The next day, me and the guys were walking around all over Ponyville to see if that Gilda bitch was still around. As we were walking by Sugarcube Corner, Jonathan decided that now is the time for him to complain. "Jeffrie, why are we doing this?"

"To see if our Thanksgiving dinner has come early," I told him.

"Do we really have to do this?" asked Andrew.

"Well it's definitely better than lying around in the house all day," I pointed out.

"If somebody asks us what we're doing, what should we tell 'em?" asked Jonathan.

And then I told him, "If anyone asks, we're just say that we're hunting rabbits." Andrew then did an impersonation of Elmer Fudd, and we just had to laugh.

We've been searching for hours; we've searched Sugarcube Corner, Sweet Apple Acres, the Ponyville Schoolhouse, Carousel Boutique, Twilight's place, and Fluttershy's cottage. After all of that hard work, Andrew said, "Jeffrie, do you think we can take a break now?"

"Sure," I said, "I'm getting thirsty anyway."

As we were walking back to the house, we saw a bunch of ponies gathering around some kind of stage/cart. "What do ya suppose is happening over there?" said Jonathan.

"Don't know, don't care," I said. As I was continuing to walk, I looked back and noticed that the guys were going towards the stage. "Oh come on guys, I'm thirsty!" as much as I wanted to quench my thirst, that was going to have to wait for awhile.

When I caught up to the guys, I noticed that Twilight, Spike, Rainbow Dash, Applejack, Rarity, Fluttershy, and Pinkie Pie, were amongst the crowd as well. Jonathan said to Twilight, "So what's going on?"

Then she told him, "I don't know; me and Spike just got here."

We then heard some voice say, "Come one, come all! Come and witness the amazing magic of The Great & Powerful Trixie!" then out of nowhere comes this blue pony with white hair, wearing a wizard cape and hat. She then continued her announcement. "Watch in awe as The Great & Powerful Trixie performs the most spectacular feats of magic ever witnessed by pony eyes!" then a bunch of fireworks started to go off and she started to perform some simple magic tricks.

While she was doing this, Andrew was like, "Oh, it's a magic show."

Rarity then said, "My, my, my! What boasting!"

I then turned to her and said, "What're you talking about? All magicians are like this."

Rarity then said, "Well just because one has the ability to perform lots of magic, it does not make one better than the rest of us."

"She never mentioned anything about being better than any of you," I pointed out, "she just said that she'll perform magic tricks."

To this, Rainbow Dash said, "Well there's performing, and then there's just plain showing off."

"Again, she's a magician," I reminded her, "she's suppose to be doing this." And just who the Hell are you calling a showoff?!

Applejack then said, "It's one thing ta be doin' what yer suppose ta be doin', but it's completely different when somepony acts all superior."

Trixie must've been overhearing this, because she suddenly stopped performing her tricks and said, "Well, well, well, it seems we have neighsayers in the audience." And I'm not kidding when I tell you that she literally neighed as she said "neighsayers" and boy did me and the guys tried our best not to laugh out loud! "Who is so ignorant as to challenge the magical ability of The Great & Powerful Trixie? Do they not know that they're in the presence of the most magical unicorn in all of Equestria?"

Well, I thought to myself, somebody certainly has a high opinion of herself. Rainbow Dash then flew up to her and said, "So, Great & Powerful Trixie, what makes you think you're so awesome, anyway?"

Then Trixie said, "Heh, why only The Great & Powerful Trixie has magic strong enough to vanquish the dreaded Ursa Major!" An Ursa what now? Me and the guys both had that some thought in our heads; more fireworks started to go off, only this time it was depicting Trixie fightning this so called "Ursa Major"

"When all hope was lost," said Trixie, "the ponies of Hoofington had no one to turn to, but The Great & Powerful Trixie stepped in, and with her awesome magic, she vanquished the Ursa Major and sent it back to its cave deep within the Everfree Forest!"

"What the Hell is that thing?" I said to the guys.

"I don't know," said Andrew, "but it kinda looks like a giant beaver."

"So she's basically telling everyone that she defeated a giant beaver?" said Jonathan.

"Maybe it was an angry beaver," I suggested. And then me and the guys just had to laugh at that little reference I just made.

Our laughter had caught the attention of "The Great & Powerful" Trixie and she said to us, "Well, look who's come to witness The Great & Powerful Trixie's show; it's our three visitors who fell out of the sky. Are you three enjoying the..." she then stopped in mid-sentence the second she laid eyes on Jonathan. When she saw him, the pupils in her eyes literally turned into pink hearts, and she just stood there staring at him.

I then snapped her out of this love-struck trance she was in and said, "Yeah, sorry to interrupt your little awkward moment there, but would you mind explaining to me about this Ursa Major thing?"

She took her gaze off of Jonathan for a bit and said, "Oh that's right, you're new here. An Ursa Major is basically a giant, bear-like creature." She then leaned closer towards Jonathan and she whispered to him, "I vanquished one, ya know." And then she made that little giggle that girls like to do when they have a crush on a guy.

I then started push her away from Jonathan as I told her, "OK, show a little respect for my friend's personal space."

Trixie then backed away a bit as she announced to the crowd, "Anyway, as you can all see, The Great & Powerful Trixie is clearly the best in Ponyville." And then what followed next was a random cricket sound effect going on as everybody in the crowd stood in silence. Trixie then broke that silence, "Don't believe The Great & Powerful Trixie? Well then, I hereby challenge you Ponyvillians. Anything you can do, I can do better. Any takers? Anyone? Hmm? Or is Trixie destined to be the greatest equine who has ever lived?!" and as you might've guessed, a bunch of fireworks started to go off again. I seriously don't know whether she's more obsessed with fireworks or speaking in the third person. Are these just her two personal fetishes? Anyway, she then called out, "Hmm, how about, you!" she then pointed at someone; we all turned around and realized that it was Twilight she was pointing at! "Well, how about it? Is there anything you can do that The Great & Powerful Trixie can't?"

Well she can speak in the first person, for starters. I thought to myself; as much as I wanted to say that joke out loud, I was too busy thinking about how awesome this fight could be. I mean, Twilight vs. Trixie just might be the next Freddy vs. Jason or Alien vs. Predator.

But that fantasy match might have to be put on hold for awhile. Because while Twilight just stood there, stuttering like Porky Pig, Applejack stepped in and accepted Trixie's challenge. Applejack got on that stage and showed Trixie just how good she is with her lasso. After she had shown Trixie what she's made of, Andrew started to cheer, "All right Applejack, woo!"

I then blurted out, "Kiss ass!"

And then he turned to me and shouted, "You suck!"

After that, Trixie used her unicorn magic to tie Applejack's legs with her own lasso and shoved an apple in her mouth. Then Rainbow Dash decided to challenge her; she flew into a bunch of clouds and came back down with a little rainbow over her head. But Trixie then used her unicorn magic to turn that rainbow into a tornado, practically making mincemeat out of Rainbow Dash, and--to add insult to injury--she had a little thunder cloud strike her in the ass with lightning.

Oh yeah, the old strike a person in the ass with lightning gag. Because it was so funny when Celestia was doing it to me...I of course am saying this sarcastically because it was in fact not funny! In fact, since I brought this up, I like to take this time to address to whoever's reading this. The second you read that sentence on Trixie striking Rainbow Dash in the ass with lightning, you weren't thinking about those two, were you? No, you were actually thinking about Celestia doing that to me. And I bet that you're sitting at your computer, laughing your ass off at the thought of it. Well, if you're reading this and doing the two things that I've just mentioned, then you better ripe that smirk off your face and think of something else! I maybe a billion miles away from where you are, but I can still haunt you in your dreams for the rest of your life just as much as Freddy Krueger. So don't you ever have that thought in your head again, and believe me, I'll know when you're having that thought in your head!

OK, now that that's been taken care of, let's get back to the story. After Trixie had humiliated Applejack and Rainbow Dash--which doesn't make much sense because she stated before that she wanted to prove that she's better than everyone, and yet all she's done is humiliate them. In fact, I just noticed something; these ponies seem to have a hard time making up their damn minds. First Trixie wants to perform tricks in front of everybody, and then everybody assumes that she's being a show off. Then Trixie wants to prove she's better than everyone, and yet all she's done is pretty much show what an absolute bitch she is. Do they just always like to say that they're going to do one thing and then just randomly do something else at the last minute?

Well as much as I like to get in thought with this, I still have a story to tell. So anyway, it was Rarity who would become Trixie's next victim. Rarity used her unicorn magic to take some stage curtain and turned it into another one of her fancy dresses. And if you were thinking that Trixie was going to do something like that, and actually try to prove that she's better, then you're going to be sadly disappointed. No, she instead uses her unicorn magic to turn Rarity's mane into what appears to be some kind of green birds nest.

And boy, was Rarity frantic or what?! "What did she do to my mane? I know she did something. What did she do?!"

Jonathan then said, "You don't wanna know."

"How bad is it?" asked Rarity.

"Well, on a scale of one to ten," said Jonathan, "It's a one hundred."

Rarity of course had to run out of the scene in the most over-dramatic way she could think of, as we all stood in silence. Then when I felt that the silence had gone long enough, I decided to break it by uttering what might be considered one of the most obvious ugly jokes ever. I said out loud, "Paper or plastic?" now before you say anything, just remember that I gave up the chance to say that first person joke earlier. So I had to make up for that missed opportunity somehow.

And I'm not lying, but the only one who was laughing at that joke was Trixie. But is it really worth it? I mean, it's like giving a big speech in front of everybody, and the only one's clapping for you are that one group of people who'll just give you a bad image. Anyway, Trixie was like, "Oh, that's a good one! 'Paper or plastic?', now that's funny! Let's give a big round of applause for Mr. Comdey and his two sidekicks!"

Andrew whispered to Jonathan, "Did she just call us his sidekicks?"

And as much as I would like to agree with that statement, it still doesn't change the fact that she's a complete bitch! I mean my God, I've only just met her and already I can't stand her! And I thought Gilda was a bitch; and I'll go so far as to say that Trixie is more of a bitch than Gilda--and that's saying a lot! Hell, I'm surprised that her name isn't The Obnoxious & Unbearable Trixie!

So as you can probably imagine by now, me, the guys, and even Spike, were just begging Twilight to show that bitch who's boss. "Come on, Twilight," Spike begged, "show her what you're made of."

"What do you mean? I'm nothing special," Twilight denied.

"Yes you are!" cried Spike. "You're better than her!"

"Spike's right, Twilight," Andrew agreed, "your magic is way more powerful than hers."

"Who me?" Twilight feigned ignorance. "I'm just your run-of-the-mill citizen of Ponyville. No powerful magic here."

It was now Jonathan's turn to try to talk some sense to her. "What're you talking about? Of course you have powerful magic, you represent the Element of Magic for Christ's sake."

"What, me? Don't be ridiculous; that can't possibly be me."

"Actually it is, Twilight," I said. "You told us yourself."

"When did I ever tell you three that I represented the Element of Magic?"

"Oh I don't know," I said, "maybe it was during that one time when you magically teleported us away from those ticket-crazed ponies! And then after that you briefly mentioned that you represent the Element of Magic and teleported us back to our house! Ring any bells?!"

"Uh...I don't know what you're talking about."

Then out of nowhere, Trixie says, "It appears that The Great & Powerful Trixie is too much for this pony to handle."

No, but you're definitely too much for my patience to handle! I thought to myself. I then said to Twilight, "Look Twilight, you might not know this, but this bitch is really pissing me off. That, and she just publicly humiliated your own friends. Aren't ya gonna go defend their honor? You know, like any other good friend would do?"

And you're not gonna believe this, but instead of defending her friends' honor, she says, "Yeah, and let everypony think that I'm a showoff? Get real, Jeffrie."

"But technically you wouldn't be a showoff," Andrew stated. "You would actually be someone who stands up for her friends."

"No Andrew," said Twilight, "if I show everypony my magic, then they'll think that I'm just as much of a showoff as she is."

I then said to Twilight, "Newsflash, Twilight, everybody already knows that you can do magic! I mean my God, it's no secret that you can do magic. We've seen you do this before; so it's really kinda pointless for you to be keeping something a secret, if everybody already knows the secret!"

"I just can't do this," cried Twilight. "If I do, then everypony will hate me!"

"Who the fuck cares whether they'll approve of you or not?!" I let out my full irritation. "Your reputation is not the priority here; it's your friends' pride and honor that's the real priority! So why don't you just get your little pony ass up on that stage and show that bitch who's boss?!"

"What part of 'I can't do this' don't you understand?!"

"Jesus Christ, Twilight, what's to worry?! It's the Element of Magic vs. The Fake Wizard with the big fat mouth!"

Trixie then said to me, "What did you call me?!"

I turned to Trixie and said, "You heard me; you're a Fake Wizard with a big fat mouth!"

She became very angry and said, "How dare you insult The Great & Powerful Trixie?!"

"You haven't done anything that proves that you're any of the two things that you claim to be," I shouted back to her. "All you've done was prove just what a complete bitch you are!"

"Are you saying that you wish to come forth and challenge The Great & Powerful Trixie?"

"Fine, I'll challenge you. If she won't defend her friends' honor," I was reffering to Twilight, "then I might as well do it for her."

As I got up on that stage, Fluttershy said to me, "Be carefull, Jeffrie, she might do something much worse to you."

"Don't worry," I assured her, "if I could make a griffin wet herself, then I can take on a Fake Wizard."

As Trixie and I stood on that stage and looked at eachother face to face, she said to me, "So what will it be, Mr. Comedy? Will it be more comic relief? Because The Great & Powerful Trixie will be in need of a laugh after she's finished with you."

"You want a joke?" I said. "OK, I got one just for you. What did the five fingers say to the face?"

"The Great & Powerful Trixie does not know."

Then when she least expected it, I quickly slapped her across the face and cried, "SLAP!" while the ponies were gasping in shock, the guys were like, "Oh snap!"

After she had taken that powerful blow to the face, she was like, "How dare you strike The Great & Powerful Trixie?!"

"Will you stop speaking in the third person, already?!" I cried. "I mean why can't you just say 'I' and 'me' like everybody else? What, did 'I' and 'me' kill your parents? Did 'I' and 'me' steal your lunch money? Did 'I' and 'me' post nude pictures of you on Facebook? What? WHAT?!"

"The Great & Powerful Trixie does not see why she can't present herself in anyway she chooses."

"Also, what is with these titles that you keep giving yourself? I mean you don't see me calling myself The Smart & Incredibly Handsome Jeffrie." This little remark had earned myself a laugh from the guys. I turned to them and said, "Hey guys, The Smart & Incredibly Handsome Jeffrie wants to get a drink!" they laughed some more.

Jonathan then said, "The Cool & Really Sexy Jonathan now wants to take a nap!" this made me laugh along with them.

And then Andrew said, "The Awesome & Very Muscular Andrew now wants to take a dump!" and we just could not control our laughter any further.

Trixie was then like, "What does any of this have to do with challenging The Great & Powerful Trixie?"

"None," I said, "I just wanted to fuck with you a bit. But if it's a challenge you want, then it's a challenge you'll get." I then turned to the audience. "Can anyone get me a glass of water?" I waited a bit for someone to get me a glass of water, but no one did. "Come on, I need a glass of water for the challenge. Chop, chop!" a pink flash then popped over my hand, and in my clutches I held a glass of water. I knew that it was Twilight who did it, so I called out to her, "Thanks for getting me this glass of water, by using your magic that everybody knows about!" she then backed away from embarrassment. That'll teach her to not stand up for her friends. As I held the glass of water in my hand, I said to Trixie, "OK, here's your challenge: turn this glass of water into wine."

Trixie was then like, "Pray tell, what is this wine that you speak of?"

Oh my God; first they don't know about E-mail, then internet, then Star Wars, then movies, then TV, and now they don't even know about wine! I then vaguely explained to her, "It's a purple drink; now can you do it or not?" she seemed a bit hesitant--despite the fact that she was so confident before. "Well, aren't you're gonna do it?" she didn't respond. "I thought you're suppose to be 'Great & Powerful'; because if you were, then this ought to be nothing but childs' play for you."

She then finally said, "Of course Trixie is Great & Powerful! It's just..."

"Just what?" I interrupted her. "Is it because you can't do it?! Yeah, that's it. Maybe you're not as Great & Powerful as you claim yourself to be; maybe you're just a big fat phony. 'The Great & Powerful Trixie', more like The--Not So--Great & Powerful Trixie if you ask me!"

Her face then began to turn red as she cried out, "The Great & Powerful Trixie will show you!" she then fired a light-pink flash at the glass, and next thing you know the water turns purple. "Ah-ha! You see, The Great & Powerful Trixie can do anything!"

I then decided to burst her bubble. "Whoa, hold your horses there, missy." I then chuckled a bit after making that horse pun. "Get it, because you're a horse?" after minutes of none of the ponies laughing, I then said, "Anyway, this may look like wine. But does it taste like wine?" any ounce of confidence that she had was now suddenly gone the second I asked her this. "I'll be the judge of that." After I'd taken a sip of the wine, I immediatley started to laugh.

"What's so funny?" asked Trixie.

"This isn't wine," I told her while laughing, "this is grape juice! What a dumbass!" I turned to the guys and cried out, "She turned the water into grape juice!" it made Andrew laugh, but for some reason, Jonathan was the only one not laughing. But I ignored that and said, "Some Great & Powerful wizard; she can't even turn water into wine!"

Trixie was then like, "Just what in Equestria is wine, anyway?!"

I then told her, "It's grape juice mixed with alcohol! I can taste the grape juice, but where's the alcohol?!" I'm just gonna have to assume that these ponies don't know what alcohol is, either. Anyway, I then said to Trixie, "OK, you've done your little magic trick, now it's my turn." I then announced to the crowd, "Be amazed, as The Smart & Incredibly Handsome Jeffrie makes this grape juice disappear before your very eyes!" I then made a ghost like ooing sound to make it feel mystical. I was then like, "Are you all watching? That's it, watch this." Then as quick as a flash, I splattered the grape juice all over Trixie's face! I was then like, "Look at that, the glass is empty! How did I do that?" as Trixie's back was turned, I then said, "Now watch as I make this glass disappear." And then I bashed it on her head!
I heard Andrew shouting, "Ooh, this shit just got real!"

As Trixie was regaining her consciousness, I quickly grabbed her wizard hat and cried, "Oh, I got your hat! I got your hat, bitch!"

Trixie was then like, "Give The Great & Powerful Trixie her hat back!"

Before I was even contemplating doing just that, I decided to have some more fun with her. "Oh Trixie, I think your hat got dirty. Here, let me fix that." I then started to twist it.

"Stop that!" cried Trixie.

"You're absolutely right, Trixie," I said. "Twisting won't help; let's do something else." I then placed the hat on the ground and I began to stomp it like a campfire.

"Stop this at once!" Trixie roared.

I then picked the hat up and said, "You know what, I think this hat needs a good ole spit shine." I then began to cough up a great big loogie.

As the loogie was slowly dripping from my mouth, Trixie was like, "Don't you dare! I swear to Celestia if you spit on that hat, The Great & Powerful Trixie will..." and that's when the loogie touched the hat.

As all the ponies in the audience were crying, "EW!" I was like, "There, now it's all clean."

Trixie then said through clenched teeth, "Return The Great & Powerful Trixie's hat to her, now!"

"OK, you can have it back." Right when she was about to take it, I raised my arm up and said, "Of course it's all the way up here." So yeah, I was pretty much doing the same thing I did to Angel. Only this time I was tossing it back and forth to the guys. We just tossed that thing back and forth for God knows how long, and boy was Trixie really getting pissed. All of that soon came to an end however, when Andrew had tossed the hat to Jonathan. And this resulted in Trixie pouncing on him, her being on top of him, and the both of them touching eachothers' noses.

When Jonathan had given the hat back to her, she was like, "Oh, uh...thanks." And I'm not kidding with you, but she literally started to blush (she must really have a thing for drama kings).

When she got off of him, he went up to me and said, "Jeffrie, can we just go back to the house now?"

And then I told him, "Sure, I've had enough fun and I still need a drink." So as we were walking back to our house, I flipped Trixie the bird and said, "Later, phony-pony."

When we had finally returned to the house, we each grabbed ourselves a can of Coke, laid our asses on the couch, and we just talked about all that had transpired today. "Man, I can't believe that Twilight would just do this. I mean, isn't she suppose to be the one encouraging everyone on the values of friendship? She doesn't even give a shit when her own friends have been humiliated."

"Yeah, I still don't get why Twilight would just do nothing about all that," said Jonathan.

"Well at least I was able to show that 'Great & Powerful' bitch who's boss."

"Yeah, you definitely did just that," Andrew agreed.

Jonathan however said, "Yeah, no offense, but you might've over did it a bit."

I looked at him and said, "What're you saying?"

Then he gave me his reasons. "Well, I'm just saying that you might've gone a bit too far when you were 'showing her who's boss'."

As he took a gulp of his Coke, I then said, "You like her, don't you?"

He then spat out his Coke and was like, "What?! No, I never said that!"

"Well you might not like her," I said, "but she definitely likes you."

"Yeah, I have to agree with Jeffrie," Andrew joined in, "she really made it clear that she's got the hots for you."

"And just what did she do that made it seem that she has a crush on me?"

I then went over the list. "Well let's see, she was checking you out the second she noticed you, she giggled at you, and she even blushed at you."

Andrew then added, "And she pounced on you; don't forget that."

"She was just getting her hat," Jonathan justified her action.

"You sure that's the only thing she was trying to get?" I asked him.

After he finally understood the sex remark, Andrew added, "Yeah, she was probably trying to cast a love spell on you."

"Well if I'd ever wanted someone to cast a love spell on me," said Jonathan, "it would have to be Twilight."

"Well let's hope that Trixie would never find out about your crush towards Twilight," said Andrew. "Then she'd want to cast a love spell on you for sure."

I then said, "Good thing I'm not attracted to any of these ponies."

As I was drinking the rest of my Coke, Jonathan suddenly said, "Now wait just a minute, what about that crush that you have on Fluttershy?"

I choked a bit and said, "What are you talking about? I never said anything about having a crush on Fluttershy."

"Well you sure are nicer to her then most of the other ponies," Jonathan pointed out.

"Of course I'm nice to her," I didn't deny. "She's sensitive; she's that kind of person that people would try to take advantage of, and she needs a friend like me who's willing to defend her."

Andrew was then like, "So...you do have feelings for her, or you don't?"

I then looked at him and said, "Andrew, let's make one thing clear: you don't like Applejack, you love Applejack." Then I turned to Jonathan, "And you don't like Twilight, you love Twilight. And as for me, I don't love Fluttershy, I like Fluttershy...as a friend."

Andrew then said, "Then how do you explain all that shit you did yesterday?"

"Must I spell it out to you?" I said to him irritably. "I have a lot of sympathy for Fluttershy! Why do you think I did all that crap to Gilda in the first place? Because Fluttershy's my friend; and when you fuck with my friends, you're fucking with me. That, and Fluttershy had gave up her own time just to care for me when I was sick--so I had to pay her back somehow."

After that statement, Jonathan was like, "You know, hearing you say this still makes it sound like you love her."

I then looked at him and said, "Well I don't, so keep dreaming." And then followed a long awkward silence of boredom. As the boredom was really starting to get to me, I just flat out spoke the first suggestion that was popping in my head. "You guys wanna pull a prank on Trixie?"

Jonathan groaned as he said, "Oh come on man, you already made mincemeat out of her."

"Yeah but that was for Twilight's friends," I said, "this'll just be for fun."

"As long as I'm doing something I'm completely OK with it," Andrew didn't complain. And with that said, I then went over the plan for this prank.

A few minutes after explaining the plan, we all went out to gather the necessary supplies for this prank. Then after we had gotten the supplies, we went straight to Sweet Apple Acres. I was calling out, "Winona! Come here, girl!" then next thing you know, she comes running towards me and starts licking my face.

Jonathan then took out a can of dog food, opened it, and said, "Hey Winona, you hungry? I got some yummy dog chow just for you." She sniffed at it first, and then she decided to just pig out on that can. After she had her fill, we patiently waited for her to drop a big one--if you catch my drift. When she finally did do that, our reaction of course was, "Ugh!" then Jonathan handed a paper bag over to Andrew and said, "OK Andrew, you know the drill."

Andrew was anything but thrilled. "How come I have to pick up the dog shit?"

Then I reminded him. "Andrew, we've been over this already: I handle the plans, Jonathan handles the supplies, and you handle the shit. So get to it!" he made it perfectly clear that he didn't want to do this; that is until I told him, "Well it's a shame that you won't do it, because Applejack told me herself that she just loves a man who can pick up dog shit without complaining."

Andrew then looked at me somewhat angry like and said, "You're lucky that I have a crush on her." He then took a deep breath and scooped that dog turd right in the bag.

Now that we had the vital thing for this prank to work, we went straight to Trixie's cart to put this prank into process. When we got there, we saw her looking at herself through a mirror, and these two colts giving her a milkshake. One is a blue unicorn with orange hair, and the other is an orange unicorn with light green hair. I don't really know what their names are, but I did notice that when they were talking to Trixie, they both sounded very dumb. So until I actually find out what their names are, I'll be referring to them as Dumb and Dumber.

When Trixie went back into her cart, Dumb and Dumber were then having a conversation with Spike. I didn't really care about what they were talking about, so I decided to not pay attention to it. But when they finally did leave, me and the guys sneaked up to Trixie's cart. I took the bag from Andrew, placed it on the doorstep, took a lighter from Jonathan and lit the bag on fire, then I quickly knocked on her door and we each ran to a nearby bush to hide behind.

As we watched behind the bushes, we saw Trixie walk out and say, "Who dares disturb The Great & Powerful Trixie?" when she saw the flaming bag, she was like, "Holy Celestia!" and without even thinking, she just stomps it with her hooves. She then stopped and said, "Why does The Great & Powerful Trixie's hooves feel wet? And what is that horrid scent?" she then sniffed one of her hooves, and when she finally found out what it was, she cried, "POOP!"

As me and Andrew were just rolling on the ground laughing, Andrew said, "She called the shit, poop!" and while we were laughing, Jonathan was like, "I can't believe she actually fell for that."

Trixie then cried out, "When The Great & Powerful Trixie finds whoever did this to her, she'll make you pay dearly for this!"

And when she was back in her cart again, Jonathan said, "OK, you done your prank. Happy now?"

"Oh no, Jonathan," I told him, "we're only just beginning."

The next hours were literally spent on making Trixie miserable: first we drank a bunch of Coke cans until our bladders felt like exploding. When that happened, we immediately ran back to Trixie's cart and pissed all over it. Then I went to some shop and bought myself a spray can; with it, I'd written a little text bubble next to her window that reads: I SUCK DONKEY-BALLS! And right when she had poked her head out, I took a picture of it on my phone (from a safe distance of course).

But I was saving the best prank for last; later that night, I was in the kitchen preparing the big finale. You remember in The Help when Octavia Spencer made Bryce Dallas Howard eat a pie that was made out of her shit? Well that's exactly what I was going to do to Trixie: I just made her a pie that looks like it's chocolate--but's it actually my shit!

As we were bringing the pie to her, Jonathan said, "Jeffrie, don't you think you've done enough pranks on her by now?"

I then told him, "Now Jonathan, you know that when you do bad things to people, people will do bad things to you. So if you think of it, I'm just teaching her a valuable lesson in life."

"Yeah but you're just really going hardcore on her ass; first it was just little pranks, now it's just straight out harassing."

"Look, if it makes you feel better, this'll be the last prank we'll do to her."

"You promise?"

"Sure, I promise that after this is over, we won't do anything else to your girlfriend."

"She's not my girlfriend!"

"Twilight's not your girlfriend either, but you still like to think that."

Anyway, when we finally got to Trixie's cart, I placed the pie on her doorstep, knocked on the door, and then we quickly ran to an alley. Trixie came out and said, "What now?!" when she saw the pie she was like, "Ooh, pie!" then she lifted the pie with her unicorn magic and just took it back inside.

I then said to the guys, "And now we play the waiting game." And that's exactly what we just did. We waited, and waited, and waited, and waited...my God, how long does it take someone to know that they're eating crap?! We were literally sitting behind that alley, just waiting to see her react in a grossed-out way; and yet nothing happens! I was like, "What's taking her so long?"

Then Andrew said, "Maybe she's saving it for later."

When he said that, Jonathan was like, "Oh God, we're gonna be here for hours!"

"Stop whinning, Jonathan," I said. "It'll be worth it once we see her vomiting or some shit like that." As soon as I said that, Trixie finally tosses out the pie tin. And you're not gonna believe this, but the pie tin was empty--and I mean completely empty! I was like, "Oh my God!"

And Andrew was like, "Did she really ate the whole thing?!"

"Well, not unless if you count the little crumbs that are left," I said.

Then next thing you know, Jonathan goes straight to a trash can and starts puking! When he stopped, he said, "Oh God, I can't believe she ate all of your shit!"

And I told him, "Yeah, I have to admit, I've never in my life seen anyone put that much crap in their mouth."

Jonathan was about to puke again as he said, "Oh God, please stop talking about this!"

I then decided to have a little fun with him, "You know, if she loves the taste of crap so much, then maybe we should make her a crap smoothie." And then he puked again, "Or maybe a crap sundae." And he puked some more, "Or maybe a crap cake." And he puked yet again.

Andrew then said, "Or maybe we should make her a crap pizza." Jonathan suddenly stopped puking and then he and I just stared at Andrew as if we were saying, "Seriously?" Andrew was then like, "What? You've been saying much grosser shit than what I said."

Before me and the guys could even think abot going back to the house, out of nowhere comes Dumb and Dumber. They were saying something to Trixie, but we couldn't quite hear what it was (just because Twilight fixed our eyes, doesn't mean that she fixed our ears). Then what happened next was a roar as loud as thunder, then out of the blue--literally--comes this big, giant, blue grizzly bear! When they caught the site of that twenty foot Baloo, they immediatley ran away--and we just had to follow them.

When they finally stopped running, the blue unicorn said to Trixie, "Great & Powerful Trixie, you've got to vanquish the Ursa."

Well, at least I know now what an Ursa Major is. The orange unicorn then said to Trixie, "Yeah, vanquish it so we can watch."

And the blue unicorn added, "It took us a lot of trouble to get that thing here."

Trixie's mocking, over-confident look, soon turned into a look of complete petrifaction. "Wait, you brought this here? Are you out of your little pony minds?!"

"What's wrong, Trixie?" I said. "I thought you said that you defeated one before. Because if you did it once, then you can surely do it again."

Trixie then took a big gulp as she said, "Uh, OK, stand back." She then used her unicorn magic to tie a rope around the Ursa Major's fingers; and it didn't work.

I was like, "Wow, that was a very Great & Powerful tactic you did there...NOT!" and then me and Andrew had ourselves a laugh.

She then used her unicorn magic to summon a little thunder cloud and had it strike the Ursa in the ass with lightning--his reaction was kinda the same reaction that I had when that happened to me. Andrew then cried out, "EPIC FAIL!" and then we both laughed while Jonathan just gave us that "seriously?" look.

With no other options left, The--Not So--Great & Powerful Trixie and Dumb and Dumber just continued to run away as the Ursa Major terrorized the town! As the whole town was in a complete uproar, Twilight had came and said, "What's going on?"

Then the blue unicorn told her, "We brought an Ursa to town."

"You what?!"

Then the orange unicorn told her, "Don't worry, The Great & Powerful Trixie will vanquish it."

And then Trixie said the one thing that I thought she'd never say. "I can't."

The second I heard this I immediately went to her and said, "I'm sorry, could you repeat that? I didn't quite catch that."

And then she said, "I can't, I never have. No one can vanquish an Ursa Major. I just made the whole story up to make me look better."

I then pointed my finger at her and cried, "Ah-ha! I knew that you were just a phony-pony! 'Great & Powerful' my ass!" but nobody was paying attention to what I was saying; they were too busy watching Twilight taking on that Ursa with her magic!

First she made some type of soothing music to calm that four thousand pound Winnie The Pooh down, then she rocked it to sleep, and she used a water tower as a bottle of milk. Forget the "Bare Necessities", when you're a unicorn all you need is magic. Even though everyone was practically thanking her for saving them, she was still like, "I'm sorry. Please don't hate me."

Jonathan then said to her, "Why would we hate you? You just saved everyone from a giant bear!"

Then Twilight said, "Well, I know how much everypony hated Trixie for showing off her magic, and I just thought..."

I then interrupted her, "Oh my God, Twilight, for the last fucking time, everybody already knows that you can use magic! What part of that don't you understand? And what really makes your magic different from her magic is that she was using her magic to hurt your friends; you however used your magic to save your friends. And you seriously think that everyone is going to hate you just because you used a little magic?"

Applejack then said, "Yeah, Jeffrie's right, Twilight. You got nothin' ta be ashamed of. Yer magic is a part of who you are, sugarcube, and we like who you are. And we're proud ta have such a powerful, talented unicorn as our friend."

Rainbow Dash then said, "And after whoopin' that Ursa's hind quarters, we're even prouder."

"You are?" asked Twilight. And then each of her friends were assuring her that they were in fact proud of her.

I then leaned towards Twilight and said, "I told you no one would hate you for using magic."

Twilight gave a roll of her eyes as she admitted her mistake. "OK Jeffrie, you were right."

"And?"

"And I was wrong."

"That's better."

Jonathan then said to Twilight, "Anyway Twilight, that was still pretty cool how you took down that Ursa Major."

"Actually, that wasn't an Ursa Major," Twilight corrected him, "that was an Ursa Minor; it was a baby."

Me and Trixie were both like, "That was a baby?!"

Andrew then asked Twilight, "If that was a baby, then what does the parent look like?"

Twilight then told him, "You don't wanna know." But Andrew insisted, so Twilight used her magic to put an image of an Ursa Major in his head. Andrew was then like, "Holy shit, look at the size of that thing! It's fifty feet tall, it's purple, and it has saber-tooth tiger teeth! Damn, even Trixie wouldn't take that thing down!"

As soon as he mentioned her, she then said to Twilight, "Huh. You may have vanquished an Ursa Minor, but you will never have the amazing, show stopping abilities of The Great & Powerful Trixie!" she then blasted this disappearing smoke, but we could still see her running in the distance.

I cried out, "We can totally see you running!" and then I turned to the guys and said, "What did I tell ya: Fake Wizard with a big fat mouth."