I was in the market to do some grocery shopping. Why is life inbetween the cults, the evil Gods and time travel so boring? And why hasn't Celestia sent me a letter about what she found out from the Lieutenant yet? I caught him a while ago now. I spotted Fluttershy getting hassled by the asparagus stand. I may as well help her. It's not like anything that's actually interesting will happen any time soon. Hint, hint, God-Horse! Why am I doing that? It's likely she spies on brainwaves. I'd argue, but this is the Princonspiricess. I walked over to Fluttershy and the two Ponies hassling her.

"...Seriously, do you need your asparagus so badly?" Asked one of the teenagers hassling Fluttershy. "Get a life."

"Who shoved a shovel up your ass?" I asked them. They looked at me disgusted.

"Like, what are talking about?! That's, like, so disgusting!"

"Ponies get sassy and bitchy when they have a shovel up their ass. Trust me, I'd know, my daughter's weird."

"Get, like, away from us, you creep!"

"Why don't you learn Equestrian before you try to talk?"

"Oh my Celestia, is he, like, actually trying to, like, argue with us?"

"Oh my Celestia, I, like, think he is," replied the other teenager.

"Hey, you, like, creep, why don't you away or we'll, like, get you arrested!"

"Hm..." I pretended to think about it. "Nah!"

"Fine! Hey, everypony!" She called out to the rest of the shoppers. "This creep is, like, threatening us!" A Policemare walked over to us, looking angry. Her expression softened when she saw me.

"Oh, hey, Cloud," greeted Lawn Order.

"Hey, Lawn."

"Hey! Policemare, what are you doing?! Like, arrest him already!" Demanded the main teenager.

"So how have you and Vesper been lately?" Asked Lawn, ignoring the teenager.

"We've been good," I replied. "Vesper is going out a lot more. I still don't really have any reason to work, so I don't."

"Fair enough. It would really help if you did though, you do things so much better than most Ponies."

"Aw, you flatter me!" We shared a quick laugh.

"Anyway, I'd better get back to patrol. That promotion will be mine someday!"

"Alright, see you later." Lawn Order walked off. Now then, what was I doing? Oh right. I turned back to the teenagers. "Buck off." I trotted off to continue my shopping.

I teleported into the library, carrying bags of bread and cheese. It didn't look like anypony was in. I put the shopping away and looked through the mail. Bill... Junk... Bill... Bill... If this 'Bill' guy doesn't stop sending letters I'm gonna- Wait, what's this? There was a leaflet for an 'assertiveness seminar', whatever that was. May as well, not like there's anything else to do.

Vesper came up from the basement. She noticed me, smiled and walked over.

"Hey, Dad," she greeted.

"Hey, Vesper," I replied.

"What are you looking at?"

"There's a thingy happening at some point. I'm gonna go 'cause I'm bored."

"Okay. Bye." I walked towards the front door and summoned a Support Circle.

"Bye. Don't kill anypony while I'm gone."

"I'll try, but no promises." I sighed.

"See you later, Vesper." I flew off.

I woke up in the library the next day after being disappointed from the seminar. I trotted downstairs to find that everypony else had either already left or were doing various sex acts in the basement. After deciding that I didn't want to listen to screams and explosions while I ate, I headed towards Sugarcube Corner to eat somewhere more peaceful.

As I arrived, Fluttershy was yelling at an Earth Pony for something. Weird. I guess the seminar worked for some. Yeah. It still sucked though. At least racism has died down enough so that Minotaurs can do their thing with more peace. It's pretty great! It makes me feel like going through all that crazy time travel shit wasn't for nothing. Ponies are being less racist!

"Looks like that monster's workshop really paid off!" Exclaimed Pinkie to Fluttershy. ARE YOU BUCKING KIDDING ME?! I teleported to the counter and grabbed Pinkie with telekinesis.

"PINKIE!" I screamed in her face. "BUCK YOU!"

"C-Cloud? What's wrong?"

"BUCK YOU, YOU PIECE OF EQUINE TRASH! OH, YOU WANNA SEE EVERYBODY AND PONY SMILE?!" Pinkie's eyes started to tear up.

"Y-You're starting to s-scare me..." I quickly cast a spell to mimic the Royal Canterlot voice.

"THEN STOP BEING BUCKING RACIST!"

"B-But-"

"YEAH, BUTTS! NOW THAT WE'RE ON THE BUCKING SUBJECT, LET'S TALK ABOUT HOW I TRIED TO STOP YOU BEING RACIST THE LAST BUCKING TIME! LET'S BUCKING SEE: I WENT INSANE AND KILLED SHIT, I DESTROYED THE UNIVERSE SO THAT YOU AND THE OTHERS, MY FRIENDS, COULD SURVIVE, I EVEN GOT FUCKED IN THE BUCKING ASS TO TRY AND STOP RACISM! BUT NO, YOU'VE GOTTA PUT ALL MY BUCKING WORK TO WASTE!"

"Cloud!" Shouted Rarity, who I just noticed. "Stop this! What would the Princess think of your horrendous actions?!"

"GOOD IDEA, RARIBITCH! I'VE TRIED BEING THE HERO, VILLAIN AND EVEN THE BUCKING DIPLOMAT FOR BUCKING ONCE, BUT YEAH, WE SHOULD ASK GOD-HORSE WHO'S IN THE WRONG!" I summoned a Support Circle. "TALLY BUCKING HO, MOTHER BUCKER!" I flew to Canterlot with Pinkie still in my grip.

I was enjoying my midday tea. My sun was shining, problems were at a minimum and I had so much peace since I shipped Watcher off as a sex slave. Looking out of the window, I could see my kingdom in a peace it had not been in for a long time.

The information I'd gotten out of the Lieutenant wasn't anything I could have fun with for a while, so that was out. Luna was too bored to help me fake a national crisis, so I couldn't do that either. My only hope for some fun was if Cloud Calculation got himself into another predicament. At that moment out of the corner of my eye, I saw him flying towards the castle at a pretty impressive speed. Cloud was on his way. I grinned. Right on cue. I opened up the window for him and waited a few minutes for him to arrive. Eventually, he reached the castle and landed in the middle of the room. I noticed he was carrying one of Twilight's friends.

"Hello, Cloud," I greeted him, "how lovely to see you on such short notice. How deep is the shit you're in today?" Cloud was gasping for breath.

"CELESTIA!" He shouted, his breath ragged.

"Yes?"

"I... I'VE GOTTA... HUH... JEEZ, FLYING IS TOUGH," he somehow managed to say normally while still shouting. The pink mare that he held sobbed quietly.

"I know, right? Flying with wings is a lot better, but still, whew! It still takes a lot out of you."

"TELL ME ABOUT IT... UGH... HUH... GIMME A SEC... HUH... HUH..."

"Hang on for a moment, would you please?"

"SURE." I sent a psychic message to one of my slaves butlers, Back Scratcher, to bring up an Energy Rejuvenation Potion.

"I just sent an order for a potion to help you out."

"THANKS A LOT, I REALLY APPRECIATE THAT... HUH..."

"Really, it's no problem, you did just fly across the countryside up to a mountain city after all. And from the looks of things you were already burning through lots of energy through shouting. And the air's pretty thin up here too. In fact, I'm surprised you can even stand, let alone still shout and use magic."

"WELL YOU KNOW HOW IT IS, FIGHTING REALLY BUILDS UP YOUR ENDURANCE."

"I can second that. Although, pray tell, why are you still shouting?"

"I DON'T WANT MY JUDGEMENT TO BECOME LESS CLOUDED, OTHERWISE I'LL STOP BEING ANGRY AND THEN THIS WHOLE JOURNEY WOULD HAVE BEEN POINTLESS."

"Ah, yes. I know about loosing my moxie all too well." My slave butler entered the room with the potion balanced nicely on a silver platter. I gave it to Cloud with telekinesis and than motioned Scratcher to buck off. "Drink up, Cloud, you'll feel a lot better."

"OKAY. THANKS AGAIN. ALSO THANKS FOR NOT JUST KICKING ME OUT, I KNOW POLITICS AND SHIT PROBABLY KEEPS YOU BUSY." I waved a hoof dismissively as he started drinking.

"Nah, I just let the mortals deal with that rabble." He finished the potion and carefully placed it on a nearby table. I took a sip of my tea.

"WHEW! THAT IS A LOT BETTER. I'VE GOTTA GET ZECORA TO MAKE ME SOME OF THOSE."

"Is that your potion brewing friend that made Astral-Ass start the whole paradox ordeal?"

"YEP. THAT'S HER. AND SPEAKING OF THE PARADOX, THAT'S WHAT I ACTUALLY CAME HERE TO TALK ABOUT."

"Oh, really?"

"YEP. YOU KNOW WHAT, I MIGHT STOP SHOUTING NOW, MY THROAT IS STARTING TO ACHE AND THE ANGER'S ALREADY WORN OFF ANYWAY."

"Fair enough." Cloud coughed.

"Yeah, that's better. Anyway, so you know all about the paradox and how it started because the girls were being racist, right?"

"Indeed."

"Well, yesterday there was this assertiveness seminar thing that I decided to go to because life in between death battles and the fate of the universe and all that gets kinda boring, y'know?"

"Trust me, I know it even better than you do. A thousand years of peace? More like a thousand years of sitting around and being bored. That's actually why I left the Elements of Harmony back at my old castle, they had become so useless to me that I didn't even need them anymore. Then Luna took me off guard with a sneak attack return, and you arrived from an alternate universe and yadda yadda yadda."

"Yeah. The seminar was being run by this Minotaur, and while the seminar itself was boring, he had a good taste in music. So today I wake up all happy that racism is getting better, and I'm feeling all good because it's like all the stuff I went through bore fruit."

"Okay."

"Vesper's making a racket in the basement, so I go to Sugarcube for a change of scenery. Fluttershy had obviously gone to the seminar as well, because she's doing some stuff that the guy was talking about and yelling at Ponies and stuff. I see that, and I'm really happy, the stuff I was thinking about earlier was really showing."

"That's pretty nice, but I don't see how it connects to this situation."

"Oh ho, you will, my God-Horse, you will. Pinkie's at the counter and she sees it as well. And do you know what she says?"

"What?"

"'Looks like that monster's workshop really paid off'."

"Whoah-whoah-whoah! She said what?!"

"I know, right?! So I go right up to her and have this huge rant, then Raribitch is all like; 'Cloud you're being to harsh! What would Celestia say?!' And I'm all like; 'Good question! Let's find out!' Then I grabbed the pink racist and flew here and... Well, that's it really." My mouth was agape from shock. What?! I knew they were a little judgmental, but I never thought it would be this bad!

"She wants to know what I have to say, does she? Well, I'll tell it to her face! Power me up with an Arcane Circle because screw flying." Cloud summoned an Arcane Circle beneath me and fed me it's power. I could feel my magic potential increasing by the second. "Woah! We've gotta have some fun with this power up stuff later! Anyway, to Ponyville!" I charged up a huge amount of energy in my horn and teleported us to the middle of Ponyville.

Dear mental diary,

Today I learned that Celestia is a bro, and I should really give her more credit. She's pretty damn awesome when she's pissed. Her flames rival even Vesper's!

Signed;

Cloud.

What am I doing? Why do I even bother asking anymore? Life is boring and this all I have don't take it away from me. Aw, okay. Sorry for always chewing me out on that. It's okay, I only had good intentions.

Author's Notes:

So this happened.

---

Lawn Order.
Law n Order.
Law N' Order.