“Anon.”

…

“Anoooooooooooonnnnnnnnn.”

“No.” You responded weakly, not opening your eyes, praying whoever was disturbing your post-party slumber would take the hint and fuck off.

“Wake up, fuck face!” You heard the voice sound off, as you felt what appeared to be an empty beer can bounce off the side of your head.

“Ow!” You yelped, rubbing the side of your aching skulls. You shot up, clutching the side of your aching skull, locking eyes with Princess Celestia, who was staring you down with a mischievous look. You noted her wife beater now read “FEDERAL PUSSY INSPECTOR” in all caps. “Et tu, broseph?”

“There’s no time to sleep, cocknose,” ‘Chad’ paused, taking a moment to throw on a pair of kickass looking shades, “We have a city to burn.”

“Oh, real shit?”

“Nah brah, I’m yanking your dick. I’m way too hungover for that shit.” The poorly disguised princess responded with a grimace, before extending a hoof out to you. “Need a hoof up, brodie?”

“That’d be really bro-tier of you, nigga.” You grasped the shockingly soft hoof that was extended out to you. With seemingly no effort, the mare pulled you off the ground and onto your feet in one fluid movement. You took a moment to mire Chad’s gains, before turning your attention to less pressing matters. “So, bro, uh, what the fuck happened last night? I don’t remember shit.”

“Bro, you don’t remember?” Celestia regarded you with a curious brow.

“Did I fucking stutter, nigga?”

She rolled her eyes. “We got married, dude!” The mare exclaimed, a toothy smile plastered on her face.

“NANI!?”

“Lawl no, just smashing your nads, Broseidon.” She waved off your response with a shit eating grin. “For real, you don’t partaking in a bit of the devil’s lettuce?”

“No? Why in the fuck would I do- Oh wait, it’s all coming back to me.” You said, the world beginning to dissolve around you as Wayne and Murph passed by the screen, making a "di-dee-loo" sound with their mouths as they waved their hands about.

“Why are we still here?” You slurred out your question as you sloshed around your drink. “Just to suffer?”

“Hmm?” The poorly disguised Celestia, who was now a disheveled mess and using your shoulder as a pillow, looked up at you with confused, bloodshot eyes.

“What?” You asked of the mare, confused yourself, completely forgetting what you were going to say.

“Huh?” Lyra chimed in, who had apparently occupied your lap during your apparent blackout period.

“Weren't we supposed to have a drinking contest?” You asked ‘Chad’ with a raised brow.

She shrugged. “Fuck if I know, bro.”

You took a drink from the red solo cup that occupied your hand, relishing in the feeling of the harsh swill running down your throat. You glanced around, noting that the party seemed to be winding down a bit.

That would never do.

“CELESTIA!” You exclaimed, jumping up from the couch, inadvertently knocking Lyra off of you in the process.

The poorly disguised princess remained silent, taking a casual, yet obnoxiously loud sip of her drink as she eyed you with an annoyed look.

“CHAD!” You corrected yourself.

“SUP BRO?!” She exclaimed, jumping up from the couch.

“WE NEED TO PARTY, BRAH!” You declared.

“WE PARTYIN’ NOW?!” The alicorn echoed you with equal amounts of enthusiasm.

“FUCK YEAH, BRO! LET’S GET TURNT-” You exclaimed.

“THE-” Celestia continued your sentence.

“FUCK-” Lyra chimed in, as she rose off the ground.

“UP!” As soon as those final words escaped Celestia’s throat, you grabbed a conveniently placed folding chair, and, without hesitation, threw it out of a nearby window, standing there with a smug grin as you watched the glass shatter. The nearby crowd cheered at your retarded behavior, and immediately began stepping up their drinking game. You also noticed a few drunken brawls break out, the traditional response to someone throwing a chair in the middle of a crowd.

“Uh, Anon?” You heard Lyra pipe up.

“What’s really good, bitch?”

“You know that’s *our* window that you just broke, right?”

...oh yeah.

“SHIT.” You rubbed the back of your head, the realization of just how retarded you are hitting you as hard as that airborne chair smashed through that window. “Whatever,” you said with a shrug. “I’m a retardedly OP Gary Stu, I’ll just fix it in the morning.”

“Uh huh,” your faithful companion absentmindedly responded, watching one of the fights you caused with your actions. “Just don’t break any of my shit, aight fam?”

“For sure, bro.”

“YO!” Chad Thundercock butted her head between the two of you. “You two wanna get your smonk on?” She asked, waving what appeared to be a very sizeable joint in between the two of you.

“FUCK YES!” Lyra blurted out excitedly, her eyes widening in excitement as she eyed down the doobie hungrily.

“I’m good, bro.” You waved off her offer. “Dude weed lmao really isn’t my thing. I don’t wanna be a gay ass stoner or anything.”

The poorly disguised princess scoffed, giving you a look of disgust. “What are you, some kind of pussy?”

“WHO YOU CALLIN’ A PUSSY?!” You demanded, getting in the mare’s face as you puffed out your chest in a show of masculine aggression.

“YOU, BRO!” She mirrored your stance, flexing her wings in a show of dominance.

“I AIN’T NO PUSSY, NIGGA! I’LL HAVE YOU KNOW I ALWAYS FALL FOR PEER PRESSURE! PASS ME THAT BOOF, BRO!”

“Slow your roll, bro~” You felt Lyra’s sing song flirtatious voice tickle your ear, as she moved close to you, and ran a gentle hoof down your chest. “You can’t just rush into this, you gotta relax and enjoy the ride.”

You looked into the lustful, mischievous eyes of the aquamarine unicorn, as she stared you down hungrily, causing your pants to violently shrink in response.

“Damn girl, it’s just ‘bro kush hehe’, calm your crotchtits.” Celestia commented on her behavior.

“Hush! I’m just excited to break his weed cherry is all!” Lyra shot a playful glare the poorly disguised princess’s way.

“Wouldn’t be the first cherry we broke together.” You remarked with a smirk.

“Heyo!” The white alicorn cheered, waving her drink around in the air. “Now, let’s go smonk!”

The wife beater wearing princess more or less skipped her way over to the now shattered sliding glass door, and hopped through the convenient hole.

Heh.

Hole.

You and your ever faithful companion followed her outside, finding Chad Thundercock eagerly waiting for the two of you by your pool.

“Wait, we have a pool?” You asked aloud.

“Yeah, you didn’t notice?”

“Nah, I was too busy being a fucking retard.” You responded truthfully, choosing this time to scratch at your itching junk for whatever reason.

You made your way over to where the stoner princess was waiting for you, and plopped down beside her, sticking your legs in the pool.

Blatantly ignoring the fact you still had your jeans, socks, and shoes still on.

Lyra plopped down in her usual spot, opting to get comfy in your lap than sitting on the ground.

“Ya’ll ready for this shit? It’s Agave Honey Hot Cheetos, it’s some good shit!”

“What the fuck does that even mean?” You inquired like a filthy newfag.

“Nobody fucking knows, but we gone smoke it.” Celestia answered as she stuck the end of the joint in her mouth. A zippo lighter wrapped in a golden aura, engraved with what you assumed to be some sort of frat logo, appeared before the princess, as she brought it up to the opposite end of the spliff, lighting it as she inhaled.

She held it in for a second, before exhaling, a thick smoke leaving her mouth and blowing in your faces.

“Ooo, that’s dank.” Lyra commented, while you blew the smoke away with your hand in annoyance.

“I only pay for the best, my dude. Or rather, the Equestrian taxpayers do.” The princess smirked.

“Oh nice, you like a Royal Guard or something?”

“Bro,” You deadpanned, as you raised your hands and gestured dramatically at the white alicorn, “That’s Princess Celestia. Come on! It’s so obvious!”

“Anon, contact high is a meme, you don’t need to say stupid shit like that to try and fit in with us.” Lyra snickered.

“BRO, I’VE BEEN SAYING THIS ALL NIGHT!”

“Celestia wouldn’t smoke weed at some random house party with a couple of random dudes she doesn’t know. That’s, like, illegal!”

“Actually I- I mean, Celestia made that legal years ago.”

Fuck it.

You decided to drop it, as Lyra took her turn with the boof. She passed it over to you as she exhaled.

As you took it off her, Lyra leaned in and pecked you on the cheek, pulling away from you with a light giggle.

You felt a tinge of emotion deep in your chest as you shot her a smile, before moving your focus to the slowly burning joint in your hands.

“So, how do we partake in this mari-jew-iguana?” You asked innocently.

“Are you retarded?” ‘Chad’ retorted with a stupid grin, her eyes beginning to redden.

“Yes, why?”

“Oh.”

“Come on Chad, lay off, it’s his first time.” Your faithful companion defended your honor, shooting you a reassuring smile.

“All good, bro, I’m just bullying my man’s dick.” She said, motioning you to continue.

Lyra turned her attention to you, shifting in your lap to face you. “It’s simple, hun. Just inhale, hold it for three seconds, and exhale.”

“Chill Lyra, I’m not actually that stupid, I know how to smoke.” You said, fumbling with the spliff as you inserted it into your lips, and you inhaled.

And inhaled.

And inhaled.

“Anon, holy fuck. I said hold for three seconds, not inhale for three minutes.”

You stopped, held it in as you were told, and exhaled. As you did so, you felt a tickle in your throat, and a harsh cough escaped your mouth.

You heard the poorly disguised princess giggling gleefully while watching you cough up a lung. “Hah, you pussy!”

“Yo Celestia-”

“Chad.” 'Chad Thundercock' corrected.

“Yo Chad, eat a fucking dick.”

“Huh, I guess that did happen.” You said, scratching your chin in thought.

“Yup!” Lyra chirped, before her face shifted. “Fuck, are they really going for this gimmick?”

“Chill Lyra, what did you expect? Originality? At least Celestia didn’t actually get married to me.” You responded.

“Not yet, at least.” Celestia mused. “Ara ara~”

“Bro, you really gotta stop calling Chad Celestia, it’s kinda weird.” Lyra said, giving you an off look.

“Bruh.” You deadpanned.

Lyra ignored the bruh moment. “Anyways, last night was fun! And you were so- I dunno, it was different. A nice kind of different.”

“What’d we do?”

“Huh?” The unicorn eyed you curiously.

“He apparently blacked out, like a bitch.” Celestia threw in an explanation.

“Fuck off my dick, brah.” You turned your attention back to Lyra. “So, what happened?”

“We like, danced, and did, I dunno, couplely things?” The mare said, not entirely sure of herself.

“Oh yes… I remember just like it was yesterday…” You monotoned, as you began to enter the flashback.

“It was yesterday, dickhead.” Lyra bullied you like a true bro.

“Shut the fuck up, Lyra, you’re out of your element.”

“Yo Celestia-”

“Chad.” Chad Thundercock corrected.

“Yo Chad, eat a fucking dick.”

“Ouch, you wound me so, dear bro.” She said, wiping away a fake tear.

“Don’t you think that was a bit much, Anon?” Lyra eyed you, with a hint of worry in her eyes.

“Fuck no, bro. I’m no bitch.”

“You smoked like half the doobie, man. On your first go.” Lyra hid a small smile that tugged at her lips with the tip of her hoof. “Boy, you’re going to be in for a journey.”

You felt the aquamarine unicorn gently push you as she eased you onto your back. She fell to your side, wrapping her hooves around you as she laid her head on your chest.

“You’re being awfully affectionate today, huh?” You remarked coyly.

She shushed you. “I’m just trying to give you a good experience.”

“I don’t mind, honestly.” You said, starting to feel a bit light headed. “You know I love having the ladies on me, bro.”

“Oh trust me, I can tell. Everyone can.”

“Well, I do have a pretty nice dick.”

“Yeah, your dick is pretty solid, bro. Now, relax. Just relax, and focus on your surroundings.”

Your focus immediately went to Lyra’s ass.

“This is pretty hetero, bro. I need some alcohol.” You said, as you finished off the rest of your drink.

You jumped up from the ground, much to the disappointment of the mare occupying your chest. You stumbled a bit, feeling pretty light headed at this point. You did your best to shake it off, making your way inside to grab a drink.

As you did so, you stopped in your tracks, as you took a moment to take in the party surrounding you. You bobbed your head to the beat of the trap music blasting out of your new house, finding yourself entranced by the light show inside.

As you slowly made your way through your crowded living room, you quickly realized you recognized the party’s DJ.

“Wait, Vinyl, ain’t we beefing?” You blurted out as quickly as you recognized the blue maned unicorn.

“What?” Vinyl shot her head about in confusion before spotting you. An innocent grin spread across her maw as she spoke. “Naw dude! Why would we be?”

“My girl smacked your face so hard it made your mother’s back fat clap.” You deadpanned.

“Oh, that? That’s nothing, Anon. I honestly thought it was pretty hot how your bitch smacked me around.” Vinyl said, licking her lips, staring you down as if she were a lion checking out your fine gazelle ass. “Though, I’d rather it be you smacking me around.”

…

Nice…

“Nice…” You commented to yourself, before turning your attention back to the DJ. “I’m sure we can arrange something like that later, bro. I got shit to do.” You said, your rapidly drying mouth reminding you that you were on a mission.

That ass might be cash, but holy shit, your mouth was like Margaret Thatcher’s pussy.

“Alright, I’ll be seeing you, Anon~” She responded, finishing off her sentence by blowing you a kiss.

You wandered off as she went back to playing her set, continuing to make your way over to the bar.

“HEY ANON!” Lyra basically screamed in your face, knocking you out of your flashback sequence.

“Ow!” You howled, rubbing at your aching ears, as you gave your partner in crime a pained look.

“Heh, sorry…” She flashed you an apologetic look. "I don't want to be a cunt, but can you fast forward a bit, fam? Like to something a bit more exciting?"

"Wow, rude." You commented, feigning a hurt expression.

"Sorry broham," She responded with an apologetic smile. "Just the writers are lazy, and the readers have been waiting like two years for an update, so-"

"I get it, nigga. Where do you want me to pick up from, bro?"

"Just pick back up from after you got too high and passed out down in the basement, like a bitch." The poorly disguised princess suggested, a smirk crossing her lips as she eyed you down.

#rude

"Aight bro, I guess that works." You replied, shrugging off your bro's rudeness.

The war went on for a century, many lives were lost, but eventually-

“Wait a fucking second, this isn’t two thousand five…”

You looked around, realizing that you were now no longer in the living room. In fact, it appeared you were now in the basement of your new home.

How the fuck did you make your way down here? You didn’t actually get blackout drunk, did you?

Wait, could you having a blackout period thanks to your near constant drinking be a canonical explanation for time skips in this story?

Really makes you think.

Really gets the ole’ noggin jog-

“Uh, bro?”

Oh right, you weren’t alone.

“Wait, I don’t get to bring friends…” You talked to yourself like a crazy person.

You heard ‘Chad’ snort in amusement. “I think Anon here’s had a bit too much of the dude weed lmao."

You shot the white alicorn an offended glare. “Don’t insult my honor, weed ain't shit.”

“WHATEVER, BRO!” Celestia waved off your offense with a snarky, toothy grin.

“YOU WANNA GO, BRO?!” You waved your fist angrily at the poorly disguised princess.

“YOU BET YOUR ASS I WANNA GO, BROSIDEN!” She said, posing dramatically.

“WELL LET'S GO, BRONADO! SQUARE UP!” You posed as stylishly as possible from your seated position.

“YOU FIRST, FAGGOT!”

“NO, YOU FIRST, DICK NOSE!”

“I FART IN YOUR GENERAL DIRECTION!” Celestia spoke in a French accent for some reason.

“Would don’t you two just fuck already?” The Princess of Spanking’s interrupted your autism, as she reached out for the handle of vodka that sat in between the three of you. She watched the two with you with a twinkle in her eyes as she took a swig of the clear liquid, surprisingly not choking on it like the total lightweight she is.

“Because Anon here probably has a mad case of whiskey dick right now.” The other princess said, calming down, but at the same time continuing her relentless trolling campaign.

“Hah! Let’s be real, bro.” In the blink of an eye, you were on your feet with your pants at your ankles, your full erect soldier standing at attention, throbbing in the general direction of the two mares. “Whiskey dick is just a meme.”

As you stood before your audience with your most prized possession out on display, you heard the door to the basement open and close, followed by the sound of somebody trotting down the stairs.

Seeing an opportunity for entertainment, you turned in a way so that whoever just entered the room would get an eye full of your feature length dong.

“Woah, basement! Spookyyyyyy! WAHAHAHA!” You heard the unmistakable voice of Panku Pe.

“Pinkie, shush!” You heard Applejack shush her pink friend, her Southern twang giving further rise to your erection.

‘Chad’ and Twilight remained silent, picking up on what was about to go down.

What a couple of true bros.

The two new arrivals finished descending down the stairs and rounded the corner into the room the three of you were occupying.

You could feel your fully erect dong somehow grow even harder upon spotting the orange pony entering the room, and judging by the way her eyes lit up upon spotting you, she must've felt the same way.

Wait, what-

“Woah nelly!” Applejack’s voice shook you from your thoughts.

“OOOOOO WEW! NOTICES BULGE!” Pinkie said as she pointed at your rock hard cock. “Anon’s got wood! BOING-OING-OING-OING!”

“We… uh… we interruptin’ somethin’ Anon?” The orange mare asked, unable to take her eyes off your MAGNUM DONG.

“No bro, you’re fine.” You said, waving the two of them into the room, before you turned your attention over to Ponk. “By the way, Pank, it’s pronounced ‘oh woah’.”

“You’re so silly, Nonny! It’s OOOOOOOOOOOOO WEEEEEEEEEW!”

“NUH UH!”

“UH HUH!”

“NUH UH”

“UH HUH!”

…

…

“NUUUUUUUUUUUH UH!”

“UH HUH!”

“UH HUH!”

“NUH U-”

Pinkie Pie stopped mid sentence, realizing that you have bested her in this battle of wits. You smirked and posed triumphantly, before sitting back down in your original spot.

“Sit your asses down!” You motioned the two to join you. “We were just getting ready to summon the spirit of Michael Jackson to tell us where he hid it.”

Big Mac’s big booty toting sister eyed you with a raised brow. “'It'? What’s ‘it’?”

“AJ, don’t be silly! You know what ‘it’ is! It’s just that thing you use!” Pinkie Pie giggled at her country friend’s naivety, before plopping down between you and the princess disguised as a dudebro.

Applejack gave your group a weird lookover. “Ya’ll’r weirdos, ya know that?”

“Yeah, but we’re your weirdos, bro!” You said, shooting her a pair of thumbs up.

“Yeah, brotendo, now come join us in whatever the fuck we’re doing.” Celestia prompted the one standing pony, peering at her over the pair of kickass shades she was wearing for some reason.

The orange mare shrugged, and shot all of you a smile.

“I ain’t sure what it is y’all’r doing either, but Ah’m guessing it should be fun.” She said, before trotting over to you, and promptly plopping down in your bare lap, wiggling her rump around on your exposed shaft as she got herself comfy. She looked back at you, shooting you a coy little smile, making it obvious she knew exactly what she was doing.

Sweatingman.jpg

“So…” Her cheeky grin seemed to grow just as tad as she felt your length twitch between her blessed flanks. “What exactly ARE ya gonna do, anyway?”

“That’s the question of the night!” You said as you maintained your composure like a baller, arms outstretched with a large grin. Whether it was the alcohol, your engorged cock begging for some attention, or the feeling of AJ’s firm ass on your bare lap, even you couldn't think of what the fuck to do next. You looked over to Twilight, who has been sitting beside you silently this whole time for some reason. “YO SPARKLEBUTT!”

The drunken princess looked over to you, slightly taken off guard by your volume. “Huh? What?” She slurred out, seemingly having zoned out for a while before. You were starting to think she couldn’t handle herself as well as you originally thought.

“We’ve been sitting here for God knows how long, help us think of something to fucking do! And, I swear on my honor as a bro, I will come over there and beat your ass if you suggest we read books or some gay nerd shit like that.”

“Well, I wouldn’t necessarily mind that~” The Princess of Spankings commented on your threat with a wink.

U-unf!

Despite her advances, you tried to shift the topic back to the issue at hand. “Anything else?”

She looked down in contemplation for a moment. Just as she began to speak however, a familiar energetic voice rang out.

“WAIT, WAIT, I GOT AN IDEA!” Pinkie Pie blurted out, interrupting the purple alicorn as she shot her hoof up in the air, waving it about like she just didn’t care as she tried to get your attention.

“Yes, Ponk?”

“WE SHOULD PRACTICE KISSING!”

!

“ACTIVATE IT!” You voiced your approval.

“H-Hold on!” Twilight stammered out, a large blush rapidly spreading across her cheeks. “A-Anon’s the only guy here!”

“Twilight, you pussy! Of course you’d chicken out!” Celestia teased her former student with a drunken, amused grin. Twilight looked at her, slightly hurt by the statement.

“I-I’m not a-”

“You’re a turbo virgin, purple! You need the practice more than any of us!” Came the words from Twilight’s poorly disguised mentor.

The purple alicorn’s face held a combination of emotions, ranging from sadness to anger.

“C’mon Sparklebutt, it’s all just bantz, take it easy! So what if I’m the only man here? We’ve got all night!” You said as you leaned over towards her, locking her in a headlock and laughing loudly. The mare giggled somewhat awkwardly, blushing lightly until you let her go. “Now then…” You whispered to yourself, wondering how to go about this impromptu makeout practice session.

Absentmindedly, you grabbed the bottle of vodka and took a drink from it. To your dismay however, the precious liquid seemed to be dwindling. The burning sensation in your throat served to kickstart your brain, and you began to imbibe the vodka at a much faster rate. Once the bottle was drained, you held it out for the crowd to see.

It was such a juvenile idea, and completely unoriginal considering you had only just played spin the bottle a few chapters back, but only sober people would worry about that. “Y’all ever play spin the bottle?”

“Anon, bro, isn’t that for schoolcolts and fillies?” ‘Chad’ asked skeptically.

“Shut the fuck up, dick breath.” You shot the poorly disguised princess a glare.

“MY BREATH DOES NOT SMELL LIKE DICK, BRO!” She exclaimed defensively.

“I meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeean, it kinda does!” Panki Pee said with a sweet smile.

“As long as we’re having fun though, so what does it matter? It’s right up your alley, isn’t it Ponk?” You reasoned.

“Well… You may have a point there. Fun is fun!” The mare agreed, bubbly laughs strewn throughout her sentence.

“Ah’ll admit, Ah think it’d be pretty darn fun to just let loose for a night.” Applejack admitted from your lap, your rock hard cock still twitching happily between her flanks.

“FUCK YEAH! We got three outta five, you in, Thundercunt?” You exclaimed, looking at the princess who hadn’t given a real answer yet.

“OF COURSE FAGGOT!” She responded politely, before eyeing you with a sly grin. “There’s nothing wrong with a bit of bump and grind, after all.”

“Fuckin’ A!” Applejack proclaimed, before the two exchanged a lesbian as fuck high five.

"That just leaves you, Sparklebutt." You said, rounding on the rapidly reddening mare. “You gonna fall for some good ole’ fashion peer pressure from your bros, or nah?”

“I, uh…” She stammered out, averting your hungry gaze.

This bitch.

“Come on, nigga, even Butterface was able to play this shit.” You chided her.

“Wait, ya mean Fluttershy?” Applejack interjected.

“Yeah bro. Fuck, she pulled a sharpie out of Rarity’s asshole with her fucking teeth. A fucking sharpie.”

“Niceeeeeeeeeeee.” ‘Chad Thundercock’ commented.

“Dude, I know, right?”

Wait, weren’t you doing something?

Oh yeah, right.

“So, you seriously gonna chicken out of something even Fluttershy is game for?” You asked, eyeing the mare expectantly.

“Well… if you put it that way, Anon, I guess I’m game.” Twilight finally responded, with an unsure expression on her face.

“BUENO.” You exclaimed like a retard.

And with that, everyone wordlessly agreed to begin the game. The members of the room steadily arranged themselves into a circle; You, ‘Chad’, and Twilight remained where you were, while Pinkie sat next to ‘Chad’. Applejack opted to remain in your lap, not willing to give up the best seat in the house. You briefly wondered how you’d be able to tell who’s turn it was if the bottle landed on the two of you, but only nerds like Sparklebutt overthink plotholes.

Speaking of, peer pressure must have done its job, considering the purple mare was still here and hadn’t bitched off somewhere or turned into a pile of spaghetti, despite her initial hesitation.

“Alright, who gets first spin?” You asked, placing the empty bottle in the middle of the circle.

Penk spoke up, giving her idea. “Why don’t we spin for it? Whoever the bottle lands on spins first!” She looked around for approval. When everyone had given a nod or voiced their agreement, the pink pony reached for the bottle and gave it a spin. The bottle twirled for a good ten seconds, eventually slowing down as it neared the end of the spin. Soon enough, the bottle stopped, pointing at who was going to be the first to… spin it again.

The pony who it landed on was none other than Sparkebutt herself.

Or, it would have been if a certain alicorn hadn’t used her magic to nudge the bottle over to herself.

“Hey! That landed on me and you know it!” Twilight protested, shooting a glare at her poorly disguised former mentor.

“I dunno why you’re looking at me, man. The bottle clearly stopped on me!” She said with a smirk.

“You used your magic!” The smaller of the two barked back.

Not wanting to waste the rest of the night on a petty argument, Applejack interjected. “How’s about we just start off with Chad here and get on with it?”

“FUCK YES!” Chad exclaimed excitedly, before batting at the empty Smirnoff bottle like an autistic child, sending it into a wild spin.

The glass container slowed down, eventually settling on a target.

“Two times in a row, not bad Twi!” The white alicorn grinned, looking towards the mare that the bottle chose with lust filled eyes.

“W-wait, you mean I-” Twilight stuttered, a deep scarlet blush beginning to creep onto her face.

“GET OVER HERE!” Chad channeled her inner Scorpion, as she pulled Twilight over with her magic before the purple alicorn could even react.

The smaller alicorn could only let out a flustered yelp of surprise before the two of them locked lips. ‘Chad’ took control as she pushed her former pupil on her back, forcing her tongue into the smaller princess’s mouth as she let her hooves explore Twilight’s body. You found yourself cheering and whistling as Sparklebutt started reciprocate, seeming to be enjoying herself despite her earlier hesitation.

Actually, she seemed to be /really/ getting into it.

“MY DICK APPROVES OF THIS!” You announced to everybody in your room.

“Ah can tell.” Applejack commented with a sly grin, not moving her eyes from the two making out mares as you felt something wet dribble down the length of your shaft. An unsteady breath escaped the orange mare’s lips as she gyrated against your Excalibur, evidently being as into this as the mares making out before you themselves.

“N-NANI?!” You blurted out in shock.

Sparklebutt shot you a sidelong glance, and noticed your attention was being stolen away by her friend. She began pushing further into the mouth of the opposing alicorn in a bid to regain your attention. Though the grinding of the orange ass on your shaft was distracting, the other show in front of you was entertaining enough to tear your mind away from it for a moment.

Not one to be outdone though, Applejack redoubled her efforts, pushing her rump further into your dick, rubbing it up and down against her wet crevice.

As she did this, Celestia pushed away her unaware former pupil and breathed for air. “Holy fucking shit!” She gasped. “For a gigantic neeeeeeeeeeerd, you didn’t do too bad!”

“R-really?” Twilight asked, breathing heavily.

“No, you were absolutely fucking terrible.” She grimaced at the mare as she pushed her aside, before pushing the empty vodka bottle towards Panku Pee. “Here bro, go nuts!”

“WOOOOO!” She cheered, placing a hoof on the bottle. Her hoof twisted around completely at least three times before snapping back to its original form, sending the bottle into a lightning fast spin in the process.

“GO GO GO GO GO GO GO GO GO GO GO-!” The pink mare cheered at the spinning bottle.

To almost no one’s surprise, the object kept spinning for a good minute and a half. Finally though, after what seemed to be an eternity of spinning and annoyed glances shot towards the over exuberant pony, the bottle stopped. Everyone’s gaze traveled up the neck of the bottle, their eyes resting on the next target.

“Heh. Well, what do ya know?” Was the reaction of Applejack as she realized the bottle was aimed at her. She refused to budge from the best seat in the house, however, and opted to wave Pinkie over to her instead.

The hyperactive pony had no issue with this, leaping over to you and AJ’s location in a single bound. You could feel your tip poke into Ponk’s stomach as she positioned herself in front of the farm pony currently occupying your bare lap.

“Hey Nonny?” The pink party pony raised a brow at you, as she looked down, having picked up on this as well. “Your thing is poking my stomach!”

“Don’t mind it, bro, it has a mind of it’s own.” You stated offhandedly.

“Okay Nonny!” She beamed innocently at you, before eyeing Applejack. “A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-ARE YOU READY TO R-R-R-R-R-R-RUMBLE?!”

“Ah’m always ready!” A cocky look crossed the orange mare’s face. “But if ya think Ah’m ready, ya should feel Anon right bout’ now.”

“I already can! WAHAHA!” Ponk wahaha’d giddily, before throwing herself at both you and her intended target, the weight of the sugar addicted pone knocking you on your back.

Before you knew it, you had two mares stacked on top of you, their lips in an unwavering war for dominance as they went at it.

You weren’t sure what led you to this moment, but you sure as hell were thankful that you had made the right choices in life to end up here.

The only downside to this was that it was slightly more difficult to get a full view of the action, but your close proximity more than made up for that. Ponku and Appul wiggled around on top of you as they got more and more into it. Occasionally, a part of one of their bodies would rub against your immortal boner, sending tingles of pleasure up your spine.

You are Jack’s unrelenting, diamond hard erection.

Applejack seemed to pick up on your reaction, urging her to ramp up her assault on Pank’s tongue, grinding her perfectly toned ass against your chest as she did so. Desperately, Ponko tried to keep up with the orange mare’s kisses, but appeared unable to keep up your bro’s stetson toting sister.

Eventually, much to the disappointment of yourself and your magnum dong, the two mare’s separated, the only thing connecting the two being a long, loose strand of saliva hanging between them.

A surprisingly quiet, flustered giggle escaped the hyper pink pony’s lips, before she hopped off of you and returned to her spot. She took a second to wipe away at the moisture covering her glistening lips, before looking back over to you and Applejack.

“Alright Applejack, it’s your turn!” Ponk exclaimed, returning to her usual self within a matter of seconds.

“Ah suppose it is,” she surmised, her maw still dripping with a mixture of her and Pankee’s saliva, before glancing back at you with a mischievous glint in her eyes, “This one is fer ya, Anon~”

The orange mare leaned forward, striking out at the empty bottle and sending it into a wild spin. It spun and spun, before gradually slowing, and coming to a halt.

“Aw shit,” you blurted out, upon seeing that the bottle’s neck was pointed in your direction. Lil’ Anon twitched in anticipation, the soldier chilling between your thighs eagerly awaiting the attention.

Applejack shifted her haunches, flipping around to face you. She stared you down with half-lidded eyes, a familiar seductive smirk crossing her lips. “

OH BOY OH BOY OH BOY-

Suddenly, you heard the door that lead down into the basement fling open, and Lyra’s voice call down to you. “YO, ANON, MIND COMING UP HERE? BARB NEEDS YOUR HELP AT THE BAR.”

God dammit.

“God dammit.” You repeated your internal monologue, before turning your attention to the thicc flanked mare that was staring you down as if you were a freshly cooked filet, “Sorry bro, duty calls.”

You spotted a twinge of disappointment in Applejack’s eyes, but she gave you a knowing smile. “Don’t work yerself up, sugarcube. Ah’m sure we’ll have another opportunity to roll around in the hay,” she remarked with a playful wink.

With that, she scooted off of your lap, much to the disappointment of both yourself and your diamond hard erection. You jumped up from your seated position, and made your way to the basement stairs. You spared the group a final glance, catching a glimpse of Applejack’s second spin landing on Twilight. You were hit with a fresh wave of disappointment and blue balls as you watched the purple mare’s face turn a bright shade of pink as the orange mare stared her down as if the small alicorn were a well marinated piece of meat.

Running parties is suffering, sometimes.

Author's Notes:

Told ya'll niggas I was still writing.