Author's Notes:

Credit to Salsav91 for the lighting idea! I saw it and just HAD to use it...

Twilight Sparkle was in pain. Light flashed around her, forming chaotic patterns of white and violet as she tumbled through whatever Hell the mirror led to. She could hear a scream through the all-encompassing howling of wind, only a small part of her realizing it was her voice. Her entire body, from her horn to her hooves, felt like it was being crushed and squeezed through a keyhole. Did she even have a horn anymore? She couldn't make sense of anything she felt. Parts moved that shouldn't. Parts that should be mobile were stationary.

It was madness.

Finally, after what felt like hours (or years...or seconds...did time mean anything here?) she was engulfed by a bright light. She felt solid ground beneath her face, and all was blackness.
-----

She awoke slowly, her mind fading in and out of focus for several moments before she'd regained enough sense to sit up. The unicorn brushed some debris from her mane with her fingers—

...

Twilight.exe has stopped responding.

Twilight slowly pulled her arm back, glancing over the alien appendage with a blank, vacant expression. This was new. This was very, very new. Luckily, as the Princess of Friendship and personal protégé of Princess Celestia herself, Twilight knew exactly how to handle the situation.

"KYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!" She shrieked, bringing up her other arm, praying at least this one was still familiar.

It wasn't.

"KYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!"

"Twilight?" A familiar raspy voice asked, clearly hesitant. "Are...you okay?" The ex-mare hardly noticed, continuing to look over and panic at her new body. She gripped one leg at the knee, lifting it up—

Oh Celestia it's not supposed to bend that way IT'S NOT SUPPOSED TO BEND THAT WAY!

Twilight shuddered and dropped the offending limb, beginning to hyperventilate. Holding one hand to her mouth, a blackness began to creep into the edge of her vision as her stomach twisted and flipped.

"SNAP OUT OF IT!" The voice shouted, two tiny paws holding the girl's head steady. A little purple dog was staring at her, clearly concerned. "Twilight, just calm down...You're just fine. Look, I changed too!" The dog stepped back and did a full spin before sitting down and scratching his ear.

"...Spike?" Twilight ventured, still trembling horribly but visibly calmed down.
-----

"Hah! I knew it, you did freak out!" Rainbow jeered, laughing herself into a full midair flip before wiping her brow.

Twilight glared and huffed at the tomboyish mare. "Well wouldn't you? I told all of you I freaked out!"

"Actually, darling," Rarity ventured, "I believe the words you used were "somewhat perturbed"."

"So what happened next?" Fluttershy whispered, barely audible from the distance she insisted on maintaining from the group. The other five blinked for a moment, apparently startled by the input. Fluttershy had hardly said a word in a week, let alone show genuine interest in something.

"Well..." Twilight began, "After Spike got me calmed down, I started trying to figure out my new body."
-----

"Who-oa-a-AAAH!" Twilight squawked indignantly as she fell on her face for the twelfth time. Grumbling to herself, she pushed herself up onto her hands and knees before shakily standing back up. "Oookay...this isn't so hard."

"Why not walk on all fours?" Spike asked, sitting off to the side with his head on his paws.

Twilight huffed and managed a tiny step, still wobbling and pinwheeling her arms in the air. "Th-this body isn't made for that...the forelegs are too short and weak, and these... things," she wiggled her fingers, "are too delicate for walking on. I'm almost entirely sure I'm supposed to walk on two legs." And then she promptly fell on her face.

"Tell that to the ground." Spike deadpanned, curling up with a yawn. "Wake me up when you figure it out, kay Twilight?"

The girl grumbled and stood back up, trying again.
-----

"Ah hate ta be a stick in th' mud, but can ya fast-forward to the parts that actually matter?" Applejack butted in. The orange mare was borderline glaring at Twilight, rolling her fetlock in a 'get on with it' gesture.

Twilight scowled and snorted lightly, before continuing. "Fine. I had trouble fitting in, and was teased and heckled by every human I came across. Happy?"

The group wore matching looks of disbelief. Finally, Pinkie Pie spoke up.

"Really?"

Pinkie skulked towards Twilight with a scowl to put gargoyles to shame, not stopping until she was physically pushing Twilight back with her snout. "That's all? You put Jason through all that because you were bullied?"

Twilight gulped, Pinkie's obvious disdain driving a knife through her heart. Powering through, she managed to continue. "That was just the first day..."
-----

I stepped out of the bathtub and quickly wrapped one of the fluffy, luxurious towels around my waist. "Alright, I'm out." I pushed my hair out of my eyes, feeling so much better. "So what now?" Celestia was still turned away, her tail billowing in a nonexistent wind to give me a full view of—aaaand I'm gonna look anywhere but there.

The Princess turned back around with what I immediately recognized as a fake smile. "My sister will wake soon. When she does, I'll leave you in her care." Her smile turned quite a bit more forced, but at the same time didn't waver in the slightest. "I will arrange for the Element Bearers' return to Ponyville." I nodded silently and motioned for us to leave the bathroom. The steam-laden air was beginning to suffocate me.

Back in the...it was too spartan to be considered a living-room, with only a single chair and bookcase, so...waiting-room? Back in the waiting-room, I stood feeling incredibly awkward. Much of the soreness and frustration had been washed away, but I was still in an entirely new situation. I had absolutely no idea how to act. Maybe small-talk? "So..." I looked up at the ceiling, hands fidgeting with the edge of my impromptu towel-kilt, "how 'bout that weather? Seems you ponies keep it a paradise almost year-round...with obvious exceptions." I muttered the last part under my breath, but in the pin-drop silence I was sure she heard it anyway.

"The Weather-Factory is very efficient," Celestia agreed, "we can thank the pegasi's discipline for that. Back in the golden age of Pegasopolis, every stallion and mare was trained in the art of combat." Her face twisted slightly with disapproval. "While I do not condone or enjoy violence, it is that history that gives pegasi their sense of duty. Without it, I fear Equestria would've fallen apart millennia ago." Celestia raised an eyebrow at me with a small smile. "Of course I'm sure you already know this. Twilight is very...enthusiastic with her lectures. I'll bet she gave you a rundown on Equestria's history as soon as you stepped into her library."

I winced slightly. "Yeah...about that. That's why I came here in the first place." I felt some amount of anger bubbling back to the surface, but I quashed it under my heel. I already had a private meeting with Celestia, now would not be the time to act like a madman. "I never actually stayed with T...with her." My brows furrowed and an edge crept into my voice, despite my best efforts. "As a matter of fact, she slammed the door in my face as soon as she saw me."

Celestia took a slight step back, blinking rapidly. "...Did she give a reason?"

I shrugged. "Not really. Pretty much told me to fuck off." I paused. "I know it sounds crazy, but...I swear I'm being honest."

The princess was visibly troubled, and more than a little disheartened. "...Surely somepony let you stay with them. You look like you've seen better days to be sure—no offense—but I highly doubt you could've survived all this time without any help."

"Nope." I was surprised how easily I was dealing with this. I was angry to be sure, I was absolutely livid, but it felt far-away. Like it couldn't really affect me. "In fact, quite the opposite. After word spread that I'd made an enemy of the local princess, ponies went out of their way to ruin my day." I pointed to a warped, pale patch of scar-tissue on my right shoulder, jagged white lines spiderwebbing down my torso, "lightning-strike. If it'd hit my other side, I'd be dead right now." I pointed to a crescent-shaped scar on my belly, "kicked by a pony." For some reason I felt I should omit Applejack's name. I drew my finger along a deep white scar on my forehead, laying horizontally across my temple and cutting into my hairline, "hit by a wooden plank. That one nearly did kill me."

Celestia's eyes narrowed. "Lightning doesn't leave scars, Jason. Your natural magic should insulate you from the damage."

It was my turn to raise an eyebrow. "Excuse me, Princess? How does that even make any sense?" Okay, now I was starting to get pissed. I didn't come all this way to be called a liar. "Not sure if you're aware, but I don't have magic. Lighting is very, very bad for my health."

"Everypony has magic, Jason. Even earth-ponies have magic, subtle as it may be." I could tell she was running short on patience. But at this point, I couldn't care less.

"Yeah," I scowled, crossing my arms. "Every pony. But I'm not native to Equestria. My world has no magic. Therefore, I have no magic." So nyehhh!

The Princess paused in consideration for several moments, the tension in the room only broken when the bedroom door swung open and the most terrifying thing I'd seen in three years stumbled out.

The pre-coffee Luna stared at me through puffy, half-asleep eyes for several moments, trying in futility to blink the hallucination away. After several tense seconds, she shook her head and made her way to what I assumed was the kitchen.

"S' too early for this sh—"

"Luna," Celestia warned, "language."

The dark mare grumbled an unintelligible response before the gurgling of a coffee-machine emanated from the kitchen.

Celestia turned back to me and cleared her throat. "...Jason, I have some duties to attend to. Thus, I leave you in my sister's—" Luna levitated her mug to the table before sitting down and faceplanting beside it with an exhausted groan. "...capable hooves." The solar diarch disappeared in a flash of golden light, leaving me with Moonbutt.

I glanced towards the kitchen and thought about getting myself a cup of coffee, but thought better of it.
-----

Twilight was just about to continue her story, before her mentor's voice echoed from the hall. The group turned just in time to see a troubled Celestia enter. "Twilight, a word please?"