Author's Notes:

The Usual Disclaimer:

The following is a work of parody, and is protected as Fair Use under section 17 U.S. Code § 107 of US Copyright Law. My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic and all affiliated characters are property of Hasbro Inc.

I own nothing. All characters, settings and other belong to their respective owners. This is purely a fan-work with no intent towards profit, slander or harm towards the characters, settings or other, or their respective owners. If the respective owners feel that this fan-work in any way, shape or form threatens or besmirches their property, please let me know so that it be can be removed asap.

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Hi-Ho, Hi-Ho, it's off to hell I go!

And we return to the Cutiemark Crusaders in sexual situations again. Oh my god, why. Also, Twilight appears to be beginning on her ascent to the position of Goddess of Friendship, Magic and Alcoholism!

Sorry this one took so long to get out, minor technical issues involving a large fluffy cat who decided that she absolutely had to sleep right next to the exhaust-port on my tower which nearly cooked the entire thing. Overclocked gaming machines + cats who apparently like to sleep ontop of warm air currents = author nearly having heart-failure when said machine decides to nearly crap itself in protest.

CHAPTER 52

It was awkward. Painfully awkward. Standing under the hot shower in a tangle of limbs, fur and partially-melted taffy and struggling against each other as their bindings slowly gave way and started to melt reminded Scootaloo uncomfortably about what the Crusaders had done to each other last night, and the young Pegasus kept on beating down the urge to turn her efforts to getting loose from the tangle of limbs and taffy into trying to get something into her friends. Again. Or maybe something of theirs into her.

Despite how good it felt when the softness under Sweetie Belle’s tail rubbed several times against Scootaloo’s new ‘limb’, or how great Applebloom was at preening the sticky residue of the taffy out from the orange pegasus’s feathers, Scootaloo kept telling herself it was probably a bad idea to start up what happened last night again … even if she spent a considerable amount of willpower telling the newest part of herself to go away.

The only thing that saved Scootaloo from complete humiliation was that both of her fellow Crusaders had also sprouted to a small degree, the same as her, and Applebloom quickly derailed the conversation to more comfortable waters by asking if the other Crusaders wanted to just soak under the hot water or use the coconut-scented body-wash to try and mask the delicious smell of taffy that was stubbornly clinging to their feathers and fur.

“I’ll grab the hot water first, if nopony minds?” Sweetie Belle said after several moments of quiet thought as warm mist from the shower filled the room. “I … kind of need to clean up, like, really badly. The pond was okay, but I really wasn’t going to wash up in cold water.”

“Yeah, not the best experience, but at least the cold water helped with the … you know … chafing.” Scootaloo said bluntly, earning a blast of water from a blushing Sweetie Belle before the young Unicorn manipulated the shower-head to deliver intense streams of hot water over and down the crown of her head and neck.

“Can we not talk ‘bout how we just about banged each other into a coma last night?” Applebloom muttered softly, picking up a soft-bristled scrubbing brush, squeezing a hoof-ful of the body-wash onto it and started scrubbing at her damp fur. “Kinda ain’t sure how we’re supposed t’deal with this.”

“We’re still all friends, we’re just a lot closer today than we were yesterday, or at least that’s how I see it.” Scootaloo protested, grabbing a rebellious feather on one of her small wings and straightening it, eyeing the spread of her feathers with a critical eye. Not being able to fly had made the young Pegasus almost Twilight-levels of pedantic about her wing-hygiene, as if to prove it wasn’t her fault that the skies were still denied to her, but rather Fate being a fickle whorse. “Although I kinda wish Twilight could take her time with a counter-spell. Last night was fun. Crazy, but fun.”

“Ah think we’ve had enough crazy for a lil’ while. Don’t get me wrong, ah liked what we did last night jus’ as much as you did, but ah think Granny might have a fit if ah came home with a fat belly at my age.” Applebloom pointed out morosely, taking the sud-covered brush and tackling her other flank, the competing smells of coconut and taffy filling the air. “And we still haven’t gotten any of those pills Cherilee was talkin’ about during Sex Ed, so who knows if we’ve gone an’ knocked each other up!”

“Cutiemark Crusader Herd-Mates?” Scootaloo offered with a chuckle, before getting blasted in the face with a stream of water from Sweetie Belle again. “Pfffwaagh! Sweetie, it was just a suggestion! Besides, it’s not like we got any cards from anypony else on Hearts and Hooves day this year!”

“Scoots, you’re one of my best friends, but I don’t think I could handle being your Herd-Mate. Especially since it would be just three Mares, all pregnant and with no Stallion is stepping forwards to claim responsibility.” Moving the shower-head around her body to blast out the last traces of taffy from her fur, Sweetie Belle shot her fellow Crusaders a loaded look that made both Scootaloo and Apple Bloom cough and look down at the bottom of the bathtub to avoid the heat of the glare. “Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon already give us enough grief about not having our Cutie Marks at our age. Do you really want them to start on us being blank-flanked mothers?”

“Well if we can get some of those morning-after pills, it won’t be an issue, will it?” The Pegasus shot back, wiping the excess water off the soft fur on her face with a hoof. “Speaking of which, should we ask Twilight for some after we wash up?”

“Ah, mah sister says Twilight’s ‘bout as attentive to romance as a rock is to rain. Ah’d be willin’ to bet she don’t even have a condom.”

“Great. So … sneak down to the pharmacy after Twilight lectures us, grab a hoof-ful and cross our hooves, hope for the best?”

“Oh Faust, why does sex have to feel so good? I don’t think we can go back after this …” Sweetie mumbled unhappily as her magic manipulated the shower-head down and under her barrel, and Scootaloo’s eyes widened as she saw the thick, coarse streams of water from the shower-head pounding away at the now-fully extended shaft flexing under Sweetie’s belly.

Scootaloo’s mouth opened to comment, but her throat felt too constricted to push any words out. Memories from the night before kept pushing their way into her mind, of being tangled with her friends in ways that made her blood boil just thinking about and silly, foolish endearments spilling from their mouths with every thrust, every sweet noise they’d made as they’d pushed back against each other …

“Oh mah staaaars …” Scootaloo flinched as she heard Applebloom whisper next to her, the farm-mare’s eyes glued to scene before them both. “Do you think she’s forgotten we’re here?”

“Faust I … kinda hope … so? Or not. Either way works.” Scootaloo whispered back, risking a glance down under Apple Bloom and flushing when she confirmed her other friend had also fully ‘sprouted’ and had a hoof held firmly against her new limb, moving slowly and softly. “I bet Sweetie Belle’s just not thinking right …”

Both Crusaders stopped talking, their eyes bulging as Sweetie Belle’s magic manipulated the shower-head again, the coarse streams of water pounding across her flat belly and dancing shaft down to the cleft between her legs and the base of the newest addition to the Crusaders’ collective armaments, the young Unicorn’s head lifting sharply into the air as the streams of hot water rudely introduced themselves to a very tender part of her anatomy.

Okay, it’s official, we’ve got sex on the brain now! Scootaloo gulped and thought guiltily as her eyes drank in the sight of her friend’s most secret place being pummelled by the streams, savouring the itchy heat it produced inside her in turn as … “…Wah!”

“Sssssh!” Applebloom hissed, dipping her muzzle down under Scootaloo’s chest and lipping at the bobbing head of Scootaloo’s new limb. “W-we’re jus’ gonna make sure we ain’t gonna sprout later, make our tallywhackers too pooped to peek out later! Mah tuck spell ain’t workin’ so good with two things ‘tween mah legs, an’ ah bet yours ain’t workin’ neither!”

“Y-yeah, I guess …” Scootaloo whispered back, biting her lip to restrain any further sounds, either groans or words, as she felt Applebloom’s mouth slowly take in the head, and then withdraw slightly, a new, welcome sensation that stirred up memories of last night’s fun as hard teeth and soft lips contrasted sharply with a wet tongue that slowly took in a little more of her with every bob of Applebloom’s head, causing Scootaloo to hunch a little in time to her friend’s movements. “B-but what about you?”

“Hwuff hour houff!”

“What?”

“Use your mouth!” Applebloom said again, stopping her wonderful actions long enough to roll her eyes at Scootaloo. The two young Ponies shot a cautious look at Sweetie Belle, who had apparently become lost in the glorious powers of the shower-head, before arranging themselves in a cramped circle in the confines of the bath, awkwardly experimenting on each other with hooves and tongues.

There was no lust-crazed attacks on each other like what they had suffered last night, although Scootaloo did feel the deepest part of her clench and itch for want of something to fill it, to grip against something hot and hard and …

Parting Applebloom’s moist folds, Scootaloo lipped tentatively at the hidden pink depths, earning an eager whimper of approval from Applebloom before trying a firm, solid lick. The taste was … not as intoxicating as it had been the night before, but it was not displeasing either. But more encouraging was Applebloom’s response, a gently nibbling of the swelling nub at the top of Scootaloo’s own depths caused the young Pegasus’s wings to shoot out of their own accord, and a long, slow drag of her tongue along the underside of Scootaloo’s new limb made the Crusader’s head spin for several moments before she reciprocated, awkwardly pulling Applebloom’s length to face towards her before trying to mimic Applebloom’s bobbing motions from before.

Which proved to be hard, and not in the good way. Applebloom was obviously very excited, judging from the fact her head was visibly flaring, which made slipping the head into Scootaloo’s mouth a lot more work than fun.

But this thing fit inside me … Scootaloo thought in quiet wonder as she polished the shaft as best she could manage. And it felt good. Really good. Like, better than a triple-ice-cream sundae on a hot day good. As-good-as-flying-must-feel good.

Pulling away from Applebloom was considerably easier than she thought it would be, as Scootaloo positioned herself over the prone Earth-Pony, one hoof holding the confused Applebloom’s shaft as Scootaloo squatted over her friend and then began rubbing the flared head back and forth between her folds.

It felt good. I felt good.

Groaning softly, Scootaloo let herself drop slowly, biting her lip to muffle any sound she might make as the swelling head pushed through her entrance before slipping inside, the rest of the shaft being greeted eagerly by the young Pegasus’s squirming depths, while Applebloom apparently had no such compulsions, groaning loudly with both fore-hooves reaching up to pressing into Scootaloo’s lithe plot to either support Scootaloo, or try to pull her down, the Pegasus wasn’t sure.

Down, then up, then down a little more, again and again, Scootaloo’s own shaft bouncing erratically with each thrust, each withdrawl, her own head slapping at times against Scootaloo’s belly, at other times inertia causing it to swing down and pap against the wet floor of the bathtub or the now-soaked region between Applebloom’s own legs, fully accessible as the Farm-Mare spread her legs wide to allow Scootaloo to drop down further, to take more of Applebloom inside of her.

I want more … Scootaloo thought to herself, slowing her thrusts long enough to push her shaft down, wincing at the pressure as something inside her protested at being bent this way before her own shaft’s head nudged into the hot, entrancing heat of Applebloom’s body, and she dropped down again.

Both mares gave up any semblance of subtlety or restraint, loud moans spilling from their lips as two glistening pink shafts plunged past each other with only millimetres to spare, swelling flares grinding and scraping at their insides as median rings pummelled their swollen entrances, their loins a tangle of sopping fur and milky secretions, Applebloom awkwardly thrusting upwards as Scootaloo dropped herself down again and again on shaking limbs, the Pegasus’s tail lifted and pushed to the side so a wide-eyed Applebloom could keep her eyes locked on the lewd connection between herself and her friend.

“Scoots, ah’m so close, ah’m so close!” Applebloom panted from behind her, and looking over her shoulder, the Pegasus gave a loose, panting grin, shaking her hips left to right as she plunged up and down, bracing herself against the bathroom wall with one hoof as the other kept its position at the base of her shaft, keeping it pointed firmly downwards and firmly inside her friend’s intoxicating depths.

“M-me too. Do it, ‘Bloom. I want it, you want it, let’s do it.” Scootaloo managed to force the words out past her grunts and groans, delighting in the sensations she was both giving and receiving, and also in the expression of pleasure that had claimed her friend’s face. I’m doing this to her. Me. She is feeling so good because of me. And then a thought came to Scootaloo.

They’d get the pills soon. Twilight would fix this … probably regardless of what the Crusaders wanted. So why not enjoy this to the fullest?

“We’re inside each other, Applebloom. We’re so deep inside each other … so bucking plough me, ‘Bloom. Put them Apple seeds right in my belly!”

The dirty talk had the intended effect, although perhaps beyond the scope of what Scootaloo had thought it would, with the young farm-pony’s eyes widening, then scrunching up as Applebloom bucked with renewed vigor beneath her, threatening to dislodge Scootaloo from her perch, the vigorous pap pap pap noise of their lovemaking growing by an order of magnitude, as did Scootaloo’s cries as she found herself being rag-dolled around on her delicious perch, bouncing around with barely any control, her body spasming of it’s own accord as she felt that amazing feeling building up inside her again, sparkles of light appearing in her vision as it came closer and closer and clos …

One of Scootaloo’s hooves slipped at a critical moment as she rose up to bury Applebloom inside her for the finale, the Pegasus squawking in alarm as both she and Applebloom popped out of each other before she fell backwards, landing ontop of her lover with enough force to make them both see stars of the wrong kind, their lower halves vainly pumping for into empty air.

“Owwww …” Scootaloo whimpered, the amazing sensations fading quickly as she felt her rigid wings protesting being squashed against Applebloom and the walls of the bathtub.

“You okay, Scoots?” Scootaloo sighed in frustration as two yellow hooves circled her and held her close, her friend’s breath hot and welcome against the back of her head. “Didn’t hurt your wings?”

“Y-yeah, they’re fine. Sorry, ‘Bloom. It kinda got … crazy again, huh?”

“Yeah, but I liked that kind of crazy …”

“Are you two done now?”

Both prone Mares’ heads shot up, although Applebloom was somewhat restricted by the body ontop of her, and for several moments there was silence, before Applebloom and Scootaloo burst into giggling.

Obviously, while they had been absorbed in each other, Sweetie Belle had turned around to see what the commotion was, and at the end, had been rather close to them when Scootaloo had fallen over.

Thus, she ‘wore’ most of what Scootaloo and Applebloom had let go. It dripped from her face, her neck and chest, even her legs. And there was some on the walls, some dripped from the ceiling and there were even ropey strands connecting the shower-curtain, the walls and the ceiling to the unfortunate Unicorn in the middle of it all like the centrepiece of the world’s sloppiest spider-web.

“Suh-sorry, Sweetie!” Scootaloo chortled, holding a hoof to her muzzle as she tried to stop laughing at her friend. “Guess we kinda went overboard, hey?”

“Just a little.” Sweetie replied tartly, her horn flashing with magic and Scootaloo found herself being picked up and flipped over, before being smushed against Applebloom, the two being pressed muzzle-to-muzzle, belly-to-belly by the Unicorn’s magic. “But I think I heard you say something, Scoot?”

“N-now wait jus’ a minute, we’re sorry, we didn’t mean …” Applebloom stammered, her eyes widening as Sweetie Bell straddled her pinned companions, nudging at the cramped, slick space between their bodies with her own additional armament.

“You two left me out of it again. So I’m going to help Scootaloo out with that little problem of hers, since you two mucked it up.” Scootaloo tried to protest, but between the exhaustion she was feeling, the weight of Sweetie Belle on her back and the now-familiar feeling of a wide-headed prick prodding under her tail, words failed her.

“I believe it was something about ‘plowing’, right Scootaloo?”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Rainbow Dash … under any other circumstances, I’d bar you from joining the Wonderbolts permanently for what you did.” Spitfire said with fire in her eyes, glaring at the injured blue Pegasus who squirmed under her gaze. “That said, I’ll only hold back on your entry to our roster for a further six months, since if somebody pulled a stunt like what this … ‘Rarity’ did to me or mine, I’d have aimed for their head, not their guts. Unless the Princess has any input?”

“Uh … isn’t this a Wonderbolts issue?” Twilight asked after a moment of awkward silence, giving Spitfire a shocked look as the brightly-coloured Pegasi perched on the back of the couch, rather than the seat itself, like some sort of bird rather than an equine.

“As a member of the Royalty, you technically can over-ride any command by bureaucrat beneath your rank, although in order of seniority, any of the other Princesses can over-ride your commands in turn. So … anything you’d like to say on behalf of your friend?”

The purple Alicorn looked from the stern-faced leader of the Wonderbolts to her cowering friend and back again, frowning as she thought. Although a part of her did want to jump in and argue in Rainbow’s favour, she also knew that Rainbow’s pride would be never recover, as well as affecting her relationship with the Wonderbolts in general if they thought the brash rainbow-maned Pegasus got her place in their team due to a Royal’s influence and not Rainbow’s own impressive abilities.

“I thank you for the offer, Captain Spitfire, but this is a Wonderbolts issue. And I’ve only been an Alicorn for a few weeks now, so I hardly think I’m in any position to start flinging Royal Decrees left and right without careful study of the situation involved, especially in a situation where one of the parties involved happens to be a close friend of mine.”

Spitfire locked eyes with Twilight, fluffed her wings … and grinned.

“Oh, very well done, Princess Twilight. I’m happy to see you can separate your personal interests from an issue like this. Canterlot Command was a little concerned, especially after what we had to go through with Cadence …”

“If you had read the reports I’ve been sending for the past three years …” Filthy Rich pointed out with a heated tone, giving the Wonderbolt a withering look as he did so. “… You’d know that the Princess, while somewhat unstable under stress, grew up in Canterlot, unlike Cadence who was found in Las Pegasus! And she was hoof-trained by Princess Celestia, no less, so of course she’s not going to make those kinds of mistakes!”

“Easy tiger, we’re all just a little concerned. When the great Rich keeps sending glowing reports, people get antsy. You never write completely-positive reports, yet little miss student shows up and suddenly rainbows are shooting out of your missives every time she or the other Element Bearers get brought up. Command was concerned you weren’t being objective about your mission, especially given how close your cover-life is tied to a friendly relationship with the Apple Clan and your … personal situate-aaack!”

Spitfire was cut short when Soarin leaned over, hooked a hoof underneath her hind-legs and none-too-gently flipped his boss over the back of the couch she had perched on, a sheepish grin on the blue Stallion’s face.

“Okay, moving on before you two turn this library into a war-zone, we’re supposed to be brain-storming which Royal Agents get paired with which Element Bearers, and plausible cover-stories for it all.” Shuddering as Spitfire emerged from the back of the couch, rubbing the crown of her head and glaring at Soarin with an intensity that should have resulted in the Stallion combusting on the spot, the other Wonderbolt in the room pointed at Twilight with a slightly-shaking hoof. “How about you pitch us your ideas first, your majesty, and then we refine it from there? Put that infamous brain to use?”

Infamous? Twilight thought to herself, smiling wryly. The Agents certainly seemed hellbent on getting orders from her … a quick glance to her side showed Luna nodding slowly, and the rest of the non-Agent Ponies in the room seemed more shell-shocked than anything.

It had been a tartarus of a morning, after all …

“Okay, give me a second to think this through …” The purple princess warned, closing her eyes and running scenarios through her head. What most Ponies assumed was that she loved books because she loved learning, but that was only half true. Twilight absorbed knowledge like a plant absorbed sunlight, and while she might enjoy grabbing books on a subject she was researching, it was more to jump-start her memories than any need to read it up in a book, and to hopefully distract somepony else and get them to leave her alone while she accessed the huge amount of knowledge stored in her brain.

To be more accurate, it wasn’t a question of remembering what she’d learned, it was a question of finding that knowledge amongst the mountain of information she had already absorbed. The books simply helped narrow her search parameters down to a level where she could recover the desired information in a reasonable time, and common courtesy dictated that you didn’t disturb somepony who was reading unless it was vitally important, so it reduced the chance she’d be disturbed and have to start over again.

Distances, wind velocity, known threats from the Everfree Forest, the reactions of the Ponyville inhabitants to previous disasters, the average speed of her friends, the state of the local Ponyville roads and more flashed through her mind, giving rise to scenarios that she pricked and prodded and tore apart to make new ones, her eyes flicking left and right across empty air as Twilight’s mind kicked into what Spike affectionately called Super Study form.

For the other Ponies in the room, it was disturbing to say the least to see Twilight go stock-still, but her eyes buzz around in their sockets as if tracking something impossibly small and fast in the air for close to a minute before Twilight stood up abruptly and walked away, heading to the Librarian’s nook near the door, where she quickly assembled some chalk and the portable chalk-board before dragging the whole set over to the group with her magic.

“Oh dear sweet Faust, kill me now, she’s gonna make us flow-charts.” Rainbow whimpered, grabbing a pillow with her remaining fore-hoof and pushing her face into it to scream.

“Cute, Rainbow, but no. Mister Rich has pointed out they don’t have time, and quite frankly, I need to get you all out of here, go get our supplies from the Everfree Forest and then … I am going to crawl into my bed and get some much needed sleep, I have been running on fumes for days now.” Grinning wryly at her friend, Twilight levitated a dozen pieces of coloured chalk into the air and began drawing a rough map of Ponyville onto the blackboard, using chalk that was close to the colouration of her friends to illustrate where their houses were. “Okay, so here’s my idea:”

“First off, we move Rainbow’s mansion over to this space here, where it can be an equal distance from Ponyville, Fluttershy’s cottage and the Apple family’s farm. Rainbow bunks down with Spitfire, which puts two of our fastest Ponies together and in a position where if there is any problem with either the Apples or Fluttershy, they can be there in a minute or two, or if a situation arises where a fight is inevitable, Rainbow can make it to Ponyville and let us know while the Wonderbolt distracts the threat.”

“Next, we have to decide who pairs up with Applejack and Fluttershy. I’d say we keep Soarin at the Apple’s farm for two reasons. The first reason is that puts our fastest fliers with our most distant Element Bearers so if there is trouble the Apples can be protected, but still close enough to support the rest of us if the situation changes, and the second reason is because with Zecora staying over, Fluttershy doesn’t have room for a second guest, and with the plethora of animals who stay at her house, including at least one grizzly bear that I know of. Anypony dumb enough to try a stunt like what Sunset Shimmer did is going to have to get through those first, which gives the rest of us time to converge on Fluttershy’s cottage.”

“Uh … if the boss doesn’t mind, maybe Fluttershy and Applejack could ‘hire’ me to help out around their places? Mend fences, feed the animals, that kind of thing?” Snowflake offered, raising a tiny hoof into the air. “While I’m taking care of business at one Bearer’s place, Soarin could monitor the other from a cloud, which means we’re still providing as much continuous protection as we can without breaking cover?”

“…That works fer us. Ah’ve been lookin’ to hire on some farmhands to help out ‘round Sweet Apple Acres, an’ Bul … eh, Snowflake is known fer bein’ a hard worker.” Applejack gave an appraising look at Snowflake, and then smirked. “’Sides, ah’ve got three miles o’ wire fences that need tightenin’. Would be nice to have some help fer it fer a change.”

“Oh goody.” The oddly-proportioned Pegasus snorted, but he was smiling too. “Assuming you don’t mind, Richie?”

“No, that’s a good plan. If you decide to retire from Princessdom, Twilight, I’m sure you’ve a sterling career as a staff-officer in the Royal Guard. But what about the Ponies closer to town? And what’s the cover-story for the Wonderbolts heading out to stay at the outskirts of Ponyville?” The brown-coated Stallion nodded thoughfully before speaking next. “I’ll see if Time Turner can provide some spare communicator-crystals for Soarin and Spitfire if they’d going to be separated from the rest of the group …”

“Well, about that. We could say we’re on leave for stress, and we decided to crash with our favourite rookie.” The Wonderbolt Captain said, swatting the back of her Co-Captain’s head in revenge for earlier before sitting herself down next to Rainbow Dash and putting a hoof around her shoulders, the blue Pegasus having lowered her pillow to her chest after finishing her faux-horror screaming. “Nothing against Ponyville, but I just can’t sleep on anything but a cloud-bed, and Rainbow’s the only Pony in town with a proper Pegasus house.”

“How about we say you’re on mandated leave for stress, and I’m stepping aside to give the younger Wonderbolts a chance to prove they have what it takes to be the next Captain and Co-Captain?” Soarin added, rubbing the back of his head with a hoof where Spitfire had whacked him. “Faust knows we ruffled enough feathers leaving Whiplash and Tight Clip in charge of the Wonderbolts, but at least they have the authority and the brass to make the rest of the Wonderbolts hoof the line and stay the course until Spitfire or I can return to base.”

“Wait … you left Whiplash and Tight Ship in …” Blinking rapidly, Rainbow Dash sagged against Spitfire in shock, earning a sharp bark of laughter from the other Pegasus. “Yeah, six months more before I have to go back and deal with them sounds just fine. Thanks, Spitfire.”

“Heh, c’mon Rookie, it could have been worse. We could have left Surprise and Fleet Foot in charge of the Wonderbolts instead.”

Rainbow’s response was to just pull the pillow back up to her face and whimper loudly into the soft fabric.

“Okay, that just leaves us with Pinkie and Rarity to protect, and Rarity …” Twilight began.

“Lady Rarity will have a flock of my Thestrals standing watch over her before the day’s end, and until she decides to act her age, not her horse-shoe size, however long that may take.” Luna butted in, frowning heavily as she gave Twilight a loaded look as the other Alicorn spluttered a protest for several moments before eventually bowing her head in defeat. “I know you trust her, Twilight, but considering the words spoken during her spat with the other Bearers, and her previous failures of conscience involving her desire to join the ranks of the Nobility. I believe it best to ensure that Rarity is kept safe, and most importantly, secluded until she either comes to her senses, or realizes that turning on her friends out of misplaced anger and spite will only result in more suffering for all parties involved.”

“Well, that actually works out well for us then, because we have six Royal Agents left and only two Element Bearers.” Filthy Rich said with false cheer in the now very-quiet room, his plastered-on smile fading quickly in the awkward silence. “Ooooooh-kay then…”

“Yes, well, the rest of the plan. Just … if Rarity is going to have a unit of the Night Guard watching over her, then we can have Derpy flying back and forth between the more distant members of our group for physical message relays, and that leaves Time Turner, Octavia and Vinyl Scratch to look after Pinkie Pie.”

“Oh, terrific, throw me to the Timber Wolves, why don’t you …” Octavia muttered, sprawling back against her couch with an expression of extreme disgust on her face. “What about you, Princess Twilight, or do you feel you don’t need the protection of the Royal Agents?”

“Well, Luna and I will be sticking close to each other for … for at least a year, assuming all goes well, so while it would be great to have a Royal Agent or two around, consider that we’re more likely to be threatened by a subtle enemy, rather than somepony or something trying to magically outmuscle us like Sunset did. Having somepony watching our backs is probably going to be more useful than an actual bodyguard at this point in time.” Twilight countered, tilting her head at the other Pony, who groaned, rolled her eyes and unfortunately met the gaze of the only happy pony in the room by this stage.

“You mean I get three more friends?” Pinkie squeed, pressing both fore-hooves to her cheeks to try and contain a grin that threatened to split her face.

Octavia groaned even louder, closed her eyes and crossed her hooves across her chest in disgust.

“Don’t mind Octavia, Princesses, she doesn’t like anypony. Courtesy of the large, gnarly stick up her ass that, six years later, I’m still unable to pull out of her plot.” Vinyl chuckled at Twilight’s concerned expression and Luna’s stormy one. “That said, with Octy on the job, Pinkie’s safe as houses. Nopony gets the drop on one of Octavia’s marks, not now not ever.”

“Agreed. While Agent Octavia’s attitude might be … less than pleasant, her abilities more than make up for the lack. With Octavia and Time Turner running interference throughout the town, and Vinyl working with Pinkie Pie in her party-business, I think that neatly ties up most loose ends we’ll face in the short-term.”

“Anypony else have anything to add?”

Ponies hemmed and hawed, coughed or shook their heads, but after a few more minutes, and Twilight noted with some amusement, a distinct effort to clear the trays of every last scrap of her zap-apple jam-tarts, the majority of the assembled Ponies got up and began making their way out and back into Ponyville, with the Royal Agents scattering back to their jobs to maintain their cover, and Big Mac, Fluttershy, Zecora and Granny Smith being led to the Ponyville Hospital by a all-but-vibrating Pinkie.

Which left Twilight and Luna with the two Wonderbolts, Applejack and Rainbow Dash still sitting in the library.

“Uh … Applejack? Not that I don’t mind having you here, but …”

“Sorry, Sugarcube, jus’ wanted to know ‘bout how we’re gonna fix Applebloom and the other Crusaders.” The orange-coated Farm-Mare asked softly, scrunching up her already-abused hat between her forehooves as she spoke. “Kinda scared spitless ‘bout what they might have done to themselves last night with that stupid Spell-Scroll.”

“I’m … more concerned they managed to get that padlock off the chest. That thing was made from Minotorium steel and built by Gryphon locksmiths, who are infamous for their ability to make pick-proof locks. The damn thing was part of a set that was given to me by Princess Celestia herself to help secure some of my more sensitive research materials, and I enchanted all of those padlocks with a variety of spells, spells of protection and alarm that should have been heard, if not seen, all the way from Canterlot if triggered by somebody forcing the lock open.” Twilight offered, reaching out to touch hooves with Applejack, who did so with a haunted expression on her face. “How in Faust’s name those three got it off the chest without triggering any of the alarm-spells or damaging the chest itself is one of the first things I am going to be asking.”

“That said, do you really want to be in the room when I ask what spells they used on each other while in the middle of a false estrus?”

Applejack blanched and shook her head so fast Twilight was surprised the poor pony didn’t suffer from vertigo.

“Okay, so, I will get the information out of them, come up with a plan, and then get back to you with the … sanitized version of events. We’ll figure out what to do with them next when we get that far.” Turning to the Wonderbolts, Twilight raised an eyebrow as she caught Soarin staring at Applejack again. There is something I need to ask Soarin about … in private. And when my brain isn’t running on fumes. “Okay, so, assuming you two have no issue with the plan …”

“None at all, your Majesty.” Soarin said with a smile, saluting smartly, while Spitfire gave a lazy one. “But, uh, would it be acceptable for us to borrow some of your Dragon’s Fire to send a message to Cloudsdale? We … kind of left in a hurry when Canterlot Command gave us the order, so we do need some of our team-mates back at base to send us our gear, or we’re literally stuck in Ponyville with just our flight-suits.”

“And trust us, these things are not built for pockets.” Spitfire added, chuckling as she ran a hoof down the side of her sleek, body-hugging uniform. “We don’t have a bit to share between us right now, unless I get Soarin to start dancing around some poles for the Mares.”

“Fair enough, and that’s a mental image that’s going to plague me for days, thanks for that.” Twilight groaned and put her face into her hooves, commencing the now-familiar breathing exercises for a few moments before speaking again. “I’m going to go and check on the girls really quickly, ask Spike to bottle me some of his fire, and then we’ll help you move Rainbow’s house … and then Luna and I have to go and recover a priceless artifact from under a rock.”

“Honestly, Twilight, it is my circle of enchanted shadow and spider-webs, I can leave it where I want.” Luna huffed, but still smiled as she gave the frazzled purple princess a poke with one of the Thestral’s wings. “And it has been an age since I tried my hooves at moving clouds. This will be fun.”

Twilight took one look at the room, her eyes sweeping across the pale and nervous-looking Applejack, the shellshocked and three-legged Rainbow Dash, the smug Spitfire, Soarin who apparently couldn’t keep his eyes off Applejack, and the looming, smirking Luna at her side.

“Fun. Yee-haaaaw. And when we’re done, I’m making a detour to Berry Punch’s place, buying something strong, slapping a horn-muffler on myself and locking down the Library until at least mid-day tomorrow.”