Chapter 3 Alt Title: I Swear We Were Supposed to Go Questing!

It was late, the moon was full, and Eris was staring off of a balcony at the lake down below. Did I mention that we were at Canterlot Castle?

So naturally, I just kinda came up behind her and gave her a hug. Because at this point we were almost in a relationship anyways.

“My my, Eris, you look thoughtful. Is there anything you want to tell me?”

“It’s just… there’s too much order here… I may not be a full-breed chaos spirit, but even I am way too bored here…”

That... was something I could deal with quite easily, really.

“Then… why don’t we go on an adventure? Yeah! Just you and me, going on quests and stuff, like those two dragonborn we Displaced! Of course, we’ll need restriction seals so we have more fun… but that’s not really a problem, is it?”

She looked at me curiously, “... how do we do that?”

“Here’s what we do: In a few days’ time, in order to say our goodbyes and such, I warp us to a generic fantasy Universe and then I get one of my colleagues to Restrict our abilities to a conditional minimum, only to be removed gradually as we, for lack of a better term, ‘Level Up’... Sound good, luv?”

It was a great plan, if I do say so myself

“Hmm…Sure! When do we start?”

“Wednesday, in three days. Pack what you think you’ll need, once we get there, we’ll be, in effect, stupidly powerful mortals… I’ve actually forgotten what hunger, thirst, and exhaustion feel like… this’ll be really interesting for me…”

Because being OP all the time gets really fucking boring

“Hmm… I think I’ll be a wizard, learn dragon magic because dragons are pretty cool.” Eris says as she hugs him.

“Sure, go ahead… though you will still have some sort of your power left… probably just a natural inclination to all magic… I’m just going to revert to how I was when I was twenty one, a shadow manipulator…”

“I’ll go work on a staff now, I’ve been wanting to see if I could make one for a while now anyway.” She says before she snaps her fingers to poof away.

Umbra watches the cloud disperse, a smile forming on his non-existent lips, “...Goodnight, love..”

WHOOSH

Immediately after, I left the Universe to track down Landong, the Quantum Entanglement Officer... he's basically Q from James Bond... except he came from the Philipines, acts like a butler, and speaks like a Brit. He also makes the best Restriction Seals out of anyone of us Admins in this Branch.

Wednesday, day of departure

I slid out of the ground outside Flutters' cottage, Landong following behind. Eris was bouncing like a little girl, waiting for me.

“Good morning Eris, allow me to introduce you to Landong Star-Eater, he’s our Branch’s Quantum Entanglement Officer, or Q, if you will. He’s also in charge of placing restriction seals on any Admin that wants one… I just need mine touched up, right, Lan’?”

“That is correct, sir. All you need is for me to add the conditional release to your Seal, and for me to up the power.”

Eris leaned over and whispered “I think he’s British…”

“British in actions and accent, Filipino by race. Speaks Cebuano. Hey Lan, you ready?”

“Yes sir. All things are set on my end.”

Interesting thing about Landong, or Lan', as I call him: his subspace pocket is twofold: his pocket that holds stuff, and the pocket that holds the bag that the pocket is anchored two.

“Then… follow my lead!”

VWORPLE X 2

In the half second that the trip took, Eris had clamped her eyes shut and started clinging to my arms like a limpet, missing that half second light show.

“Eris… what are you doing? We’re here, you missed the light show…”

“Oh… I… uh… I thought it was going to be like teleporting where you feel like you’re getting squeezed out a tube and find out exactly what toothpaste feels like.”

Her blush is just so cute

“Well… I suppose I should have… wait… but… how did you forget? I took you to Earth a year ago, remember? Don’t you remember the sensation?”

I swear I took her to Earth once... didn't I?

“...No… you didn’t, you brought those movies from Earth for me to see, but you never took me to Earth. You said something along the lines of ‘it’s too polluted’ or something like that.”

I guess my memory's just really bad, then.

“...Oh...Remind me to take you one day, polluted though it may be, some parts are really worth it. Right! So, due to the nature of this Universe, we need to adopt more humanoid forms… don’t know why really, but I guess blending in is more important than I thought it was..."

“It quite is, sir… would you like those Seals now?”

Completely forgot about those.

“Huh? Oh, yeah! Hold on a minute, we should at least change first to keep the magic more stable.” And then I turned into a Tensa Zangetsu rip-off, with a cloak and armor instead of whatever Tensa Zangetsu wears.

“Alright… well… I haven’t been corporeal in… a long time. Interesting. Well Eris, your turn.”

Being corporeal also meant that I knew I'd have to use the bathroom for the first time in a very long time...

Eris thought for a second before snapping her fingers. Her body became shrouded in a soft white glow as her horns receded and her body took on proportions more like a human's. Her hips become a bit more pronounced and, as the glow faded, she ended up wearing a simple, blue wizard robe. She still had her normal horns, just quite a bit smaller. Her silvery hair fell in a long sweeping flow across her shoulders and framed her adorable cheeks.

It took all I had to not just sweep her off her feet and make out with her right there. That was the first goddamn time I'd ever felt like that...

“I...uh...wow...daaaammnn… You’re even cuter than you are normally…”

‘So cute… so pretty’

*Dude… You got it good this time. And half of your work is already half done, she wants you so badly.*

‘Can’t argue with that logic. I’ll take it slow, though I might speed it up a little...’

*Also can’t argue that logic, go get her tiger.*

‘Here we go...’

“Alright, then, Lan’, if you’re done with the Seals?”

“Right away, sir. Here you are… simply place them somewhere on your bodies to activate them. You’ll end up restricted to about 20% power, Lady Eris, and sir, you will revert to your beginning state with only the barest amount of Admin abilities, mainly to remove the seals. Is this acceptable?”

Lan': Always comes through with his seals. Humble guy he is, not like some of my other subordinates. (CIEN)

“Yeah, great work, Lan’... just… in the event that I get called away on an emergency, I want the Seals to release as soon as I’m called.”

“Of course, sir.”

Moments later

“Here you are, sir, milady. If there’s anything else?”

“That’s all, Lan’. Thanks for this, by the way.”

Thank gods, I'll still be able to help in the event of an emergecy.

“Of course, sir.”

With that, Landong Star- Eater left us on a forest trail, with Eris snuggling me like I was a teddy bear. And, to be honest, i was fine with that.

“This feels even better… now you’re warm.”

So I pulled her in tighter and really enjoyed the heck out of it.

“Yes, I suppose hugging a cold mass of shadow can only feel good on a summer day… or if you have a headache…”

I would imagine that there are other uses too, but those are pretty much the most prominent. Still Fiore is up ahead... I think... without a map it's hard to tell.

Eris was purring as we walked and I had to try not to have a heart attack. Because that was a thing I could do.

“What kinds of things are we going to be doing in this world? Slaying a lich? Stopping a sorcerer from making an entire kingdom disappear? Or are we going to be helping solve a bunch of Survival-Horror quests that would put even the most insane mind to shame?”

Ah, the expressions of a cute, excited girl.

“All of the above, of course! We’re still immortal, we have more power than many of the other heros in this Universe, and most of all, we’re here to have fun!”

“Awesome! I can’t wait!”

Thank gods! I can hide a miniature heart attack!

Oh look, the sun's setting.

“Uh… Umbra… Can we get some *yawn* rest?”

“Huh...wow...I *yawn* haven’t been tired in so long… just a little longer, I still have a subspace pocket and I have a lot of money from this Universe… the town of Fiore is just ahead… just a couple more minutes, then we can find a place to stay the night… Man, I’m tired…”

Still, I don't want to spend money...

“You know… I do have a spell called ‘Leomund’s Magic Hut’... We could use that to rest up for the night.”

Staaaaaaaaare~~~

“Why didn’t you tell me that earlier?”

“I… I was tired…”

...Close enough to a real reason to count... only because I love you so much, though...

“...Well, as long as there’s a reason… Cast away, wizard girl.”

Maybe not the best way to say something, but I was tired and carving stuff into a tree was fun.

‘This forest really is quite nice… though, I wish we didn’t ‘port in so close to sunset...’

pop

“Ooh… I like that one…”

Hot damn... that's actually a pretty nice cottage...

“It does have a rustic charm to it, yes… great, let’s head in and turn in for the night.”

Whoa nelly! Eris just grabbed my arm outta nowhere!

“Whoa, hey! Slow down! I’m actually a little fragile like this!... oh wow… this is a really nice cottage…”

Oh my god... look at all this art! I love this place.

“See… We could even live in a place like this and I’d be happy.”

“Maybe I’ll make a house like this back home… but for now, let’s just go to bed, I’m tired, you’re tired, and really, we have time to sleep.”

And then I passed out on the bed

The next day

I woke up with Eris snuggled to my chest, in her underwear. I'll admit it... it was probably the best sleep I'd had since ever.

‘I… I could really get used to this...’

'I can't believe I'm about to do this... but she needs to wake up... it's almost nine o' clock, and we need to go adventuring...'

“...Hey, Eris… it’s morning… get up sleepyhead…”

“Tell Celestia she needs to not get up early then… Luna’s night is better… means more sleepytime…”

Cute. So goddamn cute.

“C’mon, if you don’t wake up, we might not be able to do any questing today.”

“Morning should fall somewhere around noon… and then end the day at nine…”

“...Well, then you’d be complaining at noon…” Logic: It ruins your arguments.

“No, because then I would have more sleep… And sleep makes me beautiful.”

“Guess I can’t argue with that…” Logic: Still ruining arguments. Even if it is flawed.

Aaaannddd she's changing right in front of me... is she doing that on purpose?

“Alright, lets have some breakfast and go.”

Time for my famous Epic Post-Apocalypse Sized Breakfast Spread. Items include, but are not limited to: Waffles of every kind, Pancakes, bacon, eggs, orange juice, milk, tea, coffee, rolls, rice, dumplings, miso soup, meat buns, bean paste buns, strawberries, oranges, apples, bananas, blueberries, smoothies of multiple flavors, cake of different types, PBJs, BLTs, and various other sandwiches. All in all, a massive breakfast feast fit for a king.

“Umbra… We only needed breakfast… not a meal to last us through an apocalypse…”

Only the best for you, love.

“Heh heh, just wanted us to have some variety, after all… well, go on, dig in!”

I'd actually forgotten about just how great eating with a real mouth is...

“U-Umbra…?”

Gods, she's so cute... I wonder what she's gonna ask?

“Yes, luv? What’s up?”

“Well… I… Uh… I…”

“Hmm? You don’t have to go on if you don’t want to… but still, why haven’t you eaten anything?”

Seriously, she just sat next to me and started stuttering... I hope she's alright...

“...C-can… I have a kiss?”

Oh... oh damn... It's finally time to make my move. The opportune moment has arrived.

“I… what brought this on? Mind you, I suppose you can, but still, why?”

“It’s because… Well… When I’m with you I’m just, so happy… It’s as if I couldn’t possibly have a bad day whenever you’re around… This journey even has so much chaos that I wouldn’t want to share with anyone but you…”

Oh goddammit just come here and kiss me you beautiful woman.

“Same here, love. Now, you said something about a kiss?”

And then we made out for the next few minutes. And it was intense as fuck. It was fucking awesome.

“All these years… you felt the same way as I did, didn’t you?”

“Of course I did… I just didn’t act like it, now I regret not doing this sooner… Now come on, love, we’ve got a busy day today, eat up so we can get to questing.”

Lesson one of romance, Umbra style: tell the truth and change the subject... or something. Act sappy and actually care.

Oh man... she's making a mess of herself... stop looking at me and eat properly, girl!

“I notice that you seem to be having some trouble there… would you like me to feed you?”

It took the better part of an hour, but we managed to finish. Stowing the rest away, we exited the cottage and started down the road on an adventure that... that... fuck it, I don't even know how to say something so cliche and sappy. And neither does the author.

End Chapter 3 Next Chapter: Chapter 4: In Which Questing and More Shipping Happens Estimated time remaining: 19 Minutes