My Little HetaStuck MSTs
Episode 6

*The theater has been rebuilt and Twilight, John and Harry are sitting in the theater*
Twilight Sparkle: Hello everypony. We have the theater patched up. We're very sorry about the breakdown last episode. Hopefully, this time nothing will go wrong.
*Italy rushes in*
Italy: Twilight! Our author has been kidnapped!
*beat*
John: so much for that, then.
Twilight: Cambot! Give us the author's view! Luckily Mr. Croen managed to put an emergency camera on his person to activate in case something like this happens.
Harry: When would something like this happen?
Twilight: He never told me, but I heard him muttering something about "shipping wars" and "social justice".
*Cambot shows them the author; he's tied to a chair*
CJ Croen: Help me, guys!
Twilight: CJ! Who did this to you?
CJ: Cambot! Show them who did this to me!
*Cambot does just that; we see pink cloaked villain standing with her back to the camera*
Pink Cloaked Villain: *with muffled laughter in the background* Hello, riffers. I have your author and I demand...okay why is everyone laughing!?
White Cloaked Villain: *whispering* The camera is that way, my lady.
Pink Cloaked Villain: *turns around* Well how was I supposed to know that! You know I'm no good with this muggle technology!
Harry: Wait a second...I know that voice! Dolores Umbridge, is that you?
Umbridge: *removes her hood to reveal her hideous, toadike face and smirks evilly* In the flesh! Hello there, dear Mr. Potter!
Harry: Last I heard you were rotting in Azkaban where you belong!
Umbridge: You'd be amazed how much easier it was to escape now that old empty headed Shacklebolt decided to get rid of the Dementors!
Harry: Don't you dare talk about Kingsley like that!
Twilight: I hear voices. Care to tell us who those are with you?
*other cloaked villains arrive on screen and remove their hoods; the green cloaked villain is Queen Chrysalis, the red cloaked one is Her Imperial Condescension and the white cloaked one is Russia*
Everyone: GASP!
Twilight: Chrysalis! I haven't seen you since you tried to ruin my brother's wedding!
Chrysalis: And I would have gotten away with it too, if it weren't for you and your meddling friends!
John: so crocker, what are you gonna do now? stuff cake down our throats? 'cause thirteen years of living with my dad has made made me immune to that.
HIC: Boy, you only wish I was gonna shove cake down your throat! The only thing goin' down your throat is my trident!
Italy: Hi Russia!
Russia: Hello Italy :)
Harry: What do you freaks want, anyway?
Umbridge: Isn't it obvious? We want revenge!
Italy: But why, Russia? I didn't do anything to you! And if I did I'm sorry!
Russia: It's nothing personal, Italy. I simply like having friends who share an interest in world domination :)
Umbridge: ENOUGH FORMALITIES! Now, with the help of my new cohorts, I have done some research! And I learned about these little...what are they called? "Fanfictions"? That you have been reading! I must say, I adore your author's cruelty and sadism! I could not think of a torture that could be any better!
CJ: Your approval fills me with shame.
Umbridge: And so, I'm going to torture you as he did! I have found the worst fanfiction you all could ever read! A fanfiction so vile, so sinister and so mindbendingly torturous, that you will all have no choice but to bow to our superior might!
Twilight: Oh yeah? Well come on! Do your worst! There is nothing you can send us that we can't deal with!
Umbridge: I'm sending you "My Immortal", by Tara Gilesbie.
*beat*
Twilight: No...no no no no no no no NO!!!
Harry: No...please...ANYTHING but THAT!
John: i don't get it, what's my immortal?
Harry: The worst Harry Potter Fanfiction ever.
Twilight: I'd sooner read my own bad Harry Potter fanfictions than read that!
Umbridge: DO IT OR YOUR AUTHOR WILL BE STABBED BY A TRIDENT, OBLITERATED BY CHANGELING MAGIC AND BASHED IN THE HEAD WITH A PIPE WHILE HAVING THE CRUCIATUS CURSE PUT ON HIM!!!!!
CJ: *while Chrysalis, Russia and HIC are pointing their weapons at him* Well that just sounds like overkill.
John: we better do what she says, twi.
Italy: Yeah, they mean business!
Twilight: *sighs* Fine. Hang in there, CJ!
CJ: We will! Ptreasure and I have prepared for something like this to happen, right, Ptreasure? *looks at his stuffed pterodactyl, which is taped to the wall above him*
Twilight: Okay, now you can send us the fanfiction. Just give us time to prepare, okay?
Umbridge: Excellent!
Twilight: Cambot, roll the theme song.

In the not too distant future
Somewhere in time and space
Twilight Sparkle and her fandom pals are caught in a nasty place
They try to survive the wrath of Umbridge
Just an evil gal who is bent on revenge
From her castle below she sets her sights above
Just to torture all her captives and destroy all that they love
"I WILL HAVE ORDERRRRRRRRRR!!!!"
"I'll send her cheesy fanfics! The worst I can find!"
(la la la)
"And she'll have to sit and read them all as I monitor her mind!"
(la la la)
Now keep in mind Twi can't control when the fanfic begins or ends
(la la la)
And she'll have to keep her sanity with the help of her fandom friends!
(ROLL CALL!)
Twilight Sparkle! ("Greetings!")
John Egbert! ("Yo!")
Harry Potter! ("Present!")
Italyyyyyy! ("PASTA!")
If you're wondering how she even got here, and other continuity facts
(la la la)
Just repeat to yourself "It's just a fanfic I should really just relax".
On My Little HetaStuck MSTs!

John: i don't think half of those things happened.
Twilight: Shut up. It's starting.

Chapter 1.
AN: Special fangz (get it, coz Im goffik) 2 my gf (ew not in that way) raven, bloodytearz666 4 helpin me wif da story and spelling. U rok! Justin ur da luv of my deprzzing life u rok 2! MCR ROX!

Twilight: I already hate this author.

Hi my name is Ebony Dark’ness Dementia Raven Way and I have long ebony black hair (that’s how I got my name) with purple streaks and red tips that reaches my mid-back and icy blue eyes like limpid tears and a lot of people tell me I look like Amy Lee (AN: if u don’t know who she is get da hell out of here!).

Harry: I wish we could.
Twilight: But we can't risk our author being killed.
Italy: How does one have eyes like "limpid tears"?

I’m not related to Gerard Way but I wish I was because he’s a major fucking hottie.

John: why is this relevant?
Twilight: There are a lot of irrelevant statements in this fanfiction.
John: joy.

I’m a vampire but my teeth are straight and white.

Harry: That's like saying "I'm a bird but I have feathers and a beak".

I have pale white skin.

John: so do i, but you don't hear me bragging about it.

I’m also a witch, and I go to a magic school called Hogwarts in England where I’m in the seventh year (I’m seventeen).

John: again, this doesn't appear relevant.
Twilight: That'll just keep happening.

I’m a goth (in case you couldn’t tell) and I wear mostly black.

Twilight: Oh, we could tell alright.

I love Hot Topic and I buy all my clothes from there. For example today I was wearing a black corset with matching lace around it and a black leather miniskirt, pink fishnets and black combat boots. I was wearing black lipstick, white foundation, black eyeliner and red eye shadow.

Everyone: Nobody cares.
John: also, doesn't hogwarts have a dress code? why would they let her dress like that?

I was walking outside Hogwarts. It was snowing and raining so there was no sun, which I was very happy about. A lot of preps stared at me. I put up my middle finger at them.

Twilight: She sounds like such a pleasant person.
John: how can it be snowing and raining at the same time!?
Harry: Well, stranger things have happened at Hogwarts.

“Hey Ebony!” shouted a voice. I looked up. It was…. Draco Malfoy!

Harry: Oh great, him.
Twilight: He's just like Trixie.

“What’s up Draco?” I asked.
“Nothing.” he said shyly.
But then, I heard my friends call me and I had to go away.

Everyone: ????

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
AN: IS it good? PLZ tell me fangz!

Twilight: No. It is not good. There is nothing good about it. And worse still, there are over 30 chapters!
John: WHAT!?
Italy: *making pasta* I'm gonna need a bigger pasta pot...
Twilight: We might have to double time on some of these chapters; luckily most of them are short. In the meantime, let's check on our author.

*Cambot shows CJ on the screen. He's still in his seat but no longer tied up; instead he's typing on a laptop with chains attached to his wrists and ankles. Ptreasure is still taped to the wall*
Umbridge: What is taking so long!?
CJ: I can only do so much as an author, Ms. Umbridge!
Umbridge: You'd better keep writing! Or the pterodactyl gets it! *points her wand at Ptreasure and fires daisies at him* MUAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!
CJ:...Being in Azkaban messed up your brain, didn't it?
Umbridge: Yes. It did. Now KEEP WRITING!!!!! *leaves*
CJ: *smirks to himself* You underestimate me, Miss Umbridge...
*Cambot cuts out*

Twilight: I wonder what that means.
John: *shrugs*
Italy: The next chapter is starting...

Chapter 2.

AN: Fangz 2 bloodytearz666 4 helpin me wif da chapta! BTW preps stop flaming ma story ok!

Twilight: Sorry, we're gonna keep doing it.

The next day I woke up in my bedroom. It was snowing and raining again.

John: again, how?

I opened the door of my coffin and drank some blood from a bottle I had. My coffin was black ebony and inside it was hot pink velvet with black lace on the ends.

Italy: Why does she sleep in a coffin?
John: she's a vampire, remember?
Harry: Vampires in my series can't be wizards, though. And Hogwarts has a very strict "no dangerous beings" rule. Of course, Dumbledore will put little loopholes in to help beings he likes but something tells me that this isn't the case here.

I got out of my coffin and took of my giant MCR t-shirt which I used for pajamas. Instead, I put on a black leather dress, a pentagram necklace, combat boots and black fishnets on. I put on four pairs of

earrings in my pierced ears, and put my hair in a kind of messy bun.

John: "kind of messy bun"? do you think this girl also wrote homestuck high?
Italy: It might just be a coincidence.

My friend, Willow (AN: Raven dis is u!) woke up then and grinned at me.

Twilight: That was extremely unnecessary.

She flipped her long waist-length raven black hair with pink streaks and opened her forest-green eyes.

John: these descriptions are really overly detailed.

She put on her Marilyn Manson t-shirt with a black mini, fishnets and pointy high-heeled boots. We put on our makeup (black lipstick white foundation and black eyeliner.)

Everyone: NOBODY CARES.

“OMFG, I saw you talking to Draco Malfoy yesterday!” she said excitedly.

Harry: OMG I SAW YOU TALKIN' TO THE OBNOXIOUS SNOB!
Twilight: Never talk like that again.

“Yeah? So?” I said, blushing.

Italy: This is exactly how my brother acts when I talk about Prussia! Or how England acts when I talk about America.

“Do you like Draco?” she asked as we went out of the Slytherin common room and into the Great Hall.

“No I so fucking don’t!” I shouted.

Italy: And that's exactly how they always respond when I ask them stuff like that!
John: why are the harry potter fancharacters always slytherins?

“Yeah right!” she exclaimed. Just then, Draco walked up to me.

Twilight: OF COURSE.

“Hi.” he said.

“Hi.” I replied flirtily.

Twilight: I though you didn't like him.

“Guess what.” he said.

“What?” I asked.

John: dersite butt!

“Well, Good Charlotte are having a concert in Hogsmeade.” he told me.

Harry: Good Charlotte is a muggle band and Malfoy comes from a family that hates muggles. DOES NOT COMPUTE.

“Oh. My. Fucking. God!” I screamed. I love GC. They are my favorite band, besides MCR.

Twilight: What's with all the expletives? They have worse language than John!
John: hey!

“Well…. do you want to go with me?” he asked.

I gasped.

Italy: Is that the end of chapter two?
Twilight: Yeah. I told you they were short.
John: we'd better get through this.
Harry: Don't worry, John, I'm sure we will.
Twilight: We have to! If we don't the author will die!

*cut to the author, typing all of this on his laptop*

CJ: I wouldn't say that, Princess Twilight....*evil smirk*

To be continued...