“Hey Anon?” Lyra called over to you.

“Yo,” you replied, not looking away from the television as you wiped the floor with some underage faggots on Battlefield.

Boy, you sure loved sniping bitches.

“Do you ever wonder what we’d be like if we were born the other sex?” she asked.

“Huh? FUCK!” you screeched like a banshee as an enemy sniper figured out where you were hiding and nailed you in the fucking head. You promptly ragequit, threw the controller to the side (which exploded), and turned towards your bro. “I’m sorry… what was that?”

“I said, do you ever think what we’d be like if we were born as the other sex?” Lyra repeated with an annoyed look.

“Oh yeah! All the fucking time, man. You should see the doujins Pablo and I came up with based off that.” An excited grin spread across your face.

“You made doujins about us being born the opposite sex?”

You nodded ecstatically. “You wanna see them?”

“Fuck yeah I do!”

“FUCK YEAH BRO!”

“You wanna masturbate back to back while looking at them?” Lyra asked, eyeing you down as she bit down on her lip.

“Of course! That’s part of the magic of sharing your doujins with your bro, man.” You grinned as you motioned her towards your bedroom. “Come along nigga, let’s do this shit!”

“Fuck yes! This shit’s gonna be awesome!” the mare cheered as she followed you out of the room.

Your eyes fluttered open as you awoke from your drunken slumber, only to find that you couldn’t see shit.

“OH SHIT, I’M FUCKING BLIND!”

“No you aren’t, you dumb bitch, you’re just buried under a mountain of empty beer cans like usual, you fucking alcoholic,” a familiar, masculine voice advised you.

“Oh… WAIT!” You immediately shook the cans off yourself and jumped up off the floor, pointing a threatening finger at the source of the voice. “WHO GOES THERE?!”

“Huh? Dude, it’s me, Lyre.” The stallion who lounged about on a nearby couch raised a brow at your behavior, before he took a casual sip from the smoothie in his hooves. “Did you get fucked so hard last night that you developed amnesia or something?”

“Nah, I’m just autistic.” You flashed your bro a cheeky grin. “So, how many dicks did I take last night?”

“Uh…” Lyre brought his hoof up to his chin and scratched it in thought. “Thirty seven. That sounds about right.”

“In a row?”

He chuckled. “Yeah, in a row.”

You waited for Lyre to take another drink from his smoothie before you asked your next question. “So… were you one of them?” You wiggled your eyebrows at him with a playful smirk as you asked this.

The stallion coughed on his drink and looked your way with widened eyes. “W-WHAT?!”

You giggled to yourself. “Come on dude, there’s nothing wrong with fooling around with your bros. So long as you say no hetero first.”

“I-I-” The stallion suddenly looked down, then crossed his legs, his face turning a light shade of red. “That’s really lewd, man!”

“I know, isn’t it?” A mischievous smile crossed your face. “What you got going on today, Lyre?”

“Uh… I’m probably gonna spend the rest of the day drinking and moping due to my crippling loneliness, with some hardcore masturbation mixed in. That’s how I typically spend Hearts and Hooves day.” Lyre looked off to the side, a sad look crossing his face.

“Sounds like a blast, nigga.” You giggled, but quickly realized something was up. “Oh wait, you’re serious… are you alright, dude?”

“Yeah, I’m fine. It’s just Hearts and Hooves bullshit. Don’t worry about it.” He flashed you a weak grin, but it quickly faltered.

“You’re full of horse shit, in both a metaphorical and literal sense.” You walked over to Lyre and plopped down on the couch beside him, your tits bouncing in an awesome display of fan service as you landed, and wrapped an arm around the stallion. “Come on dude, you know if there’s somebody you can talk to about this shit, it’s me.” Your facial expression morphed from one of concern to one to confusion. “Now… explain to your homie what Hearts and Hooves Day is.”

“It’s a holiday card companies pulled out of their asses to get them more money. It revolves around love and romance. Also being drunk and lonely,” he explained.

“Oh, so like Valentine's Day?”

“Huh?” The stallion blinked.

“Nevermind. So why are you all mopey and shit, nigga?”

“Well…” Lyre hesitated to open up, but after a moment’s delay, he took a breath and continued. “I haven’t had a special somepony in like… ever, bro. I mean, you know I’ve never really been a social pony. I’ve been a bit of a social recluse for most of my life, especially since I’ve moved to Ponyville.”

“Yes, I’m well aware of how much of a loser stoner you are.” You smiled reassuringly at your bro as he appeared to be hurt by this statement. “I’m just fucking with you, man. Continue.”

He spared you a small grin, before complying. “Anyways… I’m kinda used to it, but the loneliness always gets to me on Hearts and Hooves Day. Hence why I’m in a pretty shit mood right now.”

“Hmmm…” You hmm’d as you scratched your chin in thought. After several painful moments of thinking, you came to a conclusion. “You know, I planned to just go fuck with Shiny-ass, or go chill with Red Gala, Butterscotch, or Elusive today, but you know what I’m going to do, bruh?”

“What?” Lyre raised a curious brow at you.

You leaned towards the stallion and placed a single finger against his chest, causing him to stiffen (in more than one way) as you played around with a tuft of fur. “I’m gonna be your Valentine!”

His cheeks turned a deep shade of scarlet as he heard this. “W-WHAT?!”

“Or special somepony, or whatever you guys call it.” You grinned as you noticed his face get redder and redder with each word you said. “So… where’s my chocolate and flowers?”

“I-I don’t have any!” he stammered out, growing more and more flustered.

“WHAT?!” You pushed the stallion away from you and glared at him. “YOU DIDN’T GET ME ANY FUCKING VALENTINE’S DAY GIFTS?! YOU’RE SO FUCKING SELFISH!”

“B-BUT!” He attempted to respond, but was too flustered to get out a proper reply.

“I CAN’T BELIEVE I WAS GONNA LET YOU GO ALL THE WAY WITH ME! I WAS GONNA GIVE YOU THE BROJOB OF YOUR LIFE, YOU SELFISH PRICK!”

You took a moment to admire the look of absolute horror on Lyre’s face, before your facial expression morphed into an evil, toothy grin. Your bro quickly picked up on your change of demeanor. “You’re fucking with me, aren’t you?”

“Yup!” you chirped, much to his dismay. You hopped off the couch and made your way into the kitchen. “So, what exactly do you do on your Valentine’s Day ripoff?”

“The point is to spend the day with ponies that you care about. Show them how much you love them, blah blah blah. It’s super mega gay.”

“Sounds pretty gay to me, fam.” You cracked open a beer and took a nice long sip. “But there’s still chocolate and flowers and shit, right?”

“Yeah, usually. All that lame stuff.”

“Shut the fuck up! I love chocolate and flowers. They’re really sweet. Also, I’m pretty sure I’m addicted to milk chocolate.”

Lyre gave you a skeptical look and rolled his eyes.

“Yeah, I can tell, the way your ass jiggles everywhere.”

“Hey, cockhole, my ass is perfect in every way.” You grabbed your gift from God himself and glared daggers at your pony bro. “There a reason you’re checking out my ass?”

Lyre snapped his gaze forward and took an awkward sip of his smoothie. “N-no.”

“That’s what I thought!” you said self-assuredly and moonwalked back to your bro, making sure that you were at an angle that showed off just how amazing your ass was. You set your drink on the table and plopped down on the couch, laying on your back with your head facing Lyre. Laying your head down on his leg, you smiled up at him.

“Hey, Lyre?” The pony ignored you.

"Lyre."

"Lyre."

"Lyre."

"Lyre."

“Lyre.”

“Lyre.”

“Lyre.”

“Lyre.”

“Lyre.”

“Lyre.”

“Lyre.”

“Lyre.”

“Lyr-”

“WHAT!?” the pony shouted at you.

“Wanna streak nude through the Burger Barn to help you feel better?” The pony tried to remain serious, but the combination of your stupid look and the idea of doing something so ridiculous all but destroyed his resolve. Cracking a sideways grin, he tried not to laugh.

“That’s not fair, you’re the only one who wears clothes.”

“Well fine, I guess you could just watch my fantastic tits bounce around.”

Lyre rolled his eyes. “Those milk bags aren’t that great. I don’t know why humans have them in such a ridiculous place.”

“Shut the fuck up!” you cried, grasping at your lovely ladies. “My tits are... the tits, bro. Besides, the readers love them.”

What?”

“Exactly.” You smirked at him as you sat up. “So you wanna get out of the house and do some shit? Or do you just expect me to have pity sex with you because you’re acting like a bitch?”

“Uh… could we do both?” Lyre trademark smug ass grin returned as these words left his mouth.

You giggled and patted your bro on the cheek. “There’s the nigga everyone loves.” You jumped off the couch and motioned towards the front door. “Now it’s time for him and the nigga everybody loves to hate to get the fuck outta here.”

After spending way too much time getting dressed, you and your lone party member finally left your shitty apartment.

“Yo, bro, I gotta ask… what’s the point in wearing a sweater with a massive hole in it?” Lyre inquired, staring at your chest with a mixture of confusion and arousement.

“It’s the ‘in’ fashion right now.” You said, groping your girls with affection. “You wouldn’t understand.”

“Uh… I’m pretty sure that meme died out at the beginning of 2015,” Lyre pointed out.

“Shut the fuck up!” You glared at him, before lightening up and regarding him with a raised brow. “So, what’s the plan for the day? And for the love of the Fonz, don’t say the fucking Winchester for the hundredth time.”

“Hmm…” He took a moment to ponder your question. “iunno, go to the movies? Go out to eat? That’s what you’re supposed to do on Hearts and Hooves Day, right?”

You scoffed. “Dude, do I really seem the type of chick to be into that stuff? Take me to a dive bar or some shit.”

“Sooooo… the Winchester?” He eyed you suspiciously.

“Nigga, what the fuck did I just fucking say?” You leered at him. “Come on, there has to be something more original to do together than go to the Winchester.”

“It’s kinda difficult to come up with plans when your date is fucking special needs.” Lyre pointed out with a smug grin.

“Touché.” You let out an annoyed sigh. “Whatever, I can’t think of anything else. Let’s go piss off Red Gala while we try to figure something out.”

“Aight,” your bro said with an indifferent shrug.

The two of you continued on, engaging in random, philosophical debate as the two of you made your way towards the Ponyville market, which was the most likely place your other best bro would be at the moment.

According to the guide, at least.

“Hey dude?” you spoke up.

“Yo?” Lyre looked your way with a raised brow.

“If the writers decide to write smut from my point of view, and the reader is a straight dude, wouldn’t that be kinda homo?”

He shrugged. “No clue. But if I were in their position, I’d say no homo first just in case.”

“Wise words, fam.” you said with a sage nod, before you leaned towards the stallion, smirking at him. “I bet you’d love to read some smut about us, wouldn’t you?”

“Definitely,” he responded with a grin.

Before you could push the conversation any further, you realized that you had reached your final destination; the Horseytown market. Where farmers sold their goods, big snouted merchants swindled the unfortunate of their hard earned bits, and you turned tricks every Tuesday for some extra bits. It was the heart and soul of your little town, probably one of your favorite places in Horseytown.

Mainly because you loved stopping by and pissing off Red Gala whenever you had the time to spare.

Speaking of which…

“POKE!” you screamed out at an unnecessarily loud volume as you snuck up on your sister-from-another-mother-and-species and poked her butt.

“Stop.”

“POKE!”

“Stop.”

“I AM POKING YOU!”

“Ah can see that.” Red Gala rounded on you and flashed you a grin. “Do ya ever get tired of bustin’ mah clit, Anonette?”

“Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooope~” You said in a sing song voice, flashing the red mare an innocent look. “Busting your clitoris is my favorite part of the day.”

“I thought your favorite part of the day was sucking dick at dive bars?” Lyre spoke up.

You said nothing in response, only taking a moment to flick the stallion’s snout, eliciting a loud, pained yelp from him. Satisfied with your bro’s pain, you once again faced the red mare with a smile. “So, what you got going on today, nigga? It is Valentine’s- I mean, Hearts and Hooves Day, after all.”

“Workin’. Eating supper with the family afterwards,” she answered. Her pleasant grin faltering slightly.

“WHAT?!” Before Red Gala realized what was happening, you were upon her, your digits dancing along your bro’s fine postier. You grabbed a handful of her glorious ass, eliciting a yelp from her. “Dude, have you seen your ass? You rate, nigga. How the fuck do you not have anything going on today?”

“W-well.” The mare stammered as she tried to escape your grasp, but your grip was much too strong for her. Resigning to her fate, she continued. “Ah dunno… between work and the family, Ah really don’t have time to get out there.”

“Hmm…” Once more, you found yourself in contemplation. You glanced at Red Gala as you scratched your chin in thought, then over to Lyre, then back to your sister-from-another-mother-and-species.

You had come to a conclusion.

“You know what I’m going to do?” you asked the mare.

“Huh?”

“I’m taking you out.” You flashed her a mischievous grin.

“Ya mean in like “we’re all friends, let’s all hang out on Hearts and Hooves Day” going out?” Red Gala raised a brow at you.

“Nooooooooooooope~” Your grin widened as you moved closer to the mare. “I mean like ‘we’re gonna fuck around all day and probably fuck after everything, full homo’ type of going out.”

“Wait!” You shot your head towards the aquamarine unicorn as he spoke up. “I thought that’s what we were doing?”

“Yup! And that’s what we’re still doing. I can handle both of you at the same time, no problem,” you said with a smirk, before turning back towards Red Gala. “What do you say, bruh?”

“Well… uh… Ah…” An awkward giggle escaped the mare’s lips as she rubbed at her neck, unable to meet your eyes with hers.

“You’re supposed to swallow cum, not your words,” you stated, shooting Gala a condescending look, “spit it out, girl.”

You swore her cheeks turned an even darker shade of red as she spoke. “It’s not like Ah haven’t considered it before…”

“Well, no shit!” you declared with a smirk. “Everyone wants a piece of this ass.” You turned around, bent over, and smacked your well toned ass in the mare’s face to emphasize your point.

*SMACK*

A low moan escaped your mouth as you felt Red Gala strike out at the ass being presented to her, her hoof finding it’s mark and striking you smack dab in the middle of your right ass cheek. You turned your head around and glanced the mare’s way, seeing her eyeing you with a smug grin, her hoof still in the air.

“Yeah, Ah guess ya could say Ah was cravin’ a piece of that ass.”

“WAIT, ARE WE SMACKING ANONETTE’S ASS?” Lyre suddenly shouted out like an autist.

*SMACK*

“AHHHHHHHHHHHHHNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNG~” you didn’t even bother keeping quiet as the aquamarine unicorn’s hoof fell upon your left cheek. “L-lewd.”

Red Gala and Lyre shared a look, before the two of them struck out at your sensitive buttocks, sending a jiggle through each firm, yet soft cheeks. Starting up a good pace, each of them took a strike one after the other, sending almost electric surges of pleasure up your spine.

With each impact of hoof on ass, a satisfying smack rung out around the surroundings as your glutes bounced back from each hit. You fell to your hands and knees as your bro’s onslaught began to become too much for even you to handle.

“What the hell?!”

Red Gala and Lyre stopped mid-smack as they turned towards the source of the voice, who happened to be a familiar purple unicorn.

You managed to regain some control of yourself as flipped over and sat down on your reddenned buttocks, your legs still too weak for you to stand. “H-hey Dusk. Wanna join in?” you asked, biting down on your lower lip as you eyed him down.

“Uh… no, but I appreciate the offer. I was just coming by to pick up a snack before getting back to work on…”

You began to block out his voice when he started to talk about smart people crap that you didn’t care about. Virgins, always ruining the fun.

“I think the stand’s closed, Shiney-ass. If you really want a snack, though, you can always suck on these bad boys,” you smirked, shaking your anime status tiddies at the stallion.

He rolled his eyes, like an extremely rude individual. “Tempting, but I’ve got work to do. I’ll see you guys around.” He began to trot away, but stopped abruptly, looking back towards you. “And, Anonette, don’t call me Shiny-ass.”

“B-but your ass is so shiny!” you protested, crossing your arms across your chest and pouting. Dusk Shine ignored you as he trotted away to do whatever boring shit he was going on about earlier.

What a nerd.

“Whatever,” you said to yourself as you shrugged, before holding your arms out your companions. “Help me up, guys. My ass is starting to hurt from sitting on it.”

The two horses obliged, grabbing your arms and pulling you up from the ground. You flashed them a thankful smile as you brushed the dirt off your mini-skirt. “Fuck, I am so unbelievably soaked right now. Probably a bad day to wear a skirt with no pantsu, right?”

“Knowing ya, that probably has more positives than negatives,” Red Gala pointed out.

“Right? I am such a slut~” you grinned at the red mare, before looking over to Lyre, “Alright pretty boy, where are you taking us?”

“H-huh? Nigga, I thought you said you were going to decide when you didn’t like any of my suggestions.” He raised a brow at your flip-floppery.

“Well, I changed my mind,” you said, flicking the stallion’s nose playfully, resulting in yet another pained yelp from him, “You’re the man, or stallion, I guess. The one with a cock and balls, I should say. Decide what we’re doing already.”

“Uh…” Lyre paused, taking a moment to think.

“Come on, bruh, git gud,” Red Gala egged him on.

“Shut up, I’m trying to think,” he glared at the crimson mare. He went silent for a few moments, before a look of realization crossed his face. “I got it! Let’s go hit up the Hearts and Hooves Day Fair!”

You scoffed. “Nigga, that sounds gay as fuck.”

“With a twenty-bit fee, you get unlimited alcoholic cider and free rides,” he retorted with a condescending look.

“Ah can confirm, Ah supplied the whole thing. Hell, Ah could probably get us in for free if Ah talked with the right ponies,” your sister-from-another-mother-and-species offered.

“OH FUCK!” You felt the hype within you begin to rise as you exclaimed this, “TAKE ME TAKE ME TAKE ME TAKE ME TAKE ME TAKE ME TAKE ME TAKE-”

Lyre covered your mouth with his hoof, shooting you an annoyed glare. “Shut.” His glare abruptly morphed into a confused and shocked look. “Nigga, are you fucking sucking on my hoof? Do you have any idea where that’s been?”

He pulled his now saliva covered hoof away from your mouth as you shot him a smirk. “Lyre, if you don’t want to get a little wet, don’t put your hoof near any of my holes.”

“L-lewd…”

“Now…” you began, as you leaned in towards the stallion, looking him dead in the eyes as you spoke, “take us to the fair, pretty boy.”

He rolled his eyes. “Alright, come on. Let’s get there before all the booze gets drunk.”

“WOO HOO!” you cheered, “GET FUCKING HYPE NIGGAS!”

“Nigga, how the FUCK are you already drunk?” Lyre demanded from you as you all walked through the fair.

“WITH UNLIMITED BOOZE, LYRE! I THOUGHT YOU ALREADY KNEW THIS!” You shouted much too loudly for the surrounding area.

“Git gud, Lyre,” Red Gala said into her drink.

“Yeah dude, git gud,” you repeated, slugging the stallion playfully in the shoulder.

He mumbled to himself, “We’ve only been in here fifteen minutes…” Before dropping the subject completely. He knew you were right. “So, where do you cunts wanna go first?”

“Wherever our drunken minds take us,” you answered, taking a deep swig of your cider, “The possibilities are endless!”

Just then, something caught your interest from out of the corner of your eye. It was one of those games where you threw a ball at a stack of bottles to win some prize that you didn’t really care about. You really just wanted to knock some shit over.

"I KNOW WHAT I MUST DO!"

You rushed over to the booth and kicked the attendant in the dick, before grabbing a pair of balls.

Heh... Balls...

"What are you doing, dude?" Lyre asked, examining you with a curious brow.

"Winning prizes for my dates, of course," you said with a pleasant smile.

"Ya just assaulted the attendant... Why don't ya just jack him? These shitty dolls
are only worth like two cents anyways," Red Gale pointed out.

"Shush," you shushed her, "it's not very ladylike to not win fairly."

"It's also not very ladylike to suck ten different dicks in one go, but that doesn't stop you," Lyre said with an amused grin. You said nothing, just shot him an annoyed glare as you flicked his snout.

"Quiet, I need to concentrate."

You stood before you challenge and struck a pose, casually tossing one of the balls up and down in the air.

Feeling ready, you rose your hand over your head, stepped forward, and threw the ball as hard as you could.

...Only for you to completely miss, having it ricochet off of the wall, and hit Butterscotch right in the dick as he was passing by.

"MAN, I FUCKING SUCK!"

"YA SURE DO, YA SHIT CUNT!" shouted a random passerby who looked and talked like the Crocodile Hunter.

"FUCK YOU, AND YOUR FAT COW OF A MOTHER!" you shouted back, before rounding on Lyre. "Lyre, win me a prize. Please? Pretty please? With a blowjob on top?"

“Aight bro, lemme take a shot at this shit,” the unicorn said as he took the remaining ball from your hand.

He raised his hoof, wound it up, and threw the ball in a completely straight line. The throw was good, the ball making a course for a direct hit with the bottles. Everything was looking great until the booth attendant began to rise from the floor, his head right in front of the line of fire.

Unfortunately for him, Lyre, and you, the ball hit him in the head, knocking him back down and sending the ball towards you. The projectile then bounced off of your tits and somewhere into the stratosphere.

"Fuck it," Lyre walked past the booth attendant with the concussion and grabbed two of the giant Bart Simpson knock off dolls, before throwing them to you and Red Gala. "It was a stupid game anyways."

The both of you nodded, before following Lyre to… wherever. Not knowing what to do with the cheap knockoff, you stored it somewhere in hammerspace as you walked. Various smaller attractions passed you all by, none catching anyone’s interest. Eventually, Red found something that interested her.

“Hey, look over there!” she said, pointing at something with her hoof.

“Oh nice, it’s one of those hammer game things!” Lyre said.

“You mean whack a mole?” you questioned, too busy drunkenly staring at a stallion who wasn’t bothering to cover up a boner.

“Nah slut, ah mean one of them things that tests your strength!” the red pony corrected.

You turned around, suddenly a bit more interested.

“Oh fuck yeah, I got this shit,” you claimed, starting a beeline towards the machine.

“Not if ah get there first!” Red Galla challenged, speeding past you.

“Hey cunt, ponies run faster than humans, that ain’t cool!” you complained, trying to keep up while still intoxicated.

“Maybe ya oughta pace yourself on the cider next time!” She laughed.

“You shut up! I...” You trailed off before noticing something odd.

“What’s wrong, Anonette? Can’t keep… up..?” Red said before stopping as well.

What you both saw surprised you. Apparently Lyre got there before the both of you.

“The fuck?” you started. “How the shit did you get here before us both?”

“Yeah bro, the fuck happened there?” your red friend questioned.

“No one said I couldn’t teleport,” the mint colored unicorn claimed with a smirk.

“And after what I did for you today, too…” You began, falling to your knees. “Then you go and cheat! I THOUGHT WHAT WE HAD WAS SPECIAL!” you started to yell, attracting the crowd’s attention, much to the irritation of the others.

The red pony cleared her throat. “Nothin’ to see here folks, she’s just special needs.”

You slumped your shoulders in defeat, “Aw, and I was just getting into it, too.”

Red rolled her eyes and punched your shoulder. “Save it for the breakup, sugarcube.”

With that, you began taking turns trying the machine. Lyre was up first. Grabbing the mallet, he stepped back a ways then took a few bounds forward before jumping up and hitting the button. The puck ended up going about halfway up. He went back further for his second attempt. When he was ready, he charged forward, mane waving in the breeze. Jumping up at least a foot in the air, he slammed down with all his might.

Neither you nor the pony next to you could keep from laughing. Lyre looked up, only to be disappointed when he saw that the puck actually didn’t go up as far this time. He walked towards Red Gala, handing her the mallet.

“Shit’s rigged, nigga, I swear.” Lyre said.

“We’ll see, fam,” she said confidently.

Red only required a few steps back before she lunged at the button with the hammer. A ding rang out shortly after. With a smug grin, she trotted back to you, giving your the hammer.

“Let’s see you beat that,” she said.

With a toothy grin, you walked towards the machine.

“No worries bro. I got this.”

Your bros looked back at you, puzzled.

“Aren’t you gonna use the hammer?” Lyre questioned.

Tilting your head back towards them, you spoke. “Who needs a hammer when I got this?”

You bent over slightly and smacked your perfectly toned derriere at the two members of your party, flashing them a confident smirk.

“Aw shit! It’s going down!” Lyre exclaimed.

“Ah believe in ya, Anonette! Do it!” Gala cheered for you.

You stepped before the machine, striking a pose before it. “You think you can best me?! My ass is the 8th Wonder of the World. It’s made of pure fucking diamonds! You’re nothing compared to my ass!” After finishing screaming at the inanimate object like a crazy person, you turned around, shooting your bro’s a toothy grin. “Now, watch how this shit’s really supposed to be done!” you yelled before jumping into the air, “TAKE THIS! MY LOVE, MY SORROW, AND ALL OF MY ANGER! SHINING ASS STRIKE!”

Within seconds you landed on the large, narrow button of the strength tester. The bell hardly even sounded like it rang when the metal puck pierced it like a bullet, flying straight into the clouds.

You pointed at the now destroyed strength tester and laughed like an absolute madwoman. “I GOT YOU, STRENGTH TESTER. YOU MAY NOT REALIZE IT, BUT YOU JUST LOST TO ANONETTE IN THIS GAME OF WITS!”

“How… how…” you backed to Red Gala as you noticed her staring at you with widened eyes, “How’d ya do that?”

“Yeah dude, that was fucking amazing!” Lyre butted in with his butt, “How did you pull that shit off?”

“Oh, it’s easy!” A smug grin crossed your face as you took in their praise, “My ass is actually Dio’s stand.”

“W-what?” The crimson mare looked at you as if you were crazy.

Lyre, however, reacted in a completely different way. He slowly approached you as he spoke. “So… this is Dio’s power…” He leaned down so he his face was on the same level as your quality booty, before he began to rub his face into your cheeks.

“W-woah, hey now! That’s kinda l-lewd, dude,” you stammered as your face began to burn up. The stallion stopped and began to pull away, before you pulled him back, flashing him a toothy grin. “I didn’t say to stop, Lyre.”

“Oh, alright!” he chirped before continuing to rub his face on your ass as if he were some kind of cat, “Dio’s power~”

As you let him do his thing, you turned your attention to Red Gala, who was busy watching Lyre rub his face on your ass with a perplexed look. "So you enjoying yourself, hot stuff?" you asked, shooting the mare a smirk.

“Yeah, Ah guess so. Better than workin’ and watchin’ all the happy couples do couple things while Ah’m all on my lonesome.” The mare paused, as if she were thinking over the next words that were going to come out of her mouth, “Hey… thanks for taking me out, Anonette. Ah appreciate it, really.” She paused again, before leaning in towards you. “Honestly, Ah’d say it was a long time coming.”

“Right? I mean, I was thinking about doing something like this for a while, but because we’re bros, I felt like it might be wrong, but I guess- ”

Your sentence was cut instantly short as the mare marched straight up to you and planted her lips on your own. The kiss was intense, taking you by utter surprise, but it felt hot, in a wrong kind of way. Reality crashed in and you pushed the pony off you in a moment of shock.

“Whoops… Uh, Ah think that might have been a bit...” the mare began to say, her crimson complexion surprisingly red. She didn’t have a chance to finish before you pulled her back in.

“Hey, I didn’t tell you to stop…” A sultry look crossed your face before diving back in at full force.

At first, Red Gala was surprised at how fast you made up your mind, but mentally slapped herself for not knowing you better. Through your haze, you could faintly make out the taste of alcohol and apples. Guess that would be par for the course for an apple eating cider drinker. For a while, you both pushed back and forth, almost as if trying to see who could make out more forcefully. Gala was the first to switch things up. Her hooves, which had been resting on your hips to that point, began to move upwards and towards your back. In response to this, you began to stroke her as well, eliciting a small moan from her obstructed mouth.

Soon enough, her hooves began to lower in altitude, going back to your hips and soon enough down to your toned ass. Hooves sure didn’t feel the same as hands, but you sure weren’t complaining. Mirroring her moves, you slid your hands down to her flanks and proceeded to knead them with all ten fingers. You got a whimper out of the pony, and as you did, she began to squeeze your cheeks with her hooves, causing you to let out a deep moan of excitement.

You couldn’t let her get the upper hand on the situation, so you did the only thing you could think of at the time. You plunged into her mouth with your tongue, finding hers immediately after. It may have been bigger than your own, but you weren’t about to lose now.

Red caught onto your actions quite fast, pressing against your tongue with hers. The taste of cider amplified as you both started up a match of strength in your mouth. Just as you were getting best of her however, you felt a hoof leave your butt and relocate itself to your right boob. You gasped as the pony’s grip tightened over you.

Before you knew it, her plump tongue overtook your mouth and you were forced to retreat. Finally, after a few more moments of deep kissing, Red Gala leaned back, leaving a small string of saliva connecting you both.

“That was lewd,” Lyre commented as he tried, without success, to hide his raging erection.

“Don’t worry, Lyre, you’ll get your fun soon,” you promised the stallion, all the while wiping the string of spit from the corner of your mouth with the back of your hand.

“L-lewd,” he stammered out.

“Come on, let’s go do something!” you cheered excitably like a small child with ADHD, before rushing off. Your companions were quick to follow.

You and the group spent a few more minutes walking before something off to the side caught your eye. Turning your head towards it, your suspicions were confirmed: a ferris wheel. The gears in your head started to turn as you hatched a devious plan.

“Hey cunts, let’s go over there!” you said, pointing a finger at the ride.

Both ponies looked at you, confused at your interest.

“Uh… Aren’t those things a bit… I don’t know... “ Lyre started.

“Fucking boring?” Red Gala finished for him.

“Yeah, that.” The unicorn agreed.

You shook your head and grinned. “Not when I’m around they’re not. C’mon faggots, let’s have some fun!”

With that, you started off towards the ride with your bros following behind, still confused about your sudden interest. When the three of you arrived at the entrance to the ride, you realized just how much the other park attendees shared the same opinion. The line was surprisingly empty despite this being a fair for a romantic holiday.

“Must be everyone’s gettin’ dirty in the tunnel of love,” Red stated the obvious.

Turning your head to the aforementioned attraction, you saw a long line of ponies waiting at the entrance tunnel. On the other side, you saw a group of boats coming out; a handful of them holding passengers with a look of bliss on their face.

“That just makes it better for us then. Subtlety is for wimps, anyways,” you boasted.

“Yeah, I can back that shit up after last night,” Lyre snarked.

“‘Better for us’ eh? You got somethin’ planned?” the red mare teased.

“Nigga, you don’t even know,” you boasted with confidence.

There was hardly a line, and everyone who was actually waiting was able to load up within a minute or two. After sucking the ride operator’s dick off camera when nobody was paying attention for a favor, you and your party boarded the ferris wheel. The three of you climbed into one of the cramped pods and tried your best to get /comfy/ as you took your seats.

“So was crushing my legs part of your plan?” Lyre asked you with a raised brow.

“OF COURSH!” you responded with a grin.

“So… uh… what the next part of yer master plan, sugarcube?” Red Gala inquired, looking at you with a questioning glance.

“Just wait and see!” you chirped, rubbing your hands together deviously. “You’ll see once we hit the highest point. I don’t want to ruin the surprise.”

“Is it going to be a handshake? Because nigga, this shit ain’t Spongebob, and I’ll fuck you up if it is,” the aquamarine unicorn stated, glaring at you.

“Well… I suppose it does involve my hand, and I will be shaking something with it, but I assure you, it won’t be a handshake,” you licked your lips and wiggled your eyes lewdly at the clueless stallion.

“All Ah know is, if there isn’t a chocolate hot air balloon up there, Ah’m gonna shank the both of you,” Gala said, getting involved in your ebin pop culture references.

The seat made a sudden lurch as the ride began to move. All you had to do next was wait. The first few minutes were pretty boring, having to wait for a few last minute passengers to board. After a while, your crew was nearing the halfway point to the top. From that height, the view looked good enough to begin the distraction.

“LOOK, A GIANT COCK IN THE SKY!” you exclaimed while pointing ahead, feigning excitement.

The other two passengers leaned forward expectantly, looking in the direction of your outstretched finger.

“A massive dong? I knew that this was a love celebration, but damn!” Lyre commented.

“Ah’m not seein’ anything, guys. Where’s it at?” your red friend questioned.

Perfect, they were both distracted; now all you had to do was stall out for just a bit longer.

“Just keep looking, faggots! It’s huge, has lots of veins throbbing all around it!” you claimed, sitting back down and adjusting your arms to prepare for when the time came.

The pod continued to escalate slowly as the structure holding it rotated. After a minute or two more, you finally reached the perfect height to enact your plan. You were actually pretty surprised you had kept them looking for a non-existent dick for so long. Time wasn’t getting any slower, and you weren’t getting any younger, so you decided to extend both arms and go for it. Each of your hands traveled south towards your friends’ lower halfs.

“I still don’t see the d- HELLO!” Lyre interrupted himself with as your hand wrapped around his sheath.

“What’s that Ly-” Red Galla began to ask before your fingers began to rub around her warm folds.

They both looked over to you, with you flashing them a sultry look in response.

“So… this was your plan, eh AnonETTE-!” the crimson colored pony managed to grunt out.

“Of course! I just had to show you guys just how great hands are,” you snarked as you burrowed past Gala’s outer lips and found the head of her clitoris.

“L-lewd…” the mare let out through a gasp.

“SO WHAT’S THE NEXT STEP OF YOUR MASTER PLAN?!” the aquamarine unicorn blurted out like an autist through pants.

“MAKING YOU ORGASM, WITH NO SURVIVORS!”

“What? That’s not how it goes,” Lyre looked at you with a raised brow between pleasurable flinches.

“IT DOESN’T MATTER, I CONTROL YOUR GENITALS!” you shouted while doing your best badly dubbed super villain laugh as you yanked the stallion's dick about as if it were a joystick.

“No complaints here,” Red affirmed with a huff.

“Good. Now then, less talk, more sex stuff,” you ordered.

On one side, you started rubbing Red Gala’s increasingly wet ladybits with two fingers up and down in a rhythmic motion. On the other hand, you felt a certain someone standing at attention. Now that Lyre’s fifth appendage was out and ready, you could finally get to work on it.

You firmly grasped the throbbing rod in your hand, deciding to start off slow by keeping your hand in place and letting your fingers do the rubbing; almost as if you were performing a massage. The stallion’s member twitched in response, telling you that your efforts weren’t in vain. Meanwhile, you felt the clit of the mare next to you hardening underneath your fingers, asking for more.

It was time to pick up the pace. While Red needed some time to get riled up, Lyre was ready to go almost immediately, already humping your hand. You plunged a curious finger into Red’s pussy, biting your lip as you discovered it’s moisture at an all-time high. As you stuck one, then two, then three fingers into her, she began fully grinding into your fingers, hoping to get more out of them. A slight dribble of sticky fluid could be felt when you ran your hand up and over the aquamarine unicorn’s flared head, and you grinned to yourself. It was safe to say you were doing your job well.

The ride was almost at the top. If things were to go the way you intended, then you’d have to step up your efforts. You shifted from normal thrusting into the earth pony, to rubbing against certain spots in search of that one place that would really get her moaning. For an added bonus, you sent a probing thumb upon her ponut with slowly increasing pressure. As for Lyre, you started milking his shaft faster, being sure to add some additional attention when getting to the tip, rotating your hand from an upward to a downward stroke, caressing every inch of his foreskin as you moved along.

If only you had three arms; you’d be doing more lewd things to his balls, then. Maybe even to yourself.

For the next few minutes, the only sounds that emanated around the three of you were the grunts from Lyre, the moans of pleasure from Red Gala, and your own sporadic sighs as you went to town on their dirty parts. It was almost hypnotic, in a sense, and when the red pony next to you let out a loud squeal of pleasure as you found the right spot inside of her, it only served to strengthen Lyre’s ever-hardening erection. The noises of explicit activity were like music to you as everyone approached the peak, in more ways than one.

The ride had reached the top, and it was now or never. You sped up your strokes on Lyre’s dick, feeling it spasm more and more. Similar things were happening inside your female friend’s cunt. Your right hand was drenched at this point, and you knew she couldn’t hold out for much longer. With two large thrusts of your fingers on her G-spot, you forced Red Gala to let out a loud, drawn out groan. As you felt her body writhe in racking ecstasy, she let out a poorly-stifled scream as she hit an earth-shaking orgasm. As you finished forcing the last of the orgasm from out of your bro, you pulled your sopping wet fingers from out of her pussy as she fell back to the seat.

"STAND UP!" you screamed at the stallion next to you.

"H-huh?!"

You didn't wait for him to comply as you grabbed his throbbing cock with your pussy soaked hand. You lifted him up slightly and aimed his cock outside of the cabin, your slippery wet hand sliding up and down his shaft and head.

“Oh… FUCK!” he shouted into the air at your expert touch. Soon after, you felt the unicorn’s member twitch in your grasp as his breathing got heavier and less rhythmic. Exhaling loudly, he let out a burst of cum, spraying his seed in multiple ropes out the front of the car.

And in that moment, a certain pale yellow pegasus with a black eye looked up, seeing the sunlight glisten off of Lyre's tip, only to be hit in the face by his ejaculant, some making it's way into the mouthbreather's mouth.

He stood there in shock for a few seconds, before it hit him what happened.

And then he began to cry, hard, garnering the attention of everyone in the vicinity, before running away, leaving behind a trail of semen, tears, and urine.

Only two of which was his.

"Haha, success!" you cheered out, not even winded by your efforts. You then faced your companions, who were still trying to get ahold of themselves. "Causing orgasms makes me hungry. Let's get some food, yeah?"

Neither of them said anything, only offering a couple of weak nods.

After grabbing a couple ciders for the road, your party ditched the fair, on a quest to find some quality grub.

"You know what I'm in the mood for?" you spoke up.

"What?" Red Gala inquired.

"White Castle," you responded with a grin.

"Dude, I'm so down," Lyre chirped.

Eventually, you and your party found yourself outside the Fonz's favorite fast food joint. You didn't remember much from before you showed up in Equestria, but if there was one thing you knew you've loved since birth, it was White Castle.

You threw open the door, waltzed up to the register, and placed your metaphorical lady balls on the table, flashing the cashier a cheeky smirk. "Nigga, give me sliders."

"Uh..." The mare behind the counter looked up at you with a questioning glance, "How many sliders?"

You leaned forward and violated the mare's personal space, leaving only mere centimeters between the two of you. "All of them."

The cashier back away from you, an uncomfortable look on her face. “Alright…” she went work writing up your order, before looking back up at you as she finished up. “Alright… so… that’ll be five hundred twenty six bits.”

“Huh…” you reached into your pockets, only to realize that your mini skirt didn’t have pockets, and your forgot to keister your wallet. You shrugged off your poorfaggotry, before looking back to the mare with a smirk. “Would you accept sexual favors as payment?”

“Get out.”

“Fuck.”

With your heads lowered, you and your party did a three sixty and got the fuck out of there.

“Well, that sucks,” Lyre commented as the door closed behind you.

“Ain’t nuthin’ but a g thang, bruh,” you said with a shrug, your spirits rising up once more as you continued, “you fags wanna head over to my place for Irish coffee?”

“Will it be hot?” he asked, picking up on your reference that only ninety kids would understand.

“Hotter than an apple pie, sugarcube,” Red Gala answered with a wink.

“L-lewd,” you and Lyre said in unison.

After coming to the conclusion that being outside and being poor didn’t mix well, you skipped your way home, the two ponies you called your friends following close behind.

“WE’RE OFF TO SEE THE WIZARD, THE WONDERFUL WIZARD OF OZ~” you sang as you skipped.

“Nigga, who’s the Wizard of Oz?” Lyra asked.

“My nigga, Ozzy Osbourne. Who else?”

“Who?”

“Who fucking cares? We’re here~” you declared as you came to a stop at your front door. With the grace of a chimp with Down's Syndrome, you threw the door open, before walking in-

And immediately slipping on an empty beer bottle, as was typical for you. Using your momentum, you did a flip in the air, before landing on your feet, to the applause of everyone there.

“I AM THE REALEST NIGGA!” you declared to the world, shooting your fists up in the air.

“Realist nigga there ever was!” Lyre threw in, “Save for the Fonz. That nigga real as shit.”

“PRAISE!” you exclaimed as you flashed a thumbs up to the heavens above, something you knew in your heart the Fonz returned with glee.

Feeling mighty brotherly, you made your way to the kitchen. “You two want anything? A beer? Some party liquor? Casual sex?”

“Yes,” came the autistic reply from your unicorn bro.

“Ah’ll just take a beer, sweetheart,” Red Gala answered with a smile.

“Cool, cool. I got you guys, don’t worry.” You grabbed a couple forties out of the fridge and tossed them over the small horses. As they popped open their bottles and went to work chugging them down, you asked the next question as casually as possible. “So you guys wanna fuck or what?”

“FUCK YEAH, I DO!” Lyre blurted out.

“Ah guess, Ah got nothin’ better ta do,” the red mare beside him said.

“FUCK YES!” you out-screeched Lyre, showing off your dominance, “We’re in fucking business! Now, let’s-”

As you stepped towards your two bros, only to, once again, catch your foot on something.

This time, however, you were caught completely by surprise, as you fell flat on your face, fucking your shit up.

“Dude… solid zero,” you heard Lyre comment as you faded in and out of consciousness.

“Fuck… you… bro…”

And with that, you passed out. Lyre got blue balls, Red Gala got blue clit, and Spike died of testicular cancer.