I landed in study ten, but it wasn't Celestia that I found. Luna was playing a game of chess with- B-Bucking hell...! She was playing a game of chess with Bug-Bitch (who was wearing a magic damping ring around her horn, golden shackles around her hind hooves and a golden band around her middle to hold her wings down). I took a shaky breath. Just... S-Stay calm...

They both looked over to me. B-Buck me...!

"Ah, the moron awakens," said Luna. She frowned slightly. "What's wrong?"

"He has entomophobia," answered Bug-Bitch, sounding bored. "I'm like a walking nightmare to him." She sniffed deeply. "Hmm, interesting. He's slightly less afraid than last time." Luna looked over to her.

"Emotion sensing isn't magic based?"

"Yes and no; we can use many things to tell emotions, one of them being pheromones."

"Interesting." Luna looked back to me. "I think he's having a panic attack."

"It smells like it."

"Wow... This is pretty pathetic."

"Don't judge people so harshly for irrational phobias. Plus, to be fair, he's doing much better than the last time he saw me."

"P-People?!" I managed to force out.

"Oh right, you Ponies use Equestrian-Eaglish." She sighed. "It's a more species-friendly way of saying 'Ponies'." She spat the last word.

"W-Where's...?! C-C-Celestia?!"

"My sister is-" Started Luna before being cut off.

"You might want to take him out of the room," interrupted Bug-Bitch. "He's hyperventilating." Luna teleported the two of us into the hall. I exhaled suddenly and fell onto my front. I wiped the sweat off of my forehead as I tried to catch my breath. Bucking Tartarus... "Are you alright?"

"Just... Gimme a minute..." I gasped. Luna smirked evilly.

"Well, now I have an idea of what to put in your nightmares!" My blood turned to ice at the thought of it.

"No!" I cried, leaping towards her and grabbing at her forehooves. "Please!" My eyes teared up a bit. "I'm sorry!"

"Bucking hell..." She cleared her throat. "Alright, perhaps that was too mean of me. I shan't give you nightmares of Chrysalis." I flinched at her name. Luna gave me a concerned frown. "Are you... Feeling alright?"

"I'll make it up to you, I swear! Just please don't-!" I was cut off by a muting spell.

"Luna, what have you done to him?" Asked Celestia from behind me in a surprisingly serious tone. I twisted my head around to see her and Vesper walking towards us, Vesper eating a sandwich. They both looked concerned.

"I just made a playful threat to give him nightmares about Chry-" In barely a second, Celestia charged up her horn at an extreme speed and cast a muting spell on her, cutting her off. Celestia glared at her.

"Why would you talk about her in front of him?! Didn't I show you how he reacted at the wedding?!" Luna un-muted herself.

"Well, yes, but I thought-" She was muted again.

"Why would you even talk about her in the first place?!"

"Hey, are you coming back any time soon?" Asked Bug-Bitch from inside the room. Celestia's left eye twitched dangerously.

"Why in my name would you bring her out when he is here?" Celestia whispered scarily. Luna gulped.

"W-Well, I thought he was in another coma and-" Celestia's mane and tail exploded into fire again.

"Why would you risk it anyway?! You know how he gets!" Luna put up her hooves defensively.

"I didn't think it would be this bad!" Vesper sighed and picked me up with levitation.

"Come on," she said, walking down the hall with me, "let's give 'em some space."

Some time later, I'd calmed down enough for Vesper to explain what had happened after the explosion.

"So the Elements blew up when the others got here because they recognised them as part of the prophecy," she explained as I chewed on a sandwich she'd bought for me. "The girls are supposed to be the 'spirits' of the Elements or bucking whatever, and the Elements recognised that. They also realised there was disharmony happening. They exploded a rainbow-y beam at us and put us back in out bodies. You were in Twilight's body and, since she's one of the Elements, you got blasted the hardest.

"After that, they turned into jewelry and fitted themselves onto the girls. I stopped paying attention there 'cause I was rushing you to the hospital. The Elements bucked up your body a bit, I'm not sure why. Maybe it's the mutation but I'm not sure."

"So what exactly did Luna do?" I asked, my mouth full of sandwich. Vesper flexed her eyebrows.

"When you first arrived here and fought her, neither of you actually did anything with the Elements other than destroy them. She used the Alicorn amulet to send herself back in time and replace them with regular stone spheres, good enough to fool past you and her. She hid the real ones in a hollow tree far enough away to not activate when the others showed up back then.

"After that, it was as simple as coming back to the present and finding the right tree. Unfortunately, she turned up during Twilight's forest fire."

"Kind of a weird coincidence." She shrugged.

"I guess the Universe has a dramatic flare for timing." Her eyes widened. "Oh! And, uh, there's something else..." This doesn't sound good...

"What?"

"Well, the Elements did their thing and, uh..."

"What?" Vesper looked me dead in the eyes.

"Twilight's a god." There was an awkward silence.

"Twilight's a god?"

"Twilight's a god."

"Like, a god god?"

"Yeah, Twilight's a god."

"Wings, horn, crown...?"

"The whole shebang. Twilight's a god." There was another awkward silence.

"Twilight's a god?"

"Twilight's a god."

"Seriously?"

"Seriously; Twilight's a god."

"But... Like, a god?" Vesper nodded.

"Twilight's a god." There was a third awkward silence.

"Twilight's a god?"

"Yep, Twilight's a god."

"As in a princess-y god?" She nodded again.

"Twilight's a god. Her coronation's tomorrow."

"But a god?"

"Twilight's a god."

"God of what?"

"I dunno, probably friendship. It's what the Elements are all about. But yeah, Twilight's a god." There was a fourth awkward silence.

"Seriously?"

"Seriously; Twilight's a god."

"As in an Alicorn god?"

"Yep, Twilight's a god." There was a fifth awkward silence.

"A god?"

"Twilight's a god."

Three hours later...

"Twilight's a god?" I asked. Vesper nodded.

"Twilight's a god," she replied. There was a three hundred and tenth awkward silence.

"Well, if you insist. Oh, and I've got a date on Saturday." Vesper's eyes practically shot out of their sockets. She leapt across the table, grabbed me by the collar and slammed me up against the wall.

"WHAT?! WHAT THE BUCK?! YOU ACTUALLY MANAGED TO ASK A MARE OUT?! WHAT THE BUCKING DICKS OF TARTARUS IS THIS MINOTAUR SHIT?!"

"A-Actually, she asked me..."

"Oh." Vesper put me down. "That's still pretty surprising. So! Who is she?" I scratched the back of my neck and chuckled awkwardly.

"It's, uh... Violent Rapist." There was a three hundred and eleventh awkward silence. Vesper took a deep breath.

"You bucking..." She sighed. "Why did you say yes?" She asked through gritted teeth.

"We were talking and stuff! And she's nice! And so's her flank..."

"What was that last bit?"

"Nothing!" I cleared my throat. "So anyway, we should head back to Ponyville and get our clothes for the coronation."

"I guess so." I can't believe Twilight's a god... WHY?!

Author's Notes:

I wonder if Twilight's a god...

---

So then, chapter one hundred next. It will be something very special:
Cloud's and Rapist's date!