//The stench of stale air wafts out of the pyramid, passing around me. It's much cooler in here.
Spike: It looks like nobody's been here for a while.
//I brush dirt off a dark stone wall, and it crumbles away. There's more moisture in it than outside... but not much more.
//It's dark inside and I can't see.
Spike: Do I get a torch or something?
//I yell out to Rainbow Dash, standing (hovering? Can't see her) outside the pyramid. There's no response.
Spike: Grumble grumble no respect...
//With careful movements, I take out The Real Princess Hazel, Revision Two (the censored version) from my bag and tear a few pages out of it. Forming them into a stick, I cover it with dirt, and then use dragonfire on one end until it smolders.
\\...That is much less light than you need.
//I shrug and continue onwards with my dim torch, following hoofprints in the sand past a defused trip wire.

//Deeper into the pyramid, I find a mural filled with small pictures, chiseled into the wall. The hoofprints track all over, mussing the sand. Very slight marks of black (they rub off with a finger) are here and there.
//A comment has been added to the mural in the same black markings, up in the top right corner: 'start'?
Spike: Start? Am I reading down columns, or across rows?
//I pick one and follow the path with a finger.
Spike: Sun... sun in sky. Sun higher in sky. Uh, okay, is that like 'in the beginning' or 'once upon a time'? Seems like a stock metaphor.
//Next comes a count, or a number. It's a bunch of dots arranged. 'When the sun rose X years ago?'
Spike: Dots in the sky comes a little later, but what's this one between them... two circles above a line, but they're intersecting like that math diagram.
//Dots in the sky probably means night... so, what? 'In the beginning, the sun rose in the sky, bud out, and that's where all the stars came from'? It's like a creation story.
Spike: Probably isn't worth my...
//The makeshift torch illuminates an odd glyph. I have to take a look at it.
Spike: Haha, what the hell is that?
//It's a pony, squatting in a field of grain. Really?
Spike: I can't believe a creation story includes 'and then someone took a dump'. What happens next?
//I follow the trail of glyphs further. Sun rises in sky again, sun buds, but then a single dot. And the sun rises again into the sky, followed by another smaller one.
Spike: ...It's like... a child.
//A child. This isn't a creation story, it's a family history. The suns have got to be Celestia and her family, that metaphor is ancient.
Spike: Okay. Okay. Question one: why does a pyramid in the middle of nowhere supposedly contain the body of Bucket James, when I'm pretty sure I fought him in the Valley of Death?
//Silence.
//Osto Bacchus raised an old drakeling, extremely powerful, that the dragon instinct recognized. He had a sword, like Bucket James is said to have the sword Reality. And he wasn't that opposed to Heroism from the looks of it...
Spike: Question two, why would someone who was dumped in with the dishonored dead heathens have a family history of Celestia in his supposed tomb?
//Frankly, why would anyone have the family history of Celestia in their tomb? Unless... you know, I really doubt that a drakeling was part of Celestia's family.
Spike: And question three... why would the amulet with a long name be in here at all?
//It doesn't make sense! Bucket James was known for the artifact Reality, a sword that could shield the bearer from magical harm. Why would another artifact be in his tomb, and if so why hasn't anyone taken it yet?!
Spike: Hmm... is it explained in the story?
//So, Celestia has a child. Series of dots, then a carving of snow. It snowed this many times? No... Y winters pass? A stick figure appears on two legs, then a drawing of fire. Pretty easy. A hole in the ground, a gravestone, stick figure and a great 'thing' with six legs, a picture of a foot... then a shining sword. Picture of a foot?
Spike: Oh, I get it, it's a joke. He fought a giant bug.
//And got Reality for it. Or went to war with the second sun, Celestia's child, over issues about how ponies treat those with different legs. But I doubt that.
Spike: Second sun again, then a huge amount of dots, then a pony in a... let's call it praying position.
//THAT'S RIGHT FUCKING REPRESS THE URGE
Spike: They worship Celestia's child? (Or she's very promiscuous?) How does that follow? Next, the second sun, then a pony turns its nose up at a... salt lick? Three dots, a spear, a jug behind reeds, and an island? A unicorn horn, a completely scratched-in square, the sun? What am I looking at?
//Maybe it'll make more sense if I skip a little...
//Well, here's an unambiguous drawing of an amulet. I suppose whatever is happening here, the amulet I'm looking for is involved somehow...
//Over here is scratch square, dragon. I guess scratched-in square means 'not' or negation... it ends with stick figure, paper and quill, night sky without stars. That's, uh... that's kind of ominous.
Spike: I'm sure someone like Twilight would find the process of interpreting this all very fascinating, but I'm a Hero with limited time, so let's just move--
//I hear a shout come from my left, deeper down in the pyramid, and start running that way!

//Wow, I ran towards something on instinct. I must be the opposite of Rainbow Dash.
//I come to a stop in the dark hallway before two voices, spraying sand across a wall. The room is lit by a great lantern meant for carrying by mouth.
//I peek in.
Random Mare: A demon! Night and day! Let me through!
Sphinx: How many times have I _told_ you, I don't do riddles anymore, it's--
Random Mare: Eggs! A fish! Ouroboros!
//The sphinx sighs.
//It's -- she is, I suppose -- a large lioness with the head of a horse. A great shaggy golden mane is not present, or any hair (besides fur) at all. Her ears are even more lioness-like than a pony's.
//And the pony confronting her has a blue coat, with grits of sand stuck in her straight yellow hair. Hold on, is that...
RM: I have to get in this chamber!
Sphinx: This is the chamber where the Lord of the Pyramid sleeps. I have strict instructions--
RM: Without seeing Bucket James's coffin I'll fail the task my love gave me! You have to step aside!
//That must be Rinsesu Megimi! The pony who fell in love with Rainbow Dash, and was an idiot! I met her in Detrot!
\\It looks like 'was' should be amended in that sentence...
Sphinx: Then you fail the task your love gave you. If he is truly your love, he will forgive you.
Rinsesu Megimi: My love is a she!
//The sphinx pauses for a moment, contemplating this.
Sphinx: Does that change the meaning of what I said?
RM: And my love will give me strength enough to defeat you! I swore on my honor I'd see this quest through!
//Does she shout _everything_ now?
//The sphinx extends a paw, and flashes sharp talons.
Sphinx: Listen, girl. It's great you've found someone to, uh... I've been away a long time, does 'love' still mean you fuck?
RM: Wh--
//Rinsesu sputters for a couple seconds.
RM: How dare you ask a question like that?!
Sphinx: Whatever. My orders are just to make sure nothing uses this door. But if you attack me, I will defend myself, and you're not winning that fight. Got it?
//Rinsesu glowers at the sphinx for a while, then calms a little. She stands with her hooves spread, and lowers her head.
RM: ...I understand.
Sphinx: Then I can get back to my nap.
//The sphinx lays down, but... with that body language, Rinsesu is planning on attacking! She won't last at all in a fight with a creature of that size!
Rinsesu Megimi: Be destroyed by--
Spike: Wait! Rinsesu! Stop!
//I leap into the room, waving my arms!
//Rinsesu turns to look at me, wide-eyed. The sphinx stands up.
RM: ...A drakeling? Who are you?
Sphinx: H-- How?!
//The sphinx glares at me, putting holes in me with eyes that have seen too many lifeless years.
Spike: I'm a Hero, and my--
Sphinx: You won't leave!
The Sphinx attacks!
//What?!

[[SAVE LOCATION]]

The Sphinx rushes at The Drakeling!
The Sphinx bites The Drakeling in the right upper arm, tearing apart the scale, tearing apart the muscle and bruising the bone!
//Yow! Her teeth are sharp!
The Sphinx latches on firmly!
The Sphinx throws The Drakeling by the right upper arm with her lower front teeth!
//I speed towards the door next to Rinsesu!
The Drakeling collides with the obstacle!
The Drakeling's head takes the full force of the impact, denting the scale and bruising the muscle!
The Drakeling's left upper arm takes the full force of the impact, denting the scale, bruising the muscle and bruising the bone!
The ☼wooden door☼ takes the full force of the impact, and the severed parts fly off in arcs!
//The door blows apart and I fall into a short passageway, filled with sand!

Spike: Ptoo, pppbtth, what was _that_ for?!
//I look up. In front of me, there's a slot in the wall, and next to it: stick figure, fire, gravestone. Scratched square, sword.

Rinsesu Megimi kicks at The Sphinx, but The Sphinx dodges away!
RM: Hyaa!
Sphinx: You deluded fool. Neither of you will see the sun again!
//The Sphinx raises a claw and slashes at Rinsesu!
The Drakeling draws power from within himself, and casts Walk of the Third!

//A gentle force lifts me to my feet. Okay. What's happening here?
//As soon as the sphinx saw me she attacked. Must have been told to watch out for dragons or something. It's possible Bucket James had friends.
//NOT IF HE WAS ANYTHING LIKE YOU
//Really, that's what you're demoted to? 'You have no friends'?
//HALF OF THEM TRIED TO RAPE YOU, FUCKWIT. DID THE SUDDEN APPEARANCE OF THIS CATWHORE WHO WANTS TO KILL YOU BEFORE TALKING TO YOU IMMEDIATELY MAKE YOU FORGET SHIT ABOUT THE PEOPLE WHO WANT TO KILL YOU AFTER TALKING TO YOU? EVEN IF I CAN'T FUCKING BLAME THEM FOR IT.
//Let's not waste the Walk of the Third on him.

The Drakeling leaps towards The Sphinx!
The Drakeling draws power from within himself, and casts Touch of Grisly Terror!
//First, stop Rinsesu from getting slashed. Then, talk this out.
The Drakeling touches The Sphinx in the left front leg with his left hand! The Drakeling touches The Sphinx in the upper body with his right hand!
The Drakeling's Walk of the Third ends.

//The sphinx hisses and flinches!
The Sphinx slashes The Drakeling in the lower body with her left front paw, tearing apart the scale and tearing apart the muscle!
Spike: Gaah!
//Wait, how did she do that?! It should have stopped her cold!
RM: Hyaaaa!
Rinsesu Megimi kicks The Sphinx in the right front paw with her left back hoof, and the severed part flies off in an arc!
//Her paw turns into a spray of sand! The paw reforms from the stub, pouring out more sand!
Spike: What the--

The Sphinx charges at The Drakeling!
The Sphinx bites at The Drakeling, but The Drakeling dodges away!
The Sphinx rushes past The Drakeling!
Rinsesu Megimi kicks The Sphinx in the nose with her right back hoof, and the severed part flies off in an arc!
//Sand hits the ceiling and falls back down over the Sphinx's rapidly healing nose.

Spike: This isn't working!
The Sphinx slashes The Drakeling in the upper body with her right rear paw, tearing apart the scale and tearing apart the muscle!
The Sphinx's claws are stuck in The Drakeling!
//FUCK SHIT WHY DOES DYING HAVE TO HURT SO MUCH
Sphinx: I am the desert, and the desert is me. Vast, beyond mortal reckoning. You will not escape from--
Spike: Shut up!
The Drakeling breathes fire!
The Sphinx is caught in the dragonfire! The Sphinx's right rear leg has been turned into glass!
//What?

The Sphinx releases the grip of The Sphinx's right rear paw on The Drakeling's upper body.
Sphinx: My leg! Why can't I feel my leg?!
Rinsesu Megimi: Sand turns to glass when it's heated! Let's do this, Hero!
//Alright!
Sphinx: Silence, fool of a pony!
The Sphinx bites at Rinsesu Megimi in the lower body, but Rinsesu Megimi dodges away!
The Drakeling breathes fire!
The Sphinx leaps away from the dragonfire!
Rinsesu Megimi kicks The Sphinx in the right rear leg with her left rear hoof, shattering the glass! The severed parts fly off in arcs!
//I shield myself from the shards.

//The back leg doesn't regrow, it stays a stump of jagged green glass. The dismembered paw turns to sand and sinks into the ground.
Sphinx: Never...
The Sphinx slashes at The Drakeling with her left front paw--
The Drakeling draws power from within himself, and casts Walk of the Third!
//I breathe fire at the Sphinx's incoming paw, and then set myself in position to meet it.
The Drakeling breathes fire!
//...For good measure, I breathe fire at her face.
The Drakeling breathes fire!
The Drakeling's Walk of the Third ends.
Spike: You shouldn't attack someone on sight, especially if you don't know them.

The Sphinx is caught in the dragonfire! The Sphinx's left front paw has been turned into glass!
The Sphinx is caught in the dragonfire! The Sphinx's throat has been turned into glass!
The Drakeling strikes The Sphinx in the left front paw with his Fist of Justice, shattering the glass! The severed parts fly off in arcs!
//Slivers pelt the back wall of the room.
The Sphinx stabs The Drakeling in the right hand with her left front leg, but The Drakeling's scales deflect the attack!
Sphinx: You say I don't know who you are? What lies are these!
//With only two legs, she's unsteady.
The Sphinx falls over.

//Let's finish this; I have no intention of letting her claw me up a few more times!
RM: Over here! Quick!
The Drakeling breathes fire!
The Sphinx is caught in the dragonfire! The Sphinx's lower body has been turned into glass!
Rinsesu Megimi kicks The Sphinx in the lower body with her left rear hoof, shattering the glass! The severed parts fly off in arcs!

//She only has one limb left. The Sphinx uses it to prop herself up and glare at me, to hate me, instead of defending herself.
Sphinx: Dozens, dozens I have prevented from seeking this murderer, but--
Spike: I said shut up!
The Drakeling kicks The Sphinx in the throat with his right foot, shattering the glass! The severed parts fly off in arcs!
The Sphinx has been struck down!
//Rinsesu covers herself from the glass (it gets in her hair) as the remnants of the Sphinx turn into pale sand, and flow into the floor.

The Sphinx was defeated!
Spike earned 15000 experience points!
Spike is now level 34!

[[SAVE LOCATION]]

RM: Crazy lioness bint...
//The green shards of glass in her hair are turning to pale sand as we speak.
Spike: You said it.
//I sweep my foot through the sand where the Sphinx's head melted. Even the glass shards there are turning back. What the hell kind of creature...
//Rinsesu Megimi shakes her straight yellow mane, flinging sand about. She refastens her leather armor and says:
RM: I suppose I should thank you, whoever you are, for your help with this. Your dragonfire really came in oh not you again!
//When our eyes meet she recognizes me. That's, uh, that's not good.
Spike: So, fancy meeting you here...
//She stares at me and demands:
RM: Why?! Why are you here?!
Spike: Poor decision-making?
//SECONDED
//Rinsesu kicks sand at me in a huff.
RM: It isn't enough you ridicule me for following my dream, you have to chase me to see if I fail?
Spike: What? No!
//SHE THINKS SHE'S IMPORTANT, HOW QUAINT
RM: Come to loot the pyramid's ancient tombs, then? I'll stop you, graverobber!
//Rinsesu spreads her legs for a fighting stance!
//I wave my hands, trying to calm her down!
Spike: No! That's not it!
RM: The Sphinx attacked you on sight. What demon are you in disguise? A true Hero will defeat you!
//I stare open-mouthed at this pony.
Spike: _Celestia's wings_, do you _listen_ to yourself, girl? Get a grip!
//A few seconds after I yell, we both stand in silence, staring each other down. The aspiring Hero shifts her stance.
RM: ...Very well then. Why are you here?
Spike: ...So that's a no on the thanking me?
//For a moment her nostrils flare. Next, with more humility than I thought she had when we last met, Rinsesu bows.
RM: Thank you, Hero, for your help in the fight against this monster. What was your name?
Spike: Spike.
RM: Spike, I am here on a task given to me by my love and master. I politely ask you not keep me from it any longer.
//She turns towards the broken wooden door and steps over the splinters, inspecting the entrance (?) to Bucket James's burial chamber.
//...You know, even if she said 'politely', it wasn't that polite...
Spike: Rainbow Dash asked you to do something here?
RM: Yes.
//Rinsesu continues inspecting the glyphs on the wall. I hoist the lantern closer in by the mouth-handle, then wipe drool off on my leg scales.
Spike: What's your task? Is it a Challenge?
//With a hard, dark blue hoof, she scrapes over the slot in the wall. Dirt falls away, revealing... a differently-shaped slot.
RM: Hmm...
Spike: An oval thing with a chain could go there.
//A pendant, or something.
RM: I need to get in here.
//With the glyphs around it (stick figure, fire, then gravestone; another scratched square then sword), Rinsesu must have been charged to find something in the grave of Bucket James, or at least something besides Reality. Unless she thinks the markings are a misdirection.
Spike: Oh. I need to find that amulet with a long name.
RM: Leave A Tin Out--
Spike: Yeah.
//She nods at the slot a few times, and turns to me.
RM: That's good. It looks like this slot will take an amulet of some kind, I'm willing to bet it's designed for the artifact you're looking for. We can work together.
//...It would be kind of odd for Rainbow Dash to mention a pony/dragon team and then not have to work together on something.
Spike: Sure. There's probably more of the pyramid to explore.
//Nothing's ever gone wrong trusting people who have attacked me before.

//We come to a room with a tiled floor, deep underground in the pyramid. The ceiling is very low here; I have to stoop. Rinsesu sets the lantern down and massages her jaw.
Spike: Hold on, don't step in.
Rinsesu Megimi: Ponies of old trapped all manners of burial tombs to ward off would-be thieves. One of the tiles is an obvious trap.
Spike: I'm not so sure about 'one'...
//I drag the lantern closer. Every tile is inscribed with more glyphs, up to a dozen per tile. As far as I can see, they're all unique.
//It's obvious, then. A puzzle.
RM: Look around the walls. There are holes.
//Apple-sized holes dot the walls near the ceiling. Stray lantern light catches some of them tunneling up and away, others horizontal. Because of the low ceiling, anyone would be hit by those.
Spike: So...
//Rinsesu sits down in the sand, tail swishing back and forth.
RM: Hmm, we've got an arrow trap, or javelins, or a fluid. Sand or poison gas for the fluid, likely not water. Is there a way to tell which?
//Or spear traps, or flaming oil, or a collapsing chamber... there's too much to consider here.
//I look at one of the tiles. Fancy chair, fire, broken chain.
Spike: If it's the first two, we'd be fine, but we can't test the tiles without risking the passage back crumbling behind us.
//A trap with arrows or other ammunition we can outlast. Spear traps can be burnt after putting something heavy out there to make them trigger. I feel like the chamber has to collapse... or else you can just run away and come back with a better plan, and that's a crappy trap.
RM: ...Looks like it's up to us to figure out what each tile is, and what sequence is safe.
//...I don't know how to read the pictures. This might take a while.
Spike: Oh, so, I found some black marks on the wall in one of the rooms near the Sphinx. Did you do that?
//She looks up from a tile, yellow hair dragging on the ground.
RM: Hmm? Yeah, I studied ancient glyph writing when I was a filly. (We used it to pass notes in class.) But it's just the old Favored Daughter story, so I moved on.
//I sit cross-legged in front of tiles not far from Rinsesu, inspecting one. I sniff, and only smell old dust and pony. Something doesn't seem right here...
Spike: I've never heard that one.
//JUST LIKE THE VOICE OF A FRIEND OR AN HONEST COMPLIMENT.
//Rinsesu mutters the story as she bounces attention back and forth between two tiles, deciding between them.
RM: Celestia one day had a daughter. ...Tell the truth, on quite a few days she had daughters, and almost as many days she had sons, but this daughter was special. From the very beginning, it was clear this filly would have the same sort of power that Celestia had, since she and no other member of Celestia's family was born an alicorn.
//If the chamber itself collapsed, it would make a dip in the perfectly flat landscape... which, with the pyramid, is basically a huge 'dig here for loot' sign. So, what, the trap designers only cared about the first graverobbers? How lazy.
RM: She did have comparable -- not equal, but almost -- magic ability to Celestia as she grew up. And Celestia loved her the most of any filly alive. But one day, all of Celestia's family besides her Favored Daughter were found dead.
//THAT WAS A GOOD FUCKING DAY.
RM: Stricken with grief, the Favored Daughter retreated into Canterlot Castle and stayed until she wasted away. And thus Celestia was left, watching the last of her children wither before her eyes, with an Equestria that still needed to be led right outside the door.
Spike: Huh. So what does a praying glyph have to do with that?
//She gives up on the tiles and looks at me.
RM: Praying? Where'd you see that?
Spike: A pony was bowing, with a curved back, head down and up in the air was her--
RM: A straight back is bowing. That was probably 'presenting'.
//Even if it collapsed behind us, to trap us in, a dip in the land would appear. Something worth going to great lengths to protect, yet the trapmaker overlooked hiring a bunch of expendable ponies with shovels as an answer. So this trap can't be meant to keep the well-equipped riches-seeker out. Just the scrappy ones. Or someone who, for their own reasons, didn't have the time or inclination to get a digging team...
RM: Naive interpretation gives that glyph as lust. But, knowing the ideas they had in those days, a better translation would probably be 'non-familial love felt by a female'.
//...Huh. So in some ways, it was just a family history, and in other ways it wasn't.
Spike: The daughter of Celestia, of all people, fell in love with Bucket James? Excuse me if I don't buy it.
RM: That's... there's no drakelings in the tale of the Favored Daughter. Was that not...?
Spike: And then a salt lick, or something. If that helps.
//Rinsesu is utterly baffled.
RM: What? 'Betrayal'? The hell kind of story was that?
//She stands up, looking into the darkness back behind us and thinking.
//If I'm a plucky treasure hunter, I don't know the glyphs, so I take a pick at random and... die, leaving no trace? That'd require a power source, like beetles or magic, neither of which lasts over the years. But if I leave a trace (read: body), the next plucky crypt raider sees me and knows what the trap does, and figures out how to avoid it. I'm not a trap designer, but that seems like shoddy workmareship to me...
\\So who is this room trying to trap? Someone with power but not a lot of time or connections. An independent explorer who needs what's at the end for herself alone. A... someone like a Hero.
//This trap was built for people like us.
Spike: Hold on. I think I've figured it out.
//I stand up and look at the tile in front of me.
RM: You figured out which path is safe?
//We have to do the opposite of what people like us want to do. And Rinsesu and I both sat down and tried to inspect the tiles to find a path.
Spike: Never said that. I can't stand straight up, but...
//Spinning around once, I heave my bag of books to the middle of the tiles!
//The bag sprawls over several tiles far away from the entrance!
A +siltstone mechanism+ has been triggered.
A +siltstone mechanism+ has been triggered.
A +siltstone mechanism+ has been triggered.
//A soft ticking sound comes from the walls on either side of us. Every sixth tick is a little louder.
RM: Wh-- you fool! Run!
//Rinsesu Megimi turns and runs away!
Spike: Wait, it's not -- why would any decent trap have an audible ticking sound?!
//...She has to come back, the light source is here.
//All it would do is tell people something was coming... which would only help potential graverobbers out, they'd be scared away. Is that the point?
Spike: This... the entire room is meant to present a trap that isn't there.
//It's a room designed to waste a graverobber's time. Smart ones in particular, the glyphs would cause a huge waste of time and impress that the reader chose wrongly on the first step, not that there was no right step.
\\Besides, if there were ever a real possibility Latoftcwyidwits was here, Twilight would have locked down the place for inspection, including disabling all the traps...
//Still, what kind of person designs a pyramid not to ward off dumb robbers, but smart ones?
//Unable to find an answer, I walk over the tiles to the other side, and come up in a new passageway.

//'Thees be a Test of Clevvernesse.' Glad the builder pointed it out.
//The passageway leads to a small, foul-smelling room. An inscription, in Middle Equestrian or some such nonsense, is carved on the iron door behind me, room-side. To my left and right, small stone basins hold clear, acrid liquid, one much less than the other. In front, perfectly preserved vertical iron bars. At the base, an upturned glass bowl, a dark patch of sand, and a clearing in the sand that shows: a tunnel with an eaten-away yak-hair string running under the bars. This is all lit by a crystal above the entrance.
//Huh.
//I sit down in the sand, tail curling and uncurling as I think.
Spike: So... in the basins is acid, it smells like vomit. Glass bowl, you would need a glass bowl because acid would eat through a metal one. That doesn't look like a test of cleverness; just use the acid to chew through the bars. But someone tried that...
//Oh, it's an obvious bait. Someone tried to pour acid on the bars, and it doesn't work, but does soak into the sand, eating the string, and... what? Alerts the maker to a break-in?
//I squint and try to see the far wall beyond the iron bars. An inset in the wall is closed off by an iron slab. It must have slammed shut; the siltstone beneath it is cracked...
Spike: Oh. So. Person gets baited to do the obvious thing, it triggers protective measures. Except... the 'obvious thing' relies on knowledge of acid not dissolving glass but dissolving metal. The designer's still targeting smart people, did he just assume no one would get this far otherwise?
//Just to check, I grab a bar in my hands and pull. No dice.
\\...Getting around the bars somehow, and into the locked vault/safe/whatever, is our priority. Not figuring out who built this and for what reason. You still shouldn't rule out that Twilight built it herself.
//...If Twilight built it for me not long ago, who tried to pour acid on the bars?
Spike: Okay. We're not getting anywhere thinking, and, considering molten iron is quite a lot hotter than not-molten iron, this should work...

The Drakeling draws power from within himself, and casts Blood of the Earth!
Snaking through the sand, streams of magma flow around The Drakeling's scales and into his veins!

//Still holding the bar in my hand, I feel magma rolling through my veins. Glass forms from sand underfoot. All I have to do is wait for the iron to melt, and I can force my way through.
\\You're assuming the iron of the vault is the same, or even iron at all. It might be tungsten for all you know.
//Who would make an entire vault door out of pure tungsten?
//A booming rumble in my stomach reminds me I'm starving to death standing here. But as I push on the bar, it hasn't melted in the slightest. Taking my hand off of it, it's not even marked...
//FUCKING THINK OF SOMETHING YOU PIECE OF SHIT OR YOU'LL BE AS HUNGRY FOR FOOD AS YOU ARE PONY PUSSY
Spike: Uh, bars aren't melting, I need to get by -- maybe the walls?
//I drag my feet to the wall (leaving a trail of glass, and shriveling the rest of the yak-hair string) and push myself against it. After just a moment, it gives, and I sink in. Pulling myself to the other side, I arrive in half a minute, significantly less energetic.
Spike: Guh. Feet covered in slag. Hope other iron is meltable.
//Reaching forward, I touch the vault door with my hand--
The Drakeling touches the vault door in the iron with his left hand! The Drakeling passes through!
The Drakeling stumbles!
//What?!
//A small item, smooth like soapstone, knocks against my fingers, and a string with beads draws along my wrist. In half a second, they're gone, and my arm is caught in a display stand.
Spike: Darn it!!
//I see smoke escape the vault rising upwards and know it's the amulet. There's nothing else it could be.

The Drakeling's Blood of the Earth ends.

//There's nothing left to feel in the vault but the stand, slightly melted. It's empty.
Spike: ...Darn it.
//The amulet was valuable. Nobody ever had to mention what it did, but it's obvious the thing is powerful. Getting that would have been a great help. Whether Rainbow Dash or Twilight would know if I had it, on the other hand, is a different story... guess I have to say it's destroyed now. Because it is.
//Oh, and Rinsesu can't complete her test either. But that's less important.
//From the passageway, I hear a faint echoing:
RM: ...Shpike?
//And lantern light comes in from behind the iron door. This is exactly what I need right now.
//I sigh and sit down, trying to kick melted glass off my feet.
Spike: Yeah. In here, there's no traps or anything.
//She pushes the door open with her two front hooves and comes in, setting down the lantern.
RM: Ugh. It smells foul in here.
//...There, now most of the glass is off. Still, let's make sure not to walk on the shards.
Spike: That's the acid.
//Rinsesu sniffs the fuller basin of acid and immediately sneezes, splashing acid up the wall!
Spike: 'Swings!
RM: Aah!
//She backs up and holds a hoof over her nose.
Spike: Are you okay?
RM: ...Yes, I'm fine. It didn't splash me.
Spike: At least some luck, I suppose.
//Grabbing the iron bar at the end, I pull myself through the hole melted in the wall. The siltstone scratches my back, and it's a tight fit...
RM: Why didn't you corrode the iron?
//I point at the bowl with my toe, still trying to get past the bars.
Spike: Someone tried that. Didn't work.
RM: I see. Is the door behind you made of the same metal? Did you get in it?
Spike: It's --oof!
//The iron bar catches my foot and I trip into the sand.
Spike: Ptoo, ppbbth, I hate sand so much...
//As soon as I get out of this awful place I'm leaving and never coming back.
RM: Are you okay?
Spike: Yeah, fine. The vault door is an illusion; Latoftcwyidwits was in it.
//She rears back happily, shouting:
RM: Yes! I knew it! Good job, Hero!
//...Thanks? You didn't do any of the work, or mention you 'knew it'...
RM: Now we can take it to the tomb and finish the task set out for me, and my love will...
//Silence falls. Standing up, I notice Rinsesu staring at the vault, contemplating. The bag of books (and other junk) is still out there, on the tiles. I'm not holding anything.
RM: 'Was'?
Spike: Uh, I destroyed it.
//A long stare happens between us. I'd leave, but Rinsesu and her lantern are blocking the door.
Spike: That was my task.
//I think I'll just not mention the 'or retrieve it intact' part and act like this was the plan all along...
//Quietly, Rinsesu Megimi says:
RM: Did I mention I needed the amulet to get in the tomb, as part of my task?
//Blue eyes glare at my empty hands.
Spike: Uh... yeah.
//She yells:
RM: Then why the hell did you destroy the thing you _idiot_?!
//I busy myself picking glass slivers from the scales of my feet.
//WHELP, LOOKS LIKE YOU'RE GOING TO HAVE TO KILL THIS FUCKSTICK TO GET OUT, THE ONLY HARD PART SHOULD BE RESISTING THE URGE TO SPREAD EAGLE AND ASK FOR AN ANGRY FUCKING--
Spike: ...
RM: We defeated the sphinx together! Found our way through this labyrinthine darkness and forgave each others' past mistakes, but I see that meant nothing to you! Did you even _consider_ thinking about other ponies' needs, for once?! Did you hesitate for a _second_?!
//Needs? You're trying to convince a pony who doesn't know who you are to love you back.
Spike: ...Yelling at me won't do anything.
//Angrily, Rinsesu Megimi turns around, grabs the lantern in her mouth, and leaves. Besides the crystal above the door (too high up to reach), there's no light. From the passageway, only:
RM: There must be another way, I will find the way, love will find a way...
//And then silence.
\\What was it you said near the beginning? 'Why is it that every adventure takes place in a dark hole in the ground filled with people who want to tear my head off?'

//Hours later, I emerge from the darkness of the pyramid into the fading day. Glad it didn't take longer; the books didn't burn as long as they should have...
//Flat, pale sand surrounds us. Rainbow Dash, lying in the heat (taking a nap?), brushes sand off her flank as she spots my approach. The small pyramid has one exit, and no pony tracks can be seen but those going in.
Spike: I destroyed the amulet.
//I stretch in the sunlight and blink a few times.
Rainbow Dash: You've failed the Test of Loyalty.
//Wait, uh... what?

[[SAVE LOCATION]]

//Rainbow Dash leaps into the air, scattering sand about. I can hardly pick her out in the bright blue sky.
Spike: ...Excuse me?
RBD: Failed. Test of Loyalty. How is there any other way to put that together?
Spike: My test was to--
RBD: Your _task_ was to retrieve or destroy the amulet Leave A Tin Out For And So On. I never said that was your _test_.
//Bullcrap, it was definitely implied. I put my hands on my hips.
Spike: That's garbage and you know it.
RBD: Oh yeah? 'Cause I remember mentioning how important working with others was. And that you'd need to work as a pony/dragon team to survive.
Spike: I'm supposed to figure out what my test is from _hints_?
RBD: Listen, Spike, you're trying to argue that _I_ was too subtle.
//...Damn, I can't argue with that.
RBD: I mean, you did your task alright. Congratulations on that, 'A' for effort. But you didn't think loyalty was a big part of the test? You know, the test _I_ brought you here to do?
//I... just wasn't thinking. Honestly, it kind of seemed like this was just something needing to be done, not a kind of test...
RBD: The pony in there is dedicated, hardworking, and honest.
//Also completely obsessed with Rainbow Dash.
RBD: She helped you, but you decided to abandon her and her task at your earliest convenience. Is that any kind of loyalty?
Spike: It was an accident, I--
//Her hoof cuts me off.
RBD: Accidentally, deliberately, not thinking about the test, whatever! You showed you're not loyal by nature and you don't deserve the Element. You fail. I'd say sorry, but I'm not.
//Not even willing to hear me out... my hands ball into fists. Would it even be worth it to say the amulet was destroyed on accident? She'd just find a way to blame me for that too.
//Rainbow Dash spots my anger, and looks at it with amusement. The look on her face yells, silently, 'Go on. Hit me. I always wanted to be immortal.'
//...My quest is to see Princess Hazel. If I have all the Elements of Harmony, sure, I can demand an audience. But why wouldn't having most of them get me there if I ask politely?
Spike: Okay. Have a nice life.
//I turn and start to climb the pyramid. With my best guess at the latitude and longitude, another guess at how long it's been, and the current position of the sun, there should be a way to find out where this is in the desert... and if it's a thousand miles from Forlegsandria.
//A burst of wind follows me up the pyramid, and Rainbow Dash reaches the point before I do.
RBD: And what is _that_ supposed to mean?
//I fold my arms.
Spike: What do you think loyalty _is_? It sounds like loyalty is just barter to you; assistance demands in return future compensation. What idiot Hero would ever expect rewards from the people he helps?
RBD: Knights serve their king, but the king serves his knights. If you don't--
Spike: See? That's what I mean. That loyalty leads to corruption, to cults and good-old-girl clubs that strip organizations of their meaning, the good they do, just to gather power for the organization. And no one else is considered.
RBD: What's _wrong_ with wanting the best for your friends?!
//I squint as she takes position in front of the sun.
Spike: When it comes at the expense of everyone else.
RBD: Are you kidding? You threw away a pony's hopes and dreams to join my dojo but blab on about 'the good of everyone'?
//I roll my eyes.
Spike: Listen, the adventures of people who have desperate dreams of impressing you so you'll love them back are none of my concern. My--
RBD: Uh, what?
//Unfazed, I continue:
Spike: My concern is defending people from dangers they can't take on themselves and bringing dragons and ponies closer together.
//HE FUCKING ADMITS IT, FINALLY
//Shut up I'm on an angry roll here.
Spike: You're right. I didn't help Rinsesu win your love through her own, fantastically deluded manner. And I'm not loyal to her. This has been a great waste of my time, pyramid and all.
RBD: You're giving up on being a Hero 'cause you failed?
Spike: I'm loyal to the people of Equestria and their benefit. This morning, that meant taking this test to get the Element of Loyalty, which would bring me one step closer to meeting Princess Hazel. Helping explore a dead old drakeling's tomb for a confused lovestruck mare is not part of that.
//The angle of the sun, how long it's been, and if I remember the tracks' orientation when we were coming from the northeast... west should be that way. I slide down the side of the pyramid.
//Behind me, Rainbow Dash says:
RBD: Throwing your companions to the wolves is _exactly_ what loyalty is meant to prevent!
Spike: That's not -- gaah, you're so simple it hurts!
//Wings beat above my head and I decide to acknowledge them, looking up.
Spike: Loyalty is meant in half to prevent selfish behavior. 'I can't take advantage of the group like that'. It's _also_ meant for unity of purpose, putting one cause above others. You can't see that half, because you're not the thinker.
//Rainbow Dash lands in front of me, close enough for a tackle. But I wouldn't win a fight against her, and I'm not getting an Element from reasoned debate anyway. If Rainbow Dash could be talked down I wouldn't be here in the first place.
Spike: Because the last time you thought for yourself, hundreds of people died on the ice!
//FUCKING GREAT WAY TO CONVINCE PEOPLE, INSULT THEM UNTIL THEY CAVE LIKE BITCHES
//Angry snorts from Rainbow Dash. Probably not inspiring much harmony with this angle... I breathe and give it a moment, locking eyes with the Avatar of Speed.
Spike: The knights serve their king. But the king serves a cause, and there can be good causes and bad causes. Bad ones including 'only my knights', and good ones 'all my people'. A Hero, any damned decent Hero, is not a knight -- a tool to be used and directed. _We_ are as kings, to find our own way and follow it to the end...
//I brush past Rainbow Dash, walking west. Bag gone (burnt to ashes for light in the pyramid), I have no food or water for any journey... I just hope Jebed -- or someone -- will pick up.
//Just to clarify, I add parting words, muttered into the cooling air:
Spike: The 'we' includes me, and Rinsesu Megimi, even if I won't waste my time on her. But it certainly doesn't include you.
//I wrap my displacement cape around me, preparing for the journey. Behind me, a yell comes:
RBD: You have no right to call yourself Spike! Because _he_ would never abandon his friends!
//The Avatar of Speed flies off, and I am left to walk alone.

//Early night. Somewhere in desert. Think in fragments. Ankh was in bag. Assorted curses.
//I stumble over another dune, having made it all the way to where there are dunes. Flat, cold sands stretch away to the east, pyramid lost on the horizon somewhere inside them. There's no moon out, but this far away from everything and nothing can drown out the stars. They're beautiful.
//They're beautiful and watching me die.
Spike: Dizzy...
The Drakeling falls backwards!
//My mouth is made from sandpaper. The last time I had something to drink was... over a day ago. And I've been fighting and running ever since the flight here. I tried breathing in through my nose, but it cracked and bled.
//I have nothing to eat or drink, in the middle of Equestria's greatest desert, with no ankh or other way to contact anyone. The only person who knows where I am is Rainbow Dash, not counting Twilight who I haven't seen in the last week at all...
Spike: Hhhhh.
//Too tired for words. Stomach grumbles, head pounding. Sand feels good on my legs and tail.
//Why did I try this? I should have remembered where the ankh was. And Rainbow Dash, of all people, isn't going to worry about the well-being of someone else. I should have asked for a flight back to Fillydelphia, or stuck around to see where Rinsesu went...
//YOU TRIED THIS BECAUSE YOU'RE A FUCKING IDIOT. NOT JUST THE DESERT TEMPER TANTRUM, THE WHOLE HERO SHITFEST IS BECAUSE YOU'RE AN UNREASONABLE MORON.
\\...You know, his insults have had less edge lately. What's with that?
//CHOKE TO DEATH ON YOUR OWN COLON YOU INEFFECTIVE TROGLODYTIC SLUDGEMIND
//A breeze starts from the south that brings stray grains of sand over my chest. It dies as quickly as it came.
//Why did I bother becoming a Hero; I wandered off into the desert without food or water or a way to contact anybody. How was I ever going to do anything? The plan was to depend on someone else to bail me out, save me from my own mistakes. What kind of Hero could I ever be?
//Was everyone just laughing at me? Playing along with hidden sad smiles as I stumbled about, like the child no one wants to tell he's lost the game. I bet it was all made up, from the beginning. How could someone like me ever take on the Thirty?
\\...Was Na-Mira the only one who believed in you?
//I block out the stars with my eyelids. They're too bright, I don't want them anymore, they shouldn't shine on me...
//A pop of dry air skitters sand down from the dune above. Scrunches tell of a pony steadily making her way down the slope.
Twilight: Oh, Spike, there you are!
//She walks up to me, somehow able to see in the almost darkness.
T: (Sorry. Are you sleeping?)
//Past a cracked throat I grumble:
Spike: No...
T: 'Swings, do you look bad. What happened?
//Twilight summons a pack from nowhere and digs through it. A few heavy pouches fall to the ground. With great effort, I sit up and look at them.
T: Never mind, it's not important. It's water and cheese, go ahead.
//Immediately I bite into the pouch and gulp down water. Huh, suppose gloomy resignation to death doesn't last long if I'm not going to die.
Spike: ...Cheese?
T: Yes! Magic requires a lot of protein; I always take some with me. Anyway -- hold on, is that Rainbow Dash?
//As I drink another pouch of water, headache still pounding away, Twilight peers into the sky. I can't see anything.
T: Quick, breathe fire, she's looking this way.
Spike: It's never been a great idea for me to attract--
T: Spike, please trust me when I say we don't have time.
//...With difficulty, I work up a meager burst of flame that lights up the dune. Then, nothing can be heard but me tearing into cheese.
//From much closer than I would expect comes:
Rainbow Dash: ...Spike? Is that you?
//Through a mouthful of sharp cheddar I respond:
Spike: Mm-hmm.
//Hesitating, she starts:
RBD: ...Listen, I thought about... what you said, at the pyramid. I mean, once I got--
T: Dash, hi, it's Twilight. If you're going to give him the Element of Loyalty, get on with it. We officially Do Not Have Time For This.
//Rainbow Dash stares into the darkness, trying to find Twilight. Purple is one of the best colors for hiding in the darkness, incidentally.
RBD: ...You charged off to certain death in the desert because you were so loyal to your cause. I'm just glad I found you in time.
//Rainbow Dash tosses the Element of Loyalty over my neck!

Spike has acquired The Element of Loyalty!
[4/5] Elements acquired!
Congratulations!

[[SAVE LOCATION]]

Rainbow Dash rubs The Drakeling's head with her right front hoof!
RBD: But you're still a total bonehead, heh-heh.
A power surges through The Drakeling, like holy water through his blood!
[Hand of Judgment] was mastered!

//Holy water... what could--
RBD: Anyway, what's got your saddle riding high, Twilight?
T: An army is marching on Canterlot.
RBD: What?!
Spike: What?!
//Cheese crumbs fly out onto the sand, and I start coughing.
T: They've blocked the southern roads and destroyed rail lines to Fillydelphia. We can't use the northern roads until the skies are clear, but they have archers underneath their fliers. Oh, and dragons.
RBD: _What_?!
//With no color in her voice, Twilight continues:
T: I've been organizing Canterlot for siege conditions, which is the only thing to be done considering what little we've got there. Most of the Cavalry is dealing with the Aquinatics cleanup or on rotation through the Manehattan-Stalliongrad area, and your Wonderbolts are stuck in Mountainville until the volcano stops smoking. A third of the Magic Corps and trainees are in Canterlot, but that and the Castle Guard form all we have to work with.
RBD: How _big_ is this army?
T: Too big. I'm still looking into how they traveled this deep into Equestria and weren't noticed. It should be impossible.
Spike: You said they have dragons?
//Jebed said dragons are by nature filled with bloodlust, it makes sense that some of them would join an army, maybe from the Aquinatics. They might be mad about the resolution... but if they're going to hurt innocents over it, I have to stop them!
T: That's where Rainbow Dash comes in. We need the skies clear if we're going to last under siege conditions for longer than a week. As Avatar of Speed, identify, isolate, and eliminate enemy flying dragons. They're the first step.
//Rainbow Dash salutes, not sarcastic.
RBD: Understood!
T: And, Spike -- well, you do whatever you think is best, as a Hero. I trust your judgment.
//HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
//Twilight disappears, but you can only tell by the sound of sand resting.
RBD: Alright, 'Hero', hop on.
Spike: Huh?
//I guess she's giving me a ride, but to where? And why?
RBD: If I'm going to hunt dragons, I'll need a distraction. And, who knows? You may even do some damage!
//THAT IS A WILD FUCKING UNDERESTIMATION OF WHAT THIS SHITPILE CAUSES
//Chuckling to myself, I mount Rainbow Dash, and we fly northwest, towards Canterlot.