Later that morning, I'd finally recovered from my little blackout from last night and had found myself in my room. As I got out of bed, I started to feel this weird pain in my head; as if one of the ponies had kicked me in the noggin. But my focus on the headache had went away when I suddenly had the urge to take a piss.

So with that said, I quickly ran down the stairs and went into the bathroom. While I was relieving myself, I felt like rubbing my facial hair some more. But as I was stroking my face, I couldn't quite feel any hair at all. It was only when I'd flushed the toilet and looked at myself through the mirror did I realize that my face was completely shaven!

Jonathan and Andrew were of course still in the kitchen; and around the time when I saw my beard-less face, they too had heard the scream that the whole entire community could probably hear.

"Sounds like Jeffrie's awake," Jonathan said to Andrew.

And with a very smug smirk, Andrew said, "Yep, and he should enter in three, two, one..."

I then kicked the door open as I roared, "All right, who the fuck did this?!"

When Jonathan laid his eyes upon my--now--babyface, he was trying his best not to burst out laughing. Andrew however had turned to face me when he said, "That would be my doing." Out of his pocket he took an electric razor and was waving it in front of me.

After looking upon his tool of destruction, I was then like, "What the fuck, man?! I've been waiting my whole life for the day when I can finally keep my facial hair without having to worry about my parents taking it away from me, and then you went and shaved it?!"

"Hey, you had it coming," Andrew retorted. "I told you I would get back at you for using me as a human shield against that dragon; and I did!"

When Jonathan was finally able to get the giggles out of himself, he then shared his opinion with Andrew, "Wow, Andrew, fucking wow! I mean normally this is something that Jeffrie would do to you, and then you just went and gave him a taste of his own medicine. I wouldn't be surprised if he ends becoming the new you after this."

OK, now I'm really determined to get back at Andrew at that point; if there's one thing I'm not gonna put up with, it's the idea of me being the butt of a joke. The Scotch-Irish part of me was saying, I gotta put this punk back in his place! While the Italian part of me was saying, nobody fucks with me and gets away with it! Angel had to learn both those statements the hard-way, and now it seems that Andrew will have to suffer the same fate. But the question is, what would I do to him? With Angel, I just ripped his tail off, but what could I possibly do to Andrew that would be more humiliating than having your facial hair shaved off?

It then suddenly came to me when I looked at his razor again, "Hey Andrew, can I see that razor?"

When he handed me the razor, he and Jonathan started to have a discussion. "So, where did you get that razor anyway?" Jonathan asked Andrew.

"Some store, can't quite remember the name of it though."

"So was it the best they had to offer?"

"Oh yeah, it's one of a kind, really."

"What makes it so different from other razors?"

"Well for starters, it doesn't make a sound."

"A soundless razor, yeah that doesn't sound like bullshit at all."

"No, it's true; the second you turn it on, it makes no sound whatsoever."

After making that bold statement, I then snucked behind him and with the "soundless razor" I did to Andrew what Peter did to Cleveland on that one episode of Family Guy (which was shave the midsection of his hair).

While Jonathan had fallen off of his chair from laughing his ass off, Andrew was like, "What did you do to me, Jeffrie?!"

"Go see for yourself." While Andrew was about to gaze upon his humiliation, I turned to Jonathan and asked him, "So, did you break the news with Twilight?" he immediatley stopped laughing after I'd brought that subject up. "You pussed out, didn't you?"

What followed next was the sound of Andrew shrieking like a little girl as he came back into the kitchen and was like, "You...you...you son of a bitch! Look what you did to my hair!"

"I know, funny lookin' isn't it?" I said, "Also, I do believe that you owe me five bucks."

As he grudingly handed me his gambling debt, he then commenced to bitching, "OK Jeffrie, you might've had your little laugh, but what am I gonna do?! I can't go out lookin' like this!"

"Don't worry Andrew, I wouldn't want you to be even more embarrassed than you already are. Jonathan, see if Rarity has a hat for him to wear." As he was about to walk out of the door, I quickly stopped him and whispered in his ear, "See if you can find that girl hat we made Andrew wear during that little dress prank."

Jonathan looked at me and said, "Gees, Jeffrie, isn't shaving half of his hair off enough?"

"After what he did to my beard; I'm only just beginning."

After about a couple of minutes later, Jonathan had finally returned with the same hat that we used on the infamous dress prank. "Here you go, Andrew, this oughta hide your reversed-mohawk."

When he placed it on his head, Andrew went in the bathroom to see what it was, and was anything but pleased when he found out. "I can't wear this, it's a girls hat!"

"Don't get all pissy at me," said Jonathan, "he's the one who told me to get it."

Andrew then turned to me and was like, "Jeffrie, you're not really expecting me to wear this, right?"

"Oh yes I am," I told him. "Not only that, but you're also going to walk outside and let all the ponies see you."

"Well you can forget it, because there's no way I'm going to be seen in public like this!"

"Well Andrew, if you don't feel like going outside today, then I can always just shave the rest of your hair off."

Jonathan then blurted out, "Yeah, you'll be so bald that we'd have to start calling you Dickhead!" and that resulted in the two of us laughing together.

Seeing as how he's going to be humiliated either way, Andrew decided that the best option would be to just go out in public with the rest of his hair intact. As we were about to walk out the door, he muttered to me in his best Daffy Duck impersonation, "You're despicable."

I then gave him my very own smug smirk and said, "Don't blame me, you're the one who fucked with my facial hair, remember?"

As we were walking through Ponyville, we couldn't help but have this strange feeling that the entire town was deserted--probably because there was literally nobody around! When I was finally starting to realize this, I asked Jonathan, "Say Jonathan, when you went to get the hat, wasn't Rarity or Sweetie Belle there?"

"No, the whole place was empty. In fact, nobody was around while I was out."

After a brief moment of silence, Andrew said, "Guys, you don't think that something happened while we were in the house, right?"

"You know what Andrew, that's probably what happened," I agreed with his theory. "Maybe some sort of apocalypse had occured, and we're the only ones who survived it."

Jonathan decided to ask a question, "But if we're the only ones here, then what does it mean for us?"

With that said, I told him, "Well Jonathan, if we're the only ones in this town, then it means that we can do whatever we want without consequences!"

"What can we possibly do in an abandoned town?" Andrew asked with a hint of doubt.

"Well for starters, I can do this." I then got on top of some soap box and on the top of my lungs, I shouted, "PRINCESS CELESTIA IS MY LITTLE PONY BITCH!"

After that loud outburst, Jonathan was like, "Wow, imagine how pissed the ponies would be if they were around to hear it."

"I know," I said, "but we don't have to worry about that sort of shit anymore!"

"So we can basically just vandalize the town?" asked Andrew.

"Sure, you can practically tear this place apart. Who's to stop you?" and with that said, the guys then went off to perform their own "fuck you society" moments. Jonathan was stomping on some flowers, while Andrew tipped a cart over...yeah, as you can probably tell, they really lack imagination. And so I stopped them and said, "Guys, guys, you're not thinking big enough. I mean we're in an abandoned town; we should be doing stuff that would really get on peoples' nerves. Something like...like..." as I was trying to come up with a good example, I looked towards the horizon and gazed upon a fountain. After just one little look at that fountain, I immediatley had an idea. "Guys, follow me."

After leading them to the fountain, Jonathan asked, "So what's the big nerve-wracking thing you're wanting us to do?"

"This." They both just stood there and witnessed as I stepped onto the fountain, let down my zipper, and then commenced to pissing in the water! They pretty much had the same reaction. "Oh, that is sick!"

I turned to them and said, "Well don't just stand there with your dicks in your hands, start pissing."

Jonathan was like, "I don't think that'll be a good idea, Jeffrie."

"Come on, Jonathan," I said, "don't pussy out like you did with Twilight." Not wanting to prove my point, he immediatley stepped onward and pissed along. And now it only leaves Andrew, "There's one spot left for you, Andrew." He seemed a bit reluctant at first, but I was able to coax him into it. "Come on Andrew, it's not like anybody's gonna see you."

And after a short pause, Andrew finally said, "You know what, fuck it." And so he'd risen to his place and joined in the pissing festivity. As we were practically filling the entire fountain with our urine, Andrew decided to strike up a conversation. "Imagine the look on Rarity's face if she ever saw us pissing in public."

And then I said, "Yeah, I can totally see Rarity doing one of those over-dramatic faints. You know, the one where she raises her hoof over her forehead and does that high-pitched, girly sigh?" I showed them a demonstration that caused the two of them to piss their pants--literally.

After that quick laugh, Jonathan decided to bring up something that I would never expect from him, "You know, Jeffrie, after having to stay at Twilight's place throughout the storm, I finally learned something about you."

"Like what?"

"Well for starters, I've realized why it is you're always mean to the ponies. I used to think that it's because you just like to overreact all the time; but after having to actually be near them without you or Andrew has made me realize just how annoying they can actually be. And the fact that you're always the one who has to lose his temper in front of them, I can't blame you. I was literally this close to ripping them apart, and yet you of all people are able to just control yourself. What I'm basically trying to say is I'm sorry; really, I'm sorry. Me and Andrew have probably never shown much gratitude for what you do for us, but I just want you to know that I totally get what it is you're having to go through."

After a very awkward silence, I slowly started to build up a chuckle as I said, "What the Hell have you been smoking?!" and then it resulted in a big burst of laughter, "I mean, what the Hell are you even talking about?!"

Jonathan looked at me all flummoxed, "I'm talking about how you're always the one who yells at the ponies because you don't want me or Andrew to hurt them."

My lungs were beginning to feel like exploding at this point, "No, no, no, clearly you must've broken something other then your nose. First off, you and Andrew would never do that because you two don't even have the balls to put a rabid dog out of its misery. And second, I yell at the ponies because it feels good to tell them how much I fucking hate 'em! Protecting the ponies from you and Andrew, that's hilarious!"

Note to self, never think too deeply on anything Jeffrie related ever again, Jonathan thought to himself.

After we'd succeeded in turning all the water in the fountain yellow, we just wandered around some more until we heard the sound of Andrew's stomach, growling. "I sure could use a bite right about now."

When I noticed that we were near Sugarcube Corner, I gave the guys a suggestion, "You know, Sugarcube Corner has gotta shitload of goodies to eat."

"Yeah," Jonathan agreed, "I mean it would be a shame to just let all of those sugary treats go to waste." And so without saying anything else, we immediatley went straight to Sugarcube Corner--and boy were we in for a treat. As soon as we'd stepped inside, that's when we saw Twilight Sparkle, Spike, Pinkie Pie, Fluttershy, Rarity, Rainbow Dash, Applejack, and Apple Bloom! It then occured to me that maybe this is what the other ponies were doing and that they might've heard and seen everything we did. After we just stood there in an awkward daze, Jonathan said, "Hey, we were just talkin' about you guys."

And that resulted in Pinkie Pie responding with this, "Close the door!"

After we'd closed the door, Jonathan tried to strike up a conversation, "Uh...you all didn't hear us say anything completely crazy by any chance, right?"

And after a brief moment of silence, Applejack said, "Sorry, sugarcube, can't say that we really did."

OK, so they might not have noticed, I thought to myself. I was soon broken out of my thoughts when Fluttershy asked me, "Um...Jeffrie, what happened to your beard?"

"Oh that," I said in a mopey tone. "Apparently Andrew thought it would be funny to shave it off while I was asleep." But then my smile was beginning to come back, "But I got him back."

"Is that why he's wearing one of my hats?" asked Rarity.

"No, this is why." As fast as you can say "Swiper no swiping" I immediatley removed the hat from Andrew's head and just basked upon the priceless expressions on everybodys' faces. It was all silent at first, but then the second Rainbow Dash started to laugh then the others pretty much had to join with her, while some were trying their best to contain themselves.

luckily Jonathan was able to keep a straight face when he said, "OK, now that we've all got that out of our systems, can somebody please tell me what the fuck is going on?!"

Apple Bloom then said, "Oh we're just hidin'."

"Hiding from what?" asked Jonathan.

"Her." She and the other ponies pointed at the window; me and the guys looked out and saw what appeared to be a pony wearing a brown cloak.

"Who the Hell is that?" I asked.

"That's Zecora," said Apple Bloom.

"Apple Bloom," Applejack scolded her, "I told you ta never say that name."

"And what's wrong with saying that name exactly?" I again asked.

"It ain't the name that's creepin' everypony out," Applejack explained, "It's just her."

When we looked out the window again, we saw She-Who-Shall-Not-Be-Named take off her hood and revealed herself to be a zebra. I chuckled a little as I said to the ponies, "Really, you're getting yourselves worked-up over a zebra?"

"A what?" asked Rainbow Dash.

Wow, I didn't think she'd be that much of a dumbass. "A zebra; you know, a white horse with black stripes."

Andrew then said, "I'm pretty sure that they're black horses with white stripes."

To that I said, "No Andrew, it's black stripes because if you were to look at the underbelly, you would see that it's all white under there. So ha!" I then turned my attention back to the ponies, "So what is it about this Zecora that creeps you all out?"

"Well for starters," explained Applejack, "she lives in...the Everfree Forest!"

By the way she was saying it, it seemed to be a big deal. But I was just like, "The Evergreen Forest?"

"No, the Everfree Forest!"

"I don't know, Evergreen just seems to sound better than Everfree. Don't you guys think so?"

Jonathan was like, "Well, it does have a nice ring to it."

And Andrew was like, "It definitely sounds more pleasant than Everfree."

I then said to the ponies, "OK, so why don't we all just start calling it the Evergreen Forest from now on?"

Then Applejack said, "The name of the forest isn't the point; the point is that weird things happen there. And it's just so weird that somepony like Zecora would want ta live in a creepy place like that."

"I know," Pinkie Pie second it, "it's so weird that I've written a song about it!"

Oh dear God, not another one of Pinkie's stupid musical numbers! Me and the guys tried to get out of there, but it was too late. We were forced to have to stay and listen to the horrifying sound of Pinkie Pie singing! Even as she was singing, I was thinking to myself, yeah, there's noway that she'd ever make it on American Idol.

When she finally finished her stupid song, Jonathan said, "Thanks for the song Pinkie, but that still doesn't quite explain why Zecora is so 'creepy'."

Rainbow Dash then gave him an example, "Well...once a month, she comes into Ponyville."

Getting a bit fed-up with how much of a dumbass she's being, I decided to correct her, "Uh, Rainbow Dash, I don't know if you're aware of this, but...EVERYBODY COMES TO PONYVILLE!"

"Yeah, but she comes here once a month!"

Jonathan then said, "OK, apart from coming here once a month, what else does this 'creepy' zebra do?"

Then Rarity gave her example, "Well, she also lurks by the stores."

"She probably wants to buy groceries," I pointed out. "Isn't that what most people would do when they're 'lurking' by a store?"

"He does have a good point," said Jonathan. "Anything else?"

Fluttershy was next, "After she lurks by the stores, she digs at the ground."

"She's probably a gardener," I pointed that out as well. "Who says that planting flowers was considered creepy?"

"Yeah!" cried Apple Bloom. "Maybe she's just tryin' ta be neighborly."

"Exactly," I said, "and besides, how the Hell do any of you think that all those apple trees in Sweet Apple Acres came to be? Because somebody had to plant them, which would involve digging the ground. And seeing as how you've just established that digging the ground is creepy, that would mean that Applejack is creepy--seeing as how she and her family are the ones in charge of supplying this town with apples."

"Whoa, whoa, whoa," said Applejack, "this ain't about me, this is about Zecora."

Jonathan then decided to ask one last question, "OK, now that you've all shared your little insights about her, you mind telling me how it is you came by this information? I mean, did any of you even talk to her?"

They were all silent for awhile, until Rainbow Dash said, "Well, not exactly."

I was then like, "Really, you were all just judging her without even getting to know her?" none of them said anything, "My God, I don't belive this! You mean this whole time you were all just stereotyping her?!"

Apple Bloom came up to me and asked, "What's stereotypin'?"

I looked down and told her, "It's when you judge a person without knowing anything about them."

And then Andrew decided to give a list of examples, "Like when some people say that all Mexicans wear sombreros and eat nothing but tacos. Or when some people say that all Asians are always good at math and eat nothing but sushi. Or when some people say that all Italians are members of the Mafia and only eat spaghetti."

Jonathan then said to all the ponies, "So basically you were all just purposely not showing her any hospitality?"

"Why should we?" asked Rarity, "She's so...different!"

Wow, and I thought that only humans can be racist. And just when I was about to say it myself, Jonathan went and took the words right out of my mouth. "Yeah, no offense, but what you're all saying sounds a little bit racist."

"What's racist?" asked Apple Bloom.

"It's when you hate a certain type of person just for being different:" I explained to her, "like if Applejack was hating Rainbow Dash because she's a pegasus, that would make her racist towards pegasi. And if Rainbow Dash was hating Twilight because she's a unicorn, that would make her racist towards unicorns. And if Twilight were to hate Pinkie Pie because she's an earth pony, that would make her racist towards earth ponies. And if any of them just happen to hate Spike because he's a dragon, then that would make them racist towards dragons."

"So basically my sister and her friends are racist tawards zebras?"

"That pretty much sums it up," I concluded. "Come on, guys."

As me and the guys were about to leave the building, Fluttershy said, "Um, what're you doing?"

"What's it look like we're doing?" I asked rhetorically. "We're going to welcome Zecora."

Pinkie Pie then blocked the door and was like, "No, don't go! Because she's an evil enchantress...!"

"SHUT UP!" I could put up with Pinkie Pie singing once...once. But the second time around is where I draw the line. Anyway, while the ponies just stood there silently, I told them, "Now we are going to go out there, talk to Zecora, and actually get to know her! Then after that, I'm going to come back in, and prove that all of your racist bullshit about her is wrong!" and with that said, me and the guys walked out of Sugarcube Corner.

When we were outside, we saw Zecora digging the ground--probably trying to plant some flowers. I went up to her and started the introductions, "Hi there, I'm Jeffrie and this is Jonathan and Andrew. We just came here to welcome you."

She then stopped digging, slowly turned her head towards me, and said, "I am Zecora, if that's what you want to know. But what I want to know is where did everypony go?"

"Did she really just speak to us in a rhyme?" Jonathan whispered.

Andrew bumped him in the arm as he whispered back, "Quiet, she could've heard you."

Ignoring those rude responses, I decided to just go ahead and answer her question, "Well, this may seem a bit ridiculous, but apparently the ponies here are purposely hiding from you because they think that you're some kind of witch."

She was silent for awhile and then she just suddenly burst out laughing. "So after all these years, everypony is thinking bad things about me. Do you three agree?"

I might've felt a bit awkward at that moment, but I was still able to come with a response, "Well, we just thought that it wasn't fair that everybody in this town wouldn't so much as welcome you."

And to that, Zecora rhymed, "I appreciate your kindness, I only pray that the ponies will see the real me through their blindness."

And then Jonathan blurted out, "Why are you talking like that? I mean who do ya think you are? Yoda?"

"I do not know about this Yoda; All I know is that I am Zecora." And this is the point when she finally noticed Andrew's bald midsection. "Forgive me if I stare, but it appears that half of your head is bare."

"Oh that," groaned Andrew, "Jeffrie did this to me this morning; and now I'm probably going to look like a punk rock band member for months."

"Please, do not be such a sad sack," Zecora rhymed, "for I happen to have a gel that'll make it grow back."

"Really?!" exclaimed Andrew.

"Yes, for I happen to have many potions just in case. Especially for when certain things are out of place."

"You wouldn't happen to have any potions that can heal a broken nose by any chance, right?" asked Jonathan.

"For a broken nose, all you need is some healing dust. Just one whiff, and it'll fix what has been bust."

Andrew and Jonathan both dragged me away from Zecora, as they discussed with me in a football huddle, "Jeffrie, you've got to let us get our hands on those potions! These ponies are nuts for always ignoring her!"

"Calm down guys," I told them. "Besides, she probably doesn't want a bunch of strangers just coming at her doorstep for some of her stuff."

And to our surprise, Zecora had somehow overheard our little discussion and said (in rhyme, of course), "If ever you three are in need of my company, just stop by my home that lies in the Forest of Everfree."

And as she was about to leave, I quickly asked her, "Hey Zecora, what do ya think sounds better: Evergreen or Everfree? Because we think that it should be called the Evergreen Forest instead."

She thought for awhile and then let her decision be known, "Evergreen is a much better name. Because Everfree sounds lame." We had ourselves a bit of a laugh, said our goodbyes, and then went back inside Sugarcube Corner.

The second we came back in, Pinkie Pie had practically pounced on all of us and was like, "Are you three OK?! Did that evil Zecora cast a spell on any of you?! What did she do, WHAT DID SHE DO?!"

"She did nothing of the sort, Pinkie," I said. "In fact, she was very nice."

"Yeah," Andrew concurred, "when we were talking to her, she said that she could help the rest of my hair grow back."

"And she said that she had something that can completely heal my nose. I mean sure, the way she talks is a little annoying, but all in all, she's a nice person," said Jonathan.

"And starting tomorrow, we're going to pay her a little visit."

"Are you sure that she didn't cast a spell on y'all?" asked Applejack. "Because that would be the only reason why y'all would suggest somethin' that kooky!"

"Did somepony say cookie?!" cried Pinkie.

Ignoring Pinkie's little outburst, I went and made my statement. "And why the Hell shouldn't we? It's not like any of you actually had proof that she's evil; we at least actually went and talked to her, while you were all just doing nothing. Also, weren't you the ones who constantly say that 'friendship is magic'? Because it looked like to me that you were all doing the opposite of that." The ponies were completely stunned after I'd pointed that little bit of information at them. And what can they say after that? I pretty much proved that they were just a bunch of hypocrites; so how can they possibly defend themselves after that? Anyway, while they were still in their state of shock, I ended the discussion with, "Now if you racist bimbos will excuse us, we're gonna go home and get ready for our little visit, tomorrow. And if we're ever in need of knit sweaters or homebacked cookies, we'll be sure to let you girls know."

The second we had left the building, Rainbow Dash said, "Am I the only one who finds it weird that he thinks that it's wrong to for us to avoid Zecora, and yet he has no problem being rude to us?"

And to that, Twilight responded, "I used to wonder how he sees things, but I gave up on that ever since the whole Ursa Minor incident."

Following the next morning, me and the guys were calmly eating our breakfast, as we got ourselves prepared for our little visit to Zecora's. Then there came a very rapid knock on the door (either Pinkie Pie's finally putting her head to good use, or Princess Celestia had found out about the comment I made yesterday and decided to arrest me). I went to open the door, and to my surprise I saw Spike. "Hey Spike, something the matter?"

"You guys have got to see this!"

Seeing as how we were about to leave anyway, we figured that we could spare a few minutes. As Spike was leading us towards Twilight's place, I asked him, "So what is it that you're wanting us to see?" then right when he opens the door, I'd found myself being impaled by Rainbow Dash--literally! When I'd got back on my feet, I felt like shouting at her, "Watch where you're going, you clumsy bitch!"

"Well excuse me," Rainbow Dash retorted, "but it's not my fault that I'm out of focus!"

As we all went inside, Andrew asked Spike, "Say Spike, what's up with Rainbow Dash?" and right when he was about to tell him, Pinkie Pie comes out of nowhere, and for some strange reason her tongue had blue dots and she kept making this weird spitting sound whenever she tried to say something. Normally our first response would be to say "Say it, don't spray it," but we were more preoccupied on what it is she was trying to tell us. As she kept trying to spit the words out of her mouth, we each had our own reactions. Andrew was like, "What the fuck is she saying?"

And Jonathan was like, "Is that even English?"

But I on the other hand just simply told her, "You need to enunciate, Pinkie. I sound like a prepubescent Russell Crowe and even I can enunciate."

"Don't bother." We turned around and realized that that groan came from none other than Twilight. Not only that, but we also noticed that her horn had blue dots as well and was as limp as a broken dick.

So I jokingly said, "Did your horn get chicken-pox?"

And like the grumpy, cynical bitch that she is, she told me, "Shut up."

I then turned my attention towards Apple Bloom and greeted her. "Hey Apple Bloom, where's your sister?"

"I'm down here!" cried a very squeaky voice.

Me and the guys were just flummoxed as we were trying to find the source of that voice. "What the Hell was that?" Jonathan wondered. "Was somebody sucking too much helium?"

"I'm on the table!"

Me and the guys looked down on the table and were completely shocked to see that Applejack was about the size of one of those little people from Gulliver's Travels. When Andrew saw this, he was like, "Is that, is that Applejack?"

"Either that, or somebody decided to make an action figure of her," commented Jonathan. And we couldn't help but have a little laugh; but that soon turned into a scream of fright the minute we laid eyes upon some hairy beast! "What the fuck is that thing!"

And to our surprise, the hairy monstrosity said something, "Ooh, I knew that everypony would react this way to this abomination of a hairstyle."

The monster's voice sounded prissy and melodramtic; we knew right away that it was Rarity. Jonathan said to her, "Rarity, is that you?"

"That is Rarity, right?" Andrew wanted to make sure.

"I don't know," I told him, "it could be Tim Burton's missing pet."

"Your criticism isn't making me feel any better," complained Rarity.

"Well gee Rarity," I retorted, "haven't you heard of a haircut?"

"My day's already bad enough as it is; it doesn't need your help."

Meanwhile, Jonathan was taking the time to clarify things, "OK, let's get this straight: Rainbow Dash is clumsy, Pinkie Pie speaks through spitting, Twilight's horn has dots and is wobbly, Applejack's the size of an action figure, and Rarity is in desperate need of a haircut. So what does that leave Fluttershy?"

We each turned to look at her, and surprisingly she seems to be the only one who's normal. "I guess there's nothing wrong with her, right?" Andrew asked.

Fluttershy made no response, so I asked her, "Is there something wrong with you?" still no response. "What's wrong, cat's got your tongue?"

And then she finally says, "I don't want to talk about it." And that's when we all reached a new level of "What the fuck?!"

Andrew was like, "Is it me, or did she just grew a pair of balls?" and why wouldn't he react that way? One minute Fluttershy's voice is all sweet and angelic, and the next minute it suddenly transforms into Barry White!

Anyway, Jonathan then said to Spike, "OK, what the Hell is this, Spike?! Some kind of traveling freak show?!"

Spike just burst out laughing as he said, "I know, right?! We got: Harity, Rainbow Crash, Spitty Pie, Apple Teeny, Flutterguy!" he was going on a roll; that is until he couldn't think of one for Twilight. And this is why it's always important to have a name that doesn't rhyme with anything (It's times like this that make me and the guys glad that there's nothing insulting to rhyme with Jeffrie, Jonathan, or Andrew).

As Spike was trying to come up with a nickname, I stepped towards Twilight just close enough for my finger to reach her horn. Giving it a little flick, I became completely entertained by the sight of her horn flopping around. I kept on doing this--much to Twilight's annoyance--until I had to stop and shout, "Twilight Flopple!" and boy did he and Andrew laughed or what?!

After I'd high fived both of them, Twilight shouted, "Oh knock it off!"

To this I responded, "What's wrong, are you cranky because your horn's all floppy?"

"You shut up!"

"Well it serves you all right! You were all very rude to Zecora yesterday, and now it seems that kharma has finally come to bite you on the ass."

"Will it kill you to be on our side for once?!"

"Oh believe me, Twilight, there's nothing I would love more than to be on your side...it's just that my moral character has strictly forbidden me from helping bullies!"

"Moral character my flank," muttered Apple Teeny. After hearing that comment, I looked upon her and realized that I can use her height to my advantage. And seeing as how I might never get another opportunity like this, I walked towards the table and picked her up. As I held her in my clutches, she was screaming, "Put me down! Put me down this instant!"

I then pinched her tiny cheeks as I said, "Aww, you're so cute when you're angry. Yes you are, yes you are."

Right when she tried to bite my finger, she was then like, "Boy, ya better put me down right now!"

"I'm sorry, what was that? You gotta speak up."

"PUT. ME. DOWN!"

"You want a playmate? Well, it just so happens that I'd brought one with me." I then took a G.I. Joe action figure out of my pocket. "Applejack, meet Flint; his hobbies mostly consist of fighting Cobra, and making public speech announcements for kids. What's that, Flint? You wanna kiss her? Well go ahead soldier." I then started to mash her face with the action figure, while making kissing sounds. While this was happening, I was saying, "Oh look at me, I'm Applejack! I like to make out with toys, even though it's wrong!"

After I'd put the action figure back in my pocket, Apple Teeny took awhile to catch her breath and say, "Don't you ever do that again!"

I then decided to move onto the next phase of torture, "Looks like somebody wants to play rocket ship!"

"What in tarnation is...?" she was then sent flying up to the air and landed back in my hand! And whenever she landed, I'd throw her again! And boy was she screaming or what?!

When I'd got tired of rocket ship, I then said, "Hey Jonathan, I believe it's time for catch the Applejack!"

"Catch the what?!" right when she said that, she found herself being tossed back and forth by me and Jonathan. It of course came to an end when Andrew butt in and caught her before we could. As he was holding her, he was telling her, "I'm so sorry about this; please don't get angry at me." Wow, they're not even dating and she already has him whipped .

After I'd snatched Apple Teeny from Andrew, I said, "You know Applejack, now that you're the size of an ant, everything's probably going to be very dangerous for you. We ought to keep you somewhere safe. Now let's see..." I looked around the room and soon spotted an ant farm. "Oh, how 'bout this ant farm? It may seem crowded, but for somebody of your size, it's practically a suite!"

As I was getting closer and closer to the ant farm, Apple Teeny was really trying her best to escape from my grasp. Just when I was about to drop her in, Spike suddenly said, "You know, Jeffrie, we could just use a jar instead."

After contemplating the matter while hanging Apple Teeny over the ant farm at the same time, I decided, "Sure, why not?" when Spike had came back with the jar, I noticed that it had pickles in it. "Uh, Spike, I don't think that's going to be enough room for her."

"Well I could always eat the pickles." Spike suggested.

"There's no need for that," I stated, "I'll just get rid of them the old fashion way." And with that said, I took the jar, opened the lid, and splattered it all over Twilight Flopple.

She gave me a death-glare as she said, "If I could use my magic right now, I'd so make you pay for that!"

After placing Apple Teeny inside the jar, I turned to Andrew and said, "Hey Andrew, let me see your pocket knife."

As he took his knife out of his pocket, he asked, "Why do you need it?"

"So I can put some holes in the lid, of course." And right when he'd handed it over, I immediatley commenced to rapidly stabbing the lid! After I'd gave the knife back to Andrew, I looked at Apple Teeny and noticed that she looked like that she had a panic attack. "Gee Applejack, you don't look so good. What you need is some exercise!" and that's when I started to shake the jar.

Through the shaking, I could hear Apple Teeny screaming, "Stop this crazy thing!" and when I was finally growing tired of it, her face had sort of turned green. "I think I'm gonna throw-up."

Feeling that I've had enough fun, I gave the jar to Spike. "Here Spike, hold on to this; because if she ever gets out, then chances are we might never see her again."

Apple Teeny was finally able to regain her conciousness to give me a threat. "Boy, when I get big again, you're gonna be so sorry!"

"If you get big again." I corrected her.

Jonathan then blurted out, "OK, will somebody please just tell me what the fuck is going on?! I mean how did all of this happen?!"

Apple Bloom then started to explain everything, "Well, yesterday I went ta the Everfree Forest ta see if Zecora was everythin' that y'all described her ta be. Then my sister and her friends came ta get me, and then Zecora came and said somethin' ta us."

"What did she say?" asked Jonathan.

"I believe she said, 'Beware! Beware, you pony folk! Those leaves of blue are not a joke!'"

"Leaves of blue?" Andrew pondered. "What leaves of blue?"

"When all of this was happenin', we were surrounded by these blue plants."

Seeing as how we've probably wasted enough time here already, I tried to end the conversation. "OK here's the thing, we're going to visit Zecora; and while we're there, we just might ask her a thing or two about the 'blue plants'."

Spitty Pie then tried to tell us something. But that only resulted in Jonathan telling her, "Look Pinkie, unless you have some kind of device that can translate spit into words, we are never going to understand you!"

And right when Rainbow Crash had clashed onto the table, she said, "She's saying that it was Zecora who did this."

So just a reminder people: she's never heard of a zebra, or understands the concept of how a town functions, but she somehow understands what Spitty Pie says. Anyway, I looked upon Rainbow Crash and said, "Really, you're still under the biased delsuion that she's evil, even though we clearly proved that she's just misunderstood?"

Hairity then said, "Well this is so obviously her doing!"

And to that I said, "My God, you ponies can't be so racist! Just because a person is different from you, that doesn't mean you can just make up bullshit lies about them!"

Flutterguy then said in her manly voice, "But she's the reason why we're ridiculous."

"And what proof do you have?" the awkward silence that followed after was all the proof I need to know that I've won round two of the Zecora debate.

Andrew then announced, "OK, so while you ladies stay here and look like freaks, me and Jonathan are gonna go see Zecora and get some of those potions she's been talkin' about."

Jonathan added, "And if you're all nice, we just might make sure that Zecora saves some for you."

I stopped the guys and said, "But before we do go, there's one last thing I gotta do." And with that said, I walked over to Spike, opened the lid to the jar, and I spat a big wet loogie all over Apple Teeny! "That's for telling me to mind my own business!" I whispered to the minuscule cowgirl. And as we were running away, I coulda sworn that I heard her shouting, "Jeffrie, you're gonna be fertilizer when I'm through with ya!"

This was the first time that me and the guys had ever been in the Everfree Forest; and let me tell you something, there's nothing scary about it! I don't see why these ponies make a big deal about it, it's just an ordinary forest like any other. (And that alone is all the reason to change the name to Evergreen.)

Anyway, after we've been walking through this--not so--scary forest, we then came upon a tree that had a bunch of colorful bottles hanging around the branches, and some African masks. I'm assuming that this is Zecora's place, I thought to myself. After knocking the door and seeing that it was none other than Zecora herself, I was right!

"Ah, Jeffrie and company, I bid you welcome. I was starting to worry that you three wouldn't come. Please, do come inside. For it has been long that I had to abide."

When we were inside her home, we gazed upon a lot of strange stuff like: a black cauldron, more African masks, and the potions that she was pracitically raving about. Zecora grabbed something that looked like a toothpaste tube and said, "Andrew shall be the first to go, for I've happened to come upon the gel that'll make his hair grow."

She then gave the tube a squeeze and let the gel spread all over his bald section. Andrew stood silent for awhile and then said, "I don't feel any different."

Zecora handed him a towel and rhymed, "First, rub the gel off of your head and gaze through the mirror. Then you shall see the effects quite clearer."

Andrew went and did just that; and right when he had took the towel off of his head, we were all surprised to see all of his hair had grown back! He then gave Zecora a big hug as he was saying, "Thank you, thank you! You don't how much this means to me!"

"I'm glad to have been of good support," Zecora rhymed, "now I shall fix the part of Jonathan's face that makes a snort." She then went to a cupboard and grabbed a small bag. "Please remove the bandage that covers your face, for it's the only way to fix that has been deface." So without arguing, Jonathan took the bandage off and we all got to see what a nosejob from Freddy Krueger must look like. Zecora then undid the bag and laid some dust upon a table. "With your nose, take a whiff. For once the dust has been inhaled, only then shall you regain the ability to sniff."

Without saying anything, Jonathan bent his knees and he shoved his face into the dust the same way Al Pacino did to the mountain of cocaine in Scarface. What followed next was Jonathan letting out a big sneeze, then next thing you know, his nose had went back to normal! And like Andrew, he too thanked Zecora by giving her a big hug.

She then turned to me and asked, "Now what ails you? If you're in any distress, then there's nothing my potions can't do."

"Actually Zecora," I told her, "it's something that concerns you."

"Really? Do tell; while I continue to fix up a certain spell."

So while she was making something in her big, black cauldron, I told her everything. "OK Zecora, something really fucked-up is happening to the ponies, and they seem to be blaming you for it. Apple Bloom had told us that yesterday, you were warning the ponies about 'leaves of blue'. What were you talking about, exactly?"

Zecora chuckled a bit, closed some sort of ingredient book that she was reading, and through rhyme she said, "This Apple Bloom is reffering to the day when I warned the ponies of the leaves of blue. You come searching for a lot of answers to a big mystery, yet all you really need is one clue."

Jonathan then asked her, "So what exactly are these 'leaves of blue' that you were warning the ponies about?"

And Zecora told him, "The leaves of blue are nothing more than the plant known as poison joke; a plant whose effects are very similar to that of poison oak."

"So you're saying that the ponies look like freaks because they stepped in a plant that's sort of like poison oak?" asked Andrew.

"Correct. For a hairless monkey, you have quite an intellect."

"Isn't there a cure?" I asked.

"A cure is exactly what I am brewing. You three better run back to Ponyville and come back with these supplies quickly, before my undoing."

After giving us a list of supplies, it was then clear that she was asking us to go get them for her (seeing as how none of those racist jackasses would let her anywhere near the damn stores). And if the ponies are as I racist as we thought they were, then they're probably forming lynch mobs at this point. And if they do, then they would officialy make the Ku Klux Klan look like boy scouts.

And after all the nice things that she's done for us, there was no way that we were going to let her be tared and feathered. So without wasting anymore time, me and the guys quickly rushed to the door; but right when we opened it, there stood Apple Bloom! "Apple Bloom," I cried, "what're you doing here?!"

Then she said, "I was worried that Zecora did somethin' evil ta y'all; so I came ta see if y'all were OK."

I then bent my knee and told her, "Apple Bloom, sweetie, I already told you and the others that Zecora isn't evil. She's even working on a cure right now."

"A cure?"

"Yes Apple Bloom, Zecora isn't the one who made your sister and her friends look ridiculous; it was the blue plants she was warning them about. Now Apple Bloom, we need to get these things as quickly as possible. So do ya think you can help us?"

"Sure, I can help you fellers."

"Then see if you can take us to a store that has them."

As we were running back to Ponyville, we ran by the fountain where I saw a filly asking her mom, "Mommy, why's the water yellow?" as much I'd wanted to bask in the hilarity of that moment, I knew that we needed to focus on getting the supplies.

When we finally came upon a store, Apple Bloom handed the list over to the shopkeeper and said, "Excuse me Mister, but do ya have any of these?"

As the shopkeeper looked over the list, he told her, "Oh yes, they're right in the back." As we were going to collect them, the shopkeeper stopped Andrew and said, "Hey, you're that human who I sold the soundless razor to."

"Wow, what're the odds of us bumping into eachother?" asked Andrew.

"I know, right? So how's the razor doin' for ya?"

"I gotta admit, it's a pretty neat piece of technology."

"You betcha, one of these days everypony in Equestria will have one."

"Who knows?"

We then came back with the supplies. After we'd succeeded in purchasing them, we immediately headed straight to Zecora's. And as we were running, I coulda sworn that the theme when Ferris Bueller was racing back home before his parents found out that he wasn't sick was playing in my head.

The second we'd re-entered Zecora's home, we found Zecora being surrounded by the ponies--including Spike. And boy was her place a mess or what?! Either these ponies don't have it in them to actually hurt an innocent creature, or they were just warming themselves up. Anyway, Apple Teeny--who was still in the jar--cried out, "Apple Bloom, you're OK!"

To that, Apple Bloom said, "Why wouldn't I be?"

Then Twilight Flopple told her, "Because Zecora is an evil enchantress who cursed us and was gonna cook you up into soup!"

Wow, and she's suppose to be the smart one, I thought to myself. What followed next was a long, painful silence of me looking at the ponies with a stern/disappointed expression on my face. I was soon able to get the nerve to tell them, "Are there any other groups that you all just want to insult? I mean, clearly the pony race must be so vast and full of variety, that I'm sure that you can come across the stripped-face of every single zebra on the planet. And Hell, why bother focusing on a group? Why don't you just show us ugliness in every shape and form; you're all good at that! And don't even bother letting your duty of spreading the values of friendship get in the way; just use it whenever Zecora does something 'evil'! You know, like making a cure after you all stepped into a certain blue plant called poison joke!"

Twilight Flopple then said, "You mean...all of this was the result of us stepping into those blue plants?"

"That's right, and Zecora was working all day to make a cure for all of you. And this is the thanks you give her? By breaking into her home and trashing her place? You know, you should all be ashamed of yourselves! I mean when we'd came to this planet, none of you acted this way towards us; and yet you'd show none of the same hospitality towards her?! In fact, Zecora, I don't think they deserve a cure."

"What?!" cried the ponies.

"Yeah, you all heard me, none of you had done anything that shows that you're worthy of her kindness. And let's not forget, Zecora; these are the same ponies who purposely hide from you and make up racist bullshit about you. If you ask me, I'd say these ponies owe you a big, fat apology."

Rainbow Crash then said to Zecora, "Oh come on, you're not really gonna listen to this bozo, are ya?"

Zecora let out a soft chuckle and said, "I'm afraid Jeffrie is right; if you all want the cure, then you all must apologize for this plight."

Everybody was silent for awhile, then I broke the silence. "Well, are you all gonna apologize or not?"

And then they'd all said, "We're sorry Zecora, we never should've judged you before we got to know you. Can you ever forgive us?"

"Apology accepted," Zecora rhymed, "now is the time to give you all the cure. But first we must go to a place that is pure."

The second she'd said those words, Harity said, "I believe that I know of such a place."

As Harity was leading us to this "place that is pure" Jonathan asked Zecora, "So...how do you know what the cure was, exactly?"

And then she told him through rhyme, "We can find answers to many questions if we stop to look. I've just happened to find them in this book."

When she took the book out, Spike said, "Say, that looks like the same book we have in the library."

I was then like, "Wait, wait, wait, wait, you had this book?"

"Yep," Spike confirmed, "but Twilight thought it was useless, so she didn't bother looking at it. And it's funny because if she did, she could've made the cure herself."

I then looked back at Twilight and said, "Really Twilight? The answer was literally right in front of your face, and you didn't bother to take advantage of it? You know, I beginning to wonder if Celestia made a mistake when she chose you to be her student; I mean, I don't think she of all ponies would just let any idiot be her personal pupil."

And she in turn responded with, "You know, Jeffrie, your insults are really starting to irritate me!"

"You think you're the only annoyed by this guy?!" cried Rainbow Crash.

"You're the ones who practically begged for me to stay," I pointed out. "It's not like I forced you all to build a house for me and my friends."

Rainbow Crash then said to Twilight, "Seriously, why did we want them to stay again?"

We then finally came to the "place that is pure", which turned out to be nothing but a spa. But while we were in the spa, all the ponies--except Apple Teeny--went into a hot tub that had the cure in it. Twilight's horn stopped flopping, Rainbow Dash finally regained her focus, Rarity's hair was just right, Fluttershy sounded like a girl again, and to my everlasting dismay, Pinkie Pie could talk again.

As I was holding the jar, Apple Teeny said, "Well don't just stand there, dump me in the hot tub."

I was about to, but then I stopped. "Nah, I actually prefer you this way."

"Boy, ya better dump in that hot tub if ya know what's good for ya!"

"OK, I'll dump you in, right after you admit that I was right about Zecora."

"All right, fine! You were right about Zecora not being evil, and we were all wrong. Now dump me in the hot tub!" I stood still. "Didn't ya hear me?! I said dump me in the hot tub!"

"Oh I heard that; but what I didn't hear was 'please'."

She then began to grind her teeth as she said, "Please dump me in the hot tub!"

Right when I was about to do just that, I noticed a bucket that was just lying around. "Hey Zecora, is there any of the cure in that bucket?"

"Yes, I believe so," she rhymed. "But why must you know?"

"Oh, just wondering." I walked towards the bucket, opened the lid, and I prepared myself to dump Apple Teeny.

"Don't you do it," she threatened. "Don't you dare do it!"

I raised my hand and told her, "Bon voyage." And with one little push, I'd sent her falling into the bucket.

The second she'd touched the water, she became big again--except her butt was stuck to the bucket! As I was having myself a big laugh, Applejack hopped back to all four hooves, and with anger she said, "Now you're gonna get it!"

Zecora leaned to my shoulder and rhymed, "You might've had a little bit of fun. But now it is time for you to run."

But before the chase could begin, I said, "Wait, there's one thing that must be done." I turned to Jonathan and said, "Play it." He then took out his I-pod and he played the Benny Hill theme.

Right when the music started, I was running all over the spa as Applejack was shouting, "Wait till I get my hooves on you! I'll teach ya ta put me in a jar, and spit on me!"

"It'll be worth it!" I said with laughter. But I'd stopped laughing the second she'd caught a towel and started to whip me in the behind! This of course caused me to run faster.

Now apart from Applejack chasing me down, today was a pretty good day. Andrew got his hair back, Jonathan's nose was healed, the ponies finally found it in themselves to put their deeply rooted zebra prejudice aside, but more importantly, Zecora was finally accepted into the community.