Twilight: THIS IS IT! WE'RE ALMOST DONE! JUST CHAPTERS SEVEN AND EIGHT TO FINISH AND WE'LL BE DONE WITH MY IMMORTAL FOREVER!
Everyone Else: YAY!
John: so should we do introductions or...
Twilight: NO! Let's get this over with! Italy! Is the pasta ready!?
Italy: I made the biggest bowl I could make! We're gonna need extra carbs to get through this!

CHAPTER 7:

Draco and I held our pale white hands with black nail polish as we went upstairs. I was wearing red Satanist sings on my nails in red nail polish (AN: c doez dat sound lik a Maru Sue 2 u?).

Twilight: Yes.
Italy: What are "red Satanist sings"?
John: i don't care.

I waved to Vampire. Dark misery was in his depressed eyes. I guess he was jealous of me that I was going out with Draco.

Vriska: Why is she randomly waving to a vampire?
Harry: Does it really matter at this point?
Roxy: the vampire she mentioned is probably totes more interesting than she is.

Anyway, I went upstairs excitedly with Draco. We went into his room and locked the door. Then…………

Roxy: wait for it...

We started frenching passively and we took off each others clothes enthusiastically.

Twilight: Wow, they're frenching "passively"? Their love life must be extremely boring.

He felt me up before I took of my top.

Italy: Wait, didn't she just say that they already took off each others' clothes!?
Vriska: Consistency? Wh8's that?

Then I took off my black leather bra and he took off his pants.

Everyone: GET ON WITH IT.

We went on the bed and started making out naked and then he put his boy’s thingy in mine and we HAD SEX. (c is dat stupid?)

John: yes, yes it is.
Twilight: I am so confused! Should we be censoring this or not?
Roxy: probably not. it sounds like sex as written by a 10 year old.

“Oh Draco, Draco!” I screamed while getting an orgasm when all of a sudden I saw a tattoo I had never seen before on Draco’s arm. It was a black heart with an arrow through it. On it in bloody gothic writing were the words………… Vampire!

Twilight: What is with all the ridiculously long ellipses?
Vriska: You have a problem with long ellipses? >::::(
Harry: What I'm wondering is why his arm tattoo isn't the Dark Mark.

I was so angry.

“You bastard!” I shouted angrily, jumping out of the bed.

Twilight: Oh, I guess the tattoo was meant to mean that he used to be with that Vampire guy.
Italy: Plot twist!
John: forced, contrived plot twist!

“No! No! But you don’t understand!” Draco pleaded. But I knew too much.

“No, you fucking idiot!” I shouted. “You probably have AIDs anyway!”

John: *cough*homophobe*cough*

I put on my clothes all huffily and then stomped out. Draco ran out even though he was naked. He had a really big you-know-what but I was too mad to care.

Twilight: TMI, lady.

I stomped out and did so until I was in Vampire’s classroom where he was having a lesson with Professor Snape and some other people.

Roxy: who aren't important right now.

“VAMPIRE POTTER, YOU MOTHERFUCKER!” I yelled.

Twilight: Someone really owes money to a swear jar!
(BEEP BEEP BEEP)
Italy: PASTA'S DONE~
Twilight: Then lunch shall commence!

(One short pasta eating intermission later...)

Twilight: We're finally going to finish up! Now onward to chapter eight and we never have to riff this fanfic again!

CHAPTER 8:

Everyone in the class stared at me and then Draco came into the room even though he was naked and started begging me to take him back.

Harry: There's an image I wanted in my head; Draco Malfoy naked. Ugh...
Twilight: You need a barf bag?
Harry: No thanks.

“Ebony, it’s not what you think!” Draco screamed sadly.

Italy: I thought her name was Enoby!
Roxy: no, italy, it's evony!

My friend B’loody Mary Smith smiled at me understatedly.

Vriska: If you say her name in a mirror three times, she will appear in your bathroom and annoy you to death!!!!!!!!

She flipped her long waste-length gothic black hair and opened her crimson eyes like blood that she was wearing contact lenses on.

John: i thought we were skipping the overly long descriptions.

She had pale white skin that she was wearing white makeup on.

Twilight: I don't think the author's even trying anymore.

Hermione was kidnapped when she was born.

Harry: Where did THAT come from!?

Her real parents are vampires and one of them is a witch but Voldemort killed her mother and her father committed suicide because he was depressed about it.

Twilight: That's actually a fairly interesting idea. I'm sure they're going to shove it aside though.

She still has nightmares about it and she is very haunted and depressed.

Vriska: Someone call the WAAAAAAAAMBULANCE!

It also turns out her real last name is Smith and not Granger.

John: i don't understand this story!

(Since she has converted to Satanism she is in Slytherin now not Griffindoor. )

Twilight: That doesn't even make any sense.

“What is it that you desire, you ridiculous dimwit!” Snape demeaned angrily in his cold voice but I ignored him.

Harry: Oh hey, the author remembered Snape was in this story!

“Vampire, I can’t believe you cheated on me with Draco!” I shouted at him.

Italy: I'm sorry, WHO was dating WHO again!?

Everyone gasped.

John and Roxy: jerry! jerry! jerry! jerry!

I don’t know why Ebony was so mad at me.

Twilight: Wait...did we just shift into someone else's POV? With no warning whatsoever?

I had went out with Vampire (I’m bi and so is Ebony) for a while but then he broke my heart.

He dumped me because he liked Britney, a stupid preppy fucker.

John: this story has too many plotholes at once!

We were just good friends now. He had gone through horrible problems, and now he was gothic. (Haha, like I would hang out with a prep.)

Twilight: What is with this author and her obsession with goths!?

“But I’m not going out with Draco anymore!” said Vampire.

“Yeah fucking right! Fuck off, you bastard!” I screamed.

John: back to ebony.
Twilight: God this cursing is more than I can bear!

I ran out of the room and into the Forbidden Forest where I had lost my virility to Draco and then I started to bust into tears.

Roxy: she lost her virility?
Harry: The forest is next to the dungeons?
Twilight: WHO CARES! WE'RE FINALLY DONE!!!
Everyone: HOORAY!
(fireworks and streamers fly around; Pinkie Pie jumps in with a noisemaker)
John: (to Roxy and Vriska) thank you so much for helping me riff, you guys!
Roxy: no prob!
Vriska: Glad we could help! ::::D

(At the villain headquarters...)
Umbridge: I'll get them with the next one! >:(