And here we have it. Every single HiE on FiMFiction has a Grand Galloping Gala chapter and now, here's mine. Lot's of stuff goes on here. I even introduce a minor character into the mix. It also establishes events that will have major ramifications for the rest of the story. Also, the idea to make Steve an Ambassador with diplomatic immunity was inspired by Admiral Biscuit's Onto the Pony Planet.

This is Fluttershy's Gown:
This is what Applejack is wearing to the Triple Gee:
And here's a look at Luna's Gown:

What I hope Fluttershy would wear:
And Luna would look stunning in something like this:
That will have to be another story…

From the Daily Journal of Steven Ambrose, Entry Number 38:

I need to keep this short because Twilight is cracking the whips on everyone and everypony. I don't think I've seen Rarity in such distress or Spike looking so harried. Anyway, in less than thirty-six hours, the Ponyville Six a.k.a: The Bearers of the Elements of Harmony, plus Sunset Shimmer, Spike the Dragon, and yours truly, are headed to Canterlot for the forsaken Grand Galloping Gala. Twilight is, well- frazzled would have been the word I'd use, but she surpassed that state three days ago. It's more that she's gone into a manic frenzy. We need to get some decaf in that filly… It's wonder her mane hasn't caught fire yet. Sunset is being run ragged; she hasn't had any time in the last two days to make snide quips at my expense. I've been a little busy myself, what with helping Applejack and Fluttershy look gorgeous for this gala and getting my tuxedo pressed and ready. I'm still nervous about meeting the forsaken Canterlot Nobility. It's promising to be a rough night… The only bright spots in the evening's festivities are that I'll hanging out with my mares and maybe, if all goes well, I can catch a glimpse of Princess Luna. I'm keeping my fingers crossed…

"Twilight, seriously, you have gone over that Celestia forsaken checklist ten times in the last hour!" shouts a voice from the upstairs loft of Golden Oak Library.

"No, Sunset," replies an agonized voice, "everything must be perfect! This is the only the second time I've been invited to the Grand Galloping Gala and my first as a princess. I will leave nothing to chance!!"

"She's having an episode," I remark, "should we come back?"

Applejack, Fluttershy, and myself have been in Ponyville's library for nigh unto two hours now. We were supposed to be fetching Twilight and Sunset to get them fitted for their gowns. (Lady Celestia managed to wrestle a ticket to the Triple Gee for Shimmy after a certain noble mare was forced to back out at the last minute. I shan't name who, for I could care less.) The formal ball goes on tonight and if Twilight keeps this up, it will be wonder if we make it on time. I'm debating on whether we should just leave The Princess and her Adjunct here in Ponyville while we subject ourselves to ritual humiliation.

"Hey, Twilight," I call up the stairs, "we're gonna meet you at the train. I'm sure Lady Celestia won't be that surprised if you fly into the gala…"

I think that did the trick; the thunder of hooves comes down the stars and an incredulous Twilight trots right up to me; she's staring daggers and I wonder if I pushed a little too hard.

"What did you say?" The Element of Magic growls.

"I said that Lady Celestia would probably forgive you if you flew to the gala in naught but your regalia," I state, "which at this point is all you'll have time to get on."

Twilight seethes, "Are you suggesting that I, Princess Twilight Sparkle, should show up at The Grand Galloping Gala, the single most important Canterlot event of the year, in naught but my regalia?!"

"I'm not suggesting it," I reply, "I'm saying that if you and Sunny don't get to Rarity's in, say, five minutes, all you'll have to wear will be your regalia."

Cue panic attack in five… four… three… two… one…

"OH MY GOSH!" Twilight exclaims, "we need to get going! Shimmer, get my regalia! Spike, where are you?!"

"I'm right here, Twi," the young drake says. Unlike his adopted mother/sister/boss, Spike is already suited up for tonight's festivities. The charcoal suit he's wearing actually compliments his mulberry scales and the burgundy bow tie he has around his collar compliments his choice color scheme.

"Lookin' sharp there, Spike," I say, "Rarity make that for ya?"

The drake smiles, nodding, "She sure did. Gotta love the superior craftsmareship."

"Spike!" Twilight calls out, "this is no time for a mutial admiration party! I need my regalia. Now!"

"Alright, alright," Spike barks, "Seeing as Sunset can't be bothered, I'll get 'em; keep your horseshoes on!"

The drake disappears upstairs, grumbling up the staircase the entire way. An awkward silence falls on the scene. Then a question I've had for a while comes to mind.

"Hey, Twilight," I ask, "just how am I going to be brought out to all those noble ponies in Canterlot? Am I right to assume that my presence is not general knowledge, yet?"

"Oh, yes," Twilight starts, "Celestia hasn't made it known that there is a hooman in Equestria yet. She sent me a missive about four hours ago explaining that she called a meeting with all the noble houses to explain the situation. Oh! That reminds me! She sent something for you as well, Steve,"

"Something for me?" I ask, "What is it?"

Twilight channels her magic and in brief flash, produces a scroll. She forks it over still held in her aura; of course, when it comes near me, the magical field fails and I'm forced to catch it. When I do, I see it's been sealed with wax. An official government document? Kinda odd… Let's see what this bad boy says. I hope it isn't in Equuish; I'm still having trouble reading it.

"Whoa, wait," I exclaim, reading over Celestia's elegant hand, or should I say, hoofwriting, "a royal decree! And look at this! This can't be right. Am I really an Ambassador from The Terran Empire now?"

"WHAT?!" Sunny and Twilight shout simultaneously.

"Look here," I say, bringing the papyrus down to their eye level, "I know you gals can't make head or tails of the English, but this here, below it, I'm sure that's Equuish. Tell me that doesn't say I'm an Ambassador."

It's actually kinda amusing watching Twilight and Sunset read the same bit of text with an air of incredulity. You'd think I said that the sky was on fire, and despite all evidence to contrary, the denied it until one of them got struck by skyward flames.

Sunny was the first to speak, "I don't- believe it."

"Ambassador," Twilight mumbled, "well, that does simplify matters some."

"Does this mean that if a noble decides to get in my face and give him a knuckle sammich, I could just declare 'Diplomatic Immunity,' and he'd be carted off to jail or a dungeon, or whatever it is you ponies use to incarcerate reprobates?"

"It's not that simple, Steven," Twilight states, "true, under Equestrian Law, you would have certain immunity from prosecution of certain infractions. Short of murder, rape, or foalnapping, you are legally untouchable."

"Well, it wasn't like I was planning on raping and pillaging my way to fame and fortune," I quip, "but, this pretty much guarantees my protection under the auspices of the Princess and grants me civil rights like unto any citizen pony within the borders. Am I right?"

"Pretty much," Sunny says, "I'd be hard pressed to think that you'd be any more protected than with this decree."

"Well, it' nice to know I'm not an in-law," I quip.

"Come again?" Twilight asks, befuddled.

"As the old joke goes," I state, "the difference between an outlaw and an in-law is that an outlaw is wanted. So, too, are ambassadors."

I don't know what is funnier: the anguished groan Shimmer givers off, the broken look Twilight adopts or the rolling eyes of Applejack. Fluttershy and Spike are giggling; at least they have a sense of humor.

"I hate to state the obvious here," Spike interjects, "but don't we have a Gala to get to?"

We get to Rarity's with not a moment to spare. The seamstress in a state of high drudgen, getting last minute measurements, making final adjustments, and generally giving overachievers the Universe over a run for their money. Even with four new customers in the Boutique, Ms. Carousel is bouncing around the Southwest wearing turn up purple pants; General Ross would have trouble lining up a shot to take her out. The state of her mane told me she had been at this for hours; her protegé, Charity Sweetmint, had a similar look, though she looked even more worried than the fashionista.

"Wow," Twilight muttered.

Nopony else muttered a word as Rarity flew past them, adjusting the hems and collars of both Pinkie Pie and Rainbow Dash. Oh, yes, Rarity was in fine form today.

"Back home, we'd say she's busier than a one armed paper hanger," I whisper.

This makes Jackie and Flutters giggle some; I can see Sunset stifle a giggle of her own, though I think Shimmy is having a laugh at the expense of Rainbow Dash. The stuntmare is draped in what can only be described as Greco-Roman Chic. The toga she's sporting is festooned with rhinestones of numerous colors, gold trim and piping adorn the hems, and her pasterns are shod in Greek style sandals, but with heels taller than she's comfortable with.

Pinkie, on the other hand, is treating this like a game of dress up. Her gown, while fairly elegant, reflects her very happy-go-lucky nature. In varying hues of salmon, champagne, lavender, cotton candy, and Tickle-Me Pink, the multilayered ensemble was a frilly pinafore gone straight to Barbie Hell! Oddly enough, Pinkie looks quite comfortable. Certainly comfortable enough to gasp in surprise when we entered, alerting client and business mare to our presence.

"Twilight!" the Pink Party Paradox Pony shouted, "Where were you? Rarity's been pitching a fit! She was afraid you'd miss your fitting! Then she started fretting, because Dashie's dress isn't fitting right, and it seems my dress is just perfect, I mean, have you looked at it? All this pink! Whee! I feel like a dollop of cotton candy!! Oh, we should really see about getting some before we head to Canterlot. I have this huge craving for cotton candy right now. Do any of you guys have it, too?"

"Enope," Ay jay deadpans, "what about you, Flutters?"

"No thank you," Flutters whispers, "I always get that stuck on the roof of my mouth."

"I can't really have any candy either, Pinkie," I declare, "it's bad enough I'm getting stuffed into a monkey suit, I can't imagine how I would fit in it with a belly filled with cotton candy."

"I'm sorry, too, Pinkie," Twilight says, "I don't really like cotton candy."

"Aw," Pinkie moans, "I really want some…"

"Is the pink one always this way?" Shimmer asks.

"Yeah," I answer, "and she gets worse once she realizes your a new pony in town."

"Wait, a new pony?" Pinkie perks up immediately.

"Yeah, I dunno how your Pinkie Sense missed Shimmer here," I reply.

"Yay!" The Pink Party Paradox Pony shouts, "New pony!"

"Uh, please, you don't have to worry-" Shimmer starts before Pinkie wraps her in a hug even Harry couldn't duplicate.

"Pinkie," Twilight admonished, but the pink pony refused to heed, "Pinkie, Sunset needs to breath."

"And we don't really have time to organize a party so fast," Jackie add, "we gotta head to the station in an hour if we wanna make it ta Canterlot in time."

"Oh," Rarity exclaims, "girls, you're here!"

"Been here, actually," I deadpan, "Pinkie's been making a Sunset shake."

"P-p-p-please s-s-s-stop!" Sunset demands.

"Tee-hee!" Pinkie giggles.

"Ah, well then," Rarity continues, "Twilight, your gown is in dresing room A. I think you'll find it a piece of raiment fit for a queen! Or you case, a princess. Applejack, you're dress is in dressing room B; I do believe that Steven will find you smashing in it. Fluttershy, I just finished your gown. You shall be belle of the ball tonight! And for you, Steven, your tuxedo is ready in my inspiration room. Should you need any help, I believe Spike can help you. Isn't that right my Spikey-wikey?"

"Y-yeah!" Spike confesses, "I can help!"

"How very noble of you," I murmur, "I could use some help with the bowtie; I've never tied one before."

"Okay," Spike proclaims, "let's get you suited up then!"

It doesn't take me long to get into my tuxedo; the multilayered uniform is sized just right for me. True to form, Rarity has streamlined the entire thing so I don't resemble a reject from a Prince concert. About the only trouble I really have are the shoes. The wingtip style dress shoes rarity made for me are a bit tight; we were having some issues properly scaling US Imperial measurements (I'm a size 15, wide) to Equestrian measure. (A pony's hoof is significantly smaller than a human foot, especially mine. Go figure.) I might be able to get her to loosen them up some, but given her state of perfection-based mania, I doubt that's gonna happen. Spike was helpful with the bowtie; I've tied a tie before as they were sort of a prerequisite at my old job. A bow tie is another beast altogether. I don't think I could tie one of these flaming things without assistance to save my life.

Once I was fully dressed (Fuck me, these shoes are gonna hurt!), I went back downstairs. Pinkie was fully gussied up, but Ar Dee was still struggling with her gown. It surprises me some to see her mane fully combed and brushed; given her tomboyish nature, I have a feeling it took a lot of persuasion, and maybe some bribery, to get her still long enough to be groomed that way. As long as she wasn't promised a full night with me asher sex slave, I'm good with what Rarity did. My thoughts get torn away from Rainbow's sulky and dismissive airs to see two shimmering beauties walking towards me.

Rarity had outdid herself compared to the last time I had seen the gown Fluttershy was modeling last time. Though much simpler than I had anticipated, it was still gorgeous beyond compare. A golden ruffle ran over her neck and down her barrel, a sheer underskirt supported a gold overskirt with lace appliqué and her front hooves were shodin golden glaives accented by a licorice colored sea shell. It was the amazing sight I has seen so far in my life, at least until I saw jackie emerge from her changing room.

While it lacked the sort of sophistication Flutters was wearing, the ensemble was nothing like I expected to see Applejack wearing. Like, ever. A string tie fastened a formal looking collar around her neck; a rich leather saddle sat on her back, keeping a beautiful silken skirt trimmed with lace ruffles and embroidered apples along the hemline. Her front hooves were shod in a pair of lovely cowboy boots, adorned with the Apple Family Emblem (a giant red delicious apple, no doubt) and her normal Stetson was replaced by a fancifully decorated version complete with an Apple Rose festooned into the trim of the hat. Her mane and tail were the biggest differences to her normal look. Both were brushed to a brilliant sheen and fashionably styled. If I knew no better, I would swear it was jackie that was the former fashion model, not Flutters.

"By all things right…" I murmur, "you two- I may just be dancing with the two most beautiful mares in Equestria tonight!"

Flutters muzzle raises a deep blush; Jackie scuffs the floor of Rarity's shop with a hoof.

"Aw, shucks, Steve," Jackie says, "ya'll just sayin' that."

"Enope," I reply, "seriously, Jackie, you are so damn pretty tonight. I can't lie about that. And Flutters- I swear, think I may need to beat off the stallions with a stick."

Flutters blush deepens, which I didn't know was possible, but Jackie looks at me with a touch of mistrust in her eyes.

"Ya do know that this ain't the most comfortable thing ta wear," Jackie tells me, "just in case yer gettin' any iders."

I shake my head, "I'd rather not like to think what Rarity would do to me if I torn up her creations so the three of us could enjoy a private moment."

Jackie is now blushing as profusely as Flutters. They get spared from their embarrassment by Rarity proclaiming that Rainbow Dash was done with and we could now make our way to the station.

The plan, as Sparklebutt had rehearsed it to us all for the ninth time this evening, was to take the Canterlot Express to City itself, then hop a carriage from the train station to the Palace. So, pretty much, the Scenic Route. I had to ask why all the hassle if we were going to a place where the Bearers were as welcome as the nobles and got a head shrinking lecture about arriving in style and with proper pomp from Rarity. I tuned out after the first minute; it was really hard to pay attention to the fashionista's rambling when I had to beautiful mares at my sides.

Fluttershy was resting up for the evening, her head gently settled on my lap while the rest of her was laid out on the cushion of our seat. She wasn't quite asleep, but I could tell she was very close to taking in a nap. Applejack, on the other hand, was talking animatedly to Pinkie. Unlike our other herd mate, she was comfortable enough to lay against my side, all the while keeping up a conversation with her fellow Bearers. Every now and then, she would be a cheeky little filly and sneak a kiss or two on me. I would be equally as cheeky a sneak a few on her. Fluttershy would be just as affectionate, albeit, she would give me a look like she wanted me to kiss her. It was too damn cute to deny her, so I would meet her lips as she rose up to meet mine.

Eventually, Dash sidled up to the three us, coming as quietly as you please. She sat across from us in the plush Royal carriage of the Canterlot Express, looking all the part of the cat who ate the canary. I don't know what her motives were, but the smile on her face unnerved me.

"So," Dash started, "seeing as Princess Luna is the one hosting the gala this year, it kinda looks like there's actually gonna be some excitement this time around."

"Wouldn't know," I respond, "wasn't at the last one."

"I know that," Dash eeks out, "still, I bet there's gonna some good grub and maybe some dancing. Normally, I'm not one to dance, unless I happen to be among friends. But, I think I can squeeze in a waltz or two if you feel up to it."

"Sorry, Dash," I reply, "I'm pretty sure my dance card's full."

"He's right," Jackie adds, "between me and Flutters, there ain't no room for ya. Sorry Dash."

Stifling a rejected look, Dash waves an aloof hoof, saying, "No, no, it's cool. I just- wanted to put that out there."

The prismatic Pegasus gets off the seat she once occupied and leaves, her countenance a little more crestfallen than it was ten minutes ago.

"You know," I sigh, "I really hate to make a filly sad, but Dash just does not get it."

"I know, Sugah," Jackie replies, "she's got her featherbrained mind made up, though. And she can be more stubborn'n me."

"Yea, verily," I say, "I don't think this will be the last word Dash has on me tonight."

The Canterlot Express stopped at a secluded railway station I was told was commonly used by The Royal Guard to transport large platoons and smallish battalions from elsewhere in Equestria back to the Capitol. Seeing as Twilight was using her Royal Privileges to get this private drop off point. We got off the train just as dusk fell upon the land. Our arrival was met with a cohort of of the uniform unicorn officers in a standard phalanx formation. (I have no idea how I know those terms or why all these military terms are getting in my head. This has been happening for a while and I haven't thought much about it. Now, I'm getting a little more than unnerved.) The contingent of guards met us there, polite as you please, and bowed reverently to Twilight.

"Your Highness," the Guard Commander, a unicorn stallion, said, "I am Southern Cross. My orders are to escort your companions, yourself and Ambassador Ambrose to the Palace. If you'll follow me."

Twilight said nothing, but gave a slight nod. We fell into step behind her and the guards. We marched for a length of ten minutes, bypassing quite a lot of the city as did so. The route we took was a scenic drop track that looped around the majority of the city. Jackie and Flutters flanked me as we climbed the steep path. I looked over the city as we trekked; I can't remember the last time I saw a city so beautiful. I've been in New York a few times and even seen The City from the observation deck on the Empire State Building. It doesn't compare; Canterlot bests The Big Apple by numerous orders of magnitude. I can't believe Twilight grew up here!

Our string tromps along the route we are lead through until Canterlot Palace comes into view. The last I saw it, it was a sight to behold but that was during daylight hours. The nighttime visage of the stately kingdom seat is a sight to beautiful to describe. Already I can throngs of ponies marching into the building and a legion of golden armored guards doing crowd control. I don't think measure is needed because from what I can see from here, the Canterlot snobs are absolutely tame. Well, I guess The Sisters are cautious enough to realize even a simpering crowd of Canterlot may still harbor traitors and assassins. Moving on…

As we approach the milling throng, I can see heads turn. (Good Christ, so many unicorns!) Anyway, our group walked up to the gathered nobles; every pony, from the oldest and most venerable noble to the newest of monies, bowed to Twilight's presence. I can see the alicorn's brows knead in consternation. She takes all in stride as she parses the crowd before her. We clear the strings of ponies and are ushered in by a another group of Royal Guards. More nobles populate the halls we pass to get to the ballroom, many of which adopt a simpering smile (the shit eating grin I've come to expect from politicians) and a sycophantic attitude. I can hear Rainbow fake retching; I think if I were acting any less well behaved, I might have followed suit. Eventually, our guides take us to the Grand Ballroom, one of several I'm told in use for tonight, and are ushered into the room itself. It's not like the Remote Command Center deep in the bowels of the palace in size, but it takes a close second place.

A sizable mob has formed here, filling in most of the available space on the floor, but there's still room for plenty of ponies, likely servants, to walk among the guests. Twilight and her friends sidle on over to the buffet line because, let's face it, we're all hungry. I get about five paces in towards delectable sustenance when I get pulled away by some beefy, alabaster unicorn stallion in Regulation Uniform Dress . His cutie mark is concealed by the vest he wears, but I see that sigil emblazoned on the breast pocket of the same article. The six point star on a shield with three smaller stars above it looked familiar, but I couldn't place it right then. The stallion stands in way, obviously expecting me to recognize him. I think…

"Excuse, Mr. Ambassador," the stallion speaks, "I'm to escort you to a private audience with Princess Celestia."

"Uh, yeah, sure," I squeak out, "Sergeant Lonely Hearts."

"That isn't my name," the stallion protests, "my name is Shining Armor."

"Of course," I reply, "well, let's get this over with…"

I let Armor take me to a part of the ballroom floor where I can see the familiar visage of the porcelain alicorn. She is resting at a cushion by a high table at the back of the room. There are several ponies, I want to assume they're nobles, milling around her. Judging by the subtle pained look on her face, she was suffering the tortures of the damned with the nobles hemming her in. My approach must have been mana from heaven.

"Ah, Ambassador Ambrose," Celestia exclaims, "it's so wonderful to see you here again!"

"Likewise, Lady Celestia," I reply, choking off a half salute, "and I see you spared no expense to welcome my friends and I. I am honored."

"The honor is mine," Celestia says, then after a beat, "all mine."

I have to chortle at that. Avatar: The Last Airbender comes to mind when she says that.

"So," I mention, "private audience, eh? Doesn't seems so private if'n you ask me."

"I do apologize for that," Celestia answers, "the heads of several notable noble houses came here tonight in hopes of having a chance meeting with the newest ambassador to foreign kingdom."

"I see," is my reply, "nothing like starting diplomacy early, I suppose."

"You read my mind," the porcelain princess replies, "but that can come later. Care to join me in a small repaste?"

"I wouldn't mind," I answer coyly, "let me just get my dates for the evening."

"Of course," Celestia said, a gleam in her eye, "Applejack is still perusing the buffet table. I believe Fluttershy is having a discussion with Spike about something. Shall I can them over?"

"No, I'm good," I tell her, "besides, I need to get used to milling about in large crowds of ponies."

"Good luck then," Celestia tells me, "Try not to get too lost in the crowd."

What a strange thing to say… I find my brides in less time than it takes to speak their names. Flutters saw me and trotted to me, wearing the largest smile I've ever seen on her. I know she isn't very good in crowds but she seems to be handling herself well. Jackie, was already on her way, according to her, to speaking with the Princess. On her back was a loaded plate of so many pastries it could give a body diabetus. With both of my herdmates gathered, I returned to Celestia. She proffered seating for all three of us, which we gladly took and then she beckoned several of the noble houses together, along with some foreign dignitaries. She then made the announcement I knew was a long time coming: that a human was amongst the ponies of Equestria, he was intelligent and he was a member of the ancient Terran Empire. That last bit got a few shocks from the minotaurs in attendance. (Just when I thought this place couldn't get any weirder…)

Twilight come up to the table after a while, wanting to speak with her former mentor. By that time, I had pumped so many hooves, claws, and hands that I was beginning to lose feeling in my one good hand. As Equestria's newest princess, Twilight was immediately swamped by nobles, asking for favors, making business proposals, and hard as it was for me to believe it, a marriage proposal or two. If Purple Smart ends up with a hangover tomorrow morning because of the copious amounts of alcohol she needed to consume to wipe out much of the memories of this night, I would not pass judgment. Lord only knows what those slimebags wanted from her. I bet a few of those greedy gammy gowl are looking to raise their family stakes. Vultures, the lot of them. I'm certain Cloud Dancing would have a few choice words to say to these losers.

After a while, Fluttershy asked if me if I would like to dance. I said yes, and included Jackie along for the ride. We got onto the dance floor, at this point in the evening was nigh deserted, and boy, did we cut a rug! It was kinda awkward, the way in which the three of us set for even the simplest of waltzes. Fluttershy placed her left forehoof on my right shoulder and Jackie planted her right forehoof on my left shoulder; I held their opposite forehooves in both my hands. We spun about like that for seemed like hours… I didn't care that the other ponies on the floor stared at us, we were having the time of our lives. We danced through at least six different pieces before any of us were too pooped to party. By the end of our little session, neither Flutters nor Jackie could stay on their feet.

We returned to the high table, where Celestia was deep in conversation with a unicorn stallion. A noble, of that I was sure by his bearing and demeanor, but the monocle on his eye and the mustache were telling me he wasn't some snobbish, elitist dickhead. The light gray stallion has a sigil of three crowns on his flank and his mane and tail are a light azure. If i didn't know any better, I'd swear he lived in that tuxedo jacket of his. I didn't really want to wait around for this guy to greet me, shake my hand with his hoof and snide make a snide remark at my expense.

"Hey girls," I ask of my dance partners, "any of ya'll need some refreshment? I'm catching some cottonmouth, but I thought it rude to just get something for myself."

"Oh, yes! I could go for some punch right about now." Fluttershy requested.

"Ahm gettin' mighty parched, too," Jackie added, "mind gettin' me a glass o' punch, han's'me?"

"Three punches," I reply, bowing slightly, "coming right up."

Ugh, more nobles, more false prostration, I can feel my bullshit-o-meter reaching critical levels. I manage to wade through them, which I guess is helped by the fact that I'm a good two feet taller than most of them. I grab three glasses, have them filled by a servant pony manning the punch bowl and return to the high table. Celestia is still in her congress with the fancy Canterlot noble. Good, I ain't got to deal with him, for now. I return to my mares, giving each a quick kiss before giving them their drinks. I say a quick prayer that these aren't spiked (no pun intended) with Skywalker whiskey. Over the course of the next hour and half, I return to the bunch at least twice. My mares are now fully rested, but each wanted to trot off to somepony they hadn't seen in a while. I thank God I'm not a jealous husband. I watch them leave in separate lines to friends, family, or complete strangers.

Alone and currently feeling a small sense of agoraphobia sneaking up on me, I picked my way through the throng, heading for any door I could find. I needed some air. I find some doors, with clear panes of glass telling me that there is blessedly clean air beyond the barrier. I slip through a gaggle of ponies trying to vie for my attention and get to the French doors. Getting to the door, though, is a sight easier than getting through them. I do get past them eventually and am greeted by a warm breeze and clear air. I take a whiff and exhale loudly.

"Ah, that is just what the doctor ordered," I exclaim, "and such a pretty night. Kinda surprised that nopony suggested that the Gala happen out here."

I didn't expect an answer to that rhetorical question but I get one anyway.

"Somepony did," replied an imperious voice, "but we were shut down, is that the phrase?, by our sister."

From behind a pillar in the garden walks a dark mare with a flowi- Oh, damn, it's Lady Luna!

"Princess," I say, bowing slightly, "a pleasure to see you gain, especially in better circumstances."

"Indeed," Luna replies, "the last we met, we were investigating that human throng that attacked Ponyville. I still have not made up my mind if you are dangerous or not."

"That's understandable," I say, "there are times where I'm cucumber calm. Then other days I'm a right rage. I'm betting I could use a psychiatrist before too long."

"Hmm," the night princess scoffs, "in my opinion, you need a room in an insane asylum."

I chuckle a little then look skyward. If the rumors are true, and given what I've seen in my stay here I've doubt there's some truth to it all, then Luna raised the moon these evening. It's a brilliant full moon, making enough light to see with a high degree of clarity.

"The moon is beautiful," I say, "rivals anything I've seen while the sun is out."

"Thank you," Luna beams, "it is not often that I meet anypony who is interested in my moon."

"Welcome," I reply, "ponies don't know what they're missin'. Of course, ponies are a bit skittish. They might not wanna step outside if means facing what they think is the unknown."

"Hmm," Luna murmurs, "I had not thought of that."

"I think about it all the time." I quip.

"I can imagine," Luna says, "being an entity that is by its lonesome in this world."

I nod. It's strange how that simple statement can sting my heart.

"Are you alone tonight?" The Moon Goddess asks, "or are you here with a date?"

"Two dates," I answer, "my herdmates, Applejack and Fluttershy."

"Ah, Miss Jacqueline Apple and Miss Fluttering Shywing, " Luna muses, "Tia had told me of your nuptials. Congratulations are in order, I assume."

"Thank you," I reply, "methinks I'm the luckiest son of a bitch alive."

Luna turns her head sideways, a little nonplussed by my comment, "How are you the offspring of a dog?"

This sets me to laughing, "I'm not! It's an expression, from back home."

"Oh," Luna gasps, "I see. I was trying to discern if you had any canine traits. You do stand a little like a Diamond Dog."

"Pretty sure I'm not one," I muse, "care to sit down, Your highness? Can't be all that comfortable standing on your hooves all night."

"Indeed, it's not," Luna answered, "and I could use a bit of respite."

Behind us is a low set wall. I walk towards it, as does Luna. I always found it fascinating to watch ponies sit. Some, like Lyra, take an almost human stance when sitting down, that is, going down on their rump. Luna is a pony from the other school; she doesn't fall on her rump. Instead, and with a regal precision I wasn't certain a pony could have, she sets down on her haunches, her forehooves placed in front of her. She looks quite comfortable and elegant like that.

"I bet you got taught that in finishing school," I quip, "so beautiful and graceful that move is."

"Why thank you!" Luna says, blushing, "I guess it could be said I learned that in finishing school. It's been so long ago… I don't remember when or where I learned it."

"Oh, yeah," I remark, "alicorns have elongated life spans. Maybe not immortal-"

"But much longer than your average pony's life, yes," Luna finishes, "I seem to have forgotten more than you'll ever know."

"That-" I start, "that sounds rather frightening. If'n you ask me."

Luna looks a bit confused at me, "What do you mean? Don't all creatures, from the simplest cell to the most complex of beings, long for eternal life?"

"I think most do," I answer, "but as the old adage says, 'caveat emptor,' buyer beware. Eternal life without the effort put into it can have lasting, negative consequences. Dontcha think?"

"Hmm," Luna mused once more, "you may be right. I have had my share of misadventures and- sins, during my long life. I have no doubt that if I had lived as a unicorn or a Pegasi, maybe even as an earth pony, the cares and concerns I have dealt with would be naught but dust."

I nodded, "Of course, mortal life has it's perils, too. Even given my newfound health, I doubt I can last another sixty years…"

"Sixty years?" Luna asks, "humans can live that long?"

"Oh, yeah," I answer, "back home, there are humans that have reached the ages of one hundred and ten or better. I think the oldest man alive was 116 when he died."

"Amazing," Luna mused, "to think, humans living for barely a quarter of their average age…"

It was my turn to look nonplussed, "Wanna run that by me again?"

Luna smiles, a mild giggle coming from her throat, "It was long, long, long ago, even before there was an Equestria, long, long before The Age of Unification, long before The Olde Poni Empire, when humans walked this world before… In the days of the Terran Empire, methinks it twas…"

"Oh, yeah," I murmured, "your sister and yourself were around back then."

Luna nods, smiling, "We are that old. It hardly feels like it- We- I remember Sir Ambrose. Before his untimely demise at the hand of his fellows, he was three centuries, one decade, and six years of age. He told me that he was barely at his mid life crisis…"

"Wow," I whisper, "The Old Terran Imperials lived that long?"

"Yea, verily," Luna answers, "methinks the last Imperial Matron was nigh unto six hundred years old. She used to declaim her longevity a result of Imperial Medicine."

I'd be remiss not to mention it, but when Luna lapses into Olde Equestrian, it's really rather cute.

"Why art thou looking at us like that?" Luna asks, "Why dost thou leer at Thee with wistful eyes? Art thine mind affected?"

I laugh a little, "No, I just it's cute when you slip into Olde Equestrian. You sound like an old ham actor reciting Shakespeare."

Luna eyes go wide with surprise and a nervous spreads over her muzzle, "Please forgive me. I still have some trouble with Modern Equestrian and popular speech. Reminiscing on Our- my youth doesn't help."

"Does being nostalgic make you more bombastic, too?" I inquire.

"Bombas-" Luna starts, narrowing her eyes momentarily, "you are a cheeky thing, are you not? Well, back in the day, such speech was considered commonplace. My time on the Moon has left me- rather disconnected with the common pony as well as contemporary customs, though my sister and Princess Twilight have had some success helping me acclimate."

"Good to know," I say, "it's kinda cute when you slip into it, though."

Oh, this is precious! Luna can blush and my last statement made her face beet red.

"Thou are embarrassing Thee…" Luna coos.

"It's true," I say, "although, I wouldn't make a habit. Maybe a sort of thing you do for fun or when you need to to get your point across. Say on some blustery noble who likes to hear themselves talk."

"Well," Luna huffs, "mayhaps We shall- I should try that, sometime."

"You should," I say, "and have some fun with it. From what I've heard, most ponies don't really know the real you. I've heard the worst rumors, but from what I've seen, you're funny, you're thoughtful, and you're awfully coquettish. It's a wonder to me that more ponies don't gravitate to you more."

"You are kind, Sir Steven," Luna replies, "more kind than most ponies after my return. Yet, I do not believe ponies will forget my indiscretions as Night Mare Moon."

"If that's the case," I reply, "maybe you shouldn't be bothered what they think. Just do your best and try not to let your temper get the better of you. Lord only knows I need to follow that advice."

Nothing is said for a while. The two us have run of anything to say. I'm enjoying the light breeze, clean air, and bright moon. Luna, I think she's lost in introspection. A pleasant quiet settles on the garden, which I feel is too important to break. Luna apparently feels different.

"Are you enjoying the Gala so far, Sir Steven?" she asks me.

"If I were, would I be found here?" I reply.

"Hmm," Luna muses, "I guess not. My last such celebration was ages and ages ago. Tia tried to impress upon me how this ball would go. I'm afraid I did not listen to her well enough."

"How do you mean?" I ask.

"The endless stream of nobles, the constant rush of peasants, the overflowing libations… I am aggrieved to admit it, but it is all so overwhelming for me. I don't know how Tia did it for so long…" Luna explains.

I have nothing to say about that.

"Your sister's a saint," I add, "dealing with all of that without complaint." I didn't mean for that to rhyme…

"Agreed," Luna replies, "she is the epitome of Equestrian Grace, Patience, and Fortitude."

"Don't sell yourself short there," I add, "Equestria needs you about as much as anything. That dreamwalking thing… I don't know if your sister can do that. It's a wonder Equestria didn't fall to pieces without you helping regulate the dreams of this land."

"I-" Luna stammers, "you are wise beyond your years. Has anypony ever told you that, Sir Steven?"

"Can't say they have," I answer, "I was diagnosed with Aspergers Syndrome when I was six. Maybe I'm using my experience with that to polarize what I see."

"Aspergers Syndrome?" Luna asks, "What is that?"

"It's a form of Autism, have you heard of that?" I reply, but Luna's unknowing gaze tells me that doesn't happen here, "Well, autism is- It's called a developmental disorder. Kids with it tend to have trouble communicating or not communicating at all; they tend obsess over things and often don't interact socially. Asperger's is a version of autism; kids diagnosed with it have difficulty looking into other peoples eyes and have trouble reading body language. They also develop rituals and habits they can't alter. They tend to be clumsy, they obsess over certain things, though they may show a well developed skillset, like musical ability or artistry."

"Oh, I see," Luna states, "but, you seem perfectly fine to me, Sir Steven!"

"Yeah," I smirk, "that's what a few decades worth of medications, psychotherapy, and self discipline gets you. I hardly ever exhibit any of the more troubling aspects of the disease."

"The effort you put in is most appreciated," Luna replies, "it makes you more affable, makes you more- relatable."

"Um, thanks," I whisper, "I try not to let the disease define me. If I were you, I wouldn't let one or a set of foolish mistakes define me, either. If I were inclined to spout clichés, which I'm not, I'd probably throw done something I heard from a wiseman once."

"And praytell, Sir Steven," Luna asks, "what was it this- wiseman said?"

"Are you sure you wanna hear it?" I ask the Goddess of the Night, which gets me a nod in return, "Okay. Wiseman say, 'I'm bad, and that's good. I will never be good, and that's not bad. There's no one I'd rather be than me.'"

"That," Luna sneers, "does not sound like the most sage of advice."

"On the surface, no," I add, "but let me rephrase it for ya: 'I'm not perfect and that's cool. I'll never be perfect, and that's okay. I'd rather be me than what other's want me to be.'"

Luna looks down on me (Which isn't really that hard; her alicorn physiology makes her taller than I am even without her horn and I'm six foot, three.) and a I see the makings of a delighted grin come across her muzzle. Then she bends her neck down and muzzles my head. It feels nice, but I gotta wonder what that means.

"Thank you, Sir Steven," Luna says, "your words- they have meaning that I have been searching for but as of yet had not heard from anypony. I do not wish to frighten ponies- but I cannot bow to their expectations. I must be me."

"Okay," I answer back, a little nonplussed, "you're not gonna revert to that Nightmare thing, are ya?"

Now Luna looks puzzled, "What? Oh, no! No, I don't want to return to that- thing, ever again! That was- the most trying time on my life. The Nightmare- I don't really like discussing it-"

"You ain't gotta, if you don't wanna." I tell her.

"Thank you," Luna replies, "I may have to, eventually. My sister only knows a portion of it. I'm afraid of what she would think of me if I told her the whole truth… Or the circumstances that caused it to happen."

"You know, I never did the full story on that," I tell the Night Goddess, "most anything anypony has ever told me was that you were jealous of your sister's fame or something."

Luna scoffs, "If only if were that simple."

"When is it ever?" I inquire.

Luna nods, "True. If you wish to know, I guess I can tell you. Not everything but at least the talking points."

"That's fine," I say, "whatever you're comfortable with."

Luna looks astounded. I get the feeling nopony has ever wanted to hear how she became The Nightmare without being afraid or even hesitant. She sighs, a breathy thing with a lot of anxious behind it, and begins.

"Just over a thousand years ago, my sister and I ruled this nation. We were benevolent rulers, although we had suffered great losses in our time. In that day, I do admit that i was profoundly jealous of my sister. She raised the sun, ruled over the day, and had the love of everypony in the kingdom. I raised the moon, ruled over the night, and was universally feared by everypony. I could have dealt with that, I really could, if I hadn't lost some ponies who were dear to me."

"You lost somepony?" I asked.

Luna nods, "Two of the them, actually. Snowdrop and Setting Sun. Snowdrop is- was, my greatest friend. She was a Pegasi pony filly. She was born blind, a common affliction back in that day. Did you know she was the first pony to develop a snowflake? She did, even blind, and presented it to my sister and I on one a Centennial Day celebration. The others in her class mocked her for such a 'worthless gift' but she defended her creation, saying 'just as the stars of the night sky can grant wishes, so too can stars made of ice.' That moved me… We became good friends shortly there after. I so loved her stars of ice… She died one night, at the age of one hundred and twenty. I miss her dearly, even now."

The other was- The other pony dear to me was my first true love. Sun, or 'Dusk' as I called him, was a unicorn in my sister's court and yet, he was an astronomer. He loved my stars! I remember reading his article about the movement of the various constellations. I still have it, somewhere… I pursued him like no other colt or stallion I had before. Believe it or not, he pursued me, too. It was an unheard of thing back in that day, a stallion chasing a mare. Oh, but what a stallion he was. So bright and warm… He filled my heart with such joy! He became my consort not long after Snowdrop died. I loved him, deeply… I was prepared to grant unto him my longevity, so we could stay together forever. Alas, it was never to be. Dusk was sent out on a survey mission by my sister, to study a phenomenon recently fallen from our skies. A meteorite, we thought. Tia told me he would be back- He did not. The 'meteorite' was actually a foul Caribou weapon. It exploded on my beloved, killing him and all of the research team dispatched…"

Between the jealousy, and the heartbreak, it was too much. The- foulness, that is The Nightmare wormed it's way into my mind, corrupting me from within. By the time my sister noticed it, in an attempt to comfort me for my losses, it was already too late. I had lost my mind to that madness. I even accused her of mocking my distress- Of, of making merry of my grief and downplaying my authority. I regret so much… After my banishment, I was forced to relive those things by The Nightmare. It believed it could rile me to the point of seeking revenge upon my sister. I nearly did… The Nightmare, though, had underestimated my love for Tia and the love I still had for Setting Sun. I could fight it, sometimes, gaining back some lucidity. Not even a millennia of abuse and torture by that insanity could diminish such love."

"And that's when the Elements of Harmony restored you, right?" I ask.

"It was," Luna admits, "oh, the pain I must have caused my sister- the pain she caused upon herself-! It has been such a long time, though and I still mourn. I will always love my sister, but even she can not provide the kind of love I need."

"You mean, the desire, the passion, the want, of a special somepony?" I ask.

Luna nods again, blushing, "I have not been courting in so long. Mayhaps I should again. Though I fear my list of suitors is rather- short."

"You'll find someone," I tell her, smiling, "I mean, you have new friends, right? Ditzy was telling me about that lovely dinner you had with her the other night."

Luna smiles, "Ah, yes, Ms. Hooves. She is most eccentric, but I do enjoy her company, as well as that of her husband and sister. Lest I forget, the Element Bearers have been great companions as well."

"See?" I exclaim, "if you have this many friends, no doubt you'll find a good stallion in no time!"

"Thank you, Sir Steven," Luna alights, "we- I hope you are correct. I would not mind going a-courting again."

"What was that about courting, Auntie?" asks a posh yet arrogant voice.

"It is none of your concern, Nephew," Luna replies, clearly agitated, "and need I remind you I do not take well to ponies eavesdropping on private conversations."

"Why, Auntie," decries the voice, now pouring honey, "I only ask out of concern for your welfare."

"You sound like the only welfare you give a damn about is yer own, boyo," I fire back, "who be you and why is you skulkin' about in the gardens?"

A white unicorn stallion emerges from behind a pillar that supports the gable roof above. He wears a smug grin, and his pristine blonde mane is too tidy to be anything but managed. With a pristine white coat, straight, almost dazzling teeth (I could have gone without that shit eating grin) and trim fetlocks, something tells me this guy has more product on him than your average meterosexual. And not in a good way, more like in a corrupt politician way. I don't really think I like this guy.

"I am wounded, Auntie Luna," the prissy stallion moans, "to be accused of skullduggery! It is the height of slander!!"

"Do you refute the allegations, Nephew?" Luna asks.

"Of course I refute them, Auntie," The Nephew whines, "I am being reviled."

"Kettle, Pot, black," I muse, "the circle is never broken."

"What is that?" The Nephew says, a twitch of his nose telling me he is offended by my presence.

"Prince Blueblood," Luna declaims, "this is Sir Steven Ambrose, Ambassador of the Terran Empire. He is our guest and he is our friend."

"What- I can't-" Blueblood stammers, "he's a monkey?!"

"And a fine 'oota-goota, Solo' to you to pal!" I spit.

""IT SPEAKS?!" Blueblood barks, "Auntie Luna, what are doing associating with this- thing?"

"This- thing?" Luna deadpans.

"I was wondering the same myself," I murmur, "how in all the Nine Hells is that your nephew?"

"And it continues to speak?" Blueblood growls, much to me consternation, "quickly, Auntie, I don't care what his credentials are, we must kill it. Kill it with fire!"

"Blueblood!" admonished Luna, "Sir Steven is an intelligent being! You shall treat him with respect."

Blueblood looks at like I'm excrement he can't be bothered to scrape from his hoof.

"He's no pony!" the false prince bellows, "He has no coat, nor tail, he looks like a something that swings around in the jungle and he smells as funny as he looks!"

"Ha!" I bark, "I'd tell you something funny if I followed you to the bathroom."

The false prince looks aghast, huffing, "What a farce! I bet he has as much mud in him as a ground pounder! Just look at him! I'd rather be caught in last years fashions than be associated with this- filth!"

"Methinks he doth protest too much," I quip, "Lady Luna, do we really have to sit here and listen to this pretentious whiner?"

"No, we do not," Luna seethes, "nephew, if you be so kind, Sir Steven and I were in the midst of a conversation. We like to finish it."

"What?" Blueblood growls, "are you two courting now?"

I look at Luna, who gives me a sheepish grin and an rosy blush, but otherwise, she says nothing.

"We're friends at the moment," I reply, "nothing more."

"Hmph, good," the false prince huffs, "I was afraid that you might sully the bloodline of our royal lineage."

"You are not connected to my sister and I in that manner, Blueblood." Luna growls.

"I mean just imagine," Blueblood carries on, unabated, "if this- monkey, were to soil our lineage with his foulness, I don't think there would be any manner of recovery."

"Oi," I shout, "watch it, boyo!"

"I mean, who would take us the least bit seriously of we let a monkey like him 'muddy the waters.'"

"That's enough, Blueblood!" Luna shouts, but looks like the pompous ass wants to continue. I quickly cast Muffliatus on him, causing his voice to drop into inaudible range. This should give me some time to dispel this idiot of his illusions.

"So," I start, sauntering to the now flailing unicorn, "what do we have here? Back home, we have a term for guys like you. 'A big fish in a small pond,' we say. That's what you sound like. You puff out yer chest, talk a big game, and act important, but when it comes to it, you're nothing but a stuffed shirt. Now, I don't care who you are insomuch as what you do. So far, you ain't sold me on anything you can do. Even so, I don't honestly think you have a say in who or what your aunt does. Capishe?"

I release the spell; relief floods the stallions features but it is quickly replaced by fear which is then dispelled for hate. I don't think he's had anyone tell him off like this. I think it's also likely that he's never had to defend himself in this way before. He looks positively livid.

"Now look here, you primate!" Blueblood seethes, "I am a member of the Council of Nobles. Maybe you've heard of it?"

"Can't say that I have," I reply, "should it?"

That got Blueblood's goat; I can hear him grinding his teeth from here.

"You should," the pristine stallion growls, "not only do I have a connection to the Royal Family, but I also have other important connections. Deep, political connections with some of the most powerful and important noble families in Canterlot, if not Equestria. With but a word, I can make certain that any political agenda you wish to pursue will be for naught and I can assure that nopony in Canterlot, neigh, in Equestria will want to associate with a dirty, malodorous, and obviously idiotic monkey like yourself. Do you understand that, baboon?"

"Baboon?" I ask, raising an eyebrow, "that one is new; don't think I ever heard that one. So, you're gonna make me a pariah, eh? Fine, fine, not that I'd care. If all your friends are like you, you narrow minded, bigoted, and thoroughly asinine dipshit, then I don't want to be in the same room with 'em, let alone the same continent! Do your worst, if you think you're hard enough! I've got better things to do than bandy words with witless malcontents. If you all were excrement, I wouldn't hesitate to wipe you off the sole of my boot with the edge of whatever flag you're waving. Now go away, the grown ups are talking."

"Well I-!" Blueblood starts before Luna steps in, "Nephew, I believe your welcome is, how is said, worn out? Your interests are best served if you return to the gala. Aryanne must be worried sick that her precious Adonis is not at her side."

"Auntie!" Blueblood pouts, "I thought I asked you not to mention her!"

"All the same," Luna replies, "your special somepony is most likely waiting for you. And given her- eccentricities, she is most likely wearing thin on her polite and interested veneer."

Blueblood huffs, stamps his hoof, and turns away. I can hear him muttering about "purity of blood" and "pride of your race." It all sounds vaguely, and disturbingly, familiar. Fascism in Equestria, who knew?

"Well, I guess I know who is not going to get an invite to the Terran Imperial Embassy," I quip, "nope, the Ambassador of The Terran Empire is not going to allow that jackass into His People's House, nosir."

"I apologize for my nephew," Luna says, "normally he is a morally bankrupt toerag, but neither Tia nor myself have seen him in such a state. I believe his consort is responsible for his rather abrupt change in attitude."

"Are you sure?" I ask, "Looks to me like he's been this way for most of his life. He just lost his composure for whatever reason around me."

"Maybe," Luna replies, "perhaps it is better we sojourn back inside. I would hate to see what rumors my nephew is spewing now."

"So you wanna nip that problem in the bud?" I ask, getting a nod from Luna, "Yeah, I'm cool with that. Besides, I'm willing to say my mares are wondering where I ran off to."

Once back inside, Luna bade me farewell. Apparently, the Gala this year was centered around her; her sister was serving in an auxiliary position. I saw her walk off to greet Celestia, who was once again hounded by nobles. There is no way I could do that job; I have trouble enough being in crowd larger than ten people or ponies. Anyway, that wasn't my problem. I wanted to meet up with my fellow herdmates and didn't take long for me to do so. I saw Fluttershy floating over the crowd, looking for somepony. I waved at her to get My Butterfly's attention. She saw it and made a beeline for me.

"Stevie, there you are!" Fluttershy said.

"I didn't go far," I replied, "just needed a bit of air."

"Oh, okay, Fluttershy breathed, "that's good. Applejack said she saw you coming back in with Princess Luna. Is everything alright?"

"It's fine," I admit, "the Princess and I were having a fine discussion. I got to know more about her than I had before. It was a good conversation."

"Oh, that's nice," she reports, leading the way back to the Ponyville Six with a hoof, "it was really nice of you to do that. Luna is so nice, but sometimes ponies thinks she's really scary."

We parted the crowded hall on our way to the The Element Bearers. Most of the Ponyville Six looked rather happy to be here (again, as my understanding was) with the exception of two. Rarity looked mildly annoyed with something while Twilight was several orders of magnitude of pissed off. The reason for her sour demeanor was a unicorn dressed in a black tuxedo similar to my own, sans pants, with a red mane full of pomade; his hair has enough grease in it to lube the transaxles of at least four cars, by my estimation. He had a cutie mark of pool of silver with steam coming off of it. He wore a look of disdain that was eerily the duplicate of every other noble in Canterlot I had seen tonight. He reminded me a lot of Prince Blueblood, albeit with a lot less product on him. The pomade was in excess, but otherwise he seemed more like a well-off stallion. I still felt he was overly officious…

"Oh, Steven," Twilight exclaimed as Flutters and I came close, "let me introduce you to another important pony of Canterlot. Lord Silver Steam, this is Steven Ambrose, Ambassador and Archmage of the Terran Empire."

"A fine how do you do, my good stallion," Silver Steam chimed, raising a hoof in greeting; I heard a lilting clip in his tone, "it is a pleasure to meet you."

"Certainly," I replied, not bothering to match his tenor, "same here. Has Twilight been telling stories about me yet?"

"Oh, no," Steam chirped, "no, Her Highness and I have been waxing poetic on various traditions in Equestria. Specifically, courtship and marriage." That last part was said with a subtle nod and a wink.

"Do tell," I smirked, noticing the flustered and annoyed look on Sparklebuttt's face.

"Yes, yes," Steam answered, "I was just saying to Princess Sparkle that, should she need a consort for any reason, she would do well to remember me. My family has a sizable fortune from silver mining and with your Royal Status," (He says this like "stay-tus." Ugh!), "as well your family's connection to The Royal Guard, it could not be more perfect!"

"That's of course," I mumble, "if she can withstand your charms or lack there of."

"Also, should foals come into the equation," Steam tittered giddily, "her power and my looks would make for very gorgeous offspring."

"Well, I can see that as a generous offer," says another voice coming from behind me. Steam, Twilight, and myself turn about to see a handsome Pegasus stallion with a misty grey coat and a fine mane of russet and amber. On his head is a headdress that would be fine upon the head of an Apache or Comanche Indian chief or even upon the crown of a Pacific Islander Chieftain. He gave a small curtsey to Twilight; the mare in question gave a brilliant smile in return.

"Cloud Dancing," she whispered, "thank Faust!"

"And who would you be, my good stallion?" Silver inquired.

"I can answer that one," I say, giving a brief questioning eye to the Pegasus; he nods for approval. "This is Chieftain Cloud Dancing, of the High Plains Ponies in the Mild West. He is here, like I am, as part of a diplomatic envoy from his nation. Am I right, Chief?"

"That is correct," Cloud Dancing assures me, his deep baritone register much more vibrant than mine, "my people and the Buffalo tribes are here with the express intent of having a private audience with Princess Celestia. Trading rights, settlement of border disputes, peace treaties, that sort of thing. Princess Twilight has been our mediator since talks began. It has been a most product three months. Our final negotiations were take place later this week. We, Chief Thunderhooves and myself, were invited as a token of goodwill between Equestria and our tribes."

"Yes," Twilight exclaims nervously, "and, uh, Chief Cloud Dancing and I have become good friends during the negotiations. By the way, Chieftain, how are you enjoying the, uh, festivities?"

"They are more boisterous than what my ponies are used to," Cloud Dancing declares, "although the food is better."

"Canterlot's finest chefs at work," Steam announces, "have you tried the strawberry quiche? it is devine."

"I do not believe I have," Cloud Dancing says, holding out a well trimmed but unshorn fetlock, "Your Highness, would you accompany me to the buffet table?"

"Certainly," Twilight says bashfully, "I could use some food myself."

The alicorn and Pegasus trot off into the crowd. For a moment, Silver Steam is all smiles until he realizes his quarry has sauntered off with another stallion. With a look of grim determination, he follows after them. I'm not sure how he'll do that; the gala itself has attracted many of the citizens of Canterlot here tonight and the throng is so dense it's wonder the heat gradient in the ballroom has increased exponentially.

"Saved by the Chief," I smirk, "I don't think Twilight is as fond of Steamy McStuck-Up-Pants as he wants to believe."

"No kiddin'," Jackie confirms, "by the way, Rares, what bee got in yer bonnet this evenin'?"

"Huh? What?" The Fashionista mutters, "Oh, sorry everypony. I'm just a little put out. I had the distinct displeasure of meeting with Prince Blueblood again."

"You too, eh?" I ask, getting a nod and a frown from the prissy mare, "I've met him as well. If you were to look up 'narcissism' in the dictionary, in one of the definitions you might read 'See Prince Blueblood.'"

This earns a snicker from everypony in earshot, including an especially derisive one from Rarity.

"You can say that again," Rarity uncharacteristically snorts, "I met him at the last Grand Galloping Gala. I was hoping he'd be a dashing prince. As it turns out, he was more of a, what was that word you used Steven? Oh, yes, he was a schmuck!"

"He sure is," Rainbow Dash scowled, "he tried hitting me up tonight. Can you believe that? I wouldn't give him the time of day."

"A true scoundrel, ain't he?" I ask; I get many nods of approval.

"I still can't believe that horrid rogue would even think to parley with me after the last time," Rarity laments, "it's a good thing he hasn't tried for Twilight yet. Celestia only knows what she would do given half the chance."

"If'n I was a bettin' mare," Jackie reports, "I'd say she'd geld him, then and there."

Half of my Ponyville friends turn green at Jackie's statement, most likely turning sick from the visual of that idea.

"It ain't like Ah'm the only one who thought of that," Ay jay adds, defensively, "I bet plenty o' mares in th's town feel the same way."

"Most likely, Apple Blossom," I answer, "which is why Cloud Dancing's arrival is Blueblood's only saving grace tonight."

"Chief Cloud Dancing's here?" Dash asks.

"Yeah," I reply, "I just him and Twilight waltzing up to the buffet table."

Rarity then says, "Ah, how romantic! Whisked off by a knight in shining armor."

"Actually," Pinkie Pie chimes in, "Cloud Dancing is a Chieftain in Pegasi feathers."

Rarity gives Pinie the stink eye, to which Pinkie nonchalantly asks, "What?"

"Don't pay her any mind, Pinks," I say, "she's just a little put out that you stomped on her chivalrous romance metaphor."

We all get a quick chuckle at that, even Rarity, though her's is somewhat strained. We only stop when a certain alabaster alicorn strides up to us.

"Excuse me, my little ponies," Celestia announces, "but if not trouble Fluttershy or Applejack much, I like the honor of asking The Archmage of The Empire for a dance."

I give each of my mares a questioning and worried look. My Butterfly and Apple Blossom give me assured looks. I guess dancing with Royalty can't be too fraught with danger, political, social, romantic or otherwise.

"I don't think that'll be too much trouble, Your Highness," I answer, "ladies, if you'll excuse me."

I take a quick glance at Applejack and Fluttershy before placing a hand tentatively on Celestia's withers. I worry that they might see more into this gesture than what is intended, but both mares give me huge smiles. I just pray that I don't end paying for this sometimes later. The Princess and I walk onto the dance floor, parting ponies in our path. Many of the nobles give us death glares as we move past. Even so, many stay silent, owing due respect to their nation's ruler. When we get to the dance floor, Celestia rises on her hind legs, imitating what Flutters and Jackie did to dance with me. Celestia easily towers over me, horn or no horn. The obvious height disparity raises some giggling amongst the Peanut Gallery but it dissipates rather quickly when the Princess' hooves reach to an outstretched hand and around my waist. Celestia is a quick study…

"Maestro, if you please?" Celestia requests of the orchestra leader supplying the music for tonight. I hadn't given the musicians for the night a single glance but now that I look, I can see several prominent artists making the melodies for this shindig. Octavia Melody, who I know only by reputation, is here wiedling her cello, as well as a few other famous musicians. Once they start up an upbeat waltz, the gossiping and whispers of ponies stop. I can hear the collective gasp of ponies as Celestia and I start out on the waltz.

Just like with Flutters and Jackie, I'm surprised that Celestia is as agile as she is on two legs. She is also very graceful, given the unnatural manner in which we're dancing. She holds her own fairly well. We're getting the crowd of onlookers as the waltz continues. I don't know if the rubbernecking is the result of curiosity or if the collective ponies here are aghast that their leader is stooping so low to entertain a monkey like me. Either way, I could care less. There is something else in this dance than what most ponies see. Celestia's magical telepathy is giving me some insight in the long-lived matriarch. Her mental voice confides in me a deep distrust. She feels that, as a human, I am as equally as responsible for the acts of terror and destruction that The Terran Empire was responsible for before it fell. She fears that I, too, might one day lead a war to destroy ponykind. Unfortunately for me, I can't respond to her accusations, imagined or not. I'd like to refute her claims, but I have no idea how. The Voice in my Head is strangely silent on the issue. Et tu, Voice?

I'm saved by the mental tirade by the intervention of Celestia's sister. She comes up to us as Celestia's diatribe reaches a fever pitch. She asks Celestia if she can cut in, to which Celestia blessedly acquiesces. Luna now takes Sunbutt's place, with little to no change in the tempo of the dance itself. I didn't think it possible but Luna is even more graceful than her sister. Well, given the little sit down thing I witnessed earlier this evening, I shouldn't have any doubt about that. As a pair, the two of us take over the dance floor. The difference between when Celestia and I were waltzing and Luna's turn is subtle but noticeable. The hold on my waist is actually rather gentle; I have a feeling that Luna thinks my frame is rather fragile. She's right to a degree, but I have had worse damage before. Also, there's this goofy grin on Luna muzzle that doesn't seem to go away. Man, I thought Luna was cute before!

Our little rug cutting was far more eventful than Celestia's turn with me. I can see far more scowls on the faces of the nobility than I'd like to see. I don't know why there's this open hostility in the air, but Luna seems oblivious to it. Might be better that way. Given the way she described her fall from grace, I have an idea that if she were to see her subjects display such vehemence, she would not take kindly to it. By the way we're twirling around the dance floor, I think Luna is deliberately ignoring the disapproval of her subjects. I guess she's taking my advice to heart. I think that's first time anyone has ever listened to my advice before. I has a happy now!

The music finally wavers, signaling the dancing portion of the evening was at an end. Of course, being a member of Royalty, I believe Luna wanted to end this whole event with a bit of flair. (Has she been talking to Rarity? I sure hope the Hell not!) She takes the hoof in my hand and moves it to my shoulder. She then begins to spin me around and around. I'm afraid to tell her about my motion sickness but thankfully she stops before my gorge rises too high. And then shen dips me, like men do with women after a tango back home. I did not see that coming. I'm a might dizzy, my stomach is lurching in the worst way but despite all the discomfort, I'm having a blast. When I steal a glance at Luna, she seems pleased as punch. So, yeah, that was a thing…

It was several hours later that the Grand Galloping Gala was officially ended. I had a few dances with my friends and my mares and another waltz with Princess Luna. It was, I'll admit, a lot more fun than I was let on. I think I've said before that I'm not one for parties; agoraphobia plus Asperger's kinda socialization a tough row to hoe. Still, this is probably the most fun while not being balls deep in a mare. That reminds me, I promised Flutters and Jackie some extra fun tonight. I hope they aren't sour about those dances with Luna. Truth be told, I hadn't expected her to do that. (Especially towards the end of the second one, where she nuzzled my neck as the song ended. That was a few leagues of weird.) Still, it was less than wholesome reluctance that we all gathered at this joint Twilight knew well: Donut Joe's Diner.

Considering the amount of pastries this world has thrown at me so far, I was the least bit surprised that there were donuts here. Albeit, I had figured they be in places like Ponyville or Trottingham, not here in the very heart of Equestria's most sophisticated city. Wise man once say, "Don't look a gift horse in the mouth." I hate relying on cheap metaphors and cliché, but this one hits home in this instance. There's donuts here, so I see no reason to be baffled or complain about it. From Twilight tells me, these are some of the best donuts in Canterlot (Do I even wanna know?) if not Equestria.

The laughter of my friends from Ponyville is, without a doubt, infectious. Even Fluttershy, who as is socially awkward as I am, joins in on the gaiety. The proprietor of the shop, Donut Joe, takes our orders personally. He is taken aback when he gets a gander at me, but unlike the other residents of Canterlot, he doesn't hesitate to greet me warmly. I give him a hoofbump just because. After he takes our orders (Pinkie and I have the biggest orders.) the stallion retreats to the back to make our pastries. I join in on several conversations going on and even laugh at a rather saucy joke Rarity recites for all gathered. It was a good time had by all. When Donut Joe returns, he's not alone. He's followed by a busboy (Buscolt? I don't know.) and both ponies are laden with trays filled with donuts. Joe has his trays suspended in his magic aura while the busboy is dealing with his trays along his back and wings. They unload our late night snacks, even Spike's bejeweled creation, and return to their other duties.

By all things Bright, do these donuts taste good! I used to think Krispy Kreme donuts were good, but Donut Joe can easily best Krispy Kreme without a sweat! Maybe it's the ingredients, maybe it's the preparation, or the lack of additives, but man, those donuts are heavenly. I don't remember how many I ate. I know I had a few of Rainbow's donuts; I still have the hoof shaped bruise where she hit me. (And she calls that a "love tap?" Bitch, please!) I almost made the mistake of eating one of Spike's donut's. Thankfully, I had the good sense to question why the donut in my hand was damn shiny…

Twilight had to force us to leave Donut Joe's, not before leaving a tip mind you, but just as all of us were getting comfortably numb. Apparently, we had a train to catch and the Princesses hadn't reserved us any rooms in the Palace for tonight. That was fine with me; I was next door to dead and I wanted to be asleep with my mares tonight. I don't think we'd get any love making done but by the looks of my lovely mares, I don't think they'd be up to it, either. Our whole troupe walked out of Joe's and meandered back towards the train depot. By this time, all our were feeling as if lead lined our hooves, and in my case feet. Still, we trudged on and managed to get to the station with minutes to spare. Our party shuffled into the car with hardly energy left to us. I'm pretty sure Rainbow and Spike crashed within minutes of lighting on a seat.

The train left the depot only fifteen minutes of our embarkation. It was a mostly silent trek back home. Rarity was still seething about Prince Blueblood but otherwise she was jovial if a might exhausted. I know them feels, bro. I was having the damnedest time keeping awake on the way back. It was probably no the best idea to consume so many donuts, but it couldn't be helped; they were so delicious! Flutters and Jackie were leaning against for the ride back; poor Flutters was dead to The Universe. I was half tempted to peel her out her Gala dress but with Rarity there, I was pretty sure I'd catch some flak for doing an "inappropriate act." Jackie rested on me and we talked all the way back in low whispers.

Out of all the Ponyville Six, she was the one that was anxious about what Celestia was doing during her waltz with me. She asked me very pointed questions about what The Princess was doing while we danced. I told her she was just concentrating on where her hooves fell, but I gave both my mares The Look. You know The Look, right? The one that says, "I'd like to tell you more but not now, in mixed company?" I've seen my parents do that with each other. Some of my married friends at church did the same thing, especially those I was assisting with Home Teaching. I'm sure they got the message. It was getting pretty late and I don't think either of my mares wanted a drawn out discussion about Celestia's accusations.

When the train finally stopped in Ponyville, we disembarked with all the haste our weary bodies would allow. Pinkie Pie was all for having a nightcap back at Sugarcube Corner, but none of the girls were up for it and I was doing an excellent impersonation of a zombie. We bade each other good night, and those furthest away tromped off to our homes. (Dash having the easiest time of doing so as her cloud house was parked near the train station before she left for Canterlot.) I lost sight of Rarity and Pinkie Pie just after Sunset and Twilight returned to the Golden Oak. Halfway home, Flutters just collapsed, the poor dear. I lifted her into my arms and carried to Sweet Apple Acres. Jackie followed me back The Wolf Den and it was decided we all sleep in the same bed that night. I helped My Butterfly divest herself of her vestments while My Apple Blossom kicked off her gear enthusiastically. I stripped out of my tuxedo, not bothering with any sort of bedclothes. I just wanted to lay down with my mares and sleep.

Nude, tired, and hoping for a good nights sleep, I slipped into bed, carrying Fluttershy with me. Jackie slipped in behind me and we cuddled against each other. Jackie on my back, Flutters to my front and me in the middle. I pulled the covers over us all; both of my mares snuggled up to me in the dark of the night. The heat of both ponies against my bare skin was enough to elicit a happy moan from my throat. The wonderful comforts of my own bed and the two loves of my life sent me straight to sleep…

Back At Canterlot Palace:

Celestia lazily made her way back to her bedchambers but not before visiting with her sister in the Night Court. The Gala was the highlight of an otherwise boring day. It certainly went better than several of the Galas the Alabaster Princess had hosted while her sister was banished. It was almost as good as the one she invited then unicorn Twilight Sparkle and her friends to last time. That was her most memorable Gala to date. Still, these left her drained and in a foul mood the next morning without being plied by copious amounts of caffeine. When she walked towards the throne room,s he saw a sight that thrilled her: Luna, smiling effervescently. She seemed more joyous tonight than any night court she could remember witnessing. It was then that a thought struck Celestia. It was both horrifying and grotesque in it's implications. She saw how Luna reacted when she danced with the human, Steven Ambrose. It was then the whole of her being shrunk inward, with the most damning of realizations: her sister was in love with the human!