“3x7,” Rainbow Dash said.

“I agree,” Twilight said. “Now fuck me so hard that I’ll regret asking you to fuck me so hard that I would regret asking you to.”

“We’re both female, but I’ll see what I can do.”

“Did you just say ‘female’? That’s an unRainbowish word.”

“So?”

“I don’t know. Why aren’t we having sex yet?”

“Just be patient, we need to talk about stuff first.”

“But we already talked about stuff. Not that I don’t like talking with you, but we need to follow the natural progression of our time together.”

“Well, we need to talk or we’ll lose our jobs.”

“I don’t think we’re on the brink of job loss.”

“Y’know, one more won’t hurt....”

“Okay, but we don’t have anything to talk about. The subject at hoof is nothing.”

“Or do we?”

“No, we don’t.”

“Then we’ll just have to swear and commit violence a lot.”

“Why can’t we have sex? That’s non-foal-friendly.”

“What’s with you tonight?”

“Usually I’d just rape you, but you complain about it sometimes so I’m trying to stop.”

“I have noticed you’ve been a little less...” Rainbow put a hoof under her chin, “Rapy... lately....”

Twilight and Rainbow were walking along a generic forest path when Twilight grabbed Rainbow and sent them both to the ground.

“I don’t want to have sex right now,” Rainbow said.

“Oh,” Twilight said. “Sorry.” She stopped holding Rainbow and they both got up.

“Rainbow?” Twilight waved a hoof in front of Rainbow’s face. “Are you okay?”

“What?” the for the previous several seconds catatonic Rainbow said. “Oh, sorry. I was having a flashback.”

“Oh. So now?”

“Be patient, okay? We need a few more minutes of filler.”

“But there’s nothing to talk about.”

“Or is there?”

“No, there isn’t.”

“Then we’ll just have to swear and commit violence a lot.”

LATER!

“Be pa—” said Rainbow.

“I’m sick and tired of this. Not meaning I’m ill and I’m tired of this—”

“I know.”

“My point is, it’s not like we’re getting anywhere.” Twilight sat down with her back against the lower bunk of the bunkbed. “Just pleasure me. Well, don’t pleasure me. Not as in I don’t want to enjoy it, but using the word ‘pleasure’ in that context makes me feel pervy.”

“But you are.”

“Do sexual things to me or I’m going to hurt you with magic.”

“That sounds immoral. I could’ve sworn you saved the world just a couple of years ago, and now you’re threatening me with violence if I don’t have sex with you?”

“Well, anypony would save the world if they had to, seeing as how an intact world would benefit them.”

“The point is you’re supposed to be good and stuff.”

Rainbow felt a light constricting feeling on her neck. Not anything breathing-threatening, but she could definitely feel it.

“I get the point,” Rainbow said. She took a couple steps over to Twilight and ██████ed her ████████.

“Fuck, that feels good,” Twilight said generically. Seriously, that could apply to anything good. Even outside of sex. She closed her eyes and put a hoof on Rainbow’s head. “Secular fuck....”

Oh, here’s a tweet from kevin20: “this has never happened before”. Okay, smarthindquarters, tell you what: you have a good point. So never mind. But it’s not like it’s my fault everyone in Ponyville does the same two things every day. Anyway, whilst that goes on, we’ll take a commercial.

Have you ever been watching a show when it suddenly or unsuddenly gets interrupted by a string of advertisements? The guys on the inside call this a “commercial break”, and believe it or not, there’s a way to completely avoid them with shows you don’t watch live. Our patent pending technology

To ask why modest Pokémon have higher Special Attack then docile ones is to ask why the leaves fall: it is in their nature. Get it? Because... and... never mind.

Have you ever been watching a show when it suddenly or unsuddenly gets interrupted by a string of advertisements? The guys on the inside call this a “commercial break”, and believe it or not, there’s a way to completely avoid them with shows you don’t watch live. Our patent pending technology known as a “DVR” wi

“Rainbow...” Twilight said, her eyes tightly closed. “I’m... going... to... AOEFUUHGOQEWIA!”

Licking ensued. Well, that’s what was going on before, but you know what I mean. During heavy breathing on both sides, Rainbow said something.

“Hey, Twilight,” Rainbow said, heavily breathing between words.

“What?” Twilight said immediately after and before taking a heavy breath.

“Remember when it was a reasonable possibility,” Rainbow took a break to breathe, “That there was life on Walmart?”

“Yeah,” Twilight breathed, “Why?”

“I dunno, just leading up to the next commercial.”

“Oh.”

Can YOU name the five, formerly six, planets of the SureFire system? [Exaggerated, blatantly fake sigh] I bet you don’t even know what that is, Earthan! SureFire is the name of the star around which Hasbro orbits. Besides Hasbro, the other five planets are Tostitos, the Mercury analogue, Walmart, the Mars analogue, Shell, the Jupiter analogue, Purina, the Uranus analogue, and Virgin, which was very similar to Pluto until it was blown up by a mad scientist in 2006. But you would’ve already known all that if you used our Crystal Ball future prediction kit! Here’s how it works: you ask it a question—like “am I going to get a puppy for Faustmas this year”—and it gives an answer!

The scene changed to a black box on a couch. The box was about thirty by fifteen centimetres and featured an electronic display and a keyboard. A colt who had been there the whole time but I was too busy describing the Crystal Ball future prediction device typed “will i get a pupy for faustmas this year”. He pressed return, and the display changed to “SYNTAX ERROR”.

It even comes with a 5×5cm picture of a bouncy ball!  So how much would you pay for the Crystal Ball future prediction kit? A hundred bits? Five hundred bits? Ten thousand bits?! Well, the actual retail price of the Crystal Ball future prediction kit is only fifty bits! Shipping and handling not included. So if your foals want to know the future, as I’m sure they do, surprise them this Faustmas with the Crystal Ball future prediction kit. The Crystal Ball future prediction kit: it’s a guarantee.™

“Y’see, Twilight,” Rainbow said whilst Twilight did a somewhat terrible job of eating her out, “I know, that’s offensive to blind ponies, but what am I supposed to say? You know? I can’t say ‘you know’ every single time. That’s ridiculous! Oh, um, you’re doing a good job. Not really, you actually kinda suck at this. That wasn’t a pun. Well, it was, but that wasn’t what I was thinking. I guess that’s why you say no pun intended. It’s a lot more literal than I first realised.”

Twilight raised her head. “Could y—”

Rainbow forced Twilight’s head back to its previous position. She didn’t have a hoof on Twilight before, but she was going to be very pushful about it now. Does someone’s head have a gender? Things have genders, but none of their individual parts do. Maybe you could consider sex-specific parts to. So if something dies, does it not have a sex anymore? That kind of makes sense, right? Am I thinking about this too much?

“Whatever you were about to say,” Rainbow said, “No, I couldn’t.”

Twilight tried to do something again, but Rainbow kept her down. Twilight’s horn started glowing. Not as in it has a mind of its own, as in she made it do that.

“Go ahead,” Rainbow said. “Hurt Rainbow Dash.”

Twilight wasn’t actually doing anything, she was just making her horn glow, and so she continued.

“You gonna do anythin’?”

Twilight stopped the glowing.

“That’s what I oh fuck,” Rainbow said, “Keep doing that. Not that, you fucking—yeah, oh fuck okay I’m gonna... not there, for fuck’s sakes, what’s wrong with you? Where you... fuck, yeah, right there, that’s—no, why—yes. Yes. Yes. That’s faaaahhhhck!”

Twilight ate the cum that was almost as delicious as Del Monte pineapples and looked up at Rainbow. Twilight looked a little tired, which she wasn’t and she just tried to fake it because it was hot, and Rainbow looked a little disappointed with her performance for the same reason.

“You heard what I was saying,” Rainbow said. “You were complete fucking shit.”

“I know....”

“I say that like I expected something different, but you know.”

“I know I know.”

“Try again.” She shoved her head back down, Twilight never to get that she actually really liked it and was just being hot. Spike entered the room.

“Twilight, I—” he said. “Oh fuck, okay.”

He left. Which was unfortunate, as something might’ve otherwise happened.

Next Chapter: Chapter 13E: Mane Character For a Foreseeable Future Episode I Forget Estimated time remaining: 4 Hours, 27 Minutes