//Hours later, in the sky near Canterlot. Usually it can be seen for all the night, a city of brightness on the hill like a lantern, but in tonight's dark night no lights are on at all. Looking closer, something shrouds the capital city in a blackness, stronger than any night, shaped like a bowl turned over and placed to block in the light.
//The stars, steadier than ever, look down upon the hills and river that flank Canterlot. They are filled with tents, and the river with the wreckage of bridges. No more detail can be made out. It's silent with no wind, save for the rapid beating of Rainbow Dash's wings beneath me. This rocking motion is making me queasy...
Spike: (What's that dark thing around Canterlot?)
RBD: (Dunno! Looks like magic.)
Spike: (Makes sense. Could be a defensive measure.)
//There are so many camps here... they stretch on for longer than I can see in this dimness. I can't see any signs of dragons.
RBD: (Where should I put you?)
//AT LEAST THE BITCH IS ASKING THIS TIME
Spike: (I don't know yet, I can't see any command structures...)
//A puff of wind washes over us as Rainbow Dash dives for a closer view.
RBD: (Take a closer look, maybe you'll spot something.)
//Hope that wasn't a prelude to dumping me off her back.
//I lean out and squint, but there's nothing for it. Air pulling at me weakens in strength.
Spike: (Thanks, that should help.)
RBD: (Huh?)
Spike: (Slowing down.)
RBD: (I didn't slow down.)
//And yet, the air isn't blasting us like it was.
Spike: (Are you sure?)
//I check the ground, but it's true. We're going a bit faster and the wind isn't as strong; how could that happen unless we're in--
\\--slipstream--
RBD: _Front_!
The Crimson Dragon breathes fire!

[[SAVE LOCATION]]

//Rainbow Dash pulls up sharply, taking evasive maneuvers!
\\Already under attack?!
Rainbow Dash dodges away from the dragonfire!
Spike: Waaah!
//I slip off the Avatar of Speed's back as she twists!
The Drakeling is caught in the dragonfire! The Drakeling's scales are unharmed!
//Unharmed or not, I'm headed straight for that dragon's mouth!
Spike: Here goes nobody!
The Drakeling draws power from within himself, and casts Touch of Grisly Terror!
The Crimson Dragon bites The Drakeling in the left lower arm, tearing apart the scale and tearing apart the muscle!
An artery has been opened by the attack!
The Crimson Dragon latches on firmly!
The Drakeling kicks The Crimson Dragon in the jaw with his left foot, but the attack is deflected by the scales!
The Drakeling touches The Crimson Dragon in the mouth! The Drakeling touches The Crimson Dragon in the jaw! They become limp and useless!

//KYAAAAAAAAAAAAA
//These teeth are bigger than my fingers!
//Flying high above the camps, the dragon has lost control of her jaw and mouth, but I'm about to fall!
The Drakeling grabs The Crimson Dragon by the nose with his right hand!
The Drakeling breaks the grip of The Crimson Dragon's upper front teeth on The Drakeling's left lower arm!
//I put my foot on her limp, hanging lower jaw and pull myself up.
//The dragon has, patterned by different scales on her forehead, the emblem of a red helm between enraged golden eyes staring back at me.
Spike: Not you assho--

The Crimson Dragon breathes fire! The Drakeling's wounds are sealed! The Drakeling's scales are unharmed!
//In the light of the dragonfire, I can see Rainbow Dash fighting off a group of pegasi, wearing red helmets.
Spike: I was talking!
The Drakeling claws The Crimson Dragon's right eye with his left hand, tearing apart the right eye!
//Blood (well, more blood) spurts onto my left arm as the dragon howls oddly. She still doesn't have control of her mouth.
The Crimson Dragon shakes her head!
The Drakeling maintains the hold of The Drakeling's right hand on The Crimson Dragon's nose!
//My claws are digging into the inside of her nose. I'm sure that's not sanitary.
Spike: Hey, stop that! Do you want me to fall?!
The Drakeling grabs The Crimson Dragon by the upper lip with his left hand!
//As I pull myself up, she lets loose again with the dragonfire!

The Crimson Dragon breathes fire!
Rainbow Dash is caught in the dragonfire! Rainbow Dash's mane has been singed! Rainbow Dash's tail has been singed!
RBD: Hey!! Keep it off me, Spike!!
//I look over to Dash's high pitched squeaks. In the last light of the dragonfire, I see an entire squad of pegasi falling, some burnt and some broken. There's no saving them before they hit the ground, if any are still alive. There's also no way of telling whose side they are on.
Spike: Trying!
//The Crimson Dragon loops in mid-air, and starts flying upside down!
Spike: Aaaah no no go back the other way!
//I barely hang on, tearing at the dragon's lip and nose with my claws!
The Drakeling grabs The Crimson Dragon by the head with his right lower leg!
The Drakeling bites The Crimson Dragon in the right ear, tearing apart the scale, tearing apart the muscle, and tearing apart the cartilage!
The Drakeling latches on firmly!

The Crimson Dragon shakes her head!
The Drakeling maintains the hold of The Drakeling's left hand on The Crimson Dragon's upper lip! The Drakeling maintains the hold of The Drakeling's right lower leg on The Crimson Dragon's head! The Crimson Dragon breaks the hold of The Drakeling's right hand on The Crimson Dragon's nose.
//The dragon snorts, spewing blood across my tail. I have a free hand now, so:
The Drakeling claws at The Crimson Dragon's left eye with his right hand, but the attack is deflected by The Crimson Dragon's scales!
//With a modicum of control over her mouth, she lets out a full-chested roar, echoing through the sky over the hills. It's so loud my whole body shakes, hanging off the dragon's head.
//I don't want to deal with reinforcements. Through biting teeth, I yell:
Spike: We haff to get out of here! More are goming!
//A different dragon's fire lights up Rainbow Dash's dodging, and she yells:
RBD: Don't you think I know that?!
//More than one are already here?! Damnit!
//I need, I need, to figure out something to end this quickly... I need time to think!
The Crimson Dragon bites The Drakeling in the left hand, shattering the scale, bruising the muscle, and bruising the bone!

The Drakeling draws power from within himself, and casts Walk of the Third!
//The night slows down, I know it, but there's little to see. The wind at my back stops dragging, and that's almost it. Stars above aren't twinkling.
The Drakeling releases the grip of The Drakeling's lower front teeth on The Crimson Dragon's right ear.
//NO FAT AT ALL, TASTES NOTHING LIKE PREY. 2 STARS, NOT FUCKING RECOMMENDED.
//I climb up the dragon's head and straddle her neck with my legs. She's rather small, actually...
Spike: Why is a dragon fighting for the people who tried to abduct me?
//MAYBE IF YOU DIDN'T FUCKING STUN HER FACEHOLE WE'D KNOW, SHITSTICK.
Spike: You're the dragon instinct in every dragon, why don't you know?
//BECAUSE FUCK YOU SHUT UP ASSHOLE THAT'S WHY. AND I DO, BUT TELLING YOU ISN'T ON MY FUCKING LIST OF SHIT TO ACCOMPLISH TODAY
The Drakeling's Walk of the Third ends.

Crimson Dragon: Wh--
//Not caring she has speech back, I yell over the wind:
Spike: I have no idea what this does, but whatever it is you deserve it!
The Drakeling draws power from within himself, and casts Hand of Judgment!
The Drakeling punches The Crimson Dragon in the neck from the side with his right hand, shattering the scale, bruising the muscle, and bruising the upper spine's bone!
//From my hand just after the blow, a static causes my scales to stand on end--
The Bolt of Judgment strikes The Crimson Dragon in the throat, charring the scale!
//It pops, and a flash of lightning lights up the entire sky!
Spike: My eyes!!
//Immediately, the dragon's wings crumple, she rolls to one side, and starts falling out of the sky.

The Drakeling releases the grip of The Drakeling's left upper leg on The Crimson Dragon's neck. The Drakeling releases the grip of The Drakeling's right upper leg on The Crimson Dragon's neck.
//What the hell was that?! There's not even a cloud in the sky, how?!
\\Your Hand of Judgment must use divine lightning to punish evil. But that's less important than falling to your death.
The Drakeling falls away from The Crimson Dragon!
Spike: Rainbow Dash!
//Dragonfire erupts in the sky, long and downward, in the wrong direction. Taking advantage of her opponent's blindness, the Avatar of Speed flies around and--
Rainbow Dash strikes The Vermilion Dragon in the neck with her Wind Drill, shattering the scales, bruising the muscle, shattering the upper spine and tearing apart the upper spine's nervous tissue!
//The Vermilion Dragon drops out of the sky, but more dragonfire spews forth at Rainbow Dash! I keep dropping, following the convulsing dragon below me, spinning in her dive.
\\'Swings are those tents coming up awfully quick!

RBD: Spike!! I need backup, where are you?!
Spike: Crash course with the ground!
//A pair of dragons breathe fire at Rainbow Dash, and she barely escapes!
RBD: _Damn it_! I need to lose them, gimme a second!
Spike: I have _six_!
//USE THE WALK, LUKA
//The red helm army's camps rush up at us, fires starting and ponies mobilizing. I need to time this just right!
The Drakeling grabs The Crimson Dragon by the lower body with his left foot!
The Drakeling jumps!
The Drakeling draws power from within himself, and casts Walk of the Third!
//As I watch the stunned dragon plow into a large tent, I hit the ground myself, too hard.
The Drakeling slams into the ground!
The Drakeling's right lower leg takes the full force of the impact, shattering the scales and bruising the muscle! The Drakeling's upper body takes the full force of the impact, shattering the scales, bruising the muscle and bruising the right lung! The Drakeling's upper right arm takes the full force of the impact, shattering the scales, bruising the muscle and bruising the bone!
//I, of course, communicate this with:
Spike: Ooof!
//To the still figures in running poses around the to-be crater and furrow.
The Drakeling's Walk of the Third ends.

//Loud, meaty thumps and wooden cracks trail away ahead of me. I look up. The crimson dragon has left a deep furrow in the dirt and dragged along a tent with her. Twenty yards ahead, her body is covered with the tent, surrounded by debris and splinters. It's not moving.
Spike: Groan...
//Hooves stomp around me, but not too close. Bruised and battered, I roll over.

The Crimson Dragon was defeated!
Spike earned 16000 experience points!
Spike is now level 35!

[[SAVE LOCATION]]

Spike: Oh. You bastards are uglier than I thought.
//Most of them have tengu masks on, painted red and shaped into demonic smiles. Ponies and unicorns, male and female, surround me completely.
//I'm in the middle of the war camp surrounded by hostile soldiers, many of whom are spellcasters; my only ally (if you could call Rainbow Dash that) is a mile above me fighting off at least one fire-breathing dragon; the enemy is unknown completely in size and strength and directive...
Spike: I like these odds.
The Drakeling stands up.
//I take a fighting stance. Still no clue who these ponies are or what they're after, but I'll do my best not to kill them.
//BUT NO FUCKING CONSIDERATION FOR THE DRAGON WHO NOW HAS RIBS WHERE HER LUNGS SHOULD BE?
//That, uh... I didn't know Hand of Judgment would do that.
//...Silence, even from above. I can't hear any spells starting, that's what I'm waiting for, but soft footsteps and a strange crackling approach.
Spike: ...
//Two ponies retreat, and in their place appears a drakeling. Her scales are an iridescent blue, shifting in the light of the torch she carries. A broadsword is secured to her back by a leather strap, but that and an anklet make up all she wears. Curiously, I see no red or helmet shapes anywhere.
\\You weren't wrong about the 'bunch of ugly bastards', though.
Blue Drakeling: Spike.
//What?! Celestia's wings, how do they know my name?!
Spike: Sorry, Ralph.
//I manage to keep it together. Who have I told my name over my journey? Barely anyone, which frankly is a problem considering I want to make myself a symbol... but where could these people have learned it?
//In the voice of a cherub, she orders:
Blue Drakeling: Oh. Kill him, then.
//I wave and shout:
Spike: Wait, no! Sorry, just a joke. Ha ha. Ha. I am Spike.
//Several raised spears stop at their shoulders, and spells fade away. No one is laughing, not even me.
//THAT HAPPENS WITH ALL YOUR JOKES FUCKBRAIN
BD: I supposed so. You killed our best flying dragon and survived a terminal-velocity fall, it couldn't be anyone else. Not to mention, you look just like the description Hazel gave to Canterlot Castle security.
//...Hazel knows what I look like? She told Castle security? These people have a plant in the Castle?
Spike: Why are you here?
Belladonna: My name is Belladonna. I am the champion of our leader, General Warhelm.
Spike: Oh, I get it. The most powerful representatives of the respective leaders duel it out, me and you. Same way that dragons deal with their land disputes.
//Remarkably embracing of other cultures for the Princess, and whoever this General Warhelm is. Except for the part where I have to do all the dirty work, that's still disappointing.
BD: ...No. That would be stupid.
//...Oh.
BD: General Warhelm wishes to speak with you in person. Tales of your heroic deeds have reached his ears, and the General acknowledges your power. He wishes to work together with you.
//This is a... a job recruitment? Seriously?
Spike: He couldn't take out a want ad?
BD: Please follow me. He wishes to speak with you before the morning is on us.
//...If I say no, it's likely they all will attack me, and if she really is a champion I'll have to use lethal force to defend myself. But if I go, the General should be protected by the best soldiers he has under his command, and I'm only getting in deeper... why isn't Heroism filled with easy choices?
Spike: ...Don't see any harm in talking.
//Relaxing, I check over my wounds and bruises. None are bad enough I need Blood of the Earth yet.
//No further words, Belladonna turns and marches off. Noting the barest hint of sunrise on the horizon, I follow.

//The camps are spread over the hills surrounding Canterlot; we walk down almost a mile through thick forest before reaching another group. I follow Belladonna and note ponies dragging logs in haphazard non-lines, setting up barriers facing the wrong direction, digging trenches perpendicular to the line of battle. Sounds of combat practice fill the early morning air, disorganized, undisciplined. I stop, once, on the edge of a slope to look into the sky; teams of pegasi with red badges are patrolling like angry bees -- everywhere. It's like these ponies nominally know what an army is supposed to do and how to act, but haven't got it down just yet. Few dragons can be seen. Belladonna urges me along.
//She has to stop four times, some security person stopping her (once a griffon, but not one I recognize). Each time, she points to her anklet in silence, and we move through.
//I try to orient myself as we reach what is obviously a command hub, double the security of anything else and poorly disguised from the sky. A simple, medium tent is to the north. A long hut, stretching over a hundred feet, must make up the war room to the southeast, lower down. And a cherry-red dragon blocks the entrance to a cave which has been marked 'Armory'--
//Something tall shifts in the shadows there, steps out into the sunlight. It fades into mist. I freeze.
BD: ...Hero? The General wishes to see you at once.
Spike: ...
//What was it that I saw? I know it in my eyes, but I need to capture it, word it out because it fled so quickly... a powder-blue helmet, same color decorative horseshoes. A fully black, tall pony, more of a horse. Celestia-sized, also an alicorn. Hair made of emptiness, scattered with burning dots. It had a sneer on its lips, and its cutie mark...
Spike: ...the Caduceus...
BD: Could you speak up?
//I stare at the dragon in front of the Armory. She's alert, watching. Should have smelled an intruder...
Spike: Belladonna? Do you have an alicorn in your army?
BD: ...To the best of my knowledge, no. Considering all known alicorns can be counted on one hand, I doubt we ever will.
//Osto Bacchus: Let it never be said that deals with devils are unprofitable.
//That alicorn... it must have been the same person who empowered Osto Bacchus. But to what end?
Spike: How meticulous is your quartermaster?
BD: ...These are some very strange questions, Spike.
//Gah. Using my name again jars me, I don't like that they know it...
Spike: I'm just wondering. This is a nice setup, and I _am_ sworn to overthrow the Princess. I could see myself here.
//The fact this army shares a link with Osto Bacchus means it is going down, hard. No compromise, no negotiation. Evil of that sort can't be just quarantined.
//The blue champion puts a hand on her thigh and smiles at me.
BD: ...Zhuque has the eyes of an eagle and the ears of a bat. Nothing goes on without her knowing.
//Then it's settled. When it comes to the leaders of this army, I'm not pulling any punches.
//We walk ten more feet to the entrance of the simple tent. Belladonna motions for me to stay, then opens the flap, enters, and bows.
BD: General Warhelm. The Hero Spike, as you requested, will speak with you now.
//I can't see perfectly into the tent because Belladonna is blocking my sight. Also, I'm concentrating more on the quiet burst of air that happened next to me.
Spike: (_Now_?! Of all times?!)
T: (Hush! They're right there!)
General Warhelm: Good. Thank you, Belladonna. Bring him in.
//She turns, walks the five feet between us, grabs me by the hand, and nearly drags me into the tent, saying nothing. Excuse me?!
//I take my hand away, and look around the room.
//A table, a chair, a bed, and a chest, all simple. But behind the table stands a broad pony, with red fur and piercing grey eyes. He looks me over like a hawk does prey. Bald, his only other details are a front anklet that matches Belladonna's, an amulet, and a sword as his cutie mark. I can't get away from his eyes.
GW: Welcome, Spike.
Spike: Hi.
//WHAT UP FAUSTUS
//I blink, once, and look at the ground in front of me. What did his parents think when they saw a flaming sword was 'his destiny'?
//Twilight floats beside me. I can feel the disturbance in the air, but no one else pays it any mind. They're probably not looking for it.
GW: Belladonna, you know I value your company, but this must be a talk between the Hero and me alone.
//She bows, almost knocking me in the head with her broadsword.
BD: I understand.
//Without another word, she leaves.
Spike: ...So...
GW: So. It is good to finally meet you, Hero. I have heard much about you. Please, sit down.
//Twilight's rear flumphs to the ground beside me as I take a step, not too loudly... I reach the chair without realizing why.
//Staring at it dumbly, I mutter:
Spike: I think I'll stand.
//And stand next to it. The General eyes me over, once, and in a reluctant tone responds:
GW: If you so wish.
//I still can't get away from those eyes.
Spike: You said you wanted to talk to me?
GW: Yes. You are the Hero of the Land of Equestria, as I understand it. Very many people should want to talk to you. I consider myself lucky you deigned to meet me.
//Most people aren't commanding an army besieging Canterlot...
//Instead of responding, I inspect his anklet, pretending to stare at maps on the table in front of me. It's the same design as Belladonna's, just larger to accommodate a pony's leg.
GW: Stop staring at my hooves.
//I snap up and look him in the eye.
Spike: So, uh, from what I understand you invited me here for a job offer?
GW: ...No. I'm not offering you just employment. What I will offer you is much more than that. It is based on what I myself journeyed my entire life to see, and why the largest volunteer army Equestria has ever seen follows me.
Spike: (Great, what I really needed today is backstory.)
T: (It may be important at his trial.)
//Hah, she thinks he'll make it to a trial.
GW: What are you muttering?
Spike: Just some sarcasm, don't worry about it.
//My own answer came out quicker than I was expecting, huh...
GW: While I went to great pains to meet you, Spike, do not think of yourself as above me. The Red Helm Legion is thousands strong.
//True, I don't know his motivation yet and there must be some reason thousands of... eager fighters follow his command. But until I hear something worthwhile, he's just another evil conqueror.
GW: Hero, what would you say is the only worthwhile goal of pony accomplishments and achievements? If you had to choose only one?
//Just one? That's hard, there's so much to think about...
Spike: ...Uh, do you mean, 'pony', or 'pony and dragon and so on'?
GW: Only listen. I apologize, but this is meant to be a monologue.
//...Sweet Celestia's Wings is this guy bossy. Nothing's opened itself up to me yet, though...
GW: Would it not be their happiness? I find the only worthwhile end, no matter how phrased or how measured, asserts 'make the most people the most happy'.
//Yeah, sure. So what?
GW: I feel -- no, I know this, in my heart and mind -- that people are self-centered. Not in a bad way, either. They focus on their world, their experiences, their wants, because that's the manner of our lives. A person knows what would make her happy, but less anyone else.
//T: In the end, you're the one most responsible for the happiness of you.
//Hmm...
Spike: Okay, sure. I'd agree with that.
//As I speak, Warhelm looks a bit flustered. He licks his lips, and holds out the amulet around his neck to look at it.
\\No way, that can't, it can't be... soapstone and beads, impossible...
GW: ...Well, uh, Spike, there have been too many tyrants in Equestria's past for me to say any one person, even the most well meaning of them, beyond Celestia is fit to rule over all of them.
//It's not like any Princess or Prince goes about commanding every single person on the daily tasks in their life... they delegate, organize, have people they trust who specialize in certain areas.
//The General turns around, eying the back of the tent. I take the opportunity to move back near Twilight.
GW: I say, let each pony rule herself as best she can, find her own happiness. But such a thing isn't sustainable; the chaos that results inevitably leads to new governments and new forms of control.
//That might be true; for the most part history is filled with examples of a few people with power ruling over a bunch of people without it. It's more stable (fortunately or not) than everyone just trying to make it on their own.
GW: If there must be a government, let it be a yoke that does not chafe. If there must be control, let at least it be accountable, modifiable, subject to the will of many. The collective wisdom of all peoples will see that errors in rulership will diminish, as there will not be a ruler.
Spike: (Oh, so he's proposing some sort of democracy. Blech.)
//Silence, even though I'm next to Twilight and I know she can hear me.
//Warhelm turns back to face me.
GW: This is the reason behind self rule -- poor decisions will directly harm the people who make them. The people will find happiness quickest themselves... but it leaves a significant organizational problem.
//...Isn't this where Twilight would snark in with 'I'll say' or something? She's just sitting there...
GW: There are too many people to simply obey these orders, like a great hivemind stretching across Equestria; no. There must be an executor, a group or person that sees these things done. And, Spike, I don't mean to brag, but... of all the people I've ever met in my journey, none have disagreed that I am exactly the stallion for that job.
Spike: So where do I come in?
//He smiles, poorly. It's obvious Warhelm isn't used to anything but sternness and ordering people about.
GW: One pony can't handle the execution of democratic affairs himself. But you, a Hero of Equestria proven in far more battles than even I have seen, and I, never met a person I haven't been able to reason with, together as equals...
//He draws breath in, leaving the rest of the sentence unsaid.
//That's his angle? 'Help me abolish the monarchy because it's the right thing to do for the people -- oh wait really do it because we'll be the most powerful people with the most resources ever, but less than we would have if you just became the new king'? What convoluted, stupid thought process would lead to 'I kinda want to help people, but I kinda want to be powerful beyond compare'? It just makes neither happen!
GW: I'm offering you a chance to be something greater than just you alone could be. All we need to do is overthrow Hazel -- something you've sworn to anyway. What do you say, Hero?
//...All in all, he is a particularly poor speech-giver. Seriously, Hazel was better than him. He didn't even explicitly mention the 'overthrow the throne and establish a new ruling government by the force of this army, _then_ transition into democracy', it was totally implied even though it's most of the work I'd be doing. If he really thinks that's not something to focus on it's a wonder he made it this far.
Spike: ...I'd say, at best, your plan makes you a naive Faustian idiot with no sense of how the world works.
//SO YOU'D BE THE RULING TWINS OF FUCKHATTERY
//It looks good on the surface, sure, but it's garbage underneath. For the same reason you poison strong foods.
GW: Follow me. Take my offer. And I'll show you that's not true.
//His eyes bore holes through mine, like drills. The hypnotic effect in his voice is stronger than before -- but now that I've noticed it's there, it's easy to resist, and just sounds silly.
Spike: If people could correctly determine and want what is best for them, no government rule would be necessary. You know what you'll get, as this 'democratic executor'? The people will command you to do impossible things, ask for something and give you nothing to do it with, then blame you for failure. Tyranny of the majority and tragedy of the commons erupt, and when -- if -- you step in to correct it, that's 'a perversion of justice'. Groups of well-connected noblemares start rabble-rousing, misleading and misinforming the public, until great groups of people are dividing into packs and believing only what it is most profitable for the noblemares' coffers to believe. Your end goal is doomed to failure!
//General Warhelm, utterly bewildered, raises a hoof, and then slowly puts it on the ground, still staring at me.
Spike: The 'wisdom' of the masses? Decidedly average wisdom, because that's exactly how it will be; you may as well flip coins! You're even wrong about self-rule; it arises because people are born into a system of governance without consent, so they may as well get some say. But that's already present in the mayoral elections, like in Forlegsandria and Ponyville!
//I fold my arms.
Spike: A ship can't be directed by popular vote because it makes the cabin boy's thoughts as valuable as the captain's. Hazel's made mistakes, sure, but I'm here to make sure she never makes those mistakes again. Saying 'everyone should lead us, instead of being led by the best of us'? The opposite of that is what's obviously true!
//After my rant, I breathe for a minute, staring back at a less imposing Warhelm. If I could put a word to his expression, it'd be... disbelief.
//Slowly, the words Warhelm manages to come up with are:
GW: You won't join me, then?
Spike: No.
//Seriously, how was that not clear?
GW: ...I see.
//A stray breeze rustles the tent flap behind me, but it dies down quickly. Warhelm's bed creaks loudly, once.
GW: Will you attack the Red Helm Army?
//...That depends. They're doomed anyway, with Twilight and the Avatars set against them, it's just a matter of how much bloodshed there will be...
Spike: (I'm not saying this next thing to bluff him, this is actually true. Just in case you wondered.)
//Warhelm makes eye contact with me as I'm talking to Twilight. He glances quickly to where she is sitting.
GW: Who--
Spike: Who was that dark alicorn with the Caduceus as her cutie mark?
//Stunned, he sits down, grey eyes probing around the room wildly. But he is silent.
Spike: Well?!
GW: I think invisible people in the room should reveal themselves.
//Before he ends the sentence, I shout:
Spike: And I think you're projecting!
//And swing my arms dramatically. My left hand brushes Twilight in the flank, jolting her out of dismissing her spell. She was seriously about to do that...
Spike: Deal with your own devils, not mine! Who was that mare?!
//A long staring match. He meets my eyes the entire time, unblinking, but says nothing. I spit at him:
Spike: How could I be an equal if you don't tell me? Screw that, how could self-rule happen if people don't know what's being done in their names? You're not powerful enough to take Canterlot and secure Equestria without a devil's deal. Which means you won't rule Equestria. She will, whoever she is. And frankly, an unaccountable person with no clear dedication to her subjects' welfare trying to take the throne by schemes should in no way ever be allowed to do so.
T: (Did you... did you really see a mare like that?)
//Ignoring Twilight, I finish:
Spike: I _know_ who she is far better than you do. And you should hope I'm the one you see at the end, instead of _her_.
//_That_, however, was a _complete_ bluff. I don't know anything about the Caduceus pony besides that she worked with Osto Bacchus... that, and the Caduceus is a symbol of trade, meaning she wants something back from Warhelm after all this is done. But those things are enough to convince me.
//After a short moment, Warhelm roughly states:
GW: Please excuse me. Stay here, I'll be back.
//And wobbles out of the tent, leaving Twilight and I behind.

[[SAVE LOCATION]]

Spike: Huh.
//Didn't expect him to just... up and leave.
Spike: Well, I learned a lot during that conversation. How about you?
T: I... think I'm more confused than I've ever been. What happened here?
Spike: Oh, at this point, not really important. Let's go, I can tell you later.
//By 'later', of course, I mean not at all.
T: ...Warhelm said to stay here.
Spike: ...So?
T: So he'll be back. We should wait for him.
//That seals it, I just have to know... soapstone on beads, right? The same as I felt Latoftcwyidwits melting between my fingers. Though that must have been a replica.
Spike: Hey, Twilight. Can you do me a favor?
//She nods, hair bobbing in front of her eyes.
T: Sure! What is it, Spike?
Spike: Think back to every imperative verb Warhelm used. Were there any you didn't do?
//Come to think of it, I was compelled to do things he said at the beginning... and he seemed really surprised when I didn't.
//Twilight puts a hoof on her chin, thinking for a minute, then hurriedly stands up in distress.
T: ...Oh my skies.
Spike: I have a question: what were Bucket James's amulet's magical abilities and what did it look like?
//Twilight puzzles for only a second before responding:
T: You're saying... you think the amulet on his neck is Latoftcwyidwits? And it enchants his voice?
//I still don't know how she pronounces that.
Spike: Yeah. Think about it: he's a terrible speaker, but somehow got an army to follow him and made you do things without noticing, even with your level of magical power and will.
T: So how were you able to resist?
//...I shrug.
Spike: Guess I'm used to dismissing the mental urges of annoying morons.
//HEY DON'T YOU FUCKING DARE COMPARE ME TO THAT SHITPILE, I AM A GODDESS-DAMNED POET AGAINST THAT PATHETIC MOTHERFUCKER.
//Whatever. I rub my knee and start thinking about what comes next.
T: ...Do I see a plan forming?
//She's right. I chuckle, but since I have to say it:
Spike: I have a plan.

T: (_This_ is your plan?)
Spike: (I didn't know he was at the latrines!)
//I hope the battle records don't show 'the valiant Hero then ambushed his sworn enemy whilst he was taking a crap'.
//It's a small trench dug downwind of most anything. Doubt they dedicated a lot of operating capital to luxurious, uh, 'accommodations' (though I'm sure they'd find it in Canterlot...)
Spike: (Whatever, it just means there won't be anyone watching. I sincerely, sincerely hope.)
T: (Tell me again what we're going to do.)
//Twilight and I are both invisible, from a spell of hers. The smell of burning rubber helps keep my concentration, but only a little.
Spike: (The main source of his power is the amulet. If we take that from him, we can use it ourselves to dissolve the army.)
//LIKE IN ACID? FUCKING AWESOME
//Not like in acid.
//FUCK YOUR PLAN IT'S SHIT THEN
T: (Then why am I here?)
//POOR CHOICE OF FRIENDS?
Spike: (Someone needs to deal with the amulet in case anything magical comes up.)
\\You're sure it's not because Twilight might be Princess Hazel, who is an adequate speaker even before the amulet's powers and can use it to easily establish the reforms you want her to?
//...Quiet, here he comes.
Spike: (Get ready...)
T: (Why? You're the one doing all the fighting.)
//Warhelm walks out of the ditch, shakes his head, blinks a few times, and notices my tracks down the hill.
GW: Hey--

[[SAVE LOCATION]]

The Drakeling charges at General Warhelm!
Spike: This is for trying to hypnotize my best friend!
The Drakeling draws power from within himself, and casts Hand of Judgment!
The Drakeling punches General Warhelm in the head with his right hand, bruising the skin, bruising the muscle, bruising the skull and bruising the brain!
General Warhelm has been knocked unconscious!
The Bolt of Judgment strikes General Warhelm in the head, charring the skin!
//A lightning-web pattern burns into his fur and down to the amulet!
LATOFTCWYIDWITS absorbs the energy! LATOFTCWYIDWITS begins to glow!
General Warhelm falls over!

General Warhelm was defeated!
Spike earned 1000 experience points!

[[SAVE LOCATION]]

//Wow, that was particularly easy...
//Warhelm lies on the ground, smoking slightly. Checking that no one else has noticed, I kneel next to him and inspect the amulet.
Spike: (...It's giving off heat and light. The beads look darker than they did, and the string contracted... was it burnt?)
T: (By just lightning? What kind of ancient artifact can't take a few thousand amps through it? Talk about shoddy workmareship.)
//Twilight's probably made artifacts with more protective abilities than this amulet, but the ability to magically compel others isn't something she can protect against... what a strange arrangement of magical ability that is.
//I reach around his neck, trying to slip a finger underneath the amulet. It's strangely immobile; it both contracted and burnt itself into his flesh, but even so I should be able to at least wiggle it.
Spike: (I... I think I need help with this.)
//I said I wasn't going to pull punches, but cutting away at someone's neck to get at an amulet is horrific, and more importantly unfeasible because I don't have a cutting tool on me.
T: (Use your fingers.)
Spike: (Look at this, it's too tight. I can't fit a finger in there.)
T: (Don't worry if it hurts, just go for it!)
Spike: (No, I'm serious. Can't you use your magic for this?)
T: (Spike, if I wanted to do it by myself would you be here?)
Spike: (It's going to bleed if I try forcing it. And how far are we from a hospital?)
T: (You're the one who wanted to try it this way, Spike.)
Spike: (I really need your help right now, Twilight. Could you use your magic to loosen it? Even just a little would work.)
T: (...Try lubricating it?)
Spike: (What, with like, soap or something?)
T: (Do you _have_ soap on you?)
Spike: (No, as much as it would be appreciated here.)
T: (Lick it until it's wet.)
Spike: (But I might start to like the taste! I've been tempted before...)
T: (It's okay. I trust you.)
//A crack of a branch startles us, and we freeze in place, staring. Eventually, after a long and awkward silence, we start talking again.
Spike: (Besides, the _charred flesh_ is kind of a major turn-off.)
//OH THANK FUCK I THOUGHT THAT SEGMENT WAS GOING TO CONTINUE
T: (So I see. The longer we stay here, the higher the chance we're discovered, so--)
//A spell moves down from the top of Twilight's horn onto her forehead, morphing and spreading until it separates into two hovering spheres, one near her ear and one near her mouth.
T: (Rarity, can you hear me? You have incoming.)

Twilight Sparkle points her horn at General Warhelm and casts Teleport!
General Warhelm is struck by the beam!
General Warhelm disappears!

//Echoing out of Twilight's ear, I can barely make out a triplet of thumps, then:
Rarity: Twilight, dear, I understand you're concerned about me as a friend, but teleporting a stallion into my creation room is completely unacceptable! There are _ways_--
T: (He's General Warhelm, leader of the Red Helm Army. The people besieging Canterlot. Get that amulet off him before he wakes up, then I want a full thaumic analysis A.S.A.P. Oh, and throw him in the Castle dungeon I guess.)
R: ...Of course. Ta-ta for now.
//Twilight's orbs fade and she looks at me, expectant.
T: (No amulet as of yet, and it could be anywhere from five minutes to days before the analysis is done. Is there a part of your plan based around being in limbo?)
//Huh... suppose I could re-work that part.
Spike: (Strangely enough, yeah. But first, I have an important question: how do drakelinghood resurrections work?)

Spike: (You know, I honestly didn't think that would work.)
//Twilight, disguised as a generic Red Helm soldier, pretends to look over me as a pre-fight inspection.
T: (How could it not have? Noticing the anklets was a stroke of genius; I'd have never thought a general would start a romance with a soldier under his command.)
Spike: (Because Applejack pens up all her sexuality in a little box and never cracks it open?)
//YOU MUST BE FUCKING SOULMATES
//Twilight glares at me and snorts. Forgot they're still close friends, whoops...
Spike: (Though I still don't see why I had to speak for Warhelm's illusion, instead of for my illusion. Scratch that, why did I need an illusion in the first place?)
T: (Your illusion didn't talk, but Warhelm's did. The spell is limited to visuals; I don't have anything memorized for sight and sound illusions. Besides, your freakish voice--)
Spike: (I prefer to call it a talent--)
T: (Was enough to convince _his own lover_ to fight you for the position of Red Helm Champion, when combined with my illusion. What are you worrying about?)
Spike: (Right now? Fighting to the death with Belladonna, really.)
//A drum echoes behind us, the signal for both drakelings to step away from their allies and enter the makeshift duel grounds. Belladonna steps away from Zhuque, the cherry red dragon quartermaster, and I step away from Twilight.
Zhuque: ...Who is that?
Spike: My dentist. What's it to you?
//I enter the grounds. It's a makeshift circle dug into the ground, lined with tree trunks as the walls. Why trees, for two drakelings that can breathe fire? Because Twilight wanted it to take as much time as possible to dig out the space, build the arena, and gather everyone around for the fight. It took only an hour, despite the Red Helms' inefficiency. Probably because of their lust to see someone beat the hell out of someone.
//Rarity hasn't gotten back to us.
\\You want this to take as long as possible, so Latoftcwyidwits is removed from Warhelm. That, and Hazel's troops in Canterlot probably appreciate all the time you can give them...
//The plan is, we find a way to stall the army for long enough that the amulet is ours, then we convince them to surrender just like Warhelm convinced them to fight. Plan B is... they take Canterlot and in return all get slaughtered by the Cavalry and the Avatars. I very much hope we don't fall through to Plan B.
//Belladonna stands a few feet in front of me, holding her broadsword. Her anklet is gone. The doors close behind both of us.
BD: It is assumed, as Champions, we have the decorum needed to direct the fight ourselves. There's no referees or announcers.
//I nod, and speak loudly:
Spike: Fine, then! My name is Spike! I am Hero of the Land of Equestria! I mean to see this land abolished of the mistakes Princess Hazel has inflicted upon it for the last one and a half years! With my fists and my mind, I will defeat you and become the Red Helm Champion!
//Belladonna points her sword at me and responds:
BD: My name is Belladonna. I am the Red Helm Champion, and after our fight I will be the Red Helm Champion. Two hundred days I have served as Warhelm's most loyal subject, and I won't see anyone else take my place under him. He deserves the strongest, and that is me.
//She then takes a step forward, lowers her sword, and focuses on me with the deadest eyes.
BD: (And I'd like to add on a personal note: I am going to _ruin_ you, _boy_. I'd understand opposing the Red Helms as a whole, but trying to take my spot? I will humiliate you. In front of every pony and dragon who has gathered here, whoever your so-called 'dentist' happens to be, and all your friends that may be scrying on you as we speak. I'll make you _scream_ before the end.)
//Feh, I've heard better.
BD: (I've beaten down plenty of prettyboys in my day and when I'm done with you I'll beat down plenty more, but none of them so far have been stupid enough to be a drakeling. Do you have any idea what I'll do to you? I'm going to _torture_ you, in front of as many people as possible, kill who you are and replace it with someone else, and you're going to _love_ it. You will moan and buckle and cry before me and before them, powerless to stop it.)
//...So, this took a weird turn...
BD: (I'm going to start with my feet. Because you are nothing more than worthless dirt to be walked upon, a nobody that makes up my path more than you do an obstacle on it. Then I'll move to my hands. To show you are little more than a tool, an item I use to get what I want, fashioned and maintained and kept by me, at my whims. I will use my mouth. Because you are something to consume, a candy in wrapper to be opened and eaten and forgotten, a crayfish to be sucked dry and discarded.)
//Uh... is this a fighting contest, or a fanfiction writing contest?
BD: (I won't let you feel me truly, have what is rightfully Warhelm's. Because you are not worthy to call yourself equal to him; you are a lesser worthless being and you will be my slave. You will be my slave, and the meager existence you find picking up the scraps of the glory he and I share will be infinitely greater than anything you have ever experienced.)
//She stares at me, grinning in her red eyes but not her lips. I'm suddenly aware of a thousand people around us, watching, waiting for a response to something they may or may not have heard.
Spike: Has anyone told you that you're _really_ messed up?!
Belladonna attacks!

[[SAVE LOCATION]]

Belladonna slashes at The Drakeling with her *steel broadsword*, but The Drakeling dodges away!
Spike: Hey, I was still talking!
The Drakeling breathes fire! Belladonna is caught in the dragonfire! Belladonna is unharmed!

//She stands far from me, saying nothing.
Belladonna slashes at The Drakeling with her Scythereach from a distance, but The Drakeling dodges away!
//WHAT THE FUCK HOW DOES SHE KNOW THAT
//Whaa! How do you have that sort of reach with a sword?! Screw this!
The Drakeling draws power from within himself, and casts Walk of the Third!

//Time slows down around me, the cheering and jeering of a thousand gathered Red Helms downshifting greatly. Belladonna, in preparation for another strike, stands tall with both her hands on her sword.
\\Is she taller than you?
//Never mind that. There's something I've been wanting to try for a while, now, after reading about it in The Truth About Dragons (Terry Fick), but there weren't any bipedal opponents to test it out on...
//I walk over to behind Belladonna, and...
The Drakeling grabs Belladonna by the jaw with his right hand!
The Drakeling grabs Belladonna by the head with his left hand!
The Drakeling locks Belladonna's neck with his right hand!
The Drakeling breaks Belladonna's neck with his right hand, tearing apart the neck's muscle, denting the upper spine's bone, and tearing apart the upper spine's nervous tissue!
A ligament in the neck has been torn and a tendon has been torn!
//Whoa! Holy shit! I wasn't even pulling that hard!

The Drakeling's Walk of the Third ends.
//Full sound comes blasting back, immediately followed by a gasp as the crowd reacts to my disappearance. Belladonna drops her sword and collapses forward, unable to stop herself from falling.
Spike: ...Wow.
//It is impossible to emphasize how easy that was. I stare at my hands in disbelief.
//SEE I TOLD YOU KILLING IS EASY AND EFFICIENT NOW FUCKING DO IT MORE
//The only reason I tried this was because Belladonna will be resurrected anyway!

Belladonna was defeated!
Spike earned 20000 experience points!
Spike is now level 36!

[[SAVE LOCATION]]

//Crazy bound bint...
//As Zhuque rushes into the arena, and murmurs start running through the crowd, Twilight casts a spell, receiving a magical contact from Rarity.