper, temper,” Torrentican said in a deadpan tone, his face becoming an unreadable mask.

“Look Torrie, why don’t we make this easier? You go away, leave the inhabitants of this world alone, and repair the damages you’ve caused, and I won’t kick your ass into last year,” I said, easing the sword onto my shoulder, in a seemingly casual stance.

Without warning, his sword darted in and slashed open a wide gash on my arm. Cursing myself for letting my guard down, I muttered, “I take that as a 'no'?”

“You should wear better armor. Isn’t that what your friends keep telling you?” Torrentican whispered, and I realized he had somehow made himself invisible (Totally unfair!) and I had lost track of him.

“You leave them out of this,” I said, glancing at the long line on my leather jacket and already feeling slightly dizzy from blood-loss.

“Why? You drag them into your hell whenever you show your face.” Another slash, and another line appeared, this one a shallow cut on my cheek.

I put myself into a defensive stance and said, “Hey, I’m not the monster here! You’re the one who…wait, hold on! I’d never forgive myself if I passed up a chance to say this!” I cleared my throat and said in an overly dramatic voice, “DIE MONSTER! YOU DON’T BELONG IN THIS WORLD!”

“What in the world are you talking about?” I heard a voice come from my left, and I slashed in its direction. I nodded grimly when the tip of my blade bit into Torrentican’s...something. Hey, he’s still invisible okay? I could’ve stabbed his gut as easily as his…ahem. Well, you know.

“Oh come on, don’t you remember? The Miserable Pile of Secrets, Alucard, the Belmonts, is any of that ringing a bell yet?” I said, raising my sword in time to deflect a jab at my chest.

Hey, that Spidey-Sense thing I learned is really paying off!

“Whatever. But why do you accuse me of being a monster? Rest assured Omnius, that someday you will come upon a world that will be a Paradise to one such as you. A world of peace, friendship, and adventure,” He laced each word with acid, and he spoke with contempt in his voice, “A world that you would love, more than anything, to claim as a home world. But when you find such a world, when you meet the ones who reside on that world in your true form, you will be seen as a monster. A beast that lives only to hurt others.”

As much as I’d like to deny it, his words somehow instilled a deep fear into my heart. I thrust the fear away from me and said, “Seriously? You’re trying to mess with me by calling me a monster?”

“No. I’m trying to say that THEY will see you as a monster. And there won’t be a thing you can do about it.”

He suddenly appeared in front of me, his hand over a small puncture wound in his arm and a mad grin on his face.

“Remember…I am The Traveler of Evil. I know when something will be thought of as evil…”

“And YOU remember that there’s a two for one sale over at Macy’s. Maybe you should think about getting some better cologne or something. Geeze, you REEK, man!”

His face contorted into a grimace of rage, and he charged at me, darkness flowing behind him.

XHXHXHXHXHXHXHX

My eyes shot open as I fell out of the pile that I had claimed as my resting spot. I felt my arm and blinked when I saw the hoof. Right, I’m a pony right now. That was all just a dream. Okay, a memory dream, but a dream nonetheless.

But why the hell did it terrify me?

And more importantly…Where’s the bathroom?

Indiana Omnius and The Perfect Banana Nut Muffin

Chapter 3:

Indiana Omnius and the Perfect Banana Nut Muffin.

(Takes place Three Days before Episode 1 of My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic)


I had been helping out around the barn for a couple of days now, and it wasn’t just apples I had to help take care of. We also had to build some temporary add-ons to the barn so it could hold the entire Apple Family.

Let me say that again: We had to make the already MASSIVE barn, BIGGER so it could hold the entire Apple Family. Digest that thought in your head for a second. No, seriously, take your time. I can wait…Done? Good. Let’s get on with it then.

“So what about the house? Can’t some of your family stay there?” I asked Big Mac as we each hauled a pile of lumber over to the construction site.

“Eyup,” He replied, setting the wood down as if it were nothing. Damn, but I had seen huge gorillas (No, seriously. They were REAL gorillas) get tired after lifting as much as Big Mac had in that single load, but Ole’ Mac kept on trucking.

“Huh. Well alright then,” I set my significantly smaller pile down next to his and tried to salvage some of my already too-far-gone dignity.

As we started lifting the boards (a very strange process that I will not go into) into place, I heard Applejack say, “Consarn it!”

By this time, I’d learned that when Applejack said, ‘Consarn it,’ she meant it as the ponified version of my favorite curse (Next to ‘Ye Gods’ of course)  ‘Damn it,’ (I’m still trying to decide if I can swear around ponies yet. For all I know, Kids could be watching and/or reading this!).  Big Mac and I glanced at each other, and he said, “Y’all best go see what’s wrong. I’ll finish getting these in place.”

I nodded and walked over to where Applejack was glaring at a bucket of overturned nails. Naturally, seeing this, I said, “Let me guess: You need help so you can NAIL this problem?” Zing! I’ve got a million of ‘em folks!

She glanced at me, smiled, and said, “Sorta. See, we don’t have enough nails to finish building the rest of the rooms.”

“Well that’s not good. Hey, if you want, I could go into town and get you some more,” I suggested, wanting to see the sights.

Applejack glanced at me, and said hesitantly, “I’m not sure that’s such a good Idea. I mean, you still don’t know nothing about your memories, and you barely anything about Ponyville, or Equestria in general!”

“Sure, but what if Ponyville has something that will help me remember? Plus, I’m pretty sure you’ve told me enough about it that I can at least get some nails!” And maybe a doughnut. Ooh! Or maybe a muffin, I could really go for a muffin right now!

“I dunno,” She said in a neutral tone, but I could tell she was relenting.

“Seriously! Come on, it’s just some nails. I could go to town, take in the sights, and see if I can find something that will help out with the…what’s it called again? I forgot… Kidding!”

“Alright. But since you’re going into town to buy some nails, you’re gonna need some bits,” She said, walking into the house.

For those of you who have no idea what bits are (How is that possible? I mean, you’re fans of this universe already! You know more about it than I do!), it’s basically Equestrian currency. They’re small, hard gold coins, or coins that are painted gold. All I know is that I can’t shake the feeling that if I collect a hundred of them I’ll get an extra life.

While I was reminiscing on fond memories of me and the Bros. stomping on some goombas, Applejack walked back out with a set of brown weathered saddlebags. She tossed them on my back, and I heard the distinct Clinking sound of coinage.

“There’s enough bits in there for you to get some nails, and I threw in a few extra so you could get yourself a snack or something while you’re there,” When I opened my mouth to protest, she went over me, saying, “And don’t worry about the extra money. You’ve been working harder than I thought you would and you’ve earned it.”

I honestly felt kind of touched at that. It’s a rare occasion when you can meet someone who’s honest enough to do something like that, more so when it’s someone you barely know. I swallowed and said in a slightly low voice, “Uh, thanks. I guess I’ll be off then.”

“Be back in time for supper! Oh, and a quick word of advice. Until you can get your memory back, try to avoid anything that’s overly pink and poofy.”

I did a small double-take at that and realized she wasn’t joking.

“Alrighty. I’ll avoid any cotton candy that I see,” I replied carefully, not sure what to say.

“No, it’s not that. See, there’s this pony named Pinkie-Pie, and she’s sort of a…party mane-iac” (Ha, that’s punny) “And she likes throwing parties for new ponies who come to Ponyville. And with your amnesia and all-“

“I would be overwhelmed by the questions and most likely pass out from trying to remember them,” I interrupted (Ha! For once it’s not me getting cut off!) remembering what had happened to one of my first friends that I had met when I started traveling. Long story short, I still had nightmares about it. Luckily those dreams probably wouldn’t show up in this story (Sucks to be you, huh reader! Now you’re gripped with curiosity! And if you’re not, then…well, shut up.)

“Uh, actually, yeah.”

“Well then, I’ll just make sure that I have a good hiding place with me at all times. Take care A.J!” I said, taking off down the road. When I reached a small cluster of trees that would hide me from the sight of anyone at the farm, I slowed down, and realized something: I had been here for a few days now, but between working on the farm, getting struck by lightning (Which was a shocking development. ZING!), and then being an amnesiac, I hadn’t had time to see if some of my Auras would work.

Um, yeah. Auras. Alright, I’ve heard that there’s supposedly this whole, “Spiritual Aura,” thing that those Buddha-Zen people are obsessed with. You know like if someone has a calming aura or maybe some sort of aura that radiates fear, right? Spiritual balance and all that Zen?

Well, it’s different for me. See, an Aura is when I super-charge one of my abilities at the cost of weakening others and altering my appearance. For example, say I used a Fire Aura. That means that all of my abilities take on a flaming aspect, but I can’t use Water, or Grass type abilities (Ye Gods, I just realized that this sounds a lot like Pokémon) and my hair suddenly catches fire and pisses off any smoke detectors in the vicinity. The same is true if I used a Wind Aura: Totally awesome Wind-ability boost, drastic decline of my Earth and Fire, and my clothes start rustling in the wind.  

And it’s not just elements that can have auras. I also can boost things like Strength, Wisdom, Magic, Music (Hey, don’t laugh! Music Aura saved my life in Realities that are Broadway based and made me get seventh place in American Idol) and the one that I was about to boost: Speed.

Oh-hohoho, Speed Aura. Personally, that is one of my favorite Auras. It was probably the second or third Aura that I ever learned how to use, and man is it awesome! True story actually, I learned how to use this Aura when I met a certain blue hedgehog (Hey, how else was I supposed to keep up with him? He’s the Fastest thing Aliiiiiiiiiive! (Um, if you didn’t get it, you were supposed to read that last part in song)), which might explain why every time I changed into it, my hair would get a bluish tone, and my clothes would change to blue and white.

Crap, I got distracted again. Sorry about that. Feel free to smack me upside the head if it happens again (Oh wait, you can’t, YOU’RE on the other side of the screen! Hahaha- OUCH! Okay, scratch that. Some of you can reach that far.)

I had no idea if it would work in pony form, but I figured, “What the heck, worst that could happen would be me looking like an idiot and that already happens a lot.”

Closing my eyes, I focused on nothing but thoughts of speed. Racecars, Speedy Gonzales, Scout, Fat guys on bikes going downhill, and those kinds of things. I’ll admit it, about halfway through that thought process I started hearing the Green Hill Zone theme start playing in my head. I felt the old, familiar tingling sensation and then opened my eyes. I looked at my body, er, coat, and noticed that it now had a bluish tint to it, and my tail now had streaks of blue running through it. I bet if I could see my face, my eyes would have flecks of green in them, and my hair would look windswept.

“Sweet, it works,” I said, nodding in satisfaction, “Now the real question is this: Where the hay is Ponyville?”

I then smacked myself in the face with my hoof and said, “Duh! It’s the clump of buildings over there! Man, I can’t believe I didn’t notice that before!”

With a grin, I took off at a full sprint down the road and ran toward Ponyville, reveling in the speed.

XHXHXHXHXHXHXHXHX


Minus a couple of accidents involving a chicken crossing the road and a grouchy skunk (close call on that last one), the trip to Ponyville was relatively peaceful. Taking cover behind an old oak tree that was just on the outskirts of the town, I dismissed the Aura and then collapsed for a moment while lights flashed in my eyes.

I forgot to mention the downside of the Auras: They make me feel exhausted! Seriously, the more complicated the aura, the more energy it drains. Luckily, like I mentioned before, my Speed Aura was one of the Auras that I’d had for a while, so I could actually shake off the after-effects pretty quickly.

Wobbling a little, I stood up and walked into town.

The first thing I noticed was the color. Everywhere I looked my eyes were assaulted by a bright barrage of colors. It was like a rainbow had crash-landed where the town was and the ponies built housing materials out of said rainbow. It was THAT colorful. Oh, and then let’s not forget to throw in the extremely colorful ponies! Being around the Apple Family for the past few days had given me a few suspicions about the coloring, but I definitely hadn’t expected anything on this kind of magnitude! All of the ponies were in virtually every color imaginable; I mean there was green, purple, red, pink, yellow, magenta-

Wait, hold on a second…pink…Flashback sequence: INITIATE!

“And make sure to bake at 360 degrees Fahrenheit for at least thirty minutes, and if the cake still isn’t-“

Too far! Take two:

“Be back in time for supper! Oh, and a quick word of advice. Until you can get your memory back, try to avoid anything that’s overly pink and poofy.”

Oh yeah! I took a closer look at the pink pony and noticed that along with her bright pink coat, she had slightly darker, poofy hair and a trio of balloons as her cutie-mark. She hopped along, smiling at who knows what and giving off a radiance of happiness…Oh, and she was headed this way.

“Cripes!” I yelped. Frantically looking around, I spotted an open barrel and hopped into it without bothering to check its contents. Luckily, thanks to my time spent with the Russians, I had a lot of practice involving a certain trick called Contortionism. It hurt like heck, but I could manage for a few minutes.

Spotting a convenient hole in the side, I put my eye to it and watched as Pinkie hopped merrily along her way, turned a corner, and vanished from sight. I let out a sigh of relief and tried to get out of the barrel. After a couple of minutes shaking the barrel, I got a hoof loose, and I used that free hoof to pull myself out, more or less in one piece.

I dusted myself off and then noticed the odd looks that many of the ponies were giving me. I chuckled nervously and said, “Uh, can anypony tell me where the nearest hardware store is?”

I felt a light tap on my shoulder, and I turned and saw a mint green (I was being serious when I said EVERY color) unicorn with a lyre shaped cutie-mark smiling at me.

“You must be new in town,” She said casually.

“Is it that obvious?” I replied, chagrined.

“Only a little bit. Plus, that barrel you just crawled out of was in front of the Hardware store.”

I looked up and sure enough there was a sign that had a picture of a hammer and wrench in an ‘X’ shape that pretty much screamed, ‘Home Depot, right here genius!’

“Oh. Well that’s pretty convenient. Thank you, um…”

“Lyra,” She supplied helpfully, holding her hoof out.

“Thanks Lyra. My name’s Omnius. Nice to meet you,” I said, shaking her hoof.

“You too. Well, see you around,” Lyra said, walking away and meeting up with a vanilla colored mare. Sneaking what they thought were covert looks at me, they immediately started talking about stuff. Stuff that I wasn’t really interested in, especially when I realized that the barrel wasn’t exactly empty as I had hoped it was.

Wincing, I arched my neck and used my teeth to grab a nail that had lodged itself in my left flank.

“Heh heh, Uh, I found the nails,” I said awkwardly. Trying to recover my lost dignity, I walked into the store and managed to buy a bucket of nails, which were then stuffed carefully in my saddlebags.

Emphasis on carefully.  There’s an old phrase that works with this situation: Fool me once, shame on you. Get a nail stabbed into my butt…shame on me.

I walked out of the store and wondered what I should do now. I still had a side-pocket filled with bits and the rest of the day to do what I fancied. I could visit the library and read up on the history, or maybe find a music hall and listen to this world’s music, or maybe…

…Find out where that delicious, heavenly, mouthwatering aroma was coming from!

I felt myself being lifted as I inhaled the aroma of baked food and quite frankly, I didn’t care. As long as it gets me to the source of that delicious aroma, I would be a very happy Traveler! As I reveled in the smell, I felt myself suddenly dropped onto the ground in a very painful manner. Grumbling, I got up and then went silent as a heavenly chorus started singing in my head, as I looked at…paradise!

Okay, maybe not paradise, but it was pretty damn close!

The building (that I was still staring in awe at) was built exactly like a gingerbread house, only the windows had all sorts of sweets that would make even the Subway guy decide to cheat on his diet.

I walked in, and instantly spotted…it….

There, lying on top of a pile of freshly baked muffins, was the most beautiful piece of culinary art I had ever seen! It had a light, golden top, bits of brown, delicious pecans stuck out at almost perfectly chosen spots, and a soft yellow square of butter melted slowly on top of it…that’s right. I was falling for a muffin. Not just any muffin, but the PERFECT smelling, PERFECT looking, PERFECT tasting (I bet) Banana Nut muffin. The King of Muffins, The duke of baked goods!

I dashed to the counter and asked the blue pony calmly, “How much for the Banana Nut muffin?”

XHXHXHXHXHXHXHX

Five minutes later (It had taken me a while to dig the coins out, okay?) I walked out of Sugar Cube Corner with a small bag clenched in my mouth and the urge to squeal in delight being firmly suppressed. My stomach roared at the prospect of devouring the muffin and I heartily agreed.

Unfortunately, as my attention was somewhat, erm, diverted, shall we say? I didn’t look where I was going, and I felt, more than saw, a wall of gray and blond collide with me, causing my muffin to go flying into the air. I let out a Homer-esque yelp and did my best impression of a baseball player by diving into the dirt, barely catching the freefalling muffin. I sighed in relief, set it gently on a nearby table, and turned to see a cross eyed pegasus pony frantically gathering a bunch of letters that had gone flying when we collided.

Looking mournfully at my muffin, I told it quietly, “Later,” and then went to help gather the scattered letters.

“Oh, Sorry about that!” The pegasus said distractedly, still trying to get the letters.

“No, you’re fine. Here, let me help you with that,” I gathered the rest of the letters in my mouth (How I did that without ripping the paper or gagging, I don’t know) and stuffed them in her satchel. It reminded me of a mailman’s pack, and I instantly dubbed her a mail pony.

“Thanks,” she said, sighing in relief when we finished rounding up all of the letters.

“So...are you a mail pony or something?” I asked, saying the first thing that popped into my head. Oh yeah, Master of Subtlety, right here people.

“Oh yeah! I deliver mail to ponies all over Ponyville! Although I do go to other places in Equestria, I like it better when I just have to make the Ponyville run. It lets me stay close to my daughter,” She said smiling. (Geez, the ponies around here sure like smiling. Then again, is that really a bad thing?)

“Really? Is she a Pegasus pony too?”

“No, she’s a unicorn,” she replied nonplussed.

I paused, not sure what to say. I decided to do what I always did in those situations and said what was on my mind, “Well, I didn’t see that one coming.”

“What do you mean?”

“Well, I just thought that since you’re a Pegasus pony, and then…Okay, saying that out loud makes me sound like an idiot,” I said, blushing. Open mouth, insert hoof.

“Are you new here?” She asked, looking at me (At least I think she was. That cross-eyed thing was confusing me but not in the bad way).

“Yeah, I think so. Well, I can’t be sure. I got struck by lightning a couple of days ago, and now I can’t remember a thing!” I decided to get the amnesia thing out of the way early, this way I could avoid any touchy questions and not have to lie about it.

“You can’t remember anything? Anything at all?” She asked with real concern on her face (Real concern kids! And it also comes with Kung-Fu grip!)

“Well, I can remember my name, and how to breathe. That’s a good thing, right?”

She giggled and held out her hoof, saying “I’m Ditzy Doo.”

“I’m Omnius,” I took her hoof and shook it, then realized something: I don’t have opposable thumbs or fingers for that matter. How the heck were we…Okay, you know what? I probably shouldn’t ask anymore. I’ll just end up more confused.

“Thanks for helping me with my letters,” She sighed and then said in a sad tone, “Although I think I’m gonna be late now…”

I felt a pang of guilt, and the natural instinct for me to make her feel better took over. I looked around and my gaze fell on my muffin bag.

GUILT! NO! DON’T MAKE ME DO WHAT I THINK YOU’RE GONNA MAKE ME DO!

I grabbed the muffin bag in my hoof (HOW?), held it out to her, and barely keeping my regret out of my voice, said, “Would you like a muffin?”

DAMN YOU GUILT! ME AND MY STOMACH HATE YOU!

Her face lit up in joy, and she snatched the bag from my hoof, instantly devouring the muffin.

“I’ll take that as a ‘Hex Yes?’” I said, smirking.

She grinned nervously and said apologetically, “Sorry, I just-“

“You don’t have to say anything. I’d act the same way if someone offered me a soda,” I then cursed silently, as I didn’t know if there was soda or not. Then again, if what Applejack told me is true, they have MAGIC. If they can have magic, they at least had better have Root beer!

She giggled a bit more and then said, “Hey, I actually don’t have very many letters left to deliver. If you want, after I’m done, I could show you around town.”

I opened my mouth to say yes, when I caught a glimpse of pink hop around the corner.

“Maybe not now, but some other time would be great! Nice meeting you Ditzy!” I called out, galloping down the road full speed.

“Oh okay. Bye Omnius! Hope you enjoy Ponyville!” She called out.

I turned my head back and noticed that Pinkie Pie had heard Ditzy say that. Her eyes widened and she started looking around, trying to spot the ‘New Pony.’ I dashed inside a random building and tried to hide.

After a few minutes of silence, I peeked out of a nearby window and didn’t see any sign of Pinkie. I sighed in relief and turned to apologize to the owner of the house…

…And saw a tan pony pointing a futuristic looking pen at me.

“Whatever it is I did, I swear: I didn’t do it!” I said, lifting my hooves in the classic, ‘DON’T SHOOT!’ position. Oh yeah, I’m definitely the epitome of ‘Cool in the face of danger.’ Don’t laugh! When someone points a strange looking device at you, it’s more than likely a weapon of some sort that could easily make me into Omni ala Flambé!

As the pony with the weird pen came closer, I noticed that he had an hourglass cutie-mark and he seemed…familiar somehow. As I tried to recall where I might have seen him before (and how he was going to talk to me when he had a pen in his mouth), he practically shoved the pen-thing into my face and said, “I know who you are, Traveler!” Okay, other than it being a little garbled, due to having to hold said pen, it came out pretty clear. Oh, and on a side note: He was speaking in a British accent.

I felt the blood drain from my head and I said, “What? Me? Nope, just your average ordinary everyday amnesiac lightning bolt victim!”

“Don’t think that you can fool me!” He retorted, stabbing the pen at me.

I reacted in the only way that I knew how: I punched the pen right out of his mouth and let out a crazy Bruce-Lee yell. I’ll admit that the punch didn’t really do much, but the yell did. See, when someone (or somepony) thinks that their hostage is a quiet, nervous, and otherwise inexperienced, they’ll let their guard down. That’s when you take advantage by making lots of noise and doing something unexpected, and while Traveling is what I’m best at, I am DAMN good at improvising!

It did what I meant it to do, and it sent the pen flying across the room. More importantly, it gave me some room to fight.

Ha! This guy didn’t know what he was getting into! I’ve been trained in Wu-Shu, Kung-Fu, Boxing, and twenty other dangerous words! I’m a near-master at Hand to hand fighting!

I leaned back to let loose a right hook, when I got a swift buck to the face. I then realized my mistake: HAND to HAND combat. Where in that equation did you see the word ‘Hoof’? WHERE I ask you!?

Well, long action sequence short, between the both of us trying to trash each other, we managed to trash his house pretty badly. I know for a fact that I got quite a few clocks broken over my head!

What really ended the fight though was me picking up the pen and saying, “Stand back! I don’t know what I’m doing!”

“I would say so! You’re not even holding a real weapon! That’s a sonic screwdriver!” He said triumphantly in his British accent.

“Are you serious?! You tried to threaten me with a SCREWDRIVER!?!!” Temper levels reaching critical levels. Then I realized something else: “Wait, you made a screwdriver sonic?”

“It seemed like a good idea at the time!” He replied defensively.

“Okay, that actually sounds pretty cool. But how did you figure out that I’m the Traveler?” I asked, tossing (I still don’t know how I did that with only my mouth) the Sonic Screwdriver back at him.

He looked at me with confusion on his face. His eyes narrowed and he said suspiciously, “Why did you do that?”

“What? Toss the screwdriver back? Probably because I don’t know how to use it and the fact that if we keep up this fighting, there’s not gonna be much left to hit you over the head with!” I said, pointing out the broken clocks and various bits of debris.

“Well, that’s a very good point now that you mention it,” He said sheepishly.

“You still haven’t told me how you know I’m the Traveler,” I said, feeling the tension in the room dissipate.

“Simple. A letter arrived for me earlier this week, telling me that an earth pony, with a cutie-mark exactly like yours, was coming to this world.”

“And you took the word of a piece of paper that seriously?”

“Not exactly. You see, also included in the letter was a photo.”

“I don’t see where this is going,” I said, confused.

“The photo was of an alien being standing next to a blue phone-booth.”

“Oooh, right. Aliens and phone-booths! It’s a sign!”

“Look, the alien was something that I’d heard of before, something called a Human. Anyways, the human was-“

“Basically another version of you?” I interrupted, realizing where I’d seen the pony before, “Okay, no need to supply the rest of the story, I can guess the rest from here.”

“Are you sure?” He asked skeptically.

“Yeah. Look, I’m guessing that you were told that I’d bring mayhem and ruin, certain apocalypse, yadda yadda, yadda. Mind if I just go ahead and leave? I’m pretty sure we’ve established that I’m not the bad guy and you’re another reality’s version of a guy I know.”

“Erm, okay then. Wait, what is your name?”

“Omnius. Let me guess: They call you The Doctor?”

“How did-“

“Dude, I’ve been at this longer than a lot of people would guess. Anyways, sorry about the mess,” I dropped some bits onto the shattered table, and said, “That’s all I’ve got to spare. Sorry about that Doc.”

“No, it’s quite alright. Well, I hope to see you again. It seems you’ve seen your fair share of adventures too.”

I opened the door, and walked out, rubbing the new set of bruises on my head. I glanced at the sky and noticed the sun was going down. I sighed and decided to make my way back to the farm.

XHXHXHXHXHXHXHX

“Omnius! What in tarnation happened to you?” Applejack exclaimed when she saw me walk into the barn.

My only reply was, “I got the nails,” As I threw myself onto the hay.

“Fun day then?”

“Actually, yeah. It was pretty exciting. I’ll have to do that again,” I said, laughing, “Hey, your family’s supposed to be coming tomorrow right?”

“Oh yeah. Well, funny thing is we didn’t need the nails. Granny Smith found another bucket under the sink,” Applejack said, smiling.

“…D’oh.” I said feebly.

Core of the Apples

Chapter 4: Core of the Apples

(I don’t feel like doing the math, so YOU figure out how many days it is until episode 1 of My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic)

After a well deserved (and way too short) night’s rest, I got to get up and then fall flat on my face again. I know, I know, “But wait, how is it possible for you to fall out of a pile of hay?”

It’s simple. I did it very carefully.

Anyways, I groaned, rubbed my face, and then walked out of the barn to see that the rest of the family was already up and about. They looked anxious for some reason, as they moved frantically, trying to arrange some banners and stuff. As I hadn’t had my morning cup of soda yet (Or even a cup of soda this entire frigging WEEK!) I couldn’t figure out what all the hub-bub was about. That is, until I yawned and asked, “What’s with all the hub-bub?”

Apple Bloom dashed by, balancing a stack of Apple Pies on her nose (D’awww, again I say!), saying, “Remember? Today’s the start of the family reunion!”

I groaned again, stumbled over to Applejack, who was setting up a table covered with food (I still miss my muffin), and wearily stated, “Sorry if I sound like a jerk for saying this, but before I can help, I need some apple juice or something.”

Applejack looked at me and smiled, saying, “I reckon you’re not a morning pony then?”

“My dear Applejack, I am a morning pony! I just need a little something to get me rolling,” I said, suppressing another yawn.

By now, you’ve probably figured out that I’m a bit of a soda/juice addict. I can’t help it; they’re just both so delicious! It honestly made me wonder why the heck people would go for alcoholic drinks when there were more delicious and satisfying alternatives like Coke! Or Mountain Dew! Or anything that’s fizzy and caffeinated!

Applejack chuckled, and said, “I know how that can be. Here, try this.” She nudged a bright blue bottle with a bendy straw towards me, and I eyed it warily, not wanting to be tricked into drinking anything with alcohol (If I’m that bad with soda, imagine me with beer. Not a pretty picture, is it?) . She must’ve guessed what I was thinking, so she continued, saying, “That there is a Sweet Apple Acres Special! It’s one of our sweetest drinks, and can definitely put a spring in your trot!”

At ‘Sweetest Drinks’, I simply thought to myself, “Good enough,” grabbed the straw out of the drink, and tossed it to the side. Grabbing the bottle in my teeth, I lifted it up and started chugging like there was no tomorrow. In about five seconds (Or however long it takes for the Popeye theme to play), I had drained the bottle and tossed it into a nearby trash bin.

Burping slightly, I said, “Thanks. MORNING PONY, AWAY!” I shouted the last part in an overly dramatic voice and then galloped over to another table. Five seconds later, I ran back to Applejack, and said casually, “I guess I kinda need something to help you with, huh?”

XHXHXHXHXHXHXHXHX

After a couple of hours of setting up tables, putting out dishes of food, and the other family reunion thingies, I finally mustered up the courage to ask Applejack about something that had been bothering me for the past few days.

“Hey, uh, Applejack?” I started hesitantly, as we finished setting up a banner across the rafters of the barn.

“What’s wrong Omnius?” She asked instantly. Damn, how did she do that?

“I was just wondering, um, since I’m technically not really part of the family, and this is supposed to be a FAMILY reunion, are you sure that it’s alright if I stay here?” I looked down at my hooves as I talked and tried not to make eye contact. I’ve already said this, but I feel awkward around family moments, and family reunions are as big a family moment as you can get.

“Aw, well shoot, you saved Apple Bloom from that storm, and you didn’t even know us! Not only that, but you’ve been helping us set up for the Summer Sun Celebration!” She patted my shoulder with one of her hooves, and said, “Why, I reckon you’re already part of the family!”

I let out a sigh of relief, and smiled. “Thanks A.J.”

“Anytime there, pardner,” She said, playfully punching my shoulder. There were a lot of unsaid things in said punch (And me gasping in pain, as she punched a bruise) and it made me feel better (And it made me feel pain).

“Well, enough chit-chat! It looks like we’ve got everything set up!” I said, my cheer restored by the pep-talk and the juice.

“Not quite. I gotta go and wake Granny Smith up.” Applejack walked out of the barn and left me standing in confusion.

“…Granny Smith is alive?” I shook my head in disbelief, walked out to stand by Apple Bloom and Big Macintosh, and wait for the rest of the family to show up. Big Mac and I made idle chit-chat while we waited for Applejack and Granny Smith to come out.

After a few minutes of waiting, Applejack and a green, wrinkled, and incredibly old (so old, I bet she knew dinosaurs when they were young) pony finally came out and waited with us. When I saw Granny Smith, I did what should by now be expected by everyone and said the first thing that came to mind.

“GRANNY SMITH! You’re alive!” I said joyously, as the other Apples grinned.

“Of course I’m alive, what else would I be?” She asked in the way that only Cranky Kong or Old Man Jenkins could pull off (In other words, extremely irritated and tired).

“Well, it’s just that the whole time I’ve been here, I haven’t seen you, so I guessed that, well you know…” Luckily, I was spared having to give an answer, as Applejack spotted a group of ponies headed our way.

“Look alive, pardner!” She hollered (She didn’t yell, she hollered. There’s a difference), “Here comes the family!”

Aaaaaannnnd here’s where things get confusing (for me at least). Remember how I mentioned that we had to add on to the barn in order to make it big enough to hold the Apple family?

Well, I thought that they’d be arriving in smaller groups. You know, couples, maybe a few small families, that kind of stuff. Instead, it seemed like they had all arrived at the SAME freaking TIME.

Trust me folks, you don’t want me to give you the details of the introductions. I’ll give you the shortened and abridged version instead.

As all of the Apple Family knew each other, and I was the only new pony, Apple Bloom and Applejack insisted on introducing me to the rest of the family. I felt like my arm was going to be ripped out of its socket from all the times I had to shake somepony’s hoof. It didn’t help that they were all enthusiastic country ponies, and they had the southern hospitality to go along with it. Oh, and Applejack told me everyone’s name in less than a minute (There were too many names for me to even think about counting).

Needless to say, I was lost in a swirl of apple related names, and then I had to put a hoof on a table in order to make sure I didn’t fall over.

As I tried to keep my breakfast from making it’s less than triumphant return (Good Gandhi, but there were a lot of ponies!), Big Mac walked over to me, and chuckled.

“Please tell me (Burp) that I won’t have to memorize all of those names? And do you think that I’ll ever get the full use of my leg again?” I asked, swaying slightly.

“I reckon that you won’ have to memorize all of them. They only come by every now and then. And your arm should get its feeling back eventually,” Big Mac said in that slow tone of his, still grinning.

“Okay, that’s good. So is everyone here named after an apple?” I asked, starting to feel better. At least the floor wasn’t trying to trip me up anymore.

“Eyup,” He stated simply. Gotta love Big Mac.  I mean, he could probably sum up War and Peace in five words! How cool is that?

I shook off the last of the sudden sickness, and said, “Well, come on! We’ve got some Family to entertain!”

As we walked back into the crowd, I felt a prickling sensation on the back of my neck and looked around. For some reason, I started feeling nervous, like something was about to try and attack us. Seeing nothing, I wrote it off to me trying to delay the family moments, and tried to make conversation.

“Hey,” I said casually, standing next to a yellow colt with a single red apple as his cutie-mark.

“Well howdy there stranger! Say, you’re that feller that got Apple Bloom out of that storm, aren’t you?” He said in the now too-familiar southern drawl that I had come to expect from the Apple family.

“It’s better than being known for getting struck by lightning,” I said shrugging. I grabbed an apple from a nearby table and bit into it. Damn, but I gotta hand it (Hoof it?) to Applejack, she wasn’t kidding when she said that they grow the best apples in Equestria. Well, at least they were the best apples I’d ever eaten!

“Oh right! Applejack told us the whole story!” He said, adjusting his cowboy hat (I don’t care if they’re ponies; I’m still calling it a cowboy hat!).

“Figured as much. Erm, Rage-Urn, right?” I asked, scratching my head, and struggling to remember his name.

“That’s mighty close. It’s Braeburn!” He stuck out his hoof and I took it, shaking it before he could get a chance to shake mine.

Rip my arm out of my socket once, shame on you. Rip it out twice, shame on me. Try to do it again, realize that you’ve already ripped out both of my arms, and that you CAN’T do it again!

“Oh, sorry about that Braeburn. Hey, mind if I shorten it to B.B? I mean, you have to admit, Braeburn is a bit of a mouthful,” I said cheerfully as he rubbed his arm a bit.

“Not if you mind me calling you Omni,” He said good-naturedly. 

“Not at all B.B…okay, I’m gonna go back to calling you Braeburn. You don’t seem like a B.B,” I said, finishing off the apple I was eating. What kind of apple was it you ask? I’m not telling you! Some things you just have to leave to the imagination of the reader…oh, who am I kidding? It was the classic red apple.

We kept up the chit-chat for a few minutes, and I ended up getting an invitation to come and hang out in Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa (I’m gonna cut it off here. It’d take a while if I included all of the “A’s”) appleoosa! I told him I’d keep that in mind, and then heard someone call out that they were doing a couple of competitions.

Normally I would have ignored that, but then I heard that there was an Apple Juice drinking contest. Naturally, being the epitome of cool, I jumped up, squealed in girlish delight (I know, I know, I’ll hand over my man card later!), and galloped full speed toward a table completely covered with bottles of apple juice.

“I guess you’re joining the Apple Juice Chugging Competition then?” I heard Applejack say from right next to me.

I hopped giddily in place and nodded furiously. A big goofy grin had done a hostile takeover of my face, and I must have looked a little crazy.

“Excited aren’t ya?” Another pony asked from the end of the table.

“Excited? Dude, I am the MASTER of drinking contests!” I said, laughing happily, glad that I finally had found something I was good at on this world. “I will not be out drunk today! Or is it out drank?” I paused, and tried to figure it out, and then said, “Doesn’t matter! The point is: I am the MASTER drinker!”

A lot of the other Apple family had gathered to watch, and they cheered at my enthusiasm. Apple Bloom stood on top of Big Mac’s back (Hey, those last two words rhymed!) so she could be seen, and she shouted over the crowd, “Ponies! Get ready!”

Applejack, me, and maybe five other ponies each grabbed a bottle and placed it in front of us.

“Get set!”

I removed the straws from all of the ten bottles I was supposed to drink and set them on the table. I grabbed a bottle in my mouth and prepared to chug.

“GO!”

I tilted the bottle back, and drank like I was a guy who had been lost in a desert for two weeks with nothing but pond water. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw some of them try and copy me, only to splutter and cough out some apple juice that had went down the wrong pipe.

“Amateurs,” I muttered under my breath as I went for the next bottle. I didn’t mean to sound rude but it was true. Plus, I kind of go crazy in drinking contests, as proven by my loss of a man card earlier.

Five minutes later, I was down to my last bottle! I was in the clear! I was gonna win! I picked up the last bottle and chugged it straight down in one gulp. I heard a bell ring, and I dropped the bottle, letting out a record breaking belch. Yep. Epitome of Table Manners too!

“And we have a winner!” I heard someone call out, and then I felt my hoof being raised into the air, like I had won a boxing match. I heard a bunch of cheers, and then I realized two things:

One: I was having fun. Honest-to-Gods good fun! And even though I might have looked crazy, everyone else was having a good time too. I felt like I was honestly a part of the family. It was a good feeling.

Two: Holy Apple-kabobs Batman! I needed to pee REALLY badly. I guess I forgot the fact that while I’m incredibly talented at drinking, I can’t say the same for my ability to hold more than four drinks.

“Hooray, yeah, I win, but if I could please be excused for one moment!” I rushed to a nearby outhouse that had been setup just for the occasion, only to find that, to my extreme horror, it was occupado.

“Okay, I can wait,” I told myself, and I stood outside, waiting. At this time, Applejack’s mischievousness must have kicked in, as she, Braeburn, and Apple Bloom walked up to me, and started talking in overly loud voices.

“Hoo-Eee, Apple Bloom. Shouting at all them ponies sure must have made you thirsty,” Applejack said/shouted.

“It sure did sis! Why in fact, I could sure go for a nice, tall, cool, glass of water!” Apple Bloom replied, putting extra emphasis on the word water.

Just ignore it, just ignore it! You can hold it! YOU. CAN. HOLD IT!

“I know I sure could!” Braeburn added, pulling out one of the bottles he hadn’t managed to finish. He made sure the straw was in place, and then started draining the bottle loudly, making sure I could hear every moment of it.

I groaned, and started trotting in place. Dammit! This is SO not funny!

Now both Apple Bloom and Braeburn were both drinking juice, and making loud noises. Applejack decided to cut in, saying stuff about waterfalls, and leaking roofs, and GAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!!

I decided it wasn’t worth waiting for, and then I dashed into the nearby woods. I made sure that I had gone far enough so that I couldn't see the barn, and then relieved myself in some nearby bushes.

Bliss. Pure, unadulterated bliss. I won’t bore you with the details, since it would be extremely awkward if I described myself taking a piss. Just know that I was in the Orchard for at least five minutes, and that the trees got a healthy dose of nutrients to help them grow (No, seriously, that actually helps them grow. Just don’t try it at home).

I trotted back to the farm, a look of pure relief on my face, when I spotted something that filled me with pure dread.

To others, it may have been innocent enough. It was just a shadow of movement that probably would’ve gone unnoticed if they hadn’t been trying to look for it. As this was something that I constantly kept an eye out for, I noticed it.

“No, no no no,” I repeated to myself out loud. “He can’t be here. He shouldn’t be here!” I steeled my nerves and went to the place where I had seen the movement. I looked around the area, and spotted it: A set of footprints that were in the shape of elongated pentagons. That would’ve been weird enough, but I could also feel how even though I was standing in broad daylight, in the middle of a ray of sunlight, the air was somehow colder and more corrupt somehow.

“Dark feelings in the middle of the day, chills in the middle of a bright ray of sunlight, something that’s clichéd beyond all belief?” I muttered to myself. I swallowed, and after a moment of silence, said fearfully, “There’s only one thing that fits into all three of those categories…Torrentican is here, on Equestria, and he’s brought his Shadow-stalkers with him.”

That alone terrified the piss out of me (thankfully, I didn’t have any left, or I would have wet myself). I allowed myself a silent prayer to the Gods of Good and hoped that Torrentican wasn’t planning on a full scale invasion yet.

Wait, I need to tell you guys about his Shadow-Stalkers, right? Okay, well, it’s kind of confusing, but I’ll try to explain. See, I told you guys about my auras, right? Of course I did, it was in the last section! Go look at it if you need a refresher. Well, as I had my auras, Torrentican had his minion creating ability. Ever play Kingdom Hearts? If yes, then you know what the heartless are. If no, then Google image a shadow heartless, and take a good look at it. That’s the base ingredient for Torrentican’s minions. They’re easy to create and simple to control. Like Legos.

Anyways, after he gets the base, he adds on to it, giving it shape, certain powers, and he can even make it look like himself if he has to (again, just like Legos). Basically, he can create an entire army from that. That’s kind of why I call them Shadow-Stalkers. Partly because they’re all made of shadows of evil, and partly because the name Darkstalkers was already taken. Stupid Japanese fighting games. They always get the cool names!

Wait…games, names…oh no…I’M SPEAKING IN RHYME!

“Okay, come on Omni! Calm down!” I spoke to myself as I walked back to the farm. “Be rational: How does Torrentican operate?”

They say it’s a bad thing when you start talking to yourself. I can see why people would think that. But what do they think when you can get an answer?

“He waits for whoever is the villain to make their move,” I responded instantly.

“Not all the time! Sometimes he’ll wait until it looks like the good guys have won, and then he’ll do something to make life miserable!” I shot back at myself.

“Okay, that’s true. But what about when he decides not to do anything at all?”

“Hey, this is TORRENTICAN we’re talking about! He always tries something!”

“Alright, that’s true, but remember, you always come out on top! You’ve always managed to find a way to pull a last minute trick out of your sleeve and turn the tables on him!” I tried to say confidently.

“Yeah, but only because I’ve got my friends by my side. Without them, I’m nothing! I wouldn’t have anything to fight for!” I retorted, beads of sweat starting to form.

“Well then make sure that you keep your friends!”

“Have I already forgotten about that Technicolor Dream Vision that I had just a couple of nights ago?”

“What about it?” My mental self asked. (Holy crap, talking to yourself is confusing! How do I manage it?)

“He said that people would see me as a monster,” I reminded myself, and I fell silent. Was that really my biggest fear at the moment? Being seen as a monster? I shook my head, and firmly rejected it. I already had enough on my plate without having to worry about what the future would hold. As it was, the only thing I could really do right now was wait and see what would happen.

As I caught sight of the barn, I took a steadying breath and tried to look like I had just heard an angelic choir playing in the background (Not too hard when I remembered why I had gone into the woods in the first place).

All three of my tormentors were waiting for me, and they cracked up laughing once they saw my face.

“Laugh all you want good apple family, but I WILL HAVE MY REVENGE!” I cried out dramatically, and then said, “Poof! That was the smoke bomb going off, and me disappearing in the mysteriousness of said poof!”

They laughed even harder and I joined in, hoping they didn’t notice that I kept glancing at the woods in fear.

The Mare in the Moon (and Omnius too!) Pt. 1.

The Mare in the Moon (and Omnius too!)

Part 1.

(Takes place during Episode 1 of My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic)

“No, please stop! I can’t take anymore!” I shouted in agony, panting heavily. Sharp lances of pain shot through my front right leg, and it took everything I had to not scream in pain.

“Omnius, you don’t have to shout like that! It’s only Hoof-Wrastling,” Applejack said, with no sign of the exhaustion I felt in her voice.

“Says the still undefeated champion!” I said, gingerly stretching my leg. “Ye-ouch! I can’t believe no one warned me about that!” I shot a short glare at Apple Bloom, who tried to look as innocent as possible, while everyone who was watching laughed.

“Alright, come on now,” Applejack said, patting my shoulder good naturedly. “You lost, fair and square, so you know what that means!” She started grinning and I sighed.

“I know, I know. But do I have to do it in front of everypony here?”

“That was the bet, wasn’t it?”

“Yeah. Alright, let’s get this over with,” I trotted to the top of a nearby hill and aimed for a tree that was full of apples. I was very aware of the fact that I had at least fifteen ponies watching me, since the rest were preparing the last of the food that was gonna be served at the Summer Sun Celebration.

“Hold these please,” I said, passing my glasses to Apple Bloom. She took them and put them on, while her eyes got ridiculously warped behind them. I kept my laughter to myself and tried to aim again.

“Wow Omnius! Is your eyesight really this bad?” Apple Bloom asked incredulously.

“Is what I’m about to do incredibly stupid?” I shot back, before running full speed down the hill.

“FOR PONY!!!” I cried out, right before my face collided with a tree trunk. The tree shook like it did before, and more than half of the apples that were in said tree fell out, a few of them hitting me on the head. Cartoon apples flew around my head again, and I staggered around for a minute, trying to get the ground to stay still.

“You okay there pardner?” Applejack said, while everyone else was laughing and cheering.

“Courshe I am! Now whish Applejack am I talking to, the one on the right, or the one on the left?” I slurred, and then shook my head. “Uh, just kidding!”

“Doesn’t it hurt to do that?” Apple Bloom asked when she gave me back my glasses.

“Only a little,” I lied, “But trust me, there are a lot of things that would hurt a lot more…” I trailed off for a moment, and then noticed she was still staring at me. “I wouldn’t try it if I were you. Only reason I can do it is because I have one heck of a thick skull.”She nodded, and walked back to the farm. After she was gone, I put both of my front hooves on my head, and let out a deep sigh.

Doesn’t it hurt to do that?

How many times had I been asked that question? It seemed like along with, “How did you do that,” and “What are you,” those were the top three questions I’ve been asked.  No matter what, those three questions have constantly been said to me in one form or another, and nine times out of ten, that last question, “What are you,” was always asked with some hint of fear. It always made me feel horrible, but then again, I had also been able to convince everyone that I was the good guy in less than a few minutes, so it normally made things okay.

I shook myself out of those thoughts and looked around from where I was standing. Applejack had decided to try and get a few last minute apples for the celebration and was currently apple bucking, while the rest of the Apple family was just out doing their own thing. I decided that since no one needed my help, it would be a good idea to take a nap. Leaning my back against the tree I had just skull-bashed, I slid to the ground and felt my eyelids grow heavier.

Ye Gods, but this world was just so…peaceful. There were a few fluffy, white, clouds in the bright blue sky, there was a light breeze, and the sunlight seemed to seep into my bones and soothe all of my old aches and pains. The grass was soft, and the trunk seemed to be in the perfect shape for me to lean against it. Birds softly chirped, and I could hear the laughter of the family being carried to me on the breeze. The only thing that could make this better would be a hammock, I thought to myself, as I slowly closed my eyes and tried to enjoy this extremely rare moment of peace. I closed my eyes, and relaxed…

Then I noticed that a lavender unicorn was walking up the path with a purple and green lizard thing in tow.

“Why is it that every time I start to relax, things start happening?” I complained to myself, as I forced myself out of the comfortable spot and trotted over to meet the unicorn.  I got there in time to hear the reptile/yoshi/lizard thing say something about a checklist, and banquet preparations.

“YEE-HAW!” I heard Applejack holler, as she bucked a tree clear of all of its apples (still wish I could do that). Since I wasn’t feeling lazy, I went and bucked another tree, only to get half of the apples dropped on my head, instead of the bucket I was aiming for. On the bright side, in cartoonish fashion, the apples that bounced off of my head landed perfectly in the bucket.

The lavender unicorn sighed, and said reluctantly, “Let’s get this over with.” She walked over to where Applejack was trying her hardest not to laugh at me, and said, “Good Afternoon. My name is Twilight Sparkle-” She was suddenly cut off, as Applejack had grabbed her hoof, and was shaking it vigorously.

“Did I look like that funny when I got my hoof shaken?” I asked myself, and decided that yeah, I probably did, if not even funnier.

“Well, howdy-do, Miss Twilight. A pleasure makin' your acquaintance! I'm Applejack and that there is Omnius!” (Hooray, I’m noticed!) “We here at Sweet Apple Acres sure do like makin' new friends,” She said, gesturing towards me with her head.

“Friends? I-Uh” Twilight stammered out, but the violent shaking of her hoof made it hard for her to say anything, until Applejack let go. Her hoof kept shaking in the air, and the purple thing (Oh screw it, I’m calling it a dragon) had to grab it to make it stop. I couldn’t help but chuckle at that and the dragon giggled too.

Twilight shot the small dragon a look and cleared her throat. “Well, I am in fact here to supervise the preparations for the Summer Sun Celebration. And you’re in charge of the food?”

“We sure as sugar are!” Applejack said proudly. “Would you care to sample some?”

I hope she knew what she was getting into. Remembering what happened to me yesterday, I grabbed a nearby empty bucket, and shoved it onto my head, just as Twilight said, “As long as it doesn’t take too long…”

I couldn’t see from under my makeshift helmet, but I heard the sharp ringing of the Metal Triangle, and then Applejack called out, “SOUP’S ON EVERYPONY!”

“Brace for impact!” I said to the dragon (or at least in his general direction), just as all three of us were overtaken by a sudden stampede of Apple Family members. After the imaginary banjo music I always played in my head for these occasions, I lifted the bucket up to see that I was standing next to the Unicorn and Dragon at a small picnic table, with the entire family surrounding us. I figured now was a good time to take off the bucket, before I started making Buckethead jokes.

“Now how ‘bout I introduce you to the Apple Family?” Applejack asked the visitors, gesturing to the large group of ponies.

“Thanks, but I really need to hurry,” Twilight said, trying to leave, but before she could, Applejack had started the introductions, with each named pony bringing a different plate of food.

I laughed while she did that, remembering when I got introduced to the family. Then frowned when I realized something: How come I didn’t get food when that happened? Totally unfair! While I thought about that, I realized that Applejack had finished introducing everyone and had even woken up Granny Smith. Something that I’d noticed by now was that Granny Smith spent 20 hours of the day napping, sleeping, snoozing, and dozing. Also: That she hated it whenever it was ME trying to wake her up.  Why? I don’t know, it might have something to do with the fact that I tripped and was holding an apple pie the first time I tried to wake her up.

“Why, I’d say they’re already part of the family!” I heard Applejack say to the others, as she patted Twilight on her back. I just noticed that apparently Applejack must have shoved an apple into Twilight’s mouth, since she suddenly spat out chunks of apple into my face.

She chuckled nervously, while I wiped the bits of apple off of my glasses, and she said, “Okay, well, I can see the food situation is handled, so we’ll be on our way.”

The entire Apple family groaned, and I couldn’t help but join them. Come on, Twilight, don’t leave! I still want to talk to the Dragon! I got an idea, and nudged Apple Bloom towards Twilight, and whispered to her, “Give her your best sad-eyed look! It’s our only hope for brunch!” My stomach rumbled when I said brunch.

Apple Bloom winked at me and then turned to Twilight and set phasers to Instant Diabetes! Or, in other words, she gave Twilight the exact same look she gave me when I first got here (I still go “D’aww” when I think about it). She asked in a sad and thoroughly adorable voice, “Aren’t you gonna stay for brunch?” She blinked a few times for emphasis.

“Sorry, but we have an awful lot to do…” Twilight said apologetically. The Apples all let out one collective, “Awww…” of disappointment, while I stood silently, trying not to explode from sheer overexposure to Adorableness. What, you don’t think it could happen? Well, try standing in the middle of a bunch of cute, sad-eyed ponies, and then tell me what you think! (Oh wait, you can’t, because you’ll be exploded!)

Twilight sighed in defeat, and reluctantly said, “Fine.” The Apples started cheering, and I grabbed the nearest platter of Apple Cupcakes.

“So, you’re Omnius?” Twilight asked, somewhat awkwardly, as if she didn’t get out much.

“That’s what I remember,” I said somewhat distractedly, as I bit into a cupcake.

“Well, hello Omnius. My name is Twilight Sparkle,” She said, adopting an air of formality. She stuck her hoof out and I tapped it, almost like the equivalent of a bro-fist…bro-hoof?

“Yo.”

“Yo?” She repeated, confused. Jeez, it was like she’d never heard the word before…wait a second.

“Aw, don’t tell me no one has ever told you ‘Yo’ before!” I said in disbelief.

“No, no one ever has,” Twilight said, a look of bewilderment on her face.

My mouth hung open, and then I shook my head in sorrow, and told her, “I’m so sorry.”

“Why? What does Yo even mean?”

“It’s another way of saying hi…I think,” I added hastily, not wanting to reveal the fact that I was faking amnesia.

“What do you mean, ‘think’?” Twilight asked suspiciously, as a plate of pie suddenly flew out of nowhere and landed in front of her. Holy crap, she’s psychic! Wait, can she read my mind?

“Um, uh-” I started stuttering trying to explain, but then got interrupted when Apple Bloom butted in. She’s lucky she’s cute…

“Wow! You haven’t heard? Well see, there was this storm a few days ago and it was huge! There were so many clouds, that you could barely see your own hoof in front of your face! And you could only see when a bolt of lightning would hit the ground, and there were a ton of bolts hitting the ground everywhere!” She said, acting out some of the parts. She told Twilight and the Dragon (still gotta get his name) all about me saving her from the storm, which made me feel uncomfortable for some reason. I guess I just didn’t like it when people tried making me sound like more than I actually was. I then realized that I had stopped paying attention and tried to focus on what Apple Bloom was saying.

“…And then, he walks out of the barn, and KA-WHAMMO! He gets struck by lightning, right on his forehead!” She poked my face for emphasis, making me mutter “Ow,” under my breath. “Big Macintosh and Applejack had to pull him back inside, since he passed out when he got hit, and they thought that he had gotten really hurt, but the next morning, he was fine, except he couldn’t remember anything!”

“Anything?” Twilight repeated, looking at me. The dragon looked up from the cupcake he was currently devouring too, a look of curiosity on his face.

“Yep, can’t remember a thing!” I said, grabbing a slice of pie and a couple more cupcakes. “Just my name and a couple of other things that are kind of hazy.”

“That’s horrible,” Twilight said sympathetically.

“So you forgot how to eat too? Guess you won’t be needing this!” The dragon said, swiping a cupcake from the plate in front of me. Twilight shot him an angry look, and said, “Spike, don’t be rude!”

Spike opened his mouth to say something, and then suddenly let out a belch of green flame. I shielded my eyes and thought to myself, Yep, definitely a dragon!

When I lowered my arm, I saw that Spike was unfurling a scroll, while Twilight smiled triumphantly, and was saying, “Yes! Surely the Princess must have realized how ridiculous this is, and she’s currently summoning me back to Canterlot! Read what it says Spike!”

While I wondered who in their right mind would name a city ‘Canterlot,’ Spike cleared his throat, and started reading the scroll.

“My Dear Twilight Sparkle, I hope that this letter finds you well, and I must ask you to do a favor for me. It has come to my attention that there is a newcomer to Ponyville and that he has amnesia, brought about from a recent…lightning…” Spike trailed off, and looked at me. I shrugged and motioned for him to keep going, while Twilight shot me a death glare. He cleared his throat and continued, saying, “Recent lightning storm. As I am acquainted with this pony, I wish for you to allow him to accompany you, as you continue to check the preparations for the Summer Sun Celebration. Hopefully, this will restore his lost memories, but in the event that it doesn’t, I will meet him personally, in order to attempt to heal him. Sincerely, Princess Celestia.”

“I know the Princess?” I asked Twilight in honest confusion. No, seriously. I don’t ever remember meeting a giant horse with wings and a horn that has enough strength to raise the sun and moon every day. I’m pretty sure when something like that happens, I will remember it. For some reason though, I felt a prickling sensation on the back of my neck, like there was something I should have realized a while ago…

“Apparently, although I must admit, the princess has never mentioned you to me at all,” Twilight said, glaring at me suspiciously (she tends to glare a lot). “Why would she have you accompany me though? It makes no sense!”

“I dunno, I mean, come on, up until a few days ago, I had never heard of Princess Celestia! All I know about her is that she’s a kind ruler, she’s in charge of raising the sun and moon, and that this Summer Sun Celebration thing is almost like a birthday party for her. Almost.” I said, trying to remember what Applejack had told me earlier. Again, this is the part where I thank the amnesia excuse for letting me not know things. Yay amnesia!

“Birthday party!? The Summer Sun Celebration is a lot more than just that! It celebrates the sun, and all of the things it encompasses and represents! Why, to try and compare it to-” Twilight started ranting, as she dug into her pie, and of course, due to my inability to listen to angry, pointless, rants, I started to tune it out, and hoped that I nodded in the right places.

“Psst, Spike, is she always this, erm, vocal?” I whispered to Spike, while nodding at some long complicated word Twilight said.

“Only when she’s angry,” Spike said, munching an apple, “Don’t worry, when she rants, she gets hungry, so once she starts into her second pie, she’ll stop.”

Sure enough, once Twilight had finished her first pie (damn, she put that away like I put away drinks!) she gave off a loud ‘Hmph’ of disapproval and tore into the second pie.

“Five bits says she gets one heckuva stomachache by the time we leave,” I whispered to Spike jokingly.

He laughed, and said, “No thanks, I definitely agree with you on that one!”

We both chuckled, and we finished the rest of the meal with me, Apple Bloom, and Applejack, telling Spike about my repeated attempts at head butting apple trees. Once Twilight had finished her pies, I noticed that there was a small mountain of pie tins next to her, and she let out a small groan of discomfort, which made me chuckle.

“Alright, since Twilight had essentially devoured your entire supply of pie, I think that now would be a good time to make our getaway,” I said, walking up to Applejack. “Thanks again for letting me stay here.”

“Aw, it was nothing. I’m glad I could help you out,” Applejack said, punching my shoulder. “And remember: If Princess Celestia can’t get you your memory back, you’ve still got a place to stay if you need it.”

I smiled and punched her shoulder in return. “Thanks. I’ll see you at the Celebration tonight?”

“Oh, I reckon you might,” She said, winking. “I might see you sooner than that even.”

I opened my mouth to ask what the hex she was talking about, when I heard Spike say that we were leaving. The best I could do then was to eye Applejack warily, and say, “Alrighty then. See ya A.J!”

And with that, Twilight, Spike, and I headed off towards Ponyville. Although the trip was pretty uneventful, I swear, I thought I saw a blur of pink shoot by…Nah, probably just my imagination…I hope.

“So, Spike, what do we have to check for the S.S.C?” I asked as we entered the town.

“S.S.C?” Spike asked.

“I shortened Summer Sun Celebration to S.S.C,” I explained.

“Well, besides food, we have to check the weather, the decorations, and the music,” Spike said, reading off of a list, “We just finished food, so next should be…weather!”

Twilight groaned, and mumbled under her breath, “I ate too much pie.”

“Nonsense! There’s no such thing as too much pie!” I said, grinning at her. She shot me another look, and I quickly tried to change the subject. “Uh, if Applejack was in charge of the food, who’s in charge of the weather?”

“Hm…There’s supposed to be a Pegasus pony named Rainbow Dash clearing the clouds,” Spike said, glancing at the sky.

“Well, she’s not doing a very good job, is she?” Twilight said when she looked up and saw the clouds in the sky.

I think Twilight jinxed us or something because one second we’re standing and talking about the weather, and then the next second: A rainbow colored blur had crashed into me, which sent me into Twilight, which sent all of us into a mud puddle, and I got to study the ground again. The interesting, very cool looking, muddy ground.

I wanted to push myself off of the ground, but I couldn’t when I realized that Twilight had landed on top of me and on top of her was a cyan colored Pegasus pony with a rainbow colored mane and tail. My finely honed detective skills kicked in again and told me that the Pegasus was none other than Rainbow Dash!

I tried to look up and to say “Excuse me, but could you please get off me?” But instead, as my face was getting reacquainted with the ground, I could only manage a garbled gurgling sound.

The rainbow colored pony picked herself up and turned to look at us, giggling awkwardly. “Uh, excuse me?”

I tried to wiggle out from under Twilight, who finally got the hint, and got off of me (FREEDOM!).

“Uh, here, let me help you!” Rainbow Dash flew off, and returned with a- wait, is that a rain cloud? I remembered Applejack saying something about the Pegasisses…Pegaxen…Pegasuseins, (Screw it, they’re Pegasi!) controlling the weather, but I didn’t think that they actually pushed all of the clouds around! That’s a lot cooler than what I thought!

I glanced up at the cloud and realized that Rainbow Dash had started bouncing up and down on it, causing a miniature downpour which washed off all of the mud. Then started to make my mane and tail droop from the wetness. The same went for Twilight, only it looked funnier on her, as her mane was significantly longer than mine.

Rainbow Dash giggled, and said apologetically, “Oops, guess I overdid it. Um, uh, how ‘bout this? My very own, patented, Rain-Blow-Dry!” She flew off of the cloud and started to fly in a circle around us, forming a miniature rainbow colored tornado. I felt my glasses fly off, and tried (and failed) to grab them before they could get blown away.

Once Rainbow Dash finished her flight, she hovered proudly and stated, “No no, don’t thank me. You’re quite welcome!” She then looked at us, and tried to stifle her laughter. She then started laughing so hard, tears started to stream down her face. I turned to see what could be so funny, when I realized: No glasses, equals bad eyesight.

“Where’d my glasses go?” I asked, and then saw that my glasses had landed on Spike (who was also laughing his head off). I sighed, and said, “Never mind. Can I have those back?” I extended a hoof, and Spike handed me my glasses, which I put back onto my face. Turning, I finally saw what Rainbow and Spike were laughing about, and I couldn’t help but start laughing too. Spying a nearby puddle left over from the mini storm cloud, I looked at my reflection and laughed even harder.

What were we laughing about? Oh, just some really bad hairdo’s. Twilight’s hair was poofed up beyond all belief, while mine managed to look like I had styled it by sticking my head out of a moving jet, and spraying it with a ton of hairspray.

“Let me guess,” Twilight said after a minute of us laughing. “You’re Rainbow Dash?”

The cyan Pegasus stopped laughing, and got up, saying proudly, “The one and only!” She shot into the air, got close to Twilight’s face, and asked eagerly, “Why? You heard of me?”

“You could say that,” I said, trying to pull myself together.

Rainbow turned to look at me, pure glee on her face, when Twilight cleared her throat, and said irritably, “I heard you’re supposed to be keeping the sky clear!” She took a deep breath, and with some obvious effort, composed herself. “I’m Twilight Sparkle, and that is Omnius,” I nodded in recognition, “The Princess sent me to check on the weather.”

“And I’m tagging along for the ride,” I piped in, grinning.

Rainbow Dash flew up to a cloud, and reclined in it, saying lazily, “Yeah yeah. That’ll be a snap. I’ll do it in a jiffy, just as soon as I’m done practicing.”

“Practicing for what?” I asked, honestly curious.

“The WONDERBOLTS!” She cried enthusiastically, pointing to a nearby poster (how convenient). “They’re gonna perform at the celebration tomorrow, and I’m gonna show ‘em my stuff!” She said, getting a look in her eye that reminded me of the look I get whenever I see pastries.

“Sounds like they’re pretty elite,” I commented, trying to figure out whether they were an air show or a superhero team. What can I say, matching uniforms always confuse me!

“They’re only the BEST flying team in all of Equestria! You have to be the best of the best of the BEST to join them!” Rainbow replied, like this was something that everyone knew, which in retrospect, probably was.

“The Wonderbolts?” Twilight said skeptically, giving Rainbow Dash a look that clearly said, ‘Girl, you crazy’.

“Yep.”

“The most talented flyers in all of Equestria?”

“That’s them!”

Twilight snorted, and said disbelievingly, “Please. They’d never accept a Pegasus who can’t keep the sky clear for one measly day.”

This ruffled Rainbow’s feathers. She stood on her cloud (screw physics!) and called down, “Hey, I could clear the skies in ten seconds flat!”

I wondered what the hell Twilight was trying to accomplish, when Twilight simply said, “Prove it.”

Rainbow Dash got a determined look in her face and took off faster than I could blink. I don’t normally say this, but hot damn! She was fast! I mean, I was half-expecting a fiery trail of skid marks, and it wouldn’t have surprised me if she was part lightning bolt. She wasn’t just fast, she was graceful as well. Every time she turned a corner, it was like she had done it a million times before, like this was what she was meant to do. Then again, there was every possibility that that was true. I mean, it’s what happened to me.

True to her word, Rainbow Dash kicked the last cloud out of the sky and posed triumphantly on top of a bridge. “See? What’d I say? Ten. Seconds. Flat! I’d never leave Ponyville hangin’!”

Twilight, Spike, and I all had looks of awe on our faces. I broke the silent by yelling in nerdy fashion, “DUDE! Did you see that?! That was AWESOME! I mean, you were like fwoosh, and then the clouds went all POOF! And then I was like, WHOAAAAH!”

“Ha, you’re both a laugh!” Rainbow Dash said laughing. She flew off, and called out, “I can’t wait to hang out some more!”

When she was gone, I started waving my hoof in front of both Twilight and Spike, as they still had a look of awe on their faces. “Hello? Earth to Sparky and Spike!” I said, wishing I could snap my fingers. Stupid hooves. Sure, Pegasus ponies can ignore the laws of physics and sit on clouds, but I can’t snap my hoof? Totally unfair.

Twilight looked at me, and asked “Sparky?”

“Yeah. I figured that since your name is Twilight Sparkle, and then you can shorten Sparkle to Sparky, and voila! Insta-nickname!” I explained, gingerly touching the foosh that was now my hair.

“Don’t call me that.”

“Okay,” I said quickly, looking away.

“Wow…” Spike said, choosing to come back to earth, “She’s amazing!” He then started poking Twilight’s hair, chuckling to himself. She walked away silently, and tried to keep some of her dignity.

“Wait, it’s kinda pretty once you get used to it!” Spike called out, trying to catch up to her. Chuckling, I followed, thinking to myself that this was gonna be a fun day.

XHXHXHXHXHXHXHX

A few minutes later we had walked into the Town Hall, where the Celebration was going to be taking place this year. I had to admit, the décor was pretty cool. There were a few banners, tapestries, and streamers, each with some sort of sun on them. Small shimmering bits of glitter seemed to draw the eyes towards old tapestries that showed a regal white unicorn with wings magically raising the sun. Whoever did this seemed to have even counted all of the small details, including making sure that all of the folds on the banners weren’t wrinkled, and that none of the colors clashed.

“Beautiful…” Spike said dreamily, with miniature hearts appearing in his eyes.

“Yes, the décor is coming along nicely. This oughtta be quick. I’ll be at the library at no time!” Twilight said happily.

“What’s at the library?” I asked.

Before she could answer, Spike cut in, saying, “Not the decorations…Her!” He pointed to a white unicorn with royal blue hair who was magically levitating ribbons onto a column and muttering to herself all the while.

While Spike frantically started fussing over his spines, Twilight shook her head and walked up to the unicorn. “Good Afternoon,” Twilight said, adopting the same air of formality as before.

“Bonjour!” I added, giving a small bow. Wait, is it bonjour or bonsoir? I can never remember.

“Just a moment, please. I'm ‘in the zone’ as it were,” the unicorn replied distractedly, while she levitated a red ribbon that was covered with sparkles, and said “Oh, yes. Sparkle always does the trick, does it not? Why, Rarity, you are a talent. Now, how can I help youuuuaAARGH!”

When she screamed, I reacted instinctively, and tensed. I jumped to the side, and looked around, fully expecting an army of no less than fifty ogres to be charging at us, when Rarity cried out, “Oh my stars. Darlings, whatever happened to your coiffures?”

I put my hoof to my face (facehoof!) and let out a long sigh. Of course the unicorn who has an eye for detail and design would be shocked by bad hairdos. I should have seen that coming.

Twilight looked at my mane, and said, “Oh, you mean our manes? Well, it’s a long story. I’m just here to check on the decorations, and then we’ll be out of your hair.”

“Out of MY hair?! What about YOUR hair?!” She replied unbelievingly, and she started to push both me and Twilight across the room.

“Wait, where are we going? Help!” Twilight said fearfully, while I started sputtering and going, “Wait a second now, there’s no need to do that! What did I ever do to you!? HALP!”

XHXHXHXHXHXHX

Some amount of time later, we had been taken hostage at Rarity’s fashion store, the Carousel Boutique. While Twilight had to suffer through trying on multiple dresses of varying ridiculousness, I had to do something that I hated with a fiery burning passion: Get my hair styled and brushed. I winced every time the hairbrush (mane brush?) went through my hair. It felt like I was getting scalped by a very drunk and prejudiced bandit of the old west.

“Now go on my dear, you were telling me where you’re from,” Rarity said, tightening a strap on some sort of saddle thing that Twilight was wearing. (Okay, so just to recap: She’s getting a bunch of dresses ready, putting said dresses on Twilight, and magically levitating a brush through my hair, all at the same time. Alright, maybe those studies that say that girls are better than dudes at multitasking might have something to them after all.)

“I’ve-ugh-been sent...gasp…from Canterlot-” Twilight struggled to gasp out. I don’t know what was causing the most discomfort: My hair styling, or her dress fitting.

Rarity gasped, and said eagerly, “Canterlot?” She let go of the strap she was tightening, and the laws of physics took over, sending Twilight over to my side of the room. Rarity continued as if nothing happened. “I am so envious! The glamour, the sophistication! I have always dreamed of living there.” She went up to Twilight and gave her a small hug. “I can't wait to hear all about it. We are gonna be the best of friends, you and I!”

I lifted a hoof, and attempted to bat the hairbrush away from me. “Excuse me miss, but if you would kindly stop ripping my hair out of my scalp please. I’m kind of attached to it!”

Rarity looked at me with a critical eye, and said, “But I’m so close to getting your hair just right! Oh, you simply must let me finish!”

I looked at her apologetically, and said, “Sorry. But I kind of already have my own look.” I shook out my mane, until it regained its old, parted down the middle, classic look. I also glared pointedly at some scissors that were slowly inching their way closer to my beard, and said, “And don’t touch the beard. I’m rather fond of it.”

“Oh, but-”

“I know, it looks like it could use a trim, and I honestly appreciate what you’re trying to do. But I like my hair the way it is, and when I want to change it, I’ll get it changed. Thanks for fixing it though, I have to admit I didn’t like the foosh look,” I explained/apologized patiently.

“Well, if you’re quite sure,” She finally relented, and turned back to Twilight, and appraised her look. “Emeralds? What was I thinking? Let me get you some rubies!”

As soon as she was gone, Twilight ran out, saying, “Quick, before she decides to dye my coat a new color!”

“I’m with you on that one sister! Let’s skedaddle!”

XHXHXHXHXHXHXHXHX

Another amount of time later (I don’t have a watch, so I can’t know for sure how much time has passed), we were walking down a simple dirt road, while Spike was still gushing over Rarity.

“Wasn’t she wonderful? Did you see her mane, and ooooh, her eyes! They were just so beautiful!” He had been going on about Rarity for a few minutes now, and it was starting to get on my nerves. It's fine when it's something like food, but when it's a living creature...

“Hey, Twilight, you alright?” I asked, trying to distract myself from Spike’s fawning.

“Of course, why do you ask?” Twilight replied quickly.

“Well, it just seems like you’ve got something on your mind that’s been bugging you all day. You’ve been in a hurry, you mentioned something about going to a library, and when the Princess sent you that letter, you thought that she was summoning you back to Canterlot, like she realized you were telling the truth about something,” I said, pointing out some of the things that had struck me as odd.

Twilight looked down at her hooves and seemed to be mentally arguing with herself. She glanced at me, and asked suspiciously, “How did you notice all of that?”

“Twilight, it was kind of hard NOT to notice. Like I said, you’ve been in a hurry all day, and you get irritated every time something holds you up.”

Twilight thought for a moment, and then sighed. “What do you know about the Mare in the Moon?”

“Nothing. Amnesiac, remember?”

“Oh, right.” For a few minutes, as we walked towards the next goal on the checklist (which was music, if anybody was interested), Twilight told me the story of The Mare in the Moon and how it was Celestia’s sister that tried to bring about eternal night for all of Ponyville, until she was banished to the moon, with the help of the elements of harmony.

“Let me guess,” I interrupted, “It’s been prophesized that Nightmare Moon would somehow escape her prison in a thousand years, and tonight happens to mark that thousandth year.”

“How did you guess?” Twilight said, looking slightly impressed.

“Elementary my dear Sparkle,” I started, in my best Holmes-ian accent. “You see, you strike me as the studious learner, who spends too much time reading and studying, when you could be making friends and attempting to learn more than just what you could find in books. By that logic, it would make sense for you to have come upon an old myth like that, and then by process of deduction and elimination, all becomes clear.”

Twilight continued to look impressed, and she even chose to ignore the minor insult that I had accidentally thrown in. “Very astute observation. Then you understand why I wish to hurry?”

“You want to get some research done on them elements and try to find a way to stop Nightmare Moon,” I said, going back to normal accent.

“Precisely!”

“Hey, I may not remember much, but I’m pretty sure that I could help you out if you’d like,” I offered.

“Why would you want to do that?” She asked with more suspicion (if she gets suspicious again, I’m gonna have to go look up some synonyms for suspicious. I’m getting tired of using that same word over and over and over and over again).

“Because I’m not gonna let no evil god-like being do anything that would hurt my friends,” I replied simply and honestly.

Twilight looked at me, and watched my face when I said that. She blinked and looked away, as if I had just said something she needed to think about. Quietly, she said, “Alright, if you want to, you can help.”

“Thanks. You know, you’re actually pretty alright,” I said, trying to say something nice.

“What?”

I opened my mouth to explain, when the sound of birds singing in harmony suddenly became very apparent. I shushed Twilight and pointed toward the direction of the birdsong. We crept along silently, and I pushed aside some bushes, revealing a small tree that had birds on all of its available branches, with a yellow Pegasus with soft pink hair conducting them.

Suddenly, in a quiet, gentle voice, the Pegasus said, “Oh my. Um, stop, please, everyone.” She flew up to a blue jay, and in that same diabetes inducing voice, said, “Um, excuse me, sir. I mean no offense, but your rhythm is just a teeny tiny bit off. Now, follow me, please. A one. A two. A one-two-three-”

“Hello!” Twilight said loudly, accidentally scaring off all of the birds and gaining a small squeak from the Pegasus. “Oh my. I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to frighten your birds. I'm just here to check up on the music and it's sounding beautiful.”

There was a long, awkward silence, as the Pegasus landed gracefully on the ground. We were all silent for a moment longer, until Twilight tried to break the ice by saying, “I'm Twilight Sparkle and this is Omnius. What's your name?”

The Pegasus seemed to be trying to shrink, and she mumbled something that I couldn’t even hear.

“I’m sorry, what was that?” Twilight said apologetically.

The Pegasus squeaked and this time I barely heard her say “Fluttershy.”

“Didn’t quite catch that.”

She squeaked something unintelligible, and tried even harder to look small and insignificant. Heart…reaching…maximum…D’AAAWWWW levels! I tried to regulate my breathing, and resisted the urge to have a heart attack. She was just so damn cute! I'll admit it, it was undeniably the cutest thing I had ever seen in all of my Travels! (Apple Bloom, you’ve been replaced.)

After another brutally long awkward silence, the birds flew back to their perches, and Twilight said rather thankfully, “Well, um, it looks like your birds are back, so I guess everything's in order. Keep up the good work.”

Fluttershy managed to squeak out, “You’re very welcome,” while Twilight walked back to Spike, and I stayed where I was.

“I like your birds. You must have worked really hard to get them to sing like that. I probably wouldn’t be able to do that, since I have a short attention span,” I said jokingly, in a soft voice, trying to let Fluttershy know that she shouldn’t be scared of me. I got a look from Twilight, and I shot her one back that said, ‘I’ll catch up in a minute.’

It may seem corny, but I can’t stand it when anyone is scared of me. It makes me feel horrible, like I’m the bad guy, and whenever the person who is scared of me is something small and innocent…Well, you get the picture.

Fluttershy looked up, and then glanced over to where Twilight was talking to Spike. Then she underwent a complete personality change, and cried out in joy, “A baby Dragon!” She flew over to where Spike was, and sent Twilight flying (second time today!) and said excitedly, “Oh, I’ve never seen a baby before. He’s sooooo cute!”

Well I’ll be. I didn’t see that coming. I trotted over to where Twilight was sprawled out on the ground, and asked her, “You okay?”

“Yes, I think I’m fine,” She said, obviously irritated. I could sense that I wouldn’t make things better if I stayed and told Twilight that I’d meet her at the library in a minute. She shrugged and levitated Spike onto her back, with Fluttershy still following them and bombarding Spike with questions.

I sighed, and looked towards the horizon, where the sun was setting and the first stars were starting to twinkle into the sky. I thought about the last few days, and tried to guess what was going on. Here are the facts that I’ve gathered for certain.

Fact 1: Torrentican was here on Equestria, and he has his Shadow-Stalkers with him.

Fact 2: Tonight was a prophesied night for the release of an extremely evil baddie.

Fact 3: I needed a fact three. 

Fact 4: According to Twilight, the stars will aid in the release of earlier mentioned evil baddie. As far as I can tell, the Three Travelers (including myself) have been referred to as “Those with the powers of the Stars” due to our ability to Travel through Time, Space, and Matter.

Fact 5: Princess Celestia, the ultimate ruler of this world, didn’t believe Twilight, meaning that if anything bad was going to happen, we wouldn’t exactly get the help of the kingdom until it would be too late.

All in all, those facts did not paint a pretty picture. I decided to head to the library in a roundabout manner, taking my time and trying to figure out if there was anything I could do. Conveniently, I got to the library at the same time as Twilight, Spike, and…Fluttershy?

I heard Twilight say something about Spike being too tired to keep answering questions, and Fluttershy nodded her head, and flew off.

“Yo,” I said casually, walking up to the door of the Tree-library. (Yes. A library. That is a tree. That’s all you need to know.)

“Hello Omnius,” She replied coolly.

“What? Is something in my face? Or is it just my face? You know that I have that kind of face only a blind person could like,” I said, grabbing my face in mock horror. This lightened the mood, and got a small grin from Twilight. “That’s better! Smiling is good for the soul! Now come on, we’ve got some research to do!” I said enthusiastically, walking confidently into the library-

And then got the crap scared out of me when an entire armada of colorful ponies screamed “SURPRISE!”

“Heilige Scheiße!” I yelled, jumping backwards into a bookcase, which caused a cascade of books to fall on top of me and nearly bury me alive.

“Surprise! Hi. I'm Pinkie Pie and I threw this party just for you two! Were you surprised, were you, were you? Huh huh huh?” I heard a voice say excitedly. I groaned inwardly and realized that the blob of pink I had seen earlier was, in fact, Pinkie Pie. Damn foreshadowing!

I poked my head out of the pile, and said, “Yes. I was very surprised. How the heck did you know that there were two of us?”

“Well DUH! I knew that you were here ever since you came into town a few days ago and got some nails and a muffin, and then you were really nice and gave your muffin to Ditzy Doo, and I heard her say that she hoped you enjoy Ponyville, and I thought that since she said that, it must mean that you’re new in town, and I tried to find you, but you were hiding from me! Then Twilight came into town, and I knew that she was new, so I thought that I could throw her a welcome party instead! Then I went to Sweet Apple Acres to give Applejack her invitation, and I saw that YOU were walking with her, and I thought ‘Why not throw a Twofer party!’ And then you walked in, and shouted something weird, and here we are!” Pinkie Pie said excitedly, saying it all in a single breath.

It took me a moment to calculate what she said, and then what the hell I was supposed to say. By the time I came up with an answer, Twilight had evidently been driven to drink and was currently downing a cup of…hot sauce?

She realized her mistake a second later and ended up breathing fire on me. All I can say is that lightning hurts a lot more, and it wasn’t the first time I’ve been burned (ooooohh, burrrrn).

I coughed out a small puff of smoke, and shook off the ashes. I looked over and saw that Applejack was standing next to the other ponies I had met today, and was struggling not to laugh.

“You knew this was coming, didn’t you?” I said semi-accusingly.

“Well, I reckon I might have,” She said laughing.

“Clever Girl,” I said in my best Australian accent.

Okay, for the sake of the fact that we’d need a director’s cut edition to include the entire party, I’m just gonna skip ahead to the S.S.C. Trust me, this is for the best. I’ll just tell you this: Good times were had, and many cupcakes were eaten.

XHXHXHXHXHXHXHX

I actually decided to stick to a group that composed of myself, Rarity, Rainbow Dash, Pinkie Pie (Holy Mother, but she has a thing for spicy foods! She’s got Intestines of Steel), and Applejack. We made idle chit-chat while waiting for The Princess to appear, and Twilight even joined us for a moment.

I couldn’t help but shake the feeling that bad mojo was going down somewhere. Even as the mayor gave out a nice little speech, I couldn’t help but glance at the moon and notice that the stars definitely were aligning in a very specific pattern. With a sudden flash, the stars and the shadow on the moon disappeared. Three guesses as to what the shadow looked like and the first two guesses don’t count.

I gulped and met Twilight’s eyes. She had obviously noticed the disturbance in the force as well, and we both started to worry. Things suddenly reached a boiling point when the Mayor called out, “PRINCESS CELESTIA!”

The birds chirped in a perfect fanfare like fashion, while some intricately designed curtains were pulled back to reveal, in all of her glory…an invisible princess.

Everyone was silent, and I broke the silence first by saying, “Okay, if someone has the nerve to tell me that the princess is in another castle, I’m gonna snap.” The joke wasn’t taken very well, especially since this was the perfect moment for an evil villain to appear.

Pinkie Pie screamed and I looked up to the balcony where a glowing aura that reminded me of the night sky had suddenly appeared. With a flash of lightning (I flinched), a tall, regal looking Pegasus with the horn of a unicorn (What the feck are those called? Pegacorns? Bah, I’ll ask Twilight later) appeared. Her mane was as dark as the night sky, and her coat was as black as a moonless night. Her eyes were draconian in nature, and she held herself with haughty disdain.

“Oh, my beloved subjects. It's been so long since I've seen your precious little sun-loving faces,” She said with contempt in her voice. I noticed Rainbow Dash had attempted to rush her, and Applejack had the sense to make sure she didn’t try it.

“What have you done with Princess Celestia?!” I shouted, making sure to get her attention. If anything was about to go down, I wanted to make sure that everyone got a chance to get out of there.

“Why, am I not royal enough for you? Don't you know who I am?” She said, chuckling and reveling in the obvious confusion and fear of the ponies.

“Ooh! Ooh! More guessing games! Um... Hokey Smokes! How about Queen Meany? No! Black Snooty, Black Snooty!” Pinkie Pie called out helpfully, before getting a face full of cupcake. Way to go A.J.

“Does my crown no longer count, now that I have been imprisoned for a thousand years? Did you not recall the legend? Did you not see the signs?” She said scornfully, angered by Pinkie’s insults. (I was a little miffed too. Dissing god-like evil is my thing!) She quickly shot around, scaring the others, most notably Rarity and Fluttershy. My anger started to rise, and I was about to shout an insult at her, when Twilight cut in.

“I did and I know who you are,” Twilight said fearfully, “You’re the Mare in the Moon…Nightmare Moon!”

“Well well well, somepony who remembers me. Then you also know why I'm here,” Nightmare Moon replied with fiendish delight.

“You’re here to-to” Twilight sputtered in fear, realizing the enormity of the situation.

Nightmare Moon chuckled, and shouted for everypony to hear, “Remember this day, little ponies, for it was your last. From this moment forth, the night will last forever!”

She laughed evilly, and I glanced around at all of the scared faces. My sight fell on Apple Bloom, who was huddled with two other small fillies in fear, and the sight of them filled me with rage. No one, no matter how powerful or smart they are, can scare children when I’m around!

“You forget Nightmare Moon! The Morning Sun will always vanquish the Horrible Night!” I called out, getting her attention. She glared at me, and I added, “On a side note, I’ve always wanted to say that! Now I can move on to: Throw Pie at evil-godlike being and survive!”

I spotted a pie lying on a nearby table, and shouted “HEY HOLD STILL!”

The Mare in the Moon (and Omnius too!) Pt. 2.

Chapter 6:

The Mare in the Moon (and Omnius too!)

(Takes place during Episode 2 of My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic)

As you may recall from last time, I had spotted a pie lying on a nearby table and was moving towards it, yelling “Hold still!” to Nightmare Moon. I jumped onto the table, and Sir Isaac Newton took over from there (For every action, there is an equal and opposite RE-action). My makeshift catapult launched the pie into the air-

-Where it hit the wall, approximately ten feet from where Nightmare Moon was standing. The evil being glared at me, and tendrils of darkness started to swirl around her, giving the appearance that a hurricane made out of a moonless night had appeared.

“Uh oh,” Was all I had time to say, before a bolt of lightning shot out from the tip of her horn and nearly burnt me to a crisp. As it was, I managed to roll out of the way, and the bolt hit the table, turning it into a smoldering pile of ashes.

“Seize her! Only she knows where the Princess is!” I heard the mayor call out, and three Pegasus ponies, wearing what reminded me vaguely of Centurion armor, leaped into action and flew at full speed towards Nightmare Moon.

“Stand back you foals!” Nightmare Moon called out, and more lightning flew out of the dark swirl, hitting the Pegasi in mid-air and sending them crashing to the ground. With a sudden flash, she had transformed into a wave of that same energy stuff that made up her mane and was flying out of the now open doors.

“You’ve just pissed off the wrong Mexicolt!” I yelled, and then did what might be the fifth dumbest thing that I’ve done yet: I jumped at her and managed to grab the end of the energy wave thing with my teeth.

As soon as my teeth had latched onto her, I felt a sudden, creeping, chill, seep into my bones. At the same time, I felt something try to force its way into my mind. The presence felt cold, but it somehow managed to burn with jealousy and cruel hatred. This was a being that wanted nothing more than to banish all that was its opposite and revel in the night’s eternal dark glory. At the same time however, I also felt a pale and uncontrollable fear, as if there was something that was being kept prisoner inside of the alien mind. I inhaled suddenly, as I realized that Nightmare Moon was trying to worm her way into my mind, and at the same time, I knew that there was something that she wanted to keep quiet…a separate voice that she desperately wanted gone.

  While Nightmare Moon flew higher and higher into the night sky, I felt myself grow weaker and colder, while my grip slowly loosened. I tried my best to hold on, but almost as soon as she had left the building and flown above Ponyville, my teeth slipped, and I felt myself plummeting to the ground. Too cold to even scream, I wearily watched the ground get closer at an alarming rate, and thought to myself: “This would be the perfect time to cut to a commercial.” Yep. Even when plummeting to what would appear to be my doom, I was thinking of how to best piss off the viewers.

“Omnius!” I heard a familiar voice cry out, and right before I crashed into the ground, somepony wrapped their arms around mine and caught me, halting my plummet. I shook off the last of the horrible cold feeling and looked up to see that Rainbow Dash had stopped me from becoming a street pizza.

“We have got to stop meeting like this. Somepony might think I’m falling for you,” I said, grinning slightly.

“Are you okay?” She asked, setting me on the ground gently and hovering over me.

“Yeah, I’m fine. What about you?” I rubbed my face with my hoof, glad that I could feel some warmth again. To tell you the truth, I had started to feel warmth return as soon as I had accidentally let go of Nightmare Moon, but it took a little bit for it to wear off. Ye Gods, it felt good to not feel that chilling cold.

“What? Why wouldn’t I be fine?” She asked confused, like there wasn’t any reason she shouldn’t be fine. Wait, she just said that.

“Well you did just catch a heavy colt who was falling at a high speed! I would imagine that that would hurt.”

“Nah, it’s nothing. You’re actually not that heavy,” She said, shrugging it off like it was nothing.

“Okay, that’s pretty cool,” I said impressed. I looked over to where the Town hall was and saw Twilight bolt out of it and make a beeline for the library.

“Uh, right. Thanks for the save Rainbow, but I need to get going!” I said, dashing towards Twilight. “Thanks again!” Rainbow frowned and started to say something, but I didn’t stick around to catch it. There was evil afoot! EEEEEEEeeeevil!

I caught up with Twilight just as she unlocked the door to the library. Spike was passed out on her back, and he occasionally muttered in his sleep. I held the door open for Twilight, and she walked in, her horn starting to glow. Using her magic/psychic unicorn powers, (which are awesome) she levitated the small dragon into a basket -like bed, and tucked him in.

“You’ve been up all night Spike! You are a baby dragon after all,” She whispered to him, even though he slept. Looking at them, it became painfully obvious that the small dragon wasn’t just an assistant to her. He was a friend, and a brother. Someone she knew better than almost anyone else, and was family to her.

Smiling at the warm tender scene that lay before me, I almost regretfully said, “Hey, come on Twilight! I said I was gonna help you and I meant it! Now what are we looking for again?”

“We’re looking for a book on the Elements of Harmony,” Twilight said, coming back into focus. She frantically started searching the bookshelves, using her magic to lift books off of the shelves, and I did the same, albeit without the magic, trying to figure out what book would have them.

“Elements, elements, elements!” Twilight let out a gasp of exasperation and quickly scanned another two books (speed reading, thy name is Twilight Sparkle!) “How can I stop Nightmare Moon without the Elements of Harmony?!”

“And just WHAT are the Elements of Harmony?” I heard Rainbow Dash say accusingly. I turned and saw that she had flown into Twilight’s face and was giving her the ‘Talk or else’ sort of interrogation. “And how did YOU know about Nightmare Moon? Huh? HUH?! Are you a spy!?”

“…Really Dash? You’re going to accuse a Pony who was terrified of Nightmare Moon, who was supervising the preparations of the Summer Sun Celebration under the Princess’s orders, and who is researching a way to STOP her, of being a spy?” I said loudly. “Does that sound kind of strange to you?”

“Simmer down, both of you! Twilight ain’t no spy!” Applejack said, walking in with Rarity, Fluttershy, and Pinkie Pie. I looked at all of them in confusion, and wondered what they were doing here.

“But you do know what’s going on, don’t you Twilight?” Applejack said gently, and six pairs of eyes looked expectantly towards Twilight.

Twilight hung her head, and said, “I read all about the prediction of Nightmare Moon. Some mysterious objects called the Elements of Harmony are the only things that can stop her, but I don't know what they are, where to find them, I don't even know what they do!” She said the last part angrily and looked out the window in fear.

“Hey, buck up there Twilight!” I said cheerfully, not wanting to see anypony look like that. “So what if we don’t know anything? As long as we don’t give up hope, we’ll be fine! It doesn’t matter how long it takes, I’ll make sure that we can beat Nightmare Moon! Even if it takes us years to find-”

“‘The Elements of Harmony: A Reference Guide,’” I heard Pinkie say, and turning, I saw that she was staring at a large, leather and gold bound book that had escaped my search.

Twilight dashed over, and pushed Pinkie Pie out of the way. She stared at the book incredulously, and asked, “How did you find that?!”

Pinkie skipped merrily around the room, and said in a sing-song voice, “It was under ‘E’!”

“Wow. I guess that would have been a good place to start searching, in retrospect,” I said, face-hoofing myself.

Twilight magically grabbed the book, and flipped open to a certain page in it, and started to read. “Oh. There are six Elements of Harmony, but only five are known: Kindness, Laughter, Generosity, Honesty and Loyalty.” (Go planet!) “The sixth is a complete mystery. It is said the last known location of the five elements was in the Ancient Castle of The Royal Pony Sisters. It is located in what is now-”

XHXHXHXHXHXHX

Moments later, all seven of us were standing in front of a dark and foreboding forest, where all of us said in perfect synchronization, “The Everfree Forest!”

I then blinked, and said, “Is it just me, or did we all speak in synchronize?” Pinkie Pie looked at me and giggled.

After a moment where we all just stood there and stared at the forest, my attention span had faded, and I decided, “Well, come on now! We’ve got evil butt to kick! Allons-y!”

“Not so fast!” Twilight said, stopping me with a look. “Look, I appreciate the offer, but I’d really rather do this on my own.”

Applejack simply walked forward, and said in that same stubborn tone of hers, “No can do, sugar cube. We sure ain't lettin' any friend of ours go into that creepy place alone. We're stickin' to you like caramel on a candy apple.”

“Especially if there's candy apples in there!” Pinkie chirped, earning a WTF!?! look from both me and Twilight. “What? Those things are good.” She trotted gleefully into the forest, leaving me and Twilight as the last ones to enter.

Twilight gave me a questioning look, and I shrugged, saying, “Hey, I promised to help you, and I intend to keep my promises. Now come on, we don’t want to fall too far behind!” I walked into the forest and caught up with the rest of the group.

Twilight sighed, and semi-reluctantly followed.

XHXHXHXHXHXHXHX

“So, none of you have ever been in here before?” Twilight asked nervously a few minutes later. I looked around at the trees and noticed that their branches curved like talons. It seemed like they were ready to seize any unwary pony (or Traveler) foolish enough to wander near them.

“Heavens no!” Rarity replied disdainfully, “Just look at it! It’s dreadful!”

Applejack glanced nervously, and said with a slight tremble in her voice, “And it ain't natural. Folk say it don't work the same as Equestria.”

“Really? What, does it have little leprechauns that do the weather instead of Pegasi?” I asked nonchalantly. They gave me the same look I had just given Pinkie, and I said somewhat defensively, “Okay, no Leprechauns. So what is it about the Everfree forest that’s kerskuffled?”

Rainbow Dash flew into a patch of moonlight that had seeped in through the trees and said in an ominous voice, “Nopony knows! You know why?”

Rarity, Pinkie, and Fluttershy all cringed in fear, and I stumbled, stopping myself from falling off of a cliff. “Whoa! Good thing I didn’t trip! That would’ve been a long fall.”

“Rainbow, quit it!” Applejack scolded the rainbow maned Pegasus.

Dash continued anyways, saying, “‘Cause everypony who’s come in, has never come OUT!”

“Oh come on Rainbow Dash! It’s just a forest! What could possibly go wrong?” I said dismissively, trying to hide my own fear that had started to creep up on me.

I have got to stop giving the universes openings like that.

As soon as I had finished speaking, the cliff we were all standing on cracked, and suddenly gave out from underneath us.

“Shit!” I managed to yelp, before tumbling down with the rest of the ponies, minus Rainbow and Fluttershy, thanks to their wings.

“Fluttershy quick!” Rainbow Dash called out, springing into action and swiftly grabbing a hold of Pinkie Pie. Fluttershy chanted her own little mantra (“Oh my goodness, oh my goodness”) and managed to clamp her teeth down on Rarity’s tail.

The cliff had fallen apart to reveal a sharply inclined hill with barely any safe foot, I mean, hoof-holds to use, and it ended in a sheer drop of maybe about a hundred feet. As it was, Applejack had managed to stop herself, and was currently the only thing that stood between Twilight and a vertigo inducing drop.

Fluttershy flew over to me, and I waved her away while I desperately grabbed at the dirt to slow my descent. “Go make sure the others get down safely! I’ll be fine!” When she didn’t leave, I shouted out, “Fluttershy, go! Rainbow Dash has already had to stop two ponies from plummeting to their doom already; she might need your help to save the others!”

“But what about y-”

“It’s okay! I’m too pretty to go out like this!” I said, finally reaching a root that stuck out of the side of the hill. I clamped down on it and sighed in relief when it held. “See? I’m fine! Now go help the others!” I called out to Fluttershy. The message was a little garbled, but she finally nodded and flew off.

“Applejack, what do I do?” I heard Twilight call out fearfully, while she hung precariously over the ledge.

Applejack strained, trying to pull her up, and then she spotted Fluttershy and Rainbow Dash, who were hovering near Twilight. Applejack took a deep breath, and told Twilight, “Let go.”

“Are you CRAZY!?”

“No, I ain’t. I promise you’ll be safe,” Applejack said reassuringly.

“That’s not true!”

“Now listen here. What I'm sayin' to you is the honest truth. Let go, and you'll be safe,” Applejack said, her voice filled with sincerity and honesty. Twilight’s eyes widened and she took a deep breath to steady herself. She let go of Applejack’s hooves and started falling.

I gasped and nearly lost my grip on the root. If it weren’t for the fact that I had spotted the two Pegasi already flying in to catch her, I would’ve reverted back to my normal self and reveal that I’d been lying to them all along. What would that have accomplished you ask? It would have allowed me access to some of my other powers that I had learned, and I would be able to save Twilight. Thankfully though, she was safely caught by Rainbow and Fluttershy, and Applejack was already nimbly making her way down.

“Omnius, can you get down?” Applejack called up as soon as she had reached the ground.

“That depends: How many leaves are in that tree on your left?”

“Um…A lot?” Applejack said, confused.

“How many is ‘A Lot?’ You know what? Never mind, that’ll do. Make sure that nopony is standing underneath it!”

“Surely you cannot be serious about what I think you are about to do!” Rarity called out.

“I am serious! And don’t call me Shirley!” I yelled back. Then before they could say anything else, (and before I said something else that no one would get) I let go of the root and slid down the hill.

If you’ve ever slid down a hill that’s completely covered in dirt and small bits of rocks while picking up speed all the while, then you know that it is not fun (okay, maybe a little). Especially when instead of ending on a safe pile of ground, it ends in a sharp outcropping of rock that you plan on using as a ramp.

I want to say that I slid down the hill boldly, that I laughed at the face of danger, did a perfect swan dive through the air, and then gracefully managed to grab a tree branch and land on all fours, smiling and with a witty remark ready.

What really happened: I let out a girlish shriek, (higher pitched than Twilight’s scream) flew through the air, legs flailing, and then tumbled through the tree branches, managing to hit EVERY. SINGLE. BRANCH. On the last one though, I somehow managed to land on it in the most uncomfortable way possible: Between the rear legs. Fun fact kids, even as a pony, it still brought tears of pain to my eyes.

When I landed on the ground, (rear first) I dimly heard everyone asking if I was alright (and Rainbow Dash calling me an amateur). I stood up shakily, and said in voice that was an octave higher than my normal one, “I’m fine. Still in one piece. Don’t try this at home!”

“Why didn’t you wait for Rainbow Dash or Fluttershy to come and catch you?” Twilight asked patronizingly.

“…Because that’s a good idea, and I only get good ideas after I’ve done something stupid,” I said, grinning sheepishly. Everyone let out a laugh of relief at that, and I managed to ignore the throb of pain that shot through my legs every time I took a step.

XHXHXHXHXHXHXHXHX

Fifteen minutes later, Rainbow Dash was entertaining us by telling the amazingly unbelievably true story about how she, and a quiet timid Pegasus by the name of Fluttershy, had saved Twilight Sparkle from certain death…for the third time.

“And once Pinkie and Rarity were saved, Whoosh... Me and Fluttershy loop-de-loop around and WHAM! Caught you right in the nick of time!” Rainbow said proudly, holding her head high.

“Yes, Rainbow, I was there, and I'm very grateful, but we gotta-” Twilight gasped, and said fearfully, “A manticore!”

I looked to where Twilight had been looking, and nearly shouted, “A wild Manticore has appeared! Go Charmander!” Thankfully, I managed to control myself and instead analyzed it.

The Manticore was about three times the size of a normal pony and built like a tank. It had huge, bulging muscles and a large red mane that surrounded its lion-like face. Oddly enough, its paws were placed like that of a bull dog, with shorter back paws, and larger front ones, with the front legs ending in something that vaguely reminded me of hands. It had large, red and tan wings on its back and a deadly looking scorpion tail that lashed out violently, instead of a normal lion’s considerably less dangerous tail.

“We’ve got to get past it!” Twilight shouted. I couldn’t help but think to myself, ‘No duh Captain Obvious!’

Rarity surprised me by being the first one to attack. She bucked the Manticore right in the kisser, and said triumphantly, “Take that, you Ruffian!” The manticore then gave off an earth rumbling roar, right in Rarity’s face and sent her running (whether from fear of the manticore or fear of her hair getting even poofier, I don’t know.)

As Rarity ran away, I thought I heard Fluttershy try and say something, but I instantly forgot about it when Applejack suddenly leaped onto the Manticore’s head and was currently yee-hawing it up, just like it was an old-fashioned Texan rodeo (with Manticores.) Needless to say, the manticore was pissed, and it wasn’t going down without a fight. With a shake of its mighty head, the Manticore sent Applejack flying into the air, where she screamed at Rainbow Dash, “Whoa! All yours pardner!”

Rainbow Dash saluted and said, “I’m on it!” and then took off, flying around the manticore at near super-sonic speeds, creating another rainbow colored tornado around the Manticore. I honestly thought that for a moment, maybe with that tornado move we had actually beaten the Manticore! Until it suddenly clothes-lined Dash with its tail, and sent her flying towards me.

“Tag me in! Tag me in!” I cried out, and then gave Rainbow a high hoof as she flew over me. Grinning, I charged the Manticore, going over plans in my head.

“Okay, you’re too big to be taken out by sheer force, and smart enough to know how to clothes-line a Pegasus in mid-air. That leaves me with one option!” I said, dodging a swipe of the Manticore’s paws.

When the Manticore opened its mouth to roar its challenge at me, I quickly scooped up some dirt and rocks off of the ground and threw them into its mouth. Its eyes widened and it started making coughing sounds, and I yelled, “What’s the matter? Don’t like rocky road!?”

Apparently not, because it then hacked up the rocks and spat them into my face. While I frantically tried to rub the rocks (and bits of hairball) out of my eyes, the manticore saw the opportunity and smacked me away with a massive paw. I felt a sharp jab that underlined the blow and then went flying. I landed next to Rainbow Dash, and said, “Fancy meeting you here. Did you take the Manticore, or the cliff?”

I got up and offered a hoof to Rainbow Dash. She took it gratefully, and I helped her up off the ground.

“Everypony okay then?” I called out, and got an affirmative from everyone present. “Good. Alright, on the count of three, we all charge that thing! Everyone agree?”

“Um, actually, maybe we should-” Fluttershy started to say, but couldn’t quite get out.

“ONE!” I pawed at the ground and snorted, like a bull getting ready for the charge.

“Wait…” Fluttershy said quietly.

“TWO!” I ignored her and reminded myself to apologize later.

“Wait…” She was a bit louder this time.

“FIVE!”

“Don’t you mean three?” Twilight asked.

“THREE!”

We all charged at the manticore (Well, most of us. Pinkie was skipping into battle) and just before we could attack, Fluttershy flew in front of us, and yelled, no, SHOUTED, “WAIIIIIT!”

I think it was the shock of hearing Fluttershy, of all ponies, shout that stopped all of us. I gazed in disbelief, as she calmly walked to the angry beast, as if it was something she did every day. The Beast roared and prepared to give Fluttershy the biggest bitch-slap anypony had ever seen, and we all cringed in anticipation of the blow…

…And then Fluttershy nuzzled the Manticore’s lowered paw. My jaw dropped, as I watched as the anger disappeared from the beast’s face, and was replaced with the look of a scared kitten. As strange as it sounds, I’m telling you, that’s what happened! The Manticore slowly opened its paw and revealed that a large black thorn had planted itself into its paw.

“Shh…It’s okay,” Fluttershy said gently, looking at the thorn. “Oh, you poor, poor, little baby…”

“Little?” Rainbow Dash whispered in disbelief.

“Baby?” I said, shocked. Ye Gods, but if it…erm, I guess I should stop calling him an “it”, huh? Anyways, if he’s only a baby now, how big would he look fully grown?

“Now this might hurt for just a second,” Fluttershy said sweetly, before biting into the thorn and pulling it out.

The Manticore grasped Fluttershy, bellowed in her face…and started licking her happily, like a kitten does for their mother.

“Aw you're just a little ol' baby kitty, aren't you? Yes you are, yes you are,” Fluttershy said in the same tone that someone would use on their favorite pet.

“…Okay, raise your hoof if you didn’t see that coming and agree with me when I say we should listen to Fluttershy more often?” I said after a few moments.

Everypony raised their hoof (Pinkie tried for three hooves in the air at once), and I nodded saying, “Motion carried.”

While everypony walked off, with smiles on their faces, I stuck back with Twilight, while she asked Fluttershy, “How did you know about the thorn?”

“I didn’t. Sometimes we all just need to be shown a little kindness,” Fluttershy said, matter-of-factly. Twilight frowned, and then gave a small smile and followed the others.

“You guys go on, I’ll catch up. I just wanna make sure that this thorn doesn’t get stepped on again,” I called out, picking up said thorn in my mouth.

As soon as I felt that alien presence trying to force its way into my mind, I spat out the thorn, and yelled, “NO! You are not getting in my head!”

The Thorn transformed into the swirl of dark magic that was Nightmare Moon and seemed to laugh at me. My eyes narrowed, and I growled at it, “Alright, I have a feeling that you know who I am and what I can do. So I’ll only warn you once.” I leaned closer to it, and said in a low voice, “Stay away from those ponies, and stay the fuck out of my head.”

Nightmare Moon laughed and flew off, leaving me to glare at the sky. Twilight came back, and said cautiously, “Omnius? Who were you talking to?”

I blinked, and shook my head. “Um, just talking to myself. Sorry, it’s a bad habit. Why don’t we go and catch up with the others?”

“Alright.”

We walked back to the group, where I said cheerfully, “Well, come on now! We ain’t gonna get far just standing here! Let’s go find us some Elements!”

XHXHXHXHXHXHXHXHX

We continued our quest and walked deeper into the forest, where the trees got thicker and the path was almost completely overtaken by wild plant life. It was hard for me to take a few steps without tripping over a vine that had snaked its way over the path.

“Eugh. My eyes need a rest from all this icky muck,” Rarity commented, casting a disapproving eye over the gnarled trees.

Suddenly, as if the universe had heard Rarity, the trees became thicker, effectively cutting off the pale moon light that had illuminated our way.

“Wish Granted. You now have two wishes left,” I said sarcastically.

“Well, I didn't mean that literally…”

“The ancient ruin could be right in front of our faces and we wouldn’t even know it!”  Twilight said, a trace of fear in her voice.

“I’ll let you know if I run into it,” I mumbled underneath my breath, stumbling over a rock. I bumped into one of the others and nearly fell on my face for the umpteenth time that day.

“Sorry about that. Can’t see a thing in this mess,” I said apologetically to Rarity.

“Ugh, I think I stepped in somethin’,” Applejack said, stopping to look at her hooves.

Fluttershy let out an ear piercing shriek of fear, and I nearly yelled words that are not fit for pony ears.

“What? It’s just mud,” Applejack said, looking back at both me and Fluttershy. She then noticed what we had noticed a few seconds ago: A tree…with a face…that had teeth. She screamed, and jumped back to join us.

Everywhere we looked, the trees had now acquired soulless, piercing eyes, and their unending gaze felt like it was boring a hole into my skin. Their branches took on the appearance of merciless talons, sharp and thirsty for blood. What had once appeared as simple bird-holes now widened, and transformed into a gaping maw, hungry for anything that would be foalish enough to wander close enough.

I stood, shocked that I was feeling this much fear. Around me, the other ponies had started to scream in fear, and I felt just as terrified as they did. It wasn’t natural, I mean, I’ve literally had to fight beings that were made of nothing but pure fear, and I had managed to taunt them time, and time again! Looking at the others, and seeing their fear, I tried to ignore my fear and say something reassuring, when I heard the last sound I had expected in this situation:

Laughter.

I swallowed, and said nervously, “P-P-Pinkie? What are you doing?”

All of the other ponies had stopped screaming and looked to where Pinkie Pie was laughing her head off, and making faces at the Tree monsters. She kept laughing and for some reason, the sound of her laughter drove the fear I was feeling out of my heart. It may seem unbelievable, but to hear her laughter, all bright and cheerful, after seeing those mind numbingly terrifying faces on the trees, sounded like…Words cannot describe it (I’ll invent a new word for it later. Just remind me!)

“Oh sillies, don’t you see?” Pinkie Pie said, and as if that was her cue, she started singing.

“When I was just a filly and the sun was going down!”

“Tell me she’s not…” Twilight started.

“Please, for the love of all that is good, tell me she’s not singing!” I said, paling a little. Okay, I like musical numbers, don’t get me wrong! But when it’s ME in the musical number, I start to panic a little bit.

“The darkness and the shadows would always make me frown!”

Okay, she just blatantly disregarded the laws of physics and popped in like she was on a cartoon…I LOVE this world!

“She is,” Rarity said simply.

“I'd hide under my pillow from what I thought I saw 

But Granny Pie said that wasn't the way to deal with fears at all!” 

“Then what is?” I asked, and then cringed, realizing I had just given her more lines to sing.

“She said: Pinkie, you gotta stand up tall, learn to face your fears 

You'll see that they can't hurt you, just laugh to make them disappear!”

She then gave off a loud, “HA! HA! HA!” at a tree and the face on it poofed out of existence.

Pinkie turned and gave us a happy smile, with a twinkle in her eye.

All of us gasped and looked at each other incredulously. I grinned, and then we all went to separate trees, and started to laugh at them, while Pinkie kept up the background music.

“So, giggle at the ghostly, 

Guffaw at the grossly, 

Crack up at the creepy, 

Whoop it up with the weepy, 

Chortle at the kooky, 

Snortle at the spooky!”

I reached my tree, looked at it, and laughing, said, “I ain’t afraid of no Ghosts!”  With a poof, the faces on all of the trees started to disappear, and then Pinkie got in her last…lyrics?

“And tell that big dumb scary face to take a hike and leave you alone and if he thinks he can scare you then he's got another thing coming and the very idea of such a thing just makes you wanna... HAHAHAHA...heh...” She stopped to take a breath, and tried to stop her laughing for a moment.

“Laaaaauuuuugh!”

As she finished the song, all seven of us were rolling on the ground, laughing. I was laughing so hard, tears were streaming down my face, and my sides started to hurt. Out of the corners of my eyes, I saw that light had started to come down through the leaves again, illuminating the area, and showing us that our fears really were unfounded.

“Okay, come on, before my ribs fall off!” I wheezed out, still chuckling. A few minutes later, all of us had managed to pick ourselves up off the ground, and we were on our way, with our morale higher than ever.

As we went, I couldn’t help but feel ashamed of myself. I had let my fears get the better of me in the forest, and if those had been actual monsters, my new friends would have been torn to pieces. If Pinkie hadn’t managed to keep her wits about her, we all probably would have stayed there, too frightened to move.  I resolved to never let that happen again, and that no matter how scared I would get, I would keep my new friends safe.

XHXHXHXHXHXHXHX

Moments later, still laughing to ourselves, we reached the edge of a raging river. Well, more specifically, Pinkie had been leading the group with her joyful skipping and had stopped suddenly, causing all of us to collide with the pony in front of us. I looked around the seven pony pile-up and spotted the raging river in front of us.

“How are we gonna cross this?” Pinkie Pie asked.

“Very carefully,” I replied, looking at the water.

While Pinkie Pie opened her mouth to say something random, I shoved my hoof into her mouth, and shushed her, saying, “Wait, listen!”

All of the ponies went silent, and we heard loud sobbing noises coming from further up the river.

“Let’s go check it out! Somepony might need our help!” I said, already heading towards the heartbroken sobbing.

When we reached the source of the sobbing noises, I had to grab my jaw to keep it from dropping again. I craned my neck, and looked up to where a purple sea serpent, of all things, was sobbing his heart out, and thrashing about violently in the water. Something else I noticed was the fact that he had a very expensive looking hairdo and half of a well groomed mustache on his face.

“Excuse me sir,” Twilight said, trying to get the Serpent’s attention, “Why are you crying?”

The Sea Serpent sniffed, and said sorrowfully, “Well, I don't know. I was just sitting here, minding my own business, when this tacky little cloud of purple smoke just whisked past me and tore half of my beloved mustache clean off, and now I look simply horrid!” He sobbed even harder and did a melodramatic dive into the water, giving us all an unwanted shower.

I stifled a gasp when he mentioned the purple cloud. Was Nightmare Moon toying with us? Or was she honestly scared we would find the elements? If she was, we needed to be careful. Crazy villains get desperate when they’re frightened.

“Oh gimme a break!” Rainbow Dash said impatiently.

“THAT’S what all this fuss is about?” Applejack asked disbelievingly.

“Why, of course it is,” Rarity suddenly spoke up angrily. “How can you be so insensitive? Oh, just look at him. Such lovely luminescent scales.”

The Sea Serpent sniffed, and set his head down onto the ground next to the river, and said, “I know.”

“And your expertly coiffed mane,” She went on, pouring on the flattery.

The Serpent, with a little more energy, said, “I know, I know!”

“Your fabulous manicure!”

The Sea Serpent gasped and picked himself up, extending his neck up high enough that I had to crane my neck to see his face.

“It’s so TRUE!” He cried out, examining his nails.

“All ruined without your beautiful mustache!” Rarity said sympathetically.

“It’s true! I’m hideous!” The Sea Serpent cried, and then the water works came on full force.

“It’s okay brother… I know how I’d feel if someone tried to shave me,” I said, sniffing a little and fondly rubbing my beard.

“Omnius are you crying?” Applejack said in disbelief.

“No, I just got struck by lightning earlier and it messed up my tear ducts! The point is, I understand your pain dude,” I said, patting his scaled neck.

“I simply cannot let such a crime against fabulosity go uncorrected!” Rarity said passionately. She arched her neck over, and bit off one of the serpent’s scales.

“Ow! What did you do that for?” He asked, a tear springing up in his eye.

“It’s okay! She’s trained in the art of fabulous!” I said, backing up slightly.

Rarity started brandishing the scale like a sword, and Twilight asked, “Rarity, what are you-”

Before she could finish, everyone let out a shocked gasp, and the Serpent straight up fainted for a second, his head crashing into the ground.

The unthinkable had happened: Rarity had cut off her own tail. I’m pretty sure if I didn’t have any dignity left, I would have let out a girly squeal of fear at that. Using her magic, Rarity levitated the tail into the air, and magically grafted the tail onto the remains of the ruined half of the Serpent’s mustache.

“Ohohohoho!” The Serpent laughed gleefully, “My Mustache! How wonderful!” He started doing his own small little poses, and I felt happy for him. Hey, you get a beard and start taking pride in its appearance, and you appreciate other people’s facial hair a bit more!

“You look smashing!” Rarity said happily, looking at the Serpent’s display.

Twilight looked at the remains of Rarity’s once fabulous tail, and said sadly, “Oh Rarity, your beautiful tail…”

“Oh. It's fine, my dear. Short tails are in this season,” She said, and then with some forced cheer, added, “Besides, it’ll grow back.”

“So would the mustache,” Rainbow Dash mumbled.

“So would your mane,” I shot back, glancing pointedly at the scale.

Rainbow Dash got the message, and decided not to say anything else about facial hair. Smart Pony.

Twilight gasped, and pointed towards the now calm river, saying, “We can cross now! Let’s go!”

We approached the River, and Twilight started treading the water, only to be lifted by an improvised stepping stone, formed from the back of the Sea Serpent.

“Allow me!” He said, with the air of a gentleman.

“Thanks!” I called out, and then we all hopped across the Serpent’s back, and crossed the river.

XHXHXHXHXHXHXHXHXHX

Man, there are a lot of screen wipes!

XHXHXHXHXHXHXHXHXHX

After a few minutes of walking, we came upon a small clearing. Looking ahead, Twilight gained a huge smile on her face, and said joyously, “There it is, the ruin that holds The Elements of Harmony. We made it!”

Ahead of us, there was a large chasm that was connected by an old rope bridge, and on the other side of the mist filled gorge was an old, decrepit looking Castle. In its prime, it must have been quite a sight to see, with flags bearing the royal sister’s coat of arms waving triumphantly in the wind and all of the nobles gathered in the court, waiting to catch a glimpse of their wise and benevolent rulers. Now, it just looked abandoned and lonely, a shadow of its former self. Wait, can a building look lonely? It can now!

We all cheered, and I said, “Lead on, Twilight Sparkle! We’ve got a Princess to save!”

Twilight raced ahead, picking up speed and nearly left us all in the dust.

“Twilight, wait for us!” Applejack laughed.

“We’re almost there!” Twilight said, and then nearly fell off of a cliff, when she failed to notice that the ropes that suspended the bridge had snapped and the bridge was now hugging the cliff.

I quickly snapped my head forward and bit Twilight’s tail, getting a good grip on it. Once again, I failed to account for momentum and nearly fell off with her. Luckily, I had braced my hooves on the old posts that were sticking out of the ground, and Rainbow Dash had grabbed onto MY tail and pulled both of us into safety.

“What is it with you two and cliffs today?”

“I’m a fan of cliff hangers!” I replied, letting go of Twilight’s tail.

Silence.

“Wow, tough crowd,” I mumbled.

“Now what?” Pinkie asked, as we all tried to see the bottom of the gorge.

Rainbow Dash fluttered her wings, and pointedly said, “Duh.”

“Oh yeah!” She gleefully said, as Rainbow Dash flew into the dense fog and then resurfaced, holding an old rope.

“Hey, you know what’s weird?” I asked, looking at the remains of the rope on the post that was on the other side of the ruined bridge. Even at this distance, there was something about it that was bothering me.

“Hm?” Twilight said distractedly.

“Well, if that rope had fallen apart from old age, the ends of the rope would be frayed, right?” I asked, and then continued, saying, “So why does the end of that rope look smooth, and just as new as it did before?”

Twilight’s eyes widened and she looked at the rope that Rainbow had just set on the ground. “You’re right! But that means-”

“Somepony cut it on purpose,” I finished grimly.

We were all silent for a moment, and we waited for Rainbow Dash to tie off the rope so we could cross the bridge. I got bored and decided to try an experiment: I leaned my head over the gorge and spit into it. Rarity gave me a disgusted look, and I merely shrugged and strained my ears, trying to hear the inevitable ‘plunk’ sound.

“Rainbow, what’s taking so long?” Twilight called out, voicing what was on all of our minds.

I looked up from my experiment, and my eyes widened in shock. Rainbow Dash had already landed on the other side of the gorge and was talking to three sickly pale Pegasi. Each of them wore a strange purple and black costume, resembling the same costumes that the Wonderbolts wore. Instead of the lightning bolt symbol though, they had a pony skull with wings on it.

“Oh no,” I cursed, desperately wishing that I had been put into a Pegasus body instead of an Earth pony body.

Twilight had noticed the dark Pegasi as well, and she tried to get Rainbow’s attention by yelling, “Rainbow! Don't listen to them!”

What must have been the leader of the trio glared at us, her eyes glowing with a sinister energy, and the fog thickened, cutting off our view of our friend and leaving us guessing as to what was happening.

“Damn it!” I swore, forgetting in my anger that the ponies had probably never heard that word before.

We watched the bridge nervously, and I could feel my helplessness and fear rising. If something happened to Rainbow Dash…

Before I could finish that thought, the fog parted, and Rainbow Dash flew through it and landed in a triumphant pose, while we all cheered wildly.

“See? I'd never leave my friends hanging!” Rainbow said proudly, flying next to us.

We marched across the bridge, and since I was the last one, I figured that I should do something random (Pinkie Pie will not out-random me dammit!), and did a ponified version of a moonwalk. Naturally, I stumbled and ended up doing a backwards somersault.

“I meant to do that!” I called out, as I got up shakily. I looked up and saw the doors to the ancient ruins.

“Allow me, ladies,” I said, opening them with a kick and bowing with exaggerated poise.

“Thank you sir!” Rarity said as she walked past me.

We walked into the castle, and I felt that same overwhelming sense of abandonment permeating the air. The floors were covered with dust, and the once proud pillars were now covered with moss and small vines and webbed with small cracks. There were gaping holes in the walls, revealing the night sky, and the windows were gone, cracked, or covered with cobwebs.

“Wow, I gotta say, they got the spooky decor down pretty nicely,” I commented, kicking up a small puff of dust.

In the center of the room was a large pedestal, and on top of it was a large grey sphere, resting on a base that connected to five other small spheres, each with a shape like a triangle or a diamond carved out onto them.

“Are those…?” I trailed off, looking at the dusty spheres.

“The Elements of Harmony! We’ve found them!” Twilight said ecstatically, looking like she had just gotten the best Christmas present ever.

“I can’t reach!” I said, standing on my back hooves and extending my front hooves up as high as I could. A small coughing sound from Rainbow Dash made me face-hoof myself, and I backed away, letting the Pegasus ponies do the work.

“Careful, careful!” Twilight said anxiously, as they set them on the ground.

“One, two, three, four…there’s only five!” Pinkie Pie said, and then looked around, like the sixth element was playing Hide-and-seek.

“The book said: when the five are present, a spark will cause the sixth Element to be revealed,” Twilight pointed out, setting herself down next to the elements.

“What in the hay is that supposed to mean?” Applejack asked, a hint of irritation entering her voice.

While they were busy talking about that, I glimpsed what looked like writing set into the main pedestal, and had went closer to read it. The writing was curved, like the old fashioned elegant script that was popular during medieval times, and flowed easily. Somehow the moss and overgrowth hadn’t even tried to cover it up, leaving the words exposed for all who had come here to see.

I adjusted my glasses, and started reading it out loud.

“When the Evil Star releases Equestria’s greatest fear, six will become seven, and The Eternal Traveler will bring with him an eternal hope.”

I blinked, and re-read the inscription three more times, to make sure that I didn’t read it wrong. Three things stuck out to me.

1) This was a hidden part of the prophecy that foretold the return of Nightmare Moon.

2) The ‘Evil Star’ must have had something to do with the power of the stars that released Nightmare Moon in the first place.

3) While there are three Travelers that can’t die, and will exist for forever and beyond that, there’s only one with the word, ‘Eternal’ in their title.

Swallowing, I backed away slowly, and called out to the other ponies, “Girls? You might want to see this.”

The others walked over, and silently read the inscription I had just seen. They all looked confused, and started to talk all at once.

“Evil star?”

“Six becomes seven?”

“Eternal Traveler?”

“Cupcakes!”

“Girls!” I finally shouted, getting them to be quiet. “Sorry, but let’s not worry about that right now. We should focus on getting that sixth element, right?”

They all nodded, and I turned to Twilight, and asked, “So, any good ideas?”

“Just one. Stand back, I don’t know what will happen,” Twilight said, setting herself down in front of the ring of spheres.

“Come on y’all, she needs to concentrate,” Applejack said, leading the others outside. She looked questioningly at me, and I waved at her to go outside. She shrugged, and went with the others. Walking silently, so as not to disturb Twilight, I went over to the inscription, and read it again. Nothing had changed, even though a part of me desperately wished that it would.

Shaking my head, I turned to watch Twilight work her magic. Her horn was glowing, and steadily becoming brighter, and her face was beaded with sweat, as she concentrated, and started building up magical energy.

My eyes widened as the stones started to rise into the air, and started floating in a circle. I opened my mouth to tell Twilight she was certainly doing something, when the circling stones picked up speed, and started to form a dark blue, twinkling, tornado…dark…blue…Ye Gods.

“Twilight! Run!” I called out, and she opened her eyes and let out a small shriek. Everypony who was outside called out Twilight’s name, worried for her safety.

“The Elements!” Twilight cried, and then, in an attempt to upstage me for dumbest thing done today, she jumped into the tornado, with me close behind her.

Instead of getting violently tossed around inside of the tornado, like I expected, there was a flash of bright light, and I was standing next to Twilight inside of what I presumed to be another room in the castle.

I took a brief moment to observe my surroundings. It was built exactly like an audience chamber, wide, circular, and with a place of honor for the princesses. My legs stiffened, and I saw that Nightmare Moon was standing there, her own personal lightning storm surrounding her and the Elements that were levitating around her.

Nightmare Moon laughed evilly, reveling in what she surely thought was her greatest victory. Hearing her laugh, like she had won after all we had gone through to get this far…it pissed me off.

“Twilight, do you think that if you could get to those elements, you might be able to get that ‘spark’ going?” I whispered, eyeing Nightmare Moon.

She narrowed her eyes, and said in a determined voice, “Yes, I just need enough time to build up enough magic.”

“Then go! I’ll hold off Nightmare Buffoon over there.”

“But she’s too strong! You can’t beat her! You saw what she did to the Royal Guards!”

“Yeah, but I don’t have to beat her,” I said, pawi-er, I mean, hoofing (?) the ground. “I just have to make sure you can get that sixth element.”

“Omnius-”

“FOR PONY!” I yelled, and then charged, full speed, at Nightmare Moon. Twilight’s eyes widened and then she quickly replaced it with the look of someone who’s on a mission and can’t fail as she charged alongside me.

“You’re kidding. You’re kidding right?” Nightmare Moon said arrogantly. When we didn’t stop our charge, she ran out to meet us halfway. Before I reached the tyrannical beast, Twilight had suddenly teleported (Damn, that’s cool) and had landed in the circle of spheres, gathering as much magic as she could, leaving me to hold off the Horrible Night.

I jumped at the last possible moment, planted both of my front hooves on Nightmare Moon’s head and yelled, “Hoof to the head!”

She rolled with the blow, and took the opportunity to brush me aside with one of her wings. I twisted in the air, managed to land on my hooves, and charged at her again. This time however, she was ready, and she started jabbing at me with her horn, laughing while I dodged. She kept up the attack, stabbing at me with her horn like an expert fencer, and it took all of my focus to not get impaled on that sharp implement.

“Oh, this is rich!” She said scornfully, when she had grazed my flank. “Torrentican told me that you were supposed to be an incredible warrior, yet here you are, struggling to dodge even the simplest of attacks!”

My eyes widened, and she laughed again. “Oh yes, I know all about you, Traveler! You see, it was thanks to Torrentican that I managed to escape my prison, and he told me of your unique abilities!”

She jabbed at me again, and this time she gave me a shallow cut along my ribs. I gasped at the sudden, stinging pain. This time though, I was ready. While her horn was lowered, it also meant her head was lowered. Seeing the opening, I leaned my head back, and then brought it down, full force, onto the right side of her face.

There was a loud, CRACK, as our heads collided, and I gleefully said, “HA! You ain’t got nothing on apple trees!”

While I said my witty one liner, she then hit me with one of her wings, sending me crashing into a wall. While I struggled to get up, Nightmare Moon quickly moved to where I was, and she stabbed her horn through my front left leg. I cried out in pain, and just to spite me, she sent a wave of electricity through her horn, hurting me even more.

“Omnius!” I heard Twilight scream, while I struggled to get up. My wounded leg refused to support my weight though, and I kept falling every time I tried to stand.

Nightmare Moon looked to where Twilight was and had to shield her eyes from the brightness of her horn. Finally realizing what Twilight was attempting to do, Nightmare transformed herself into a swirl of dark magic and warped inside of the circle of stones. With a blinding flash and a crackle of electricity, Twilight released the magic, the force of which sent her flying away.

“No, NO!” Nightmare Moon called out in fear, watching the stones as they started to glow…and then do absolutely nothing.

Twilight gasped, and asked anxiously, “But, where’s the sixth element?!”

Her evil smile returning, she laughed triumphantly and then reared back, lifting up her hooves…

…and then she brought them down, crushing the elements and reducing them to shards.

As we watched, she grinned, with her dark storm reappearing, and said triumphantly, “You little foal! Thinking you could defeat me? Now you will never see your princess, or your sun! The night will last forever!”

Watching all of this, I looked over to see Twilight looking on in horror. As Nightmare Moon spoke, I could see the fear on her face, and it was clear that she was starting to give up hope…

…hope…

Setting my teeth in a determined grimace, I slowly summoned all of my remaining strength and managed to stand up, holding my injured leg off of the ground. I started to make my way towards Nightmare Moon, and seeing my pitiful attempt at walking she cackled madly.

“Do you honestly believe that you can still defeat me? You really believe that you have a single hope of victory? You, who have absolutely no idea of who or what you are?” I think she threw in that last piece on purpose, mocking what I had used as an excuse so I wouldn’t have to tell anypony the truth.

Panting in pain, I said in a low voice, “I may not know who I am, and you may be incredibly powerful, but I know that you’re wrong. As long as there are stars in the night sky, and as long as there is somepony willing to go on, there is always hope! Besides, I promised that I wouldn’t let any evil-godlike being hurt my friends, and I intend to keep that promise!”

Twilight looked up, a sparkle in her eye, as she remembered me saying that too her earlier that day.

The sparkle in her eyes got even brighter, as all three of us heard the others, Rainbow Dash, Applejack, Rarity, Fluttershy, and Pinkie Pie, calling our names and telling us not to worry, that they would be there soon.

“You think you can destroy The Elements of Harmony just like that?” Twilight asked, her tone confident and heroic. “Well, you're wrong, because the spirits of The Elements of Harmony are right here!”

The others had finally found us and were currently standing next to Twilight. I managed to stay standing as I gave Nightmare Moon my best, ‘you sir, are screwed,’ look. Suddenly, the fragments of the elements started to glow different colors, and they floated into the air, suspended by magic.

“Applejack, who reassured me when I was in doubt, represents the spirit of... honesty!” Twilight called out, and the shards that were glowing with an orange light started to circle her, almost rejoicing, if that makes any sense.

“Fluttershy, who tamed the manticore with her compassion, represents the spirit of... kindness!” This time, the shards that had a pink light surrounding them flew around the gentle Pegasus, bathing her in their soft light.

“Pinkie Pie, who banished fear by giggling in the face of danger, represents the spirit of... laughter!” Okay, you can guess what happened now. I shouldn’t have to describe it.

“Rarity, who calmed a sorrowful serpent with a meaningful gift, represents the spirit of... generosity!” More shards, more circles around ponies.

“And Rainbow Dash, who could not abandon her friends for her own heart's desire represents the spirit of... loyalty!” Twilight said, and I felt a moment of pride for these six ponies that I was lucky enough to call friends. “The spirits of these six ponies got us through every challenge you threw at us!”

“Six?” Nightmare Moon repeated.

“I was there too!” I said weakly.

“You still don't have the sixth Element! The spark didn't work!” Nightmare Moon said desperately.

“But it did! A different kind of spark,” Twilight said, and then she turned to the others and continued, saying, “I felt it the very moment I realized how happy I was to hear you, to see you, how much I cared about you. The spark ignited inside me when I realized that you all. Are my friends!” She then turned back to the frightened monster, and said in a clear voice, “You see, Night Mare Moon, when those Elements are ignited by the... the spark, that resides in the heart of us all, it creates the sixth element: the Element of...Magic!”

With that, a sixth orb had appeared, giving off a brilliant, pure light. With that bright light, the broken shards started combining to form a necklace on each pony, each with a gemstone set into them. The new orb however, transformed completely, and Twilight gained a small tiara, with a purple crystal shaped like a six-pointed star set into it.

“Hey Nightmare Moon…” I wheezed, walking forward. The true Elements of Harmony started to glow, and the room was bathed in a multitude of multi-colored lights. As Twilight’s eyes started to glow with an inner light, a massive rainbow shot out of the ring of friends and headed towards Nightmare Moon.

“Taste the rainb- YE GODS!” I cried out, as the rainbow blast suddenly diverted its course and flew around its new target…ME!

“What’s going on!? The evil thingy is OVER THERE!” I shouted, and then realized that all of my wounds had suddenly healed, and my energy was being restored. I felt newfound energy flowing throughout my body, giving me newfound strength.

“Okay, that’s not what I expected,” I murmured, as I suddenly felt myself…growing?

[Right now, I'd suggest listening to "The Ecstasy of Gold~The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly"]

There was no mistaking it. My limbs were extending, and I could feel a brief, but sharp, lance of pain shoot through my head and back, as if something were growing there. I glanced at my coat and noticed that it was slowly lightening, from the tan color I had grown used to, to a pure, blinding white color. I looked at my flank and saw that my cutie-mark had started to glow, and it was shimmering like the northern lights but with more colors. My tail turned into a shimmering golden color, and every time it shifted, a brief flash of colors would fly through it.

What was even more surprising was that this was an Aura of mine, one that I could rarely, if ever, summon myself. So far, the only time I’ve ever been able to summon it myself, without any magical or technological assistance, was…well, that’s another story for another day. Anyways, this aura was easily the most powerful one of the bunch, enhancing virtually every one of my powers, and it granted me access to some of the powers that I hadn’t even mastered yet. But like I mentioned before, I couldn’t ever summon it at will, unless the situation was truly dire. Because of that, I feel like I haven’t even scratched the surface of its potential.

Of course, an epic aura like that had to have an epic name. Unfortunately, the best I had come up with was Super Aura. I am determined to get a better name for it. Okay, back to the fight.

“…Okay, I’m never gonna get another chance to say this: By your powers combined, I am CAPTAIN EQUESTRIA!” I cried out, my voice echoing slightly.

Nightmare Moon’s eyes widened and she stumbled backwards, saying, “No! This is impossible! You’re not- You can’t- He told me-”

A beam of rainbow colored magic shot out from my head, and connected to Nightmare Moon’s pitch black horn, and I felt my mind come into violent contact with hers. I remembered what I had felt every time she had tried to breach my mind and realized that the Elements had not only granted me this power, but something else as well, something that was more important than power:

A chance to save somepony (Yes, I do mean PONY, if I’m correct.)

For a brief moment, I saw myself through Nightmare Moon’s mind and kept going, skimming over her thoughts. Probing into her mind, I reached deeper, searching for the fear that I had felt her trying to contain. I knew that I couldn’t have gotten this far into her mind without some sort of power boost, and I briefly wondered if it was the Elements that were giving me power.

Sifting through her conscience, I could still feel the Hatred and Anger that Nightmare Moon felt, but they were quieter, as if something was muting them. After a few seconds, I found what I was searching for, and focused my attention on it.

Picture a cold, damp cell. No windows, no light, just a simple barren, gray walled area, sealed off by an iron door that had lost its sheen long ago. It’s small, cramped, and just looking at it seems to suck out all of the happiness you’ve ever felt in your life.

That’s where the fear that I felt from Nightmare Moon was kept imprisoned. All of my instincts screamed at me to tear down the door and free the terrified victim inside of it. Being this close to the mental prison, I could also feel other emotions, like sorrow, and regret.

Outside of the mind, my body called out in a loud and powerful voice, “Nightmare Moon, you have committed one of the most atrocious crimes ever conceived: The binding and enslaving of another to your will. Whether it was willingly done, or whether you were created from the negative emotions of this pony’s heart and then took control does not matter!”

A dent appeared in the door of the prison.

“Because of this, you have caused suffering to many innocent creatures, and you gleefully rejoiced in their pain!” The words flowed from my mouth, and I don’t even remember thinking of it. I was reacting purely on instinct.

The dent grew larger and the walls shuddered with the force of the blow.

“But worst of all, you have done something that is fundamentally wrong on all levels of existence: You have imprisoned a Goddess of Good!”

Cracks appeared in the walls as the door finally fell apart from the force of the blow.

“Therefore, with the power of the Elements of Harmony, I hereby banish you from her heart, mind, and soul!” I cried out, my voice echoing, and causing small bits of the roof to fall.

With a blinding flash of light, the prison disintegrated, and I could feel the pain that the light caused the Nightmare. With a final pulse of light, she finally left the body she had stolen over a thousand years ago. Without a body, it was just a cloud of sickly looking purple smoke that struggled to hold itself together.

I bared my teeth, and snarled, “Be gone bitch!”

A small breeze blew away the cloud, taking it away from the castle.

“Omnius?” I heard a small voice ask tentatively, and I turned, still in my Super Aura, to see that all six of the ponies had gotten up, and were looking at me with a mixture of awe, fear, and joy.

“Don’t worry, it’s still me,” I said, grinning.

“But you look so…” Applejack started, but seemed at a loss for words.

“Different?” I supplied.

“Well, I suppose that works,” she replied, blinking.

“Yeah. Don’t worry; I just gotta…get some…” I trailed off, and then felt a wave of exhaustion pour over me. I looked at my coat and noticed that it was dulling to its original dark tan color, and my limbs were shrinking back to their normal size (Ah crap, I’m starting to say that looking like a pony is normal now! Oh well, I guess that’s not a bad thing). As my limbs shrank, I felt another brief headache and backache, making me think that something was growing back into me.

After I had reverted back to my normal pony form, I staggered suddenly and would have fallen if not for Twilight rushing forward to catch me.

“Nice Tiara,” I commented through numb lips, feeling completely drained.

“Nice necklace,” She replied, looking at my neck with a strange expression on her face.

“Huh?” I wittily replied, and then looked down.

Indeed, like Twilight said, there was an orb of green crystal set into a simple circle of gold. Unlike the thick gold bands that made up the other necklaces however, mine was merely a thin golden chain that wrapped around my neck loosely.

“What is…?” I struggled to stay awake, and leaned heavily on Twilight.

“‘Six will become seven,’” Twilight quoted grimly, and the realization of this gave me a bit of energy, and I lifted the gemstone gently in my hoof.

“You mean this is…?”

Warm sunlight suddenly washed through the windows, and I heard a noble, yet gentle voice call out, “Yes Traveler. Your unique strengths have proven that The Elements of Harmony were missing something, something that is needed by all creatures, no matter who or what they are.”

I tried to turn and look, but the light shined into my eyes, and the voice spoke softly, like that of a mother to a hurt child, “Sleep Omnius. You have earned it.”

“Who…are you?”

Before she could answer, I passed out from exhaustion and fell asleep.

Confessions of an Eternal Traveler

Chapter 7:

Confessions of an Eternal Traveler

(Takes place during the end of Episode 2 of My Little Pony, Friendship is Magic)

I woke up in a comfortable, clean bed.

As if that wasn’t strange enough, I actually felt well rested, and I could feel an unfamiliar weight pressing against my chest. I rubbed my head with my hoof and tried to remember all that had happened before I had passed out. I remembered that we had all gotten to the ancient ruins…we found the Elements of Harmony…I had said something about skittles…transformed into my Super Aura…

My eyes shot open, and I jumped out of bed, yelling, “Nightmare Moon! I’ve gotta-”

I went quiet once a soft magical aura surrounded me, gently restraining me, and keeping me from doing anything reckless (Damn it). A white unicorn with pink hair and a red cross on her flank stepped into my line of sight, her horn glowing slightly.

“Easy there, you were out for a while. Although I must admit, you woke up sooner than I had expected,” She said, smiling, and levitating me back into the bed.

“What happened? We were at the Ancient ruins, and then we-”

“It’s alright. You have nothing to worry about. I am Nurse Redheart, and you’re in the Ponyville Medical Clinic. According to what the Princess told me, you expended quite an amount of energy, both mentally and physically, and needed to be monitored until you woke up,” The unicorn patiently explained, looking over a clipboard that I was willing to bet had a lot of medical mumbo-jumbo on it.

“But what about the others? Twilight, Rainbow Dash, Rarity, Applejack, Pinkie Pie, and Fluttershy? Did they- I mean, are they okay?” I asked desperately.

Nurse Redheart walked over to the door and opened it, saying, “See for yourself.”

Five ponies burst through the open door, and my heart soared with relief. They surrounded my bed and started talking all at once, happy to see that I was okay, and I felt myself get hugged at random. Nurse Redheart nodded her head, and walked silently out of the room, barely noticed by any of us.

“Alright, alright, one at a time!” I laughed, and then looked around. “Hey, where’s Pinkie Pie?” I asked, concerned. “She’s okay, isn’t she? And what about Nightmare Moon? Did we win?”

They all started talking at once again, and I had to call out, “Wait, hold on! I have speak-lexia! If more than one pony starts talking in a loud voice, it sounds like a garbled mess to me!”

This time, it was Twilight who spoke, saying, “Do you remember how we had found the sixth element?” I nodded, and she continued, saying, “Well, instead of directly being used against Nightmare Moon, the magic that was unleashed from the Elements of Harmony was fired at you, causing you to transform.”

“What did I transform into?”

“As luck would have it, Pinkie Pie actually brought her camera with her-” Twilight started, but then I interrupted.

“Wait, she had a camera with her? Where did she keep it? On second thought, don’t answer that. It’s Pinkie Pie, that’s all I need to know. Please continue.”

“As I was saying, she had brought her camera with her, and she got a picture of you. Would you like to see?” Twilight asked, levitating a small photo to me. I grabbed it gingerly with my hoof (I have come up with a solution as to how Ponies can grab things without fingers: Magic Magnets) and looked at it.

I had never really seen myself in my Super Aura, except for brief glimpses in my visions, so this was interesting to me. In the photo, there stood a tall, powerful looking Pegasus, with a pure white coat, and a shimmering golden mane and tail. His mane seemed to be blown back, and it almost glowed with a life of its own. It was almost impossible to make out the cutie-mark, since it was glowing so brightly. The Pegasus wore golden, thick framed glasses, and his eyes shined with immeasurable strength.  Above his eyes, in the middle of his forehead, was a long, spiraling, unicorn horn.

“Is that really me?” I quietly asked, handing (hoofing?) the picture back to Twilight.

“It sure is. With the help of the Elements of Harmony, you were transformed from an ordinary Earth pony into-”

“A totally awesome super-powered mega pony!” Rainbow Dash finished, flying over my head and doing a pose.

“Aren’t they called Alicorns?” Fluttershy added quietly (Aha! I knew I’d find out what the heck they were called!).

“Same thing!”

“I wouldn’t say that he is an ‘ordinary’ pony,” A new voice said, a hint of laughter in her voice. All of us looked towards the door, and I saw a regal, noble looking Alicorn walk into the room.

She was tall, about the same size as my Super Aura, and she carried herself with an air of wisdom and authority. She had a long (even by pony standards), literally flowing mane that was colored with varying shades of sky blue, spring green, and pink. Her tail was even longer, and it shimmered with the same colors as her mane. Even though there was no wind, her mane and tail seemed to move as if they were being caressed by a gentle breeze. Emblazoned on her flank was an image of a golden sun, and her hooves were covered in something that resembled royal cuffs (or shoes. I dunno). Atop her head, fitted around her horn, was a golden crown with a purple diamond set into it.

All of the ponies in the room bowed in her presence, and I just did a mini-salute, and said, “Yo!”

The gathered ponies gasped, and the Alicorn’s lips twitched in poorly hidden amusement.

“Omnius, that’s Princess Celestia!” Twilight hissed under her breath, and I blinked.

“Princess Celestia? Oh, wow, um, Hi?” I managed, scratching my head. “Uh, okay. How’s your day been?”

Silence reigned supreme in the room, and I felt my face get hot enough to cook an egg. I desperately cast about for a topic and went to the old fallback: Say the first thing that comes to mind.

“So anyone here ever had a quesadilla? I could really go for one of them right now,” I said, while Twilight continued to look mortified. I kept going, saying, “Personally, I just like mine with no lettuce or anything, just pure cheese. Then you get the tortilla cooked just right, so that it has just the right amount of flake-age, and maybe have a side of French fries to go with it! Mm, that is some good food right there!”

At this, Twilight hid her head underneath the bed, while the others shifted around nervously. Princess Celestia then decided to end my rambling by laughing, and she said, “I’m sure it is. I’m glad to see that you are alright. Not very many creatures can handle as much energy as you did last night.”

I coughed slightly, and asked, “Last night? But how long have I been sleeping?”

“Long enough for Pinkie Pie to finish preparing the festivities, which are being held to welcome the return of my sister. Speaking of whom…” Princess Celestia stepped away from the door and allowed a smaller, dark blue Alicorn to walk into the room. She was just a mite taller than normal ponies, and her hair was an icy blue color. She seemed familiar to me somehow…

“Wait a second!” I shouted, realizing why she was familiar, “You’re the one that the Nightmare was keeping imprisoned!”

The Alicorn nodded and kept quiet. She seemed to be trying to come up with the right words, and she couldn’t seem to find them. She looked pleadingly at her older sister, and Celestia nodded as they communicated silently.

“Twilight, if you and your friends would please excuse us, we would like to talk to Omnius about his memory loss,” Princess Celestia said, her tone leaving no room for argument. The lavender unicorn looked at me, and I gave her a casual smile. My heart sank as all of the ponies left, and I had to fight the urge to break out into a cold sweat.

As soon as the last pony had left, Princess Celestia used her magic to shut the door and close the blinds on the windows. While she did that, Princess Luna’s horn glowed, and the walls glowed a dim shade of blue, so subtle that you could only really notice it if you glimpsed it out of the corner of your eyes.

While they worked, I got out of bed and stretched my legs, surprised by how stiff they were. I cracked my neck and sighed in relief. I adjusted my glasses one final time and turned to face the Sun and Moon.

All three of us stood there for a moment, as the two Princesses silently watched me. I waited silently and tried to quell my own rising suspicions. After a minute, I broke the silence again (I tend to do that a lot) by asking, “Princess Luna, how do you feel?”

She closed her eyes, took a deep breath, and said in a controlled voice, “We cannot be sure. We feel joy and ecstasy at finally being freed from the grips of Nightmare Moon, but we also feel shock and awe at how much we have missed since being imprisoned in yonder moon for nigh on one thousand years.” She took a breath to steel herself and continued, saying, “We also feel gratitude to the bearers of Harmony, and to thee, for thine efforts and for not, giving up, as it were.”

I blinked at both her use of the word ‘We’ and her use of the old timey dialect. I went over what she had said, and replied, “Nay, it is I who must thank thee, for if thou had not been willing to reach out to me when the Nightmare had attempted to enter mine mind, mine efforts to free you from thine prison would have been all for naught.” At her evident surprise at my ability (Or inability. It’s been forever since I had to use that to talk) to use old dialect, I continued, saying, “Mine understanding is that thou art more at ease with ye old method of speech, as you have yet to properly acquaint thineself with this form of speaking.”

Princess Luna smiled, and said gratefully, “We thank thee yet again, Traveler. But we would wish you to speak as you are most comfortable with and to ignore our discomfort. We will have to learn thine way of speaking eventually.”

I let out a sigh of relief at that. “If you’re sure.” Then I tensed and realized she had called me ‘Traveler.’ Uh oh.

Luna continued speaking, and I snapped my attention back to her. “WE, um, that is—we are also saddened, because we have almost no friends who are…” She trailed off, her voice slipping.

I felt an anger at the dark force that had corrupted Luna and stolen so much from her, and I said, “Well, don’t worry about that. I’ll be your friend!”

Her eyes widened, and I said, “Hey, come on! Don’t be surprised! You looked like you needed a friend, and now you have one!”

This time, a huge smile lit up Luna’s face, and I felt the overwhelming happiness that came with it. It made me feel good, and I scratched my head, slightly embarrassed by what I had said.

Princess Celestia nodded, as if she had confirmed something for herself, and she said, “I am glad to hear you say that. Now as to your lost memories, Omnius: Have they returned to you yet?”

I cleared my throat, and said carefully, “I guess you could say that. One could also say that they had never left at all and are just dormant, waiting to be called forth.”

Princess Celestia smiled softly, and she said, “You do not have to hide anything from us Omnius. Both of us know who you are.”

My eyes widened as I backed up slightly, and asked fearfully, “You mean you-I mean you were- I-”

She nodded, and said, “Yes. I am one of the beings that created you, as is my sister.”

I felt my jaw drop from the shock of this revelation, and I suddenly remembered all of the events that had taken place last night as the pieces clicked into place inside of my head.  Gasping, I felt myself swaying, and I grabbed the bed frame for support. Taking several breaths to steady myself, I said quietly, “Then that means that not only did I just ask a Goddess if they’ve ever eaten a quesadilla, but I also saved her sister from the darkness that had corrupted her and just became her friend. That’s new, even for me!”

Princess Luna tilted her head slightly and I explained, saying, “Cooked tortilla with melted cheese inside of it, it’s delicious, I highly recommend it. Add lettuce or peppers if you want some extra flavor. Maybe an onion if that’s your thing, but personally, I hate the taste of onions.”

Luna allowed another small grin to show itself on her face, and Celestia chuckled. I grinned, and then slapped a hoof onto my face, and said, “Oh what am I doing? I’m advertising food to a Goddess! Next thing you know, I’ll be telling you how to best accessorize with those crowns of yours!”

“Please, do go on. I would love to know what I should wear to the next Grand Galloping Gala,” Celestia said, grinning.

“Wait, you have a sense of humor!” I said joyously. “That means that I can make jokes! YES!”

They both laughed at this, and the tension that was in the room disappeared. I felt relaxed. I looked up at the Princesses, and asked, “So you both are Goddesses of Good?”

“Correct. Both I and my sister are Goddesses of Good, and you, Omnius, are the Eternal Traveler of Good,” Celestia said, glad that I had caught on.

“How long have you known about it?”

“Ever since you entered this world. At the time, Princess Luna was still imprisoned on the moon, and as I knew that the time of her freedom, from both the moon and the Nightmare, was drawing near, I felt it would be best if you just did what you had to do, and let the forces of Good guide you,” She explained, walking closer to me.

“Wait, then you knew that Nightmare Moon was coming all along! Why didn’t you trust Twilight then?” I asked, putting things together in my mind.

“I told her that she needed to make friends, nothing more. I never said that I didn’t trust her, did I?” She said slyly, nudging me with her hoof.

“Clever girl. So that means that since you knew it was coming, you also knew that Twilight needed to learn about Friendship so she could get that spark going, right?”

“Indeed. Now Omnius, even though you have done so much for everypony here, I must ask of you to do something else for us,” Celestia said with a trace of slight sorrow in her voice.

“Name it,” I said confidently.

“Would you please show us your true form?” She asked with no hint of the joking tone that was present earlier.

“Um, you mean my, not pony form, right?” I asked nervously, not making eye contact. This was the first time I had been asked that by a God or Goddess. Normally I’m already in human form, or they just straight up demand I show them, but again, another story for another day.

“Yes Omnius. I want to see what I helped to create,” She said softly, and something in her voice drew my eyes to hers. They were smoldering violet orbs, and they showed a wisdom that transcended time, and a longing for her subjects to not just view her as a ruler, but as a friend who they could rely on. She already felt the same way about almost all of her subjects, and that included even me. She gazed into my eyes, and I into hers, and I sighed. I can’t help it; I’m a sucker for sad faces (that aren’t annoying little girls).

“Alright,” I said, and then I grabbed the blanket from the bed, used it to cover myself, and called out, “Please make sure there are no rubber chickens, cans of coke, or wattage exceeding that of a lightning bolt in the vicinity!”

Hearing no response, I closed my eyes and brought all of my focus onto changing back into myself. Normally, it’s not a painless process, and there is almost always a violent stinging sensation that goes along with my form shifting.

After the familiar stings, I opened my eyes to see that under the blanket I had successfully turned back to…normal. I grabbed the blanket in my hand, tossed it to the side, and stood up, stretching my back.

“Omnius?” I heard Luna ask tentatively.

“The one and only, at your service! Literally in this case,” I said, giving a small showman’s bow. “So, how do I look?”

Princess Celestia walked around me, and cast her eyes over me. Her face was a neutral mask, as she took in everything about my form, from my jeans, to my Hard Rock Café button-up shirt that lay open over a white shirt that had my insignia added to it, in a solid blue color. I nervously fiddled with the plain silver colored ring on my finger, as neither Princess said anything for a while. Something else that caught my attention was the fact that the necklace bearing the green orb hadn’t disappeared either. Instead, it had adjusted its length to fit loosely on my neck, and it hung openly on my shirt.

“Hmm…” She started, and my heart rate skyrocketed, my nerves getting the better of me. “I didn’t know that humans could have acne like ponies do.”

I facepalmed (Facepalm! I missed you! It’s just not the same with a hoof!), and said, “Out of all the things to comment on, you say something about my zits?”

She smiled, and said mysteriously, “Well, with you here, I have an idea that you aren’t the first human I’ve seen.”

I groaned, and said, “Oh, a sense of humor AND crypticness. Is my presence somehow connecting you to alternate dimension/reality versions of yourself? Or are you being serious about the seeing humans before bit?”

“Only time will tell if that is the case,” She said, just a cryptically as she had before, and I groaned again.

“Thank you Princess Trollestia.”

Luna chose this time to speak up, and she said, “We feel the same way Sister. Is this truly the workings of the Traveler?”

“It is. You see, in the case of the Greater Forces of Good, as Goddesses, we can sense his connection to other planes of existence and glimpse our other selves,” Princess Celestia confirmed. She then smiled at me, and asked, “I know of your names, but would you please say them yourself?”

I inhaled, and then said, “I have many names, but there are three names that matter to me and one title that makes up who I am.”

She nodded, and motioned for me to continue.

“The name that the Gods and Goddesses of Good gave me: is Omnius the Traveling Guardian. The name that my parents gave to me at my birth: is Sean Nathaniel Brandenburg. The name that I use for undercover work, and as a nickname, is Nathan Traveler.”

As I said that, Luna had walked up to join her sister, and I said the last line in a proud voice, as if I was challenging everyone who hated me or wished to do harm to the innocent, “I am the Eternal Traveler of Good!”

After I said those words, I felt my body tingle with energy, and the green crystal started to glow, giving off a faint, white light. I gently grasped it in my hand, and I felt the power that was inside of it, and a faint connection to six other ponies (No prize for guessing which ones).

“Princess, I have to know: Did I really accidentally create a seventh Element of Harmony?”

She closed her eyes, and said, “As it was said in the prophecy, you have brought with you an Eternal Hope.”

“Then that means that…”

Luna spoke this time, and she said, “Hail Omnius, Bearer, and wielder, of the seventh Element of Harmony: Hope.”

I lifted the Element up to my eyes and stared at it, losing myself in its emerald depths. “I also just have one other question.”

Celestia raised her eyebrow, and I asked, “How come it isn’t blue, or white? Those are two of my favorite colors, and as much as I like green, I kinda would have preferred blue. I mean, it just compliments the brown of my eyes!”

We all shared another laugh at that, and I sat down on the bed.

“Art thou going to show this,” She gestured towards my entire body, “to thy friends Omnius?” Luna asked, walking up to me.

I sighed, placed my head in my palms, and thought about it for a moment. “I honestly don’t know. I mean, it’s not that I’m afraid of them being afraid of me, it’s just that…well…I’ve been lying to them.” I got up, walked over to where the window was, and partially moved some of the blinds so I could see outside. I continued talking, and said, “They trusted me. Heck, Applejack even let me work on her farm until I could get back onto my hooves, so to speak, and I lied to all of them. I know that it isn’t anything I haven’t done before, but…” I sighed, and said, “I guess the years haven’t made it hurt any less. Now I’m worried about how they’re gonna react if I tell them.”

The tip of a white wing touched my shoulder. I turned to see Celestia had a sad smile on her face, and Luna had a look of sympathy on her face.

“Omnius, I would be worried if it didn’t bother you,” Celestia said wisely, “All that this means is that you care for others, and you don’t like to hide things from them.”

“Thou shouldst be proud that thou can still feel regret for hiding the truth,” Luna added, going to stand by her sister, with her eyes sparkling.

“Yeah, I know. Not to sound rude or anything, but I’ve heard that speech before. I know that it’s a good thing to feel like that, but I’m still afraid that once I tell them…” I trailed off, my mind bringing up pictures of harsh rejections. It wouldn’t be the first time that it had happened, but would it be the first time I couldn’t make amends?

Celestia sensed my distress, and said, “Do you really believe that they wouldn’t be your friends anymore?” I opened my mouth to answer, and she cut me off, saying, “That’s insulting to them! Do you really think that they’ll see you any differently? Think about this for a moment! Would Twilight Sparkle, with all of her knowledge, be so ignorant as to let this new information change her opinion of you?”

“Well, no, she’s too smart for-”

“And what about Rainbow Dash, the Element of Loyalty? She wouldn’t let something like this turn her away from a friend!”

“Okay, you’ve got a point there, but-”

She continued, as if this was something she had been thinking about for a while. “Applejack wouldn’t forget what you did for her younger sister, and Rarity certainly wouldn’t consider it proper to hold a grudge! Fluttershy is one of the kindest ponies around, who is willing to accept anypony for who they are and Pinkie Pie-”

“Is Pinkie Pie,” I finished, feeling ashamed of myself now. I forced myself to look into Celestia’s eyes, and I said, “Is this some sort of magic Princess power that you have?”

Surprisingly, it was Luna who answered this time. “Neigh,” (Get it? She said neigh, but…oh never mind) “but when thou entered our mind and freed us from our prison, we also caught a brief glimpse of thy past adventures. What we saw, we almost forgot as soon as it passed, but we remember thy feelings of sorrow, and decided that it would be best if we were to attempt to persuade you to confess, and then we would, erm,” She paused, trying to find the right word, and then said, “Comfort thou?”

I smiled and brushed away some stray tears that had tried to leak out of my eyes. Stupid lightning bolt, making me cry at random.

“That is what we say, correct?” Luna asked, “Mine apologies, but we are unaccustomed to speaking in such a manner. Normally, we would speak in the royal speaking voice as well, but Celestia suggested otherwise, and it is a chore to do so.”

I laughed, and said, “No, you’re fine. It’s just me being a sap is all. Thank you, both of you. You’ve shown me how big of a fool I’ve been.”

Then, acting on an impulse, I grabbed Celestia and Luna (not really as hard as you’d think) and pulled them both together in a quick hug. Before they could react, I said quickly, “Thank you.”

Celestia shifted her wings and wrapped one around me and her sister, as did Luna (although it felt as if she were unused to doing something like that), and all three of us stood there, the two Alicorns, and a Traveler, hugging each other, and giving a measure of strength to one another.

I then let go of both of them, and grinned. “Now then, what’s this I hear about a party?”

XHXHXHXHXHXHXHXHXHXH

Moments later, I stretched out my legs, and shook my mane. I was back in top pony condition and had already shaken off the pins and needles feeling. Saying goodbye to the Princesses, I left the room and walked out of the building, my thoughts ricocheting inside of my head. I was so preoccupied with them, that I almost failed to notice that all six of the ponies, Pinkie Pie included this time, were waiting outside, looking worried.

“Oh! Hey! Didn’t see you there,” I said, trotting up to them.

“Did you get your memory back?” Applejack said, getting straight to the point.

“Yeah, about that…” I sighed. “Girls, I have a confession to make,” I said, looking at them all. The Princess was right. I couldn’t hide anything else from these ponies- no. I couldn’t hide anything from my FRIENDS. “But it will have to wait until after the party!”

Hey, didn’t say I couldn’t procrastinate!

“Are you sure? I mean, that is, I’m sure that you are sure, but do you really want to wait until, um, after the party?” Fluttershy asked softly.

“Yeah, don’t worry about it. Besides,” I added, “It’s kind of a, um, whopper.”

“Ooh, a whopper! I’ve had some of those before! Like this one time, I found a new recipe for cake, and I was gonna bake it when I saw that we were out of flour, and then I had to go and buy some more, but when I got back, I-” Pinkie Pie started, but then I quickly cut her off.

“Yeah, right Pinkie. But seriously, come on! Let’s go rock our flanks off!” I said, running towards the center of town. A sudden pink blur ran in front of me, and I stopped in order to avoid collision.

“Silly! The party isn’t over there! It’s over here!” She said, skipping towards the opposite direction.

I decided to try my hoof at bouncing, and followed, cheerfully saying, “Follow the pony!”

As soon as I said that, my hoof came into contact with a loose pebble, and I tumbled to the ground, saying, “I regret nothi-oof!” That last part was me colliding with the ground.

“…So ground, we meet again!”

    By the time we had made it to the entrance of Ponyville, the party was in full swing. Somepony (Cough cough *Pinkie* Cough) had placed decorations all over the buildings, and the trees had small bundles of flowers tied onto them. Basically, the place looked more festive and cheerful, and you could feel everyone’s excitement at being able to welcome the return of Princess Luna.

Seeing some picnic tables that were loaded with food, I squeed in delight, excused myself from the group, and dashed over, my stomach taking temporary control. Spying a plate loaded with muffins, I grabbed one and tore into it.

“Muffin! I’ve missed you so much!” I said between bites. “Don’t you ever leave me again!”

While I was devouring my third muffin, I heard a giggle, and I turned to see a familiar cross-eyed (Or is it wall-eyed? I can’t ever remember) Pegasus.

“Ditzy!” I said, grabbing a muffin, and tossing it to her. “It’s great to see you again!”

She opened her mouth, and managed to catch and swallow the muffin in one bite. She grinned, and said, “Good to see you too! How’s your amnesia?”

“Gone with the wind!” I exclaimed, biting into another muffin. “Mm, these are good. Now, with this muffin, you can tell that the blueberries were picked at just the right time, and then carefully preserved until the time of baking. This has obviously been carefully prepared, as evidenced by the golden brown top and by how it just seems to capture the baked good’s flavor, locking it in, until bitten into!”

“Wow Omnius! Were you a food critic before the memory loss?” Ditzy asked, a look of wonder on her face.

“Nah, I just thought that would make me sound smarter,” I said, finally moving away from the muffins. I walked over to the gray and blond Pegasus and said happily, “But that does sound like something I’ll have to try in my Travels. Heck, it wouldn’t be the strangest thing that I’ve ever done!”

“What is then?” A new voice called out. I looked over and saw The Doctor grinning at me from the other side of the table.

“Hey, what’s up doc?” I asked, going over to him and giving him a high hoof. “Oh, hey, Doc, have you met Ditzy?”

“Why, yes I think I have,” He said, grinning wryly. Ditzy laughed, like there was some sort of inside joke between them, and I shrugged, deciding that I would find out eventually.

“Well, glad that’s taken care of.”

“You still haven’t answered my question,” The Doc pointed out.

“Oh, right. Well, let’s see…There are a lot of strange things I’ve done. But how to choose…Ah, okay, I’ve got it! Pick a number between one and thirteen!”

“I beg your pardon?”

“Look, there are a lot of weird and strange things that I’ve done. I just thought of the first thirteen that popped into my head, and I’ve only got enough time to tell you about one. So pick a number please.” I explained.

“Alright, um…seven!” He said, chuckling.

“Ooooh, good choice. Alright, now this is one of my better stories,” I said laughing. I then stopped suddenly, and looked at Ditzy questioningly.

The Doctor sensed what I was worried about, and he quickly spoke up, “Don’t worry, you can trust her. I hope this doesn’t anger you, but I took the liberty of telling her about your, erm, Traveling, so to speak.”

I sighed, and said, “Doc, if I didn’t know an alternate version of you, then I would have made sure you could only eat through a straw for doing that. As it is, I believe you.” I turned to Ditzy, and said, “Alright, if The Doc trusts you, I trust you. Just make sure that nothing hears about this.”

She nodded her head, and I looked around to make sure nopony was listening. I nodded, satisfied, and then started telling them one of my stories.

“Alright, now you ponies know about the Everfree forest and how it looks, right? Well, imagine that, but with more trees, and there’s lush, green, non-sinister plant life everywhere. Everywhere you look, there’s another unique bit of animal life, from elephants, to giraffes, to gorillas. This jungle is on an island way out in the ocean of another world and it has all of the scenic island stuff. This, my friends, is Kong Island!” I paused for dramatic effect, and continued.

“Now, to cut a long story short, there are two important groups that are around this island: The Kongs, who are a group of friendly banana loving primates, and the Kremlings, a group of dastardly pirate-like crocodile thugs. Now, for some strange reason, the leader of the Kremlings, King K. Rool, decided to steal the Kongs’ precious Banana Horde. Now, being a friend of the leader, Donkey Kong, I figured I had to help them out, but…”

XHXHXHXHXHXHXHXHX

“D.K, there is no way, absolutely NO FREAKING WAY, that you are getting me to jump into that barrel!” I said stubbornly for the fifth time.

We were both standing next to a cliff with a five hundred foot drop, surrounded by green trees, with chirping noises coming from the jungle foliage around us. There was an overly large barrel with a white explosion symbol painted on it standing next to me, and I gulped whenever I looked at it.

The huge gorilla pointed at the barrel and grunted at me, and I said, “Oh come on! You’re telling me that that barrel will launch me across that gap and into another barrel, and THAT barrel will shoot me to another barrel, and then that barrel will launch me into the cave we’re supposed to go to?”

D.K nodded his head vigorously and I facepalmed. Rubbing my face, I turned to gaze across the cliff, and I could just barely make out some small dots that hung in the air, suspended by nothing. I gulped again and stepped back, away from the drop.

“Why can’t we send Diddy first?” I asked, looking at the baseball cap wearing monkey. Said monkey then shot me a look and I raised my hands, saying, “Joking!”

Donkey Kong rolled his eyes, and then he picked me up with one of his massive hands.

“Uh, hey, D.K? What are you do- OH GOOD GANDHI NO!” I cried out, as soon as I saw that he intended to put me into the barrel. I struggled for a second, before the gorilla dropped me into the barrel. I gulped, and curled up into a tight ball, hoping that this would work.

The barrel spun in place for a moment and stopped suddenly. The jungle got quiet for a moment, and the only sound you could hear was the sound of my heart beating like a jackhammer in my chest. Just when I thought it was safe to attempt to climb out, there was a resounding BOOM, and I was suddenly flying through the air, while the Kongs started beating their chests and hooted with excitement.

“I BELIEVE I CAN FLY!!!” I shouted as I flew through the air, the wind causing my eyes to water. I felt myself start to slow down, and the ground suddenly started to look like it was getting closer.

“It always slows down when I say that, doesn’t it?” I complained to no one in particular before I dropped into another barrel. This time, it skipped the spinning sequence, and I felt myself being launched violently into the air. I reached out with one of my hands and managed to snag a random bunch of bananas.

“Where did these come from?” I wondered as I clutched them to my chest. I fell into another barrel, and before I knew it I was flying again, this time with more speed than before. I opened my mouth to say something, but another stray banana smacked me in the face, and I managed to grab it with my teeth. By the time I felt myself slowing down, the other side of the cliff had come into sight, and a large cave entrance could be easily seen.

I crashed into the ground and rolled to soften the landing. I stood up, shaking from the adrenaline rush, and walked over to the cave entrance, laughing.

“Woooooo!” I heard a deep voice call out. I leaned against the entrance to the cave and watched D.K and Diddy land perfectly on the cliff. They looked at the bananas I was holding and I shrugged.

“I don’t know how this island does it, but I love the fact that we can find these just randomly floating in the air,” I said, breaking off a few bananas and tossing them to the primates.

We sat and enjoyed a brief banana lunch, and then walked into the cave, ready to take on a giant…beaver?

“-and that’s a story for another day,” I finished. As soon as I had stopped talking, The Doctor and Ditzy both started to laugh, and I joined them.

“You mean to tell me, that a gorilla had to pick you up and force you into a barrel, just because you were too frightened to do it?” The Doctor said, wheezing from the laughter.

“Here’s a joke for ya Doc: What does a gorilla do when he crosses the street?”

“I don’t know, what?”

“Whatever he wants!” I said, and then we roared even louder, causing a lot of the ponies in the area to stare at us for a moment.  I stood up and said, “Well, it was great seeing you again Doc, but I gotta vamoose. My friends are waiting over by where the princesses are supposed to be riding into town, and I wanted to be with them for it.”

“Say no more, I understand. I’ll see you around Omnius!”

“Take care Ditzy,” I said, trotting away.

“Bye Omnius!”

Still chuckling, I made my way over to the group (Spike had managed to find everypony at some point) and Pinkie Pie asked me, “What are you laughing about?”

“Oh, just an old story I told to some other friends. Remind me to tell you some time,” I said, and then cut off any other questions Pinkie might have had by saying, “Hey, look, it’s the princesses!”

All of the ponies gathered watched in awe, as a golden chariot/throne was pulled by four of the royal guards. Sitting in the chariot, the perfect picture of royalty and wisdom, were the Princesses of the Moon and Sun, holding their heads high and invoking a sense of majesty from all that were gathered.

Everypony present, including myself, bowed low to the ground once the Princesses had stepped off of the chariot. Two small Pegasus fillies flew over to where Princess Luna was staring sadly at the ground, and adorned her with a flower necklace. She looked surprised at the sudden show of affection, but then she smiled, and I think everypony cheered when they saw that.

As we all cheered, I noticed that Twilight had edged herself away from the rest of us, and was looking downcast. Apparently Princess Celestia had noticed as well.

“Why so glum, my faithful student? Are you not happy that your quest is complete and you can return to your studies in Canterlot?” She asked.

“That's just it. Just when I learned how wonderful it is to have friends, I have to leave them,” Twilight said sadly, looking mournfully at her newfound friends (I was included! I feel special!).

We all shifted awkwardly, and the festive mood disappeared, replaced by one of worry and sadness. Well crap, just when I get to tell everypony about my Traveling, one of the ponies has to leave. Even the ponies who didn’t know us looked sympathetic.

Princess Celestia then got a knowing twinkle in her eye, and she said, “Spike, take a note, please.” The purple dragon complied, taking out a roll of parchment and a quill, and he scribbled furiously. “I, Princess Celestia, hereby decree that the unicorn Twilight Sparkle shall take on a new mission for Equestria. She must continue to study the magic of friendship. She must report to me her findings from her new home in Ponyville.”

Everypony let out a loud cheer at that and I laughed. Of course she gets to stay!  The plot wouldn’t make much sense otherwise! With the other five Elements of Harmony, I went over to Twilight, and ignoring everypony present, wrapped my foreleg around her neck, gave her a gentle noogie, and started cheering like crazy.

After we had all given Twilight a congratulatory, ‘Hex Yes, you get to stay!’ hug, she looked at Celestia with gratitude in her eyes, and said, “Oh thank you, Princess Celestia! I'll study harder than ever before!”

We cheered even harder at that, and I lifted Twilight onto my shoulders, balanced carefully on my back legs, and yelled, “This calls for a celebration!”

“But we’re already at a party!” Applejack pointed out.

“Wow, Pinkie Pie works fast! Speaking of her, where’d she wander off to?” I asked, looking around.

“Um, Omnius? Could you set me down now? Please?” Twilight called from above me. I blinked and looked up, forgetting that I was the one lifting her.

“Oops. Sorry ‘bout that,” I apologized, setting her down on the ground. “If you excuse me, I’m gonna go look for the Pink wonder.”

“Good luck with that,” Rainbow Dash said, “I betcha five bits that you can’t find her before she finds you!”

“Challenge Accepted,” I said, already diving into the crowd of ponies. The rainbow colored Pegasus said something else, but I was already going into full stealth mode, and I had started to play the theme music from Mission Impossible in my head.

I quickly hopped into a covered food cart and rode it silently; going unnoticed by the tall, gangly looking yellow Earth pony that was pushing it. I poked my head out, and glanced quickly around. Spying a dark alleyway, I rolled out from the cart (grabbing a pastry from it in the process) and silently hid in the shadows of the alley.

My eyes darted around, trying to catch a glimpse of the Pink Pony, and then I saw her off in the distance, a little ways away from Ponyville. I grinned and thought to myself, “I have you now.”

I quietly hid behind a tree and bit into the cinnamon roll I had snatched. I peeked from around my position and my jaw dropped. Pinkie Pie was talking…to the air. That is, she was talking to supposedly nothing, and I quickly tried listening in on what she was saying.

“Isn't this exciting?” She was saying, before she had to take a breath. “Are you excited ‘cause I'm excited I've never been so excited, well, except for the time that I went GASP but I mean really-”

“Pinkie Pie!” I interrupted.

She turned to me, gave me her big goofy grin, and said, “Oh, hi Omnius! I didn’t see you there!” (Five bits for me!) “Did you come to say goodbye to the people watching us?”

My jaw dropped again. Ye Gods and Goddesses, but if she was doing what I think she was doing…

“Pinkie Pie,” I said seriously, “You can see the viewers?”

“Well of course not silly! I just know they’re there!” She replied, giggling.

I couldn’t help it. I threw my arms around her and gave her the biggest pony hug I could give her. “You’re a fourth wall breaker! I knew it, I knew it, I knew it!” I said, jumping up and down giddily, with Pinkie still in my forelegs.

“You mean you know about them too?” She asked, her voice shaking as I kept shaking her in joy.

I blinked, and grinned sheepishly. I set her down, and said, “Yeah! See, I can- Wait…” I thought for a moment, and then said cautiously, “You know what? I need to wait until everypony is here. Then I can tell everypony in one sitting.”

Pinkie pointed over my shoulder, and said, “You don’t have to wait! Look over there!”

Turning my head, I saw that Twilight Sparkle and the gang were headed our way. I gulped audibly, and Pinkie asked, “Is something wrong?”

“No, I guess I just hoped for a little more time,” I sighed. She tilted her head in confusion, and I walked over to meet the others.

“Yo,” I said, my voice lacking its usual cheer.

“Hey,” Twilight said, before saying, “Is something wrong? Before she left, Princess Celestia asked me to talk to you. She said that there was something you wanted to tell us.”

I felt my stomach start twisting into knots, and I chuckled nervously and said, “You could say that.”

They all looked at me, and Applejack spoke up, “You sure you’re alright? You’ve been acting awfully strange since you got your memory back.”

When she said that, I took a deep breath, and said, “That’s just it A.J. I never lost my memory to begin with.”

Everypony present gasped, and I continued, saying, “The lightning bolt didn’t scramble my brain. Although, since I was dumb enough to lie to you girls, maybe it did.”

“You lied to us?” Applejack called out angrily.

“I did,” I said, hanging my head in shame.

Rainbow Dash flew up close, stuck her head into my face, and shouted, “We trusted you!”

I backed away, and said, “I didn’t want to lie though!”

“Then why did you?” Rainbow yelled.

I was silent for a moment, before answering, “Because you wouldn’t believe me if I told you the truth.”

“What? What could be so unbelievable that you had to lie to your friends about it?” Rainbow Dash screamed at me, and I cringed.

She pushed me with her front hooves, and I fell over and didn’t get up. I simply stayed there on the ground and felt hot tears well up in my eyes. Celestia was wrong. They weren’t gonna want to be my friends after this; they would hate me for lying to them.

It got deathly quiet. Everypony stared at me, while I closed my eyes, and waited for the harsh words. Finally, a voice spoke up, and for the umpteenth time that day, it was the last pony I expected.

Fluttershy.

“Girls, I don’t think we should be mad. I mean, that is, he hasn’t even said why he was pretending to have amnesia,” She said quietly. I opened my eyes and saw that she was standing next to me and smiling softly. She offered me a hoof and I took it. She pulled me up and smiled reassuringly.

“No wonder you’re the Element of Kindness,” I said, a ghost of a smile on my face. Before anyone could say anything, I took a leap of faith, and said, “You want to know why I had to lie to you? Well, to put it simply, I’m not from this world, or even this universe. I’m one of three beings that Travel throughout Time, Space, Matter, and across all of the Realities and Dreams.”

When I said it, the others just gawked at me.

“You have GOT to be kidding me!” Rainbow Dash said, looking at me incredulously.

“You have no idea how many times that’s been said to me,” I chuckled grimly. “But it’s the truth. I’m the Eternal Traveler of Good, destined, fated, and doomed to Travel across all of Time, Space, Matter, and the Realities, for all of eternity and beyond, for the side of Good.”

“Do you really expect us to believe that?” She spat out, glaring at me. She started to charge at me, but Applejack stopped her with a restraining hoof.

“He’s telling the truth,” She said, her eyes widening. “I don’t know how I know this, but he’s telling the truth.”

“What?”

I nodded, and said, “I could show you my true form if it would help convince you that I’m telling the truth.”

“That’s not even your real body?” Twilight asked.

“It is, but…well, it’s kind of hard to explain,” I said, trying to think. When I couldn’t come up with the words, I shrugged, and said, “It’s probably easier to just show you.”

All six of the ponies watched me as I closed my eyes and made the shift back into human form.

I felt the stinging sensation fade, and all of the ponies gasped as I stood up and smoothed out the wrinkles in my clothes.

“That’s your true form?” Rarity asked, a look of slight wonder on her face.

“Yep,” I said simply, stuffing my hands inside of my pockets.

“What are you?” I winced at the simple question Fluttershy had asked me. Most commonly asked question number three had entered the area!

“I’m a Human. I take it you’ve never seen one before? No, wait, don’t answer that,” I said, remembering something I had forgotten to mention. “Look, this might seem strange, but if you forget what my true form is called later, tell me please.”

“Why would we forget?” Twilight poked at my leg with her hoof.

“Because there’s a certain enchantment that adjusts anyone’s memories of me to fit into whatever story I’m in,” I said. At their confused faces, I explained with a bit more detail. “For example, say that you had never seen a human before me. Well, if another human were to somehow make their way here, you would forget everything about me being a human, and those memories of me in human form would be replaced temporarily. Heck, even I would forget that I’d shown you my human form.”

“What do you mean, ‘Story’?”

“That’s just what I call it when I’m in a certain timeline, where certain events will take place. I’m sort of here to observe, and then help out in any way I can.”

“Oh…I guess that makes sense…” Fluttershy said, looking confused.

“So, onto the dreaded question I have to ask: How do I look?”

“You have zits.” Rainbow Dash said, pointing at my face. I groaned, remembering what Princess Celestia had said.

“Why does everyone always have to point that out?” I complained. “Is it really that bad?”

“To be honest, it actually isn’t,” Rarity said politely. “But I must admit that it is quite surprising to see them on another creature, other than ponies.”

We were all silent as they watched me curiously. When I finally couldn’t stand the silence any longer, I cried out, “Look, I might have lied to you, and you have every right to hate me, but I wasn’t lying when I said that you are all my friends!”

“Hate you?” Pinkie Pie asked, tilting her head. “Why would we hate you?”

“I lied about my amnesia! Heck, I lied about being a pony!”

“So?” She replied, bouncing up to me. “You’re still you, right? Then that just means that now we can learn more about each other! Ooh, we can play Truth or Dare! I’ll go first!”

“Maybe later Pinkie Pie,” Twilight promised, getting her to be quiet. She then turned her gaze at me, and said, “But she has a point. Sure, we might be mad at you, but that doesn’t mean we hate you. Besides, after seeing this and listening to what you said, I can see why you did what you did. I might have done the same thing if I were in your place.”

“Really? So you believe me?” I inquired hopefully.

“As strange as it may seem, yes. I believe you,” Twilight said, gazing at me thoughtfully. “I don’t know why, but I do.”

“Ooh! Maybe it has something to do with the Element he’s got!” Pinkie Pie chirped in, pointing at my necklace. I grabbed it, and thought about what she said.

“She might have a point. Maybe all of the Elements are connected somehow,” I said, thinking out loud. “This definitely calls for some research!”

“Wait, what Element is it?” Applejack asked.

“Oh, well, according to the Princesses, it’s the Element of Hope,” I said, tucking the necklace into my shirt. “Hey, where are your guys’ Elements?” I asked, finally noticing that they weren’t wearing their respective Elements.

“Oh, we hid them away for safekeeping,” Rainbow shrugged. “It was what Celestia said we should do.”

“Then why didn’t she ask me to hide mine?” I wondered, scratching my beard.

“Wait, we’re getting off topic!” Twilight said, shaking her head. “So you’ve been to other worlds?”

“Yep. And other universes, timelines, dimensions, paradoxes, you know, those kind of things,” I counted each place off on my fingers. I then shivered, and said, “Okay, you mind if I go back into pony form? I feel like something is watching us.”

“Only if you want to,” Fluttershy said quietly. I could sense her discomfort, and I focused on returning to pony form.

“This might take a second folks. Just gimme a mome- There we go!” I said, feeling the stinging sensation.

I sighed in relief once the feeling was gone, and I stretched out my hooves.

“So how can you change your shape like that?” Applejack asked, glad that I was back to being only slightly taller than the rest of them.

“Remember what I said about the Story? Well, if I’m some sort of alien that will get too much attention, then that might mess things up too badly. So, with some help from the magic of the world I’m entering, I can transform into the shape of the heroes of the story,” I explained. I then started to scratch my back, feeling an itch on a spot that I couldn’t reach.

“So, let me see if I got this right: You’re an alien who can travel to other worlds,” Applejack stated simply.

“You forgot that it’s Travel, capital T, and that I can learn anything.”

“What’s that now?”

I sighed, and said, “Look, I’m pretty sure that the viewers are getting kinda tired of this long, boring chapter, so how about I explain it off screen?”

“What the hay? I thought only Pinkie Pie did things like that!” She exclaimed, and everypony looked at Pinkie.

Her eyes widened, and she said, “Ooooooh, THAT’S what you meant!”

“Yep. Now then, how about we go to the library? I’ll explain as much as I can over there.”

All of the ponies present agreed, and we headed back while I told them a condensed version of my Eternal life story. Truthfully though, my heart was flying high. Not only did they forgive me for lying to them, they had also accepted who I was. I hadn’t had to resort to anything drastic, and they weren’t asking me any awkward questions yet.

Emphasis on “Yet.”

And with that, my adventure on Equestria officially started.

Two Tickets to Paradise

Chapter 8:

Two Tickets to Paradise

(Takes place during ‘The Ticket Master’)

It had been a few days since I had told the others, Spike included, as much as I could about my Traveling. It had taken a couple of days, not helped by the fact that Pinkie Pie kept asking me to say, “Take me to your leader,” but I had finally managed to tell them the gist of it. They now knew the bare basics of what I do, but I hadn’t told them the full extent of my abilities or what realities/universes I’d been to. I did manage to warn them that I might have to leave at any random time, and there wasn’t any sure-fire way of knowing when I’d be back.

But we would cross that bridge when we got to it.

Anyways, since I figured I shouldn’t impose on the Apple family any longer, I decided that I should start building my H.Q for this world. And by H.Q, I mean place-where-I-can-keep-my-stuff-and-sleep, among other things. With the help of Fluttershy, I had picked a spot of land that was just on the outskirts of Ponyville. This way I could be close enough to keep an eye on the ponies, but at the same time there was a small group of trees that would keep everypony from watching me. This way I could use my own special brands of magic to help speed up the building process.

“Now let’s see,” I muttered to myself, as I went over mental blueprints. I gazed at the land in front of me, and tried to figure out how I was gonna build my H.Q. The easiest way would be for me to just set up a tarp over a couple of twigs and call it a house, but something told me that I should build something a little more…lasting.

I thought about it and then decided to take a small risk. I glanced around, triple checking to make sure that nopony could see me, and then I opened a small Pocket Dimension.

Pocket Dimensions, P.D for short, are EXTREMELY useful. Basically, it’s like a mobile warehouse that you can access at any moment, as long as you have the strength to do so. Their holding capacity is virtually unlimited, and you can store anything you need to in there. Now, there are a couple of drawbacks though. For example, you need to have 100% focus when opening one. If you don’t, then all you do is wave your hand, or hoof, or other appendage in the air like an idiot. Next, if you forget to close it, anything can wander into it and steal your stuff. So be careful, or you could let an evil villain get a hold of your unstoppable Doomsday-inator.

Anyway, back to our regularly scheduled programming!

I reached my hoof into the opening and rummaged through the mess. Falling into old habits, I started talking to myself while I pulled out random tools and materials. “Hammer, nails, wood, more wood, stone, soda- SODA!” I stopped for a moment and chugged a bottle of Coke. “Okay, focus! Where was I? Oh yeah!” I reached into the P.D. and pulled out four large stone pillars. I won’t bore you with everything else I pulled out, since it’s just another set of building materials.

I looked over the assembled materials and nodded, satisfied. Checking again to make sure I was completely alone, I shifted into Human form and went to work.

“First things first,” I mumbled, and then I summoned my Wizard’s Aura. I felt my body grow physically weaker, while my thoughts sharpened and quickly became clear. My clothes morphed into a set of purple robes, and my beard became thicker and peppered with flecks of gray. My hair grew until it brushed the tips of my shoulders, and I could feel the magic that permeated the area. I grinned as a song started playing in my head.

“Misty morning, clouds in the sky. Without warning, a wizard walks by,” I sang, lifting my hand. With a snap of my fingers, I started chanting as the wooden boards set themselves into place on the ground. Another wave of my hand and the hammers lifted and started pounding nails into place. I whistled and looked pointedly at the pillars that were just lying on the ground.

“What are you doing, just lazing around there?” I asked them. “Get up! Go get into your places, come on now!” I clapped my hands impatiently. “Move!”

The pillars jumped up and quickly floated into position, forming the corners of a square around the construction site. I muttered under my breath and then called out, “You there! Top left corner pillar! You’re off by a couple inches! Move to the left!”

The pillar in question rose up off the ground and moved to the left, forming a perfect square. “That’s more like it! You there, hammer number 4! Pick up the pace, you’re falling behind!”

It continued on like this for a couple of hours before I finally called out, “Alright, good work everyone! This house was finished in record time!” I opened the P.D again and said, “Tools, you are dismissed!”

The tools floated in, suspended by magic, and I closed the P.D and dismissed the aura. With a heavy sigh, I sank to the ground and looked at the fruits of my labors…okay, the tools’ labors, but it was technically my magic.

The house was two stories high and solidly built. I had taken a leaf out of the Dwarves’ books and made sure that the lower half of the house was made out of huge slabs of rectangular stone, while the top half was made out of glass, forming a solid dome that could withstand the elements. The door was made of solid oak, and it was one of those doors where you could open the top or bottom half of it.

I resolved to check how the inside looked later. Right now, I had to deal with the stone pillars. Focusing on them, I picked myself up off the ground, ignoring my weariness and sudden hunger and walked over to the nearest one.

Inscribed on it were all sorts of runes, each one meaning things like protection, shield, fire, water, and space. I touched my palm to it and sent a spark of energy into it that should have activated it, but instead of glowing in a soft aurora of colors, like they normally would, they briefly flashed orange and went dormant.

“Oh, you gotta be kidding me,” I complained. “Okay, so you’ll only respond to this world’s brand of magic, right?” I sent another spark, just to be sure, and the runes flashed orange again.

“Damn it! But I can’t use this world’s magic, as I’m not a unicorn! I can only turn into an Earth Pony!” I complained. I shifted into Earth Pony form for emphasis. “See?!”

As I waited for the stones to respond, I smacked myself on the head. “Crap. It’s bad enough I’m talking to a pillar, now I’m expecting a response. Son of a bitch.”

I trotted back and forth and tried to think for a moment. “Okay, think. I can’t use Pony magic, so I need to find somepony who can. Hmm…” I scratched my head and then smiled. “Duh! Just ask Twilight! She should be able to jumpstart it!”

I walked to the path and heard my stomach grumble. “Okay, I’ll ask her over lunch. I still have a few bits left over.”

With that, I headed into Ponyville, whistling as I walked.

XHXHXHXHXHXHX

When I walked into town, I saw something strange. Twilight Sparkle was on the ground covering her ears, while all five of the other ponies were arguing in heated voices about something. Spike was off to the side, trying his best to stay out of it. He spotted me and frantically waved me over.

“What’s up Spike?” I asked, picking up two golden tickets that were lying on the ground. “And what’s with the tickets? Do we get to go to Wonka’s chocolate factory?”

“No! Twilight got two tickets to go to the Grand Galloping Gala,” Spike explained, pointing at the tickets.

“Aw, I was really looking forward to a tour of the chocolate factory,” I said, shaking my head. “But why are they all arguing?”

“Twilight only got two tickets and they all want to go!”

“Oh, that makes sense,” I said, glancing at the Tickets. “So, this Grand Galloping Gala thing is a pretty big deal then?”

Spike said something, but the noise of the argument was too loud for me to hear anything he said.

“Hold that thought Spike,” I said, handing him the tickets.

I walked over to where the Ponies were yelling, and I roared in my loudest and angriest tone, “QUIIIIIET!”

“And then I said, ‘Oatmeal? Are you crazy?’ and-” Pinkie realized everyone had gone silent, and she went, “Oh.”

“Ladies, come on now! Is arguing gonna get you anywhere?” I said, while I helped Twilight up.

“But-” Rarity started, but Twilight cut her off quickly.

“Eh! This is my decision and I'm gonna make it on my own, and I certainly can't think straight with all this noise.” Her stomach started growling, and she added, “Not to mention hunger. Now go on, shoo!”

All of the Ponies present started grumbling and walked off, looking grumpy. Spike started to walk off too, and I called out, “Spike, I think you’re fine.”

He grinned sheepishly and came back, while Twilight called out to the other ponies, “And don't worry, I'll figure this out...somehow.”

She hung her head dejectedly, and I walked up to her and held out the tickets. She looked at me and groaned, “Please don’t tell me you want a ticket too!”

“Don’t worry Twi, I’ve already seen the chocolate factory a few times, I don’t need a ticket. Actually, I came into town hoping I could get a bite to eat and ask you something. I take it that you want some food too?”

Her stomach growled, and I chuckled. “That settles it. Come on, lunch is on me!”

She started to protest, but I simply waved the tickets in front of her and said, “You can tell me all about your problem while we eat!”

She finally said, “Fine, but only because you’re buying!”

“And because your stomach will eat itself if you don’t get some food,” I teased.

“That too.”

XHXHXHXHXHXHXHXHX

“Alright, let me get this straight. You got two tickets to the biggest party of the year?” I asked as I hoofed through a menu. We were at some restaurant that had a picture of a three-leafed clover as its logo, and I noticed that it was pretty popular since the inside barely had any tables available and we had to sit outside.

Twilight set her head down on the table and sighed, saying, “Right.”

“And everypony wants to go for their own respective reasons. Applejack wants to raise money for her farm, Rainbow Dash wants to try and get in with the Wonderbolts, Pinkie doesn’t want to miss out on the biggest party of the year, Rarity wants to meet the stallion of her dreams,” (Spike looked pissed when I said that) “and Fluttershy wants to see all the animals.”

“Right again.”

I took on a thoughtful expression and then asked Spike, “Hey, what do you suggest I get? The Hay Fries look good, but then again, the clover salad somehow appeals to me too…”

“Omnius, be serious!” Twilight said pleadingly.

“You’re right Twilight, the Hay Fries do go well with ketchup,” I said, folding the menu. “Sorry, my stomach can take temporary control at times. Well, what do you think you should do Twilight?”

“I don’t know. Five of my best friends have really good reasons to go to the gala.” She sighed and used her magic to start plucking a flower from the flower jar on the table. “Applejack or Rainbow Dash? Pinkie Pie or Fluttershy – Rarity. Oh who should go with me?” She looked at the petals she had plucked and then licked them all up.

“Ew,” I said cheerfully.

“Have you made your decision?” A high upper-class French voice asked.

The pressure getting to her, Twilight lifted her head up off the table and cried out, “I CAN’T DECIDE!”

“Twilight, he just wants to take your order,” Spike said, pointing at the waiter pony who had just spoken.

Twilight immediately composed herself and said, “Oh. I would love a daffodil and daisy sandwich.”

Spike stole a quick glance at the menu again, before asking, “Do you have any rubies? No? Okay. I'll have the hay fries, extra crispy.” He tossed his menu behind him, much to the displeasure of the waiter.

I got up, picked up the fallen menu, and hoofed it to the waiter, saying, “Sorry about that. I’ll have what he’s having.” I handed him my menu, and he nodded, walking away to get our food.

“What do you think Spike? Omnius?” Twilight asked as the waiter walked away.

“I think we have to try another restaurant. I mean, I like grass just fine, but would it hurt anybody to offer some gemstones?” Spike said, shrugging.

“I mean about the Gala, the ticket, and who I should take!” Twilight said irritably.

“You know what I call a problem like this?” I asked.

Twilight tilted her head and asked, “What?”

“Tuesday,” I said, sighing as my stomach growled.

“You’ve had to deal with a problem like this before?” Twilight asked hopefully.

“Well, admittedly it was between fewer people, but yeah, I have.” I looked towards the restaurant and said, “Ye Gods, I hope they get us our food soon. I’m starving after all that magic use.”

“You used magic?” Twilight asked, her confusion evident on her face. “But you’re an Earth pony! You can’t use magic!”

“Oh ye of little faith. Have you forgotten my other form?” I asked, mentally debating whether I should eat a flower or not.

“You can do magic in human form?” She asked, her curiosity peaked. It looked like she also wanted to get her mind off of her problem, and I was all but happy to oblige her.

“Yeah. Oh, hey that reminds me! I need you to do me a favor.” I grabbed a flower and munched on it while I spoke. “See, I have these pillars that are covered with runes, and I need you to help me get the magic inside of them jumpstarted, so I can finish my building.”

“What are you building?”

“My house.”

“Why does your house need pillars that are covered with runes?” She asked.

“It’s not my house that needs them, it’s my basement,” I replied, spitting out the stem of the flower.

“Okay, why does your BASEMENT need them then?” She asked, rolling her eyes.

“Because Wall-Mart was out of Lawn Gnomes,” I said, shrugging.

“What’s Wall-Mart? No, wait, we’re getting off topic! How do I choose? And when I do choose, will the other four be mad at me? I mean, I could give up my ticket and give away two, but that would still leave three disappointed ponies.  What if I-”

The waiter appeared, right on cue, and said, “Ah, your food.”

I licked my lips and stared at the massive pile of fries that were in front of me. Something that struck me as odd was the fact that I hadn’t even thought once about eating meat in pony form. Must have had something to do with the vegetarian style diets of the ponies (although that didn’t explain how they could still use eggs in baking, or milk for…well, milk).

“Oh thank you. This looks so good. I'm sure everything will be much clearer once I eat,” Twilight said gratefully. She lifted the sandwich to her mouth and was about to take a huge bite out of it…

When a sudden stampede of Ponies ran inside, distracting all of us from our meals. I shrugged and continued pouring ketchup all over my fries.

“Em, madam? Monsieur?” I looked up and saw that the waiter pony was standing in the doorway and looking concernedly at us. “Are you going to eat your food in ze rain?”

“It’s not raining,” Twilight said, looking around.

“What was that Twilight? I couldn’t hear you over the sound of the rain,” I said sarcastically, pushing my wet mane out of my eyes. Strangely enough, it was raining heavily everywhere, except where Twilight and Spike sat. For some reason though, I was the only one at our table getting soaked, along with my food.

“What’s going on?” Twilight asked, confused.

I looked up into the patch of sky above us that was clear of any rain clouds and said, “I might have an idea. What’s rainbow colored, flies and- wait, that question’s too obvious.”

Twilight looked up into the sky, and we both saw Rainbow Dash stick her out her head and call out in an overly cheerful voice, “Hi there best friend forever I've ever ever had!” (What am I, chopped liver?) “Enjoying the sunny weather?”

“Rainbow Dash, what are you doing?”

“Whaddya mean? I just saw the smartest most generous pony about to get rained on, so I thought I'd kick a hole in the clouds to keep her dry so she could dine in peace, that's all,” She said, way too innocently to be believed.

“Well, I’m flattered that you think I’m that pretty Rainbow Dash!” I said in an overly feminine voice, feigning happiness. “But I’m a ‘HE’ not a ‘SHE’, silly! And some of the rain is still getting on me!”

“Not you, Twilight!” Dash called out with a hint of anger in her voice.

“Rainbow, you're not trying to get extra consideration for the extra ticket by doing me extra special favors, are you?” Twilight asked suspiciously, clearly not believing a word Rainbow said.

“Me? No no no, of course not!” Rainbow said in the same tone of innocence as before.

“Uh-huh.”

“Seriously, I'd do it for any pony!”

I made a coughing sound and said, “Hi! Would you mind doing me a favor?”

Rainbow Dash giggled nervously, and Twilight said, “Rainbow, I am not comfortable accepting unwanted favors, so I'd appreciate it if you close up that rain cloud right now.”

“Ugh, fine,” Rainbow Dash relented, zipping up the hole in the cloud.

“That’s better!” She said, right before all of the food was ruined by the rain.

“My fries! NOOOOOOOOOOO!!! Why must the tasty die soggy?!?” I screamed overdramatically, while I put my head on the table and banged my hoof on it.

“You done?” Twilight asked grumpily.

“…Yeah, I got it out of my system,” I said, looking mournfully at my fries. I looked to the door of the restaurant, where the waiter was still standing, and called out, “I still have to pay for these, don’t I?”

“Oui monsieur.”

“Figures.” I pulled out my small pouch of bits and placed some on the table. “But you have to come out here and grab them!”

He made a small, “Hmph,” of displeasure and retreated inside.

Spike barely suppressed a laugh, and I snickered with him. Pardon the pun, but it served him right, making me pay for a ruined meal.

“Twilight, it’s raining!” I turned, and saw that Rarity had shown up, wearing an umbrella/saddle thing (Umbr-addle? Saddle-ella?) on her back.

“No, really?” Twilight asked sarcastically.

“Come with me before you catch a cold!” Rarity said, grabbing Twilight and taking her away.

I sat in the rain for a few moments with Spike, before I started saying, “Oh hi Rarity! Nice to see you. What’s that? You’d like to invite me and Spike to the Boutique so we won’t be left soaking in the rain? Why how GENEROUS of you!”

I looked at Spike and asked him, “Think we should follow them? Hey, Traveler to Spike! Come in Spike!”

Spike shook the hearts out of his eyes and said, “Huh? What?”

I face-hoofed and said, “Come on Spike, we just got invited to Rarity’s.”

His eyes widened and he took off, running ahead of me.

“Geez, mention Rarity to him and he’ll be off faster than me whenever there’s an unguarded Twinkie in the area,” I grumbled, walking after him.

XHXHXHXHXHXHX

I opened the door to the Boutique and walked in just in time to see Twilight shake herself dry and accidentally soak Rarity in the process. Partly because I didn’t want to get water all over Rarity’s shop, and partly because I was still a little aggravated at being left in the rain, I shook myself dry and managed to get all of the drops on Rarity too (Karma!).

“Uh, heh heh, oops. Sorry,” Twilight apologized, after seeing a soaked Rarity.

“Yeah, sorry about that. Thanks for letting us stay here until that storm blows over,” I apologized and thanked at the same time.

“Oh no, it's quite alright,” Rarity forced out through a tight smile. “After all, we are... the best of friends, are we not? And you know what the best of friends do?”

“Give each other food?” I asked hopefully while my stomach growled.

“No…MAKEOVERS!” Rarity said joyfully, her horn glowing as she pulled one of those changing panel/wall things over to where she and Twilight stood.

“Suck up senses…tingling,” I whispered to myself as I winced at the sounds of struggle coming from behind the curtain (screw it, I’m calling it that).

“There! Oh, you’re simply darling!” Rarity crooned as she removed the curtain, allowing us to see Twilight in a fancy saddle.

“Uh, yeah, it is kinda pretty, isn't it?” Twilight said, smiling.

“It does look pretty on you,” I said, backing up slowly. I’ve watched Saturday morning cartoons before, I can see where this is going!

Spike pretended to gag until Rarity pulled him aside and said, “And you. Oh Spike, I have a dandy little outfit for the dashing gent!”

She pulled the curtain around them again, and while Spike tried his best to escape, he fell to the clutches of Rarity’s OCD (Obsessive Clothes Designing) tendencies. When the curtain was removed, I had to stifle a laugh. He was standing in an old, Victorian styled blue shirt and trousers, and Rarity had somehow managed to force a sparkling golden wig on his head.

“Now you just need a hat!” Rarity declared, before fitting a miniature black sombrero thing with a feather in it onto the dragon.

I laughed once it was fitted onto him, and then Rarity said, “As for you, well we must give you something stylish!” Uh oh.

I immediately tried to go the other direction, before the curtain was lifted in front of me and Rarity. I threw myself to the floor, and tried to claw my way out, before I felt myself being dragged backwards.

“Help...Me...” I whispered, before I was pulled behind the curtain, and forced into…into…

“Gah!” I shouted once I looked at myself. I was in a dark blue tuxedo, with frills around the neck and hooves, and I felt a bowtie being tied around my neck. The tux had golden shoulder pads, and the coat tail was overly long and curly. I felt my glasses being taken off, and then a monocle was forced on me.

“Oh, Omnius, don’t you look smashing!” Rarity said, levitating a top hat onto me.

I looked at the mirror, and said in a deadpan tone, “I look bloody ridiculous. It’s not the suit though, it’s me. I’m not one for old style suits.”

“Ugh, I told you, I don't want any part of this girly gala gunk, see you back at the library!” Spike called out, running away so fast that his clothes were left suspended in the air for several moments.

“Spike, WAIT FOR ME!” I called out, running after him. As soon as I ran outside, lightning flashed, and I charged back inside. “On second thought, this suit really brings out my eyes, doesn’t it?”

Is it just me, or do I have incredibly bad luck with lightning?

Rarity looked displeased, as if she expected me to leave once I had been all gussied up and suited. Hey, wait a second…Rainbow Dash tried to bribe Twilight by kicking a hole in the clouds so she could eat in peace…My finely honed detective skills are telling me that Rarity might be trying to bribe Twilight, but why would she want me out?

I then realized something: She didn’t know that I didn’t want the tickets! That would explain why Rainbow got all snappy at me, and why Rarity had tried to make me leave by overdressing me! Alright then, I’ll play along…for now.

“Hey, Rarity, do you mind if I go into the other room and take off this suit?” I asked, tugging at the tight collar.

“Oh, go right ahead! Just be careful not to rip anything!” She said, looking relieved and using her magic to open a door. She levitated my glasses back to me, and I accepted them gratefully.

“Thanks,” I said quickly. I ducked into the other room and heard the door slam shut behind me. I turned and grasped the knob in my hoof. Giving it an experimental twist, I was unsurprised to find that it had been locked. “Oh Rarity, you predictable pony,” I chuckled. I carefully removed the clothes and placed them in a neat little pile by the doorway. Pressing my ear against the keyhole, I attempted to listen to what the unicorns were talking about.

“Oh, who needs him anyway? This is all about you and how fabulous you'll look at The Grand Galloping Gala!” Rarity said, oozing flattery.

“Wait, the Gala?” Twilight replied, finally catching on to what Rarity was trying to pull.

I laughed when I heard that, already knowing that Rarity’s plan had failed. I scratched at my beard and looked around. The room was filled with bundles of fabric and some unfinished dresses. A small window let in some sunlight, and I thought to myself, ‘Huh, guess it’s stopped raining.’ I walked over to the window, opened it, and barely managed to squeeze through, dropping onto the ground outside.

“Dammit,” I cursed, shaking off some of the mud I had fallen in.

“Howdy Omnius!” Applejack shouted from a cart filled with apple related goodies.

“Hey A.J,” I called back, adjusting my glasses. I’m amazed these things haven’t broken yet, what with all the abuse I put them through.

“Y’all wouldn’t have happened to have seen Twilight, would you?” She asked innocently.

“Yeah, she’s in the Carousal Boutique, getting some sort of dress thing from Rarity. Hey, are any of those pies for sale?” I asked, my stomach roaring at the prospect of food.

“Why that no good snake in the grass!” Applejack said, ignoring my question and glaring at the boutique.

“Um, yeah, hey, about those pies?”

Applejack stormed off and ran to the door of the boutique.

I sighed and walked away, hoping my stomach wouldn’t make me do something stupid. I wandered around aimlessly, trying to think of a solution to Twilight’s problem that wouldn’t leave everypony disappointed. I finally shrugged and headed back to my house, hoping that this madness would resolve itself soon.

XHXHXHXHXHXHX

I opened the oak door and hit my head on the top half that I had forgotten to open. Swearing, I opened the top half and walked into my new residence.

“Huh…not bad,” I commented, looking around. “A little bare, but I’m pretty sure that I can get some furniture later…”

I walked around, giving myself the tour. There was a large living room, with a humongous fireplace set into the farthest wall (which was currently soaked from the earlier rainstorm). A couple of nails protruded from the walls, a message from my tools, telling me to hang up some pictures or something. A granite countertop separated the kitchen from the living room, and a few stools were already set up around it. I got confused when I saw the stools, as I didn’t imagine ponies using them, but hey, if that’s what the tools thought, then I may as well go along with it.

Checking the cupboards and nearby refrigerator for food (and swearing again when I didn’t find any), it occurred to me that my fridge had turned on without being connected to an electrical grid.

“Magic. That’s how it does it. Magic,” I said, not wanting to think too hard about it.

I headed out of the kitchen and walked up the stairs (a slightly dangerous process, as I had yet to climb them on four legs), deciding to see what the sleeping arrangements were like.

At the sight of the three empty rooms that were bare of any type of furnishings, I slapped a hoof onto my face and said, “Right, I need to get beds. Crap. Note to self: Figure out way to earn bits for furniture…and other things.”

I opened the closet in the master bedroom, and a bright smile lit up my face. Sitting in a corner of the closet was my Traveler’s Blade, wrapped in a plain white shroud with only the hilt sticking out of it.

I grabbed the shroud in my teeth and gently unwrapped the sword, revealing the shining, white, key shaped blade, still as perfect as the day I first got it. “Man does this bring me back,” I whispered, remembering some of the battles I had won and lost with this blade.

My Traveler’s Blade was unique in that it wasn’t just a weapon, but it was a tool that could absorb the powers of other weapons and add it to its own strength, or ‘Base’ as I called it. As I Traveled, the more that I saw, the more that I grew, the more weapons it could add to its repertoire. So far, there were only three weapons that I had decided to use for its bases. The bases also changed the weapon’s appearance, depending on which one was currently being used.

The first base was the Keyblade, a weapon that could change form and abilities by adding the symbol of a reality to it, in the form of a keychain. The keychain almost always took on the form of an item that was vital to the story or occasionally the logo of one of my friends. Right now, the keychain attached to it was simple wooden cross attached by rosary beads, giving the weapon raised power in Light and Fire magics, while also raising the strength of the wielder. I dubbed this form, “Excalibrae-Caliburnis.”

The second base was the Vampire Killer whip, a reminder of my adventures with the Belmont clan. The whip was legendary in the fact that it could be used against all manner of supernatural creatures and was rumored to have taken down a being of Chaos itself. The fact that it could do that (and the fact that I always felt like a badass whenever I used it), made it a shoe-in for a base weapon.

The newest base was also, erm, somewhat unusual.. See, I figured that since I had a base for supernatural purposes, and a weapon that could be used against all enemies, I needed a weapon that could be used against technology; something that could take out all sorts of robots, and be like a sort of “Arsenal of one”…so, I chose to add the Mega Buster as a weapon. It could not only shoot out searing plasma bolts, but it also had a plethora of other weapons added to it as well. The downside? The ammo took a while to ‘reload.’ That is, if I wasted all of its ammo without giving it a cool down, I had to wait 24 hours before I could use that certain weapon.

I sighed and thought to myself, “Wow. Out of all the legendary weapons I’ve seen, the only three I’ve added are video game related…Even as The Traveler, I’m still a huge nerd.”

Re-wrapping the sword, I carefully placed it back into the closet and felt a moment of grim apprehension shoot through me. If my sword had shown up now, then that meant that there was gonna be some fighting in the near future. If there was gonna be fighting in the future, I might have to show the ponies my darker side, the part of me that found a dark delight in the insanity of battle, the part of me that wanted to go into a berserker rage and tear my enemies limb from limb…Oh Gods and Goddesses…if they saw that…

I slammed the closet door and galloped out of the house.

I’d cross that bridge when I got to it.

XHXHXHXHXHXHXHXHX

I ran as fast as my legs could carry me until I stopped in the center of town, out of breath. I looked around and saw Twilight and Spike running away at ludicrous speed from a mob of ponies that were offering…favors? What the hell?

“Hey Twilight, what’s goin-” I stopped and strained my ears. “Is that Benny Hill music?”

“No time to explain, RUN!” Twilight shouted.

“Oh sweet, a chase scene! I can’t remember the last time I was in one of these!” I shouted, running with them. “Let me guess. Pinkie Pie?”

“Pinkie Pie,” Spike confirmed, gasping for breath. “Help?”

Thinking quickly, I spied an abandoned baby carriage and shoved Spike into it. Grabbing a blanket that was inside of the carriage, I tossed it over Twilight and said, “Quick, act like an old mare!”

“How will this do-” Twilight protested, but I quickly shushed her, and she started trotting slowly, pushing the carriage.

The mob of ponies ran past and I grinned.

“Told ya,” I said smugly.

Twilight lowered the makeshift hood and smiled. Unfortunately, one of the ponies, with a pair of carrots for her cutie-mark, turned and yelled, “There she is!”

“Gah!” All three of us screamed as we turned tail and fled.

Holy shit, I was in a cartoonish chase scene! And I could hear Benny Hill music! BEST. DAY. EVER! I jumped into the water underneath a bridge, while Twilight and Spike clung to the underside of it. The mob of ponies ran over the bridge, and they probably wouldn’t have noticed us if Spike hadn’t slipped and crashed into the water.

All three of us started running again, this time into a costume shop, where we took the place of some design mannequins (Pony-quins?). Twilight took the place of a clown, Spike took the place of a hula dancer, and I became Santa Claus.

We stood still, as the mob ran by, never noticing us. As soon as they had all passed, we quickly tossed off the costumes (Okay, I kept the beard part of the outfit) and fled into a system of alleyways, trying to lose the horde in the twists and turns. I swear that we had a Scooby Doo moment in those allies, where we’d run out of one alley, then come out from a completely different one, then I was riding on a unicycle, Spike moonwalked, and the mob kept getting separated at random points.

On one of the passes, I ran through carrying Ditzy Doo. I glanced at her, and said, “Hey Ditz.”

“Hi Omnius.”

“You want her ticket?”

“Yep.”

“Good luck with that.” It was a simple statement, quick and to the point.

“Thanks. Do you want her ticket?”

“Nah, if I want to go to the Gala, I’ll gatecrash. It wouldn’t be the first time I’ve had to do that, although it would be the first time I wouldn’t be doing it for MI6.”

“Who is-”

“Long story short, spies. Don’t ask.”

With that, I ran into the alley and ran back out, being chased by Lyra and Bon-Bon, who had appropriated Applejack’s apple cart and were using it to move faster than before.

After a few more minutes of chaotic running, Twilight, Spike, and I ran into a dead end.

“Oh no! Is this the end of Rico!?” I cried out dramatically over the voices of the ticket obsessed mob.

“I thought your name was Omnius?” Spike asked, trembling like me and Twilight were.

“It is, but I’ve always wanted to say that. I didn’t think I’d say it while being surrounded by crazed ponies though,” I admitted.

We all huddled together, bracing ourselves for the sudden rush of ponies, when Twilight’s horn started to glow with the intensity of a police searchlight.

With a sudden blinding flash, I felt myself get singed a little while all three of us somehow teleported away from the mob.

XHXHXHXHXHXHXHX

When the light dimmed, we found ourselves safely inside of the library in one piece. Although in mine and Spike’s cases, we were a little crispy.

“Warn me next time you're gonna do that,” Spike said, swaying a little, while his eyes rolled.

“Who ordered the Country Fried Traveler?” I said, coughing out another little smoke cloud. I shook off the ashes and asked Twilight, “How long have you been able to do that?”

“I didn’t even know I COULD do that!” Twilight said, glancing at her horn. “Now quick, LOCK THE DOORS!” She bellowed. “Omnius, watch the windows, and make sure no one knows we’re here!”

“On it!” I dashed to the front door after Spike locked it and stealthily peeked out the window. No one outside…I kept staring, knowing that it couldn’t be this easy. Honestly, just when you think it’s safe, something happens to shatter that thought. Case in point, Jurassic Park. Those freaking raptors…ugh.

“We’re clear Twilight,” I finally said once Spike and Twilight finished locking all of the doors and turning off all of the lights. They let out a sigh of relief at that, and I added, “There’s nopony outside, we should be completely safe and-”

CLICK.

The lights suddenly came back on and revealed five innocently smiling ponies.

I gulped and said in my best Australian accent, “…Clever girls.”

At this point, Twilight finally snapped and she let out an exasperated scream. “I can't decide, I just can't decide. It's important to all of you and I just can't stand to disappoint any of you, and giving me gifts and doing me favors won't make any difference because you're all my friends and I wanna make you all happy and I can't, I just can't!”

She covered her head and lay on the ground, trembling with the stress that had been eating at her all day. I felt a brief flash of anger at the sight of that. I finally put my hoof down and added my two bits.

“What in the name of all that is good is wrong with you ponies?” I asked, anger leaking into my voice. The five ponies already looked guilty as hell, but I wanted them to realize just what they had done. I pointed at Twilight, and said, “You all are supposed to be her CLOSEST friends, and you’re forcing her to choose which one of you she likes the best! Not only that, but you’ve been letting your obsession with the tickets make you act like jerks!”

“Yeah?” Rainbow Dash said accusingly. “Well you’ve been trying to get her extra ticket all day! I mean, you’ve been following her all day!” Some of the other ponies nodded when she said that, and that irked me even more.

“Did it occur to you that I didn’t WANT the ticket? That maybe I was trying to spend a day with a friend?” I shot back, barely keeping control of my anger. “Actually, I was gonna get her some lunch and then I was gonna ask her for some help with my house!”

She looked stunned when I said that. In fact, all of the ponies looked even guiltier, and before anyone could say anything, I turned and stormed out of the house, calling out to Twilight, “Sorry Twi, but I can’t stand another minute with them! See ya later.”

I opened the door and slammed it shut behind me. My vision blurred and I started running through town. Night had fallen, and the streets were dark, barely anypony in sight.

As I made my way to my house, I took some time to brood over my thoughts. Was I right to snap at them like that? Sure, they had been a little overenthusiastic, and they hadn’t been being very nice to me about it, but I probably shouldn’t have snapped at them like that. The more that I thought about it, the more I felt like I had done something horrible. By the time I was back at my house, I was completely overcome with worry. Did I accidentally just lose my friends as fast as I had made them?

I opened the door to my house and flicked on a couple of lights…

…and saw a concrete colored Pegasus with a smooth black mane standing in my living room. His eyes were black dots, and his ribs were prominent against his sides. The feathers on his outstretched wings were surprisingly smooth, glossy, and flecked with red. His cutie-mark was…I can’t even remember. It seems like every time I looked at it, it would change shape, becoming another symbol of evil. One moment it was a Nazi Swastika, and the next it would be a pentagram.

“Omnius, you haven’t been letting your temper get the better of you again, have you?” The Pegasus said in a suave, dark voice, a slight teasing tone in it.

“Torrentican,” I snarled, wishing I had had the sense to equip my sword.

“Guilty as charged,” He replied, doing a mock bow.

“What do you want?”

He looked offended and he said in a hurt tone, “Why Sean, you don’t think that I can’t simply drop by and inquire as to your health?”

I pawed at the ground, and said, “No. Now get the hell out of my house.”

“Alright, alright. But before I go, I wanted to introduce you to a friend that I made a few days ago,” He said, moving to the side and folding his wings.

I snorted and said, “Torrentican, you don’t have any friends. Only things that are powerful enough to get your attention.”    

“True enough. But I digress. Omnius, meet Slendermane. Slendermane, Omnius.”

My eyes widened as I beheld an incredibly tall, rail thin pony with tendrils of darkness flowing about him. He was clad in a suit that was a shade of black all its own, and it was adorned with a blood red tie. His skin was a shade of white that reminded me horribly of a bleached skeleton, and he was missing a face.

“Well, I’ll leave you two to get acquainted with each other,” Torrentican said, walking into the shadows and disappearing suddenly. I hated it when he did that.

I stared at Slendermane, paralyzed by fear. Holy shit, it was one of my worst internet related fears, second only to Tails Doll, in pony form. Beads of sweat started to form and I gulped audibly.

The pale pony took a tentative step forward, his head never turning away from me. He didn’t have eyes, yet I could still feel his unending gaze. The tendrils of darkness slowly snaked across the floor, closing the distance between me and the monster. He took another step forward, and the tendrils wrapped themselves around my hooves, giving me no chance to escape.  As he steadily came closer and closer, an idea born of desperation came into my head.

I frantically searched my tail, which I had used as an improvised pocket, and pulled out a worn leather pouch. I opened it and counted the bits inside, hoping that I had…YES!

“Hey, Slendermane!” I yelled, tossing it the pouch. The being picked up the pouch in a hoof and tilted its head in the multi-universal, ‘What the hell?’ expression.

“There’s twenty bits in there! Now leave me alone!” I shouted, hoping that I could confuse it by bringing in an aspect of one of its alter reality selves. If what Torrentican had hinted at was true, then this Slendermane could be considered a God of Evil. And since Gods and Goddesses can sense their alternate reality selves when they’re around me…

Slendermane tucked the pouch inside of his suit, and disappeared.

I sank to the floor in relief, laughing nervously. Ye Gods and Goddesses of Good, but that was…close, to say the least. I hadn’t ever had to fight Slenderman (or Slendermane for that matter), and I didn’t want to do that anytime soon. I didn’t expect the twenty bits thing to work for long though, and I realized that I needed to get Twilight to start up those pillars A.S.A.P!

I don’t know how long I sat there laughing, but eventually I heard a small voice say, “Omnius? Are you alright?”

I turned and saw Fluttershy standing in the doorway, a worried look on her face. A pang of guilt shot through me, as I remembered why I had left Twilight’s in the first place. I got up and threw my arms around Fluttershy in a tight embrace. She gave a little ‘Eep’ (D’awwww), but returned the hug, albeit in a careful manner.

“Fluttershy, I’m so sorry for how I yelled at you girls. I might have been mad, but that didn’t give me any excuse to snap at you all,” I said quickly, overriding anything that she was about to say. I looked up from my current hugging position and saw the other ponies that were standing a little ways away.

I let go of Fluttershy and walked to the others. I apologized to them as well and added, “Do you think you can forgive me?”

“Omnius, you should really learn to relax!” Rarity said, smiling. “Besides, we actually were going to apologize to you! We felt horrible for treating you like we did, simply because we wanted a ticket as well.”

“Yeah, I shoulda just given you some food. I know how strapped for cash you are,” Applejack said, kicking a pebble.

“And I should have thrown you an awesome party like I did for Twilight!” Pinkie added, bouncing up to me.

“Wait, I missed out on a Pinkie Party? No, wait, it doesn’t matter. What matters is that we’re all friends, right?”

“Right!” Everypony said. I chuckled and then said, “Hey, Twilight, about that favor?”

“Oh, right. What did you need me to do?” She asked, glancing at the pillars that were still standing.

“I just need you to zap one of ‘em with a bit of magic,” I said, pointing at the closest one. “That one will do.”

Twilight nodded and trotted over to the pillar. She scrunched her eyes and asked, “So what do these do?”

“Oh, I guess I never did say, huh?” I pointed at the runes and explained the concept. “Basically, these pillars will not only give me an unrivaled home security system, but it’ll also create some…extra space in the basement.”

“That’s it?” Rainbow Dash said, flying around the top of a pillar. “That’s kind of lame.”

I grinned and said, “Twilight, let ‘er rip.”

Twilight’s horn glowed and a beam of energy shot out of it, hitting the pillar dead center. The runes started glowing, each one flashing a different color, before a beam shot from the top of the pillar and connected all four of the pillars together. The ground started shaking violently, and the pillars sank into the ground, leaving no trace of their existence, save for some small patches of dirt.

I put a hoof to my ear and said, “Hear that? That is the sound of success.”

I walked to the door, bowed, and said, “Howzabout I gives you the two bit tour?”

XHXHXHXHXHXHXHX

After I showed them the house, I stopped in front of a door that hadn’t been there before. It was made entirely out of iron, and it had a picture of my insignia carved into it.

“What’s in there?” Rainbow Dash asked, looking for a doorknob. She was out of luck though, since there wasn’t even a doorknob on it. In fact, aside from the insignia, it was completely smooth, and it didn’t even have any hinges to attach it to the wall.

“If I’m right, that’s the door to my basement,” I said, already heading outside.

“Ooooooh, what’s in your basement?” Pinkie asked, now looking at the door as well.

“My Vault,” I simply said, my tone telling them to stop asking questions.

“What’s in the Vault?” Twilight asked curiously.

“Nothing,” I answered automatically.

“Really?”

“Yep.”

“Well then, I guess you wouldn’t mind if we took a look then!” Pinkie Pie said cheerfully, pulling a crowbar from out of nowhere, and prying it into the door.

“That’s not gonna work,” I said, smirking. “Honestly, that’s a high tech Custom Built job, impervious to any kind of lock-pick, welding torch, and every kind of burglary tool invent-”

“Got it!” Pinkie sang, as the door whooshed open.

My jaw dropped, as I stared at the door. “How did you do that?”

“I used a crowbar!” She replied, as if it were obvious.

I wiped the stunned look off my face and shot her a glare. “Okay, but I’m serious! DON’T. GO. IN THERE!” I said, emphasizing the last words. “I promise I’ll show you tomorrow, but right now you can’t go in there.”

“Can you at least tell us what’s in there?” Applejack asked, fixing her hat.

I thought for a moment and tried to choose my words carefully. After a few minutes of silence, I finally said, “Memories and a place where I can learn to control myself.”

Fluttershy tilted her head and asked, “What do you mean?”

A memory of a raging beast flashed through my head and I grimaced. I started trembling in fear of the memory, as I remembered the wreckage that the beast had caused and how terrified its enemies had been. Homes had been lost, innocents hurt, and monsters had roamed that day, and…it was all my fault. I felt someone’s foreleg wrap around my neck, heard a voice say something, something that calmed me down.

“It’s okay Omnius. We’re here for you,” Fluttershy said gently, bringing me back from the memories.

I took a deep breath and said, “Thank you.”

She nodded and we all walked outside, the basement door shutting automatically.

“Now come on!” Pinkie said, hopping to the road. “We still gotta get some cupcakes!”

My stomach growled and I cried out, “Lead the way Pinkster!”

    XHXHXHXHXHXHX

As we sat around a table at Sugarcube Corner, Twilight said something that made me feel like an even bigger idiot than usual.

“Omnius, you can change your form to match whatever world you’re on, right?”

I thought about it for a second and then nodded. I hadn’t told them about Torrentican or Slendermane yet, mostly because I didn’t want to worry them.

“Well, have you tried to turn into a unicorn, or a Pegasus yet?”

My jaw dropped again, and I said wittily, “What?”

“Well, it’s just that there are as many Earth ponies as there are Unicorns and Pegasi. So if you just change form to blend in with the population…” She trailed off, letting me put two and two together.

“Then I can turn into those too!” I realized. I then shoveled another cupcake into my mouth and started nomming it.

“Well shoot, why didn’t I think of that earlier?” Applejack said, slapping a hoof onto the table.

I shrugged and kept eating my food silently, thinking of all the possibilities.

Pinkie then said, “Oooh, if you can turn into those, then that means that you can do anything a pony can do! You can fly, use magic, and you could do all sorts of super-duper party tricks too!”

“But why was Torrentican a Pegasus then? I’d picture him as more of a Unicorn…” I mumbled under my breath, my appetite disappearing.

“What was that dear?” Rarity asked.

“Nothing, nothing. Think I should try turning into a Unicorn?” I asked, changing the topic at ludicrous speed.

“Sure! Mr. and Mrs. Cake are already asleep, so you should be fine.” Pinkie said, an actual serious look on her face.

Focusing, I quickly shifted back into human form. Before I could change my mind, I brought up the focus necessary to change forms, only this time I focused on picturing myself as a Unicorn. It wasn’t really that hard, all I had to do was imagine a unicorn’s horn on my head and voila.

I felt the transformation process end, and I opened my eyes. At the sight of the ponies’ shocked faces, I asked, “Did it work?”

“I’d say it did,” Applejack said, clearing her throat.

I looked into the reflective surface of one of the display cases and saw a horn that was set above my glasses, colored the same shade as my coat. Aside from looking unnaturally pointy, it seemed like any other average unicorn horn.

“Can you use any magic?” Twilight asked, after I gingerly touched the point of my horn. “All unicorns can use basic levitation techniques, but do you think that you can?”

“Let’s find out.”

Looking at one of the empty plates, I concentrated on it, and attempted to lift it into the air. I squeezed my eyes shut, and called up my old lessons I’d been taught about magic. I cleared my mind, focused on what I wanted, and did my best to believe that it would work. For a long moment, nothing happened.

“I guess that I don’t know how to use magic in this form,” I said wistfully, looking at the plate. I sighed, and broke my current line of thought…

…And with a muffled THUMP sound, Sugarcube Corner fell back onto the ground. The plates rattled, I did my best Fluttershy impression and said, “Eep!”

“I think it’s safe to say that you can use magic,” Twilight said, her voice cracking a little.

“You just need to work on your aim,” Applejack added.

“…Twilight, any chance I could get some magic lessons?” I asked, gulping.

“I think that would be a good idea.”

The Vault and Cupcakes

Chapter 9:

The Vault and Cupcakes

(Part one takes place one day after ‘The Ticket Master’ and Part two takes place ?????)

Part One: The Vault and You!

“Omnius…” A voice called out. I grumbled and absently waved the voice away, not wanting to wake up yet. If you’ve seen my face, then you definitely know that I NEED my beauty sleep (okay, maybe not, but still).

“Omnius…” The voice repeated, a bit louder than before.

“I don’t wanna get up…” I whined, rolling over. As I slowly felt myself wake up, I dimly recalled that I was supposed to be doing something today…but what?

I opened my eyes and rubbed them with my hoof. Blinking, I stood up, stretching out like a cat, sighing with relief as the bones in my back made popping sounds. Squinting, I could just barely make out some multi-colored blurs that were standing at the entrance to the room I was sleeping in. Fumbling for my glasses, I called out, “Morning.”

Slipping the glasses onto my face, the blurs came into focus, revealing them to be my friends, all of them standing just outside the bedroom. I shook out my mane and glanced around the barren room. Seeing nothing of interest, I scratched at my beard and asked, “Now what brings you gals here this fine day?”

“You were gonna show us your basement, remember?” Twilight reminded me, before she levitated a bottle of Coca-Cola to me. “I found this on in your counter, and thought that you might need something to perk you up.”

I squeed in delight, and without even thinking about it, I used magic to levitate it to my mouth, where I proceeded to chug it. Once the bottle was halfway drained, I lowered it from my mouth and let out a small belch.

“’Scuse me,” I apologized, grinning sheepishly. I then realized the Twilight was grinning smugly at me and I asked, somewhat defensively, “What?”

“You’re using magic,” She said, pointing at the bottle that was still floating next to my head.  

I looked and saw that a white glow had encompassed the bottle. As soon as I looked at it however, the magic disappeared. The bottle fell to the ground and would have spilled its precious contents everywhere if I hadn’t grabbed the bottle with my teeth. Sighing in relief, I quickly upturned the bottle and drained it while the other ponies giggled.

“I take it that was my first magic lesson?” I asked, tossing the bottle over my shoulder. Note to self: get a trash can.

“Indeed. I wanted to confirm if you could use magic instinctively or if it had to be a premeditated thought process,” Twilight said, nodding her head.

“What does that have to do with my magic lessons?”

“Who cares?” Rainbow Dash said impatiently, “I want to see that vault of yours!”

I rubbed my face with my hoof again and sighed. “I did promise to show you that, didn’t I?”

I walked out of the room and went to the door that sat just under my stairs. It looked exactly like it did before, plain steel with nothing but my insignia on it. Clearing my thoughts, I shifted back into human form and placed my hand on the door. The insignia glowed and the door slid open, fog billowing out into the room.

“Still want to see the Vault?” I asked, giving them all one last chance to go if they wanted to. “Once you walk in here, you’ll see things. I’ll do my best to protect you from the things you’re not ready to see yet, but I can’t be sure that you won’t see certain, um, things…” I trailed off, letting them gain their own ideas as to what might happen (and wishing for a thesaurus).

“Omnius, we’re not gonna get scared off that easily,” Rainbow Dash huffed.

All of the other ponies nodded in agreement and I shrugged. “Alright then. Mares, if you would please head down the stairs.”

All seven of us walked down the long, winding staircase, the only light coming from the small torches that hung on the wall. As we descended, the air became cooler and the light from the entrance steadily dimmed, soon disappearing from our sight entirely.

“How much farther is it?” Rarity asked, her voice echoing.

“Not too far,” I replied. “In fact, can you see that white square up ahead?”

The ponies gazed to where I was pointing, and Pinkie Pie said, “You mean that itty-bitty teeny-tiny thing?”

“Yes Pinkie. The itty-bitty, I mean, the small square.”

    XHXHXHXHXHXHX

After a few moments, we had reached the white square, only it was a lot bigger than everypony was expecting. The doors themselves were double the size of normal barn doors (in other words, friggin’ huge). Carved out onto the door was, once again, my logo, and surrounding it were runes that would sometimes flare out suddenly, taking everypony off guard, and then before they could be closely examined, faded again, leaving no trace of their existence.

I stepped forward, and called out in a loud, clear voice, “I am the Eternal Traveler of Good. May the stars in the skies watch over all, may the sun give us light, and may the moon give us beauty and mystery.”

The runes on the door moved about violently, before grouping together to form the resemblance of a long face that had a thick, wizardly beard that would have made Gandalf jealous. Opening its eyes, the face asked in a deep, echoing voice, “What is the average flight speed of an unladen, European swallow?”

“Twenty-five miles per hour,” I answered immediately.

“Close enough. How old are you?” The Face asked.

“I dunno. I lost count a while ago,” I shrugged.

“I will accept this answer. Final question: Do you see your end in sight?”

I thought about it for a moment, choosing my words carefully. Speaking slowly and clearly, I stated, “Only if I turn my head and stare at my butt.”

The face nodded, the runes dispersed, and the face fell apart. With a loud CRACK, the doors slowly slid open, the sudden light temporarily blinding all of us.

“What was with the questions?” Rainbow Dash asked.

“I put them up to make sure that the doors would only open for me. The questions are always random, and they determine if it’s really me or not,” I explained. “It also makes sure that I’m in my right mind when I come here.”

Once the lights dimmed, I turned to the mares, and gave them my best showman’s bow.

“Mares, I give you…The Vault!” I gestured towards the now open doors and the ponies gasped.

No matter how many times I’ve shown people The Vault, that reaction never gets old.

With cautious, unbelieving steps, the ponies stepped into The Vault, awed by how massive it was. To say that it was huge was an understatement. The room was maybe twice the size of a Costco building and was a startling white color throughout all of it, a sharp contrast to the bleak cavern-like walls that lead to it. Scattered throughout the room were various pedestals, each with a different item on it. The items varied widely, from simple looking books, to pieces of technology so advanced that even The Doctor would have trouble puzzling them out. There were various buildings scattered around as well, even a small farm.

“Omnius, how did you get all of this in here without anypony noticing?” Twilight asked, her eyes trying to take in everything.

“Remember those ‘Lame Pillars’ you zapped for me?” I asked, walking to a nearby pedestal. I picked up the black leather book that sat on it, and absentmindedly flipped through its pages.

“I know you said ‘extra space’, but don’t you reckon that this is a mite ridiculous?” Applejack asked.

I shrugged, and kept flipping through the book. I stopped when I found an article about Polyjuice Potion, and started chuckling. “Boy, does this take me back.”

Pinkie Pie read the title and asked, “Moste Pontente Potions?”

I put the book back in its place, and replied, “It’s a book about some controversial potions and how to make them. I’m actually pretty decent at making some of them, but now’s not the time to show off.”

At the look of longing on Twilight’s face, I quickly added, “Besides, the results are catastrophic if they’re messed up. You could end up in some serious agony and suffer greatly if you mess up on even one little detail.” I shook my head sadly, and said, “Some of the effects brought about by those mistakes are irreversible.”

Twilight’s face fell and she looked so depressed that I was tempted to give her the book then and there. But I took solace in the fact that most of the ingredients needed could only be found in the world the book came from or my Vault. I wasn’t about to tell the obsessed bookworm that though.

“Why do you call this place The Vault?” Fluttershy finally asked, looking at a strange egg that was white with green spots.

“This is basically the place where I put all the memorabilia I’ve collected over my Travels,” I said, gesturing at the room and all of the items inside of it. “Quick word of advice though: Don’t touch anything.”

I shot a glare at Twilight, who had been edging herself towards a red book that was covered with black spidery runes. She grinned sheepishly and shied away from it.

“Well, if I say you can touch it, then go ahead,” I added, not wanting to sound like an obsessed comic book collector. “Right, now follow me please. It’s incredible easy to get lost in here if you don’t have a map.”

“Which you do?” Rarity asked, peeling her eyes away from a blood red stone that glowed eerily with a life of its own.

“Yeah, in here,” I said, tapping my head. “I may not remember all of what’s in each section, but I remember where each section is.”

“Sections?”

“Yeah, I’m only gonna show you three sections today,” I explained, heading towards a vast maze of bookshelves. “Books, animals, and chaos.”

“Why those three?” Applejack asked, tilting her head.

“Because those three are the ones that I think will both A) interest you, and B) make sure that nothing bad happens. I wasn’t kidding when I said that there is some dangerous crap in here.”

We reached the bookshelves and I said, “This is the section of the Vault where I keep most of the books I find. It’s organized by content, just like other libraries, only instead of fiction and non-fiction, it’s organized by topic, and what world the book came from.”

I snapped my fingers, and a wide, flat silver screen floated in front of us. It flashed and a picture of a pixilated smiley face appeared. I tapped it, and said, “Mares, say hello to Ivy, the archive of the library. Ivy, do me a favor and add Twilight Sparkle, unicorn, Pinkie Pie, earth pony, Fluttershy, pegasus, Rainbow Dash, pegasus, Applejack, earth pony, and Rarity, unicorn, to the list of beings allowed to access the library.” Thinking for a moment, I whispered quietly, so that the others wouldn’t hear, “Also add Ditzy Doo, pegasus and The Doctor, earth pony/unknown alien, as well.”

The screen flickered and then flashed in a sky blue color. A neutral female voice said, “Added to access. Apply the usual restrictions?”

“Yes please, Ivy.”

“Restrictions applied. Welcome to the Timeless Library,” Ivy said, before the screen disappeared, leaving the ponies to gape at it.

“What was that?” Pinkie asked. “And why did she leave before we could say hi?”

“That was Ivy. She’s a spirit/program (long story) of intellect that lives here and makes sure that the books are properly organized. She’s just one of the many beings that help me keep the Vault up and running,” I said, opening a book that then attempted to eat my hand.

“Gah! Get it off me, GET IT OFF ME!” I screamed, shaking it in a startled panic. The book was suddenly encompassed in a purple glow, and Twilight managed to magically pry the book off of me, leaving a series of small puncture wounds on my hand.

“I’ve never seen any book like that!” Twilight exclaimed, looking at the book with a scientist’s interest, while the book snarled and growled uselessly.

“Yeah, The Monster Book of Monsters. Some book huh?” I said, stroking the vicious book’s spine. The book shuddered and stopped squirming, becoming calm once again. “’Yer got to stroke ‘em’ he says. ‘Perfectly harmless’ he says! Bah!” I said, imitating a gruff voice. I placed the book back in its place on the shelf and picked up a slightly less dangerous one.

I led the ponies around the library, showing them my immense collection of books. Twilight was, unsurprisingly, the most talkative of the bunch, asking questions on what books were about what, who wrote what, and all sorts of questions like that. I finally had to promise her that I would loan her some of the books later, just to give my ears a break.

“Really!? I can borrow some of these?” Twilight looked like I had just given her the worlds’ greatest present.

“Sure. Just remind me once we’re done with the tour. For now, we need to head to the next section: Animals!”

I heard Fluttershy gasp, and she grabbed my arm, trying to get me to move faster.

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“This here is what I like to call The Stable,” I said, gesturing towards a mixed set of pens, each one containing a ghostly apparition of a different animal.

Fluttershy squeed in delight (So, much, D’AAAAWW) and started flitting around, looking eagerly at all of the animals, before she frowned and tried to touch one. Her eyes widened as her hoof passed through the face of a small dodo bird and I chuckled.

“Fluttershy, I don’t spend that much time here. It wouldn’t be right for me to keep any animals down here by themselves. So I had Slim program a system of magic holograms to simulate animals that I’ve encountered. Some of them I can summon here, if you’d like.”

“Yes, please!” Fluttershy said gleefully.

Twilight held up a hoof and said, “Wait, who’s Slim?”

I smacked my face and said, “Oh, I didn’t show you him yet!” I cupped my hands around my mouth and hollered, “HEY SLIM! WHERE THE HELL ARE YOU?!”

With a whir of gears and the sound of clanking metal, a robot ran out from behind one of the bird cages and stood in front of me. If you can picture C3P-0, but with thinner arms, legs that can actually move around, and a faceless head with a worn cowboy hat, then you already have a pretty good idea of what Slim looks like.

“This is Slim, or more specifically, Creature Maintenance Droid #1113. But that’s kind of a mouthful, so I shortened it to Slim,” I said, placing my arm around his shoulders. “He was originally built as a robot cowpoke on a radioactive dude ranch, but when a bull decided he was the wrong shade of rust red…well you get the idea.” I opened his chest plate and took a quick peek inside. “I found him on a scrap heap and, with the help of The Lone Wanderer, managed to get him up and running again. Now he tends to the animals, making sure that any live ones are fed and the simulated ones are programmed right.”

“That’s mighty strange,” Applejack commented, looking at Slim. “Does he talk at all?”

“Nah, he prefers to let his actions do the talking,” I said, patting him on the back. “But don’t let that fool you. He’s got emotions of his own. For example, I think he fancies Ivy.”

Slim punched my shoulder and all of the ponies laughed. I grinned and said, “Hey now, don’t make me kick your shiny metal ass!”

I wrapped an arm around his neck, put him in a headlock, and started rubbing his head in a noogie. Slim simply grabbed my back and slammed me into the ground, where he then proceeded to hogtie me with the lasso he always kept at his side. I got a hand free and managed to pull him to the ground, where it just became a tangle of limbs and gears, both of us wrestling each other.

Finally, I managed to pin Slim to the ground, where I shouted, “Ha! I win! That makes it five to three now!”

I got up, panting, and slapped Slim good-naturedly on the back. “Better luck next time Slim.”

Slim got up, dusted off his legs, and tipped his hat. The ponies laughed again and I said, “Now then, I believe I was gonna show you a cute li’l animal, right Fluttershy?”

She nodded shyly and said, “Oh yes, I mean, that is if you want to…”

I grinned and started rubbing my hands together. “Oh, I’ve got the perfect animal for you Fluttershy. He’s small, cute, and is one of the most lovable creatures I’ve ever seen.”

Slim tapped my shoulder and shrugged his shoulders in a questioning manner. I nodded and said, “Yeah, you better go grab some of those eggs. We don’t want that bird getting angry.”

Slim jogged off towards a chicken coop and came back with a nest that had three eggs sitting in it. He gingerly set it down on the ground, as if he was dealing with a live bomb, and backed away from it. I crouched on my knees and placed a hand on one of the eggs. Pouring some magic into it, I said in a slightly echoing voice, “Hey Red? Can you hear me? I have some friends here who want to meet you.”

The egg started glowing and fog started to swirl around it, forming a cloud that none of us could see through. It was a little disconcerting to see my hand, and at least half of my arm, disappear in the cloud, but I kept up the flow of magic. “Red! Come forth!”

With a small “Caw!” of happiness, a small, feathered red orb flew out of the fog and tackled me to the ground. Laughing, I gave the bird a hug and sat up. The bird hopped onto my shoulder and pecked me on the side of the head. It hurt a little, seeing as how he was the size of my head, but I laughed anyways, knowing that he was just excited to see me again.

“Hey Red, good to see you!” I stood up and turned to the ponies. “Mares, meet Red. He’s an exceptionally rare species of bird, whose name I can’t remember.”

The ponies and Red stared at each other and Red cawed. He hopped from my shoulder to Fluttershy’s back and she instantly started fawning over the small bird. Red returned the sentiment, grooming her wings with his small beak.

“Are there others like him?” Twilight asked, looking at the bird with interest.

“Not exactly like him, but yeah, there are others. I’d think there are about seven others, eight if you include the Mighty Eagle,” I replied, smiling at the adoration Red was showing Fluttershy. “It’s weird. Normally Red doesn’t warm up to others that easily, especially when his eggs are nearby.”

At the word, “eggs,” Red’s eyes widened. He hopped off of Fluttershy and started fussing over the eggs that were on the ground. He crooned as he rearranged some of the twigs in the nest and made sure that the eggs were as comfortable as possible.

He shot a look at me and I said, “Don’t worry; I’ve been taking good care of them. Slim set them up in an incubator so they wouldn’t freeze, and he’s made sure that their nest is perfectly comfortable.”

Red nodded, satisfied, and he resumed tending to the nest. Rainbow Dash flew close to the eggs and asked, “Why is he so obsessed with these eggs?”

She reached out a hoof to touch one of them and I shouted, “Rainbow, NO!”

Too late. She tapped one of the eggs and it tipped over. Red gasped and started to tremble with rage. I backed away slowly and said, “Rainbow…whatever you do, do NOT make any sudden movements.”

Red’s eyes started to glow an ominous red and black clouds billowed around him. He looked PISSED. The bird tensed, ready to throw himself at R.D, when Fluttershy suddenly picked him up. Red blinked and looked around, his concentration lost and his anger forgotten. Fluttershy smiled gently and started whispering to the bird.

“Well I’ll be…” I said, scratching my head in wonder. “She calmed down Red! I haven’t been able to do that since, well, ever!”

“Fluttershy does have her way with critters,” Applejack said, nodding.

I don’t think there’s a word to describe how cute Fluttershy looked with Red. No, seriously. Even Shakespeare couldn’t describe how cute it was. You’d need to create an entirely new word to describe the cuteness. Fluttershy gently set the egg where it was supposed to go and Red cawed in delight. He did a little hopping dance around the egg and I smiled.

After a few more minutes of everypony fawning over Red, I spoke up and said, “Alright Red, I think it’s time for you to go home.”

The bird nodded, somewhat saddened, and I added, “But I think we’ll be seeing you again. Tell the others I said hi! And tell the Mighty Eagle ‘Caw-Cawcaw, Krackow!’”

Fluttershy giggled, earning a questioning look from the others.

“What did he say?” Rarity whispered to the animal loving Pegasus.

“It’s nothing, really girls,” She said, smiling. She winked at me and I grinned.

Placing my hand on the bird, I whispered words of magic and returned him to his home. I stood up, cracked my back, and said, “Alright, last but not least: Chaos!”

“Are quite certain that a section called ‘Chaos’ is safe for us to see?” Rarity asked nervously.

“Oh yeah, it’s perfectly harmless! Just make sure that you don’t touch anything.”

I glared at Pinkie Pie. She shrugged innocently and said, “What? I’m not gonna touch anything!”

I put two fingers to my eyes and then pointed at her.

She then put a hoof to her eye and then pointed at me, then pointed at the ground. She also pointed at her hair, and at a bunch of random places.

I sighed and led the ponies to the craziest place in The Vault.

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As we walked, Twilight sped up, walking next to me and she asked, “Omnius?”

“Yeah?”

“Yesterday you said that this place was somewhere you could learn to control yourself. What exactly did you mean by that?”

I remained silent, as I tried to think of an answer.

“Omnius, what aren’t you telling us?”

Thinking for a moment, I asked suddenly, “Twilight, have you ever lost control of your magic?”

She looked surprised at that for a moment, before she answered, “Once. It was when I was trying to get enrolled at Celestia’s School for Gifted Unicorns. Why?”

I hung my head and said, “You’re probably the strongest unicorn, magically speaking, right?” Before she could answer, I continued, saying, “Then you know how dangerous it is to lose control of yourself. Everything you love gets hurt, and you aren’t able to do anything about it.”

Twilight gulped and nodded. “But what does this have to do with…Oh my gosh…Omnius…?”

“Yeah,” I said simply. “I lost control. A lot of people got hurt. I don’t wanna talk about it right now…it’s another story for another day. Right now, let’s just get on with the tour, eh?”

Forcing a smile onto my face, I led them to the Chaos section.

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“Welcome to the place where physics has no real hold over anything!” I said proudly, gesturing at all of the seemingly random pedestals that surrounded us. “Everything you see here can successfully bend the fabric of reality, allowing the user to do normally impossible things!”

Pinkie looked at a dull, green, wooden mask with a look of curiosity on her face. She reached out with one hoof and picked it up. Putting it over her face, she asked, “What’s this mask thingie?” She giggled and added, “It doesn’t look like it’s bad!”

My eyes widened in panic, and I yelled at the top of my lungs, “DON’T PUT THAT MASK ON! Oh Gods and Goddesses, TWILIGHT LOCK THE DOOR!”

The mask suddenly started to pull itself over Pinkie’s entire head, and she started spinning in a green and pink tornado, while the air crackled with electricity. Twilight stayed where she was, staring in awe at what was happening.

“Too late!” I shouted again, snapping her out of it.

“What’s happening?” Twilight screamed over the sound of the tornado.

As if those were the magic words, Pinkie Pie stopped spinning. Her entire head was a lime green color, and she had a magenta top coat on, with a purple and pink polka dotted tie. She wore a wide brimmed hat that matched her top coat and was accented by a huge peacock feather.

“Pinkie?” Fluttershy asked, fear evident in her voice.

“That’s not Pinkie,” I said, cracking my knuckles.

The Masked Pony grinned, her teeth larger than normal and said, “Ssssssssssssomepony STOP ME!”

“Mares, I give you: The Mask,” I said grimly, putting myself between The Mask and the door, wanting to stop her before she could get out.

The Mask grinned and went into tornado mode, spinning wildly, before she stopped right behind me, grabbed my underwear, and yelled, “WEDGIE!”

I was blinded by my own undergarment, and I had to fight the urge to cuss. Stumbling, I randomly reached out, grabbed The Mask by the coat, and felt myself get pulled along with her. My underwear snapped off of my head and returned to its normal…position, and I could suddenly see again.

“Kid! It’s good to see you!” The Mask said, stopping once she realized I was still hanging onto her. She screeched to a halt, making me fly forward from the momentum, and she grabbed me before I could slam into a wall.

“You too Mask,” I groaned, struggling to keep the contents of my stomach from flying out.

“But why the heck aren’t you wearing me? That was part of the dealio wasn’t it?” The Mask continued, scratching his/her head.

“Friend of mine wore you without asking. She’s almost as crazy as you are. If this keeps up, she’ll probably break the forever,” I gasped out, since The Mask was giving me a bone-crushing hug.

“Ooooooh. I guess I should probably get off of her then, hm?” The Mask said, contemplatively.

“That would be a good idea.” Holy crap, was I making The Mask see reason?

“Then again…” She reached into a pocket and pulled out an enormous hammer. Smiling crazily, she said, “We might have to hammer out a few details on that face of yours!”

I knew it was too good to be true.

Taking advantage of the Mask’s distraction, I grasped the back of Pinkie’s head and started tugging off The Mask.

“Hey, come on! I was only joking!” The Mask laughed, right before it peeled off of Pinkie, becoming an unassuming wooden mask again. The suit disappeared and I felt myself get dropped onto the floor.

I sighed in relief and looked at Pinkie. She sat there, her eyes spinning, and I asked her, “Hey? You okay there Pinkster?”

She shook her head and laughed. “I feel fine silly! That was really weird though, it was like I was on a super-duper-uber sugar rush, and I felt like pranking everypony, and dancing, and singing, and-”

“I know Pinkie,” I interrupted. “But I thought I told you not to touch anything!”

She winced and looked at the floor. “Sorry,” She mumbled.

I sighed and said, “It’s fine Pinkie. No one got hurt, minus an extreme atomic wedgie, and you didn’t make it outside. If that Mask got out there…You might have broken the forever.”

“What?”

“Nothing, just a joke me and some old friends used to make.” I picked myself up and winced as I moved my ribs.

Pinkie looked worried at this, and she asked, “Oh no, I didn’t hurt you, did I?”

“No, it’s just a couple of bruises,” I said, putting on a fake grin. Truth be told, it felt like a couple of ribs had cracked, but I didn’t want Pinkie to worry about it.

We walked back to the group, where they instantly assaulted me with questions.

“Are you alright?”

“What was that thing?”

“What was that thing wearing!?” Leave it to Rarity to ask about fashion.

I put the Mask back onto the pedestal and held up a hand for silence. Once they all quieted down, I simply said, “That was The Mask. He’s one of the good guys, but only I can wear him, since he’s a little too ‘Tex Avery’ for anyone else to handle. And by that, I mean he doesn’t give a fik about the laws of physics. If he got loose, bad things might have happened.”

I snapped my fingers and said, “That concludes today’s tour of The Vault. If you would please follow me to the exit.”

With that, I led them out of The Vault, stopping to pick up a few books for Twilight.

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As soon as we reached the house level, I shifted back into unicorn form and gasped as the stinging sensation hit my ribs. “Owwww…are you doing today?” I asked, trying to cover up the pain.

“Uh, Omnius? You feelin’ alright there pardner?” Applejack asked, noticing my pain.

“Oh, I’m peachy. Just a couple of bruised ribs, that’s all,” I said, walking to the door.

“Thanks for showing us your Vault,” Twilight said, looking at the books I had lent her with joy on her face.

“No prob. Heck, I’m glad I did. Now then, shall we go and get on with the day?” I asked, walking out of the house. “By the way, whatever happened with the ticket situation?”

“Oh, I forgot to tell you! Princess Celestia sent all of us tickets to go!” Twilight exclaimed, suddenly remembering. “She even gave you a ticket too!”

I lifted an eyebrow and said, “Really? Guess I’d better get a suit then. Don’t want to show up looking like a slob, now do I?”

We all laughed and I followed Twilight to the library, eager to start my magic training.

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Part Two: Cupcakes…

I was sitting on an overstuffed armchair, staring at the fire, unable to sleep. I sipped at my Mountain Dew and felt uneasy.

“Something ain’t right,” I murmured, feeling an unnatural chill seep into my bones. “I think we’ve hit a crossroads.”

Oops, forgot the confused viewers. Here, let me explain. A crossroads is what I call it when a certain event will take place, and because of that event, nearly endless universes are created from it. If you want a good example of that happening, just think of the butterfly effect. One small event can lead to literally countless others. So if you multiply that by about a kajillion, then you have a crossroads effect.

Butterfly effects and crossroads are something that I tend to pay attention to. Remember how I mentioned that I travel throughout all of Time, Space, and Matter and across all of the Realities for all of eternity and beyond? By all, I really do mean ALL.

Grinning wryly, I thought to myself, “I guess that’s why it’s not just my fate to Travel, it’s my doom to Travel as well…Damn, but how old am I now? I lost count a long time ago…”

I shook my head, and drained the rest of my drink. I looked around my house and marveled at how different it looked from when I first built it. There were now framed pictures of my friends sitting on the mantle of the fireplace, a huge threadbare couch that was set a couple of feet away from the wall, and a thick rug that covered the floor in front of the fireplace. Shelves that were filled with books and seemingly random knick-knacks occupied an entire wall, and in the kitchen, my refrigerator was covered with all sorts of crayon drawings. They weren’t what anyone would call ‘Masterpieces’, but they still deserved their own place of honor on my fridge. My table still had the remains of my dinner on it, and the surface of the counter was covered with random debris.

I shivered and reached over to a small side table that had my iPod and docking station on it. Hitting shuffle, I tried to relax as the opening to ‘Far Away,’ by Jose Gonzalez started pounding out of the speakers. I glanced at the digital display and winced when I saw the time.

“Geez, it’s late,” I mumbled, still not feeling tired. Finally deciding that sitting around wasn’t gonna help me relax, I got up, stretching as I did so. I walked to the door and grabbed an oversized blue cloak, tossing it over my shoulders as I went outside.

I gazed at the night sky and did a two-fingered salute at the moon. “Hey Luna,” I whispered, as I walked to Ponyville.

I wasn’t worried about anypony seeing me in my human form, since it was late enough that the vast majority of the town should have been asleep. If anypony did get a glimpse of me though, the cloak would help make sure that they couldn’t get a good enough look at me to see any details.

I flipped the hood over my head, casting my face into the shadows, and walked into Ponyville.

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Walking through the town, I couldn’t help but think of how beautiful the night was. I smiled, forgetting about the crossroads for a few moments and just let my feet carry me through the silent town.

“Peaceful, isn’t it?” I heard a voice say from behind me.

I tensed and whirled around, summoning my sword to my hand. I stopped though, once I realized it was just The Doctor, sitting on a park bench. Strangely enough though, he was sitting like, for lack of a better word, a human would, with his back propped up against the seat and his hind legs hanging over the side.

“Hey Doc,” I said, dismissing my blade and sitting next to him. “Why are you sitting like that?”

“I saw a unicorn sitting like this the other day and decided to try it out. It’s surprisingly comfortable.”

“Ah.” I stared up at the sky and commented, “The sky sure looks nice.”

“Yes,” The Doctor agreed. “Ever since the Princess resumed her duties, the skies have regained their once lost beauty.”

“Yeah.” We sat in silence for a moment longer, before The Doctor turned his head and looked at me curiously.

“Why are you up so late anyways? And why are you in your human form?” He asked, looking concerned.

“I’m in human form because the only things besides Luna that would be crazy enough to be up this late are you and me, and…well, there’s something funny goin’ on,” I confessed.

“What do you mean exactly?”

“Well, for starters, I can’t remember what when I’m in.  Did we just defeat Discord a little while ago? Or did I just beat the living daylights out of Gilda?” I shook my head and kept going. “Don’t answer me Doc. Something tells me that you can’t remember either. Whenever something like this happens, it means that something big is about to happen. Something that can determine a near endless field of realities for me to explore. That’s not what I’m worried about though.”

I wrapped the cloak around me, and The Doctor asked softly, “Then what are you worried about?”

I was silent for a few moments, before answering, “I’m worried about where this Reality will head. I need to make sure that nothing bad happens here, even though it might happen somewhere else and I’ll have to live it anyways.”

“Why? Why prolong what will undoubtedly occur?” The Doctor asked.

I got up and started walking away. “Because in the end, it’s trying that makes the difference.”

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Since I wasn’t paying much attention to where I was walking, I was pretty surprised to find that I had nearly walked into an incredibly tall ladder that was currently underneath Rainbow Dash’s cloud house (Jealous!).

“What the…” I muttered to myself, as I looked up into the sky. My eyes widening, I quickly shuffled backwards a few steps when I saw a blob of pink at the top of the ladder. Knowing that it was Pinkie Pie, I fully expected her to slide down and do some random thing that would make me laugh my ass off.

What I didn’t expect, however, was the quiet sound of crying, easily heard in the silence of the night. Pinkie Pie slowly, almost reluctantly, climbed down the ladder, her hair oddly deflated in some areas with tears still streaming down her face. When she reached the bottom, she folded up the ladder into an impossibly small bundle, her hooves trembling as she folded. She gave a small hiccup and turned in the direction of the town.

“Pinkie Pie?” I called out, concerned.

She sniffed and turned to look at me. “Hey Omni…I didn’t-hic-see you there.”

“What are you doing up this late?” I asked, kneeling down next to her.

She looked at me and said in a quiet, fear filled voice, “Omni…I had a…a really bad dream.”

She then burst into tears and threw her forelegs around me in a tight hug. I gently returned the hug and whispered, “Hey, come on now. It’ll be alright. Come on, it’s late. Sugarcube corner is on the other side of town, so how about you come spend the rest of the night at my place? It’s closer anyhow.”

I felt her nod her head and I got up, gently carrying her with me. She silently sobbed into my cloak and together we went back to my house.

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I set Pinkie down on the couch and fetched her a glass of water. She accepted it gratefully, shakily gulping it down.

When the glass was empty, I asked her, “Feel any better?”

“A little…” She sniffed again, and I handed her a tissue. This scared me. I mean, what was so terrifying, so traumatizing, that it had caused Pinkie to go into hysterics?

After Pinkie finished blowing her nose, I sat down next to her on the couch and quietly asked, “Do you want to tell me about that dream you had now?”

Hesitating, she answered, “I…I don’t know. It was just so scary, and I-I-”

Her eyes dilated and her chest started rising and falling rapidly, as she began hyperventilating. I grabbed her shoulder and said, “Pinkie! It’s okay, you don’t have to worry. I’m here for you.”

This seemed to calm her down a little, and I quickly said, “Pinkie, there are two ways I can help you with this. You can either tell me about your dream, or…”

My hesitation made her look at me, and the fact that her eyes lacked the usual carefree innocence that always sparkled in them made me continue, regardless of what fears held me back. “You can let me relive it with you.”

“You can do that?” She asked, tears still cascading down her cheeks.

“Sure. The difference between the two is that you won’t have to tell me anything about your dream and will only relive the memory of it. I’ll be able to get a first-hand account of what happened and be able to know how I can help out,” I explained, keeping my voice quiet.

“B-but…” She turned away and shut her eyes, the fresh horror of her nightmare still in her mind.

“Pinkie.” I cupped her cheek with my right hand and whispered softly, “Look at me.”

She did so and we both stared into each other’s eyes. I dropped some of the mental shields I always kept in place to hide myself and allowed her to get a small sense of my being. I don’t know whether it’s a magic ability or just something that my heart tells me, but I’ve been able to look into a person’s eyes and glimpse their…I don’t know what to call it. I guess the closest thing to compare it to would be Dresden’s Soulgaze, but it’s not exactly that… I guess that I’m just seeing what the other is really feeling and part of why they feel that way.

The tears finally stopped flowing, and she nodded, saying in a voice that was quieter than Fluttershy’s, “Okay…But please don’t hate me when you see it.”

I smiled and said, “Pinkie, you’re one of my best friends. If you can forgive me for some of the shit I’ve done, than I can definitely look past a nightmare you had.”

I whispered words of magic and experienced for myself firsthand, the nightmare that would shape the fate of over a thousand Equestrias…

I was floating.

Not really that strange, seeing as how this was how I’d experienced other dreams that my friends had had.

Currently, I was floating above the doorway of Sugarcube Corner, where Pinkie Pie and Rainbow Dash were talking about something. Pinkie then handed R.D. a cupcake, which she promptly bit into and then passed out, the world fading to darkness as she did.

I waited silently, wondering what the hell was going on.

When light returned, I tensed. Rainbow Dash was strapped to a table, her wings fluttering wildly as she tried to free herself. Pinkie Pie showed up then, expertly twirling a knife in her hooves. The two ponies talked for a minute, one with fear and desperation in her voice, the other with a manic grin on her face.

For fear of my stomach releasing its previously devoured contents, I won’t repeat what was said…only that it was terrifying.

And it got a lot worse when more lights came on, revealing the room to be a testament to the insanity of…of…

Gods and Goddesses of Good protect us.

The walls were sadistically decorated with the remains of pony corpses, each horribly mutilated and transformed into disgusting party decorations.

“Pinkie…” I said, fearfully. I reached a hand out to grab her, only to have my hand sink harmlessly through her shoulder.

“Right, this is a dream. Can’t do shit in here,” I said, floating back up.

With horror, I watched as Pinkie Pie took the knife and started carving strips of meat off of the still living Pegasus.

I screamed and forced myself to watch the rest of the dream, forcibly reminding myself that I had seen worse before.

I just couldn’t remember when I had.

“Isn’t this delightful?” Torrentican said from beside me.

I whirled around and shouted, “You!”

“Yes?” he asked.

“You did this? You showed Pinkie this-this abomination?!”

“I merely allowed her to see what is to come, what might happen, and what has already occurred,” Torrentican said, smiling evilly.

I felt my fists clench and barely controlling my anger, snarled, “Why?”

He shrugged and said, “I thought it would be funny. She is the Element of Laughter after all. Although it would have been so much easier for me if she could see me…alas, I cannot show myself to her in her dreams.”

“Ain’t that a shame?” I said sarcastically.

“Well what can you do about it?” Torrentican sneered. “You can’t do anything in this dream, so why should I worry about you?”

I felt my body grow cooler as I held out a massive revolver with a sandalwood grip. My outer shirt turned into a long leather duster and a worn cowboy hat appeared on my head. Torrentican’s eyes widened, as I said in an icy tone, “Because you have forgotten the face of your father.”

“But how can you access that power here!?” He asked, his face betraying the surprise he felt.

“You forget that I’m the Traveling Guardian…and that on this world, the night, and all that she stands for, is on my side. In other words, you forgot about Princess Luna.”

I felt a smug feeling in the back of my head. “Thanks,” I thought at her.

Torrentican took a trembling step backwards. I aimed the massive revolver at his face and started to say in a cold, dispassionate voice, “I do not aim with my hand; He who aims with his hand has forgotten the face of his father.

“I aim with my eye.”

I thumbed back the hammer.

“I do not shoot with my hand; He who shoots with his hand has forgotten the face of his father.

“I shoot with my mind.”

Torrentican shook his head and looked at me, his face a cool mask of neutrality.

“Very well Omnius. You win this round. But what’s to stop me from returning to torture them in their daily lives? What’s to stop me from returning and making their lives a living hell?” He asked.

Ignoring him, I continued chanting. “I do not kill with my gun; He who kills with his gun has forgotten the face of his father.”

I pulled the trigger and roared over the thunder of the revolver, “I kill with my heart!”

As soon as the bullet connected with his forehead, Torrentican disappeared in a cloud of mist, and the rest of the world became a swirl of black fog.

XHXHXHXHXHXHX

My eyes opened and I saw that Pinkie was standing over me, an extremely worried look on her face. I sat up and asked, “How long was I out?”

“Only for a second,” Pinkie said, her hair returning to its poofy style. “Omni, what happened?”

I smiled and rubbed her head fondly. “I made the bad dream go away.”

“But I still remember it! And you-you saw it! How can you not hate me?” She asked, sobbing all over again. “I’m a monster!”

I wrapped my arms around her and said, “You aren’t a monster. You’re Pinkie Pie, the world’s greatest partier, and the Element of Laughter. You are my friend and the friend of some of the greatest creatures I’ve ever met. You always try to be nice to others, and you don’t care what others think because you’re happy with the way you are. Everyone I’ve met wishes they could be like you…I wish I could be like that too.”

She kept sobbing and I held her silently, letting her get it all out. When she finally stopped, I decided it was time I told her about something that I had never told anyone.

“Would it make you feel better if I told you about the first time I died?”

She stopped crying for a moment and said in a confused voice, “But I thought you couldn’t die?”

I nodded and said, “You’re right. But it’s a lot easier to say than, ‘Get-butt-kicked-so-hard-that-I-have-to-return-to-a-home-world-and-heal.’”

She giggled weakly at that, and she nodded. “I guess it kind of would.”

“Good.” I picked her up and set her on the couch. “It happened a long time ago, on a world called Sera. At the time, there was a war going on between two sides: Humans and Locust. The Locust were these monsters that lived underneath the surface of the planet and had suddenly come out and attacked the humans, wanting nothing less than total genocide.”

Pinkie remained silent and I continued. “Well, it was my first month on that planet. Me and the squad of humans, Delta Squad, had just been ambushed by an entire horde of Locusts, and we were very outnumbered. I knew that all of us had no chance of surviving an attack like that, so I convinced the others to leave while I held them off, giving them a chance to get away.”

My throat tightened and I had to swallow a few times before I could continue. “I covered their escape with a mounted weapon called a Troika, which is capable of taking out dozens of enemies before overheating. Once it did though…”

XHXHXHXHXHX

“Shit,” I panted, jumping behind a sandbag wall. I glanced over it and winced when I saw the beast-like Locust horde roaring at me.

“Looks like…I’m not gonna make this one.” I tightened my grip on my Lancer assault rifle and grinned to myself. “Looks like it’s as good a time as any to see if I really can’t die or not!”

I stood up and fired wildly into the crowd, yelling as I did so. The first row of Locust fell, but the return fire from the remaining Locust tore into me, riddling me with bullet holes. Gasping in pain, I dropped the now empty gun and reached uselessly for the pistol at my side.

A drone laughed derisively, and I heard the distinct revving of a chainsaw. I closed my eyes and felt the sharp bite of the razor sharp teeth tear into my neck…

…and, gasping, woke up in a bed. My heart was racing, and I looked around, uncertain of what had just happened. Spying a window nearby, I stumbled over to it, barely noticing that I was wearing my normal clothes again, instead of the ruined power-armor I had on before.

I gazed outside and my breathing slowed.

“Hollow Bastion,” I said, laughing. “I’m in freaking Hollow Bastion.”

The city was still in shambles, but the inhabitants were currently repairing their home, attempting to make it even better than before. I saw Yuffie run by and I waved at her. She waved back, obviously surprised, but she kept going.

I rolled up my pants leg and gently probed the skin with my fingers. No signs of damage anywhere, minus a few itching sensations, and I let out a sigh of relief.

“I really can’t die!” I said. My heart dropped however, once I realized what I had left behind. “I gotta get back there! And fast! I need to make sure they’re all alive!” I grabbed my backpack and ran through the barriers that separated and joined the Realities, plunging into another world.

XHXHXHXHXHX

“And that’s another story for another day,” I finished, leaning back against the couch.

Pinkie’s eyes were wide, as she said, “And you haven’t told anypony about this?”

I shook my head.

“Why did you tell me?”

I thought for a moment and then said, “Because I could. You showed me that nightmare, so I figured the least I could do was show you something that scared the crap out of me.”

Pinkie yawned and I grinned. “Tired?”

She nodded and I picked her up and carried her into my guest room. Setting her gently on the bed, I tucked her inside of the covers and kissed her forehead.

“Sleep tight Pinkster,” I whispered, getting up to leave.

“…Seanie?”

I really hate that name. Seriously, the fastest way to get on my nerves is for someone to call me that. For some reason though, I didn’t mind it when Pinkie called me that. I guess it was because it was hard to get mad at her.

“Yeah?”

She mumbled something, and I asked her, “What was that?”

“…Will you stay in here? And sing me a lullaby?” She mumbled.

I smiled and sat on the edge of the bed. “Anything for my friends.”

She smiled softly and closed her eyes.

I started humming softly and sang in a low, quiet voice, the song that I would always listen to whenever I was scared or sad…A song that could only be properly expressed with a ukulele.

“Somewhere, over the rainbow…Way up high...” I sang softly, “And the, dreams that you dream of, once in a lullaby.” I guess that I figured the song was perfect for her. It was soft, calming, and it had Rainbows in it. Seeing as how Pinkie needed a song that was reassuring, it seemed that there was no other song that could work. I’d have to remember to teach it to Fluttershy later.

I sang the entire song, and when the sun rose, I was still sitting on the bed, wide awake and watching over my friend’s dreams.

Right before the moon disappeared, I looked out the window and whispered, “Thank you Princess Luna. I’ll make sure Torrentican can’t touch their dreams again.”

The Moon blinked in response and sank beneath the horizon.

XHXHXHXHXHX

I heard a frantic knocking at my door, and I got up to answer it, Pinkie still sleeping peacefully in the guest room. I shifted into Earth pony form and opened the door to see a frantic looking Mr. and Mrs. Cake.

“Morning,” I said cheerfully, barely suppressing a yawn.

“Omnius, have you seen Pinkie Pie anywhere? We woke up this morning and she was gone!” Mr. Cake said, looking behind me as if I was hiding her.

“No worries,” I said, backing up. “Pinkie just had a really bad dream and long story short, I helped her out with it. She’s asleep in the guest room if you wanna go wake her up.”

Mrs. Cake hurried in, and Mr. Cake had a relieved smile on his face. “Thanks Omnius. I don’t know what we’d do without her. She’s like a daughter to us.”

“Hey, no prob. I was glad to help her out. But a word of advice: Don’t mention cupcakes to her at all, and see if you can get Rainbow Dash to swing by later, it’ll help.”

He blinked but nodded.

I grinned and then threw myself onto the couch. “If anypony needs me, I’ll be passed out on…my…couch…”

I fell asleep, realizing that I had just gotten through the crossroads and gotten this world passed it. It seemed like things were only going to get better and the thought made me happy, but it also gave me a sense of foreboding.

“Great…Now I just have to look forward to the day I get to go to the world where that nightmare takes place…lovely.”

Who Ya Gonna Call?

Chapter 10:

Who ya Gonna Call?

(Takes place during ‘Boast Busters’)


“It’s really quite simple Omnius,” Twilight said for the fourteenth time. “All you have to do is focus your thoughts on what you want to accomplish, and you’ll be doing magic in no time!”

I was glaring at a plate that was sitting in front of me, as I tried to use magic to levitate it off of the table. A navy blue glow encompassed it, and the plate started vibrating slightly. Beads of sweat started to form on my head, and I snarled through clenched teeth, “Come on…Come on!”

The plate floated a few inches into the air, and I felt a brief flash of triumph…right before said plate then dropped to the ground, somehow managing to miss the table entirely, where it shattered into tiny pieces.

“Well, at least this time you managed to levitate it!” Twilight said encouragingly. I sighed, and grabbed a broom and dustpan with my teeth. It was conveniently placed near the door, since this was the seventeenth plate I’d broken…that day. I started to sweep up the broken bits, when the broom was suddenly snatched out of my mouth.

“Ah! No using your teeth!” Twilight chided. “If you want to learn how to use magic, you have to learn how to use it like it’s something you have to depend on!”

I bit back some harsh words that had come to mind, and nodded my head. I focused on the broom, and thought to myself, “Alright. Come on! Broomstick-cadabra!”

As I focused on the broom, it lifted into the air, and started to slowly sweep up the broken bits. It moved at a snail’s pace, but at least it managed to stay in the air longer than the plate did. After it managed to get the last shard into the dustpan, the broom fell to the ground.

“Great job!” Twilight said. “Now use magic to lift the dustpan.”

“Yes Master Miyagi,” I grumbled. “Wax on, wax off, and all that stuff.”

“What?”

“Nothing.” I aimed my horn at the dustpan, and it lifted into the air. I slowly brought it to the trashcan, and tried to tip it so that none of the shards would miss. Instead of that however, I accidentally made the dustpan become a mini-catapult, and launched all of the shards into the air at Spike. I yelped, and Twilight created a purple colored dome that surrounded the dragon, protecting him from the shards.

“FUCK!” I swore, my patience worn out.

“There’s no need to swear like that,” Twilight said calmly, her horn glowing as she picked up the pieces of the shattered plate. They neatly pieced themselves back together, and with a flash of purple light, mended themselves into one plate.

“Sorry Twilight. I’m just mad that I can’t seem to do even the simplest of unicorn magic!” I let out an exasperated sigh, and rubbed my temples with my hoof. “Moreover, if it weren’t for you, Spike would have been spiked!”

Twilight allowed herself a small smile, and said, “It’s just levitation. It took me months before I could do what I can do now.”

“Yeah, I know. I just feel… I dunno.” I slumped to the ground, still rubbing my temple.

Twilight came over and sat next to me. “I think I know what’s wrong with you.”

I felt my eyebrow shoot up, and I said, “Then enlighten me.”

“Well, you Travel, correct?”

I nodded.

“And you fight against evil on a near daily basis, right?”

I nodded again. “Twilight, I don’t mean to sound rude, but can you get on with it? My head hurts enough as it is.”

She blinked, before saying, “Oh, right. I forgot about the headaches that can come from learning magic.” She levitated a glass of water to me, and I accepted it gratefully, slugging it down.  “Anyways, to get to the point: You’re used to being the one that everypony can rely on. You’re used to being a super hero, and you feel frustrated that you can’t do more.”

I thought about it for a moment, and decided that she was right. Almost. “Well, I’m not exactly used to being a super hero, but you’re right about one thing. I want to do more to help out everypony. I’m not happy with being the one who has to watch as something bad happens to their friends. If there’s even a small chance of me doing something that can help others, then I’m gonna go all out on it.”

I got up, and levitated the glass to the kitchen sink, depositing it gently. I sighed, and Twilight clapped her hooves together gleefully.

“What?” I asked.

“I think I just found out what your problem is!” She said, still clapping.

“What? Am I schizophrenic? Do I need to take a bath?” I sniffed my armpit, and grimaced. “I guess I do need deodorant.”

“No, I mean why you have trouble doing magic!” She said, laughing.

“Well spill the beans!”

“You need to stop thinking about it!” Twilight said, levitating a basket full of tennis balls so that it was lying right next to her.

“Huh?” I wittily replied.

“Most unicorns use magic because it’s a part of their daily lives! But when they’re foals, they have to make sure that they think about it before they do it! That’s why foals aren’t as good at magic as adults are! They think of it as a separate part of them, while fully grown unicorns use it as a part of their daily lives! More specifically, the levitation that is common for almost all unicorns!”

“Dumb it down for me,” I asked, my headache returning full force.

“Foals aren’t used to magic! You aren’t used to using magic like ours, so you have to think about it, when it should be an instinctive thought!” Twilight exclaimed, lifting a few balls into the air.

“Ooooooh. But what does that have to do with the tennis balls?” I asked, scratching my head.

“Don’t think of them as ‘tennis balls’, think of them as…Dodge Balls,” Twilight said, a mischievous smile on her face. “Spike? Want to help Omnius with his magic?”

My eyes widened, as Unicorn and Dragon both picked up a small pile of tennis balls. I gulped. “Uh, are you sure that-” A ball hit me square in the jaw, and cut off what I was about to say.

“Watch it! That nearly hit the glas-” I ducked, as another ball flew for my face. “Okay, real funny. Now cut it ou-” I jumped to the right. “Alright, now I’m getting mad!”

Five tennis balls shot out of nowhere, and my horn glowed, halting three of them in midair. The other two flew forward, but missed me. “I was in the middle of saying something!” I shouted.

I sent the balls I had caught back at them, where they were deflected harmlessly by Twilight. Spike took this opportunity to throw a few more balls my way, and I instinctively called up a panel of hexagon shaped crystal, which absorbed the force of the blows.

“Uh oh,” I said, realizing what spell this was. “DUCK!”

We all hit the floor, and the panel shattered into smaller shards, and shot forward, knocking over a few books from the bookshelf. It didn’t tear open anything, and I let out a sigh of relief. The books glowed, as I lifted them onto the bookshelves.

“Sorry about that,” I apologized. “I didn’t mean to use my Reflect spell.”

“Sorry?” Twilight said enthusiastically. “That was an impressive spell! What exactly does it do?”

“Well, it does two things: One, it creates a shield that can take most attacks, and Two, absorbs the attack as kinetic energy, and sends it out in a random direction,” I explained. “One of my personal favorite spells, but a little unstable.”

“I’d say!” Spike said.

While he was distracted, I levitated one of the balls, and shot it at him. It bounced off of the floor, and hit him on the head.

“It’s good!” I shouted, throwing my forelegs up into the air, forming the shape of a goal post. Spike then pointed up, grinning as he did so. I looked up, and saw that Twilight had levitated the entire basket of tennis balls above me.

“…Clever girl.” The basket turned over, and buried me in a fuzzy yellow avalanche. “Ow.”

I poked my head out of the pile, while Twilight and Spike laughed uproariously. I grinned, and said, “Two can play at this game Gandalf!” My horn glowed, and an orb of white light shot out, and hit the floor between Twilight and Spike, where it disappeared in a blinding flash.

I blinked, stunned. “Um, I didn’t mean to do that. Heck, I didn’t even know I COULD do that!”

Twilight looked at me with renewed interest. “It seems as if you’ve stumbled upon a new spell!”

“Looks like it,” I said, digging myself out of the mountain of tennis balls. “Wonder what I can use it for?”

Twilight and Spike both shrugged, and I said, “Oh well. Guess it doesn’t matter right now. Hey, weren’t you going to practice some sort of new magic trick?”

Twilight’s eyes gleamed, as she nodded happily. “That’s right. Spike, would you please get the list?”

“Sure thing,” Spike said, running off screen for a moment. He returned carrying a giant clipboard that had different types of magic tricks written on it, most of them already checked off. He also clutched a mirror that was roughly the same size that he was, which only raised my curiosity. What the dickens was Twilight practicing?

“So what’s the newest one?” I asked, looking at the list.

“You’ll see,” Twilight said, smiling.

“Do all magic users have to be cryptic like that?” I groaned.

“Shush!” Twilight hissed. “I need to focus.”

I shrugged, and stood off to the side. I watched, grinning, while Twilight aimed at Spike.

“Come on, Twilight, you can do it!” He encouraged.

Twilight took a deep breath to steady herself, and said, “Okay…Here goes!”

She closed her eyes, and her horn started to glow as she charged her magic. The area around Spike’s mouth started to glow as well, and with a quick flash of light, a thick moustache appeared, hiding his mouth from view.

I felt my jaw drop, as Spike cheered for Twilight. “Ha ha! Ya did it! Growing magic, that's number twenty five.” He marked off the spell from the list, and continued praising Twilight. “Twenty five different types of tricks and counting! And I think this is the best trick so far!”

“A spell that can grow mustaches…” I said quietly, nodding. “…BEST. SPELL. EVER!” I shouted, laughing. Twilight smiled, blushing slightly, embarrassed by the praise.

Spike turned to look at the mirror, and he started posing in front of it. “Hello, Rarity. What's that? Aw, it's nothin', just my awesome moustache.”

Twilight giggled, and said apologetically, “Sorry, Romeo. As attractive and enticing as you look, it's just for practice and it's gotta go.” Her horn started glowing, as she prepared to remove the mustache.

After the flash…well, SOMETHING disappeared.

“Twilight,” I said in a controlled voice.

“Yes Omnius…Where did your beard go?”

I stood there, my eye twitching dangerously, as I scratched at the bald spot that was my chin. “Somepony push ‘Control+Z’”

“Oops. Um, let me fix that for you,” Twilight said, giggling nervously.

“Please.”

XHXHXHXHXHX


After that little incident, we all figured that we could use a break from the magic (before I broke something else), so we headed into town.

“Twenty five, Twilight. Twenty five different kinds of tricks and counting,” Spike said in awe. “I thought unicorns were only supposed to have a little magic that matches their special talent.”

“Wait, what?” I asked at this new bit of information.

“Oh, I forgot to explain that to you!” Twilight said. “Well, unicorns can use magic, but only if it’s related to their special talent. For example, Rarity’s special talent involves designing clothes with lavish gems. But she needs to be able to find the gems, right?”

I nodded in understanding. “So she can use a spell that can find them. What about you though? I mean, your special talent IS magic!” I pointed at her cutie-mark, and said, “So does that mean that you can pretty much do anything?”

“Well duh!” Spike said enthusiastically. “She knows tons of magic!”

“Oh, Spike, stop. I'm sure there are lots of ponies right here in Ponyville that know just as much magic as me,” Twilight said humbly.

“Ah, come on!” I said, punching her shoulder. “Spike is right! You’re probably the best unicorn here!”

“You kidding?” Spike replied incredulously. “Twilight is probably the best unicorn in all of Equestria!”

Note to self: Tell Spike to stop giving the universe openings like that.

“Gangway!” a voice called out. All three of us turned to see two small unicorn foals, one short and slightly chubby while the other was tall and gangly, that were charging towards us.

“Coming through!” The skinny orange one called out, right before they plowed through us, taking Spike with them.

“I blinked, what just happened?” I called out, as we caught up to the foals. The foals then stopped suddenly, and the laws of physics sent Spike flying. I put on some more speed, and slid to the ground, catching the dragon on my back.

“Thanks,” He said in a slight daze.

“No problem,” I wheezed, the wind knocked out of me. “What’s with Tweedledee and Tweedledoo over there?”

“That’s Snips and Snails. They’re friends of mine.”

“Ah.”

He crawled off of me, and I took a couple of breaths to make sure that my lungs were still working. I got up, and walked to where the two foals were talking enthusiastically about some sort of new unicorn that had come to town. According to them, this new unicorn was supposedly the most magical unicorn around.

“Aw, no way, that honor goes to Twilight here!” Spike said, as we rejoined the group.

She did that same blush/smile thing (I must say: D’aww), before she asked, “Where is this unicorn?”

“Hooo, she’s in the town square!” Snails (or at least, the unicorn with the snail cutie-mark) said. “Come on!” He ran off towards the square, leaving me to wonder if Canadians existed in Equestria (you heard the accent too!).

“Yeah!” The shorter one, Snips, shouted, following his friend.

Twilight, Spike, and I, all glanced at each other, before following the foals.

Something tells me I’m not gonna like this.

XHXHXHXHXHX

We followed Snips and Snails to the square, where it looked like almost all of Ponyville had gathered, their collective gazes focused on a trailer/carriage thing that reminded me of a Gypsy caravan. We pushed our way to the front of the crowd, where Rarity, Applejack, Rainbow Dash, Fluttershy, and Pinkie Pie were already standing, waiting for us.

“Howdy,” I said, nodding my head at them.

They nodded back at me, as a loud and arrogant voice called out, “Come one, come all! Come and witness the amazing magic of the Great and Powerful Trixie!”

As the voice spoke, the trailer unfolded itself into a stage, with purplish-blue curtains in the back. There was a huge POOF of smoke, and a light blue unicorn with lavender colored eyes, wearing a star-spangled purple hat and cape appeared.

“She loses points for not being a giant floating head,” I mumbled, remembering another “Great and Powerful” wizard I had met.

The audience didn’t share my opinion, and they gasped in awe.

“Watch in awe as the Great and Powerful Trixie performs the most spectacular feats of magic ever witnessed by pony eyes!” She exclaimed dramatically. Fireworks lit up the stage, and the air was filled with the sound of heroic fanfare.

“My, my, my! What boasting!” Rarity said disdainfully. Finally, somepony else agrees with me!

“Come on, no pony's as magical as Twili-Twi…Twi—Oh!” Spike realized that he was standing next to Rarity, and he tried to compose himself. “Hey, Rarity, I, uh-- Moustache!” He gasped, running off.

“Wimp,” I muttered under my breath.

“There’s nothing wrong with being magically talented, is there?” Twilight asked nervously, shifting on her hooves.

“Nothin' at all,” Applejack said. “'Ceptin' when someone goes around showin' it off like a school filly with fancy new ribbons.” She looked pointedly at Trixie, who was currently poofing up her own bouquet of flowers.

“Five bits say that she has to poof those up because nopony will give her any,” I muttered. I realized that I was being a bit harsh with the insults, but for some reason, I already couldn’t stand the boastful magician.

“Just because one has the ability to perform lots of magic does not make one better than the rest of us,” Rarity added, holding her head high.

That answer didn’t seem to make Twilight very happy, as her ears pressed against her forehead, making her look almost ashamed. I raised my eyebrow, and leaned over to her, whispering, “Hey? You a’ight there?”

“Oh, uh, I’m fine,” Twilight lied. I raised my eyebrow even higher, but let the matter go.

Rainbow Dash (who, like the others, didn’t hear us) then said, “Especially when ya got me around being better than the rest of us.”

Applejack glared at her, and the Pegasus hastily corrected herself, saying, “Eh, I mean, yeah, uh, magic shmagic. Boo!” She glanced warily at A.J, who nodded her head.

Trixie overheard this, and she glared at our group. “Well, well, well, it seems we have some neigh” (Holy crap, she actually whinnied that part) “sayers in the audience. Who is so ignorant as to challenge the magical ability of the Great and Powerful Trixie? Do they not know that they're in the presence of the most magical unicorn in all of Equestria?”

“Pfft,” Rarity said. “Just who does she think she is?”

Spike nodded in agreement. “Yeah! Since we all know that Twilight here is-” He started to say, before Twilight intervened.

“Spike! Shhh!” She said, pushing him to the side. I followed silently.

“What? What’s wrong?” Spike whispered, confused.

“Yeah? Why in the name of all that’s good are you all worked up?” I asked, tilting my head.

“Did you see the way they reacted to Trixie?” Twilight whispered. “I don't want anyone thinking I'm a show-off.”

“Oh come off it, Twi,” I said. “I doubt that anypony would think that about ya.”

She shook her head, and opened her mouth to say something, but the loud sound of the fanfare cut her off. We looked over to see that Trixie was now posing triumphantly, her fireworks going off behind her.

Rainbow Dash finally lost her patience, and she flew up to the obnoxious unicorn’s face, and said, “So, Great and Powerful Trixie, what makes you think you're so awesome, anyway?”

Trixie allowed a smug little grin to show itself on her face, and she answered, “Heh, why, only the Great and Powerful Trixie has magic strong enough to vanquish the dreaded URSA MAJOR!”

“Ain’t that a constellation?” I asked Twilight.

“Maybe in some of the worlds that you’ve been to, but here in Equestria, it’s also a type of beast,” Twilight whispered, as a set of fireworks went off, forming the shape of an angry blue bear with a star on its forehead.

“Huh. How terrifying?” I asked, my curiosity piqued.

“I don’t know much about them, but I’d guess Very. They can reach heights of up to 200 feet, and are incredibly strong,” Twilight answered. A lot of ponies in the audience gasped in awe, as they imagined Trixie fighting such a dreaded monster.

“When all hope was lost, the ponies of Hoofington had no one to turn to, but the Great and Powerful Trixie stepped in, and with her awesome magic vanquished the Ursa Major and sent it back to its cave deep within the Everfree Forest!” Trixie haughtily said, her fireworks giving everypony a visual aid.

“Sa-weet!” Snips and Snails both said. They jumped in front of the stage, and started praising Trixie, while I pretended to vomit.

“That settles it!” Snips said.

“Trixie truly is the most talented, the most magical, the most awesome unicorn in Ponyville!” Snails praised.

“No, in all of Equestria!” Snips cut in.

“How do you know?” Spike yelled. “You didn’t see it! And besides, Twi-”

Twilight’s horn glowed again, and a zipper magically appeared on Spike’s mouth, effectively shutting him up.

“Please teach me that spell!” I whispered to Twilight. “I need it for when a villain starts talking to themselves!”

Trixie laughed, and said, “It's true, my enthusiastic little admirer. Trixie is most certainly the best in Ponyville.”

Silence met Trixie, and I coughed slightly.

“Don’t believe The Great and Powerful Trixie?” She asked, laughing. “Well then, I hereby challenge you, Ponyvillians! Anything you can do, I can do better. Any takers? Anyone?” She called out arrogantly. “Or is Trixie destined to be the greatest equine who has ever lived!?!” She shouted the last part, as fireworks lit up the stage once again.

“Urge…to kill, rising,” I said quietly, cracking my neck.  

Spike threw himself at Twilight’s hooves, and begged, “Please! She's unbearable! Ya gotta show her! Ya just gotta!”

Twilight whispered, “There's no way I'm going to use my magic now, Spike. Especially since-”

Trixie pointed, and said, “How about…YOU!”

Twilight gulped, and I nudged her. She looked at me, and I whispered, “She’s pointing at A.J.”

She let out a huge sigh of relief, as Applejack jumped onto the stage, saying, “That's it! I can't stand for no more of this!”

Me and Spike let out a cheer at that. “You show her A.J!” Spike shouted.

“Kick her flank into last week!”

A.J winked at us, and she turned to the boastful pony. “Can your magical powers do THIS?”

With that, she went off into a complicated rope spinning routine that would have made any cowboy insanely jealous. Applejack spun the rope, jumping through the lasso a couple of times, before she used the rope to snatch an apple off of a nearby tree. She ate the apple in one bite, while all of the ponies cheered wildly. “Top that, missy,” She said, crossing her legs.

“Oh ye of little talent,” Trixie said, her hat lifting away to reveal her horn. “Watch, and be amazed, at the magic of Trixie!”

Applejack’s rope suddenly lifted into the air, swaying like a snake. Applejack followed the rope’s hypnotic movements, not noticing that the other end of the rope had snatched an apple from the same tree that Applejack had gotten hers from.

“Applejack, watch out!” I shouted.

Too late. The rope tied itself around Applejack’s hooves, hogtying her and, to add insult to injury, shoved an apple into her mouth. All of the ponies in the audience, minus her friends, laughed at the sight of this, and they cheered for the magician.

“Once again, the Great and Powerful Trixie prevails!” Trixie said.

I glared at Trixie, and hopped up onto the stage. I walked over to where Applejack was trying to get herself free, and I untied her.

“You a’ight there A.J?” I asked, pulling the apple out of her mouth.

“Yeah. Nothin’ hurt but my pride,” She grumbled, shaking her head as she walked off stage.

I turned to the boastful unicorn, ready to give her a piece of my mind, only to notice that Rainbow had already beaten me to the punch (or is the phrase, “beaten me to the buck” on this world?).

“There's no need to go struttin' around and showin' off like that!” The Pegasus shouted angrily.

“Oh?”

“That's my job!”

Rainbow Dash took off, spinning around a windmill’s blades to help her pick up speed. She took off into the sky, crashing through a line of clouds, before she stopped, and posed right in front of the sun, casting an awesome looking shadow onto the ground. She then flew back through the clouds, gathering water droplets, before she spun around the windmill again, and to finish it, she brought herself to a halt on stage, the droplets forming a small rainbow above her.

“They don’t call me ‘Rainbow’ and ‘Dash’ for nothing!” She proudly stated. The audience went wild again, and I didn’t think that Trixie could top that.

I was wrong. As usual.

“When Trixie is through, the only thing they’ll call you is ‘Loser,’” Trixie said, her horn glowing a pink color. A beam of pink light shot out of the horn, and hit Rainbow Dash, causing the Pegasus to whirl about in a tornado created from the rainbow she had made, spinning out of control. She flew through the air, and I felt myself get dizzy just from watching her.  She finally started heading towards the ground, picking up speed as she went.

My eyes widened, as I realized that if she hit the ground going as fast as she was, she might get seriously hurt. I reached over, and tore off Trixie’s cape.

“You DARE to touch the Great and Powerful Trixie?!” She yelled, shocked and angered.

“I’msorryI’llsendyouachecklaterthankyou!” I said in my best Jackie Chan voice, jumping off of the stage. “Rarity, help me out with this!”

I tossed one end of the cape out, and Rarity caught it with her magic, stretching it out into a makeshift trampoline. We moved to where Rainbow was gonna land, and caught her, saving her from any harm.

“Rainbow, darling, are you alright?” Rarity asked, both of us looking at our friend.

“I think I’m-urp-gonna be sick,” Rainbow Dash said, her eyes still spinning.

I let out a sigh of relief, and tossed the now dirtied cape to Trixie. “Thanks,” I said, giving her my best troll face. “You really helped to save a life that you endangered today.”

Trixie’s eyes narrowed, as she lifted the cape back onto her shoulders. “You DARE to mock the Great and Powerful-”

“And Obnoxious Trixie?” I interrupted. “Yes, yes I do.”

Her horn glowed, and a small, dark cloud floated over me. I looked up, and said, “Oh Horseapples.”

A lightning bolt shot out of the cloud, and hit me square between the eyes. “Ye-ouch!” I shouted, twitching a bit. The audience laughed uproariously at that, as I frantically checked to make sure that my glasses had survived…

“Oh no,” I muttered sorrowfully, as I held the two halves of my glasses in my hooves. The heat from the lightning bolt had melted the plastic that held them together, and subsequently broken them, although the glass was somehow untouched. Must have had something to do with the magic I placed into them a long time ago…

I started trembling, as I realized the enormity of the situation. My glasses had literally been with me since the beginning of my Travels, and I had gotten them a little while before I had started Traveling. Losing them was almost like losing an old friend, and it nearly broke my heart. I know that they’re just glasses, and that I could always get a new pair, but…It just wouldn’t be the same, you know?

A faint blue glow surrounded them, as Rarity lifted them into the air. She gave me a small smile, and then put the broken halves together, mending them completely with her magic. She placed them back onto my face, and said gently, “Are you alright?”

I smiled, and said, “Never better.” I glanced at Twilight, and added, “Somepony needs to teach that little Hoofdini rip-off a lesson though.”

Spike nodded, and started nudging the purple unicorn. “What we need is another unicorn to challenge her. Someone with some magic of her own.”

Rainbow Dash grinned. “Yeah! A unicorn to show this unicorn who's boss.”

Applejack stomped the ground excitedly, looking at Twilight. “A real unicorn to unicorn tussle!”

Twilight started stammering, but was saved from having to answer by…Rarity. Oh, Ye Gods.

“Enough. Enough, all of you,” She chided. “I take your hint, but Rarity is above such nonsense. Rainbow Dash and Applejack may behave like ruffians, but Rarity conducts herself with beauty, and grace.”

“Please don’t talk about yourself in the third person,” I pleaded. “It’s bad enough with Trixie doing it.”

“Ooo, what's the matter?” Trixie mocked. “Afraid you'll get a hair out of place in that rat's nest you call a mane?”

Rarity then turned her furious gaze towards Trixie. “Oh, it. Is. On!” Rarity made her way to the stage, where she used her magic to rip off a swath of the curtains. “You may think you're tough with all your so-called powers, but there's more to magic than your brutish ways. A unicorn needs to be more than just muscle. A unicorn needs to have style!”

The curtains swirled around her, forming a beautiful dress that had gold trimming on it (where did the- screw it, I’m not gonna ask). Her mane had been styled into a sophisticated pile on the top of her head, finishing the look. “A unicorn is not a unicorn without grace and beauty.”

Trixie grinned, as her horn started to glow.

Spike looked at me, and said confidently, “Rarity won't let Trixie get the best of her! She's strong, she’s beautiful, she’s-”

“In trouble,” I winced, once a colored beam of energy shot out of Trixie’s horn, hitting Rarity’s mane. “This ain’t gonna end well.”

The crowd gasped, as we all beheld the monstrosity that was now Rarity’s hair. I averted my eyes, and said, “Gah! Yep. Saw it coming.”

I tuned out all of the words that everypony said, until Spike tapped my shoulder. I looked up, and heard Twilight say, “Who, me? I'm just your run of the mill citizen of Ponyville. No powerful magic here. I, uh... I think I hear my laundry calling. Sorry, gotta go.”

“Twilight?” Spike said in a small voice.

“Hey, wait a second…She just made a Dr. Horrible reference!” I said, smiling. The smile disappeared once I heard Trixie start talking again.

“Ha! Once again, the Great and Powerful Trixie has proven herself to be the most amazing unicorn in all of Equestria. Was there ever any doubt?” She turned to walk off the stage, reveling in her victory.

I’m pretty sure that you know me well enough to know that by now…I was PISSED.

“Hey, Lame and Obnoxious Trixie!” I called out, jumping onto the stage. She turned to look at me with an amused smile.

“You again? Does The Great and Powerful Trixie need to show you her superior magic once again?” She said, laughing.

“Oh, you have superior magic? When are you gonna start showing it then?” I widened my stance, and called out, “Trixie, I hereby challenge you to a Magician’s Duel!”

“A what?”

“You heard me you snob! Or do you not know what a Magician’s Duel is?” I mocked, adjusting my glasses.

“Of course The Great and Powerful Trixie knows what a Magician’s Duel is!” Trixie said haughtily. “She just thought that the audience should know what that is!”

“Oh sure thing.” I turned to the audience, and said, “A Magician’s Duel is a quick little duel between two magic users to determine which is the more powerful. Each magician brings one magic spell to the table, so to speak, and the better spell wins. Loser has to leave town, and can only return when they have become stronger.”

I mentally added a prayer to the Gods and Goddesses of Good, asking them to make it so that nopony remembered me as an Earth Pony, or that would raise too many awkward questions. They must have heard me, or at least the magic that was a part of the world did, because no one said anything.

“The Great and Powerful Trixie accepts your challenge!” Trixie shouted. “When do we duel?”

I thought about it for a moment, and said, “Midnight. Oh, and to let you know what you just got yourself into…”

My horn glowed, as I shot out a massive orb of light into the sky, where it exploded in a bright wave of energy. Trixie’s eyes widened, shocked that I could do something that she obviously needed fireworks to do.

“See you at midnight,” I laughed, walking off stage.

XHXHXHXHXHX

A few moments later, I walked into the library, and shouted, “What have I gotten myself into?”

Twilight looked up from what she was reading, and asked, “What happened?”

I told her about the Magician’s Duel that I had challenged Trixie to at midnight.

“So now, if I lose, I have to leave town until I become stronger,” I finished, sighing. “I’m not gonna back out, but I barely know anything about magic! In fact, I can only levitate things, summon a small shield, and fire off little light orbs!” I banged my head against a table. “I have really got to start thinking these things through.”

“Mm-hmm,” Twilight nodded.

“Hey? Were you even listening to me?” I asked indignantly.

“Sorry, I was, it’s just that there was something Trixie said that bothered me…”

I leaned my head over Twilight’s shoulder, and looked at the book she was reading. “Are you reading about-”

“Yes, I wanted to learn more about what she was boasting about.”

“Ah. Well Twilight, if you excuse me, I have to go. Gotta go get my flank kicked in a duel. See you later, I hope,” I said, walking out the door just as Spike shot in. “Hey Spike.”

I walked out of the library, my stomach twisting itself into knots. I needed to get something ready for the duel, but what?

“Wait a second…Crystal Reflect Spell…Light orb…telekinesis…IDEA!” I shouted gleefully. I went to the town square, laughing as I did so.

“It’s good to be The Traveler!” I shouted.

XHXHXHXHXHX

I stood in the middle of the square, smiling. Trixie was inside of her trailer, and I could feel her eyes on me. Good. I wanted her to see what I was gonna do, and hopefully she would try and worm her way out of the duel.

“Okay. Time to initiate…Okay, note to self: Come up with a badass name for spell later.” I focused my energy, and formed a large dome that was made of five hexagon shaped crystal panels.

My horn glowed slightly, as I lifted the dome into the sky, where it caught the light, and shimmered. An orb of light energy shot into it, and the dome exploded, fragments of crystal shooting out into every direction, each shard glowing violently.

“Now for the hard part.” I magically grabbed each of the shards, and directed them into the ground, where they surrounded me in a neat circle, before disappearing, leaving the air around them sparkling.

“Wooooo!” I yelled, excited. “It worked! Watch out Trixie, ‘cause you ain’t got nothing on The Traveler!”

I looked over to the trailer, and grinned. “Sure you wanna risk it?”

There was a loud clattering sound, and the door burst open, revealing a distraught looking Trixie. She looked at me, and I laughed again.

“See you at midnight!”

I failed to notice the dark shadow that moved behind Trixie as I left.

XHXHXHXHXHXHX

I knocked on the door of the library.

“Come in!” Twilight called out. I walked in, grinning.

“Omnius? I thought you were preparing for the Duel?” She asked, looking up from her book.

“I finished! I’ve got my trick all planned out, and there is no WAY Trixie can beat it,” I said confidently.

“What does it do?” She asked.

“I’ll show you!”

Making a significantly smaller dome, I lifted it until it sat on the ceiling of the library. With a grunt of effort, I sent an orb of light into it, and it shattered, recreating what I had just done before on a smaller scale. Twilight gasped, and then clapped.

“Omnius, that was amazing!” She said, looking at the sparkles. “What do you call it?”

“I’m still working on a name.” I scratched at my beard. “Let’s see…the spell leaves the air sparkling…I shoot an orb of light at it…Hey, I think I’ve got it!”

“What?”

I grinned, and said, “I think I’m gonna call it, ‘Twilight’s Sparkle!’”

“Are you sure you want to name a spell after me?” Twilight asked incredulously.

“Well sure. You’re the one who’s teaching me how to use magic after all,” I grinned. “And it fits!”

She laughed, and said, “I suppose it does.”

“Mind if I stay here while I wait for the duel? I’ve been meaning to do some reading anyways, and now seems like as good a time as any to do that,” I asked, looking through the books.

“Go right ahead. Just put the book back when you’re done,” Twilight said, returning her attention to the book in front of her.

“Thanks. Hey where’s Spike?” I asked, suddenly realizing that the baby dragon hadn’t shown himself since I’d shown up. “He would get a kick out of that spell!”

Twilight winced, and looked sad. “We had an argument, and he went for a walk to cool himself off.”

When she didn’t elaborate, I shrugged, and said, “Oh well, no worries. He’ll be back and then you guys can forgive each other.”

She turned to look at me, and she half shouted, “I haven’t done anything wrong!”

“Whoa there, I didn’t say anything about that. I just said you guys can forgive each other is all,” I said calmly.

“Just because I think that if I challenge Trixie that I’ll lose my friends because they’ll think I’m a showoff doesn’t mean that I’m wrong!” She ranted, before stopping, once she realized what she’d said.

“So…you think that they’ll hate me for challenging her?” I asked casually.

“Oh, no Omnius! I just meant that-”

“I know what you meant Twi. No worries though.” I grabbed a book that had a picture of a stern looking unicorn with a long flowing beard on it. “They wouldn’t hate you though. In fact, it technically wouldn’t be showing off for you, especially since SHE challenged YOU back there.”

“But you challenged her! Doesn’t that mean-”

“She challenged me when she nearly hurt Rainbow Dash,” I said quietly, opening the book. “All I did was make her back up her words.”

I went silent, and forced myself to be immersed in the tales of a unicorn wizard known as Starswirl the Bearded. Huh. Cool name.

XHXHXHXHXHXHX

After I finished the book, I looked at a nearby clock. 11:45. Guess I better head out.

I got up, and stretched. I levitated the book back onto the shelf, and said, “Welp, thanks for letting me wait here Twi, but I need to get goin’. I’ve got butts to kick, and gum to chew…and I’m all out of gum.”

Just as I opened the door, Spike ran in, yelling, “Twilight! You gotta come! Quick!”

“I already told you Spike, I don’t want to show up Trixie!” The unicorn said stubbornly. “Besides, Omnius is already going to duel her!”

“No, you don't understand!” Spike shouted fearfully. “It’s-”

Suddenly, the very library itself was shaken by the sound of an angry roar.

“Uh, is that what I think it is?” Twilight said in a small voice.

“Majorly,” Spike replied.

“What?” I asked, not getting it. “Oh come on, it can’t be that bad!”

XHXHXHXHXHXHX


“…That’s one big mofo,” I said, as we saw the Ursa destroy another cottage.

“You think?!” Spike practically shouted.

In my defense, it was huge. The Ursa was a dark blue color, and speckled with pinpricks of light that reminded me of stars. The Ursa was almost as big as the town hall, and it had yellow eyes with red pupils, and- oh yeah. IT WAS ON A RAMPAGE.

All three of us charged through the mob of ponies that was currently running away from the monster, and I spotted two very familiar unicorn foals who were watching the events unfold with smiles on their faces.

I pointed them out to Twilight, and we diverted our course, and met up with them.

“What’s going on?” Twilight asked them.

“We brought an Ursa to town!” Snips said proudly.

“You WHAT?!” Twilight shouted.

I smacked my face with my hoof, and said tiredly, “I’m gonna need a bigger drink to deal with this.”

“Don’t worry,” Snails said. “The Great and Powerful Trixie will vanquish it!”

We all looked at the unicorn in question, who was standing a little ways away, and she winced. “I can’t!” She finally said.

“What!?” The two foals said, shocked.

“What a tweest!” I added.

“Uh, I can't, I never have. No one can vanquish an Ursa Major. I just made the whole story up to make me look better,” Trixie confessed in a hurried voice.

“And so the truth floweth forth,” I said grimly.

The Ursa roared, angered at being ignored, and everypony in town trembled in fear. Spike nudged Twilight, and gestured at the bear. She gulped, and fearfully looked at the bear.

“Twilight, come on,” I said, pushing up my glasses. “You got this.”

She set her eyes in a determined look, and strode forth to meet the Ursa. Everypony watched in awe, as Twilight closed her eyes, and started preparing her spell.

I have to say, that in all of my years of Traveling, what Twilight did is still one of the most amazing things that I have ever seen in my eternal life.

What happened was this: First, the wind started blowing. A gentle breeze blew through the town, and when it hit a patch of cattails, a soft whistling lullaby could be heard. The Ursa heard the music, and a sleepy smile appeared on its face. It started swaying softly from side to side, yawing as it did so.

“Nice use of number sixteen,” Spike said quietly.

Her horn’s glow intensifying, she gave out another groan of effort, as she lifted the Ponyville town water tower off of its perch. Using magic (obviously) she dumped the water out of the container, and then moved it through a barn, collecting milk from some very disgruntled cows (don’cha know?).

A final strain of effort lifted the Ursa into the sky, saving Trixie from a crushing weight, where the Ursa met the tower. Grabbing its makeshift milk bottle, it sucked on it contently, as Twilight lifted the Ursa back into its home in the Everfree forest…

At least, that’s what should have happened.

Instead, what happened was the Ursa made it to the edge of the forest, before a beam of black energy shot out, hitting the Ursa, and dropping it onto the ground. The Ursa’s eyes snapped open, and it roared in pain. Another beam hit it, and the Ursa was slowly covered in inky black shadows.

“What?” Twilight wearily said, swaying. I ran over, and caught her. “But…why didn’t it work?” She asked, confused. “That was perfect!”

“I think I have an idea…” I said, slowly. I looked at Trixie, and said, “You shouldn’t listen to him. He’ll only make your life miserable.”

Trixie blinked, and a voice, familiar only to me and Trixie, called out, “Use the spell! NOW!”

Trixie’s eyes narrowed, and she aimed her horn at me. “I was taught this spell by the wizard…TORRENTICAN!” She shouted, her eyes glowing. A blob of pink, gelatinous looking energy shot out, and would have hit me square in the jaw, if Twilight hadn’t suddenly pushed me away.

“Twilight!” I yelled, and my cry was echoed by our friends. I ran over to her, and picked her up in my hooves. Her body started shrinking, and I gulped audibly.

Oh Gods and Goddesses…no…

“Twilight?” I asked softly, holding the shrunken pony.

“Goo!” Twilight cooed, looking at me with twinkling eyes.

“I was afraid of that.”

I magically levitated Twilight onto my back, and shouted, “Torrentican!”

He appeared in front of me suddenly, only in unicorn form as opposed to Pegasus form. “Hello Omnius,” He said darkly.

“Torrie, undo the spell, get rid of the Ursa, and I won’t kick your ass into last millennium,” I snarled.

“Sean, Sean, Sean,” Torrentican chided. “If you want that, all you have to do is deal with…well, I suppose you can guess.”

He laughed, and teleported away, as the rest of my friends on this world galloped up to me.

“Is Twilight okay?” Applejack asked, looking at me. “And why do you have a baby on your back?”

“Twilight is the baby,” I said simply.

“What? You mean that showoff did this to her!?” Rainbow Dash yelled, turning her gaze to Trixie. She grinned apologetically, and Rainbow flew up to her face.

“Change her back!” She shouted.

“I can’t. That unicorn that you just saw,” Trixie explained in a feeble voice, “Took almost all of my power, and used it to…ulp, well, make the Ursa, erm, darker? Anyways, I used the rest of my magic to cast a Youth Spell, which was supposed to hit Omnius, but…”

“What the hay do you mean by that?” Applejack asked in confusion.

I cleared my throat, and pointed to the now rapidly growing Ursa.

“What is that?” Rarity asked fearfully.

“It’s Big…” I started.

The Ursa’s fur darkened, turning from blue to a dark, sickly green color.

“Bad…”

The Ursa stood up, shaking the remains of trees off of its fur.

“Baby Ursa Minor,” I finished.

The Ursa Minor opened its eyes, and roared, sending all of the ponies, except for my friends (and Trixie and two certain foals), scurrying into their homes.

“Omnius, look!” A.J shouted, pointing to a wall that was ten feet thick that had suddenly lifted out of the ground.

“This is starting to look reaaaaly familiar,” I said, adjusting Twilight on my back. I looked over, and saw that there was a gray cloaked pony on top of a nearby rooftop. An orb of light shot out of her hood, and hit the Ursa, causing it to panic slightly. She looked at me, and I couldn’t make out anything that was underneath her hood. The mare nodded her head, and vanished.

“The Traveler of Neutrality…” I said softly.

“Who?” Applejack asked me.

“I’ll explain later. Right now, I’ve got a boss fight I need to take care of.” I galloped up the steps of the wall, and gazed at the Ursa Minor. It was now a good twenty feet taller, and it looked furious.

The Ursa roared, and boulders fired from out of nowhere, taking out a good portion of the wall I was standing on. It didn’t collapse however, and I wasn’t surprised when the Ursa started to slowly walk over.

“Come on! You’re just a rip-off of something I’ve already taken down!” I shouted, summoning an orb of light. I lobbed it at the beast, where it hit it squarely on its snout. The Ursa roared, and stumbled backwards, its color lightening slightly.

“So it’s gonna be like that, huh?” I dodged another boulder. “Well, bring it!” I shouted, lobbing another orb at it. It fell short however, and just harmlessly bounced off of its chest in a burst of light.

I jumped over to another section of wall, and lobbed another orb. This time, it hit the corrupted beast right in the kisser, and it fell back again. The Ursa looked at me with fiery hatred, and it did something I didn’t expect.

It opened its mouth, and shot a FREAKING FIREBALL at me.

“Gah!” I yelped, jumping to the side again. “Twilight, you hangin’ on alright?”

Baby Twilight laughed, and I said, “Right, you’re a baby. You’re having the time of your itty-bitty life, aren’t you? Wait, why didn’t I give you to A.J? Or Fluttershy? Why the hell are you up here with me!?”

She just laughed again, and I had to jump, narrowly avoiding another fireball. The Ursa had managed to close half the distance now, and I was getting worried. Another orb of light flew at the creature, and hit its target, once again sending it backwards, and dispelling the corruption. The battle kept up like this for awhile, and I only got hit by a boulder once. Strangely enough though, I only tripped slightly, but Twilight floated up in a bubble, and started to cry her little lungs out.

“WAAAH, AH, WHAAAAAH!” She cried, hurting my eardrums.

“Damn it Twi, hold on!” I lobbed a small orb at the bubble, and it popped. I jumped over, and caught the crying baby, and she instantly stopped crying, and laughed again.

“You’re lucky you’re cute,” I grumbled, landing on a small patch of wall. I jumped again, dodging another fireball.

“Stupid Torrentican!” I shouted. “This is so cliché!” I aimed a final orb of light, and hit the massive Ursa in the face, where it roared once more, before it suddenly stopped, and looked around, confused.

“You can go home now!” I called out to it. “Go home to Mama Ursa! Go on now!”

The Ursa Minor looked at me, but then turned around, and went into the Everfree forest, soon disappearing from my sight entirely.

“And don’t come back,” I panted, the adrenaline rush fading.

Jumping off of the nearly destroyed wall, I made my way over to where my friends and Trixie were. “What are you girls staring at?” I asked once I saw the looks on their faces. “Haven’t you ever seen a parody of a famous video game battle?”

Everypony but Pinkie shook their heads, and Pinkie just giggled. “At least you didn’t have to worry about those fuzzy thingies!”

I shuddered at the memory. “Don’t remind me about those. I never want to see a Yoshi get high again…”

“Uh, Omnius? Shouldn’t we get Twilight back to normal now?” Applejack asked, lifting Twilight off of my back.

“Right. Trixie, your magic is back now, right?” I asked, turning to look at her. She nodded, and I shouted, “CHANGE HER BACK THEN YOU BITCH!”

She winced at my voice, and looked a little scared, but as of right then, I didn’t care. I was tired, Torrentican had shown himself to the ponies, and The Forever Traveler of Neutrality had had to intervene and make sure that I had a chance...Not a good day in my books.

“Darling, you don’t have to yell,” Rarity said. “She isn’t deaf you know.”

“I know. But she seems a little dense…after all, you don’t normally listen to the embodiment of all that is evil, now do you?”

Everypony gasped, and Trixie stammered out, “I-I didn’t know that! He just told me that he could help me beat you in our duel!”

“Oh yeah, about that…I think that by defeating the Ursa, something that you couldn’t do, then that means that I, by default, win. So after you turn Twilight back to normal, leave,” I said conversationally, as if we were talking about the weather.

Trixie glared at me, a hint of her old haughtiness in her eyes, but her horn glowed, and Twilight was enveloped in a sudden pink light. With a small POP sound, Twilight returned to her normal form.  

“What happened?” She asked, looking around. “And where’s the Ursa Minor?”

“MINOR?!” Everypony but me gasped.

“Yeah. I said that earlier, didn’t I?” I said, casually rubbing the dirt off of my face. “Twilight, it’s a long story, but let’s just say that Trixie made a minor problem, into a MAJOR problem.”

Trixie glared at both me and Twilight, the pony who had upstaged her to begin with, and said in an arrogant voice, “Huh. You may have vanquished an Ursa Minor, but you will never have the amazing, show-stopping ability of the Great and Powerful Trixie!”

With a puff of smoke, she took off, running into the distance.

“Aaaaaaaaaanyways,” I said after a moment. “Just to put Twilight’s mind at ease, y’all ain’t mad about the magic right?”

“Whatever do you mean?” Rarity asked, confused.

Twilight blushed, and said, “Well, I know how much you all hated Trixie's showing off with her magic tricks, and I just thought-”

“Whoa, whoa, whoa,” Rainbow Dash interrupted. “Magic's got nothing to do with it. Trixie's just a loudmouth.”

The other ponies agreed, and I nodded.

“So…you don't mind my magic tricks?” Twilight asked hopefully.

“Your magic is a part of who you are, sugar cube, and we like who you are. We're proud to have such a powerful, talented unicorn as our friend,” Applejack said proudly.

“Okay, we got that out of the way,” I said, smiling. “Now we just have to deal with a certain…problem.”

I glared at the two unicorn foals who hadn’t had the sense to run when the fighting started. “Mentlegen…” I said.

They both looked at the ground, and Snips said, “Uh we're sorry that we woke up the Ursa Minor.”

Snails nodded, and added, “We just wanted to see some awesome magic.”

“Yeah! And the way you vanquished that Ursa Minor was awesome!”

“We deserve whatever punishment you give us.” The two foals were silent, as Twilight grinned mischievously.

“For starters, you can clean up this mess. And... What do you think, Spike? Should I give them number twenty five?” She said, grinning at her assistant.

“Oh, twenty five! Yes! And I think I deserve it, too,” Spike said, rubbing his palms together.

“Huh?” Both foals said.

“Just shut up and take your punishment,” I said wearily, sitting down.

Twilight’s horn glowed, and a mustache appeared on all three of them.

“Sweeeet!” All three of them said, and we all laughed.

I yawned, and said, “I’m gonna head back to my place now. Twilight, I think you’ve got some reportin’ to do, right?”

“Oh yes, the events of tonight will make an excellent report to send to Princess Celestia!” She said happily.

“Good. Just don’t forget to add that when you cry, you can burst eardrums.”

“Beg pardon?” Applejack asked, while Twilight blushed.

“Inside joke.”

XHXHXHXHXHXHX

I Need A Restraining Order!

Chapter 11:

I Need a Restraining Order!

(Takes Place 3 days after ‘Bridle Gossip’)

“Omnius, open up! Ah know yer in there!” Applejack angrily called out, pounding on my door.

“No I’m not!”

CRASH. The sound of splintering wood reached my ears.

“Uh oh,” I winced, nearly dropping the brush and cloth I was using. I looked around the corner, and saw Applejack, who had just bucked down my door (How she managed to kick down both halves at the same time, I’ll never know).

Applejack stormed into my kitchen, and glared at me angrily. I had managed to throw a thick blanket over the table I was sitting at, and I grinned nervously. “Well howdy Applejack! What brings you here?”

“You know why,” She said. “Nopony has seen you in town fer a few days, and you’ve been ignoring everypony who comes by!”

“Look, sorry, but I’ve been kinda busy lately,” I said, getting up.

“So busy that you haven’t had time fer yer friends?” Applejack said, although most of her anger disappeared when she saw how tired I must have looked. “When was the last time you got some sleep?”

I yawned and looked at the small clock that was on the wall. “Oh, maybe a couple of days ago?” I ran a hand through my hair, and chuckled. I leaned down, and started picking up empty soda bottles and cans that had accumulated on the floor.

Applejack trotted in, being careful not to step in any of the mess, and said, “Well, you at least coulda answered the door fer Fluttershy when she came by.”

“Fluttershy came by?” I frowned, and scratched my head. “When was that?”

“Yesterday.” Applejack frowned, and added, “Omni, I’m not really one ta say somethin’ like this, buy you really need to clean up yer kitchen.”

I looked around, and sighed. She was right of course. I had made a small dent by picking up all the bottles, but the counter was still littered with the debris of my last few meals, and what could be seen of the table was covered in oil and grease. I held up my hands, and saw that they were stained black and gray in some places. I glanced at the reflective surface of my toaster, and grimaced. I had bags underneath my eyes, and my hair was sticking up where my greasy hands had touched it, spiking it in odd places. There was a fine layer of sparse stubble on my cheeks, and my beard was scruffier than I would have like it to be.

“I guess I shouldn’t have touched my hair. I definitely need a shower now,” I groaned. I moved to fix a corner of the blanket I had tossed over what I was working on, but Applejack reached it before my sleep deprived body could.

“Just what in the hay are you working on?” She asked, before yanking the blanket off the table. Her eyes widened in confusion, as she took in a device with a long metal barrel, and wooden stock. “What is this?”

I sighed, and picked it up. “This is a double-barrel shotgun that’s been modified to hold six rounds instead of the normal two,” I explained, opening it to make sure it was loaded. I nodded when I saw the glistening ends of the buckshot it was loaded with.  

“A what?” Applejack asked, even more confused than before.

I walked outside, and Applejack followed me. I lifted the shotgun in one arm, and aimed it at a random clump of trees.

“What are you doing?” Applejack looked from the gun to the trees.

I said nothing, and pulled the trigger. BOOM! Birds flew everywhere, startled by the sound of the shotgun’s loud report, and I winced. The kickback made my arm go numb for a second, and I wondered how Ash could do that all the time. Applejack’s jaw dropped, and she looked at the gun with apprehension.

“This is my Boomstick,” I said casually. “Now, you want to know why I’ve been so busy lately? Well, remember how that Ursa Minor was rampaging?”

Applejack nodded.

“Did you see a gray unicorn by any chance?” Please say no, please say no….

“Yeah. We’ve been meaning to ask you about that.” Oh damn it.

“Wait, ‘we’?” I asked, putting the Boomstick in its holster that I was wearing on my back.

Applejack pointed, and I turned to see that the rest of my friends were standing behind me. Fluttershy was hiding behind Rainbow Dash, and she had her hooves over her eyes and mouth. I felt a brief flash of guilt, and I went to kneel by her.

“Fluttershy?” I asked, lifting up one of her hooves. She opened one eye, and I quickly said, “It’s alright, there ain’t nothing here that’s gonna hurt you.”

As soon as I said that, a rustling sound came from some nearby bushes, and a dark blur shot out, charging straight for us. I whirled around, and kicked it, sending it flying through the air. Fluttershy let out a small ‘eep’ of fear, and I said in a calm voice, “Scratch that. Twilight, be a dear and magic that thing so that it can’t move, would you?”

The ‘thing’ in question didn’t like the sound of that, and it tried to take off into the forest. Twilight prevented that by encasing it in a purple bubble, where it made snarling noises, and threw itself violently against the walls of its prison. I pulled the Boomstick out of its holster, and eyed the bushes cautiously.

“What is that thing?” Twilight asked, almost fearfully.

Before I could answer, more rustling sounds came from the bushes, and I shouted, “You’ve gotta be kidding me!”

Three more shadows shot out of the bushes, only this time, they were aimed at Twilight. I aimed the Boomstick at the closest one, and pulled the trigger. With a loud BOOM, the creature vanished in a puff of black mist, leaving no trace of its existence. The other shadows slowed down, clearly not wanting to go out the same way.

I held up my Boomstick, and said in a low, angry tone, “Alright you shady screwheads, listen up!” I hefted the gun over my head, and said, “Ya see this? This…is my BOOMSTICK!”

The Shadows stopped, trying to assess the situation. This gave me an opportunity to get a good look at them, and I didn’t like what I saw. At first glance, they looked like small, malnourished unicorn foals, except that they had glowing yellow lights for eyes, and no mouth. Their coat shimmered, giving the impression that they really were living shadows, and they had small antennae that stood, quivering slightly, next to their horns, which had been broken off, leaving a jagged edge. They lacked a mane and tail, and the edges of their hooves were sharpened, cutting the grass whenever they moved.

“What are those…things?” Fluttershy asked in a quiet voice.

“Shadow-Stalkers,” I answered simply. “Ugh, I’m gonna need a bigger drink.”

“Is drinking your answer to everything?” Rainbow Dash asked.

“Now that you mention it…” I started, right before the stalkers moved again. “Oh no you don’t!” I shot another one, but missed the others. Thankfully, they obviously hadn’t been made with much intelligence, as they charged at Applejack this time.

She whirled around, and bucked both of them as if they were just another stubborn tree. They went flying, and crashed into the side of my house, where they evaporated into the same black mist as before.

“Nice kick,” I said, digging a hand into my pocket. I pulled out a few shotgun shells, and with my other hand, popped open the Boomstick, ejecting the spent shots. Reloading the gun, I asked Twilight, “Think you can move that bubble of yours into my house? There might be more around, and I don’t want to get caught off guard.”

Twilight nodded, and Rainbow Dash said, “Pfft, they don’t look that tough! Besides, you and A.J took ‘em out like they were nothing!”

The bushes rustled some more, and I said, “I guess that means we’re about to fight a whole lot of nothing! Everyone get inside, NOW!”

We ran inside, just as ten shadow-stalkers crashed through the brush, following us. After the last pony ran in, I slammed the door, leaving myself outside.

“Omnius!” I heard Fluttershy shout, as they all looked outside of the window.

I gave them a thumbs-up, and grinned. I summoned my Traveler’s Blade to my free hand, and adjusted my grip on the Boomstick. Keeping the sword so that it pointed at the ground behind me, I aimed the Boomstick at the stalkers, and said, “Come get some.”

Three of them broke off from the main group, and charged at me. I fired both barrels, and all three of them turned to mist, and were dispelled by the wind.

I grinned, and started to leak magic into my Boomstick, empowering the next shot with magic. To buy myself some time, I started saying, “Before you attack me again, you should know, that I am the one your master fears…in his tongue, I am ‘Travel-kiin’…TRAVEL BORN!” I had no idea of what I was saying, only that I was making it up as I went along.

The stalkers all charged at me this time, and I shouted, “Fus Ro BOOMSTICK!”

The shotgun roared, and a blast of pure concussive force shot out, taking the shadow-stalkers with them. They crashed into the trees, and only three of them managed to survive the attack. “And just think about what would happen if I actually knew how to do that,” I added. “For now, you’ll just have to settle for the joke.”

I dropped the now empty Boomstick, and charged at the remaining stalkers. I swung my sword, at the first one, cutting off its head and causing it to disappear. The next one dodged my first swing, and it stabbed its broken horn into my thigh. I gasped, and the second stalker sliced its razor sharp hooves at me, leaving two bloody lines.

I slashed at the stalker that was still attached to my leg, and sliced open its neck, killing it instantly. Unfortunately, this left me open to an attack from the remaining stalker, and it leaped at my throat, ready to tear open my neck-

-when a bolt of purple light shot out, and hit the stalker right in its eye. The monster disappeared, and I let out a sigh of relief. Turning, I saw that Twilight was standing outside, her eyes wide with shock.

“I…I killed it,” She said, looking at the spot where the monster was.

I limped over to her, picking up the Boomstick from the ground, and patted her on the head. “Good shot Ace.”

“But…I killed it…”

“Twilight.” She looked at me, and I smiled. “Don’t feel bad. That was a Shadow-Stalker, a magical construct that doesn’t have feelings, or even a soul. Come on, I need to explain this to everypony.”

We walked inside, and I dismissed my Traveler’s Blade. I looked at the ponies, and said conversationally, “Want a drink? I know that I could sure use one.”

XHXHXHXHXHX

A few minutes later, we all sat around the Kitchen table (Well, I sat, the ponies stood). I poured myself a glass of Dew, and took a small sip. The ponies all had a glass of apple juice in front of them, and they left it untouched.

The Shadow-Stalker was still in its bubble, making snarling noises as it thrashed about. I glared at it, and said, “Twilight, any chance you could make that bubble soundproof?”

She nodded, as her horn glowed for a moment. The Stalker went silent, but that just made it thrash about more violently.

“So…I guess I’ll just go ahead and answer the question that you all want to know: What is that?” I said, placing my cup on the table. “That…is a shadow-stalker. They’re beings of evil that are created to serve their master, and do his will. There are several types of shadow-stalkers, each with their own unique powers and functions. However, they all lack a conscience, and do not even have a soul.”

Fluttershy raised her hoof into the air, as if this were a classroom, and asked, “But they still feel, don’t they?”

I shook my head. “Not exactly. They can only feel the emotions they were made with. Take this,” I tapped the bubble, “For example. This is a ponified version of the basic Shadow-Stalker. Right now, I like to call them Imps. Basically, they’re used as foot-soldiers, or scouts. They feel naught but anger, and have little, if any, intelligence. Weak, but very cunning, and they always appear in groups of three or more.”

I winced as I shifted in my seat. Twilight noticed for the first time that I had been wounded, and she said, “Omnius, I’m sorry, I didn’t notice that you were hurt! Would you like me to heal you?”

“If it isn’t too much trouble.”

She trotted over to me, and looked at the wounded leg. Her horn glowed, as she touched it to the poorly bandaged area, and I gasped. It felt like she had just poured ice water into my veins, and I watched in amazement, as the wounds closed instantly.

“Where’d you learn how to do that?” I asked.

“Remember that muffin epidemic?”

Pinkie and I both shuddered, as Applejack winced. “Yeah. I can’t believe those muffins did that. Good thing I was on a Danish kick that day,” I said, patting my stomach.

“Look, ah said ah was sorry!” Applejack said defensively.

“We know, we know,” I said, laughing. “Twilight, if you would continue.”

“Well when we were done helping the sick, Nurse Redheart loaned me some of her medical books, and some of them had healing spells in them.”

I nodded. “Ah. Say, how did you know that the spell would work on me in my human form?”

“Um…I didn’t?” She said, grinning sheepishly. “The book just said that the spell would close any open wounds, and…”

I facepalmed. “Well, thanks anyway Twilight. At least now you know that it works.”

The Imp threw itself against the bubble again, angry at being ignored. I glared at it, and then said, “Anymore questions about Shadow-Stalkers?”

Rarity hesitated, before asking, “How many kinds of beasts like these are there?”

“Lots. Ivy has an entire section of the Timeless Library devoted to them. That reminds me…” I reached over, and hit a button that was hidden underneath the table. “Ivy? Can you hear me alright?”

There was a brief pause, before Ivy answered, “Affirmative.”

“Good. Ivy, add another entry on Shadow-Stalkers, Imp variety.”

Another brief pause, as I felt Ivy probe through my memories, then, “Entry added. New form recorded. New attacks recorded. New weakness rec-”

“Thanks Ivy, we get it,” I interrupted. “Thank you.”

“A pleasure to serve.”

I got up from the table, and chugged the rest of my soda. “Now then, where were we?”

“Wait a second,” Applejack said suddenly. “You said somethin’ bout them having a ‘master’ right?”

I sighed, and said, “I might have mentioned it.”

“So who’s this feller’s master?”

I washed the cup silently, not sure of how to answer.

“Hey? Didn’t you hear her?” Rainbow Dash said loudly. “Who do these things work for?”

I slowly put the cup back into its place on the counter, and then stood there, not facing the ponies. Finally, I answered, “Do you remember that unicorn you all saw before, when Trixie was in town?”

They nodded, and Rarity said, “Who was he?”

“To understand that, you need to hear a story…And be forewarned,” I said in a quiet voice, all traces of humor gone. “What I’m about to tell you must never be spoken of to anypony. It must remain a secret between us. Do you promise to keep it a secret?”

They all nodded once again, and Pinkie Pie said, “Cross my heart and hope to fly, stick a cupcake in my eye!”

I grinned. “Alright…Now then, let me tell you something that is true for all realities: There are Gods, capital G, and Goddesses…”

XHXHXHXHXHXHX

Once I finished telling them the ‘Story of the Travelers’ (which can be read about in the intro) Fluttershy said, “So that unicorn was…”

“Torrentican, The Endless Traveler of Evil.” I felt my hands curl up into fists, and I added, “He’s the one who created the Shadow-Stalkers.”

“And nopony knows his real name?” Applejack asked.

“Nope. Except to the Gods and Goddesses of Evil, his real name is unknown. Heck, I don’t even know if he’s human or not,” I confessed.

“You still haven’t answered mah other question!”

“Which was?”

“Why have you been cooped up in here?”

I pulled out my Boomstick, and started absently cleaning it, saying, “When I went to Zecora’s place, after we had gotten the Poison Joke cure, I saw Shadow-Stalker tracks. They were too big for Imps, so I figured that Torrentican must have started placing them in strategic places around town.” I tightened the strap on the holster, and added, “I’m getting ready to go into the forest and try and find them.”

“What are you gonna do when you find ‘em?” Applejack asked.

I slid the Boomstick into my holster, and summoned my Traveler’s Blade. “Get rid of ‘em.”

“Well, we better hurry if we want to find them,” Twilight said, right before she teleported out of my house. A moment later, she reappeared carrying a set of purple saddlebags on her back.

“What’s this ‘we’ stuff Kemosabe?” I asked, shifting the blade onto my shoulders.

“Well we ain’t just gonna let you wander off into the forest by yourself!” Applejack said, grinning. “Twi, would you mind grabbing mah bags too? They’re next to mah bed at the farm.”

“Not a problem,” Twilight said, teleporting again.

“Oh no! Y’all ain’t coming with me, this is something I gotta do myself,” I tried to argue.

“No it’s not!” Pinkie Pie said, bouncing up to me. “We’re friends right? And friends help each other, so we’re going with you whether you like it or not! Oooh! I should pack snacks!”

With that, she ran off screen, returning a few seconds later with her bags fully packed.

“Pinkie, how did you do that?” Rarity asked, a look of weary confusion on her face.

“I ran, silly,” Pinkie giggled.

I looked at Rarity and shrugged. “Hey, it’s Pinkie Pie. I’ve learned not to ask by now.”

Rarity agreed with me, saying, “Yes, I suppose you’re right.”

I looked at my Blade, and frowned. “I’m gonna shift into Unicorn form real quick. I don’t want to scare Zecora when we go and see her.”

“We’re going to Zecora’s?” Fluttershy asked softly.

After I had shifted, I levitated the Blade with my magic, and swung it experimentally. It made a slight whistling sound as it slashed through the air, and I nodded in satisfaction. “Glad to see I can still use this. And to answer your question, yes, we’re going to Zecora’s first. She might have seen something that could point us in the right direction.”

“Oh,” Fluttershy responded.

Twilight chose that moment to return, struggling to hold up Applejack’s heavy bags. “What’s-oof- in these?” She gasped out, dropping them to the floor.

Applejack tossed the bags over her shoulders, and said, “Oh, just some essentials.”

“Is everypony ready now?” I asked impatiently.

“So you’re letting us come with you then?” Applejack said smugly.

“Yeah, yeah,” I grumbled. “Y’all are too stubborn, and I’m too impatient to wait around and argue with you. So let’s go!”

XHXHXHXHXHX

After Twilight finished grabbing everypony’s bags (and after I had given her a shot of soda to perk her up –she liked it by the way) we marched into the forest towards Zecora’s hut. As we walked, I made sure to examine the forest floor, searching for any sign of the shadow-stalkers.

“Omnius?” Fluttershy asked shyly.

I looked up from the ground, and smiled at Fluttershy. “What’s up?”

“Well, you said that Torrentican can make more of those monsters, so what’s to stop him from making more once we get rid of the ones that are already here?”

I grinned. “Good question Fluttershy. Remember that stalker I had Twilight put into a bubble?”

“Yes?” She said it as if it were more a question than an answer.

“Do you remember how it suddenly vanished after a few minutes?”

Pinkie giggled, and added, “I bet the viewers were really confused and thought that we had just forgotten about it!”

I laughed with her as everypony gave us a weird look. “What are you talking about?” Rarity asked.

I waved her off, and reduced the laughing to a small chuckle. “Nothing you would get. Oh, my past self is gonna hate me for this!”

This made all of the ponies gathered, even Pinkie, more confused. “What do you mean, ‘Past self’?” Rarity asked.

I clamped a hoof over my mouth, cursing myself for the slip of the tongue. “Oops. Um, how do I explain this…Well, I explained how in other worlds, this might be a book, or an opera, correct? Well, uh…” I tried to come up with a better way of saying it, but all I could come up with was, “My past self is seeing all of this in a vision.”

“Right, you did mention how you can see visions of your future on other worlds!” Twilight said, her inner scientist taking control. “Does this mean that you’ve already seen everything that’s going to happen here?”

“Erm, yeah, but I kinda, had to, you know, um, wipe my memory clean so that I wouldn’t try to alter the future,” I said, stammering slightly.

“Hmm, that would make sense! You said yourself that we would forget seeing you in your human form if it would alter the story too much…Is this another form of that?” Twilight asked.

“Yep. Hey look, it’s Zecora’s place!” I said, glad that the interrogation was over. “Let’s go!”

XHXHXHXH

- STOP THAT SCREEN WIPE!!!

“Oops, almost forgot,” I said, smacking my head again. “When nopony was looking, I warped the Imp into the stable, where it’ll be fully analyzed and then destroyed.”

“But what about Torrentican? Can’t he just make more once we get rid of the others?” Rainbow Dash asked, still confused.

“He can only create a certain amount at a certain time. Since a Goddess of Good is in charge of the night, the time when he can make shadow-stalkers, that means that he has to wait until it’s a new moon, and even then, he can only choke out a few at a time,” I explained.

“So…how many can he make right now?” Rainbow scratched her head as she considered what I just said.

I did some mental calculations, and answered, “I’d wager that he could pump out forty-five imps at a time, but since it looks like he went ahead and made bigger ones, then…I can’t say.”

“You mean you don’t have any idea?”

“Sorry, but it’s kind of hard to predict what he’s thinking. It’s part of what makes him so dangerous. You’ll never be able to predict his next attack, because he can predict what you think he thinks!”

“…That doesn’t make any sense,” Rainbow said simply.

“Join the club.”

Okay screen wipe, you can come out now!

XHXHXHXHX

I knocked on the door of Zecora’s hut, and called out, “Zecora? I need to talk to you about something real quick!”

The door opened to reveal a surprised looking zebra with turquoise, almond shaped eyes, wearing several golden bands around her neck and forelegs. The zebra smiled, and said in a sing-song chant, “Hello Omnius, it is good to see you. I believe I could spare a word or two.”

I couldn’t help but grin. The fact that Zecora could rhyme whenever she spoke was just plain awesome to me. I don’t know why, but come on! It’s a rhyming zebra that can brew up anything from Poison Joke cures, to a hair growth potion that would put Rogaine to shame.

“Good to see you too,” I replied. “Listen, you haven’t seen anything unusual around here lately, have you?” I asked, getting straight to the point. We had no time to waste, and I wanted to make sure that the Shadow-Stalkers wouldn’t do anything.

Zecora thought for a moment, and said, “A lot of strange things I have seen, but what exactly do you mean?”

Tee-hee. Rhyming. Sorry, I’ll stay focused!

“Well, have you seen any tracks that don’t match anything you’ve ever seen?” I said, trying to think of a way to ask it. “Or maybe anything that sounds like it’s pissed and out for blood?”

The herbalist tilted her head, and said, “There is something that matches that you see, but I don’t know what it could be!”

“Where did you see it?” I asked, absently adjusting the holster on my back. I had already figured out how to use magic to fire my Boomstick, but it was the only gun I could currently use, as the Armory (the weapons section of The Vault) was currently under its monthly maintenance.

Zecora’s eyes narrowed, and she said, “There is more to them than meets the eyes…You should avoid them, if you are wise.”

I sighed, and said, “You wouldn’t believe how many times I’ve heard something like that. Don’t worry Z, I know what I’m doing.” My eyes hardened, and I said in a voice like steel, “These monsters need to be stopped before they can hurt anypony. If you know anything that could help us find them, you have to tell us. Please.”

Zecora looked at me, and after a long moment, nodded. “You’re telling the truth, of that I can tell, so heed my words, and listen well!”

She pointed down the path, and told us how a few nights ago she had seen some strange paw prints in the dirt. Zecora led us to the tracks in question, and even though it had been a few nights, the imprint was still easily seen in the undisturbed path.

I bent over, and put my hoof in the center of the catlike print. My hoof was just big enough to fit inside the center of the imprint, and I nodded, unsurprised. I turned to Zecora, and asked, “Did you hear something that sounded like a cat screeching, or something?”

She raised her eyebrow, and said, “I do recall hearing that sound, and it reminded me of evil unbound!”

I winced. I was afraid of that. “Alright, that’s all I needed to know. You shouldn’t have to worry about these things for a while now. Thanks for your help Zecora.”

“It was no trouble to help you my friend,” She answered, smiling. “I just hope that these creatures will meet their end.”

“You and me both sister,” I answered. Zecora left, and when she was out of earshot, I turned to the others, and said, “Alright, I have a better idea of what we’re up against.” I levitated a swath of hair that had been caught on some nearby branches, and held it out to Applejack. She touched it with her hoof, and shivered.

“Why is that thing so dern cold?” She asked.

“If I’m right, then this is the hair of an Ice Leopard Shadow-Stalker.” I passed the hair around, and they all touched it, each of them shivering from the chill they felt. “Maybe a bit smaller than a manticore, but what they lack in size, they more than make up for with their fangs and claws.”

I levitated the hair back to me, and with a quick thought, incinerated it in a small orb of light.

“Why do you call them ‘Ice Leopards’?” Twilight asked, deciding not to ask why I just burned our only piece of evidence that proved that Shadow-Stalkers were in the area.

“Because instead of normal bones, they have heavily condensed pieces of ice. That’s why you have to watch out for their claws and teeth. If they manage to scratch you, there’s a good chance that your blood will freeze from their sheer coldness.” Note to self: Find better way of describing it. “They have the appearance of black leopards, with some noticeable differences, like a small mane made of frost, they don’t have tails, and they always work in pairs, along with a few underlings.”

I walked deeper into the woods, and kept talking as I walked. “They prefer to try and go in for sneak attacks, so keep up your guard. They hate bright light, and heat, but a good buck to their face will do just fine as well. If you can take out their eyes, you’ll instantly get rid of them, but it’s pretty bucking hard to do.”

“Why’s that?” Rainbow Dash asked, hovering in the air, and looking around too.

“Two reasons,” I said, levitating my blade in front of me, and swinging it as an improvised machete. “One is that Ice Leopards are actually pretty smart. They know how to use the environment to their advantage, and are capable of giving out basic commands to lesser Shadow-Stalkers. Two, they can breathe ice.”

“Breathe ice?” Applejack asked, confused. “You mean like freeze breath or somethin’?”

“Yep.”

We kept going through the forest, searching for any sign of a shadow-stalker, until it eventually started to get dark.

“Maybe we should head back,” Fluttershy suggested quietly, her eyes darting around rapidly. “I mean, we’re not going to be able to see them like this, right?”

I stopped suddenly, and the ponies walked into me, not expecting me to stop like that. “You’re absolutely right,” I said, feeling like an idiot. I pulled out my Boomstick, and aimed it at the sky.

“Omnius, what are you do-”

BOOM!

Everypony winced at the loud sound that the Boomstick made, and I grinned crazily. “That should get their attention.”

“ARE YOU CRAZY!?” Twilight yelled at me.

“A little. Why?”

“You just alerted everything within a five mile radius of where we are!” She shouted angrily, while I grinned all the while.

“That’s the point my dear bookworm,” I said, looking around. I blinked when I saw my breath come out in a puff of steam, and added, “Looks like it worked. Get your game face on ponies!”

There was an ear piercing shriek, and a shimmering blue blur shot out of the trees above me, and attempted to sink its claws into my neck. I aimed the Boomstick at the blur, and right before it landed on me, shot it in the face. The buckshot tore apart its face, and it disappeared in a spray of mist. I whirled around, and spotted a few Imps charging towards the others.

“Girls, behind you!” I shouted.

Applejack went into action, bucking at the creatures, while Rainbow Dash dive-bombed them, stomping on their heads with her hooves, dazing them so that A.J could take them out easier. Twilight and Rarity stood off a little ways away, magically hurling rocks, and whatever else they could grab, at the shadow-stalkers, taking them out. Pinkie Pie and Fluttershy both darted around, getting the stalkers’ attention, and they drew them into the unicorns’ line of fire, doing an excellent job of being live bait.

I grinned with satisfaction as I watched them fight. They may not have been used to the idea of violence, but they sure knew how to work together to get thing taken care of.

A sudden raking pain across my back snapped me out of my thoughts, and I cursed myself for not paying attention. With a snarl, I turned to see that the remaining Ice Leopard had already escaped into the trees, and was getting ready for another attack.

“Okay, so that’s the way you want to play,” I grumbled, aiming my Boomstick at the trees. The monster leaped out of the trees, and pounced at me, knocking away the gun with a swipe of its paws.

“…Not fair!” I shouted, ducking another swipe. I summoned my blade, and started to go on the offensive, slashing at the monster. I lunged at it, and got ready to bring my sword down on it-

-when with a feral smile, it opened its mouth, and encased my blade in a block of ice. The sword fell to the ground, and I quickly jumped back.

“Why can’t I lift my sword with my magic?” I yelled, as the Ice Leopard clawed at my foreleg, leaving a long thin scratch that was lined with frost. I could only imagine my back looking almost exactly like that, and I gulped.

I charged a light orb, and flung it at the shadow-stalker. The stalker nimbly jumped to the side, cleanly avoiding it, and it pounced at me again. I rolled away, and the stalker jumped into the trees, quickly disappearing from view.

“Alright, that’s it,” I finally shouted. “No more Mr. Nice Pony!”

I closed my eyes, and started to summon an Aura. Just before I could bring it up, the Ice Leopard pounced at me, breaking my concentration.

“SON OF A BITCH!” I swore, avoiding another attack. My sleep deprived mind wasn’t making things easier, and the pain from the wounds on my back were distracting me as well. I tried lifting my sword in my teeth, only to be rewarded with a stinging pain on my tongue. “TOO COLD!”

Okay, think for a second here Omnius! You can’t use your Blade because of that ice (my mind finally remembered that the ice was somehow enchanted to thwart all forms of levitation magic…thanks for letting me know now, brain, instead of earlier, when it was useful!), and you can’t focus enough to bring up an Aura…wait, maybe I can.

I leaped to the side, running from the Ice Leopard, and called out, “APPLEJACK! I NEED YOUR HELP WITH SOMETHING!”

The farmpony looked up from where she had just kicked an Imp, and her eyes widened when she saw me. She quickly ran over to me, and stood her ground, snorting at the Ice Leopard.

“Having some trouble there pardner?” She asked, never taking her eyes off the creature.

“A little. Hey, A.J, are there any matches inside of your bags?” I asked, standing by her. The Ice Leopard stood a little ways away, its eyes narrowed as it watched us.

“Yeah, but I don’ think that a small little match ain’t gonna do much against that varmint,” She replied.

“Which bag?”

“The one next to you. Omnius, what are you thinking?”

I didn’t answer, but instead used my magic to rifle through her bag, until I came up with a small box of matches. I gleefully took on out, and lit it, the small flame eliciting a hiss from the shadow-stalker.

“What are you doing?” A.J asked, looking at me now. I grinned, and then used the already flaming match to light the rest of them, creating a small fireball. With a slight wince at what I was about to do, I pressed the fireball against the wounds on my back, and grit my teeth against the sudden pain.

Okay, now comes the fun part…focus on that pain…

I felt an intense burning on my back, and even though the flame stayed there, I felt the burn start to pour through the rest of my tired body.

Focus on the burning…

A fire lit inside of my chest, and it made me howl, the pressure of it building slowly, until I couldn’t hold it anymore.

UNLEASH!

I roared in both pain and defiance, and summoned my Blazing Aura. Small fires erupted around my hooves, and my beard erupted into small flames, dancing in a gleeful blaze. The air around me got considerably warmer, and my mane and tail both erupted into flames, while I let out a mad grin.

“Omnius?” Applejack asked, looking at me in surprise. “What in tarnation happened to ya?”

I snorted, and small puffs of smoke came out of my nose. I reared back, and said, “I. AM. ON. FIIIIIIRRRREEE!”

I stomped my front hooves on the ground, and charged at the stalker, small patches of flame flaring up whenever my hooves touched the grass, leaving a small trail of scorch marks. The Ice Leopard knew what was coming, and it rushed out to meet me, howling all the while. It leaped into the air, and lunged at me, claws extended, and I felt the tip of my horn glow white hot. A beam of fire shot out of it, and hit the stalker on the chest, igniting it. The leopard rolled in mid-air, thrown by the force of the fire, and somehow managed to land on its feet, glaring at me all the while.

It stuck out its tongue, and frantically licked the burns, ice replacing the patches of burnt fur. I smirked, and said, “Get out of the kitchen.”

The stalker and I circled each other, and before I could react, the Ice Leopard ran at me, and slashed at my face. I stepped back, and let instinct take control. I lobbed a fireball at it, and it dodged, countering with a quick puff of ice. I simply stuck out my chin, and let my flaming beard take the blow, easily melting the ice and creating a cloud of steam.  The stalker hissed, and sent more puffs of ice my way. I quickly hit each puff with a small burst of fire, and I wondered what the stalker was up to.

I suddenly had to resist the urge to smack myself. The Ice Leopard had created a large mist that encompassed the both of us, and I could barely see two steps in front of me. I took a tentative step forward, and nearly tripped. I looked down, and grinned. My sword was laying on the ground in front of me, and with a quick tap from my hooves, I melted the ice that encompassed it.

An orange aura encompassed the sword as I lifted it off the ground, and slashed it through the fog. There was an angry hiss, and I called out, “Pinkie!”

I heard her voice respond, “Yeah?”

“Do you happen to have a record player with you?”

I heard the sound of a bunch of things falling onto the ground, and then- “Yep!”

“You still have that record I lent you the other day?”

“You mean the one with The Trammps?”

“That’s it. Play it.”

There was a short scratching sound, and then suddenly, disco music started to play. I grinned manically, and shouted at the stalker, “This here is a personal favorite that goes out to all the fire users out there…

The cat howled in anger, and charged at me, its claws raking against my side. I took the blow, and stabbed it with my blade in retaliation. As I stabbed it, I started singing, “Burn, baby, burn, Disco inferno!”

With a final howl of pain, the Ice Leopard disappeared, having taken too much damage for it to have survived. I turned my gaze to the rest of the imps, and…felt my jaw drop. The girls had already taken care of all of them, and I was the last to take care of my cat problem.

I blinked, and said, “Wow. For a race of supposedly non-violent ponies, you girls sure know how to kick some serious flank.”

They laughed (well, everypony but Fluttershy, who just looked a little nervous) and I dismissed my sword, and picked up the Boomstick. Pinkie turned off the record player, and then shoved it back into her saddlebags (How does she blatantly ignore the laws of physics, and why doesn’t it bother me?).

“Aren’t ya gonna get rid of that, uh, Aura thingie too?” Applejack asked, beads of sweat on her face.

I shook my head, and said, “Not until we get back to my place. We might have gotten rid of the stalkers, but I still have those scratches that the cats gave me. My heat will keep them from getting any worse, and by the time we get back, they should be completely gone.” Well, the frost part at least. The scratches themselves would still be there, and my back would still be a mess of burned skin.

“Let’s go back,” I said, smiling.

We walked through the forest, my flames lighting the way.

XHXHXHXHXHXHXHX

We made it as far as Fluttershy’s cottage, before I felt my strength start rapidly draining. I started swaying, and I had to drop the Aura before I passed out. I swayed on my hooves, the world spinning, and I grunted as I fell to the ground.

“Omnius!” Fluttershy yelped, flying over to me. She looked at my back, and said in a small, yet fierce, voice, “Why didn’t you tell anypony about these?”

“Is there something on my back?” I said meekly, not fooling anypony. “I’m fine thought. I should be able to make it back to my house at least, and then I can put on some of that burn ointment I paid Zecora ma-” I clamped my hooves over my mouth, cursing my stupidity.

“You had Zecora make you burn medicine?” Twilight asked, tilting her head.

I grimaced, but then nodded. “Yeah.”

“How did you get the bits to pay fer it?” Applejack asked, her eyes narrowing in suspicion.

“Oh, I, um, just had some spare bits…”

“For that matter, how did ya manage to pay for the furniture in your house?” She continued.

“Drop it please,” I said, shifting nervously on the ground.

Luckily, I was saved from having to answer any questions by Fluttershy, who said, “Girls! Now isn’t the time to bother him! He’s hurt.” She flew over to me, and she wedged herself underneath my arm, helping me up. I leaned on her, and she led me to her cottage, saying, “You can stay at my house tonight. Goodnight girls!”

The others said their goodbyes, and I added, “Hey…um, thanks for the help. I couldn’t have done it without you girls. Thanks.”

Rainbow Dash shrugged, and said, “Nah, it was nothing! Besides, did you SEE me take out those imps? BAM!” She went on, flying off, not really noticing that I wasn’t paying attention.

Fluttershy opened her door, and led me to her couch, where I collapsed on it gratefully.

“Thanks Shy,” I said, unable to turn my head without my back flaring in pain. She smiled softly, and flew into her kitchen, where she started to rifle through random cupboards, looking for something.

I looked over the arm of the couch, and saw a small fluffy white rabbit. “Hi Angel Bunny,” I said simply.

The bunny grinned, and then hopped onto my head, making himself comfortable. I let out a sigh, and said, “I’ll never understand why Fluttershy named you Angel Bunny, when something like, oh, I dunno, Punk, or Bugs, would have fit you more.”

Angel stomped his foot onto my head, telling me to shut up, and he arranged my hair into a comfortable pillow. He settled down, satisfied, and just sat there, simply not giving a fuck.

Needless to say, me and the bunny got along surprisingly well. Both of us were protective of the ones we cared about, we liked the occasional troll, and come on! He’s a violent, sadistic, loving bunny! What’s not to like about that? He’s the kid friendly version of the Demon Rabbit from Monty Python!

“Good day then?” I asked him conversationally, as I felt him put his arms behind his head as he reclined on my hair.

He nodded, and I felt him draw an arrow with his foot that pointed to my back.

“Got in a tussle. Monsters that wanted to hurt the others. We won though.”

Angel nodded, and then drew another arrow in the direction of Fluttershy.

“She held herself surprisingly well. She got some of the monsters closer to the others, so they could be whammied by Twilight or Rarity.”

I could feel the disbelief that emanated off of him, as he redrew the arrow.

“Yeah. She was pretty brave. She’s letting me stay here so my back can heal. You know, she reminds me of my girl, Jenna.”

Confusion. He drew a question mark on my head, and I chuckled slightly. “What? Just because I can live forever, it doesn’t mean that I’ve never fallen in love…Gods and Goddesses, I miss Jenna…”

“Who’s Jenna?” I heard Fluttershy ask, holding a towel with a bowl of some sort of green ice in it.

“Oh, Fluttershy, I um…” I stammered, and then decided, Fuck it. I can tell her at least.

“She was my…girlfriend, I guess you could say. Kind of like you actually,” I chuckled. “Kind, gentle, and quiet. She was a healer, a white mage, for lack of a better word. She had soft red hair like a sunset, and sea-green eyes that could ease your pain just by looking at them.” I sighed, her image returning to my mind full force. “She always tried to help others, and she never had a bad thing to say about anyone. She could see the light in a black hole.”

“She sounds nice,” Fluttershy said, packing the ice into the towel. She lowered it onto my back, and I stifled a gasp. “Oh my, I’m sorry, I should have told you before I-”

I waved her apology off, and said, “No worries Shy. I know that you know what you’re doing. I trust you.”

She smiled, and put another ice pack onto my back. “Where is she now?”

“She’s dead. Has been for a small while now,” I tied to say casually. “I tried to bring her back to life, but we both realized that it wasn’t right. I mean, if I could decide when people could live and die, that would make me a God, and that’s not what I am. She helped me realize that…So now she’s resting in heaven, and I’m still alive and kicking…” I sniffed, and Angel actually patted my head comfortingly. “I miss her.” I stated simply.

Angel shifted uncomfortably, and I pushed a clump of my hair up a little. “Better?”

He nodded, and relaxed again.

“Don’t mention it.”

Fluttershy sniffed, and said, “Oh dear, I’m sorry that I asked, it can’t be easy to deal with something like that…”

I let out a wry grin, and said, “Naw, I don’t mind. It helps actually. Helps me remember her…” I trailed off, falling silent as I lost myself in my memories.

“What did she like to do?” Fluttershy asked.

“She loved singing. She had this haunting voice that just called out to you, and I swear, even the birds would stop and listen when she sang. She liked to take long walks on the beach, especially during the sunset,” I answered.  “She was so beautiful when she did that…The sun would caress her hair gently, transforming her hair into strands of golden light, and the waves would gently grasp her, as if the ocean itself wanted her to claim it as her own…But instead, she claimed me. The bumbling, smart-aleck, Eternal Traveler of Good.”

I felt the pain in my back start to lessen, and I asked, “What was in them ice cubes? It’s working great!”

“Oh, Zecora gave me some herbs to help me treat some animals.”

“Ah. She sure knows her plants, huh?”

We were both silent for a long moment, and the only sound that could be heard was the soft snores of Angel, as he slept in my mane.  

“How did she…”

“Die?” I finished. She blushed, but nodded slightly. “Don’t be afraid to ask me Fluttershy. If there’s anything you want to know, or just want to ask me, go ahead and ask.” I took a deep breath. “It was actually during the adventure I had before I came to this world…My friend’s girlfriend had been kidnapped by a guy named The Lord of The Land. Or at least, what remained of him. Anyways, Jenna and I volunteered to go with Gordon on a rescue mission, and try and save her…We made it to his castle…fought past all of his minions…saved Shizukana, the damsel in distress, and met The Lord of the Land in one final, all-or-nothing battle.”

I felt tears brim in my eyes, as I remembered…

“What happened next?” Fluttershy asked.

“…I fought him in a sword fight, and lost. Just as he was about to deal the final blow, Jenna used her magic to call up a shield to protect me. Since he couldn’t get through it…He killed Jenna.”

I shook my head, tears flowing now, and continued in a low, husky voice. “I lost control, and unleashed my Dark Aura. One of the most powerful Auras I have, and the most uncontrollable. I beat The Lord of the Land, and my friends then had to beat the hell out of me, just to make sure I didn’t go on a rampage and destroy that world. They won, barely, and I destroyed the Dark Aura.”

Fluttershy gulped, and said, “I’m so sorry. I shouldn’t have asked you, it was wrong of me to…”

I grabbed her hoof, and held it for a moment. “Don’t worry. It actually feels better to finally tell somepony that. Thanks.” She smiled softly, and then yawned.

“What time is it?” I looked at a clock, and whistled. “Wow. One in the morning…You should get to sleep Shy.”

She nodded, and then she gently gave me a pillow, saying, “You should probably stay on the couch…I mean, it would be bad if you reopened the scratches on your back…”

I nodded, and accepted the pillow gratefully. She then gently pulled a blanket over me, and tucked me in. I felt like a little kid, and almost wanted to protest, but then decided that it wasn’t worth it. She was just doing her best to make me comfortable.

She put a small blanket over Angel, who instantly wrapped himself in it, and fluffed up a small patch of my hair, making himself comfortable.

“This is gonna be awkward if I have to go to the bathroom in the middle of the night,” I mumbled. Angel tapped me on the side of the head, and I added, “I know, I know, shut up and let you sleep. Got it.”

He nodded, and went back to sleep. I looked at Fluttershy, and said, “Thanks Fluttershy…I’ll see you in the morning then…”

“Goodnight Sean…”

“Night Fluttershy.”

With that, I closed my eyes, and let sleep overtake me for the first time in almost four days…

Pinkie Senses...TINGLING!

Chapter 12:

Pinkie Senses…TINGLING!

(Takes place during ‘Feeling Pinkie Keen’)

With a groan of effort, I turned the final crank on the wheel of my ‘project’ that I had been tinkering with for the past few weeks. The ropes that were attached to it tightened, and it took all of my strength to give it that last push. Once I heard the ‘click’ that signified it locking into position, I stumbled backwards, and looked at the final results.

“Took me a little bit,” I said to myself. “But hey, I finally finished it.” I took off my sweat-soaked bandana, and stuffed it into my pocket, and then pulled a small, beat-up looking pocket notebook from my shirt pocket. Clicking the top of my pen, I started to frantically write in it, recording that I had finished my recreation, and was planning on testing it as soon as possible, to see if I had gotten it right.

I closed the book as soon as I had finished writing in it, and stuffed it back into my shirt. Looking at my project, I nodded, and said, “Yep. This calls for a fine glass…of champagne…” Only I pronounced it, sham-panya, just because I could.

I popped open a bottle of Code Red, and guzzled it, letting the cold drink cool my slightly tired body. It had taken a lot of effort to push the huge contraption outside of my basement, and even more to make sure that everything on it was still in place and prepared for its maiden voyage.

“I still can’t believe…I finally built a freaking CATAPULT!” I yelled, tossing the bottle inside of a trash can.

Indeed, the catapult was one of the biggest things I had built, and I had made sure that I used only medieval materials in its construction (but used modernized tools). Currently, the arm of the catapult was pulled back, ready to launch anything that would be placed into it, and fling it across a vast distance…and of course, the first thing it was going to launch, was moi.

“Why do I always have to test out these things?” I asked myself jokingly. “Is it because I can’t die? Or is it because I’m too dumb to hire a test dummy? No, wait, it’s because I’m an idiot.”

I shrugged, and shifted into Pegasus form. From what I’ve seen of Rainbow Dash’s practice sessions, it was gonna be my best bet for making it through this little test without any serious injury. Pegasi might seem fragile, but they can take a surprising amount of falling damage. Maybe they maxed out their agility or something, I don’t know.

I climbed into the firing mechanism, and clenched a throwing dagger in my mouth, being careful not to slice open my tongue on it. Once I was settled comfortably, I picked up the dagger in my hoof, and aimed it at the rope I had tied off to the side. The rope was stretched tightly, and it would take only the slightest bit of slicing to release that tension, and thus propel me through the air.

Before I tossed the dagger, I musingly thought to myself, “You know, I’ve heard that some people have normal hobbies, like gardening or painting, but me? I like to build random contraptions, write, and play a harmonica, just to list a few…maybe I’ll ask Zecora if she has any azalea seeds after this.”

I shrugged, and tossed the dagger through the air, where it hit the edge of the rope…with the hilt. “Dammit,” I cursed good-naturedly. I picked up a spare knife that I had brought just for such an occasion, and tossed it, where it just missed the rope entirely.

“Dammit.”

I flew out, awkwardly turning from side to side in the air (I was still trying to master the art of flying in pony form), and landed next to the fallen knife. Picking it up, I flew back over to the cup shaped part of the catapult (I forget what those are called), and aimed at the rope again. “Third time’s the charm,” I muttered, before I sent the dagger flying through the air.

SLICE! I looked over in a random direction, and said, “Remember kids, don’t try this at home. I’m what you call, a certifiable loony.”

No longer restrained by the rope, the arm of the catapult snapped forward, and I was sent flying through the air.

“LOOK’S LIKE TEAM TRAVELER IS BLASTING OFF AGAIN!” I shouted, as I flew through the air, my eyes watering violently.

I looked down, and saw that Ponyville had turned into an unidentifiable, color filled blur, as I swooped over it. Adrenaline coursed through me, and my heart beat like a jackhammer. The wind rushed through my mane, and there was every possibility that I was going to crash into something that would probably break a few important bones in my body.

Rollercoaster’s can suck it.

I sailed through the air, catching the wind in my wings, and then realized: The library was getting uncomfortably closer. So I guess that I’m just gonna have to do what I always do in a situation like this:

“I REGRET NOTHING!” I yelled, bracing myself for impact. Just as I was about to crash, a giant pillow was tossed in front of me, and I crashed into it, instead of the wall I was headed for. I made an “OOF!” sound, and then fell onto the ground, as stars flew around me.

Okay, again with the stars! Screw it, this time I’m grabbing one! I reached out with a hoof, snatched one of the stars, and shoved into my pocket. Wait a second, did I just grab a star? Moreover, a star that had just been flying around my head a few seconds ago? Instead of questioning this, for now, I choose to never mention to Rainbow Dash that I may have found a way for her to go faster. She’d be all over that faster than lightning bolt on an unsuspecting Traveler.

I picked myself up, and saw that Twilight and Pinkie Pie were both standing over me, Twilight with a look of disbelief on her face, and Pinkie Pie with a large smile on hers.

“Um, sorry to drop in?” I said meekly, looking at both of them. “Thanks for the pillow Twi.”

“That wasn’t me, that was Pinkie Pie,” She said almost angrily.

“Really? Well thanks Pinkie. How’d you know I was gonna crash?” I asked, flapping my wings a few times.

“My tail twitched! That means that something is gonna fall!” She answered cheerfully, her smile getting even bigger.

“Really?” I said, looking at her. “That’s pretty cool. So you have, like a Pinkie sense thing?”

“Mm-hmm,” Pinkie said, nodding happily.

“Oh, please tell me that you don’t believe this too, Omnius!” Twilight groaned in exasperation, looking at me desperately.

“Why shouldn’t I?” I said, confused. “I mean, I’m the Eternal Traveler of Good, I’ve met Good guys, Bad guys, and ugly guys, I’ve been in a lightsaber duel with freaking YODA, and I learned magic from Harry Blackstone Copperfield Dresden!”

“Who?”

“Chicago’s only professional Wizard,” I said simply. At the still confused looks on their faces, I added, “City on another world. It’s another story for another day.”

Twilight just shook her head, and Pinkie giggled. “Okay, but you’re going to have to tell us about it soon!”

“I’ll try,” I promised. I started scratching my beard, and added, “Anyways, why do you find it so hard to believe, Twilight?”

“For one thing, it’s unexplainable!”

“So are half the things I do,” I countered.

“No, they actually have a logical explanation hidden behind them!” Twilight shouted, as all three of us walked into the library. “Now if you excuse me, I have to go set up my equipment!” She added, storming off into her basement.

“Equipment?” I asked carefully. “What are you up to Sparkle?”

“Twilight doesn’t understand my Pinkie Sense,” Pinkie said, shrugging. “So she asked me if she could run some tests on me.”

“Really?” I said, slightly worried. I’d been the victim of Twilight’s experiments once before, and it didn’t work out too well. Look, it’s a long story, and I don’t feel like going into it right now.

“Yep! But I’m sure it won’t be like what happened with you and that static cling remo-”

“We agreed to never mention that again,” I interrupted in a deadpan tone.

Pinkie giggled, and said, “Oopsie! Sorry, Omni. I forgot!”

I sighed, and said, “Oh, it’s fine. Anyways, so what’s with your Pinkie Sense? Can you just tell when things are gonna fall?”

After I said that, Pinkie went on one of her by now famous rambles, only this time, I paid attention to what she was saying. From what I can gather, whenever a certain part of her body twitches, or whenever it twitches in a certain sequence (i.e, eye flutter, floppy ears, itchy knee), then she can use those to sense what is about to happen.

Or, to dumb it down: Whenever she twitches, shit’s about to happen.

As soon as she stopped talking, I nodded in understanding. “Different twitches mean different things. Okay, so what is it when stuff is about to fall?”

“Twitchy tail!” She said, waving her tail in front of my face for emphasis.

I resisted the urge to sneeze, and repeated, “Twitchy tail means falling...Okay, that’s pretty cool!” I started laughing, and added, “It must be really weird when you see a meteor shower though.”

“Why would it be weird?” She said, tilting her head.

“Well since it’s basically just a bunch of rocks falling from the sky, wouldn’t that make your tail twitch like crazy?” I pointed out.

“Nope, that hasn’t ever happened!”

“Really? Weird. But again, I gotta say that that is pretty cool.”

At this time, Twilight burst out of her door, and said, “Aha! It’s ready for you now! Omnius, would you like to see this mystery explained once and for all?”

Urge to snark, rising! Firmly suppressing my smart-ass instincts, I instead politely said, “If it is no trouble to you…”

“Good!” With that, Twilight turned, and walked back down, with me and Pinkie in tow.

XHXHXHXHXHXHXHXHX


Okay, before we go on, I just want to rant for a second. Don’t worry, it won’t be too long, it’s just something that I wanted to point out.

Alright, a couple of things: First, they don’t have T.V. Not necessarily a bad thing, but it’s still something I felt like pointing out. Next, they don’t have any type of automobile. Now, keep all this in mind when I add in the fact that I haven’t seen very many instances of high technology. Sure, I’ve seen some bitchin’ stereos (which I proceeded to buy) and some pretty stellar pieces of photographic equipment.

So, with all of that still fresh in your head, let me ask you something: Why, in the name of all that is Good, does Twilight’s lab look like something out of a Star Trek movie?! No, really! She still had a small bookshelf off to the side that was crammed with all sorts of scientific textbooks, but there were also counters that were loaded with strange looking potions and mixtures, and a set of high-tech scanners/analyzer thingies that were set against a wall. Dude, she even had one of those weird pillars with steel rings around it!

WHY?

Rant over. Sorry to bug you with that, I just wanted to get it out of my system. It doesn’t matter anyways, but still. Someone had to rant about it at some point. Now, on with the actual story, hm?

I stood off to the side, and watched as Twilight put a weird helmet onto Pinkie’s head, and then connected a few wires onto it. To be honest, it looked like someone had just gotten one of them cooking pots with all the holes in it (again, I need to figure out what those are called) and super glued a bunch of Christmas lights onto it.

My attention span suddenly winked out of existence, and I decided to look around. I spied a set of levers off to the side, and let out a low whistle. Twilight looked at me, and I asked, “Hey, Twi, what does this lever do?”

She grinned, and said, “Why don’t you see for yourself?”

I shrugged, and put my hoof on the lever closest to me. Suddenly smiling, I said in a loud dramatic voice, “Pull the lever, Kronk!”

With a quick tug, the lever came down, and a small trapdoor opened underneath me. I quickly unfurled my wings, and flew over to the side, avoiding the pitfall...WRONG. LEVER. I looked at Twilight, who was currently engrossed in the roll of paper that was flying out of a console, and said indignantly, “Hey, what’s the big idea?”

Twilight ignored me, and let out an exasperated sound. “Pinkie, did you feel any twitches when that happened?”

“Nope-erooski!” She replied in her always cheerful manner.

“But why? Your tail should have twitched since he fell!” Twilight said triumphantly. “That means that your Pinkie Sense is-“

“Still possible of happening,” I interrupted, a little miffed at being ignored, “because I technically didn’t fall.”

Twilight blushed, as she realized her mistake, and she giggled nervously. “Oh. Um, sorry.”

I grumbled a little, but said, “S’ alright I suppose. Just please warn me next time you’re gonna do something like that.”

All three of us were silent then, as we waited for something to appear on the charts. It almost felt like you could cut the tension in the air with a knife. Twilight fidgeted a little, and then asked, “Any twitches yet?”

“Nope-Dopey!”

The impatient unicorn walked over to the bin that was being steadily filled with paper, and said, “Now? Anything?”

Pinkie got a look of concentration on her face, and she said, “Wait, hold on!” I leaned closer to her, and after a few seconds, the pink pony said, “Uh, no.”

“Are you kidding me?” Twilight said disbelievingly. “After a whole day of non-stop twitching, now that I’ve got you all hooked up, you’re not getting a single one?”

“I love irony,” I chuckled quietly. Twilight glared daggers at me, and I added, “I mean…No, wait, I still mean irony!” I smiled at her, and I think there was a vein throbbing dangerously on her head.

“If you’re not going to take this seriously, then would you please leave?” Twilight asked, pointedly opening the door with her magic.

Hm…Well, I do need to go and make sure that I keep getting bits, so I think that I’ll take that offer. “Sorry Twi,” I apologized. “I guess it’s just that I don’t think that science is gonna be able to explain this. See ya Pinkie, Twilight.”

I walked back up the stairs, and stepped back into the library. As soon as I shut the door, I looked at Spike, and let out a mad grin. He stepped back, looking at me worriedly, and I said, “They called me mad! I’ll show them mad! I’LL SHOW THEM ALL!”cackling madly all the while, rubbing my front hooves together.

Spike rolled his eyes, and said, “Nice one. Is Twilight down there? I need to ask her something.”

“Yeah, she’s conducting experiments on Pinkie Pie.”

“Doesn’t she remember what happened with y-”

“Ack!” I interrupted, my eyes widening as I shook my head furiously at the small dragon. “That must never be spoken of again!”

He clamped his mouth shut, but giggled. “You have to admit, you have some of the worst luck with lightning.”

Sighing, I rubbed my forehead, where I had been struck by lightning when I got here. “You have no idea…” I chuckled, and walked outside, unfurling my wings. “Spike, if anypony needs me, I’ll be back at my place in about…say, five hours?”

“Alright,” Spike said, putting his hand on the doorknob of the basement door.

I took off, catching the wind in my wings, and clumsily made my way across town, trying not to fall flat on my face (again). Just as I was leaving, I heard a door slam open, and an aggravated moan from a certain unicorn…

Irony strikes again!

XHXHXHXHXHXHXHXHX


I looked around carefully, glancing at a small slip of paper every now and then as I flew. Spotting Derpy, I hovered over to her, and smiled. “Hiya Derpy!” I said cheerfully.

She put a set of letters into a mailbox, and turned to smile back at me. “Hey Omnius! What’re you doing?”

“Trying not to get lost,” I admitted. “Do you know where I can find this address?” I held out the note, and she glanced at it with one of her eyes.  

She nodded, and said, “Oh yeah, I know where! You’re in luck; she’s my next stop on my rounds! I can take you there when I drop off my letters!”

Phew, that saves me a lot of trouble. “Thanks, Derpy.” I flew by her side, and she giggled at my poor flying skills. “Yeah, I’m still trying to get the hang of flying.”

“It’s not too bad,” Derpy lied, trying to make me feel better. “It must have been hard for you to learn to walk in the first place.”

“You have no idea,” I laughed. “I could barely take two steps without falling down. On the bright side, I got to know the ground pretty well.”

We both shared a laugh at that, and Derpy frowned suddenly. “How long DID it take you to learn how to walk?”

I thought about it for a moment, and answered, “Um, I’m gonna guess at least six or seven hours, give or take.”

“What? Then why is it taking you so long to learn how to fly?!” She asked, surprised.

“I dunno. It might have something to do with the fact that if I didn’t learn to walk, or even run, I wouldn’t have been able to help out Apple Bloom,” I shrugged.

We landed in front of a surprisingly simple house, white with a blue tiled roof, and I looked at Derpy. “You sure this is the place?” I asked, concerned.

“Of course! Just don’t go spreading the word that I told you,” She whispered, looking around as if somepony was listening in on our conversation. She hoofed me a small stack of letters, and said, “Since you’re going in there, you may as well take her mail for me!”

“Fair enough. Thanks Derpy!” I said, knocking on the door. She flew off, and waved at me, already disappearing in the sky. A mailpony’s job is never done I guess.

After a couple of minutes, the door cracked open just a hair, revealing a startlingly scarlet colored eye. “Who is it?” A voice asked.

“Pizza delivery,” I deadpanned.

There was the sound of a chain being undone, and the door opened slightly wider, revealing a white unicorn pony with electric blue, frazzled hair. She smiled at me, and said, “There better be extra cheese on this pizza!”

She motioned for me to come in, and I followed her into her living room, which was almost buried in random bits of debris and trash. She cleared off some wires and instruction manuals from her couch, and we sat down.

“Glad to see you could find my house,” Vinyl said, still grinning her always slightly insane looking grin. It must be something to do with how her eyes and mane look, but come on! Don’t tell me I’m the only one who thinks that her smile makes her look a bit mad at times!

“I had to get a little help from the local mail-mare,” I replied, pulling out a small record from my vest pocket. It glowed slightly, as Vinyl lifted it out of my hoof, and looked expectantly at it. As she did that, I tossed her mail onto the coffee table in front of the couch where she would see it later.

“Is this the newest piece of music from ‘Treble Cliff’?” She said teasingly. Without even waiting for me to say anything, she popped open a sophisticated looking bit of machinery that was probably supposed to be a stereo system, and slid the record in.

“I still can’t believe that nopony has figured out my little secret,” I laughed, settling in to see how Vinyl would react to the latest batch of music I had “borrowed” from another world.

Vinyl Scratch, AKA “DJ PON -3”, was probably the best DJ in all of Equestria, at least from what I’d heard, and after meeting her at Rarity’s disastrous fashion show (granted, it was mostly our faults, but still), we had become pretty good friends. I liked the fact that even though she was a big-time celebrity, she still acted like an everyday, partially crazy and eccentric, unicorn with a good taste in music. And to top it off, she had accidentally heard me listening to music that hadn’t existed in Equestria yet (Namely “Good Egg Galaxy” from Super Mario Galaxy), and had asked me where I had gotten it. Naturally, I had to tell her I wrote it myself.

Long story short, she somehow snagged a copy, and with her links in the music business, got some big shot orchestra to play it, and now I was considered one of Equestria’s best orchestrated music writers, known anonymously as, “Treble Cliff”. Oh, and I was packing away a fair amount of bits now, but that’s beside the point.

“What do you th-” I started, before getting cut off by a “SHUSH!” from Vinyl. I grumbled quietly, and let her listen to the music in silence, fidgeting as I hoped it met her “cool” standards.

As soon as the music went silent, she let out one of her trademark crazy-smiles. “What do you call that one?” She asked.

“Um...” I frantically tried to come up with a name, and slowly said, “I call it…The Court of the Clouds!”

“I thought it might have something to do with that!” She said, giving me a one-legged hug. “How’d you come up with it?”

“One of my friends was telling me about her hometown, Cloudsdale, and I just thought that was so cool…An entire city in the sky,” I said, sighing. “So I threw this together, and voila! We have musics!”

“I like it! It’s different from most of the other boring classy music,” Vinyl said, nodding her head. “Any others?”

“Yeah, this entire disc is filled with music dedicated to the Pegasi, and the sky.” I said, handing her a list. “I couldn’t get my head out of the clouds, so I just put what I knew about them into here.”

She pressed the play button on her stereo, and bobbed her head to the next track. My stomach grumbled, and I said, “I’m getting hungry. Mind if I make us some lunch?”

“Go for it! There’s Mac ‘n’ Cheese in the cupboard,” she replied absently, still listening to the music.

I walked into the kitchen, and cleaned up as much of the mess as I could. I knew that Vinyl owned two homes, this one and the one in Canterlot, but did she have to leave them in such a mess? Granted, I do that too sometimes, but at least I can see the carpet! I set a pot filled with water on her stove, and started boiling it, mixing in the insta-mac (as I lovingly call it) into the water, whistling as I did so.

After a few minutes, I dished out the food, and walked back into the living room, where Vinyl was now hanging upside down on her couch.

“What’s up? Or is it down?” I asked, setting the bowl in front of her. She levitated a spoon into the bowl, and fed herself without bothering to change her position.

“This is how I listen to music!” She said with her mouth full of food. “How do you listen to it?”

“However the hay I want.”

“Good answer!”

XHXHXHXHXHXHX

I spent a few more hours at her house, and then left, carrying a pouch filled with my weekly earnings from the music. Promising to come back next time with some music dedicated to unicorns (Harry Potter soundtrack, and Secret of Mana, I’m looking at you!), I started my way back to my place, flying back at a very slow speed.

Just as I was about to land in town, I caught sight of Applejack, Pinkie Pie, Twilight, and Spike, who were all running towards the woods. I glided towards them, and managed to hover right in front of Pinkie Pie.

“What’s up?” I asked, frowning as I noticed the looks of worry on their faces.

Twilight rolled her eyes, as Pinkie said, “It’s my Pinkie sense! I just had a real doozey, and it’s telling me that something is about to happen in Froggy Bottom Bog!”

“So?”

Applejack answered this time, saying, “Fluttershy’s there!”

“Oh, well when you put it like that!” I ran alongside the mares, and added, “Come on! We need to hurry!”

“Do you still believe in this?” Twilight asked me, laughing slightly.

“You know what, Twilight?” I said, turning to look at her. “I do. Now even if I didn’t believe it, I’d still want to check on Fluttershy! The bog is way too close to the Everfree for my tastes, and I don’t like the thought of Fluttershy alone in there!”

“Ya know she lives right next to the forest, right?” Applejack asked, giving me an exasperated look.

“Yeah, but that’s different! She has Angel Bunny at home!”

“What does that-”

“I may, or may not, have taught him how to use a shovel as a weapon!”

“WHAT?!” All three of the mares yelled, while Spike just looked at me like I was insane.

“No, not really!” I quickly said. “But it’s Fluttershy! If anything did get too close to her house, her animals would let her know, and probably protect her.”

They all let sighed in relief, and even though the situation was potentially bad, I had to stifle a chuckle. Come on, would Angel Bunny really go all psycho-rabbit on them if I taught him how to use a shovel? Wait a second, that’s not too bad of an idea! Maybe I could-

As if a sign from the Gods, a branch that Spike had pushed out of his way snapped back at me, and slapped me in the face.

“Okay, point taken,” I said out loud, earning a few looks from the ponies and Spike. “Don’t ask.”

XHXHXHXHXHX

All five of us made our way through the slowly thickening forest, eventually slowing to a jog as we went. I strained my ears and eyes for any sign that something had happened to Fluttershy. If it’s not painfully obvious by now, I can sometimes get a little bit overprotective about my friends. The fact that I actually believed in Pinkie’s Pinkie Sense didn’t ease my worried mind.

“So what kind of twitch did you have?” I asked in an attempt to get my mind off Fluttershy.

Pinkie opened her mouth to say something, but before she could, her entire body started to shake violently. “That kind!” She answered as soon as she stopped shaking.

We all stopped, watching her, and Twilight sardonically said, “Cold? Need a jacket or something?”

“No thanks, I’m fine!” Pinkie said cheerfully, shaking again as soon as she finished.

While Spike and Applejack debated the possibility of exploding twice (by the way, it is entirely possible! Why? Ever heard of Goddard, from Jimmy Neutron? You know, the robotic dog who could make himself ASPLODE!?), I pulled Twilight aside, and hissed, “Lay off her, Twilight.”

“What?”

“You heard me,” I whispered angrily. “I’m sorry, but come on! If Fluttershy is fine, then you can go ahead and do the ‘I-told-you-so dance’ all you want, but until then, I don’t want to hear a word from you about it!”

“But it’s absurd!” She snapped. “I’m willing to bet that even you haven’t heard of such a thing!”

“You know what, I actually HAVE!” I shot back.

“What!?”

“Yeah! Spidey-Sense! Allowed one of my friends to sense Danger! Thanks to an irradiated spider bite!”

She smiled triumphantly, and I rolled my eyes. “That just proves my point! Pinkie’s is totally unbelievable, but yours has some sort of scientific explanation behind it!”

Feeling my patience with this wearing thin, I opened my mouth to say my best OBJECTION!, when Spike said loudly, “Can you do that? Can you explode twice!?”

“Of course not!” Applejack replied testily, never once taking her eyes off the road ahead.

“But what if…What if she exploded? And exploded again? And then-” Spike was cut off as Twilight stomped her hoof on his tail, making him jolt to a stop.

She looked at the dragon irritably, and said, “Will you two STOP!?” Pinkie skidded to a halt next to us, and she added, “She’s fine, I’m sure of it!”

We started forward again, and Applejack said, “Ah hope you’re right, for Fluttershy’s sake.”

Just then, we came upon a small opening that led to a low, muddy marsh, overgrown with various bits and pieces of plant life. My tail swatted at a few flies, and I once again was thankful for my experience with using whips as a weapon.

“Look, there’s Froggy Bottom Bog!” Applejack shouted, pointing at the bog ahead of us.

“Let’s move!” I shouted, taking to the sky. I scanned the area from above, trying to spot our animal loving friend, and hoping that nothing got to her. The others searched as well, Twilight amazingly not saying anything about the Pinkie senses.

Soon enough, I heard Spike yell out, “FLUTTERSHY!” I turned, and saw that he was currently attempting to strangle-hug her. “You’re okay!” He shouted, relief and happiness evident in his voice.

While Fluttershy appeared more than a little surprised at this, she simply smiled, and said, “Of course!”

“Whoo, what a relief,” Applejack said.

“Ain’t that the truth?” I landed next to them, grinning. From what it looked like, apparently Fluttershy was just dropping off some of her frogs here…which, in retrospect, makes sense. I mean, Froggy Bottom Bog, and she’s got Froggies? Makes sense to me! Especially since frogs can’t seem to cross the street safely to save their life.

“I’m so glad everything’s alright!” Pinkie said, standing on a patch of dry land across from Twilight, A.J, and I.

“Sorry,” I heard Twilight say. I rolled my eyes, and she continued. “I know it’s not nice to gloat, but…AHA!” She shouted, startling Spike and causing him to fall into the bog. Fluttershy and Pinkie gave her confused looks, while I just shook my head, and prayed for her speech to be short and too the…what just moved?

I stopped listening to Twilight’s speech, as I cast my eyes about, summoning my Traveler’s Blade, and gripping it with my tail. Thankfully, it was in whip form, which made it really easy for me to use in Pony form, if not the easiest. I flicked my tail experimentally, and the whip shot forth, splashing the water as a cloud of noxious green fumes rolled in.

“Ye Gods, that stinks,” I muttered, edging myself towards Pinkie and Fluttershy. A.J joined us soon after, the green fumes driving her away from Twilight, who stubbornly insisted on continuing her speech…

…Lo and behold, but one of my favorite forces, Irony, seems to take great delight in tormenting Twilight. As she talked, a massive wall of muddy-brown scales rose up behind her, as the fumes got thicker and thicker. I quickly turned my head, and noticed that another column of scales was slowly rinsing from behind the other one. A third, and then a fourth column joined the other two, forming a set of brown…shit, those aren’t columns. Those are NECKS.

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw that everypony (minus Twilight, who was still somehow oblivious to the monster) was trembling in fear, and that told me that this thing was obviously not something you wanted to mess with-

-until I realized what it really was. A mad grin formed on my face, as Spike finally had to shout, “W-W-Well, then, s-s-see what’s b-b-behind you, Twilight!”

The stubborn unicorn finally turned around, and saw four heads that were snorting green fumes, revealing them to be the source of the- wait, that means we’ve been inhaling essence of monster snot? EWWWWWWW!

Twilight gulped, and said, “I see it…BUT I DON’T BELIVE IT!”

The monster’s heads let out a perfectly (okay, one was a little off, but he was obviously having an off day) synchronized roar, shaking the bog all around us.

I squee’d in girlish delight, and Twilight shouted, “Omnius, that’s a Hydra! Why are you smiling!?!”

Unfurling my wings, I said, “Oh ye of little open mindedness. You see a Hydra, I see the worlds’ largest ‘Whack-a-mole’!”

“Who cares?!” Applejack shouted, reminding me of the danger it posed to my friends. “RUN!”

I saw the wisdom in her statement, and started to run, the rest following. Noticing that Pinkie wasn’t with us, I had to stop, and look around. Spotting Pinkie, who was trembling in fear of the Hydra’s gaze (Wait, how do you show the possessive grammar rule for “Hyrda”? I mean, it’s got more than one head! Does that mean it would be “Hydras’” instead of “Hydra’s”? DAMN YOU GRAMMAR! YOU MAKE MY LIFE MISERABLE!).

“Pinkie, come on!” Twilight yelled at Pinkie.

She took a few trembling steps backwards, and one hydra head lunged at her. I swung my whip at her, and snagged the end of her tail, pulling her back in time, causing the hydra to only get a mouthful of mud.

Pinkie shot forward, my whip coming free from her tail, and I saw the danger this monster posed to my friends. As the heads started to attack all of them in turn, my anger started to bubble in my chest, and my basic protective instinct kicked in, telling me what I had to do.

“Run! I’ll slow down Big Uglies here,” I shouted, taking off into the sky.

[I'd suggest listening to "Desire For All That Is Lost” on youtube while reading]

The Hydra slowly crawled out of the water, where it towered over all of the trees, making its way to my friends. I flew in, and did a somersault in mid-air, smacking the side of one head with my whip. The head hissed in pain, and tore its eyes away from Twilight, aiming for me instead.

“That’s right ugly,” I taunted. “Follow the annoying Traveler!” Weaving around the head, I flew under the stomach, and lashed at it with my whip a few times, opening a few shallow cuts that, while not very serious, obviously caused it pain, as all of the heads roared angrily.

“HEEEELLLP!” Spike suddenly called out, distracting me for a moment. One of the heads snapped forward, and hit me with a tree that it had accidentally snagged earlier, hitting me to the side.

As I righted myself, I glimpsed Twilight pulling Spike out of the muck he had gotten stuck in, and forced myself to fly faster, catching a head with my whip, and barely preventing it from making a snack out of the unicorn and dragon.

“Come on, hitting me with a tree!?” I shouted, landing on the hydra’s back. “I’ve been hit by FREIGHT TRAINS! COME AT ME BRO!!!”

Three of the heads ignored me, and the hydra continued making its way towards the ponies, while the less smarter of the heads snapped at me repeatedly, forcing me to go on the defensive, looping through the air as I did so. Eventually, one of the other heads blindsided me, and sent me spinning to the ground.

“OMNIUS!” I heard Twilight yell, as all five of them reached the top of the hill.

“I’m fine,” I weakly called out, wincing as I felt some pressure on my ribs. “Go!”

I tried to get up, but found that I was too weak. Unfortunately, I had crash-landed on a rock, and might have cracked a few ribs this time, something I didn’t take very well.

“RUN!” I shouted, struggling to get up. Seeing them hesitating at a series of stone pillars that formed a makeshift bridge, my heart sank. Unless I could pull a miracle out of my pocket, I don’t think that they’re gonna-

My pocket! I dug a hoof into my vest pocket desperately, and I pulled out the same star that I had snagged out of the air earlier that day. It twinkled strangely, and shimmered in the light. On closer examination, it seemed to be made entirely out of tiny blocks, and two black spots blinked at me, urging me to…

Ohboyohboyohboyohboyohboyohboy! I think that I might be able to use it! As I closed my eyes to become one with the star’s energy, I dimly heard Twilight call out, “He’s too close! I’ll distract him!”

Hey, that’s my line! Stop siphoning off my hero vibe! I stopped concentrating for a moment, and spotted Twilight, who…just made me the proudest Traveler ever. She screamed, “CHAAAAAARRRRRGEEE!” and did just that, running at the Hydra full steam. She darted under its massive belly, and three of the heads followed her, until the combined momentum of the Hydra’s head caused its body to flip over, buying the unicorn precious time.

“Good goin’ Twi!” I called out weakly. “Now get out of there!”

“I can’t just leave you though!”

“Twilight, STOP STEALING MY LINES!” I shouted, laughing. “Go! I’ll catch up as soon as I can!”

Reluctantly, she started running, and I tuned out the sounds of the forest, and focused on the star I held in my two front hooves. After a few seconds, energy poured through my body, and the pain started to recede, soon disappearing all together. My mind cleared instantly, and I jumped up, flapping my wings rapidly.

I spotted the Hydra standing on top of the hill where Twilight was now eying the somehow now impossible jump that separated her from freedom and certain doom, while the Hydra slowly came closer and closer to her.

“ESPERANTO! LET'SA GO!” I shouted, taking off so fast, that Rainbow Dash would be slightly jealous. In a multi-colored blur, I flew around the heads, laughing all the while. Yeah, that’s right! I’d just gone SUPER STAR on a Hydra! This is officially, the BEST. DAY. EVER!

I didn’t see the outcome of Twilight’s jump, but from the excited cries of the ponies, I’m gonna take a wild guess and say that she made it. The hydra angrily roared, and attempted to take out its anger on me.

Big Mistake.

I looped around the necks, while each individual head tried to get at me, eventually tying itself into a knot of tangled necks. While it growled at me, I simply scowled, feeling the effects of the star start to fade.

Taking advantage of the last few seconds I had, I flew up to the knot, and said, “You frighten my friends, attempt to hurt them, and then you insult me by thinking you could defeat me in combat! I have chosen my words carefully, Hydra. Perhaps you should have done the same!”

The Hydra’s collective heads gave me a look that plainly said, “Are you crazy?”

Flying a little ways away, I flew full speed at the knot, and then bucked it with the remaining star-strength, yelling, “THIS. IS. EQUESTRIA!!!” The Hydra stumbled, and then fell into the cliff, plunging into the muck below.

Nodding, I hovered feebly over to the other side, and landed next to the girls, as the star finally wore off. “What do ya think? Too much?” I asked jokingly.

“You’re okay!” Twilight said, hugging me tightly.

“Oof! Yeah, just a little sore,” I chuckled, folding my wings back up. “Wait, I just flew! I mean, really flew, not just that other stuff!”

“Hey, you did!” Pinkie said, smiling widely. “Wowzies! Why didn’t you fly like that earlier?”

“I guess I just adapt well when there’s danger,” I shrugged, rolling my shoulders. “Way to make that jump Twilight! And the way you took on that Hydra! Wow!”

She blushed, and Pinkie said, “I knew you could do it Twilight!”

“I don’t know how it happened. Coincidence…” She glanced at Spike, who was grinning smugly for some reason. “…dumb luck, or what. But you said there’d be a doozy here at Froggy Bottom Bog, and I’d say we just had ourselves one heck of a doozy. I mean, that Hydra-”

She was suddenly interrupted as Pinkie Pie started to twitch violently again. As soon as she stopped, she said, “That wasn’t it.”

“Huh?” Both Twilight and I said at the same time.

“That wasn’t it!” Pinkie said, shaking again.

“What wasn’t what?” Spike asked.

“What are you talkin’ about, Pink?” Applejack asked, confused.

“The hydra wasn’t the doozy!”

I looked over the edge of the cliff, where the hydra was still struggling to free itself from the knot I had gotten it tied in. One of the heads stopped to blow a raspberry at me, and then resumed its tedious task.

“I’m still getting the shudders!” She started shaking as she talked, and said, “See? There it is again! Whatever the doozy was at Froggy Bottom Bog…My Pinkie Sense says it still hasn’t happened!”

I felt my jaw drop, and said, “Wait…There’s something that’s more of a doozy than THAT!?”

Twilight, however, didn’t take the news as well as I did. She started gritting her teeth, and in an obvious attempt to control herself, said in an increasingly louder voice, “The hydra wasn’t the doozy? How could it not be the doozy? What could be doozy-er than that?!”

“Dunno, but that just wasn’t it!”

Twilight’s face scrunched up in extreme anger, as her teeth clenched tightly together, and her eyes dilated in pure frustration. I think I heard an audible “snap” sound that represented her patience/temper, and she jumped into the air-

Holy shit, SHE JUST EVOLVED INTO A RAPIDASH! DAMN IT! I always see the cool Pokémon when I don’t have any Pokéballs with me! Not fair! While I grumbled to myself about never being properly prepared for the critters, the others stared in surprise at Twilight’s pyrotechnic display of temper loss. Eventually, the flames died down, revealing Twilight in extra-crispy form, where she let out an aggravated sigh, and said, “I give up!”

She plopped onto the ground, and Spike asked, “Give up what, Twi?”

“The fight,” She said as Pinkies started shuddering again. “I can’t fight it anymore. I don’t understand how, why, or what. But Pinkie Sense somehow…makes sense. I don’t see how it does, but it just does! Just because I don’t understand, doesn’t mean it’s not true.”

“Wow. That’s pretty wise,” I said, smiling.

“Y-y-you mean you b-b-believe?” Pinkie stuttered as she kept on shaking.

“Yep. I guess I do,” Twilight stated.

Pinkie started trembling even worse than before, and I think she inflated a few times before she…stopped. Just completely, and utterly, stopped. She gave herself a quick once-over with her eyes, and said, “Oh! That was it! That was the doozy!”

All of us just gaped at the pink pony, and Twilight rushed up to her, and said, “What? What is?”

“You believing! I never expected THAT to happen. That was the doozy,” She said, laughing. I couldn’t help but join her, and she added, “Oh, and oh, what a doozy of a doozy it was!”

We kept laughing, trotting off while the others just stared at us, and I asked her, “Pinkie?”

“Yeah Omni?”

“Do me a favor, and never stop acting like that!” I laughed.

“Okie-dokie-lokie!”

XHXHXHXHXHX

As we made our way back to town, I stopped off at Zecora’s hut, and visited her for a few minutes.

“Hello Pony in blue! It is good to see you,” She called out, setting a cup of tea in front of me.

“You too Z,” I replied, sipping at the tea. “How’s the herb thing working?”

“Ponies in town love what I can brew, and again, I must thank you!”

“Thank me?”

“If not for you and sweet little Apple Bloom, Whenever I’d go to town, the ponies would still hide in their room!” She replied, throwing some herbs in a pot.

“Ah, it was nothing. I just wanted to get to meet you,” I answered. “Hey, do you happen to have any azalea seeds? I’ve been thinking I need a less eccentric hobby than the one I have now.”

“Of course,” She answered simply. She tossed me a small pouch with seeds in it, and gave me the proper care and instructions for growing them.

“Now you have these flowers, which you can grow, but what was your old hobby, that I must know?” She asked, placing herself into a meditative stance on her staff.

“Erm…Ever heard of a catapult? I got bored, and built one,” I answered, stuffing the pouch into my pocket.

“Ah. A strange pastime, but no stranger than my rhyme.”

“Yeah, about that: Is there a word you can’t rhyme?” I asked, looking at her.

She grinned, as if she had been asked this before, and said challengingly, “No there is not, I can rhyme words in a single thought.”

“Orange,” I said instantly.

“Door hinge.”

“Oh, you’re good…” I thought for a moment, and then clapped my hooves together. “Got it! Month!”

I was met with silence, as she attempted to think of a word. After five minutes, she shook her head, and sighed. “A clever trick, I must admit, but however did you come up with it?”

“I plead the fifth.”

“I beg your pardon?”

I slapped my face, and said, “Right, you don’t get those jokes. Damn it.”

Taste The Rainboom

Chapter 14:

Tast the Rainboom

(Takes place during Episode 16 of My Little Pony)

“OMNIUS!”

“Gah!” I fell out of bed, still wrapped in my sheets, and rapidly flapped my wings in an attempt to get free. “WHAT’S HAPPENING?! Are we under attack? Did someone try and shave my beard? ARE THEY TRYING TO MAKE A SECOND SUPER MARIO BROTHERS MOVIE?!?”

A hoof smacked into my face, bringing me to my senses, and cutting off my tirade. I blinked, and slipped my glasses onto my face to see that Rainbow Dash was currently glaring at me irritably.

“Mornin’ to you too,” I yawned, scratching the back of my head. “How’d you get in?”

“You loaned me a key!” She growled.

“Oh yeah…now I remember. What’s with the early-morning grouchiness?” I slowly got up, and shook out my mane and fluffed up my feathers, trying to appear somewhat presentable for my unexpected company.

“No time, COME ON!” She flew behind me, and pushed me out of the window, forcing me to start flapping my wings to prevent myself from having a tear-filled reunion with the ground.  I glanced at the sky, and groaned.

“Dash,” I said, turning my head to look at her. “It’s the butt-crack of dawn.”

“The what?” Dash said, slowing down for a moment in her confusion.

“I’m the one who just got pushed out the window,” I retorted. “You answer me. Now.”

“Ugh, FINE!” She stopped pushing, and flew besides me, forcing me to pick up the pace. As we flew, she explained to me how she was entering something called the “Best Young Flyer Competition.” Apparently, since it was taking place in Cloudsdale, only Fluttershy and I (as long as I stuck to Pegasus form) would be able to show up and cheer her on.

“So…I’ve been recruited as a cheerleader?” I said dryly as we came upon the field that Rainbow Dash would be practicing in.

“Yeah! I’ve been trying to get Fluttershy to cheer louder, but-”

“She’s Fluttershy. ‘Nuff said,” I interrupted, shaking out my mane. “Alright, I’m in. But I get to pick your music for your routine.”

“WHAT!?” Rainbow shouted, landing on the field and staring at me angrily. “But I already got my music picked! And I’ve already synched it with my flying routine!”

“Uh huh,” I grunted.

“And you’re just gonna make me redo my entire routine to fit it?!”

“Who said that?” I asked, mentally going through potential songs in my head. “Just do your sky-dancing gig, and I’ll pick a tune that fits.”

“Are you sure?” She asked me, choosing to ignore the sky-dance comment.

“Yes. Come on, Dasher,” I said, wrapping a forehoof around her neck. “Just gimme a chance and I can get you a totally rockin’ new sound to make you more awesome than you already are.”

Dash’s will faltered, and I had to resist the urge to grin. Easiest way to convince her that you’re doing something good is to stoke her ego. I learned that early on, but tried not to do stuff like that too often. It made me feel guilty, like I was manipulating her to my own ends. That being said, I only did it this time because she seemed…

Dare I say it?

She seemed nervous.

Rainbow Dash: Speedster Extraordinaire, Dangerous Daredevil, and Awesome Aviator, was nervous.

Well. I probably should’ve seen that coming.

Shaking myself out of my thoughts, I smiled, and said, “Now come on. Let’s see that routine you’ve got planned.”

She nodded, and flew into the air, the wind pushing her mane back. While I watched her fly up into the air, I looked to my side and saw that a certain yellow Pegasus had appeared, somehow managing to creep up by me without me noticing.

“S’up, Shy?” I asked, my stomach growling lightly.

“Oh, hello, Omnius,” Fluttershy said, standing next to me. “Did Rainbow wake you up too?”

“You could say that…Hey, do I smell food?” Is it just me, or do I turn the conversation to food a lot?

Fluttershy giggled, and set down a small bag she had been carrying with her. Flipping it open, she pulled out a couple bowls of salad, and set them onto the ground. “I’ve gotten used to Rainbow Dash waking me up early, so I started packing my own meals for these.” She then glanced at my stomach, and pushed a small bowl of fruit towards me.

“Erm, no, it’s fine,” I said, ignoring my stomach’s furious protests. “It’s your food, and I really shouldn’t take it.”

“But you didn’t eat anything for breakfast!”

“How’d you know that?” I asked, more than a little surprised.

“It’s Rainbow Dash.”

“Touché. Ooh, grapes!”

XHXHXHXHXHXHXHXHX

A few minutes later, Dash had caught me trying to catch a few Z’s (damn it, but come on, I NEVER GET TO SLEEP WHEN I WANT TO), and she was now forcing me to cheer alongside Fluttershy, acting as her personal cheerleaders.

“YEAH!” I hollered at the top of my lungs. “GO DASH! COLOR ME IMPRESSED! BOOYAKASHA! EYE OF THE TIGER! MOTIVATIONAL STUFF! YODA QUOTE! SOMETHING ELSE LIKE THAT!”

“…yay,” Fluttershy, um, cheered (?).  

Welp, there goes my heart. Cause of termination: Diabetes. I’m sorry, but come on…it’s Fluttershy. The most adorable of ponies. Saying “yay”. What’s not to love about that?!

Dudes and dudettes, I dare you, no, I CHALLENGE YOU to find something more A-d’aw-able than that. Actually, no, I’m not gonna do that, because I don’t want you to waste your time trying to find something as a-d’aw-able as that. I don’t want you to be crushed by the defeat.

Rainbow Dash halted mid-routine, and turned her gaze towards us. She groaned, and smacked her face with her hoof, doing an obvious face-hoof.

“Fluttershy! Is THAT what you call cheering?”

Maybe she calls it that, but I call it “Weapons-Grade Cute-onium.”

“Oh, I’m sorry, did I do something wrong?”

Quickly thinking of an excuse to avoid more heart-destroying “yays”, I flapped my wings, and flew off, saying, “Got an idea, getting you theme song, be back in a few!”

Within a few minutes, I had flown back to my house, grabbed an iPod from my stash (being immortal does not necessarily mean you know how to repair an iPod if it gets broken), and came back, to see Rainbow Dash doing a type of military thing with Fluttershy.

“Now, what have we learned?”

“Lots of control.”

“Good,” Rainbow Dash said simply.

“Screaming and hollering.”

“Yes. And most importantly?”

“Passion!”

…Oh dear Gandhi, please don’t let them be talking about what my sleep-deprived, semi-perverted mind is thinking about.

“Right!” She landed in front of her, and added, “So now that you know the elements of a good cheer, let’s hear one!”

YE GODS AND GODDESSES, THAT WAS CLOSE.

Fluttershy inhaled a small bit of air, and then- “Yay.”

I stifled a “D’aw”, and elected to sit quietly, and observe what was happening. All I can say is: Thank the Gods I’m semi-immortal.

Rainbow Dash face-hoofed, and said, “Ugh, you’re gonna like that? Louder.”

“Yay.”

“Louder!”

“Yay.” Okay, it was just a tid-bit louder that time around.

“LOUDER!”

“Yay.” Just a liiiiiiiiiitllle bit louder.

“LOUDER!!!” Ow, my ears. I absently stuck a hoof to one, and rubbed vigorously, while Fluttershy took a huge breath, ready to unleash her pent-up excitement and energy in one, single, world changing shout that would forever go down in history.

“Yaaay.”

Well, it’d go down in history for making me fall over from sudden exposure to dangerously high levels of Fluttershy cuteness.

Rainbow just fell over from sheer-exposure to embarrassment for her friend.

“Too loud?” Fluttershy asked us both, concern in her voice.

I laughed, and picked myself up off the ground, brushing some grass off of my wings. “Nah, it wasn’t loud, per say.”

“Oh, is that good?” She asked, looking at me with her wide, crystal colored eyes.

“Erm…”

“NO! We need to work on making sure you cheer loud enough!” Rainbow Dash exclaimed, flying up suddenly. “I need to hear the both of you cheering me on! Do you understand me?”

“MARE, YES, MARE,” I shouted, giving her a mock salute. “PERMISSION TO SPEAK, MA’AM?”

“Granted,” Dash replied, taking my military style speech in stride.

“Can we break for lunch?”

XHXHXHXHXHXHXHXHX


After a quick lunch break, Dash had flown up into the clouds, while Fluttershy and I stood next to each other on the ground, waiting for her performance. I had also taken the time to play the music that I had thought would fit well for Rainbow’s flight routine, and she had given me the go ahead to play it while she flew.

“Alright, the tunage is set,” I called out, after plugging my iPod into a small, battery powered speaker. “Let her rip!”

“Yay!” Fluttershy cheered softly.

Dash took a deep breath, and bounced a few times on her cloud, as if it were a diving board, and then she leaped off of it, and plummeted to the ground, becoming a cyan blur. Just when it looked like she was about to face-plant into the ground, she pulled up, and soared close to the ground, leaving a rainbow colored trail in her wake.

Without even skipping a beat, she flew towards a long row of tall, thin trees, and weaved through them, barely even losing any speed at all! As she passed by me and Shy, I had to grab my glasses to keep them from being flung off of my face, and I shouted, “YEAH!!!”

“Ooooh!” Fluttershy softly cheered.

Note to self: Talk to Iron Man about getting a new heart. Mine just exploded.

While I fought off the urge to have a sudden heart attack, Rainbow Dash sped off into the sky, zooming around three clouds, picking up more and more momentum, until she started turning them, causing them to spin rapidly, and make me dizzy from trying to keep up with them.

I shook my head, and screamed, “OOOWWWWW! GO, GO, GO!”

Fluttershy looked up, and softly said, “Way to go!”

…I better ask him to make that heart out of vibranium. Or whatever they make the railing out of in video games. Seriously, have you noticed that stuff never breaks?

I’m getting distracted again. Anyways, I craned my neck to watch Rainbow climb higher into the sky, until she was nothing more than a speck, before she turned around and shot off like a bullet towards the ground, with one hoof extended before her.

“What’s she doing?” I asked.

“She’s trying to do a Sonic Rainboom,” Fluttershy answered.

“A sonic what-boom?”

“Just watch! She’s about to do it!”

Sure enough, a vapor cone had started to form around Rainbow, and it looked as if she were about to push through it, her eyes watering from what I imagine must’ve been the g-force, when-

She stopped, the cone refusing to break. Before I could react, the cone somehow defied all laws of physics (right, magic pony land, who am I to talk physics?), and flung her back, almost as fast as she was going before.

“Well. That ain’t good,” I mumbled, while Fluttershy covered her mouth in worry. “Five bits says she lands in Twilight’s library.”

“What makes you say that?”

“It’s that time of week for a friendship report,” I replied. “So, for the sake of plot convenience, she’ll land somewhere near Twilight. And Twilight just so happens to be cleaning after a hard night of studying.”

“How do you know that?”

“Elementary, my dear Fluttershy! It’s Twilight, and she tends to study more around this time of week, almost as if her sub-conscience is prepping her for her routine reports, so that she’ll know what to expect,” I explained as we flew.

“Does that really happen?”

“I have no clue.”

XHXHXHXHXHXHXHX


Hey kids, guess what time it is!

That’s right! It’s time for the “I-told-you-so!” dance! But, I am a dude of honor, and don’t like to do that dance, unless it happens to involve drinking contests or chili-dogs.

Wait, what was I right about? Oh, yeah, Dash crashing into the library.

Fluttershy flew to an open window (probably the one Dash crashed through), and I had to push open the door, moving some of the books out of the way. Once I was inside, I noticed that not only was Twilight in there, but so were the rest of our friends.

Come on; let me hear you say it:

YAY, PLOT CONVENIENCE!

“Rainbow Dash, you rock!” Fluttershy said in her soft voice from her perch. “Woo-hoo!” She stopped and looked at the mess, surprise etched onto her face. “Did my cheering do that?”

I face-hoofed. Damn you adorable Fluttershy.

Damn you.

Rainbow Dash stood up, shaking herself free of some stray books, and sheepishly laughed. “Sorry about that, ladies,” She apologized, before she let out an annoyed huff. “That was a truly feeble performance!”

“Actually, it wasn’t all bad. I particularly liked it when you made the clouds spin,” Fluttershy said, smiling.

Rainbow let out another annoyed sigh, and said, “I’m not talking about my performance, I’m talking about YOURS! That feeble cheering! Omnius, you weren’t bad, but you might need to say something cooler.”

“Like what?”

“What are you three arguing about?” Twilight interrupted suddenly.

“Were we arguing? I’m sorry,” Fluttershy apologized, earning another face-hoof from me.

Dash let out yet ANOTHER sigh, and said to the others, “I wish you guys could come to Cloudsdale to see me compete in the Best Young Flyer Competition.”

“What’s that?” Twilight asked.

Pinkie jumped up, and said enthusiastically, “It’s where all the greatest pegasus flyers get together and show off their different flying styles!” She reared up, and took off around the room, saying, “ Some are fast!”

I got hit in the face by a few books, and had to shake them off a few times so I didn’t get buried by knowledge.

“Some are graceful!” Pinkie added, trying to do some sort of ballet style thing, before she suddenly fell over, and landed on my, forcing my head under a pile of books, some of them with spells on “Static Cling”…NO!

I struggled to remove myself from the pile, and in my thrashing, I accidentally missed a good chunk of the conversation. By the time I removed my head, I had just barely caught Pinkie’s explanation of what a Sonic Rainboom was, and now wanted to see one in action.

Okay, guess I’m Rainbow Dash’s official Cheerleader.

Meh, I’ve been worse.

“And Rainbow Dash is the only pony to ever pull one off!” Applejack said, praising our prismatic friend.

Rainbow looked away, and said in an attempt at humility, “It was a long time ago. I was just a filly.”

“Yeah, but you’re gonna do it again, right?” Pinkie asked energetically.

In that moment, I saw something unexpected.

Rainbow Dash hesitated. Maybe only for an instant, but it was there all the same. I was so surprised by it, that I missed the rest of what she said, but I know she said something about the grand prize, and yadda, yadda, short attention span.

I shook myself out of that, and heard Dash say that she was gonna go rest up. But not before she told Fluttershy to work on her cheering.

“And Omnius? Make sure you bring that music! It’s gonna make me look awesome, by sounding awesome!” She said to me as she flew off.

“Okay…”

Fluttershy flew towards the window, and stopped to look back at us. “She’s practiced that move a hundred times, and she’s never even come close to doing it. I don’t know if I can cheer loud enough to help her,” She said worriedly, before taking off.

“…Well, that’s not good,” I stated. “I’m gonna go find a map to Cloudsdale. Sorry about the mess, I’ll help clean it later! Right now, I’ve got some, uh, issues to take care of.”

“Issues?”

I mean make music so I don’t run out of bits. “Laundry.”

“But you don’t need to constantly wear clothes as a pony,” Rarity pointed out.

“Look, a fashion magazine!” She turned to look where I was pointing, and I took off, laughing maniacally.

It’s good to be The Traveler.

XHXHXHXHXHXHXHX


The next day, after I had woken up and studied the map for a bit, I slowly flew to where it said Cloudsdale would be.

“Wonder what it’s gonna be like,” I said to myself. “Maybe it’ll be like the Floating Island, or maybe it’s got some sort of rocket underneath it!” I joked.

“Hello Omnius,” Rarity said, flying past me.

“S’up Rarity.”

5…

4…

3…

2…

1…

BRIIIIING!

“Wait, RARITY!?” I shouted, coming to a halt as I watched her fly off. “But-how-she-I-butterfly wings-waffles-WHAT?!”

“Hiya Omni!” Pinkie called out, waving at me from her hot air balloon.

“Pinkie?! Applejack?! TWILIGHT?!?” I shouted, now totally confused. “What did I smoke, and who was dumb enough to sell it to me?” I joked.

“Would you stop that, and help us out?” Twilight asked, laughing a little.

“Sure. Need me to give y’all a push?” I offered, flying underneath the balloon.

“Iffin you’re willing,” Applejack said.

“Sure. You can explain to me what’s going on while we fly.”

Grasping the bottom of the balloon basket in my front hooves (and humming the Superman theme quietly to myself), I gently guided the balloon to Cloudsdale, while Twilight explained how she had given Rarity wings using an incredibly complex spell (that’s my overpowered friend!), and then had to resort to using a less taxing spell that allowed her and the others to walk on clouds.

“Huh…so, you can walk on clouds now?”

“Yep, yep, yep!” Pinkie said happily.

“Cool. Welp, we’re here…screw going around the clouds!”

“Omnius, what are you-WHOA!”

I pushed the balloon through the clouds, and posed triumphantly as we broke through, giving a very surprised Rainbow Dash and Fluttershy an over-dramatic, “Dun dun dunnnnnn!”

“I…I can’t believe it!” Rainbow Dash said in a relieved voice.

“It’s incredible!” Fluttershy agreed.

“I know, I haven’t gotten to make a Superman joke in forever!” I said, before feeling someone glare at me through the basket. “Alright, alright, sheesh…” I flew out from under the balloon, and shook out the bits of cloud that were clinging to my mane.

“This is so cool! You guys made it!” cheered Rainbow Dash.

“Sure did,” Pinkie said, before she jumped out of the basket.

“WAIT!” Dash cried out, not knowing about the cloud-walker spell.

Hold on just a second…clouds are in the sky…they’re walking on the clouds…YE GODS, TWILIGHT HAS CREATED THE JEDI! All hail Twilight Skywalker, daughter of the infamous Darth Stallion!

For a few moments, I entertained myself by putting Twilight in a Jedi costume, while everypony explained the whole cloud walker thing.

After that, we toured the city, Rarity getting a few compliments from construction ponies…and me narrowly avoiding a falling jackhammer.

“Watch out, mac!” I shouted, pulling my wings away from the potentially lethal instrument. “You could seriously hurt somepony!”

“Sorry,” he apologized, flying down to catch his tool.

“Be careful with those wings, Rarity,” Twilight warned. “They’re made from gossamer and morning dew, and they’re incredibly delicate.”

“Don’t worry, Twilight. I’m sure they can’t get worn out from too much attention,” Rarity said dismissively.

Uh-oh. My foreshadowing senses are tingling.

Not good.

“Since we’re up here, I’d sure like to get a look at where the weather is made,” Applejack said, looking at Rainbow expectantly.

“Great idea!” She answered. “Come on girls (and Omnius)! To the weather factory!”

XHXHXHXHXHXHXHX

Oh jeez.

I don’t like where this is heading.

See, the factory itself looked pretty awesome. I mean, come on, it’s made of clouds, and it’s got rainbow waterfalls. That in itself is a pretty sight to behold. There was just one ittsy-bittsy, teeney-weeney problem.

Lightning clouds.

Remember how I mentioned I have horrible luck with lightning? I can already tell that this isn’t going to end well…

A few minutes later, we had been given some white coats and matching hard hats, and were shown inside.

The first room contained a bunch of ponies working with sophisticated magnets, each of them wearing thick parkas and earmuffs. It must’ve felt pretty chilly to them…

“This is where they make the snowflakes,” Dash explained, playing tour-guide for us. “Each one is hoof-made. As you can see, it’s a very delicate operation.”

I nodded, and adjusted the hard-hat on my head. Rarity was flying near the top of the room, staring at some of the larger snowflakes, and she said, “Ooh, the snowflakes look even better from up here!”

Unfortunately, physics suddenly decided to work again, and the wind that was forming form Rarity flapping her wide wings started to blow all of the snowflakes around, causing an indoor blizzard.  You know, it’s at times like these that I’m thankful I’m part Nord.

50% Cold resistance can really come in handy.

While the snowflakes started to shatter, Rainbow suggested, “We better move on before Rarity ruins winter and causes a drought.”

“That’d be a bad thing,” I agreed.

XHXHXHXHXHXHXHX


“And here’s where they make the rainbows!” Dash said, gesturing towards vast pools filled with the by-now famous colors of the stuff. Several Pegasi were stirring the pools with items that vaguely reminded me of pool skimmers, like the ones used to clean swimming pools of leaves and dead bees…and occasionally still living bees.

I hate bees. Almost as much as I hate bears and obsidian.

I really…REALLY…hate obsidian…

Sorry, off topic. Moving on!

Pinkie and I both walked up to a pool, and she dipped her hoof in it.

“Careful, Pinkie,” I warned her. “Remember when you and Dash replaced my soda with that stuff?”

“Oh, I’ll be fine. I put hot sauce on cupcakes, how bad could it be?” She then licked her hoof, and clicked her tongue a few times to truly appreciate the flavor…before her face rapidly changed colors, and she dashed off at ludicrous speeds, yelling, “SPICY!!!”

I laughed, and yelled after her, “KARMA!”

…Hm…I haven’t done anything stupid yet this week. I wonder…

“Five bits says I can drink an entire bucket of that rainbow stuff,” I said, taking off my hard-hat and dumping it into the pool.

“Omnius, that’s a terrible idea!” Twilight said.

“Your skepticism is all the motivation I need,” I said cheerfully, before downing the entire hat-full of the stuff. Immediately, my eyes began to water furiously, and I had to continuously fight the urge to make like Pinkie, and break the fourth wall to get a glass of water from the guy on the other side of the screen.

“See?” I said with faux-confidence. “Nothing to it. Hey, Dash, is there a cafeteria here?”

“Yeah, just down the hall, why?”

“No reason…I’ll catch up with you in a moment.”

I flew off quickly, and threw myself to the front of the lunch line, apologizing rapidly to the ponies already there. Looking at the lunch mare, I quickly set out a bag of bits, and said, “Get me your biggest glug of rainwater.”

“Glug?”

“Glug.”

“One Glug, coming right up,” She grunted, hoofing me a huge bucket of water.

“Thanks.” I hovered away from the line, and used the rain water to douse the flames that were quickly burning me alive from the inside out. Small traces of steam leaked out of my nostrils, and I let out a huge sigh of relief.

Just as I left the cafeteria, I met up with the rest of the girls, and managed to hide the bucket before they could see it.

“What’d I miss?” I asked, looking at them all.

“Oh, nothing,” Dash said unconvincingly. “Next part of the tour is the Lightning Chargers! That’s where we make the batteries for flashlights and such.”

“Lightning?” I said fearfully. “Uh-oh…”

“Omnius, are you praying?” Applejack asked me as I fell to the floor and lifted my front hooves up.

“Oh mighty Zeus, Thor, Thunderbird, Set, Pikachu, and AC/DC…please don’t let me get struck by lightning as we go through this dark, and potentially dangerous place…” I whispered, ignoring her question. “In the name of all that is good, I pray. Amen.”

I stood up, and gulped audibly. “Okay, let’s go…”

XHXHXHXHXHXHXHX


We entered a room with dark, charcoal colored storm clouds for walls, with a large conveyer belt running through the center of it. Pegasi that were covered with singed and erratic fur and feathers were flying at the top, and bucking the clouds, sending small bolts of electricity at the batteries on the belt, charging them and prepping them for use.

“So, here’s where we use the lightning for some experimental purposes,” Dash exclaimed. “These are used in little things, like flashlights or radios, and we make sure we recycle them as well!”

“Cool! Uh-huh. Fantastic. Okay, I’ve seen enough, let’s amscray!” I said, heading towards the door. I threw them open, and let out a wild smile of victory. FINALLY! Something that involved lightning, and I didn’t even get so much as a bit of static sho-

“LOOK OUT!”

KRACK-OW!

A bolt of lightning flew out of the clouds, missing a battery entirely, and colliding with my flank. I felt my limps shake wildly, and I fell to the ground, saying, “Damn it…which god was it this time?”

XHXHXHXHXHXHXHX

“You’ve been…THUNDERSTRUCK!” A man sang, while the rest of his band played one of the most easily recognizable songs in all of rock history.

The guitarist smiled, and said quietly, “Sorry, Nate. Couldn’t resist.”

XHXHXHXHXHXHXHXHX

“Ouch…” I moaned, picking myself up, and flattening my hair. “I’m okay…it’s fine! I’ve taken harder bolts before!”

All of the weather Pegasi nodded, and went back to work, satisfied that I was fine. Twilight shook her head, and used her magic to levitate a patch of safe, white cloud to my face, where it rubbed off the rest of the scorch marks.

“Thanks,” I grunted. “So, can we move on to a safer part of the tour? Like the gift shop? Or maybe a bathroom…”

“How about we show you where the clouds are made?” Fluttershy suggested.

“Normal clouds?”

“Yes.”

“Normal, non-explodey clouds?”

“Uh-huh.”

“I’m in, let’s go!”

XHXHXHXHXHXHXHXHX


Urge…to use pimp hoof…rising!

Seriously! I was trying to listen to Fluttershy explain how the clouds worked, but Rarity was kind of being mobbed by her own personal fan base, and they would NOT shut up about how pretty her wings were! Okay, we get it! You want to see more wings like that? STARE AT FLUTTERSHY’S CUTIE-MARK.

The worst part about it though, was the fact that Rarity KNEW it was making Rainbow Dash upset, and even more nervous than she already was, but she encouraged them! She was basking in the limelight that had been brought to her because of her wings.

“What, these old things?” Rarity asked the crowd. “Go ahead, everypony. Photos are encouraged.”

Must…control…pimp hoof!

Twilight must’ve been thinking along the same lines I was thinking, as she and I both looked at Dash, and then we made our way over to the showboating unicorn.

“Rarity, we’re supposed to be helping Rainbow Dash relax, remember? Put your wings away and stop showing off!” Twilight whispered, trying to get her to stop for Dash’s sake.

Rarity let out a sigh of contempt, and she floated lazily upwards, saying, “How can you ask me to put away perfection?”

“We’re not asking you to do that, we’re asking you to put away your damn wings!” I whispered harshly.

Unfortunately, Celestia must’ve been trolling me right about then, because Rarity’s wings caught the sunlight in an almost perfect fashion, creating an impromptu light show, casting multi-colored lights all around the room. The unicorn glanced at her wings, and let out a wild peal of laughter that I will never let her live down.

Everypony except for me, Dash, Shy, Applejack, and Twilight, all “oooh’d” and “aahhh’d” in awe.

Show-off.

“Rainbow Dash, are you okay? You don’t look so good,” Twilight said to Dash, who was now curled up in a fetal position on the floor.

Taking rapid breaths, she said, “Of course. Why wouldn’t I be okay? Everyone’s so in love with Rarity’s wings that they won’t even notice when I totally blow it in the Best Young Flyers Competition!”

“Hey now, don’t worry,” I smiled. “You’ll do fine! Besides, Rarity’s not in the competition anyways!”

“Hey, there’s an idea!” A random Pegasus pony said enthusiastically to Rarity. “You should enter the competition!”

“I could watch you fly all day,” an old worker said, nodding her head in agreement.

“Don’t encourage her!” I groaned.

Rarity looked at her wings, and smiled, before musingly saying, “There really isn’t anypony who uses their wings quite like me. Perhaps I should compete.”

“WHAT!?” Dash and I both said at the exact same time, while everypony else started cheering wildly. While Rarity and her entourage flew off, Dash fell to the ground, and said despairingly, “What am I gonna do? I’ll never win the competition now.”

…PIMP HOOF, I NEED YOU! Oh, wait…she’s gone already.

My hoof twitched in disappointment, and I stroked it with my other hoof, and muttered, “Later…”

XHXHXHXHXHXHXHX


A couple hours later, we were all sitting in the stands of the Cloudiseum (as I lovingly called it), discussing some of the competitors that had just gone.

See, we had been sitting there for a while, waiting for Dash and…Rarity…to come out and perform their routines. For some reason though, they hadn’t come out yet. That’s not to say that the other fliers weren’t bad.

“I loved number seven! Doing fifteen barrel rolls in a row can’t be easy!” Twilight said, and I nodded in agreement.

“Peppy Hare would be so proud…”

“My favorite is number ten. She just looked like such a nice pony,” Fluttershy stated.

Applejack looked at where the fliers where coming from, and said concernedly, “Hm. Wonder how come we haven’t seen Rainbow Dash or Rarity yet. The competition’s almost over.”

…Hey, remember that Glug of rainwater I chugged earlier? I think it’s starting to…run its course, so to speak.

“Hey, ladies, I’ll be right back. I need to go use the restroom,” I said, flying off.

“Alright, but hurry! I think Rarity is next,” Twilight called after me.

“As long as I don’t miss Rainbow’s, I’ll be fine.”

XHXHXHXHXHXHXHX

A few minutes later

XHXHXHXHXHXHXHX

“WHERE’S THE EFFING BATHROOM!?” I shouted, flying around as fast as I could. So far, I hadn’t been able to find a single bathroom, and I was really running out of time. Finally, I decided, “Screw it.”

I’m a dude. And I’m on top of a cloud.

Men, you and I both know that we would all do this if given the opportunity.

Looking around, I made sure nopony was watching, and then I lifted up my leg, and sent a stream of yellow liquid off the side of the clouds, where it plummeted to the ground below.

I only have three words for how I felt doing that:

Like. A. BOSS.

Just as I finished relieving myself, I turned back to the stadium-

-and I faintly heard a large BOOM. I looked over the edge to see a blindingly fast blur shoot by, leaving a rainbow in its wake.

…

…

…

…No.

There is no way…I just missed…the Sonic Rainboom…

OH, COME ON!

XHXHXHXHXHXHXHXHX


Panting, I made my way back to the stadium, where the girls were all talking excitedly, minus one rainbow colored Pegasus.

“Whoa, what’d I miss?” I asked tiredly, leaning on the basket of the balloon for support. Wait, where’d that come from? And what happened to Rarity’s wings?

“Oh, it was amazing!” Fluttershy said enthusiastically. “Rarity and Dash went on at the same time, and even though Dash messed up her first parts of the routine, Rarity’s wings burned up when she tried to do that light trick again!”

“Really?”

“Yeah! And then Dashie swooped down from the sky, and so did the Wonderbolts, but the Wonderbolts got to her first, and Rarity accidently knocked them out, but then Rainbow Dash did a Sonic Rainboom and saved them all!” Pinkie said in a single breath.

“…I missed all that?”

“I’m sorry, Omnius. Maybe you can ask Dash to do one for you after she’s done hanging out with the Wonderbolts?” Twilight said.

“…well, she won, that’s good to hear.” I then looked at the large hole in the ground, as a crazy idea formed in my head.

“Omnius, what’re you thinkin’?” Applejack asked, worriedly.

“I’m not.” Before she could say anything else, I leaped into the air, and fell through the hole, laughing crazily. “I’ll see you at Ponyville girls!”

Aiming my body at the ground, I shot off like an arrow, and I felt a vapor cone form around me. My heart started pounding like a jackhammer, sending adrenaline through my entire body, and I thought to myself, “HA! She said she was the only one who’s done one! Well, challenge accepted and beat-”

I halted in mid-air.

“Ye gods.”

The cone snapped back, launching me away from the ground, and in the direction of Ponyville.  As I flew uncontrollably through the air, I could only think to yell one thing…

“IT’S GOOD TO BE THE TRAVELER!”

The Good, The Bad, and The Traveler

The Good, The Bad, and The Traveler

(Takes place during “Over a Barrel”)


“I can’t believe we’re gonna go to Appleloosa!” I said excitedly, trotting in place.

“Settle down there, pardner,” Applejack said, standing protectively by a large apple tree that had been prepared for relocation (what the hell do you call it when it’s a tree? Replantation? Reforestation? Re-have a new tree-ation?).

“I can’t! We’re going to Appleloosa!” I repeated, an idiotic grin on my face. “And if Braeburn is anything to go off of, then that means that Appleloosa is one of my favorite kinda towns!”

“…Twilight, are ya sure ya didn’t hit ‘im with some sorta crazy spell?” Applejack deadpanned, raising an eyebrow at her scholarly friend.

“I wish I did…maybe he’d act normal for once,” Twilight giggled.

Currently, the girls, Spike, and I, were standing at the Ponyville Train Station, waiting for our train to come and take us to Appleloosa, so that Applejack could plant one of her trees at the newly settled town. Braeburn had extended the invitation to all of us, and my inner-Texan squee’d in happiness at the prospect of going to a Western town.

Why am I so giddy about going to a Western town? Well, gee, let me think…it could be because my main guns are a revolver and sawn-off shotgun, both of which are staples of a Gunslinger. It could be because of the epic bar brawls. Or it could be the fact that I was born in Texas. What can I say? I just love me some Western action!

“So, Rarity, did you finish that outfit I asked you to make?” I asked Rarity, who was digging through her saddlebags for what must have been the millionth time.

“As a matter of fact, I did!” she said, pulling out a small folded bundle. “Though I must admit, a pink poncho and matching sombrero are some of the stranger articles of clothing I’ve had to make.”

“Sweet!” I grabbed the poncho and shoved it on, and stuck the hat on my head, grinning crazily. Standing up on my hind legs, I put my hooves to my side in the classic gunslinger fashion, and growled out, “Banditos beware…for I am…” I pulled out dual sawn-off shotguns, and aimed them at the sky, yelling, “CORMANE-O!”

Silence met my wild cry. Sheepishly, I stuffed the guns back under my poncho, and chuckled. “Uh…Cormane-o…Like Cormano, but…right, ponies don’t get Sunset Riders jokes.” I sighed, and sat down, scratching my beard absently. “Damn it.”

“Cormano? Sunset Riders?” Rainbow Dash asked, giving me a strange look. “What are those?”

I rolled my eyes, and tipped my sombrero. “Dash, Cormano is one of the roughest, toughest, bounty hunters out there. Well, in western terms anyways.”

“Oh. So…why the pink getup?”  She asked, raising an eyebrow at me.

“I have no idea! I just know that was his thing, and he gave me permission to use it!” I laughed. “I am going to have so much fun in Appleloosa!”

“That’s what I’m worried about,” Fluttershy said, eyeing my poncho warily. “Did you really have to bring those guns?”

“Relax, Shy,” I said, pulling the guns out again. “They’re just really good carved pieces of timber. Only useful for firewood.”

“Ooh, goody!” Pinkie snatched the guns away from my hooves, and tossed them onto a small pile of wood she had gathered. Pulling out a match, she lit it into a small blaze, and was soon roasting marshmallows over it. “I was getting hungry just waiting around for those lazy train workers!”

I gave Pinkie a blank stare, and she just smiled in return. Finally, I let out a sigh, and mumbled, “Pass me a ‘mallow.”

She tossed me a fresh marshmallow, and I caught in my mouth, chewing irritably. That is, until I looked at some of the melted marshmallow goop on my beard, and gently wiped it off. I glance from it to Rarity, and shook my head. “Not gonna say it, too overdone,” I muttered.

Finally, after a few more minutes of waiting (and resisting the urge to yell, “PINKIE STOP, YOU’RE EATING RARITY!”), a team of ponies wearing what reminded me of train engineer clothes galloped onto the tracks, pulling a heavy looking locomotive with them.

“What’s with them pulling the train? What happened to the classic steam engines?” I asked, slightly confused.

“The engines are still slightly experimental,” Twilight explained as a team of farmponies loaded the tree (Dubbed, “Bloomberg”, by Applejack) onto the last car of the train. “They’re still trying to find a way to make sure it will last in the heat of the desert.”

“Ah, got it,” I responded.

“All aboard the 3:10 to Yuma!” A conductor yelled from the train.

I did a small double-take at his words, and shouted, “Wait, what?!”

He frowned at me, and shouted, “I said, all aboard the 3:10 to Appleloosa!”

Shaking my head, I trotted onto the train, and said, “Okay then…just making sure.”

XHXHXHXHXHXHXHX

A couple of hours later, and the train was tearing through the desert, leaving Ponyville behind us in a cloud of dust. For a while, I simply sat there, staring out the window, reminiscing over some of my past adventures.

“Pink? Really?” Spike asked, climbing onto the seat next to me.

“Hey, Pinkie’s not the only one who can do stuff like this!” I replied defensively. I then glanced at my poncho, and grimaced slightly. “Although I have to admit, it doesn’t seem to work very well on me…”

“I’ll say!”

“Thanks, Spike,” I grumbled.

“Don’t you have anything, I dunno, tougher?” he asked, pulling my dark blue saddlebag up next to him, where he proceeded to rummage through it.

I scratched my beard in thought, and said musingly, “I might have something…It belonged to an old friend of mine.”

“Really? Wow. What’s his name?” Spike asked, as he pulled an old, weathered black cowboy hat out from my bags.

I grabbed the hat from him, and replaced the sombrero on my head with it. “His name was John. John Marston.”

“Was? What happened to him?” Spike looked at me with curious eyes, and I couldn’t help but chuckle a little. Sure, I may look and act young, but I’ve still got that Grandpa’s ability of telling entertaining stories from my past. Then again, this is one of those darker stories that Ponies (and baby dragons) shouldn’t really know about.

“Well…he died, protecting his family,” I said evasively. Spike crossed his arms, and continued to stare at me. Rolling my eyes, I muttered, “There’s no shaking you and the others when it comes to me telling a story, is there?”

“Oh, definitely no.”

“Figures.” I took off the poncho, and pulled out a wrinkled, grey, once-white, shirt, and pulled it on, awkwardly buttoning it shut with my hooves. As I dressed myself, I told him the story behind one of the greatest Western epics out there…

XHXHXHXHXHXHXHX

“You sure about this, Marston? You can run while I hold ‘em off,” I offered one last time, my twin showstopper revolvers tightly gripped in my fists.

John Marston looked at me with his tired, brown eyes, and he let out a long sigh. “I’m afraid I can’t do that, Nate. I need you to help look after my boy, and make sure he stays on the right path.”

“What if he doesn’t?”

He frowned, and then shook his head. “Well, at least make sure he doesn’t get himself killed. I don’t want to be seein’ him any sooner than I have to. Hell, I don’t want to see him at all if I’m right about where I’m goin’.” Almost as an afterthought, he laughed darkly, and added, “And for Christ’s sake, make sure he knows how to use a gun right.”

I let loose a grim chuckle at that last statement. “I’ll try, John. I’ll try.”

I peered out the crack in the barn wall, at the top of the loft, and said, “It doesn’t look good. Shit ton of them, and only a few bullets between us.”

“That’s why you’re not shootin’.”

Before I could ask what he meant by that, he pushed me over, and tossed a heavy saddle blanket on top of me, harshly whispering, “Now, quiet boy! I don’t want them finding you when this is over!”

As I struggled to untangle myself, I heard the muted thud of John’s boots hitting the hard dirt floor of the barn, and his heavy sigh, as he accepted the inevitable. Frantically, I threw out my arms, trying to get free of the makeshift net, hoping I could do something to save him, to make sure that he made it back to his family.

Just as I finally tossed the blanket aside, I heard the doors creak open, as if they had been kicked, and the sound of Marston’s revolver firing at the squad of Federal agents surrounding the barn. For an instant, I thought he would make it, or at least that I had enough time to fire off a few shots and give him cover fire. I shoved my eye to the small hole in the wall of the loft-

-and saw John Marston, the man who proved that chivalry wasn’t dead, become the newest victim of one man’s greed and ambition. Several rifle bullets tore into him, painting the ground red with his blood, and he struggled to take one step forward. His revolver fell from his lifeless hand, and he collapsed to his knees, blood flowing from his mouth. Finally, his eyes rolled back into his head, and he fell over…

And he didn’t get back up.

In shock, I fell against the wall, refusing to believe that after all that we had gone through together…

XHXHXHXHXHXHXHX

“…He was dead,” I finished, my eyes wet with tears that refused to fall. I finished the last button on my vest, and let out a deep breath.

“Wow…” Spike muttered, breathing fire on another marshmallow on a stick. “Why would that guy do that though?”

“What, kill Marston?” I let out a grim chuckle, and leaned back in my seat. As I stared out the window, and at the desert scenery that was slowly taking up the majority of the landscape, I said, “How do I say this…Spike, some people have certain things that they’ll do anything for. For John, it was his family. For Ross, it was power. Some people will literally move the world if they have to, and I’ve seen it done before…”

“What about you?” He asked.

“Hm?”

“What would you do anything for?” He clarified, childlike innocence on his face.

I was silent as I tried to think of a good answer. Truth be told, there are a lot of things I’d do anything for. I mean, we’ve got the obvious one of my friends, who are really my true family. Not only that, but I’d also do anything if it meant saving an innocent life. In the end, I guess that…

“I’d do anything for the side of Good,” I finally said, startling Spike after my long moment of thinking. “I’ve gotta make sure that everyone is safe. I can’t sit by and let someone get hurt. It’s just how I was made.”

“Uh…okay. More marshmallows?” he offered, holding out a bag of them.

“No thanks,” I declined. Pulling my hat over my eyes, I yawned, and said, “I think I’m just gonna turn in early.” Settling into my seat, I mumbled, “Don’t need no stinkin’ bunk beds…seats are comfortable as is…”

XHXHXHXHXHXHXHXHX

I was violently awoken from my slumber when something rammed into the side of the train. As my eyes shot open, my old gunslinger instincts kicked in, and immediately started to assess the situation.

Okay, train was rammed from the side, the speed it takes to shake a train like that, no matter how much mass, rules out any chance of it being an accident of some sort. Appleloosan settlers have apple trees, we’re carrying an apple tree in the rear car, most likely meaning that something wants the tree, either for profit, or other means. Willing to harm others to get to it.

All of that was thought of in less than five seconds. In that time, I was already running to the door of the train car, and glancing out the window, hoping to catch a glimpse of whatever it was that was attacking us. My eyes widened when I realized that it wasn’t a group of pony bandits (although admittedly, that would be cool too), but instead:

“Buffaloes with native feathers?” I asked, before I shook my head and fell back into gunslinger mode. Currently, the only weapons I had with me were an old lasso that was tied to my side, and a hunting knife that was strapped on the opposite side, within easy reach of my mouth.

Opening the car door, I put a hoof to my mouth, and let out a long, piercing whistle. A few of the buffalo looked at me, distracted from their charge, and I leaped out from the train, and onto the ground. If I was correct, since this train was pony powered, then that meant that I should be able to keep up with it, if I pushed myself.

Rolling as I hit the ground, I charged over to where the buffalo were stampeding as a herd, and pulled out my lasso with my mouth, twirling it above my head in the classic wrangler style. “Thank you, Applejack,” I muttered, before tossing the lasso at the closet buffalo. The rope snagged onto its horn, and I fell alongside it, tugging it into a tight turn. As it forced itself not to fall flat on its face, the other buffalo simply ran around him, neatly avoiding my rope altogether.

As it was, I managed to stop one of them for all of ten seconds. Then it snapped its head back, and launched me into the air. Flailing my arms and legs, I managed to direct my flight onto the roof of the train, where I clung desperately to the edge. Hauling myself up, I pressed my hat down onto my head, and pulled out my knife, galloping along the roof.

Amidst all the action, a small part of me was squealing in delight. I mean, come on: I’M RUNNING ON TOP OF A FREAKING TRAIN, IN THE MIDDLE OF A TRAIN ROBBERY. Not only that, but I’m in pony form, while dressed up as John Marston. Today is officially awesome.

Finally, I reached the caboose, where my instincts told me that the buffalo would try to make their move. Throwing myself down, I swallowed nervously, and said, “Okay, I’m about to do something either stupid, foolish, or totally awesome. Ye Gods, I hope it’s the last one.”

With that, I grasped my knife in my teeth, and lowered myself to the small stepladder attached to the caboose. Slowly, I reached out with my hooves, and managed to grasp the underside of the car, where I held on for dear life. As I waited underneath the car, I vaguely heard what sounded like Rainbow Dash shouting at someone, then a loud “CLANG!” as if she had crashed into something.

I glared silently, but stayed where I was. If I was going to stop those buffalo, then I needed to make sure I had the element of surprise on my side. After what felt like hours of hanging onto the metal bars, the sound of thundering hooves reached my ears, and I felt my lips curve into a grim smile. As I started to climb back out to attack them, I heard something that shattered my entire plan:

“HEEEELP!!!” Spike’s voice called out, barely reaching my ears.

Shit! What the hell was Spike doing in there!? Okay, new plan: instead of going out and attacking them head-on, I’ll have to see if I can’t get my hooves on one of the smaller ones, and use them as a hostage to negotiate the release of Spike.

…Nah, I’ll just do my usual gig:

“ESPERANTO!” I shouted through clenched teeth, before I let go of the caboose, and tumbled onto the hard tracks. My teeth rattled in my skull, as I miraculously managed to land on the tracks with only a few bruises. Amazingly, I wasn’t trampled at all by the hooves of the stampeding herd. Guess I can get lucky sometimes.

I quickly picked myself up, and charged after the buffalo, leaving the train in the dust. One of them actually turned around, and spotted me still keeping up with them. He snorted, and did a 180, rushing out to meet me. Lamenting the fact that I had lost my lasso, I gripped the knife tightly in my mouth-

And dropped it when I stumbled over a rock that was protruding from the tracks. Oops. Oh well, Live and Learn! Charging at the buffalo, I leaped over its head, and slammed my hooves down on its back. Shaking slightly, it threw its head up, grazing my leg with its horns. I jumped to the side, rolling as I landed, only to be met by another buffalo.

“You settler ponies will pay for what you have done!” He shouted angrily. Before I could ask what he was talking about, he slammed his head into mine. Stars exploded in my vision, and a smaller, petite buffalo, almost calf-like, threw my own rope around me. Hogtied, I could only let them drag me with them, while I quickly lost consciousness.

XHXHXHXHXHXHXHX


“Ugh…I have GOT to stop getting knocked out,” I groaned. “It is extremely bad for my health…”

Ignoring the pounding sensation in my head, I tried to move my hooves. Sadly, I was still tied up, barely able to make any movement at all.

“Well. Still better than Vegas,” I muttered.

“Be quiet!” A voice harshly said, slapping a hoof on my head.

“Ow! What the heck was that for?” I asked, glaring at the offending buffalo. It was the same calf (well, smaller buffalo) from before, and she was glaring daggers at me, as we sped across the desert. A small part of me realized that we had left the tracks a while ago, and were now currently trailblazing. On the bright side, they had been a bit courteous by throwing me onto the back of another buffalo.

“You’re not allowed to talk! You tried to hurt us!” The calf spat.

“In my defense, you’ve kinda kidnapped a friend of mine!” I shot back.

“What, the tree?” she asked sarcastically.

“No, the dragon,” I growled, struggling against my bonds.

“The what?” This was apparently new to her, if the look on her face was anything to go by.

“Did you bother looking in the caboose before you stole it?” I deadpanned. Rolling off of the buffalo’s back, I managed to wrap the ropes around the pointy end of its horn, where it neatly cut the ropes off. Instead of landing gracefully, I once again got to meet the ground’s desert cousin.

“Ow,” I mumbled, before picking myself up. The buffalo stampede had stopped now, curious to see what I was doing. Limping, I made my way to the caboose, and hollered, “Spike! It’s okay, you can open the door now.”

“I can’t! It’s locked!” He shouted from inside the caboose, his voice finally able to be heard by all of the buffalo.

“Of course it’s freakin’ locked…Alright, stand back Spike!” Looking at the window, I pulled my hoof back, and slammed it into the glass. Flicking the rest of the shards out of the frame, I waved for Spike to climb out.

“Thanks,” he said, dropping next to me. He glanced at my arm, and added, “How come you aren’t bleeding?”

I shrugged, and said, “Years and years of practice. There’s a certain method to punching glass.”

The buffalo quickly started shouting apologies…to Spike. I was mostly ignored, except by the calf, who sheepishly trotted over to me, and said, “Erm, sorry about all of that…”

“Ah, it’s fine. Sans Souci,” I replied, extending a hoof. On an impulse, I introduced myself by saying, “Name’s Omnius…but you can call me Red. Red Marston.”

“…Uh, alright. I am Little Strongheart.” she answered, a little confused, but willing to go along with it. “But why would a dragon be traveling with an Appleloosan settler?”

“What? No, I’m not a settler!” I said, raising an eyebrow. “I’m actually goin’ there to visit with a few…friends…Ye Gods.”

I jumped off the caboose, and snatched Spike onto my back. “Hey! What’s the big idea?” he asked indignantly, holding onto my mane for dear life.

“The others don’t know we’re okay! They must be worried sick about you!” I explained. One of the buffalo leaped in front of me, causing me to skid to a stop. As I looked around, Strongheart trotted next to me, a small smile on her face.

“Our apologies, but do you even know where the town is?” she asked logically.

I face-hoofed myself, Spike joining me with a face-claw, and muttered, “That would help…”

“Night is coming. Why don’t you and the dragon stay with our tribe for the night? I’ll take you back to Appleloosa in the morning,” she offered. Her eyes kept gazing at the small reptilian on my back, and I guessed that they must have held dragons in high regard.

“Alright, that’d be much appreciated,” I finally said. “Lead the way, miss. And while we head there, you can tell me what’s goin’ on with you and the Appleloosans.”

“What makes you thi-”

I interrupted her with a cough, and said, “M’am, it’s pretty obvious. You attack their train, steal a tree, and buck me in the head for lookin’ like one of ‘em. I’d like some answers now.”

She blushed, but agreed once Spike repeated the question. As she explained the feud going on between the buffalo tribe, and the settlers (look, I’m not about to dumb it down for you. Seriously, go and watch the episode if you don’t know what’s going on. Honestly, I’m not about to summarize what you’ve already seen. There’s a thing called GOOGLE for that), I couldn’t help but feel a little saddened. Of course, there would be a disagreement with something like this…

“Hey, Omnius?” Spike asked from his perch on my back. “You mind if I go with the rest of the buffalo? They’re gonna go look around and make sure nopony else followed them.”

“Sure, kid,” I answered. “Strongheart and I will head to the camp. I wanna learn more about their ways…Maybe become the Last of the Buffalos…” I muttered the last part so that I wouldn’t accidentally cause any alarm.

The last thing I needed was to be mistaken for some crazed gunslinger who would kill them all in a moment’s notice. Besides, why would I want to kill them? THEY’RE FREAKING BUFFALO. With bison horns…huh. Weird.

XHXHXHXHXHX

As the moon rose high into the sky, I had managed to learn a lot more about the buffalo from Little Strongheart. According to her, they were a very spiritual people, believing nature and the stars to guide them. They also believed very strongly in their ancestors. In fact, they actually had a “stampeding ground” which was dedicated to them, where they would, as the name implied, stampede across it, hoping to channel their spirits. Well, something like that anyways.

Anyways, Strongheart just left to go and get Spike (or “Mr. Spike” as she had started calling him) some turquoise, leaving me to converse with the chief.

“Howdy,” I stated. The chief gazed at me with a spark of anger in his eyes, and I tipped my hat at him. “Just call me Red. Red Marston.”

“I am Chief Thunderhooves,” he answered curtly.

“I’m not a settler pony, I just dressed up like one for the occasion,” I immediately said.

“Hmph,” he snorted, puffs of steam coming from his nostrils.

“Hmph,” I repeated, smaller puffs of steam coming from my own nose.

He cracked a small smile, and said, “Are you trying to intimidate me, little pony?”

“No, you’re too huge for that!”

That got him. He let loose an earth-rumbling chuckle, and he said, “You are not as bad as the settlers. And you are different as well.”

“What gave it away? The beard?” I asked rhetorically.

“No,” he replied, shaking his head grimly. We walked through the camp, and he glanced at me. “I can sense that you hold many mysteries…that you yourself, are one.”

“Yeah, I’m just a walking oxymoron,” I grumbled.

“I do not mean it in any offensive way. I mean to say that you seem to be…not of this world.” Thoughts raced through my head, as I struggled to maintain my casual posture. He seemed to know that he had struck a chord, however, and he added, “I do not sense any malicious intent from you, though. Whatever secrets you may have, you may keep.”

“Thanks,” I grunted. “Now mind tellin’ me what’s up with the battle between you and the settlers?” Okay, I did just hear the gist of it from Little Strongheart, but if you want an accurate description, you ask the guys in charge. Once I get the info from this side of the land, I’ll make my way over to the town, and ask the sheriff (western town, has to have a sherrif!) what’s been goin’ on. Or just head to the saloon.

I haven’t gotten in an old timey saloon fight in ages.

Snapping myself out of bar-brawl memories, I listened to what Thunderhooves was saying.

“We have a long and winding stampeding trail that we have run upon for many generations. My father stampeded upon these grounds, and his father before him, and his father before him, and his father before him, and his father before him, and-”

Okay, skipping this! How to make him stop without seeming rude…hm…

“Chief!” Strongheart called out suddenly, snapping him out of his monologue. He looked over to see the young buffalo standing in the opening of the tent. “There are two ponies here, friends of Mr. Spike. They want to know what’s been happening.”

“Good. Red, join us. I don’t want to repeat myself,” he stated, maneuvering his bulk through the small tent opening.

“…Says the guy who just went on about his endless grandpas.”

XHXHXHXHXHXHXHX

After some explanations, I was sitting next to Spike, Dash, and Pinkie, who had followed the trail the buffalo left to find Spike, and we were all listening to the Chief’s explanation of the problem. Luckily, Strongheart had the sense to cut him off before he got on a roll about the “his father’s, father’s, father’s” bit.

“See, Rainbow Dash?” Spike said when they were done explaining their side of the story. “They had a good reason to-”

In anger, Rainbow Dash stomped her hoof on the ground, and half-shouted, “I’ll say they had a good reason! Come on! We have some apple-picking Appleloosans to talk to!”

Surprised, but happy that she had finally come around to their side, the crowd smiled, while Dash dragged Pinkie and I by our tails back to the trail. Strongheart and Spike followed, while I rolled my eyes, and said, “Okay…guess we’re getting the hell out of Dodge.”

XHXHXHXHXHXHXHX


“Hi guys!” Pinkie Pie said happily, when we saw our friends (plus Braeburn), who were just leaving town. Fluttershy hug-tackled Pinkie in happiness, while I myself was hugged by Twilight.

“Pinkie! We’re so glad you’re safe!” Fluttershy exclaimed, burying her face in Pinkie’s mane.

The others expressed similar statements, and Twilight asked, “How did you escape from the buffalo?”

I rolled my eyes, but returned Twilight’s hug, saying at the same time as Pinkie, “We didn’t.”

Behind us, an outcropping of rock hid Little Strongheart from view, and I called out, “Come on now, no need to be shy. We’ve already got Fluttershy to do that for us.”

An audible gulp sounded out, before Strongheart jumped out from behind the rock, much to the astonishment of the ponies. While she nervously pawed (hoofed?) the ground, Rainbow Dash said, “We promised the buffalo a chance to talk.”

“Oh yeah?” Applejack asked, a hint of scorn in her voice. “’Bout what?”

Throwing a friendly, reassuring hoof around the calf’s shoulders, and said, “We brought our new pal Little Strongheart here to explain to the Appleloosans why they should move the apple trees off buffalo land.”

When she finished, she pushed Strongheart into Braeburn’s face. The cowpony gave her a friendly smile, and said, “That information will be quite help-”

“That’s weird, ’cause my cousin Braeburn here wants to explain to the buffalo why they should let the apple trees stay,” Applejack cut in, shoving Braeburn closer.

“That would be a useful thing to-” Strongheart started, before Dash interrupted her.

“The land is theirs!” She shouted, flying over to Applejack. “You planted the trees not knowing that. Honest mistake. Now you just gotta move ’em, that’s all.”

Uh oh. If I know my Western movies, then that means that this town might not be big enough for the two of ‘em. I cleared my throat, and tried to get their attention, but to no avail.

“They busted their rumps here! And now they’re supposed to bust their rumps again just ’cause some buffalo won’t stampede someplace else?” Applejack retorted, now getting into Rainbow Dash’s face.

“Plant the trees somewhere else!” Rainbow insisted.

“Where?” Applejack gestured at the tall desert hills surrounding the town, pointing out, “It’s the only flat land around these parts!”

“The Buffalo had it first!”

“The settler ponies need it to live!”

From there, it escalated into a huge shouting match, with both of them arguing needlessly over who had the right to be there. Braeburn and Strongheart, to their credit, both looked uncomfortable, as if they felt that each one was making valid points, but that they’d rather talk it over calmly. I empathized with them. There have been endless times where I’ve nearly gotten into wars because both leaders would refuse to listen to the other.

Finally, Twilight had had enough, and she shouted over the two of them, at the same time as me, “ENOUGH!”

I blinked, and motioned for her to go ahead with her rant. As she told the two arguing ponies about how both sides had good reasons to stay, I edged my way over to Braeburn, and whispered, “Hey, Braeburn. Know any good saloons where I can try my hand at keeping the peace?”

“Well, I dunno what’cha mean by that, but you can always try the Salt Lick Saloon!” He offered.

“Thanks. Tell the girls I’m off doin’ my usual gig,” I muttered, sneaking away back into the town.

“What’s your usual gig?” Strongheart asked me as I walked off.

Not even looking back, I chuckled, and said, “Oh, you know. Just the usual: Help others, learn new things, and make a fool of myself. It’s a living.”

Oh, it’s good to be The Traveler.

XHXHXHXHXHXHX

“So, the Salt Lick, eh?” I said to myself, as I walked through the swinging doors.  I had to say, I already liked the place: Only a few ponies, including a mare at the piano and the bartender stallion, it actually looked like an old time western bar, and…I felt like I was in my element. I don’t know why, but I always feel…relaxed, when I’m in a western setting. It must have something to do with my old time values of chivalry, and how I keep going on about how I was trained in the ways of the gunslinger.

Something like that anyways.

The moment I stepped in, a group of burly ponies playing a card game (how are they holding the cards?) turned to glare at me, and I nodded quietly at them, casting a glare of my own at them. They grunted in approval, and I trotted up to the counter.

“Y’er not from around here, are yeh?” The Bartender instantly asked me, absently wiping a glass with a fresh rag.

“Nope,” was my curt reply.

“What’ll you have?”

I cracked my neck, and placed a bit on the counter. “Just a water. Something is going down later, and I want to be sober for it.”

He raised his eyebrow at me, but he took the bit willingly enough, and set a cup of water in front of me. “We finally doing something about them buffalo?”

“Nah…crazy mare named Pinkie Pie is getting some sort of number put together,” I said, guessing that Pinkie would probably want to solve things with a musical performance. If it worked, more power to her. If it failed, then I was gonna need to see if I could talk peace with the ponies.

“Huh. Any buffalo gonna be showin’ up?” The bartender asked, placing another glass in front of me as soon as he noticed that I had finished the first one.

“Why don’t you ask ‘em yourself?” A card playing pony in the corner of the room called out, right before a trio of angry looking buffalo squeezed through the doors. The bar went silent instantly at their arrival.

“Anything I can get for you?” The bartender evenly asked, treating them as he had treated me.

The largest one, a steel colored buffalo with a decorative headdress-

Oh no. So much…just…shit. In his headdress, he had the typical feathered bit going on, but not only that, he had a bit of obsidian dangling from a coarse brown string.

Okay, sidetracking from the action to briefly explain something: I hate obsidian. See, a while ago, Torrentican had managed to capture me for about…gahl, I can’t even remember. Thirteen months? Anyways, every time I tried to Travel out of there, Torrentican would follow me (as we are the only beings who can track each other’s Traveling accurately, unless covered with some form of magic spell), and he’d torture me with obsidian weapons.

Long story short, he psychologically trained me to think that if obsidian was touching me, then I’d forget how to use most, if not all, of my magic, Traveling abilities, or skills in general. I could still remember basic stuff, and I wasn’t gonna be a wimp like Superman with kryptonite, but…well, I wasn’t going to be that useful until the stupid rock was gone.

Alright, back to the action.

The buffalo trotted up to the bar, and he slammed his hooves onto it, getting all of the patrons’ attention. In a loud, deep voice, he called out, “Settler ponies! Thanks to the pink one’s…efforts…we have decided!”

“On what?” I asked, calmly sipping at my drink.

“That at high noon, we will continue our stampede…no matter what stands in our way.”

I slammed my glass on the counter, and turned to them, a dangerous gleam in my eye. Two of the buffalo stepped back, but the leader kept staring at me. “Now why would you do that?” I asked in a dangerous voice.

“Because…I for one, would actually like to feel my hooves stomping on the heads of you useless ponies,” he growled, steam puffing out of his nose.

“Come on, can’t we all just get along?” one of the card playing ponies tried.

“Hmph. Maybe if you tiny ponies stopped planting trees on our land,” the buffalo retorted. He then directed his gaze at me, and snorted, “And shaved that mess of pubic hair you call a beard.”

The bar got deathly quiet. All of them could feel the anger rising off of me, like a heat wave, as I turned my head to stare at the steel colored buffalo that stood in front of me. “…What did you just say about my beard?”

“Are you settlers deaf now?” He spat. Putting his massive head closer to mine, he enunciated every word, and said, “Shave. Your. Pathetic. Beard.”

I got up from my seat, and lowered my hat. “Pardner, there are three mistakes you’ve just made right now.”

“Hm?”

“One…I’m from Texas…”

“So? Who cares about a made up land?”

“Two…I’ve had training as a ranger…” My legs tensed, ready to strike out at any given moment.

“What are you getting at?”

“Three…you just insulted my beard.”

Before he could respond, I pivoted on my front hooves, and used all of my momentum to spin my back hooves around, and buck him full strength in the face. He flew backwards from the sheer force of the blow, and he crashed through the window of the bar, and into the wall of the next building.

His companions looked at me with a mixture of anger and awe, and I responded by cracking my neck again, and stating, “The eyes of the ranger see all.”

As if that was their cue, they leaped into action, charging at me from across the bar. Two of the card players intercepted them however, slamming their chairs onto the buffalos’ heads, and dazing them for a few moments. Another drinker at the counter grabbed the bottle he was drinking from, and he slammed it onto the head of the poor sap sitting next to him.

Needless to say, all hell broke loose from there.

I was slammed in the back of the head by a bag of salt (the hell?), and I turned around and lashed out with my front hoof, punching the attacker in the face. As he fell to the ground, I threw a large bag of bits onto the counter, and yelled, “For the window, the chair, and whatever else I’m gonna end up breaking!”

And then, I leaped into the fray, laughing madly as I did so.

XHXHXHXHXHXHXHX


“Wow…I can’t believe Pinkie’s song failed that badly,” Twilight lamented, wincing as she remembered the disastrous musical number.

“Oh yes,” Rarity agreed. “I do hope Omnius is having better luck than we are at convincing the ponies and buffalo not to fight one another.”

“I know,” Fluttershy said. “We really need to find a way to let them know that they really CAN share the land…”

“Where IS Omni anyways?” Pinkie asked.

XHXHXHXHXHXHXHX


“You gotta SHARE!” I slammed a bottle on one buffalo’s head, and threw the chair I was holding in my mouth at a pony who had tried to stab me with a pool cue. “You gotta CARE!”

Another buffalo crashed his head into me, pinning me to the counter, and I slammed my hooves onto his head in a double-hoofed blow. As he stumbled backwards, I added, “That wasn’t the right thing to do!”

For hours, we all fought each other, in the time honored tradition of western bar fights, with no rules.

Well, almost no rules.

“HEY!” I shouted at a pony who was about to slam his hooves into the piano mare. “What’s the big idea? You never attack the musician in a bar fight!”

Some of the other fighters stopped their beatings for a moment to nod in agreement with me. I trotted over to the offending pony, and grabbed him by the collar. “Sorry, but for that, you’re disqualified.”

“I’m sorry!” He yelled, as I tossed him out the doors.

“AND STAY OUT! Piano Mare, if you would continue?”

“Gladly,” she answered.

Resuming our brawl, we kept wailing on each other, until the sheriff finally had to intercede, and he hollered out over the crowd, “ALRIGHT, ENOUGH!”

We all stopped, and looked at the old colt with respect. Well, I punched the colt I was holding in a headlock one more time, and dropped him to the ground.

“Now iff’n y’all are done actin’ like a buncha foals, ye can help us fight off the buffalo!” he suggested, before galloping out of the saloon, and ducking behind a stack of hay bales. Occasionally, he would pop out from behind them, and launch a pie at something that I couldn’t see from where I was standing.

Trotting over to the window, I put my head to the wall, and mumbled, “Oh, duh. I forgot that I was supposed to be stopping this. Why did I get distracted?” I then spotted the same steel colored buffalo from before, only this time he was getting hit by a well aimed pie to the face. “Oh, right, he insulted my beard.”

“Omnius!” Twilight shouted, running over to meet me as I jumped out of the broken window.

“Well, howdy Twilight. I’m guessing your negotiations didn’t work?” I said casually, pulling her behind a wall to avoid a flying pie.

“No, they refused to listen to any of us! What about you?”

“Well, three buffalo and several ponies won’t be attending this little shin-dig,” I replied.

“Really? You managed to convince them not to fight?”

“Ow! My leg!” A random pony screamed from inside of the bar.

“…sure, let’s go with that,” I replied.  “Where’s Rarity, Fluttershy, and the rest of ‘em?”

“We’re trying to help anypony who needs it,” she answered, using her magic to catch a pie before it hit my flank. “This whole thing is pointless!”

“That it is…that it is…” I said sadly. Sighing, I trotted out from behind the building, and my eyes widened as I saw the Chief charge at the sheriff. The sheriff calmly removed his hat, and placed it over his chest, closing his eyes as he accepted the inevitable.

“NO!” I shouted. Without thinking, I grabbed the pie from where it was hanging in the air, surprising Twilight, and I hurled it at the Chief.

The Chief watched the pie fly towards him, and time started to slow down. The pie lazily floated through the air, getting closer and closer to the suspended Chief. “NOOOOOO!” He shouted in slow-motion, right before the pie hit him in the face, and caused him to land in front of the makeshift barricade the Sheriff was standing behind.

We slowly walked over to where the Chief was, his eyes closed, and his tongue handing out of his mouth. Nearly his entire head was covered in bits and pieces of apple pie, and some of the ponies started to cry. Spike just flat out started bawling, as he hugged Twilight for support.

“Um…you do realize that’s just pie, right?” I asked, as some of the ponies and buffalo aimed angry looks at me. “Seriously! He’s fine!”

As if to prove my point, a bit of the pie that had hit him landed on his tongue.  And the sheer awesomeness of the flavor of the pie apparently brought the Chief back from the dead, as his eyes shot open, he said, “Yum!”

“Told you! Buncha crybabies…” I muttered. Rarity flicked the back of my head, and I said, “Okay, I’ll shut up.”

“Hm…wait! I’ve got a much better idea!” The Chief said, eyeing the rest of the pies.

XHXHXHXHXHXHX


“Hooray!” I shouted, getting ready to hop back onto the train with the rest of the pony folk. “The ponies and the buffalo are at peace, I got to be part of an old timey bar fight, and I rode a train, all while dressed up like an old western hero. BEST. VACATION. EVER.”

“Pardner, it was mighty fine havin’ you come here,” Braeburn said, shaking my hoof. “Y’all will have to come back and visit sometime!”

“Definitely!” Applejack laughed. “Hay, you might even be datin’ Little Strongheart by the time we get back!”

“I expect to hear wedding bells!” I laughed, before jumping onto the train as it pulled out of the station. “Goodbye all!”

As the train started to make the long journey back to Ponyville, I couldn’t help but grin at my friends. At their questioning look, I said, “I need to do one last thing before I can properly call this the end of a western.”

Jumping off of the train again, I looked at the setting sun, conveniently placed in the general direction of Ponyville, and galloped towards it, laughing and hollering all the while. I could hear the laughter of the girls, as they watched me from the train, and I gladly called out in a voice that echoed across the desert:

“YEEEEEEEEE-HAAAAAAAWWW!” Next Chapter: A Night With The Night Estimated time remaining: 4 Hours, 59 Minutes

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