“Heh, looks like someone’s thinking about me.”

You glanced down at your enormous erection with a grin, elated that someone, somewhere, was thinking of you. Hell, you were willing to bet they were getting off the thought of you, considering your knack for destroying cunts.

You just hoped it wasn’t a fatty...

Or a dude...

You shook yourself from these thoughts, as there were likely more important things to do than trying to figure out who was masturbating to the thought of you.

Like what, though?

As you stood in front of your shitty apartment’s doorstep, naked from the waist down and sporting a massive erection, you wondered briefly exactly what you were doing. Surely you had a plan for the rest of the day. There must be a reason why you’re outside and not inside talking shit about the janitor.

“Hey brah, what are you doing?” you heard a feminine voice from behind you ask.

You glanced over your shoulder and spotted Lyra standing at the door, giving you a confused look.

“I don’t know,” you answered with a shrug, “I ask myself the same question everyday.”

She blinked, before bringing a hoof up to her chin and scratching it in thought. “Now that I think about, why am I out here?”

“Why are we here?” you asked your bro.

“How can mirrors be real if our eyes aren’t real?” your bro responded, her face’s expressing morphing from a confused look to the look of somebody who is concerned by something they see in the distance.

You mimicked her expression. “Confucius says, if there are bread winners, there are bread losers. But how can you toast what isn’t real?”

“Dude…”

As the two of you stood there, contemplating philosophy and the metaphysical meaning of life, a quiet, buttermilk yellow pegasus wandered your way unnoticed. At least, she was unnoticed until she got close enough for you to hear her. By that point, you whipped around, nearly smacking her in the face with your rod of steel. Looking down, you saw a look of what could only be described as shocked arousal.

“Yo, what’s up bro?” you asked the shy pegasus, “yo, you realize you just had a chapter, right?”

“H-huh?”

“Nothing,” you said, your throbbing erection still inches away from her face, “what up fam?”

Still sweating and blushing, Fluttershy stuttered out a response.

“Well… I-I was in town to pick up some supplies, a-and I saw you… I thought I’d say hello, if it wasn’t too much trouble…”

She was doing her best to ignore the D, but the D made sure it would be seen.

“Supplies? You mean like booze?”

“I think she means weed, brah,” Lyra piped in.

“Well, actually I-”

“Nah bro,” you interrupted the pegasus, “she definitely here for booze. I showed her the magic of it the other day."

Lyra shook her head. “Dude, trust me, she’s here for weed, the quiet ones are always tokers.”

“Weird, most stoners can’t shut the fuck up about weed.”

“Fuck you, brah.”

“B-but I..!” Fluttershy attempted to clarify.

“So you admit you’re a stoner?” you asked with a smirk.

Your unicorn companion blinked. “No! Just-”

“Hah, I knew it! You stoner fuck!” you declared with a chortle, “by the way, you still owe me some brownies. You ate all of mine, you fucking stoner.”

Before Lyra could retort, you heard a soft voice attempt to chime in.

“Um, excuse me..?” Fluttershy whimpered out.

Oh wait, she was still here?

“Yo.”

“I didn’t come to get either of those… I needed to get some animal food and some... um… clothing…”

“Nigga, horses don’t wear clothes,” you pointed out bluntly.

At the mention of this, her face lit up red.

“T-they’re for the winter..!” She explained.

“It’s a bit late to be winter shopping, don’t you think?” Lyra pointed out with a raised brow.

“A zebra s-stole my winter clothes…” said the pegasus, looking dejected.

That seemed legit enough. Those damn ziggers could get really out of control.

After that was all sorted out, Fluttershy looked up at the both of you and spoke.

“So, are you doing anything today..?”

“Yeah, we’re trying to figure out what that is,” you answered.

“Plus we’re trying to figure out how mirrors can be real if our eyes aren’t,” Lyra threw in.

“Um… O-okay..?” the pale mare questioned.

“Do you know the answer?”

She shook her head, much to your disappointment. “You can join me… if that’s what you want.”

You thought for a moment. Was there anything you had to do? Finding the answers to you and Lyra’s questions was pretty high on your list, but it’s not like you had any way to find out. Well, there was always Twilight, but you definitely didn’t want to open up that can of worms. Might as well do something, and the thought of breaking this timid mare appealed to you quite a bit.

“Sure, why the fuck not? I need to get some new duds anyways, it’s fucking cold right now.”

“Maybe that’s because you have no pants on,” your unicorn bro pointed out, “oh, and by the way, nice cock brah.”

“Thanks homie,” you responded, before you summoned a pair of faded jeans to go with your scorpion jacket.

A real human bean, and a real hero.

You shrugged off the surprised stares of your company, and spoke.

“What’s the fucking plan, man?”

“Well…” Fluttershy mumbled. “I was thinking we could pick up my supplies, then grab something to eat afterwards.”

“Hit the bar? Sounds fucking great!”

“But I… Okay…”

“DO NOT WORRY, COMRADE FLUTTERSHY,” you said in a bad Russian accent as you grabbed the yellow pony and held her up in the air, “I WILL SHOW YOU WAYS OF BROSHIP. BY END OF DAY, YOU WILL BE REAL ORIGINAL GANGSTER!”

“Please put me down…” she begged quietly.

Lyra cheered as the three of you ran off to your first destination.

You burst through the door of that one fashion horse’s boutique, your two bros right behind, and shouted out at the top of your lungs, “HEY HEY HEY, WHERE ARE MY /FA/GGOTS?!”

“DID SOMEPONY SAY /FA/GGOT?”

You heard something shuffle in the next room before an alabaster unicorn wandered into the room, a giant smile plastered on her face. She took a moment to regain her composure after her outburst, cleared her throat, and spoke up.

“Nice scorpion jacket.”

“Thanks bro,” you responded, flashing her the thumbs up.

She grinned at your gesture as she gave your party a quick once over, before pausing as she spotted your barely noticeable pegasus companion.

“Fluttershy, is that you?”

“Huh?” Lyra asked in confusion, “No, I’m Lyra.”

“Not you, darling,” she said as she approached the yellow pony, “I didn’t know you had friends beyond the girls and I.”

Lyra gave Rarity a death glare, “Hey! I-”

Surprisingly, the possible autist of the group was the one to interrupt her this time.

“Oh, hello Rarity,” she said what would be considered a tone that was enthusiastic for her. “I just came here to look for something. Do you... um... remember what we talked about the other day?”

A look of recognition dawned on Rarity’s face.

“Ohoho… You’re looking for THAT, aren’t you?” she inquired, hardly containing her excitement.

Fluttershy let out an embarrassed sounding giggle.

“Y-yeah, t-that…”

Rarity couldn’t contain the smirk on her face.

“Oh please, Fluttershy, you don’t need to be embarrassed. Nopo--”

She glanced over at you.

“NoBODY here will judge you. Now come on! We’ll get you set up right away!”

You and Lyra watched as the two of them went upstairs.

Your unicorn companion cleared her throat, gaining your attention.

“Yo… what’s ‘that’?” Lyra inquired with a raised brow.

You shrugged. “You know, it’s just that thing you use.”

The two of you decided to kill time circlejerking (or linejerking, since there was only two of you) over stupid shit, which was basically what you did 24/7 anyways.

“Do you think Ziggerman did anything wrong?”

“No.”

A posh as hell voice echoes down from upstairs.

“Anon, could you please come up, dear?”

“Fuck no!”

“...please?”

“Fuck. Fine.”

You gave your companion a brofist and reluctantly followed the source of the alabaster unicorn’s voice. As you ascended the stairs to the second floor, you spotted the mare waiting for you outside of a closed door.

“Sup?” you inquired.

“Well, I know that despite the species barrier, you can be attracted to us… and I was wondering if I could get an opinion from someone of a different gender?” the seamstress responded with a grin.

“I think I like where this is going.”

“I’m sure you will. Now, feast your eyes on my latest work!” Rarity declared as she yanked the door to the room open with her magic.

OH DAMN SON.

Your jaw dropped at the sight behind the door. Facing away from you was Fluttershy, dressed in something you’d never have expected to see her in. Well, any of the ponies, for that matter. Underwear. Frilly, lacy underwear. The material was near transparent; and the color, what was that? Ah, white. The color of the gods.

And cum.

That shit was nearly skin tight, much more than any fancy underwear you’d seen before. The fact that it was translucent didn’t help much to mask anything, either. This was especially apparent when it came to the space in between her haunches. You could see just a bit of a darker color where her pussy began. A deep crease made it’s way up to where a much rounder shape could be seen. The ponut, as you liked to refer to it.

“This is lewd,” you pointed out the obvious.

Apparently that was enough to get the oblivious mare out of her trance; when you spoke, she turned around faster than you’d ever seen her move before. Then, like a fainting goat, she fell to her back, still conscious.

“This isn’t the time or place to do the flop, Fluttershy.”

Rarity walked up from behind you.

“Maybe this wasn’t such a good idea…”

“My dick disagrees with your analysis,” you said, motioning down to your nether regions.

You noticed the prone mare twitch.

“R-rarity… What…” she stuttered out.

With an uncomfortable look on her face, the fashion designer responded.

“W-well… I needed to get his opinion on the underwear… I didn’t mean for you to be aware of his presence. I suppose I really should’ve asked you first.”

All this talking wasn’t making your cock any less hard.

It definitely wasn’t helping Fluttershy, either. Almost her entire face was beet red as she laid on the floor and stared at the Anonymous Monument, which showed very obviously through your tight jeans.

“A-a-a-a-” Fluttershy stammered.

“Huh...” you glanced down at your crotch, before looking back up at the pegasus, “it looks like Lil’ Anon wants to say hello to you, Fluttershy.”

FreakoutMode.exe

With speed rivaling that of a jet airplane, Fluttershy shot up to her hooves.

“N-n-n-no..! Th-this isn’t wh-wh-wh-what it looks like..!”

You gave the lewdly dressed pegasus a look.

This bitch.

“Your ass looks really nice in that, bro.”

She did her best to press her backside against the wall.

“D-d-don’t look… I-” The pony was cut off when she bumped into some of Rarity’s equipment. Nothing could be done as it fell to the floor with a resounding clang. What came next was possibly the funniest thing you had seen all month: after making the most realistic horse noise you had heard since you got here, Fluttershy collapsed to the ground once more, ass in the air this time, and totally unconscious.

You immediately doubled over and burst out laughing.

“LYRA!” you called to your bro downstairs, “COME UP HERE, YOU GOTTA SEE THIS SHIT!”

Your bro shot up the stairs, almost faster than Fluttershy had moved earlier.

She took a few moments to take in the scene before her, before she responded in the same way you did.

“HAHA, HOLY SHIT!” she managed to get out, “Dude, what’d you do?”

“I complimented her nice ass, of course.”

Rarity gave the two of you a disgusted look. “The two of you are horrid friends.”

You took a break from laughing your ass off and gave her a condescending look much like a certain balding, baseball bat wielding comedian would. “Who said we were Fluttershy’s friends? We’re her bros. We’re supposed to treat each other like shit.”

Your unicorn companion nodded in agreement.

“Don’t you think that that’s a little… much? I mean, especially with somepony as sensitive as Fluttershy. All I’m saying is that maybe you should be a bit more… I don’t know, considerate?”

“Nah.”

“Nope.”

“Yellow Hush is actually surprisingly bro-tier,” you stated, “she can take my top tier bants pretty well.”

With that said, you made your way over to your fallen bro. You paused a moment to take in her amazing ass, complemented by a perfect pair of panties (you were still unsure why a horse who didn’t wear clothes would even need panties, but that wasn’t important), and imprinted it in your mind, before attempting to rouse the mare.

“Get up faggot, I need booze.”

It took a few minutes, but eventually she began to stir.

“Nngh.. mmph..? Wha..?” came a muffled voice.

“Booze, whisky, tequila, beer! Alcohol, you get me?” you stated impatiently.

“You don’t even like tequila,” Lyra pointed out.

“Fuck you bitch, I’m that desperate!” you shouted at your bro, “It’s been, like, an hour or something since I last had a drink, and I left my emergency flask at home.”

“How did you even forget to do that? You know what a terrible idea that is!” the mare asked.

“When I got booty on the mind, nothing else matters, baby.”

A pain made itself apparent in your head. Your alcohol level was dangerously low. If you didn’t get some in you fast, there was no telling what the consequences would be.

“FUCK!” you cried, before you grabbed the quiet pegasus and began shaking her,

“COME ON MAN, I NEED LIQUOR, OR I’LL EXPLODE OR SOME SHIT!”

“What if you exploded and then exploded again?” Lyra suggested with an amused grin.

Your eyes widened with a mix of fear and shock. “OH FUCK.”

Realizing just how dire your current situation was, you slung Fluttershy over your shoulder (who was still wearing her panties) and grabbed up your bro, holding her under your arm.

“H-hey, shouldn’t you buy me some dinner before manhandling me?”

“THERE’S NO TIME!” you shouted in response, before you took a moment to pause and look down at the unicorn, whose face was now dyed a dark shade of crimson.

“Uh… n-no hetero?”

She merely nodded in response, saying nothing.

Feeling much more confident in your actions now, you turned on the alabaster unicorn and began to stomp towards her.

“Choo choo! All aboard the Anonymous Express!”

“No Anon, no!”

You charged through the streets of Ponyville, still carrying the three ponies along with you. You probably would’ve laughed at the thought of how ridiculous the four of you must’ve looked, but the pounding in your head was starting to fog up your thinking.

“FUCK! WHERE THE FUCK IS THE SALTY SAILOR?!”

“You passed it like fifteen minutes ago,” you heard Lyra speak up, “I tried to tell you, but everytime I tried to speak, you’d interrupt me by shouting something about a large Mexican dressed like a ballerina.”

“GOD DAMMIT!” you cursed, before you took a deep breath and regained your composure, “It looks like I’m going to have to use… ‘it’.”

“What’s ‘it’?” Rarity inquired from her position between your left arm and your torso.

“‘It’ is ‘it’. You use ‘it,’” you answered.

“Okay…?”

You took another deep breath, closed your eyes, and began to concentrate on ‘it’.

To use ‘it’, you had to feel ‘it’. You had to be ‘it’.

With a determined scream, you activated ‘it’. Your previously limp dick grew four times it’s already large size and pointed in the direction of the closest bar.

God, you loved your booze senses. ‘It’ was truly your greatest ally. Without any further wait, you followed your compass cock to your destination. The rest of the trip went by relatively quietly as you walked through the twists and turns of Ponyville.

You felt your member begin to throb. The bar was getting close. You could hardly contain your excitement.

What kind of bar would it be? Only time could tell. The throbs started to pick up the closer you got. Finally, you came face to face with the establishment. A faint, flashing red light could be seen from the front of your pants, signifying your arrival.

Looking up at the sign, you read the name out loud.

“Spook’s Watering Hole,” you placed down the three mares you were carrying, “I bet they have a zebra bartender.”

Rarity cocked her head. “What makes you say that, dear?”

With an air of confidence, you responded, “I’ve seen enough bars to know this kind of thing.”

Lyra jumped in, agreeing, “I can back him up on that.”

“Well, what the fuck are we waiting for? Let’s get the fuck in there!” you bellowed, whipping out your sword and charging in headfirst.

Opening the door with your cock, you put Lil’ Anon away and entered the bar, the three mares in your party right behind you. You glanced about, located the bar, and made a beeline for it, leaving your companions behind. By the time they had caught up to you and occupied the stools beside you, you were already on your third shot.

“I was right. It’s a zebra!”

“Sup fam? Wanna listen to my mixtape?” the zebra asked you and your companions, “It’s straight fire.”

“Wanna listen to mine?” You dug into your pocket and pulled out your mixtape. “Its the musical sounds of my ass and me masturbating.”

“Oh! Oh!” Lyra perked up, whipping out her own mixtape, “I have mine with me. It’s ninety straight minutes of me making fart noises and saying the word ‘helicopter’.”

“Cool ziggas, let’s trade.”

You took the zebra’s mixtape off of him, before you and Lyra handed over yours.

Little did he know, the music on that tape really was the sounds of your ass and you masturbating.

And what musical sounds they were.

“And get me another drink while you’re at it!” you demanded as you pounded on the table.

“Aight cuz, just chill,” said the bartender, reaching for a bottle.

In a matter of seconds, your drink was ready to go. With the urgency of a man who hadn’t drank water in a week, you grabbed the glass and chugged down its contents, finishing it off with a loud, manly belch.

“FUCK YEAH, BRAH!” Lyra cheered at your display. Rarity looked on with disgust, and nobody cared what Fluttershy’s reaction was.

“ALRIGHT!” you began, “BARKEEP, TWO MORE!”

The zebra did as he was told, getting out a second glass and filling it with your own. He slid them both to you, and you turned to Rarity.

“Drink up,” you said flatly.

“Excuse me?” the white unicorn asked, taken off guard.

“You. Me. Drink.” you explained to her.

“Anonymous, do you really expect that I’d partake in such activities at this time of the day?”

“Yeah, probably. Plus everyone folds under peer pressure.”

“Yeah Rarity! Take a drink!” Lyra probed.

“Yeah bro… drink…” you heard the lone pegasus in your party prompt, already beginning to get drunk herself.

“DRINK! DRINK! DRINK!” You chanted.

“DRINK! DRINK! DRINK!” Lyra joined in.

“Drink… Drink…” came Fluttershy’s weak chant.

A small smirk came to Rarity’s face.

“Alright, alright, I don’t see the harm in one little drink…” she said with a small giggle.

“One?! Shit bro, even Fluttershy’s drinking more than that. Stop being a pussy.”

“Well, we’ll just see what happens, okay darkling?” the purple maned mare said.

“Good enough for me,” you said with a shrug, before waving over the bartender, “get us four glasses and a bottle of smirnoff.”

“Aight fam,” he responded, before fucking off.

Eventually, he came back with the items you requested. You passed a glass to each of the table’s members. The liquid was poured into each glass, and the bottle placed on the table.

“Alright fags, lets drink!” You cheered, picking up your glass.

Everybody else picked up their glasses, and downed them all within a few seconds. You uncapped the bottle and refilled each of the glasses as soon as they were put back down. You all rose the drinks to your mouths and emptied them into your bodies once more. Surprisingly, you had no trouble getting Rarity to comply.

This process continued at least five more times, everyone getting drunker as time flew by. Soon, much too soon, the bottle was empty, but at least everyone was shitfaced.

For the past ten minutes you had been playing rock, paper, scissors with Lyra. It didn’t occur to you until five minutes in that Lyra didn’t have the necessary tools to play, and it took you the other five to realize why this was an issue.

You exactly weren’t the brightest person. At least, you weren’t when you were drunk.

Then again... when weren’t you drunk?

Shrugging this off, you looked over to the bartender, who was leaned over the table, talking to Fluttershy.

“Ayy gurl, das’ some nice underwear you got there,” The zigger uttered.

The mare simply giggled obliviously and responded, “Underwear..? I don’t know what you mean…”

The zebra attempted to gain her affection for a little while longer to no avail.

“Y’all drunk bitches ain’t even worth my time…” he sighed as he went back to the beer racks.

Fucking beta doesn’t know how to do anything right. You’ll show him how real niggas get pussy.

You leaned towards the pegasus, and started a conversation with her like any true gentleman should.

“Sup’ bitch?”

“I… I think the ceiling is…” she pondered.

This bitch...

“Nah, my dick’s up, get what I’m saying?”

“That doesn’t sound too healthy… W… would you like me to take a look..?” she slurred out.

This fucking bitch.

“Yeah girl, what do you think I’m getting at?” you said with your trademark shit-eating grin.

“H..here… Let me get a closer look…”

Hell yeah nigga, you in. 2k15 you made it.

You stood up, letting your third leg stand to its full length, nearly ripping through your pants. The drunk pegasus shakily got to her hooves as well, ready to “inspect” the protrusion.

“Oh… my… it looks… Swollen…” she noted, hoof to her mouth.

Damn right it’s swollen.

“A… Anon… I don’t mean to be… l-lewd, but could you, um… take off… your pants? I need a closer look...”

“Damn girl, in front of everybody? That’s some kinky shit.”

“O-oh..! I didn’t consider that… Would you like to… to do it somewhere more… pri… priv… private?”

You expected Rarity to pop in and cockblock you at this point, but as you looked her way, you noticed she was doing her best to ignore the two of you.

What a bro.

Damn, the night barely got started and you were already about to score.

You’re a fucking stone cold pimp.

“Fan-fucking-tastic, let’s do this!” you shouted, beginning towards the bathroom.

However, just as you were lifting your foot, you spotted an aquamarine streak in Fluttershy’s direction. A loud smack echoed through the bar, and you turned your head.

“EEEEEEEEEEEEEEeeugh…”

The fuck was that? When you turned all the way back over, you saw Fluttershy laying on the floor, and Lyra standing over her with a hoof raised.

“NANI?!”

“There were these…” she paused, as if in thought, “HUGE-ASS butterflies eating away at her! I had to do something!”

COCK BLOCKED BY YOUR OWN BRO?!

WHAT A TWIST!

“By the way Fluttershy… you know you’re still wearing those panties from earlier, right?”

“What…?” the mare responded, tilting her head in confusion.

“You know, the ones that are see through and perfectly compliment your ass. It’s certainly getting a lot of attention.”

“He’s quite right, dear,” Rarity threw in.

“Oh… oh no...” was the only response from the yellow mare on the floor. “Th-this can’t be real..!” She began trying to back up against the bar, attempting to hide her clothing from unwanted eyes.

“C’mon, you look GREAT in them!” you informed her.

Fluttershy stuttered out a rebuttal, “I-I don’t like everyone looking at me like this… W-when I’m w-wearing… this…”

She looked up, noticing you, Lyra, the bartender, Rarity, and at least three other bar patrons staring at her. The stallions were staring at her ass more than anything else, and you…

You were staring through her booty’s soul.

Apparently she didn’t like that very much either, because she got up and bolted for the bathroom faster than you could even register.

“You think she’s still up for sex?” you asked Rarity.

“I don’t think she is, Anon. In fact, I think I should probably go check on her to make sure she’s alright. I’ll be but a minute, if you would excuse me.” She informed, getting off of her stool and heading for the restroom.

With her now gone, you turned on your bro. “Dude, what the fuck?”

“Hey man, bros before hoes,” she responded with a grin.

“But-” you stopped yourself from saying anything else. She was right, as according to the Bro Code, abandoning a bro for a hoe (even if said bro was a hoe) was unacceptable.

In the pursuit for booty, you had almost forsaken your values and morals.

You hung your head in shame. “You’re right, thank you for showing me the way, bro.”

“It’s nothing but a G thang, bruh,” she responded as she gave you a quick, yet affectionate brohug, before she slid over another drink to you, “why don’t you have another drink, fam?”

“Thanks fam,” you smiled gratefully at the unicorn as you took the glass in your palm, “you are truly my greatest ally.”

You took a moment to examine the glass you were handed, which was filled to the brim with some sort of hard liquor. The alcohol content was so high, it was burning your nostrils from two feet away.

Must’ve been brandy.

Bitchin’.

“BOTTOMS UP!” you shouted like a retard, before bringing the glass up to your lips and drinking it down in one go.

Your mouth and throat immediately began to burn, and you almost coughed up your drink like freshman white girl in college.

“Woah…”

Before you realized what was going on, the world began to spin around you.

“Wooooooooooooaaaaaaaaaaaah…”

“Ayo zigga, quit spinning in my stool!” you heard the bartender call out to you.

You stopped spinning around in your chair like a retard and turned towards your bro, intent on stirring up some quality banter between the two of you.

!

“DUDE!” you exclaimed in shock.

“Sup?” Lyra inquired, taking a drink from her beer.

“There’s… like… two of you,” you pointed out, suddenly feeling very tired

She looked your way with a raised brow. “Huh?”

You snickered to yourself for no apparent reason. “Hey… maybe the two of you should get down from there and give me a double brojob under the bar… brojob... brojob... CHOO CHOO!”

The mare spat out the beer that was currently occupying her mouth, her cheeks turning a dark shade of crimson. “H-HUH?!”

You continued to snicker to yourself as you laid your head on the bar. “N-no hetero… I guess…”

“W-well, it’s not like I would mind, Anon…”

“Heh… yeah bro, that would be cool,” you muttered sleepily, before you picked up on what she had said, “wait… what?”

You didn’t hear her response, as the world around you went dark and your body slumped over the bar.

You really shouldn’t have drank that brandy.

“Aye fam… you cool?”

You slowly lifted up from the bar and glanced towards the source of the voice. You spotted a concerned looking zebra behind the bar looking over you.

You hoped he didn’t steal your bike.

“Yeah bro, I’m fucking fantastic!” you declared as you waved off his concerns.

“Aight.”

You took another drink from your beer as the bartender wandered off, before you examined your surroundings. You were in a bar, albeit an unfamiliar one. You assumed it was the new bar that had just opened downtown.

A lot of new bars opening these days… not that you were complaining or anything.

You glanced off to the right, spotting Fluttershy and Rarity sitting beside you, talking about some random bullshit you could give less of a fuck about. Both were pretty shitfaced, much to your shock and amusement.

Hell, Yellow Hush looked as shitfaced as you usually were.

However… you realized something was missing.

Was it Big Mac? Probably. For a story that’s supposed to be about Anon and Big Mac, the readers don’t seem very interested in the other main character.

You should probably pay that faggot a visit before he starts feeling lonely or some shit.

Your gut, however, was telling you it was something else.

As your drunken brain struggled to figure out what was wrong, you felt something brush against your left arm.

“Brah… I totally just accidentally the colt’s bathroom…” you heard Lyra say.

You glanced her way and flashed her a questioning look. “You did what?”

“I accidentally it.”

Before you could say anything else, you felt something tug on your shirt.

“Um… Anon…?”

You turned towards the source of the voice, finding your beta pegasus companion looking up at you expectantly.

“Sup G?” you inquired as you took another shot.

She motioned over to the passed out form of Rarity. “Could you help me take her home… if you don’t mind, of course…”

“No prob, dude. You guys can crash at my place if you want. We’re like a block or two away from my apartment,” you offered.

“Are you sure it wouldn’t be too much trouble…?”

“None at all,” you answered with a smile, “I’d do anything for my bros.”

“Oh… well thank you, Anon…” the mare returned your smile.

“Ain’t nothin’ but a G thang, bruh. Just let me finish my-”

“HEY!” you heard somebody shout from the restrooms, “WHO THE FUCK ACCIDENTALLY THE MALE’S BATHROOM?!”

“NO TIME, BRAH, LET’S GO!” Lyra ordered frantically, jumping down from her stool in a hurry.

“B-but m-muh booze,” you whimpered like a sniveling child.

“Don’t worry dude, I’ll make it up to you when we get home,” she said, flashing you a toothy grin, “Grab the bitch so we can cheese it!”

“Fiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiine,” you agreed reluctantly. You rose from your stall and grabbed the passed out unicorn, slinging her over your shoulder, “you better have something good in mind, bro.”

“Don’t worry bruh, I got you,” your bro promised, “let’s just get out of here.”

Your bro’s promise brought your spirits back up. “AIGHT NIGGA, LET’S BOUNCE!”

“Bitches and hoes are like new clothes,” the three of you sang together as you strided through the streets of Ponyville like a pimp trio, “once you bought em, you wish you never got-”

“OH SNAP!” Lyra suddenly exclaimed, bringing you musical number to an end.

“What?” you asked with a tilted head.

“IT’S FUCKING HITLER!” she answered you, pointing beyond you.

!

You followed the mare’s hoof, and low and behold, there stood the leader of the Third Reich himself.

Mother fucking Adolf Hitler.

“Act cool…” you said to your two bros.

You placed your thumbs in your belt, began to whistle dixie, and continued to pimp stride. Lyra did her best to imitate you, but soon remembered she lacked the thumbs and the belt to do the ‘I’m in charge here’ look, so she opted to just whistle.

Fluttershy really didn’t need to do anything because half the time nobody realized she even existed.

“Sup?” you asked casually as you passed the former dictator.

“Mien balls are blue,” he responded.

“Sucks bruh,” you sympathized with him.

You watched the Fuhrer continue on and eventually disappear over your shoulder. Once he was gone, you turned towards the aquamarine unicorn with an inquisitive glance.

“Dude, how did you know that was Hitler?” you questioned.

“Who?”

“Dude, was that Hitler?” you heard Rarity slur out as she awoke from her drunken slumber.

“Forget it, we’re here,” you said with an eye roll as your party walked up to the front of your shitty apartment. You approached the apartment’s entrance, retrieved your keys out of your pocket, and fumbled with them as you struggled to unlock the front door.

Finally, after a good minute or two of fucking around, you managed to get the door open. You stumbled inside, your two bros right behind.

!

Your foot slipped on something, likely a discarded booze bottle. You fell forward, unable to recover from your fuck up, and landed face first. The mare you were carrying somehow managed to land on her hooves, despite her drunken state.

“HI FLOOR!” you greeted the floor that likely just gave you a concussion, “MAKE ME A SANDWICH, BITCH!”

“Anon!” Fluttershy called out with concern as she rushed to your side, “Are you okay?”

“He’s fine,” Lyra stated, “nice one bro, I’ll give it a light nine. If you did a flip, I may have given you a solid ten.”

You rose off the floor and flashed your mate a toothy grin. “Thanks bro, I’ll try harder next time.”

“That’s all I can ask of you, bruh.”

“I-I love you brah,” you said, the large amount of booze inside of you making you intensely emotional, “n-no hetero.”

“Y-You too homie,” she stuttered out in response like your average /fit/izen, before outstretching her hooves towards you, “get over here and give me a hug, nigga.”

You rose off the floor, ignoring the concussion you likely gave yourself by falling like a retard, and approached your bro, your arms extended towards her. The mare threw herself (well, more like drunkenly stumbled and collapsed) into your arms, which you which closed around her. You felt your bro sigh contently into your chest as she wrapped her hooves around your waist, giving you a tight affectionate squeeze.

?

You felt another pair of hooves wrap around you and embrace you. For a moment, you entertained the thought that your broship with Lyra caused her to grow an extra pair of hooves just to give a more bromantic brohug, but upon looking down, you spotted a certain butter yellow pegasus wrapping her hooves around the two of you.

“Hey *hic* bro, I-I hope you don’t mind me joining…”

You grinned down at your pegasus bro. “Not at all fam. Not at all.”

There was nothing more better than engaging in non-heterosexual bromance with your bro. Hell, you’d even argue that bromance was better than vodka and streaking.

Truly, these were the best of times.

!

“H-hey!” you cried out in shock, “who touched my ass?!”

“Me. Probably,” the aquamarine unicorn responded casually.

“I-I may have wanted to get a piece of that ass…” you heard Fluttershy answer quietly.

“L-lewd,” you muttered lightly under your breath.

As the three of you shared in an intense, bromantic brohug, you heard somebody clear their throat. You glanced towards the source of the sound to find Rarity standing there, levitating the bastard bottle that you slipped on earlier in front of her.

“Might I make a suggestion for an evening activity?” she inquired with a smirk.

You joined the other three members of your party in a circle around the empty handle of vodka, a fresh beer in your hand.

You glared at the traitorous bottle with a disgusted feeling in your gullet. This empty bottle used to be your greatest ally, but it had stabbed you in the back by tripping you in a manner that did not allow you to do a flip, earning you a measly light nine from your bro.

In time, you would have your revenge. But, for now, you needed it…

“Alright niggas,” you spoke up, “who’s up first?”

“...I think Rarity should go first… since she came with the idea…” the one pegasus in the room suggested quietly.

“Aight. It’s ladies first, anyways.”

“Hey… I’m a chick, dude,” Lyra pointed out.

“Implying,” you said with a condescending look.

However, Rarity shook her head. “Actually darling, I think you should go first.”

“...are you sure?”

The white pony nodded in affirmation.

“Well… if you insist…”

The yellow pegasus reached out a tentative hoof towards the empty vodka handle that sat idly in the middle of your circle. She placed her hoof against the neck of the bottle, and with a deep breath, pushed against it, sending the bottle into a spin.

You watched the glass object spin about, gradually losing its momentum. The bottle slowed and came to a halt, landing on Rarity.

“Okay Rarity… truth or dare?”

The mare took a moment to ponder the question, before giving an answer. “Dare.”

Fluttershy gave her a look, before she picked up a conveniently placed sharpie and held it out to her. “I dare you to stick this in your butt.”

"IT BEGINS!" you blurted out like an autistic manchild.

You took a drink of your beer, watching on as Rarity grabbed the sharpie out of the pegasus’s hoof, examining it with a grimace.

“But I poop from there…” the mare protested.

“Not today you don’t,” Lyra commented with an amused grin. She raised her hoof for a high-five, which you immediately slapped.

The prissy mare examined the sharpie for a few more seconds, before looking at the three of you. “Can I lube it up first?”

“No,” you all replied in unison.

Rarity huffed as she examined the marker further. She’d get the occasional demand to hurry up, but despite the vocalizations, her slow pace remained.

“C’mon Rarity! Get on with it! I’m starting to think you’ve never done this before!” jeered Lyra.

The purple maned unicorn stopped.

“Excuse me… what was that?” she questioned.

“I said get on with it!” your bro replied.

“No,” Rarity started, “The last part, dear.”

Lyra grinned as she repeated her question. “I asked if you’ve even ever done this. Everybody’s stuck something in their pooper before. I’m sure even Yellow Hush here has.”

Everyone turned to look at the yellow horse, who was about to peel a banana. When she noticed the gazes of the occupants, she froze. She looked to the fruit, then to all of you, then back to the banana. Then, she slowly hid an embarrassed smile behind her hoof.

“Enough confirmation for me,” you stated.

“Hell, Anon here has probably shoved a thing or two up his ass, especially considering how many dildos that he’s got stashed in random places in our apartment.”

“Hey, fuck you man,” you jabbed a finger into your bro’s chest, “Those dildos are for the ladies and makeshift luffa use only. The only time I’ve used one on myself was as a back scratcher.”

“Whatever you say, bruh,” Lyra snickered, “whatever you say.”

And at that moment, nobody knew you farted.

“Oh, you don’t think I can handle it, huh? Well, I’ll show you!” the fashion pony exclaimed. With a glow of her horn, she took the marker in her magical field, and levitated the writing instrument to her backside.

“OH BOY!” you exclaimed with childlike glee, “HERE WE GO!”

Rarity rolled her eyes. “Yes, yes… I’m sure you’re enjoying yourself.”

You shifted yourself to get a better view of the events that were about to unfold.

“Nigga, pass the popcorn,” you heard Lyra whisper into your ear.

“I don’t got any popcorn, bruh.”

“Oh…” you heard a disappointed reply.

“I got booze, though,” you said as you passed over your beer to her.

“Bitchin’.”

With that, the mare lifted her tail out of the way, giving the whole room a front row seat to a view of her pussy and asshole.

“U-unf…” came the grunt from your mouth.

“O-okay… You can do this, Rarity…” she reassured herself, repeatedly thrusting the marker towards her anus and stopping less than an inch away from the sensitive flesh.

“Pussy!” you chided the mare.

“Just stick it in already!” You heard Lyra exclaim.

Not a word was said from the center of attention as she finally took the marker back one last time, and at an astonishing speed, thrust it towards herself.

“eeEEP-!”

The plastic tube quickly tunneled its way into her rectum as Rarity let out a small grunt.

“S-seeEE? It’s eaHEsy-!”

“Uh… Rarity…?” Fluttershy spoke up, “You know you’re supposed to ease it in… right… otherwise it could be… well… extremely painful…”

“FOR YOU!” both you and Lyra burst out like a couple out autists, before doubling over laughing.

“I-I’m sorry F-flutershy, but I cOUldn’t hear you ooover… ngh… the sound of me winning...!”

“Nigga, you can’t really “win” at truth or dare…” Lyra informed.

“Yeah dude, you just get closer and closer to winning every time,” you threw in.

The marker continued to make its way past her sphincter, going ever deeper.

“I mEEAN… that I’m prOOving that I can do this!” Rarity moaned out.

“Uhh… we can tell that you are definitely used to this, bro…” You stated.

“...this is lewd…” Fluttershy silently commented.

Soon enough, the unicorn’s grunts and moans stopped, and she breathed a sigh of relief.

“So?” She asked in a strained voice, tears brimming at the corners of her eyes. You and the rest of the room looked over to Rarity’s exposed ass.

“Ho… ly… shit.” You said softly. It was hard to see, but certainly there. Only the smallest bit of the marker could be seen poking out of her asshole.

“S-so Anon, how did I do? Pretty well if I do say so myself.” she asked, a hint of pride showing through her pained voice.

“That was really lewd,” was all you could say.

While you were talking, you noticed that the last bits of the bottom of the marker were disappearing into the mare’s insides. Now THAT was going to be something to groan in pain about. Especially when the doctor would have to get in there with a pair of pliers. Sometimes having hooves was not the best thing for a society. Either way, you weren’t about to pass up an excuse to play hero.

Or the chance to get l-lewd with Rarity’s ass.

“Alright!” Lyra suddenly said, interrupting your lewd thoughts, “who’s next?” She looked around, expecting a reply from someone. When nobody spoke up, she shrugged. “Aight, I guess I’m going next.” She put her hoof on the bottle, and with a quick flick, made it spin. A few seconds passed before the bottle stopped spinning.

“Aaaand the lucky winner is…”

You looked at the bottle, which was pointed at you.

“Anon!” Lyra shouted.

“Dare!” you proclaimed, not even waiting for her to ask, “I like to live dangerously.”

Lyra gave a mischievous smile. “Okay then… I dare you to whip it out in front of Rarity!”

“WHAT?!” the unicorn’s jaw dropped.

You scoffed. “You serious? I can do that in my sleep!”

Your bro leaned over to Fluttershy. “He really can, and has. He has sleepwalking issues sometimes.”

The yellow pegasus’s wings twitched, but she managed to keep them down.

While they discussed that, you were already standing in front of Rarity, unzipping your pants.
“A-anonymous, I implore you to stop this..!” she said, stumbling over her words.

“It is too late, Rarity, IT WAS ALWAYS TOO LATE!” You yelled as your dick flew out of your pants, shooting just a bit past her head, then whipping itself at her face. Your soft member collided with her cheek, sending ripples through it. An uproar of laughter and cheers echoed from where Lyra and Fluttershy were sitting. With a chuckle, you zipped your pants up and went back to your seat, leaving Rarity in stunned silence.

“Okay Rarity, you’re up next! Go on and spin the bottle!” Lyra laughed out.

The proper unicorn took a little while to compose herself before looking back to the group.

“Gladly…” she agreed with a frown. Unlike Lyra, Rarity opted to spin the bottle with her magic. After a quick motion, the bottle began to spin again.

“Come on, pick me…” Lyra said to herself excitedly.

“H-hey, I haven’t gotten a turn yet, it should pick me..!” opposed Fluttershy.

“No way, it likes me more!” the mint colored unicorn rebutted.

As for you, you had a rare moment of clarity and wondered just why the hell they both thought that the bottle had the ability to choose for itself. Besides, everyone knows it would always choose you if it could. Within seconds the argument was over, and everyone diverted their attention to the bottle. The neck of it pointed at Lyra.

“Told you, banana quiet!” Lyra said with a massive grin.

“Hmph…” Fluttershy pouted in return.

“Alright Rarity, I think seeing as everyone else here has chosen dare so far, I’m gonna go with truth to mix it up.”

“Pussy,” you said without blinking an eye.

“Yeah whatever,” she waved off your comments, “Lay it on me, Rara!”

“If you insist!” Rarity replied with a sinister snicker. “So, Lyra darling, you must have your eye on somepony at the moment, right? Or perhaps someone outside of the race border?” for the fastest moment, she turned her head towards you.

“Are you hitting on me?” the aquamarine unicorn inquired with a raised brow, not catching on.

“W-wait, pardon..?”

“I mean, you’re hot and all, but I like dudes,” she said with a shrug, “you should hit on Anon. He’s got a pretty nice cock.”

“Thanks bruh,” you said, grinning at her compliment.

“Anytime dude, bros for life,” she returned your grin and held her hoof out towards you, “pound it, nigga.”

You bumped your bros hoof and brought the mare in for a quick brohug. “That’s what it’s all about, man,” you whispered into her ear.

“Going back to earlier, Lyra… that’s exactly what I meant! Are there any, a-hem, “dudes” that have your eye? Pony or…” the mare paused and subtly tilted her head over to you, “...otherwise?”

Through your blurred vision, you could make out Lyra’s huge pupils shrink to the size of pinpricks.

“I-It’s… possible, I mean… Well…” she trailed.

“No worries, dear. You’re among friends, we won’t judge!” came the attempted assurance of Rarity. However, despite her efforts, your unicorn bro remained a nervous pile of mush. Deciding to take a different approach, the prissy unicorn spoke up once again.

“You don’t have to give us a name, dear. Here, lets start with this: What does he look like?”

“What’s his cock look like?” Fluttershy spoke up. You gave yourself a quick pat on the back for doing such a nice job corrupting the quiet pegasus in such a short time.

As much as she didn’t want to admit it, Rarity wanted to know this, too.

“He has a nice cock-!” Lyra said on impulse.

You laughed.

“My cock’s probably ten times the cock his cock is!” you boasted, flexing your penis muscles. Or at least you tried to.

“W-well-” Lyra tried to speak again.

Before she had a chance to continue, you threw an arm around her.

“Ain’t that right, bro?” you said with a grin.

“They’re really… the same… so.. yeah...” she said, starting to rub her legs together.

“What was that, bro? Didn’t hear you.”

The mare’s eyes began to dart around the room, a heavier blush and sweat beginning to take over her face. Her hooves were beginning to sweat and felt heavy, as her knees began to feel weak. All she was missing was a sweater with her mom’s recently thrown up spaghetti on it.

“Uuhh….” she groaned, rubbing her legs together faster. Lyra began to bite her lower lip. Soon, she darted to her hooves and turned to the direction of your bathroom. “IGOTTAMASTURBATE’LLBERIGHTBACK!” she cried as she dashed for the toilet.

You looked over to where she was once sitting. The floor in that area was now covered in a clear, wet spot.

“Well that was sudden… and lewd,” you commented.

The three of you waited in drunken silence until the unicorn returned from the bathroom several minutes later, her body damp with sweat and her face expressing satisfaction.

“That’s better! Anyways, it’s your spin, Anon.” she said, sitting back down in her spot.

“Oh fuck yeah.” you stated, reaching out for the bottle and giving it a spin.

The bottle rotated on it’s side for a matter of seconds before slowing down and landing on a target.

“Looks like you’re next on the chopping block, Flutterfag!” you informed.

“My name’s Flutter-”

“Okay butterfly ass, truth or dare?”

Realizing it would be hopeless to keep arguing, the pale yellow mare contemplated her choice. She thought for a bit, and decided that it might be fun to see just what kind of dare you could come up with.

“Okay, I think I’ll choose dare.” she said.

You grinned, a sense of glee overtaking you. This was the perfect time to take advantage of the current situation.

“Rarity over there looks like she’s in a bit of distress. I think you should help her.”

“You sure she should be helping her?” Lyra spoke up, “She looks like she’s beginning to enjoy it.”

You paused, then your smile grew even bigger.

“Then she’ll just be helping her in a different way!” You looked to Fluttershy. “I dare you to take out that marker…” You started to trail off.

“That’s… easy enough…” the pegasus began to say, a bit of red creeping to her face.

“...with your mouth,” you finished.

Both mares yelled at the same time. “WHAT?!”

You and Lyra, on the other hand, bursted out laughing. Both mares looked at each other for a few long seconds, before Rarity turned back to you, irritation present in her eyes.

“A-anonymous! This has to be against the rules! You can only dare one of us at a time!” the unicorn snarled.

With another smirk, you rebutted. “You know as well as I do that this is completely in line with the rules. Now, do you guys accept, or are you gonna chicken out?”

“W-well, I accept...” Came the soft, drunken voice of Fluttershy.

“HELL YEAH!” You cheered.

Rarity stared at both of you, mouth agape.

“F-Fluttershy, I would have never expected you to…” Rarity stammered.

“Are you a chicken, Rarity..? A-are you going to back out?” The normally shy pegasus jeered.

The unicorn began to speak, before being interrupted.

“I mean, it’s… okay if you want to. I w-won’t be the one who would be remembered as being too afraid to go through with the dare…” Fluttershy continued.

Gritting her teeth in anger, Rarity finally broke. “Alright, alright! I’ll do it!” She shifted her full focus to the mare that was jeering her. “Fluttershy, we start now!”

“Ready when you are…” replied the mare in question with a drunken giggle.

With that, Rarity turned her ass to Fluttershy, lifting her tail to expose her more private areas. The marker had sunken into her rectum a small amount since the last time you saw it.

“Here we go!” you shouted, more excited than a child on Christmas Eve. The only thing you regretted was not having a camera.

Fluttershy let out a hiccup and a giggle, and mumbled. “Whatever you say… boss…” She began to lean forward, slowly inspecting the marker buried in Rarity’s anus. In no time at all, Fluttershy was mere inches away from her friend’s most intimate body parts.

“H-hey..! Watch your breathing back there!” Rarity whined, feeling Fluttershy’s hot breath on her genitals. The light yellow pony didn’t respond, remaining focused on the goal at hand. She leaned forward just a bit more, opening her mouth and finally closing the distance between her face and the marker. She clamped her teeth on the tip of it, then wrapped her lips around it, lightly brushing them against the white unicorn’s outer ring.

“N-now then, we can just start off slow and- ah-!” Rarity stopped as she felt a pulling sensation from inside of her turd cutter. “I wasn’t read-EEE!”

Fluttershy, mostly oblivious to her friend’s plight, continued to pull the intruding object out of her friend. However, just as she began making decent progress, she was met with a great resistance. “Hmm?”

“Try harder, faggot!” you goaded on the mare.

Rarity began to moan as Fluttershy increased the force of her pulls.

“Nnngh… O-oh…” she groaned as the marker was pulled out. “K-keep going…”

Looks like you were right in your previous assumption. You leaned in for a better view. This time, you could easily see Rarity’s ponut pucker up around the marker as she tightened her muscles. The marker would move half an inch, then go back in twice as much as they both tugged at the solid object. By this point, Rarity was completely red in the face, tongue slightly hanging out of her mouth as she made sounds of enjoyment.

After some time of struggle, Rarity began to wear down, losing her grip on the piece of plastic in her butt. You noticed that some moisture was beginning to build up between her folds below. Lyra began to cheer Fluttershy on as she began to pull it out more and more. The cheering must have been contagious, because you began to join in, too. Finally, you saw Fluttershy make one last pull, falling backwards with the marker in her mouth.

“Ohhhh YeeESS!” Rarity cried, arching her back.

Fluttershy sat up, spitting out the marker. “D-did I do good..?”

Rarity, coming down off of the sensation, spoke, “As much as I’d rather not say so, that was fantastic work, dear.”

“Fucking lewd,” you said.

“U-uhm… Is… is that good?” Fluttershy asked.

“Yeah, he liked it.” Lyra chimed in.

Several long, slightly awkward moments later, the two of them had calmed down enough for the game to continue. Realizing that your party had gone full circle, the yellow pegasus reached out towards the empty handle of vodka and struck out at it, sending it into a spin.

The bottle spun. It’s velocity slowly decreased before it slowed to a halt, it’s neck aiming straight at your aquamarine unicorn bro.

“Fuck yes!” the mare cheered, “Give me a dare, man. Bring it on!”

Fluttershy visibly paled, pupils contracting. “D-dare..?” She asked, body shaking a bit.

Lyra nodded vigorously in response.

“O-okay… I.. I d-dare you to... to…” she trailed into thought. “Anon… You and Lyra, you should…”

“Oh shit bro, what do you think she’s gonna have us do?” You whispered to your bro, butterflies beginning to form in your stomach.

“No clue, dude.” Lyra replied with a shrug.

“...You two should hug.” Fluttershy finally finished.

The relief washed over you in an awesome wave as you let out a breath you didn’t even know you were holding in.

“Well, that’s a bit of a buzzkill, but also takes a load off of my mind.” Lyra stated. “Alright, one homosexual, totally platonic hug coming right up! Ready Anon?”

“Ready as I’ll ever be, bro.” You confirmed.

Lyra turned to you, and you turned to her, meeting in the middle as you wrapped your frontal appendages around each other. It’s a good thing you were holding back, otherwise the sheer force of your broship would have collapsed the shitty building around you. When all was said and done, you both separated. You laughed, noticing Lyra was sweating a bit, along with a slightly nervous look on her face.

“Next dare.” Lyra declared flatly. “My turn.” The mare struck out at the bottle, sending it into a wild spin. It span and span until it eventually stopped, it’s neck aiming straight at the pink maned, yellow pegasus. “Alright Fluttershy, truth, or dare?”

“Hmm…” The pony thought to herself. Maybe it would be best to let them get their dares out of their heads first, and when it came her turn again, she could get away with something easier and still say that she did it! “Can I go with truth, guys?” Fluttershy asked.

Deciding against telling her she didn’t need permission for what choice to make, you began to formulate a question in your head. It didn’t take to long to think of one.

“So…” Lyra started, “Discord lives with you, right?”

The pegasus nodded cautiously.

“How many times have the two of you boned so far?” the aquamarine unicorn inquired.

The expression of slight confidence in the pegasus’s face dropped near immediately as soon as you finished your question. “W-wha..?”

“You know… shagged? Done the horizontal tango?” you clarified, before forming a circle with your thumb and pointer finger, then rammed another finger through it, “She means seeeeeeeeeeeeeeeex.”

Despite the alcohol in her system, the pink maned pony continued to fall over her words.

“Well Fluttershy? How did Discord’s horseco- Wait, what kind of dick DOES he have, anyways..?” Lyra trailed off.

“I-I couldn’t tell…” Fluttershy blurted out.

“So, are you confirming Anonymous’s suspicion, Fluttershy?” Rarity questioned with a smirk.

Everyone in the room began focusing on the flustered pegasus, awaiting her answer.

“W-well… Yeeees..?” she slowly said, making it sound more like a question.

“Bro, you don’t even sound like you know,” you stated. Fluttershy just shrugged in return. “Whatever, I’ll take it anyways.”

Rarity began to take interest. “If this is true… How was it?” she asked, intently focused on her friend.

“...Very nice,” Fluttershy replied, with more confidence than the last time.

You weren’t sure if that was hot or not. For that reason, you withheld your boner for the time being.

“That was quite… interesting…” Rarity said, confused, “But I do believe it is my turn now.”

The mare began to take the bottle in a magical field when you spoke up.

“Yo! You know what? Fuck this, my dick is growing weary of these activities. We should do something more exciting.”

“Like what?” Rarity inquired with a raised brow.

You flashed her a toothy grin. “Seven minutes in heaven. I call dibs on first round. Someone spin.”

Rarity rolled her eyes and spun the bottle with her magic. It went round and around and began to slow down. It tipped near Rarity, then Lyra, Fluttershy, and then finally rolled to a stop on Rarity. You looked up at the white horse, bumping your eyebrows up and down in the best seduction move you could muster.

Rarity sighed and rolled her eyes, but you caught a little smile on her face as she got up.

“Alright mister suave, go in the closet. I’ll be there in a second.

“Ohboyohboyohboy,” you said retardedly as you got up and jumped over to the closet. “Margaret, hold my calls,” you said very seriously to the ponies in a circle on your floor and slammed the door behind you. “Shit, it’s dark in here,” you pointed out the obvious as various coats and scarves teabagged your face. “Fuck you, coats!” you shouted, pushing the clothes out of your way until a mostly clear area was left in the middle of the closet.

You turned about as you saw the closet door come open slightly.

“Close your eyes!” you heard Rarity say, and you followed her order. You heard muffled, whispering voices and a scuffling of hooves as the door opened, and just as you were about to open your eyes to figure out what the fuck was going in, you felt a warm body knock into you as the door was slammed shut.

“Damn, Rarity, couldn’t wait to come see me, huh--” You were silenced as a hoof was placed on your lips and the pony in front of you whispered a quiet “shh.”

Deciding to go with it, you felt as the mare got up on her hind legs and put her forelegs around your neck, pulling you close to her. Her lips began to kiss the base of your neck, gently at first, and they increased in both intensity and in elevation. Before long, you were starting to get worked up from the mare’s affection. You grabbed at her waist, eliciting a moan in your ear- damn that was fucking hot- and you pulled her crotch towards your own. The mare began to grind up on you, and you could feel your member beginning to stand at attention. You shot a hand down to her nethers and could already feel her, hot and wet.

L-lewd.

The pony’s kisses had begun to get more violent with your groping, and she had moved from nipping at your neck to full on love bites. You could feel your face flush hot and red as she moaned every time you dry humped her. After several undulations between your bodies, you could feel the mare begin to get impatient. Tightening the grip around your neck, she pulled you into her and you felt as her lips met with yours. You expected it to be awkward, as it usually was with kissing ponies, but the sheer passion that drove the mare before you made the act irresistible.

Before you knew what was happening, you were kissing her back. It wasn’t your first reaction, but it certainly felt like the right thing to do. You held the kiss for what felt like minutes on end, relishing in the passion and ecstasy that crashed over you. It was wholly refreshing compared to the countless string of fuck-and-leaves you’d been getting into since you had gotten here.

And suddenly, you saw light piercing your eyes and you broke the embrace. You squinted into the bright light and pulled away from Rarity.

Only, Rarity was the one who had opened the door from the outside.

Confused as all hell, you looked down before you to see a very sheepish grin on Lyra’s face.

“Oh, fuck.” You looked back to Rarity, then to Lyra, then back to alabaster unicorn, and then back to your bro. “OH FUCK!”

You quickly pushed your way past Rarity and fell over Fluttershy in your rush, falling right on your face as you bowled her over.

“Anon!” You heard your unicorn bro call out, concerned. “Are you okay!?” You looked up, dazed, and noticed Lyra making her way over to you. You crawled away from the mare and scrambled to your feet. Without a word, you sprinted towards the front door, running headfirst into the hard, wood door like a fucking retard. You shook off the pain and threw the door open, before running off into the night, not listening to the cries of your friends as you left them behind.

It wasn’t until you realized how many gains you were killing before you started to slow down and eventually just stopped in the middle of the road. Breathing heavily, you put your hands on top of your head to catch your breath. You shut your eyes tight and screamed out into the night.

“FUCK!”

“Anon?” You turned around at the voice. Twilight had a hoof halfway up in the air and a concerned look on her face. “Are you okay, Anon?”

“Not in the slightest.” You threw your arms in the air, trying to find a place to begin, but your mind was way too jumbled to even begin. You felt your breath catch in your throat, and your head began to spin. You felt your throat tightening and you tried to catch your breath, but everything was spinning out of control.

Your palms were sweaty, knees weak, arms were heavy, there’s-

“Anon.”

A hoof placed itself firmly on your shoulder, and you realised you were on your hands and knees, looking down at the ground.

Shit.

“I’m cool, man.” You took a shaky step up, but felt your legs faltering. “The fuck is wrong with me?”

“It looks like you’re having a panic attack. Come with me, I’ll get you sorted out.” The pony gave you a sweet smile, and you just followed along behind her as she led you back to her home.

Once you had wandered your way inside and up the stairs behind the pony, she put you on the couch where you had your friendship sessions. As you stared up at the ceiling, all the adrenaline in your body washed away and you felt really, really tired. As your body began to ache, you looked over when a small clatter of china greeted you.

“Sup lil purple homie?”

“Hi Anon. Twilight made tea for you.” The little dragon smiled and held up the small platter for you to see. “Would you like sugar or milk?”

“Tea? Don’t touch the stuff. I like my heterosexuality to stay intact, thanks. Just give me some beer, little man.”

“It’s chamomile and mint, it'll help your nerves, Anon.” Twilight reassured you as she stepped into the room and approached her chair. Her hair was up in a bun and her glasses sat low on the bridge of her nose, but you were way too fried to appreciate the look like you usually did.

“So will a few shots of whiskey.”

Twilight hopped up in her chair and took up her notes, ignoring your alcoholic ramblings.

“So what happened that’s got you panicking in the streets?”

“Stuff, man. Things.” You crossed your arms, feeling edgy.

“Okay, like what?”

“Like, I don’t know, just my entire fucking life coming into question!”

“Could you maybe elaborate?” the pony asked patiently. You weren’t sure how to reply without sounding angsty as fuck, and after a few moments of silence, the pony spoke up. “Why don’t you try some tea?”

“Fine.” You reached over to the table next to you and took the gay little teacup in your hands and sipped at it. It actually wasn’t half bad, and you detected just a hint of honey. In fact, as soon as the first sip had hit your stomach, a warm feeling began to radiate out and warm you up. It was followed by a very relaxing sensation, and you started to get /comfy/.

“So what happened?” Twilight asked, obviously aware of your change in mood.

“Well, I was standing outside naked, and I got an erection.”

“Uh… huh…”

“And I accidentally on purpose slapped Fluttershy across the face with it.”

Several awkward moments later…

“...and the next thing I know, Fluttershy is pulling the marker out of her ass with her teeth,” you finally finished summarizing. Twilight had been silent the entire time, and you sure she was utterly enraptured with your story.

“Dear Celestia...”

“Cool, right? Never knew the girl had it in her.”

“Right, so then after that?”

‘“After a few more lame spins, I was starting to get bored. Lil’ Anon needed more than just weak ass foreplay, so I suggested some Seven Minutes in Heaven.”

“What is that?”

“You serious?” You shot a glance at the pony, and then remembered who you were talking to. “It’s when you go in a closet for seven minutes with a girl and you basically do whatever you want to each other. Handy, blowie, sucky, butt stuff. Anything is game in the closet.”

“So, what happened?” The pony shifted in her seat slightly at the question.

“Well, I spun with Rarity, and I went in the closet first. In about a minute, she gets inside and tells me to be quiet. She got all up on me, kissing and licking and all that heavy petting shit. I was really enjoying it all, pretty good build up. That bitch was wetter than a mexican’s back when crossing the Rio Grande, and she was putting some serious moves on Lil’ Anon. Next thing I knew, she was… kissing me.”

“Yes? And?” Twilight urged you on.

“And I kissed back. And it felt, well, right. Something happened, and I just can’t say what. Feelings and shit, man.” Your face scrunched up and the memory just confused you even more. “But when the door opened up, it wasn’t Rarity who had kissed me like that. It was Lyra.”

“Wait, so Rarity didn’t go in the closet in the first place?”

“Yeah. She threw Lyra in there. Or maybe Lyra asked to go instead. I really don’t fucking know. And it pisses me off. So. Fucking. Much.”

“Why?”

“Because she’s my bro! You’re not supposed to do that shit with your bro, it’s not right.”

“What’s not right? Kissing her?”

“No! It’s not right to have feelings for your bro!” You sat up and shifted your seat on the couch, sitting straight up. “I don’t know if she’s felt like this before, but what she put on me….”

“What she put on you?”

“These fucking feelings. These doubts. About how I feel towards her. I don’t fuckin’ know anymore.”

“So what you’re saying is, you’re in love with Lyra.” Twilight’s voice was quiet but devoid of emotion.

“What? I don’t know, dude. Maybe. Yes. I don’t know. Fuck.” You were starting to feel your throat tighten up again. “Why did you have to say that?”

Twilight just shrugged, her motions stiff.

“It’s obvious,” was all she said before the room lapsed into silence. Bringing her notes up to her face, Twilight started scratching away at them with her quill. Tapping your fingers on your leg, you sat in the stillness as you waited, feeling your thoughts boil uncomfortably in your mind.

“So…” you muttered, clearing your throat.

“I have another appointment now. I need you to leave Anon, thank you for the talk.”

“It’s like 9 o’clock at night.” You raised your brow at the mare. “Besides, you’re the one talking to me, dude.”

“I said I have another appointment. Please see yourself out, Anon.”

“What?” You stood up, trying to get a straight answer out of the pony. “Are you okay?”

“I’m fine. Please go.”

“Sparklebutt, you’re not making any sense-” You walked over to her.

“I SAID GO!” Twilight shouted at you, throwing her notes down in a flutter on the floor. Her eyes were red and tears streamed down her face.

“The fuck? Are you crying?”

“NO!” She jumped to her hooves, pointing a hoof dangerously towards the door. “Now get out!” You opened your mouth to retort, confused as all hell. With a weird feeling, you felt your body get picked up and then shoved out the door. Stumbling off a few steps, you threw your hands up at the furious pony.

“The fuck are you doing!?” you shouted at her. “What did I do-?” Your voice was cut off as the unicorn slammed the door in your face. Fuck, that hurt. Rubbing your nose sharply, you kicked the door in anger, which only resulted in making your foot ache.

“FUCK! FUCK YOU!”

Fucking women.

Shoving your hands deep in your pockets, you stormed off, trying to keep the tears streaming down your face strictly from the physical pain.

“Anon! I heard shouting, you okay?” Spike asked, plodding up beside you as you stomped down the hallway. “Your nose is bleeding.”

“Yeah, fine, thanks. Do yourself a favor and be gay when you grow up.”

“Uh. O-okay,” you heard your little purple homie stutter at you as you threw the front door open and marched outside.

Your fucking face hurt, your foot hurt, your throat hurt from yelling, and your heart hurt from all this emotion bullshit.

There was only one pony you could call on for help now.

Knock...

Knock...

Knock…

You stepped back from the door and got /comfy/, figuring it was gonna take a while for one of the members of the Apple family to answer the door in the middle of the night.

Provided they did at all. Considering the time, it wouldn’t be that shocking if they just ignored you.

As you began to consider saying fuck it and sleeping on their front doorstep, you heard heavy hoofsteps approaching the door. The door swung open, and you found yourself face to face with a very angry looking Big Macintosh.

“Anon? What in Sam Hill are ya doing here?!” The stallion demanded as he rubbed the sleep out of his eyes. “It’s the middle of the night.” He took a moment to take you in, apparently picking up on depressed expression and defeated body posture. “Are ya okay?”

“Yeah bro, I’m fine. I’m just out for a walk… I guess...” You attempted to force a smile, but judging by the expression on Big Mac’s face, he obviously wasn’t buying it. You decided to just say fuck it and swallow your pride. “Actually man… I’m not alright. Do you mind if I stay over?”

He nodded wordlessly.

“Cool fam.” You flashed your bro a genuine smile. “I really appreciate it.”

Your bro made room for you and gestured you inside. Accepting his invitation, you stepped inside and closed the door behind you, then made your way for the nearby upstair staircase.

“Uh, Anon, my room’s downstairs.” The stallion pointed out.

“B-but-” You turned around at and pouted at the stallion. “I-I wanted to sleep with your sister.”

“Downstairs.”

“Fuck!”

Your bro rolled his eyes and waved to you to follow him as he made his way deeper into the Apple family’s homestead. Reluctantly, you went after him. After a few twists and turns, he lead you into his bedroom. It was just slightly homoerotic, what with all the dragon dildos hanging from the ceiling.

Wait, what?

Your bro noticed your expression, then looked up at the multicolored sex toys. “Don’t worry bruh, it’s just an art project.”

You raised a brow at him. “You don’t go to school.”

He smirked. “Ah’ll have ya know Ah get plenty of one-on-one night schooling sessions with that one new teacher in town.”

“Cheerilee?” You guessed.

“She ain’t new, fuckface.” His smirk faded and his concerned look returned once more. “What’s up, bruh?”

You quickly remembered that were in a shit mood. You took a seat on your bro’s couch, which oddly looked like one of those casting couches from a porno, and let out a defeated sigh. “I already went through this story already, so I’m just gonna get to the point.” You leaned back into the seat and got comfortable. “Basically, I was partying with Lyra and a couple other bros, playing spin the bottle and shit, right? Well, eventually, Lil Anon decided he was getting lonely, so we decided we were gonna play seven minutes in heaven. Next thing I know, I’m in a closet with this mare, we’re going all fucking out n’ shit. Then the closet door is open, and when my eyes adjust to the light, you know who the fuck is in my hands?”

“A dude?”

“Fuck you, man.” You flashed him an unamused glare, before your anger made way for your conflicting feelings. “It was fucking Lyra.”

“Oh. Ah can kinda see why ya are freakin’ out.”

“No shit? It’s not fucking right, kissing your fucking bro… and doing the other things we did…” You let loose another sigh. “But that’s not the end of it. When I was in there with her, our lips locked and our limbs free exploring each other’s bodies, it just felt… right…”

“Shiiieeet.”

You leered at him. “It’d be nice if you would take me seriously.”

“Ya don’t take me very seriously when Ah try to talk to ya about stuff,” he pointed out.

“You raise a good point. But it’s not helping me feel better.”

“Ah’m not Twilight, Anon. Ah don’t know what ya expect me to say, talking’s not really my thing.” He took a seat beside you and gave you a look. You scoffed and rolled your eyes at the name.

“Oh, yeah. Well I went to Twilight already. She went full bitch mode, flipped out, and kicked me out of her house.”

“Uh... that’s not really like her. That why ya have the bloody nose?” Big Mac questioned cautiously.

“Yeah,” you said, unconsciously touching a finger gingerly to your nose. “Fucking bullshit. She went full knife-wielding cunt on me. Relatively speaking.”

“So what the hell’d ya do to make her like that? That sounds nothing like Twilight.” You threw your arms up in confusion at the stallion’s question.

“No idea!” you shouted. Big Mac hushed you and you lowered your voice. “I talked with her about what happened, and she said something along the lines of ‘oh well you must love Lyra huh?’, and I said ‘I don’t know, maybe.’ Next thing I know she starts crying and she threw me out of her house, so I came over here.”

“Ah,” Big Mac said.

“‘Ah’ what, nigga? The fuck does that mean?” You crossed your arms at the pony.

“Didn’t ya hook up with Twilight a little while ago or somethin’?” You nodded at the question.

“Yeah, she kind of fell into a hook up I had going on with Vinyl. I didn’t fuck her or anything, she kind of, like, sucked me off.”

“Mmm, hmm.” Big Mac sighed and looked you dead in the eye.

“What?” you asked, skeptical.

“Look, Ah’ve known Twilight since she came to Ponyville a few years ago. She’s a loner. A huge shut-in.”

“Yeah, and?” you asked.

“And, she doesn’t have much experience in the realm of relationships. Romantic or, eh, sexual. In fact I pretty much doubt she’s been with another pony before that night. Or, person.”

“Yeah, well,” you replied, trying to think up an excuse for your actions. “Bite me. Not like I knew that.”

“Ah’m not chastisin’ you, Anon. Just giving you an answer to your question. She’s probably got a lot of feeling for you, s’all.”

“Well, fuck!” you shouted under your breath, slapping a hand on your forehead, “That’s just what I wanted to hear. Now I have two bitches with feelings for me. Today is the fucking worst!”

Big Mac just placed a comforting hoof on your shoulder. “Well, yer the one who said it felt right with Lyra. So how do ya feel about her?”

“I don’t know! FUCK!” You threw your head back, staring up at the ceiling above and the many dragon dildos that hung from it. “You know what the holy scripture says, bro. You’re not supposed to feel this way your bro, or do the shit that we did in that closet.”

“So ya love her?”

“No! I’m a real nigga, faggot. An original mother fucking gangster, mother fucker. I don’t love bitches, only in a brotherly way.” Big Mac merely blinked at your ranting as you went on. “I… I don’t really know, man. I like her, a lot. She made me feel good, and it was just with that damn kiss. Maybe there could be shit between us if she felt the same way, which I assume she does. I just… shes my bro, man. She’s not just some bitch. So I don’t know what the fuck to do.”

An oppressive silence overtook the room as these words left your mouth, leaving you feel alone, defeated, and dejected. Big Mac took up a thinking pose as he took everything you said.

“Ah know what the scriptures say,” he finally spoke up, “but Ah think the only thing ya can really do is follow what yer gut is telling ya, as cliche as it sounds.” He gave you a hearty slap on the back. “Just fucking do it, man. Ya like her, right?” You said nothing, responding with a mere nod. “Then ya should talk to her about it. Maybe being with yer bro isn’t so bad. It might be considered somewhat questionable, but ya two certainly wouldn’t be the first two bros to fall for each other.”

You cringed as he said the final four words. “Are you sure?”

He nodded. “Positive.”

“Huh…” You leaned forward and rested your chin in the palm of your hands. “I suppose I could give it a shit… I’m sure the Fonz would overlook it, if he actually cared…”

“We’ll just have to see, Anon.” With that, he rose off the couch and made his way towards his bed. “Why don’t ya get some rest? Ah think ya could use it.”

“Alright…” A yawn escaped your maw, and you realized that following your bro’s suggestion was probably for the best. You twisted your body and sprawled out on the black leather couch, doing your best to get comfortable. As you heard your bro do the same in his bed, you turned towards him. “Hey, thanks for the talk, Big Mac.”

“Anytime, bro. Now go the fuck to sleep.”

“Aight. Good night, fam.”

“Night.”

With that, you closed your eyes, letting the darkness take you. It wasn’t long before you were fast asleep, blissfully unaware of the fact that your bro had begun masturbating less than five feet away from you.

By the light of the early morning sun, you wandered up to your shitty apartment, the events of the previous night swirling around in your head like a shitty B movie. It had been a good 12 hours since your last drink, and you were slightly worried the collective hangover that would soon follow your lack of booze might legitimately kill you.

You fumbled for your keys and finally dug them out of your pocket. You unlocked your apartment and were surprised to see that it was cleaner than you’ve ever seen it before. You were so amazed that you could see the floor, you weren’t even mad that your beer can scale model of the Pyramid of Giza had disappeared from the far corner.

You dropped your wallet and keys on the sparkling counter, then walked down the vacuumed hall.

“Lyra?” you called out as you knocked on the bedroom door.

“It’s unlocked,” she replied. You pushed the door open and stood in the doorway. Lyra was sitting on the bed, wrapped in blankets; only her face was visible as it poked out from a hood of blanket. She actually looked really adorable as she sat watching her laptop.

Pausing whatever she was watching, she looked up at you. “Hi.”

“Did you, uh,” you pointed a thumb down the hall, “clean up the house?”

“Yeah. Couldn’t sleep last night. Too much energy and I needed to do something. Rarity and Fluttershy offered to help.” She turned her movie back on.

“Well that was nice of them,” you spoke up over the computer’s tiny audio.

“Yep,” she replied, not breaking her eyes off the screen. You leaned against the door frame and crossed your arms, looking at the pony.

“So… we gonna talk about last night?” you asked. Lyra paused her movie again and shot a bloodshot eye at you, her lips pursed.

“What about it?”

You shrugged.

“Just what’s up with us.”

“Nothing is.”

You gave your pony bro a highly skeptical look, similar to that of a certain baseball bat-wielding bald comedian and hopped over to the side of the bed. Sitting on the edge, you took your shoes off and threw them in the open closet. As you peeled your socks off you noticed that your side of the room still looked hideously disgusting. Ignoring that like you were good at doing, you turned back to your bro. “Bullshit. You know what happened last night.”

“I don’t want to talk about it.”

“You made me run out of the house in a blind panic.”

“I SAID…! I don’t want to talk about it.” Lyra gritted her teeth and tried not to look at you. She turned her movie back on and you saw her lower lip trembling in the blue light of the screen. Frowning, you decided this shit needed to be addressed head on. You closed the lid of the computer, cutting off the audio.

“Bro-”

“WHAT!?” Lyra interrupted. She looked dead at you as tears streamed down her face and a tiny sob choked her. “What do you want me to say? ‘Sorry, Anon, I have feelings like any other fucking pony on this fucking miserable planet’?” She buried her face into her hooves and sobbed into them.

Fuck.

Fucking women.

You weren’t sure what to do as your unicorn friend sobbed heavily into her blankets.

“Lyra…”

“I’m s-sorry, Anon. I’m so sorry about last night. I was drunk. And I was stupid. I shouldn’t have done that to you.”

“Yeah, well,” you responded, trying to come up with words to say, but your mind kept blanking on you. You weren’t good at this kind of emotional shit. After a short pause, you asked your question. “So how long have you been feeling like this about me?”

“You fucking lunk…” the pony sniffed, breaking into a little smile. “It’s been a long ass time. You’re too damn oblivious to notice all those times I slipped up. Thank Celestia.” She grabbed a tissue off the nightstand and blew her nose.

“Nigga those are my special tissues, for uh, stuff,” you said.

“Shut the fuck up, Anon,” Lyra laughed through a sob. She crumpled up the tissue and threw it at you. You batted it away from you but stared the pony down and put on a creepy smile.

“Little do you know I have a mucus fetish!”

“You fucking weirdo.”

“NNNYEESSSSS,” you cried as you rubbed your nipples at the pony in your best Salamander Man impression. Lyra giggled heartily and wiped her nose on the back of her hoof. “In all seriousness, though, fam, last night was fucking whack,” you added. “You won’t believe the shit I went through after I left.”

“Yeah, well, I basically sobbed on the couch all night while Rarity and Yellow Hush cleaned up the house.”

“Nigga what?”

“I don’t know, it was Rarity’s idea. I’m not complaining.”

“They fucking took down my beeryramid, bro.”

“What the fuck!?” she said aloud, sitting up in bed. “Those cunts!”

You nodded along knowingly. “Grade A cock-juggling cunts for sure.”

Lyra settled herself back down in her blanket fort and sighed. You plopped yourself down next to her, rattling the bedframe and eliciting a shout from the pony.

“So whatcha watching, fam?” You put your arm around her and stared at the screen.

“Uh, what are you doing?”

“What?”

Lyra backed up away from you, giving you an off look. You pulled back, not sure what she was going on about.

“I’m not really comfortable with being that close to you right now, dude.”

“Why the fuck not?” you asked, feeling a little heat in your voice. You sat back up at the edge of the bed.

“Because I’m not really okay right now. I just need time to be apart from you.”

“So then what the fuck is up between us right now?” You crossed your arms and eyed Lyra down.

She frowned at you and sighed. “I don’t know right now. I need time to think about everything.”

“Nigga, you came onto me!” You hopped off the bed and glared down on the pony. “I was just fine until you decided to trick me and fucking make out with me, making me fucking question a ton of shit that was just fine in my mind up until yesterday!”

“I didn’t trick you or any shit like that!” Lyra shouted back. “Is that what you think? That I wanted to trick you into liking me?”

“No! Shit, I don’t know!” you yelled, pacing around the room. You kicked a plastic bottle across the room and yelled. “FUCK. I hate that this shit happened!”

“Well, you can blame Rarity! She’s the one who decided to shove me in that closet.”

“You fucking kissed me, bitch!”

“I was drunk and… and everything was going so fast.” Tears welled up in her eyes again and Lyra tried to finish her train of thought as quickly as possible before the sobbing came back. “And I just really like you okay, it’s just a lot of bullshit and I can’t take this shit right now. Please just go-!” She covered her face with her hooves and started bawling once more. You marched right up to the pony and grabbed a hoof in your hand, tearing it away from her face.

“If you liked me so god damned much, why didn’t you just tell me!?” you demanded from her. Lyra withdrew and didn’t even try to break the grasp you had on her forearm. She sniffled a little before speaking up. Her voice was hoarse and quiet.

“I didn’t want this kind of thing to happen.”

You grimaced and tossed the hoof back at her.

“Well I hope you’re happy, because you done fucked up now.” You turned around and walked right out the door while the pony sobbed quietly into her blanket.

Slamming the door behind you, you took a few steps down the hallway before you stopped yourself. You wanted to kick something, but your foot still hurt from the other night.

“Fuck,” you muttered under your breath.

Why did this shit have to happen to you? All you wanted to do was get drunk and play video games.

Wait.

You had an idea. Way better than kicking inanimate objects.

“Where the fuck is it…” you muttered to yourself as you searched the cupboards in the kitchen. You checked under the sink, above the counter, and finally the pantry for your secret stash. “Aha,” you said, pulling your treasure from behind a twelve year old box of au gratin potatoes. Grabbing two glasses, you set off back down the hall. As you approached the door, you shifted your load in your arms and gently knocked on the door.

“Go away.”

“Special delivery.”

“What the fuck is it?”

“My dick.”

“Fuck off, shitbrains.”

“Bitch, you know you can’t handle my shit, and you get really excited when you see my dick. So you best let my ass in.”

There was no response. Deciding to tempt fate, you walked in anyways.

“What the fuck do you want? Go away!” Lyra yelled half-heartedly. She had burrowed underneath all her covers so that only her snout stuck out from the side of the bed and her tail wormed out from the other end. You tiptoed quietly over to the bed, and uncapped the bottle in your hands as quietly as possible. Holding the end of the bottle up, you put it near the little bit of nose that was sticking out of the bed and waved it back and forth. The pony’s snout wiggled a little as she smelled the contents of your bottle.

“Is…. Is that brandy?”

“Twenty five year! I’ve been saving this for forever. I figure we both feel like shit, so let's at least feel like shit together, you feel me?”

Lyra’s alcoholism was stronger than her will, and she burrowed her way a little further from out of her blanket tunnel. You saw her golden irises sparkling from under the sheets.

“Yeah fam, I feel you.”

You smiled widely and pulled up a stool that was sitting in the corner. Placing the glasses on the nightstand, you poured a hearty shot in each glass and handed one to the pony, who had unburied her front half from the covers.

You raised the glass in the air and spoke up.

“To feeling like shit, like the losers that we are.”

“Hear, hear.” You clinked the glasses together, and threw the liquid to the back of your throat. A very satisfying burn met with the amber drink, and with a fantastic aftertaste, you let the brandy wash down your throat and fill up your stomach.

“Another,” the pony held out her glass. You filled it up and followed suit, one after the next. Before long, you and she had killed half the bottle in mostly silence, the vast majority of your problems becoming about as solid as the liquid in your stomach. Edges started to get fuzzy and the last little bits of discomfort you were feeling left your body.

“You know, its like, seven in the morning. And we’re already utterly h-hammered,” you hiccupped.

“Eh,” Lyra said, nursing her drink.

“Y’know, you’re a…. nice lady,” you managed to get out. You felt a dumb smile on your face.

“And you’re drunk,” she said as she took a sip.

“Uh, Lyra.”

“Yeah?”

“How much exactly... do you like me?”

Lyra stayed silent as she stared on at the far wall.

“A lot, man,” she finally spoke up. She shot you a look and tried not to break into a smile as you grinned autistically at her.

“Why the fuck would you like an idiot like me?”

“You’re funny,” she began. “You’re endearing, even if you are a huge asshole. You’ve been a big part of my life, especially since I’ve moved here. I was depressed and lonely before you showed up, and when you entered my life, you basically changed everything. Honestly? I probably wouldn't be here now if it wasn't for you, man. You're basically the best thing that has happened to me." A smirk spread across the mare's muzzle. "Plus, I’ve seen your dick. It’s not half bad."

“Ayyyyy,” you said, putting your hands up to celebrate your cock. “I like my dick, too.”

“Mmhmmm,” the pony said, sipping her drink through a small smile. “You’re one of a kind, that’s for sure. What mare wouldn’t like to have you in her life?”

“I ask myself the same question every day,” you said, scratching your chin in mock thought.

“Pppfpfptpfp,” Lyra raspberried. A short silence punctuated the conversation before Lyra spoke up. “I’m tired.”

“Me too. I had to sleep on Big Mac’s uncomfortable ass couch last night.” Lyra put her empty glass on the table and tucked herself into her covers.

“Well, that sounds just awful." She flashed you a sultry look. "Why don’t you join me in this comfy bed?”

“I know, right?" You responded, not understanding what the pony was getting at like the dumbass you were. "I swear to God that nigga’s got a fucking porn star casting couch. It’s creepy as fuck. Kinda awesome, too.” Lyra rolled her eyes at you and, leaning part of the way out of bed, she grabbed you by the front of your shirt, pulling you towards her.

“W-whoah,” was all you managed as Lyra nabbed you and pulled you under the covers with her. Before you knew what was happening, everything was dark and you felt the familiar feeling of your bro's lips pressed against yours, that incredible feeling that had once been haunting you coming back.

You grabbed her, wrapping your arms around her neck and body, pulling the mare tight into you. You returned her kiss, feeling her submit to your kiss. You enjoyed your dominance over the mare. It caused your blood to boil and flow in a million different ways, your clothes beginning to feel utterly restrictive. You pulled at your shirt, desperately trying to get it off under the covers and felt as Lyra pulled at the shirt with her teeth. Her help spurred you on, and finally as you pulled the damnable piece of clothing off, you felt more free than ever.

You pulled the unicorn back into your embrace and reveled in the feeling of her soft fur as it brushed up against your bare skin. Kisses went back and forth, crashing waves of passion breaking on each other. Tongues intertwined and you felt as she bit at your lip, eliciting a tingle of nerves down your spine. You bit back a little harder to show her that you were the one in charge here, and let out a little laugh of satisfied pleasure as she moaned aloud.

Snaking your hand down, you traced your finger down her haunches and then her flanks, admiring the curves of her tight ass and legs. As the pony bit and moaned into your neck, you set forth on the prize. Your fingers found her wet, hot and willing, and she moaned your name under her breath as your fingers glanced over her velvet lips. You teased her again a few more times before you readjusted your arm so that you were between her legs, and you stroked a finger up and down her outer lips, enjoying the amount of sticky moisture that was coming forth from the way you were treating her. You plunged a daring finger in, your finger sliding in quickly, eliciting a soft moan of pleasure from the mare. As you finger banged the mare, you added your middle finger and felt in enjoyment as her pussy resisted them a little; she was wonderfully tight.

You kissed Lyra again, your motions full of passion. Pulling your fingers out, you rubbed at her clit, gently at first, and adding a little more vigor, you watched her face change from vague submission to a full on overload of pleasure.

“R-right there,” she panted through gasps. Smirking, you kept going, teasing her clitoris and biting at her neck. You could hear her breaths growing more shallow. Her heartbeat jumped and you could feel her hips moving in rhythm to your rubbing. Before long, her gyrations were going faster than your strokes, her pants turned into sporadic shouts, and then into erratic screams. You kept going at your same speed, holding the pony tightly against your body as she finally came.

As her breathing lessened and her body went slack, she kissed you thankfully.

“Fuck,” she breathed. “I haven’t been fingered like that since fucking grade school!”

“Uh, what?”

The pony smiled mischievously and kissed you gently.

“Nothin’. I think I owe you for that nice thing you just did, sir.

You got a stupid look in your eyes, and smiled retardedly.

“BROJOB BROJOB CHOO CHOO!” you shouted out loud. Lyra rolled her eyes at your autism and playfully threw a punch at your chest.

“I fucking hate you.”

“That’s why they call me the nigga you love to hate!” you cried as you started undoing your belt buckle. Your lil homie was already unhappy at being caged in with all the action going on outside. As you slid your pants down and took them off, you felt much better in your nakedness. You accidentally poked Lyra in the stomach with your massive erection and you stifled a laugh as she eyed you down.

“Watch where you stick that thing, asshole.” The pony didn’t even let you respond with some witty-ass comment before she flipped around and dove under the covers after your cock. Her ass was in your face, and you took it upon yourself to at least keep yourself entertained while she slobbered on your dingle. Grabbing the base of her tail, you pulled Lyra’s crotch towards your face and enjoyed the sight of her glistening wet pussy.

Below the covers, you felt a few cautious licks on your cock, along with a few kisses.You held off on your own oral assault as you tried to figure out why Lyra was being exceptionally cautious about your dick. After another minute or so of apprehensive fellatio, you pulled the covers up off the mare and your lower regions.

“You alright down there?”

“Uh… uh.” the pony stuttered. She broke into a sheepish smile at your raised eyebrow. “I’ve… never done this before…”

“What? Sucked a dick?”

“N-no. I mean yes. I mean, anything. I’m a... a…”

“A what? Speak up, bro.”

“I’m a… virgin,” the mare squeaked in a low voice.

You couldn’t believe your ears. “You fucking serious?” you laughed out loud, but stopped quickly as you saw the hurt look on your bro’s face. “No, no, it’s okay Lyra. Seriously.” You smiled and waved a hand at her to indicate her to come back up to you. The pony shuffled herself parallel to you once more, and you stroked her mane, ruffling it a little bit. You smiled at her, and she smiled back, but hers was much more apprehensive.

“I’m sorry,” she said quietly.

“No, look, it’s fine. You know what, I want your first time to be perfect, okay? You deserve that much, bro.” You wrapped the pony up in your arms and held her tight into a hug. “Lay on your back, ok?” you asked her while you held her in your embrace. She nodded on your shoulder, and you separated. Lyra shifted herself so that she was on her back, legs spread wide apart. You climbed over her, your member mere inches away from her sopping wet pussy. Looking her in the eyes, you smiled and held her close to you. Sliding your cock along her marehood, you got yourself plenty wet before shifting your hips back, placing the tip of your head along her wet lips.

“Are you ready?” you asked.

“Yes,” she breathed.

You pushed against her and felt your dick slide into her. At first, there was resistance. Lyra shuddered underneath you as you buried the head in her pussy, and you pushed on into her. You slid, inch by inch, into her warmth, reveling in the tight embrace, as well as the little squeaks and moans the mare elicited at your small thrusts. By the time you had delved into her at your full length, you let out a gasp and felt your own body shudder along with hers. The way you filled her up felt completely right, and holding the mare even tighter to your body, you pulled back out so that you could plunge back into her again, reveling in the ecstasy that the action gave you.

Before long, your thrusts were gaining in momentum, and Lyra was breathing your name, along with curses and pleas. You brought your cock back and forth into her pussy, both filling her up completely and leaving her almost entirely empty.

“Faster! Fuck! Take me! Make me yours!” she screamed as you fucked her without relenting. She wrapped her hind legs around your back, and you felt your penetrations drive deeper than before. As you slammed her pussy without mercy, she cried aloud and begged you not to stop. She kissed you without hesitating, nipping at your neck and biting at your lip. The way she undulated her hips beneath you with each plunge, the way she carried on moaning your name and cursing aloud, the way she kept feeling you up and down was driving you up the wall. You felt close to coming, and it didn’t even bother you that you hadn’t lasted nearly as long as you usually did. As you felt the tension in your body start to build, you felt your body drive yourself into her, deeper, faster, harder.

“Fuck, I’m gonna… come,” you managed to breathe into the mare’s neck. She seemed to perk up at your words and you could feel her motions increase with yours.

“Come Anon, please. I want you you fill me up! I want your sticky hot cum in me! Please- cum- in- me- uh!” she screamed as you plunged your deepest and finally let the dam break loose. You felt your seed spill out at the deepest plunge. You kept up the assault as best you could as your cock grew more sensitive and you filled the mare up with your warm cum. You felt your body shudder in one of the best orgasms you have had the pleasure of experiencing, and smiled as Lyra grabbed you and kissed you deeply and passionately.

“I think I love you,” she muttered when the kiss had been broken.

“Yeah. I think I’m in lesbians with you too, you crazy bitch.” You laughed as best you could, but the effort of the past few minutes had drained every ounce of strength from your body. You wrapped your arms tightly around the mare and listened quietly as her breath lifted you gently up and down.

“...nigga, did you just say you’re in lesbians with me?”

“Why yes, I fucking did.”