How many parties can a Pinkie Pie plan if a Pinkie Pie could plan a party? The answer to that is ALL OF THEM. I know that for the first three months of my being here, I couldn't managed to fathom how this mare could juggle all of these parties with work, babysitting, helping her friends out with various errands, visiting family, making her rounds through the town and taking care of business at the castle. When she said that it was because she wanted to do her best to make the world smile, I just simply laughed.

Most of the time, she'd have me walk around with her. Her reason for doing it: so that I could understand what it really meant to spread the joy of laughter and making others smile. She even went further to explain why it was much better than hiding in my room for hours at a time. My response was that I didn't like walking around the entire town all day. It's like going across campus without a bike or a car. Plus it's literally nine miles that I walk whenever I make these long excursions. At least I'm losing weight.

How she has the energy to make these walks and be supermare still eludes me.

Pinkie Pie, or Pinkamena Diane Pie as her full name, was nothing like any other person or pony I've met. She never stops smiling. She always seems to put everyone else's happiness before hers, and in turn it makes her happy. I don't understand how sweating up a storm from these long walks would be so much of a flea in comparison to everything else.

But then I remembered that equines happen to live on their legs. It doesn't matter how long they walk, they're born and conditioned for this kind of stuff.

Three months have came and went. I've practically known the mares around me for a while, been able to learn their particular rules as a society and how they deal with many of their problems. It's amazing actually. These ponies consider themselves as an egalitarian society, despite having an established monarchy. Everyone here pulls their own weight, yet they all lean against each other. No one pony is more entitled than the other. I guess that's why Twilight doesn't have much weight when it comes to changing policies based on her title alone. If she wanted the approval necessary to change something, she'd have to prove just how trustworthy she was. And judging from how quickly I could managed to eat some rotisserie chicken in the privacy of my own bedroom, I'd say that she's managed to prove herself on more than one occasion prior to my arrival.

Another thing I've manage to pick up about Twilight. She has a long-standing crush with one of the guards stationed at the castle. His name is Flash Sentry. As far as I could tell, they pretty much talk whenever the opportunity presents itself. But when it comes to the public eye, they keep their relationship strictly professional.

Huh, I wonder what they're doing right now.

Why did I just ask myself that? Meh, whatever. I just know that Twilight is happy. In speaking of crushes...

"Hey, Pinkie?"

Pinkie Pie, who was busy humming as she pranced around like a foal who just received her weekly dose of candy, stopped in mid-air and turned her attention to me. "Yes, Non-Non?"

Despite her calling me that being cute, she creeps me out whenever she defies the laws of physics. Anywho... "Do you have a crush?"

She blinked and turned away quickly as she immediately pulled a Fluttershy on me. I knew that it was normal that Fluttershy would hide under a bush or behind a tree when someone asked her a rather invasive question. But to see Pinkie in the same manner, I didn't think that she'd be so shy about it. If anything, I'd expect her to be a little more open to it.

As she fell from the air, she almost curled herself into her tail, hiding behind a thick, pink bush of hair. Her voice grew a little quiet. "Nondis, you shouldn't ask ponies personal questions like that."

Did she just correct me on being personal? This is all coming from the mare who compared my balls to a swing-set. I guess that some boundaries are okay to cross as long as their mine. So much for that egalitarian concept.

"Oh..." I hummed as we stood still for a while. She looked away and I pretty much just rubbed the back of my head. I didn't know how to diffuse a situation like this. I guess my best bet is to diffuse the previous question and change the subject. Always worked when I was at home, why not here? "Nevermind then. So what are we-"

"Do you wanna know?" She asked quietly, still poking her sapphire eyes out from the jumbled pink mess of her tail.

"Well-"

Pinkie jumped out of her tail and met me nose to muzzle, her eyes glaring into mine. Personal space was never really a thing around her. Eventually, I grew to get used to it. "Do you reeeeeeally, REEEEEEAAAALLY wanna know?"

I shrugged my shoulders. "Sure. Knock it out of the park."

Pinkie immediately retracted herself from my face and started up with her usual prancing in a circle as she told her story. "Actually, I did have a crush! I had a few of them! The first one was my dad."

Say what now?

"Because when I was a little filly, I always loved my dad and I always said that he would be the first guy that I'd marry!"

Oh... typical kids stuff. She was completely innocent at the time and probably didn't understand what she was saying then.

"Of course, my dad told me that it wouldn't be right for us to get married. So then I got into a crush with this one guy named Pokey Pierce. We went out for a date but things didn't really work out between us. He'd wanted to..." At this point, Pinkie's smile weakened. "...go a little further than what I wanted for a first date."

Oh... damn, what a dick.

"So then, I actually tried to date a colt by the name of Caramel. We went on for about four months. After the first time we shared each other, I... never heard from him again." Her smile had completely disappeared into a very faint frown.

You know, I'm beginning to understand why she's so insistent in making others smile.

"So after that, it was Big Macintosh." Applejack's older brother. "But then I found out that I may be related to him."

Close call.

"And finally, my most recent one was Cheese Sandwich." Try not to laugh at the name, try not to laugh at the name. "We met one time and had a goof-off over who would plan Rainbow Dash's Birth-iversary, meaning that it was a full year since she moved to Ponyville and her birthday."

A two-for-one deal. Nice.

"So we planned the party together, and he gave me a gift." Her smile returned, now she was practically glowing as she talked about this guy. "We used to write each other every single day! We'd share some ideas on what we could add to a party, what kind of food we could serve up, what kind of games we could play! I knew in my heart that he'd be the one that I could grow to love."

So this guy is the bees to her knees.... Okay that was bad and I should feel bad. I am so sorry.

"But..." Her smile faded completely. I even saw her mane deflate just a little. I had to catch my jaw before it hit the dirt. This was a completely new side of her that I haven't seen. "When I asked him if he was interest in something more than a partnership, he said yes."

Then what's the problem?

"We continued to exchange letters, though the intervals... grew. From days to a week, from a week to many weeks, even from weeks to months. He decided that our relationship couldn't really take root as long as he was traveling. I asked him if he was willing to take root here in Ponyville, but he couldn't."

Pinkie, the happiest mare I knew, the girl that never stopped smiling, was crying. I didn't know what to do or say. I could only watch as the streaks of tears flowed down her face as she looked at me, still telling her story.

"So he broke it off, saying that he couldn't be in such pain. He didn't want to be so sad to the point where he couldn't spread happiness anymore. Even I knew that it was affecting me too, because I started throwing more and more parties. Then I finally realized, the main reason why I planned so many parties, five in one day, was because I was trying to make up for one party guest that couldn't show up."

I get it now. Partying was her drug. She'd get the high of seeing others smile and she'd experience the same happiness because of it. If she doesn't party, then she doesn't make others smile. And if she doesn't make others smile, then she'd stop smiling. I guess there's a lot more depth to this mare than I had originally thought.

"So we made a promise. We'd stop writing to each other for a full six months. If he still felt the same way, then he'd write me and tell me that he would come to Ponyville. If not, then he'd write me a letter, telling me how everything's been for the past six months."

Oh... I guess that's why it's been so hard for her to answer my question. "So... How long has it been since you've last gotten word from him."

She looked away from me, stirring her hoof in the dirt as she gave me her answer. "Less than two months."

So it's really an open wound for her. "Ok. So, I guess we can talk about something else."

"What's wrong?" She asked me, close to a whisper as her tears stopped flowing.

"Because I don't wanna talk about this anymore."

"What about you? Have you had a crush?"

Plenty. And they all ended in the friendzone, a lovely little place where aspirations of getting laid are all but realized. Also known as relationship hell. So where do I start?

"Well, there was this one time in high school..." I can't believe I'm telling one of these damn stories. "I liked this girl called Melanie." Because fuck confidentiality. If Pinkie can name hers one by one, then I can reveal the name of one of my worst 'zonings'. "We talked for a few weeks, grew close but ended up being no more than friends. I eventually told her that I had feelings for her, but she said that she didn't feel the same way. So as time went on, I watched as she went from one guy to the next. And after everytime she broke up with one of them, she'd call me up to talk to me. Though I wasn't one for many words, I did my best."

"What happened between you and her?" She inquired.

"I guess, I was tired of being the emotional rebound. I had feelings and I had desires, but she wasn't going to look my way. I wanted to show how much I liked her, but she wasn't going to let me. So why trap myself in such a one-sided relationship?"

"Maybe she's scared to lose you."

I turned my head to the direction where the pink pony sat, caught off my guard by the words she had just uttered to me.

"Maybe she's just waiting for the right moment, for you to grow up some, for you to mature. She sees a lot in you and maybe she's testing you to see how far you are willing to go with her. Sometimes, being a friend is more important than being a lover, because being a lover would require you to trust each other. And that trust has to start from somewhere."

Who the hell is this and what did she do with Pinkie Pie? Pinkie is never this profound. Goofy, silly, batshit crazy? Yes! But this... this was something different than what I had come to know in the three months I've spent here. This was definitely a horse of a different color. No pun intended.

"But now that you've broken that off, she'll never know the answer. Because you were too selfish to see what she was trying to do. Nice guys, who are genuine about one's feelings, finish last. But really they finish first."

Sometimes, I really hate hindsight. Because it tends to sit in your face and tells you I-told-you-so. If anything, it annoyed me how it brought up the past and what I could've done to make things better. Instead, I chose to let my high school libido drive me to think that the best thing to go for was sex. She knew what she wanted, and I was probably a work in progress that fell apart in the last moment.

It's times like this where my mind would normally play out the scenario in a much more positive light, or play myself being the hero on a white stallion who came back to make himself her white knight so that she could be the best of everything. That was my so-called relationship, the one I claimed that was real, the one that I repeatedly lied to myself and others about.

I'm so stupid. Why did I even bring this up?

"But..."

My ears had guided me back to the pink mare, who was amazingly smiling all over again. Her mane resumed it's usual poofiness and her voice became as high-pitched and squeaky as ever. And those tears that once glided down her cheeks had dried up.

"I know that everything will be fine. If he doesn't want to go on with me, then I can continue to live on. There are others I could look to. Others who could make even me smile."

I instinctively reached out and grasped the pink equine, taking her in for a powerful hug. I squeezed her as she returned the gesture. I didn't want her to feel as if she was going to be alone. I wanted her to know that everything was going to be alright.

But really, I wanted that hug for myself, because I was the one who needed it.

"Non-Non, you give the best belly rubs and huggles, you know that?"

Aaaand she's back. Good to know.

"So where are we going today?" I asked her, finally able to break ourselves out of the previous conversation. I really didn't need to see her like that again.

"We're going to the market. I need to buy some more supplies. Some confetti, streamers, party balloons, noise makers, tablecloths, cups, a punch bowl, some punch, some paper plates..."

Same old Pinkie. I think I like her more already. I at least have a level of respect for her. She's really a decent mare. Better not get too attached or else I might be trying to bring her with me. While she continued to name off the items on her list, I walked beside her, watching the happy mare bounce up and down with an enormous smile stretched across her face.

I couldn't wait to see how happy she was going to be when we had the party at the castle tonight.

Later at the castle, I sat against the wall as I watched the other ponies around me dance and partake in the random festivities all over the grand entrance room. Practically over half the town was in attendance as they celebrated the castle's annual date of establishment, a full year since it's completion.

I was actually expecting this to be somewhat of a semi-formal affair, considering the royals who were in attendance. Princess Celestia was busy conversing with some of the town's business owners. Princess Luna was actually having a ball on the dance floor. Princess Cadance and Prince Shining Armor were sharing a few jokes with some of the locals about life in the Crystal Empire and Twilight was busy flirting with her romantic interest. Meanwhile I'm just sitting here against the wall, dressed in a tuxedo, while everyone else were letting loose.

I never danced at parties. I was, what my parents would call some people back in their youth, a wall-flower. It means that I take my pleasure in watching everyone else dance while I sat quietly to myself. Every now and then, I'd usually see a cute girl pass by me and I'd catch a glance of what they had in the back or a peek of what they rocked in the front. But being in a land of ponies robbed me of that experience. Ponies didn't wear clothes, so there wasn't much to the imagination. Plus they were a different species, I wasn't even going to go there.

As the DJ turned up the volume on the speakers and the others danced on the dance floor, I remained propped up against a wall on the far end of the room. It all seemed so different, yet so familiar. I remember when I was in high school, when I first met my crush Melanie. It was at a party and she was pinned against the wall just like I was. The only difference between her and me was that she had gotten out of a pretty bad bought with her ex-boyfriend a few days earlier. I was there because I knew that I couldn't dance.

She saw me standing to myself as I drank a cup of some of the punch they had spiked. As I was about to guzzle the whole thing down without a care, she told me that I should lay off the drinks.

"You shouldn't drink so many of those!"

Melanie was a pretty decent looking girl. She was about three inches shorter than me, medium-longish, brown hair with bangs, dark-brown eyes, a cute little smile and little double-chin that she often became self-conscious over. She wasn't exactly skinny, but she wasn't big either. She was about average in proportion. She didn't have a huge ass or anything like that, but it was pleasant to look at. Her chest was pretty sizeable; a c-cup. She wore a pink spaghetti strand top with jean shorts at a pretty modest length, complete with green-and-white striped knee-high socks and white Sketchers.

"You do know that they boozed the drinks, right!? The last thing you wanna do is either get your ass kicked or get dieseled!"

Personally, that was a 50-50 chance of a happy ending on my end. At least I could go around and say that I got laid. With probably the school whale, but laid nonetheless. But knowing me, I'd probably end up talking with some chick that was already taken and have my ass thoroughly gifted to me in wrapping paper by her angry/jealous boyfriend/pick-up. So I drank in moderation.

"...Thanks." I mumbled to her, barely making a sound in contrast to the blaring music over the entertainment system.

"You said what!?" She screamed back, not able to hear me.

"I said thanks!"

For a moment I just sat against the wall, not even looking at her because I was contemplating over what I should say next. Nothing came to mind, so I just went for something simple.

"So, what made you come here!?" Such a stupid question on my part.

"I just thought I needed to get away! A party is a good way of wasting time, you know!"

"Away from what!?"

Rolled her eyes as she flicked her hand, shooing away at the air as if there was a fly bothering her. "Fuck, life!"

I guess that's a good reason. But that's where I couldn't carry on anything else. A long pause grew between us as the music continued to throb in the speakers. I cleared my throat as I adjusted myself against the wall, shifting my supporting foot so that it wouldn't fall asleep on me.

"So what's got you sittin' here!? Shouldn't you be out there dancing!?" She shouted over the music.

"I just don't do dancing! I'm having fun just standing here!"

"You sure!? That makes you look like a bit of a creeper!"

She always had a sense of humor. "Nah, I'm fine!"

"So you don't wanna dance!?" She said, finally turning to me.

"Nah, I'm cool!"

She walked over to me, smiling as if the world couldn't hold two candles to how happy she was. "You sure!?"

"Yeah!" I answered.

At this point, she drug her fingers against my arm as she pulled off her best imitation of a puppy. "Even if it's with me!?"

I hesitated as I gave her my answer...

"WHACHA DOIN!?!"

"SHIT!" I yelped as a familiar face appeared before me. As I grasped at my chest, making sure that my heart hadn't jumped out of my throat and onto the floor somewhere, I noticed two large orbs of sapphire staring me in the face, surrounded by a mess of pink curls.

"What's wrong?" Pinkie asked me as I tried to catch my breath.

"You scared the living shit outta me! That's what's wrong!" If I hadn't been to the bathroom just before I came here, I'd be crowning at the very least.

"No... Why aren't you dancing!?" She asked me.

"I just don't like dancing." I plainly answered. It doesn't matter what world of dimension I was in, I was not going to embarrass myself on the dance floor. At least, not this time.

"But everypony loves to dance! Because dancing makes you happy. It makes you feel free!"

Then if it makes me so free, then why does if feel like I'm some sort of indentured servant dancing for money while the others stare and point at me while I do it? "I just don't, okay?" I answered dismissively, trying to give her the hint that I didn't want to dance.

"Come on, Non-Non! Let's have some fun!" The pink menace before shouted as she started to dance.

To my horror, she had started to lunge for me in an attempt to pull me off of the wall. I slid from where I stood and made a smooth transition to my left. I guess Beyoncé was on to something when she wrote that song. But now was the time where I had to go on ahead and change my direction now that Pinkie was zoned in to my new location. I slid to my right as she ponced where I once stood. As I slid to safety, she slid face-first into a wall.

I cringed as I almost felt the impact that her face made with the crystaline wall of the room. Yeah, that's definitely gonna leave a mark. But to my surprise, she rose off of the ground, only rubbing her muzzle as she looked at me. I was more amazed over how unphased she was from the blow. She just stared as she spoke.

"Oh... Now I get it."

Finally, she understands that I don't want to dance.

"You don't wanna dance on the floor..."

Yup, because I don't want to dance on the floor.

"...Because you..."

That's right, you're getting there.

"...wanna dance on the wall."

Finally, she ge-wait what?

"I didn't know that you were into that kind of dancing, Nonnie."

I instantly felt myself shudder at the implications of the word 'that' and how she stressed it. Before I could even fire up some sort of neurotic response, her pink tail whipped around my waist and she sprung over to me, slamming her hooves against the wall on either side of my chest. I raised my arms so that those sledgehammers wouldn't find themselves turning the bones in my arms to a very fine powder. As she stared back at me, she giggled while she looked into my eyes seductively. Playfully, but seductively.

"But for you, I guess I could get used to it."

She started to rock her body against mine, sparing not even an inch of space between us. She playfully chortled as she dipped on me, twisting herself around while her tail continued to pull against my waist. As she turned around, she pulled my hips against her, landing me directly against the dock of her tail. As I made impact, I could see the ripples of pink briefly glide across her flank. I looked down in shock over what this mare was doing to me. While I was too busy gawking at her, she rolled her hips in a circular motion, grinding against me as she stood on her hind legs. One of her forelegs reached out to cradle my neck, bringing my head close to hers as she giggled.

"You're fun to dance with, Non-non! Not many stallions could last this long!"

I've grown accustomed to the ebonic phrase of 'back-dat-ass-up', but this was a league I was completely unfamiliar with. She dropped it low, brought it back, wound it like a top and dumped it on me. I need to get away from this girl... chick... pony... DAMMIT!

She was so, I know it's wrong of me to say human, but I couldn't find anything else to compare it to. Her motions, her fluid-like transitions, the way she turned and the way she moved. I had actually forgotten that she was a different species from me. If this was a girl from my world, I'd be just as flustered, only with a raging boner.

Oh wait... FUCK!

"Pinkie," I whispered in her ear, which in hindsight was probably a bad idea as I felt her sink even deeper against me, driving that pink pair of cheeks against my pelvis. "Don't you think we should stop this? We are with some rather important company."

She laughed as she pointed towards the other side of the room. "Hehehe... I don't think Princess Cadance minds too much."

As I looked over to where the pink princess stood, she was busy showing some of the spa ponies how to perform a massage, with her ass, on her husband's lap. Shining was too invested in the view as he fanned himself while biting his lower lip.

"They're married." I argued to Pinkie, hoping that my point was still with some sort of merit. Though to be honest, I'd expected Cadance to hold herself with higher standards than giving her husband a lap dance in public. Then again, princess of love.

"Then tell that to Princess Luna." Pinkie rebutted, pointing to the lunar princess to our far right.

My jaw fell to the floor as I watched the princess dancing with a local as she screamed out the words 'blame my sister' with drink in her magical tow. Celestia looked on with a hoof to her face in embarrassment as she shook her head.

Wow. I guess Pinkie won that round. But I wasn't going let myself succumb to my body's involuntary reactions to an external stimulant such as this pink pony dancing dangerously close to me. I needed to get her off so I can keep my sanity. And as my eyes became locked to the center of the room, I formulated a plan.

"Hey, Pinkie, let's take this to the floor."

"Sure thing!" She cheered as she pulled me with her tail, dragging me to the dance floor. As she bowled into a crowd of ponies, I felt her grip slipping on me as the others bumped against both me and her. As I carefully walked one way, I managed to find that her grip had completely eluded me. Now free from the pink, fluffy tentacle, I carefully navigated myself away from the center of the pack and onto the floor's outer edge. Finally in a clearing, I sighed with relief as I quietly celebrated my escape.

But as I commended myself on a job well-done, I couldn't help but to notice that Twilight and her guard was walking off into a darkened hallway. Instantly, I felt a little nosy over what she and her guard would be doing that required them to wander off like they did.

Why was I following this mare around like this? I have no idea. But I needed to find out what those two were up to. The curiosity inside of me was dying to know. Looking both directions, I tip-toed after them into the dark hall.

Whatever they were going to do, I was going to find out.

As I quietly followed the two down the hall, I managed to stop my journey just a turn away from a elegantly decorated hall. Apparently, the two large doors at the end of turn lead into Twilight's personal chambers.

If they were going to do what I think they were going to do, then I really didn't need to be here. But I found my curiosity overriding my sense of decency. I didn't know why, I was just compelled to watch. While I continued to debate in my mind on whether this was a good idea or not, voices rang in my ear. I turned my head and hid myself behind a pillar as I watched the two talk amongst each other.

"And that's why I'd never underestimate the Pinkie sense." Twilight finished, causing the guard to laugh.

"Wow... I'd never think that she was so clairvoyant." The guard responded. "So... I guess that you're retiring for the night? I think it's a little early, don't you think."

I shifted myself quietly to get a better look. As my eyes dawned past the crystal pillar, I saw that Twilight started to play with her hooves.

"Flash... We need to talk."

"Sure. What's wrong?"

"Nothing... I just..." Twilight looked to her door nervously, opening it slowly as she backed out of the way. "Would you like a drink? I have plenty of refreshments inside. Maybe you and I could talk over a good book or something."

Even I knew what that was an invitation to do. But Flash, oddly, wasn't biting.

"Princess-"

"You don't have to call me that. Just... call me Twilight."

"Well... Twilight... Look... I'm flattered. But..."

I could see from a mile away that Twilight was more than afraid of what he had to say next. Me being in that situation, I would be too. "But?"

"I like you. You're a cute mare, you have a wonderful personality and you're so willing to open up to me. I like that about you. I would be more than willing to get into something like that with you..." And here comes the pain. "But... I just don't see us... like that."

Twilight's ears flopped back as her head dipped a bit. "Oh... I see..."

"It's not really you. It's more of me. I like your kind attitude and how you're so willing to go outside of your comfort zone. But there are reasons why I can't do this."

"If it's because of you being a guard-"

"No... That's not it. It's more of... I... Well no offense, but I was hoping for somepony with a little more... spunk."

For a moment, I swore I could hear the sound of paper ripping in two. But I knew just exactly what it was. "So the quiet-librarian type isn't your cup of tea?"

"You are beautiful, princess."

"Flash, just stop."

"Twilight-"

"No... I'm tired of hearing compliments from a stallion that I let so close to me, only for him not want anything from me. I wanted something."

"I'm afraid that I can't give you what you're looking for, princess."

"No... you were what I was looking for." Twilight walked into her bedroom as she tried her best to avoid looking at him. As he reached out to her, she levitated his hoof away from her door nonchalantly.

"Twilight... please don't-"

"I was just too stupid to see that you didn't feel the same way."

Flash stared at the crack in the door as Twilight disappeared into the darkness of her bedroom. Her horn was the only source of light as she stared to the floor.

"P-princess-"

"Goodnight, Flash. Forget that we ever had this conversation."

The door clicked as it finally came to a close. Flash knocked on the door one last time before he made his leave.

"But we're still friends, right?"

I watched as the door cracked open, this time with an absence of magic. Twilight responded quietly. "Yeah... But I don't know how close I want you to be to me right now."

The door shut once more, leaving a remorseful Flash Sentry standing before it. Without any further comment, he left the princess to her quarters. I hid myself from view as he walked by me, wearing a gloomy frown upon his face. I knew that he had regretted telling her no, but at least he didn't tell her yes and lead her on.

I know Twilight would've loved for that to happen.

After about two minutes, I slowly crept to the door, knocking and praying that she was okay. The first knock had no answer, so I knocked a second time. This time, I was met with a response.

"What do you want?"

I knew that I was really playing a risk here, but I didn't want her to be depressed like this. It's hard dealing with rejection, especially when you thought something was more than certain. With a heavy breath, I spoke my name.

"It's Nondis. You wanna talk?"

I knew that talking wasn't one of my strongest suits, but she needed someone to vent to. Otherwise it could lead to some very unhealthy thoughts and choices. None of the other girls were around, so at least I needed to fill that role. Or fail trying.

"Do you need anything?" Even in sadness, she was still concerned for my well being. I hated it. I hated that, seeing it for the second time in a single day. First it was Pinkie, and now it was her. I told myself that I really didn't want to see these happy little... these girls to feel so burdened. I wanted to make a change for once, at least I knew how I could relate with her in this case.

"I need to talk to you. I want to talk to you." Why was I so invested in seeing Twilight feel better?

The door cracked open and in it's darkness stood a lavender mare with tears running down her face, her eyes reddened from crying so hard and her cheeks flushed red.

"Can we talk?"

And her breath ripe with alcohol. She'll be feeling that very soon.

A half hour has passed since my early leave from the celebration. Twilight has been sitting in my lap, which was now covered with an assortment of fluids, most namely that of saliva, tears, snot and sadness. Also a drop of shame from Pinkie's earlier performance. As Twilight bantered on about all the times she spent with Flash, I had came to the conclusion that this guy was really confused over what he passed up on.

"You go... *sniff* to an alternate universe and... *sniff* meet a cute guy... who just so happens to break up... *sniff* with a total power-hungry whorse *hic* and finds you cute. So I thought... being that I was going to be a good friend... *sniff* was going to show him that... what he really wanted... *sniff* ...was right under his muzzle!"

Yeah, the alcohol was really kicking in. Her hysterics practically matched her to Rarity at this point, and that mare is a complete ham when sober.

"So what do I do?" She looked to me as if I was going to answer that for her. I knew that it was a rhetorical question, but she took a rather lengthly pause that left it wide open.

"You... try to win him over?" I guessed.

"I tried to win him over! And what does he do? He turns around and throw me into the dumpster."

I'd never thought that she'd be the type to be so emotional over a boy... erm... colt. But then again, the freshly open wound of rejection, plus two bottles of Applejack Daniels, will do that to you. Being honest, I was more than happy to see that she hadn't hit rock-bottom from all the alcohol she just downed. Otherwise, her prayers would have to go the god upon the porcelain alter.

It's just too bad she didn't even bat an eye at the bottle of Moscato d'Asti on her nightstand beside a book labled Soulful Serenades by Quill 'n Ink.

So while she continued to cry in my lap, I petted her slowly on the top of her mane, making sure that she was comfortable. At the very least, she was much better than what she was when I first came in. I didn't think tackle-hugs would be a thing with equines. So having a full-size equine that stood up to your upper abdomen with a pointy-ass horn charging at you can make you do a 180 and bolt. At the very least, the pain of me being steamrolled to the ground was a lot less intense than I had anticipated.

There were times in her banter where she would pause, and at those moments, I knew that it was time to bail. In a situation like that, it would mean that the chunks were on standby for flight. And I really didn't want to mess up this outfit more than I had already done. But luckily, all she did was hurk and burp before continuing on with her rant.

"Nondis... *hic* ...am I pretty?"

Oooooh boy. Here we go.

"Am I... a pretty mare?"

I know how to answer that, it's just that right now, I'm kinda left questioning my sexuality since Pinkie plastered me on the wall. I got a boner from a talking horse. If that isn't the textbook definition of classy, then I'm pretty sure that awkward is looking to add to it's long list of offenses.

Twilight grabbed me, barely able to concentrate on her magic long enough to turn my head to her.

"Am I pretty!?" She shouted in my face, still reeking of booze and sadness.

"Yes!" Despite the disheveled mane and the obnoxious smell of alcohol permeating my nostrils, she was really pretty. At least by equine standards. Okay... I'm lying to myself, she was pretty. Just... not at this particular moment.

"TELL ME I'M *hic* PRETTY!"

Her demand came out forced and slurred as she struggled to keep her head in one position. Either way, she was a princess, and there was no way I was willing to find out what the Equestrian prison system was like. If it's anything like the one at home, then I was definitely unprepared to take on any stallions.

"Yes... you're... very beautiful."

"DON'T CALL ME BEAUTIFUL!!!" She screamed, damn-near blowing my ears off. "That's what he called me..." She trailed off before breaking into another sob fit.

"Look Twilight," I really didn't know what I was going to say to her. She's inebriated and will probably forget everything I said to her by the time she wakes up in the morning. Afternoon. That hangover is going to require some SERIOUS hair-of-the-dog treatment. "I know that he's turned you down. But what I do know is that there is plenty more guys... stallions..." Force of habit. "...who will be willing to see that you are worth something."

Twilight raised her head, looking at me as she wobbled. "Non, I don't feel so great."

Welp, it's time to take this therapy session to the bathroom. I tried to lift myself up, seeing if I could at least pick her up and carry her there, but she magically tugged me back down by the seat of my slacks, clasping her hooves around me as she anchored me in place.

"Please don't leave me alone! I don't want to be alone!" That's the alcohol talking through Twilight.

For a moment, I offered to say something. "Twi-"

"Shhh." But she shushed me with a hoof to the lips. I've gotten used to those by now.

I wanted to say something else. "Can we-"

"SHHHHHHHHHHHHHT!" But she replied with a long shush as she pressed into my lips even further.

I kept quiet from then on. I was hoping that the effects of the alcohol would wear down soon. Dealing with the princess while she was like this was really uncomfortable. Her hoof dragged off of my lips and flopped onto my chest. Her head did the same as she started to play with my hands.

"You know... humans have such unique features." Her speech was still slurred, but at the very least she started to show some signs of her usual self. I remained quiet as she continued to speak. "Hands can do everything that hooves can't. You can grab things and have a really good grip on them. With hooves, sometimes what we try to grab can slip."

I laughed a little at the thought. "Do you prefer to have hands then?" I asked, wondering what her response would be.

"No thanks! I've had them before, and I didn't like them. I'll keep my hooves, thank you very much."

I felt a desire to scratch my head at her statement. Perhaps the booze was still polluting her thought process after all. "You... had hands?"

Twilight batted a hoof at me, laughing all the while. "Yeah. I didn't tell you? I was a human for five whole days!"

Okay, that's really something that explains why she knew so much of the human anatomy. She actually walked a day in our shoes. That was something to really think about.

"So do you want hooves?"

"NO! No. No-no-no-no-no-no-no-no-no. I love my hands. I wanna keep them." There wasn't nearly enough no's to describe how much I wanted to stay a human. I couldn't imagine myself walking on fours. Or worse, living life without hands.

"It'll only be for three days! I swear I can change you back!" Her horn started to glow. I wasn't going to let her start casting spells on me while still drunk. That was a big no-no. For all I know, she could turn me into some sort of satyr or some ass-backwards centaur. I was not willing to live with the repercussions of an inebriated mare's spells gone haywire.

"NO!" I exclaimed, grasping at her horn with my right hand, holding her horn and cancelling whatever magic she was conjuring up.

And her reaction was one that I didn't expect.

"Ooh... Nondis..."

Okay... What... did I just do? Twilight wrapped her hooves around my arm as I let go of her horn. As I pulled away, she used all of her physical strength to pull me back. I wasn't sure of what I did, but I'm sure that she had liked it.

"Am I... special?"

Those words pulled something from inside of me. And I knew just what it was. Those were the words that I often heard from one of Melanie's breakups. Usually she'd cry and sob and we'd both stay up on a Saturday night, eating pizza and a bunch of other fattening foods while we watched comedy specials on TV. At least those times really helped her get past Guy-X and move on to Guy-A.

So I knew what to say then. "Twilight," At least I didn't screw up the name. "You, and only you, can define yourself as special. If you want to be seen as that, then you have to look at yourself and assure that you are special before I can give you that answer. Of course I'm going to say yes, but what does it mean if you can't find that out for yourself? If you don't think that you're special, then you're always going to find guys who will see you as the opposite."

Dr. Phil, eat your heart out.

"So... I'm special... to you?" She asked me, looking at me with blood-shot, watery eyes.

"Yes. You are very special to me." No lies there. Twilight was unlike any other person I've met. Sure, she bore similarities, but she was in a league of her own. I really did enjoy my time with her.

So where was she going with this?

"Prove to me that I'm special."

What did she mean by that?

She pulled my arm out of the way and craned herself up to face me face to face. Not long after staring me down, she leaned her head against my chest. My heart was going a million miles an hour and right now, it was running on a nuclear reactor. I was scared of what she was getting at. She only confirmed my fears as she reached out and anchored her hooves onto my shoulders. She slid her head up to mine, her eyes closed part-ways as she glared at me, whispering to me.

"How special am I to you?"

I chuckled nervously, trying to keep a cool head as I came up with random answer. "You're a princess."

She shook her head. "No... I don't mean that. I mean... who I am. To you."

Let me count the ways... A lot. But where she was going with this was completely out of my zone of comfort. "Too many to count?"

One of her hooves managed to find it's way from my shoulder to the back of my head. She inched closer to me. I could feel the fermented breath steaming on my skin. "I can count without saying anything."

I was more than horrified, I was confused. I felt myself wanting to kiss her, but I knew that my moral upbringing managed to override my desire to do so. But as her lips grew close to mine, I knew that a decision was going to be made, whether I was prepared for it or not.

"One..." Her purple eyes glazed over as she wrapped my head with both of her hooves.

"Two..." Her wings had started to unfurl as she adjusted herself to where she could take me head on.

"Three..." The skin of her lips lightly grazed mine, initiating the brief contact before she pressed against me in full.

"Twily? You in there, kiddo?"

And almost instantly, I felt myself become scared of what her brother would do to me if he saw me like this. I tried to pull away from Twilight, but she held me in place. As the knocking continued on, I felt that everything had started to move faster than what I could react to. Even as Shining walked into the room, I could only see a cold, hellish anger deeply plunging into mine.

"I'm so sorry." Twilight whispered to me.

I turned my attention back to the purple mare as she separated herself from me, looking down.

"Say what?"

"HURK!"

Oh... Fuck me to the wall...

About five minutes later, Shining Armor and I walked out of the room where Twilight rested. As he closed the door behind him, he looked to me with a stern expression on his face. I'd knew what was coming. As he wound up a hoof, I could only wait for the incoming blow I was going to get. I could only hope that it didn't kill me.

"Thanks a mil." Shining said as he gave me a inspirational, and very painful, pat on the back. I hissed and grunted as the blow took it's sweet time to register in my mind. "I really owe you one for this."

"Nnngh... No problem." I stressed as the pain in my back started to fade.

"I knew something was wrong when Flash came back alone." Cadance stated as she walked over to my side. "I really wanted those two to really hit it off. Twilight really liked him and I wanted to see her happy. But I guess our little plan didn't work out after all."

"Nope. So you know what that means Cadie." Shining said with a smug expression on his face.

"Aww... But Shiny, I don't like anal." Cadance moaned out painfully, completely ignorant to who was around.

Wow, these two are very open about their marriage. And in speaking of open...

"Hey, Shining Armor. Have you happened to find a bottle of Moscato d'Asti while you were in there?" I really wanted that bottle of wine.

"Oh, I almost forgot." He chimed as he quietly opened the door and snuck in to grab the bottle of wine and left the room. "I suppose me and Cadie will be sharing this tonight."

Dammit.

"Oh no you aren't. I'm getting this bottle." Cadance argued as she levitated the bottle from his magic.

"What's wrong with sharing? I'm down with fifty-fifty." The prince suggested.

"If we're doing anal, then I'm doing this bottle. Ninety-ten."

"Sixty-forty."

"Eighty-twenty."

"Seventy-thirty?"

"Seventy-five; twenty-five."

Shining lost that argument. Even the shit-eating grin he wore had disappeared as he cringed in defeat. "Alright! You win."

"Noblesse oblige, sweetums."

As the two walked down the hall to do what they wanted to do, I was left alone in the hall, reeking of booze, vomit and shame. While I started to make my way to my room, I could only imagine the hell I was going to go through when Rarity found out about this mess on my clothes.

She's going to kill me.

How many parties can a Pinkie Pie plan if a Pinkie Pie could plan a party? ALL OF THEM. How many does it take to completely screw up the rest of your life? One. How many does it take to completely wash off all the alcohol, throw-up, tears, drool and sadness off of your expensive shirt? Well, there isn't an answer for that one. But how many more of those parties I would go to, just to do it all over again? See the answer to question one. The math is pretty simple, even if there is one of those parties where everything turned out bad, there are several others you can have that makes that one, single night seem so insignificant to the others.

I guess what I've learned in the three months here, especially the past night... YOU DON'T EVER FUCK UP RARITY'S CLOTHES!

NOT... EVER!

Going with my usual formula here. It will come back eventually, but I know that I like what I did with the first two chapters. So be prepared. I feel sorry for Nondis, Rarity can be really aggressive when it comes to dirtying her clothes. Who knows what she may have in store for the poor guy.