//The stench of burning rubber hits like a tidal wave as soon as I open the door.
Spike: *cough* Gack, ugh, *cough*, ugh!
Minotaur: Give me the egg!
Pony With Egg: No! It's not yours!
//The minotaur stands on the cavern floor, surrounded by few streaks of charred stone. The filly, sling around her neck, balances on a ledge high above, trying to advance past a towering drop into a pool of water below. At the other end of the ledge is a hole covered by roots.
MT: And it's yours? You couldn't lay an egg like that!
PWE: At least I'm not a big dumb stupid minotaur!
//Something in this room is illusory. Could it be everything?
Spike: (I think I should intercede, but I have to figure out the illusion or I could be running right into a trap. Any leads?)
//Silence.
//Hold on, the pony with the egg is bright orange. She must be the mayor's daughter. Did she steal the egg? Would she have any reason to steal the egg?
//A minotaur is a dangerous opponent for anyone, especially an unproven Hero like me. If the minotaur stole the egg, I might not be able to defeat her.
Spike: If everyone could calm down and stop shouting, I'm sure we can work this out.
//The mayor's daughter tries to advance further on the ledge, but makes no progress.
PWE: I won't let a dirty evil egg-stealer get Yiha's egg!
MT: You think you can stop me?
Spike: Not to agree with the obvious villain, but you really can't stop her. You're... about the size of her hoof.
PWE: I don't care how big or strong I am! That bully doesn't deserve a single thing!
MT: Girl, save yourself some trouble. Give me the egg, and I'll let you go meet some nice pirates.
PWE: No! I'm leaving!
//I step out of the doorway, close the door behind me, and stretch my arms. How do you ready yourself to fight a minotaur? Or, more likely, get ripped limb from limb by a minotaur?
MT: You cannot run! There is nowhere to run! You cannot pass through the roots!
PWE: Watch me!
//I think I've figured out in the room what is illusory; it's my patience.
//I pick up a stone. Well, if I'm right, a surprise attack is a great way to start a battle. If I'm wrong... I can always apologize, right?

The Drakeling throws the conglomerate stone at The Minotaur! The spinning conglomerate stone strikes the Minotaur in the head! The spinning conglomerate stone passes through!

//That's a relief.
PWE: Gh-gh-ghost minotaur! Ghost m-minotaur!
MT: Who dares to throw a stone at the visage of the esteemed Marquise Tourniquette?!
Spike: Visage? It's an illusion! Can't you smell the burning rubber?
PWE: An illusion?
Spike: Quiet; adults are talking.
MT: I quite agree.

The Minotaur points at The Filly and starts to cast a spell! The Minotaur casts Stupefy!
The Filly is hit by the beam! The Filly is knocked unconscious!
//The mayor's daughter slumps forward on the ledge, towards the murky pool far below! The sling slides up and hangs around her neck!

Spike: The egg!
MT: The egg? And why would you be worrying about... oh, my.

The Minotaur speaks a word of power, forming symbols in the air! The illusion is dispelled!

//In the minotaur's place stands a blood red unicorn, smiling wide enough to rip her face in half. Pouches and vials hang off her, dangling from her mane and tail and tied across her back.
MT: Greetings, little drakeling. My name is Marquise Tourniquette. I usually don't give invaders the luxury of a full introduction, but you'll be screaming my name for some time to come, so I want to make sure you get it right.
Spike: Did you choose two words that sounded vaguely French and mash them together?
//Marquise Tourniquette glares at me.
MT: Tourniquette is a perfectly valid family name!
Spike: For what? A Kelpie's fanfiction character?
MT: Quiet! I'm still speaking!
Spike: A tourniquet is a rope or string used to restrict bloodflow to a limb, and you're pronouncing it 'tourniquette', which is either a little tourniquet or a female one. The word marquise means the wife of a marquis, a noblestallion at some rank no one really cares about.
MT: I know all this! Don't patronize me!
Spike: Then why did you choose a name that means, 'Noblewife Bloodflow Restrictor'? I mean, if you were an upper-class murderous vampire or some such thing, it'd be cool if a little obvious, but you're not! You're just a ratty old sorceress in a smelly cave!
MT: 'Ratty'?!
Spike: Tying fish oil and herbal supplements to your hair? I'll try to understand because you have literally been living under rocks for a while, but girl? Do you even own a mirror?
MT: SILENCE!
//I'd like to comment on yelling the word 'silence' but I'm all out of burns for now.
MT: As soon as I heard the Avatar of Speed was coming to Forlegsandria, I had a sudden urge to get my flank out of there -- which isn't an unreasonable response to the Avatar of Speed, let me tell you. There was a little voice inside my head telling me to stay, however; another one of the Avatars must have been smiling on me, because that great silver oaf managed to get the whole of the dragon district riled up with his defeat. In the confusion--
Spike: Man, I never knew ugly unicorns came with all this free exposition!
MT: Cease! In the confusion, I was able to make an illusion to disguise my two cronies stealing a dragon egg from its mother. So, yes. I admit it. I stole the dragon egg. I was going to sell it, to an anonymous buyer, who wanted to raise it for their own purposes. Likely an immortality ticket, had I to guess.
Spike: I just fought a creature made out of thick water that wanted to molest me in order to make me its slave forever, so I feel justified in saying this: you're a monster!!
//I put my fists up, ready to do battle.
MT: But... I think I'll be returning the dragon egg.
Spike: What?
//I sincerely doubt I am intimidating enough to cause that change of heart.
MT: I'll return the dragon egg. And I'll return the mayor's precious little daughter, too. And you're going to help me.
Spike: Why does everypony I meet seem to have plans for me?
MT: Because _I_ didn't steal the egg. The two pirates, who we'll defeat on our way out --
Spike: Already did it.
MT: Did you? That shortens my plans considerably...
Spike: Glad to be of service, lady, but my plan is just to beat the crap out of you and get the egg back. Fire may make an appearance at some point.
MT: It was the two pirates you defeated that stole the egg, at the behest of the minotaur, who knocked the mayor's little daughter here out. Then, when the fight was turning against you, I swooped in and delivered the fatal blow!
Spike: I've already been written into one crazy bint's fanfiction today, and I don't particularly care for another.
MT: Ah, but you will! You will have been the big Hero, little drakeling, and no one will be the wiser!
Spike: Fine, I'll bite. What's my reward at the end for lying through my teeth about what happened here and letting the villain go?
MT: Reward? Hrmhrmhrm...
//Marquise waves her mane, objects clinking about and half of it hanging straight in front of her face. If she's trying to be seductive, it failed.
MT: Why, you get... _me_!
Spike: I get a dumpy old sorceress? No thanks!
MT: 'Dumpy'?!
Spike: Yeah, I thought about it, and I decided you're more dumpy than ratty. Ratty is more of a coincidence that you look like you haven't seen a bath in a few full moons, but dumpy is when you make a conscious effort to look that bad.
//A wordless scream. I suppose the battle has started.

[[SAVE LOCATION]]

The Unicorn charges at The Drakeling!
The Unicorn kicks The Drakeling in the tail with her left front hoof, but the attack glances away!
The Unicorn collides with The Drakeling! The Unicorn bounces backwards!

//She doesn't seem too physically powerful. I need to stay close and make sure she isn't able to cast a spell.

The Drakeling bites The Unicorn in the upper body, tearing the muscle and tearing the fat! The Drakeling latches on firmly!

//Ugh, this is disgusting!

The Unicorn kicks The Drakeling in the right lower leg with her right front hoof, tearing the scale and bruising the muscle!

The Drakeling punches The Unicorn in the head with his left hand, bruising the jaw and shattering the +crystal glass flask+!
A noxious fume begins to fill the room!

MT: My Iron Man gas! That's valuable!

The Unicorn kicks The Drakeling in the head with her left front hoof, bruising the muscle and bruising the skull!

//sOrRy MoMmY i HaVe To DrOp OuT nOw ByE bYe

The Drakeling releases the grip of The Drakeling's lower third tooth on The Unicorn's upper body.
The Drakeling falls to the ground!

The Unicorn leaps backwards! The Unicorn points at The Drakeling and starts to cast a spell!

//Get up and use dragonfire before she casts a spell!
The Drakeling stands up! The Drakeling breathes in, readying dragonfire!
The Drakeling breathes in the noxious fumes! The Drakeling coughs up blood!

The Unicorn casts Charm!

//OKAY, I KNOW I'VE HAD A BIT OF A PROMISING INTRODUCTION, BUT I WANT TO CLEAR THE AIR ON SOMETHING IMPORTANT: YOU ARE A COMPLETE FUCKING WASTE OF WEAK FLESH AND FAKE SCALE. WHY IN FUCK'S FLYING WINGS DID YOU DECIDE BREATHING IN POISONOUS FUMES WOULD BE EXACTLY WHAT YOUR EMPTY-LIGHTER-OF-SOME-ASSHOLE-WHO-THINKS-THE-TREES-GANGBANGED-HIS-DESTITUTE-LEGLESS-GRANDMOTHER'S EQUIVALENT OF AN ATTEMPT AT DRAGONFIRE NEEDED? DID YOU THINK ABOUT THE CORROSIVE FUCKING ACID THAT WOULD BE IN YOUR LUNGS WHEN YOU WERE HANGING OFF OF THE WORLD'S FILTHIEST HIPPIE LIKE A SHIT BABY OFF OF A SHIT TEAT OR DID YOU SAY TO YOURSELF 'NO! THAT'LL BE FUTURE SPIKE'S PROBLEM, AND I HOPE THAT GUY GETS HIS ASSHOLE JACKHAMMERED BY THIS WHORE'S MAGIC HEADPENIS!'? I HONESTLY THINK THIS BITCH BATHES BY ROLLING IN PIG EXCREMENT, OH WHOOPS I MEAN DRAGON EXCREMENT, WAIT WHAT'S THE DIFFERENCE WHEN WE HAVE A FINE FUCKING SPECIMEN SUCH AS YOU REPRESENTING US? AND YOU DECIDED THE BEST COURSE OF ACTION WAS 'FUCK YEAH, TIME TO PUT THAT SHIT IN MY MOUTH! THAT'S EXACTLY WHERE THAT GOES!'! YOU'RE THE ONE WITH MULTIPLE INJURIES, COUGHING UP BLOOD AND PUTTING THE WORLD'S MOST DISGUSTING FORM OF LIFE -- SORRY, SECOND MOST -- IN YOUR MOUTH, AND SOMEHOW I'M THE ONE THAT'S SICK! IF YOU GOT DOWN AND YOUR HANDS AND KNEES, CRIED LIKE A BABY AND SHIT YOURSELF, IT WOULD HONESTLY BE EASIER FOR ME TO SEE YOU LIKE THAT THAN THIS. I FUCKING HATE MYSELF FOR HAVING TO CALL YOU A DRAGON AT ALL, SO YOU KNOW WHAT? JUST BREATHE IN, TRY NOT TO SHIT YOURSELF, AND GET FUCKING DISMANTLED BY THE UNIVERSE'S MOST REEKING STAIN OF A HORSE SO I CAN LEAVE. JUST FUCKING BREATHE IN--

The Drakeling coughs up blood on The Unicorn's face!

MT: Waaaaaaagh!

The Unicorn releases the grip of The Unicorn's left front leg on The Drakeling's lower body! The Unicorn releases the grip of The Unicorn's right front leg on The Drakeling's upper body! The Unicorn falls backwards!

//I didn't even notice her, and she was almost on top of me! It feels like my senses were filled for a minute straight with nothing but anger and yelling... Is this what happens when I've been charmed? Celestia, do I have a headache...

The Unicorn stands up!

MT: What?! No one can resist my charms!
Spike: I have the help of someone who is far, far less charming than you could ever be.
//...I'm still trying to decide if that's a good thing.

The Drakeling kicks The Unicorn in the left front hoof with his right foot, shattering the bone!
An artery has been opened by the attack! A motor nerve has been severed and a ligament has been torn!

The Unicorn points at The Drakeling and starts to cast a spell! The Unicorn casts Stupefy!

The Drakeling jumps away from the beam!

//Woah! Better avoid that one; looks like even with a broken hoof this mare is ready to fight.
MT: You won't defeat this illusion!
Spike: What? That you're a credible opponent?

The Minotaur speaks a word of power, forming symbols in the air! An illusion is created!
//Radiating from her, three copies of Marquise hop out, splitting off to stand by the side of the original (?). They sneer and laugh in unison, none of them giving off signals of illusion. From all comes the voice:
MT: Dodge this!

//Okay, Spike, keep your feet moving, and attack with your hands!

The Unicorn (?) kicks at The Drakeling in the upper body with her left front hoof, but he jumps away!
The Drakeling strikes at The Unicorn (?) in the head with his Dashing Rogue Punch! The hand passes through!

The Unicorn (?) kicks at The Drakeling in the left upper arm with her right rear hoof, but he jumps away!
The Drakeling strikes at The Unicorn (?) in the head with his Dashing Rogue Punch! The hand passes through!

The Unicorn (?) kicks at The Drakeling in the tail with her left rear hoof! But the illusion does no damage!
The Drakeling strikes at The Unicorn (?) in the head with his Dashing Rogue Punch! The hand passes through!

The Unicorn (?) bites at The Drakeling in the right lower arm, but he jumps away!
The Drakeling strikes at The Unicorn (?) in the head with his Dashing Rogue Punch, shattering the horn!
An artery has been opened by the attack!
//That was the one!

//Blood pours down Marquise Tourniquette's face as she starts screaming.
MT: Waaaaaaagh! My horn!
Spike: Listen to me! If you surrender, I'm sure the city guard have a way to patch you up. You'll be given a fair trial. I don't want to hurt you!
MT: You did a damn good job of it!

The Unicorn kicks The Drakeling in the upper body with her right back hoof, bruising the muscle and bruising the left false rib!

Spike: If that's the way you want it!

The Drakeling punches The Unicorn in the upper body with his left hand, bruising the muscle, jamming the right true ribs through the right false ribs, jamming the right false ribs through the right lung and tearing apart the right lung!
The Unicorn is propelled away by the force of the blow!
The Unicorn's right rear leg skids along the ground, bruising the muscle!
The Unicorn falls into the pit!
//Silence, and then SPLASH!

Spike: Hoo, hoo, hoo... what was that punch?
//I look at my left hand. Oh yeah, I completely forgot that my first finger was broken. Not broken, but 'shattered', and it looks it. I did that punch with a broken finger?
PWE: Uuuurgh, my head...
Spike: Don't move! You've got the sling around your neck, and you're dangerously close to falling in!
//The bright orange filly steadies herself against the ledge with a hoof, but otherwise stays in position.
PWE: There's someone down there!
Spike: Don't worry; she's evil.
PWE: I think she might drown!
Spike: It's a good possibility.
PWE: Wait, no, she's pulling herself to the edge of the pool. She looks hurt! That's a lot of blood...
Spike: It's too bad there's nothing we can do for her.
PWE: She's waving! She wants us to help!
Spike: _Nothing we can do_.
PWE: A pony jumped out of the water! Wait, no, that's not a pony. Wait, it is; it's a pony made out of water!
Spike: That's probably Wafa.
PWE: A pony made of water jumped out of the water! And she's attacking the other pony!
Spike: ...I suppose it's good Wafa gets her aggression out.
//Echoing up from the pit come terrible screams.
MT: Heeelp! Heeeeeeelp meeeeeeeeee!
//The bright orange pony holds a hoof over her mouth. Eventually, the screams stop.
Spike: What a shame.

Marquise Tourniquette has been defeated!
Spike earned 250 experience points!
Spike is now level 6!

[[SAVE LOCATION]]

Spike: So, uh, hi. My name's Spike, I'm a Hero, and I'm here to return you and the egg to Forlegsandria.
PWE: Palla-Walla Ellis. Nice to meet you, Spike, and I figured as much.
Spike: Do you know where that hole blocked by the roots goes?
PWE: Probably to the surface! It's where we used to get into the Westside Caves before the roots grew and blocked it off. Can we go back the way we came in?
//Thoughts of the terrifying screams from below shoot down that idea.
Spike: I... kind of pissed off Wafa in the first place and don't know how long that Marquise pony is going to hold her attention. Besides, I can breathe fire.
PWE: You can breathe fire?! That's awesome!!
Spike: Now that I think about it, yeah, it is kind of awesome. Come down off the ledge so I can pass; we'll just climb right out.
//The roots burn off without any trouble and we're on our way.

//I climb to the top of the short tunnel first, Palla-Walla following some ways behind (lack of hands and the sling). The tunnel emerges next to a great oak tree, overlooking the farms and villages cut out of the forest by the people of Forlegsandria. As I haul myself up, I realize somepony is standing behind the tunnel exit, not saying a word.
Spike: Listen, if you're planning on fighting with the intent of enslaving me, I'm not really in the mood right now, so if you wanna just--
T: Wasn't planning on it.
Spike: Oh, hey, Twilight, didn't see you there.
T: Of course not. Mind telling me why you decided to spend a nice long while chatting with the evil sorceress, instead of, I don't know, defeating her and taking her into custody?
Spike: It was just a little ribbing.
T: You've done quite a lot of _ribbing_ today, it seems.
Spike: ...See, like that!
T: Why did you decide to insult someone you were going to fight in the first place? It just gets them angry!
//I look down at my finger. It's been aching pretty badly since it was broken, but this is the first time I've thought about that.
Spike: Huh, I dunno. Maybe I was aggravated from the pain?
T: Uh-huh.
Spike: Or, maybe I'm finally figuring out who I am. And that person insults people a lot.
T: I don't think that's who you are, Spike.
Spike: Why can't I be a jerk? There are plenty of Heroes who are jerks, it can happen.
T: You weren't like that.
//Twilight disappears suddenly as Palla-Walla grunts, trying to climb out of the hole.
Spike: Oh, let me help you with that.
//I take the sling off and gingerly set it aside, then grab Palla-Walla by the front legs and yank her out of the tunnel.
PWE: Ahhhah, are we out yet?
Spike: Look around.
//It's starting to get dark, and Forlegsandria is quite clearly a few hours away, but it is Forlegsandria and we are out.
PWE: Woah, I forgot how far away this entrance was from Forlegsandria...
Spike: May as well get walking.
PWE: You're a dragon, can't you fly us there?
Spike: Does it look like I have wings?
//Palla-Walla lifts each of my arms up, inspecting closely the part of my side below them where wings would sprout from. She then takes a few steps back, rubs her chin, and inspects me as a whole.
PWE: Can't you grow some wings?
Spike: Sure, if you're willing to wait... uh... an unspecified amount of time.
//I should find that out.
PWE: Unspecified sounds long.
Spike: It is.
//I pick up the sling and put it around my shoulder, securing it tightly. It feels better to me, Palla-Walla not carrying the egg, knowing that the breakables I'm returning to their respective owners aren't together in the same place. Is there an expression for that?
Spike: So, Palla-Walla, tell me: what were you doing in that cave anyway?
PWE: It's... kind of a long story.
Spike: It's kind of a long walk.
//I crack a small branch off of one of the trees nearby, and set it alight. Palla-Walla smiles; she is genuinely delighted just to see me breathe fire. She's a good kid.
PWE: Well, y'see...

//Some time later. We're on the road, it's completely dark out save for the crescent moon and the makeshift torch which is about halfway burnt through, and I have no idea what I've been listening to this entire time.
PWE: So I told them, 'So, I told him, "You can't tell me who I can and can't be friends with! I want to visit my friends in the dragon district!" And then he grounded me, but I escaped! That's how I'm here with you little guys! I hope I don't get in too much trouble when I get home.' And then--
Spike: Pardon me for interrupting, but why were you talking to the eggs again?
PWE: You have to talk to eggs before they're hatched! That way, they grow up happy and healthy and used to activity always being around them.
Spike: Uh-huh.
//Crazy egg-talking bint!
PWE: If you don't, then they grow up lonely and quiet, and spend all their time in their room playing computer games. And who wants that?
Spike: The story, you were saying?
PWE: And then I heard a big boom, and the ground rumbled! And a CRACKCRACK, and a FP-HIIIII and a FOOOOSHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH, like water!
Spike: That must have been Quine, crashing into the fountain.
PWE: Yiha went out to check what was going on, but I stayed with the eggs because I thought they needed someone to look after them. That's when I started to smell something weird!
Spike: Like burning rubber?
PWE: Exactly like burning rubber! And I heard hooves in the kitchen, which I thought was really weird, and a huge dragon roar!
Spike: The hooves were probably the pirates, and the dragon roar... was probably just a dragon roar.
PWE: When I went into the kitchen, I heard two ponies go into the living room, but I didn't see anything! And when I went into the living room, I heard two ponies go into the nursery, but I still didn't see anything! And when I went into the nursery, I saw that an egg was missing!
Spike: Ruh roh.
PWE: So I ran outside, and I did see two ponies galloping away with Yiha's egg! So I followed them, all the way back to Westside Cave!
Spike: And they didn't notice you?
PWE: Nope! And when they handed the minotaur the egg, I followed the minotaur deeper into the caves, even past some slimy water!
Spike: It was more than slimy.
PWE: Hey, what happened to that minotaur, anyway?
Spike: Oh, uh, turns out the minotaur was the pony you saw in the pool. She was using another illusion.
PWE: Oh. Well, when the minotaur got to that part of the cave and put the egg down, I tried to take it back and get away. But you saw how that worked out. And then you showed up!
Spike: Hold on a minute, you followed the egg all the way from Yiha's house, into Westside Caves, through tunnels, through _water_, up a ladder, and Marquise only saw you when you tried to take it back?
PWE: Yep! I'm sneaky!
Spike: I have to hand it to you, Palla-Walla, that's pretty darn sneaky.
PWE: I know! I love sneaking about. I'm just like a cat, you know? I stalk things!
Spike: Er, yeah. That's great.
PWE: I'm such a stalker! I love stalking things. I think stalking is my special talent, I really do!
Spike: ...That would be some cutie mark.
PWE: Think about it: Palla-Walla Ellis, stalker and sneak extraordinaire! I'll be the world's best stalker! No one will ever see me!
Spike: If I get any money from this rescue I'm using some of it to buy you a dictionary.
//A spear points at my face.
Pony Who Says Halt: You, halt! After that little incident, I'm not letting even one of you scalescum out of my sight for a moment.
//WOW. WHAT AN ABSOLUTE PRICK. KILL HIM.
//...This city always seems to sneak up on me.
PWSH: What is your business here? Speak quickly!
//I guess the best response is to be calm.
Spike: Spike, returning Hero. In tow, missing egg, mayor's daughter.
//The guardstallion's mood changes considerably.
PWSH: The mayor's daughter! Miss Ellis, is that you?
PWE: Yep!
PWSH: Come right this way! Your father has been waiting in city hall all night, he's very worried about you, Miss Ellis.
PWE: Oh, great.

[[SAVE LOCATION]]

//City hall, hewn from granite and placed in the center of Forlegsandria. It's rather far from the dragon district; I hope we can get this over with quickly because I have an egg to return.
Spike: ...Do you guys really have to stand that close to me?
Other Pony: It's not by choice, trust us.
PWSH: You're a suspicious character.
Spike: I rescued the mayor's daughter and a stolen egg!
Other Pony: Right. And why would a _dragon_ of all people want to do those things?
//What, a dragon can't have a sense of morality?
PWE: Ugh, old people are so dumb about these things!
//Hearing his daughter, the mayor looks up. He leaps from the place he was sitting and embraces the young filly.
Mayor: Palla-Walla! Oh, my Palla-Walla!
PWE: Dad, you're embarrassing me.
//She hugs him back anyways.
//I tug my arm out of the grip of the guardstallions.
Spike: Uh, can anyone point me to the dragon district? I want to meet someone there.
Other Pony: (Someone who likes omelets?)
PWSH: (No, must be a bad parent.)
OP: (Figures. Who could expect a predator animal to care for their young?)
//Ignoring the idiots behind me, I speak a little louder:
Spike: I'm trying to find a dragon named Jebed. Does anyone know where she lives? Scratch that, I'll settle; anyone heard of a dragon named Jebed? Or Yiha?
//At the mention of Yiha's name, Jebed raises her head and looks at me.
//...Why are there two empty barrels of wine on the city hall reception desk?
//Jebed rushes over to me immediately, inspecting the egg quickly, and me with a curious eye. The guardstallions grip their spears a little bit closer.
Mayor: Where were you this whole time? What happened?
PWE: It's okay, Dad! I got into an adventure at Westside Cave but Spike rescued me!
Mayor: That dragon over there saved you?
JBD: So it was Spike, that was your name?
Spike: Yeah! Have you heard of me?
JBD: ...Excuse my memory, lack of sleep has not helped its function. But you were the one who rescued the little filly?
//...I suppose it's nothing to be disappointed about. A leader of a bunch of people can't be expected to know everyone.
Spike: Yeah, so you can also call me 'Hero'. Was this the egg you were looking for?
//Jebed inspects me instead of the egg.
JBD: Spike, hand me the egg, you're about to collapse.
Spike: What?
JBD: Your knees are wobbling, and you're in a terrible condition, so give me the egg, quickly.
Spike: Nonsense, I feel fine!
JBD: Egg!
//I sigh and take the sling off, holding it out for Jebed.
Spike: I don't know what the fuss is all about, but if you really--

The Drakeling gives into pain! The Drakeling collapses!

PWE: Spike!
Mayor: Whoa! Is he okay?
JBD: I doubt it.
//Huh... usually when people collapse they also faint. Why couldn't I have done that?
//Jebed hangs the sling around her neck, cradling the egg with a front leg.
JBD: It looks like he's fainted.
Spike: Hhhhhhhrnrnggghhh.
//My mouth is pressed up against the floor, so I can't make any intelligible sound. Even moving the tiniest muscle right now would require the world's greatest effort.
JBD: Oh, I suppose not. You should call a paramedic anyway, Mayor Ellis, one who knows dragon anatomy.
Mayor: Do we have one of those? In the city guard?
PWSH: I sincerely doubt it, sir. For the purposes you're intending at least.
Mayor: Then get me the next closest thing, as fast as you can. It's an emergency!
PWSH: Yes, Mr. Mayor. I'll fetch the veterinarian.
//The guard pony runs off. If the mayor takes Jebed's word into consideration so highly, why is it illegal for dragons to work in Forlegsandria? Because of the prevalence of ponies like the guards?
Mayor: Can you see what's wrong with him?
JBD: Besides his decision-making skills?
Spike: Hng!
JBD: His finger is smashed beyond use; he has maybe six cuts or so that have been sealed off with dragonfire, which isn't sanitary at all; he's been struck in the head rather badly from the looks of it; there are glass shards wedged between the scales of his hand; from the sound of his breathing I'd say something got at his lungs and overall he is just a bruised, beaten mess.
//Jebed turns my head during her inspection and I manage to wiggle my mouth free of the floor.
Spike: If someone could turn me over, I think I'd breathe better.
JBD: Certainly.
//Jebed turns me over. The jade bracelet around her claw dangles in my face, grey ankh swinging from side to side.
//Mayor Ellis, Palla-Walla, Jebed and another two guardsponies are all standing about; it's too late at night and the day's been too long to do much of anything. Twilight is at the other end of the room, inspecting an engraving with her hood up.
Mayor: What about you, Palla-Walla? Are you hurt?
PWE: No, Dad, I'm fine. Kinda tired from the walking, though.
Mayor: Walking? From where?
PWE: Dad, I'm really alright! You can stop hugging me now.
Mayor: Never! Not if it means losing you again.
//Palla-Walla sighs.
PWE: We walked here from Westside Cave, the faraway entrance! There was a big bad minotaur Spike defeated in there, and I guess a bunch of pirates?
//Oh, right, the pirates!
Spike: If you get about twenty minutes into Westside Cave from the entrance nearest town you'll come across two ponies who are tied up, one of them has a broken knee and a bad burn. They... likely won't be happy to see you. They stole Yiha's egg.
//I hope nothing's happened to them... nothing like Wafa, at least.
Mayor: Send a detachment into the caves and find them, I want those thieves arrested.
Pony Who Gets One Line: Yes, sir!
//PWGOL leaves.
JBD: And, Miss Ellis, you said something about a minotaur?
PWE: Yeah, but the minotaur turned out just to be a pony, I guess?
Spike: Illusionist. You're, uh, not going to find much of her. Water spirit got to her, ever heard of a Kelpie?
//Jebed narrows her eyes and snorts.
JBD: Was it Wafa?
Spike: Yeah. You know her by _name_?
//I haven't paid much attention to it before but Jebed is a bronze dragon. Are bronze dragons the ones who love to swim?
JBD: That girl has been causing trouble for decades now, saying she'll give travelers the ability to breathe underwater. She just drowns them.
Spike: Delightful.
Mayor: No matter what kind of troubles you've struggled through, Yiha's egg is back here safe, and so is my Palla-Walla. You're exactly the sort of dragon this city needs more of. Such bravery in these troubled times deserves some sort of reward.
//I try to wave my hand but my muscles are out to lunch.
Spike: No reward necessary, Mr. Mayor, I'm a Hero. It's my duty.
//What I really want is to find someone who knows me, and I've already worked towards that by impressing Jebed and the mayor. There's bound to be some way to track the old me down...
//Twilight coughs from the other side of the room, shaking an empty bookbag.
Spike: Oh, er, yeah, I'll take cash or credit.
Mayor: Of course, I'll have it delivered to... are you staying anywhere?
//...You know, I hadn't thought of that.
JBD: He'll be staying with me, until he recovers.
//Sweet!
Spike: I wouldn't want to impose.
JBD: (I'm going somewhere with this.)
Spike: (I wanted to talk to you after this anyway, so okay. Go ahead.)
JBD: But I believe the recovering Hero has a more substantial request for you, Mayor Ellis.
Spike: (I do?)
//Jebed unnoticably taps me with a claw in a bruised spot. I twitch for a moment and then realign my eyes. So bright...
Mayor: He does? I'm willing to hear anything from the one who brought my Palla-Walla back to me.
Spike: Oh, uh... this whole incident wouldn't have happened today if R-- the Avatar of Speed hadn't attacked the greater half of the dragon district, right?
JBD: Spike, you can't ask him to hold the Avatar of Speed responsible for the fight in the dragon district. She is, but she's above the law.
//Darn, I guess she really is one of the Princess's knights... if I can't get justice for my dragon brethren, is there really anything else?
Spike: So, a new fountain would be nice...
JBD: (I was thinking some sort of phrase including the word, 'employment'.)
Spike: (Oh, yeah!)
//MORON THINK ABOUT A DRAGON BESIDES YOURSELF ONCE IN A WHILE
Spike: What if there weren't as many dragons hanging about in the dragon district in the middle of the day? Because they were working?
//Jebed smiles. Yay, I'm not getting poked again!
Mayor: Yes, the law preventing employers from hiring non-pony labor. I know it well.
JBD: And yet you've done nothing about it, Ellis.
Mayor: The law was put in place years ago, by one of my predecessors. He was worried about the population explosion and the availability of jobs for unskilled pony labor.
JBD: No, he was a demagogue who established tyranny of the majority in order to get re-elected. I heard the rhetoric. Frankly, it's better now that he's dead, because you can fix this.
PWE: I never knew heroic rewards came with all this free exposition!
//Where did she learn that?
Mayor: Pony population growth hasn't slowed in the time since he governed. If I introduce legislation reversing the ban, every pony this side of Canterlot who works a blue horsecollar job will be furious with me!
JBD: You're saying dragons should suffer for the betterment of ponies?
Mayor: Jebed, you know how they'll react. Like it or not, most Forlegsandrians _are_ ponies. I can see the attack ads now: 'Mayor Ellis puts the needs of a small minority ahead of the needs of the majority of Forlegsandria citizens'. How am I supposed to respond to that?!
JBD: 'I did what was _right_'.
PWE: Dad! You can't do something just because it's easy! You have to be like a Hero, and do what you know is right even if sometimes it hurts!
//Still, probably a good idea to avoid water spirits.
//The Mayor sighs. His own daughter joining the discussion must have swayed him.
Mayor: You're right. Both of you. I'll start drafting a bill the first thing tomorrow. Even if it'll lose me the election, I have to do what's right.
//'Most Forlegsandrians are ponies'? There must be fewer dragons here than I thought. Or maybe there are more ponies.
Spike: Won't the sudden competition for jobs cause tension between ponies and dragons?
JBD: True peace is not merely the absence of tension, Spike; it is the presence of justice. Besides, if ponies and dragons can make an attempt to understand each other better, as we have, harmony is possible.
Mayor: Heh, a few lonely hours spent between two old, terrified parents worrying about their progeny can get anybody closer together.
Spike: (Also, two entire barrels of wine.)
JBD: (That was mostly me.)
PWE: Oh, come on! A romantic pairing is such a cheesy way to end a tale of discrimination and hatred!
Mayor: What?!
JBD: No!
Mayor: You don't know what you're talking about!
JBD: That's not what's happening here!
Mayor: Palla-Walla, be quiet!
JBD: That's disgusting!
Mayor: I most agree!
//Prudes!

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