Princess Celestia was not happy. A creature she had entrusted to her ponies had just returned, starved and weathered. How did this happen? She thought, forcing herself to look away from his malnourished form. "Twilight, I must ask you and your friends to wait in the throne room while I sort Jason out." Her tone left no room for argument as she stiffly walked out the door, beckoning Jason to follow.

Celestia ignored the grumbles of discontent from the mares, hoping Jason would do the same. The thought of the human caused her mask to crack, allowing a fatigued frown to creep across her muzzle. He was so polite before...what happened to him? The alicorn swore to herself she would get to the bottom of it. Speaking of, Jason was being incredibly quiet. She'd expected grumbles or shouts from him, anything but silence. "Jason, you're being awfully quiet. There's no need to censor yourself for my sake. You must be angry." She tried not to sound suspicious or accusatory, but inwardly flinched at her utter failure.

If Jason felt insulted, he didn't show it. "I'm absolutely livid. But lashing out and complaining won't fix anything." She could almost feel his shrug.

Despite herself, the white alicorn smiled. "That didn't stop you earlier."

Jason let out a frustrated sigh before continuing. "I thought if I was difficult enough, you'd thrown me back off the balcony."

The reminder of the suicide attempt jammed a dagger into Celestia's chest. Over her thousands of years, the number of suicides she'd seen could be counted on one of Jason's hands. The Princess let the matter drop, returning the pair to an uncomfortable silence.

"So..." Jason ventured, picking up the pace until he was alongside the princess, "what's this 'rehab' you're putting me through, anyway?" He raised an eyebrow, not quite looking at her.

Celestia quirked a corner of her mouth up, before replying. "First thing's first...you need a bath." After a quick sniff and grimace, she amended, "possibly several."
-----

I scowled and looked away, holding my arms just a tad closer to my sides. Fuck you too Princess, we'll see how you smell after what I've been through. "And I don't reckon you'll let me bathe alone?" I doubted I'd be alone at all for the next month...great. Just what I need. A dozen ponies breathing down my neck.

"After you tried jumping off a balcony? No. I intend to keep you safe. Even if it means protecting you from yourself." I flinched slightly at Celestia's tone. Christ, she sounds like an angry mother...

I sighed and kept silent, allowing the remainder of the walk to pass in silence. The halls were eerily empty, and the decoration seemed to get gradually more and more grand as we walked. By the time Celestia stopped at a large, ornate door I could hardly keep my eyes open from all the gold and gems in the walls, doors, and trim. "We're here, I take it?"

I was more interested in the door, but I'm fairly certain Celestia nodded. "The Royal Suite. This is where you'll be staying."

I turned towards the crazy mare and cautiously raised an eyebrow. "...But don't you live here?" What's she trying to pull?

Celestia nodded again, with what I'm sure was an impish smirk. "And my sister. As I said, you are to have somepony watching over you at all times. With me here all night and Luna resting during the day, there is always somepony here."

I managed to keep a level expression through that...revelation. And I thought Applejack was creepy... "And I suppose there's no way for me to get out of this?"

The Solar Diarch seemed a little too happy when she shook her head. "Not until we feel you can be trusted on your own." Celestia then proceeded to giggle and...clap? Clop? Clop her forehooves together like an excited girl. "It'll be like a sleepover~"

Okay. I am officially freaked out. What the Hell is going on here? I raised an eyebrow and crossed my arms. "You're awfully excited about this." I tried keeping the accusation out of my voice. Just not very hard.

The giddy mare sobered immediately, though the ghost of a smile was still plastered on her muzzle. "...Apologies. I get so few opportunities to be myself in company other than my sister." And then the smile dropped completely. "I am a pony too, Jason. If you haven't noticed, we are somewhat excitable."

"HAH!" I barked, doubled over slightly and holding my stomach. Understatement of the century... I was about to let loose a golden nugget of snark when a white fuzzy fetlock was pressed to my mouth.

"Shhh!" I dropped my expression to the flattest of flat stares and slowly, slowly turned my head to Celestia.

"Grrt yrr hff rff mr frrce." Get. Your. Hoof. Off. My. Face. My muffled message must've been received, because she lowered her hoof almost immediately.

"Again, my apologies. My sister is...not overly happy when awoken early." Images of being blown away by THE ROYAL CANTERLOT VOICE filled my mind, and I shuddered with a silent nod.

Celestia waited another moment to see if I had accidentally awoken the Lunar Princess before, apparently satisfied, ushering me to the bathroom.

And what a bathroom it was! The tub was already filled, steam rolling off the crystal-clear water. The tub itself looked like a small pool, easily able to hold ten people. There were many bottles scattered about, most of which I had no clue the purpose of. Loofahs, scrubbers, sponges, and brushes were sprawled haphazardly all over the place, and a distinctly feminine, floral scent hung in the air strong enough to almost make my eyes water.

I was hardly able to take it all in before being lifted by magic (which sucked by the way—have I mentioned that?), having the grubby, threadbare towel stripped from my waist, and being gently placed in the tub. Being manhandled—ponyhandled? Annoying, but I could deal with it. Being dumped in a tub? that was pushing it. Stripping me against my will?

Fuck that noise.

I stood and made to simply walk out, but was forcibly sat back down by that damnable golden glow. "I can bathe myself, Princess." I made sure to inject as much irritation into my voice as I could, though it came out as more of a petulant whine.

"I don't doubt that." That giggle says otherwise, you crazy bi— "But part of your rehabilitation includes learning to accept friendly physical contact."

"Bathing me like a fucking child isn't friendly, Celestia. It's creepy!" I almost shouted. If I wouldn't just be plucked out of the air by her magic, I would've run off half a dozen times by now.

Celestia rolled her eyes. "You sound like a colt..." She sighed and lowered her head. "But baby-steps, I suppose. If I turn around and let you bathe yourself, would you be more comfortable?"

I didn't let my glare waver for a second. "I'd be even more comfortable if you'd wait outside the door."

"I can't do that, Jason. I'm taking enough of a risk taking my eyes off you."

Fucking... "Alright, fine...Just turn around, and don't say a word." After she did so, I looked to the bottles lining the tub.

Now, which of these is the soap?
-----

Twilight Sparkle's feathers were thoroughly, irrevocably, irreparably ruffled. The lavender alicorn was pacing a trench in the throne-room floor, muttering to herself. And it was driving Applejack nuts. "Jes' give it a rest Twilight, yer makin' the rest of us all nervous too."

Twilight whipped around to her friend, eyes wide and hair frazzled. "Nervous? Nervous? The most terrible creature in the universe is all alone with Princess Celestia right now, and I'm making you nervous?!"

"Now yer jes' being silly," Applejack replied, "Jason's a bit odd, and ugly as sin, but he's not that bad once ya git ta know him. What's got ya so dead-set against 'im anyhow?"

"You know what, Applejack." Twilight glowered.

"No, Ah really don't. Matter o' fact, nopony knows. Ya been so tight-lipped about what happened through that mirror, and it's obvious to anypony with half a brain that it's eatin' ya somethin' fierce." Applejack approached and extended a foreleg across Twilight's withers, dropping her voice back down. "If ya can't tell us, how can we understand what yer goin' through?"

Twilight gulped and took a deep breath, fighting to regain some semblance of control. "Do you really want to know?" She really, really hoped she didn't.

"I believe we all do, dear." Another voice chimed in, and another body pressed against Twilight's own. The lavender mare glanced towards Rarity, who added, "It's clear you're in pain, what kind of friends would we be if we let you take that burden alone?"

Twilight sighed and let her body deflate slightly, closing her eyes. "Fine..." She looked up with a fierce, sharp glare. "But this never leaves the room. Promise?"