They say that hell hath no fury like a woman scorned. They say that women put the devil himself under their feet so that they can stand eye to eye with a man before she tears him down. They say that the world will tilt on it's ass if all the women of the world decided to wage a war on men.

I have one thing to say: I wish I had a bunker.

Not because of the women raging for war, not because she's standing taller than I am, not because of a woman... No...

Who'd knew that a pony... less than half your size... could make you seem like you were nothing more than a flea... on the pimple of a roach's ass cheek?

---

It was a sunny and peaceful day in the small, humble town of Ponyville. The citizens carried on their day as the foals ran up the streets. The birds sang as they nested with their young, the butterflies gently floated through the air as they collected the sweet nectar from the colorful flowers that lined up all across the streets. Ponies everywhere celebrated the cloudless morning by walking around the town, visiting friends and often talking as they watched the foals play. Everything was serene...

And then there's the Carousel Boutique.

"YOU...
DID...
WHAAAAAT!?!"

Whose windows busted wide open from the booming of the mare's voice.

I've pretty much curled myself into a ball as Rarity stared me down, levitating the ruined tuxedo I wore just the previous night. If anything, I knew that my skin would be the hottest item on the runway come next fall's fashion line. There was no denying it. Rarity was angry, and she was very much on the verge of exploding. But I can understand her reason for doing so.

That tuxedo was hand... hoof made. It took her a full week to get everything where she wanted it. Even with my body type being a bit of an obstacle, adding more time to what's already considered to be strenuous work, A tuxedo made to fit me took twice as long as it would for a pony, considering that they don't need the excessive amount of fabric to hide themselves from the elements.

So not only is it time, but it's also resources wasted. Yeah, Rarity was going to run my ass through... and her little lizard too.

"Rarity, I'm so, so, so sorry. I was only trying to-"

The fashionista zipped from across the room of her boutique, backing me into a corner as she slowly walked towards me. "Your blatant, disrespect for the art of fashion has caused me enough grief as it is. BUT THIS, THIS HAS GONE COMPLETELY TOO FAR!"

"I didn't mean to. Honestly-"

As my back hit the wall, she continued to walk towards me, even restricting all means of my retreat by anchoring her hooves into the wall. "I cannot even begin to explain to you how angry I am with you!"

"I'm sorry. Really." I could only barter for mercy while she seemed to be on the verge of seeing if my skin would make a nice pair of socks.

"Just what were you doing to create this... catastrophe!?" She stressed, throwing the shirt with the brown barf badge in my face. I was more relieved that it was already dry than disgusted that it was still resting on my face.

"Twilight got sick." I muffled from behind the shirt.

"What?" Hard to tell the facial expressions of others when you have a dried-up prayer to the porcelain god staring you in the face.

Removing the shirt, cringing all the while, I answered her. "Twilight had gotten really sick and took to her bedroom. So when I checked in on her, she told me to stay with her for a bit. After a while, she couldn't hold her feelings inside and decided to let me know everything that was going on."

"Oh. Well that's very nice of you. But that doesn't tell me-"

"Including the carrot and oat stew she managed to have for lunch. That conversation she had while her brother managed to enter the room."

A look of disgust became written over Rarity's face. "...Ew."

"Which leads me back to here." I would prefer that she didn't know the real reason why Twilight had resigned from the party so soon. Flash was already getting his ass reamed by Shining Armor, so I might as well save him the pain of dealing with her would-be-equally-pissed-off friends.

Then again, seeing that would be rather amusing.

"So... the reason why this tux looks like this is because-"

"Twilight was a little under the weather." I finished, still remembering how she gave me a subtle apology before spewing to me the many nutritious dietary choices of an equine's daily intake. I will never look at carrots the same way.

Rarity backed away, mainly because of the mildly offensive smell that the shirt gave off. "So, Flash didn't take her up on her invitation, I presume."

That's a pretty accurate guess. How the hell did she find that out? "What makes you say that?"

Rarity held a hoof to her nose as she trotted of to retrieve something from a closed drawer. "Oh darling, I could see all the signs from last night. Firstly, there was the long conversations that those two held apart from everypony else. Secondly, Twilight has always had a crush on Flash. Thirdly, the two disappeared after a while. And fourthly, Cadance and I came up with a few measures to ensure that they were to be left undisturbed as they talked, much to Shining Armor's objections."

You know, that would explain the public lap dance she gave to her husband. It takes the attention off of those two while they made their escape. But that still doesn't explain why the Princess of the Night was literally mooning the ponies in attendance. Either way, in their case, it's a score plus one.

"Yeah... It turns out that Flash indicated that she wasn't his type."

"WHAT!" Rarity shouted, looking at me with surprise. "How did you get that information?"

I eavesdropped. "I've... gotten some... credible resources?" And I'm an idiot. Any blind person could see that I was obviously lying.

"Oooh! Details darling. I want to hear all of them."

Nope. Don't mind me princess, I'm just disclosing one of your most embarrassing moments to that of one of your closest friends, who seems to be highly invested in gossip. Nothing of wrong can possibly come out of this. I can only think of the pain that will befall me if the tabloids hear of this, assuming with their social infrastructure having some likeness to that of the human world, that a tabloid exists.

"Well-"

And just as I was about to start, a small baby dragon, by the adorable pet name of Spike, entered into the room with a wooden bucket full of hot water, complete with a washboard. "Hey Rarity, you got the fabric softener ready?"

"I most certainly do." The white unicorn sang-sung, holding up a small blue phial filled with the aforementioned liquid. She turned back to me, waving at me to continue my story. "Oh, don't get distracted. Carry on."

Spike cut a disapproving glance my way. "Is this the story of how he messed up the tuxedo that you worked so hard to make?"

Can't tell if he's trying to guilt-trip me, or brown-nosing for Rarity. Either way, she did give him an answer. "Actually Spike, he had a legitimate reason for why this happened."

You know, the fear that I once felt when I initially showed up to the boutique this morning had all but remained.

"Even though my tedious, hard work has been shunned a countless number of times by his perpetual habit of staining my precious outfits with musk, sweat, and dirt. Even with the first outfit I made him that ended up in shreds, the material was left out in the middle of the street to pasture and be trampled upon. I could've recycled that material rather than let myself waste such fine resources."

On second thought, that fear is very much alive.

"Yeah, I don't understand why you work so hard for this guy." Spike mumbled.

Really, jackass? I am just about three seconds from slapping gemstone from the gaps in between your teeth. "Sorry."

While Spike and I continue to have a full-on knife fight with just our eyes staring each other into a crater, Rarity levitated the shirt into the water. "Spike, what have I told you about playing nice with others?"

The miniature dragon rolled his eyes and sighed deeply. "Sorry. I promise that I will never, ever question why you need clothes again."

Spike was very big on sarcasm. I can see why he's pretty much the whipping boy of the cosmic forces. But then again, I do impede on his time with Rarity. Each night, she works hard to come up with some clothes for me, and that's on top of her usual commissions. He just wants some time with her. If he feels like I'm trying to make an advance on her, then he'd be happy to know that I'd have no interest in her. Then again, he'd accuse me of having poor taste and chide me for rejecting her. Because that's what all white-knights do for their princess. That's a battle I would lose, no matter the choice.

"Spike, did you also manage to bring back those jewels from the Diamond Dogs so that I could work of my newest line for tonight?" Rarity asked as she did her best to remove the stain from the shirt, also levitating the pair of pants, vest and overcoat to her side.

"I don't know what you said to them that makes them so scared of you, but there's one thing for certain, they really do like giving you jewels."

Is it because she can be scary when angry? I may just find that out today.

"Oh. Nondis dearie, it will be a while before I can give this back to you. I will have it ready by tomorrow so you should be able to come have it in your possession by then."

Really? Nothing from this? No punishment, no lightning bolts, no torture chamber with a bed of nails and a swinging pendulum of death? Well color me impressed.

"Though, I will be requiring your assistance come tomorrow. Spike will be busy with Twilight, so I'm afraid that I will need an assistant for tomorrow's errands. Consider it as a means of atonement for defiling my clothes for the umpteenth time."

I get to be an errand boy for a pony less than half my size? Oh well golly-gee-whillikers, I can't wait Batman! No literally, I haven't had any real bonding time to get to know Rarity. I guess that will change tomorrow. At least I didn't have to meet with a terrible fate in order to do so.

"So, what time tomorrow?" I asked.

"Oh, I'll come and get you when I need you."

"Great. See you then." I said, while making my way to the exit.

As I stepped out into the hall, walking downstairs and stopping shy of the front door, Spike had caught me just before I could leave.

"Can I help you?"

Spike gave me a stern expression as he just merely stared. "You better watch your back."

It amazes me how something so cute and small thought he could be something so life-threatening. "Ooooo.... kay?"

"Rarity is not going to be some sort of mare you can just be around and not have any consideration on what and how she feels. You should treat her with more respect than you do as of now. Or else..."

Spike walked over to a broken aluminum stand, used to hold mannequins in place, and placed a pony-shaped doll on top. After he held the two broken pieces in place, he took a shallow breath and blew on the area where the pole broke. As he slowly hissed out some air, he welded the two pieces together, fixing the display case. Shortly after, he scraped one of his claws against the reddened ring of the partially melted aluminum, scraping off the excess bulk so that the pole stood straight. The entire display looked good as new. All from just a breath of air. No flames, no smoke.

And then I remembered that the cute little lizard was a dragon.

"...I'll weld your lips to your toes."

That was... surprisingly convincing. I think I will take heed to that warning. Finally feeling my legs under me, I walked out the front door slowly, still remembering Spike's threat as I quietly closed the door behind me.

And I also remembered that a bush would be a very good place to release the urine that has yet to drizzle down my legs.

---

Later that afternoon, I arrived back at the castle, more than tired from the multiple errands I've ran with some of the locals. As I walked down the crystalline halls of Ponyville Castle, I couldn't help but to see a familiar face in the guard. I watched as Flash walked down the hall, seemingly with a thousand-yard stare as he casually made his way to the exit. After he passed by, I could only imagine the hell he might've went through with Shining Armor. With a simple shrug of my shoulders, I carried on.

As I turned left at the end of the hall, I managed to come into contact with a cream-colored, unicorn pony holding a clipboard in her magic. Next to her was a more-than-disgruntled Princess Twilight. Aside from the bag of ice she held on her head and the dark circles in her eyes, she looked to be in working order.

"Hey, princess!" I playfully called out.

"Nondis... hey..." She staggered out. Apparently, she seems to have just recently awaken from her slumber. "Inkwell, you're dismissed."

As I continued to approach her from down the hall, the unicorn trotted by me as she left me and the princess alone. As I got closer, it dawned on me just how bad Twilight's disposition was.

"Uuugh.... I'm never drinking again..."

I giggled a little, earning a deathly frown. "So, how's the hangover?"

"Horrible. I just can't wait till it blows over." She droned as she removed the bag of ice from her head and threw it to me. "Hold this for me."

"Huh, I would've expected you to go with the Hair-of-the-Dog treatment already."

"Bad idea." Twilight stated, telekinetically pulling my arm to her. Apparently, she wanted me to hold the ice pack against her head now.

"How come?" A Bloody Mary always seem to work for me. But then again, I have ways of making sure that my hangovers aren't as bad.

"Because you're only prolonging your problem. It's a great fix for temporary issues, but in turn it makes things a lot worse."

Something I didn't really know too much about because my hangovers aren't that bad. And for good reason. "Well what did you eat beforehand?"

"Um... Just a carrot stew and a nice fruit salad. Me and Flash decided to go out to eat before we showed up for the party."

That explains a lot. "You do realize that before you go on a drinking binge, you're supposed to eat heavy, right?"

"Really?" She moaned, feeling the relief of not having to mentally concentrate on anything except for her recovery as the bag of ice rested on her forehead.

"Yeah. Eat a lot, something that fills you up. Stuff like baked potatoes, garlic bread, cheesy broccoli, some steeeeee..." I had to catch myself before I had finished that last word. Twilight was already uncomfortable when it came to me eating meat, so the last thing I needed to say was that I ate steak before drinking heavy. "...eeeamed veggies?"

Nice recovery, dumbass.

"Oh. Well I'll keep that in mind for the next time."

"Really?" I asked, surprised that she would actually consider drinking again.

"No. Because this won't be happening again."

And there goes the possibility of yet another great story to tell. "Booo!"

"No. I'm serious! If there is anything I need, it's not another one of these headaches."

Personally, I'm glad she got the nausea out of her system. Rarity's taking care of the remnants of that situation. In speaking of which... "Have you eaten anything?"

"I've had a dandelion and honey sandwich. It did take off some of the edge."

Atta girl. "Drink any fluids?"

"Water."

Okay. That's two thing out of the way. "So, what are you doing out of your bed?"

"I have to make sure that everything in the town is ran properly. I have a meeting with the mayor later this evening and I-"

"Reschedule for tomorrow." I interrupted.

"What!?"

"You need a day of rest. You need to trot those purple little hooves on back to your bedroom."

"Geez, if I wouldn't know it, you seem as if you were my mother."

"Well mother knows best." Did I just say that? "So let's go. Hop to it! One-two, one two!"

As I chanted to her like a bass drum repeatedly banging in her eardrums, she finally gave in. "Okay! I'm going."

"Great. I'll inform the others that you are in no condition to perform any other duties for the rest of the day. Your health is priority over a few meet-n-greets."

As we started to make our way to her room, she walked close to me, making me feel a little flustered as I remember her drunken advances on me from the night before. It was something that I'm sure she didn't remember, but it still made things awkward for the both of us.

Me especially.

We finally reached the doors that lead to her bedroom. I opened the large door for her as she walked inside. While she found herself in the comfort of her private quarters, she paused and looked at me. "Can... you come in for a bit?"

Not wanting to leave a friend in need, I decided to oblige her in her request. I entered into the room and closed the door behind me. "Is there something wrong?"

"..." She shied away from me, looking anywhere except for the spot I stood in. "I..." She finally gained the courage to look me in the eyes. "Do you... remember anything I... may have said to you last night?"

A lot of things, but let's start off with the first one. "You told me to tell you that you were pretty."

Twilight blushed at the thought. "Oh... Well... I..."

If Fluttershy were giving out lessons on how to emulate her shyness in various situations, she was very much producing acceptable results. "Yeah, it was pretty bad."

"Oh... Well... am I?"

Honestly, I did not expect this to be a reoccurring thing. I would've expected this to be a drunken-girl thing and for it to be forgotten by the next day. "Well... of course."

"You mean it?"

"Yeah."

"Really mean it?"

"Yes."

"Like, you're actually telling me the honest truth-"

"YES! You're pretty."

Twilight looked away from me, toying with her hooves as she looked elsewhere. "...Thanks."

"Sure."

Twilight walked over to me, wrapping me in her hooves, giving me a light hug. "I know that some of the things I've said last night may have been out of character."

"I get it. Forget everything." I answered for her.

"...And I'm sorry that I tried to kiss you."

YOU REMEMBER THAT!? "Well... um... you see..."

"And for... well... sharing my lunch with you."

"We'll never speak of that again." I mentioned quietly.

"Noted."

As the awkward exchange carried on for much longer than either of the two of us were comfortable with, she pulled herself off of me and stood before me. "Well... I guess you can go. I'm gonna rest for a bit."

"Okay then. See you tomorrow, princess."

"Oh and one more thing..." She called out just as I was going to make my way to the door. "...Thank you so much, for being a great friend. I may call on you if I'm having any trouble resting."

"Sure thing."

As I made my way out the door, I walked down the hall to see a familiar unicorn holding a clipboard in her possession as she made her way to Twilight's room. I just kept walking as she passed by me. As she passed my me, I kindly pointed her to the opposite direction.

"Princess Twilight is under the weather. She asks that you reschedule everything planned for today for tomorrow."

"Sir, if that didn't come from the mouth of the princess herself, then I am not obligated to follow through on your ill-advised notion."

My response was a simple action sequence. I picked her up, faced her to the opposite direction she was heading, turned her head forward and gave her a slap on the ass, causing her to gallop down the hall and away from Twilight's room.

"Oh! And for any further questions, please consult her secretary!"

---

I stirred from my sleep as I looked to the sky outside of my window. The sky just turned from black to a dark blue. Dreading the fact that someone was knocking at my door this early in the morning, I turned over and threw the covers over my head, carrying on with my regularly scheduled sleep.

And then there's this fucking furry assdick who hasn't the slightest idea of common courtesy. Maybe if I ignore it as if it isn't there, they'll go away.

And down goes the door.

"♪Wake uuuuuup!♫"

I swear if this is one of those cheerful, Mary Poppins, Singing Chim-Chim-Cher-ee in the fucking morning wake-up calls, I'm going to make use of the lamp next to my bed. As I hear the clopping of hooves come close to me, I continue to feign my sleep.

"It's time to wake up, dear!"

I am not moving from this fucking bed. You will have to make me move.

"We have a busy day ahead of us, so let's get to it!"

Insert generic 'mommy-I-don't-wanna-x-today' line here.

"♫Nondiiiiiis!♪"

♫Shut uuuuuuup.♪

"Non... Non..." As she say's my name in the most annoying manner, she prods a hoof into my back. Damn girl is persistent. Now I gotta play dead.

If only that worked.

"Non, non, non, non, non, non, non, non, non, non, non, non, non, non, non, non, non, non, non, non..."

*poke poke poke poke poke poke poke poke poke poke poke poke poke poke poke poke POKE POKE POKE P̰͔̽͗̆ͩ͞O̶̼̪̻͈̎͋͆ͫͧ̊Ķ̳̜͍͉͓̺̦̅͊ͯ͗Ë͍̦̺͑̌̓ͭͥ̕*

Urge to kill: rising.

"Non?"

"FUCK DO YOU WANT!?" I screamed to the top of my lungs, shouting at the white unicorn mare standing at my bedside.

"Good morning! And how are you feeling on this absolutely glorious day?"

Like I just got through sandpapering a gorilla's ass. "Fine..."

"That's wonderful! Now come along! We have much to do! I have many an errand to run today, so we will have to start early."

Rubbing off the crust that landmined my eyes shut, I wearily looked to Rarity with a forlorn exhaustion. "Does it have to be at fucking five in the morning?"

"Well if you want to avoid the breakfast rush, then I'd advise you to rise to see the day." This time, she added insult to injury by lighting her horn directly in my face, producing a white light that dared to put the sun itself out of it's job.

"ARGH! I GET IT!"

"Okay, so we will need to head out early if we are to make any sort of headway. Now come along darling, we need to get you ready."

"Okay." I agreed. "Just let me get ready and I will be on my way out there."

"Very well then."

As she stood there, I grabbed the covers, placed them over my body, rested my head on the pillow and continued from where I last left off.

"What are you doing?" Rarity asked me in a angered tone.

"Getting ready."

"Not in the bed."

"It's magic. Now go away."

Rarity sighed deeply as she lit her horn. "I see that there's no getting through to you. Well, I've tried my best to be nice..."

The next thing I felt was a small dose of ice-cold water douse my neck, causing me to jump back up violently. "WHAT THE FUCK!?"

"You can't get ready in bed. Besides, if you stay any longer in that bed, you'll catch a cold."

Only because you decided to bring half the artic with you in a glass. "Okay, I'm up."

"No you're not. You need to jump right in that shower and get to showering!"

Instantly, I felt my entire body fail to register any gravitational pull. As I look down, I can plainly see that my legs and my arms were very much in the air with the rest of my body. I looked to Rarity, who was carrying me into the bathroom. As we entered, she let me stand on my own as I stared back at her.

"Well..." She said, rushing me to move along.

"Well what?"

"Get to it! Scrub yourself clean so that you will be able to attack the day."

Me... strip... butt-ass naked... in front of a girl... If this wasn't sex then I'm not doing it... Wait a minute. "I can't do that if you're here in the bathroom with me."

"I'm here to make sure that you don't fall asleep in the tub."

Fuck. That's one of my oldest tricks in the book. She got me. "I can manage without the supervision."

"I can't even trust you to get out of your bed with my being in the room."

She has a valid point there. "Please, just let me shower in peace."

"I know you measurements already, so there's nothing for you to hide." She said as I continued to stare right back at her. The white unicorn scoffed as she turned around. "I won't look. Now hurry along."

It was obvious that I wasn't going to escape this one. At the very least, she was willing to give me some of my privacy. But there's no guarantee that I may just not fall asleep standing up.

Welp, here goes nothing.

---

So I take my shower, get dressed, walk out the castle and the sun is still hiding beyond the horizon. Usually I'd find myself in the midst of my warm, comfortable bed while my mind conjures up past visions and dreams of a world that I'm no longer in. Plus it seems like I'm walking with Little Miss Can-You-Feel-The-Sunshine.

I've always hated morning people. It's like my misery is what fuels their smiles.

Meanwhile, we start making our way down the street. Not a single venue on any street has been opened. No windows opened to receive the fresh morning air, no ponies walking down the street, no foals scrambling to get where they needed to go, barely a bird's chirping and not even a single cricket is awake from their nocturnal activity. It's, for the most part, me and Rarity headed down the street for breakfast.

"Come along, dearie. There is much of the day to seize!"

While Rarity seems to run off solar power, my power grid hasn't kicked the on-switch yet. I am more than willing to sell myself to whoever's willing to lend me a bed. From now on, I will appreciate the little extra five minutes that I get whenever I press snooze on my alarm clock.

The fashionista happily trotted down the streets and here I was slugging along like there were ball-chain weights on my ankles. I started to fall behind. "Hey... can you slow down?"

"Sorry, Nondis dear. We're almost there."

How many times have I heard that line before. 'Almost there' to them means 'one more mile' to me. That's something I couldn't deal with this early in the morning. Why couldn't we have to run errands in the afternoon?

Yes, I am complaining. I have every right to.

As we finally came up to our first destination, I found myself cheering for the fact that our first venue was actually open. Rarity and I stepped inside of Sugarcube Corner, seeing the pink party pony standing behind the counter. Even she seemed a bit tame in comparison to Rarity's sunshine-powered ass.

"Morning, Pinkie!" Rarity chimed to her friend while I slugged along.

"♫Good morniiiiing!♫" Great. They're both morning ponies. "Hey Nonnie! How ya doin'?"

"Coffee..." I wearily suggested.

"Coffee?" Rarity seemed offended that I asked for the drink. "Oh heavens no. You will not be drinking any of that."

"And why not?" I asked.

"Because coffee is a horrible way to wake up in the morning. Why, you would go prancing around with stained teeth, offensive breath and a false store of energy."

"Works fine for me."

"No. I believe that it is time to try something different." Like a espresso? "We're going to share our morning conversations over a cup of tea."

What? "Why tea?"

"Because not only is it a natural way of rejuvenating the body, it also does the vocal chords some good in case you wake up with a bit of a frog. You're not relying of the addition of caffeine to wake you up. And plus it's a natural way of starting your day. If we're going to start a day such as this, then we're going to start on a high note."

My notes are somewhere close to the Earth's core. I need my fix.

"Aww, cheer up Non-non." I really didn't like hearing the word Non, not after how Rarity woke me up. "I'll be sure to bake you something special so you can... um..." Pinkie turns to Rarity. "What is he doing here so early?"

"He and I will be running some errands. Going to a few stores and picking up some supplies."

"Oh, trying to beat the pre-noon rush so you can get the early bird sales. What happened to Spike."

Good question.

"Spike is with Twilight. It seems that she's fallen behind on some stuff yesterday because of her illness. So he will be taking care of some things on her behalf."

Pinkie walked from behind the counter, with a small tray of glasses and miniature saucers. "Oh. Well I'm happy you managed to get some help."

Rarity nudged me playfully. "And some good help he'll be!"

I didn't know what she was going on about but I was ready to eat. Sleep was now a distant memory at this point.

"So what can I get you two this morning?" Pinkie pulled out a pencil and a notepad out of her mane. Can you say 'hammerspace'? Good.

"I would like a tea, make that two teas, with milk and sugar."

As Pinkie scribbles down the order with her mouth, she turns back to me. "Okay. And what would you like, Nons?"

"I would like a... um... err..." I have an inability to order on spot. "Can..."

"Would a cheese danish be okay?" Pinkie filled in for me.

"Yes. I'll take three." Because I'm gonna need them.

Pinkie just about wraps up the order as she scribbles off the last bit of the order with a pink tendril of her mane. The things this mare can do. "Coming right up!"

As I finally take a much-awaited seat, Pinkie managed to fix the tea, fetch me some freshly-made danishes and had everything on the serving tray next to the table. I can see how she manages to pay for all those party supplies. She's fast, efficient and accurate. She's willing to talk with the customer and care for them. I guess high gratuity is a common occurrence for her.

"Here you go, guys." She walked off and stopped shy of another table, grabbing a chair and taking a seat at our table. "So, what happened two nights ago?"

I looked at Pinkie, completely unaware to whom she was addressing. "Me or Rarity."

"You, silly! I get one dance in and you disappear into thin air! What's up with that?"

Rarity intervened on my behalf. "He noticed that Twilight was feeling a little sick. Unfortunately, she was unable to do anything yesterday because of it."

"Oh. So that's why we didn't hear much of her when she left."

"Yes. Also, can you believe that Flash Sentry rejected her?"

"Are you kidding me?" Pinkie sounded appalled. "Twilight is one of the bestestest of mares around all of Equestria! She's not only a princess but she's been taught by Princess Celestia, sister in law to Princess Cadance, her brother is Captain of the Guard, and she's really down to earth. She's smart, she's adorkable, she's really sweet."

Those thoughts have been on my mind since her drunken stupor. I felt myself becoming angrier the longer I thought about how hard she took his rejection. But I remembered that it was his personal preference that led him to that conclusion. So I can't do anything but be angry for Twilight.

"It is unfortunate. Though I can't imagine how she managed to become so physically ill because of it."

As Rarity talked, I felt a tap on my left shoulder, I looked to my right to catch Pinkie Pie. Amazingly, she wasn't there. So I looked back down to see that one of my danishes were missing. Looking over to my left, I see the guilty, pink culprit feasting on my danish. As she stopped chewing, she laughed nervously and offered me the half that wasn't eaten yet.

"Want some?"

I shook my head, causing her to continue assaulting the pastry. I wasn't going to tell them that their friend had drank herself off the deep end. I was at least going to keep that a secret. Though there was one thing that bothered me. If she could remember the fact that she tried to kiss me, then could she remember everything else that happened that night?

Finally finishing her tea and letting me finish my food, Rarity and I pushed our chairs in and started to make our way towards the exit. Pinkie said her goodbyes as she started to set the chairs from on top of the tables. As we walked out, I had noticed something completely odd. As I watched the door close, I had seen that the sign on the door was set to 'closed'. I opened my mouth to say something, only for Pinkie to zip over and turn the sign to open.

Wow. That mare can do just about anything when it came to her job.

---

"Hurry along, dearest! We're almost at the boutique."

While Rarity managed to run alongside her younger sister, Sweetie Belle, I was trailing the two of them, carrying pretty much Mount Olympus. Bags upon bags upon bags of heavy materials weighed me down. If there was going to be anymore shopping, I was going to see my feet developing roots.

"Rarity, do you think he'll ever find his cutie mark?" The younger filly asked. She was supposed to be apart of some group called the Cutie Mark Crusaders, where they try out many activities in hopes of earning their cutie marks. Apparently, they wanted me to be a new member.

"Sweetie Belle, we've already discussed that he doesn't have a special talent." Wow, just put my confidence in Auschwitz. It's not like that it was anything important to me. Rarity soon reworded her statement out of fear that she might've said something to offend me. Too late now. "Um... What I was mean to say is that humans have special talents as well. But he hasn't discovered what his is quite yet." Thanks for the daily reminder.

"Oh. Well can we help him find his special talent?"

"I'm sorry. Not today. He's helping me with something this evening. Hopefully he won't mind if I can borrow him for just a few more hours."

I couldn't see her face behind this mountain of shit I was carrying, but I knew that she was looking at me to give her an answer. And as much as I really wanted to say no... "Sure. I'm up for whatever." ...It's like it's difficult to say no to this mare. I can completely understand where Spike is coming from.

"Okay." I heard Sweetie say with sadness in her voice.

"Cheer up." I added, hoping to make her feel a little better. "If I'm free one of these days, then of course I can go crusading with you and your friends."

I knew that there was a smile somewhere behind this wall of fashion materials. And I managed to find out just how appreciative she was of my answer. As I walked, she fell behind to meet me behind the tower of cloths, thimbles, sequins and feathers and levitated some of my bags out of the way so I could see where I was going.

This kid. ALL OF MY LOVE!

Of course that love didn't last very long as I ended up smashing my face into a wooden pole of a vendor's display venue, causing me to drop everything I was carrying. I don't know how Spike managed to do things like this. Guy's got some major peripheral skills.

As I finished picking up all the dropped items, Rarity finally stopped to check back on me. Luckily, Sweetie and I managed to pick up all of the items from the ground before she could see. The older unicorn smiled as she motioned to me and her younger sister to move along. She and I sighed collectively in relief.

"That was a close one." I mumbled as I started walking again.

"Yeah. Rarity would've killed you if you had gotten a single thing dirty."

Don't remind me. "You don't say?"

We finally managed to reach our destination. As Rarity opened the doors to the boutique, she looked at me and Sweetie Belle and pointed next to the door. "Just leave everything in that corner over there. I'll get to it when I get back. Sweetie Belle, I want you to head out to Sweet Apple Acres and meet up with Applebloom.

I almost dropped the bags I was carrying as I heard her instructions to her little sister. "Uhhh, don't you think she needs some-"

"Supervision? Unlike you, I can actually trust my little sister to take care of herself. She has proven it time and time again that I am not needed to watch over her. She's very capable of going across town and even on the train on her own."

A society where it's so safe that even foals can waltz around the place without too much adult supervision? Yep, I'm officially ashamed to call myself a human. What the hell, humanity? Step your shit up.

"What about you?" Sweetie Belle asked as she opened the door to make her way out.

"Nondis and I have but one more place to go. Now run along."

Sweetie Belle nodded to her older sister and looked to me. "I guess I'll see if you're available sometime later. You're gonna love being a Cutie Mark Crusader, even if it is for a day."

"Sure thing." I answered as she wrapped her tiny little hooves around my legs, giving me her best hug.

While she galloped off, Rarity walked beside me. "You know, you're really good with kids."

That's because children are more pure in mind than our adult counterparts. Even when I was in the human world, I was known to have a thing for kids... NOT THAT KIND OF THING! But I worked well with kids easier than I could with people my own age. I guess the paradigms of wanting to be the 'in-crowd' have yet to develop and they're more focused on being friends more than anything. Of course there are the few bad-asses that get in trouble, but I am comfortable when it comes to dealing with those half my own age.

In truth, I guess you could say that I was still holding on to my inner child.

"Alright." Rarity stepped forward, making her way down the street once more. "We have one final stop to go to. If you want to come with me, then I would greatly appreciate it."

---

I was more than prepared to take on anymore of her baggage that she wasn't willing to carry on her own. But there was one thing I was completely unprepared for. The one thing that I knew in my heart that I was never going to do nor attempt to do. But yet, I am here right now and completely baffled by the reason of my being here.

That's right. I'm here at the motherfucking spa.

"Two for the deluxe package, please."

There were two spa ponies that stared at me with childhood curiosity glamouring in their eyes. A third was behind the counter, still speaking with Rarity. "Okay. I would assume that it would be for you and your... companion?"

What was she implying?

"Yes! He's managed to pull off a few errands for me, so I'm rewarding him for his troubles."

"Well then. You already know where to go, ma'am."

The other two ponies who were the exact opposite color schemes of each other still prodded and poked me with their hooves. Rarity cleared her throat, grabbing their attention. "You two can poke and prod him as much as you like when we get into the massage parlor."

The two ponies squeed with bright smiles as they dragged me from both sides into the hallway. One pony pulled my hand from in front while the other pushed me from behind.

These two were a little too eager to get their hooves on me.

---

An hour and a half had passed since our admittance into the spa and only minutes have passed as we sit in a therapeutic mud bath. It seemed that Rarity requested that we'd share a mud bath together for the sake of getting to know a little more about me. Though why she chose the mud bath, I will never know.

"Doesn't this feel absolutely divine?"

Hell, I wasn't complaining. Far from it. "It does. It's a rather nice change of pace from the hustle and bustle of our earlier pursuits."

Rarity continued to rest on her side of the bath while I still felt a bit uncomfortable due to the fact that I could feel so much mud in places where the sun didn't have a chance to shine on.

"You know... I actually told a little fib on my part."

I looked back to Rarity, who was still looking to the ceiling. "What fib?"

"About Spike being required to help Twilight."

"Actually, I can kinda see her needing the little guy's help." I noted as I thought more on what all Twilight may have had to do that piled over from yesterday.

"Nondis, dear, I think you fail to realize who you're talking about. This is Twilight Sparkle, former student to Princess Celestia. She lives her life by the schedule. If there's anything she would need Spike for, it's to probably hold a checklist."

Well then. I guess that means that Princess Twilight is very capable without Spike. But that still leaves the question. "So why didn't you invite Spike along with me?"

She sighed as she turned to me. "Have you gotten to know Spike?"

I knew that he had some sort of admiration towards her. "He likes you, doesn't he?"

"Yes, but I fear that he does too much."

This was a subject that intrigued me. "Go on."

"Spike is sweet. He's one of the best assistants a pony could ask for. It's just that since Twilight's been living in the castle, he's been using the other assistants to take his place."

"So he could spend some time with you."

"Precisely. I know that I've had crushes on other colts and stallions and often times, he's been there. He understands that he and I are friends and will be nothing more than that... but..."

She removed the cucumbers from over her eyes and looked back to me. I just looked at her. "But?"

"But lately, he's been a bit possessive over me. I mean I really do appreciate it, but it's gotten to the point where I can't even find a date."

So that explains his aggression towards me. I was taking time away from him and he didn't like it because he felt that the time she spent making clothes for me could've been free time for the two of them.

"Have you tried talking to him about it?"

"I... I just don't want to hurt him. He's still a child after all."

I guess it's time for me to pull out the podium and start preaching again. "I think you should talk to him about it. I know that it will hurt him if you do, but think of how much more damage would be caused if you don't confront him sooner than later."

"I really do appreciate what he does for me."

"Do you like him?"

"Well... no and yes."

And I'm lost here. "Care to explain?"

"I mean... If Spike was a bit older, then I would be genuinely interested in him. He'd be a great show of interest. But considering that he wouldn't even be able to... satisfy me in his current state and wouldn't be able to until I was an old mare, then I know where my feelings for him end. Friendship is the only way I can consider myself close to him, because I don't want him to fall in love with somepony that he could no longer have when he became of age."

"At what rate do dragons age?"

"To put it in context, he's been like that since Twilight hatched him almost ten years ago. And he wouldn't reach maturity until somewhere around fifty years from now."

A love realized but unable to bloom because of the sands of time prevents them from doing so. Ouch. "So Spike is-"

"Still a child and will be until I have grown old and my bones are naught but dust in a frail shell."

That was a painful truth. But it was one that still needed to be out in the open before it was too late. "So... you still won't tell him?"

Rarity looked back to the pool of mud below. "I'm not sure. I just want to be strong enough to tell him."

"Why do you want to be strong enough to tell him?"

"Because I might just cry before I could finish. I can't fall in love with him, no matter how much I do love him. I just want to be strong enough to say to him that we can never be and tell him why. I know he will experience a deep pain that cuts beyond anything he's ever experienced. Even though dragons have thick scales, I have come to realize that the scales over their heart are really the strongest, yet the most brittle."

Things between Spike and Rarity were already complex as it was outside of context. Now I had realized just how hard it was. She needed someone to love in place of what she couldn't show her affection for. Spike would age past a thousand years, Rarity is questionable to make it past eighty.

I really didn't wanna stay on this subject for long. This was really killing the vibes. "So, what are you doing tomorrow?"

"I'm going to be sewing up some of those supplies tomorrow for an important client in Canterlot. I'm afraid that my schedule is locked up tomorrow."

"Oh... Well, let me know when you need some help."

Rarity faintly smiled at me before replacing the cucumbers over her eyes. "I guess I might summon you for your measurements."

"Again?"

"I do need to see if your measurements have changed. Each time you show up, I find myself tweaking something here and there."

I couldn't help but to smile at her. To know that she cared for me was something that I deeply appreciated. "Rarity... can you take off those things for a sec?"

She rose back out of the mud, looking to me as she telekinetically moved the cucumbers out of the way. "Yes."

"I really wanna say... thank you. Thank you so much for everything that you do. You don't have to do it, but you do it anyways."

I think I might have switched the faucet on because tears had started to form in Rarity's eyes. She jumped out of the pool of mud, came over to me and clenched me tightly as she whispered in my ear. "Your gratitude is more than enough for payment."

Is it bad that I find myself wanting to stay here, just because of the friendships I've made thus far?

---

They say that hell hath no fury like a woman scorned. They say that women put the devil himself under their feet so that they can stand eye to eye with a man before she tears him down. They say that the world will tilt on it's ass if all the women of the world decided to wage a war on men.

I have one thing to say: That's not entirely true. Some women are earnest in their dealings, they can be patient and willing to cooperate with you just as long as you are willing to cooperate with them. True, there are those who can become so wrathful that they could tear down the world around them and those who's logic can make as much sense as the sky being green and the grass being blue. But as long as there are others who are willing to negotiate, then this absurd theory can remain what it is: a theory.

I like it here. I really do. I almost feel as if I can actually belong here. But I know that I have a family waiting for me back at home. I have a friend that I really need to apologize to. I have a world of difference to make when I get back.

But that doesn't mean that I wanna leave now. I may just want to stay here a little longer.

Next Chapter: Chapter V Estimated time remaining: 147 Hours, 12 Minutes