"Can I get you anything else?"

I shake my head negative. "No, I'm good."

"Well, if you need anything else, please don't hesitate to ask."

It's been a few days since I learned Fluttershy's real name. During that time, I've taken the time to learn all that I can from my hostess. Like the fact that after retrieving me, I was in a coma for three days. Also, I died at least once. That one was a shocker. Fluttershy was also kind enough to inform me that I needed a blood transfusion. I didn't bother asking where the blood came from or from what. I inquired about the plane I was on and got a bewildered stare from the Pegasus. If this place is real, then apparently, airplanes don't exist here. I'm also given to understand that that I was not the only body (save for some dismembered appendages) found in the "Everfree" that day. There were two others of my kind there, but neither survived the crash. I should feel guilty about that, I guess. I don't, truth be told; I hardly knew Mr. Dozy Prat or the young woman who sat in seat 9A. (Admittedly she was pretty, but I have an aversion to blondes…)

There were also artifacts recovered from the crash site. Beyond the pile glasses Fluttershy had, there were some personal effects from other passengers. Things like a whiskey flask, a shattered laptop, a cane, a lady's brassiere (I had some difficulty explaining that one), several smart phones, an oxygenation machine, and a pair of high heeled shoes. Fluttershy showed me the collection; it was quite the pile of personal effects. No wallets, though, which I found strangely disappointing. She also showed me the tattered remains of the clothes I was found in. I don't think I'll be wearing those again.

Another thing I learned from our conversations was the extent of my injuries. Left arm: third degree burns over 90% of the surface. Right arm: humerus, ulna, broke in two places; radius, shattered in three. Amputation of left calf straight to the patella. Six broken ribs (two upper, all four floating.) According to my hostess, it took an entire team of pony doctors and a few healing spells from "Twilight Sparkle." (Another name I got wrong, go figure.) I'm still not completely healed. The ribs will take a few more healing spell treatments. My right arm is almost completely repaired, save for some splintering in the third break of my radius. The burns on my left arm are the worst. Even with the healing spells and burn salves, I may never regain total sensation in that arm. Well, fuck…! I wouldn't be masturbating with that arm again. The damage on my left leg is cauterized and sewn shut. I'll have a stump there for the rest of my life.

You know, the funny part about all of this is, I have never broken a bone or suffered any major physical trauma of this magnitude in my life. My clavicle was broken when I was born, but my shoulders were wider than my mom, so it was a necessary medical procedure. Still hurts when the rain comes… In any case, there wasn't much else found in that glade where I was discovered. I asked about the debris field, the black boxes, search and rescue teams; Fluttershy didn't know anything about that and neither did any of her friends. According to her, the one she calls "Rainbow Dash" was the first to spot me and my two unfortunate fellow passengers. Twilight theorized some sort of magical phenomenon occurred where I and my two travel buddies got whisked away from the explosion. Fat lot of good it did for them, really.

I also pried some 411 about where I supposedly was. The land is named "Equestria," the town is called "Ponyville" (where did I come up with the Powerpuff Girls reference?,) and I was said before, the forest is called "Everfree." I kinda pissed off Fluttershy when I laughed at her description of the forest. She explained that the plants grow on their own, the animals take care of themselves, and the clouds move without pony intervention. I didn't see why all of that was so upsetting and my mirth brought my first really scary moment here, wherever here may be. Fluttershy stared at me, a real evil eye sort of look. When I caught sight of it, my blood froze. I don't think I've ever felt more guilty or ashamed in all my life! She would later tell me the "The Stare" was her weapon of last resort. I can understand why…

I ask Fluttershy, "So, Twilight will be coming by later today?"

Fluttershy nods, "She wants to see how your're healing and reapply her spells."

"I see. Listen, Fluttershy, can I ask you a favor?"

She nods, "Oh? Sure, what can I do?"

"This Twilight… She kinda unnerves me. I don't know why, but she scares me something awful. When I first saw her, I got the sense she could really do me some harm. You know her better, I guess but, just for now, can you downplay the whole 'he can talk' thing?"

Fluttershy asks back, "But why, Stevie?"

From anyone else, I would start throwing punches. With Fluttershy, though, I can't find the strength, mental or physical, to correct her. When did I get so pussy-whipped?

"It's- irrational, really, but I just don't like the idea of that one taking any more interest in me. I feel like a zoo exhibit when she's around."

"Oh," she says, "All right. If it will make you more comfortable, I won't do anything further to draw attention to you by Twilight."

"Thanks, Flutters!" Am I beaming? I think I'm beaming.

"Oh, did like you like your dinner?"

Truth be told, ever since turning up here, I've been restricted to an herbivore's diet and it's starting to make me a little cranky. I can't even get bacon here. (I miss bacon…!) Fluttershy gave me something she claimed was bacon, but I later learned that it was made of hay. It was less than satisfactory. The best source of protein I can get is in legumes, which are plentiful here. Mind you, as good as a handful of lightly salted almonds are, I still miss a medium well hamburger, extra lettuce, tomatoes, pickles, and onions, with extra sharp cheddar cheese and a little Miracle Whip thrown on for taste.

"It's good. I like that added peanuts in this time. I like it when my salad has some extra crunch in it!"

I really do. Croutons are nice, but some peanuts, almonds, and macadamia nuts give a salad some well deserved texture.

"I glad you like. Would You like more?"

"Yes, please! And could you add some almonds? I miss almonds."

"Sure!" Fluttershy is now adding in my almonds.

Oh, yeah, that's the ticket! It may not be a medium rare hamburger or even a deep dish three meat pizza, but it is delicious and nutritious. I could never eat like this at home. Mainly because fresh veggies and fruits are kinda outta my budgetary range.

"Mmmmmmmm, so good!"

*Knock, knock, knock!*

"Oh, that must be Twilight!'

HRGGHGH! Ack, I nearly choked on my salad! Seriously, there needs to be a clock in here so I can time it is when Sparky gets here!! I mouth to Fluttershy to keep at the door until I can make myself "presentable."

"Hello, Fluttershy!"

"Hi, Twilight! Coming to check in on your patient?"

"Yes, I am. Is he awake?"

"Yes, he's right here."

I have to hastily lay down on the sofa where I've spent the better part of this week. Clopping hooves tell me that Fluttershy and her friend are approaching. Time for a little dog and pony show… Uh, no pun intended.

"So, has he made any progress lately?" That's Twilight speaking.

Fluttershy answers, "Oh, yes! He can sit up now with hardly any pain. And he's now feeding himself, although I don't think he can adapt so easily to hooffoods."

"So, how has he been eating?" Twilight again.

"Uh…"

No, don't tell her Fluttershy! Don't tell her I showed you how to make a fork!!

"Well, he was able to break a piece of the floorboards off and uses that to scoop up his food. It's so cute!"

PHEW! That was quite a cover there, Flutters! I just hope I hid my fork well enough where Twilight doesn't see it…

More from Twilight, "Wow! He's recovered that much manual dexterity?!"

"Y-yes!" Fluttershy answers.

Oh, no, she's cracking…!

"Well, that is a development! Let me take a look at him."

OWOWOW! She's pulling the bandages on my arm!!

"Hmm… The burns are improving… I think I see some skin here… Still, there's too much tissue damage that hasn't fully regenerated. Fluttershy, can you go into my saddlebag and fetch me that burn salve?"

I hear a rustling of canvas and see my hostess face first into a set of purple saddlebags. She was being LITERAL?!

"Hear you go, Twilight."

ERGH! Oh, shit, this stuff hurts worse then when the damaged was exposed!! Is this stuff made of salt, lemon juice and SANDPAPER?!?!

Twilight coos, "There you go…"

I am not a child, Twilight Sparkle, and I do not appreciate the condescending tone.

"There, doesn't that feel better?" Sparky asks.

No, it does NOT. Honestly, if Sparklebutt were anymore condescending, she'd give Dr. Sheldon Cooper a run for his money.

"I don't think he likes that." Fluttershy says.

Thank you, Flutters! Finally, the voice of reason.

Twilight says to Flutters, "What are talking about, Fluttershy? He's just a mindless human."

Wait, you wanna run that by me again?

"What do you mean?" Fluttershy asks.

"Well, from what my research tells me, humans are, well to put it delicately, kind of dumb." That's how Twilight responds.

I- don't know how to respond to that… Of, course, Sparklebutt isn't done explaining.

"They have a very rudimentary brain. They mostly operate on a sub-equine level of comprehension. There have been some studies suggesting humans are capable of some rather sophisticated problem solving skills, but it hasn't been independently verified." It's like the Sparks-alot is a damn encyclopedia.

Why you little… daft… dozy… BITCH!

"In any case, I don't honestly think he knows what's going here. Now let me cast this last healing spell…"

OHMYFUCKINGMTOHER! WHATINTHEFLYINGDUCKFUCKINGHELLISTHIS?!?!?!?!

"There, all done!" Sparky sounds proud of herself.

Fluttershy chimes in, "Uh, Twilight?"

"Hmm?"

Flutters continues, "I-if… If he, the human I mean, were to show some intelligence, would that- change the way you deal… w-w-with him?"

Twilight answers back, "Oh, Fluttershy… You and I both know that humans are incapable of intelligent thought. Oh, wow, look at the time! I should get going. Spike is probably waiting for me. Make sure to check that bandage of his twice a day and don't let him wander away. Celestia help us if he wonders into town!"

The door closes softly and I hear hoof falls fading away in the distance. As per an agreement made earlier, Fluttershy watches Twilight from a window. When it's clear that she's gone, she waves one of her wings, giving me the all clear. I sit up, retrieve my fork, but now I'm in such a rage I don't know if I can think straight.

"Stevie…" Fluttershy looks concerned. Maybe she should be.

"That- self-important, stuck-up, insufferable KNOW-IT-ALL!"

-Insert self important writers blurb here.-