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Often the greatest hardship of conflict is not the conflict itself, but the aftermath.

Or in this case, finding mouthwash, door-locks and spare shower-heads and trying to not blush when the pony at the till asks what's with that shopping list.

Clopless chapter again *maniacal laughter* But no, seriously, soon as it makes sense in the story, I'll throw some smut your way.

CHAPTER 26

“Five bottles of body-wash?” Twilight said cheerily as she and Luna trotted down the street together, big, happy smiles plastered on their faces even though all Twilight wanted to do was get their shopping and teleport home to hide under the covers until Celestia fixed everything.

It didn’t help that they had four Royal Guards, all of them big, burly Earth Ponies that looked like they shared a common ancestor with Big Mac, escorting them everywhere, and everypony stopped to stare and point, or glare daggers, or shout encouragements.

Getting all the knackered Pegasi who had carried Celestia's 'strike force' into the Library after they had eventually been found, passed out in a pile in an abandoned work-shed on the outskirts of town had been a chore and a half, considering that all twenty-four Stallions had passed out into a coma-like state after flying for so long with only recovery-spells to keep them going, and Luna had insisted that only Twilight, the two Unicorn Guards who had been overseeing them and herself handle the sleeping Stallions to avoid any more potential public backlash.

Not like we don’t have enough of that, what with Carrot Top leading the charge against the Royal Guard for giving her a shock when she refused to back down until somebody paid for the carrots that got spilled onto the ground. Seriously, what is with the Ponies right now?

“Check!” Luna responded, using her magic to levitate a pen and checklist, even as the two Alicorns levitated their shopping-bags back and forth.

It was a test, of sorts, to see if their Sympathy was manageable. And to a degree, it was, although the contact of their magic touching around the bags’ handles still was … stimulating, it at least didn’t sent them into fits of shared stimulation on the ground.

Of course, that still meant they’d have to find someplace safe to do a proper test, such as combined spell-casting, to test and see if Luna’s rampaging Estrus would still drag them into each other’s hooves for some frenzied rutting …

“Spare blankets and pillows for up to three Ponies?” Twilight asked, blinking as she felt something twitch beneath her tail, and thanked Celestia for the social training to ensure she could keep her tail down directly behind her plot at all times. Please, please tell me I didn’t ‘wink’ at somebody …

“Check!” Luna replied again. And how is Luna supressing her hormones? A Mare in Estrus fills the air with hormones that lower inhibitions and raise the sex-drive of every Stallion that comes into contact with them, yet I can’t smell a thing!

“… Jumbo-sized bottle of mouthwash.” Twilight muttered, giving Luna an evil look. “Extra spicy, just like you demanded.

“Cheeeeeeeck!” The Lunar Princess shot back, wiggling her eyebrows at Twilight. “It says right on the bottle, Twilight. ‘Extra-Strength Cootie Protection’, see?”

“You’re hopeless … ah, two shower-head sets.”

“Definitely a check, and since they’re Earth Pony models, I can’t see you breaking these ones!”

“That was an accident, and thank Faust I didn’t cut anything when it collapsed … there.” Sighing, Twilight levitated the bags out of Luna’s grip and hoped that nopony noticed the shudder that went through both their coats when purple and midnight-blue magic mingled for a few seconds. “Eight do-it-yourself door-locks, ‘baby unicorn-proof’ models.”

“Oh, definitely check, we only spent fifteen minutes looking for ones with anti-magic cores in them.”

“Luna, I know it was frustrating finding them, and awkward trying to get around explaining why two Alicorns needed something like that, but I really, really don’t want Trixie creeping up on us while we’re asleep. Bad enough all the personal warding-spells I put into the Library got burnt away by the raw power of Celestia’s magic, but now I have to replace them from the ground up and somehow figure out a way to forbid Trixie from entering the bedroom while we’re sleeping without it being offensive or cruel.”

“How about just commanding her to stay in the basement with Spike? She seems to listen to you the most…Mistress Twilight!” Luna quipped, dragging the bags out of Twilight’s levitation field and giving Twilight a toothy grin when the purple Alicorn shot her a dirty look.

“Errr … I think I’d sleep better knowing I had some defences in place other than Trixie’s willpower. And she was calling me ‘Miss’. MISS. That’s just Rarity’s mind turning pink on us. Again.” Twilight muttered, silently vowing to throw every sloppy 2-bit romance novel the white Unicorn had ‘given’ her right back at the Fashionista when the opportunity presented itself.

“Oh, I think the fact she almost melted when you put a hoof on her shoulder when we left the library was very telling …”

“Noooooo no no no no no! Definitely not what was going on.”

“Then we can put all those locks back, there’s no reason for her to sneak into your bedroom, is there?”

“…. Faust, you’re going to rub my face in this forever, aren’t you?”

“Applejack did tell me you tend to be a little … dense … when it comes to relationships. Something about Cherliee and after-school courses?”

“She meant suspension and … I really, really don’t want to talk about that. Ugh. Memo to self: buy Cherilee something nice as an apology gift for being unable to pick up on the signals.”

“Well, you’re in luck, we’re passing a bakery, you can get her something sweet and fattening. My sister always goes straight for cake when things go horribly wrong.”

“Oh goody, Sugarcube Corner, and I can see Mrs Cake waving at me already. I guess I had better tell them Pinkie’s currently in Canterlot right now ...”

“Perhaps some cake for Pinkie when she comes back will soothe any ruffled feathers, or whatever it is Earth Ponies get when they’re upset.”

“Probably not a bad idea. Oh boy, I hope the Nobles aren’t picking on her too much …”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“You know, this was fun for the first hour or so, Miss Pie, but the game is over.” Discord sighed, snapping his fingers and teleporting away from the relentless Pink Demon, hopefully leaving her and her bottomless bottles of whipped cream behind in the maze, feeling space and time pinch around him as he created a door in mid-air, opened it, stepped through and closed it again.

He’d left the actual destination up to random chance, as befitted an Aspect of Chaos, feeling a mild flicker of frustration as he stepped out of the door … and into a different part of the Canterlot Maze.

Something isn’t right here. Discord grumbled to himself, summoning a cloud of cotton-candy above his head with another snap of his fingers, opening his jaws beyond natural limits to catch the downpour of chocolate milk and then dismissed the cloud with a third snap of his fingers. I should be in Prance, or Labryinthia, or maybe even across the Badlands, yet I keep coming back to this infernal Maze. I know the taste of Celestia’s magic … amongst other things these days … and it doesn’t feel like her, and Luna was never much good at creating magical traps in the material plane.

Perhaps the Purple Nerd? No, no, she isn’t powerful enough to do this to me, at least not yet. And the Elements of Harmony would just turn me to stone if their powers were used on me.

“Diiiiiiiiiiiiscord?” A happy, cheery voice shouted from somewhere nearby. Whipping his head around, Discord caught sight of a flash of pink above the green hedges, close to him, and felt all the hairs, feathers and scales of his body stand on end.

Impossible. I know what I’m seeing, but that’s impossible! I left her in the middle of the Maze, and even the fastest Earth Pony would have taken several minutes to get here, even if they knew the correct path to take!

“DIIIIIISCORD?”

“Nope. Nope nope nope nope nope, not having this, nope.” Discord muttered, feeling the beginning of a truly massive headache coming on, making a move to snap his fingers before pausing as an idea came to him.

Wait, wait, wait a second. I know planning isn’t my strong point here, but every time I use my power of chaos, she finds me. Sooooo … run away, but without using magic this time! Dropping down onto his belly, the Chaos Aspect literally slithered away, sliding under and through hedges, aiming towards Canterlot Castle, where surely he’d find some nice, dark, impossibly-difficult-to-find hidey-hole.

Impossibly, the Pink Demon bounced right past him, apparently covering a distance that surely would have even taxed a professional sprinter to match in less than a minute, still shouting for him in that innocent, cheery voice, and Discord redoubled his efforts to wriggle to safety.

Somehow, against all odds, both probably and impossible, one of his cultists must have managed to tap into Discord’s latency divine energies and imbued himself with Chaos-Powers, and the powers had been passed down the line, skipping generations here and there and flaring up as unusual abilities, never the same ‘gift’ twice.

And the Aspect of Laughter’s abilities apparently included a muddled form of precognition and the ability to teleport.

Ugh, Tirek and the others really will never let me live it down if they ever hear about me crawling like a worm to escape one Pony. Discord groaned internally, risking a burst of magic as he reached the outskirts of the Maze after a few heart-stopping moments of being nearly discovered by the Pink Demon. Give Discord an hour with any Pony and a copious amount of time to pass without anything fun to do, and he’d either drive them insane or have them laughing hysterically in the corner. But not the ‘Pink Demon’. She urged him on, because she didn’t follow the social norms, and thus could get the humour of his chaos.

If only she wasn’t so clingy! Ever since this all-too-physical fling with Celestia had started, and with Fluttershy’s ‘coaching’ on how to be a good friend, Discord found he had become leery of his usual physical slapstick with the Ponies, because he didn’t know what the right response when contact was made. For the first time in his existence as ‘Discord’, the Chaos Aspect was worried, really worried, about what mere mortals felt when he pranked them. Was pinching cheeks merely condescending or matronly? Was slapping a plot a ‘come hither’ or just douchebaggery?

He sure as spit knew that touching a Unicorn’s horn was a definite no-no, just like a Pegasi’s wings, but that had more to do with his ‘adventures’ with Celestia, and the thought of doing that to strangers, Ponies or otherwise, filled Discord with a weird, awkward sense of nervousness.

“Di-Discord?!” A patrol of Royal Guards jumped in their armour as Discord slunk in through a third-storey window, his eagle’s talon held in-front of his face in the universal gesture for silence. “What are you doing here?”

“Boys, do me a favour and don’t tell the pink pony that’s stalking me that I’m hiding in the kitchens.” Discord winked and disappeared with a snap of his fingers.

“What in the …” The lead Guard-Pony asked out loud, when a pink blur shot in through the same window, bouncing off the walls and ceilings, a manic grin on it’s face.

“I heard Discord? Where’d he go! We’re playing hide and seek, an’ he’s reaaaaally good, an’ I gotta catch a train back to Ponyville, so I gotta catch him soon!”

“Uh … kitchens.” The guard-pony said after a few moments of awkward silence, staring at Pinkie Pie’s hooves with beads of sweat appearing on his face, pointing a hoof in the general direction of Canterlot’s massive kitchens, and going slack-jawed as the pink blur shot off in that direction, bouncing off any available surface, be they floor, ceiling or wall.

“Real smooth Hoss, real smooth.” One of the other Guards muttered. “Bro-Code, Hoss, gotta remember the Bro-Code.”

“I … I’m not paid enough to deal with the Element of Laughter. You haven’t seen her file.” The lead Guard-Pony shot back, shaking like a wet dog. “It states, clearly, in the biggest letters you’ve ever seen, “DO NOT MAKE EYE-CONTACT, DO NOT ASK FOR A PARTY, DO NOT SAY YOU ARE FEELING DOWN, BACK AWAY SLOWLY OR DISTRACT WITH BAKED GOODS." And why would Discord say that to us, knowing that we’re supposed to be keeping an eye on him, and he’s always giving us the slip for fun.”

“Yeah, but you just sent it after Discord, right after he asked us not to. That’s … kinda low, even if we’re supposed to be keeping an eye on him.” A third Guard muttered.

“I just said I don’t think I did that. Why would Discord say where he was going if he didn’t want us to tell the Element Bearer where he was?” The lead Guard-Pony said, before his helmet lifted off his head and his mane was ruffled by an invisible paw.

“Ho-ho-hoooo, Celestia wasn’t bragging about her Guards after all! Well done and all, but I’m getting out of here before the Pink Demon eats all the sugar in the kitchens and gets ...” Discord said with a big, toothy grin, before his eyes opened wide in shock, and the Guard’s helmet dropped from a suddenly-limp claw. “Oh fuzz-buckets, I did not think this one through. Again.”

“What?” The Guards all shouted, looking around for some world-shattering terror that could put a look of utter horror on Discord’s face.

“We just sent Pinkie Pie, Bearer of Laughter, an Earth Pony with Chaos Powers, to a place with enough sugar to supercharge her abilities for days.”

The Guards looked at the serpentine chimera, then each other, and then the hallway where Pinkie Pie had disappeared like a hyperactive ping-pong ball.

“Oh BUCK!” The Guards all shouted as one and charged down the hallway after the Element Bearer’s echoing giggles.

“….” Discord held a talon up to offer a parting shout of advice to the Guards, before blinking a few times, tucking his hands behind his back and began walking back to Celestia’s quarters, whistling nonchalantly as he did so.

Time to hide until this all blows over. Luna’s closet ought to be safe from the Pink Demon, and little Woona gets so flustered whenever I tried to take a peek. I wonder what she’s hiding in there!