The day of the announcement started like any other day in my life since Twilight moved into the castle…the day before. Which…really wasn’t like any other day since it was the first day I woke up with Twilight after having to deal with Tia.

Not that dealing with Celestia was a bad thing. She usually got all the teasing out of her in the first hour of sitting together, and we just relaxed before it got time to go. Then she got a little playful again and usually left me with some jostled hair, a perfectly understandable reaction to being close to a naked woman, and desire for morning sex with Twilight.

It was one of those whole turning your weaknesses into strengths things.

Anyway…I got my hair mussed up by Tia before she left, woke up, kissed Twilight, did…stuff together, listened to her grumble about the lack of plumbing in our room before she had to go to Sunset’s room to take care of her morning business, listened to her gripe some more about the insanity of human bathrooms, dropped Sunset off at the school, put a mildly intelligent unicorn-disguised changeling in charge of the library, and then we went shopping with Twilight.

And by the end of that, I understood just why Spike ran all the damn errands.

Everything was going fine when we went to buy new pony bathroom fixtures, arrange for a cloud plumbing installation from the weather patrol, and do anything that involved choosing from a set of uniform things or items out of a catalog like refrigerators, showers, sinks and toilets, but when it came to the other necessities, Twilight was…well…insanely picky was an understatement…

I sighed as we stood in an isle of Barnyard Bargains while Twilight held a pair of cereal boxes in her magic. She levitated the left one up a little, then dropped it back down and raised the box of Cheery-Oats that was floating on her right. “This one,” she finally said after ten minutes of examination. “This one is definitely point zero three ounces heavier.”

As Twilight put the box of pony cereal next to the twelve other items we had managed to procure on our two hour shopping spree, my patience reached its end. “Twilight…I know you’re upset and everything about Spike, but your obsessive compulsive disorder is not a good coping mechanism.”

“My what?” she asked before looking up from our shopping cart and over to me.

The question made me have to fight to stop frowning, and I just sighed and shook my head. Like pheromones, certain psychological disorders were big unknowns to ponies. They had mental hospitals and all that, but they were only for the most impossible and dangerous of pony society. It was probably why Pinkie was still a free range pony. She was a kook, but a long way from dangerous.

I routinely checked the cupcakes to make sure of that too.

And I sure as hell wasn’t going to tell Twilight she had mental problems. The possibility of it freaking her out and creating an eternal downward spiral of insanity as she tried to cure her craziness would most likely drive her mad.

“It’s um…never mind,” I told her before the alicorn went back to looking around the store.

All in all, Barnyard Bargains was a pretty reasonably-sized store for a town like Ponyville, about equal level with a normal human truckstop, with many of the same amenities in the ten rows of items. Although it was funny to see what was missing, especially when it was what would have been commonplace any human supermarket. I heard Rich built much larger ones all over Equestria, but with Ponyville apparently being a breeding town on its last legs, he hadn’t bothered to expand his personal Wal-Mart into a super center.

Of course there was no meat section, or any open ‘cooled’ area where such things usually were. Fresh produce was also non-existent, which made sense considering the farmers market in the middle of the town. What the store did sell was mostly jarred, pickled, and boxed food, as well as other items like cookware, a few gardening tools, barrels of various sizes, pots for plants, and there was a space out back where wagons and wheelbarrows could be bought.

I had found the whole place interesting when I first moved to Ponyville because I could chuckle at the odd similarities of brand names and such. But the novelty had worn off long since, and now it was just another store to be shopped at.

Although admittedly, most of my time during this particular shopping trip, I just spent time following Twilight around.

Literally.

Twenty minutes into the whole thing, and I took to staring at her ass to keep my mind occupied. When lunchtime rolled around, I had every intention of making it a full meal and letting my little goddess take a nap before Sunset got home and we could take a look at the Crystal Mirror.

It was only after I noticed Twilight’s tail hadn’t shaken with movement for two minutes that I figured something was wrong and looked up at her frowning face as it in turn stared at the checkout counter. “Something wrong?”

“I think there’s something going on outside,” the alicorn mumbled before she trotted up to the express checkout line.

Unfortunately, two of the ponies in line ahead of us were from Ponyville’s retirement home. By the time the attention-starved mares got done telling the cashier about the good old days when it was just Celestia on the throne instead of all them other alicorns that just seemed to be popping up everywhere so much you couldn’t even turn around without running into one and we got out of the place, thirty minutes had passed. By then, quite the crowd had gathered around the quickly constructed stage in front town hall. And by quickly constructed, I mean I hadn’t noticed it two hours ago when we went into the store.

I did have to hand it to Ponyville, they knew how to build quickly. It probably had something to do with all the times the town was practically destroyed. Plenty of practice.

Although the crowd was well over a few hundred ponies, it was still shy about one fifth of the town’s populace. Still, I spotted Rarity and AJ…and Rainbow Dash was peeking down from a cloud next to Raindrops and Cloud Kicker. Even the kids had been let out of school, and I caught sight of Sunset walking around in her jeans, being followed by the Crusaders.

A few seconds after I glanced back at the stage, the mayor made her way up to the podium. “Fillies and Gentlecolts, can I have your attention please?” the mare said before she cleared her throat. “Now, as you all know, a few days ago another princess summit was called in the Crystal Empire to discuss matters of importance pertaining to Equestria.”

I frowned at the horse woman’s words and leaned over to Twilight as she held the brown paper bags containing the groceries in the air with her magic. “They’re making the announcement now? I thought we’d have three days at least.” Although a week would have been more realistic with the way news moved in Equestria.

It hadn’t even been long enough to get word out about the upcoming coronation.

“I don’t understand!” Twilight exclaimed. “There’s no way Princess Celestia could have found enough legal experts to explain everything to everypony in a day. They would have had to memorize pages of legal documents, be transported all across Equestria, and get everything set up in less than twenty-four hours! Sure you can get word to the newspapers in that time…maybe…if you use pegasi, but the travel time alone makes it impossible for everything else. Nopony can do…” Twilight stopped talking for a moment, and her eyes widened. “She didn’t use ponies.”

I turned my full attention over to Twilight. “What?”

Twilight sighed, and looked over to me. “Fae, you told the changelings to follow Princess Celestia’s orders like she was your equal, right?”

“Yeah.”

“And she had the fourth-ranked changeling as one of her advisors, right?”

“Yeah.”

And then it didn’t take me long to see where the purple pony was going with this. I groaned. “And she could had him memorize the documents bit by bit, store the information in the hive mind, and then send it all over Equestria in an instant,” I finished for her. Hell, I had bragged to her about it the day before.

In fact, I wouldn’t be suppressed if it was a black-coated unicorn or pegasus without a cutie mark that made the announcement and helped with any question pertaining to the law. We probably all had it stored on the cloud after all.

“Great, now I have to start reading progress reports from my minions again,” I mumbled. It cut into my morning Twilight Time, but a second oversized quadruped sending orders behind my back without even being in the hive-mind needed to be checked on.

Not that I…

Actually, I did mind Tia giving my changelings orders without my consent. They were my fucking species damnit! She may have bossed around everything else with horns and wings and hooves, but I got the changelings!

“Now, let me just start by saying we don’t need to worry about our resident princesses leaving town,” the mayor announced, which turned a lot of pony attention towards the two of us. “Now um…Princess Twilight? Would you like to make the announcement instead? I looked for you at the library but your…stand-in said you were out.”

Twilight looked up to the mayor. “No that’s fine. You have all the note cards,” she said before her voice dropped and she looked over to me. “And we really have no idea just what this is about.”

On that, I had to agree with her just to hold onto a little hope. After all, this could very well be just about the coronation.

“Now, during the last princess summit, there was a minor change to Equestrian law-”

Damnit!

“Which needed to be done in order to address a matter of necessity in these changing times,” the mare said. “I now turn this over to the Princess’s representative from Canterlot, who will explain the issue, and take care of any concerns you might have.”

The representative wasn’t a metamorphosed changing.

In fact, she was about as far from a changeling disguised with reverse-engineered pony magic as you could get with her longer than average legs, slightly larger build, perfectly pink mane, and brilliant white coat with the image of a sun on her flank that was partially obstructed by a pair of white magical paint splotches that were supposed to be clouds.

“Sunny Skies?” Twilight mumbled. “She said she worked in the palace, but…wait…so does this mean Princess Celestia didn’t use changelings?”

I tensed as I had to think of an explanation to cover Tia’s slightly smaller, transformed ass. “Um, well…maybe Ponyville is close enough to Canterlot that it didn’t need super fast delivery services, and Sunny is pretty smart. She figured out how to read my native language after all,” with Discord’s help probably before he gave his entrance exam to Trixie in order to let the blue mare chafe Twilight from afar while not really doing enough to get me chasing after him, “while holding off the royal guard.”

Of course I was pretty sure incognito-Celestia was really here to either dick with me, or maybe help the girls understand…

No…she was definitely here to dick with me.

“Oh you’ve got to be kidding me,” the most disgruntled female voice in Ponyville. “She’s really using Sunny Skies?”

Both of us looked back and up towards Sunset, and I winced. Since everything that happened with me and Tia at night was in the hive mind, I remembered clear as day just about all of it with little effort. Including the explanation about how she had first came up with Sunny Skies to take Sunset to the Canterlot Fair and other places when she was just a kid.

Twilight looked up at the human. “You know her Sunset?”

“You know her?” Sunset asked the alicorn in reply.

I cleared my throat. “Yes she um…goes to a class we have together in Celestia’s School for Gifted Unicorns.” Which I wasn’t going to be able to get out of going to this week. It was going to be the new family visitation day with Spike and Sparkle’s parents. But I actually had a plan for this class and had special ordered a magical item from The Enchanted Metallic Golem’s Dungeon and Miniature Portrait Shop to provide a team activity because Celestia got a little horrified at my idea to just dump the class in the Everfree’s space bear cave to see how they did against Yogi and Booboo in a combat situation.

“I um…yeah…Celestia…I used to um…baby-sit as a way to learn responsibility and that was one of the kids I got stuck with,” the human managed to explain after a slow start. Considering Sunset had been lying for the last two and a half years of her life…it was a pretty bad show of her abilities.

Of course Twilight bought it hook line and sinker. It wasn’t full of stammers or contradictory facts, and ‘Sunny’ did look close enough to the alicorn in age for them to have been children at the same time. “Huh, guess that’s why Cadence was my foal sitter. I always wondered why an alicorn of all ponies looked after me when I was little.”

Personally, I had my own theories about that. It involved said unapproachable girl with divine status needing to meet cute boys, and what better way to get the real story on them than their little sisters? She hadn’t outright said it during our double date when they told me and Twilight how they got together, but…there was no way that the fucking Alicorn of Love didn’t have a few tricks up her sleeves for getting the inside scoop on a guy she wanted and…

I stared ahead dumbly as the most obvious move in the whole ‘try and get into a relationship with Rainbow Dash’ game struck me like a bolt of lightning out of blue. WHY THE HELL DIDN’T I ASK CADENCE FOR HELP?

Okay sure, that would have required me manning up and talking to Twilight about it about four minutes after…she voted for the damn thing, KNOWING she’d be expected to get into a relationship with another girl.

Or a stallion…

Yeah, bad thoughts, I told myself before looking back up and cutting that train of thought off before it could go any further. There was no point in trying to cry over spilled milk. I had other things to focus on.

Like how Rainbow Dash was going to receive Tia’s announcement.

“Citizens of Equestria,” ‘Sunny Skies’ spoke up. “When Luna returned from her banishment and the Nightmare was cleansed from her mind, a startling discovery was happened upon. While every mare knows how hard it is to find an unattached stallion…” She actually had to pause for a moment with the crowd of mostly female ponies nodded, grumbled, and cheered a little in agreement. “…nopony knew just how detrimental it was to ponies as a species. After a long study conducted by Ponyville’s Princess Twilight Sparkle, Sunset Shimmer, and the changeling inhabitants that are now part of Equestria thanks to a mutually agreed upon pact of annexation and friendship, we have made rather startling discoveries.

“Those discoveries being Equestria’s population growth, and our ability to maintain the current population. Thanks to the bad harvest of…ahem, certain alchemical ingredients in the past thanks to the expansion of New Horseleans that began several years back, we have been on a drastic population decline these past ten years and steps must be taken to ensure that Equestria’s infrastructure continues to be sustainable.”

I frowned as Celestia reshuffled her papers, and looked over to Twilight. “Okay, did I miss something? Because she never mentioned bayou town during the meeting,” I said to the purple princess. “Just the population crises.”

Sunset Shimmer leaned down, then just sat on the grass after thinking things through for a moment. “What population crises?”

Twilight looked back to her fellow former student. “That’s what the meeting in the Crystal Empire was about. We’ve been in a population decline for the past ten years.”

I clenched my teeth in an effort to keep my mouth shut. There was no need for Sparkle to know it was actually a bit longer than that…by a few decades. I had checked things during the train ride home out of boredom and was now trying to do my best not to think about it.

The live pony deficit wasn’t as much as in the last ten years but, the gap between births and deaths had been increasing in the overall line graphs for quite some time if the minor bumps from an odd year here and there weren’t obsessed over.

“Its what everything has to do with New Horseleans that confuses me,” I mumbled. “What the hay’s so important about that little nothing of a town?”

Being an ponified name of a city from earth I had looked it up back in my Flashy days. But aside from the name, they didn‘t really have much else in common. New Horseleans wasn’t the party town that New Orleans was. It was one of the older farming communities from way back before there was even an Equestria. Mostly an earth pony town, the place was famous for indigo plants, corn, rice and sugarcane farms, as well as some naturally occurring magical plant called Willie Weed that Twilight had once tried to mix into a potion to…solve my gender problem.

Oh God…they might as well of called it Penis Plant, I thought to myself before I looked over to Sunset. “Hey Sunset, you know about potion making, right?”

“Yeah,” the flame-haired alchemist replied. “Why?”

“The magical potion that mares drink when they want to get a one-hundred-percent chance of a colt…does it use Willie Weed?”

Sunset nodded, then groaned and covered her face with her palm. “Goddess, why do I have to know English?” she grumbled before glaring at me. “Why can’t you people still speak Latin or something? I mean hell, hey and hay sound nothing alike in Equestrian, but your stupid English language-”

Twilight shushed us as ‘Sunny’ continued to talk. “And I now give you the following statement, from Princess Celestia herself,” Princess Celestia said. “My little ponies, one of the most important things in Equestria is the love between two ponies. However, love is not bound by some kind of social contract that demands that a pony must choose between others that both offer companionship. In fact, to force such choices upon you all usually leads to conflict that could be avoided. While our current crisis has forced me to address this, know that the decision of my fellow princesses, and the solution that I presented them with in no way affected our feelings on such an important issue.

“However, because of the declining birthrate of Equestria, the following laws will be enacted in order to allow survival of us as a species,” Tia’s little fake-unicorn ass explained before she doled out the specifics I had heard before.

Half an hour later when she was finally done, I leaned over to whisper in Twilight’s ear. “Um…I think we should go get a table at Sugarcube Corner.”

“Why’s tha-oh,” Twilight said as I pointed out Rarity and AJ trotting our way.

Tia cleared her throat. “Now, I have been fully briefed on these new laws, and will be at town hall for today until sunset to answer any questions you might have relating to them.”

As the pony floodgates opened, me and Twilight snuck away. Sunset took a look at Tia, and followed us a few seconds later. The girls met us before we even got in the dessert building.

We took our usual group seat at Sugarcube Corner, or the new usual seat since the interdimensional alien that looked like an Equestrian native and the Equestrian native that looked like an interdimensional alien had joined the group. Before me and Sunset, the girls used to just sit at a table to the right of the door. Now they had a booth in the rear left of the sugary eatery. It was one of those long L booths that was built into the corner and still allowed for seating on the outside. Mostly it was mostly thanks to Sunset’s human anatomy not liking to sit on the floor than any need for a pony to lay down.

However at the moment, being in the booth seats had pretty much trapped the three of us in while the rest of the girls took their seats on the outside. While Twi and I could just teleport out, or just muscle our way past the lot of them if it came down to it…I was pretty sure things weren’t going to end up being that bad.

“So,” Rarity spoke up as she put on a little glare. “You’ve been sitting on this since we were in the Crystal Empire? Family herds? Stallions getting as many mares as they can handle?”

Applejack sighed and looked down at the table. “Ah think Mac’s gonna be staying out of town for a few…well…probably weeks.”

“Kicker drooled so much on our cloud it started raining,” Rainbow said as she picked up a menu and giggled.

Then I turned over to the last pony at our table. “So um…what do you think Pinkie?”

The pink party pony looked up at the ceiling for a moment, obviously thinking as she tapped her chin with a hoof, and then back to me. “I don’t get it.”

“…huh?” I asked after a moment’s hesitation.

Twilight raised an eyebrow. “What’s not to get?”

“Three mares and one stallion? How would that work? I mean, a stallion’s only got one ding-dong-doodle, right?”

“Well it’s not just for sex,” Twilight said. “It’s a whole relationship. Like what Lyra and Bon-Bon have, only now if they wanted to bring a stallion or another mare into their lives, and that pony wants in on it, they could.

“But in response to your question, you can have more than one partner in bed too Pinkie,” the little goddess went on as I looked over to Twilight in fear. “I mean, let’s say Fae took a stallion’s form and I had another mare with me when we engaged in intercourse.”

“Uh, Twilight?” I spoke up.

And was totally ignored as Twilight went on. “Fae could rut me while the other mare gave my horn attention.”

“Twilight.”

“Or my wings. Or she could be under me and we could make out while-”

“TWILIGHT!” I shouted in the girl’s ear loud enough to make her wince.

She looked around as everyone else at the table refused to meet her eyes. “Ahem…sorry, I’ve been…theorizing.”

Rainbow Dash snickered from behind her menu. “So that’s what eggheads call it, huh?”

As Twilight blushed, I looked around the table and waited for the others to calm down a bit. “So…um…what do you all…think?”

“I like it!” Pinkie exclaimed while the rest of the group was probably trying to repress the memory of Twilight’s declaration of sexual fantasies involving two partners or more. “More special some ponies means more love to go around.”

Applejack shook her head. “And more complications,” she said before adding, “but Ah suppose if it’s what ponies’ll go fer, Ah ain’t one to judge. Shoot, might even mind me a stallion now. Have a chance of just being more than ol’ Aunt Applejack to Big Mac’s youngins.”

Twilight smirked. “You were listening to the part where Sunny Skies said the whole family is a married unit right? It’s the foals that are herd-sisters, not half-sisters. Wives are married to wives too.”

“Ah know, Ah know.”

I glanced over to Rarity and still caught her glaring at me…sort of. It was a social glare, a tiny scrunching of the eyes that nobody would notice unless they knew what they were looking for and could smell emotions. So I wisely gulped down the fears shooting up from the whole, SHIT SHIT SHIT! RARITY DOESN’T LIKE THE IDEA! EQUESTRIA IS DOOMED, thought that kept running through my head, and nervously looked over to Rainbow Dash.

After all, we could deal with Rarity. She kept ahead of the curve. She would get behind it if someone like Fancy Pants and his wife started…well…all things considered, I didn’t think Canterlot ponies were going to be going for it since they had access to the bulk supply of male chance-enhancement potions.

Unless my guess about pony New Orleans was right. Which in turn made me wonder why Tia wasn’t simply trying to cultivate the plant in massive quantities? Was it already gone? Too hard? Had some special property like Zap Apples?

It was...a mystery for another time.

At the moment, I needed to know something. One more pony’s opinion on the subject of three is company too.

It was Rainbow’s opinion. The only one I really cared about.

Rainbow’s opinion was the only one that really mattered.

It was great that Pinkie was excited about it, and Applejack had a…sensible outlook on things, but Rainbow…what Rainbow thought about it was EVERYTHING.

“So uh Rainbow,” I said with a gulp. “What’s um…your two bits on the subject?”

The pegasus put down her menu and looked at me with eyes that looked…well…other than their usual magenta color, I couldn’t really see anything else about them. As for her reaction… “Eh, it’s cool, I guess,” she said before I got a Whiff of a little sadness, “not really gonna make much of a difference for me.” Then, the Scent was gone and she looked around. “So um…we gonna order, or what?”

It wasn’t a no, and I would take it.

I would run with it.

And I would jump for fucking joy so hard it would make that guy who played Superman in the last remake look like a total putz.

But I sure as hell wasn’t going to be able to sit around a table without starting to grin like a total maniac and scare her away. I needed a way out. Something to do, some kind of excuse to get away and do the happy dance.

I needed…

“Sorry girls, but I’ve got to take these groceries back to the castle,” Twilight told them as she levitated our haul.

…something like that.

“Yes, and Princess Omnifarious needs to have her fitting done,” Rarity growled.

But that option kind of scared me.

Twilight smiled. “Okay. I wanted to see Fae’s new dress anyway,” said the alicorn that really made me wonder just how hard she was working on the whole male thing before she got going. The traitor.

“I think I’ll go…reintroduce myself to Sunny,” Sunset said before she slipped out and abandoned me as well.

Rainbow placed her order with Pinkie to go.

Applejack left.

Rarity…put on that evil grin on hers while she talked. “Come along dear, we need to fit you for your dress.”

The girls took the news…well, which I was definitely glad for. Of course Fluttershy was still a big unknown, but…I doubt she would raise a fuss. Hell, I doubted it would change that much in her life at all. There was no way that mare would ever have the balls to ask someone out, and if a herd came onto her…well…

Okay, I would have to look after Fluttershy for awhile to make sure that no one tried to pressure her into a relationship she didn’t want, tell Rainbow about it too maybe just to make sure. Get a few changelings to follow her around.

All the while trying not to scare and isolate the hell out of her.

In retrospect, stupid society-changing laws were hard to deal with.

But it would all be worth it when Rainbow said yes.

The worry. The freak outs. The planning. The dress I was currently wearing as Rarity jabbed needles in my ass while she messed with the damn thing.

All of it, worth it.

Even the ‘it’ that tended to enjoy poking me in the ass with needles as I got fitted for my God damned fucking dress while I had to concentrate on keeping my form and turning back into a full changeling that would turn the whole dress into a pile of ash. After Rarity had beaten me upside with the nearest ponyquin the last time it happened, I was making sure not to do it again.

Even if she was doing her best to try and make me want to kill her for the past ten minutes, and the five more since Twilight came in to sit down and watch. I didn’t know if she just had no clue about how much blood was supposed to leak out on a gown, or if she was just a sadist, but either way, my princess wasn’t rushing to my aid.

Then Rarity started talking, adding a verbal assault to the physical one. Honestly, I preferred her silent glare of death.

“I can’t believe the nerve of all you princesses, hiding this from me!” she cried out to me and Twilight while I was having the final touches to my…dress made. My torturer circled around with her glasses that helped the unicorn see the smallest detail while tape measure, thread, scissors and more all danced in her magical grip.

Thankfully, she was taking her job seriously and had figured I was just as plain and simple as Twilight. For different reasons, but...still simple. So Rarity was doing her best to make me as immaculate as she could with as little as possible. For that…hell, I probably would have married her if not for the pony’s temper and temperament when she looses said tempter.

Not to mention her penchant for whining. I loved the little marshmallow to death, but the second she started really complaining about something, I had to keep from putting my horn through her eye.

Twilight cleared her throat. “Rarity, we weren’t hiding anything from you,” she told the unicorn. “You got the announcement along with the rest of Equestria.”

“Exactly!” she exclaimed as the tape around my neck became so tight I could barely breathe as Rarity turned to look at Twilight with a frown. “I could have had a head start, a real chance, the inside track! Now…now I’m stuck here measuring Fae’s new dress, which I can’t even make worthy of a princess because of your…you-ness by the way!”

I winced at the glare she gave me. “Sorry.”

“Instead of being in the Crystal Empire where I should be!” Rarity finished little huff. If I couldn’t have Smelled her emotions, I would have thought she was extremely pissed, but…Rarity tended to act a lot madder than she actually was. Plus, all the physical abuse she gave me in the past several minutes helped calm her down.

Both me and Twilight had to shared a confused look at that one. When she looked at me for an explanation, I turned my hooves up in a clueless shrug, and got them slapped down by Rarity.

“I told you not to move too much Princess Fae.”

I grumbled. “Rarity, I swear, if you keep calling me that, I will use my new authority to banish you to the muddiest swamp I can find and force you to live there for the rest of your life.” The one with all the frogs sounded good, and that hydra. Or had my changelings taken care of that thing?

I couldn’t really recall.

Unfortunately, the unicorn just rolled her eyes before she went back to doing her dress thing like she had been for the past fifteen plus minutes. It was quite a bit longer than her usual work, but…then again, I was giving her an impossible job. Glamorous, yet simple. “That’s nice.”

It kind of pissed me off that she had managed to figure out that my threats towards the girls were more hollow than a snare drum. Not to mention I think Rarity was also catching onto the fact that I would pretty much do anything she asked for the pitiful pony pout face. If things kept up, that unicorn wouldn’t need to be a princess to hold a lot of clout in the social scene of Equestria, she’d just have me take her to parties.

Then Twilight asked the question that was on the back of my mind too, drawing me out of thoughts of just how much of a slave the little unicorn had turned me into of my own free will. “Rarity…why would you still need to be in the Crystal Empire?”

The question made Rarity look up, and take off her glasses. “To court your brother and Cadence of course,” she said as she checked out my neckline for a few seconds before looking back up to Twilight. “You did mention that you and she would have to participate in this new form of marriage after all, and I have to admit, the idea of being with the Alicorn of Love and a stallion like Shining Armor does…excitement me.”

Twilight. Just. Stared.

And…okay, I did too.

Cadence…Shining…and…Rarity?

That…I didn’t see that one coming.

As for Twilight, she actually froze for a good fifteen seconds. “You…you want to date my brother and sister-in-law?” she cried in almost comical horror. “What…you…WHY?”

Not that I didn’t think Twilight knew exactly what the three of them would eventually be up to. She had ‘theories’ about with me and TwiDash would be doing after all.

Rarity looked over to Twilight a little hesitantly, like the alicorn was having another of her moments, which I’m pretty sure she was seconds away from at the unicorn’s declaration to get together with her family.

Then she took a deep breath. “Well, aside from the fact that your brother is gorgeously handsome and well built with the most amazing physique I’ve seen on a unicorn, with a deliciously bright coat and flank that begs to be touched, along with a sheath that just shouts to the heavens about his virility. He’s one of the most gallant stallions I’ve ever met, if not the most gallant, not to mention kind and so attentive you actually burst out into a song you loved him so much and sung his praises despite being angry at his engagement with the princess,” she explained to a twitching Twilight. “Cadence adds to the package by being perfectly beautiful, kind and delightfully engaging in conversation. Not to mention we share several of the same hobbies. Plus, she has the ability to adapt and loves that foalish kind of fun being around Pinkie for several years has gotten me addicted to, which I’m afraid to say some stallions in Canterlot find…off-putting. On top of which, they are both royalty, which has been my dream to marry since I was a filly and that ghastly Blueblood almost ruined.”

From the looks of things, Twilight either got so super crazy she went into a catatonic state or…Rarity’s rather…logical explanation actually managed to shut down all of her arguments that didn’t go, ‘ewww you like my brother? That’s icky!’ which even Applebloom seemed to have outgrown.

“Okay,” Twilight finally said like her brain was only half on. “That’s very…um…I’ve got no real…argument against that.” The tension faded, and after a shake of her head, she looked back to the unicorn. “But…wait…wouldn’t you have to…move to the Crystal Empire, then?”

The unicorn raised an eyebrow at the response, then went back to messing with my dress. “Well, no need to be making plans just yet, I learned that lesson from the other prince I chased.”

Twilight shivered a little. “Shiny isn’t Blueblood, Rarity,” Twilight told her. “And…if you can well…ugh, my mom is going to be ecstatic over this. She’s been wanting Shiny to give her grand foals, but since Cadence is an alicorn and she doesn’t have any living relatives…”

I watched Rarity’s face become a little hesitant. “Oh right, you mentioned that,” she groaned. “Wait, this isn’t some elaborate plan to create a new kind of broodmare status, is it? I mean, Ms Skies assured us it wasn’t, but…”

“What’s a broodmare?” I asked. My own experience with horses back on Earth gave me some ideas and…none of them sounded too good in a world of talking ponies.

The other princess in the room looked over to me in surprise. “Did you listen to anything I taught you about pony society?” she asked before groaning while I gave her a no with my head movement. “Okay well…when there is a married couple that can’t have foals because the mare is barren. A cousin or sister can volunteer to bear a foal with the husband. It keeps everything in the family and connected.”

That little bit of information got an eyebrow raise out of me. “Does that work? I mean, wouldn’t the um…aunt or birth mother want a say in how the foal was raised?”

Rarity cleared her throat. “Sweetie Belle is actually my aunt’s daughter,” she said hesitantly. “Biologically, I mean. Mother raised her of course after…well…let’s just say there were some complications with my birth. Anyway…they…um…there’s no conflict. Usually. It’s a big decision after all. Everypony knows what they’re getting into ahead of time, and it isn’t as if the aunt is completely out of the foal’s life.”

I blinked and it took me a moment to find my voice. “I…honestly don’t know what to say to that. Um…thanks for the explanation?”

“Well you are an alien creature from an alternate dimension that has a completely different set of moral values and fashion sense, so I thought an example would do you good,” Rarity told me. “Now be a dear and hold still, or the next pin is going where Celestia’s sun never does.”

A sigh escaped my lips. “Was she this bad with your fitting?”

Twilight smiled. “Worse actually.”

“Well you kept moving,” Rarity complained. “And my dear Fairy has had much more practice. Now…” The unicorn paused, probably to give me a moment of silence as I remembered all the crap she had be try on for her clients, then looked back at Twilight. “Twilight, with this new matrimonial development and all…would you happen to be looking for a stallion for the two of you to share?”

I flinched.

Rarity poked me in the ass again.

I contemplated turning her into Opal’s new chew toy while repressing the urge to change back into a changeling.

Twilight rolled her eyes and pointed to me. “That’s my stallion…soon as I retool a spell or two so I can alter Fae’s gender. We’re looking into dating another mare.”

All of a sudden, the magic holding up everything the unicorn was using faltered, and Rarity looked back and forth between the two of us. I moaned at the reaction. “It’s not you.”

“Oh…well…” Rarity stopped and looked over to Twilight. “I doubt we would have it off anyway.”

Twilight’s expression turned to a frown. “Why not?”

I braced myself for the coming storm.

“Well darling, I love you like a sister and will always be your friend, because you’re so kind and loving and supportive and all that. But…” she took a deep breath and gave Twilight a once over. “You’re far too excitable about all the wrong things, the novels you read are atrocious, your romantic skills made me wonder how you ever got a coltfriend until we learned he was an assassin sent to kill you, your table manners are on par with Rainbow Dash’s, you have nooooooo sense of fashion or style. Not to mention you get far too wrapped up when explaining anything to notice when everypony is completely lost, we share almost no common interests whatsoever beyond enjoying the spa every now and then, and to be honest...you tend to frighten me when you have your…episodes. Especially since becoming a…um…magical powerhouse that can toss mountains around.”

Twilight blinked. “Oh…that’s…uh…”

Rarity blanched as the goddess just gave her a blank look that Smelled three seconds from some kind of depression.

“Not that I don’t think you’re an excellent friend that will always be there for me in my time of need and I will forever support in whatever endeavor you wish me to and know you will do the same with me!” she quickly backpedaled. “It’s just…if the two of us were to get together, we’d drive each other crazy. I know I must get on your nerves sometimes as well. Good friends that shall always be there for each other…yes. Lover that I want to be around every second of every day…not so much.”

“Really? That’s your save?” I commented in a dry tone.

Rarity cleared her throat and looked over to Twilight. “Yes well, just who is the lucky mare that has managed to catch the eyes of both of you, hmm?”

My coincidence alarm started going off as soon as the question passed from Rarity’s lips. With the way Equestria worked, it would probably be my luck that Rainbow would just slam through the roof, or be waiting outside the window and overhear.

“Well, we’re going to ask-”

Panic rose up in my mind as Twilight started talking. “OH NO YOU DON’T!” I shouted before teleporting over to Twilight. “No telling until we talk to her! In fact, that’s what we’re going to do now!” With Tia in town as well, I wasn’t going to wait around to see if she wanted to stick her nose in things.

Plus, the way my luck was working, Dash and Pinkie were just outside the window, waiting to prank me or something. Although, after looking out the window behind Twilight and finding nothing, logic dictated that they simply hadn’t arrived yet, and Rainbow was going to come crashing in the very second Twilight explained things and pick up just enough to figure it out.

Then she’d get scared off and everything would be ruined!

Forever!

Twilight blinked. “But I wanted to ask Rarity what she thought about us and-”

I shook my head fiercely. “Look, Twilight. I know you want to make this whole big plan to talk to Rainbow about-” An excited gasp from behind made me cringe. “Oops.”

“Ohmygosh! You’re going to ask Rainbow Dash if she wants to join in on your relationship!” Rarity exclaimed. “That’s… The three of you do spend all that time together, and then there’s your flying lessons Twilight! And that Daring Do thing that happened, not to mention all the time you and her spent reading and talking about those books Twilight, and what happened on the Galloping Ghost Islands, and you wanting to join the Equestria Games, and how you kept Rainbow Dash from wearing my outfits during the qualifying round, and put yourselves in those cheerleading outfits! Ooooooo, the two of you are smitten with her!”

Twilight’s eyes widened. “WHAT? I’m not…Fairy is the one who is…smitten,” she grumbled, which kind of made me a little worried to be honest. “I just…admit to the possibility that there may be a future in a triangle relationship between the three of us.”

A weird look overtook the unicorn, and she glanced over to me. “Get out of the dress. We have plans to make.”

“Um…don’t you need to finish your…whatever?” I asked.

Rarity rolled her eyes. “I was done two minutes after Twilight came in to check up on you darling,” she told me. “Honestly, we’ve done his enough times I was hoping something other than the names of the fabric would rub off on you.”

My eye twitched. “Are you telling me you’ve been poking me with needles for over fifteen minutes for nothing?”

“Of course not darling. I was thinking up the best way to ask Twilight’s permission to court her brother,” she said. “Yours was a necessary sacrifice.”

Then, before I could intact my revenge by changing back into my normal form and turning all of Rarity’s hard work to ash before telling her I’ll follow Tia’s example and just go naked, the unicorn saved her ass by opening her mouth. “Now, how exactly are the two of you going to ask her out?”

Twilight answered and gave me time to not smack Rarity on the horn. “Oh, we figured we’d ask her over for dinner and lay things out. I mean, this isn’t exactly the normal date kind of thing. We’ll be upfront and honest, and-”

“Oh, nonononono!” Rarity replied before she looked over to me. “Hmmm…no, that won’t do at all,” she said after taking a moment to look at us.

I frowned at the unicorn again. “Excuse me? Did you just down talk a completely straightforward and honest approach to asking Dash out?” I asked before another little fact popped up in my head. “And how many dates have you been on Rarity?”

In response to the question, the unicorn raised an eyebrow. “Darling, while the straightforward approach might be fine for a normal relationship…the whole of Equestria just learned about these new marriage laws, and while I do find the idea positively lovely, your everyday pony will probably need some time to mull it over.

“That’s if it doesn’t frighten them off straight away,” she went on. “No, what you need is…hmmm, put her in a familiar setting, something exciting maybe and…oh! I know, take her out on a date!”

Twilight tilted her head in confusion, and I felt the urge to do the same. “Rarity, that’s what we’re planning to do!”

“No, you two are planning to put a great deal of pressure on the dear by telling her you're going out on a date to see if you can have a day of fun together,” Rarity told us. “She’ll be so stressed to perform, if she even agrees to it in the first place that is, Rainbow won’t be able to concentrate on enjoying herself. No!” She slammed her hoof into the ground. “What you two need to do is just up and take her on a date without actually telling her it’s a date!”

The perpetual frown that had raced my face since Rarity started her insanity only deepened. “And just how many dates have you been on, again?”

Rarity snorted, or sniffed in indignation, but it sure as hell sounded like a snort. “Dozens…simulated,” she admitted after a moment of me giving her a disbelieving look. “What? I read romance novels! And it’s a lot better than the two of you!”

“Rarity, we’ve actually been on dates,” Twilight deadpanned.

A roll of the eyes was the response the little goddess got, and then the unicorn kept running her mouth. “Yes, and while I’m sure Rainbow would be thrilled for a trip to the Hayburger, I think a pair of princesses can do a bit better. Now, let’s see...where would she like to go?”

As was the usual after she ran the real Derpy through her morning mail delivery paces to practice handing things off, Rainbow was training on her homemade course of relay rings that had been constructed from clouds. From the looks of the thing, the Equestria Games were either going to have one hell of a run when it came to the event, or the pegasus was overdoing it again. Although, the fact that it was a single type of course obviously made a difference. I didn’t see her crash once all the way through it.

“Hey Rainbow!”

When the blur of speed just passed us by and I caught sight of her face, I let out a frustrated groan as my hair moved to cover my eyes thanks to the pegasus’s wake. “Do you want to grab her? I’m pretty sure she hates that but…I saw some goggles on her face and at the speed she’s going, I don’t know if she can hear us. Your magic is a lot more gentle than mine.”

Twilight sighed and moved in front of me some distance. “Okay,” she agreed before her horn lit up.

As Rainbow neared us in a second pass, Twilight’s horn let out a bright flash and a purple light expanded a good fifty feet to wrap Rainbow and everything else that got caught inside it up in the alicorn’s magic. It was a rather impressive display of magic that was easily beyond that of a unicorn, and served to remind me just how high Twilight stood above her friends when it came to power.

Sure, I had just as much…sometimes more, but usually less. Being a changeling meant I had to use my magic sparingly when it came to big stuff. Feeding off Twilight at the end of the day as much as I was gave me plenty of juice again but…what I wouldn’t give not to have to do it at all.

Ever again.

After Rainbow was caught like a fly in a web, me and Twilight trotted up to her.

“What the hay? What‘s going on? Come on, lemme go!”

Twilight turned the pegasus to face us and blushed. “Sorry Rainbow, but you weren’t listening and…sorry,” she said before setting Rainbow down. “But…we wanted to talk to you.”

As soon as Twilight released her magic, I picked up the conversation. “You know…um, with the Wonderbolts having to do their thing at my coronation… I-I know it’s just a flyby, and some meet and greet with Spitfire…” I had to pause and lick my lips. This was a lot more nerve wracking than I thought it was going to be

“Um, but you know, they’ll be at my coronation, in a few days,” I said while looking the panting pegasus up and down while keeping away from her…athletic musk. Still, even with the sheen of sweat, the Rainbow looked as perfect as ever. “I was kind of thinking I might as well go to a s-show. With Twilight! You know…cause, we’re um…together.”

So I don’t do well under pressure that I can’t cure by beating something to death. I mean sure, I had godlike magical powers and an unbreakable armor shell that let me face down demons one hundred times my size without fear, but against a blue pegasus with the chromatic mane, or even a purple pony princess that was sad, they meant nothing.

“Oh-kay?” Rainbow replied as she turned her face half away from me for a few moments and I could Smell her caution before the pegasus turned to Twilight. “So um…why are you guys telling me?”

Twilight cleared her throat and looked at me for a few seconds. When I kind of…froze, she picked up the slack, very quickly. “Oh…um…well…we want you to come with us because you know the most about the Wonderbolts and can tell us all the…um…important…stuff?” The way she just petered out at the end after her horse words were running at Pinkie speed made me wince.

At least my anxiety induced amnesia was explainable. Twilight had done all the work during our whirlwind romance. So my dating skills that were mostly focused on the non-nudist magical talking creatures types in the first place were a bit rusty. Not to mention I always got a bit nervous when trying to punch above my dating weight class, which a hot athlete star like Rainbow Dash was.

I mean, she wasn’t Tia. She wasn’t just screwing around. This was serious relationship stuff.

It didn’t help that Twilight had tried to step in with some improvisation. Even after she kept me for a few hours at Rarity’s going over a plan, complete with some basic lines to ask questions and answers for stuff we were sure Rainbow would ask. And of course it didn’t last ten minutes.

Not being a monumental moron, Rainbow obviously figured something was wrong by our innocently smiling faces. She gave us both a once-over, then let out a loud sigh. “Okay, what’s going on?” she asked evenly.

Twilight let out a nervous laugh. “Nothing! Absolutely nothing!”

I smiled.

I gulped.

I Smelled more caution coming from Rainbow, and when her expression turned into a frown, I slumped and sighed. “Look…you know that announcement that unicorn pony made this morning to the town?”

“Fairy!” Twilight exclaimed.

I looked over to Twilight, and winced when I saw her glaring at me. “Oh come on Twilight. That whole Wonderbolts thing…that’s not me or you. Let’s just ask her.” Not like it would make a difference.

And just like that, I decided to not go through with Rarity’s plan of getting Rainbow Dash to come with us to Cloudsdale tomorrow to take in a Wonderbolt’s show. I didn’t think my blood pressure could take the wait.

We just needed to be straight up and tell her what was going on.

Then we’d either take Rainbow on a date to a Wonderbolt’s show in the princess’s personal skybox…

…or my life would be over.

Rainbow cleared her throat and made us look back to her. “Would one of you tell me what’s going on?”

Thankfully, Twilight took the initiative. “Rainbow…we like you, and…with these new marriage laws…we would like to see if you want to…date, go on a date…with…us. Because, I think, well...there may be the possibility of a chance that we could maybe take what we have with our friendship and do...more...with...it."

"I-If you want to," I added.

“Oh,” she replied before looking over to me, then back to Twilight, and over to me again. In the ensuing silence, I took in Rainbow’s Scent. It was a mix of desire, fear, sadness, some more fear, and a little bit of happiness all put together in a tangled mess of confusion that showed on her face as she just glanced back and forth between the two of us.

What really got me though was what was coming from Twilight. She just reeked of fear. Not the super panicky kind, just…lots of apprehension, lots and lots of it. If Rainbow said no, then I was pretty sure she would go into full panic.

As for me…I was starting to think we should have gone with Rarity’s idea. After all, there was no proof that Rainbow was into Twilight, and especially me. The whole empathic thing would have totally let me see it easily if she had been. At the very least, we would have gotten one last day of fun out of the whole thing before Rainbow just decided to cut ties with us forever.

Which I couldn’t really allow of course. I mean…Twilight and Dash and the others…Destiny.

Me…Background Pony.

I glanced over to Twilight without looking away from Dash.

Twilight looked at me out of the corner of her eyes.

Rainbow Dash…was silent.

I took that as a good sign. Silence meant…well, thinking!

Silence meant thinking. It wasn’t really a Rainbow thing to do but…thinking was good. Twilight thought all the time.

But I couldn’t take the silence. Silence was bad. It meant suspense.

So I cheated. I had empathic abilities after all, and I didn’t even need to force them on. I just focused on Rainbow’s scent and there was…

Anger, a good amount of anger. Then there was some fear. Doubt. Maybe a bit of regret, which quickly bloomed into a lot, and more anger, and fear. The fear grew to trump the anger, but then the anger was back, followed by the fear and…

Shit. I already knew it was going to go bad, I had to wonder why I opened my damn mouth in the first place.

By the time Rainbow‘s anxiety trumped her…whatever the fuck she was getting angry about, I was getting pretty afraid myself. “R-Rainbow wait,” I said after putting one hoof forward. “Look…I um…t-this was a stupid way to ask you but…I um…even if…e-even if you don’t want to…try, I…we… we’ll still be friends. No matter what. I was just-”

Rainbow spoke. “Okay.”

I froze again.

I tried to talk, but all that would come out was, “he…he…” Not even real words, or laughs, just little bits of breath with some noises attached. I was just…too much in disbelief.

Twilight stepped up for me, Celestia bless her. “So that’s a yes?”

I smiled of course it was a-

“No!” Rainbow exclaimed as she spoke quickly with wide eyes, Reeking of surprise and fear while holding up her forelegs as she jumped into the air. “That’s a no. Like no way, no how, no definitely not.”

And as Rainbow just kind of took a hammer to my chest, my legs tried to give out underneath me.

“I was just...I-I was saying yes to the friends thing,” she told us quickly. “G-Going on a date with you guys…um…j-just…no. Just friends. Saying…yes to the friends thing. Bu date...other stuff...no. Not a good idea."

I blinked…a lot, really fast. It probably had something to do with all the dust in my eyes. “Oh…

…

…

…okay,” I finished.

Twilight let out a sigh, and then smiled up at that fucking bitch that…that…oh hell. I reigned in that train of thought before they made me do something I would have regretted. Rainbow was just out of my league, and that was all it was. “Well…we just…thought we’d ask. Thanks for being honest.”

In response, Rainbow Dash gulped and all that anger I had felt before exploded into panic. “Y-Yeah…sorry. I...um...sorry.” She looked back and for between us with a tense expression, and I made out some clenched teeth. Even her wing beats seemed kind of erratic.

And why shouldn’t she be angry? Or scared? Terrified even!

She just turned me down. The super violent…dick, or…something. “That’s…” I had to blinks some more dust out of my eye or something. “T-That’s okay,” I breathed. “You um…we’ll…uh…get out of your mane. I’m...s-sorry. We um...okay.”

I smelled some sadness coming from her, and relief, more anger, then more sadness and fear, and then anger started to build up again as she looked down at me. “I um...I-I just...I’m sorry. I should-I can’t...just...no.”

Twilight was just…sad…and concerned…for me. I could practically taste her love on my lips before she looked up at the pegasus. “It’s okay Rainbow. No need to feel sorry, it’s...just the way things are. Sorry for interrupting you.”

“N-No I…um…I need a shower anyway,” Rainbow said. “Bye.”

And then, she was gone. The rainbow trail she made faded. The world...turned gray.

I just kind of stood there, still a little wobbly.

"Fae…are you alright?”

Of course I wasn’t alright.

I was the farthest you could get from alright.

I was…was…

Twilight’s whole body pressed up against me, and I felt her touch my neck in a nuzzle. “We always knew there was a possibility she’d say no.”

No…I…didn’t. I really didn’t. Her saying no never crossed my mind. Not really. Not my ‘this is reality’ mind. I had my doubts, but I never really, really thought she would…say no.

I just…collapsed into Twilight.

The alicorn grunted, and the next thing I knew, I was floating in her magic.

Her gentle, kind…loving magic. That had always been there for me since…since…I came to Ponyville and…I just…kept looking at…Rainbow while Twilight just…she always supported me.

I...I had to wonder if...this is what she felt, for so long. Had I made her feel like I was feeling when I got all excited about trying to get together with Rainbow?

Good God I was an awful person.

“I’m sorry,” I told her, the purple blob that filled a good part of my blurry vision.

It was kind of hard to tell but…I think Twilight smiled at me. “That’s my line,” she said. “Now come on, let’s go home. Okay?”

I nodded dumbly. I couldn’t talk. I just… Why did she say no?

The thought came to me and...I wanted to laugh at myself.

Rainbow had just crushed my dreams, and Twilight had picked me up, but it was the pegasus I was wondering about instead of the alicorn.

It was more than awful, it was pathetic.

I didn’t feed again, Twilight insisted but...I didn’t want to. Feeding felt good, and I didn’t want to feel good. I just wanted...nothing.

For the rest of the day, after Twilight took me home and we got into bed…stuff happened…I…really wasn’t sure what. I think she left for awhile to work on the mirror with Sunset, look it over and do some magic junk.

Other than that…no idea.

I got to my dream house a bit earlier than Tia and just did what I did all day. I just laid around and wallowed in how miserable life was. Because it was, even in Equestria, life sucked. Couches were good for that. Good for moping They were so good for it, I didn’t know how long I was there by myself.

Then Tia showed up and looked around. “No game to-are you alright?” she asked in concern.

I laughed, I actually laughed. I laughed about a lot of things. About the answer being so obvious, about not bothering to alter the interior at all this time around, about…not caring that Tia was naked. None of it was really funny though.

It was weird to laugh when you weren’t happy. There was no strength behind it, no volume. But I did it. “He…Hehe…hehehe…” I went before answering. “She said no.”

Celestia was next to me in an instant. I felt her hands reach under and pick my front half up, then she sat down again before drawing me into her. I just laid my head against her. It felt nice, warm and comforting.

I hated it.

I opened my mouth. “I forgot to do anything for us tonight. Sorry.”

We could still talk about...stuff though, I supposed. There was that plant thing and...I kind of wanted to know Sunset telling all the girls she used to be Sunny's babysitter.

“That’s okay. I talked to the girls in town. Sunset introduced us. The way Rarity was acting...I had thought you and...well, it’s not important.”

Celestia held me a bit longer, but the silence apparently got to her. “It’s not that bad. It may seem like it at the moment, but... Tell me, is anything different from when it was yesterday?”

There was actually. “…yes.” There was a rather big thing difference than yesterday, and the day before that, for that matter.

That seemed to jostle the goddess a little, and she looked down at me. “What’s that?”

I sighed. “Yesterday, I had hope…now...nothing.”

Celestia bruised some of the hair from my forehead, then she leaned down and kissed me there. “Only because you do not wish to see it. Take some time. Mourn the loss of that possibility, and start to go forward when you’re ready. I’ll be here, like always.”

“I just…why did she say no?”