I walked up the stairs of the library and came to the door of my room. I feel weird... I opened my door. Rainbow was lying in my bed, wearing socks. She looked at me suggestively. Um... She winked and beckoned me closer.

"Come here, big boy," demanded Rainbow, "I wanna see if both your horns are that big and hard."

"Uh... W-What?"

"You can't let other versions of you have all the fun..."

"I, uh..."

"Why don't you come over here? I'll stroke more than just your ego!"

"T-This... I don't even- What?" She stood up and silkily trotted over to me, wrapping her forehooves around my neck.

"I wanna see if I can clear this Cloud in ten seconds flat..."

"I-I need an adult!"

"I am an adult..." She leaned in closer an-

An explosion from downstairs woke me up. Oh, it was just a dream. Stupid, sexy Rainbow... I climbed out of bed, just in time for another explosion from across the room. When the lights cleared, another me was visible.

"Oh for buck's sake, not again," I groaned.

"Don't worry, I'm only from next week," explained future me.

"What is it this time?"

"Twilight's future self has gone into the past to today to tell your Twilight to not panic, but your Twilight kept interrupting her and she ended up being the reason she was panicking in the first place." I facehoofed.

"Dammit, Twilight. Do you not know the first rule of time travel? Don't cut yourself off!"

"Yeah. Anyway, because my magic's stronger than hers, I can stay here for a much longer time."

"Oh, good."

"This spell only works once, but it's kinda crap and you're better off getting God-Horse to send you wherever."

"Okay."

"A bunch of weird shit will happen, but just stick with your logic and you'll be fine."

"Since when did I have logic?" Future me laughed.

"I know, right? Oh, and Luna was responsible for that dream, and if you don't stop her now she'll keep making you have them."

"Bucking Luna and her bucking pet thing..."

"That's pretty much all I need to tell you, so I'm gonna go."

"Okay. Be you later." Future me exploded into magic and disappeared. My first priority should be stopping Luna. I headed downstairs. The front door was wide open, probably from Twilight. I went into the kitchen. Toasty saw me and flew ahead of me to make me toast. "Thanks, Toasty."

"Who."

"You mean who was with me upstairs? Future Me. Again."

"Whew."

"I know, time travel is tiring. There's never any relaxing with it, you know what I mean?"

"Yes."

"What?"

"Who."

"Did you just- Nah, probably my imagination." I ate my toast and then went back into the main room to write a note for Vesper explaining that I was going to Canterlot for the day. I stuck it to her door and went outside to the KGBNRB.

Wait, if Twilight went back in time to tell herself to not worry, and she only did that because future her told her to not worry, why did she go back the first time? What do I mean? It's like with my paradox; I went back in time to change something and then made sure that past me went into the past to stabilise the time stream. It changed the future but still made me go back for different reasons. So what happened to the first Twilight that went back? Why did she make herself worry? That's a good point. I should keep that in mind for anything that comes up in the next week or so.

I burst into the castle.

"Celestia!" I called out. "Where's your sister?" Celestia popped into existence in front of me.

"Hello, Cloud," she greeted. "Why do you want to know where Luna is?"

"Payback."

"What?"

"Last night, she made my dreams very, very awkward."

"How do you know it was her and not just a random dream?"

"Another future me appeared to tell me." Celestia groaned.

"Another one? What is it with you and time travel?"

"I don't know, maybe I pissed off a time god in my original universe. Anyway, where's Luna?"

"That depends."

"On what?"

"How you're going to get revenge on her."

"I... Don't know yet..." Celestia grinned.

"In that case, I have a great idea for you."

"What?" Celestia told me some seemingly useless information. "So?"

"So..." Celestia told me her plan. I grinned evilly.

"That's a brilliant idea!"

"I know, right?! I've just never had a good chance to do it!"

"This is gonna be awesome! I'll be back in twelve hours or so!"

"See you then!" I went back to the KGBNRB and headed back to Ponyville.

I arrived just as a giant, demonic, three-headed dog leapt into town square and roared. Huh, what a coincidence. How do I fight it? Flesh and fur are easy to get through with magic bolts. It's a bit big, but if I coat all three heads in sleeping gas it should be taken out. I'll have to stun it first, so consider using electrical attacks.

"What is that thing?!" Asked Spike, who was conveniently a few meters away.

"That's Cerberus!" Explained Twilight who was also conveniently a few meters away. He's supposed to be guarding the gates of Tar-tar-us! But if he's here, then all the ancient evil creatures that have been imprisoned there could escape and destroy Equestria!"

"Dammit, Twilight!" I shouted as I flew towards the Cerberus on a Support Circle. "It's pronounced Tartarus! You sound bucking stupid when you say it like that!" Cerberus roared again. I picked up a nearby abandoned house with telekinesis (why was it there you ask? Because taxes suck), set it on fire and threw it at him. The force of it knocked him off his feet, but the fire didn't do anything because the house exploded before it could. I have no idea why it exploded. It just sort of did. While he was still knocked down, I smothered Cerberus's heads with sleeping gas, taking him out. I flew down to Twilight. "Get on the Circle."

"Why?"

"'Cause I need to take him back to Tartarus and I don't know where it is."

"Oh. Okay." Twilight stepped onto the Circle as I picked up Cerberus with telekinesis. "Go west." I started flying west.

After flying back to Ponyville and driving back to Canterlot, Celestia prepared to send me into past. After telling her that future me had used my own spell, she told me to just lie to past me. She knew which spell I had said I used, but that it would be better if I saved it for when I really needed it.

When I returned, Celestia helped me exact my revenge on Luna.

Author's Notes:

I didn't go into detail about Cloud's revenge because I'm lazy a future me exploded into my room and told me that I needed to not write about it. Also, to say tha- Wait, did he take my wallet?

He took my bucking wallet!

That bucking asshole!

I'd better go into the past and warn past me that future him will steal his wallet. Or maybe just distract him with excuses and then steal his.

Wait, what was I supposed to be talking about?