I spent the bast 40 or so minutes running around bragging how I was going to be a dad. It took a while for Static to get to me and shut me up.

"So Static Wielder." I asked him. "Would you like to explain how much has changed since I was last here?"

"Well... besides that just about nothing has changed the only logical one is that Rarity found that special somepony and Rainbow Dash and Heat Blaze are engaged."

"Huh. That's different..." I said looking at the carnival. "When the fuck did ponies get amusement parks?"

"That's a carnival."

"Same thing."

"No. It's not. We got that last year. Engineer ponies kick ass."

"I am an engineer on Earth. Maybe I could get a job here like that."

"You need magic." I just remembered. I should still have that Dead Space gear from my travels.

"Did you keep my Dead Space stuff?" I asked him.

"We kept it in the Trophy room. Why?"

"I'll get the kinesis module."

"That's a good idea. If it fits."

"You don't remember me do you Static? I can build anything."

"Even an entire amusement park?"

"Fuck you." we both made our way back to the house. I went to the trophy room and looked around.

"What is this Static? You got Swords... Guns even... how did you get knight armor?"

"I worked for Celestia a few months ago."

"I see. Now you own a mail company?"

"Yep. Static Express."

"How original." I said. Then there was a room that said keep out. "Guess this is it?"

"Yeah it's in their." I opened the door and guess what their it was. Still intact. Even the Stasis module worked. Good.

"I see you got it then?" asked Static.

"Don't play stupid Wielder." I told him. When I put it on it glowed and made that electric hum.

"So you think you can just build stuff now?" I gave him a cynical look and shot him with the stasis.

"OOOHHH NNNOOOTTT TTTHHHIIISSSS SSSHHHIIITTT AAAGGGAAAIIINNN." I laughed at how slow his voice was. He tried to dodge it so when I shot him he was in the air falling slowly.

"HAhahahaha! This is great! Come on Static. Can you go any slower?" He tried to punch me but it was slow and didn't hurt.

"FFFUUUCCCKKK YYYou Dustin! Oh hey it wore off!"

"Yeah. Hahaha... Too funny. Let's go get a job."

"You. Not let's I already have one."

"Well If I don't find one I will come back and give you my resume."

"Alright then." I left the house in search for a job.

Later at the Restaurant.

"So you think you will make a great chef Mr. Shafer?" asked the boss.

"I said I will try. Does that count?"

Later at the Canterlot Castle.

"Do you think you would make a good guard?" asked the princess.

"I might. Can I come back to this?"

"Yes." I was gone.

At Static's Post Office

"Hey Static."

"Hey Dusty. Want the job huh?"

"Yeah."

"Did you try other places?"

"I don't want to be a chef or guard."

"I thought you wanted to be an engineer?"

"They made fun of me for not having a horn. So I froze them all."

"I see. Yeah I guess you can be a mailman."

"Great!" Little did I know this job was going to be hell. He slapped a blue hat on my head.

"Ow..."

"Welcome to Static Express Dustin! First let's see how good you are." He has that evil smile. My evil smile. This isn't good.

7 hours later

"Dustin. Come here." said Static while I waited outside his door.

"I'm pooped." I told him.

"I got many messages saying you messed up every single delivery."

"Aw... man. Really?"

"Yeah. Your fired."

"Fuck you I quit." I threw my hat down on his desk.

"Hey Dustin. How'd it go?" asked Forest as I went outside.

"Shitty."

"That's a bad word." said a tiny filly on his back. I guess this was his kid.

"I guess this is little Terra huh?" I asked him.

"It's good to meet you." he said.

"He has good manners Forest. That's something to be proud of." I told him.

"He's usually kind. That's Fluttershy in him."

"It's till sweet." He was a brown pegasus with mossy green hair and had Fluttershy's eyes. Just adorable.

"Hey Forest. Why did you name him Terra? Doesn't that mean Earth or something?" His kid stomped on the ground and the ground around me swallowed me up until only my head was sticking out.

"Sorry you asked?" said Forest.

"*cough cough* Only a lot." I said trying to get out. It took a while but I did. On my own. No help at all... I had help.

Later that night

"And you need this and this and this and... this one too!" said Twilight giving me a stack of books. Seriously who has this many?

"Twilight I don't need help. A baby is like a pet."

"No! That's why you do need help!" Maybe she has a point.

"Then we start with an easy book." I went to the pile.

"2000 ways to burp a baby. No. 100 ways to stop a baby crying. No. Everybody poops. Easy enough." I grabbed the book and opened it.

"I don't get it. There's no words. Just pictures of... pooping."

"That was Static's idea of learning about babies." she told me.

"I understand why now. Speaking of which he fired me."

"You got the job?"

"Did. I'll go back to Celestia tomaro and apply for the personal guard position."

"Can you handle yourself in a fight?"

"Twilight... It's me. You know I'm the best street fighter from Virginia."

"I know your a looney. But I suppose you'll last long enough."

"Thanks for the confidence." Kay walked in with the girls. Guess she's one of them now. Why!

"Hay Kay!" I said.

"Don't rhyme Dustin. It's a waste of time." she said.

"What did you do today?" I asked her.

"I got a job being one of Rarity's models."

"Green is your color darling!" said Rarity. Oh Dah-r-ling! I'm Rarity! Ooh la la!

"That's great. Just don't become a fashion addict like her Kay."

"Their is nothing wrong with fashion Dustin. You might come to like it one day as well."

"And that's your opinion." I told her. "I'm going to apply for Celestia's personal guard." I told them.

"And your not going to let me help you aren't you Dustin?" asked Kay.

"You know I'm not going to let you if your pregnant."

"And what if you die?" asked Static walking in the house.

"Well... since I'm not in a coma this time I think that means I need to be careful." Serious enough. I can't afford to die this time. This isn't a game with lives is it? Hmm...

"Where are you going?" asked Pinkie Pie as I went outside. I looked up to see a floating brick box. I jumped up and hit it with my head. *Ding* was the sound we all heard. I got a fucking coin!