It was early in the morning when you began to awaken from your drunken slumber. Your vision was flooded with a bright light, which had caused you to stir. The sunlight’s attempt to break through your closed eyes was met with a muffled grunt as you adjusted your position on your mangled bed, trying to fight the hangover that pounded at your magnificent dome. Your objective was set. The latest short term goal in your odd little life would be a simple, yet challenging task. Your mission, should you choose to accept it, was… to close those fucking blinds so you could get some more sleep.

The clock at your bedside confirmed your thoughts about the earliness of the day.

12:40 PM.

Nobody gets up that fucking early.

Oh well, the sooner you got that done, the sooner you could sleep, you decided. The muscles in your body tensed as you forced yourself to your side, your head pounding all the while. Eventually, floor met feet for the first time that day.

With a manly roar of defiance against your aching legs, you got up, and began to stumble your groggy ass over to the window. It took two straight minutes of fumbling with the damn things, but you eventually got the bastards closed, shrouding your room in the darkness you so desired. After dragging yourself back to bed, you leaned forward and set your body on a collision course with your mattress.

“GAH..! Jesus... fuck…”

You forgot about the damn hangover. Fuck it, maybe the pain would make you pass out, and you could just save this shit for later.

At least, that’s what you were hoping UNTIL THE FUCKING KNOCKING STARTED.

“God damn fucking Mormons...”

You figured they would eventually just go away, so you decided to ignore it.

One minute passed.

Then two.

Then six.

Jesus fucking Christ, these niggas were fucking persistent.

As much as you wanted to continue to ignore the knocking, the noise ended up causing your bro to stir as well.

“Anon… go get the fucking door,” Lyra muttered groggily.

“God fucking dammit...”

You couldn’t believe you were about to give in to the unwelcomed visitor at your front door.

This was really unlike you.

Then again, if you could just get up and rough this asshole up a bit, you could sleep again that much sooner.

It didn’t take you nearly as long to crawl out of bed and traverse across the treacherous land of your house. Upon arrival, you grabbed your trusty nine-iron from the pile of blunt objects stacked in the corner next to the exit of your house.

Wait…

This wouldn't do.

Putting back the golfing equipment, you brought out something that was much more effective.

The best blunt object of them all.

In one swift motion, you ripped off your underpants, letting your pride swing in the air.

Fuck. Yes.

Now THAT’S a weapon. You didn’t care if it was some bunch of filly scouts out the door, the laws here could stuff it up their ass.

Fuck da police.

“DONG EXPANSION POWERS, ACTIVATE!”

With your soldier on point, you grabbed the door handle, twisted it, and ripped the fucker open.

“I DON’T WANT ANY FUCKING SAMOAS!”

You awaited the shriek of terror from whatever unfortunate soul that had decided to knock on your door. However, the pleasing scream of shock and disgust was never heard.

“Anon, put that thing away! Behavior like this isn’t necessary!” cried a feminine voice coming from just a bit below you.

OH SHIT, THE JANITOR'S HERE TO STOP YOUR FUN! FOR FREE!

Wait a second... janitors aren't chicks...

You glanced down and spotted Twilight standing at the door with an annoyed expression.

“C’mon Sparklebutt, you know you like it!”

You wiggled your hips around for emphasis, letting your cock flail about as if you were doing the silent helicopter dick.

Bitches love the helicopter dick.

However, the purple pony reeled back in disgust, clearly appalled by your actions.

“Seriously, that’s disgusting! And stop calling me Sparklebutt!”

Deciding to lay off for a bit, you stopped your gyrating and spoke up.

“Well, excuuuse me, pr-” you didn’t even have a chance to finish before the annoyed princess stopped you.

“No, no terrible references to terrible shows, either,” Twilight said with an annoyed look on her face.

Well, somebody had a two foot long dildo stuck up their ass.

“Alright alright. What’s up?” you asked your visitor.

The mare paused, seemingly not able to look you in the eye. Obviously you knew what the problem was, but that doesn’t mean you were going to fix it. With a shit eating grin, you awaited a response.

“Nothing, huh? Why are you here then?” you inquired, still getting quite a kick out of the whole thing, “I bet you just wanted to see me naked, you perv.”

“N-no! N-nothing like that, it’s just… I uh… I can’t…” Twilight stammered as she tried to look everywhere but your body, “Anon, I came over to get you started on your lessons…”

Lessons? What did she-

Oh.

That shit.

She continued, “Today, I’m going to have you go over to speak with one of my friends. Her name is Fluttershy. I figured that maybe seeing as she was able to reform Discord, that she’d be able to help you, too.”

Wait, reform? Was this some master plan to brainwash you into becoming some mindless drone whose only job would be to fit in a politically correct society?

No way would you go through with that.

“I don’t need reforming, Sparklebutt, I’m perfect as is,” you said as you grabbed a nearby can of beer and chugged it down, finishing it off with a loud belch, “besides, I got more important things to do anyways. Like being ironic.”

“It’s either that, or I give you a ticket for public indecency. And don’t get me started on the fine for inappropriate exposure around royalty,” Twilight said with a tinge of smugness to her voice.

This bitch.

“Ugh, fine…”

You moved to leave your shitty apartment, but you were halted by a magical barrier.

“Stop right there! I’m not letting you leave your apartment without any clothes on.”

“Bitch, nobody stops me from streaking,” you declared as you struck a pose that showed off your genitals even more, “I love to feel the breeze between my knees in the morning. It's an essential part to starting my day.”

“Cry all you want, but it’s not happening, Anon.”

“Fuck, fine! It’s not fair! Why do you horses get to walk around naked and I don’t?” you demanded.

“Because we have retractable genitals and you don’t,” Twilight pointed out in a matter of factly way.

“Gross, didn’t need to know that, Sparklebutt,” you said as you began to make your way back inside.

Before you could get all the way in, you saw the two halves of your boxers begin to glow a reddish purple as they floated off the ground and began to reform before coming over in front of you. You put your hands out and caught them as the magic faded. Looking at them, you noticed that they were as good as new.

You snorted.

“Thanks.”

About a minute later, you were fully dressed and ready to do whatever dastardly plan the princess/librarian hybrid had in store for you. By the time you made your way back to the living room, you saw that Twilight had invited herself in and was sitting on one of the chairs at your kitchen table. You’d be kind of miffed, but realize you probably would have ended up letting her in at some point anyway.

“So, what’s the next step of your master plan?” you asked as you placed yourself on a seat opposite of her.

“Well, I was thinking about having you go over there and just talking to her,” she said as she went over some papers she had brought with her.

“So, this is the quiet, possibly insane one that lives by the forest, right?”

Twilight hit her face with her hoof before she responded. “Ugh… I guess you are partially correct. She is quiet, and lives near the forest, but quiet and crazy aren’t-”

“FUCKING AWESOME, I LOVE CRAZY!” you exclaimed, interrupting the mare.

This time, the alicorn slammed her head onto your table.

“Hey, watch that horn of yours, Sparklebutt. You'll take somebody's eye out with that.”

You heard Twilight’s muffled voice speak to you. “Just get out of here before I decide to just ticket you instead…”

“Go ahead and ticket me, bitch,” you said as you rose and began to make your way towards the door, “I get all my money from the government anyways.”

You arrived at the door and kicked that shit open, stepping out of the way of the exit.

“Go on, you first. Age before beauty, after all!”

An agitated grunt was your only response as the darkly colored mare makes her way past you.

“Oh, and Sparklebutt?”

She paused and looked back at you.

“Nice ass,” you stated with a smug grin.

For a moment, you swore you saw her lower eyelid twitch. Then, she just sighed, rolled her eyes and kept her pace.

The day was bright and clear as you walked the streets of Ponyville, which betrayed how you felt at that moment. Your mind still felt like it was shrouded in a haze of alcohol and bad decisions. Honestly, you would have rather been doing anything else but this. It was almost like having to do community service.

What’s it with the police always trying to put a nigga down?

Oh well, there’s much worse things than hanging out with some mare who sounds like she desperately need to get laid, like picking up trash, or scooping up horse shit.

You shrugged, deciding that you might as well get this shit over and done with. The sooner you got back to being passed out drunk in your shitty apartment, the better.

As you ranted to yourself inside of your head, you didn’t really notice yourself arriving at what looked to be a cottage covered in grass and plants. Whoever lived here clearly has never heard of property upkeep.

The place also smelt heavily of animal feces as well.

“This bitch better not be one of those crazy animal hoarding chicks...” you muttered to yourself disgusted.

This day just kept getting better and better.

You forced your way up to the front door of what you then assumed to be an oversized toilet. Raising your hand, you turned it around and used your first two knuckles to knock on the door. As you waited, you went over the possibilities of what was in store for you today. All you were really supposed to do was hang out with this Fluttershy.

Hopefully her house wouldn’t stink as bad as it smelt outside.

To your surprise, you heard the doorknob twist, and the door unlatched. A single teal eye was all you could see through the crack.

“Ayy gurl, where the big booty hoes at?”

The eye behind the door widened for a second, looking surprised at your question.

“U-um… What..?”

This bitch deaf or something?

You backed up from the door and widened your arms.

“WHERE ARE THE BIG BOOTY HOES?!”

A near inaudible squeak was your response.

“WHAT?!”

The occupant of the house seemed to shrink back a bit, even though you could hardly see her.

“I-I don’t know what y-you’re talking about…” she uttered in a quiet, high pitched voice.

“WHAT?!” you inquired once more, putting your hand up to your ear.

“I s-said I-I don’t know what you m-mean…” the mare just barely spoke.

“OKAY!”, you lowered your hand and approached the door, “Sparklebutt sent me to play male escort or something for the day.”

The door remained slightly open as you got your next response.

“Escort..? But I’m not going anywhere…”

You blinked.

This bitch serious?

“Eh… fuck it, it doesn’t matter. Sparklebutt sent me over for something to do with the magic of friendship or something else along those lines.”

The door seemed to open up a bit more, revealing more of Fluttershy’s eye.

“Oh… Twilight sent you..? She DID mention something about sending a visitor over…” said the quiet voice.

“Yeah, some advance notice would have been nice, but whatever,” you stated, still a bit pissed that you were forced into this, “so you gonna let me in, or am I gonna be standing here all day? Standing here’s killing my gains, bro.”

“Well… I’m not so-” she began to say before getting interrupted.

“Great, sounds good, bro,” you said as you grabbed the door and swung it open.

The pony let out an “eep” as you ripped the door from her grasp and walked inside. Shockingly, the smell wasn't that bad inside of the cottage, even though you could see a few bird cages and mouse holes in the walls.

You looked down at the sole member of the household, just now getting your first view of her up close. A yellow pegasus with a pink mane and butterflies on her ass.

Her ass…

This spoke to you. It required closer inspection.

You tried to get a closer look, but her body seemed to turn to face you no matter where you went.

This was definitely going to be a difficult task.

It was time to try a classic trick.

“Yo, what’s that out the window?” you inquired as you pointed your finger at one close by.

“Hm..?”

Just as you desired, the pale mare turned to look out the window that your outstretched digit was faced at.

HAHA, TIME FOR BOOTY!

You leaned in closer, taking in the full view.

Her flanks were round, and filled in at just the right places, though a bit slender altogether. Either way, they were a great shape that just begged to be squeezed.

“I don’t see anything…”

“Keep looking, I’m sure you’ll find it eventually.”

“Oh… okay…”

Another test was in order. Looking could only do so much.

“Holy fuck, is that a black widow?” you asked in mock alarment.

Quickly, you stretched out your fingers and swatted at her ass. After all your years as an expert on the booty, a quick swipe was all you needed to judge how good this booty was.

It had just enough cushion to ripple on impact, but enough firmness not to be totally fat.

Yes, this is something you could get into. This was a booty; not nearly as good as Applejack’s, of course, but something you’d love to stick your dick in nonetheless.

Humorously enough, after you slapped her, the shock of the action was enough to make her flip out.

Flip out the window, that is.

The fuck was this bitch’s deal?

You leaned out the window, investigating the scene.

“I-is… Is the spider o-okay..?”

This bitch.

You reached into your pocket, grabbing a black wad of lint and holding it out. You figured she’d be too dazed to tell the difference.

“Don’t worry, Spider Bro’s aight.”

The delirious pony looked back up at your hand with an oblivious smile.

“Oh… Thank goodness…”

After helping the frightened mare back inside and cleaning her up, you found yourself alone with her in the cottage’s living room.

You liked where this was going.

“Do you have any booze?”

“No…”

“God dammit.”

You fished your emergency flask out of your pocket and took a swig from it. “Alright, what exactly am I here for?”

“W-well, um.. I haven’t really… thought of anything yet…”

A bit of an irritated expression crossed your face.

“O-oh, but if there’s something you want to do, that would be fine, too..!”

A mischievous smile spread across your face.

“Cool,” you said as you perked up, “Fluttershy, today, I’m going to teach you the magic of broship and how to be a bro yourself. Because the magic of friendship is some gay nigga bullshit."

The pegasus looked at you inquisitively.

“Broship..?”, she spoke in a curious tone.

You reached inside of your scorpion jacket’s and produced a small book. “This is the Bro Code, the most important piece of literature ever written.”

You handed it to her, and began to recite what it contained from memory. “Broship is the bond between two or more individuals that goes beyond friendship. Broship is a spiritual bond, a kinship. Someone who is your bro is basically your sibling, as the name suggests, just without any blood relation. Get what I’m saying?”

“I… guess so…” Fluttershy responded, still taking in the information.

This might be harder than you thought.

“Here, take a drink,” you said, offering your flask to the yellow pegasus, “it will purify you of your sins.”

She leaned in a bit closer, taking a careful sniff.

“Are you sure this is okay..?” she said, backing off a bit.

“It’s more than okay! Forty proof straight vodka is a necessity for a bro’s survival,” you answered, holding the container a bit closer.

After what looked like a massive debate in the pony’s head, she took it in her front two hooves, and took a small sip.

“Come on, you lightweight! You can take more than that,” you said, tilting the flask up further to allow more booze to pour into her mouth.

She struggled for a bit, but managed to swallow what you emptied down her throat. The mare let out a few high pitched coughs, eventually calming down enough to breathe normally again.

“PRAISE THE FONZ!” you cried before you took your flask back and took a swig from it, “You feeling it now, Fluttershy?”

The mare spat a few times, trying to clear her mouth of the aftertaste. “Um… Sure..?”

“Here, drink some of this,” you willed a can of Baja Blast into existence and tossed it to the mare.

God, you loved being a Gary Stu.

Being the dirty coward she was, all she did was cover her face with her hooves as it bounced off her skull.

“...Right… Just… drink that.” you deadpanned.

The pony did as she was told, picking the metal can off of the floor, and positioning it to open it up. Grabbing the tab by her teeth, she cracked the seal, only to be assaulted by a fountain of fizzy liquid.

Seriously.

Fucking seriously.

Even though this was wearing on your patience, you still burst into laughter.

“Looks like you got something on your face, dipshit.”

You kind of expected Fluttershy to react a bit more mopey at what just happened. What you didn’t expect, though, was for her to start giggling with you.

“Hehehehe… I wasn’t expecting *HIC* that…” she slurred out.

“NOBODY EXPECTED THE SPANISH INQUISITION EITHER!” you declared.

Then it registered to you. She hiccuped.

Fucking lightweight.

Either way, IT WAS HAPPENING.

“This feels pretty good…” said the now drunken pegasus.

“FUCK YEAH BRO!”

You gave yourself a congratulatory pat on the back for corrupting this once innocent mare. Your bros would be so proud of you. What the ponies here said (well, you liked to imagine they did) was true: Nobody could resist your charm.

“Yeah… brooo…” Cheered the timid pony, her hooves slowly flailing in the air.

Unexpectedly, Fluttershy got to her hooves, swaying a little as she steadied herself. She approached you, staggering a bit. You half expected for her to fall into you, but when she was only a few inches away, she stopped. With surprising dexterity, she got up on her hind hooves, brought out her front hoof, and pressed it against your nose.

“Hehehehe… Boop!”

This bitch was gonna give you a fucking heart attack.

“Anon… Hehe, I bet you can’t find me!” She giggled out, flying away to some unknown location.

Nigga be leavin’ you here like you were nothing.

“God dammit.”

AND SO BEGAN THE HUNT FOR THE MOST DANGEROUS GAME: THE BOOTY.

You drank some more from your flask before giving chase. The last time you saw her, she was heading upstairs.

How she didn’t fall as she climbed was beyond you.

“Swiggity swooty, I’m coming for that booty!” you bellowed as you hopped up multiple stairs at a time.

Now, if you were a drunk pony, where would you hide..?

!

You quickly undid your pants and took a peek inside.

Nothing….

What a disappointment.

Where else…

After many a minute of thinking, you just decided to aimlessly wander through the house until you found the hidden booty of the animal cottage.

It felt like an eternity as you searched for your yellow acquaintance.

“FLUTTERSHYYYY, COME OUT AND PLAA-AY!”

“N-no…!”

Oooh, a fighter.

You liked that.

Plus, she had just given away her position.

With all the speed of a drunken Kenyan, you ran to where you heard her voice emanate from.

“Here I come, Butterbutt!” you yelled at the top of your lungs.

“Y-you won’t catch me!” She squeaked out.

That statement was just enough to lead you to where she was hiding. Rounding the corner of the hall, you spotted the doorway to Fluttershy’s bedroom. You stepped in, slowly looking all around. It really wasn’t a challenge to find her when you did. From under her bed you could see a plump pony ass and a pink tail sticking out.

FUCKING NICE!

Kneeling down, you put a hand on each of her flanks, and began to pull.

“O-oh my..!”

You had her right where you wanted her. The booty was yours. You pulled back, slowly exposing more and more of her body.

“YES, I’VE GOT YOU NOW!” you bellowed triumphantly.

“N-no! Lemme go..!” whined the pegasus as she squirmed around in your grip.

And then, with an unexpected amount of force, she pushed off of your chest and broke free of your grip.

“It’s your turn now, Anon!” Fluttershy slurred excitedly.

“Well shit...” you commented, before you exited the room.

The yellow mare turned around, covering her eyes. You would have started looking around for a hiding spot sooner, but you were distracted by the big ass pointing right at you.

“One… Two… Three…”

Oh fuck, she was counting.

You looked around, trying to think of a spot to hide. This place was unfamiliar to you, so you’d have to act quick to find a spot before she finished. Quickly, you stumbled down the hall and back downstairs. There weren’t many places to hide here that weren’t obvious. In fact, ALL of these places were obvious. Not much time was left. Around you was a broom closet, a crawlspace, and a bunch of other places that wouldn’t hide you for more than a few seconds.

Looks like it was going to have to be the closet. You were hoping for something so much better.

Fuck it, why do you even give a fuck?

You opened the door and stepped inside, surrounding yourself in darkness. Hopefully there weren’t any skeletons in here. You really didn’t wanna get spooked.

About a minute passed, and you were still unsure about any skeletal presence. Then, an idea came to mind.

If you wanted to avoid the skeletals, you’d have to BE the skeletal! It was time to unleash your master plan.

You are Anonymous, destroyer of cunts. Or as you like to call yourself right now, Mister "Pull a Trigga on a Nigga" Bones.

It was a really good thing you were able to will a skeleton suit onto your body. You were certain if you didn't, a skeleton would have come out of hiding and spook you.

“Aaanon… Wh-where are you..? Please, I’m kind of s-scared…” You heard a shaky voice from the other side of the door.

Ohboyohboyohboy.

Your muscles tensed as you heard Fluttershy’s hoofsteps got closer.

Dis was gon’ b gud.

Closer and closer she came, until finally, she was in front of the door. Through the space between the door and the floor, you could see her shadow; it had stopped right where you needed it to.

Without a moment to spare, you bursted out of the door, in all of your boney greatness.

“OOGABOOGABOOGA!” you yelled at the unexpecting mare.

She fell over like a fainting goat.

“YOU JUST GOT FUCKING SPOOKED, NIGGA!”

You began to dance around in your skeleton suit.

Fluttershy remained as stiff as a board.

Heh, stiff.

“Relax nigga, it was just a joke!” you claimed as you began to take the mask of your skeleton suit off of your face.

“A j-joke..? Oh.. thank goodness…” sighed Fluttershy.

The pegasus got back to her hooves, still sufficiently drunk enough to have trouble in the process.

She eyed you curiously.

“Are… are you really a skeleton, Anon?”

“No… but there’s a skeleton inside of me.”

You suddenly rushed towards Fluttershy and grabbed her, holding her up to your face. “THERE’S A SKELETON INSIDE YOU RIGHT NOW!”

She giggled in your grasp.

“Anon, that tickles..!”

That was quite a surprise, seeing as how drunk she was.

“Oh really now?”

With a near sadistic grin, you laid the small pony down on her back, and began to bury your fingers into the sides of her belly.

“Eehehehe… ehEEEHEE! S-S-STOP!”

You began to laugh along with her as you kept up your finger attack.

“No can do, bro! You’re stuck here with the twat tickler until Sparklebutt gets here!”

The entire time this was happening, you had to dodge incoming hooves to various parts of your body.

“Jeez, bitch, watch where you’re swinging those things, will ya?” you grunted, moving your lower half away from an incoming kick to the nuts.

“O-only if you let go of m-me… b-b-bitch!” Fluttershy cursed.

Oh. She done it. She done GOOFED.

“FLUTTERSHY, WE NEED TO COOK!”

You let go of her midsection, and moved down to one of her still kicking hooves.

“Cook...?” she asked, panting.

Another grin adorned your face once you got ahold of a hoof.

“Yeah… my fingers are the fire, your hoof is the beaker!”

And then you began to tickle her hoof. Fluttershy’s laughter roared up again, only much stronger. Her laughs echoed throughout the large room; something nobody around here would expect from such a quiet personality.

The pony’s normally pale yellow face was slowly getting redder as her laughs put more strain on her. To follow up the previous metaphor, she was almost literally coming to a boil.

“Nnngh… A-anon… I-I… I think I’m going….”

Fluttershy’s face got redder and redder, and her laughs began to get mixed in with moans. Beads of sweat formed on her forehead as she gritted her teeth, and finally, with one last high pitched squeal, you felt a burst of sticky hot liquid hit the hand holding her leg.

“WHAT THE FUCK?!”

THIS. FUCKING. BITCH.

“Oh no… Oh no oh nooooo…”

“WHAT IN THE NAME OF FUCK DID YOU DO?!”

“Anon, p-please! I didn’t mean to...!”

This was seriously unbelieveable. Sure, you heard of people getting off on weird things, but that was ridiculous.

“P-please... Don’t be mad…”

You weren’t mad, just surprised. But you’d be damned if you couldn’t say your hand smelled quite a bit different now.

“Fuck! You could’ve at least bought me dinner first….”

At this, Fluttershy’s terrified expression cracked. It began to change from that of horror to one that was on the verge of bursting out into laughter.

Turns out your observation was spot on, as she began to chuckle at your comment. This laughter seemed to be quite contagious, as you began to join in.

The absurdity of the whole situation was just too much to handle.

“You know, it’s funny,” you began to muse as you regained control of yourself, “Big Mac said the other day I didn’t know the first thing about foreplay with a mare, and here I am, making you cum like it’s nothing. He can eat a dick.”

“W-well…” The timid mare started. “You… y-you did do good. You found out my… um… my…”

You looked at her in confusion.

“Spit it out. Your what?”

Her cheeks returned to the red that they were when you were tickling her.

“You found... my fetish… and you didn’t even know...”

“FUCK YEAH- wait, what?”

The only response you got was a nod.

“Cool. That’s really fucking cool, man. Victory drink?” you inquired, pulling out your flask.

The two of you sat up, deciding to sit on the floor.

You took the first drink, then handed it over to Fluttershy, who was much less hesitant to grab the flask this time around.

The next few minutes were spent just making small talk as you both drank from what seemed to be a bottomless container of booze.

It was robably just the magic of Broship at work.

“Anon, I came to check on- what’s that smell?”

“Oh, sup, Sparklebutt?” you asked, propping yourself up against Fluttershy as you noticed the purple alicorn enter the cottage

“Hello Twilight,” the yellow mare greeted on cue.

There the two of you sat, drinking alcohol while sitting in a puddle of mare juice. You were still a skeleton from the neck down, and Fluttershy was drunk off of her ass.

Any sane being to walk into the room would most likely have a mental breakdown trying to figure out just what the fuck was going on.

And yes, Twilight was right. There was one hell of a smell. You had no idea how you would explain that her friend just so happened to have a tickling fetish, and you just so happened to invoke it.

So you said what any person would say.

“What’s really good, bitch?” you inquired.

Nailed it.

The look on the purple alicorn’s face was priceless.

“Y-y-y-you… did you just… I can’t… WHAT?!”

“Bitch, did I stutter? What’s real fucking good?” you asked once again.

“Yeah bitch…” Fluttershy slurred out, “stop being so rude and answer the man.”

“See, you’re getting it. Congratulations,” You congratulated the yellow pegasus with a hand in the air, and Fluttershy reciprocated with a few vague waves of her hoof. You figured that was good enough, and turned back to the venting pony at the door.

Twilight’s eyelid started to twitch as her mouth hung agape.

“Anon, what did you DO?! I mean, look at this! Fluttershy is drinking, you’re dressed in some bone suit, and I’m almost certain that’s vaginal secretions you’re both sitting in!”

“Yeah, and?” the two of you asked in unison.

“I can’t believe this… I leave you alone for one hour, ONE HOUR, and you manage to completely corrupt my friend! Do you not know what the magic of friendship is? You know what? Don’t answer that. I’m sure you don’t…” Twilight fumed.

“What’s all this about the ‘magic of friendship’, man? That's fucking gay, bro, it’s all about the magic of broship.”

“Broship… oh no, Fluttershy, don’t tell me he’s brainwashed you with this gunk, too…”

Brainwash? That’s just downright offensive.

“Not at all, Twilight… Anon is great! He’s a real bro.”

“You can’t be serious. You must be playing some kind of joke, right?”

Fluttershy shook her head. “I'm telling you, Anon’s cool, Twilight.”

You took two of your fingers and ran them through the fluid on the floor.

“Here, you wanna test and see for yourself?” you said as you held your hand out, “Use your fancy lab equipment and tell me this ain’t real!”

A single sniff was all she needed to push her over the edge. Her eyes rolling into the back of her head, Twilight promptly fell to the ground with a thud, unconscious.

Bitchin'.

“Yo Fluttershy, hand me that marker over there, will ya?”

She nodded, and walked over to the table that the permanent marker you pointed out was lying on. After grabbing it, she tossed it to you.

You uncapped the writing utensil and walked over to Sparklebutt. Thirty seconds later, she had a crudely drawn ballsack just under her horn.

“There, now you really ARE a dickhead!”

Fluttershy began to laugh hysterically at this.

Joining along with her in the fun, you spoke up, “Hey, you wanna have a go at this?”

She nodded enthusiastically with a big grin, so you tossed her the marker.

Today was gonna be a good day.

Twilight awoke in her bed with a start, breathing heavily.

She didn’t remember falling asleep in her bed at all. Looking around, she saw that nothing was out of the ordinary.

Maybe she just passed out while doing research again.

“So, maybe that was all just a bad dream…” she said to herself, slightly relieved.

Resigning herself to the possibility, she eased out of bed, heading to her mirror to brush down the bedhead she was sure she had by now. Arriving at the vanity, she used her magic to pick up her hairbrush, only to drop it in complete shock.

“What in the..!” exclaimed Twilight.

On her face was a number of black marks, all in one recurring shape.

Horse cocks.

Absolutely fucking everywhere.

“B-but how..?”

Memories of her “nightmare” flashed back through her head. The mare’s muscles tightened as anger built up within her.

“ANOOON!!”

You began to leave your shitty apartment when you suddenly got a massive erection.

“Heh, looks like someone’s thinking about me.”

Author's Notes:

() Hit up your hot MILF landlord and attempt to score. *NEW*
() Go to Canterlot with Big Mac and Lyra to publish the Official 2014 Ponyville Booty Power Ranking and party your asses off
() Help Big Mac throw a giant ass party at Sweet Apple Acres while Granny Smith is gone
() Go hang out with the overhyped DJ
() Shenanigans with the Cutie Mark Crusaders
() Talk about feelings with Twilight Sparkle and attempt to corrupt her
() Go see Rarity and get some new duds, then hit up the town with her