Author's Notes:

The Usual Disclaimer:

The following is a work of parody, and is protected as Fair Use under section 17 U.S. Code § 107 of US Copyright Law. My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic and all affiliated characters are property of Hasbro Inc.

I own nothing. All characters, settings and other belong to their respective owners. This is purely a fan-work with no intent towards profit, slander or harm towards the characters, settings or other, or their respective owners. If the respective owners feel that this fan-work in any way, shape or form threatens or besmirches their property, please let me know so that it be can be removed asap.

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So, I'm not dead, yet, but getting some time to sit down and get this churned out was ... nine kinds of hell.

So have a massive chapter as an apology for the delay in getting this out.

I am still working on the cloppy parts I skipped in previous chapters, but fsdjgh me sideways if it isn't hard to write porn involving quadrupeds!

Fair warning, this chapter involves some squicky moments, but I believe I have balanced it out with some Twili-abuse and Spike's growing maturity.

ALSO FOREVER WORLD-BUILDING!

*Falls over dead*

Rez ... please ...

Chapter 63

Twilight and Luna shared a concerned look before turning their attention back to the aptly-named ‘Spa Twins’, whom had spent an unusually long amount of time fussing over the oils they would be using for the massage and bickering in their native tongue after settling the two Alicorns on the massage-beds.

“Do you think they’re unsettled at how much business we’re costing them, or about what happens if they get revealed as the middle-ponies in setting up our meeting these ‘natural’ hermaphrodites?” Twilight whispered to Luna as the two Alicorns shifted softly on the padded ‘beds’.

“Perhaps. Or perhaps they are simply nervous about having two members of Royalty under their roof … and a howling pack of deranged reporters engaged in a battle to the death with the Royal Guard at their front door.”

“Speaking of which, shouldn’t we go … save them or something? Those reporters were demented.”

“While my heart says yes … we must not. The Royal Guard need to prove they earn their bits. And to be brutally honest, maybe standing shoulder to shoulder in a little scrap-fest will convince my Night Guard and the Royal Guard that they are indeed comrades, not rivals squabbling over the attention of my sister and I.” Luna sighed and extended a wing to pat Twilight between the shoulder-blades. “And besides, right now making sure that your Ascension does not go awry is more important than anything. And considering what we saw involving these sisters in the Dreamscape …”

Twilight turned slightly green and gave Luna a scathing look, to which the elder Alicorn merely giggled.

“You just had to bring that up, didn’t you? I’d almost repressed it entirely, and now I have to look them in the eye and try to not remember … oh Faust.”

“Your majesties?” Twilight and Luna turned to look at the twin sisters, Twilight quickly flushing as she caught the eyes of Aloe and quickly looked down. Luna raised an eyebrow as the pink-coated, blue-maned spa-pony all but melted at the fleeting contact, but decided to focus on the other twin, the pink-coated, blue-maned Lotus, rather than travel down that road right at the start of their meeting. The last thing I need is to let the green-eyed demon start whispering in my ear, now of all times!

“Yes, Lotus, please, have you and your sister come to a decision?” Luna asked in what she hoped was a pleasant tone, but jealousy pressed at the back of her mind, demanding she assert herself, remind these twins of the social gap between Princesses and Commoners to keep them away from her Twilight. First Trixie and Sunset Shimmer, now Aloe? And how many dreams have I seen where my Ponies lust after Twilight? MY Twilight! And yet, I cannot fault them for the way Twilight unknowingly tugs at the heart-strings of the ponies around her …

“We were wondering if you needed to meet the … ponies you sought right now, or sometime later, after the bâtards outside have calmed down.” Lotus asked softly, glancing from her sister to Twilight, who still found the mattress under her to be absolutely fascinating, and sighed heavily. “My sœur and I have discussed the matter at length, and while we are happy to aid you, we dare not expose ourselves or the … ponies you seek to the Equestrian reporters. Our names, and those we associate with, would be ruined should word get out about Déesse Twilight’s request, and our part in it.”

“Understandable, and I applaud your caution. Unfortunately, it seems that this trial of the Changeling Queen could take weeks at the least, or months if we are truly unlucky.” The Lunar Princess explained, prodding Twilight with a wing-tip to encourage her lover to speak up. “However, only Twilight Sparkle knows what she will need, and how long, to restore the Cutiemark Crusaders back to their original state. So … Twilight?”

“Oh, uhm, right. Well, the less I know about who, the less chance of me accidentally letting slip if I get flustered, so all I will ask for now is if the hermaphrodites live in Ponyville, and thus are likely to still be here when we return from Canterlot?” Twilight asked, steadfasting refusing to look anypony in the eye. “And are these ponies willing to, ah, have samples taken? For the purpose of helping the Crusaders return to normal?”

“About that, your highness. The ponies you seek have one request in return for aiding you in this task.” Lotus coughed and gave her pink-coated sister a scorching look when Aloe opened her mouth to speak. “That is to say they desire the, ah, sampling be far less clinical and more … long term.”

Luna’s ears flattened against her skull, the demon of jealousy thrown off its perch on her shoulder as the behemoth called anger roused itself inside her mind. The phrasing that Lotus used triggered alarm-bells in the back of Luna’s consciousness, but her emotions, and the stress of the past few days hindered her attempts to force her mind back to a calm and rational state. They are just the middle-ponies, the middle-ponies, they are not going to mount Twilight right in-front of you the first time Twilight lowers her guard. You already know what happens when you obsess over something like this and cannot control your negative emotions, Luna! One infestation of Nightmare Spirits was quite enough!

“Th-they want me to, uhm, milk them repeatedly?” Twilight squeaked in alarm, her eyes growing almost comically wide and her pupils shrinking to little more than pinpricks, and Luna couldn’t stop herself scowling at the Spa-Ponies, her frustration deepening as she realized both of their gazes rested solely on Twilight. Worshipful gazes at that, especially from the pink twin. Could their dream-scape have been more than just a whimsical fantasy brought upon by the conversation Twilight had with them? Or could it possibly have been a glimpse into … but surely, given their employment, somepony would have noticed if the twins were hermaphrodites? They are earth ponies, they cannot possibly cast a spell to obscure their genders!

“Non non non, I meant to say the ponies does not wish to just lay with you, ma belle Déesse.” The pink spa-pony spluttered, leaning forwards to stroke Twilight’s mane, the calming gesture having only minimal effect on the wide-eyed and now-thoroughly panicked Alicorn. “I mean to say that they wish to make love to you, and to be yours for the rest of your life.”

Twilight blinked. Sloooooooowly. She turned her head to look at Luna, blinked again, then turned back to the two Spa-Twins, who were gazing at her with soft, welcoming smiles, the same expressions they wore every time she came in for a ‘pampering’ session with Rarity and Fluttershy, expressions that suddenly seemed far more inappropriate and embarrassing than Twilight could handle.

“But … but I already have a ma … a ma-mar … marefriend.” Spitting a word out had never been so hard to Twilight, but seeing Luna’s face made it worth-while … until Aloe and Lotus shared a look of their own and said together.

“I am certain that sharing your affections will not be an issue.”

“Twilight, PREPARE THINE ANUS!” echoed through Twilight’s mind, and without thinking, Twilight ducked her head down, flattening herself onto the massage table as much as she could … and stared under Aloe and Vera.

Nothing that would look out-of-place on a mare greeted her panicked eyes, and Twilight relaxed and let out a breath she hadn’t even known she was holding. The purple princess flushed as she realized Aloe and Lotus were giving her puzzled looks, thankfully not realizing Twilight had just, as Rainbow Dash would have said, ‘checked out their goods’, while Luna appeared to now be choking back laughter, rather than looking like she was about to fry the twins with just the heat of her glare.

“Uhm … I’m not exactly sure that’s … possible for me, and I literally just entered a relationship, and I’ve never done anything like this before! I’m fairly certain my marefriend will leave me if I tell her that I want to bring other ponies into the relationship …”

“I would certainly confer with your marefriend before agreeing to anything, Twilight, but consider there are other options should you decide to decline the offer.” Luna stretched one of her massive wings over to stroke Twilight’s back as the purple princess began to shake with the beginnings of a truly massive panic-attack. “We may still go to the Neighponese ambassador and her bodyguards for your ‘samples’, although that will likely come with political burdens, lest we forget the Jade Empress’s obsession with you, or we may simply use Weeaboo’s Spell-Scroll and allow you to monitor the transformation from mare to hermaphrodite first-hoof, and develop a counter-spell that way.”

Twilight gave Luna a look somewhere between relief and nausea, while the Spa-Twins looked shocked, and in the case of Aloe, like she had just been stuck physically.

“But … but we are …” Aloe stammered before her sister swatted her rather hard on the flank with her tail, Vera giving her sister a firm, no-nonsense look that silenced the pink Spa-Pony on the spot.

“I would also recommend you trust the ponies we know. They adore you, Déesse Twilight, and would be heartbroken to hear you wanted only to use them for a cure. Are you truly so set against love, that you would shy away from those who would give their all to you?” The blue twin’s tone was one of stoic condemnation, and Twilight cringed and considered a compromise to alleviate any ill-feelings, even as a voice at the back of her mind screamed OOOOOOOH NONONONONONONONONO at the top of its lungs.

“It … I just haven’t … this relationship ‘stuff’ is all so new to me. And I don’t want to upset my Marefriend.” Stammering herself now, Twilight curled up into a ball on her massage-bed, peering out at the Spa-Twins, then Luna, from under the fringe of her mane. “I also kind of haven’t ever had sex. With a penis, I mean. I’m not a virgin, not after … we … I …”

Twilight face spasmed between shock, outrage, embarrassment and before settling into a bloodless mask of horror, then the newest Princess did a remarkably good impression of Fluttershy, turning herself into an impenetrable purple ball of limbs, mane, tail and wings as a faint “Eeeeeeeeeee” emerged from somewhere within the tangle.

“Perhaps the massage first, then we may continue the game of Twilight-baiting once a certain somepony stops digging herself a deeper hole?” Luna suggested, trying to stop giggle as she gently teased Twilight back into a pony-like shape with both wing-tips and magic, while the Spa-Twins apparently shared another whispered conversation in Prench, a language Luna knew little of other than modern Ponies considered it the ‘language of love’ which seemed darkly ironic to Luna considering the country had been involved in countless bloody revolutions even before Luna’s banishment, before beginning the massage. Our Guards are right outside the building, and if they actually attack Twilight, sexually or otherwise, I’ll throw these Twins through a wall. Perhaps once they start to work we can attempt a more … business-like conversation.

Having another pony ‘walk’ on her seemed odd at first, but Luna had to admit that Lotus knew what she was doing. Every hoof was placed with great care and just the right amount of pressure to reach through the muscle and nudge the knots inside them to relax, to let go. And hoof-fuls of hot, scented oils rubbed into Luna’s fur and skin certainly helped the Lunar Princess to temporarily put aside the fact that she was now certain both Spa-Twins lusted after Twilight, and intended to use their role as middle-ponies in this whole farce to try and wheedle their way between Twilight’s hind-legs.

They cannot be hermaphrodites. As Earth Ponies, they cannot use traditional forms of magic, and thus cannot have withdrawn their organs into their bodies, and surely given their occupation, somepony would have noticed something strange with their bodies …

Luna’s mood, which had been flip-flopping all morning, took a decided turn for the worse as she heard Twilight mewl from the other side of the small room, and whipping her head around, Luna caught sight of an ecstatic expression on Twilight’s face, the young Alicorn’s wings and limbs twitching spasmodically as an equally delighted-looking Aloe performed a massage that Luna could only describe as ‘strangely lewd’, her hooves dancing over Twilight’s shoulder-blades, where wings met body.

“Twilight?” The Lunar Princess couldn’t keep the shock, and hurt, out of her voice as she watched Twilight, her Twilight, making that kind of face under another’s hooves.

“S’good! Luna, you go-uuuoooh! You have to try thiiiiiis!” The smaller purple Alicorn whimpered under Aloe’s hooves, and Luna could not help but blush as she felt the Sympathy awaken between them again, the physical side-effects of Aloe’s massage having a very … pronounced … effect on parts of Twilight the Spa-Pony wasn’t even touching! It was not sexual, not quite, but every touch made Twilight’s body sing, and through the Sympathy, Luna’s body also trembled under the massues’s touch.

“It is a Ponynesian wing-massage, Déesse Luna.” Lotus whispered, her breath hot and sweet in Luna’s ear, startling the Lunar Princess as she had been so focused on Twilight and Aloe, she had not paid any attention to the Pony standing on her back. “We do not perform this type of massage on just anypony. Only those … worthy … of our trust, our affection.”

Faust! These twins might be more dangerous than the Succuponi in their own ri-aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah! Further rational thought was blocked as Lotus planted both fore-hooves on the powerful muscles and thick nerve-clusters at the base of Luna’s wings and pushed, not just with her strength but with an earth-pony’s Innate Magic. It was a sensation of old, one that filled Luna’s mind with the sweet taste of wild strawberries on her tongue, the sensation of freshly turned earth under her hooves and the scent of river-banks in the spring, as her conscious mind tried give itself references to identify the foreign magic entering her body.

Now it was Luna’s turn to make extremely undignified noises as creeping tendrils of power slithered into her muscles, tantalizingly sliding along the edges of her muscle-fibers, coiling with a seductive tingle around her nerves and gliding up and down them that set Luna’s hooves and wings twitching and drumming on the soft mattress underneath her.

It was not a sexual sensation, not an orgasm, but in a pinch Luna would have taken whatever it was that Lotus was doing to her over mere sex. HOLY MOTHER EARTH’S LEFT PLOT-CHEEK! This is Innate Magic? How? HOW DO TWO MASSUSES KNOW AN ANCIENT, LOST MAGICAL ART?

And the Sympathy, that accursed affliction that had driven Luna and Twilight into each other’s hooves, only made things worse as now both Princesses had to deal with the sensations of two very talented massuses using ancient Earth Pony Magic to ‘attack’ them.

However the two Spa-Ponies had managed to unlock and master their Innate Magic, they had obviously fine-tuned it to be devastatingly effective in their day-to-day jobs while keeping their true skills a secret from the public. And worst of all, they kept it a secret from our highly-paid and apparently supremely oblivious Royal Agents! Luna now tried to keep her frustration and panic at the forefront of her mind, to keep her end of the Sympathy under control at least, but every time she tried a breathing exercise, Lotus was there, her damnable magic hooves teasing at part of the thick nerve-cluster under a pegasus’s wing that somehow sent what felt like freight-trains of strange, barely-restrained thrill shooting through Luna’s body, pummelling the Lunar Princess into submission with the lightest of touches.

“Dear sœur, I think our Déesses are beginning to appreciate our point of view.”

“Then perhaps we should give them a sample of the full course we offer to those we pledge our selves to?”

“Oui, perhaps we should.” Lotus giggled and leaned down again, her breath fever-hot against Luna’s ears again, sending a shiver that the elder Alicorn’s neck before Lotus’s hooves dug in, hard, under Luna’s wings. “Worry not, Déesses, this room is sound-proofed by the best materials that bits can buy, nopony can or will hear a thing that happens in here. Simply let yourselves go into our hooves, and let us give you a taste of true Prench hospitality.”

Luna stretched out a wing to Twilight, either to try and grab the other Alicorn and try to run, or just to hold her close as Lotus’s hooves did something and every nerve on Luna’s body decided to go into revolt, and her last memory before everything turned white was the feeling of Twilight’s wing-feathers meshing with and then gripping onto her own.

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“No, Cadence, for the last time, Trixie is not Twilight’s marefriend, more like her live-in stalker. Nor is she engaged in a ‘thorny’ relationship with the Crusaders, please have some respect for Twilight’s sense of morality.” Spike scowled, claws wrapped around the handle of another bucket of cold water as a bedraggled-looking pink pony princess’s face began to deform into that terrifyingly happy smile once more. “You need to calm down and think this through rationally, both of you. Somepony comes charging in, demanding the details with no care for how Twilight or her real marefriend feels about their privacy being invaded and wild accusations being thrown around that will cause a lot of bad blood and hurt. What do you think Twilight will do? Our Twilight, easily flustered, adorkably naive when it comes to love, getting thrown into a tizzy by …”

Spike pointed his free claw at Shining, equally sopping wet, who was wrapped in several towels with a hot-water bottle perched precariously on the base of his horn, teeth chattering softly and ruining his attempt to scowl back at the Drake. “… by an older brother who needs to let the buck go and accept his little sister is of legal age and can bump booties with whoever she wants, and I will teleport you to Celestia with my dragon-fire if you try to force the issue. Consider for a moment how my scrolls end up almost always flying into her face if I am forced to send them in a rush, so I’d bet my last gems that you’d land plot-first on her horn. At least that might dislodge this stick you’ve had inserted when nopony was looking. And you …”

Spike’s claw swivelled to point at Cadence, the young drake feeling panic surge inside his mind as flickers of day-glow pink magic cascading through the alicorn’s wet mane once more. “You, of all ponies, should know what happens if you try to meddle in somepony else’s relationship without a damn good reason, or do I need to write to my mother, your aunt, about you needing a few more months with Happy Place to hammer home the concepts of ‘consent’, ‘personal space’ and ‘tone down the creepy, dammit’?”

And finally, Spike’s claw pointed to a sheepish looking Trixie. “And you. Look, I get you like Twilight. I get you like Twilight a lot more than simply ‘liking’ her since you lifted my solid-oak kitchen table with your magic wand when describing how the sunlight shimmered on her mane, but you are not Twilight’s marefriend and I would suggest that telling lies about it will only make my older sister distance herself from you faster than Rainbow Dash flies away from Rarity on two-for-one-deal days at the Ponyville Spa.”

“Uh-uhm … what about us?” Sweetie Belle asked softly after several moments of glaring between Shining and Spike, the very dusty Crusaders cowering beneath the now-heavily dented cauldron Twilight used for her alchemical experiments.

“Apart from ruining my stash of porn, thus far you three haven’t done anything that’d warrant a lecture at this moment.” The small green drake sighed, sagging as he dropped the bucket onto the table’s surface with a loud thump and collapsed into a cross-legged posture. “Look, Twilight will be back in an hour, at most. Can we not cause a diplomatic incident and-slash-or send Twilight into a panicked frenzy that could cause her to go on a control-freak future-proofing spree across the country again?”

“But I have waited so patiently to see where Twilight’s heart would fall …”

“As her older brother, and a former Captain of the Royal Guard, it is my duty …”

“But Trixie truly loves her mistress, and this waiting for Mistress to notice is …”

“I WILL SET YOU ALL ON FIRE.” Spike growled, sparks of emerald flame sizzling as they leaked out from behind his small, sharp teeth. The room went deathly quiet then, before the doorbell rang, and then kept ringing as somebody hammered their hoof on the buzzer. “Coming! Keep your horse-shoes on!” The young drake sighed, swallowing his flames and wincing as they tickled and burned all the way back down into his core.

One final warning glare at the three adults-who-should-know-better sitting at his kitchen table, and Spike stomped towards the library’s front door, praying to Faust Herself that it wasn’t another demented reporter trying to scream him into submission.

But when he opened the door, Spike was greeted with a sight he had never thought possible.

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“Twilight?” The purple alicorn groaned, the only calm point in her world right now the feel of Luna’s wing-feathers still meshed with her own, the after-shocks of the Sympathy-fueled spasms slowly fading through their bodies while the Spa-Twins shot the two alicorns nervous looks while whispering to each other in-front of the table where they had their massage-supplies waiting.

“…Present. But that was … far more than I was expecting from a massage.” Twilight whimpered, trying to get up off the massage couch and try to hide, completely embarrassed by the fact that another mare had managed to make her that tingly all over, and in-front of Luna no less, but her limbs remained pleasantly numb and completely unresponsive. “Suh-sorry, Luna, I didn’t mean to … well, do all of that.”

Her body had responded, but it hadn’t felt sexual, even though her body had shuddered and quaked under Aloe’s skilled hooves. That said, Twilight ached all over, and right now slinking off to the spa to soak in the hot water sounded absolutely divine. Except the Spa-Ponies had insisted the Princesses wait while the twins discussed how to handle the Alicorn’s ‘unique’ sensitivity to their massages.

“Considering you must have felt my responses to Lotus’s efforts as I felt your reaction to Aloe’s, I think we’re both very much aware neither of us had much of a chance to resist. That said, I think it is best we take our leave before the masseuses decide to give us another round.” The larger, dusky-blue alicorn said wryly, then grunted, straining to lift herself off the massage-couch and failing utterly to get her legs to obey her. “Drat, I had hoped this would have passed by now. Twilight, normally I would be very much against this, but under the circumstances, I’d be willing to allow you to teleport us out of here and back home.”

“I … don’t think that would be wise right now. My head’s all kinds of fuzzy, and I won’t risk a teleportation spell if I’m not fully awake and mentally prepared. Why don’t you just whisk us up in your tail, like that time with the Manticore in the Everfree Forest?”

“Ugh … I wish I could, but right now I think I could maybe carry myself out the front door before the effect came undone and I’d land flat on my face. Carrying a passenger as spiritually ‘heavy’ as yourself, we’d barely get out of this room before I lost control and we pancaked on the floor.”

“Yes, but we could call for the guards to assist us once we’re out of this room.”

“… Twilight, you do realize we would never live down needing to be rescued from masseuses, yes?”

“I’m more concerned about what the spa-twins will do to us next over what the Royal Guards might think about us. Remember, they said this was a ‘sample’ … what do you think they will do to us if they decide to settle the matter right now with a full course?”

Luna narrowed her eyes, glanced at the spa-ponies, whose own whispered conversation flashed back and forth in Prench, too fast for Luna to even guess at the topic, but the tone of their voices, and the way Aloe’s eyes kept drifting back to Twilight with such longing in them …

“I see your point, but we will still need to avoid the twins as best we can, or this will all be for naught. When I assume my will’o’wisp form it is rather difficult to interact with the material world, and if there is something solid in my path I must either flow around it or find another route to take.”

“Can’t you just flatten your form and go under the door?”

“I meant them attempting to grab us and drag us back to the massage couches, Twilight, but yes I can squeeze us under the door. However, while doing so would not harm me in the slightest, you would still be within my will’o’wisp form, your body and mind transmuted into sentient energy that would be contained within my being. As a being of sentient energy, you would find the experience of my will’o’wisp’s contortions to get through such a narrow space to be a very … traumatic experience.”

“I’ll take whatever you think getting squashed in your personal astral-pocket-dimension-in-your-tail trick will do to me over Aloe turning me into mush right before your eyes again.” Twilight said with finality, giving Luna a glare of her own as the older Alicorn began to splutter a protest. “I will not betray the faith you’ve put in me, the trust between us, because somepony has magic hooves.”

“It could affect your Ascension …”

“Do you really want to see, and feel, me getting molested right in-front of you, twice in one day? Because I don’t want to have to watch you make that face because somepony else is touching you and I can’t move to stop them ever again.”

Luna gave low snort of annoyance, but shook her head in a firm ‘no’ as the Twins own whispered conversation began to get louder and more excited, before a fuming Aloe stormed away to the far corner, and a flushed Lotus walked back to the Princesses.

“Déesses, normally we would not expect such a … strong … reaction to our Ponynesian massages. Is this something unique to Alicorns?” The blue-coated mare asked hesitantly, reluctant to look Luna or Twilight in the face.

In other words, are we supposed to turn to piles of mewling mush with our tails waving in the air? No, definitely not! Twilight thought, fuming with frustration and embarrassment. “U-under normal circumstances, no, but we … we’re stuck in an awkward situation right now, Lotus. My changing into an Alicorn had some, eeeeeh, unusual side-effects, and unfortunately I’ve dragged Luna into it as well. We wouldn’t normally react so strongly, but our bodies are … oh Faust, how do I explain this?”

“What Twilight is trying to say is that we’re currently trapped in a false estrus of sorts. As such, we’re very sensitive right now, as I am sure another Mare can sympathize with, and your ‘talent’ apparently interacts with such a state in a very violent manner.” As Twilight trailed off into incoherent mumbling, Luna took charge of the conversation, trying to appear regal as she could with her body barely-responsive and sprawled across the massage couch like a sack of potatoes. “I think, for today that … Lotus?”

“You are … in estrus? But spring has long passed?” The Spa-Pony flicked her gaze from Luna to Twilight, her expression going from shock to disbelief and then a curious mixture of delight and lust. “Does this mean, my Déesses, that you are, ah, receptive to the essence of a stallion right now? Your body is ready to become that of a mother?”

“Eeeeeeeeeeeeee.” Squealing softly, Twilight managed to levitate a nearby towel over her face as the youngest Alicorn in Equestria began to glow pink with embarrassment and steam began to whistle out of her ears.

“…Yyyyyes, but we are not really looking for a stallion to sire foals on us. We are currently trying to endure the estrus, not indulge in it.” Luna explained after giving a withering look to her fellow Alicorn, whom was apparently contesting Fluttershy’s dominion as the shyest pony in Ponyville. “We are trying to …”

“Our Déesses are in need of a Stallion?” Aloe interrupted, an equally disturbing look on her face as she joined her sister, the two beginning to shift from hoof to hoof as if agitated. “Perhaps the … offer that Déesse Twilight was so reluctant to accept before could be just what you need?”

“EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!” Twilight yelled from beneath her towel.

“No, we do not need nor want to be bred, please calm down. We are trying to cure three Ponies of an unwanted affliction, not turn Twilight into Equestria’s first Princess to be pregnant without a husband at her side!” Luna added, giving the Spa-Twins a firm glare that did nothing to wipe the eager, lustful looks off their faces.

“Perhaps we could arrange for you to meet the ponies you seek sooner rather than later? Before you leave for Canterlot?” Lotus urged, completely unfazed as Luna’s glare turned into an open scowl that could have melted steel beams at ten paces, before a loud plap noise made Luna’s ears twitch.

That smell … there’s a stallion in the room, an aroused one! The smell at once sent her body screaming for satisfaction, her treasure winking madly under her tail, and filled Luna’s mind with horror. In their current physical condition, neither Twilight nor herself would be able to offer even a token resistance, and given the manic expressions on Aloe and Lotus’s faces, the Spa Twins would be more likely to hold the Princesses down than help them fend off an attacker.

And given their estrus state, it was unlikely the Courts would inflict more than a light punishment on the stallion if he could prove their ‘scent’ triggered his own breeding urges…

But as her eyes roamed around the room, Luna could find nothing, only small ventilation grates barely big enough for a mouse to sneak through, let alone a fully-grown stallion. Which left only four beings in the room as the possible source of the smell, and Luna knew damn well neither she nor Twilight possessed the equipment for it.

Which only left the … oh no. The dreamscape was a reflection of their true nature after all!

Standing slightly ahead of Lotus now, Aloe’s face was rouged with lust, her eyes glazed as the ‘mare’ stared longingly at Twilight, the spa-pony’s body twitching as, with a long, low groan, the pink-coated mare threw her head back, her hind legs spasmed and a now-familiar spread of black-coloured fur began to grow beneath her barrel, appearing between her hind legs and swelling in size as a rapidly hardening shaft all but thrust itself out, a steady stream of pre-cum oozing from the flaring head.

“And that is our cue to leave!” The Lunar Princess bellowed, Twilight began to hyperventilate, and Aloe advanced upon the two Alicorns. Luna’s mane swelling and wrapping itself around the smaller Alicorn before ‘consuming’ Luna in turn, the billowing piece of star-studded night sky zipping over the heads of the startled, lust-addled spa-twins and then squeezing under the doorway, popping out from underneath and floating unsteadily into the air before unfolding after twitching spasmodically just above the ground, dropping Luna and a very green-faced Twilight onto the ground, where they lay in a pile, their limbs still unresponsive.

“Déesses?!”

“Please come back, we wish only to serve you in your time of need!”

Twilight looked at Luna.

Luna looked at Twilight.

A thin haze of purple magic surrounded the door’s hinges, while Luna’s tail swirled up to hold the door-handle in a death grip as both Princesses took a deep breath.

Twilight screamed “HELP!” and Luna bellowed “GUARDS!” at the top of their lungs, hoping the beleaguered Royal and Night Guards outside the health-center could get to them in time as the door began to rattle on its hinges, and the voices from the other side of the door became far more demanding that Luna and Twilight allow the Spa-Twins to ‘serve’ them.

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Celestia, Discord and Dawn Ray sat in Celestia’s private rooms, the Chaos-God having had a vigorous bath to remove the last tenacious remains of Celestia’s fruity drink from his fur, feathers and scales, as the Solar Princess read the latest ‘diplomatic’ letter from Equestria’s neighbours, Celestia’s mood somewhat improved from the debacle with parliament courtesy of a shoulder-rub from Dawn Ray and a tray of her favourite cakes from the kitchens.

“I wasn’t aware the leader of Labrynthia was concerned about Twilight. They’ve had good relations with Equestria for the past four hundred years, ever since you negotiated a cease-fire between themselves, the Diamond Dog packs and our nation.” Dawn Ray mumbled, eyeing the letters Discord was holding as if expecting it to explode at any given moment. Though whether it was because it was Discord holding it, or the contents of said letters, was up for debate.

“The Phennex is dealing with many issues right now due to hard-line conservatives within her clergy taking offence at her overtures of peace to the Maze Replic. As soon as Cadence, Shining Armor and Ambassador Silicate began to negotiate a cease-fire between Labrynthia and the Maze Republic, Phennex Klain has been facing challenges to her position, both in the political arena and in the Ring of Trials nearly every day.” The Princess explained, sighing and taking a bite out of one of the last eclairs, savouring the taste of the fresh, fluffy cream, the smooth vanilla of the custard and the rich dark chocolate on-top of the light, sweet pastry crust. Faust alone knew how much Celestia needed to wash the bitter taste of today out of her mouth … and to distract her from what Discord had said earlier to her about leaving Equestria to its fate. “Phennex Klain was, the last time we spoke privately, doing everything in her power to buy Silicate enough time to get the cease-fire locked into place and stop another Heresy War with the Maze Republic, so I am highly doubtful that she is being serious about her ultimatum in that letter.”

“But what about the letter from the President of the Maze Republic? High Scholar Caulic was basically demanding we hand over Twilight so she could extract the secret of how to turn mortals into ‘gods’.” Dawn Ray protested, pounding his hoof on the offending letter, which was already besmirched with droplets of coffee from his previous spit-take upon reading it.

“Caulic is a maniac, but an impotent one, mostly. She was made aware of the fact her peoples’ ‘God’ does actually exist shortly after ascending to her position, and was told by Vulcan himself that he was very much uninterested in the secular dispute that has caused the Maze Republic and Labrynthia to form from the original Minotaur empire after centuries of civil war amongst the Minotaurs … mostly because both sides were wrong in the first place and Vulcan had become disgusted with how his people were abusing his name as an excuse to commit atrocities against each other.” The Princess took an entirely undignified bite of her pasty, over half the morsel disappearing as her expression turned pensive. “Needless to say, as a militant athiest who had built her entire career around the concept that divine entities did not exist and religion was merely another tool to control the ‘ignorant masses’ as she so delightfully described her people, Caulic did not take the revelation that divine entities were real well at all, and was even less able to handle the fact that Vulcan found her belligerence towards his very existence utterly hilarious. Thankfully the rest of her Council are far removed from Caulic’s extremism and egotism and are keeping her in check until her term as the High Scholar comes to an end next year.”

“Are we even going to discuss the mountain of letters from the various caliphs, warlords and kings of the ironically-named United States of Gryphonia?” Nibbling pensively on an cherry tart that stubbornly regenerated with every bite, Discord lifted the longest of the letters from the Gryphons to read it, his eyes widening they absorbed the harsh, angular script the gryphons used, and how the script became larger and more irregular as the letter progressed, the demands in said letter become more furious and blood-thirsty the further down the letter he went. “Demanding we surrender our ‘purple false-goddess whorse’ so they can revive some God called Asha’Ramahn? Last time I checked, the Powers made it abundantly clear that Gods are not allowed to set up cults on worlds controlled by Immortals, unless explicitly directed to do so by the Powers themselves.”

“Asha’Ramahn is not a God, thank the Powers for small mercies, despite what the Gryphons’ Priesthood claims. Once, they were two very powerful and ruthless Princelings, the second and third sons of a powerful and peaceful Calpih with whom I and the other Immortals had made great strides with in pacifying and uplifting the Gryphons. Asha and Ramahn stepped in at the moment I was overseeing the first steps of their elder brother’s Ascension, and slew poor, noble Khollok with vile spellwork the likes of which I have not seen since … since a much darker era. The backwash of their evil magic, and the backlash from the Powers at having such a sacred event profaned, fused the two murders together into a single form and darkening the destiny of their entire species.” Celestia’s face darkened, and the light outside the room from the sun turned a slightly harsher shade before the Alicorn shook her head, the light returning to its natural state. “Even if I was insane enough to offer up Twilight to placate them, there is no ritual, no sacrifice, powerful enough to restore the ‘Twinned God’ to life. Luna and I used the Elements of Harmony to bring peace to their army of marauders and shatter Asha’Ramahn’s sorcerous control over their people. While the conjoined sorcerers squabbled over whose fault it was that mere ‘prey’ could undo all their work, I struck their aberrant form down myself and split the body apart into a dozen pieces, sealing the remains around the globe in the care of powerful guardians. Where their spirits ended up, only Gothica knows, and she refuses to speak of what happens in Tartarus unless it serves her own agendas.”

“So you’re saying this is the ranting of a fanatical cult who believes their abomination of a deity just needs a blood sacrifice to revive?” Dawn Ray asked in disbelief, while Discord went deathly pale and chewed on one of his eagle talons in nervous thought.

“The Gryphons’ priesthood believes they can revive Asha’Ramahn if only they find a suitable offering to sacrifice over the assembled pieces of their dead ‘deity’. Whole bloodlines, entire families, of their own people who had even the barest link to the ancient princes Asha, Ramahn or even Khollok himself have been sacrificed on the altars of the Twinned God for no benefit, ancient and irreplaceable relics unearthed, drained of every scrap of power and discarded like a child’s broken toy, simply because Luna and I missed a hoof-ful of the Twinned Gods’ priesthood after putting down Asha’Ramahn and their ‘crusade’ to bring the world under the claws of the Gryphons.”

“A few months after our victory and once the various ‘states’ of Gryphonia began to recover from the atrocities their ‘Twinned God’ had inflicted upon the Gryphon Tribes, these surviving priests started a desperate lie and called it a prophecy to retain control over the remaining Gryphons that hadn’t needed the Twinned God’s sorcery to drive them onwards and had enjoyed the slaughter and pillaging of their deviant masters’ crusade. Sadly this cult has grown and spread from the shadows until every Tribe, Clan and Nation within Gryphonia harbours at least a handful of cultists amongst their leaders.” Sighing and standing up from her desk, Celestia looked over her shoulder and gazed over Canterlot’s gleaming sprawl, at the hundreds of thousands of Ponies who lived, dreamed and thrived under her benevolent rule. “In reality, their so-called prophecy holds no power, no ability to alter the future since they lacked any wizards potent enough to invoke the necessary forces to bend the primal forces to their cause … and various ‘Seers’ and factions within their degenerate cult have all put their own personal spin on it over the centuries to further their own agendas, twisting the prophecy’s meaning back and forth as the various factions vied for supremacy against each other. All the factional posturing and self-aggrandizement from the Cult aside, the ‘prophecy’ of the Twinned God claims that any Gryphon who can revive the Twinned God will be granted eternal life and serve forever as the right claw of the Twinned God, second only to their masters in authority.”

“And we combine such a prophecy with the infamous greed and pride of the Gryphons, and their race-wide contempt for herbivores … well. That explains why the Gryphonese Army would risk antagonising you like this after you turned their largest military camp in living memory into a crater full of melted glass and metal slag.” The acting Captain of the Royal Guard eyed the mountain of ‘diplomatic’ correspondence from Gryphonia, kept separate from the other nations’ piles to avoid a ‘mistake’, many of the scrolls and letters written on vellum rather than paper, and blanched slightly.

The pile of angry letters from the disparate leaders of the United States of Gryphonia was only slightly smaller than the pile from the rest of the known world. Slightly.

“Thankfully, not all of it is bad news. Down Unda has requested for the entire royal family of Equestria to ‘pop down’ for a visit at their next Bar-Bhee-Que, and the Choir of Undersea are quite eager to have a chance to talk to Twilight and add her story to their eternal song.” Celestia’s face quirked into the slightest hint of a smile as she nodded to two very different correspondences, one a simple letter that had contained several invitations, the other a scroll made from a single long strand of sea-weed that had been bleached white, the rollers carved from mother of pearl and capped on each end with brilliant pink coral growths.

“May I come when you visit Down Unda? I’ve never actually been to one of their feasts, but I’m told it is something of an experience?” The serpentine Chaos-God asked plaintively, his gangly face splitting into an earnest grin.

“That is a given, Discord. Of course you’re coming, it says the entire royal family.” Smiling back at Discord, Celestia raised an eyebrow at the serpentine chimera. “Besides, I suspect Twilight might need us to, ah, intercede and give her a graceful way to escape the Bhar-Bhee-Que as the night progresses. I don’t believe Twilight has ever drunk anything stronger than my black-label cider, and the Down Undan’s tend to, what is the phrase, party hard when something momentous happens.”

“I don’t know, I think a drunken Twilight would be hilarious to watch. At the very least, her dancing can only improve, because it certainly can't get any worse.”

“I must agree with Discord, Princess Celestia. Letting Princess Twilight blow off some steam with the Down Undans might be a blessing in disguise. They’re a very tolerant and, ah, earthy people, so I suspect they’ll take any neurotic tendencies your student may display in stride and with good humor.” The aging Royal Guard smirked as Princess Celestia stuck out her tongue at both males. “Also, most of our more hostile detractors refuse to leave Equestria due to the other nations of the world having far less tolerance to an antagonistic media, and our nobility are obsessed with the idea that Canterlot is truly the center of Equuis and have focused all their power into the capital. Having our newest Royal let her mane down somewhere where there’s nobody who is going to throw any lapses back in her face for the rest of time sounds like a solid plan to me.”

“I don’t disagree, but which nations Twilight visits first will sway opinions quite heavily, as well as risking offending those nations she doesn’t visit. Having a world-saving hero coming to your country to shake your hoof, claw or whatever appendage you have does wonders for your image amongst the people, and not visiting a country could be construed as snubbing or siding against them, given how paranoid global politics have become in this day and age.” Celestia countered, but her expression had shifted again to a sad smile. “That said, I haven’t been to Down Unda in ages, and it feels like forever since Twilight and I just sat down and talked to one another without one world-ending threat after another knocking on the door.”

Celestia paused, raising a hoof to her mouth and narrowed her eyes in thought, as Discord and Dawn Ray began sorting through the hopefully-friendly correspondence from the other nations of Equuis. She’d forgotten something rather vital, and her turn of phrase has just reminded her of the … urgent necessity of resolving the matter.

“Speaking of knocking on the door, if you gentle-beings will excuse me, I believe a visit to Bedside Manner is in order. Please, carry on without me, I expect I shall not be longer than an hour at most.”

“May I ask why, your majesty?” Dawn Ray piped up as Celestia reached the doorway, and the Princess paused, wondering exactly how much she could say without sending Discord running, or whatever the unpredictable Chaos-God would think was ‘appropriate’, if she explained she might be pregnant. And how she might stop loyal, stoic Dawn Ray from attempting to choke the Chaos-God to death on the spot if he learned about his Princess's 'indiscretion'.

“I am going to ask the Royal Physician for some advice on the issue of the Royal Family expanding, both with Twilight’s Ascension … and perhaps a new Princess or Prince joining us in the near future.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“At least we can walk now.” Luna sighed and shook a fore-leg to illustrate the point, while Twilight merely kept her head hanging low as the Royal and Night Guards, many of them covered in dust and sporting bruises, shuffled as an honor guard around the Princesses, the earth ponies wielding their shields as a ever-shifting defence against the relentless horde of reporters that had chased the party all the way from the health-center, while the thestrals that could still fly hovered directly over the ground-bound Princesses to block flying or levitating reporters trying to get that lucky shot over the top of the Royal Guards’ shields.

“Majesties … no, we should wait until you are safely returned to the library before you explain what we saw back … there.” Guard Bulwark grunted, checking a reporter with his heavy, rectangular shield as the deranged-looking mare charged the Princesses, camera held high in one hoof, and the loud thump and muffled curse as the reporter slammed face-first into the thick, steel-bound oak shield sweet, guiltily-enjoyed music to Twilight’s ears.

“I’d appreciate that, Bulwark. We’ve had a truly vexing morning, and quite frankly, if something else goes wrong today I might just flip out on principle.” Twilight lifted her head just long enough to catch the eyes of another reporter dancing back and forth outside the guards’ barricade of shields, which promptly set the lanky pegasus screeching at her for answers about ‘the truth of your wings’ and ‘role in the downfall of Equestria’. “Actually, I wonder if acting out will make these Powers you speak of, Luna, decide I’m actually unworthy after all and I’ll lose these wings, my Princesshood and hopefully this crowd of lunatics that keep following us around.”

“Sadly Twilight, once the, ah, process starts, nothing can stop it, not even death. And the only one of our … extended family who tried that particular form of escape ended up the Immortal of the Dead for her efforts. Poor tragic Gothica, who rules over Tartarus as the Overseer of that infernal prison and oversees the passage of mortal souls into the Great Beyond … and can never again walk in the world of the living.” Twilight dipped her head in defeat at Luna’s whispered words. So even that way out won’t work … I wish Luna had told me that earlier, but I guess even suggesting that method of escaping this fate would be far too grim for most conversations, and given how Luna and I are … yes, that probably would end up with Luna all but smothering me to keep me safe from myself, or starting a feud between her and Celestia that might cause tremendous issues for the world in general.

But at least Luna will tell me about these things when I ask her, unlike Celestia who has said nothing to me about any of this for … most of my life, now that I think about it! How deep does this rabbit-hole go, and where do the Princess of the Sun’s fabrications end and the real history of this world begin? Twilight thought to herself bitterly as she tried to block out the horrid din made by the frustrated royal guards and the screaming, shouting mob of reporters all around her. I want to trust the Princess, I do, but this flies in the face of everything she taught me, about being honest, about being a good pony. But Luna said that our Hearthwarming legends are just stories, that the ancient ponies who left Equestria to found Stalliongrad, Neighpone and Ponynesia were all militant tribalists that only survived because Celestia intervened before they got to engage in an orgy of mutual genocide over whose Tribe Celestia originally sprang from, and that would have been a repeat of the same conflict that brought my people over the Dragonspine Mountains at the roof of the world thousands of years ago.

I guess I really can’t know if my trust is misplaced or not until I speak to Princess Celestia directly … but how will I know if she’s telling the truth, or if it is yet more lies and half-truths? Gaaaaah! This is like a Serpentis riddle-rude, there’s no way to get an answer until you find where both head and tail are!

“Twilight? We’re nearly home.” Luna’s voice, soft with concern, roused Twilight from her bitter musings, and the purple Alicorn lifted her head to give her marefriend a wan smile. “I think bunkering down in your bedroom for the rest of the day sounds like a solid plan … although I think perhaps a letter to my sister, asking for Happy Place to expedite herself to Ponyville may be our first order of business after we ensure the Library is cleared of all reporters and snitches.”

“You want to send a letter to Princess Celestia to ask for the Royal Therapist to come to Ponyville immediately?”

“Yes.”

“Luna, I freely admit to being neurotic and having an unhealthy amount of obsessive-compulsive behaviours, but …”

“No no, I don’t mean it that way. While I must point out that the … physical half of our current situation comes from my side of things, I meant your reaction at the Health Center. That is not normal, not even for a mare of your sheltered lifestyle, especially when you consider the state our hormones are in right now. You need to see Happy Place right now, not months from now when the trauma has had a chance to set down roots.” Luna’s wing reached out and pulled Twilight closer, as much for emotional comfort as protection as the circle of guards around them tightened as the reporters swarmed the Royal Guards in a berserk fury.

Judging from at least half the screaming and demands being hurled at the Princesses, the paparazzi had learned the hard way that Twilight’s new slew of protective spells on the Golden Oaks Library also included reactive wardings that played merry hell with cameras and other magically-powered recording devices, with results ranging from instantly draining the mana-batteries and causing the internal mechanisms to seize up to over-writing the recordings with Pinkie Pie singing ‘this is the song that never ends’ over and over, should such devices be brought inside the living library or even within a short radius around the tree, and in retaliation the parasitic journalists had upped their game considerably, trying to overwhelm the Royal Guard’s shields through sheer force of numbers.

“My friends, especially Rarity, need her more. I’ve lived with my mental health issues for most of my life, a few more weeks won’t matter.”

“Twilight. Eternity. As a paranoid, neurotic wreck. Potentially with control over all forms of arcane magic on the planet.” Luna’s voice was heavy with concern, and Twilight winced at the weight of it. “You will be seeing Happy Place first, and as often as we can arrange it.”

“Happy Place is bringing some colleagues, isn’t she?”

“The message I sent via the Royal Agents’ private telegraph line insisted on at least six different mind healers accompanying Happy Place, meaning one for each Bearer and little Spike as well. The only pony who can amend that order is my sister, and I doubt Celestia will risk any further harm to her student or her friends once she reads the letter. I am certain a second letter asking for Happy Place to move down here faster than planned will not be met with too much fuss.” Luna whispered into Twilight’s ear as the circle of guards rounded the last corner and her library, and blessed privacy, was finally within sight, although the crushed-limestone path to the library’s front door felt woefully under-defended to Twilight’s mind after several block’s worth of being surrounded by stalwart Royal Guards, albeit two Royal Guards were standing guard outside the doorway. But their uniforms are all wrong… “That said, consider that Happy Place will be overseeing every one of the mind healers, so while she may not be directly helping your friends, she will still be able to direct her comrades with the same tact and confidence she has displayed with my sister and I during our sessions.”

“I … guess that’s alright, I just think Rarity needs Happy Place’s skills more than I do. I didn’t have a psychotic break-down due to a fragment of creation itself throwing a hissy-fit in the back of my skull.” Twilight grumbled, wincing as Generosity started, for lack of a better explanation for the sensations it was causing, throwing furniture around in the small corner of her mind where Magic had barricaded the rogue Element of Harmony, before Magic made itself known as well, smothering Generosity beneath a blanket of void and sending waves of apology and embarrassment at her before, again, somehow sealing Twilight’s senses off from the conflict. I will never get used to the fact I have had a sentient entity sharing my head, a silent witness able to watch everything I have done, seen and felt and is capable of completely locking me out of parts of my own mind at will.

“I will be assisting Happy Place with Lady Rarity’s recovery, in-between my duties as the Shepherd of the Night and being at your side, but until we can find a way to deal with Generosity’s … whatever it did to her, then I fear treading softly around your friend and keeping her safe from herself as well as outside forces is the best we can do for now.” The Lunar Princess grunted as a Royal Guard was pushed into her side by a particularly determined knot of reporters before, with a loud grunt of his own, the Guard pushed back with both muscle and shield, pushing the reporters back into those behind them and starting a vicious squabble between those belonging to rival companies. “I have already requested that the Mother of Stones intercede, but she works on a geological scale. She could arrive tomorrow, she might show up a few centuries from now.”

“Oh goody, another all-powerful entity nobody but your sister and you know about.” Twilight grumbled as, inch by hard-won inch, the knot of guards managed to push their way through the crowd towards the Library’s front door. “And how is a rock-mothering Immortal going to help with Rarity and the Elements?”

“Mother of Stones, Twilight, and she is not Immortal, simply older than organic life itself and, as such, knows a great deal about how our universe was born, and how. Be incredibly respectful if you should ever meet her, for she is the literal foundation upon which Equis was built by the Powers, the first Elemental to be spawned by the cosmos in our corner of the galaxy, and she has a very low opinion about organic life due to certain nations having a habit of enslaving the smallest of the Earth Elementals to serve as miners and brute labourers.” The two Princesses looked at the library with longing as their circle of defenders finally reached the front gate, and the hope of sanctuary from the insanity of their morning’s adventures, while the paparazzi howled in frustration and dismay behind them, unwilling to risk their expensive, borderline illegal equipment to the effects of Twilight’s defensive wards. “All Elementals that draw their nature from stone, earth and metal are her children, and in turn all such Elementals obey her as their mother and monarch. Since the Elements, and the ‘tree’ they sprang from, were all of Elemental origins, then it stands to good reason that the Mother of Stones may have a great deal of influence over them, perhaps inspite of the Powers imbuement of celestial energies, and she could offer us insight into how to cure Rarity’s condition.”

“Well, it’s a good place to start, at least.” Twilight whispered back as the two Princesses’s hooves hit the limestone path with a soft crunch … and Twilight paused for a second as she regarded the two Guards standing watch outside the door to her library and finally put names to their faces.

“Flash Sentry? And you are … Adamant?” The purple Princess scowled at the orange-coated Pegasus, who merely shrugged and rolled his eyes, while the violet Crystal Pony saluted smartly.

“Your Majesties, The Crystal Princess, Mi Amore Cadenza and her Royal Consort, Lord Shining Armor await you within.” Adamant, ever the picture of the perfect soldier, knocked on the door with several loud, precise raps of his crystalline hoof. Twilight, however, fixed her best steel-melting-glare on Flash, who sweated visibly but maintained eye-contact until the door swung open, a grumpy-looking Spike standing in the doorway with a much-dented pan in his free claw.

“Spike? What are my brother and sister-in-law … and this thing doing here?” Twilight snapped, pointing a hoof at Flash Sentry and making the pegasus jump slightly in place.

“Come inside and I’ll explain … and please, try to be calm. Princess Celestia sent a letter saying that Pinkie is on a train back to Ponyville, but could you please not teleport random Ponies into her bedroom in the future?” The young drake urged the two Princesses inside, Twilight doing a remarkable impression of Owlicious as she walked past the Crystal Guard, swivelling her head to keep that steel-melted glare fixed on Flash Sentry until the door was slammed shut by Spike. “Okay, before we go into the kitchen to see the family, Twilight, Shining Armor is on the warpath because he believes you’ve been ‘seduced’ to be used as a tool against the country, and Cadence is … well, you remember how she used to go ship-crazy about the characters in your comics back when she used to babysit us?”

“Oh Faust, with the photos and colour-coded push-pins and strings?” Twilight groaned, going slightly pale. “And she’s made a ship-chart about me?”

“Shining let slip that she repurposed a ballroom in the western wing of the Crystal Palace because otherwise she wouldn’t have had the room for all the potential ‘ship-mates’.”

Twilight’s response was to simply groan softly and cover her face with a hoof, while Luna looked back and forth between the two mis-matched siblings, obviously confused.

“I was not aware that Cadence had any … nautical tendencies.” She said, raising an eyebrow at the young drake.

“No, no, he means ‘shipping’ as romantically pairing individuals or groups even though they are not involved with each other. A lot of Ponies do it with their favourite characters from novels, comics, even the movies.” Twilight explained as the trio shuffled into the kitchen. “Well, let’s just get this over with, then I’m going to bed.”

“Uh, but it’s still so early?” Spike pointed out nervously as the two Princesses faces darkened.

“Believe me, sir Spike, we have earned an early turn-in today. Also, if Aloe and Lotus show up on the doorstep … send them away. Or set them on fire. Either works for right now.” The Lunar Princess said with feeling as they rounded the corner into the kitchen.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Shining had just managed to deflect Cadence from leaping up to go looking for Twilight by throwing this ‘Trixie’ under the proverbial wagon, his currently-deranged wife latching back onto the blue Mare with the strange, solid-gold torc around her neck and bizarre tail, demanding every detail about how Twilight and her ‘Marefriend’ acted around each other and similar minutiae that, quite frankly, no brother needed to know about their sister’s sex-life.

And strangely enough, despite a vigorous and nearly molestion-like round of interrogation from Cadence, the former show-mare hadn’t actually given him a name to work with yet! Desperate to escape the akwardness and the pleading eyes of the poor blue mare, Shining had gotten up to follow Spike, telling himself it was to help his little brother if it was another demented reporter looking for a scoop and not escaping from his ship-crazed wife.

Spike’s threat had been shocking enough that it had thrown Shining back, mentally, and forced him to fight down the blind panic that his naive little sister, who would forever be enshrined in his mind’s eyes as that tiny little filly who followed him everywhere with adoring, trusting eyes, had been seduced and turned to evil by Changelings … or just some malicious Pony seeking a quick advancement up the social ladder, either by marrying Twilight or using her as a springboard to enter into the notoriously vicious social-circles of Canterlot.

“Twilie, oh thank Faust, we’ve got … Twilie?” Shining Armor perked up as he heard the murmur of Twilight's voice from the doorway, and he rushed around to the entrance of the library to greet her, full of nervous energy, before taking a closer look at Twilight’s expression and feeling his fears about changeling plots to seduce and corrupt his sister with a ‘sudden’ change to an alternative lifestyle fading away before the simple, all-consuming love for his family as he took in the fatigued posture, the bags under her eyes and the way Twilight flinched away from contact with him like a shell-shocked soldier might.

“Hey BBBFF … can I just say your timing sucks.” Twilight grunted, inching towards him and extending a hoof rather than their usual bear-hug, and the Royal Consort gave her hoof a quick shake, holding onto the limb for only a few moments before Twilight withdrew, causing Shining to shoot a questioning look at Princess Luna, who just shook her head and mouthed ‘later’.

“Indeed, Royal Consort, I fear your visit is most … unexpected. Perhaps you could come back at a later time?” Princess Luna gave Shining a look he had only seen Celestia produce once before and had nearly reduced him to tears on the floor, and that had been the day after he and Cadence had crossed the line from merely dating to being an actual couple …

“Well, you see Cadence and I went into panic-mode when we learned that Queen Chrysalis had snuck into the Equestria once again, courtesy of Princess Celestia’s ideology, and then our attempt to get Queen Chrysalis kicked out of the country was derailed after we were told by Princess Celestia that Twilight had, suddenly, decided she was a lesbian …” Shining began, before being interrupted by the two Princesses before him, both their faces scrunching up with frustration and anger.

“That bitch.” The Princesses said together in low-pitched voices.

“… Aaaaaaaaand we came rushing down because both Cadence and I were concerned this was some labyrinthian ploy by the Changelings to convert or corrupt Twilight again while we were all distracted by Chrysalis. You do have to admit that this is … very out of character for you, Twilie, liking mares that way, I mean. Oh Faust this is going to be awkward.” The Royal Consort finished, leaning back slightly from Twilight and Luna as his gaze flicked over them, noting their mussed manes, haggard expressions and the dullness of their eyes. “We were actually hoping Twilight might be willing to stand up to Princess Celestia with us to get the Changeling’s Queen thrown back across the border. Your sister might be willing to ignore Cadence and myself as ‘foreign’ leaders now, but I doubt she can honestly discard the advice of her beloved student.”

For some reason, that only made Luna and Twilight scowl more. Shining hoped the ill-feelings the two were suffering were not focused on him. With the way Princess Celestia had been behaving yesterday, Shining suddenly found the concept of having three Immortals pissed off at him almost worse than having Chrysalis running amok and wondering if rushing down from the Crystal Empire as they had was not the worst damn decision he and Cadence had ever made.

“I am intending to return to Canterlot and have a long, pointed discussion with my sister about her decision to single-hoofedly open diplomatic relations with the Changelings, rather than consulting with myself as her fellow Diarch, and Twilight …” Luna sighed and patted Twilight across the shoulders with a wing, and Shining felt his heart melt a little as Twilight leaned into her fellow princess, eyes closing with what looked like fatigue as his sister rested her head against Luna’s long, graceful neck. “Twilight has some questions about Equestria’s distant past that are in dire need of answers.”

I guess we’re all very lucky that Luna is willing to leave her duties for a short while to be Twilight’s shield during these trying times. All those years wondering if my little sister was ever going to reconnect with another Pony after he left our house-hold, and now here she is, close as two peas in a pod with the Princess of Standoffishness, of all Ponies. Will wonders never cease? Shining thought to himself, nodding as much in response to Luna’s words as the thought that his shy, socially-awkward sister had become so adept at befriending others, even the scary ones like Princess Luna.

“Well, be that as it may, Cadence and I are both here for the day due to some … shenanigans from the three Generals and Princess Celestia herself. If you need some time to recuperate, I can drag Cadence out of your manes and come visit tomorrow. Maybe even draw some of the paparazzi out of your tails?” The white-coated Unicorn offered, wanting dearly to know the answers to his questions, but the sight of his sister drove all his fears away with the force of his compassion for her current state. “Just … tell us who your marefriend is soon, will you? Cadence has worked herself into a lather trying to figure it out and I don’t want to have to deal with my wife in the middle of a shipping frenzy while we’re trying to save Equestria from the Changelings again.”

Twilight and Luna shared a surprised look, while Spike merely covered his face with a claw and gave a great, gusty sigh.

“Uh, it isn’t obvious?” Twilight said, lifting her head from Luna’s neck to give him an annoyed look.

“No, else Cadence would probably not be giving your live-in maid the Spanyard Inquisition treatment on whom you’re dating right now.”

Twilight and Luna turned to look at each other, an expression of shock on their faces, as they said together. “Dating …”

“Please, tell me you’re at least playing hard to get, Twilight. The last thing you need is to be the ‘easy’ Princess in the eye of the public. Faust knows I had to lean on Flash with all the leverage I had to keep his ‘version’ of your date out of the public arena.”

“That’s none of your business, but I trust my marefriend to keep our private lives just that, private.” Twilight shot back, colouring significantly and wrapping a wing around Luna, probably for support Shining thought to himself, considering the way this conversation is going.

“I can assure you, Shining Armor, that I am keeping very close tabs on Twilight’s sexual adventures.” Luna said, a sudden smirk appearing on her face as both Spike and Twilight performed spit-takes. “Indeed, one could even say I am ‘hock-deep’ in this matter.”

Twilight was possessed by a sudden cough-fit that left her spitting half-words and noises caused her to go cross-eyed. Spike turned green … or green-er than usual. Shining simply gave her a puzzled look.

“Well that’s good to know that I can leave Twilight in your capable hooves, Princess Luna.”

“Oh do not worry, Shining, my hooves are quite capable, isn’t that right, Twilight.”

“I will end you.” Twilight squeaked out, flushing so heavily that for a moment, Shining thought he was looking at a miniature version of his wife.

“Riiiight. Look, Twilie, we’re just wanting to make sure you don’t get hurt. I’m sure that Princess Luna can teach you the ropes.” Shining tried to take a soothing tone to his frazzled sister. “Relationships are a lot like reefs, Twilight. Not the easiest thing for a novice to navigate.”

“The ropes, huh? Well, perhaps that’s what we need to include in our next, ah, study session, wouldn’t you say, Twilight?” Luna asked, that smirk turning into a wicked grin as Twilight skipped flushing and went to flat-out glowing neon-pink with steam leaking out her ears.

“Ugh, that’s another kink destroyed, thanks guys.” Spike grumbled, sticking a claw in each of his ear-holes with a look of disgust on his face.

“But worry not, Shining, you can be assured that I am quite happy to advise Twilight on how to handle her marefriend. She is a quick and eager study, after all. I would not be surprised if your sister has me singing her praises all over Equestria before her Ascension is over.”

For some reason, this had Twilight curling up into a ball by Luna’s hooves with her newly-grown wings plastered over her own face.

Confused at Luna’s phrasing and more than a little alarmed at Twilight’s shenanigans, Shining Armor opened his mouth, only to feel the breath choke in his throat as a familiar pressure made itself known behind him.

“Squeeeeeeeeee….”

“Oh dear sweet Faust, not again.” Spike and Shining groaned together as the three ponies and one drake all turned around to look at the disaster behind them.

Cadence stood at the entrance to the kitchen, her mane and tail writhing with a life of their own, neon-pink magic flowing through them and around the blue unicorn that was currently suspended in the air by that flowing tail, white foam spilling out her her mouth and a blush on her face. The Alicorn of Love’s face was set into a terrifying, manic grin as that awful “Squeeeee” noise just built and built and built.

“Abandon the library, Crusaders and Drakes first, everypony else second!” The Crusaders yelled, rushing past the pink Demon of Love and tackling Spike in the process, dragging him down into the basement as, frozen by some primal instinct that belonged to their ancient ancestors when facing a terrible predator, the adults in the room remained stock-still, barely breathing.

“Niece, you must …” Luna began, going pale-faced before taking a step backwards.

It proved to be the wrong move.

Seeing her ‘prey’ attempting to retreat, Cadence lunged forwards, in the full grasp of her power, and her favourite hobby, her mane and tail billowing in size to the point that Shining was flattened against the wall by his wife’s animated hair, his head jarring painfully against the living oak, as she pounced on Twilight and Luna, that manic grin growing impossibly large as the other two Princesses stammered and flailed, trying vainly to escape the clutches of Cadence’s hair.

“Tell. Me. Everything.” Cadence squee’d loud enough to make Shining’s ears ring with pain, but the blow against his temples made the world swim and start to blacken.

I never did learn who Twilight was dating … was Shining’s last thoughts before blessed darkness claimed him and spared him from a front-row seat of Cadence’s interrogation on his sister’s sex-life.