"Hey, Umbra?"

"Hm?"

"What exactly is the plan here?"

"Plan? For what?"

"I dunno. Something. What are we supposed to do?"

"Hmm. I hadn't really thought about it. Just take it easy, I guess," I replied in an offhanded manner. Jacqueline scowled. I don't think she was all that impressed by my proposed plan... or lack thereof. "I mean, hey, I like a plan as much as the next girl, but all things considered, I'm still not feeling a hundred percent. I told ya, squirt, my Mana reserves need to recharge before I can 'port us back to my tower. For that, all we need to do is take it easy, rest and just... I dunno, find a way to spend the time."

Girl still didn't look all that sold, but she conceded and followed suit. Luckily, no one had paid us no never mind when we entered the snowy city which, if a signpost at one of the roads leading to it was true, was called Yule.

Strangest thing. No sooner did my ponyfied friend and I entered its limits that the all encompassing harsh cold receded. Not so much that we could no longer feel it, but enough that walking around in the open became considerably more tolerable. Must be due to some sort of field encompassing the city, protecting it from the elements. Maybe not on as effective or refined a scale as the love shield of the Crystal Empire, but it sure did the trick.

And to my pleasant surprise, Yule was a very developed city, along the levels of Manehattan in the show. No little remote village or outpost here filled with unfriendly hermit ponies, no siree, Yule's status as a full fledged city stood evident everywhere we looked. Even better, due to the constant snowy weather, the houses here were built with slanted roofs, in a style strikingly similar to our little settlements in the German countryside, lending it an especially homey feel to the place.

The locals were friendly, and more than one stallion took off his hat in passing greetings to us, which I cheerfully returned in kind. Griffins were here too. More than I expected to see, that's to be sure. If I had to guess, I'd say there was one griffin for every four ponies and they too were more or less pleasant and I spotted a few eyeing Jackie and I with curiosity. Must be that we were still dragging around those smelly blanket things, because unlike most of what we'd seen on the show, a large majority of the ponies and griffins here actually did go around in clothing. Winter wear such as scarves, booties, earmuffs, beanies, sweaters, snow pants, those funny looking Russian hats and many more. In contrast, I guess we kinda sorta looked like bums. Or hobos. Or bum-hobos. We'd have to rectify that.

Closer to the downtown area the little houses and the mom-and-pop shops gave way to industrialization. Skyscrapers clustered together in a ten block radius, with lesser buildings interspersed among them.

And... hell, it seemed we arrived while the city was in the middle of a celebration of some sort. It was... lively, for the lack of better words. Wherever one looked, there was activity of some sorts. The first thing I noticed was the sheer diversity of the little stands, booths and whatever you wanted to call this little spots where a business savvy pony, griffin and even the odd yak had set up shop with just a blanket between four posts to serve as a roof and a table or crate to present whatever they wanted to sell.

I spied a little particular stand that sold more or less fashionable winter wear and I bought a set for Jackie and I, ducked under one of the stores that were still open, changed into our new outfits and happily discarded those old, ugly brown blankets. Now we could more or less blend in with the locals.

For myself, I chose a snuggly scarf in a muted blue with little, white dots that should probably resemble constellations, one of those beanies with those funny ear flap things (even though they were kinda redundant on a pony since the beanie had extra sheaths for the ears and equine ears where nowhere near those flaps intended for human ears) in a dark green with decorative white zig-zag lines, one of these armless pony jackets things in sand color and four booties in the same color as my scarf. I liked my stuff simple and quick, never was fond of those things considered 'girly'. No wonder everyone in school called me a butch or a bull dyke back in the day. That I broke their noses when I caught them saying it behind my back probably did not help at all, but hey, I was young and did not knew better.

Choosing little Jackie's clothes however, that posed its own set of problems. I mean... girl was cute as a pony, and I mean cute. Man, I really couldn't help but want to stuff her into equally cutesy outfits and when I did... well, she kinda threw a tantrum and I had to duck under an outfit that could only be described as a Victorian Loli outfit that consisted of so many lace that it was more a costume than actual winter wear, an outfit that just screamed Rockabilly, some outfit that looked like the pony variant of a sailor uniform for the cold season, including long socks to keep the legs warm and the odd chair turned projectile to avoid bodily harm. Mostly from the chair though. In the end I managed to, more or less, convince her into wearing one of those weird saddles that where more plush and fleece than anything called a saddle should ever have the right to, in a decent salmon (I still called it pink just for the hell of it) with cute white fluff lining the edges, matching booties in salmon/pink and white fluff and a pair of adorable ear muffs that looked like Parasprites, the one on the right in yellow and the other on the left in bright red. They even had little wings made of some kind of glossy material. In short, Jaqueline looked plum adorable, even while gnashing her teeth, shooting daggers at me and mumbling dead threats under her breath. The bright blush coloring cheeks whenever a stallion and the odd mare gushed over how cute she looked rendered all her hostility null and void tough.

Ahh, the vendors. First and foremost you had of course the knick-knack sellers. Can´t have a festival without at least one dozen vendors trying to sell you little porcelain pugs, decorative mugs with portraits of historical figures and modern celebs or whatever little, dust catching trinket ones heart could hunger for.

The second biggest group on these kind of shindigs where of course consisting of food sellers.

Oh Lords and Ladies above, the food sellers!

We had not made it five steps onto the festival grounds as my nose was mercilessly assaulted and annihilated by a plethora of mouthwatering smells. I spied a griffin behind a some sort of grill, cooking what looked like Shish Kebobs (with real meats!) next to a surprisingly unbothered looking earth pony that was selling some kind of deep fried dough goodies.

A short stop and a few bits later I was quite ferociously tearing through half a dozen what the vendor called 'original Stalliongrad Beignets'. Seriously, these things where divine, golden brown and crunchy on the outside, warm and soft on the inside with just a hint of vanilla and something else I could not name. I think I moaned through the whole eating process if the weird looks we got where anything to go by.

Also, there were quite a few vendors selling all kinds of hot drinks, ranging from tea and cocoa to the seemingly Multiversal known hot spiced wine. Phil would have loved this, guy always went for those stands first, much to Vivi´s frustration. Girl never could stand the smell.

"So, not that I'm not enjoying this," the flushed pony girl said as she munched on a still warm donut the size of her head, frosting smeared across her mouth and booties. "But should you really be spending so much money? We still need a place to spend the night."

I held up a hoof and focused on guzzling down my second helping of spiced wine. "Ahh, that hit the spot." After wiping my mouth and discarding the cup, I returned my attention my increasingly impatient looking compatriot. "Don'tcha worry your cute little head, girl," I said and patted said noggin. Her scowl deepened. "I always carry around a little extra dough, just in case and with the gold we liberated from the yaks, we should be all set for the next couple of days."

"Yeah, that's a relief to hear. Now how much gold do you have left?" She insisted.

I sighed and moved to check my purse, if only to stop her harping. I'd hoped she would at least lively up a little at whatever celebration took place in the city, but she still seemed somehow on edge. "Alright, so after our outfits, some delicious food and that kickass wine, we should be at around, uh..." I trailed off as I rummaged through my pocket for the little bag of cash. "Huh, I know I put it here somewhere," I mumbled and checked my remaining pockets. "Oh crapbaskets..."

I looked back to Jackie, who at this point looked like someone who was sucking on a lemon. The mother of all lemons.

"It´s gone isn´t it?" She asked me in a flat monotone that would have made Maud Pie sound like Pinkie hoped on a truckload of sugar in comparison.

"Ehrm... no?" I gave a sheepish smile and was this close to just empty my pocket out just to find my money pouch. "Come on you little bastard, I know you are in there, stop hiding!" I grumped half loud and continued my rummaging but to no avail. My pouch was gone and where it once was, there was a nearly unnoticeable slit in the material of my jacket.

I just got pickpocketed.

The flat look on Jackie's face nearly inversed her face in it´s sheer intensity and she looked like a soccer mom ready to tear into something that had managed to trigger her divine rage.

"Eh he he... whoops?" Was all I could offer, my ears folding back in embarrassment.

Jaqueline let out a snort and scuffed the ground with her right front hoof, keeping her aim straight at me.

"Now girl, let´s not be hasty okay? Getting pickpocketed could happen to anyone. Not my fault." I tried to defuse the situation, my body deciding for me that it would be wise to be ready for a hasty retreat. Sure, I had more mass than Jackie, even in pony form but righteous fury was one hell of a boost and I could only imagine what that Chaos juju in Jackie would do one it reached its boiling point, which could be anywhere between sub zero and core of the sun.

"Not your fault? Not your fault? You're a grown woman, for Chrissakes! How could you be so irresponsible?"

"Hey now, that's not fair. You can't expect me to know when a wily pickpocket will come around."

"I said we should have just stayed out of the way. I wanted to lay low and stay as far away from these ponies as possible, but nooo. We just had to go and assimilate into pony culture. Well I hope you're happy!"

"Come on, Jackie, it's not that bad. This is a city. There's money everywhere. We just have to get our mitts on some of it," I said more than a little desperately. To my surprise, she actually took on a thoughtful expression, her anger taking a backseat.

"What, you mean steal it?"

"Well, that's always plan X. If anything goes south."

"Sure, I could get down with that."

"...What?"

"I... kinda had to steal a lot when I first got here. Well, to the other Equestria, I mean. Got pretty good at it, too."

"Sooner or later, we really should just sit down and have a nice, long talk," I mumbled under my breath and rubbed my mug with a hoof. "But before we resort to thievery, we should at least try to get some cash the non-criminal way."

"So, what, part time at a burger joint, or whatever it is these ponies have? That'll take forever. We need gold and we need it now."

"Well, I could always stand under the next lamp post and do it like the girls in St. Pauli but I am seriously not in the mood to let any greasy stallion put one away with me. Also, I highly doubt Zinnia would ever let me live that down. At least not when she could not be part of it." I mused more to myself, not fully noticing Jackie´s reaction. "Plus I don´t know the rates here in Equestria, so I would probably undercharge." Then I continued, addressing my companion properly "Come one, think logical. From all we have seen so far, from all we... that is I, know, this world is a mix of modern and medieval and what do we know about medieval hoedowns? There were always ways to make quick money, like, dunno, little game stands or something along these lines?"

"Do they even have those here?"

"Of course they do!" Well, I hope so, at least. "We just gotta go and look," I said cheerfully, not that it had much effect on her.

"I still say we should just lift whatever we can, it wouldn't even be that hard. Hell, with this disguise spell you showed me I bet we could even..." She stopped mid-rant, mouth opened soundlessly and a dawning look of realization spread over her face.

"Uh... Jackie?" I poked her shoulder after five seconds of her impersonating a dying fish.

Her head snapped at me and I swear I could practically hear the gears grinding in her head as her little noggin hatched no doubt devious, unsavory schemes. As if to further emphasize this point, a near-Joker smile stretched over her face.

"Am I gonna like what you're about to say?" I asked warily.

"Probably not."

I sighed. "Okay, shoot."

"You. Me. Dress up as the princesses and bilk the nearest bank out of their loot," she said with a fierce smile.

That... that's actually not an entirely crappy idea, and this must have shown up in my face as Jackie prodded further.

"It's perfect, don’t you see? We can disguise ourselves as Celestia and Luna, go in, throw down some princess authority and make off with whatever we can carry. It's brilliant." She descended into a fit of small, low chuckles, deviously rubbing her little hooves together.

I admit, I was more than a little tempted to take her up on her offer, if nothing more for the opportunity to relive some childhood fantasies with Phil and I making off like bandits. Hey, this might actually work and...

"Whoa, whoa, hold your metaphorical horses, girl," I urged as Jackie now started literally vibrating from excitement.

"What now?" She said, annoyed.

"You really think it'll be that easy? What if the bank manager or whatever need like... I dunno, a password from the princesses to know it's for real or some sort of documents. Complications like these could give us away."

She waved a hoof impatiently. "So we threaten to have them executed or thrown to the dungeons or something. Hell, I could do the talking if you're squeamish about it. So long as flex some muscle and authority, we can steal whatever we can and disappear before anyone knows what hit them. We can literally be any pony we want! It's a perfect plan."

I rubbed the bridge of my nose. "Jackie... no. Just no. It's a good plan, I'll admit that much but we can't go around robbing banks. That kind of stuff tends to paint a big, honking target on your back and that's the last thing either of us needs right now."

"Oh for... have you forgotten the part where we can look like whoever we want? Long as we take some precautions we'll never be found."

"No is no, girl, and that's final," I said with as much authority as I could muster. "If nothing else, this is still my universe and if anything goes wrong, it's me who'll have to deal with the fallout. Sorry, squirt. If it's any consolation, I would have liked to try the whole Bonnie and Clyde thing with you if the circumstances were different, but my word is final."

I led the way and the still grouchy girl followed though as luck would have it, we just happened to pass by the bank, appropriately called 'Bank of Yule' and though Jackie's gaze did linger longingly on the concrete structure, she relented and followed me still, darkly muttering, "Better be fucking worth it" and "Bleeding heart tree hugger." We had to ask a few ponies, but sure enough, some very helpful stallions pointed us to the right way. Turns out the festival had an entire section dedicated to these sort of games.

Most of them seemed to be more or less the same like on good, old Earth.

There were those games were you had to find the pea under one of three cups, which I pointedly avoided. Those where always rigged and I had lost enough cash to prove it.

Something that looked interesting was a game where a surprisingly large mouse was set down in a little wooden box that was lined with miniature houses all around, which each bore a number ranging from one to thirteen. One had to bet correctly into which house the little rodent would scurry of to win the pot. Seemed easy enough and I was about to bet myself when suddenly a small foal pointed out that the mouse used was not an ordinary mouse but something called an 'Escovil Mouse' or something along these lines. A mouse that, from what the foal said was on the same level of sapiens like a foal itself so it could probably choose a door nopony was betting on in order for the games owner to win. The griffin that ran the stand grew visibly nervous and was quick to assure us that it was a ordinary mouse he caught in the little room he had rented in a shabby Inn near Downtown. That was the line that broke the camel's back as the supposed ordinary mouse suddenly stood on her hind paws, pulled a little black hat and a suitcase out of nowhere and squeaked in quite a pissed tone that 'he was never insulted like that in his whole life and that the griffin could now look for someone else to pull the bits out of the people's pockets' and left the box through a little door. Jackie and I wisely left as a mob of angry (and most likely cheated out of their hard earned money) ponies, griffins and yaks descended on the doomed griffin.

The poor cat-bird's wails of pain aside, we continued on to look for suitable games. Nothing but small-time stuff, really, and they were games that did not exactly give out a lot of cash. I pondered aloud whether we should take our chances with them, but Jackie opposed my plan, insisting we look for bigger fish. Well, that and the fact if these games are anything like on good ol' Earth, they're most likely rigged. And of course, we'd have to pay to play them on the first place.

But luck seemed to finally smile down on us, for as we headed deeper into downtown, Jackie and I became aware of two magically amplified voices that easily carried over most everything around us.

"Excuse me," I asked a nearby mare who eagerly trotted to the voices' source. "What's going on over there?"

"Haven't you heard? It's the Magnificent Mustachio Furioso and his wife, the Beguiling and Perplexing Pandora!" She gushed with a squee, eyes aglow and cheeks rosy. "They've been going on tour throughout Equestria this past year and everypony says their shows are all the rage. Oh, my stars, I never thought they would come all the way to Yule." With that, she promptly galloped towards this show.

I looked to Jackie, who seemed to know what I was thinking and before she could make any objections known, I got in first word. "Well, my dear pony friend. Since we're here and all, might as well check it out, hm?"

The corner of her lip twitched, no doubt she wanted to oppose this course of action, but by some small miracle, she closed her eyes and sighed, her posture slumping. "Alright, fine," she said sullenly. "But let's make it quick."

Oh, I see ya, girl. She was curious, just didn't want to admit it. Well, that suited me fine. I didn't plan on dallying that long anyway.

We did not have to trot far to find a big, neigh, hugeass crowd of ponies, griffins and yaks gathered in front and partially even around a pretty impressive looking stage. Polished hardwood floors that gleamed below the stage lights, props dotted the background, framed by some surprisingly expensive looking stage curtains. Some spectators even hovered in the air in case of Griffins and the occasional Pegasus, or they stood on crates or barrels to see over the heads of their artiodactyl brethren.

But enough of gawking at the crowd, it was high time to see what all the hype was about. Judging from the reactions all around us, one could think that the pony variants of good old Siegfried and Roy were about to make a free show with all the Playboy girls as assistants.

"'Scuse me," I muttered as I used my superior mass to (gently) plow a path to the front rows for me and Jackie, though her method was considerably less gentle than mine. Given that she trailed behind me, plus her smaller size, ponies were quick to crowd around her, and she promptly pushed and shoved them out of the way and more than one poor sod ended up tasting dirt-encrusted snow. Eugh... "Sorry. Comin´ through. Careful, hot stuff on the way. Hey, watch the horn partner!"

Finally, we made it to the first row. I ignored the stink eyes that I felt burning into the back of my head and looked for the performers. Hmm, so far the stage was empty but just as I was about to ask someone when the performers would show up, something that sounded like muffled thunder could be heard and judging from the fact that all the quadrupeds around us turned their gaze as one to the stage told me that this could very well be the intro to the show.

The thunder grew louder and just then, something occurred to me. This was far to rhythmic to be thunder but did not sound like drums either.

"Holy fuck, are those steps?" I muttered involuntary as my eyes grew wide as I began to feel the vibrations seep into my hooves. Just what the ever-loving fuck was going on here?

The crowd cheered as the curtains began to ripple like agitated water and like the Red Sea, the ridiculously expensive looking fabric parted before a Behemoth of an earth pony, a stallion if the thick handlebar moustache and the barrel chest were any indications. Seriously, the guy looked like he could eat Big Macintosh as a snack and still have room for more. If I had to take a guess, I'd say the magnificent beefcake of a pony was either about to or had already hit middle age, not that it made him any less formidable. Muscles rippled beneath his frame and at nearly twice the height of your average stallion, his frame was made all the more intimidating. He had a tan coat and a healthy black mane that was cut in a way one always saw on these strongman on old fashioned carnivals. The fact that he was wearing a leotard and one of these leather bracers on his right foreleg only helped to cement that image.

Oh and let us not forget the fact that he was effortlessly carrying a fucking safe as big as a washing machine on his broad shoulders without a single bead of sweat on his face!

I took my jaw from the ground and stuck it back into place as the mountain of a equine came to a stop, flashed a blindingly bright smile to the crowd and began talking. Well, booming would be more fitting, but details.

"Come one, come all, and marvel at the amazing feats of strength and power by none other than the Magnificent Mustachio Furioso!" The beefcake pony then, I shit you not, reared on his hind hooves and tossed the freaking safe into the air as easily as one might toss a tennis ball. The ponies wowed and awed as this Mustachio caught the falling safe in his hooves, and just for shits and giggles, twirled it like a baton. For the finishing touch, he slammed the thing down on the stage floor, and I couldn't help but notice it remained unscuffed or blemished by the supposedly heavy safe even though they creaked audibly.

Not that it mattered to the ponies around, for they cheered and stomped their hooves in approval as flashy fireworks set off behind Mustachio, enveloping the stage in a stunning array of flashing colors. Heck, I couldn't help but join in with everypony else although... something seemed oddly familiar about this. Oh, well, thinking's for nerds and mad scientists. I had a show to enjoy.

Not sooner as the last firework had sparkled out, cornflower blue smoke began to emanate from seemingly nowhere, turning the stage into a spitting image of a Scottish marsh together with a subtle but enthralling music that seemed to originate from the safe itself.

As I tried to make heads or tails out of this, I noticed that many ponies and griffins, notably all males with the occasional female sprinkled in, began to cheer and whistle in a very specific way.

"Ponies, griffins and yaks of Yule," a new voice, this one clearly female, could be heard and the cheers nearly tripled. "Are you ready to be amazed beyond your wildest imaginations? Bedazzled and charmed like never before and to witness feats of magic that even the Royal Sisters only found appraising words for?"

Wow, the owner of the voice performed for Celly and Lulu and got props from them? Unholy fuck! That was some serious rep.

Obviously, the crowd went wild.

The music grew in volume until it resembled these beats one would expect in a smoky jazz bar and shadows began to move in the mist in a dance like fashion.

I had to admit, whoever was pulling this show knew his or her stuff, this was top grade entertainment. A quick glance to the side revealed to me that even little Miss Grumpy-Pants had a hard time not to show that she was at least as intrigued as I was. Maybe even a bit more, if the little sparkles in her eyes were something to go after.

"So whatddaya think, girl? Not too shabby, is it?" The girl merely shrugged, making a noncommittal noise. I rolled my eyes and returned my attention to the show. "Well, be interesting to see magic tricks by ponies who can actually perform magic, hm?"

"I guess..."

Then, the crowd roared as even more of the smoke poured onto the stage and the same female voice could be heard. "Now then, mares and gentlecolts, prepare yourself for the amazing, the stunning, the tantalizing, the one and only..." The voice gained a definite Jessica Rabid quality, smoky and husky and totally screaming, 'I´m everyone's wet dream and I know it!'

The big, stirring wheel thing on the door of the safe began to rotate.

All around us, the spectators leaned forward.

Slowly, agonizingly so, the safe´s door swung open.

"The Beguiling..."

I caught myself intently staring at the stage too, trying to figure out what would happen next but found myself unable too.

"… and Perplexing..."

The heavy metal door opened complete and just that moment, a swarm of birds burst out of it... no, they weren´t birds, but rather fireworks that looked like birds. Phoenixes perhaps? Anyways it was a massive page out of Gandalf's big book of magnificent pyro techniques and it looked glorious.

Everyone was looking around wildly.

"Pandora!" Finished the mysterious female voice as suddenly, a new figure appeared on the stage or to be more precise, directly on Mustachio´s back!

If the crowd was going wild before, now Pandemonium broke loose! I had a hard time to stay up-right as all around me, bodies moved like the stormy sea in order to get a better view. Hell, I even had to act quick and take Jackie on my back with a fast and well practiced maneuver to avoid getting separated from her.

The new-comer was a Unicorn mare with a powder blue coat and a sea blue mane that cascaded over the left half of her face, effortlessly giving her a ever so slightly wicked aura. She was wearing a very interesting outfit consisting of a white dress shirt without arms, a black swallow tail jacket (without arms too), something that looked like these bloomer things that one always saw the typical magician's assistant wearing, in combination with very tasteful black fishnets on her hind legs and some sort of black shoe things.

Cat calls and wolf whistles soon drowned out whatever semblance of cheering preceded them, and I couldn't exactly blame them, as I too participated. This Pandora was one foxy lady. Gahh, if only I didn't have a girlfriend...

Or she wasn´t married to a Pony that could probably crush me effortlessly should I ever even dare to make a move on his better half. Oh well, a girl can dream, yes?

The stage ponies basked in the attention and as soon as the crowd calmed down a bit (took a surprising amount of time, too) Pandora slid off Mustachio's massive frame and I just couldn't help but wonder. I mean, he's so friggin' huge! How does he not crush her when they're, well, intimate or whatever?

Circling around her hubby, Pandora moved with a sleek, fluid gait, hindquarters bobbing and swaying in a manner that just drew the eyes to that smooth, ripe, perfectly sculpted ass and... uh, no! Think unsexy thoughts. Think unsexy thoughts! Argh, to late! Stupid sexy Unicorn!

"Now, dear ponies," Pandora said, her voice husky, leading, like she knew every stallion (and some mares) in the audience wanted her. "We have a little surprise for you today," the seductress pony said as she paced back and forth at the lip of the stage, numerous sets of eyes following. "Come and give a hoof to our very own daughter, the Great and Powerful Trixie!"

Sparks of all colors emerged from the floor beside Pandora along with a puff of smoke and when it cleared, there was the showboating showpony herself, in the very same attire from Boast Busters, chest puffed out and head held high. I swear, my jaw literally dropped as the connection between the three ponies suddenly became clear.

"Ow!" I exclaimed as something forcefully poked the back of my head.

"Quit gawping. You look like an idiot," Jackie said from atop my back.

"B-but... tha... do you know who that is?" I demanded, pointing to Trixie, who like her parents, basked in the attention.

"She just said it, didn't she? The Great and Powerful Trixie," she said mockingly.

"No, that's not what I... oh, who cares. Just watch the show," I grumbled. Right, I forgot that before this, the girl had never been exposed to MLP in her life. I idly wondered whether this was because she actively avoided it or because there was no MLP in her universe. I made a mental note to ask later, for I'd missed what happened next on stage.

From what happened next, I'd say Pandora announced Trixie as her 'assistant' or whatever, for the showpony moved to the center of the stage, her parents giving her a wide berth, making sure all eyes were on her.

"As I'm sure everypony is aware," Pandora said. "Yours truly is a bit of an enthusiast in regards of creatures of myth and legend. Well, for my opening trick today, I, the Beguiling and Perplexing Pandora, calling upon the arcane arts, will transform my dear daughter into a creature known to all as the most obscure of all mystic beings. Of course, I am talking about nothing else but an elusive creature, one seen only in fleeting glimpses and whom nopony has ever captured before. Naturally, I am talking about the one and only, the genuine Human!"

Say what?!? I felt my eyes nearly pop out of their sockets as I stared at Pandora like she just declared that she found the cure to Pony-Aids. On my back, I felt Jackie tense up too.

The crowd, they seemed to take to the idea with flying colors, shouting and stomping their approval, all but begging the alluring magician to show her art to them.

From my spot, I could see that Trixie's composure seemed to crack ever so slightly under her mask of haughty confidence.

"Is she for real?" Jackie asked from her perch. I didn't answer, not daring to even blink.

Pandora's horn glowed, her aura swelling with magical power. Out of thin air, two ribbons made of what looked to be magic made tangible encircled Trixie, sapphire blue in color, spinning around the showpony. As they picked up speed, a white light materialized from under Trixie's hooves, bright and translucent, but not so much so that it hurt to look at. It rose steadily until completely enveloping the now somewhat twitchy unicorn. The conjured ribbons spun ever faster, the light that enveloped Trixie swelled like a balloon about to burst, and burst it did. With an explosion that scattered motes of multicolored light in all directions, there stood a newly transformed Trixie.

My jaw unhinged at the sight that presented itself to us. Really should let a doctor check that, happened quite a lot lately.

Right there, on the stage stood an honest to everything human Trixie. Or well, her equivalent from Equestria Girls, plus something extra. The body structure was right by any means, long, slender legs with five toed feet, arms long enough to reach the middle of the thighs with delicate looking hands at the ends that Trixie used to stabilize herself by holding onto the safe her Dad brought on the stage and had not yet disposed of. Her platinum colored hair was still the same and so was her skin color, still powder blue like her coat. Oh and she was butt naked! I mean, seriously, that Pandora called herself an human enthusiast and completely forgot the most prominent part about human lore? The effing clothes? I mean, not that she did not do an outstanding job making Trixie´s human body look utterly delectable. Human Trixie was now sporting a smooth stomach with the cutest belly button, a waist that looked like I could almost close my hands around it without looking unhealthy, legs for days and her sweater-puppies were nothing to scoff at either. They were even at the right place, sitting on her chest, perky and proud.

Sweet Baby Jesus, they looked to scrumptious! Good thing I had Jackie on my back, or else I might have said and/or done something I would probably regret. Speaking of Jacqueline, she was suspiciously quiet.

Anyway, now I noticed that aside from the skin color, Pandora got another few details wrong. Instead of human ears, a pair of powder blue pony ears sat on top of her poofy hair, swiveling ever so slightly from side to side and behind her, I could see Trixie´s old tail still attached to her behind, swishing to and fro, indicating the transformed mare's state of mind. Additionally, her digits lacked nails and her boobies, tasty as they were, were without nipples. Not that it made them any less pleasant to look at. Also, her crotch was looking more like that of a Barbie doll than an actual womanhood but hey, she got it pretty close without ever seeing but the hair of a actual human being.

Still, for all the inaccuracies and imperfections, the crowd ate it up and now the roars, whistles and stomps reached a near deafening crescendo. Trixie, quickly gaining her composure, grinned widely and held out her arms in a classic Leo DiCaprio pose, causing the ponies to cheer louder. I joined in wholeheartedly.

"That's what passes for human around here? Ugh," Jackie groaned as the crowd quieted down. I was about to scold her for being such a sourpuss when somepony beat me to the punch.

"What's this? Are Trixie's ears betraying her? Because it sounds to Trixie like there are neighsayers in the audience," the haughty unicorn-now-humanoid said, eyes immediately locking on to the two of us. Damn, that's some pinpoint hearing she's got there. I don't think I could have done the same. Then again, I was no little quadruped prey species originally.

By some force, call it experience in pointing out neighsayers or any number or neuroses, Trixie's roving eyes locked onto us. "So, you two ponies think yourselves better than us, do you?"

Goddamn it, Jacqueline! "Uh... no, no! That's not it at all. M-my little friend here was just..."

"Oh, woe be to us, dear husband," Pandora sighed in a theatrical moan. "It seems somepony is not satisfied with our performance."

"A challenge then?!" Mustachio boomed. Challenge? Where did he pull that out of? "So," he said as he trotted closer, his hooves causing minor tremors in the stage. "You ponies think Mustachio and Mustachio's family are hacks, do you?" The mountain of a pony asked, lumbering over me like doom given form.

What? No! When did I say that? It was her! The little brat atop me!

"Fine. You two fillies, come here to the stage where Mustachio and his family can get a better look at you."

I scarcely remembered a time I was more embarrassed. Pretty sure it happened, but it was a bit hard to remember. Maybe that one day when Leo played in my room and found the box containing my sex toys under my bed, curiously asking Mom and me what those weird things were. The spectator ponies scrambled away like we were lepers or something, leaving us to stand in a wide berth and eyeing us in a similar manner.

At some point, the brat had clambered down me and readily returned the glares everypony shot at us, and if she had fingers, I'd bet she'd be making good use of them at this time.

Powering through the embarrassment, I hooked a foreleg around my 'friend's' throat and yanked thusly, wanting to just get it over with. It slightly helped that I imagined myself strangling her.

The now silent stage held its breath as we clambered up the stairs and eyeing us all the way were the three showponies. Trixie made no effort to hide her arrogant disdain, head held high and looking down at us snootily which was rather easy, seeing as she was still under the influence of her Mommy's spell. Heh, kinda made me want to give her a good conk.

"Now then, neighsayers," Pandora said. "What are your names?"

I gulped. Damn sexy unicorn. What business does she have being all alluring even now? I opened my mouth, but rather than words, a hollow rattling sound came through. Agh! Come on, focus. Breathe. Yes, that's better.

Pandora looked on patiently while Trixie rolled her eyes, tapping a foot in impatience and Mustachio... well, it was kinda hard to read him, really. Still friggin' huge though...

"Umbra," I managed to eke out. "Umbra Illusion."

"And you?" She asked Jackie next.

"Uh, that is... Pretty Prancer, yes, my very good friend Pretty Prancer." I rushed out with a smile that was just a hint malicious before Jackie-Girl could answer anything stroppy. From somewhere beside me, a strangled kind of choking noise could be heard and yes, I couldn't help but smirk a little more, feeling my villainous needs ever so slightly satisfied.

Pandora nodded. "Umbra Illusion. Pretty Prancer," she said, looking respectively at me and 'Pretty' whose teeth were bared and grinding, her fuzzy mug quickly taking on the hue of a tomato. "Do you ponies think us hacks? Showboats?"

"O-of course not," I croaked.

"Then again, you did create that horrific abomination of man and beast, so..." Jackie said unapologetically, gesturing to the mutant Trixie. My head whipped around so fast I'm pretty sure I got whiplash, shooting a murderous look at the brat who in turn shot me a shit-eating grin.

"What she means to say is..." I began, hoping to undo the damage. Alas, no such luck.

"Horrific abomination? Horrific. Abomination?!?" Trixie all but screeched, her light blue cheeks nearly turning purple, together with a vein starting to pulse dangerously on her neck. "You dare to besmirch the astounding spell craft of Trixie´s mother like that? A mare that even Celestia herself called the best Illusionist of her generation? You dare..." She made a step forward and to be honest, I felt just the tiniest bit intimidated, if just for the righteous fury blazing in the mare turned woman´s eyes. Luckily, the behemoth of her father held her back by simply stepping half in front of her, cutting of her path, giving his better half a meaningful look all the while.

Pandora for her part seemed to get the message as her horn lit up again and in a flash of light, Trixie was her horsy self again. Not that it seemed to diminish her wrath in any way.

"Why, such crude criticism, I am wounded." Pandora 'lamented' before her face gained a serious expression worthy of the Godfather himself, all hints of seductive sexiness vanished without a trace. "If you think so low of my spells, then I propose a contest between the four of us. Let us test our wits and brawn against each other to determinate who of us is the superior and who deserves to be called the Grandest of the Grand." She turned to the masses who watched in anxious silence "What do you say ponies, griffins and yaks of Yule? Do you want to see a battle of might and magic worthy of its own tale being told for generations to come?" Pandora had not to wait for even a second before the masses roared their approval. Respect were it was due, that lady was a master demagogue.

Walking over to stand beside her hubby and daughter, Pandora shot Jackie and I a thin, dangerous smile that just screamed 'You just done goofed!' as loud as the unwashed masses in front of the stage.

"The audience has spoken. What say you, Umbra and Pretty Prancer? Do you accept our challenge?"

"Depends. Is there a prize?" Jackie asked.

"I beg your pardon?"

"Look, Jezebel," Jackie said. "Believe it or not, we got better things to do than perform parlor tricks in front of you... ponies," she said at last. Well, I guess it's better than whatever other word she had in mind.

"What she meant to say is that: would it not be much more entertaining if there was a prize at stake?" I interjected, trying my hand at being the diplomatic one around here.

This in turn seemed to got the interest of Mustachio as the colossus pony took on a complementing expression, his handlebar moustache waggling ever so slightly while he silently worked his jaw. Finally, his lips broke into a huge grin (was everything on this guy extra large or was it just me?) and he stomped his hoof on the stage, causing a small scale quake.

"A wager then? Moustachio approves of this," the huge pony boomed. "Pandora, sun of my stars, what do you think?"

"A marvelous idea, husband," she said smoothly. "A little spice makes everything nice after all. Fine," she said, turning back to us. "We will henceforth compete so see which among us is truly the greatest. Should you young ladies win, your prize shall be the total sum of today's earnings: one thousand bits!"

The crowd cheered and stomped their hooves while my eyebrows shot up into my skull. One thousand bits? Not shabby. Not too shabby at all. "We accept!" I declared loudly and the crowd cheered even louder.

Pandora waved a hoof, signaling the masses to quiet. "As we accept as well. Now, as Equestria's premier illusionist and strongpony, you and your, uh..."

"Friend," I clarified.

"Yes. The two of you will try to outshine mine and my husband's feats of strength and skill. Should you succeed, the gold is yours."

"And if we lose?" I asked.

"If that case should come to be, and it will," Trixie stepped from behind her parents and lit up her horn to conjure two large cardboard signs with strings on them to wear them around ones neck and a black marker from somewhere. "You will admit right here, in front of all those spectators that Trixie´s parents are superior to the two of you in any way possible and wear these as long as you remain in this city." The marker squeaked as the younger showpony busied herself with scribbling something on the signs, then showed to us what she wrote. Now the signs said 'Loudmouthed, unworthy frauds!' And 'We stink!' In flowing script, with small versions of Jackie and Me underneath, heads hung in shame and some sort of wiggly stinky lines rising from our sketch counterparts' heads.

I sighed. "Great, is that all?"

Trixie hummed, tapping a hoof against her chin and eyeing Jackie for a moment. "Yes, Trixie will also want those earmuffs." She promptly pointed to my little friend's winter wear. Jackie looked surprised at this, but quickly removed the things and tossed them over to Trixie.

"Keep them," she said, seemingly glad to be rid of them. Trixie caught them in her magic, grinning and quickly donned the 'muffs.

"But you looked so cute in them," I said mildly.

"Shut up."

"So it is decided!" Moustachio boomed. "Let the contest begin." He took a step towards us and puffed his impressive, perfect to lean against and purr kitten barrel chest out. "Moustachio will, as always, the first to start. Behold!" He boomed. This seemed to be some sort of signal because from somewhere underneath the stage, whirrs could be heard and a portion of the floor slid open to reveal some sort of lift platform that was laden to the brim with all kind of weights, dumbbells, heavy chains and even the odd anvil. How the blooming fuck did all this fit underneath the damn stage?

Trotting over to the assorted heavy objects, Moustachio made a small show of flexing his impressive muscles, earning whistles and cheers from the audience. Then, with a blinding smile, he hooked his left leg around the bar of a weight with those stereotypical cannonballs at each end. To my secret amusement, they even had a big fifty painted on each ball. Without even flinching, he then raised the damn thing over his head in a fluid movement like someone else might reach for something in a shelf. To top his action, Mr. Stache McStacheington twirled the damn thing around like a cheerleader baton a few times before he let go of it, causing surprised gasps from the crowd as the heavy weight sailed through the air. Just as the cherry on top, Moustachio then caught flying device with nothing else but his freaking mouth, giving it another twirl and in an seemingly impossible feat of 'how the hell did he do that', placed the whole weight on top of his nose, balancing it like a seal would a ball!

My jaw met the stage floor and the crowd went wild. It was at this point that I reconsidered the wisdom of my agreeing to this challenge. I mean, as the Overlady, I did have a leg up as far as physical strength goes. Well, compared to other humans at least, but the prospect of a thousand moolah made me momentarily forget I was not at my best right now.

"Well, looks like this is me," Jackie said from beside me. Huh, I kinda forgot she was abnormally strong for a runt. Hopefully she'll be able to make something of herself.

The crowd laughed as the small pony took center stage and I could practically hear her teeth gnashing against each other. Please don’t do something stupid. Please don't do something stupid...

Moustachio barked out a full bellied laugh. Trixie could also be heard tittering on the side while all Pandora did was raising an intrigued brow. It did look comical, I'll admit. The Goliath of a pony challenged by someone he could use to pick his teeth with. Then again, we all knew how those kind of stories normally went down right?

"So, little filly, have you come to admit defeat against Moustachio and his spectacular feats of power?" He demanded while making a show of flexing his absurdly massive muscles, eliciting cheers from the crowd.

The girl-turned-pony's lips curled in a disdainful sneer, but thankfully refrained from, well, speaking at all. She walked on over to the platform, inspecting the assorted weights, hefting a couple of the smaller ones in a hoof. Not appearing satisfied, she turned back to Moustachio. "Is this all you got? Come on, Meatlug, give me a real challenge."

Moustachio's eye twitched ever so briefly. Granted, given that all of him was so freaking massive, it did not go unnoticed. "You dare to make fun of Moustachio?!" He demanded, moustache bristling in indignation. "Fine. Trixie, my dearest daughter, bring forth the Big One," he commanded to the aforementioned pony, whose horn lit up and, materializing above the stage floor a scant few hands above Jackie's head, emerged the mother of all weights, causing her to look up in surprise.

A monster of metal, trapezoidal in shape, the size of a car, its sides marked in white lettering with the number four thousand and with an overtly large handle at the top, as if anyone could get his hands around that thing. It fell with all the grace of a plummeting blimp, crashing against the stage floor with a deafening bang with my little friend barley dodging out of the way in the last second.

I was afraid I had to step in any moment to stop Jaqueline from murderizing a visibly shaken and bashful looking Trixie, but to my immense surprise, all the girl did was shooting the showpony a look like thermite that made her wilt even more.

The crowd murmured in awe at the thing and at this point, I could feel myself sweating up a storm. That... wha... how in the world is anybody supposed to lift that?! Hell, even Jackie seemed to have doubts if her face was any indication.

"You wanted a challenge, filly? Well, it's a challenge you get! Even Moustachio can barely lift this. He is eager to see what you will do."

Swallowing, Jackie circled the monster. All eyes on her, the stage was now silent. She hoisted a hoof on the thing, then another, and rose on two legs. Curious as to what she planned, I extended my senses just a tad, wanting to see if she'd employ magic on this puppy.

Yup, she did. Power surged through her limbs and with one mighty pull, she heaved the massive weight a good six meters in the air. The crowd gasped, even Moustachio choked on his words, but Jackie was not done yet. As the thing lost its momentum and dropped, Jackie charged forward, meeting it head on and in one of the most absurd, stupid things I've ever seen anybody do, she crashed her skull against it, eliciting a deafening, gong-like sound as the weight sailed through the air and into the spectators, who cried out in alarm and scattered like so many bugs.

By this point, all three stage ponies were doing a good impression of an idiotic, dying fish as the monster of metal crashed down on the ground, creating a mini crater in its wake.

Just as my absurdly overpowered little friend stood there, the mother of all smug smiles etched on her muzzle, I had an neat idea to put the extra icing on top of the cherry on top of the epic cake of epicness Jaqueline just served piping hot, straight from the oven.

"How´s that Yule? Witness the one, the only, Pretty Prancer!" I half yelled in my best entertainer voice as I began trotting up and down the stage. "Come on Yule, I can´t hear you, give it up for the diminutive wonder, the oompfh packing filly, the mean machine of awesome in a room saving package." I flashed my biggest grin to the awed crowd, gesturing to Jackie with one hoof. "I said, I can´t hear you!" I all but roared and it worked. Only a few at first, the spectators began to stomp applause, then a good dozen, then several and in the blink of an eye, the whole crowd was going wild again, chanting the name Pretty Prancer over and over again, much to Jackie's mortification. I allowed me a satisfied smirk, mission accomplished. Yepp, that was how you fired up a crowd.

Still smiling broadly, I turned around to Jackie and the Showpony family. It satisfied me immensely to see smug pride and utter embarrassment rage a merciless war on my little friend's face while Moustachio looked like he was ready to cash in his sanity card because he just witnessed a mare that barley reached up to his sternum do something with contemptuous ease that even he had trouble with and Trixie had a striking resemblance to a stone statue, with her mouth wide open and her pupils so small they were almost invisible. Only momma Pandora had retained a semblance of her former composure, but it was clear her mask started to crack.

"Hmm, looks like we won this round judging after the audience´s reaction yes?" I asked, only halfheartedly trying to not let my voice ooze with smugness.

It was that moment that Trixie managed to overcome her petrification. Her gob twisted in indignation and anger. If I had to guess, I'd say she was going for intimidating, but those Parasprite earmuffs were really hampering her efforts. "No!" She screamed out, making a step forward, thrusting an accusing hoof at Jackie aka Pretty Prancer "No, you´ve not! That mare clearly cheated! Not even Trixie´s father could hope to do what she just did and Moustachio is the strongest Earth Pony in the recorded history of Equestria! There is no way in Tartarus that a pint sized mare like your friend could have bested him!" Jeez, there was the pulsing vein again. That mare seriously needed to lay of the espresso or something.

"Is that so?" Jackie asked, taking a step forward. "Well, Great and Powerful Trixie, why don't you come on over? I'll show you first hand just how much a cheat I am," she said while doing an approximation of cracking her knuckles, just... with hooves. I dunno. Either way, it seemed to do the trick as Trixie looked that much more hesitant.

Luckily, it was that moment that Pandora decided to show that she was clearly the composed one in the family as she gave her half fuming, half scarred daughter a loving nuzzle and even an affectionate little lick over the cheek. Hmm, must been the equine equivalent to a motherly peck or something. "Now, now my dear, this is most unbecoming of you. A true Roani never lets her emotions get the better of herself onstage." The mage mare gently chided her hot blooded offspring before looking at Jackie and me, well, more Jackie. "While I say that the outcome baffles me to no end, there is no way to deny that Pretty Prancer did best your father fair and square." With that, her horn lit up and out of nowhere a magic projection appeared in the air over the stage, not unlike the stuff Trixie used in her Boast Busters ep, only worlds more refined. The whole thing looked like one of those football score boards, with the faces of the whole showpony family on one side and mine and Jackie´s on the other. Our side of the board read a neat one while the other side read zero.

Moustachio sighed. An action that would normally be mundane but the big lug's succeeded in ruffling the heavy-looking stage curtains. "Though it pains Moustachio to admit it, he knows when he's been beat. But Moustachio assure you, little lady," he looked to Jackie solemnly. "From this point forward, Moustachio will train and push himself harder than ever before and one day, he will hunt you down and see once and for all who is truly the strongest." With that, the massive stallion lumbered to the very back of the stage and resembled a statue more than anything.

Giving her husband a nod, Pandora turned to me, again slipping into her sexylicious routine. "Well then, looks like this leaves the two of us now, yes?" The mare-devil asked me as she swaggered over to me, a small smile on her lush lips... was she wearing lipstick? Sure as hell looked like it. Aaaanyways! I had to concentrate on pressing matters, namely what the obviously best Illusionist in all of Equestria had up her non-existent sleeves for me.

"For our contest, my dear Umbra, I propose that we each show our best magic act and like before, whoever earns the most applause from the audience will win this round. Do you agree?" Pandora all but cooed in a voice that had me sweating bullets for different reasons. That the undeniably gorgeous mare was sashaying around me close enough to get a good whiff of her heady perfume had totally nothing to do with it!

I swear, if I did not knew better, I would have thought that mare the pony version of Zinnia!

Fighting the dryness in my mouth, I finally managed to respond. "Y-yes, that sounds delicious... ehrm, I mean, agreeable. Yes, that is totally what I meant!"

The smile on Pandora´s lips intensified without ever even threatening to break her façade of classy stallion (and maybe mare) eater-ness. She gave me a wink over her shoulder before she asked me if I would mind if she would the one to start. All I could do was shake my head, hope that my dark coat would hide my furious blush and trot back to the sidelines, from where Jackie was sitting giving me a look bordering on disgust, while simultaneously managing to give of vibes along the lines of 'Are you freaking shitting me?' Judging from the way she silently moved her mouth. She even drove her elbow into my ribs as soon as I sat down at her side with quite some force.

Pandora nodded in satisfaction. She turned back to the masses, who'd been watching in rapt attention.

"Everypony, for our second challenger, I present to you Umbra Illusion," she gestured to me with her hoof and as if on cue, one of the stage lights (who was working those, by the way?) shone down on me, to my moderate surprise.

Umbra and I, The Beguiling and Perplexing Pandora, shall engage in a contest to see which of us is truly the greatest illusionist to ever roam these lands," she finished with a flourish, her voice rising in pitch and like Moustachio before her, a number of dazzling fireworks went off behind her. The ponies cheered and whistled. Some catcalls sprinkled in as well as Pandora trotted with that damnably tasty swaying of her plot to her respective place on the stage.

"Now, let us begin!" Pandora declared dramatically, her horn flaring to life once again. The same low music from before emanated from seemingly everywhere again as she began her act. I must admit, I was more than curious to see what Trixie´s yummy MILF could do.

Pandora gave the whole audience a smoldering gaze, coupled with a sultry smile as she began to sway her hips to the beat not unlike a Belly dancer. The males (and some females) that made up the audience appropriately drooled, entranced at the display. Well, all this certainly explained were the 'Beguiling' in Pandora's name came from.

Pandora basked in the attention and from my peripheral vision, I could see Trixie rolling her eyes and facehoofing at her mom's display with a healthy blush sneaking on her cheeks. To my not so secret amusement even Jackie blushed, my short companion even more furiously than Trixie.

The magician's horn lit up, conjuring up the smoke from her entrance again. I raised a brow and to be honest, felt rather queasy. If that mare that was rocking the stage just with a bit of fanservice was really the best Illusionist of her generation, than what kind of chance would I stand with my own admittedly rather meager magical skills?

Okay, so I could hurl Fireballs or Lightning and could pull some kind of changeling like transformation but that was it. Oh, and I could also erode anybody's free will and replace it with my own, turning them into thralls, but I don't think that will go over too well. From there it's a slippery slope from inquisitions to persecution and a millennium or two as a rooster/crapper for random birds.

In hindsight, I slowly but surely arrived at the decision that I would probably have been better off contesting against her husband.

At this point, Pandora was dancing more enthusiastically now, much to the crowd's pleasure. Didn´t she say something about her and her family being Roani? Probably the same thing as Roma for the human world. Anyways, that mare sure got her moves down.

Something moved in the wafting fog. The movement reminded me somehow of a whale or a dolphin that was breaking the surface of the sea while swimming... only that the movement seemed... serpentine somehow.

The crowd clearly noticed while Pandora seemed oblivious, never once ceasing her fluid movements.

A shocked gasp rang out as suddenly a long, slender body erupted from the smoke. Its shape resembled a serpentine creature that looked somehow like a Asian dragon, only without the lion-ish head instead sporting a more European one with those weird fin ears and a pair of leathery wings somewhere in the middle of the body. Speaking of the body, from my point I could see that it was ever so slightly transparent around the, well, edges.

The glow of Pandora´s horn died down to a weak glimmer and the music stopped.

So that was part of Pandora´s show hn? Most interessting.

The audience went dead silent as the dragon-serpent loomed over Pandora, the mare seemingly finally noticing that something was wrong. She stopped dancing and slowly turned her head around. Not earlier as she came snout to snout with the beast, her eyes widened and her ears nearly vanished in her mane. She even let out a startled gasp, making a step back.

That mare was a brilliant actress I had to give her that.

The dragon stretched his body to follow Pandora.

The Illusionist took a step to the left. The dragon mirrored her movement, following her with a flap of his wings.

Pandora seemingly froze for a few moments until a look of realization replaced her shocked look. She then took a step back, followed by a step to the right.

The dragon mirrored each movement, seemingly slithering through the air with a grace akin to a dancer more than a overgrown wyrm.

A smile grew on Pandora´s lips as her confidence seemingly returned. The glow of her horn intensified until it was as bright as at the start of her performance again, the music returning which a much more volume. Strangely enough, it now had a familiar, driving vibe, like I knew the tune from somewhere but could not point my finger on it.

The tempo increased, and with it, so too did Pandora's sashaying of her hips. The stagelights dimmed a bit, and where before they bathed the stage in blazing light, now they seemed to take it, lending the area a dusky quality.

Ponies gasped as this served to highlight the dragon's features. It was still transparent to a degree, true, but its vivid green coloring made it a small, writhing sun in the darkened atmosphere.

Its body twisted, circling Pandora. The MILFy mare's hips now gyrated at a rate I thought impossible for ponies, and I could feel myself growing warmer as the blood pooled in my face.

And out of nowhere, the dragon dived, maw wide, revealing an impressive set of gleaming teeth, intending to devour Pandora. Some ponies, so entranced by the show, cried out in alarm, momentarily forgetting this was all an act. But they needn't worry.

Anticipating this, Pandora, in an admittedly impressive display of gymnastic skill, easily turned her body like water, the dragon bypassing her by a hair's width. What I (or anybody else, I'd say) did not expect was for Pandora to grab on to the conjured dragon as it sailed past.

A sharp intake of breath could be heard all around as Pandora literally, not figuratively, rode the damn lizard even as it continued to grow in size, turning in midair, twisting and making all sorts of death defying turns as it tried to shake her off.

Throughout all this, Pandora's visage remained composed. Hell, a small smile played across her lips, seemingly without a care in the world.

Quickly growing agitated, the dragon, in a seemingly last ditch attempt at its freedom and dignity, opened its maw to release a torrent of conjured flame in all directions. Great billowing sheets of amber and golden yellow that glowed so bright it was nearly blinding.

By this point, my jaw was all but gone, I'm sure and though I stood as entranced at the display as anybody else, I could have sworn I had a mini-stroke or two, wondering how in the world I'd be able to top this.

By this point, the dragon twisted so quickly and expelled so many flames that it lost itself in the sea of fire and like that, as the flames remained suspended in midair, not dispelling, its furious roars and bellows silenced.

It lasted only for a heartbeat before the beast's serpentine body shot out of the dome of fire and into the sky. The flames receded and in one final lunge, the dragon finally managed to dislodge the pony that tormented it so.

Quite a few ponies screamed as Pandora found herself literally in the air with nothing to hold onto and gravity quickly reasserted is hold as she plunged back to the hardened stage.

The dragon had not been idle during all this. It swerved upwards, intending to devour the pony as she fell, but Pandora had other plans, it seemed. She extended a delicate hoof, meeting the dragon's aerial charge head on and from her horn, a sphere of bluish white light emerged.

It hovered to her outstretched hoof, where it grew, elongated and took shape of a, for lack of a better word, spectral sword. The dragon and pony met head on. Pandora swerved at the last moment, cleaving the dragon as she fell, her spectral blade leaving a luminescent white gash as the dragon growled weakly, knowing it was defeated.

Pandora, somehow, landed gracefully on the ground, sword dissipating. The music reached as crescendo as the dragon, emitting a death rattle, exploded in a stunning array of fireworks and flashing lights in a display of pyro techniques worthy of Vegas, nay, Gandalf the fucking Gray himself!

Pandora just stood there, her chest heaving visibly, quite a few strands of her mane gone wild not that it would have subtracted from her raw beauty, starring at the stunned crowd.

A heartbeat later, the whole of the audience exploded in deafening cheers, showering Pandora in verbal affection, congratulations and what not.

I felt my tail tug itself between my legs and my ears splay back as I watched Trixie's mother soak in the absolutely hard and well earned praise.

"How the hell am I supposed to top this?" I muttered glumly, watching Pandora wave to her adoring fans, blowing kisses every so often. "Might as well give up now..." Cold dread grew in my stomach as I saw Pandora trot over to her waiting family, Moustachio saying something with a proud and soft expression while Trixie, that powder blue bitch was smugging in my direction, her expression clearly telegraphing something along the lines of 'Bitch, you got nothing on ma momma!'

I did not realize that I was making a slow retreat from the stage until a small hoof made contact with my shoulder, stopping me dead in my tracks.

"And where do you think you're going, hm?" Jackie hissed at me.

"Everywhere but on that stage. Did you see what that mare just pulled? How am I supposed to beat that? Fuck, I could die happy if I ever where to possess even a quarter of that skill and..."

For a moment, my world blurred and seconds later, white hot pain seared through my cheek.

Baffled I stared at Jacqueline who was now standing on her hindlegs, her right front leg still swinging from the bitch slap she just gave me.

"Listen here, you, and listen well." Grabbing ahold of my jacket, the girl pulled me roughly so that we were nose to nose. I could take in all the details of her eyes. "It's your damn fault we're in this ridiculous situation in the first place. You wanted to go and mingle with the little beasts. You insisted on participating on some dumb carny game instead of straight up stealing and of the two of us, you're the adult here, so fucking take responsibility and finish what you started." With that, the impudent little brat spun me around and despite my digging in my hooves, shoved me with enough force that I slid straight into the limelight.

I think my heart just stopped beating then and there.

Silence reigned the whole damn city and despite knowing better, I swear I heard a cricket chirp.

Someone in the audience coughed.

Glancing to the side, I saw Jackie do some kind of 'Get the fuck on with it!' gesture complete with mouthing the words. We really should work on her pep talks at some point.

Taking in a long breath, then exhaling I tried to recall my lessons from my drama club back in school and how to deal with stage fright.

Concentrate. Focus just on yourself. Forget the stage, the audience, everything around you. Close your eyes. Breath.

In.

Out.

And now, just give your best, that´s all you can ever do!

The cold in my stomach indeed begun to dissolve and the trembling that assaulted my entire body lessened to a degree.

>>Okay, let´s do this Multiverse!<<

I began tapping my hoof to the beat in my head, praying for a miracle, internally chanting 'Work work work work, please work!' Over and over again. And lo and behold, this once, the Multiverse seemed to smile down upon me or at last, was not actively sneering because a faint melody begun to emanate from nowhere and everywhere at the same time.

I opened my eyes again, firing up my own magic to seemingly let my clothes melt away, leaving me au naturel. Or at least, my ponyform spell. Spell over spell, that would give me a real headache but that was future me´s problem!

Then I started to sing.

"Fillies and colt´s of every age, wouldn´t you like to see something strange? Follow me and you can glean something ne´er before seen."

My voice was a bit of on the first few notes and I had to remake the lyrics to better fit but all in all I was surprised how well it all went.

I trotted to along the edge of the stage, noticing that more than a few ponies where already showing the first signs of being under the influence of Equestria´s very own and very unique magic, swaying ever so slightly in tact with the music.

"Come with me and you will see something that has never been."

I had to suppress a cry of joy as I could heard some ponies half whisper "Something ne´er before seen? Something ne´er before seen?" In a sorta chorus.

"Haunted souls scream in the dead of night!" I chimed back in, trotting down the stage, giving the audience a Cheshire smile while pretending to look around like a frightened schoolgirl in a cheap horror flick "Looking left, looking right, hear a noise, die of fright!" I did a little twirl on my hindhooves before landing on my four legs again "It´s allright, everybody scream since this was ne´er before seen!"

Okay, so far this had not been a bomb as I could see some of the audience starting to raise an eyebrow or even starting to look bored so I had to up the ante and pronto! Good thing that the Multiverse had dropped some convenient magic in my lap to do just that.

Letting my head drop to conceal my face, I willed my illusion magic back to work. A low growl escaped my throat for effect as the fur on my body, mainly on the center of my back, began to grow longer, my ears became more lupine and even claws began to emerge from my front hooves. "I am the one hiding under your beds," I sang, adding the last touches to my new form "Teeth ground sharp and eyes glowing red!" I almost roared the last part as I shot upright, reveling in the reaction I got from the audience as they witnessed my, well, ponywolf form with my new, real, sharp teeth shimmering through the spell and my eyes shining blood red like two pieces of coal straight out of the fires of hell.

I think the first row was vacated nearly in an instant and that only made me more determined to keep going.

Taking a step back and turning around, I took to reshape my appearance once again, my front hooves growing longer, likewise did my mane and fuzzy things the size of eggs began to stir in it. Then I turned around, now sporting two anaconda like front legs, even going so far as to have them actually end in two snake heads who hissed at the audience and big spiders crawling out and about in my long, messy mane. Quite a feat for an arachnophobe like me.

"I am the one behind your windows pane, hooves like snakes and spiders in my mane!"

This time I earned some honest shrieks and screams but also I could see that the audience was seemingly getting into the swing of things. Ha, I still had a chance!

Changing back to my "normal" pony self, I sauntered along the stages edge, bobbing my head and swinging my hips to the music.

"In the darkness we call home, everbody hails to the Nightmares song!" I sang, trying my damndest to give my voice a sweet, feminine quality before abruptly adopting a more butch tone "In the dark, don´t we love it now, everbody´s waiting for the next surprise!"

I briefly let my eyes flash red again before crouching down, pretending to sneak around on the stage. "Round that corner there, hiding in the trashcan..." I pretended to look around an imaginary street corner, looking away from the audience "Something´s waiting now to pounce. Oh how´ll you..." Another touch of magic altered my face to the ghastly death mask of a Banshee before I again turned around, leaping to the stages edge and lean down to the few courageous ones that came to the first row "SCREAM!" I howled, my voice taking a echoing quality like it came out of a grave.

Barley able to hide my satisfaction I strode back to the center of the stage. "This is how it´s always been. Red and black, slimey green! Aren´t you scared?" I asked into the crowd, my coat changing its properties from red and black scales to green, oozing slime and back to my normal black. Then I gave a smug grin and flipped a hoof as if swatting a fly.

"Well that´s just fine. Say it once, say it twice. Take a chance, roll a dice and ride with the moon in the dead of night!"

I went back to the edge of the stage, looking down at the crowd with my best imperial expression and sung-demanded "Everybody scream!" and to my utter delight, quite a few ponies in the audience did so and some even seemed to finally found their way into the song as they chorused "Everypony scream!"

Twirling around, I prepared one of my biggest, most mana hungry tricks. Like a chameleon, I changed the color of my coat, mane and eyes to match the curtains behind me, effectively making me vanish from plain sight.

Fuck, I could literally feel my magical reserves shrink like an ice cube in an industrial oven but I pushed through.

"I am the one when you ask 'Who´s there?', I am the wind blowing through your hair." I rasped out with a thin, ghostly voice only to "pop" back into existence with the fringes of my body moving like smoke to give me a shadow like appearance.

"I am the shadow on the moon at night, filling your dreams to the brim with fright!"

A sudden lightheadedness made me stumble ever so slightly, canceling my smoke illusion and nearly, for a heartstopping second, my ponyform spell. Colorful light dots filled the fringe of my vision but only for the quarter of a heartbeat. Then I regained my bearing somehow.

Sweating under my coat, I steeled myself. >>Time to drive this home!<<

Addressing the crowd once more I kept singing "Tender lumplings everywhere," I visibly licked my chops at this statement for extra effect as I starred at a view ponies in the audience at random before continuing "Life´s not fun without a good scare. That´s our job but we´re not mean, it´s just how it ever been."

Picking up tempo, I gestured to the crowd "In the dark, don´t we love it now..." I sung and thanks everything the crowd really finished with a pretty enthusiastic "Everypony´s waiting for the next surprise!"

Taking the reigns again, I reared onto my hindlegs and looked up to the moon "Our dark Lady might catch you in the back and scream like a Banshee, make you jump outta your skin!"

I took a step forward and willed all my magic up for the grande finale.

"In the darkness we call home, everybody hails to the Nightmares song."

I gestured with my left hoof "Looking left," and then with my right "Looking right," my ears swiveled around "Hear a noise, die of fright!"

Still standing upright, I send magic through my spellwork, making my whole ponyform waver and ripple like the disturbed surface of a lake.

"This was ne´er before seen, everybody scream!"

I imagined myself to grow, larger and thinner, my body taking the proportions of my old self again. I visualized hooves melting into hands and feet, my head loosing all equine features and gaining human ones again. Slowly but surley, I formed the illusion of a young woman with shortish brown hair and bright blue eyes, the same like I had seen my whole life every time I had looked into a mirror.

Reopening my eyes, I smiled broadly as the gathered ponies, griffins and yaks gawked upon the illusion of the human being I once had been.

But I was far from done, no my dear. Gritting my teeth, I willed my magic up again and made a great effort to condense a slim yet impressive suit of armor on my form, with highlights like silver moonlight and the main color being such an inky blue it almost looked pitch black.

A long, slightly frazzled cape rolled out behind me like an ominous pair of wings and a formfitting helmet with pointy horse ears on top and a little horn on the forehead appeared on my head, concealing my face in darkness. In short, I looked like a human Nightmare Moon.

Letting my eyes flash bright white I took a leap forward, earning satisfying yelps and shrieks once more. "Our dark Lady is Queen of the Nightmare Realm, everyone hail to the Nightmare Queen now!" I sung out, already feeling my vocal cords starting to fail me.

"In the darkness we call home, everbody hails to the Nightmares song. Looking left," my left hand shot out "Looking right," same did my right "Hear a noise, die of fright." I stormed through the last vocals, putting my last into them while starring straight at the crowd "For I am a Spirit of Nightmare Night!"

At this point, my performance technically ended but once again the Multiverse showed me that it could be benevolent at times as without any further prompt, the ponies in the crowd suddenly begun a canon between the mares and the stallions. Who would have thought it possible to put so much into simple singing "La, la, la, lala, la~" making it sound so incredible. At the end, someone even throw a cupple of foals up, the little munchkins providing a cheerful 'Weeeeee~' as the true finishing note.

As soon as the last vocal had rung out and I let my Human Nightmare spell fade away, replacing it with my ponyform once again, it felt to me like a blanket of silence had been thrown over the whole damn plaza.

With my pulse still hammering, I nervously licked my lips as I reigned my a-million-miles-an-hour breath back in.

The audience stared back at me or at each other. Someone coughed awkwardly and a few lonely souls applauded to me ever so meekly.

Well, what had I been expecting? Jeez, I knew that I would see no land against Pandora but it still hurt like a red-hot knife driven into my heart.

Taking a deep breath, I let my clothes glimmer back into existence and with shaky legs and tears in the corners of my eyes, took a bow, preparing to trot back to Jackie. Girl would probably give me another earful. Maybe we really just should have busted a bank or something.

A gentle hoof was suddenly placed on my withers. I looked up and came face to face with none other than Pandora, the latter smiling softly down at me.

"That was a very interesting presentation. I must admit that I never saw any of those creatures and the transition between your spells was already very smooth. Well done, Miss Illusion," the wonderful mare told me. "If you hone your skills diligently, I am sure that one day you will find your name amongst the greatest of our craft."

And just like that, I felt a massive lump in my throat. Even though she thoroughly demolished me, Pandora still had encouraging, kind words for me and I could detect no ill will or gloating in them. Uhh... damn, sexy mare. Why is she so wonderful?

Then she lit her horn up again and the score board flickered for just a moment as one point appeared at the side of the show ponies.

"Thank you Miss Pandora," I replied meekly, voice thick with emotion and hastily blinking away my tears. "That means a lot for me." Taking a look at the score board, I sighed. "So, guessing from the applause, I would say you brought this home for your family, hn?"

That caused a melodic giggle that somehow reminded me of silver chimes. Showing me a smile with just a hint of her own pearly whites, Pandora hummed. "Now, I would like to think of this as a well earned draw, yes?" Then she turned to the gawking crowd.

"Ponies of Yule, I declare this a draw. Please applaud for Pretty Prancer and Umbra Illusion. These two mares gave their best and braved Equestria´s premiere showpony couple without batting an eye. Does this show of courage does not deserve respect?" She asked the crowd, her voice silken as before but with an subtle commanding undertone that I almost missed, where it not for the fact that I as the Dark Ruler myself could use something similar.

Well, in hindsight, it was as familiar as a scalpel and a howitzer but semantics.

"Hah!" A very familiar, slightly nasal voice cried out in victory. "So you see, neighsayer, Trixie's mother is far beyond a lowly commoner such as yourself," the obnoxious pony said in smug satisfaction, a cocky little smirk on her lips that I so wanted to slap off.

"Trixie. I am ashamed of you," Moustachio boomed, trotting over to his spawn, looking down in disappointment. "A true Roani knows when he or she has met a worthy opponent and always shows the appropriate respect. Have you forgotten everything your mother and I taught you?"

"What? But they..."

"Proved themselves worthy contenders, dear," Pandora cut in before turning back to me and Jackie, who had sidled next to me at some point. "Please excuse my daughter. She should know better by now," she said sincerely.

Trotting to the edge of the stage, all eyes on her alluring form, Pandora addressed the masses. "Everypony, please give a round of well deserved applause to our contenders for the day, Umbra Illusion and Pretty Prancer, for a performance worthy of the ages." On cue, the masses followed. They cheered, stomped and called out our names. Not just Jackie and I, but Moustachio and Pandora as well. Hell, even Trixie got a few nominations and somewhere along the way, the trio of showponies bowed as one and even more surprisingly, Jackie and I followed in tandem. Honestly, it was more than a little overwhelming and disorienting an despite the fact the contest ended in a draw and we didn't win the cash, I couldn't help but keep a big, goofy grin in my face through it all.

Author's Notes:

Yes, I went there.