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Chapter 65

It took something considerably odd to take Braeburn’s focus off of Little Strongheart on the rare occasions they could wander Appleloosa’s market together without her intensely over-protective father looming over them like a fretting mountain, or the small faction of stubborn, bitterly xenophobic Appleloosans complaining about a non-pony ‘monopolizing’ Braeburn’s time, but seeing a cluster of the reclusive Orchid family in town, along with their shy matriarch, was certainly enough for the buffalo and pony to snap out of their own little world.

“Elder Blossom?” Strongheart had called out, trotting over to the ancient, graceful mare with an equally-puzzled Braeburn right on her heels.

Blossom rarely leaves the quarry anymore, too old to make the trip into the town at her age I guess. And … kind of thought she wouldn’t want to be too far from her husband’s grave, given how her kin says she spends most of her days tending to it.

“Ah, little one!” The ancient mare, her olive coat and golden mane and tail heavily faded from decades under the sun and threaded with snowy-white from her age, turned to face the couple, pushing her large half-moon glasses back up her muzzle as her kin, a collection of quiet, stoic ponies of various stocks parted to allow their matriarch to greet Strongheart and Braeburn. “And your beau too! Well met, Braeburn, I trust you’re treating Strongheart well?”

Struggling with the sudden coughing-fit that the old mare had induced by so bluntly, and openly, referring to his clandestine relationship with the young buffalo, Braeburn nodded mutely, flushing slightly as Strongheart giggled and coloured as well, while the Orchids around them just smiled softly and gave light chuckles of their own.

This is why I wish they’d spend more time in Appleloosa. The Orchids don’t give a damn about race or tribe. There’s a good smattering of unicorns and pegasi amongst them, something our town desperately needs, despite what some folk say about it being an earth-pony town.

“As well as Appleloosan hospitality will allow … which I’m hoping to improve as time goes by. Speaking of which, what brings you into town, Granny Blossom? I had heard some … troubling things when Licorice Root came into town last.”

“I’m not dead yet, dear boy, even if I do feel like a husk these days.” The ancient mare barked with laughter, while the smiles fell off her kin, their expressions turning to shock and alarm, silently turning their heads to their matriarch, whom ignored their pleading, concerned faces. “No, sadly I’ve got to go to Canterlot, a sibling of mine has got herself and her kin into a spot of bother with the Thrones, and my kin and I need to go sort it out.”

“Beggin’ your pardon, but wouldn’t it be best to send your Licorice Root as your representative, or another member of the family, rather than go yourself? It’s a heck of a ride to Canterlot and the tracks ain’t the smoothest this far out. You’ll be bounced around in your seat like potatoes in a sack …”

“Braeburn, I’ve brought two-score foals into the world with nary a mid-wife to be seen and helped my poor departed Shale turn a canyon in the ass-crack of no-where into one of the most successful quarries in Eqeustria. I am not going to be done in by some train-tracks an’ lousy seats.” The old mare give him a stern look, and a warm smile that took the heat out of said look, as the Orchids began to move towards the train station, and Braenburn and Strongheart followed, as much to continue to enjoy the interaction with beings who didn’t disapprove of their relationship as to be polite. “Besides, my idiot sister won’t listen to anyone but one of her siblings, so just sending my kin to deal with her would be a waste of everypony’s time and bits.”

“She sounds … stubborn.” Strongheart said, holding her head high as their group passed the Salt Block, where a handful of ponies in cowboy hats two sized too large for them scowled at her, nursing tankards of hard apple cider in the middle of the day while the majority of the townsponies were hard at work tending to the orchards and their businesses.

“My idjit sister is so stubborn she could teach a mountain a thing or two about not budgin’ an inch, but she pulled all of our sisters out of a bad place when the rest of our family had turned on us, and took on all the heartache for herself when the hard choices had to be made. Too prideful by half and too quick to dismiss opinions she don’t like, but if’n your kin, she’ll move heaven and earth for you.” Blossom sighed, the mare’s joints popping audibly as she walked, yet her pace continued to match those of the much younger ponies around her with ease. “But since I’m the only sibling she has in Equestria right now, I’ve got to go and drag her out of this hole she’s dug before all of our family ends up in there with her.”

As Strongheart made small-talk with Blossom and the rest of her kin, Braeburn kept silent, his eyes flicking from the reclusive Orchid family to Strongheart, and then the townsponies who stopped to wave at the unlikely group, or whisper to each other as they passed the group by.

Damn, was kinda hoping that Bitter Hops wouldn’t be comin’ into town today, don’t want to be hearin’ none ‘bout his cider mill havin’ to be moved off the stampedin’ grounds again … oh Faust, why did Buckleberry an’ Silvervine both have to decide to open up their stalls directly opposite each other, the last time those two were able to see eye to eye was back when their bracers got locked together as kids! Everywhere he looked, more potential problems kept springing up, and for every pony who called out a friendly greeting to Strongheart, there was another who scowled or walked over to the other side of the street. You’d think we’d be over this by now! I’m gonna have to call a town meeting and chew some folks out, maybe even lean on cousin Applejack to see if we can get some Royal Guards to be stationed in Appleloosa since Sheriff Silverstar is apparently as useful as a wet paper bag when it comes to dealing with his own kith and kin. Definitely have to make a big fuss about the bar owner, Malted Milk, and how he’s encouraging the kind of ponies who don’t want to honor our agreement with the buffalo tribes to spend all day drinkin’ in his establishment. Half of those ponies are supposed to be workin’ in the orchards and the fields, and the other half don’t have the bits to spend drinkin’ all day, so Malted Milk has gotta be lettin’ them drink up a tab, and with how often I see them all in there, how big of a tab have they all run up, and how are they gonna pay it all back?

“Braeburn?” The gold-coated stallion yelped as Strongheart poked him in the side. “We lost you there for a few minutes, and Elder Blossom was talking about who’d be running the quarry while she was absent …”

“Beggin’ your pardon, Granny Blossom, I didn’t mean no offence, it's just I’ve been thinkin’ ‘bout some of the townsponies an’ how they’re not really livin’ up to the Apple family’s standards. Ain’t bein’ neighbourly to their neighbours, stuff like that.” Braeburn sighed gustily and gave a guilty smile to Strongheart. “Maybe thinkin’ that I might have to take a trip to Canterlot myself to suggest a new sheriff, maybe some actual Royal Guards in town, some Pegasi and Unicorns, jus’ to make a point to some of my kin.”

“You do that, young one, an’ you make damn sure it’s got the Princesses’ hoof-prints all over it. My family, an’ the buffaloes, have been gettin’ the short end of the stick for far too long. Maybe get some of the matriarchs of the Apple Clan out here and put the hoof in good and proper.” Granny Blossom said, a wiked grin spreading across her ancient, lined face. “Too many ponies came out to Appleloosa who seemed to think bein’ on the outskirts of Equestria means they don’t have to listen to the laws involvin’ the other races and tribes. Might do more good than you think, to force ‘em to remember that livin’ in Equestria means livin’ under the Princesses’s rules.”

That made Braeburn imagine, with a guilty warmth in his chest, sending off all the ponies determined to monopolize and ruin his life to some distant, dreary corner of the continent and out of his life forever, to get rid of all the nay-sayers that kept on making a fuss about him courting Little Strongheart, amongst other things, and then being able to ensure that his beloved Appleloosa was filled to bursting with his sweetheart’s tribe, and pegasi and unicorns to manage the weather and the magic needed for a frontier town to truly thrive.

“Tell you what, since you’ve got so much on your hooves, why don’t you write a letter an’ I’ll deliver it by hoof in Canterlot.” Granny Blossom chuckled, seeing the dreamy, far-away look in Braeburn’s eyes. “Since I’ve got to go before the Thrones anyways, hoof-delivering a letter to somepony important ‘bout a frontier town needing some guards to remind Ponies they need to play nice with the other races should be easy to do.”

“I’d appreciate that, Granny Blossom.”

“Oh trust me, young stallion, by the time I’ve pled my case before the thrones, you can bet your last bit that Appleloosa will be crawling with Royal Guards, you mark my words.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Rainbow wasn’t entirely certain when the ‘let’s get too drunk to give a damn’ party turned into ‘let’s all hug it out’ party, but waking up in the late afternoon in the warm straw of Applejack’s barn with four attractive mares piled on or around her and making those ‘too cute to call snoring’ noises was certainly not a bad way to end the day.

Of course, I can’t tell if the warm fuzzies are the after-effects of the aphrodisiacs, or its just been a while since somebody held me without us screwing each other’s brains out first. The rainbow-maned pegasus sighed happily and leaned back into Applejack’s chest, savouring the warm, solid pony’s weight behind her, snickering softly as Pinkie, apparently missing a similar contact from her, wiggled through the straw until she had her head resting on Rainbow’s stomach, and then Fluttershy …

“Tell. Me. Everything.”

Yeah, okay, going to need to process that later. Who knew the phrase ‘beware the quiet ones’ could be used to describe Fluttershy. Never thought I would be on the receiving end of a full-powered Stare simply because I … not thinking about Big Mac’s equipment, nope, not happening, nooooooooooooooooooooooooo stop it, subconscious me, you bastard.

Somehow, much to Rainbow’s surprise, Zecora, Spitfire and Big Mac had gotten involved somehow, with the Zebra sprawled across Big Mac’s sleeping frame in a way that made Rainbow wonder if she was going to watch a battle to the death if and when Fluttershy woke up and saw them like that, and Spitfire was, of all things, asleep with the upper half of her body buried in a pile of loose hay with her ass up in the air for all to see on the far side of the barn. Her naked ass. With shreds of her wonderbolt uniform still vainly clinging to that magnificent ass.

Oooookay. Definitely did not just check out my commanding officer’s bootay, taunt, lean and deliciously mean as it looks. Last thing I need to is to get distracted by thinking about how fun it would be to wreck that ass when we’re doing a routine in the future.

A flash of dark blue above her caused Rainbow to lift her head in alarm, but it was only Soarin, smirking down at her with his dark blue tail dangling down from one of the rafters, the co-captain of the Wonderbolts apparently stone-cold sober and acting as some sort of lookout-slash-bodyguard for the whole pile of sleeping ponies.

“How’s your head, rookie?” He asked, his smirk turning into a full-blown grin as Rainbow blushed and tried to hide under one of her own wings. “Didn’t realize that the big red lug there had a harem.”

“I’m not hung-over, but I am kinda … stuck.” Rainbow scowled, trying to wriggle away and only encouraging the sleeping snuggle-fiend known as Pinkie to crawl even higher up Rainbow’s body till her head was nestled right under Rainbow’s chin.

“Yeah, I saw what happened to Spitfire, so I’m gonna hang up here till you all wake up.”

“Do I even wanna know?”

“The boss tried to pull the pink monster off you to take you back home, since you didn’t give her a key to your pad yet, then ended up getting snuggled into oblivion in the hay-pile over there, after that your new blanket there sleep-walked back over to the pile and made herself comfortable.”

“And you didn’t help?”

“Rookie, I have my eye on a specific mare, and despite the locker-room bullshitting, it’s not my thing to go chasing under every tail that lifts when I walk into the room. I really don’t want to have said mare think I’m some kind of easy mark that goes after any landing pad, no matter how delightfully squishy it looks, just because it’s there.” Soarin gave Rainbow a very sour look. “And I saw what Pinkie Pie did to the boss. A sleep-walking earth pony civilian. To one of the best Wonderbolts in living memory and a Royal Agent to boot. I would like to leave my dignity, my wonderbolt suit, and my junk intact, please and thank you.”

“I was wondering why she was naked after making such a fuss about staying in uniform. Uh … how did Pinkie strip Spitfire …”

“With. Her. Teeth.”

“… I am kinda pissed I was asleep while that happened.”

“Ugh, I just hope the other Royal Agents aren’t having this much of a problem with their jobs.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Luna hugged Twilight closer to her, her heart breaking as she heard Twilight’s sniffle and the feeling of the other alicorn huddling up against Luna like a frightened child.

The disaster with the Spa Twins, the debacle with that cake and her friend, Rarity, the Element of Generosity turning rogue and attempting to possess her, if that even is what it is attempting to do, our Sympathy causing no end of disasters and stress and now my Faust-damned niece acting like a deranged, deluded teenager rather than …

“I’m … okay, Luna.” The words came out, barely audible, from the pony to whom Luna owed so much, within the cocoon of feathers and flowing mane that Luna had used to ward her marefriend from the rest of the world.

“And the moon is made of cheese. You’ve had enough insanity to deal with today, we both have, so once we’re done here, and assuming Cadence hasn’t found a way out of the daydream I put her in, we’re going to have the Crystal Guards stash my idiot niece and your thick-headed brother somewhere secure in Ponyville, and then you and I are holing up in your bedroom for the next decade, or until the rest of the country grows the buck up.”

“I just … I can’t handle this, Luna! It was all too much, all at once, I just … I need time, and nopony will give me any. They all scream at me for answers, or blame me for things beyond my control, or just want something from me!”

Luna sighed heavily and tightened her grip, hoping that Twilight could take strength from being held, at the very least.

“I have felt the same pressure and I understand how frustrating it is to have random strangers just start throwing demands at you like it is their right to make you handle their problems for them, my poor Twilight, but back when I Ascended there was only the colony I had been born to that I had to deal with in the first few months of my new life, and then only a hoof-ful of scattered thestral settlements once word spread of my control over the Moon and the night sky. Back then, news travelled only as fast as a thestral could fly and most of the settlements were several weeks apart to avoid colonies clashing over hunting territories.” The Alicorn of the Night felt her mind drift back to her own Ascension … and how the Sun-Goddess her people worshipped as a vengeful punisher of the wicked had proven to be a heart-broken, lonely mare mourning those whom had been dead for centuries, who had taken in a ‘freakish’ filly, first as a friend, then a student, and finally a sister … “Perhaps it would make sense for us to just flee to some deserted island for your Ascension and tell the rest of the world to go buck itself until you’re a complete immortal?”

“I can’t run away, that would … I need to face this and learn how to survive these trials, or I’ll be running for the rest of my life. I just wish I knew how you, Celestia and Cadence handle all this pressure, all of those demented ponies who think screaming at me at the top of their lungs for what they want solves anything.”

“We delegate.” Luna had to resist the urge to giggle as, after several seconds of silence, Twilight’s scrunched-up face popped out of the cocoon Luna had made for her marefriend out of the larger alicorn’s wings and ever-flowing tail and gave Luna the most adorably angry ‘I-don’t-believe-you’ expression the Lunar Princess had ever seen.

“Explain.” The smaller Alicorn grunted, settling herself into a more comfortable position, leaning her side against Luna’s chest. “That sounds too simple to actually work in Canterlot.”

“Actually, it’s self-sustaining once it reaches a certain point of social momentum. My sister is better at getting ponies to do what she wants without actually telling them to do so than anybeing I’ve ever met … do not scowl at me, we will take my sister to task over her antics towards you and the other Bearers when we see her next, but I have already told you she had always had her eyes on you, no matter the task the Bearers were sent on.” Luna booped Twilight’s muzzle when she noticed her marefriend’s expression turning sour, and earned a flustered spluttering in response to the action. “Ahem, where was I? Oh, yes, she has a stable of Public Relations ponies who work tirelessly to defend her name and inform our ponies about the truth of her goals and intentions, and the actions of her detractors, and she has departments for almost every facet of her public life. Obviously, back in the day this used to be just a score of ponies in every town that handled such things and put the brakes on attempts at coups and rabble-rousers, but with the fact we have millions of citizens in Equestria now, and every nation on the planet keeps a close tab on my sister and I because of our control over the two largest celestial bodies in the sky, my sister claims she had to drastically increase the size of the staff involved just to keep up a few centuries ago, and the as the ability to spread information faster and in larger areas became more available to the common ponies and other races, my sister had to expand exponentially just to keep up.”

“So you suggest I throw some poor, trusting sap out to that pack of wolves camped on my doorstep to field all their questions, and pray my hapless sacrificial offering doesn’t do or say something that will leave me socially crucified in the aftermath?”

“To be honest, Twilight, you could say and do nothing and the paparazzi will still crucify you, it is what they do, but a Public Relations assistant could do wonders for helping you handle the more … volatile scumbags chasing you for a story to spin. Now that I think about it, your own Royal Guards would be appropriate too …”

“I am not going to force a pony to go trudging after me in plate-armor all day every day. Besides, I’m not anypony special …”

Twilight’s voice trailed off into a petulant whine when she spotted Luna’s smirk.

“Okay, fine, I’m a Princess now, I get it, but I don’t believe I deserve special attention. And besides, what would they even be, training-wise, to keep up with me? Battle-Mages? Spell-Swords? We’ve precious few Royal Guards who are trained both in defence and the higher levels of the magical arts to being with, and I can’t even imagine having that much control over somepony’s life that they have to stand guard over me all day long?” Twilight huffed and wriggled against Luna, her own, smaller wings sneaking out to hold Luna’s barrel against her own. “I’ve seen how Royal Guards are supposed to act, and I just … can’t. I’d try to make friends with them, and they’d either get mad at me for not acting like a Princess, or I would befriend them, and then they’d lose their jobs for not acting with ‘proper decorum’ around a Princess.”

“That would be an issue, but I doubt they would be discharged from the military simply for being close to their Princess. Many of my Thestral refer to me without title when we are in private, and I know many of the Royal Guard consider protecting Celestia a singular, and fiercely sought-after, honor, rather than a duty. I believe their pet name for her is ‘Mom-lestia’?”

“Ugh, don’t remind me, Shining went through that phase shortly before he and Cadence started dating … speaking of which, are you sure we should just leave them down in the library while I … decompress? Shining is a bit of a block-head, but he’s a determined blockhead. And Faust help us all if Cadence comes to and finds us like this, she needed to be hit with my freezing spell just to get her to calm down enough to speak coherently after we admitted to … to being intimate with each other.”

Luna chuckled and settled for brushing Twilight’s frazzled mane into a semblance of normality with her magic, Luna’s dusky blue aura forming a crude comb to accomplish this. “Cadence is unlikely to wake up for at least another hour, seeing as she’s currently trapped in a very pleasant day-dream involving your brother, a mountain whipped cream and what I believe to be some sort of chocolate-flavoured body-paint?”

The Lunar Princess couldn’t help but giggle as Twilight made exaggerated gagging noises as she obviously envisioned that particular scenario.

“And I am very sorry, but if your brother comes in here and starts waving his big-brother status around as an excuse to dictate whom you can be with, I say we tag-team him and start shaving his mane off until he agrees to stop being such a control freak.”

“We’re not going to shave his mane, he’s a soldier, he went through boot-camp and that won’t phase him. Instead if he tries to be an ass about us dating, we’ll enchant his mane to have bouncing, magnificent curls all through it, and we’ll dye him the same colours as Cadence.”

“Uh, considering what I saw in his subconscious the one time I entered his Dreamscape, that might actually make him happy, and Cadence … how does this affect Cadence?”

“My Sister-in-Law is super sensitive about the fact her mane and tail don’t flow like Celestia’s … she spent a lot of time when she was foal-sitting me pouring over magical tomes trying to figure out a way to get the effect artificially, but she could never find a spell that worked quite right.” Twilight giggled and put a hoof to her mouth to muffle the noise, shooting a guilty look towards the door. “She tried animating her hair, and it just ended up curling around anything that got within range to the point she looked like the Katamari-Pony, and trying to conjure a small, personal wind to make her mane and tail always ‘flowing’ worked to an extent … until somepony walked anywhere within five or six body-lengths behind her, where they’d get a face-full of whatever perfume she was wearing, or anything other smells she might be, ah, producing. Needless to say, this kind of gave the Ponies around her a bad impression …”

“Cadence, Princess of Farts.” Trying to not laugh and only partially succeeding, Luna loosened her grip on Twilight to avoid squashing her marefriend as the Lunar Princess descended into manic giggling.

It was good to laugh, to just be two friends without the pressure of their crowns on their heads or the demands of family and duty hanging around their necks, but it still felt far too soon when the door was knocked on, and Spike’s head peered in, a soft smile on his face as he caught sight of the two Princesses.

“Hey guys, just letting you know that Shining is waking up … and he’s still clueless.” The young drake whispered, giving the two Alicorns a thumbs-up. “Should I try to get them to leave?”

“No. I’ll tell my brother that Luna and I are in a … that we’re dating, as he put it, and then we give my brother and sister-in-law the heave-ho out the door.” Twilight said loudly after a few moments of thought. “I owe him the truth, at least, and if he can’t accept this is going to happen … then I don’t want him under my roof.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Nursing a sore head and a nagging concern for his wife, who had apparently passed out on Twilight’s couch with the dopiest expression he’d ever seen and two fully extended wings, Shining stomped up the stairs with Spike behind him, wielding a pan in each claw and having made a threat to use them against Shining’s headache if his ‘big brother’ so much as made one wrong move.

“Twilight, Luna, it’s me.” Shining said loudly, knocking a hoof on the bedroom door and grimacing as Spike raised the two pans high over his frilled head. Just the threat of the clamour was enough to make Shining’s already-abused head throb painfully.

“Come in, brother. I’ve … we’ve got something to tell you.”

“Glad to hear it.” Shining muttered, pushing the door open with a hoof, rather than his magic. Any spellcasting, even telekinesis, would probably cause a raging migraine at best, with the concussion he was nursing right now. “Okay, so … is my wife okay, first of all?”

“Princess Cadence is currently trapped, and I use the term loosely, in a daydream I forced on her. Otherwise she may have done even more damage to your sister.” Luna, with one wing and her luminous, ever-flowing tail wrapped protectively around Twilight, said in the firmest ‘court’ voice that Shining had ever heard her use without the Canterlot Voice behind it. “She should wake within an hour or so, but if she attempts to harass either myself or Twilight again, but please be certain to warn her the next daydream I send her to will be a significantly less pleasant experience.”

“How can a daydream be unpleasant?” The Royal Consort muttered to himself, but nodded firmly. “And, ah, the thing you have to tell me? There’s several ‘things’ I’d like cleared up, to be perfectly honest, but let’s deal with the biggest elephant in the room first.”

“The first … and most important matter is that I am dating another Mare, and that isn’t going to change anytime soon. Can you handle that, Shining?” Twilight spoke up this time, leaning heavily against Luna and with an expression of such weariness and despair on her face that Shining’s heart threatened to stop on the spot.

She looks more beat-up than she did even after dealing with the Changeling invasion of Canterlot … her Ascension has been so rough, because of her fame before becoming an Alicorn and how sheltered she’s been from the worst of Canterlot’s intrigues.

“I’ve no problem with you dating somepony of the same gender, Twilie. Flames of Tartarus, you could date a Diamond Dog or a Gryphon or an Orc, just so long as the two of you are happy together, that’s my only concern, and the rest of the world can go jump if they have a problem with it.” The white unicorn said sternly, giving his sister a searching look, hoping that it wasn’t just his and Cadence’s surprise visit that was causing his beloved little sister such distress. “I am more concerned about what we’re going to tell mom than the name or species of whoever this mysterious marefriend is. Unless you know some sort of spell for the creation of a plethora of magical lesbian spawn to sate Velvet’s need to spoil some grandfoals, we’re going to be stuck relying on Cadence and myself to produce them for her, and you know how much our mother wants grandfoals, and how difficult it is for Alicorns to conceive with Mortals.”

“My sister as well, Shining Armor, is somewhat mad for the all-important grandfoals. I suspect you have already come under some … pressure … from Celestia on the subject by now.”

“Does a crate of stamina potions, fertility pills and some rather unique novelty … candies count?” Shining asked archly, rewarded with snickers from Luna and Spike, and gagging noises from his sister. “Ah, word to the wise to my sister, if Celestia sends you the stamina potions with instructions on how to use them, use half the amount she suggests. Neither Cadence or I could walk straight for a few days after we used the first vial.”

“AUUUUUUUGH! Lalalalalaaaaaah, I did not need to know that!” Twilight yelled, levitating a pillow and first whacking a now openly-laughing Luna with it, then throwing it half-heartedly at Shining, who ducked and grinned as Spike took a frilly, over-stuffed pillow to the face.

“Okay, now that we’ve had some fun at Twilie’s expense … the second thing I’d like to know: Luna, is Twilight’s marefriend suitably, well, cleared for dating the newest addition to Equestria’s Royal Family? That’s … a considerable amount of pressure to be facing, let alone the security issues and the political angles, and the media is going into a damn frenzy of negative spin-doctoring that makes the aftermath of your return to Equestria look like a foal’s prank in comparison.” Ignoring the way Spike was now whacking him in the backside with the pillow in revenge for Shining dodging it in the first place, the white-coated Unicorn gave Luna a searching look as, curiously, the Elder Princess burst into high-pitching giggling.

“I assure you, Twilight’s marefriend is most certainly unfazed by royal titles and is well acquainted with the idiocy of Canterlot’s media circus.”

“Well that is a relief. The last thing you need, Twilight, is to get dumped publicly because she can’t handle the pressure of a highly public relationship. Cadence and I ended up going to counselling together to come to grips with trying to be together with Cadence’s fame as a Princess causing us no end of grief. We had to deal with her fans showing up on our dates, often with prompt-cards so I could give her the ‘perfect’ date, let alone her stalkers … and later on, my stalkers.”

Twilight scowled, first at Luna, then Shining, before speaking in that very calm and proper voice that made his hair stand on end, that tone that promised a slow, torturous lecture later on.

“Yes, my marefriend, who is going to get it later on for all the fun she’s having at my expense today, knows how to deal with the media, and I doubt there’s much they can do to shake us apart. That said … are you really not getting the signals here, brother?”

“I am kind of concerned she’s not with you right now, but I understand that as much as you might want to be together all the time, some breathing space is always necessary in a relationship.”

Twilight gave a loud, angry grunt entirely unbefitting a Princess and began slamming her muzzle into the mattress over and over again, while Luna simply smiled beneficently at Shining.

“Shining, may I call you Shining? At this point, I am not sure if I should be in awe, or insulted.” The Lunar Princess said, the humor in her voice taking the sting out of her words as her mane crept around and pulled Twilight’s head away from the mattress, turning Twilight’s face towards Luna. “Perhaps I should show you instead?”

“Show me wha-aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah, okay, I get it now.” Shining began, puzzled, when Luna’s head dipped down and planted a rather chaste kiss on his sister’s lips, Twilight’s frustrated expression turning into one of alarm, and then his adorkable little sister was melting against the larger alicorn, the soft press of lips slowly pulling apart as both Alicorns flushed brilliant scarlet.

Shining looked at Luna, then Twilight, then over his shoulder at the faux-gagging Spike behind him.

“You could have just told me that my sister was dating Luna. I would have been perfectly fine with just that little bit of information and we could have avoided my dear wife going into a deranged shipping frenzy and possibly molesting Twilight’s live-in maid in the process.” The unicorn said darkly, giving his youngest sibling a foul look.

“T-to be fair, Shining Armor, neither Twilight nor I are … entirely certain there is a definition for what we are right now. We choose to be together, but we are still very much interested in stallions, we are simply pursuing a romantic relationship with one another due to, uh, a unique situation.”

“Okay, brother, this might take some explaining …” Twilight stammered as Shining gave both alicorns a hard stare. “Uh, this all started back when Celestia had had to go to the Everfree Forest to deal with an explosion of hydra spawn, and Luna was trying to teach me the basics of Dream-Walking …”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Dappled Light took one look at the whispered argument between the wounded Changeling Queen and the massive, implacable Candy Apple and decided that discretion was the better part of valour, swifly hustling Scout, the other changeling who looked like her chitin was covered in bright green spiderweb-like cracks and the three odd foals out of the room.

Whatever punishment that had been decided on due to Changeling Queen’s part in Captain Rosebush’s rampage, which was the current favourite gossip-topic amongst the Royal Guards, had apparently left the crippled Queen in a fouler mood than normal, and Candy Apple was being entirely unsympathetic about the whole affair, which was simply pouring oil over a sea of napalm as far as Dappled was concerned.

At least the foals have stopped trying to use my ears as a teething toy. The unlucky Border Guard thought to himself wryly as the odd little group took refuge in a nearby room, several Changelings, including a very burly looking individual whom identified herself as ‘Guard Prime’, bringing over blankets and pillows to make a strange sort of nest for the foals to play in.

Yet the strangest thing of all was not the increasingly volatile temper of the Changeling Queen, the oddly friendly attitude of the Changelings towards himself or the frankly creepy buddy-buddy routine of the Royal Guards and the Magi towards a mere Border Guard like himself. No, it was how clingy that Scout had become. Dappled was beginning to wonder if he was in some kind of danger, given how Scout was almost always in close contact with him ever since Dappled had returned to his new ‘post’ as Queen Chrysalis’s personal gopher-pony.

When they were walking down the castle’s corridors, Scout was so firmly pressed to his side that Dappled thought they might trip on each other’s hooves. When they went to get food for the Kattians or change their litter-boxes, Scout was never further than a foot or so from his side. When he went to the bathroom …

Behave. Dappled told a part of himself that tried to point out that having Scout squeezing into the stall with him opened up a whole slew of potential scenarios, most of which could be rather fun, all things considered.

Even now, as Dappled tried to keep one of the two twin black foals entertained with a thread-bare teddybear, he was painfully aware of how warm and soft Scout was, pressed up against his side to the point the Border Guard was honestly surprised that the rest of the Changelings weren’t ganging up on him about his intentions towards their companion.

Maybe Changelings don’t have the same sort of social hang-ups that Ponies do. Maybe this is just what they’re like … is Scout feeding off me? I’m sure the blood-pact prevents them from feeding on Ponies without express consent. Or maybe she’s just scared that the other Ponies are going to turn on the Hive, and she’s just trying to stay close to the one Pony she trusts?

That last thought made Dappled feel quite warm inside, even a little proud. He had to admit the Changelings were hardly the unfeeling, blood-thirsty monsters that the papers had depicted nor the unstoppable army of killers that Canterlot Command had told all the various divisions of the Guard to stay on alert against, although if the Changelings' morale had more to do with having their numbers being reduced from thousands to less than a hundred or not, he couldn’t say.

“You are good with offspring.” The spiderweb-scarred Changeling said abruptly, making Dappled flinch and look around, realizing with some dismay that every Changeling in the room was staring at him. “You have experience with such duties?”

“Uh … not really? I was an only child, and I was always the youngest amongst my cousins, I just … like foals. They’re cute, they’re sweet and all they want is to be with us.” Dappled stammered, hoping he wasn’t about to commit a social faux-paus. The last thing he needed to add to his already floundering career and hopes of a quiet return to the border was the addition of accidentally offending the Changelings to the point that the peace-talks broke down. “Looking after them is a nice reprieve from the constant boredom of my position back at the border.”

“You dislike your caste?” Now another Changeling spoke up, looking puzzled, while several other Changelings either hissed or flinched as if scalded.

“We don’t have … okay, I think there’s a misunderstanding. Ponies don’t have ‘castes’, we haven’t had a rigid social structure for several centuries at least, with the exception of the Princess and the Nobles, and nopony really pays any attention to the Nobles unless their bits are on the table. A Pony can, with the help of the schools and some training from more experienced Ponies, train to become skilled in any profession that they have a talent for, or that they enjoy doing.” The Border Guard babbled, hoping he was explaining Pony society well enough to avoid causing a disaster. But didn’t the Changelings infiltrate Canterlot? How could they not know about something so simple and common-place? “I ended up in the Border Guard because of my … gift … and because I wanted a stable, steady job where I could help out, even if everyone ignored me.”

“…Ponies can choose their caste?” The largest Changeling in the room asked, the aptly-named ‘Guard Prime’s’ monotone voice cracking in surprise.

“Well, for the most part, yes. But just because you’ve been trained or studied for the job doesn’t mean you’ll get it. There’s only so many bakers or plumbers or guards a community needs, after all, so many ponies end up travelling to other towns or cities, or even other countries, to try and find a place where they can do what they enjoy and still make a decent living.”

“Ponies use small pieces of metal to keep track of how much food they require, yes?” Another Changeling asked, craning his … her …it’s head around to stare directly at Dappled. “How do ponies decided how much hay a piece of metal is worth? And why use something inedible? Why not simply share what you have? If all members of the Hive share equally, why would you need to exchange tokens?”

“Well, you see … uh, we might need an expert in here, can I just …” Dappled Light stammered, wishing now he’d paid for more attention to the teacher’s voice than her plot in Economics Class. Stupid school-boy crush!

“No. The Hive trusts you, you shall explain.”

Ah, crapola.

It felt like an agonizing eternity, trying to explain the concept of an economy and the nature of individualism to the Changelings, made thankfully slightly easier by the un-looked-for return of the Head Maid of this wing of the Palace, who had a far more nuanced grasp of the ‘science’ behind it all.

Unfortunately the Head Maid and the ‘Drone Prime’ couldn’t maintain eye-contact with each other for longer than a few seconds without the Head Maid blushing and the Drone Prime’s face glowing green … and right now, Dappled wasn’t sure if that was the Changeling equivalent of blushing or some sort of nausea-signal. It also didn’t help that it also stalled the conversation for upwards of a minute of a time every time it happened, and the two couldn’t seem to stop giving each other sneaky glances at that!

Whatever. So long as the Head Maid is here, at least one Changeling isn’t grilling me for the deep dark secrets of a fully-functional capitalist diarchial society!

“So one uses these ‘bits’ as a form of promise? I will give these tokens, and when I make good on my promise, I receive the tokens back?”

“Something like that. See, our ancestors came up with the concept of currency as a way to keep track of who owed what to whom when two ponies bartered, but one could not provide all their side of the barter all at once, and since gold was valued by almost every race ponykind had met, it served as a suitable form of collateral to be used until the agreed amount of bartered goods could be delivered, or as insurance if something happened to prevent the delivery of those goods.” Dappled explained for what felt like the tenth time to the Changelings, with the now-completely bored foals snuggled against his chest, and Scout’s, for their afternoon nap. And Scout, who had apparently glued herself to Dappled’s flanks, was a constant warm presence that, despite her chitin, seemed to fit against Dappled’s side like they were two puzzle-pieces designed to snap together. Thank Lady Faust that I’m laying on the floor! The last thing I need to explain to the Changelings is why I’ve got half a chubby with the foals cuddled up to me! “Over time and as Equestria began, it evolved into what we have today, where Ponies ‘buy’ things with bits, and the sellers can then use those bits to buy things that they need in turn. It’s … oddly complicated but simple at the same time, if that makes sense?”

“This is because ponies lie? They do not honor their agreements?” The large ‘Guard Prime’ said, her monotone voice cracking again as a scowl dominated her expression.

“Some beings, including ponies, refused to honor their barters, and contracts and other types of agreements for that matter, but we have laws that strictly punish those who do such things. Currency is, I guess, more about keeping score of what you can afford to purchase in society?” Dappled tried to ease the burly, heavily-armored Changeling’s concerns, although her monotone voice and stoic expression didn’t tell him much about his success thus far. “You’ll find cheats and liars everywhere, although more often than not they get socially isolated sooner rather than later if they aren’t very careful. I know the papers here in Canterlot try to paint the Princesses in a poor light, but most Ponies know that’s just because the Nobles own a lot of shares in the media, and the Nobles keep trying to stir up trouble against the Princesses because the Nobles don’t get what they want in Court.”

“These ‘Noble’-Caste try to undercut their Queen?” Guard-Prime hissed, her expression cracking into one of sheer, unadulterated rage. Many of the other Changelings in the room hissed as well, wordless sounds of outrage, and the foals whimpered and shivered in their sleep, which for some reason made the Changelings all go stone-faced again for a few seconds. Oh, their Hive-Mind … does that mean the foals are connected to it as well?

“The Nobles were the original leaders of the Three Tribes that came to this part of the world millennia ago, and some of their descendants … haven’t adjusted well to having an all-powerful Goddess take over their tribes and rule benevolence, kindness and mercy for thousands of years.”

“Ah.” The Changelings in the room seemed to deflate as one. “So Nobles are Lesser Queens who were forcibly brought into Queen Celestia’s Hive, and agitate against her. That makes more sense.”

HOW, by Lady Faust’s mane, does that make sense? Does that mean the Changeling Queens constantly skirmish for leadership? And Chrysalis has gotten Princess Celestia to summon the surviving Queens to Canterlot! Dappled’s mind filled with horrifying images of multiple armies of rival Changeling Hives filling the skies and streets of Canterlot with a running brawl as their Queens duelled for leadership of the combined horde, all the while Chrysalis laughed from the safety of her hospital bed.

Being only a Border Guard, Dappled was mercifully under-informed on Canterlot politics and the Noblity, but unfortunately the Head Maid could not claim such, and was rapidly pestered into a corner by the Changelings who wished to know which ‘Rival, Lesser Queens’ they had to watch out for and protect their Queen, and ‘Allied, Greater Queen’ Celestia, against. As the demands for information became greater, and louder, Royal Guards came to investigate and were quickly dispatched by the flustered Head Maid for aid, returning in short order with members of the Princess’s Royal PR department who had even less of a warm-up before being dragged into the mess.

“It is too loud for the foals in here.” Scout said abruptly, peeling herself off of Dappled so suddenly he was surprised that strips of his hide didn’t go with her, levitating the white foal onto her back and then manually lifting both of the black fillies onto Dappled’s back. “Guard Dappled and I shall return to the Queen’s chambers to see they are fed and cared for.”

Not really caring if Scout was being serious or if this was just some command through the Hive Mind from her scheming Queen, Dappled carefully got onto his hooves and crept out of the room as the other Changelings continued to bombard the unfortunate Ponies with more questions about the way their society worked. Mercifully, the Changling foals seemed quite content to cling sleepily to his back as the mis-matched pair crept into the Queen’s room.

Oddly enough, Chrysalis looked almost gentle as she slept, her features slack and peaceful in the calm grip of sleep, while Candy Apple merely raised an eyebrow at the two as they entered, the massive, burly mare sitting at the Queen’s bedside, a small novel open in her hooves.

“We are returning the foals to sleep with their mother.” Scout said, oddly subdued and giving the larger Pony mare a wide berth as the Changeling and Border Guard slowly put each other’s burden of foals on the bed, the foals cuddling up to their blanket-covered mother and peeping at her, and each other, sleepily before wiggling into more comfortable positions and closing their eyes …

“I’ll see to it that the Queen feeds her brood when she wakes up, but right now sleep is the best thing for her.” The retired nurse said in a very soft voice, barely audible even from the other side of Chrysalis’s Alicorn-sized bed. “So please, the pair of you, buzz off and let her sleep. Chrysalis is going to need to build up as much strength as she can muster for her time in court, let alone the actual operations to heal her injuries.”

“High-Prime-Caretaker.” Scout murmured, bowing low and scooting backwards out of the room as quietly as she could, while Dappled just looked at the retreating Changeling, then back to the burly retired nurse, who simply give the confused Border Guard a small smile before turning her attention back to her novel.

Mares. Dappled thought to himself, resisting the urge to roll his eyes, before trotting out of the room and grunting in pain as Scout tried to melt against his side again with a lot more force than was necessary, nearly knocking him into a wall in the process. “Scout, look, I get the Royal Guards can be intimidating, but …”

“Celestia’s Guard-Caste Drones are not intimidating, the Hive-Mind’s memories show they are easily defeated. High-Prime-Caretaker Candy Apple is intimidating.” Scout mumbled as she pressed herself against Dappled’s flank, shaking slightly.

Huh. Well, I admit that Candy Apple is probably scarier than a Royal Guard, but I think we’d better keep that to ourselves, the Guards here are already touchy enough about being defeated by the Changelings once already, I’d hate to see what they’d be like if they knew a old, retired nurse was considered more intimidating than they are.

“Well, let’s just keep that a secret between us, okay? We don’t want to make the, uh, ‘Guard Caste’ upset with us, things are kind of tense enough as it is.” The Border Guard bumped Scout off of him and took a few steps towards the end of the hallway that led to the exit of the Red Rooms wing … only to nearly trip as Scout went right back to trying to meld into his side, the two nearly tripping on each other’s legs. “Scout! You don’t need to cling to me so much!”

“Is it … bothering you?” The Changeling asked, her face open, innocent … trusting.

Dappled’s mind betrayed him, flashing images of that slender, black face blinking up at him with a similar expression, strands of the Stallion’s semen dripping from her face at their first meeting in a bush at the border of Equestria’s territory, the time she had jumped into the toilets at the barracks with him and he’d caught a glimpse of her privates when trying to push her out of the stall …

“No, it doesn’t, but … it could give others the wrong impression. That you’re easy to, oh Faust how do I say this without being insulting? That you’re a mare who is ‘easy’, who’ll accept any Stallion.”

Scout blinked, slowly, at Dappled before speaking again.

“Ponies would think I am ‘easy’? What would I be ‘easy’ with?”

The pit fell out of Dappled’s stomach.

“Oh dear sweet Faust. Look, let’s … go back to my room, and I can explain to you what I mean without embarrassing either of us.” The frazzled, flustered Unicorn stammered, then slapped a hoof over his face as his mind caught up to his mouth. “Uh, unless you can think of someplace else private? I don’t want Ponies to think badly of either of us, and this subject is sort of … difficult to explain.”

“Your quarters are fine, Guard Dappled. I have no reason to distrust you, and if you say privacy is required to explain, then we shall seek privacy.”

Oh thank you, merciful creator, that the Changeling doesn’t think I’m being a super creep right now. Dappled thought to himself, grateful for small mercies, when he turned his attention back to the end of the corridor, and hopefully escape from this madness, only to see two Royal Guards staring at him with wide eyes and open mouths. OH BUCK ME SIDEWAYS!

“Uh, carry on, Border Guard?” One of the two black-coated Pegasus said, while the other one lifted a fore-leg to his mouth to vainly try to disguise his snickering.

“I guess this gives a whole new meaning to plunge deep into enemy territory.” The second guard snorted, and the two Royal Guards leaned into each other, giving up all semblance of poise and stoicness as they guffawed loudly, while Dappled went a deep crimson from the tips of his ears down to the bottom of his neck and Scout merely tilted her head sideways at the two laughing Guards. “Make sure you don’t leave any of the ‘troops’ behind!”

“Don’t be like that, Dusty, he’s just stamping her passport!”

“Shuffling her papers!”

“Inspecting her luggage!”

“Checking her cargo!”

Whimpering as he imagined the last shreds of hope that his career would ever be salvaged blowing away into the distance, Dappled Light stood there with his eyes closed, desperately praying to Faust for a lightning bolt to strike him down on the spot and end his misery, as the two Guards continued to trade bawdy euphemisms while Scout poked Dappled in the side repeatedly and asked what the two ‘Guard-Drones’ found so amusing.

Unfortunately for Dappled, Faust had other plans that day that did not include the mercy-kill of an unimportant Stallion.