The door to Twilight's place was small, but it wasn't too small for us to walk through. And when we did enter Twilight's home, I noticed a lot of books everywhere--so I would have to assume that she's the librarian around here. If she's the librarian, then what does that make her other friends? One of them could be a police officer, a politician, even a drill instructor. But we'll soon find out tomorrow, and the days after tomorrow. Why? Because we're having to be forced to spend the next six days of doing some short of community service that involves us having to live with these ponies. And the reason why this is happening to us is because that bitch (Princess Celestia) would keep on striking my ass with lighting if she didn't get her way.

Now Twilight's home is--literally--a tree! And I'm not kidding, she's a unicorn librarian who lives inside a tree! I bet that Treebeard would be pissed to see a pony living inside a tree.

"I hope that you three will come to enjoy Ponyville," said Twilight. "Come, I'll show you where you'll be sleeping."

We then followed her up the stairs--I don't really know how to describe them, all I can tell you is that they were spiral. Anyway, when we've reached the upper part of her house, we heard her say, "Spike, I want you to meet our guest."

"Hi there."

We looked down and we saw with our very eyes, a real dragon! As everybody knows, it's been every boys fantasy to see a real dragon. Probably when we were like, about five. His scales were bright with purple that seemed to bring out the lime green of his underbelly, and the spikes that sprouted from his back to his head were as green as the shade of his eyes. This one's a lot smaller than what we'd expect from a dragon; by the innocent smile and green puppy-like eyes we could probably guess right away that he was still in his baby stage. If not for the reptile-like pupil within his eyes, I would've forgotten that this precious little lizard shall one day grow into the massive, fire breathing monster of destruction that would have every part of my body stay still during a midnight screening of The Desolation of Smaug.

I then said, "Is that a real dragon?!"

Then Twilight said, "Of course he is. This is Spike; he's my number one dragon assistant."

"So let me get this straight," I said, "not only do ponies talk here, but there's dragons here as well?!"

"Exactly."

"Whoa, now this is fucking trippy."

"There's that word again: trippy. Is everypony physically clumsy where you come from?"

"Well, if by everypony you mean everybody, then no, not everybody's physically clumsy where we come from."

"Then what's trippy suppose to mean, anyway?"

I didn't really feel like explaining our vocabulary to a pony, so I decided to let Jonathan explain it to her instead. "Trippy is a word that we use to describe something that's really messed up."

Twilight then said, "Oh, I understand now. I should add that to the pony dictionary."

"A pony dictionary?" I said to the guys. "What's next, a pony thesaurus?"

We then chuckled a bit until Spike had said, "Oh yes, it's right next to the pony atlas."

I was like, "OK, do these ponies literally just insert the word 'pony' in everything?"

And Spike was like, "How should I know? I'm a dragon."

Jonathan--for no reason at all-- walked up to Twilight and said, "So...judging by all of these books, I'm guessing that you're the smart one."

Twilight turned to him and said, "Of course I am. Isn't it obvious?" that question was clearly rhetorical, so we didn't have to answer it. Twilight then said to me, "Say, if you guys are going to stay in Ponyville, wouldn't you need a place of your own?"

Then I said, "Yeah, but chances are we're not going to stay here. So why would you ask?"

"Oh I was just wondering that if you could have your own dream house, what would it look like?"

"Well first of all, the house would need to be big enough for three guys. And second of all, it'll need to be green."

"What kind of green?"

"What do you mean 'what kind of green'?"

"Like do you want it dark green or light green?"

"I would say that it should be a mix between dark and light green. You know, a perfect shade of green. But more importantly, my dream house must have absolutley no windows."

"Why no windows?"

"Because I like to have a little bit of privacy, that's why."

"OK, just one last thing. What color would your room be?"

"Green."

"What about yours, Jonathan?"

Jonathan thought for a while and said, "Purple."

Before moving on to Andrew, Twilight had a cheeky smirk upon her face when these next words came spewing out of her muzzle. "Are you saying that because you like the color of my coat?"

Feeling as if he were being interrogated by the police, Jonathan--with a red face--was practically on the verge of panic when he gave his reasons. "What?! No, no! That totally has nothing to do with it! I mean, sure, I'm certain that everybody around here must think that you have a pretty coat! Purple's a pretty color; who ever said that purple isn't pretty?! You'd have to be a fucking moron to think purple doesn't make your coat look pretty! Not that I'm saying that that's the reason why I want my room to be purple; I only chose it because...you know...it's such a pretty color!"

We all stood and stared at Jonathan very silently as he grinned nervously with beads of sweat showering his entire face. When the silence started to feel uncomfortable enough, Twilight had the courtesy of breaking it. "And what about you, Andrew?"

Andrew took a long while to come up with an answer. In the end, he decided, "Orange is fine."

Twilight then rolled up a long sheet of paper and she said, "OK, I'm gonna go tell the others about your visits. So Spike, I think now would be a good time to set up the guest bed." She then went down the spiral stairs to speak with those friends of her, while Spike went to set up the guest bed.

As we were awaiting for the little dragon to return with the guest bed, I turned to Jonathan and started a conversation with him. "So Jonathan, what was up with that little spaz attack you were having just now?"

"What about it?" he asked apprehensively.

"Well from the way you were reacting, I would've thought that maybe you were trying to hide something from Twilight."

"I don't want to talk about."

Andrew felt that maybe now was a good time for him to get in on the conversation as well. "You have a crush on her, Jonathan?"

"I said I don't want to talk about it!" Jonathan hissed.

"OK, OK, we won't bring it up," said Andrew with assurance.

Had it not been for the abrupt sound of scratching wood, we probably would've been tempted to continue this cumbersome chit-chat. Moving our eyes to where the sound was being heard, we watched as Spike pitifully tried his hardest to push a large bed next to Twilight's. At one point, he had to stop and allow himself to let out four strained huffs; by the time he regained at least a fraction of some energy, he was lucky enough to move the bed at least three more centimeters before having to break again.

"You want some help with that?" I offered my assistance to the little dragon.

"No thanks," he declined, "I can handle this."

Wiping off some sweat, Spike continued with his chore of pushing the guest bed. Not wanting to see the poor kid break his back, Andrew and I wasted no time in running up the steps and giving him a helping hand. Grabbing both ends of the bed, Andrew and I managed to lift it high enough so it would no longer have to scrape upon the wooden floor.

"Where should we put this?" Andrew asked the breathless dragon assitant.

"Over there's fine," Spike exhaled as he pointed his claw to the designated area for us.

After we successfully placed the guest bed for Spike, I asked him, "So where will you be sleeping?"

He then told me, "Oh, in my basket, as always."

That statement caught me and Andrew by surprise. "You sleep in a basket?"

"Of course, where else would I sleep?"

"What about this big bed?" Andrew pointed out.

"That bed's for guest only; I only sleep in the basket."

"So instead of sleeping in a big, wide bed, you insist on sleeping in a small basket?"

"Well yeah, that's what I 've just been telling you."

"But don't you ever feel cramped sleeping in that basket? I mean, you could have all of this space on this bed. And yet you insist on sleeping in a basket?"

"I don't really mind all that," he then yawned. "I mean, I've been sleeping in that basket ever since Twilight first hatched me."

Before I had a chance of asking Spike, Andrew was kind enough to ask for me. "How did you end up with Twilight, anyway?"

Finding a new found enthusiasm within himself, Spike was more than eager to give us a little back story. "Well, from what Twilight told me, she hatched me out of my egg with her magic as part of an entrance exam to a magic school. I was also told that Princess Celestia use to take care of me; but since she barely had any time for me, she decided to let Twilight look after me instead."

"And just how old was Twilight when she took you in?" I inquired.

Tapping his chin in thought, Spike came up with a response. "I'd like to say that she was probably eight when this happened."

"You mean that princess actually gave custody of an orphan lizard to an eight year old?" said Jonathan as he finally decided to climb up the steps and join us. When he did took his place amongst us, the only thing he received from Spike was an irritated scowl.

"Ahem, I believe the word you were looking for is dragon," the kid clarified for him.

"Same difference," Jonathan shrugged.

"Don't mind him," I told Spike, "he's always grumpy."

"That's not true," Jonathan protested.

"He's right," Andrew agreed, "normally it's Jeffrie who acts rude."

"Well, at least I know that I'm far more polite than Jonathan," I quiped.

"Fuck you, Jeffrie," Jonathan pouted.

After letting out some chuckles, Spike suddenly began to yawn. "Well, I'm feeling tired. I think you guys should get some shut-eye. Because tomorrow you're gonna have to visit another one of Twilight's friends."

After me and the guys got into our pajamas, we immediately went straight to bed. I was on the left side of the bed, Jonathan was on the right side, and Andrew was in the middle. As we were about to sleep, I leaned over to where Spike was getting himself cozy on his basket and asked, "Hey Spike, what are Twilight's friends names again?"

"Didn't you meet them at the hospital?" said Spike.

"Yes," I confessed, "but I quickly forgot them when we started leaving."

"Oh, well first you have Applejack: she's the farmer at Sweet Apple Acres. Then you have Rainbow Dash: she's the pegasus who thinks she's the living definition of awesome. Then you have Rarity: total knockout. Twilight seems to think that I don't have a chance with her, but what does she know?"

Andrew was then like, "You have a crush on her?"

Then Spike said, "Who wouldn't?"

And Then Jonathan was like, "Um...she's OK, I guess."

"OK!" cried Spike. "She's only one of the most beautiful ponies in all of Equestria!"

"If you say so," said Jonathan, not wanting to continue this little argument.

Spike then continued to tell me the rest of Twilight's friends. "Anyway, there's also Fluttershy: a pegasus who's afraid of heights. Can you believe that? And last but not least, there's Pinkie Pie: the party animal. And don't be surprised if she wants to throw a party for you guys. Because she throws parties for everypony she meets."

"Again with the 'everypony'," I said. "Can't anybody here just say everybody?"

Spike chuckled a bit and he said, "You know, I wish that you guys will stay (except maybe Jonathan). Because you seem pretty cool to me."

I like to hear someone say that I'm cool; but to hear a dragon say that I'm cool, now that's freaking awesome! Anyway, seeing that this might be the last time I'll ever get to see Spike, I said to him, "Hey Spike, there's something I've been dying to ask you."

"What is it?"

"How do dragons breathe fire, anyway?"

Spike was silent for a while, and then he said, "I actually don't know."