This is far from the world I've come to know and tolerate. I say tolerate instead of love because not much was really interesting in my life. I mean, sure, I went to school, I had a relationship (operative word: had) that was pretty okay, my parents were just like any other set of parents, home was okay at times. However, my social life was rather lacking. In truth, I am socially awkward. VERY socially awkward. I couldn't hold a conversation for more than five minutes, I was never good at picking up girls and I was far from the most popular guy in college. I didn't play many sports nor was I inclined in anything in particular. I was just the average dude who showed up and made decent grades.

Yeah, my life is pretty boring. Or should I say that it was boring.

As of now, I'm in the middle of a freaking town full of talking technicolor equines. How the hell I got here, I have not the slightest clue. I wasn't even sure if I was dreaming or not the first time I got here, but when I saw a pink pony with a pink, fluffy mane tell me hello, I figured that I may have stayed in my apartment a little too long, I ate something from the cafeteria that didn't sit well with my stomach or that maybe the students down the hall had some pretty strong weed and I was having a contact-high as a result.

Though I was really going for that contact high after two hours.

So... I'm in a world where prismatic horses with tattoos planted on their asses like billboard advertisements can talk full sentences in perfect English. I'm lying on a large-ass bed (by their standards), looking up at the ceiling as two ponies in armor stand on the opposite side of the room, watching my every move, my every breath, my every blink. Fearful expressions sat on their faces as they looked at me like I was some sort of parasitic alien who was more than willing to have them for a midnight snack.

I must be easy on the eyes or something.

As I lie here in this bed, I hear voices outside of the room. From what I'm hearing, it sounds like a group of these mammals outside...

Let me correct myself. They are sentient beings with the full grasp of technological know-how, despite being several decades behind what I'm used to. But then again, I guess having no internet could be a good thing.

I'm lying to myself. Internet is life incarnate.

The doors open and I'm introduced to several more of these ponies. Some with wings, some with horns, some with both and the rest without anything. If I am to assume by the guards that stood at the door beside the entering throng of equines, I'd say that their system is similar to that of a medieval monarchy. The ones without anything were the serfs, the ones with the wings were knights and guards like the two standing at the door, the ones with the horns (unicorns are apparently a thing here) are lords and nobles and the ones with the full-installation package are the rulers over the land.

For a monarchy, they sure are lacking in the masculine sense. Perhaps this was some sort of world where the female sex was the ones with all the power and the male counterparts are usually errand boys, hired muscle or workers of some sort. Great, an Amazonian-style matriarchy. Welp... I guess I'm sentenced to the dungeon without even getting a word in. I hope that they have some nice zoos somewhere around here, because I might be the next big thing.

"Sister," I heard from one of the larger equines. "I do not think that it is safe for us to be so close to it."

It? I am not an it! I am a thing, thank you very much.

"It's alright. It doesn't look like that it would be able to harm us." Another voice rang from the group.

So, if they start doing some sort of weird experiments on me, they will find out just how good (by good, I mean extremely uncoordinated) of a fighter I am.

It would seem that the pony who initially stated that I was not going to harm them had approached me from the group. Of course it would be the tallest of the group. I would assume that this full-grown horse with wings and a horn stamped to it's forehead is their leader.

"Greetings, creature. I understand that you may be far from your original dwelling place." She quietly spoke to me.

Being honest, far is a generous way of saying WHERE THE FUCK AM I?

"You are quite a rare find. I do not believe that our records have any knowledge on a creature of your ilk." A second voice chimed from behind the larger figure. Though the pony was smaller in stature than that of the first, she was still larger than the others of the group. She must be a royal, considering that she's got the total package like the larger one before me.

"Do you know where you are?" A third asked me. This time, it was a pink pony with a small tiara set upon her head. Just like the others, she carried both a pair of wings and a horn.

"I do not think that this creature can understand us, sister." The blue pony said as she looked to the white pony.

I was more surprised that they were actually sisters.

"I am sure that we may be able to find a way to communicate with it." The largest pony retorted.

Earth to dumbass: you can talk, remember?

"I wonder what kind of creature this is?" Questioned a fourth voice. As I watch the group of ponies part, I see a purple pony starting to approach the bed. She was easily the smallest of the royals, but she seemed to be a little more open to my being here. "Maybe I can spend some time with it to research what exactly it is."

Okay, maybe she was a little too open to my being here. I hate experiments.

"Or maybe we can send that thing to a zoo." A fifth voice rang from the crowd.

My patience had grown thin with the outlandish suggestion that I'd be on display for some child's edu-tainment. So I did what I really didn't like to do too much; talk.

"Please don't." I simply mumbled to myself. As I finished my two-word sentence, gasps sounded across the room as the four rulers stood over me in amazement.

"So you can talk?" The blue one responded.

"Yeah. But one question," A dumb one of course. "How are you guys talking?"

Silence filled the room as I lied silently on the bed, still waiting for an answer. Unfortunately, that never came.

"I... am completely blown!" The pink one one exclaimed. "This is a revolutionary find! I've never encountered something like it!"

"Now that I'm up close, the body structure does ring a bell." The purple one quietly notes as the others look to her.

"Do you mean that this creature is something that you've seen before." The white pony asked the purple one.

"This human, yes." The purple one responded as she raised her foreleg to touch me, to which I retreated from. As my hand stretched out to stave her off, she nodded. "Definitely a human."

Obviously, I'm confused. I think it's because of the fact that a pony can tell me what I am. "So... you know what I am?" I asked shyly.

"Yes. And for the most part, I don't really think you should even be here."

Hell, I know I shouldn't be here. So get me the hell out of here. "Okay. I... don't belong here. I actually belong-"

"In Canterlot High?" The purple pony said, finishing my sentence.

I merely blinked at her suggestion. First off, what was a Canterlot High? "Um... The University of Texas?"

Apparently, my suggestion may have thrown a monkey wrench in her equation. On second thought, with the way she just blinked at me with complete bewilderment, I'd say that it was more of a sledgehammer.

"UT? Longhorns?" My added questions were getting me nowhere at this point. The four royals just stared at me blankly. "Nevermind." That's better. When in doubt, kill off the conversation like it had never happened.

"It would appear that he's from somewhere else?" The blue pony asked the purple one.

"I could've sworn..." The purple pony said in disappointment before she trailed off. I guess I'm not the only one for awkward conversation.

"So... You are a human from the realm of this 'University of Texas'?" The pink one asked.

I found it difficult to suppress my laughs as I heard the pink royal call my place of enrollment a realm. In truth, it was only a small city. Besides, what else can you call it when there's like over a hundred thousand students enrolled? So yeah... "I guess you could say that."

"Do you remember how you got here?" The white one asked me in a delicate tone.

I can't even remember what I was doing before I had even got here in the first place, let alone how I got to this specific location in this specific world, dimension or whatever you wanna call it. The only thing I remember was the face of a pink pony surprising me, and being that I don't like surprises, I ran away screaming until I had hit something really hard and wooden. Since then, my memory's been a blur. "No. Not really."

"Then can you tell us anything about yourself?" The white pony asked.

I felt comfortable enough to describe the basics. I'd figure that they weren't going to make me some sort of exhibit. "I'm a student at the University of Texas, I'm currently classified as a sophomore, I'm twenty one years old, I like anime and video games, my major is undecided, I-"

My general description was cut short by a purple pony holding a hoof to my lips. Haven't these things heard of personal space? And plus she walks with those. That's just nasty. "I think what we all would like to know first off is your name."

While I quietly keep my objections regarding her sanitation habits to myself, I decide to reveal my name. "My name is Nondis."

"Okay, Nondis. Now that we have a name for you, we can introduce ourselves in turn." The purple pony happily stated.

The white, larger pony with a multicolored mane that swayed as if it was caught in a breeze bowed her head before me. "I am Princess Celestia. It is an honor to meet you." In my mind, she was the alpha-female.

The blue pony with a similar mane to that of her sisters, only hers was dotted with the stars of the night sky. She bowed her head next. "My name is Princess Luna. Charmed." In my mind, she was the cautious and discerning one.

The next one to introduce herself was the pink pony with three different colors in her mane. Bowing her head, she revealed her name. "My name is Princess Mi Amore Cadenza." Princess what-now? "But I would be pleased if you would call me Princess Cadance." Much better. To me she looked like some sort of marketing device that they used to sell off some sort of toy to little girls... or a misprinted mold of the one called Celestia.

The purple one, a younger pony with a more plainly look bowed before me. "And I am Princess Twilight Sparkle." Please let there not be any talk of vampires, werewolves or mentally-unstable, teenage girls with aspergers syndrome. Either that or else I'm jumping off a bridge right now. "I hope that we can be of assistance!" Nah, too much expression in one sentence to be another Kristen Stewart.

"So now that we all know each other, mind telling me where I am?" I inquired.

The pony called Luna walked before me and held up a map. Without her hooves... or her mouth... or anything at all.. Okay, I'm calling witchcraft on that one. "You are in the realm of Equestria." She raised a hoof to the center of the map. "More notably, here. The town you currently reside in is called Ponyville."

Ponyville, really? Okay, this whole thing sounds like a marketing ploy for little girls. I guess that it doesn't really matter what I think. The name is on a map, it's a thing. "Okay, so where in Ponyville am I?"

"You're in my castle." Said the not-a-reference-to-a-certain-franchise-that-I-absolutely-hate-for-such-a-one-dimentional-protagonist-and-bedazzled-vampires-sitting-in-the-sun. "Pinkie Pie brought you here after you hit your head on a branch."

So that's why I can't remember shit. Explains a lot actually. I must be unconscious, lying in a hospital bed and this world is a figment of my over-productive imagination. So all I needed to do was acknowledge that this is a dream and that I could wake up from it. Simple enough. "Okay, then if this is real, then I guess I shouldn't feel anything at all when I do this."

In an instant, I slapped myself in the face as hard as I could, hoping that I'd wake up from this Wizard-of-Oz world. And to my misfortune, I only managed to slap the shit out of myself. My cheek burned with a certain knowledge that this was indeed the furthest thing from a dream.

I'm beyond screwed.

"Wow, I've never seen somepony wanting to knock themselves out so much!" A bright and high-pitched voice chimed out from the group of ponies across the room. I almost forgot that they were even there.

There was one with a pink, curly mane and sported an even brighter shade of pink as her coat. Then there was another with a yellow coat with a long, light pink mane, a white pony with huge indigo curls cascading down her face, a fourth with a bluish-cyan coat and... rainbow hair... Okay, either this is a bad acid trip or this is actually real. The last one was pretty normal looking with the exception of wearing a hat.

As the five mares, as well as some purple lizard-thing stood side by side, Twilight Princess introduced me to each of them.

"Nondis, these are my friends: Pinkie Pie," I'm assuming it's the pink one. "Rainbow Dash," Again, assuming that it's 'gay pride' over there. "Fluttershy, Rarity and Applejack." Okay, those three I'm lost on. "They will be around to check in on you every so often, so feel free to let them know if you need anything."

"That thing is staying here!?" The rainbow pony asked in disbelief. At least it identifies me as a thing... Aaaaaand now I feel offended.

"Why, haven't you been listening to anything, Rainbow Dash?" The white pony with the curls chided her friend. "That 'thing' is called a human."

"It looks... kind of odd. Are you sure that we can't take him to the cottage?" The yellow pony asked quietly. I'm assuming that she's the shy one.

Now I get it, she's the one called Fluttershy... Because she's shy and stuff... I don't know.

"Um... forgetting someone?" The lizard creature asked quietly, sounding quite annoyed of being ignored. I'm going to assume that he's the one that's been taken for granted. What's the word for it.... butt-monkey?

"Sorry Spike. I was about to introduce you as my 'number one assistant', but was kindly interrupted by a certain somepony." Twilight Sparkle answered as she glared back to the one called Rainbow Dash. It would seem like that the rainbow one was apparently the smartass of the group. I think I might just grow to hate or love her. Too soon to tell.

"Well, under normal circumstances," The burnt-orange pony responded with a thick, southern accent as if she was from Tennessee. "But considerin' the size of this *ahem* human n' the fact that Fluttershy's cottage is already home full of other critters, Ah guess it doesn't make no lick of sense to send 'em there... If it's a him."

"I'm a male, yes." I pointed out. "If I was a female, then my chest would be a little or a lot bigger, my hips would be a little or a lot wider and my arms would be a lot thinner." Of course those things vary from individual to individual.

"I can attest to his statements. He is, indeed, a male human." The purple princess cosigned.

"Very well then." The larger, white princess sounded out. "I will be entrusting you with his care until we can manage to find him a way home."

"Then I suppose that we will be needing that mirror to the alternate universe." The blue princess called Luna stated as she and the other two princess walked off, leaving the purple princess and her friends to tend to me.

Wait a second, what did she mean by 'alternate universe?' Is this Star Trek or something?

"You can count on me, princess." Twilight bowed to the three who left the room, taking the two guards standing beside the door with them.

At least I can get a little more comfortable.

"Hey Twilight, check this out! He still has his fingers!" The purple lizard said, stating the obvious. My only reaction was a simple eye roll as I commented to myself on how he could come to such a conclusion. Guy's a genius.

"I've noticed." She answered as she turned back to me, lifting my left hand in the same manner that Princess Luna levitated the map just earlier. "But shouldn't he have hooves like us?"

No. I should be as I am. No need for me to cut my hands off so I can walk around on big meaty stubs. I am just fine.

As she held my hand in the air, I noticed a magenta glow that surrounded the area that was being manipulated by her. Not only was it bright and sparkly, but it was also warm, like a flame. I reached over to touch the glow around my arm, but as my fingers got close, I felt the area around it warming up quickly. Initially, I perceived it to have the similar effects that fire would normally have against human skin, so I removed my freed hand as quickly as possible. As I allowed my left arm to flail around lifelessly, I looked to the purple winged unicorn and saw that her horn was the exact same color.

Wow, unicorn horns are actually magical.

"Um... what are you doing?" I asked timidly, scared that the magenta flame on my arm would spread like a wild fire.

"I'm only making a few observations. Nothing more." She answered as she continued to lift my arm and twist it gently, turning it over to get a view of the palm of my hand.

I sat in silence as the princess continued to observe my arm. In the moments I sat, I managed to discover that her horn could actually manipulate a variety of things at once. One such item was, of course, my arm. The others were a clipboard, a quill and a book that she read as she turned my hand back over. It amazed me that she could multitask the magenta auras around so many items at once. I can barely do just one with both of my hands.

The next second became a bit of a horrifying experience. Thought it just started as a bit of a startle, the magenta flames that once engulfed my forearm then traveled to my hand. I instinctively let out a shriek as I offered to use my right hand to pat out the flame. But my mind reeled back to when I first touched the flame with my free hand. Realizing that doing that would be a bad idea, I pulled my hand from the magenta grasp. That's when the horror sat in.

I pulled my hand, and found that the flame actually held me in place. That aura actually exhibited a force strong enough to resist my retreat and keep my hand in place. Screaming, I slapped at the aura around my hand, causing the princess to jump back and cut off the flames. My left hand now freed, I clasped onto it, holding it as if it was something precious. It was something precious.

"I'm so sorry! I'm so sorry!" The princess repeated over and over as I held my hand, making sure that there were no burns. As she reached out for me, I pulled back in fear.

"Please, stay away!" I called out to her, completely convinced that she was dangerous to me. Shortly after, I hid under the sheets of my bed, not wanting to look at her.

I'll take back my inward comments about the Twilight series as long as she leaves me alone.

I stared back to the shadow of the princess who struck fear into my mind. Almost instantly, I started to feel myself shrink as another shadow stood beside her.

"Twilight, what's wrong?" One of the shadows asked.

"I don't know. I just held his hand and he started freaking out."

"Um, I know that it's probably out of place to assume this, but maybe he's not used to unicorn magic."

Magic? That's what that was?

"Argh..." The silhouette of the princess seemed to raise a hoof to her head in shame. "I shoud've thought about that. The human world doesn't have much magic in it."

I stayed under the covers as long as I could to avoid looking at these ponies. I was more than scared of them if they were capable of these kinds of things. Meanwhile, I saw one of the shadows grow smaller as it closed in on me.

"Mr. Human, are you okay."

I didn't respond, no matter how frail the voice was.

"Twilight said she's sorry. She didn't mean you any harm. What had happened was that she was shifting her magic to your hand. I can assure you that she isn't going to hurt you, and neither are we. Isn't that right girls?"

I heard a group of voices from the front of the bed chime out as they agreed with her. The other ponies started to surround the bed.

"Ah promise, we ain't gon' do no harm to ya." One of the shadows said.

"Yeah! So come on out!" The other shadow said in a raspy feminine voice.

"Oooh, I can't wait to throw a Welcome-to-Ponyville party for you!" The third shadow happily suggested while bouncing up and down.

"And I can't wait to see what you're wearing under those sheets." The fourth shadow added. Suddenly, I wasn't feeling so comfortable now that one of the ponies were being outright perverted. All I was wearing was a T-shirt and some worn-out jeans.

"We're not going to hurt you in any way or form. We just want to help. So please come on out." The princess pleaded with me as I hid under the blankets.

I remained hidden for a short while as the ponies around me continued to cheer me out from underneath the blanket. I felt like some sort of child in an unknown world, hiding from some monsters. Hell, I was a child in some unknown world, hiding from a bunch of pastel-colored sentient equines who could alter time and space with just their minds. I don't know what I was in for. But as their cheers continued to ease themselves into my ears, I grew soft towards them. Eventually, I poked my head from underneath to see six smiling faces.

Each of them smiled gently, with the exception of the pink one, who looked like she had plans for me. As I slowly eased myself from under the covers. The ponies continued to cheer me on. I didn't know exactly what was going to happen as soon as I came from underneath these covers all the way, but I was convinced that it wasn't going to be anything bad. Finally, I settled out of the comfort of the sheets and became exposed to the six mares in the room.

"Thank you for coming out." The yellow one spoke quietly. "I was really worried that you might've been scared of us."

"To be honest," I spat out nervously. "I still am." Despite these creatures being a little less than half my size while standing on all fours.

As I sat up in the bed, I heard the white unicorn tsk at me. "Darling, you could do so much better than that." Really? I'm being judged right out of the starting gates? "But pay you no mind. As soon as I get the proper measurements, and the anatomy, I will be supplying you with premier outfits more suited to a well-mannered gentlecolt such as yourself."

Okay, that was something completely from left field. I didn't see that one coming. At least it was more of a 'let me help you' rather than a 'let me judge you' type of sentence... Wait a second, what did she just call me? "Um... Gentle... colt?"

"That's right! Are you saying that you aren't a gentlecolt?"

I didn't know how to answer that without being offensive. I just knew that a colt was hardly something that I was. But I guess I can take for now. "No! Not at all. I am one! I was just thrown off by the... colt part."

"Well ya are a guy, right?" The country pony asked.

"Yes. But-"

"Then yer a colt to us. Plain and simple."

Just roll with it, Nondis. You can be politically correct later. "Uh... sure."

"I suppose we need to reintroduce ourselves." The pink pony sounded out as she bounced lively by my side.

This is far from the world I've come to know and tolerate. I say tolerate instead of love because not much was really interesting in my life. But since my coming here, it's been anything but uninteresting. I've wandered into a world of magical talking equines who could manipulate space. Maybe I'm just digging into it too much, maybe not. I can only wonder. But as for now, my main concern is but one thing...

Where is the bathroom?

With the (anti)brony-wandered-into-equestria scenario being done all the time, I'd figure that I'd do a story where the human is unaware of the world of MLP. No bronydom, no 'I watched the show'. Just completely oblivious expectations, like that first year of college. I also wanted to give the guy the personality of an actual social-reject. Like he comes up with snarky comments to himself but when he speaks, that snark is practically nonexistent.

If you've ever been one at one point in your life, then you'd know what it's like to come up with "How-awesome-I-could've-been-at-this-one-point-in-my-life" situations in place of "Damn-I-did-some-cringe-worthy-shit".

There is a warning about the next chapter: There is a bit of toilet humor.