From Programme Productions in Chill Edge, it’s Equestria’s game!

WHEEL!

OF!

FORESEEABLE FUTURE!

Applause happened and slowly died down.

“Yo,” Pinkie Pie said, “And welcome to Mane Character For a Foreseeable Future, the only show to officially hold the position that expressivism, whilst true, is completely useless to society! Now let’s meat our contestants!

“Behind this podium, weighing in at approximately one Lyra weight, sweet shop employee of some variety Lyra!”

The crowd cheered wildly.

“And behind this podium, assistant to Twilight Sparkle Spike!”

The crowd cheered wildly.

“And behind this podium, co-owner of Sugarcube Corner Carrot Cake!”

The crowd cheered.

“Now here’s how the game works: I’ll be asking seven questions. The first six will be worth one thousand bits, and the last will be worth fifteen hundred bits. Whoever has the highest score at the end wins. In the event of a draw, Butterscotch will be declared the winner. Now who’s ready for some quiz?”

The audience cheered.

“Come on, you can do better than that!”

The audience cheered wildly.

“Not you, I was asking the contestants. Anyway, here’s your first question.”

All of the studio’s lights went dark, except for a long, somewhat dim, and flickering fluorescent one which faintly illuminated the three podiums from the high studio ceiling.

“First question,” Pinkie said. “The arboretum—”

Spike rang in.

“Spike!”

“1492!”

“Correct!”

The lights all came back on, and the audience cheered wildly.

“That’s a thousand points for Spike. We’ll be back after these important messages. The important messages are that it’s time for the next question and that a dimmer switch is being installed for one of the lights in my house... type... flat... situation. Next question! This year is famous for being the subject of the popular book Robots Take Over Hasbro.”

Lyra rang in.

“Lyra!”

“2941.”

“Correct! This next question is a Video Challenge, meaning you may not use any of the letters in the word ‘video’ in your response. For 1,000 points, the play ‘Hamlet’ is named after which of its characters?”

Lyra rang in.

“Lyra!”

“Wait, um, never mind, that wouldn’t work.”

“Any other guesses?”

Time passed.

“Nopony provided a correct response,” Pinkie said. “The next qu—fuck, paper cut! Fuck, um, fuck, it’s bleeding. Just a minute.”

One technical difficulties screen later, and five minutes of awkward worrying later for everyone at the studio, and Pinkie was back with a Band-Aid® brand adhesive bandage on her hoof. Or leg. It can be hard to tell. “And we’re back. Now, question num—fuck!”

Five minutes later, Pinkie returned with another bandage on her hoof.

“Question number four...” she said, slowly and carefully taking the card, “This katakana is even happier than shi.”

Time passed.

“The answer is tsu,” Pinkie said. “I hope you’re all proud of yourselves. Okay, question five. jk, it’s commercial time.”

Have you ingested water in the past three days? If so, you could be vulnerable to HBF, also known by its full name, ‘healthy brain function’. All sufferers of HBF eventually die after contracting it. Don’t be part of the statistic that everyone will read and get sad about for one brief moment. Just remember: when you drink water, you’re drinking HBF.

“Welcome back,” Pinkie said. She had about twenty slices of American “cheese” melting on a grill. They had been there for the past couple minutes, and everyone was waiting for someone else to ask the obvious question.

“Uh, Pinkie?” Spike said.

“Yeah?”

“Whatcha got there?”

“18+ hot singles. Anyway, it’s time for round five: the Pluto Is Not Effin’ A Planet, Ponies (Like Eris), Jeez, Understanding It’s Completely Easy group flash mobbed what museum, resulting in eleven fact and two grammar corrections?”

Silence.

“No answers? Faust, you ponies, um, and dragon are idiots. Well, I shouldn’t say that. Maybe you’re like Rainbow where you’re book dumb but you’re good at other kinds of smartness like planning and stuff. Not solely short-term planning, that’s just an example. Anyway, the correct answer is Celestial Body Adventure Land. Okay, question six, you morons: If Jimmy joins Champ Car in 1992, wins the title four years later, and eventually retires then becomes the owner of a racing team, when was he born?”

Carrot Cake rang in.

“Carrot Cake?!”

“1492.”

“1492? He joined in 1992. No.”

In which Spike rang.

“Spike Donington Sparkle!”

“My name’s just Spike.”

“What’s your answer?”

“1965.”

“That’s right! It’s Spike 2,000, Lyra 1,000, Carrot Cake nil. Now who’s ready for the final question? Good! This question must be answered Jeopardy-style: if you were on Jeopardy! and the correct answer was “What Is Love”, what would be the correct response?”

Meanwhile, Appledash sex, Fluttershy collecting Bacaberries, and Scootaloo wondering how she was going to confess to the world. No, it’s not about love.

“Still nopony?” Pinkie said. “For fffaust’s sakes. Anyway, the answer is what is what is What Is Love. So at the end of round one of one, Spike wins with 2,000 bits!”

The audience cheered as balloons and confetti fell from the ceiling. Pinkie and Spike went to the centre of the game show floor.

“For an additional 18,000 bit ones,” Pinkie said, “Recite π to the 32nd digit.”

“Uhhhh...” Spike said, “Three... point... one four... um, I give up.”

“That’s okay! You still have 2,000 bits minus taxes!”

“w00t!”

“Welperwhatsiteronidoozingstickflakes, see you next time on...”

“MANE CHARACTER FOR A FORESEEABLE FUTURE!”

Next Chapter: Chapter 140: The Octavia, and the Applejack. Estimated time remaining: 4 Hours, 23 Minutes