I look around but it seems he didn’t come in with Twilight. Oh well. I feel like just dumping this mare somewhere but... I don’t know what she could get up to. So I walk towards Maestro’s place, passing Sugarcube Corner along the way. I can hear music coming from inside and it seems Pinkie’s throwing some sort of celebration as usual. I decide we can get meat some other time, as this has gotten me curious.

“Hey Glad, wanna see what’s going on?”

“Sure! I’m always up for a good ol’ revel!”

“Just remember there’s probably children there too... and the drinks are guaranteed alcohol-free. Still, don’t go too nuts, okay?”

“Aww, sounds boring... ah, whatever. I can handle it, there’s gonna be some folks in there I can get alone for a few... maybe even two or three at once.” Gladius licks her lips at the thought, and I suppress a shudder.

“Come on, you wanted to see Pinkie anyway, didn’t ya?” I lead her to the giant dessert-shaped building, the music becoming louder as we draw near. It’s the usual stuff Pinkie plays. Not bad, high energy, but seems to be missing something in my opinion.

When we get inside, I see the usual set-up with streamers, balloons, all sorts of sweets, and all kinds of games. There’s not as much room as in the little area we had my party in, but it’s not bad, I just have to remember that I should watch where I’m going so I don’t step on a kid.

“Well, whaddya think, Gladius? This the kind of party you expected?”

The mare is looking a bit disgruntled, until she sees a couple in one corner, evidently not a part of the party. “It will be soon! You’re fine on your own, right? Good.” And just like that, she swaggers to the table, evidently prepared to hit on one member of the couple or another. Or both, she seems like the type to try.

I make my way around and I was assured that, yes, there are plenty of kids laughing and just having a good time. I turn to where the commotion is mostly centered around. Being tall, it doesn’t take much to see that the center of the party is...

“Spike? What’d you do, man? Plug up a leaking dam or something?”

“Nah, nothing much, just saved a freakin’ empire from an evil tyrant!” Spike begins pumping his fist in the air, which results in all the impressionable little ponies trying the same thing, gleefully.

I am rather surprised at this. If it weren’t for the huge party, I’d say he’s bluffing. I shake my head and sit down in a chair next to the table he’s sitting on. “Well isn’t that something. Details man, don’t leave me hanging!”

Spike sits down, a tub of ice-cream being set in front of him. “Alright, so there I was, helping Twilight stay at least half-sane for this mysterious ‘test’ that Celestia has set up for her, right? Well, then I find out we’re going to a place that had been removed from time itself for a thousand years or so! Well, then I...”

I listen in rapt attention, the two dozen foals arrayed around us hanging on his every word and reverently bringing him tubs of ice-cream whenever he ran out over the hour-and-a-half story telling. By the end of it, he’s apparently fighting to defend Rarity from a hundred thousand shadow-zombie-ninja-ponies, all created by this King Some-Bra guy, until he realizes that the crystal weapon is really the crystal heart they’ve been looking for the entire time.

“... And then I drove the sword into the pedestal, trapping the dark lord so he couldn’t escape the blast of pure magical awesomeness! And that’s how I saved the day.” Spike nods, smiling at his audience. The entirety of which, in an interesting coincidence is looking like they’re staring at a god.

I sigh happily. “Why do I feel like half of that is garbage, and one fourth was you daydreaming? Ah well, apparently you did something interesting, so I guess I’ll take your word for some of it.”

Spike blushes. “Well, I did save the day! Maybe not exactly like that, but a bunch of it was true!”

“Yeah, sure. Anyway, so I guess Twi is just really tired. Would explain why she yelled at me and went to bed.”

“Don’t tell me, you mentioned having company over, and she started ranting about harlots and sodomy? It’s more common than you might think. She just didn’t get any sleep since the day before you got poisoned. Big report, then a letter about a test, then the ‘test’ itself, then the party on the way back... Eh, you get used to it. I just try to make sure she gets sleep before the ‘harlots and sodomy’ part.”

One of the foals pipes up. “What’s sodomy?”

Spike freezes, remembering that he’s got an audience. “Uh...”

I grin at the situation. I could save him, or just let him try to bail himself out... or defuse the situation entirely with an excuse definition. Choosing is difficult for all of two seconds.

“Yeah Spike, tell them what sodomy is.”

Before he can put his feet any farther into his mouth, Pinkie hops over. “Hey, Spike! You need to cut the cake now, as the hero of the day! C’mon!” She picks him up and bounces off with him, and he just gives me a dirty look of betrayal from Pinkie’s back.

I look over to where I last saw Gladius, hoping that she was still there.

Instead, I see that the table where the couple had been is empty, and that the three are nowhere to be seen. I don’t know whether to be happy she’s gone or worried she might be doing something I might regret later.

Screw it, she claims to be a grown mare, and therefore I’m not responsible for her. Whatever mess she gets into is all her fault. I sit down with Pinkie, each of us having a piece of cake, and I ask her for her story of the experience.

She draws in a  breath big enough to make her look like a balloon. Oh god, she’s going to say it all in a rush, isn’t she...

After the party is over and I’ve gotten the abridged version of the story... at least it’s abridged if you compare what I actually got a chance to absorb from Pinkie’s verbal torrent of speech. Seems Spike did have a big part. And something about a Fugu-Horn or something... weird. I look around at the mostly empty room and see if Gladius has gotten back yet. If she isn’t... I should probably look for her.

Almost a second after I start looking around, I see her swagger out of a broom closet that had been stuck shut all evening, with a  pleased look on her face. Pinkie looks mortified, and it only takes a moment longer for the scent to hit my nose.

I’d never gotten a real noseful of ‘Eau-de-just-had-sex’ before, but it is terrible if it wasn’t you.

Really terrible.

Wrinkling my nose I turn to a slightly greenish Pinkie. “Ooh, the Cake’s are going to kill me.”

“Gladius! You really had to do that in a public place? Well, only partially public, and that’s even worse! Do you even have a brain!?”

“Nah, I think I just borked it out in there. Wow, that mare has got a tongue!”

I don’t say anything except a quick ‘Excuse me’ to Pinkie and I grab the star-mare by the scruff of her neck and drag her outside.

“Ow, hey! C’mon, it’s just fun! It’s what parties have been, always!”

“Parties that are for that don’t have foals attending, and they are usually not in places of business where the owners live!” I give her a shake like a mother dog would and drop her to the ground. “Seriously, get your damn act together, or I have half a mind to wring your neck!”

“W- but, they’ve gotta learn eventually, right? What’s wrong with- it’s just natural!”

“Yes, and nature, by my definition, can be sick and disgusting and just plain wrong despite it’s name, so shut up and keep your legs closed, you whore. I don’t know why they’d let some randy slut be in a position as yours.”

Suddenly, I’m airborne, and I look up to see Gladius pumping her wings. No way can those things lift her and me!

I am not a slut, and I am not a whore! I am a soldier, and that means that the nation works for me!” The pegasus rolls, and then lets go of me, sending me to the ground at an awkward angle. Thankfully, it’s not a long drop, and I simply tumble as I land. Somebody has her priorities on screwy.

“Yeah, how about I see you do a bit of protecting and serving before you get more service, huh? As far as I’m -ow- concerned, you’re abusing your title. What have you saved people from over your career? Blue balls?”

“I am the Keeper of Champions, buddy, and I am the embodiment of heroism! I’ve saved countless ponies who would’ve died on their quests for glory, gave them the power they needed to survive and take what they deserved!” Gladius’ shadows have begun to deepen, stars beginning to glimmer in their depths.

“Then how about you act like it? Does that sound reasonable?”

“I am acting like it!” Gladius reaches under a wing with her teeth, and I take a step back as she unsheathes her sword. The simple bronze of the weapon gleams with a starfield in every shadow, the blade literally gleaming with energy. Tiny flickers of light dance at its twin edges.

“You’re acting like it now, but you weren’t before. I have no problem with you being a warrior. I have a problem with your actions. I can understand that you like to... get release... but I don’t see why you can’t just keep that want to yourself and keep it to a private place, okay? Times have changed since you were last down here it seems. Sex isn’t a free action anymore.”

Gladius growls and rolls her eyes. Or, rather, the red starfield of her eyes shifts in what I assume is her rolling her eyes, and she shouts at me.

“JUST SHUT UP ALREADY! YOU’RE NOT FIT TO BE A STAR, YOU JUST LAZE AROUND AND WHINE ABOUT MORALS THIS AND ETHICS THAT! YOU’RE JUST LIKE MY SIBLINGS!” She rears back, evidently about to charge.

I hold my ground, despite every part of me telling me to just run. “I didn’t ask to be a star. I don’t know how it happened, it just did. I had no control over it. It could have been one of you guys or something else. Whoever decided I should be a star, it wasn’t me. At all.”

The incensed constellation-pony shouts back at me. “THEN I’LL TEAR OUT YOUR CORE AND ADD IT TO MY TROPHIES!” She dives towards me, speeding up to a speed I’d only ever seen myself reach.“END OF PROBLEM, END OF STORY, END OF Y-”

Out of nowhere, a blur slams Gladius in the side, driving her to the ground in a small explosion of dirt and disturbed sediment, right outside Sugarcube Corner. I take a few moments to look around and try to register what just happened. Whatever it is that happened, that is.

From the place where Gladius landed, I can hear the sound of simple punches landing, and I can see the star-sword sticking out of the ground only a few inches from my left foot. The stars in its shadows are no longer seething. From the small crater where I can see the shape of a helmeted pony figure slugging Gladius repeatedly in the face.

The helmet and the pony wearing it are also shadowed with starfields, and I recognize the pony as Galeam. Wait, then why is he hitting Gladius like that? Did he just save me? Holy crap.

Then, I realize that there’s literally two constellations in a crater duking it out over me. Not sure if I should feel awesome and important... or get away while I still have an intact skeleton. Next Chapter: Chapter 104 Estimated time remaining: 20 Hours, 34 Minutes