Author's Notes:

The Usual Disclaimer:

The following is a work of parody, and is protected as Fair Use under section 17 U.S. Code § 107 of US Copyright Law. My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic and all affiliated characters are property of Hasbro Inc.

I own nothing. All characters, settings and other belong to their respective owners. This is purely a fan-work with no intent towards profit, slander or harm towards the characters, settings or other, or their respective owners. If the respective owners feel that this fan-work in any way, shape or form threatens or besmirches their property, please let me know so that it be can be removed asap.

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I know this one's a little rushed, it might be the last one I can get out, had to use a friend's computer and I'm rushing to get everything ready for the trip up north to the new job. Gah, sorry all, and again, please tell me if I'm doing it wrong!

CHAPTER 31

“Okay, so that’s … spare sheets, enough ingredients to make fifty servings of Spike’s special pumpkin-and-butternut soup, twelve sets of industrial-grade ear-muffs … did we need anything else?” Twilight asked loudly as her friends and one Showmare all clustered tightly around the kitchen table again, leaning in close to be heard over the racket from the snoring Stallions upstairs.

“Y’all sure you don’t wanna spend the night at my house?” Applejack replied, holding her hooves over her ears and grimacing. “Lan’s sake, that’s louder than that durn DJ’s bass-cannon! How’re you gonna sleep with that racket goin’ on?”

“Sound-proofing spells and the ear-muffs!” Luna said loudly, helping Spike unpack the shopping that Trixie had carried home. “Twilight managed to get her privacy spell-network up and running again, her bedroom is almost completely sound-proofed now. And, uh, warded against unwanted intrusions.”

“Your house is carpeted in Stallions. Care to share your secrets, darling?” Rarity tittered, earning sour looks from Twilight, Trixie and Spike and snickering from Applejack and Rainbow Dash. “Besides, we may have to relocate to somewhere less … noisy. I have news that I think you and Princess Luna will want to pass on to Princess Celestia sooner rather than later, and Zecora has a … unusual proposal for you and Trixie.”

“Unusual how? I’ve had my fill of unusual today. I think we’ve all filled our quotas today for ‘unusual’, actually.” Twilight hollered back, looking concerned.

“Unusual as in … uhm …” Rarity began, tittering still before her eyes strayed to Spike, and she turned slightly green. “Ah, yes, unusual as in not-for-foals and possible crude in nature, but it may help with your, ahem, ‘tests’ to what has afflicted Trixie with that new tail.”

“I’m not certain that Zecora’s alchemy can undo a partial transformation of fiendish origins, but she’s proven me wrong several times now.” Twilight sighed and glared at the stairs, where the thunderous snoring of the Guards was forcing the Mares to nearly shout to make themselves heard. “Alright, once we get Spike’s soup cooking and ready for the Guards when they wake up tomorrow morning, we’ll come over to the boutique and discuss …”

“Actually, Twilight, it would be best if you went directly to Fluttershy’s cottage. I’d … prefer to not be involved any further than I already am …”

“…Oh. So it’s ...”

“…Socially damning if anypony hears about what Zecora is suggesting, yes.”

“Uh, hey, hello, we’re right here?” Rainbow shouted, waving a wing between Rarity and Twilight as they engaged in some sort of secret-handshake-unicorn-telepathy staring-contest. “What’s so bad about Zecora’s plan?”

“I’ll not say in-front of Spike’s tender ears.” Rarity huffed, glaring at the rainbow-maned Pegasus.

“Speakin’ of ‘right here’, where the hay is Fluttershy? Ain’t she supposed to be wit’ you an’ Zecora?” Applejack grabbed Rainbow Dash and pushed her back into her seat before the hot-tempered Pegasus could get into another fight with the white Unicorn. “Did she get scared by all the snorin’ goin’ on upstairs, or she hidin’ from Luna an’ Trixie?”

“Not … exactly. Fluttershy is helping Zecora send a message to Canterlot. Apparently our Zebra friend has been making potions for a lot of creatures other than Ponies, including Gryphons, and when we discussed the border issues, and how the Gryphons have been using alchemical bombs … let’s just say I am glad Fluttershy is not looking after any parrots, because Zecora starts to swear, she raps instead of rhymes, and I would not want any delicate ears hearing what she had to sing, err, say!”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“A Zebra shaman? That makes sense, the Zebras have been using alchemy to make explosives for mining purposes for generations now …” Rosebush sighed and looked over the telegram one more time. It wasn’t often that Celestia’s agents would break protocol and deliver a report directly to the Captain of the Royal Guard, rather than their designated ‘handlers’, but given the situation …

Thank Faust my predecessors saw fit to hide Royal Agents in the national postal service to intercept sensitive messages like this. I shudder to think what might have happened if the gossip magazines, or worst still, the Shadow Court, had gotten hold of this information before we did!

How … aggravating that the Element of Kindness would send such damaging information openly, through the public telegraph network no less! If the Agent manning Ponyville’s small Post Office, where the devices were kept, had not intercepted the nature of the message and cut the line before the full message could be sent, and then recorded the message when the Element had been asked to repeat it after being told that there had been an ‘accident’ with the device.

Once the information had been secured, the Agent had assured The Bearer of Kindness that the message had been delivered, omitting that it had instead gone to Rosebush herself via a private ‘line’ that went directly to the Royal Guard’s own network, rather than the front desk of the Royal Guard reporting station.

The news that a Zebra had unwittingly been providing the Gryphons with the cores of their devastating alchemical bombs for months now could have sent the gossip-hungry Ponies of Canterlot into a veritable fit of rage towards the Zebras and soured relations just as Canterlot needed her neighbours calm and friendly.

Fluttershy’s file did state she was a little … strange … when it comes to such things. Apparently one of the greatest weapons we have in our armoury prefers to spend more time using her gift to talk to her animals and tending to herb-gardens than dealing with the real world. Looks like we’ll have to assign one of Celestia’s better Agents to oversee her, if only to prevent another near-disaster like this from happening again!

“Sir? Princess Celestia wishes to know if the PR Department has given you any indication on when her speech will be ready for her to go over? And she’s also asked to have all Royal Agents placed on amber alert, with an emphasis on looking for fiendish activity and planar disturbances in their sectors.” A harried-looking Mare popped her head in through the door, balancing several folders on one hoof and a half-eaten bagel hanging out of her mouth.

“Faust give me strength … no, tell her Royal Large Mc’Hugeness that the PR Dimwits are still arguing over how to respond to this Succuponi disaster, and that I have already raised the national alert-level of our agents to amber, but I’ll refine the orders to focus on fiendish and other outer-plane phenomena as per her instructions.” Rosebush groaned and rubbed at her muzzle with a hoof in frustration. “And will somebody get me an update on what Royal Consort Shining Armor and Princess Mi Amore Cadenza are planning to do about our Changeling ‘Ambassador’? And what's the status on Queen Chrysalis anyways? Give me some information, dammit, we’re wide open here with our asses chapping in the breeze!”

“Duly noted, sir. I’ll find our Handler for the Northern Reaches and get her to update you on what’s happening with the Crystal Empire and the Changelings. And what do you want Legal to do about the Bluebone case?” The haggard-looking Mare replied tiredly, unflappable in the face of Rosebush’s temper. “Some of the senior lawyers are a bit nervous about our lack of leads on this mysterious ‘middleman’ in the case, the Pony we can’t find. They’re saying it might become a huge breech in our case against Duke Bluebone and the Shadow Court.”

“Tell Legal I want them to stop worrying about things we can’t change and get this case moving already! I want them to pull every possible string, grab every Pony on their payroll that won’t have a conflict of interest with the case and get them working double-time! Every angle and opening we can use is to be exploited to the full extent of the law while my agents try to track down this ‘Mystery Pony’! The only way that bigoted old monster is getting out of this mess he’s dropped himself into is the plea-bargain with us, or he goes to Horseshoe Bay and takes his chances with his own allies’ assassins, no if’s, ands or buts, got it?” Rosebush snapped, her wings quivering with her frustrations. If it’s not one thing, it’s another! Why in the Pits of Tartarus are all these disasters happening right bucking now?

“Clear as a Crystal Pony’s mane, sir.” The Mare gave a quick bob of her head and withdrew, leaving the Pegasus Captain to fume at her desk.

Reports from the border we share with Gryphonia tell me that there’s still agents of the various Member-Nations of the Gryphon homeland running around and trying to sabotage our mining operations and garrisons, but there’s a clear sign that they’ve lost overall direction with the destruction of their base by Princess Celestia’s Solar Flare. They appear to be pursuing the agendas of their individual States, rather than the commands of their National Parliment, which gives us breathing room as they trip up over each other and start to fight for resources and dominance amongst themselves. Rosebush thought tiredly to herself as she finished off her fifth cup of coffee, going back over Fluttershy’s ill-timed message and putting the piece given to her into the larger puzzle, not liking the bigger picture it revealed to her. So if this Zebra shaman was making explosive capsules, believing they would be used for mining purposes, then that explains how the Gryphon agents were able to assemble such powerful explosives without field-labs. They just needed the capsules, a few pounds of commonly available chemicals and … boom. Instant bunker-busting bombs.

So if the Zebra stops making the capsules, that’ll force the Gryphons to start making their own … and that in turn will expose their supply lines even more, since alchemical explosives might pack more bang for the buck, but they require a lot more refining and some exotic reagents to work effectively. But unless Celestia incinerated them all, there are still plenty of high-explosive alchemical bombs floating around our border, just waiting to maim our people, civilian or otherwise. Despite the severity of the situation, Rosebush couldn’t help but smile at the thought of the ever-fractious Gryphons fighting each other to the death over the devastating weapons. Of course, this now means we’ll have to somehow put the Zebra Shaman under protection as well … meaning she’ll have to stay in Ponyville, rather than the Everfree Forest.

Good luck with bad luck. Opportunity springing forth from the jaws of disaster with crippling failure lurking in the wings. Just another day as the Commander of the Royal Guard. It was all Rosebush could do not to start laughing bitterly at the irony that the Bearer of Kindness’s naiveté had almost ruined her plans before revealing to the Captain of the Royal Guard a deadly plot by her enemies.

“Ma’am? Commander Thunderwing of the Night Guard is here.” The harried-looking Mare said, sticking her head through the door and startling the distracted Captain so much she almost fell out of her chair. “Ma’am? Are you alright?”

“Yes … yes, just trying to balance a dozen different disasters right now.” Rosebush replied, pulling herself firmly onto her seat and running a hoof through her mane. Just what I need, a social visit from Thunderwing right when the mother of all loads is hitting the fan! “Please, send her in immediately … and hold all calls until she leaves unless it’s a direct call from the Princesses, or Legal has finally pulled their heads out of their plots and given me a plan of attack.”

“Understood. Commander Thunderwing? Captain Rosebush is free to see you now, please go in.”

“Rosebush. Glad to see you’re just as busy as ever.” Thunderwing said, a smile on her face as the scarred, middle-aged Bat-Pony walked into the office and closer the door behind her with a wing, before seating herself on the other side of the desk without so much as a by-your-leave. “I’ll make this quick, since you’re apparently under the pump here, and technically, I was never here and I never asked for the items on this list. We need them as soon as possible, and they have to be discretely delivered to the residence of Princess Twilight’s parents without anypony outside of you, me or the Guards you assign to this task knowing about it.”

“And hello to you too, Commander Thunderwing.” Rosebush snarked, her feathered wings taking the note from Thunderlane’s fur-covered ones and bringing it up to her face, where she scanned the list, a growing sense of shocked amusement warring with her irritation at the unwelcome visit. “Do I even want to … where, by Celestia’s left buttock, am I going to find three crates worth of paralytic darts … you want a Type VI barrier crystal, in a class twelve booster cradle with a built-in long-life mana-battery no less? And … you’re not serious about the stun-wands, are you? Celestia would have my hide if they left the armory without her clearance. Flames of Tartarus, we’re not supposed to even admit we could have access to half of this equipment, let alone actually physically possess them!”

“Ah, but you see, Princess Celestia has charged Night Light, Red Norland and myself with protecting ourselves and the other witnesses to Bluebone’s attempted kidnapping of Night Light until such time as the Trial is finished. We’re permitted to use any methods we see fit up to but not including murder, treason or leaving the country to fulfil those objectives, by order of Princess Celestia herself.” The older Mare grinned, revealing sharp incisors more at home on a carnivore than a Pony. “Night Light pulled up the plans for his house, where we’ll all be staying, and we identified some weaknesses, thus we’ll be shoring up the building with some booby-traps and defensive barriers until you can get that wretch of a Unicorn into Horseshoe Bay prison and out of our manes.”

“… You know, I should ask how turning a civilian’s house in the middle of Canterlot’s suburban district into a fortified bunker with some of the most potent non-lethal weaponry in our arsenal counts as ‘defensive actions’, but I want to be able to honestly tell the tribunal I knew nothing about this when the manure hits the fan.” Rosebush sighed dramatically, earning a throaty chuckle from her counterpart. “Very well, I’ll rubber-stamp this and let the Guards protecting the armoury know this is to be very hush-hush, but I can’t spare the Ponies to get this delivered, Thunderwing, you’ll have to figure out a way to move it on your own.”

“Not even a pair of guards? Are you that worried about political fall-out?” The Bat-Pony asked, raising an eyebrow in surprise.

“I can’t afford to spare even one of the book-keeping staff or the coffee-gophers for this. We’re stretched to the limits keeping even basic security protocols running right now, everypony who is fit for duty is running double-shifts, what with a Succuponi in the basement, Queen Chrysalis surrendering, General Rhinestone going overboard and sending the entire Fourth Circle of Magi out to secure the Changelings for their transport to Canterlot…” The pale-tan Pegasus shrugged and then slumped down onto her desk, feeling the stress of the situation weighing heavily on her. “General Dart and General Breach pulled most of the Second and Third Circle-Magi to the border we share with the Gryphons … The First Circle and what remains of the Second and Third can barely keep our defences running at an acceptable level. Every Unicorn, regardless of position, rank or station who can do more than use the telekinesis spell is being tapped to help the remaining Magi handle their duties, and that’s creating a security nightmare all on its own since now hundreds of Ponies are seeing the inner workings of some of our most highly classified security protocols and defences. If somebody sent a half-way adequate assassin in right now after Celestia’s head, I’m not sure we could detect them, let alone stop them, before they got to our Princess.”

“And you didn’t think to countermand those orders?” Thunderwing asked softly, her grin turning into a soft frown. “Honestly, I know you’re the new kid on the block, but your position is equal to theirs …”

“Damn it all, Thunderwing, I didn’t have much of a choice! If we let Chrysalis into the country without a proper escort of guards to keep her under control, the Changeling’s Queen could disappear into the populace and we might spend decades trying to dig her up again, assuming that this ‘illness’ of hers isn’t some sort of feint to begin with to get close enough to Princess Celestia to try to kill her a second time. And Princess Celestia vetoed my protests against the rest of the Magi getting shipped out to the Gryphonia border because she feels the Magi I sent out after Chrysalis will come back safe and sound by tomorrow mid-day and it will be just a temporary vulnerability.” Rosebush snapped back, pounding a hoof onto her desk. “And now you’re off to play bodyguard to Night Light! You, the Commander of the Night Guard, a veteran General with decades of service, is off to be a bodyguard to a retired sniper, one who earned a Bronze Leaf and, if my files are accurate, is still considered part of the standard to which our rangers are to conduct themselves? By the breath of the Windigoes, if I had my way I’d be conscripting him and the rest of the discharged veterans to help shore up our border with the Gryphons, some Ponies with blood on their hooves would be a Faust-send for morale and training right now!”

Getting up onto her hooves, Rosebush stalked around her table and the other Commander, who had started to give her a worried look. “But the Princess insisted most vehemently that you were needed to protect them when I need your help more than ever to keep Princess Celestia safe, what with her playing the motherly, approachable monarch, right when the best magical defences I have to keep her safe from harm are scattered all over the bloody country? Dammit Thunderwing, you know the Royal Guards division attached to protecting Celestia has always struggled to get funding from the Court unless Celestia directly intervenes, which she never does these days, and we have to screen potential candidates to ensure their loyalty is to Celestia herself, not some Noble House or political faction, which cuts down on the number of suitable troops under my command. We’re under-budget, severely lacking in Pony-power and I need the Night Guard here, under your control and acting in accord with my troops to ensure we can keep Celestia safe at all costs!”

“I left Major Nightshade in temporary command until I get back … Rosebush, this isn’t …”

“Oh yes, Nightshade, the cherry on-top of this manure-pie everypony has left on my plate! Nightshade, more famous for how many Ponies she can fit into her bed than her military career. Nightshade, who abandons every foal she gets because she won’t use protection because it ‘doesn’t feel as good with a rubber’ or take the pill because it makes her feel bloated during estrus.” The Pegasus snapped furiously as she seated herself again, glaring at Thunderwing and wishing her damn headache would go away. “You left the Pony with the least amount of self-discipline and control I’ve ever seen in command of the largest fighting force left in Canterlot, right when everything is going straight to Tartarus in a handbasket, and you wonder why I’m just about ready to explode?”

Thunderwing blinked, looked at her hooves, at the sheet of paper still clutched in Rosebush’s feathers and then down at her hooves again.

“You are not the only one who has been forced into a corner by Princess Celestia’s commands.” She said in a quiet, brittle voice. “If I had any say in the matter, I wouldn’t be doing this. You have no idea how much it hurts to be this close to Night Light and Twilight Velvet again, to know that … it doesn’t matter.”

An awkward silence between the two Commanders grew, before Rosebush sighed and put her face to the desk, giving up.

“Sorry, Thunderwing, I'm just ... we've got our plots against the wall here and Celestia is over-riding every order I give because she's trying to keep up the pretense that everything is under control. As if it ever is. I’m aware you have a … personal history with the Twilight House, I shouldn’t be taking this out on you.” The Pegasus muttered, looking at the older Mare, whose expression was one of abject misery. “Can’t you appeal to Celestia, ask her to send somepony else? A conflict of interest maybe, say that you’ll be unable to operate at one-hundred percent efficiency because of your past interactions with them?”

“She shot that excuse down as soon as I suggested it.” Thunderwing replied in a soft voice. “Her response was, and I quote, ‘You are one of my Commanders, a General in my army. If you cannot separate your work and your private life, then perhaps you might consider stepping down from the military.’. So I either stick it out with my exes, or Celestia threatened to revoke my position.”

“Buck me sideways…” The Pegasus swore softly, reaching into the lowest drawer of her desk and pulling out a crystal decanter of brandy and two large, shallow glasses. “That’s brutal, especially coming from our Princess, miss Large McHugeness, whose ass the sun really does shine out of.”

Thunderwing couldn’t help but snort with laughter at that, taking a shot-glass of brandy from the Captain of the Royal Guard, sniffing it and then taking a sip.

“Perhaps … or perhaps there is something else going on that is making our Princess less … Princess-y than she was before.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Captain Glimmer fought hard to not roll her eyes at Brass Stars’s visible impatience as gung-ho Stallion stomped back and forth from the edge of the concrete platform back to the station-master’s booth, the dull-orange Pegasi’s large wings trembling with frustration.

Seriously, how on Equis did he pass basic training? I’ve met Diamond Dogs with more restraint!

“Sir, if I may be so bold, the train is still a few minutes out, perhaps you would like to go over the plan one more time before the Magi from Canterlot arrive?” She offered helpfully, wincing as the glare she received from her C.O. bored through her and into the solid concrete wall behind her.

“You may not be so bold, and you will hold your tongue, Private! I am very unhappy with being side-stepped like this and when I find who broke the chain of command, I am going to personally stomp their nards in so hard their grand-parents will feel it.”

“It’s Captain, sir, and I’m fairly certain you can’t do that under Equestrian law.”

“That depends, Private, on who went out of their way to deny me a chance to get back to Canterlot, and just how much trouble they think they can cause with my … connections … back in the Court.”

In other words, you’re going to lean on your cousin’s influence to avoid punishment if you get caught. Again. Glimmer thought bitterly, noting how the Pegasus was leering at her, no doubt fantasizing about seeing her demoted and demoralized. At least she hoped that was the extent of his current fantasy involving her. Rumors about Brass Star's 'conquests' at the local bar did nothing to inspire confidence in her commanding officer's nature.

Thankfully, the train arrived sooner than anticipated, the locomotive all but glowing with heat to the point that both Major and Private had to back up to avoid getting burned by the radiating heat. As soon as the train came to a halt, however, the doors on the carriages opened and Unicorns came swarming out. Dozens of them actually, all bearing the deep purple robes of the Royal Guard’s Magi-division.

Are those gold bands on their horns … Holy Faust on Toast, Command sent so many of Bleak Mountain’s Magi … wait, four golden bands … Celestia’s Beard, did Canterlot Command send the entire Fourth Circle of Magi to capture Chrysalis? Twilight Glimmer thought in awe as the stream of stern-faced Unicorns trotting out of the carriages failed to stop or slow down.

An whopping fifty Unicorns, grim and imposing in their royal-purple robes and the glittering, enchanted gold bands on their horns, surrounded the Major and the Captain, focusing their gaze on Brass Stars, who for all his bluster and fury, had gone remarkably docile in their presence.

Obviously he was only expecting a few Magi, not two Platoon’s worth of the highest order of Mages in the country … Twilight Glimmer thought with vicious glee as she struggled not to burst into laughter at the situation.

“On behalf of my Garrison, thank you for comi-.” Brass Stars began, bowing low, before one of the older-looking Unicorns, whose body-fur had turned silvery grey and mane had turned pure white, stomped a hoof and spoke.

“There is no time for pleasantries. Have your troops ready to move within five minutes.” The aging Magi barked, a flicker of irritation marring his face. “We will capture the Changeling Queen and her Hive, and prepare her for transport to Canterlot. Your troops are to stand by and provide support if she does not come quietly, and only if we give you leave to do so.”

Mouth agape for precious seconds, Brass Star’s orange fur barely hid the furious red that rushed from his muzzle to the base of his neck, and nothing could disguise the way his wings ruffled or his mane stood on end, but the Magi had already moved away, moving into a formation of a large, three-ringed circle, all facing inside, arcs of magic snapping between their horns, and a few others who were levitating what appeared to be segments of a wagon of some kind out of the final carriage of the train.

Brass Stars and Twilight Glimmer had been dismissed, it seems.

“TROOPS! PREPARE TO MOVE OUT!” Brass Stars bellowed, fury and humiliation evident on his face as he turned his ire onto his troops, his rage only growing as he saw his troops already assembled into formation, Glimmer having given the order minutes ago before coming back to try and talk to her C.O.

In short order, there were eighty Guards and fifty Magi gathered and on the move, trotting at a comfortable pace as they headed towards the outpost on the border where the Changeling Queen and her Hive had been taken, eight of the sturdiest Guards assigned to pull the wagon, simply made with royal-purple silk cloth for walls and a roof, stretched over a wooden frame, which the Magi had said was enchanted to the hardness of steel.

The Guards, too disciplined to speak out of turn on a mission, and the Magi, muttering incantations to themselves as they prepared for a trap by the Changelings, made for a depressingly silent journey across the dry trader’s road, the heat-cracked mud chipping and turning to powder under the hooves of the Ponies. It was, Glimmer supposed, better than the Magi trying to teleport themselves directly to the Changeling Queen or trying to commandeer transport from the handful of farms and mines that tenaciously fought to be viable at the very edge of Equestria’s borders.

When Brass Stars offered to have the few Pegasi under his command take to the air to provide reconnaissance, the same elderly Magi who had spoken to them at the train station bluntly refused the offer without hesitation, or amusingly enough given how frustrated her C.O. was getting at the lack of explanations being given, any concern for the local command structure. Brass Star's order to increase the pace was likewise countermanded immediately by the greying Unicorn.

It was, after months of enduring the gung-ho machismo-powered Stallion’s morale-crushing leadership of the Garrison’s troops, very appealing to see Brass Stars brought firmly to heel and made to sit, as it were. Whoever he was related to in Canterlot obviously did not have the pull to get the Pegasi out of trouble with the Fourth Circle of Magi, second only to their leader and teacher, Stoic Mountain.

“Sirs? If I may be so bold, it’s going to get too dark to see soon.” Twilight Glimmer said loudly as she trotted a few steps behind the graying Unicorn leader of the Magi and the fuming Brass Stars. “A quick break to let everyone get their wind back, and for the Unicorns to make some light-charms so everyone can see where they’re putting their hooves, might be a good idea.”

“Denied.” The Magi’s leader said before Brass Stars could finish opening his mouth. “We will be conserving as much of our magic as we can to keep the Changelings docile for their trip back to Canterlot. You Guards will just have to make do with what light sunset and moonlight will give us.”

Okay, decidedly less amusing now. Glimmer thought, hoping her face remained the same pleasant mask she’d cultivated during Brass Star’s tenure. Whoever this Magi was, he was most certainly the most abrupt and bitter he-mule she’d ever met. At first I thought it was the usual Canterlot Elite attitude to non-Unicorns on display here, but he's very antagonistic to everypony, even one of his own 'kind'.

“Forgive my impudence, Sir, but if the Magi alone will be using spells on the Changelings, we still have eight Unicorns amongst the Border Guards here. We can provide enough light-charms to provide minimal light for the rest of the Guards.” Glimmer offered, only to have the greying Unicorn turn and give her a glare so loaded with venom she almost missed a step.

“I doubt a Border Guard is capable of even that … what is your name, Mare?”

Oh. Oh you did not just go there.

“Twilight Glimmer, Sir. Captain of the 1st Unit, 42nd Garrison, specialising in communications and long-distance scrying spells.”

It was … gratifying … to see the Magi closest to her flinch away the moment she said ‘Twilight’. Much as the family name caused me no end of grief in Canterlot, it’s times like this our name still carries enough infamy to make the other Unicorns take notice.

“A Twilight, eh?” The greying Unicorn muttered, his glare turning into a look of quiet alarm. “Very well … Captain. You may attempt to provide light for the rest of the Border Guards then … but the instant I give you the command, you are to douse them, am I clear?”

“Perfectly, sir!” Glimmer replied, saluting as best she could while trotting, hoping her pleasant ‘mask’ expression was holding up to the scrutiny of the Ponies around her. It wouldn’t do for them to see how upset she was, especially not the fuming Brass Stars, who had barely gotten a word out of the Magi’s leader other than ‘No’ or ‘Just do it.’

This cannot possibly get any worse …

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Well isn’t this just perfect.” Twilight sighed, trying to not slump as Luna and herself trotted over to Fluttershy’s cottage … with about two-score Reporters following about ten feet behind them, snapping pictures with their cameras and generally making Twilight feel incredibly uncomfortable, but otherwise not trying to get the Princesses to talk to them.

“Be grateful, Twilight. At least they aren’t trying to use magic to make our tails fly up into the air.” Luna replied in a quiet voice, that vein throbbing in her temple again. “Some lout decided it would make a good ‘money shot’ to try and flip Celestia’s tail out of the way and take a shot of the Royal Rump.”

“Ugh, Luna, ‘money shot’ doesn’t mean … ugh.” Spike muttered before shoving a claw into his mouth and shaking his head.

“Wait, what?” Twilight gasped, blinking and shooting Luna a look of shock, before her gaze turned to the reported, picking out at least six Unicorns amidst the mob.

“Yes. Thankfully, both my sister’s tail and my own are beyond such things, but the Royal Guards flanking her were not so fortunate.” A ghost of a smile crossed Luna’s face as she spoke. “Needless to say, the reporter was fined for ‘sexually harassing’ the Guards and was forced to publicly apologise to the guards for her actions, but it happened.”

“Maybe I can convince Rarity to make me some weights to keep my tail hanging low …” The newest Princess muttered, her horn flickering with magic for an instant with a barrier spell on her lips, before she thought better of it, and instead turned to try and focus on the narrow path that led to Fluttershy’s cottage. “After half the reporters at the press-conference passed out or threw up after I described teleportation spells, I would have thought the reporters would be keeping their distance from me for a while.”

“Oh no, I assure you there is no force on Equestria more determined, more relentless, than the Canterlot Paparazzi. Even if they can’t find a story, they will simply make one up, and then force you to chase them through the courts to get a retraction.” The Lunar Princess explained, an expression of intense irritation crossing her face. “Faust knows some of the slanderous filth that’s been printed about myself during the first few months of my return. Celestia says that we Princesses are not to use our Right of Crown frivolously, but flogging Ponies that wilfully slander the Royal Family of Equestria is an old law that was never actually removed from legal codexes, so I don’t believe that counts as ‘abusing’ that Right.”

And just like that, the reporters found the grass, skies and trees suddenly fascinating … at least for a few moments, before following the two Princesses and the young Drake with about twenty feet between the two groups now.

“Faaaaaaauuuuuuuuuust.” Luna and Twilight groaned together, shooting each other concerned looks.

Whatever it was that Zecora had planned for Trixie, it was, according to Rarity at least, and she of all ponies would be able to pick it, a socially damning concept. And now the two Princesses had a pack of Canterlot’s finest news-weasels on their tails, guaranteed to turn even the most innocent picture into the centrepiece of a story intended to wow the population while painting the victims of their ‘reporting’ in the worst possible light for shock-effect.

And if Twilight and Luna attempted to drop barriers or shields around Fluttershy’s cottage, it would simply attract even more attention, and possibly bring hordes of reporters and paparazzi down on Fluttershy’s head, which would cause the cripplingly shy Pegasus no end of grief.

Still, new space between them and the reporters gave the two Mares a chance to hash out a rushed plan between them. They would enter the cottage, explain the plan to Fluttershy and Zecora, and then leave the cottage under an invisibility spell and take refuge back in Ponyville.

Twilight suggest teleporting, and was rewarded with a sickly look from Luna followed by an emphatic “NO.”, while Spike had asked if Luna was able to gather everyone up in her astral mane and fly away, but again the Lunar Princess had pointed out that a magically self-contained piece of the night sky would be far, far too obvious on a bright, sunny day like today.

Which, unfortunately, left them with only Twilight’s invisibility spell, which would allow them to escape under a dome of magic that would distort light and hide whatever was inside of them, but would be instantly noticed if the dome was entered by a prowling reporter or one of Fluttershy's animals.

Still, it was their best bet, and their only real plan, as the unhappy trio rounded a bend in the path and finally caught sight of Fluttershy's idyllic little cottage.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Oh, they're here, they're almost here!" Fluttershy whispered, already in a panic as she flapped around her cottage, trying to set the coffee-table with snacks and tea while simultaneously fighting off Angel's attempts to lock the door, and urging the rest of the animals to leave the cottage for the duration of the visit.

"Fluttershy, my dear dear friend, don't you think this worrying should be at it's end?" Zecora asked, bemused, from the couch as she swiped another oat-and-honey biscuit from the pile, savouring the sweet treat on her tongue. "Twilight is your good friend, and Luna a Princess, pure now thanks to you. I am certain both would be mortified to be the source of this hullabaloo!"

"But .... but ...." The butter-yellow Pegasus whimpered, giving the Zebra shaman the biggest, most tear-filled eyes Equestria had ever seen. "What if Luna is upset with me! I was so terrified of her last Nightmare Night, what if she's holding a grudge against me! I need to make everything perfect, so I can apolo-ANGEL BUNNY! I told you to stop doing that!"

Snapping in a ray display of anger and nerves, Fluttershy snatched the eternally plotting rabbit off the door, where he had been swinging back and forth on the deadbolt chain in an attempt to get it into position and lock the door, the two engaging in a glaring contest before the rabbit remembered exactly what he was competing with and decided to turn his face away and sulk instead.

"Now I know you're only trying to protect me, Angel, but I really, really need to show Princess Luna I am a good friend, so ... out you go, with the rest of the animals." Flapping on her soft wings, Fluttershy moved at, for her, a blistering pace to the back of the cottage and gently put Angel out through the doggy-flap on her back door, and then latched it close. "Okay, quick, Zecora, can you think of anything I might have missed?"

"Your biggest hurdle was just thrown out of the room, so please stop panicking and sit down in the room. I will answer the door, so please won't you calm down, your friends are almost here, it would be sad to meet them with a frown!"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Outside.

Outside.

That ... that ... that feather-headed Mare had put him, the great and terrible Angel Bunny, outside like a common animal! HIM?

And all he was trying to do was bar the door to the greatest threat to his plans for world domination! Stupid Purple Smart and Nightmane Spooky! Why now, when his first act in the grand reign of terror he would bring down upon the blind, foolish Ponies had only just begun, did they have to show up?

First, the Three Jailors had taken him away before he could claim responsibility for the attack, and now two of the threats he needed the most planning to face were right on his doorstep? Of all the ... how could this happen to me, the great and terrible ...

"Well hello there!"

Oh by the Golden Carrot, no.

“How long has it been, oh fluffy white one? Since you tricked the Buttery-one into giving me a flea bath, I mean.”

Turning to face the source of the irritating voice, Angel Bunny kept his features as neutral as possible, his movements slow and smooth as he could, to avoid triggering the predatory instincts of the voice's owner.

Opal, the fiendish cat owned by White Snooty, grinned down at Angel, her purple bow hanging off to one side, dirt smearing her normally pristine paws and a horrid grin on her face.

“Opal. Charmed.” Angel muttered, his eyes flicking across the backyard of Yellow Stare-Hard, noting that the rest of his kin had made themselves scarce, and the lesser animals were keeping their distance.

She might be one of the smallest animals, but her claws are razor sharp. Angel groaned mentally, remembering all-too-well the scars he'd earned the last time he had tangled with White Snooty's master. At this range, he might be able to slip past her and hide in the warrens his kin had built at his command, but he'd still lose fur at least from her claws, if not actually be injured.

“Of that, I have no doubt, little … morsel. Indeed, how grateful I am to be taken so far from my home by my minion, dropped into the hooves of her yellow subordinate, and now put out into the dirt like I was one of your kind … meat.” Opal replied in a soft, pleasant purr, even as her claws emerged from their sheaths, digging into the soft grass as the cat kneaded the ground. “And now, you have been dropped into my paws, and just when I was missing my cat-nip filled toys … I suppose you'll have to be a good host … and fill in for them while we wait.”

Oh FFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU...