Chapter 2 Alt Title: Eris Should Never Drink. Ever

As I came down the stairs from my lab that morning, I found Eris once again draped over my couch... in a pose that, while normal, seemed undeniably pretty to my eyes. I stared for a moment, then noticed the book in her hands.

“Why, Eris, I’m surprised. You’re actually doing something productive while waiting for me.”

Not the smoothest of lines, but it got the cutest little ear flick out of her.

“Yeah… I decided to get a few ideas… you’d be surprised how hilarious some of these books can be.”

POOF

And now she's sitting normally...

“This book I’m reading is called ‘The Hangover’... I never thought that three friends could have so much fun without remembering a bit of it.”

Holy crap, that movie actually does exist here. I never really liked it, though.

“‘The Hangover’, huh? That’s a movie in my home world, my real home world, that is… I guess more than a few things carried over…”

“Maybe…”

Maybe what? I don't like that gleam in your eye...

“Applejack’s hosting a cider tasting later this week! Let’s go to it together!”

Goddamnit no! Never again! Not after what happened two years ago!

“...”

It was terrible for everyone involved, let's leave it at that.

“Don’t you remember what happened the last time you touched even the slightest bit of alcohol? I don’t think so, you and any form of alcohol is a bad idea…”

“...Luna got over that video… everyone already thought that it was fake because nobody could get that deep into the Lunar Tower without getting surrounded by Thestrals.”

What videos? When was this!?

“...wha? I was referring to how you went on a rampage and blitzed your way across the country and ruined so many bars so badly that I had to fix them. Oh, and you tried to cuddle with at least six hundred different ponies, some of them mares… including Luna… and Cadence… and somehow Chrysalis…”

“Well… Maybe… But Cadence loves to cuddle…And I did not break those bars, that was that weird robot-guy that you brought with you.”

One: It's true, Cadence loves to cuddle... but what Eris did was borderline sexual harassment. Two: No, it really was Eris, honest.

“Nevertheless, I am refusing to let you go anywhere near Applejack’s place that day. I’m putting my foot down on this one. No. Way. In. He–”

Later that Week

“How the hell did you manage to talk me into this? No, why did I let you talk me into this in the first place?”

Gods, keeping her from the alcoholic stuff is a nightmare... and trying to raise her alcohol tolerance through the Chaos magic in her is even worse.

“It’s because you find me adorable… And that Daddy invited you to go with us.”

Dammit. She's right. She is adorable.

“Curse my unfailing need to accept invitations from people I associate with.”

I can't help it, I smiled.

“It’s just too bad Rarity and cousin Blueblood are still not on speaking terms… despite how much he’s tried apologizing… He loves cider…”

No, it really isn't too bad. That pretentious prick always apologizes in the worst ways... and Rarity is so stubborn she carries a grudge for years.

At least the atmosphere is nice... kinda sorta romantic, but also nice and open, family friendly.

Oh shit she got away! Sorry Snowflake, no contest for now.

“Jeez Eris, I know you wanna have fun and all, but I don’t want you to go through the same thing as two years ago...remember that hangover you had the day after?”

She was adorable back then, too.

“Aww… just one game? P-p-please?”

AUGH FUCK! NOT THOSE EYES AGAIN!

“Kkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk…...FINE. One game. ONE. And I’m purging your system straight after… I just don’t want you to get hurt, okay?”

Why am I such a lovestruck fool?

“C’mon Snowflake! I bet I can drink your sorry butt under the table!”

Not likely, Snowflake has one of the highest alcohol tolerances in Ponyville and–Whoa holy shit, where'd this crowd come from... and where'd the Applejack Daniels come from?

Berry... please stop that routine... what would your daughter think?

Oh look, Snowflake's done with his mug.

[size=15em]“YYYEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!!”[/size]

“Ouch… my non existent ears”

And it would have actually hurt... were I still human...

Oh man... Eris is actually keeping up... I hope my slight mods to Eris’ code will hold out against her Chaos magic long enough for her to win… or at least pass out.

“One for one…”

My gods... they've already blitzed through five MUGS of the strongest apple-whiskey on the planet...

“You know… you… you got… like… small wings… like Scootachicken… So… How can you fly… and like… she can’t?”

Jesus Christ! That's actually funny! I mean... I should give you an explanation as to why Scoots can't fly... but Eris... so cute...

GAH! Bad Brain! Stop thinking about Eris’ cute blush and her adorable drunk attitude and her really pretty mane and… FFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU!!!!!

Oh look, tenth mugs... won't be long now...

“Y- *Burp* -Yeahhhhh….” Snowflake cheers with slightly less vigor than usual.

“...D-das… Das not answ- ans… and… uh…. No… That… Das not da word…”

Goddammit Eris, would it kill you to act with some restraint every once in a while!?

Oh look, Snowflake's down... and Eris... looks like she's in trouble... time to help!

Aaaannnnddd.... Yes! She won! Shit! She passed out!

“U-Umbra…?”

“...Yes, Eris?”

"I luvz you…”

Uh oh...

“I… have a deep, personal regard for you as well, Eris…”

Maybe it's drunken ramblings?

“Nah… I… I mean… Like… I really… Love… You… You’re so… Funneh… an… Smart… You make me… So happeh.”

Nope... actual confession.

“You're drunk Eris… why don’t you just take a nap for now, eh? And… I… love you too.”

Oh god, I just said it! Oh… she’s asleep already

“Gods, you’re too damn cute for your own good sometimes, you know that?”

I kissed her forehead... I'd legit kiss her, but alcohol breath

Aww... she's purring!

“Well… I think she likes you…”

Hello Discord. I see you chuckling, please stop

“Yeah… I think she does…”

What is WRONG with me today!?

“Just make sure you don’t keep her up too late and make sure you’ve got everything covered… or…”

His smile fades as the world around them stops moving, his usual smile replaced with a deep snarl,

“You will REGRET hurting her…”

Time seems to start moving normally again as his expression is happy again,

“...Kay?”

Much scary, such intimidation, very father, wow.

“If I ever do hurt her… well… you’ll never find enough of me to fill a thimble…”

It's the truth, too. I couldn't live with myself if I hurt someone so cute... it'd be like punching Fluttershy as a filly.

“And by the way… thanks for the invite.”

Less truth in that.

WHOOSH

Back at my house, Eris apparently discovered the hyper-metabolizing effects of my transporting.

“Eris...We’re back at my house… do you want something for your hangover?”

Let it never be said that I am incapable of being the ‘caring boyfriend’ kinda guy.

“Shh… Less talkie… more… sleepy…”

Agh, so cute. Aww, look at you snuggling into my chest... literally into, by the way.

“Oh, you are just a treat. Silly draconequus...here we go, one queen sized bed, ultrasoft, with a nice canopy to shut out the light.”

It's her own bed, too. I gave her the room so she could feel more independent sometimes... y'know, since she still lives with her parents.

“Nyah~...ZZzzzZZzZZzZzzZzzZZzZZzz….”

MAN, she’s so cute… I guess that’s part of why I fell in love with her after all...

End Chapter 2 Next Chapter: Chapter 3: In Which The Shipping Actually Happens Estimated time remaining: 29 Minutes